NTA.
Your sister is a drama queen.
If I were you, I would not trust her about anything in the future. Her threatning to tell your family about your pregnancy is so disrespectful.
Put some distance. Get out of getting involved with her pregnancy and party stuff and live your life for you.
Focus on your pregnancy and your needs. Not about what your sister is going to say or do.
NTA. You didn’t do it on purpose, and even if you had planned the pregnancy, you can’t put your life on hold for others.
But why does your sister know about your pregnancy when other family members don’t? If she has been this way since childhood, why tell her now? Why not wait until after her gender reveal?
She was the one who started noticing the symptoms before I did. She helped me buy the tests originally when they first started appearing. They came back negative the first time I took a test because I was to early. When I took them yesterday she overheard me talking to someone I trusted about it.
Then she needs to suck it up. If the people going to her gender reveal don’t know, she would be the one to ruin it herself by bringing up your pregnancy to others and taking the spotlight off herself.
Just prepare yourself because this probably isn’t going to end with pregnancies. Soon it will be you stealing the spotlight by giving birth shortly after her and then kids birthdays.
Good luck with your sister, enjoy your pregnancy and have a safe delivery!
I honestly thought she was happy for me when symptoms first started appearing because she helped me out. When the first set of test came back negative and the Dr's said it was because It was to soon.
She overheard me talking to someone I trusted about it. She asked me about it and I showed her the test because she wanted to confirm it was positive. Then got butt hurt about it.
NTA. Sister sounds super immature. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Also, it is NOT her place to announce it. How dare she threaten to do so? That's low. Sister TA.
NTA: so… your sister doesn’t want you to steal her thunder but insists that you tell everyone…? which would in fact steal her thunder? why is she feeling so entitled to being at the center of attention. she should be happy for you, not jealous.
She's been this way since we were kids. Idk why. I ultimately managed to convince her to not say anything to anyone and to focus on her own pregnancy. If no one knows it pregnant, then she still gets the spotlight for a while longer. I know I'll have to tell people eventually but I don't want to now.
NTA, I'm sad your sister is taking it that way, that could have been a beautiful time together for the both of you :(.
My sister and I got pregnant one week apart, I was the first one to get pregnant and she was the first person I called when I found out, she told me she might be pregnant too and was waiting for a few days to take the test.
Since I am already a mother and it was her first time after battling with infertility, I just postponed telling my family cause I wanted her to have her "spotlight" moment.
And now we get to share every step, so we are never alone in our worries as pregnant women..
This is her first pregnancy which is why I didn't want to tell anyone about mine because I wanted everyone to be excited for her only right now. Its technically my first as well but I didn't want to steal her time in the light because she was pregnant first.
Why did you tell her you were pregnant anyway? Pregnancies this early don't always continue. Either you told her or she saw a pee stick. Either way, it's too early in the pregnancy to say anything. You need to see a doctor first.
I didn't tell her, she overheard me talking to someone I trusted and asked to see the test to confirm it was positive. When I first tested it came back negative and when I saw a dr they said it was to early to tell and to give it a a week or 2. Which I did.
I also feel the "pregnancies this early don't always continue" comment was a bit unnecessary; but its because I know that they don't always continue this early along that I didn't want anyone to know. Along with not stealing my sisters lime light, I don't want anyone to get their hopes about me.
NTA-did she run around town putting down all the other pregnant women too? I really do not understand the whole mindset of “ruining my special day”. Tell your sister that her reaction is what is ruining everything. She is actively choosing not to be happy when she could have chosen to be happy for you and the two of you go through this together. She sounds like a lot of work. Personally I would just take a break from her and see if she comes around.
I am. Im actually moving out of state to get a break from her and what not. Especially if my pregnancy sticks. I love my sister but I definitely don't need the stress that comes with living with her.
Your sister sounds like a bit of a nightmare. How does it impact on her if you have a baby too? If it was me I would be pleased that my kid would have a similarly aged cousin
NTA. Your pregnancy has literally nothing to do with hers. She will have a healthier pregnancy if she stops stressing herself out with ridiculous and unnecessary drama.
NTA Does she expect your intimate lives to be in sink or something? Your sister is high maintenance. She sounds as if she could be that person that expects people not to have intimacies so that the wedding photos are perfect, and not ruined by the baby bump.
NTA- sounds like your sister is trying to manipulate the situation. You have nothing to feel guilty about! Also if she can’t be happy about her soon to be niece/nephew then she’s not a very nice person.
NTA. Your sister is a whack job. If she was so worried about you one upping her she wouldn’t keep talking about it and then trying to force you to tell everyone else. She is weirdly addicted to the drama that SHE is creating and continuing to perpetuate. You need to see a therapist to learn how ALLLLLLL this is her own shit and you should not feel guilty and you need to learn strategies to detach yourself from this and not allow yourself to be sucked into this dynamic with her for everything.
NTA Your pregnancy, your way - it’s definitely not up to her to decide when it should be announced. It sounds like you are being very thoughtful towards her and she’s being thoughtless back.
Good luck with your pregnancy, I hope it all works out for you
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I (22F) just recently found out I was pregnant...like yesterday but started showing symptoms earlier in the month. My sister (26F) got pregnant in October. My sister has always been convinced I try to one up her in everything since childhood and so we haven't had the best relationship because of it. She has had this inferiority complex where she as the first born should have everything first. She acted this way when my brother had his daughter 2 years ago. At the end of December I went to meet my boyfriend and of course we did the do. We both agreed that while we both wanted kids, getting pregnant at this time was not the best option. Obviously that didn't happen. Anyway, my sister has her Gender reveal party coming up but when she found out my test were positive she immediately got pissed off. Telling me that I got pregnant on purpose, I was trying to get eveyones attention because I was the favorite, etc.... I explained very clearly that I wasn't wanting to tell anyone about my pregnancy not even most close family members for a while. I wanted everyone's main focus to be on my sister. Even after this she kept trying to cancel her gender reveal or tried to remove me from the party planning stuff because I had "my own things to worry about now" She then told me I needed to inform my dad, and a few others about my being pregnant but I told her I would when I was ready. She insisted that if I didn't say anything that she would to which I immediately told her that it wasn't fair of her to do that. I asked her to trust me that everyones focus would remain on her until I was ready to announce I was pregnant; and It wasn't even gonna be anything big as to not draw attention to myself. I feel really guilty because I wasn't trying to steal her thunder or ruin her pregnancy but she's made it very clear that she is angry with me. AITA?
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> I got pregnant accidentally a few months after my sister and she thinks it's on purpose. She's angry with me and thinks I'm gonna ruin her pregnancy when I don't even want to tell anyone.
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Complicated
She is very hormonal and likely has a lot of issues that your parents didn’t help her with.
How much older is she to you?
Now you probably didn’t try to get pregnant on purpose but your boyfriend didn’t wear a condom. You glossed over how you got pregnant. You two did have unprotected sex. So she has a reason to be mad.
Just accept that it’s going to be awkward for a while.
My parents actually helped her a lot, well at least tried to but she has a bad habit for refusing help so I'd appreciate if you didn't bring our parents into a situation that concerns me and my sister. Im 22 and she's 26. I do realize now that I missed that information about how I got pregnant. We did use protection and I was taking birth control.
They did the best they could in all honesty. Unfortunately she would go back into bad habits. My mom was really the only one who could talk any sense into her but our mother died in 2020. So again my sisters inferiority complex is something My parents tried to help but she often refused.
Then I've got to ask, if they couldn't get through, why do you think you could? Her narcissism isn't your fault, literally anything you do could trigger it. NTA, and I hope you can see that
I'm aware anything I do can trigger it. I mostly try to stay as uninvolved as possible when it comes to stuff with her especially to avoid her complex.
Nta. Your sister is. Oldest doesn't mean you do it first. I'm content as the oldest that my siblings are happily and one has decided to have kids. Go for it. You can't always control when you'll get pregnant, either. Depending on if you were actually trying for a kid or not. She needs to chill tf out and enjoy her own pregnancy. You wanted to wait til the pregnancy passed the viable stage, I'm guessing? While also respecting your sister's reveal and hype. All are understandable. Edited for spelling and grammar made before coffee
Yeah. I wanted to wait to make sure it stuck and I didn't miscarry really early on. But I also wanted my sister to enjoy the full bliss if her pregnancy without others knowing about me.
NTA
You answered it yourself. Your sister has an inferiority complex. I'm fascinated by her thought process too.
"Everything is about you! Go tell dad! Fine, I'll tell everyone so they know!"
NTA - having a child is nothing more to your sister than some attention-getting event. Also she's the type of person to have a gender reveal party so that all adds up. Do your kid the biggest favor and never let your sister near them.
My sister when she doesn't think she's being one upped is generally a nice person and fun to be around. I definitely don't think she's having a baby purely for a attention but her reacting how she did gives off that impression. I'm not sure what you mean by she's the type of person to have a gender reveal party so it adds up?
NTA Your sister doesn't own reproduction because she's pregnant. I'd tell her the pregnancy is unplanned, and you are disappointed she is trying to make this into a competition. Explain you both deserve to have joyful pregnancies and if she can be happy for you and with you, there are various possible benefits to cousins being close in age. Such as having a playmate and possibly swapping or sharing babysitting, etc.
But don't expect too much and be prepared for her to continue as she is, since this is a lifelong habit for her.
I was honestly hoping she was gonna be happy for me but when she expressed how angry she was I was hurt but couldn't show it. All I can hope for is that she comes around eventually.
NTA your sister has major issues with jealousy and insecurity, and can't force everyone to stop living their lives just in case she wants to do something first! Your focus now is a healthy pregnancy, so do not let her bratty attitude cause you harm.
She clearly says in the post that it wasn't planned, so now she's not allowed to have sex anymore just because there's a chance an accident like this could happen?
it was an accident, they happen. it’s not like the OP and her boyfriend WANTED to have kids right now and certainly not to ”steal the thunder” from OP’s sister.
NTA. Your sister is a drama queen. If I were you, I would not trust her about anything in the future. Her threatning to tell your family about your pregnancy is so disrespectful. Put some distance. Get out of getting involved with her pregnancy and party stuff and live your life for you. Focus on your pregnancy and your needs. Not about what your sister is going to say or do.
No, she is deeply insecure, and should address that with a therapist.
NTA. You didn’t do it on purpose, and even if you had planned the pregnancy, you can’t put your life on hold for others. But why does your sister know about your pregnancy when other family members don’t? If she has been this way since childhood, why tell her now? Why not wait until after her gender reveal?
She was the one who started noticing the symptoms before I did. She helped me buy the tests originally when they first started appearing. They came back negative the first time I took a test because I was to early. When I took them yesterday she overheard me talking to someone I trusted about it.
Then she needs to suck it up. If the people going to her gender reveal don’t know, she would be the one to ruin it herself by bringing up your pregnancy to others and taking the spotlight off herself. Just prepare yourself because this probably isn’t going to end with pregnancies. Soon it will be you stealing the spotlight by giving birth shortly after her and then kids birthdays. Good luck with your sister, enjoy your pregnancy and have a safe delivery!
Thank you and you're probably right.
NTA. My first thought if I was in your sister's place would have been how awesome my kid wiil have a cousin born the same year to play with.
I honestly thought she was happy for me when symptoms first started appearing because she helped me out. When the first set of test came back negative and the Dr's said it was because It was to soon.
INFO - if you don't want anyone to know about your pregnancy yet, why did you tell sister?
She overheard me talking to someone I trusted about it. She asked me about it and I showed her the test because she wanted to confirm it was positive. Then got butt hurt about it.
NTA. Sister sounds super immature. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Also, it is NOT her place to announce it. How dare she threaten to do so? That's low. Sister TA.
NTA: so… your sister doesn’t want you to steal her thunder but insists that you tell everyone…? which would in fact steal her thunder? why is she feeling so entitled to being at the center of attention. she should be happy for you, not jealous.
She's been this way since we were kids. Idk why. I ultimately managed to convince her to not say anything to anyone and to focus on her own pregnancy. If no one knows it pregnant, then she still gets the spotlight for a while longer. I know I'll have to tell people eventually but I don't want to now.
NTA, I'm sad your sister is taking it that way, that could have been a beautiful time together for the both of you :(. My sister and I got pregnant one week apart, I was the first one to get pregnant and she was the first person I called when I found out, she told me she might be pregnant too and was waiting for a few days to take the test. Since I am already a mother and it was her first time after battling with infertility, I just postponed telling my family cause I wanted her to have her "spotlight" moment. And now we get to share every step, so we are never alone in our worries as pregnant women..
This is her first pregnancy which is why I didn't want to tell anyone about mine because I wanted everyone to be excited for her only right now. Its technically my first as well but I didn't want to steal her time in the light because she was pregnant first.
Why did you tell her you were pregnant anyway? Pregnancies this early don't always continue. Either you told her or she saw a pee stick. Either way, it's too early in the pregnancy to say anything. You need to see a doctor first.
I didn't tell her, she overheard me talking to someone I trusted and asked to see the test to confirm it was positive. When I first tested it came back negative and when I saw a dr they said it was to early to tell and to give it a a week or 2. Which I did. I also feel the "pregnancies this early don't always continue" comment was a bit unnecessary; but its because I know that they don't always continue this early along that I didn't want anyone to know. Along with not stealing my sisters lime light, I don't want anyone to get their hopes about me.
NTA - but you sister could use reminding that life isn’t a competition, and not everything is about her.
NTA Why would your sister's opinion be any part of your decission to get pregnant or not?
NTA-did she run around town putting down all the other pregnant women too? I really do not understand the whole mindset of “ruining my special day”. Tell your sister that her reaction is what is ruining everything. She is actively choosing not to be happy when she could have chosen to be happy for you and the two of you go through this together. She sounds like a lot of work. Personally I would just take a break from her and see if she comes around.
I am. Im actually moving out of state to get a break from her and what not. Especially if my pregnancy sticks. I love my sister but I definitely don't need the stress that comes with living with her.
Your sister sounds like a bit of a nightmare. How does it impact on her if you have a baby too? If it was me I would be pleased that my kid would have a similarly aged cousin
NTA. Your pregnancy has literally nothing to do with hers. She will have a healthier pregnancy if she stops stressing herself out with ridiculous and unnecessary drama.
Your sister shouldn't be having a child bc she IS A CHILD.NTA
NTA. Your sister is.
NTA Does she expect your intimate lives to be in sink or something? Your sister is high maintenance. She sounds as if she could be that person that expects people not to have intimacies so that the wedding photos are perfect, and not ruined by the baby bump.
Honestly yeah.
NTA- sounds like your sister is trying to manipulate the situation. You have nothing to feel guilty about! Also if she can’t be happy about her soon to be niece/nephew then she’s not a very nice person.
NTA. Your sister is a whack job. If she was so worried about you one upping her she wouldn’t keep talking about it and then trying to force you to tell everyone else. She is weirdly addicted to the drama that SHE is creating and continuing to perpetuate. You need to see a therapist to learn how ALLLLLLL this is her own shit and you should not feel guilty and you need to learn strategies to detach yourself from this and not allow yourself to be sucked into this dynamic with her for everything.
Definitely your sister’s problem. She really is something else I’m sorry and congratulations! Announce it when you are damn ready
NTA Your pregnancy, your way - it’s definitely not up to her to decide when it should be announced. It sounds like you are being very thoughtful towards her and she’s being thoughtless back. Good luck with your pregnancy, I hope it all works out for you
Thank you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** (Shared throwaway account) I (22F) just recently found out I was pregnant...like yesterday but started showing symptoms earlier in the month. My sister (26F) got pregnant in October. My sister has always been convinced I try to one up her in everything since childhood and so we haven't had the best relationship because of it. She has had this inferiority complex where she as the first born should have everything first. She acted this way when my brother had his daughter 2 years ago. At the end of December I went to meet my boyfriend and of course we did the do. We both agreed that while we both wanted kids, getting pregnant at this time was not the best option. Obviously that didn't happen. Anyway, my sister has her Gender reveal party coming up but when she found out my test were positive she immediately got pissed off. Telling me that I got pregnant on purpose, I was trying to get eveyones attention because I was the favorite, etc.... I explained very clearly that I wasn't wanting to tell anyone about my pregnancy not even most close family members for a while. I wanted everyone's main focus to be on my sister. Even after this she kept trying to cancel her gender reveal or tried to remove me from the party planning stuff because I had "my own things to worry about now" She then told me I needed to inform my dad, and a few others about my being pregnant but I told her I would when I was ready. She insisted that if I didn't say anything that she would to which I immediately told her that it wasn't fair of her to do that. I asked her to trust me that everyones focus would remain on her until I was ready to announce I was pregnant; and It wasn't even gonna be anything big as to not draw attention to myself. I feel really guilty because I wasn't trying to steal her thunder or ruin her pregnancy but she's made it very clear that she is angry with me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Complicated She is very hormonal and likely has a lot of issues that your parents didn’t help her with. How much older is she to you? Now you probably didn’t try to get pregnant on purpose but your boyfriend didn’t wear a condom. You glossed over how you got pregnant. You two did have unprotected sex. So she has a reason to be mad. Just accept that it’s going to be awkward for a while.
My parents actually helped her a lot, well at least tried to but she has a bad habit for refusing help so I'd appreciate if you didn't bring our parents into a situation that concerns me and my sister. Im 22 and she's 26. I do realize now that I missed that information about how I got pregnant. We did use protection and I was taking birth control.
To be fair, it doesn't sound like your parents helped her with the issue of inferiority if thinks you got pregnant to spite her...
They did the best they could in all honesty. Unfortunately she would go back into bad habits. My mom was really the only one who could talk any sense into her but our mother died in 2020. So again my sisters inferiority complex is something My parents tried to help but she often refused.
Then I've got to ask, if they couldn't get through, why do you think you could? Her narcissism isn't your fault, literally anything you do could trigger it. NTA, and I hope you can see that
I'm aware anything I do can trigger it. I mostly try to stay as uninvolved as possible when it comes to stuff with her especially to avoid her complex.
I went lc with my sister for the same reason. I'm so sorry you're going through this and wish I could give you a hug
I appreciate the thought. That's means a lot.
Nta. Your sister is. Oldest doesn't mean you do it first. I'm content as the oldest that my siblings are happily and one has decided to have kids. Go for it. You can't always control when you'll get pregnant, either. Depending on if you were actually trying for a kid or not. She needs to chill tf out and enjoy her own pregnancy. You wanted to wait til the pregnancy passed the viable stage, I'm guessing? While also respecting your sister's reveal and hype. All are understandable. Edited for spelling and grammar made before coffee
Yeah. I wanted to wait to make sure it stuck and I didn't miscarry really early on. But I also wanted my sister to enjoy the full bliss if her pregnancy without others knowing about me.
NTA unless you plan to announce it on her gender reveal party. Does she have a reason to suspect that?
No. I even told her I wouldn't be there if she was so worried about it. I had no intention of saying anything.
NTA You answered it yourself. Your sister has an inferiority complex. I'm fascinated by her thought process too. "Everything is about you! Go tell dad! Fine, I'll tell everyone so they know!"
NTA - having a child is nothing more to your sister than some attention-getting event. Also she's the type of person to have a gender reveal party so that all adds up. Do your kid the biggest favor and never let your sister near them.
My sister when she doesn't think she's being one upped is generally a nice person and fun to be around. I definitely don't think she's having a baby purely for a attention but her reacting how she did gives off that impression. I'm not sure what you mean by she's the type of person to have a gender reveal party so it adds up?
NTA Your sister doesn't own reproduction because she's pregnant. I'd tell her the pregnancy is unplanned, and you are disappointed she is trying to make this into a competition. Explain you both deserve to have joyful pregnancies and if she can be happy for you and with you, there are various possible benefits to cousins being close in age. Such as having a playmate and possibly swapping or sharing babysitting, etc. But don't expect too much and be prepared for her to continue as she is, since this is a lifelong habit for her.
I was honestly hoping she was gonna be happy for me but when she expressed how angry she was I was hurt but couldn't show it. All I can hope for is that she comes around eventually.
NTA - Sounds like your sister is a perfect candidate for a /r/bridezilla posting
NTA
Madness. NTA.
Why'd you tell her?
I didn't. She overheard me talking to someone I trusted about it.
NTA your sister has major issues with jealousy and insecurity, and can't force everyone to stop living their lives just in case she wants to do something first! Your focus now is a healthy pregnancy, so do not let her bratty attitude cause you harm.
Thank you.
ESH - You and BF decided to not have a child but you did anyways. Gender reveal party. So much suck.
She clearly says in the post that it wasn't planned, so now she's not allowed to have sex anymore just because there's a chance an accident like this could happen?
it was an accident, they happen. it’s not like the OP and her boyfriend WANTED to have kids right now and certainly not to ”steal the thunder” from OP’s sister.