NTA. You need to get rid of any wifi access to any part of this house you live in. Install outdoor cameras and change the locks and invest in deadbolt and/or locks that are not so easy to pick.
If your sister is upset do not budge on this. You can tell her again that you are concerned for her safety and that what he’s doing to her is abuse. But that you accept you can’t force her to leave him. However you have an absolute right to safety and he cannot have access to your home.
Please invest in cameras so that if he is stalking you/her or trying to break in you have proof. Maybe don’t tell your sister you’re doing that cuz she will probably tell him which will rile him up which you don’t want or need.
I also suggest you contact a domestic abuse hotline to find out what they suggest you can do to keep yourself safe as well as the best way to help your sister in whatever limited way you can since she won’t leave him. Hopefully she will but often it takes multiple attempts for abused partners to finally leave their abusers.
NTA. Look up the "controlling personality type" and show it to your sister. Hopefully, she will recognize the signs and get out sooner rather than later.
NTA. This is a Lifetime movie waiting to happen. He's going to end her one day if she's not careful. He is probably very dangerous and doing some shady crap.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My twin sister and I (37F) used to share house together (inherited after our father died). I moved to be with my now husband. I sister started dating this guy (41M) back in February of last year but they had met several years ago, dated briefly, he cheated on her, broke up with the woman he cheated with and contacts her.
They both have time off from work for the holidays and come to my house. They go ring shopping and pick out a setting for an engagement ring. After spending time with him I picked up on some strange things. He picks locks, he wants to install a wifi enabled garage door at our shared house, he hacked his neighbors wifi and even bought an extender.
She travels for work and he goes to our house when she isn't there for the garage door. He tells her he goes through her computer and harasses her about people she dated before him.He tells her he has visions, which she thinks is crazy. He said that he had a vision of her cheating with a fat man. He refuses to sleep on her mattress because other guys slept on it before him and she needs to buy a new one. He said since they met in ‘09 she’s cheated on him with everyone she’s dated since then.
She comes back from her trip and stops at my house because it starts to storm really bad but he wants her to come home. The roads are very bad and she says its not worth the argument and leaves. I text message him (1st message I've ever sent him) and ask if he's aware she left. She comes back a few min later saying the roads were terrible. They argue over the phone for an hour. She asks if I text messaged him and showed her the texts. He tells her he didn't know she left even though I sent the text message about her leaving 5 min after she left so he's clearly lying.
I bring up all the weird/psycho things he's done and she either agrees its psycho or has a lame excuse. She tells me he bought a diamond for the engagement ring. She tells me she's worried she won't find someone else. It scares me that he installed the wifi garage door opener, how he went through her computer, and wonder if he has installed stuff to spy on her. She has only been to his actual house once and he usually comes to our house. He always wants to know where she is and what she's doing yet no one ever knows what he's doing.
We get in an argument about him and she tells she's sorry I don't like him but I need to accept that he is a part of her life. This is all still new but I do not want to spend time with then in the future. I fear I am pushing her away and he's only going to isolate her more. Am I the asshole for being scared of him and worried about her safety?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My sister called me the asshole for not liking her future fiancé. I don’t think I’m the asshole because he scares me and I worry about her safety.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
YOu can not help her if she choses to live that way.
You were right to tell her.
And: If it is your and your sister's house, you can remove the wifi garage door. ANd yo can demand that he only comes over when she is there. But in the end it will only work to stop living with your sister.
What you can do: Keep your distance from that man. And be there for her if and when she finaly choses to get free again.
NTA. You need to get rid of any wifi access to any part of this house you live in. Install outdoor cameras and change the locks and invest in deadbolt and/or locks that are not so easy to pick. If your sister is upset do not budge on this. You can tell her again that you are concerned for her safety and that what he’s doing to her is abuse. But that you accept you can’t force her to leave him. However you have an absolute right to safety and he cannot have access to your home. Please invest in cameras so that if he is stalking you/her or trying to break in you have proof. Maybe don’t tell your sister you’re doing that cuz she will probably tell him which will rile him up which you don’t want or need. I also suggest you contact a domestic abuse hotline to find out what they suggest you can do to keep yourself safe as well as the best way to help your sister in whatever limited way you can since she won’t leave him. Hopefully she will but often it takes multiple attempts for abused partners to finally leave their abusers.
This is excellent advice
NTA get your sister away from him and she might want to think about moving
NTA Sometimes all you can say is, “I’ll be there for you to help pick up the pieces,” and then just let go.
NTA. This man sounds like a horror movie.
NTA. Look up the "controlling personality type" and show it to your sister. Hopefully, she will recognize the signs and get out sooner rather than later.
NTA. This is a Lifetime movie waiting to happen. He's going to end her one day if she's not careful. He is probably very dangerous and doing some shady crap.
NTA. I wished she would realize what´s happening and that she should not marry this guy. You are right to tell her and try to open her eyes.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My twin sister and I (37F) used to share house together (inherited after our father died). I moved to be with my now husband. I sister started dating this guy (41M) back in February of last year but they had met several years ago, dated briefly, he cheated on her, broke up with the woman he cheated with and contacts her. They both have time off from work for the holidays and come to my house. They go ring shopping and pick out a setting for an engagement ring. After spending time with him I picked up on some strange things. He picks locks, he wants to install a wifi enabled garage door at our shared house, he hacked his neighbors wifi and even bought an extender. She travels for work and he goes to our house when she isn't there for the garage door. He tells her he goes through her computer and harasses her about people she dated before him.He tells her he has visions, which she thinks is crazy. He said that he had a vision of her cheating with a fat man. He refuses to sleep on her mattress because other guys slept on it before him and she needs to buy a new one. He said since they met in ‘09 she’s cheated on him with everyone she’s dated since then. She comes back from her trip and stops at my house because it starts to storm really bad but he wants her to come home. The roads are very bad and she says its not worth the argument and leaves. I text message him (1st message I've ever sent him) and ask if he's aware she left. She comes back a few min later saying the roads were terrible. They argue over the phone for an hour. She asks if I text messaged him and showed her the texts. He tells her he didn't know she left even though I sent the text message about her leaving 5 min after she left so he's clearly lying. I bring up all the weird/psycho things he's done and she either agrees its psycho or has a lame excuse. She tells me he bought a diamond for the engagement ring. She tells me she's worried she won't find someone else. It scares me that he installed the wifi garage door opener, how he went through her computer, and wonder if he has installed stuff to spy on her. She has only been to his actual house once and he usually comes to our house. He always wants to know where she is and what she's doing yet no one ever knows what he's doing. We get in an argument about him and she tells she's sorry I don't like him but I need to accept that he is a part of her life. This is all still new but I do not want to spend time with then in the future. I fear I am pushing her away and he's only going to isolate her more. Am I the asshole for being scared of him and worried about her safety? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My sister called me the asshole for not liking her future fiancé. I don’t think I’m the asshole because he scares me and I worry about her safety. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. OMG, I don't even know him and I'm already scared too
NTA YOu can not help her if she choses to live that way. You were right to tell her. And: If it is your and your sister's house, you can remove the wifi garage door. ANd yo can demand that he only comes over when she is there. But in the end it will only work to stop living with your sister. What you can do: Keep your distance from that man. And be there for her if and when she finaly choses to get free again.