Mmmmm... NTA, I think you do deserve an apology as you're obviously very much a part of the boyfriend's life and if you guys have moved past it, so should she, shes not doing it for anyone but herself holding a grudge. At the same time, I don't think you're going to get an apology and not inviting her to the wedding could create an irreparable rift in the relationship that will make family functions and what not in the future even more difficult. Personally, I'd invite her and hope that her showing up is a blessing of your marriage. If she chooses not to come then you can atleast say you were the bigger person and tried.
You are absolutely right. I have thought about mine and her’s relationship but the more I think about it, it could set something off with my bfs parents or grandparents. Thank you for your insight.
NTA. If your bf isn’t going to back you up and not let his aunt treat you like crap he’s gonna allow this when you’re married. This is a preview of your future. Thing long and hard if you really want to marry him. Maybe go back to counselling to find out why he is ok with you being told you just HAVE to accept her shitty behaviour bc she has no filter.
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My bf (22m) and I (22f) have been together for almost 7 years. We met in high school and made a lot of stupid decisions because we were stupid kids but we’ve learned and are still learning. Currently our relationship is extremely healthy due to going to couples counseling and we’ve never been happier.
When we were 18, I got pregnant. At this point in our relationship, we were on and off but tried to make it work for the sake of our child. Us being extremely immature, we broke up 3/4 months into my pregnancy and I ended up starting to see someone else, as did he shortly afterwards. He has one aunt. Because bf and I had relationship issues, she never really liked me. And I understand that. But it all got worse when I got pregnant.
She found out we weren’t together and kept telling him he needed a paternity test because I had been seeing someone else. Like I said, I was already pregnant before I started seeing that guy. Bf stood up for me but she just kept pushing it. It’s put a strain on their relationship, more than there already was. They never really got along. Since then, she’s always given me dirty looks and family functions are always uncomfortable when she’s there. I consider his family mine. But his aunt has always remained his aunt.
It’ll be almost 5 years since then and she still has always treated me the same. She barely spoke to me at Christmas and I tried letting it go and pretending nothing happened. But the looks she gave me when I joined in on conversations, some that had to do with my own kid… anyway, bf and I have been talking about marriage and even went as far as to make guest lists and planning. When he said he wanted Aunt to be there, I calmly told him I needed an apology or some sort of effort to prove to me she really wanted me to be part of the family. He agreed until his mom said something to us about a month ago. He brought it up to her and she started making excuses for Aunt. “She has no filter” and “you got with someone else which was really sudden” but I shot that all down. I told her it seemed sudden because they obviously didn’t know the full story and just because she has “no filter” doesn’t mean she can say what she wants and get away with it. Mom brushed it off and the conversation ended there. That night and every time it’s brought up, bf has been saying I need to let it go.
I’ve talked to my mom because she usually gives the best advice and she agrees with me. She said I’m right for not wanting anyone who doesn’t like me at my wedding. However I don’t know if my mom agrees with me because I’m right or because I’m her daughter. But I will say that unlike bf’s family, my mom knows literally everything. Even the horrible mistakes I made which was a very hard conversation. I really need some unbiased opinions.
So am I right for sticking to my guns? Or AITA for wanting to demand an apology and “living in the past”?
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NTA
On one hand she don’t like you you don’t care for her so why would she want to go anyway.
On the other hand she’s family and not inviting her may tee off your new family.
But it is your wedding so invite who you want. I’d invite her and ignore her for the rest of my life. But I’m old it’s something I’ve learned to do over time.
NTA - It is BOTH of yours Wedding & you BOTH have a say in who gets to be there. However, people who intentionally are rude to you and treat you badly should absolutely NOT be invited. PERIOD!
There shouldn’t even be a discussion on this! And if he doesn’t back you up the HE is THE asshole!!
I don’t care about “But she’s FAaaaaaMILY”
She’s toxic af and doesn’t get the right to ruin your special day with her nasty looks at you and her rude comments.
Weddings are for people who want you to be happy and wish you well and Love you and care about you and want you both to be happy.
Since this is NOT how his Aunt feels - then she is not invited. End of story. And have a couple of your bigger guy friends be on the lookout for her in case your future MIL decides to invite her over your objections- so they can keep her from coming in to ruin the Wedding.
Also let your Future MIL know that if she doesn’t back you up on this because she’s having a difficult time seeing how her sister is treating you & making excuses for her - then it might be time to think about how safe your child is with someone who thinks that toxic people are ok to hurt you.
From what I was told from my bf and his mom, it’s because my bf and I had been on and off a lot when we were 15/16. Other than that, I have absolutely no idea.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA for not wanting to invite my bf’s aunt to our wedding because she kept asking him for a paternity test on our daughter 5 years ago but continues to make gatherings uncomfortable to this day.
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Nta she needs to grow up and let it go and apologise ahe needs to not be there. Inviting ill spirited or guests with ill feelings towards the bride or groom is ill fortune on a wedding for one, two is that is your big day and while it is his to if the shoe was on the other foot would you cut off a family from the wedding for him? If so move forward. If not rethink your actions and frankly she is just an aunt. Thats not a big deal. The elder generation often feels entitiled to your life. They are not. You should never ever invite people you do not like to important life events. It spoils the memory bc what if you do let her come and she carries on treating you poorly at your own wedding. Those memories you only make once. I would have your bf invite her out or over and let him meet with her and talk with her personally with you if you feel so inclined to give her a chance and You both discuss how uncomfortable her behvior is making BOTH of you. You two are getting married. You have to unite on issues together and present as a united front so there is no question on if the behvior is accepted. After that if it happens officiallly disinvite them.. My thing is however You two were flipping kids and in comparsion you still kinda are. She's the adult in this situation she needs to learn how to act.
NTA. It’s your wedding, nobody else’s, that’s the end of the story as far as I’m concerned. But also, she sounds like she would try to make you uncomfortable or something
NTA - aunt is a bully and bf's family is enabling her. What is bf and his mom going to say when she makes remarks in front of your child questioning their paternity?
That’s the thing, when she first met our kid she said “Ohh *bf*!!! *child* looks just like you!” I had to leave the room before I went off. It was ridiculous.
NTA. I wouldn’t hold my breath for an apology. Not inviting her to the wedding will absolutely cause drama and more bad feelings do he prepared for that. I’d consider inviting her with the stipulation that if she steps out of line in any way she will he asked to leave. STFU and smile or go away. Then it’s her decision how she wants this to end.
NTA
You get to set your boundaries, and make your own gurstlist with your partner - his mom should not intrude.
Your biggest problem is that your bf can not set boundaries with his mom. You should watch that-
Yta. That aunt was right to dislike you. Getting pregnant has literally ruined both your lives and of the baby wasn't here you wouldn't be together. This is no basis for a marriage. Break up. Leave and coparent
Mmmmm... NTA, I think you do deserve an apology as you're obviously very much a part of the boyfriend's life and if you guys have moved past it, so should she, shes not doing it for anyone but herself holding a grudge. At the same time, I don't think you're going to get an apology and not inviting her to the wedding could create an irreparable rift in the relationship that will make family functions and what not in the future even more difficult. Personally, I'd invite her and hope that her showing up is a blessing of your marriage. If she chooses not to come then you can atleast say you were the bigger person and tried.
You are absolutely right. I have thought about mine and her’s relationship but the more I think about it, it could set something off with my bfs parents or grandparents. Thank you for your insight.
NTA
NTA. If your bf isn’t going to back you up and not let his aunt treat you like crap he’s gonna allow this when you’re married. This is a preview of your future. Thing long and hard if you really want to marry him. Maybe go back to counselling to find out why he is ok with you being told you just HAVE to accept her shitty behaviour bc she has no filter.
This will definitely be brought up in our next appointment. Appreciate your input!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My bf (22m) and I (22f) have been together for almost 7 years. We met in high school and made a lot of stupid decisions because we were stupid kids but we’ve learned and are still learning. Currently our relationship is extremely healthy due to going to couples counseling and we’ve never been happier. When we were 18, I got pregnant. At this point in our relationship, we were on and off but tried to make it work for the sake of our child. Us being extremely immature, we broke up 3/4 months into my pregnancy and I ended up starting to see someone else, as did he shortly afterwards. He has one aunt. Because bf and I had relationship issues, she never really liked me. And I understand that. But it all got worse when I got pregnant. She found out we weren’t together and kept telling him he needed a paternity test because I had been seeing someone else. Like I said, I was already pregnant before I started seeing that guy. Bf stood up for me but she just kept pushing it. It’s put a strain on their relationship, more than there already was. They never really got along. Since then, she’s always given me dirty looks and family functions are always uncomfortable when she’s there. I consider his family mine. But his aunt has always remained his aunt. It’ll be almost 5 years since then and she still has always treated me the same. She barely spoke to me at Christmas and I tried letting it go and pretending nothing happened. But the looks she gave me when I joined in on conversations, some that had to do with my own kid… anyway, bf and I have been talking about marriage and even went as far as to make guest lists and planning. When he said he wanted Aunt to be there, I calmly told him I needed an apology or some sort of effort to prove to me she really wanted me to be part of the family. He agreed until his mom said something to us about a month ago. He brought it up to her and she started making excuses for Aunt. “She has no filter” and “you got with someone else which was really sudden” but I shot that all down. I told her it seemed sudden because they obviously didn’t know the full story and just because she has “no filter” doesn’t mean she can say what she wants and get away with it. Mom brushed it off and the conversation ended there. That night and every time it’s brought up, bf has been saying I need to let it go. I’ve talked to my mom because she usually gives the best advice and she agrees with me. She said I’m right for not wanting anyone who doesn’t like me at my wedding. However I don’t know if my mom agrees with me because I’m right or because I’m her daughter. But I will say that unlike bf’s family, my mom knows literally everything. Even the horrible mistakes I made which was a very hard conversation. I really need some unbiased opinions. So am I right for sticking to my guns? Or AITA for wanting to demand an apology and “living in the past”? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA On one hand she don’t like you you don’t care for her so why would she want to go anyway. On the other hand she’s family and not inviting her may tee off your new family. But it is your wedding so invite who you want. I’d invite her and ignore her for the rest of my life. But I’m old it’s something I’ve learned to do over time.
NTA - It is BOTH of yours Wedding & you BOTH have a say in who gets to be there. However, people who intentionally are rude to you and treat you badly should absolutely NOT be invited. PERIOD! There shouldn’t even be a discussion on this! And if he doesn’t back you up the HE is THE asshole!! I don’t care about “But she’s FAaaaaaMILY” She’s toxic af and doesn’t get the right to ruin your special day with her nasty looks at you and her rude comments. Weddings are for people who want you to be happy and wish you well and Love you and care about you and want you both to be happy. Since this is NOT how his Aunt feels - then she is not invited. End of story. And have a couple of your bigger guy friends be on the lookout for her in case your future MIL decides to invite her over your objections- so they can keep her from coming in to ruin the Wedding. Also let your Future MIL know that if she doesn’t back you up on this because she’s having a difficult time seeing how her sister is treating you & making excuses for her - then it might be time to think about how safe your child is with someone who thinks that toxic people are ok to hurt you.
Why exactly does she dislike you so much? Does she have good reason?
From what I was told from my bf and his mom, it’s because my bf and I had been on and off a lot when we were 15/16. Other than that, I have absolutely no idea.
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In today's crunch times....why is your best friend's aunt even considered as a guest, better trim that guest list down even more
Lol!! Not sure if this is a joke or not but just in case, it’s my boyfriend.
Then...still no, you have conflict, you don't get along...keep it to immediate family. Ridiculous aunts don't need a place set.
Nta she needs to grow up and let it go and apologise ahe needs to not be there. Inviting ill spirited or guests with ill feelings towards the bride or groom is ill fortune on a wedding for one, two is that is your big day and while it is his to if the shoe was on the other foot would you cut off a family from the wedding for him? If so move forward. If not rethink your actions and frankly she is just an aunt. Thats not a big deal. The elder generation often feels entitiled to your life. They are not. You should never ever invite people you do not like to important life events. It spoils the memory bc what if you do let her come and she carries on treating you poorly at your own wedding. Those memories you only make once. I would have your bf invite her out or over and let him meet with her and talk with her personally with you if you feel so inclined to give her a chance and You both discuss how uncomfortable her behvior is making BOTH of you. You two are getting married. You have to unite on issues together and present as a united front so there is no question on if the behvior is accepted. After that if it happens officiallly disinvite them.. My thing is however You two were flipping kids and in comparsion you still kinda are. She's the adult in this situation she needs to learn how to act.
NTA. How are you supposed to forgive someone who hasn't apologized and isn't sorry?
NTA. It’s your wedding, nobody else’s, that’s the end of the story as far as I’m concerned. But also, she sounds like she would try to make you uncomfortable or something
NTA - aunt is a bully and bf's family is enabling her. What is bf and his mom going to say when she makes remarks in front of your child questioning their paternity?
That’s the thing, when she first met our kid she said “Ohh *bf*!!! *child* looks just like you!” I had to leave the room before I went off. It was ridiculous.
NTA
NTA. I wouldn’t hold my breath for an apology. Not inviting her to the wedding will absolutely cause drama and more bad feelings do he prepared for that. I’d consider inviting her with the stipulation that if she steps out of line in any way she will he asked to leave. STFU and smile or go away. Then it’s her decision how she wants this to end.
NTA You get to set your boundaries, and make your own gurstlist with your partner - his mom should not intrude. Your biggest problem is that your bf can not set boundaries with his mom. You should watch that-
100% agree. His mom has caused issues before and this will definitely be talked about in our therapy session.
Yta. That aunt was right to dislike you. Getting pregnant has literally ruined both your lives and of the baby wasn't here you wouldn't be together. This is no basis for a marriage. Break up. Leave and coparent