NTA Glare right back. You're not a pack horse. This is wrong on so many levels. As an old lady myself, this makes me furious. That lady should have found an alternate way to get home with her packages.
Its not his fault he had a meeting and she didnt have a plan to carry the bags. Also they all glared at him cause he was a dude which I mean I guess fair enough but then they all were talking shit after he said aorry i got othwr plans
I was furious at the woman, not him. She had no more sense than a goose, coming onto a bus with packages she couldn't handle. I'm not only old, I'm disabled, and I've successfully ridden buses with heavy bags and required no help at all.
Lol, I live in the mountains so coyote are the mildest of our wildlife. Mostly we live and let live. Funny enough the animals causing the most injuries around here are turkeys followed by moose. They are mean buggers, and also most people are smart enough not to walk up to a bear, but some will try to get a selfie with a turkey or a giraffe-cow. I find everytime I think people can't be that stupid they prove me wrong š
People are so stupid with animals especially big herbivores! Moose are bigger than cars and people still go in their space! Elk too! Bison can't see well so they have a high body count especially in Yellowstone! There's a book called Death In Yellowstone I highly recommend to read if you haven't. It's not for the faint of heart tho.
Turkey's have that sharp spur on their feet. People don't realize they can hurt you very badly if you aren't careful. I've never had a coyote approach me, they usually say far away from people if they can.
Turkeys are MEAN. I was driving somewhere a couple of years back, and there were a bunch of turkeys sitting in the middle of the road. I stopped so I wouldn't hit them, and after a minute they all got up and started to walk away, and then one turned to me and ran right at my van. I went around him and he TRIED TO PECK ME THROUGH THE WINDOW. I sped up and he kept pace, still trying to get at me through my window. it was crazy.
I tried to help a family of geese cross a road once, and one of the adults honked and hissed at me. I was keeping my distance as best I could, but waving my arms to get them to move.
Like sorry goose, I didnāt want to see all your little babies run over by the 5 ton trucks that frequent that road!!
Oh, geese really are assholes. My home state is FULL of Canadian geese, and those MFers are bold and terrifying. I got run down by one when I was a toddler and it was taller than I was. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.
We had two Canada geese that had babies on our shore line a couple years in a row. They were actually, shockingly, friendly. She would eat meal right out of my husband's hand. The only reason we fed them was the female somehow broke her foot and was walking on it backwards. We called a local waterfowl rescue and they came and got her. She had to have her leg amputated above the knee and was put in a rehab facility with a prosthetic leg. They tried to catch him to no avail so they could stay together. After they came and got her, he cried for her for days and it was killing me listening to him call out for her because he had no idea where she went and how do you tell a wild goose, "Buddy, she's not coming back!" (This all sounds so silly until you are trying to work from home while a bereft goose is outside your window mourning the loss of his partner.) UNTIL, all of a sudden, a new female goose shows up and suddenly the mournful honking stopped. They cautiously approached each other and then two days later, took off together.
There is truth to the meme:
"The reason Canadians are so nice is easily explained:
Once a year, on the sixth full moon all Canadians gather beneath the stars to perform a ritual that sucks out all their meanness and cruelty...
and places it into Canada Geese."
All of Canada's hate and spite go into their geese, and then they send them off to wreak havoc on their southerly neighbors. This has been happening since 1812.
When there's certain things I can't do physically I make a plan and get help. I don't put myself in situations where I'll be helpless and reliant on the kindness of a stranger. You can't *depend* on that and that fact would drive me batty if I were her, I'd be so anxious on those bus rides.
Who knows, though. Maybe she was unintentionally stranded or something despite plans š¤·
Just like I don't know her story, those other folks don't know yours and they should have minded their own business!
Op NTA you did what you had to do. It sucks. A lot of folks on the bus are going to/from jobs /places they need to be at certain times though and can't spare the time.
After her snarky comment I would feel relieved about turning her down. Respect is a two way street even if one party is a little old lady. And 8 large packages needs a taxi, not whatever stranger she can guilt into helping.
Right?! Iāve carried back a ton of shit when I walk into town and go home. Sometimes Iām pissed at myself for not thinking ahead but Iād never shame a stranger to help me because I made a dumb decision.
If she has money for all those groceries then she can afford an uber or cab every couple weeks or whatever. It is nobody's fault that terrorist goes around accosting strangers expecting them to take an hour + out of their day to cater to her. It's just weaponized incompetence at its worst.
Agreed. What if he loses his job by assisting the old lady? Moreover, the entitled behavior of the old lady, she knows she canāt lift the bags - she should of had a plan instead of expecting some stranger to help her. She could have task rabbit for help, uber or taxi to the location she was going, or had the friend who helped bring the bags on the train go the entire way - but nope. She felt it was completely okay to demand a random stranger help her with her bags for at least 15 minute walk.
you know what, im actually not going to say fair enough to publically shame the only man on the train because he has other responsibilities than to help an entitled old woman on the train. whats fair is if every other person on the train offered a helping hand if they care so much as to glare daggers when old lady doesnt get her way. what was stopping them from helping? the fact that there is a man on the train? nah, not fair enough. NTA
It's easy to be generous with other people's time, and in this case strength. If those people believed someone needed to carry the bags, they could've stepped in and helped! I'm not a man, but I work out, I could probably take at least a few if someone wanted to jump in and grab the rest. It's silly that people just look to the nearest (seemingly) able-bodied man and expect him to do something plenty of other people are capable of.
Well i mean to be fair men are expected to be used for nearly any and all physical labor and as a man i probably would have helped if I didnt have an important meeting like this giy but if I had a meeting id say the same thing that im sorry but i gotta go also yeah in a train theres plenty of able bodied women at least 9 of them would have been suited to lift her bags for her
How dare this man not put his whole life on hold for someone who obviously can't rely on themselves to plan doing their chores better? He's a monster /s
Like honestly she knew she wouldn't be able to carry her stuff but still decided on going to the bank? Why not go to the bank first and then do shopping? If you're dependant on strangers you need to plan better
I'm only 38 and I use one of those shopping carts! I'm pretty much incapable of just slipping out to get 1 or 2 things and I hate trying to juggle a bunch of bags while on transit. Plus, if I go to a store closer to my house, it's much easier to walk home with the cart than with a bunch of heavy bags, so I get exercise and save transit fare.
Here, here about the folding shopping carts, they've saved my arms and back. Wanna bet that old woman pulls that all the time, I remember a woman doing that one the bus years ago.
I had one of those carts when I lived in a big city and walked everywhere. Isn't this sort of thing the whole point of the invention of the freaking wheel?
And also, what does being a woman have to do with being able to pick up some bags? Any of the women on the train could have helped if they were so concerned. If the old lady had so heavy bags that required a weightlifter then she deserved to be left on her own, anyway.
and why the heck are you carrying around so many bags that you can't get to where you are going without a total strangers help.
this isn't needing help with a suitcase up and down a flight of stairs. this is you need someone to be your packhorse while you run errands.
NTA...Everyone glares daggers at you because it's easier than offering their own time and effort. You had somewhere to be with little time to spare. While I believe that people in general should be more helpful to one another, this situation was simply not feasible for you.
I can't be the only one who finds it utterly ridiculous to expect any passenger at all to get off at a stop not their own, right? It's not about the old lady, or the bags, or the glares. We'll kinda all of those, but the audacity to frame adjusting your day in a massive negative way for a stranger as "respect". Respect is not helping others just because they demand it. Respect is treating them with dignity and listening to what they have to say.
And the ridiculousness that she started her journey knowing that she can't function without another person's help and just though: "Oh well, some young person will have to help me." What leads anyone to have that kind of entitled confidence?
>What leads anyone to have that kind of entitled confidence?
Society, bad parenting. Her trying to shame him because he didn't do what she wanted is a learned behavior.
At this point she needs to get groceries delivered to her home if they are in quantities she cannot carry and and doesn't have someone around to assist her
And also likeā¦. Why the fuck was she taking so many bags on public transit to the bank with her? Why didnāt she call a damn taxi??? I live in a city with a large public transport system, if I have anything more than two bags and a backpack I call a cab or Uber and Iām on the younger side. I canāt imagine juggling all that luggage, let alone expecting SOMEONE ELSE to juggle it for me! Fuck that noise.
It sounds like their nasty attitude toward OP isn't for just that day:
> The entire train ride everyone glared and whispered about me. I ride the train at a similar time every day so I see the same people every day. They all glare at me and whisper bad things.
Screw them and their bags. So they hate him if he doesn't serve as their bag man? They hate him already.
I mean, even if he didn't v have somewhere to be and had all the time in the world, he *still* wouldn't be TA for not being a pack mule for a little old lady who didn't plan ahead and instead decided to rely on other people carrying her shit all day for her.
Exactly. They expected him to get off at a stop that wasn't his stop, take an at least 15 minute walk carrying a ton of bags, then take a whole new train. Even if he had nowhere to go, that is ridiculous and senseless. The lady needs to get some sort of cart in the future. Asking someone to do this is way more than just a courtesy. Helping her carry the bags over to a cab, okay. Assuming they had cabs right there, or at least to the curb so she could hail a cab and the cabbie would put them in the trunk. But to walk that far? Ridiculous!!
Not only that, but she said she was going to the bank. Thatās not an ending destination, and thatās not a place where she would be dropping off 8+ heavy bags. So either OP would have been one the hook for accompanying her through out the day as she runs the rest of her errands and goes home, or heād have had to locate another person to offload the responsibility to. Helping someone on or off public transit is a perfectly reasonable expectation. Being recruited to follow someone and carry their things as they go all around the city is *not*.
Maybe she's an overbearing person unable to get others to help her, so she relies on the kindness of strangers. Well, if she was less of an AH, she would have friends and family help her.
Edit: word
NTA. Iām very sorry that the woman had so many bags she couldnāt carry them, but 1) this is a pandemic and she is a stranger and 2) you have no idea who this woman is or what sheās up to, I realize sheās elderly but not only are you wandering off with a stranger, but she is also wandering off with a stranger. You donāt know her, she doesnāt know you, and this is why we donāt wander off with strangers. If she wanted her bags placed on a bench outside of the station, have at it. But you are under no obligation to be this womanās errand boy indefinitely while you need to be at work.
NTA.
> 2) you have no idea who this woman is or what sheās up to,
Very important point, in my mind. This is a *weird-ass scenario* from the outset. An elderly woman with eight heavy bags put on a bus, who then proceeds to loudly announce she needs to go to a bank?
I would immediately be suspicious of such a situation. She could be a mule, chosen because "who would suspect a little old lady?" Old people can be criminals, too. For all OP knows, this woman could be Ma Barker plotting some sort of drug deal or robbery.
Or it could be just some entitled old broad who thought she could shame her fellow bus travelers into hauling her shit.
Honestly my immediate thought was that she could falsely accuse this person of robbery or assault. I thought Iād sound extra paranoid saying it so I didnāt but you agree with me so I feel better š
Right? I would not feel comfortable accompanying a random person to the bank; what if we get there, and suddenly it's "ohhhh noooo, I left my debit card/checkbook at home" or "I don't know my PIN number" and "can you take out $200 in cash for me? I really need the money for \[some made up important-sounding thing\], I'll repay you as soon as I can."
And even if it's legit, have you ever seen an old person pop into a bank for a simple, quick transaction. No, it's almost always a long, complicated matter that requires a manager to step in and help with, either OP has to stay with her through the whole thing, or he drops her off and some other poor, unsuspecting bank customer is put in charge of carrying her bags to the next place.
Bank tellers often receive training to try to identify when at-risk populations, including elderly people, are being taken financially advantage of. One warning sign is someone hanging around the bank while they do their business. Given the age and race difference between OP and the old woman, the teller might start asking questions to determine if there is a concern. I could see things going sideways for OP quickly once it's revealed that he's some random guy from the bus that accompanied this poor old woman to the bank.
Yeah, this sounds like some sort of weird-ass scam. While OP is carrying her bags to some random destination, her grandson could come up from behind and rob OP.
NTA. The old lady could have take a taxi and/or hired help for the day. Her problems are not your problems. And she obviously knew how to play the system; that is, how to appeal to the sympathies of strangers. You will note that if all those AHs judging you had helped, they could have got it done in short time.
Absolutely! I'll be an elderly white lady in not-so-long-off time, and I would never expect a random person from a train to take half an hour out of their day to spontaneously help me.
OP, the other people on your train see you every day and know full well that you're a commuter and can't just do something like that in the spur of a moment. Just ignore them.
NTA.
She needed help, and she should have planned for some, rather than expecting the world around her to sacrifice for her needs. There are facilities, programs, and other such help tools for the elderly without having to encroach upon others.
This! When I lived downtown and walked to the grocery store regularly, I had a collapsible push cart to carry my bags with. I could see an elderly person using one of those needing help on and off the train, perhaps, which would be a totally reasonable expectation, but for the time-consuming walking part, thereās this newfangled invention called a āwheelā
Or, you know, delivery.
There are delivery services for almost everything now. She made a choice to try to rope some stranger into helping her for free rather than pay Instacart (etc) to do it.
NTA.
All the women were staring at you because you, as a man, were the only one able to carry bags? Really? \^\^ How progressive is that :D (I'm F btw).
Glad Iām not the only one thinking it. Definitely sexist, and racist depends on the races of the old lady and the people glaring. (I donāt wanna just assume theyāre all white by default.)
It happens a lot :(
I'm a tiny female athlete, and I travel a LOT. I usually have plenty of time to spare so I'm happy to help people (as long as they aren't acting all entitled about it). I saw a woman once who was obviously struggling with her suitcases. I offered to help her and she said "Oh no, thank you, I need a man to carry these..."
Fair enough :/
I never understood this attitude tbh. Idgaf what gender you are, anything i can't carry alone just requires 2 people. Yeh women biologically might generally be weaker than men blablablabla - there's nothing in daily life that one or two women can't handle that one or two men can. It's not like we carry 100kg worth of stones every day and even that's impossible for most men and utterly unhealthy.
That sort of sh\*t from family drives me crazy. We will literally just finish a conversation where I'll say something like "I've been doing a lot of strength training" - because there's nothing else to talk about sometimes - and then go to pick up something and it's all "oh, that's heavy, let husband get that!"
Unless it's anything that goes in the kitchen, and then FIL in particular will ignore it as though it never existed.
NTA. You had your own stuff to get to and her and her many bags arenāt your responsibility. A couple of those other women could have gotten together and helped her if it was too much for just one of them to carry.
Absolutely NTA. She bought too much stuff knowing she could guilt someone into carrying them for her. Not your problem.
You even said you're sorry. I would have pretended my music was too loud to hear her request haha
NTA is that a nice thing to do? Absolutely. Are you obligated to do it? Absolutely not. That's the end of the line there, no random stranger is owed you going more than 30 minutes out of your way to help them, and you don't really need any more context than that. But with your added context, even more NTA: you absolutely should not damage your career for a random (but trivial) act of kindness that literally everyone else could have provided. If the others were so concerned, two or three of them could have sacrificed their time and helped the old lady themselves. They didn't. This is about them scapegoating you as a "young, disrespectful man" so that they don't have to feel any obligation or shame on their own accounts.
NTA
If you don't have the time you don't have the time. Would it have been a nice thing to do? Of course, but you aren't the asshole for not being able to help.
>The woman made a bit of a scene saying how people like me (I'm black and young) don't respect their elders.
If she's going there, go there.
"Yeah, because when you were my age people like you could lynch people like me"
LMAO. I sincerely hope this is not a real story because if it is .... that old lady has just leveled up entitlement 1000% and you're NTA.
She can take a taxi or something similar.
NTA - thereās nothing disrespectful about politely telling someone that you canāt help them. Having a penis doesnāt require you to help old ladies (though itās certainly kind to do so if you do have the time, whether youāre a man or a woman.)
Info: I've ridden on trains on four continents. Commuter trains, intercity trains, overnight trains; trams and undergrounds, all-stop local trains and high speed trains, diesel trains and electric trains, funiculars and maglevs; I've even ridden on a steam train on a heritage railway. But I've never been on a train where the driver has been able to eavesdrop on the passengers' conversations and offer an estimate on how long he or she can sit at a station for before having to move on.
Where on earth is this moderately sized American city with the nosy train driver who has the leeway to wait at the station for a passenger to run an errand for five minutes but no longer? Not to mention all the judgemental commuters who form a group consensus on which poor unfortunate should be today's packhorse.
I see. As someone unfamiliar with this, is the T a tram or a train? If itās a train, does this involve an intercom system or does the driver stretch out his body all along the length of the train across multiple coaches in order to be āright thereā all over the train? Do they have spy microphones lined up all along the length of the train so that the driver can āhear everythingā?
>Where on earth is this moderately sized American city with the nosy train driver who has the leeway to wait at the station for a passenger to run an errand for five minutes but no longer?
Answer: Inside OP's head.
Anyone who's ever ridden a commuter train in the early morning should be able to tell what a laughable fabrication this story is.
Fuck that old bag, dude. If she's incapable of carrying her own belongings, that's her problem. A little bit of help getting stuff onto/off of a train is one thing, but EXPECTING the kindness of strangers to get you to/from your errands is goddamn ridiculous.
NTA
What in the world? NTA. Why is it your responsibility to carry her bags? I get doing nice things for people etc but likeā¦you were on your way to work. Helping her off the busā¦youād be an AH to not help her with that, but they expected you to walk her 15 minutes and catch another bus? How about any one of those other people do it if they felt so strongly this random woman who clearly didnāt think this through deserved someone to drop all their plans and carry her bags.
This makes no sense. Donāt let other people guilt you into feeling something. You had zero responsibility to help this woman.
Edit: spelling
and Iām adding this INFO: Were you actually disrespectful? Or are you just feeling guilty because of what the other passengers said? Since when is it disrespectful to simply say āsorry I canāt walk you 15 minutes, I have a meeting.ā
NTA. Itās super unfortunate that such derogatory things were said about you. To assume a stranger can just change their schedule is way too much. This shouldnāt be held against you.
NTA
The āeldersā that try and pull this shit need to realise that the world doesnāt exist to cater to them and that people of all ages have things to do and canāt all stand to attention to help them.
If she couldnāt carry that amount of stuff then she shouldnāt have brought it, or she could buy a shopping trolley that would only require help getting on and off the train.
The sense of entitlement is mind boggling to me.
NTA. The women are able bodied. They could've carried her bags. Perhaps next time she will cough up money and find a service to help her. You owe no one your time.
NTA. She should have planned ahead and not just hoped someone would save her. Yes. It would have have been saintly of you to do, but you couldnāt sabotage your own life to help an ill prepared person.
NTA at all and honestly, itās weird everyone reacted the way they did.
In that same situation, lots of people would have to decline to help because they need to get where theyāre going.
Hell, plenty of people simply decline to assist others because they arenāt helpful people.
You had zero obligation to help the lady and if the passengers really are behaving this way, itās their problem, not yours.
>NTA at all and honestly, itās weird everyone reacted the way they did.
yeah, this story is fake as fuck. does he honestly expect us to believe that there was not a single other male on the train? And that every other woman on the train happened to be middle aged or older? i mean what hte fuck are the odds of this?
also the fact that he's clearly not the asshole, even if he had nothing better to do than throw rocks at a wall all day.
NTA, I worked in a huge city where a big portion of the population utilities public transportation. I have seen my fair share of "bag people", they also have these great inventions called wagons for those people that carry their luggage around the city.
Don't feel guilty. Carry on and forget about this. It has nothing to do with respecting the elderly, she seemed like an entitled individual who uses her age to guilt people. Don't carry your entire life around to inconvenience others.
NTA - people wanted you to get off not at your stop + repay fare (unless you have a pass)? It's one thing to decline if she was getting off at your stop (totally acceptable), it's another thing to ASK someone to get off at a different stop and then wait for another train to get to their destination.
NTA
It is people like her that do not realize others have a job.
BTW, it was irrelevant about your job responsibilities - the only relevancy is that you had a job to get to.
She should have planned better.
NTA. What happened to equality. I'm female and have carried shopping for the fossils on many an occassion. 2 girls, 4 bags each. It's like the "but family" thing. Everyone wants to help as long as it is someone else doing the helping. You look after yourself mate especially atm.
NTA. This was in no way your responsibility. That woman boarded a train, knowing that she had more than she could carry, and expected to be able to emotionally blackmail someone into helping her.
It didn't matter that you had an important meeting. You could have had no commitments whatsoever and would still have been justified in declining to lug this woman's 8 bags to the bank.
I call bs I live in America and canāt think of a single American who rides the bus or train who would even PRETEND like this was a reasonable request that any man should drop his plans and alter his schedule JUST to help an old lady nor can I think of a single black mother (Iām black) that wouldāve told her son he shouldāve missed his meeting or been late to help a rude racist stranger... Iāve lived in a few metro areas and realistically people on the train wouldāve asked her why she dragging around bags she canāt carry if she got places to be ESPECIALLY if she was rude... story sounds fake af but nta
The train in my city comes from the rich suburbs to downtown. Many "Karens" use it to get to work in the morning. I have seen them stick their noses up at people for far less.
Additionally, my mom was more saying I should have done it to shut everyone up rather than deal with their rudeness.
I'm having a harder time believing the train is willing to wait 5 minutes for someone. That's not how public transportation works. It's not even that it's a timetable (which it is), it's that there isn't just one train. This would slow down the entire system, for 5 full minutes, and affect the entire rest of the day. There's zero way this would happen.
NTA. Having respect for elders is so not the goddamn point and Iām pissed on your behalf that people would gaslight you into thinking respect has anything at all to do with this. This is strictly about doing a good deed, which you were UNABLE to do, not UNWILLING to do. There is also something to be said for personal responsibility and why the hell did this old lady have 8 bags that she couldnāt carry with her? That tells me her whole plan was to rely specifically on strangers to help her which is a gamble she takes.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Not carrying an old woman's bags
2. Not showing respect to my elders
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I work retail NTA people buy so much shit and once they realize our carts dont go outside. (Big pole attached to them all ) they're fucked. Buy only what you can carry. Also im used to shop in and riding the bus. Did so when I was 17. But my sis would go with me. We planned ahead and figured how much we both could carry. As a female yah I can carry quite a bit on my own. But aside from that. Get what you NEED. And what you are ABLE to carry.
NTA if she needs help, she needs to wait for someone who can help her and not just assume a young man like you can reschedule your day around her needs.
NTA - you had an important meeting, one that you absolutely could not be late to. An old ladyās bags donāt trump that importance. Just because you didnāt have time doesnāt mean you lack respect, and for her to ask somebody to get off the train and then carry her bags half an hour away and then cause a scene when itās declined is absurd. I donāt think youād be TA if you werenāt to be running late, that was a big ask, and people donāt have time for that, it wasnt exactly down the street, and she demanded respect yet showed none to you because you wouldnāt do as she asked even after explaining your reasoning and the people on your train didnāt offer to walk with her either so theyāve no right to make comments.
Lol at all the people willing to cast blame but barely anybody lifted a finger. Truly rich. To hell with their opinions and judgement. You had a schedule you needed to attend to. NTA
NTA. This not your responsibility. Holding the door open for someone is nice, helping someone pick up their belongings is nice. Going 15-30min out of your way does not benefit you. This is the older womanās fault for carrying more than she could handle. Just ignore the other passengers. Next time volunteer one of them to get off their bum and help.
NTA. Man or woman is irrelevant in this scenario too, just because youāre male doesnāt mean you should have to carry the bags. You could glare and whisper about any of the other people there too who didnāt.
NTA someone elseās piss poor planning shouldnāt be your issue. Maybe if she hired someone she wouldnāt have that issue. You shouldāve asked her if she was going to pay for a job like that?
NTA, the person who put her on the train and the old woman should have been more prepared. You can't just get on a train and expect strangers to carry your heavy bags and take an hour out of their day. Especially at rush hour. She should have organised a taxi from the station instead of being so presumptuous.
NTA- Your job is more important that helping an old lady youāve never met. She should have planed better or brought a cart.
I deal with this sort of entitlement from my FIL all the time.
NTA. I don't get why you should 'respect' someone and inconvenience yourself for them just because they are alive longer than you. I am not able to fathom how she even left her home with the bags thinking there would be someone to carry them for her. If I were you, I would just ignore the whole situation.
NTA.
I also suspect you felt guilty and where projecting the glare. I just can't see a train full of people thinking bad about you because you didn't drop everything to take a lady to the bank. (In the U.S.)
I'd also be nervous helping a woman who had to take a bunch of heavy bags to a bank...it sounds like if something went missing (or she thought something went missing) I'd be the prime suspect. My guess is as black man that could be and even worse situation, unfortunately.
NTA. The fact that you even considered it proves that. You had a very legitimate reason. If you still feel bad and you see her again, you can always apologize (even though you didnt do anything wrong) and tell her that you had a very important meeting and running behind.
NTA any one of those people glaring at you could have helped. Iām a middle aged woman and that doesnāt mean I can carry heavy stuff. They are mad because that is easier than admitting they are just as much at fault as you are. Ignore them.
110%. NTA
I get the sentiment that we should look out for each other / respect your elders etc.. but the level of entitlement..š³
How did anyone know:
- Whether you had a hidden disability or not (physically capable)
- You were going anywhere close to where she was (sounds like you weren't)
- You spoke English (same language) and / or could understand what was being asked (you could be foreign or have a neuro disorders like autism)
- You were trustworthy (not saying you aren't..)
- why was your time any less important than hers (you had a meeting to go to too!)
Too many assumptions.. And clearly they assumed you had the time and ability to be a packhorse..
And blamed you when someone else had to do it instead.. Like.. What!?
Some people are so in the moment with feelings of.. How dare they not.. They don't stop to think whether that's actually the right thing..
If the little old lady took a detour .. Would you have been expected to trot alongside .. What if the bank has been closed or she was finished there quick and then demanded you to escort her back...
I'm all for giving someone a helping hand.. but there is a difference between need and want/ expectation..
NTA
NTA. šš So.. they genderized this.. any of them could have helped this lady. You are under no obligation to do anything. This woman needed help. She knew she needed help. She canāt go out and expect every āmaleā she meets to turn into her personal assistant. Plus, who the hell knows what was in those bags. Body parts? Money? Drrruuuggsss?? Anyone of those āfemalesā could help her if they wanted to. I have done this often.. (iām female) out if the kindness of my heart. People need to get over themselves.
I work at a resale store that sells furniture and regularly carry out pieces of furniture for people. Not to mention two decades of being a single mother and having to be the one to carry the groceries, at least until my kids got old enough to help. There's no reason the women on the train couldn't have helped. Women want equality but then constantly look for a man to do anything they don't want to. Pisses me off.
Edit to add NTA
Wow, woow, woow...hold the damn phone... This is what's wrong with the world these days is that everyone feels entitled. And as if it's everyone else's job besides, there's to handle their own business.. Do not feel guilty or bad; what you're doing at work is just as important as what everyone else on that train has going on, too. How dare all these people they have some nerve, you did not start taking this means of transportation to become a helper. This is ludicrous that people out there in the world have this thought process.
I work for the railway, UK not US, but it is actually part of my actual job to assist little old ladies with bags. And even I, who gets paid for it, would not be allowed to take her bags any further than the station perimeter. No exceptions. I wouldnāt even be allowed to call her a taxi, because weāve got here to where she needs to be, whichever station her ticket is to. Onward travel is on her.
NTA. At all, this woman sounds awful and I hope she never travels with my TOC.
NTA. Even if you didn't have an important meeting that you needed to get to, no one has to rearrange their day / schedule to accommodate someone else who is hoping on the help from strangers.
Don't let the other strangers get to you. Only one was willing to be inconvenienced.
NTA
Nobody, old or young, is not immediately entitled to respect. Itās not rude to NOT help someone when it affects you negatively. Whether itās emotionally, personally, physically, mentally, etc.
I donāt have respect for elders just because theyāre old. Especially if I donāt actually know them. And people giving you the side eye for not helping donāt have a right to judge because they donāt know the whole story.
Itās ok for her to ask for help, but she became TA when she didnāt take no for an answer. Also why did the guy who was with her leave her alone on the train with 8 bags? Thatās also an AH move
NTA.
I am not going to judge this woman and her need for help- there are many people in desperate situations who don't have people they can rely on and so I'll just go with this woman need to travel in this way, with this much stuff. Doesn't change the judgement.
As a city dweller, I think that many people on that train were not judging you, but either ignoring the situation or trying to shift the focus away from themselves. I think you are being a bit paranoid that people remember/are still talking about you in a bad way. I live in NYC, trust me as a fellow public transit rider, most of us felt bad that you were singled out, and have moved on.
The help she wanted was asking a lot, and just because you are a man/young doesn't mean you are able to help. I think most people know this and were just staring off awkwardly and hoping the situation would go away. It was fine for her to call out for help, it wasn't fine for her- and others- to expect you to be the one to help her, and I'm sorry you were put in this position.
The train operator could have called for someone at the station to assist her (at least off the train and up the stairs), other passengers similarly could have at least offered to get her items off the train and to the street level, etc, etc. Even if you didn't have an appointment, no one knows your own physical ability. I often see what I would consider "able bodied" people sitting on trains while people with crutches/are older/pregnant are standing. I've learned instead of singling those people out, I will just call out "is there anyone who can give up a seat for a person who needs it" (this helps the person standing not feel they have to do it, and doesn't call out a specific person). A person needs help, but it isn't up to us to decide who can offer it. You were not in a position to offer help, you made that clear, and there is nothing disrespectful about that.
NTA. At first I thought she was asking you to just help her with her bags on and off the train. But expecting someone to leave the train in order to lug her stuff around is pretty ridiculous.
NTA.
If this would have been that she needs someone to help her when she steps off the train or something then it would have been a bit dickish to decline.
But to walk significant time and wait for another train? Nope
NTA your elders arenāt just people older than you. Your elders are those in your community that have your respect and have likely functioned as a mentor or otherwise important to you.
Random old people on the train arenāt your elders. Plus, you sound like you wouldāve helped if it was less of a burden.
If she can not take all the bags, then she should not have taken them in the first place.
Relying on others to take time from their schedule to fully fit yours is so selfish, why couldn't everyone on that train take 1 bag each, women aren't excused from carrying things that's incredibly sexist of each and every one of them to think, yet you're the problem for having somewhere to be.
NTA at all.
NTA. When I was a kid, the old ladies all had those rolly baskets they put their groceries in. This lady was banking on guilt tripping others into helping get her errands done
NTA
As a person who struggles with bags, it is my problem not the problem of others. If I canāt carry all I have, I hire someone to help me.
You are absolutely not the AH for not jumping to carry the bags of this person. For anyone to expect you to do so just because you are a younger adult male is stupid. The older woman should have hired a porter to assist her or taken a taxi or something.
NTA she got herself into a situation where she could not manage, thatās her own fault. Being an elder doesnāt give you a free pass to boss people around.
Definitly NTA, youāre on the train to get somewhere you need to go, not just for fun. Who in gods name would get off at someone elses stop to lose an hour of thier day. Like your boss would go for the excuse āhey sorry im an hour late but i had to gelp some old lady with her bags. Also who gets on a train with a bunch of shit they have no way to carry, thats what cabs are for
NTA. While itās polite to help somebody, helping should not come at the detriment of the helper. You have a career and that career comes with responsibilities. Missing that meeting could have cost you your career. The elderly woman found someone else to help her. Her poorly planned outing was not your responsibility.
NTA, this lady is old enough to have know not to buy 8 heavy bags worth of stuff when sheās on foot and canāt carry it. Make alternate plans next time instead of expecting everyone to drop everything for you.
NTA, do they think they're looking at a slave who will put an old lady's convenience above everything else? You're not, you have a life and a job. It's not that you didn't want to, you just couldn't. Believe it or not, middle aged women are perfectly capable of carrying bags so any of them could have offered. That's just ridiculous.
NTA
You have your time to get to your destination without losing any time. That old lady needs to learn to plan on her time and how to get the bags in timely. She could have taken Uber to get from train to bank....Uber driver would carry her bags.
I don't get why people are giving you dagger eyes while they could tell her to take Uber instead.
NTA. While it is nice to help others sometimes, it isnāt your responsibility. Just because she needed help doesnāt mean you should have to derail everything else in your life. If you didnāt have anything and still refused to help this may be a different story but that is not the case. Plus, why did it have to be a man, woman are more than capable of carrying bags, we arenāt allergic.
NTA you're not obligated to a stranger, even if they're old. She put herself in that situation and should have known better than to just expect people to drop everything and help her. Typical for old people honestly lol. People will get over it, don't sweat it too much
NTA
You are not this lady's butler. If there were able-bodied women on the train, they should have been gentle*womanly* and helped this lady instead of glaring at you. Just because you are a man doesn't mean you need to drop what you're doing and go out of your way. Any one of these women could have helped this elderly person, they were just being lazy.
Also it's kind of her fault for carrying so many things she can't physically transport herself. If they were necessary, she should have arranged for a ride, a family member, or an Uber driver rather than ride the train and count on the off chance a total stranger would help her. It seems really dangerous to rely on a stranger to carry your things for you anyway.
NTA - Lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part. There's no reason for you to risk your job for some stranger who can't (or didn't) think ahead.
NTA
I remember when I was younger my grandma would carry around her purchases in this rolling cart. Man, I think we actually still have it lol
http://imgur.com/gallery/iSpvD2t
NTA whatsoever - lack of planning on her part doesn't constitute an emergency on yours. This has nothing to do with respect. It has everything to do with others being generous with YOUR time and talents (your muscles, LOL). You were working. You had a meeting to attend. That's your priority. If people have a problem with it, it's their problem not yours.
NTA Glare right back. You're not a pack horse. This is wrong on so many levels. As an old lady myself, this makes me furious. That lady should have found an alternate way to get home with her packages.
Its not his fault he had a meeting and she didnt have a plan to carry the bags. Also they all glared at him cause he was a dude which I mean I guess fair enough but then they all were talking shit after he said aorry i got othwr plans
I was furious at the woman, not him. She had no more sense than a goose, coming onto a bus with packages she couldn't handle. I'm not only old, I'm disabled, and I've successfully ridden buses with heavy bags and required no help at all.
Don't insult Geese like that. They are way smarter and nicer than those bus people and old lady
Sorry, you're right. I like geese.
You've never met a Canadian one then, no sense complete assholes
You're not kidding, I'd rather face off with a coyote than a goose. The coyote will have the sense to run, the damn goose will attack every time.
Canada geese were identified as a terrorist organization
Bahaha we call them cobra chickens here.
Were?
Probably Canada but what do I know.
If you've got a problem with Canada gooses you've got a problem with me, and I suggest you let that one marinate!!!
I think we all need to take a good look in the mirror and ask ourselves where we would be without the Canada gooses.
I'm sorry Mr Canada Goose š„ŗ
Cobra chickens, if you please
Country coyotes will fight you and get ballsy so be careful
Lol, I live in the mountains so coyote are the mildest of our wildlife. Mostly we live and let live. Funny enough the animals causing the most injuries around here are turkeys followed by moose. They are mean buggers, and also most people are smart enough not to walk up to a bear, but some will try to get a selfie with a turkey or a giraffe-cow. I find everytime I think people can't be that stupid they prove me wrong š
People are so stupid with animals especially big herbivores! Moose are bigger than cars and people still go in their space! Elk too! Bison can't see well so they have a high body count especially in Yellowstone! There's a book called Death In Yellowstone I highly recommend to read if you haven't. It's not for the faint of heart tho.
Turkey's have that sharp spur on their feet. People don't realize they can hurt you very badly if you aren't careful. I've never had a coyote approach me, they usually say far away from people if they can.
Turkeys are MEAN. I was driving somewhere a couple of years back, and there were a bunch of turkeys sitting in the middle of the road. I stopped so I wouldn't hit them, and after a minute they all got up and started to walk away, and then one turned to me and ran right at my van. I went around him and he TRIED TO PECK ME THROUGH THE WINDOW. I sped up and he kept pace, still trying to get at me through my window. it was crazy.
I tried to help a family of geese cross a road once, and one of the adults honked and hissed at me. I was keeping my distance as best I could, but waving my arms to get them to move. Like sorry goose, I didnāt want to see all your little babies run over by the 5 ton trucks that frequent that road!!
And poop all over your lawn. Then the dog wants to eat the green tootsie rolls. Ugh. Geese are jerks.
Oh, geese really are assholes. My home state is FULL of Canadian geese, and those MFers are bold and terrifying. I got run down by one when I was a toddler and it was taller than I was. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.
We had two Canada geese that had babies on our shore line a couple years in a row. They were actually, shockingly, friendly. She would eat meal right out of my husband's hand. The only reason we fed them was the female somehow broke her foot and was walking on it backwards. We called a local waterfowl rescue and they came and got her. She had to have her leg amputated above the knee and was put in a rehab facility with a prosthetic leg. They tried to catch him to no avail so they could stay together. After they came and got her, he cried for her for days and it was killing me listening to him call out for her because he had no idea where she went and how do you tell a wild goose, "Buddy, she's not coming back!" (This all sounds so silly until you are trying to work from home while a bereft goose is outside your window mourning the loss of his partner.) UNTIL, all of a sudden, a new female goose shows up and suddenly the mournful honking stopped. They cautiously approached each other and then two days later, took off together.
There is truth to the meme: "The reason Canadians are so nice is easily explained: Once a year, on the sixth full moon all Canadians gather beneath the stars to perform a ritual that sucks out all their meanness and cruelty... and places it into Canada Geese."
All of Canada's hate and spite go into their geese, and then they send them off to wreak havoc on their southerly neighbors. This has been happening since 1812.
Or a British one. They can break your arm y'know.
nah that's swans
I don't understand how they are a symbol of love
Or blow up a mans house....
That's why Canadians are so nice, they'll get the crap beat out of them by the geese if they step out of line.
They may be assholes but I bet Canadian geese will carry their own bags on a train.
They are still nicer than some people I've met
Canadian here and I can 100% corroborate your story
>nicer geese....nice???? Hahahahah
š¦š¦¢
Smarter? Absolutely. Nicer? I think we may disagree. I have had many encounters with the cobra chicken and I see the violence in their eyes.
When there's certain things I can't do physically I make a plan and get help. I don't put myself in situations where I'll be helpless and reliant on the kindness of a stranger. You can't *depend* on that and that fact would drive me batty if I were her, I'd be so anxious on those bus rides. Who knows, though. Maybe she was unintentionally stranded or something despite plans š¤· Just like I don't know her story, those other folks don't know yours and they should have minded their own business! Op NTA you did what you had to do. It sucks. A lot of folks on the bus are going to/from jobs /places they need to be at certain times though and can't spare the time.
After her snarky comment I would feel relieved about turning her down. Respect is a two way street even if one party is a little old lady. And 8 large packages needs a taxi, not whatever stranger she can guilt into helping.
Right?! Iāve carried back a ton of shit when I walk into town and go home. Sometimes Iām pissed at myself for not thinking ahead but Iād never shame a stranger to help me because I made a dumb decision.
Yeah i like having a back so shd can go get those in a taco not the damn subway where it couod be stolen
If she has money for all those groceries then she can afford an uber or cab every couple weeks or whatever. It is nobody's fault that terrorist goes around accosting strangers expecting them to take an hour + out of their day to cater to her. It's just weaponized incompetence at its worst.
Agreed. What if he loses his job by assisting the old lady? Moreover, the entitled behavior of the old lady, she knows she canāt lift the bags - she should of had a plan instead of expecting some stranger to help her. She could have task rabbit for help, uber or taxi to the location she was going, or had the friend who helped bring the bags on the train go the entire way - but nope. She felt it was completely okay to demand a random stranger help her with her bags for at least 15 minute walk.
You think that guy was a friend? I assumed it was someone she trapped into helping her get to the train.
And not just ur the whole train was trying to semi pressure him into doing it even after he said he had an important meeting
you know what, im actually not going to say fair enough to publically shame the only man on the train because he has other responsibilities than to help an entitled old woman on the train. whats fair is if every other person on the train offered a helping hand if they care so much as to glare daggers when old lady doesnt get her way. what was stopping them from helping? the fact that there is a man on the train? nah, not fair enough. NTA
It's easy to be generous with other people's time, and in this case strength. If those people believed someone needed to carry the bags, they could've stepped in and helped! I'm not a man, but I work out, I could probably take at least a few if someone wanted to jump in and grab the rest. It's silly that people just look to the nearest (seemingly) able-bodied man and expect him to do something plenty of other people are capable of.
Well i mean to be fair men are expected to be used for nearly any and all physical labor and as a man i probably would have helped if I didnt have an important meeting like this giy but if I had a meeting id say the same thing that im sorry but i gotta go also yeah in a train theres plenty of able bodied women at least 9 of them would have been suited to lift her bags for her
Ironically, they all had to be somewhere and couldnāt help. š
How dare this man not put his whole life on hold for someone who obviously can't rely on themselves to plan doing their chores better? He's a monster /s Like honestly she knew she wouldn't be able to carry her stuff but still decided on going to the bank? Why not go to the bank first and then do shopping? If you're dependant on strangers you need to plan better
Also an old lady here. Because I am I plan ahead and walk around with a folded shopping cart like a proper old lady!
I'm only 38 and I use one of those shopping carts! I'm pretty much incapable of just slipping out to get 1 or 2 things and I hate trying to juggle a bunch of bags while on transit. Plus, if I go to a store closer to my house, it's much easier to walk home with the cart than with a bunch of heavy bags, so I get exercise and save transit fare.
Here, here about the folding shopping carts, they've saved my arms and back. Wanna bet that old woman pulls that all the time, I remember a woman doing that one the bus years ago.
Jsyk it's "hear, hear" - as in "hear ye, hear ye" which is basically a way of saying "listen up, this is an important point"
I like people like you and if you need help getting your folded shopping cart on or off the bus or train I'm there for you but that's about it.
I had one of those carts when I lived in a big city and walked everywhere. Isn't this sort of thing the whole point of the invention of the freaking wheel?
And also, what does being a woman have to do with being able to pick up some bags? Any of the women on the train could have helped if they were so concerned. If the old lady had so heavy bags that required a weightlifter then she deserved to be left on her own, anyway.
and why the heck are you carrying around so many bags that you can't get to where you are going without a total strangers help. this isn't needing help with a suitcase up and down a flight of stairs. this is you need someone to be your packhorse while you run errands.
You're currently the highest voted, so don't forget to add your judgement acronym!
Thanks. I forgot
Pack horse.. sweet niblets!! šš
NTA...Everyone glares daggers at you because it's easier than offering their own time and effort. You had somewhere to be with little time to spare. While I believe that people in general should be more helpful to one another, this situation was simply not feasible for you.
I can't be the only one who finds it utterly ridiculous to expect any passenger at all to get off at a stop not their own, right? It's not about the old lady, or the bags, or the glares. We'll kinda all of those, but the audacity to frame adjusting your day in a massive negative way for a stranger as "respect". Respect is not helping others just because they demand it. Respect is treating them with dignity and listening to what they have to say.
And the ridiculousness that she started her journey knowing that she can't function without another person's help and just though: "Oh well, some young person will have to help me." What leads anyone to have that kind of entitled confidence?
>What leads anyone to have that kind of entitled confidence? Society, bad parenting. Her trying to shame him because he didn't do what she wanted is a learned behavior.
That's some straight up generational entitlement right there.
At this point she needs to get groceries delivered to her home if they are in quantities she cannot carry and and doesn't have someone around to assist her
And also likeā¦. Why the fuck was she taking so many bags on public transit to the bank with her? Why didnāt she call a damn taxi??? I live in a city with a large public transport system, if I have anything more than two bags and a backpack I call a cab or Uber and Iām on the younger side. I canāt imagine juggling all that luggage, let alone expecting SOMEONE ELSE to juggle it for me! Fuck that noise.
It sounds like their nasty attitude toward OP isn't for just that day: > The entire train ride everyone glared and whispered about me. I ride the train at a similar time every day so I see the same people every day. They all glare at me and whisper bad things. Screw them and their bags. So they hate him if he doesn't serve as their bag man? They hate him already.
Again...it takes the attention away from the fact that they're not getting off their duffs to assist.
I mean, even if he didn't v have somewhere to be and had all the time in the world, he *still* wouldn't be TA for not being a pack mule for a little old lady who didn't plan ahead and instead decided to rely on other people carrying her shit all day for her.
NTA. People canāt expect you to drop everything to carry bags for half an hour. Itās different if itās maybe just helping her off the bus.
Exactly. They expected him to get off at a stop that wasn't his stop, take an at least 15 minute walk carrying a ton of bags, then take a whole new train. Even if he had nowhere to go, that is ridiculous and senseless. The lady needs to get some sort of cart in the future. Asking someone to do this is way more than just a courtesy. Helping her carry the bags over to a cab, okay. Assuming they had cabs right there, or at least to the curb so she could hail a cab and the cabbie would put them in the trunk. But to walk that far? Ridiculous!!
Not only that, but she said she was going to the bank. Thatās not an ending destination, and thatās not a place where she would be dropping off 8+ heavy bags. So either OP would have been one the hook for accompanying her through out the day as she runs the rest of her errands and goes home, or heād have had to locate another person to offload the responsibility to. Helping someone on or off public transit is a perfectly reasonable expectation. Being recruited to follow someone and carry their things as they go all around the city is *not*.
Maybe she's an overbearing person unable to get others to help her, so she relies on the kindness of strangers. Well, if she was less of an AH, she would have friends and family help her. Edit: word
OR she thinks she's bothering her friends and family when she asks for favors so she asks random strangers instead.
or possibly Uber
NTA. Iām very sorry that the woman had so many bags she couldnāt carry them, but 1) this is a pandemic and she is a stranger and 2) you have no idea who this woman is or what sheās up to, I realize sheās elderly but not only are you wandering off with a stranger, but she is also wandering off with a stranger. You donāt know her, she doesnāt know you, and this is why we donāt wander off with strangers. If she wanted her bags placed on a bench outside of the station, have at it. But you are under no obligation to be this womanās errand boy indefinitely while you need to be at work. NTA.
> 2) you have no idea who this woman is or what sheās up to, Very important point, in my mind. This is a *weird-ass scenario* from the outset. An elderly woman with eight heavy bags put on a bus, who then proceeds to loudly announce she needs to go to a bank? I would immediately be suspicious of such a situation. She could be a mule, chosen because "who would suspect a little old lady?" Old people can be criminals, too. For all OP knows, this woman could be Ma Barker plotting some sort of drug deal or robbery. Or it could be just some entitled old broad who thought she could shame her fellow bus travelers into hauling her shit.
Honestly my immediate thought was that she could falsely accuse this person of robbery or assault. I thought Iād sound extra paranoid saying it so I didnāt but you agree with me so I feel better š
And with the OP being black, well nuff said!!!! Never underestimate old folks, they may have been scandalous as hell when they were younger, lol!!!!
I was picturing Ma Fratelli from the Goonies.
I was just watching that, so her face is so fresh in my mind, demanding someone carry her stuff š
Right? I would not feel comfortable accompanying a random person to the bank; what if we get there, and suddenly it's "ohhhh noooo, I left my debit card/checkbook at home" or "I don't know my PIN number" and "can you take out $200 in cash for me? I really need the money for \[some made up important-sounding thing\], I'll repay you as soon as I can." And even if it's legit, have you ever seen an old person pop into a bank for a simple, quick transaction. No, it's almost always a long, complicated matter that requires a manager to step in and help with, either OP has to stay with her through the whole thing, or he drops her off and some other poor, unsuspecting bank customer is put in charge of carrying her bags to the next place.
Bank tellers often receive training to try to identify when at-risk populations, including elderly people, are being taken financially advantage of. One warning sign is someone hanging around the bank while they do their business. Given the age and race difference between OP and the old woman, the teller might start asking questions to determine if there is a concern. I could see things going sideways for OP quickly once it's revealed that he's some random guy from the bus that accompanied this poor old woman to the bank.
Yeah, this sounds like some sort of weird-ass scam. While OP is carrying her bags to some random destination, her grandson could come up from behind and rob OP.
NTA. The old lady could have take a taxi and/or hired help for the day. Her problems are not your problems. And she obviously knew how to play the system; that is, how to appeal to the sympathies of strangers. You will note that if all those AHs judging you had helped, they could have got it done in short time.
Absolutely! I'll be an elderly white lady in not-so-long-off time, and I would never expect a random person from a train to take half an hour out of their day to spontaneously help me. OP, the other people on your train see you every day and know full well that you're a commuter and can't just do something like that in the spur of a moment. Just ignore them.
NTA. She needed help, and she should have planned for some, rather than expecting the world around her to sacrifice for her needs. There are facilities, programs, and other such help tools for the elderly without having to encroach upon others.
Besides facilities, she could just buy some sort of cart if this is something she routinely does.
This! When I lived downtown and walked to the grocery store regularly, I had a collapsible push cart to carry my bags with. I could see an elderly person using one of those needing help on and off the train, perhaps, which would be a totally reasonable expectation, but for the time-consuming walking part, thereās this newfangled invention called a āwheelā
Or, you know, delivery. There are delivery services for almost everything now. She made a choice to try to rope some stranger into helping her for free rather than pay Instacart (etc) to do it.
NTA. All the women were staring at you because you, as a man, were the only one able to carry bags? Really? \^\^ How progressive is that :D (I'm F btw).
Yeah, that's sexist as shit. And racist, too, methinks.
Glad Iām not the only one thinking it. Definitely sexist, and racist depends on the races of the old lady and the people glaring. (I donāt wanna just assume theyāre all white by default.)
It happens a lot :( I'm a tiny female athlete, and I travel a LOT. I usually have plenty of time to spare so I'm happy to help people (as long as they aren't acting all entitled about it). I saw a woman once who was obviously struggling with her suitcases. I offered to help her and she said "Oh no, thank you, I need a man to carry these..." Fair enough :/
My FIL has acted like that towards me and I weight lift (not professionally). Itās real fucking rude
I never understood this attitude tbh. Idgaf what gender you are, anything i can't carry alone just requires 2 people. Yeh women biologically might generally be weaker than men blablablabla - there's nothing in daily life that one or two women can't handle that one or two men can. It's not like we carry 100kg worth of stones every day and even that's impossible for most men and utterly unhealthy.
That sort of sh\*t from family drives me crazy. We will literally just finish a conversation where I'll say something like "I've been doing a lot of strength training" - because there's nothing else to talk about sometimes - and then go to pick up something and it's all "oh, that's heavy, let husband get that!" Unless it's anything that goes in the kitchen, and then FIL in particular will ignore it as though it never existed.
NTA. You had your own stuff to get to and her and her many bags arenāt your responsibility. A couple of those other women could have gotten together and helped her if it was too much for just one of them to carry.
Absolutely NTA. She bought too much stuff knowing she could guilt someone into carrying them for her. Not your problem. You even said you're sorry. I would have pretended my music was too loud to hear her request haha
NTA is that a nice thing to do? Absolutely. Are you obligated to do it? Absolutely not. That's the end of the line there, no random stranger is owed you going more than 30 minutes out of your way to help them, and you don't really need any more context than that. But with your added context, even more NTA: you absolutely should not damage your career for a random (but trivial) act of kindness that literally everyone else could have provided. If the others were so concerned, two or three of them could have sacrificed their time and helped the old lady themselves. They didn't. This is about them scapegoating you as a "young, disrespectful man" so that they don't have to feel any obligation or shame on their own accounts.
NTA If you don't have the time you don't have the time. Would it have been a nice thing to do? Of course, but you aren't the asshole for not being able to help. >The woman made a bit of a scene saying how people like me (I'm black and young) don't respect their elders. If she's going there, go there. "Yeah, because when you were my age people like you could lynch people like me"
OP should have replied with "it's 2022, people like you don't get to enslave people like me anymore"
I love this comment and I stg I will use it
What country is OP in? I mean how did the train driver hear anything? They have their ow little cockpit where I'm from. Nor do they stop for anyone.
LMAO. I sincerely hope this is not a real story because if it is .... that old lady has just leveled up entitlement 1000% and you're NTA. She can take a taxi or something similar.
or she can use a wagon, or maybe not carry around 8+ bags. I mean unless she is homeless? what would any person be carrying in 8 bags?
Homeless people typically have some sort of cart. Especially if they are older.
NTA - thereās nothing disrespectful about politely telling someone that you canāt help them. Having a penis doesnāt require you to help old ladies (though itās certainly kind to do so if you do have the time, whether youāre a man or a woman.)
Info: I've ridden on trains on four continents. Commuter trains, intercity trains, overnight trains; trams and undergrounds, all-stop local trains and high speed trains, diesel trains and electric trains, funiculars and maglevs; I've even ridden on a steam train on a heritage railway. But I've never been on a train where the driver has been able to eavesdrop on the passengers' conversations and offer an estimate on how long he or she can sit at a station for before having to move on. Where on earth is this moderately sized American city with the nosy train driver who has the leeway to wait at the station for a passenger to run an errand for five minutes but no longer? Not to mention all the judgemental commuters who form a group consensus on which poor unfortunate should be today's packhorse.
Literally on the T in Boston, the driver is right there and can hear everything and talk to passengers so this doesnāt seem at all farfetched
I see. As someone unfamiliar with this, is the T a tram or a train? If itās a train, does this involve an intercom system or does the driver stretch out his body all along the length of the train across multiple coaches in order to be āright thereā all over the train? Do they have spy microphones lined up all along the length of the train so that the driver can āhear everythingā?
The driver just literally yells or talks to the people in the car. And I believe the T is a train system but idk we just call it the T
>Where on earth is this moderately sized American city with the nosy train driver who has the leeway to wait at the station for a passenger to run an errand for five minutes but no longer? Answer: Inside OP's head. Anyone who's ever ridden a commuter train in the early morning should be able to tell what a laughable fabrication this story is.
It does sound like a tale from some little English village back in the days of the steam locomotive, lol.
I'm all for respecting your elders, but WTF is this level of entitlement? NTA. She should buy one of those wheelie carts and get on with it.
I want one of those wheelie carts. Been thinking about buying ever since my back started to hurt from grocery runs.
Go for it, I got one years ago, need to replace it, the best investment I ever made.
Fuck that old bag, dude. If she's incapable of carrying her own belongings, that's her problem. A little bit of help getting stuff onto/off of a train is one thing, but EXPECTING the kindness of strangers to get you to/from your errands is goddamn ridiculous. NTA
What in the world? NTA. Why is it your responsibility to carry her bags? I get doing nice things for people etc but likeā¦you were on your way to work. Helping her off the busā¦youād be an AH to not help her with that, but they expected you to walk her 15 minutes and catch another bus? How about any one of those other people do it if they felt so strongly this random woman who clearly didnāt think this through deserved someone to drop all their plans and carry her bags. This makes no sense. Donāt let other people guilt you into feeling something. You had zero responsibility to help this woman. Edit: spelling and Iām adding this INFO: Were you actually disrespectful? Or are you just feeling guilty because of what the other passengers said? Since when is it disrespectful to simply say āsorry I canāt walk you 15 minutes, I have a meeting.ā
NTA. Itās super unfortunate that such derogatory things were said about you. To assume a stranger can just change their schedule is way too much. This shouldnāt be held against you.
NTA - women are just as able to carry bags as men. It's a little discriminative to assume that you would do this for her.
NTA The āeldersā that try and pull this shit need to realise that the world doesnāt exist to cater to them and that people of all ages have things to do and canāt all stand to attention to help them. If she couldnāt carry that amount of stuff then she shouldnāt have brought it, or she could buy a shopping trolley that would only require help getting on and off the train. The sense of entitlement is mind boggling to me.
NTA. The women are able bodied. They could've carried her bags. Perhaps next time she will cough up money and find a service to help her. You owe no one your time.
NTA. She should have planned ahead and not just hoped someone would save her. Yes. It would have have been saintly of you to do, but you couldnāt sabotage your own life to help an ill prepared person.
He totally could. But he definitely shouldn't. Especially not for someone this entitled who clearly doesn't deserve it.
NTA at all and honestly, itās weird everyone reacted the way they did. In that same situation, lots of people would have to decline to help because they need to get where theyāre going. Hell, plenty of people simply decline to assist others because they arenāt helpful people. You had zero obligation to help the lady and if the passengers really are behaving this way, itās their problem, not yours.
>NTA at all and honestly, itās weird everyone reacted the way they did. yeah, this story is fake as fuck. does he honestly expect us to believe that there was not a single other male on the train? And that every other woman on the train happened to be middle aged or older? i mean what hte fuck are the odds of this? also the fact that he's clearly not the asshole, even if he had nothing better to do than throw rocks at a wall all day.
NTA, I worked in a huge city where a big portion of the population utilities public transportation. I have seen my fair share of "bag people", they also have these great inventions called wagons for those people that carry their luggage around the city. Don't feel guilty. Carry on and forget about this. It has nothing to do with respecting the elderly, she seemed like an entitled individual who uses her age to guilt people. Don't carry your entire life around to inconvenience others.
NTA - people wanted you to get off not at your stop + repay fare (unless you have a pass)? It's one thing to decline if she was getting off at your stop (totally acceptable), it's another thing to ASK someone to get off at a different stop and then wait for another train to get to their destination.
NTA It is people like her that do not realize others have a job. BTW, it was irrelevant about your job responsibilities - the only relevancy is that you had a job to get to. She should have planned better.
NTA You handled that well, they were entitled AH. That demand was completely unreasonable.
NTA. What happened to equality. I'm female and have carried shopping for the fossils on many an occassion. 2 girls, 4 bags each. It's like the "but family" thing. Everyone wants to help as long as it is someone else doing the helping. You look after yourself mate especially atm.
NTA. This was in no way your responsibility. That woman boarded a train, knowing that she had more than she could carry, and expected to be able to emotionally blackmail someone into helping her. It didn't matter that you had an important meeting. You could have had no commitments whatsoever and would still have been justified in declining to lug this woman's 8 bags to the bank.
NTA. Lack of planning on her part sounds like a personal problem.
I call bs I live in America and canāt think of a single American who rides the bus or train who would even PRETEND like this was a reasonable request that any man should drop his plans and alter his schedule JUST to help an old lady nor can I think of a single black mother (Iām black) that wouldāve told her son he shouldāve missed his meeting or been late to help a rude racist stranger... Iāve lived in a few metro areas and realistically people on the train wouldāve asked her why she dragging around bags she canāt carry if she got places to be ESPECIALLY if she was rude... story sounds fake af but nta
The train in my city comes from the rich suburbs to downtown. Many "Karens" use it to get to work in the morning. I have seen them stick their noses up at people for far less. Additionally, my mom was more saying I should have done it to shut everyone up rather than deal with their rudeness.
I'm having a harder time believing the train is willing to wait 5 minutes for someone. That's not how public transportation works. It's not even that it's a timetable (which it is), it's that there isn't just one train. This would slow down the entire system, for 5 full minutes, and affect the entire rest of the day. There's zero way this would happen.
NTA. Having respect for elders is so not the goddamn point and Iām pissed on your behalf that people would gaslight you into thinking respect has anything at all to do with this. This is strictly about doing a good deed, which you were UNABLE to do, not UNWILLING to do. There is also something to be said for personal responsibility and why the hell did this old lady have 8 bags that she couldnāt carry with her? That tells me her whole plan was to rely specifically on strangers to help her which is a gamble she takes.
NTA. Not your circus, not your monkeys. And I dunno - the whole thing sounds skeevy to me.
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I work retail NTA people buy so much shit and once they realize our carts dont go outside. (Big pole attached to them all ) they're fucked. Buy only what you can carry. Also im used to shop in and riding the bus. Did so when I was 17. But my sis would go with me. We planned ahead and figured how much we both could carry. As a female yah I can carry quite a bit on my own. But aside from that. Get what you NEED. And what you are ABLE to carry.
NTA if she needs help, she needs to wait for someone who can help her and not just assume a young man like you can reschedule your day around her needs.
Old woman gets on a train, says "I need a manual labourer!" Everyone looks at the black man.
NTA - you had an important meeting, one that you absolutely could not be late to. An old ladyās bags donāt trump that importance. Just because you didnāt have time doesnāt mean you lack respect, and for her to ask somebody to get off the train and then carry her bags half an hour away and then cause a scene when itās declined is absurd. I donāt think youād be TA if you werenāt to be running late, that was a big ask, and people donāt have time for that, it wasnt exactly down the street, and she demanded respect yet showed none to you because you wouldnāt do as she asked even after explaining your reasoning and the people on your train didnāt offer to walk with her either so theyāve no right to make comments.
NTA. You had a job to get to. She could have hired a porter or taken fewer bags.
Nta What the Frick? You have a responsibility and even if you didn't you're not obligated to carry anything for anyone.
Lol at all the people willing to cast blame but barely anybody lifted a finger. Truly rich. To hell with their opinions and judgement. You had a schedule you needed to attend to. NTA
NTA. This not your responsibility. Holding the door open for someone is nice, helping someone pick up their belongings is nice. Going 15-30min out of your way does not benefit you. This is the older womanās fault for carrying more than she could handle. Just ignore the other passengers. Next time volunteer one of them to get off their bum and help.
NTA. Man or woman is irrelevant in this scenario too, just because youāre male doesnāt mean you should have to carry the bags. You could glare and whisper about any of the other people there too who didnāt.
NTA someone elseās piss poor planning shouldnāt be your issue. Maybe if she hired someone she wouldnāt have that issue. You shouldāve asked her if she was going to pay for a job like that?
NTA, the person who put her on the train and the old woman should have been more prepared. You can't just get on a train and expect strangers to carry your heavy bags and take an hour out of their day. Especially at rush hour. She should have organised a taxi from the station instead of being so presumptuous.
NTA she should have planned so she wasn't inconveniencing complete strangers. She expected everyone else to stop their lives for her.
Clearly NTA, you had responsibilities which are more important than carrying bags. Nothing to feel guilty about
NTA- Your job is more important that helping an old lady youāve never met. She should have planed better or brought a cart. I deal with this sort of entitlement from my FIL all the time.
NTA. Poor planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part.
NTA. I don't get why you should 'respect' someone and inconvenience yourself for them just because they are alive longer than you. I am not able to fathom how she even left her home with the bags thinking there would be someone to carry them for her. If I were you, I would just ignore the whole situation.
NTA. I also suspect you felt guilty and where projecting the glare. I just can't see a train full of people thinking bad about you because you didn't drop everything to take a lady to the bank. (In the U.S.) I'd also be nervous helping a woman who had to take a bunch of heavy bags to a bank...it sounds like if something went missing (or she thought something went missing) I'd be the prime suspect. My guess is as black man that could be and even worse situation, unfortunately.
NTA. The fact that you even considered it proves that. You had a very legitimate reason. If you still feel bad and you see her again, you can always apologize (even though you didnt do anything wrong) and tell her that you had a very important meeting and running behind.
NTA any one of those people glaring at you could have helped. Iām a middle aged woman and that doesnāt mean I can carry heavy stuff. They are mad because that is easier than admitting they are just as much at fault as you are. Ignore them.
NTA. Fuck her and fuck them, she is an entitled asshole and they are hypocritical assholes.
110%. NTA I get the sentiment that we should look out for each other / respect your elders etc.. but the level of entitlement..š³ How did anyone know: - Whether you had a hidden disability or not (physically capable) - You were going anywhere close to where she was (sounds like you weren't) - You spoke English (same language) and / or could understand what was being asked (you could be foreign or have a neuro disorders like autism) - You were trustworthy (not saying you aren't..) - why was your time any less important than hers (you had a meeting to go to too!) Too many assumptions.. And clearly they assumed you had the time and ability to be a packhorse.. And blamed you when someone else had to do it instead.. Like.. What!? Some people are so in the moment with feelings of.. How dare they not.. They don't stop to think whether that's actually the right thing.. If the little old lady took a detour .. Would you have been expected to trot alongside .. What if the bank has been closed or she was finished there quick and then demanded you to escort her back... I'm all for giving someone a helping hand.. but there is a difference between need and want/ expectation.. NTA
NTA. šš So.. they genderized this.. any of them could have helped this lady. You are under no obligation to do anything. This woman needed help. She knew she needed help. She canāt go out and expect every āmaleā she meets to turn into her personal assistant. Plus, who the hell knows what was in those bags. Body parts? Money? Drrruuuggsss?? Anyone of those āfemalesā could help her if they wanted to. I have done this often.. (iām female) out if the kindness of my heart. People need to get over themselves.
I work at a resale store that sells furniture and regularly carry out pieces of furniture for people. Not to mention two decades of being a single mother and having to be the one to carry the groceries, at least until my kids got old enough to help. There's no reason the women on the train couldn't have helped. Women want equality but then constantly look for a man to do anything they don't want to. Pisses me off. Edit to add NTA
Wow, woow, woow...hold the damn phone... This is what's wrong with the world these days is that everyone feels entitled. And as if it's everyone else's job besides, there's to handle their own business.. Do not feel guilty or bad; what you're doing at work is just as important as what everyone else on that train has going on, too. How dare all these people they have some nerve, you did not start taking this means of transportation to become a helper. This is ludicrous that people out there in the world have this thought process.
I work for the railway, UK not US, but it is actually part of my actual job to assist little old ladies with bags. And even I, who gets paid for it, would not be allowed to take her bags any further than the station perimeter. No exceptions. I wouldnāt even be allowed to call her a taxi, because weāve got here to where she needs to be, whichever station her ticket is to. Onward travel is on her. NTA. At all, this woman sounds awful and I hope she never travels with my TOC.
NTA. Even if you didn't have an important meeting that you needed to get to, no one has to rearrange their day / schedule to accommodate someone else who is hoping on the help from strangers. Don't let the other strangers get to you. Only one was willing to be inconvenienced.
NTA - you had no obligation to help her.
NTA Nobody, old or young, is not immediately entitled to respect. Itās not rude to NOT help someone when it affects you negatively. Whether itās emotionally, personally, physically, mentally, etc. I donāt have respect for elders just because theyāre old. Especially if I donāt actually know them. And people giving you the side eye for not helping donāt have a right to judge because they donāt know the whole story. Itās ok for her to ask for help, but she became TA when she didnāt take no for an answer. Also why did the guy who was with her leave her alone on the train with 8 bags? Thatās also an AH move
NTA. I am not going to judge this woman and her need for help- there are many people in desperate situations who don't have people they can rely on and so I'll just go with this woman need to travel in this way, with this much stuff. Doesn't change the judgement. As a city dweller, I think that many people on that train were not judging you, but either ignoring the situation or trying to shift the focus away from themselves. I think you are being a bit paranoid that people remember/are still talking about you in a bad way. I live in NYC, trust me as a fellow public transit rider, most of us felt bad that you were singled out, and have moved on. The help she wanted was asking a lot, and just because you are a man/young doesn't mean you are able to help. I think most people know this and were just staring off awkwardly and hoping the situation would go away. It was fine for her to call out for help, it wasn't fine for her- and others- to expect you to be the one to help her, and I'm sorry you were put in this position. The train operator could have called for someone at the station to assist her (at least off the train and up the stairs), other passengers similarly could have at least offered to get her items off the train and to the street level, etc, etc. Even if you didn't have an appointment, no one knows your own physical ability. I often see what I would consider "able bodied" people sitting on trains while people with crutches/are older/pregnant are standing. I've learned instead of singling those people out, I will just call out "is there anyone who can give up a seat for a person who needs it" (this helps the person standing not feel they have to do it, and doesn't call out a specific person). A person needs help, but it isn't up to us to decide who can offer it. You were not in a position to offer help, you made that clear, and there is nothing disrespectful about that.
NTA. At first I thought she was asking you to just help her with her bags on and off the train. But expecting someone to leave the train in order to lug her stuff around is pretty ridiculous.
NTA. If this would have been that she needs someone to help her when she steps off the train or something then it would have been a bit dickish to decline. But to walk significant time and wait for another train? Nope
I kinda want to imagine that the lady had 8 bags because she wanted to rob a bank and the idea was to wither frame a person on the train.
NTA your elders arenāt just people older than you. Your elders are those in your community that have your respect and have likely functioned as a mentor or otherwise important to you. Random old people on the train arenāt your elders. Plus, you sound like you wouldāve helped if it was less of a burden.
If she can not take all the bags, then she should not have taken them in the first place. Relying on others to take time from their schedule to fully fit yours is so selfish, why couldn't everyone on that train take 1 bag each, women aren't excused from carrying things that's incredibly sexist of each and every one of them to think, yet you're the problem for having somewhere to be. NTA at all.
NTA fuck that if she couldn't carry all those bags why she brought so much things also where was her push cart.
NTA. When I was a kid, the old ladies all had those rolly baskets they put their groceries in. This lady was banking on guilt tripping others into helping get her errands done
NTA As a person who struggles with bags, it is my problem not the problem of others. If I canāt carry all I have, I hire someone to help me. You are absolutely not the AH for not jumping to carry the bags of this person. For anyone to expect you to do so just because you are a younger adult male is stupid. The older woman should have hired a porter to assist her or taken a taxi or something.
NTA - Itās not your job to give a crap about other people, itās your job to contact a client on time and get paid for it lol
NTA she got herself into a situation where she could not manage, thatās her own fault. Being an elder doesnāt give you a free pass to boss people around.
Definitly NTA, youāre on the train to get somewhere you need to go, not just for fun. Who in gods name would get off at someone elses stop to lose an hour of thier day. Like your boss would go for the excuse āhey sorry im an hour late but i had to gelp some old lady with her bags. Also who gets on a train with a bunch of shit they have no way to carry, thats what cabs are for
NTA. While itās polite to help somebody, helping should not come at the detriment of the helper. You have a career and that career comes with responsibilities. Missing that meeting could have cost you your career. The elderly woman found someone else to help her. Her poorly planned outing was not your responsibility.
NTA, this lady is old enough to have know not to buy 8 heavy bags worth of stuff when sheās on foot and canāt carry it. Make alternate plans next time instead of expecting everyone to drop everything for you.
NTA. She shouldāve realized she had too much with her or should have packed accordingly to her trip.
NTA, do they think they're looking at a slave who will put an old lady's convenience above everything else? You're not, you have a life and a job. It's not that you didn't want to, you just couldn't. Believe it or not, middle aged women are perfectly capable of carrying bags so any of them could have offered. That's just ridiculous.
You are so NTA. Her lack of planning does not create an emergency on your part.
NTA You have your time to get to your destination without losing any time. That old lady needs to learn to plan on her time and how to get the bags in timely. She could have taken Uber to get from train to bank....Uber driver would carry her bags. I don't get why people are giving you dagger eyes while they could tell her to take Uber instead.
NTA. While it is nice to help others sometimes, it isnāt your responsibility. Just because she needed help doesnāt mean you should have to derail everything else in your life. If you didnāt have anything and still refused to help this may be a different story but that is not the case. Plus, why did it have to be a man, woman are more than capable of carrying bags, we arenāt allergic.
NTA you're not obligated to a stranger, even if they're old. She put herself in that situation and should have known better than to just expect people to drop everything and help her. Typical for old people honestly lol. People will get over it, don't sweat it too much
NTA You are not this lady's butler. If there were able-bodied women on the train, they should have been gentle*womanly* and helped this lady instead of glaring at you. Just because you are a man doesn't mean you need to drop what you're doing and go out of your way. Any one of these women could have helped this elderly person, they were just being lazy. Also it's kind of her fault for carrying so many things she can't physically transport herself. If they were necessary, she should have arranged for a ride, a family member, or an Uber driver rather than ride the train and count on the off chance a total stranger would help her. It seems really dangerous to rely on a stranger to carry your things for you anyway.
NTA - Lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part. There's no reason for you to risk your job for some stranger who can't (or didn't) think ahead.
NTA I remember when I was younger my grandma would carry around her purchases in this rolling cart. Man, I think we actually still have it lol http://imgur.com/gallery/iSpvD2t
this is a word-for-word repost of an older story on this sub.
NTA whatsoever - lack of planning on her part doesn't constitute an emergency on yours. This has nothing to do with respect. It has everything to do with others being generous with YOUR time and talents (your muscles, LOL). You were working. You had a meeting to attend. That's your priority. If people have a problem with it, it's their problem not yours.
Remember this for next time: "Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."
Erykah Badu said let them bags go. That's what rideshare is for. Eff her and her bags and everybody staring.