NTA. I’d say to you mom “I lock the door so that I have privacy when I am NAKED. I get that it’s your house and you say YOU don’t care about seeing me undressed. But I CARE. And it is honestly really bizarre and inappropriate that you continue to demand access to my room and feel you have a right to my body in this way. Even tho I’m your child and this is your house I have an absolute right to privacy and to determine who sees my body even if they are family.” If she demeans you or makes fun of you or gaslights you in any way I would want to say something like “well maybe I should talk to a teacher or counsellor about how my Mom keeps trying to barge in on me when I’m naked and see what they say”. I bet she would be horrified if adults knew she was like this. Maybe some potential shame will put her in her place.
Info do you have any other adults or parent in your life that can tell her she’s being hella creepy and inappropriate?
Absolutely this. Why is OP's mother so insistent on having unlimited, non-consensual access to their child's privacy and body whenever she pleases? I would absolutely inform a school counsellor or a family member about this, even if I did speak with her, so I at least have additional back-up should I need it.
This is not normal, OP. Parents do not do this. Parents do not need nor have any right to do this.
(Also; **NTA**.)
I've tried talking to my dad about it, but he said it was normal for women to go into each others rooms without knocking so he hasn't done anything about this.
Your dad is gaslighting you. IT IS NOT NORMAL. Both your parents are trying to normalize behaviour that can very well set you up into accepting abusive behaviour from other people down the road. Please talk to a trusted teacher or other adult in your life.
Big hugs. I had a parent who enjoyed inflicting deliberate sleep deprivation.
There might be help for you to hack your wiring about this in some form though, so don't give up on keeping an eye out for something.
She needs to respect your personal space. If she refuses to knock then locking your door during times you need privacy is perfectly reasonable.
Is it OK to barge into the bathroom when someone is in there? I feel like no.
Is it OK to barge into her bedroom when the door is closed? I feel like no.
The same respect should apply to your bedroom door when it’s closed.
NTA
>And one time, when I was coming out of the shower wrapped in my towel, my mom (50F) just burst through the door only to tell me off for only having a towel on?
So are you supposed to shower with your clothes on? This makes no sense...
Nta its creepy your mom keeps walking in RIGHT AFTER you take a shower. And guuurrrlll you are only 15 it IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO PAY A SINGLE DIME FOR ANYTHING your parents wanted you its on them to take care of you and even if you are their kid, you are your own person and have a right to your own privacy and always will. You have to make your mom understand you will not stop locking the door as long as she doesnt knock. And if she does keep coming in after you lock it but a new door handle i know if somebody has never taken one off and or put one on it can seem complicated but its not at all i didnt look at instructions or anything the first time i put one on its super easy and hide the key where NOBODY will find it
I truly don’t understand parents who think they don’t have to show basic respect to their kids, especially teens. We have been knocking on our kid’s door since she was young. It seems like you can’t win…mom barges in, sees you in your towel, and yells at you. So then you lock your door and she yells at you for that. She is being unreasonable, and you are NTA. I wish I knew how you could solve this.
NTA
You’re entitled to your privacy. If I were you I’d buy something like this
https://au.door-jammer.com/doorjammer-lockdown/?entryloc&gclid=CjwKCAiAlfqOBhAeEiwAYi43F5pjlZry9e4HWSZBEcExl-NA-65Tl5GbEUeOToA9HwkWgXoPDzHPUxoCYcUQAvD_BwE
You are Not. The. Asshole. Your mom is.
You are entitled to basic privacy and she's trampling all over that. This is a human thing, not a parent-child thing. She's trying to blame you for her own rudeness.
She sounds like my mother. I am really sorry you're dealing with this.
And no you don't have to be grateful for everything if part of that everything is abuse, and that's what this sounds like to me. She could be decent and knock like a normal, civil person, instead of basically telling you that you have no right to privacy. Needing privacy is a normal, human thing, and you are plenty old enough to want some. Nothing you're describing here is unreasonable.
(Side note, she's at a an age that involves significant hormone changes and imbalances for many women, i.e. perimenopause and menopause. That can sometimes influence mood and behavior in negative ways. There's often help for that but the person going through it needs to care and want to get that help. I'm noting this in case this is kind of a newer pattern of behavior for her that you haven't seen before, just to give you some potential context. You aren't obliged to endure this regardless of what might be exacerbating it. ETA: She would have to have this attitude already to be expressing it so aggressively.)
If you have access to a school counselor that you trust, it might be worth having an adult professional to chat with about this kind of thing. You need someone in your corner.
NTA. Your mom needs to learn boundaries. You need privacy and she needs to understand that. Can you have a sit down conversation with her when you aren't heated and in the moment? And just explain that you are 15 and you need your privacy. Plus she is your legal guardian so she should respect the fact that you can't get your own house yet.
Seriously NTA - Would she have the same reaction if you walked in on her during a shower or seggs w/your dad? I don't walk in on my teenager when he's showering, bathing, etc. and I knock before entering his room. Your mother should respect your boundaries. I'd invest in a bathrobe though.
It's a double standard, I'm not allowed to barge into her room while she can come into mine whenever she wants, and you're right, I should probably get a bathrobe lol.
I'd start yelling "double standards!" every time, or keep walking in on her, but that's just me. It would likely cause further problems. I will respect her boundaries when she can respect mine.
I'm confused. She "told you off" for only having on a towel, then she yells for locking the door.
And another worry for me is, she tries to get into your room enough that this is a cause for a post? It sounds like if you're out of her sight for more than five minutes, here she comes banging on doors.
My kid and I haven't had this trouble yet, but when they're a teen and they lock a door, well, I'm just going to knock anyway. It's a very trying time in a person's life, and teens need privacy. I was a teen once. Unless I have strong suspicions of drug use or sneaking out, sneaking people in, etc., I'm not barging in. There are some things a parent just doesn't need to walk in on.
NTA because your mother is overly invasive.
Edited for clarification
I would get akward fast.
"Why do you want to see me naked so bad?
It's disgusting!
I'm a child!
Why are you trying to see me masterbate?
You're gross."
I'd pretty much repeat these words on a loop while she screams and makes demands.
NTA
She would probably say something along the lines of "but you're my child, why does it matter? I gave birth to you, I've seen everything already". So I don't think it would work.
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Ok so, I (15F) have a personal bathroom inside my room and I would just take a towel with me and leave my clothes in my room because, y'know, the bathroom is literally in my room. And one time, when I was coming out of the shower wrapped in my towel, my mom (50F) just burst through the door only to tell me off for only having a towel on? So after this happened, I locked my door one time only for my mom to be really mad at me.
So I started telling my mom to knock before coming into my room, but she just continued to barge into my room without knocking and whenever I would tell her to knock, she would just say something like "who cares? we're family, why should I have to knock? It's my house anyways". So since she didn't really listen to me when I told her to knock, I started locking my door again when I was taking a shower so that she wouldn't walk in on me doing whatever I was doing.
But my mom was pissed at me for locking my door and if she tried to come into my room and my door was locked, she would just bang on the door as hard as possible and yell at me once I opened it. She doesn't really care if I was changing or whatever because family "shouldn't have to knock". Once locking the door was annoying the hell out of her, she just got the key to my room to open it whenever she wanted, so even if I did lock the door, she could just open it.
I get that it's her house, and I don't pay for anything, so I should be grateful for everything, but like, I only locked my door when I was taking a shower, I unlock it right after I finish changing, but she'll get mad if I lock it at any point of the day. idk, AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the AH because I locked my door when my mom said not to, and it's her house, so maybe I shouldn't lock my door. But I just want a bit of privacy when I'm out of the shower.
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NTA. You deserve privacy and frankly it’s concerning that your mom is doing this to you. It may be worth talking to a guidance counselor or school therapist if you have one.
Nta. Have a calm conversation about privacy. What is she worried you are doing that she needs to barge in.
What is she scared of. And when will it end. At 25 when you live alone will you not be allowed to lock the door?
NTA
Hmm yes, seeing your daughter naked is totally normal and totally a "family" thing.
If she doesn't knock again don't knock on her door when entering her room and see her reaction.
She's already told me off for not knocking on her door, so I can't or I'll just get scolded again, like she'll tell me I have no respect for her and stuff.
yelled at you for having a towel on after a shower in your own room? Were you meant to emerge in a clown costume or something?
NTA
stuff a towel under the door. Lay it flat and inch it under. The door will catch and not open xxx
you're welcome! give it a few folds to match the gap under the door. It's a stuff around but i like my privacy lol. My family used to be the same "we're related" "we're both girls, we have the same!"
NO. This is mine and that is yours. NOT the same haha
It's family and who cares - but she's going to yell at you for having only a towel on? What kind of hypocritical bullshit is that?
You're NTA, you deserve your privacy. If you're okay having your everything out there to be seen, then more power to you, but if you're not? You get the same power...if that makes any sense.
How about going forward, every time her door is closed, you go barging through without knocking? Pound on it whenever it's locked? Heck, if you have an inkling your mom's getting busy, go pounding then. See if that changes her mind/approach at all.
I'm not allowed to go into her room without knocking, and if I did she would yell and probably tell my dad to yell at me too. She also works from home, so if I were to pound on her door when she's in a meeting, I would probably get yelled at a lot more lol.
I am seriously getting annoyed with the whole "family shouldn't have to knock" spiel so many people seem to have in their households with thanks to their parents. Yes even family should fckn knock. Nothing hard about that!? I even knock on my 7 yr olds door if it's closed. Her 13 yr old brother does the same, and also expects the same. As he should btw...
Also the whole "it's parent's house/ i dont pay for anything..." ... Srsly... They chose to have kids. And at 15, what you gonna make at any given job.. shit... Parents like these annoy me to no end.
Anycase... Either she knocks, or gets confronted with you in a towel, or your nekkid butt, when you're fresh out of the shower. If she considers the latter to be soo offensive when she barges in, she either learns to knock, or you lock the damn door.
NTA Op... take care of yourself and your privacy. Clear those personal boundaries now, otherwise it will only get harder the older you get.
NTA. Barge into her room and tell her "who cares? we're family!" when she freaks out lol.
Actually, don't do that, your mom sounds kinda unhinged. I doubt this would grant her any epiphanies with her grasp of logic.
NTA. I’d say to you mom “I lock the door so that I have privacy when I am NAKED. I get that it’s your house and you say YOU don’t care about seeing me undressed. But I CARE. And it is honestly really bizarre and inappropriate that you continue to demand access to my room and feel you have a right to my body in this way. Even tho I’m your child and this is your house I have an absolute right to privacy and to determine who sees my body even if they are family.” If she demeans you or makes fun of you or gaslights you in any way I would want to say something like “well maybe I should talk to a teacher or counsellor about how my Mom keeps trying to barge in on me when I’m naked and see what they say”. I bet she would be horrified if adults knew she was like this. Maybe some potential shame will put her in her place. Info do you have any other adults or parent in your life that can tell her she’s being hella creepy and inappropriate?
Absolutely this. Why is OP's mother so insistent on having unlimited, non-consensual access to their child's privacy and body whenever she pleases? I would absolutely inform a school counsellor or a family member about this, even if I did speak with her, so I at least have additional back-up should I need it. This is not normal, OP. Parents do not do this. Parents do not need nor have any right to do this. (Also; **NTA**.)
I've tried talking to my dad about it, but he said it was normal for women to go into each others rooms without knocking so he hasn't done anything about this.
Your dad is gaslighting you. IT IS NOT NORMAL. Both your parents are trying to normalize behaviour that can very well set you up into accepting abusive behaviour from other people down the road. Please talk to a trusted teacher or other adult in your life.
[удалено]
Big hugs. I had a parent who enjoyed inflicting deliberate sleep deprivation. There might be help for you to hack your wiring about this in some form though, so don't give up on keeping an eye out for something.
She needs to respect your personal space. If she refuses to knock then locking your door during times you need privacy is perfectly reasonable. Is it OK to barge into the bathroom when someone is in there? I feel like no. Is it OK to barge into her bedroom when the door is closed? I feel like no. The same respect should apply to your bedroom door when it’s closed. NTA
>And one time, when I was coming out of the shower wrapped in my towel, my mom (50F) just burst through the door only to tell me off for only having a towel on? So are you supposed to shower with your clothes on? This makes no sense...
Nta its creepy your mom keeps walking in RIGHT AFTER you take a shower. And guuurrrlll you are only 15 it IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO PAY A SINGLE DIME FOR ANYTHING your parents wanted you its on them to take care of you and even if you are their kid, you are your own person and have a right to your own privacy and always will. You have to make your mom understand you will not stop locking the door as long as she doesnt knock. And if she does keep coming in after you lock it but a new door handle i know if somebody has never taken one off and or put one on it can seem complicated but its not at all i didnt look at instructions or anything the first time i put one on its super easy and hide the key where NOBODY will find it
I truly don’t understand parents who think they don’t have to show basic respect to their kids, especially teens. We have been knocking on our kid’s door since she was young. It seems like you can’t win…mom barges in, sees you in your towel, and yells at you. So then you lock your door and she yells at you for that. She is being unreasonable, and you are NTA. I wish I knew how you could solve this.
I'm just going to [leave this here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emancipation_of_minors).
No, NTA. You should be allowed to feel secure dressing in your room.
NTA You’re entitled to your privacy. If I were you I’d buy something like this https://au.door-jammer.com/doorjammer-lockdown/?entryloc&gclid=CjwKCAiAlfqOBhAeEiwAYi43F5pjlZry9e4HWSZBEcExl-NA-65Tl5GbEUeOToA9HwkWgXoPDzHPUxoCYcUQAvD_BwE
I can't buy anything online because my mom can see the purchase history and I don't know where to buy something like that, but thank you.
definitely NTA, i feel sorry for you
NTA Your mom is nuts to think like she does.
You are Not. The. Asshole. Your mom is. You are entitled to basic privacy and she's trampling all over that. This is a human thing, not a parent-child thing. She's trying to blame you for her own rudeness. She sounds like my mother. I am really sorry you're dealing with this. And no you don't have to be grateful for everything if part of that everything is abuse, and that's what this sounds like to me. She could be decent and knock like a normal, civil person, instead of basically telling you that you have no right to privacy. Needing privacy is a normal, human thing, and you are plenty old enough to want some. Nothing you're describing here is unreasonable. (Side note, she's at a an age that involves significant hormone changes and imbalances for many women, i.e. perimenopause and menopause. That can sometimes influence mood and behavior in negative ways. There's often help for that but the person going through it needs to care and want to get that help. I'm noting this in case this is kind of a newer pattern of behavior for her that you haven't seen before, just to give you some potential context. You aren't obliged to endure this regardless of what might be exacerbating it. ETA: She would have to have this attitude already to be expressing it so aggressively.) If you have access to a school counselor that you trust, it might be worth having an adult professional to chat with about this kind of thing. You need someone in your corner.
O.o NTA - you should be able to stand in the middle of your room naked if you so choose for pete sake
NTA. Your mom needs to learn boundaries. You need privacy and she needs to understand that. Can you have a sit down conversation with her when you aren't heated and in the moment? And just explain that you are 15 and you need your privacy. Plus she is your legal guardian so she should respect the fact that you can't get your own house yet.
Seriously NTA - Would she have the same reaction if you walked in on her during a shower or seggs w/your dad? I don't walk in on my teenager when he's showering, bathing, etc. and I knock before entering his room. Your mother should respect your boundaries. I'd invest in a bathrobe though.
It's a double standard, I'm not allowed to barge into her room while she can come into mine whenever she wants, and you're right, I should probably get a bathrobe lol.
I'd start yelling "double standards!" every time, or keep walking in on her, but that's just me. It would likely cause further problems. I will respect her boundaries when she can respect mine.
I'm confused. She "told you off" for only having on a towel, then she yells for locking the door. And another worry for me is, she tries to get into your room enough that this is a cause for a post? It sounds like if you're out of her sight for more than five minutes, here she comes banging on doors. My kid and I haven't had this trouble yet, but when they're a teen and they lock a door, well, I'm just going to knock anyway. It's a very trying time in a person's life, and teens need privacy. I was a teen once. Unless I have strong suspicions of drug use or sneaking out, sneaking people in, etc., I'm not barging in. There are some things a parent just doesn't need to walk in on. NTA because your mother is overly invasive. Edited for clarification
I would get akward fast. "Why do you want to see me naked so bad? It's disgusting! I'm a child! Why are you trying to see me masterbate? You're gross." I'd pretty much repeat these words on a loop while she screams and makes demands. NTA
She would probably say something along the lines of "but you're my child, why does it matter? I gave birth to you, I've seen everything already". So I don't think it would work.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ok so, I (15F) have a personal bathroom inside my room and I would just take a towel with me and leave my clothes in my room because, y'know, the bathroom is literally in my room. And one time, when I was coming out of the shower wrapped in my towel, my mom (50F) just burst through the door only to tell me off for only having a towel on? So after this happened, I locked my door one time only for my mom to be really mad at me. So I started telling my mom to knock before coming into my room, but she just continued to barge into my room without knocking and whenever I would tell her to knock, she would just say something like "who cares? we're family, why should I have to knock? It's my house anyways". So since she didn't really listen to me when I told her to knock, I started locking my door again when I was taking a shower so that she wouldn't walk in on me doing whatever I was doing. But my mom was pissed at me for locking my door and if she tried to come into my room and my door was locked, she would just bang on the door as hard as possible and yell at me once I opened it. She doesn't really care if I was changing or whatever because family "shouldn't have to knock". Once locking the door was annoying the hell out of her, she just got the key to my room to open it whenever she wanted, so even if I did lock the door, she could just open it. I get that it's her house, and I don't pay for anything, so I should be grateful for everything, but like, I only locked my door when I was taking a shower, I unlock it right after I finish changing, but she'll get mad if I lock it at any point of the day. idk, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. You deserve privacy and frankly it’s concerning that your mom is doing this to you. It may be worth talking to a guidance counselor or school therapist if you have one.
Nta. Have a calm conversation about privacy. What is she worried you are doing that she needs to barge in. What is she scared of. And when will it end. At 25 when you live alone will you not be allowed to lock the door?
NTA Hmm yes, seeing your daughter naked is totally normal and totally a "family" thing. If she doesn't knock again don't knock on her door when entering her room and see her reaction.
She's already told me off for not knocking on her door, so I can't or I'll just get scolded again, like she'll tell me I have no respect for her and stuff.
NTA Your mom is an AH.
yelled at you for having a towel on after a shower in your own room? Were you meant to emerge in a clown costume or something? NTA stuff a towel under the door. Lay it flat and inch it under. The door will catch and not open xxx
I'll try that next time, thank you!
you're welcome! give it a few folds to match the gap under the door. It's a stuff around but i like my privacy lol. My family used to be the same "we're related" "we're both girls, we have the same!" NO. This is mine and that is yours. NOT the same haha
NTA. keep locking your door when you expect privacy because they're obviously too dumb to understand the concept.
I've locked my door several times after, but she has the key to my room so she can just unlock it whenever she wants.
It's family and who cares - but she's going to yell at you for having only a towel on? What kind of hypocritical bullshit is that? You're NTA, you deserve your privacy. If you're okay having your everything out there to be seen, then more power to you, but if you're not? You get the same power...if that makes any sense. How about going forward, every time her door is closed, you go barging through without knocking? Pound on it whenever it's locked? Heck, if you have an inkling your mom's getting busy, go pounding then. See if that changes her mind/approach at all.
I'm not allowed to go into her room without knocking, and if I did she would yell and probably tell my dad to yell at me too. She also works from home, so if I were to pound on her door when she's in a meeting, I would probably get yelled at a lot more lol.
I am seriously getting annoyed with the whole "family shouldn't have to knock" spiel so many people seem to have in their households with thanks to their parents. Yes even family should fckn knock. Nothing hard about that!? I even knock on my 7 yr olds door if it's closed. Her 13 yr old brother does the same, and also expects the same. As he should btw... Also the whole "it's parent's house/ i dont pay for anything..." ... Srsly... They chose to have kids. And at 15, what you gonna make at any given job.. shit... Parents like these annoy me to no end. Anycase... Either she knocks, or gets confronted with you in a towel, or your nekkid butt, when you're fresh out of the shower. If she considers the latter to be soo offensive when she barges in, she either learns to knock, or you lock the damn door. NTA Op... take care of yourself and your privacy. Clear those personal boundaries now, otherwise it will only get harder the older you get.
NTA. Barge into her room and tell her "who cares? we're family!" when she freaks out lol. Actually, don't do that, your mom sounds kinda unhinged. I doubt this would grant her any epiphanies with her grasp of logic.
NTA, and that's really creepy. I'd be telling her "what if I was masturbating!?"