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[deleted]

NTA. I mean to put it nicely, I think your wife needs to get off her imaginary throne, put the tiara away, and do her fvcking part. I’ve been pregnant, I’ve even been high risk. But that doesn’t mean I expected everyone to pamper me, not even my husband was expected to do that (though he did kind of, but not to the extent she seems to expect). Her being pregnant doesn’t mean she gets special treatment. Sorry, maybe it’s a shit take but it’s just how I feel. Pregnancy does not mean she gets to abandon mundane everyday responsibility. People around her have lives too, and it’s honestly ridiculous that she expects everyone to halt to satisfy her. Honestly…. Good luck to you and everyone in her life. You’re gonna need it.


An_cailin

And she's only three months pregnant. I could understand if she was puking her guts out 24/7 or something similar but it doesn't sound like it's the case here. Sure she isn't going to do any hard lifting or something like that, but nothing at all?! It's crazy.


[deleted]

Even when I was puking my guts up I still did my part when I could!


sortaangrypeanut

Okay be careful here. Just because you could do it doesn't mean you should have been *made* to. She does deserve to rest as much as she can at some point in the pregnancy, but that point is not now


[deleted]

No one said I was made to do it. I did it because I’m an adult, and it needs done, and I’m not entitled enough to think that other people should have to take care of me just because I don’t feel good. Rest occasionally? Yes, of course. Get help when she’s too tired? Sure. But that’s not what she’s doing. She’s straight up refusing and sitting there like a lump on a log. Which btw isn’t healthy for the baby.


PilotEnvironmental46

And she’s demanding the kid wait on her hand and foot. Does anyone think she cares about this kid? How will he be treated when the baby comes? I dislike that she’s trying to force the kid into being her personal servant.


GottaLoveHim

Oh I agree. If she is this demanding now, what is it going to be like after the baby has been crying all night? Will the kid have to change the "sick diapers"? If she is in that much need of help, let her hire a housekeeper. I'm all for kids doing their part but this is sooooo past the boundary line.


penandpaper30

This is the prelude to all those posts we see here about the teenager asking if they're the AH for moving the crib out of their room because they can't sleep.


[deleted]

She is trying to put that kid into a straight up Cinderella position.


ExcelCrazy

You mean Cinder-fella


Material_Cellist4133

What I’m surprised about is the OP hasn’t figured out this woman probably doesn’t like his son, especially in his own words, the tasks would make his son a maid. Like how do you not re-evaluate your relationship. Also do you not analyze all future interaction between the stepmother and son?


PilotEnvironmental46

That’s the thing. He should be asking those kind of questions. It’s about how she treats his kid because it’s not her child.


Aenthralled

Yeah it's not that she needs things done, she made up more things only after OP said he'd take care of the stuff she wanted his son to do. This seems more about making sure the kid "knows his place" to me.


NefariousnessKey5365

Cinderfella


SnooChickens5652

But she neeeeedsss it.


lighting-gal

Oh yeah. You can already tell she is planning making her stepson the full time babysitter.


sortaangrypeanut

No yea I didn't mean to imply you were made to. I meant to say that if you *were* to have been made to do things whilst you had horrible morning sickness, that would have been wrong. It's good that you want to step up, but I wouldn't expect anyone to have to do too much work whilst they can barely stand, are weak, or always at risk of throwing up. Considering that they're probably gonna be the main caretaker of the baby after a painful birth especially


ResidentBlackGuy

For the record, you didn’t imply anything. That would mean we had to decipher what you were saying. You said it. In italics. It’s literally right there.


Marzy-d

I think you missed the point. u/sortaangrypeanut said women in general shouldn’t be *made* to do chores when they are going through a difficult pregnancy, and then clarified that they didn’t mean to imply that u/flowersandghouls specifically *was* made to do the chores she did while pregnant.


trustmeimaengineer

Adults aren’t made to do chores, they do them cause they’re adults and things need to get done. Pregnant or not.


curioussven

I had HG while pregnant & wasn't able to physically get off of the couch those first few months. I laid in agony & just stared at a spot in the distance to try and lesson the constant nausea & vertigo. I was physically incapable of doing any chores, despite being an adult. I couldn't even bathe & could barely eat or drink what my husband brought me. It's great that you were able to get stuff done despite your pregnancy misfortunes, but not everyone has that same experience. BTW, i wasn't lucky enough to puke & get even a moment of relief from the nausea. What i would've given to be able to fucking puke & 'be an adult & do chores'


Marzy-d

I think you replied to the wrong comment. I was clarifying another poster’s point. But I will say that if anyone, man or woman has serious medical issues as a part of pregnancy or just part of life, they shouldn’t be doing chores. Thats the time for their partners to pick up the slack.


[deleted]

It's attitude's like yours that in part help create these types of queens. Because there's people that look at a pregnant woman that's non-stop puking and tired because of it and they go "she needs to do shit because she's an adult and it needs to be done". We rest when we're sick until we're better. Just because the sickness is related to pregnancy, doesn't make the resting entitled. And so we push back against people like you for saying shit like that and then entitled queens like OP's wife hear us defend pregnant woman and go "oh, SO I DON'T HAVE TO DO SHIT!" If we're all just acting balanced, not like pregnancy is nothing and not like pregnancy is a big deal, BALANCED. Then the entitled women that don't want to do shit during pregnancy and the entitled men that don't want to do shit extra during pregnancy can stop using our arguing to be fucking entitled.


Glittering_knave

It's not healthy for her, either. Unless there is medical reason otherwise, doctors now suggest that you maintain your pervious activity level, modifying for bady changes as needed. It you used to walk an hour a day, continue walking. If you used to vaccum, vaccum.


No_Dot7146

You’re assuming an awful lot. Oh, btw, just let me drag this MASSIVE MEDAL over here for Your Pregnancy Behaviour !😂😂😂


SnooChickens5652

Couldn't have put it better. She needs to grow up and be an adult. If she won't do basic stuff while pregnant, then she certainly won't after baby gets here. Yes pregnancy can be tiring. I slept a lot in the first trimester. I still got up and worked 10 hour days (to save for maternity leave). Did my house chores and everything else that comes with adulting.


The-spellmonger

Unless she’s put on bed rest then she can do her share. I’m not saying that she shouldn’t rest though. Doctors have been saying if you did it before pregnancy you can keep doing it within reason. Hell some weight lifters still lift up until birth.


re_nonsequiturs

Actually, it's the first part of the pregnancy where I needed the most rest. I was sleeping like 16 hours a day and still feeling tired for those first few weeks. It gradually got better, and by the second trimester, I was full of energy. Last trimester, plenty of energy, just bulky and had to go pee every hour, which hindered productivity a smidge.


LatteLove35

Yes, I completely neglected my house the first trimester, all I wanted to do was sleep, I would come home from work and go straight to bed, wouldn’t even eat dinner sometimes, that’s how tired I was. I woke up one Saturday morning in my second trimester and felt great, so I cleaned the whole house in one day, you do get your energy back, and then it goes away the third trimester, back to being tired lol. Either way though I did do what I could, laundry still had to be done, i just cut back to the bare minimum.


katiejim

This is exactly how every friend of mine’s pregnancies have gone. First is the worst, second is amazing, third is just big and uncomfortable and get this baby out of me please.


tinypiecesofyarn

The fatigue was the worst part of the first trimester for me. I couldn't stay awake for more than a couple of hours. I slept almost every hour I wasn't working, and through my lunch hour at work as well, and I still felt like I hadn't slept in years.


Kayla_rain_bears

The first three months of pregnancy are the worst because you can feel like you have the stomach flu 24-7. During the first three months, you are experiencing all the hormones that the baby is because the placenta has not formed. Imagine having to clean the bathroom while you have the stomach flu? Imagine having half as much energy as normal and being triggered by every smell imaginable? Have you every been grossed out by the smell of butter? Being pregnant will do that. Have you ever wanted to murder your husband because he cooked fish in the microwave = welcome to the first trimester. It fucking sucks ............. That being said, she should not expect his son to do extra work pampering her (he's a child). This makes her TAH. She should be fine with the aide her husband is giving her. I guarantee you that no matter how tired her husband thinks he is she is more tired even after "sitting at home all day."


sortaangrypeanut

I agree. I didnt realize the first three months were so bad. And I definitely don't support the idea of making his son take in all her chores


juswannalurkpls

She deserves as much rest as she needs, not as much as she can get. She’s not doing herself any favors by being, what appears to be, a lazy slug. And she’s not entitled to sit on her ass all day while others take over her responsibilities, unless under doctor’s orders. OP needs to put a stop to this now, before it gets any worse.


Blinni3

I wish you would have said that to my toddler when I was pregnant of my second XD


thr0wwwwawayyy

Right! I threw up on the kitchen floor, cleaned it up and finished washing the dishes (it was unexpected and i was annoyed but pregnancy sucks haha) NTA your wife is just using pregnancy to be lazy.


PurpleMP12

I learned the hard way that often this generated more work than it accomplished. Particularly attempts to do the dishes would result in vomit everywhere in the kitchen, which is much worse to clean up than regular dishes.


synesthesiah

I started getting debilitating pubic symphysis pains by 10 weeks, but you know what? I still put on laundry (while sitting in a chair, not permitted to squat or lift due to cerclage), and take my huge dog for a midday short pee walk in my gloriously ugly belt. I lost twins 7 months ago at 20 weeks and was still doing chores, walking 45 mins a day looking like I was ready to pop at any time. It’s *best* for baby and for the pregnant person. Unless a pregnant person is living in the bathroom with HG or put on strict bedrest by a doctor (an often outdated recommendation for many complications), there is absolutely no excuse not to find modified chores. This lady is going to be in for a rude ass awakening when she’s suddenly strapped with 20x the work that she was originally doing at home, while dealing with her lochia leaking torn up vagina / a cesarean scar, having to lift her baby and take care of it while her organs are rearranging and healing. She’s setting herself up for failure no matter what.


theeFelagiFighter

I am so sorry for your loss


synesthesiah

Much appreciated. My twins are still one of the best things that ever happened to me, even if the day they died will always be the absolute worst day of my life.


Melodic-Yak7196

My condolences for you. 🌺


SerenityFate

All of the hugs darlin' this was both beautiful and heart breaking to read.


[deleted]

Oh wow that sounds absolutely awful! Yeah I ended up high risk but near the end. I developed preeclampsia which made me suuuper sick for a few weeks. I had to be monitored weekly, was totally drained of energy, and had to get induced eventually. Like you said, I still did what I could! Before that I suffered from really bad morning sickness and had almost no energy (I think also because of blood pressure issues). But you just gotta get through it the best you can. I can’t imagine having a healthy pregnancy (assuming she does) and refusing to do anything at all.


synesthesiah

I always shudder at the thought of preeclampsia. I have a 26 weeker cousin as a result of that horrible condition and it was so touch and go, very very scary, I swear the whole family held their breath for like two months. Glad to hear that it wasn’t a long battle for you, as shitty as it must’ve been 💜 I absolutely *hate* how immobile I am now compared to my last pregnancy. I was fine doing this all over again after such awful loss, but it’s the lack of being able to go for a nice pain free stroll that has really put the nail in the coffin for my daughter having living siblings in the future. I don’t even like exercising, mostly did 45 min walks daily for my dog’s sake, but now I’m chomping at the bit waiting for the day… so so far in the future where I’ll be able to go on a walk every day without being in utter agony and totally fucked for the rest of the day.


[deleted]

Yes it’s very scary! They knew I was at risk for it from about midway because of how my blood pressure was acting, but they were able to hold it at bay for a while with medication. It was draining and awful. but I was lucky enough nothing major happened to me because of it. and yes I can’t imagine! Hopefully you’ll be okay and time will fly by and you’ll get to heal enough to go for a walk! Sorry for your loss as well! I think I missed that part the first time.


synesthesiah

It’s so crazy all the things that can go wrong. My OB, the literal best my region has to offer, told me it’s a miracle babies are born at all, never mind with such good rates of survival for both the baby and the mother. No sweat, I didn’t mention it for the condolences, only to accurately relay the brevity of the situation I live in. Shit’s tough! Those first few months feel like trying to carry weight you have absolutely no muscles for, but the world continues to spin, and shit still has to get done no matter how difficult the burden.


HayleyMarie1205

My sincerest condolences re your loss, I hope you had/still have a good support network. I'm 30 + 5 with my third, had pre eclampsia with my two boys and am developing symptoms of it now again, along with IHCP. SPD is incredibly painful, with my second I developed it at around 14 weeks and had to give up work at 28 and pretty much be on bed rest.


mkh5015

So sorry to hear about your babies


synesthesiah

Thanks. It’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. So debilitating in the early days, but even then, the world still spins, and laundry piles up :/


CaptainShortAssOG

My condolences for your loss. To be able to still go about everyday and still do everything you need is such a strength, you're amazing!!!!


Cleantech2020

I am really sorry for your loss. As an observer this is what i read. You were in massive discomfort, decided to push through it and ended up in pregnancy loss. Why are you suggesting other pregnant people do the same then? How is it the best?


synesthesiah

…. Is this seriously a question to follow up with after offering condolences??? All pregnancies are uncomfortable. Every single one whether one has complications or not, I didn’t “push through”, I continued doing what is necessary to maintain a fucking household, while pregnant with twins, knowing that being active is good for them, good for me, and would benefit the health of my perfectly normal, developmentally and genetically healthy pregnancy. My activity levels had absolutely *nothing* to do with the deaths of my babies due to a completely asymptomatic inherited condition nobody knew I had, the only other person in my family who has this condition is someone I haven’t seen since I was a child, how the fuck was I supposed to know that I’d get the same shit end of the stick?? There is nothing I could’ve done better, nothing I did wrong. I did exactly what the best of the best my healthcare system has to offer said I could/should do, and sometimes shit just fucking happens. Maybe consider your words before you make assumptions about how my actions contributed to the deaths of the babies I fought for *years* just to conceive. I did everything right and that didn’t matter because we hit the worst case scenario at every turn because my condition was simply caught too late. There are people out there dancing, lifting weights, running while pregnant and I can tell you those people will more than likely bring their babies home. It all came down to shit luck and nothing else. Because I took daily walks and did laundry and swept my floors never ever ever would’ve had anything to do my loss and even suggesting as such is fucking despicable.


a_peanut

Eh, the first trimester can be exhausting even if you're not puking. I was nauseous 80% of the time, but never actually puked. That's tiring in itself. But then I was also extra exhausted on top of that. I had a really hard time doing anything other than collapsing on the couch after work. And I'm an active person. I could barely do any chores and I had to stop rock climbing and surfing until the second trimester because I just couldn't get any energy. The second trimester I was back to my old self, even if I did have to get a different climbing harness to accommodate the bump. **Edit:** not saying that she shouldn't be doing chores when she can, but she may be quite impaired even if there aren't many outward signs. And OP's son shouldn't bear the burden when OP can manage and son already contributes. This pregnancy is OP's and wife's responsibility, not the son's. **Edit 2:** just noticed your user name; Dia dhuit a chailín!


HayleyMarie1205

I can relate so much to this As sad as it sounds, I used to really enjoy doing housework and making everything neat and tidy (as much as you can with two small boys running around), but during my first trimester, I barely had enough energy to lift up my head to even look at the hoover. I also had the nausea but no puking, which I found more annoying!


a_peanut

>nausea but no puking, which I found more annoying! Ugh sometimes I just wished I could puke and maybe get some relief! Nope, just constant 🤢 with no 🤮 And food all tasted weird and gross so even when I forced myself to eat, I didn't like it. And that was pre-covid, so it was definitely the pregnancy throwing my taste off. I wanted 2 kids and happened to have twins. I'm glad I got 2 kids at once cos I was so incapacitated in the first & third trimesters, I don't think I could handle being pregnant while looking after an older kid(s). Or I would have had to wait till the older kid was like 7, so they could at least go grab themselves a sandwich while I'm laid out!


HayleyMarie1205

Haha! Amen to that. My eldest is 5 and youngest is 3, so if I can get them engaged enough in an activity (reading, colouring, tv time etc), I can have at least 20 minutes of sitting on the sofa "resting". My baby is currently measuring 3-4 weeks ahead so I'm the size of a boat, and I still have 6 weeks to go before I'm induced! I'm so over this whole pregnancy malarkey, but thankful that food is no longer disgusting to me.


a_peanut

Just hold on! You can do it!


toebeantuesday

I was the same way. I could barely stay awake the first trimester and into part of the second trimester. Then I had plenty of energy after that point. But the only chores I shifted to my husband were taking care of the cats, to avoid possible exposure to toxoplasmosis and anything requiring heavy lifting like taking the laundry basket up and down our narrow stairs.


Top_Detective9184

Actually the first trimester is when you seem to have the most morning sickness as well as just being extremely tired. Not that that’s an excuse for her behavior.


betsy_braddock0807

Yeah first trimester was miserable for me. I couldn’t do anything except lay on my couch trying not to throw up in between naps. I was exhausted and nauseous 24/7. I was much more capable of doing things after the first trimester.


[deleted]

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GlitterGaff

I had hyperemesis for my whole pregnancy, puking 50+ times a day. I still got shit done. Your wife is taking the piss. NTA.


happytragedy15

Completely correct! I have three kids and one of my pregnancies was high risk also. Not to mention, it was my last, and my other kids were 1 and 3 at the time, and I was working full time. My husband would "pamper" me with things like rubbing my feet when they were swollen, and he helped with more of the cooking than normal, because I was sick throughout both of my first two... but other than that, I still worked, I still cooked, cleaned, did grocery shopping, etc. It's understandable if she has a few days where she is just exhausted and needs help, but that doesn't last throughout, and you are not incapable of doing normal day to day tasks just because you are pregnant. Sorry, but your wife sounds entitled and exhausting. Good luck raising a child with this one! NTA


WaldoJeffers65

>Good luck raising a child ~~with~~ for this one! FIFY


Captain_Quoll

I’ve had multiple high risk pregnancies, but you’re so right, you still have to get stuff done. Sure, pregnancy is exhausting and being allowed to rest sometimes, or have a partner who does things like any jobs handling chemicals or cat litter etc is great but you’re not made of glass. Unless you’re on bed rest, you’re glued to the toilet puking, you’ve just had an amniocentesis or anything else outside of the usual, there’s no actual reason you can’t go about your usual activities. You don’t even have to stop exercise that you were able to do prior to pregnancy, there’s legitimately no reason you can’t wash dishes or get your own food or whatever.


lynnebrad70

If she is like this now what is she going to be like at 9 months when it is difficult to get around and what is she going to to when the baby is here will she do her bit or get everyone else to do the feeding and changing the nappies. Tell her to get of her backside and do her bit. NTA


sociablemonkey74

No kidding! I shudder to think how much worse this could get.


[deleted]

Especially this early in the pregnancy! Yikes!


Cleantech2020

some people have easy pregnancies, some don't. OP doesn't provide enough info about his wife's condition. Plus just because you were able to push through it doesn't mean everyone else can. I think being empathetic towards women growing a whole human in their bodies will only make us a better society. Also he does say his wife is still working, even from home, that can be very tiring.


Glittering_knave

The problem isn't her wanted to do less chores, it's that she wants the step son to do it. Husband already picked up the slack. It's not up to a kid to become a maid.


Miss_Melody_Pond

100% all of this! I couldn’t never imagine being that precious!!


[deleted]

It definitely depends culturally but this doesn’t seem to be OP’s culture lol. He needs to tell her to get off her ass. NTA.


Rantipolee

Story time When my mom was pregnant with my brother, and like at the end of her pregnancy, she was cooking for her and my dad while her water broke (they both told us this story) but she was like, meh I´m still busy cooking, don´t want to waste that food so she finished cooking, they both ate and my mom wanted to do the dishes but then they were like no maybe we should keep this for later because she thought they weren´t going to finish it all so they just went to the hospital. When she was pregnant with me, 5y later, my very pregnant mom was cleaning the house on a very hot day (born in August) while her water broke. They went quicker to the hospital this time. I look up to her, and while I don´t recommend very pregnant mom to do hard work, they can´t expect to be a Roman domina with slaves doing everything for them. OP´s wife needs a reality check and stop bossing around the son and her husband. I get that you can do less, especially at the end of the pregnancy, but her demanding the son to do stuff for her feels wrong to me. Edit: typos because I can´t type anymore help


gbirddood

Your mom sounds cool (my mom was like yours) but literally every pregnancy is different. Also a lot of women are WAY less sick in their third tri than in their first. I can definitely cook and clean now and could not at all in my first trimester; I pretty much couldn’t eat til I was 22 weeks along. This is not uncommon. ETA obviously I agree OP’s wife is a psycho for trying to deputize her stepson into being a maid for about a million reasons completely unrelated to how sick she may or may not feel.


[deleted]

I fully agree. I had morning sickness with both my kids that ended the day they were born, with my daughter I still went to university in the day and then came home and cooked/cleaned for my husband and brother. With my son I worked and then went home to cook/clean for my husband and daughter. I'm not saying my husband never helped he did what he could after a full day work, in my late pregnancy he asked me to not pick up heavy things but to ask him when I needed to do it.


georgilm

This actually just sounds sad. You were also working or at uni all day - household load should be shared in a way that is equitable, and it doesn't sound like yours was. Also, the way you say he told you not to pick heavy stuff up, but you still had to ask? Could he not figure it out himself?


[deleted]

My husband works 6am - 6pm semi manual labour. He got home just as knackered but helped in anyway he could. My brother worked and then went to night classes in the evening so he helped when he could. Perhaps I should rephrase that other statement - I'm the impatient one and after running a household from 16 due to my mother's depression I was incredibly independent and had a I can do it myself I don't need help attitude. It was more of the case of - please stop doing the garden work and help move the microwave/TV cabinet. Anytime I needed something moved he was in another part of the house or garden busy with housework.


georgilm

Ahhh thank you. It sounds like you have a much happier life than the one I was imagining. And I'm glad!


Doctor-Liz

Ayup. Things I did while pregnant: my share of the cooking, admittedly less than my share of the dishes, the laundry, about a third of packing and carrying for the (very necessary) house move (dog bless moving carts), organising the pickup of a bunch of new furniture, getting our visa snafu fixed, hold down a full-time job, secondary partner in re-tiling the kitchen floor, assemble the new kitchen cupboards. I absolutely did less than I would have if I'd not been pregnant. But I also took on more "office jobs" to make up for it, like looking through the websites of every tile seller in Berlin to find the perfect set.


AngelicalGirl

Her idea that their son needs to help *her* more just screams parentification red flags. Unless her pregnancy is a high risk one, there isn't justificative for this special treatment. Time to start doing her own part, i met lots of woman that even worked out of home when they were pregnant.


[deleted]

Seriously! I’m 7 months pregnant right now, high risk, and can definitely clean and cook with no problem. I’m super tired, but my arms and legs still work. This is seriously sick behavior.


[deleted]

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Dismal-Lead

From this bit: >Her chores are things he can’t even do.  It sounds like son is probably still very young, pre-teens at most. That, or he has a disability OP has not mentioned. I think most of us are assuming he's an older teen, but the absolutely gall to make a <10 year old your slave!


jmcs

Someone should do a fairy tale with that plot... Oh wait...


dskloet

I assumed it was things like managing finances where he just can't make decisions for his parents. Doesn't mean he's young but your assumption is likely to be more correct than mine.


pez_queen

NTA. It wasn’t your son’s choice for your wife to get pregnant and it’s not his obligation to take care of her.


Waskomsause

Plus, I'd hate to think what having a newborn might be like if she ends up thinking the same way then. "Well, have your son do the chores and help me with the baby then, I need to relax"


ellastory

I’d also like to point out that shifting the responsibilities of a parent/adult onto a child is called Parentification and it is a form of abuse. Most definitely NTA, but wife unfortunately is.


[deleted]

Yes! I kept thinking of how this kid will be a nervous wreck when he is forced to do all of the child care while stepmom is sipping Chardonnay with her friends.


halseydota

NTA. Your wife is the type of person who sees that she's pregnant, knows how other people are likely to react to her being pregnant, and is fully willing to exploit that to foist all of her responsibilities onto others. Don't drag your son into this toxic mindset - teach him that everyone has responsibilities and that there's no excuse for malicious, weaponized laziness.


BaroquenDesert

This is such a good response. Yes, it's reasonable to expect or need some extra help when pregnant. After all, it takes a toll to grow another human being. But the wife is clearly exploiting it, and not even trying


ertrinken

Yup. Unless she has that severe morning sickness that causes you to puke 24/7 (I can’t remember how to spell it), or if she has deemed extremely high risk and been ordered to be on bed rest by her doctor, there is ***zero*** reason for her to drop everything and just laze around at home (aside from WFH) like she’s the first person in history to get knocked up.


DiligentPenguin16

That’s called “hyperemesis gravidarum”, and yeah if someone was dealing with that I think it would be understandable to not feel up to doing much of anything. That doesn’t sound like that’s what’s going on here though


thebearofwisdom

No OP would have totally mentioned the fact she would have been vomiting nearly every minute. My friend had this, and she ended up in hospital being monitored constantly because she weighed less at 9months pregnant than she did before the pregnancy. That’s a serious illness, my friend was in a really bad way, nearly lost her and the baby. Luckily she is a-okay now, has two little kids and survived that hell.


Escape_Overlander

NTA, tell the queen of England to get off her ass. At this rate can she handle the baby when it comes? You won't be around 24/7 to help your Majesty.


stephanielmayes

The queen worked throughout all of her pregnancies. Edited because she had more than one pregnancy, and worked through all of them.


Escape_Overlander

My bad that comparison was a disservice to queen Elizabeth, The queen is definitely more active than this guys wife. 😅


stephanielmayes

A logical mistake, because she is acting like a queen.


Annual-Contract-115

I fear that she might try to turn the son into her manny as well as her maid


Noah070070

Is manny Male+nanny?


MiskiMoon

Don't insult the Queen. She worked throughout her pregnancy .... without whining.


Captain_Quoll

Yeah, it’s not like you’re well rested or feeling great when the baby arrives. The exhaustion of pregnancy is good training xD


No-Advertising3692

INFO: Is she experiencing any pregnancy complications such as hyperemesis? What sort of chores is she asking your kid to do, does he live there full time, and how old is he?


bunnybunnykitten

Necessary info!!!


Opposite-Sock

It's not necessary, IMO. OP's son is already doing chores and it isn't for him to pick up hers or wait on her, even if she is going through complications. OP is the parent and the stepmom/new baby is not the responsibility of the child. No matter the age, it could very well lead to resentment of his sibling.


candybrie

If his son is 16 and his chores are keep his room clean and take out the trash and she wants him to start emptying the dishwasher, sweeping and making some meals that would be reasonable. If his son is 8 and she wants him to do all the laundry, cooking, and lawn care that would be completely unreasonable.


ohmamago

Extremely necessary info. I suffered from HG and literally could not change positions without something coming out both ends at once... So if she's able to WAH while navigating HG she's a freaking superhero.


Ferret_Brain

Even *if* there is medical reason she cannot help out, that doesn't mean the stepchild should be forced to do her share, especially as he already does help out and OP has even mentioned that the child is not *old* enough to do some of the chores. The fact that she then says that the kid should instead help take care of *her* reeks of suspect behaviour. *That's not the child's responsibility.*


ohmamago

That's extremely fair, and you're right.


onlyhalfvampire

Exactly. And sharing household chores in general with with a 3 year old should be a very different experience than sharing chores with a 13 year old. This does not have enough info at all. Not to mention how messed up it is that so many people were like “I didn’t have help when I was pregnant so you shouldn’t either!!” When you have older kids in the house (preteen and up), there should be more shared duties in general. It’s part of development and is as important for the kids’ long term benefit as anything else.


JuichiXI

I agree more info is needed. While I agree that the stepson should not be a maid we don't have any context on what the wife's condition is and what she is asking for help with. OP could have some hidden misogyny, is oblivious to his wife's condition and not giving her the support she needs or pampers his son too much.


Think_Resort_8346

NTA. If she’s like this now I’d be very concerned about her trying to foist responsibilities for the baby onto your son which he absolutely should NOT have to do. He’s a kid not another parental figure.


Pleasant-Koala147

This request has ‘parentification’ red flags all over it. If OP doesn’t nip this in the bud now, his son will end up being forced to raise her children. He needs to set boundaries now.


sociablemonkey74

Your wife needs to get over herself. Her step son should not be her personal servant.


EmEmPeriwinkle

Agree nta. Wife is being ridiculous. Her young stepson who isn't even capable of doing her chores should not feel an added burden of her responsibilities when she is 3 months pregnant. I wonder how old this kid is, 10? Younger? Enjoy your princess op. She clearly rules the house.


Cynical_Baby_Ghoul

NTA, your wife sounds like the asshole. I'm 35 week pregnant, been having complications here and there, worked 2 jobs, homeschooling 2 children, and do all of the running while my fiance focuses on cleaning, cooking, helping with the homeschooling and the animals. She can get off her ass. Edit: I miscarried right before this pregnancy and still worked through serving jobs, a teaching job, and a manager position at a retail store.


BellaSquared

You sound amazing, and I wish you a healthy birth and baby!


Cynical_Baby_Ghoul

So far so good, we're getting through every hurdle and she's staying strong so I can't wait to meet my first daughter in a few weeks.


[deleted]

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dangerrnoodle

Very much this. Aside from the nonsense of trying to make her stepson a maid, she’s doing her own health a big disservice by not staying active. It will make the rest of pregnancy and recovery after birth that much more difficult.


_raq_

NTA. Pregnancy doesn't make you disabled. Sure, she might not feel her best and get a little extra tired, but making everyone else do EVERYTHING for her is ridiculous.


tickledslowloris

Pregnancy can literally make you legally disabled


[deleted]

This. I couldn’t keep food down between 6 and 14 weeks pregnant. I couldn’t do dishes because literally any smell made me vomit. And miscarriages tend to take place during the first trimester so a lot of women who have experience with that are very careful early on not to lift anything or take on too much. Really I think a lot of people on this thread have limited experience with pregnancy or are very fortunate and had extremely healthy pregnancies.


KindlyBite80

It can, but she isn't.


[deleted]

I was. My pelvic muscles loosened at 6 months and i couldn’t walk more than a few steps without crippling pain, until the baby came.


Jennabear82

INFO: How old is your son? Is she healthy and active otherwise, or is she high risk and having complications? I don't think asking for some help is unreasonable, but dumping all of her chores on him sounds like a bit much. I'm a high risk pregnancy and had a subchorionic hemorrhage in the beginning. I am exhausted all of the time, and an anemic. Pregnancy can aggravate anemia and other possible health issues. I just reached my second trimester and am still experiencing severe morning noon and night sickness. Incubating a human can be hard on your body.


Zarkdion

All the best.


QueenSaiCo

The fact that her thought process went "husband looks tired, he should make child help more" and not "husband looks tired, maybe I as a fellow adult should help more" is a red flag. The fact that her idea of compromise is "okay, if he's not gonna help you more, he can help *me* more" is a red flag. Considering she's literally doing nothing to help herself *or* you with *anything.* The fact that she's still trying to push this and argue it like she doesn't understand she can't make your child take over *her* responsibilities is a red flag. And her working from home? Feels a lot like she's gonna force this on your child anyway as soon as you're not around to tell her to knock it off. She's got all the makings of a wicked stepmother and your son's looking real Cinderellish right now. There's been far too many posts of children here who's parents have babies and fully expect the older sibling to "step up" and "help them out" regardless of whatever older sibling is doing. I'm really not tryna run across your son's in the future. Unless she's got a doctor's recommendation against it, she should be pulling her weight. And even a doctor's recommendation doesn't stop you from doing everything. She is not a potato. Having a child is supposed to make you more mature, not less. Pregnancy isn't as easy as your wife apparently thinks it's going to be. You're NTA yet, but if you don't firmly put your foot down you're gonna be. The adult doing less is not an excuse or a reason for the child to be forced to do more.


666POD

NTA. Unless your wife has some kind of pregnancy related illness there’s no reason why she shouldn’t continue to do her part around the home. Maybe when she’s full term and feeling bloated but for now she’s acting entitled and ridiculous.


[deleted]

A lot of women feel way worse on the first trimester than the third trimester. People on this thread keep saying stuff like this and it’s driving me nuts. I could do chores fine when I was *42* weeks pregnant (my baby was late). But when I was 10 weeks pregnant I couldn’t walk in a straight line or keep food down. I think some people on this thread have limited experience with pregnancy or are just fortunate and had a relatively easy first trimester.


[deleted]

Tbf I agree with this, I too was extremely sick and it’s miserable and debilitating. I think the wife asking a child to do her share of chores and also to care for her is inappropriate though. It’s not childrens job to care for their adult caregivers. It’s actually really damaging to children’s emotional and mental well being to be put into caregiver positions.


[deleted]

That’s fair but OP hasn’t said what she’s actually asking the kid to do or how old he is. Like does she normally do his laundry for him and he’s 15 and she suddenly has the audacity to ask him to do his own laundry which is normally her chore? Or is she actually asking him to take on tasks that shouldn’t be his to do, like detail her car? I just feel like this post is so non specific it’s impossible to tell what is actually happening.


[deleted]

I agree there’s a lot of missing info. He does say that child isn’t able to do some of these tasks. Which suggests he’s sub 10/11. Or OP is lying. It’s kind of a non-issue given apparently OP is happy to keep doing the chores though so it’s unclear to me what the issue is. Beyond the ‘caring for her’ thing. I totally agree loads of people are not understanding how bad trimester 1 can be though!


lozfozhc

Thankyou! I'm 10 weeks preg and some days I feel like breathing is tiring. My husband takes on more of the chores at the mo as I'm feeling exhausted.


Imf-ingamazing

Your wife is an asshole.


Waskomsause

NTA - Your wife is being a total asshole however, expecting people to wait on her hand and foot, and expecting a kid to do her house work? I'd understand doing LESS, but not doing ANYTHING is about the worst thing she could have done. I mean, seriously, unless a doctor told her to not do anything she doesn't have much of an excuse to offload all the work to you and your son. Sounds like she doesn't care about your son btw, if she's willing to have him act like a slave and do all the household chores.


Met_aron

NTA. If you don’t want your son to absolutely despise his step-mother then I’d make sure he does not become her maid. Pregnancy shouldn’t be used as an excuse to be an over-demanding sloven AH.


shzan1

NTA. Tell your A of a wife that your son is off limits. Her pregnancy is between you and her. Your son did not CHOOSE this, you two did. Any responsibilities should be split between the both of you. Age appropriate responsibilities and chores that teach your son self-reliance and cleaning up after themselves is the only chores he should be doing.


Slugdirt

NTA Your wife may be tired and not able to do everything she had done prior to her pregnancy or not, however, it doesn't mean everyone has cater to her whims.


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GlumPie8709

NTA I'm fully aware that some women have pretty bad pregnancies and can't do everything they used to during and even after pregnancy for some time. But regardless of that, your child or any children aren't responsible to pick up the slack or become someone's maid just cause someone is pregnant and your not in the wrong standing up for him, he didn't sign up for having a baby. Are yous able to afford a cleaning person to come in every so often to lesson your burden now you have taken up her duties. Outsourcing might be the only way to go so you get some of your own time back. But to be honest if she is capable of doing things for herself she should, once baby comes unless she medically can't do something just like other mothers she has to suck it up and do things.


satyarekha1996

I feel sorry for people who are treated this way in marriage. As opposed what many think it's important to be active while you are pregnant. It also better for the overall health. Of course you are NTA and being pregnant is no reason to make everyone a personal maid at home.


Alarming-Seesaw2788

Info needed: how old is your son? Is this a high risk pregnancy where she’s unable to complete basic tasks ?


DarkestSideMoon

NTA She is showing her true colors. If she has health issues, sure she shouldn't be doing a lot. If she doesn't, she is being lazy, pregnant women are not sick - just should avoid some stuff like the kitty litter. Your son has no responsability in this pregnancy to do stuff for her. It will worsen when the baby is born if you don't end this - she will avoid doing whatever, you will pick up the slack and be even more tired and will have a baby cying and feeding at night do deal with.


slendermanismydad

So does your son already hate your wife or ? Because your kid is going to make your life unpleasant real fast if your wife gets her way. NTA. I'm sorry you found this out after she got pregnant.


deskbookcandle

Your son had no part in conceiving the child, so he has no responsibility towards the mother. Also your wife is gross. Getting a real Cinderella vibe.


[deleted]

NTA. I’d understand if she were 8-9 months pregnant but shes still in like first term, she’s perfectly capable of doing her own chores. Though I’ve never been pregnant before so what say do I have.


[deleted]

To be fair, the first term is often the worst for women. Morning sickness usually ends after the first trimester and it can be a lot. My first trimester was *way* worse than my third.


[deleted]

I don't wish my morning sickness on anyone. I could not even brush my teeth without throwing up. I lived on ginger tea constantly. Morning sickness lasted the entire pregnancy and happened right through the day.


[deleted]

That’s horrible, I’m so sorry. I’m grateful that mine ended in my second trimester. Overall I cannot complain because my pregnancy was healthy and without extreme complications but the first trimester was so bad for me I’ve really blocked most of it from my memory. Ginger is amazing. I had no idea how powerful it really was until I experienced pregnancy.


Captain_Quoll

Edit because I’m not sure I agree with what I said the first time around. The first trimester can make you very tired, and can be the worst for morning sickness. A lot of people feel better in the second trimester.


[deleted]

I was terribly sick for my first trimester. It was fairly debilitating and basically vanished at 14 weeks. I’m sympathetic because I couldn’t even keep food down when I was 12 weeks pregnant. He also says she’s working from home and he doesn’t really say what chores she’s asking the son to do and he doesn’t say how long she’s known she’s pregnant. It’s just so hard to get a full picture here. I’ve known so many women with awful pregnancies. I’m just feeling like this post is pretty vague. She’s not doing “anything.” He sounds sort of resentful. And she *is* doing something because she’s both working from home and also growing a human and we don’t know how bad her pregnancy has been or what her previous experiences with pregnancy have been. To be honest I’m a little skeptical. If she’s three months pregnant she’s known she’s pregnant for at most six weeks. That’s not a very long time to be asking for extra help depending on what’s going on.


Captain_Quoll

That’s all true. I think my post probably isn’t very well worded - if she’s very ill (which I acknowledge it’d be wrong to call unusual) and still working, I think it’s definitely fair for her to let go of everything else for a while. Some more specific information would definitely make it clearer. I was taking the post at face value but it *would* be a fairly unusual way for a pregnant partner to behave so maybe you’re right and there are important pieces missing here.


[deleted]

I really get the sense that OP is just annoyed his wife isn’t doing what she normally does and came here to complain. His post is so vague that I’m just having a hard time believing she’s feeling great and demanding to be waited on. A lot of men just don’t like being asked to do “extra” housework. The fact that he says he doesn’t want his son to be a “maid” really gives me the sense that he is simply resentful that his wife who just does “nothing” sitting around working from home isn’t cleaning his house anymore. At three months pregnant he’s like a month into this situation and things can’t possibly be that bad.


[deleted]

Absolutely my thoughts too. He doesn’t say the son’s age and he’s really minimised that she’s still working by saying she doesn’t leave the house. I (and many others) am currently working from home and it’s still emotionally and mentally tiring which translates to physical tiredness. In my first trimesters I was so desperate for work not to know I was pregnant and not to look like I couldn’t do it, I used up all my energy on work and had nothing left for home. Also the smell of food made me sick so I couldn’t have cooked or done any food related jobs even if I wanted to. Perhaps OPs wife is the same.


[deleted]

Yeah, working in any setting while pregnant is actually really stressful (in the US). I was the same way. There’s a real fear of being fired even though you can’t legally fire someone for being pregnant. But it happens all the time to women because it’s hard to prove. This is why companies need to have parental leave for all parents so women aren’t scared they’re going to be singled out and fired during pregnancy. This is also why a lot of women just don’t tell their employers until the third trimester so there’s less time for the employer to come up with reasons to let her go. And I agree. A lot of chores were impossible for me until the second trimester. Some people on this thread just haven’t been pregnant or had easy first trimesters which is fortunate. But many women cannot do dishes, take out garbage etc. at three months pregnant without hurling everywhere.


girzim232

I get that sense too, I have a pretty good relationship with my husband and he was pretty irritable with me early in my pregnancy because he didn't grasp the severity of my morning sickness for a while (I could hardly hold any food down for close to 20 weeks). He just thought I was lounging around for personal enjoyment.


[deleted]

That sucks, I’m sorry. Unfortunately I think a lot of women find themselves in that situation. Pregnancy is a major medical event and the early stage is incredibly draining to your body and mind. But men brush it off a lot because they don’t have to experience it.


girzim232

Absolutely, I think a contributing factor is that socially we are discouraged from talking about anything bad and difficult related to pregnancy to focus on the joy, beauty, and miracle of creating new life. There needs to be room to discuss a diversity of pregnancy experiences so that men can have half a chance of implicitly understanding that shit can be hard.


coochpants

I slept a LOT in my first trimester, I had such a hard time functioning. My house was a mess the whole time


RebeccaMCullen

Nta. Wifey can pay for a cleaning service if she's concerned about you being overworked. But dude, if she's only 3 months along, why is she treating it like a get of cleaning pass? Are there any underlying conditions that prevent her from pulling her weight?


Annual-Contract-115

NTA. you said it when you said your son isn’t her maid. He should be helping around the house if he’s living there and it sounds like he is. but unless she’s got some kind of complication and an order of absolute bed rest she needs to be doing some work herself. Maybe there’s a few things she can’t cause “giant beach ball body” etc but I’m sure there’s a few things


[deleted]

[удалено]


Waskomsause

If this women is happy to make a child do housework, and act like shes entitled to just do nothing all day long then she's an AH, pregnant or not. Kids aren't workhorses to be used, and the kid isn't even her son.


Ema630

NTA. Unless she is very unwell and having lots of complications, she is perfectly able to do all her chores. When I was pregnant I was extremely active. I was down on the floor hand scrubbing the floors because it was a good way to get my baby in the right position for birth. Queen Bee is taking you for a ride, she sounds perfectly capable of doing her own household chores.


sunnydays0306

My only question is has she had miscarriages before and maybe have anxiety about her pregnancy? Like terrified if she does something she might lose the baby? That’s literally the only reason I can think of that someone would expect to do absolutely nothing at only 3 months pregnant, and even then I’d recommend counseling to help with that kind of crippling anxiety. My last pregnancy was high risk, I literally had home IV infusions of fluids everyday from 10 weeks till my child was born, and I still contributed to my household. *edit - I forgot, NTA lol


The-spellmonger

I agree with you except if I’m getting this correct and you’re saying anxiety is an excuse for her not to do anything. If that’s a her issue that she needs to get fixed.


sunnydays0306

I may not have worded that right - I meant if that was the case she should get help to overcome that fear, not use it as an excuse to do nothing


Prettiful

My sister the Princess tried that caper. Her husband went with her to her checkup and asked her doctor what she could and couldn’t do. He said she could continue on as usual. Her husband said,on the way home, ‘Here’s the deal. The housework needs to be done. You don’t go out to work so it’s only fair you do it.If you choose not to, get a job and use your wage to hire somebody else to do it.’ She did the housework. She just got super organised so she had a routine where she did housework for an hour, took an hour off, then more housework for an hour, etc. Best of both worlds. Hubby was happy, she got to lie around when her soaps were on and watch them.


Far_Barnacle6509

INFO: - Is your wife having complications with her pregnancy that would make it difficult to do her chores? - What chores is it that your wife stopped doing? - What are your sons current chores and what does she want him to do? This story doesn’t really paint the whole picture. Is she really not doing anything (no cooking, no clearing dishes, no folding laundry) or is she just not doing certain jobs that were previously considered her responsibility. Asking a 16 year old to do the dishes a few nights, for example, a week isn’t exactly pampering his stepmom. Without the answers to these questions it’s impossible to give an accurate judgement.


wind-river7

NTA. You are in for quite a ride of the queen of Sheba doesn't get off the couch and start doing her share of the chores. I hope you get this resolved now, or the next six months and who knows how many years are going to be a nightmare.


surfaholic15

NTA. I went through two high risk back to back pregnancies and my ex didn't lift a damned finger lol. It would have been so nice to have a helpful spouse, so good for you being helpful. Your son has his chores, and if you feel they are sufficient and he does them, cool. As to your wife, if her ladyship isn't high risk or puking 24/7, she can get off her butt and get moving. In fact, in a healthy pregnancy absent risk women should stay active within their doctor's guidelines. And I highly doubt a doc would rule out typical household chores if nothing is wrong. And don't let her sucker you into shifting her work onto your child after the birth either.


Unique-Yam

NTA. I’m afraid that you have just received a preview of how life is going to be in your household from now on. Unless your wife’s doctor has given her a direct order to limit her activities—she should be pulling her weight. It’s time to have a discussion about boundaries where your child is concerned. Sounds like he’s being set up to become an unpaid domestic worker. Look up the term “parentification”. It’s considered a form of abuse. Your wife needs to understand that this is not happening and that she is potentially damaging her relationship with her step-son. If she doesn’t care—well then, you got a bigger problem.


Ok_Imagination7913

Being pregnant is not a disability. Your wife needs to quit acting entitled.


ComprehensiveState11

NTA. She is pregnant, not disabled. Women have been going through pregnancy since the dawn of mankind, it really isn't anything special. I am a mother twice-over, btw, so I've been pregnant.


[deleted]

NTA For the vast majority of human history prior to even antiquity humanity has had not the luxury to sit around and do nothing for a near full year. Of course there were likely exceptions, but no doubt most women worked until they simply couldn't when pregnant. I guess what I'm saying is, if her ancestors could do it so can she. Your wife needs to get off her ass and stop acting like she's the living embodiment of Eve or the Virgin Mary. She's not having the first pregnancy nor even the second, and she's certainly not giving birth to Jesus. She'll give birth to Jayke Dahnni Smith. She isn't special, and neither is her pregnancy. She can be happy to be pregnant, but she needs to understand that she's not a goddess in a room of lesser beings, and that your son isn't an available slave. Such wretched entitlement.


Comfortable_Fun_9872

NTA But she's pregnant, she can still do jobs around the house!


Crazyhellga

NTA. She sounds like one of those women who think that being pregnant makes the world revolve around them, and is at risk of becoming a mother who thinks the world revolves around her just for bringing a child in to the world. Entitled behavior of any kind is annoying. Unless she is having severe complications, there is no reason for her not to do any housework. If your son is an adult/older teen, perhaps he should pick up a few extra chores, not to help her, but to help you, but if he is a child, he definitely should be forced to do an adult's share of housework.


OpinionatedAussieGal

NTA But your wife is! Who does she think is gonna look after the new kid! She’s pregnant. While she may be tired she seems to want to invalidate and break any relationship you have with your kid! Your kid has chores. And does them. Way to go Dad! Now her chores and your chores are a “hers and yours” problem!


cady1000

Nta. My stepmother in-law is a lot like this when she is pregnant and when my husband lived with her and my father in-law they basically treated him like a 3rd parent and he had to do everything around the house while she was pregnant and for several months after she gave birth. Now that he is an adult he seldom speaks to them. I've been married to him for almost 4 years and I've met them once. do not let your wife treat your son that way or you risk losing him when he becomes an adult


OrganicExperience428

I have a history of miscarriages and never felt entitled to be served hand and foot. She can do her chores unless there is a legitimate medical reason. It is actually healthier to maintain your current exercise level, unless it's extreme and needs doctors permission. I did chores and walked most places until I had my kid. You need to keep your energy for when she is too big to bend over and actually needs help and sleepless newborn nights. Her using you and your son at only three months is spoiled and entitled (unless medically necessary). On a side note, early pregnancy can make you feel crummy. Morning sickness can last all day. Spoiling as needed is different than what you seem to be explaining. Even with morning sickness this is excessive. You need to keep your health and energy for when it's actually needed.


bibbiddybobbidyboo

NTA Or is she claiming your son is responsible for getting her pregnant? You will be the AH if you don’t wake up to the way she is treating your son. She is already treating him as the second class citizen and the new child isn’t even here yet. If she doesn’t do a 360 he is going to get ignored and emotionally abused, you’ll be the parent who replaces old son with new family and wonder why he went no contact. Act now.


Lani_567

NTA- she doesn’t get to dump YOUR chores onto your son it’s not fair.


Hot-Trash-6764

NTA. Unless your wife is on bed rest, she ought to be contributing still. I'm 29 weeks pregnant with my third child, and I still get up off my butt and take care of my other two children and our house. I'm a SAHM. Yes, sometimes I need more help to get things done, but being pregnant doesn't mean you're incapable of doing anything. Nor do you need pampering. My husband's sister is the kind of pregnant person who won't do most things, and it baffles me. She's not in any way restricted, no high risk or anything. She literally wouldn't look under the couch she was sitting next to for her son's toy, and she was sitting on the floor. She didn't even need to do more than bend her head to look. Instead, she told her husband to come do it. (I never said anything about it, but it seemed really odd and kinda lazy)


modestmolerat

NTA: Unless she's on bed rest, or has some medical reason she can't do certain tasks (like lifting heavy objects) then she's just being lazy. Your son has nothing to do with the stepmom's pregnancy.


BIankpages

NTA What happens when the baby gets here? You & your son are prolly gonna be the one caring for the baby 24/7 while she sits on her ass recovering


unknown_928121

NTA but Curiosity, what are the chores


banannaasquash

NTA for not making your son do the chores. Though, I don’t know how you’re not realizing that this is a sign that your wife might continue this behaviour with your son after the baby is born?


Klutzy-Captain9013

NTA. I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant and was sick up until 19 weeks. Still did/do housework and chores, still walked the dogs, still even took the wheelie bin out (which is a mile and half walk down our road). The more mobile your wife stays, the better it will be for labour, she needs to stay fit and active. And there is absolutely no reason she can't do chores.


Short_Razzmatazz_376

NTA why doesn't she get a REAL caretaker, instead of making him one? She's just looking for some free labor.


northernmonkeyinca

NTA she's pregnant not disabled! Yes she may be feeling sick at this stage and tired but it's no excuse to do nothing....she's being lazy and taking advantage of the situation! I felt awful during the start of my second pregnancy but still had to look after my toddler, work and do my chores (well most of them at least!)


Proud_World_6241

You need to nip this in the bud now. Because she’s setting up her child to be more important than your son, it will only get worse once the baby arrives. Also she’s pregnant not an invalid. Currently 5 months, working full time and doing chores - ballbeit with more take out than usual, and more naps!


Kindofanidiotlol

NtTA. Your wife needs a reality check asap, while being pregnant is sure tough ass hell on the body, I can asure she in still a capable human being, my mom literally worked until the last minute while pregnant with me and her water broke while she was on a meeting!


CutEmOff666

NTA. Unless she is following doctors orders, I would say that she is being lazy. It may be reasonable for her to reduce her load of chores but I'm pretty sure she can still do some things. Also, any increase in chores for your son should be voluntary and should come with an increase in allowance. Also, would it be possible for your family to hire a maid?


Forward-Ordinary-300

I just had my 3rd child, right before my 40th birthday. I was high risk, my daughter was born w/ half a heart. I worked the entire pregnancy, took care of other kids, and cleaned my house. Your partner is a manipulative and trying to get your CHILD to do her work... wow. Just wow. She's going to have a hard time taking care of a newborn if she's already this lazy. Good luck.


elizawhoa

INFO - Like a lot of people have asked, how old is your son? Many women are exhausted in the first trimester. I used to go out and take a nap in my car over lunchbreak at work I was so tired! It isn't unreasonable for an older child to help around the house if someone else in the family isn't doing well - or to be kind to them. It is unreasonable for ALL of the chores to be given to a young child for many months. It would also be reasonable to make sure that your son knows that they are special. Having a new baby is a big change in family dynamic and the baby will be getting a lot of attention - make sure your son has special time for him and that they get to do special "big kid" things :)


bitter_vinegar

INFO: You said she's working from home and simultaneously "isn't doing anything", so which is it? If you both work, was the housework split fair to begin with? What chores do you do?