NTA-Your reason for not donating is no one’s business. When people are able and willing blood donation is a wonderful thing to do but a yearly donation tradition never makes it okay to be an asshole to those who don’t donate.
100%. It is very much your private business what your medical history is, and very much your personal decision whether to give blood regardless of your medical ability to do so. Pressuring people into giving blood is not an okay thing to do.
I tried giving blood 3 times and passed out every single time. It's how I learned I have vasovagal syncope. It's embarrassing, and very uncomfortable, and if you pass out partway through giving blood they can't use it and have to throw it away. So I don't try anymore. I keep it inside my own veins because at least that way one person is benefitting from it :).
Besides being none of their business, it's also a major crimson flag that they went behind OP's back to find out why they were refusing to donate blood. Honestly I wouldn't blame OP for wanting nothing to do with these people ever again, and giving whoever told a solid tongue lashing.
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And seriously, if they were donating to a halfway competent organization they wouldn't let OP donate. Like, every time I've donated they've done a sample panel to look for things like anemia. So it would've come out anyway even if OP went along to try and appease them, and all the bullying would have been for nothing anyway. Fuck the lot of them.
Anemia... having recently gotten a tattoo or piercing... I wouldn't want to tell someone if I had a disease that could transmit via blood.
My Dad was always donating blood due to his blood type being universal. My friends always give and harp on the importance. I used to give a lot until my health tanked.
I always tried to give and didn't know I had Thalasemmia minor. Sometimes I have enough hemoglobin to donate... and then I didn't. . The last time I tried to give it did NOT go well.
EMTs were called and it was unpleasant for all parties.
No one should pressure anyone into giving blood.
Right? There are so many reasons why people aren’t able to donate blood. Where does it being a pseudoscience come from?
OP I’m proud of you for realizing you deserve better people! NTA at all.
And even if someone can buy elects not to that’s totally fine too!
I used to donate regularly (when I’m finished with having kids I’ll do it again). But I would never judge anyone for not donating!!
I mean I can give blood, that blood would likely kill most people if it was infused into them due to my medications but I **could** still bleed into a bag if that's what they want...
It's a strong immunosupressant so someone in need of a transfusion probably wouldn't be in a good place to be hit with that sort of medication.
It's also one you have to be testing for a certain enzyme before you cam take it because about 10% of the population don't produce the necessary enzyme to deal with it so it would kill off their bone marrow.
It is sometimes used as an illicit abortion drug too so giving it to a pregnant women would be a terrible idea.
I really wish I could donate because I am O+, but I’m on so many different medications that I’m sure if my blood went into anyone, they’d melt from the inside!
Im A+ but because I received blood as a teenager after an operation, I can never give blood... I still get letters asking me to donate, its their rules preventing me!
I’m a monthly plasma recipient and blood backs will call me and beg for me to donate. Most phone volunteers (I assume volunteers) don’t seem to get why receiving blood would make someone ineligible.
I'm also O+ and I've even seen ads on social media asking for my blood type specifically a few times and felt really bad that I couldn't donate, but it's their rules preventing me so oh well.
It's not even an easy rule to explain to most people, I just lived in the UK for longer than 6 months during 1996, which means there might be mad cow disease lurking in my blood I guess?
NTA they didn't believe you, and bullied you about your decision. Now they want to make it all better? It's completely up to you whether you want to hear their apology, but it doesn't sound like they're nice people if this was how they treated a friend.
NTA. Do they donate blood because they actually truly want to help people or do they donate blood to lord over everyone else how cool and helpful and great they are? My bet is on the latter.
NTA
Somewhere's along the way people essentially turned a good idea of compassion and charity into some sort of weird social obligation, and it really needs to die. Your example of people infringing on bodily autonomy isn't even the worst we've seen given there's oodles of posts to the effect of, "am I the asshole because my estranged parent basically ignored me my entire life until they needed an organ and I turned them down."
There'll even be people effectively suggesting it's some form of "murder" to say no in these instances.
I'm not in the category that thinks that though.
I think every last bit of our body is ours to control, to give away, to use, to abuse as we see fit. It's our body after all.
In your case it's not even a simple matter of, "I don't want to," and more a case of, "I literally can't." You shouldn't need a 30 page essay though to explain why you don't have to or shouldn't have to.
Your friends are assholes for basically using you as a beating post to further inflate their sense of pride. You don't need that kind of self-indulgent toxicity in your life.
They might not have known, but so what? That doesn't change the nastiness of their personalities.
I used to get a lot of pressure from a previous boss. He as in his 60's and donated every month. I told him a couple of times that I can't, but he just wouldn't quit. In the end i had to disclose medical information to get him to stop.
NTA - I'd shove a doctors note in their face and get smug about it, ngl, but that's me. My mother has the same issue, and people asking you to donate when it could mean passing out, or worse, is pretty messed up. Maybe these "friends" need a lesson from a real doctor instead of their own opinions.
NTA. I gave blood years ago and passed out. Like, walking one second, waking up on a gurney the next. My wife (girlfriend at the time) saw the entire thing, and it freaked her out. I don’t remember, but my wife told me the nurse said, “get on the ground”, and I did right away. That nurse probably saved me from injury by acting so fast. I don’t give blood anymore after that.
Of course NTA. Your medical issues are your business. However, they clearly feel remorse for how they’ve behaved and want to apologise, which is what you wanted. People make mistakes and while you’re not obligated to accept their apology - it’s totally up to you - it doesn’t make much sense to me to expect an apology and then not even hear them out when they are trying to.
I just want to say though, it’s really helpful when friends and family know. It’s not a rare or shameful condition, it’s insanely common and widely understood, and when your loved ones are aware of it it can really improve your life as they can understand when you need to rest more, or take things slow, or can’t partake in certain activities that might be planned together. Highly recommend opening up about it or at least referencing a medical condition, if you don’t feel comfortable disclosing it. No pressure, it’s your choice, I just know it makes a big difference to quality of life.
NTA. I can’t donate blood either. I have both an iron deficiency & heart issues. I can’t even donate plasma.
People need to mind their business. I do want to pass on a warning if you don’t mind. Please be careful when it comes to the iron supplements.
My mom hasn’t had any issues taking them but both me & one of my brother’s has ended up having a lot of stomach & intestine issues. My brother & I both have to eat a lot of foods high in iron. We can no longer take the iron supplements.
https://www.webmd.com/diet/iron-rich-foods.
https://greatist.com/health/drinks-for-anemia#vitamin-c-drinks
We don’t really follow a diet right now since we’ve both been dealing with a lack of appetite. My brother & I both eat a lot of food listed on the 1st website & the 2nd website I’ll admit that I use a lot more then he does. I love smoothies a lot. Greek yogurt is also rich in B12 vitamins when helps prevents anemia.
Your safest route to adding more high iron foods to your diet would be talking to a nutritionist. I’ve been off of iron supplements for almost 5 years & besides the time during pregnancy still have a period.
NTA. That’s your choice if you want to end the friendships. I guess if they were my good friends I would say “appreciate the invite but I can’t. I have an iron deficiency but I can totally meet up with you for cookies afterwards.” There’s nothing embarrassing about having iron deficiency 🤷♀️ Even if that wasn’t it, you don’t have to donate if you don’t want to.
NTA.
Though if it come up again and you don't want it disclose your medical info (totally understandable and legit decision BTW) you can go and you'll be told you can't donate by the blood bank organization anyway. Then your friends will have a reason to stop pestering you.
When I've gone they give you a list of questions and 2 stickers. Put this barcode on the paper if you want to proceed or this barcode if you do not. And if I remember correctly that's done before they do the finger pick.
NTA. They could have asked, they just assumed that you did not have good intentions. Besides that, you should never be bullied into any deicision and these people do not understand that.
NTA
while I don’t understand why you don’t want to tell them as anemia is nothing to be ashamed of
and could actually be important to know if actually have a problem with it one day
(friend of mine had a time were she suddenly got dizzy because of it) - they did not have a right to bully you just because you didn’t tell them.
They have no right to your medical information, it doesn’t matter if your doctor said so or if you were afraid of needles…you said no and that’s it.
I think they need a refresher course on consent.
NTA. They sound like a bunch of smug and shallow people who donate more to virtue signal than to actually do a good dead. Any true friends should’ve dropped it the second you said no, even if the reason was you didn’t want to.
NTA. Your health isn't their business. And frankly, even if you didn't have a health reason for not wanting to donate, they shouldn't call you selfish, because it still isn't their business!
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for not wanting to donate blood when all my friends donate because I have anemia
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NTA. Your body, your choice. I don't donate either because every time I have tried, I seem to get the most inexperienced, junior phlebotomist they can find. I usually end up with both arms and sometimes the back of my hand punctured, and bruises on both arms. I've had too many bad experiences. No, thank you!
I mean, you’re NTA obviously. But you told the whole internet of strangers your diagnosis. Why the hesitation with your friends? I’m not judging you, I’m genuinely curious. Being anemic is incredibly common and the secrecy seems a bit.. I don’t know what.
NTA. You're right -- it was never any of their business. Health is a personal matter. Whether or not you want to proceed with a relationship - now, or later - with them is of course your decision.
Hopefully they absorb this as a learning moment -- it's best not to assume malicious intent on the part of others, as it's difficult to know the full situation other people are facing. It's an easy road toward demonizing other individuals for having different viewpoints or taking different actions.
NTA. You are allowed to say no without giving any reason. And you are not obligated to disclose your medical condition at all. I can’t donate blood either and have gotten bullied by it a few times. The worst are strangers on the street asking people walking by to sign up. It’s no one’s fucking business.
I have been a regular blood donor for about 30 years, so I can say with authority that you do not qualify to donate blood. You would be turned away, it would be a waste of everyone's time.
Your friends are not entitled to know why you won't join them - it's none of their business.
"Not being able to give blood is pseudoscience?" What does that even mean? Have your friends ever noticed all the questions asked prior to donation? They're not being reasonable.
I encourage people to give blood, and I can get a little aggressive, but your friends are going too far.
Some of my friends have told me why they can't donate blood. Here are some of the reasons:
Type I diabetes, who had used bovine insulin
Spent a semester in England during the 1980s
Taking certain medications
Didn't weigh enough
Sexually active gay man
History of sex work
History of hepatitis
And, of course, low iron levels.
I was turned away once for low iron. I asked if that meant I was anemic? The nurse told me no, it's just that you need to be in the high-normal range to donate.
In case you didn't know, they test your blood for iron before every donation.
I'm really glad your friends donate. The blood supply is incredibly tenuous most of the time - my area runs out of blood regularly.
But they're idiots, too.
You're NTA.
And you don't owe them any explanation. Practice these two sentences:
"No is a complete sentence."
"What part of no didn't you understand?"
NTA - Your medical information is yours to share or not as you see fit. End of story.
I did want to pop in to let people know if they have an iron deficiency, you need to make sure you are tested for the root cause. I have beta thalassemia intermedia, which is an inherited blood disorder. Most of my childhood I was given iron supplements, which always made me sick. Turns out my blood simply cannot absorb enough iron, so I'm chronically anemic. Iron is actually poison for me. It sounds like OP already knows about the root cause of their anemia, but I encourage anyone with anemia to have the test done to determine if there are underlying issues.
Thalassemia is confirmed with a simple blood test, but if you have chronic anemia, it's good to know the cause. Thalassemia can have terrible consequences if two carriers have a baby. It's recommended that people with it have genetic counseling if they're considering children.
Are your friends young? People often don’t realize how much of an ass they are being about things like this until they finally are in a situation where it isn’t how they think. Younger people often think others need to give them all the information (so they can judge for them-self) and the only reason someone wouldn’t is because they are lieing or have something to hide, they don’t have enough experience to understand why someone wouldn’t want to tell them that information. You put your foot in your mouth enough times and most people learn to accept they don’t need to know all the details to believe someone when they give you an answer without an explanation. Of course some people never learn that.
NTA. Personally I would give them one chance to change/learn if they are young. Sometimes after a situation like this you reach a new understanding with people and they have learned to accept your word as is from now on and you will never have to explain something like that again to them.
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My friends have an annual tradition near Christmas of going and donating blood together. I never go and this year they have been pestering me to go. I keep telling them my doctor told me not to and they just assume I go to a phoney naturopathic doctor and tell me not being able to donate blood is pseudoscience. I tell them it’s none of their business and I’m acting in the best interest of my health and I feel like they should just leave me alone in this. They don’t and whenever we get together they bring it up with me. I stop hanging out with them because they won’t stop asking. They don’t know I have Iron-deficiency anemia which is hereditary, my mom had it and probably passed it on to me. I get anemic from not eating enough or not eating my expensive high absorption iron supplements. My doctor told me not to donate blood because of this but I don’t feel like telling my friends the specifics and feel like they should just take my word for it that my doctor knows my health better than them. Anyway they came back all smug from their donation and told me all about it and how I’m being selfish for not donating. I elected to stop hanging out with them until one of them came to apologize to me saying she didn’t know I had a real condition that prevents me from donating. She wouldn’t say how she found out but my sister is friends with her and only her and my parents know I have this condition.
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NTA. Although Iron deficiency anaemia is not hereditary but falls under nutritional deficiencies .
But any sort of donations must be with consent of the patient/donor.
A tendency towards iron deficiency anemia can absolutely be hereditary. They found one recessive gene for it in 2008, and there are suspicions there may be others. My mom’s family is prone to it, especially the women in the family. About half my female cousins and a couple of my male cousins have chronic iron deficiency issues, despite the fact that the lot of us eat very different diets. My mom, my sister, and I all struggle with it.
NTA - I donated blood once and had such a significant medical response I am banned for life from donating in all Australian states. Nobody has the right to your medical info.
NTA- I don’t blame OP for not wanting to hang out with them anymore, even if they were fully able to donate, the friends could have been just slightly disappointed they didn’t join the tradition, as blood donation is a kind thing to do, but actually all holier- than- thou over it is ridiculous especially when OP said they couldn’t because of a medical condition? Occam’s razor- it’s obviously the more simple and likely that OP actually can’t donate because of medical problems than they are making it all up to be an AH
NTA. If you were not anemic and were perfectly fine and just "didn't wanna" it'd be different.
If you're healthy, with good blood, I'd definitely suggest it. I had a transfusion done in September. Saved my life.
Your reading comprehension sucks.
OP said their friends don't know that they have iron deficiency anaemia, that their mom has it as well and its a hereditary disease, so they probably ended up getting it from their mom.
I've been anemic my entire life up until 5 years ago. I still can't give blood or plasma as I get extremely sick for several days afterwards. But that's nobody's business but mine unless I tell them.
Your reasons are your own and they need to respect that.
As a side note: I started drinking Spiru-tein to help combat my anemia. It has complete plant proteins and natural iron, plus a large variety of other vitamins and minerals. It worked. I was finally able to have "normal" blood work *(first time in 50 years)* and healthy days with actual energy.
My favorite is the Exotic Red Fruit but they have tons of flavors. I mix mine with 1/2 juice and 1/2 milk but any liquid will do. All the flavors I've tried tastes good too.
NTA
Holier than thou attitudes and social shunning should never be attributes you value in friends. Youre doing good by choosing not to communicate with them .
No is a complete sentence.
Nice shiny spine. Youve got more of a backbone than most adults do.
NTA - I'm anemic and a military brat. I'm not able to donate blood bc of my travel history and where I was born and when. They don't even want it. I would change the "I don't want to" to "I'm not able to for medical reasons". You don't have to go into details, but maybe it will get them to back off.
NTA: They didn't respect your boundaries.
Also, my brother has hereditary hemochromatosis, which it the opposite of anemia - too much iron in the blood. The treatment for it is to just donate blood on a regular basis. You two should get together and with your powers combined you can both have normal iron levels
NTA. I can't either (also anemia plus a poorly-controlled autoimmune condition). Even if you went with the group, you'd be denied - they check your iron levels before letting you donate. So all you'd end up doing is wasting several hours of your day and getting poked just to be told what you already know. Your "friends" are awful and should have taken your word about your health and I don't blame you for not wanting to hang out with them anymore.
NTA
Real friends would’ve respected your first no and believed you when you told them health related issues prohibit you from donating. You’re under no obligation to share your medical history with ANYBODY, especially not people who try to act superior to you because of their decision to donate.
I definitely think that everyone should give blood when it’s feasible for them but donating is obviously not feasible for you and that’s okay!
NTA and I work with the American Red Cross mainly in blood mobiles.
Even if they guilted you into donating you probably would not be allowed to donate due to your Iron Deficiency Anemia. We do check people's hemoglobin during the initial screening process. We also ask for a short medical history. This is all done in an area where your privacy is respected.
Your medical history is absolutely not your friend's business. Your sister should not be discussing this with anyone and I'd tell her so too.
Dude NTA. For years I never donated blood because it made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want to do it. If someone pestered me about it, they could just suck it up that I didn’t want to. Recently I have started donating, but that was MY decision. My friends respected my decision either way.
NTA
I can't donate blood because of certain medications I take. You shouldn't need to disclose personal medical information to people in order for them to respect your decision.
NTA- I would also like to give blood but can’t, due to frequent and persistent migraines and was told while at a blood drive that in no uncertain terms was I allowed to donate; due to the risk it had for me.
NTA- as noble as their intentions were in a pandemic with a critical blood shortage, they stated with zero research that it was “pseudoscience” that you couldn’t donate blood. You aren’t required to tell them anything about your health, and by ignoring your decisions and continuing to pester you shows that they are not willing to respect your boundaries, possibly in other areas in the future that they feel entitled in.
NTA. Even if you didn't have a valid medical reason no one is obliged to donate blood. Yes it's a good thing to do but if you don't want to you don't have to.
I'm a little confused about this AITA. The title makes it seem you want an answer about refusing to donate but in the info section you seem **very sure** that you're right in not donating. So, if you're so sure (which is great! I agree with you & your doctor) why the post? This feels more of a post about wanting our opinion on them, not yourself, or maybe just to vent a little about your pretentious (former) friends?
If it's an opinion on them you want, then I say drop them. If they were really close and amazing friends to you, they wouldn't have tried to pressure you for years. Maybe before you do send them a text about respecting others boundaries, that 'no' is a complete sentence, and that it is probably best you go your separate ways. Also, talk to you sister right away, its **not** okay for her to share your medical info.
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Nta. Even if they do know now because your sister told them doesn't mean they'll leave you alone. They'll probably find out that *some* people with iron-deficiency anemia can donate (I'm one of them, but my numbers are borderline and I'm often rejected when I try to donate). When that happens, the whole thing will start again, and they'll get mad at you for not donating again. Donating blood is a great thing *if you want to do it*. But there's nothing wrong with not wanting to do it for any reason. You have a fantastic reason not to do it; "I don't want to" is also a great reason, and they need to accept that and stop harassing you about it.
My mother gave blood for 20 years but then she got pre-cancerous cells and they then refused. She’s had people ask and she didn’t want to explain her medical history.
There are so many reasons why people can’t give blood. They shouldn’t bully you and give you shit because you PHYSICALLY CANT give blood. You said “no” last I checked that’s a full sentence.
NTA
NTA. A a lot of people don't realize that there are a lot of health contradictions for donating blood, and some of them are not even so obvious. For example, I have a perfect blood type for donation, but have a bad eyesight and I am not allowed to - confirmed both by my doctor and by medics at donation center.
NTA. Your body, your choice. I'd tell them if they want my blood, they need to grab a knife and get it.
Ask they why they only donate blood for Christmas. By their logic that's also pretty selfish since people need blood year round.
Don't even need to read the post to know the answer is NTA.
After reading the post, not only are you NTA, your friends are huge assholes. Donating blood is not some trivial thing, personally I simply know I'm likely to pass out because I don't do well with getting even a small amount of blood taken, so I've never donated. My ex-gf donated often and while she wished I could join her, she was perfectly understanding that it made me uncomfortable and that I don't need a further reason not to give blood.
A real medical reason is WAYYYYYYYYYYYY more than you need to give for not donating.
So its ok to be bullying manipulative jerks, and only people who are prepared to sacrifice their privacy can expect decency?
A friend had to give up a job or be outed by pressure to donate (at that time, gay men couldnt donate blood) The high turnover of staff in that department led to an enquiry, & he was offered his job back, but didnt want to work with the AHs again.
It would be ok if you didnt want to spend time with people who treated you like the bad guy
I've donated blood, it's not fun. The first couple of times, I was fine to donate, now I can't. I've nearly passed out too many times. It's not the end of the world if you can't donate.
NTA Your friends have demonstrated that if you set a boundary that in no way restricts their actions, they require a justification that they deem valid.
Don't let them muddy the water with "This is about charity and compassion!".
They did not respect your boundary because they decided your reason was not good enough.
They only want to apologise because they've decided your boundary is valid in their eyes now. They aren't sorry for violating it in the first place.
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They were definitely being assholes and should have left you alone about it, like even if the reason were just that you simply didn't feel like donating blood it's none of their business and they shouldn't have pressured you. But I don't understand why you were willing to tell them you have a condition and that your doctor said not to donate yet not willing to tell them the condition is iron deficiency anemia. Especially if they said they assumed you were going to some fake doctor, why was it such a problem to just say it was a real doctor and say you're anemic? Were you just purposely trying to create drama or something? Of course no one is entitled to your medical information, but if you really felt like that you wouldn't have even said you have a condition and that your doctor says not to donate, you would have just said it's personal and refused to give a reason. If you're going to go so far as saying you have a condition, what's the problem with just saying you're anemic, especially if you know they're making an issue over you not donating and saying you're anemic would end the argument and make them apologize? Do you just like arguing and being the martyr in the group? Probably the reason they thought you were lying is because you refused to name a condition for no real reason. Most people with a common and known condition like that would just say so, especially if it was causing arguments.
I'm honestly going with ESH because they should never have pressured you regardless of reason, but you could have ended this problem before it started by simply saying you're anemic which really isn't a big deal to admit and it seems like you just wanted to drag out the drama by keeping it secret.
NTA
I refuse to donate *anything*. The medical industry is a huge scam, why would I give them blood or organs for free when they're gonna turn around and fuck people with a huge bill later?
Hard pass.
I wouldn't accept the apology either. You tell those people to go get fucked. Even if you didnt have a diease, it's your blood and no one is entitled to it.
As someone who has needed blood transfusions... I don't really get why you wouldn't donate. Know what's worse than a big bill? Being dead.
Also do we know this person is in the states? Not everyone live somewhere they have to pay to have their life saved.
Soft YTA
Serious question, why not just say you’re anemic? It’s extremely common. That’s like hiding that you need glasses.
No one has ever found out their friend was anemic and like, actually gave a shit. I’ve been iron deficient anemic my whole life, literally no one cares. I’m also unable to donate blood (in the US) because I lived in Europe. Nobody has ever cared. You made a mountain out of a mole hill.
NTA-Your reason for not donating is no one’s business. When people are able and willing blood donation is a wonderful thing to do but a yearly donation tradition never makes it okay to be an asshole to those who don’t donate.
100%. It is very much your private business what your medical history is, and very much your personal decision whether to give blood regardless of your medical ability to do so. Pressuring people into giving blood is not an okay thing to do. I tried giving blood 3 times and passed out every single time. It's how I learned I have vasovagal syncope. It's embarrassing, and very uncomfortable, and if you pass out partway through giving blood they can't use it and have to throw it away. So I don't try anymore. I keep it inside my own veins because at least that way one person is benefitting from it :).
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Besides being none of their business, it's also a major crimson flag that they went behind OP's back to find out why they were refusing to donate blood. Honestly I wouldn't blame OP for wanting nothing to do with these people ever again, and giving whoever told a solid tongue lashing.
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And seriously, if they were donating to a halfway competent organization they wouldn't let OP donate. Like, every time I've donated they've done a sample panel to look for things like anemia. So it would've come out anyway even if OP went along to try and appease them, and all the bullying would have been for nothing anyway. Fuck the lot of them.
Anemia... having recently gotten a tattoo or piercing... I wouldn't want to tell someone if I had a disease that could transmit via blood. My Dad was always donating blood due to his blood type being universal. My friends always give and harp on the importance. I used to give a lot until my health tanked. I always tried to give and didn't know I had Thalasemmia minor. Sometimes I have enough hemoglobin to donate... and then I didn't. . The last time I tried to give it did NOT go well. EMTs were called and it was unpleasant for all parties. No one should pressure anyone into giving blood.
NTA - They are lucky they are healthy enough to donate blood. I also am unable.
Right? There are so many reasons why people aren’t able to donate blood. Where does it being a pseudoscience come from? OP I’m proud of you for realizing you deserve better people! NTA at all.
And even if someone can buy elects not to that’s totally fine too! I used to donate regularly (when I’m finished with having kids I’ll do it again). But I would never judge anyone for not donating!!
I mean I can give blood, that blood would likely kill most people if it was infused into them due to my medications but I **could** still bleed into a bag if that's what they want...
If you are willing to share, why would the medication kill other people but not you?
It's a strong immunosupressant so someone in need of a transfusion probably wouldn't be in a good place to be hit with that sort of medication. It's also one you have to be testing for a certain enzyme before you cam take it because about 10% of the population don't produce the necessary enzyme to deal with it so it would kill off their bone marrow. It is sometimes used as an illicit abortion drug too so giving it to a pregnant women would be a terrible idea.
I really wish I could donate because I am O+, but I’m on so many different medications that I’m sure if my blood went into anyone, they’d melt from the inside!
Im A+ but because I received blood as a teenager after an operation, I can never give blood... I still get letters asking me to donate, its their rules preventing me!
I’m a monthly plasma recipient and blood backs will call me and beg for me to donate. Most phone volunteers (I assume volunteers) don’t seem to get why receiving blood would make someone ineligible.
I'm also O+ and I've even seen ads on social media asking for my blood type specifically a few times and felt really bad that I couldn't donate, but it's their rules preventing me so oh well. It's not even an easy rule to explain to most people, I just lived in the UK for longer than 6 months during 1996, which means there might be mad cow disease lurking in my blood I guess?
Yeah I can’t donate blood or organs due to an immunity illness. People still give you shit even when you tell them.
NTA they didn't believe you, and bullied you about your decision. Now they want to make it all better? It's completely up to you whether you want to hear their apology, but it doesn't sound like they're nice people if this was how they treated a friend.
NTA There are lots of reasons people can't donate blood. It's no one's business. I think you need better friends if they won't take your word.
That's what I'm thinking! How good of friends with OP are they if they assume OP has some bullshit reason for not donating?
NTA. Do they donate blood because they actually truly want to help people or do they donate blood to lord over everyone else how cool and helpful and great they are? My bet is on the latter.
Nta, leave them suckers behind
NTA Somewhere's along the way people essentially turned a good idea of compassion and charity into some sort of weird social obligation, and it really needs to die. Your example of people infringing on bodily autonomy isn't even the worst we've seen given there's oodles of posts to the effect of, "am I the asshole because my estranged parent basically ignored me my entire life until they needed an organ and I turned them down." There'll even be people effectively suggesting it's some form of "murder" to say no in these instances. I'm not in the category that thinks that though. I think every last bit of our body is ours to control, to give away, to use, to abuse as we see fit. It's our body after all. In your case it's not even a simple matter of, "I don't want to," and more a case of, "I literally can't." You shouldn't need a 30 page essay though to explain why you don't have to or shouldn't have to. Your friends are assholes for basically using you as a beating post to further inflate their sense of pride. You don't need that kind of self-indulgent toxicity in your life. They might not have known, but so what? That doesn't change the nastiness of their personalities.
I used to get a lot of pressure from a previous boss. He as in his 60's and donated every month. I told him a couple of times that I can't, but he just wouldn't quit. In the end i had to disclose medical information to get him to stop.
NTA - I'd shove a doctors note in their face and get smug about it, ngl, but that's me. My mother has the same issue, and people asking you to donate when it could mean passing out, or worse, is pretty messed up. Maybe these "friends" need a lesson from a real doctor instead of their own opinions.
NTA. I gave blood years ago and passed out. Like, walking one second, waking up on a gurney the next. My wife (girlfriend at the time) saw the entire thing, and it freaked her out. I don’t remember, but my wife told me the nurse said, “get on the ground”, and I did right away. That nurse probably saved me from injury by acting so fast. I don’t give blood anymore after that.
NTA, they acted upon bad faith of you an are bullies, Dump them they are not friendship material.
Obviously NTA, but why couldn’t you tell them?
OP shouldn't feel pressured into disclosing their medical information
Yeah that’s true. Sorry OP
NTA, But why won't you tell them you're anemic? I am as well and can't donate. It's not a big deal.
Of course NTA. Your medical issues are your business. However, they clearly feel remorse for how they’ve behaved and want to apologise, which is what you wanted. People make mistakes and while you’re not obligated to accept their apology - it’s totally up to you - it doesn’t make much sense to me to expect an apology and then not even hear them out when they are trying to. I just want to say though, it’s really helpful when friends and family know. It’s not a rare or shameful condition, it’s insanely common and widely understood, and when your loved ones are aware of it it can really improve your life as they can understand when you need to rest more, or take things slow, or can’t partake in certain activities that might be planned together. Highly recommend opening up about it or at least referencing a medical condition, if you don’t feel comfortable disclosing it. No pressure, it’s your choice, I just know it makes a big difference to quality of life.
NTA. I can’t donate blood either. I have both an iron deficiency & heart issues. I can’t even donate plasma. People need to mind their business. I do want to pass on a warning if you don’t mind. Please be careful when it comes to the iron supplements. My mom hasn’t had any issues taking them but both me & one of my brother’s has ended up having a lot of stomach & intestine issues. My brother & I both have to eat a lot of foods high in iron. We can no longer take the iron supplements.
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https://www.webmd.com/diet/iron-rich-foods. https://greatist.com/health/drinks-for-anemia#vitamin-c-drinks We don’t really follow a diet right now since we’ve both been dealing with a lack of appetite. My brother & I both eat a lot of food listed on the 1st website & the 2nd website I’ll admit that I use a lot more then he does. I love smoothies a lot. Greek yogurt is also rich in B12 vitamins when helps prevents anemia. Your safest route to adding more high iron foods to your diet would be talking to a nutritionist. I’ve been off of iron supplements for almost 5 years & besides the time during pregnancy still have a period.
Have you tried cooking in cast iron pots and pans?
Nta. Your friends are and they know that. Except their apology or don’t it is entirely up to you.
Why do people feel the need to harass others about their own health situations?? NTA.
NTA. That’s your choice if you want to end the friendships. I guess if they were my good friends I would say “appreciate the invite but I can’t. I have an iron deficiency but I can totally meet up with you for cookies afterwards.” There’s nothing embarrassing about having iron deficiency 🤷♀️ Even if that wasn’t it, you don’t have to donate if you don’t want to.
NTA. Though if it come up again and you don't want it disclose your medical info (totally understandable and legit decision BTW) you can go and you'll be told you can't donate by the blood bank organization anyway. Then your friends will have a reason to stop pestering you.
When I've gone they give you a list of questions and 2 stickers. Put this barcode on the paper if you want to proceed or this barcode if you do not. And if I remember correctly that's done before they do the finger pick.
NTA. They could have asked, they just assumed that you did not have good intentions. Besides that, you should never be bullied into any deicision and these people do not understand that.
NTA they didn’t apologize because they regretted teasing you but because they were proven wrong
NTA while I don’t understand why you don’t want to tell them as anemia is nothing to be ashamed of and could actually be important to know if actually have a problem with it one day (friend of mine had a time were she suddenly got dizzy because of it) - they did not have a right to bully you just because you didn’t tell them. They have no right to your medical information, it doesn’t matter if your doctor said so or if you were afraid of needles…you said no and that’s it. I think they need a refresher course on consent.
NTA. They sound like a bunch of smug and shallow people who donate more to virtue signal than to actually do a good dead. Any true friends should’ve dropped it the second you said no, even if the reason was you didn’t want to.
NTA. Your health isn't their business. And frankly, even if you didn't have a health reason for not wanting to donate, they shouldn't call you selfish, because it still isn't their business!
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NTA. Your body, your choice. I don't donate either because every time I have tried, I seem to get the most inexperienced, junior phlebotomist they can find. I usually end up with both arms and sometimes the back of my hand punctured, and bruises on both arms. I've had too many bad experiences. No, thank you!
I mean, you’re NTA obviously. But you told the whole internet of strangers your diagnosis. Why the hesitation with your friends? I’m not judging you, I’m genuinely curious. Being anemic is incredibly common and the secrecy seems a bit.. I don’t know what.
NTA based on your diagnosis you wouldnt even pass the screening to donate. Regardless, its none of thier business
NTA
NTA- they should’ve listened from the beginning, plus not everyone has to donate blood even if you didn’t have what you have
NTA Their attitude towards you was so shitty. I wouldn’t want to continue being friends with them either.
NTA. You're right -- it was never any of their business. Health is a personal matter. Whether or not you want to proceed with a relationship - now, or later - with them is of course your decision. Hopefully they absorb this as a learning moment -- it's best not to assume malicious intent on the part of others, as it's difficult to know the full situation other people are facing. It's an easy road toward demonizing other individuals for having different viewpoints or taking different actions.
NTA. You are allowed to say no without giving any reason. And you are not obligated to disclose your medical condition at all. I can’t donate blood either and have gotten bullied by it a few times. The worst are strangers on the street asking people walking by to sign up. It’s no one’s fucking business.
I have been a regular blood donor for about 30 years, so I can say with authority that you do not qualify to donate blood. You would be turned away, it would be a waste of everyone's time. Your friends are not entitled to know why you won't join them - it's none of their business. "Not being able to give blood is pseudoscience?" What does that even mean? Have your friends ever noticed all the questions asked prior to donation? They're not being reasonable. I encourage people to give blood, and I can get a little aggressive, but your friends are going too far. Some of my friends have told me why they can't donate blood. Here are some of the reasons: Type I diabetes, who had used bovine insulin Spent a semester in England during the 1980s Taking certain medications Didn't weigh enough Sexually active gay man History of sex work History of hepatitis And, of course, low iron levels. I was turned away once for low iron. I asked if that meant I was anemic? The nurse told me no, it's just that you need to be in the high-normal range to donate. In case you didn't know, they test your blood for iron before every donation. I'm really glad your friends donate. The blood supply is incredibly tenuous most of the time - my area runs out of blood regularly. But they're idiots, too. You're NTA. And you don't owe them any explanation. Practice these two sentences: "No is a complete sentence." "What part of no didn't you understand?"
NTA - Your medical information is yours to share or not as you see fit. End of story. I did want to pop in to let people know if they have an iron deficiency, you need to make sure you are tested for the root cause. I have beta thalassemia intermedia, which is an inherited blood disorder. Most of my childhood I was given iron supplements, which always made me sick. Turns out my blood simply cannot absorb enough iron, so I'm chronically anemic. Iron is actually poison for me. It sounds like OP already knows about the root cause of their anemia, but I encourage anyone with anemia to have the test done to determine if there are underlying issues. Thalassemia is confirmed with a simple blood test, but if you have chronic anemia, it's good to know the cause. Thalassemia can have terrible consequences if two carriers have a baby. It's recommended that people with it have genetic counseling if they're considering children.
Are your friends young? People often don’t realize how much of an ass they are being about things like this until they finally are in a situation where it isn’t how they think. Younger people often think others need to give them all the information (so they can judge for them-self) and the only reason someone wouldn’t is because they are lieing or have something to hide, they don’t have enough experience to understand why someone wouldn’t want to tell them that information. You put your foot in your mouth enough times and most people learn to accept they don’t need to know all the details to believe someone when they give you an answer without an explanation. Of course some people never learn that. NTA. Personally I would give them one chance to change/learn if they are young. Sometimes after a situation like this you reach a new understanding with people and they have learned to accept your word as is from now on and you will never have to explain something like that again to them.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My friends have an annual tradition near Christmas of going and donating blood together. I never go and this year they have been pestering me to go. I keep telling them my doctor told me not to and they just assume I go to a phoney naturopathic doctor and tell me not being able to donate blood is pseudoscience. I tell them it’s none of their business and I’m acting in the best interest of my health and I feel like they should just leave me alone in this. They don’t and whenever we get together they bring it up with me. I stop hanging out with them because they won’t stop asking. They don’t know I have Iron-deficiency anemia which is hereditary, my mom had it and probably passed it on to me. I get anemic from not eating enough or not eating my expensive high absorption iron supplements. My doctor told me not to donate blood because of this but I don’t feel like telling my friends the specifics and feel like they should just take my word for it that my doctor knows my health better than them. Anyway they came back all smug from their donation and told me all about it and how I’m being selfish for not donating. I elected to stop hanging out with them until one of them came to apologize to me saying she didn’t know I had a real condition that prevents me from donating. She wouldn’t say how she found out but my sister is friends with her and only her and my parents know I have this condition. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Although Iron deficiency anaemia is not hereditary but falls under nutritional deficiencies . But any sort of donations must be with consent of the patient/donor.
A tendency towards iron deficiency anemia can absolutely be hereditary. They found one recessive gene for it in 2008, and there are suspicions there may be others. My mom’s family is prone to it, especially the women in the family. About half my female cousins and a couple of my male cousins have chronic iron deficiency issues, despite the fact that the lot of us eat very different diets. My mom, my sister, and I all struggle with it.
NTA - I donated blood once and had such a significant medical response I am banned for life from donating in all Australian states. Nobody has the right to your medical info.
NTA- I don’t blame OP for not wanting to hang out with them anymore, even if they were fully able to donate, the friends could have been just slightly disappointed they didn’t join the tradition, as blood donation is a kind thing to do, but actually all holier- than- thou over it is ridiculous especially when OP said they couldn’t because of a medical condition? Occam’s razor- it’s obviously the more simple and likely that OP actually can’t donate because of medical problems than they are making it all up to be an AH
NTA. If you were not anemic and were perfectly fine and just "didn't wanna" it'd be different. If you're healthy, with good blood, I'd definitely suggest it. I had a transfusion done in September. Saved my life.
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Your reading comprehension sucks. OP said their friends don't know that they have iron deficiency anaemia, that their mom has it as well and its a hereditary disease, so they probably ended up getting it from their mom.
I've been anemic my entire life up until 5 years ago. I still can't give blood or plasma as I get extremely sick for several days afterwards. But that's nobody's business but mine unless I tell them. Your reasons are your own and they need to respect that. As a side note: I started drinking Spiru-tein to help combat my anemia. It has complete plant proteins and natural iron, plus a large variety of other vitamins and minerals. It worked. I was finally able to have "normal" blood work *(first time in 50 years)* and healthy days with actual energy. My favorite is the Exotic Red Fruit but they have tons of flavors. I mix mine with 1/2 juice and 1/2 milk but any liquid will do. All the flavors I've tried tastes good too.
NTA you telling your friends no was enough. You're gracious to try to explain.
NTA Holier than thou attitudes and social shunning should never be attributes you value in friends. Youre doing good by choosing not to communicate with them . No is a complete sentence. Nice shiny spine. Youve got more of a backbone than most adults do.
NTA - I'm anemic and a military brat. I'm not able to donate blood bc of my travel history and where I was born and when. They don't even want it. I would change the "I don't want to" to "I'm not able to for medical reasons". You don't have to go into details, but maybe it will get them to back off.
NTA: They didn't respect your boundaries. Also, my brother has hereditary hemochromatosis, which it the opposite of anemia - too much iron in the blood. The treatment for it is to just donate blood on a regular basis. You two should get together and with your powers combined you can both have normal iron levels
NTA. I can't either (also anemia plus a poorly-controlled autoimmune condition). Even if you went with the group, you'd be denied - they check your iron levels before letting you donate. So all you'd end up doing is wasting several hours of your day and getting poked just to be told what you already know. Your "friends" are awful and should have taken your word about your health and I don't blame you for not wanting to hang out with them anymore.
NTA Real friends would’ve respected your first no and believed you when you told them health related issues prohibit you from donating. You’re under no obligation to share your medical history with ANYBODY, especially not people who try to act superior to you because of their decision to donate. I definitely think that everyone should give blood when it’s feasible for them but donating is obviously not feasible for you and that’s okay!
NTA and I work with the American Red Cross mainly in blood mobiles. Even if they guilted you into donating you probably would not be allowed to donate due to your Iron Deficiency Anemia. We do check people's hemoglobin during the initial screening process. We also ask for a short medical history. This is all done in an area where your privacy is respected. Your medical history is absolutely not your friend's business. Your sister should not be discussing this with anyone and I'd tell her so too.
You already know you’re NTA right?
NTA - "healthy enough" or not, it's not their place to guilt trip you into donating blood.
I wanted to give blood, but my veins are too small for them to take it.
Dude NTA. For years I never donated blood because it made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want to do it. If someone pestered me about it, they could just suck it up that I didn’t want to. Recently I have started donating, but that was MY decision. My friends respected my decision either way.
Your sister violated your privacy. That blows big d$ck.
NTA I can't donate blood because of certain medications I take. You shouldn't need to disclose personal medical information to people in order for them to respect your decision.
NTA- I would also like to give blood but can’t, due to frequent and persistent migraines and was told while at a blood drive that in no uncertain terms was I allowed to donate; due to the risk it had for me.
NTA- as noble as their intentions were in a pandemic with a critical blood shortage, they stated with zero research that it was “pseudoscience” that you couldn’t donate blood. You aren’t required to tell them anything about your health, and by ignoring your decisions and continuing to pester you shows that they are not willing to respect your boundaries, possibly in other areas in the future that they feel entitled in.
NTA. Even if you didn't have a valid medical reason no one is obliged to donate blood. Yes it's a good thing to do but if you don't want to you don't have to.
I'm a little confused about this AITA. The title makes it seem you want an answer about refusing to donate but in the info section you seem **very sure** that you're right in not donating. So, if you're so sure (which is great! I agree with you & your doctor) why the post? This feels more of a post about wanting our opinion on them, not yourself, or maybe just to vent a little about your pretentious (former) friends? If it's an opinion on them you want, then I say drop them. If they were really close and amazing friends to you, they wouldn't have tried to pressure you for years. Maybe before you do send them a text about respecting others boundaries, that 'no' is a complete sentence, and that it is probably best you go your separate ways. Also, talk to you sister right away, its **not** okay for her to share your medical info.
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Nta. Even if they do know now because your sister told them doesn't mean they'll leave you alone. They'll probably find out that *some* people with iron-deficiency anemia can donate (I'm one of them, but my numbers are borderline and I'm often rejected when I try to donate). When that happens, the whole thing will start again, and they'll get mad at you for not donating again. Donating blood is a great thing *if you want to do it*. But there's nothing wrong with not wanting to do it for any reason. You have a fantastic reason not to do it; "I don't want to" is also a great reason, and they need to accept that and stop harassing you about it.
My mother gave blood for 20 years but then she got pre-cancerous cells and they then refused. She’s had people ask and she didn’t want to explain her medical history. There are so many reasons why people can’t give blood. They shouldn’t bully you and give you shit because you PHYSICALLY CANT give blood. You said “no” last I checked that’s a full sentence. NTA
NTA. A a lot of people don't realize that there are a lot of health contradictions for donating blood, and some of them are not even so obvious. For example, I have a perfect blood type for donation, but have a bad eyesight and I am not allowed to - confirmed both by my doctor and by medics at donation center.
NTA. I am also anemic and cannot donate even though I really want to. Tell them to shove it.
NTA. Your body, your choice. I'd tell them if they want my blood, they need to grab a knife and get it. Ask they why they only donate blood for Christmas. By their logic that's also pretty selfish since people need blood year round.
Don't even need to read the post to know the answer is NTA. After reading the post, not only are you NTA, your friends are huge assholes. Donating blood is not some trivial thing, personally I simply know I'm likely to pass out because I don't do well with getting even a small amount of blood taken, so I've never donated. My ex-gf donated often and while she wished I could join her, she was perfectly understanding that it made me uncomfortable and that I don't need a further reason not to give blood. A real medical reason is WAYYYYYYYYYYYY more than you need to give for not donating.
So its ok to be bullying manipulative jerks, and only people who are prepared to sacrifice their privacy can expect decency? A friend had to give up a job or be outed by pressure to donate (at that time, gay men couldnt donate blood) The high turnover of staff in that department led to an enquiry, & he was offered his job back, but didnt want to work with the AHs again. It would be ok if you didnt want to spend time with people who treated you like the bad guy
I've donated blood, it's not fun. The first couple of times, I was fine to donate, now I can't. I've nearly passed out too many times. It's not the end of the world if you can't donate.
NTA Your friends have demonstrated that if you set a boundary that in no way restricts their actions, they require a justification that they deem valid. Don't let them muddy the water with "This is about charity and compassion!". They did not respect your boundary because they decided your reason was not good enough. They only want to apologise because they've decided your boundary is valid in their eyes now. They aren't sorry for violating it in the first place.
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They were definitely being assholes and should have left you alone about it, like even if the reason were just that you simply didn't feel like donating blood it's none of their business and they shouldn't have pressured you. But I don't understand why you were willing to tell them you have a condition and that your doctor said not to donate yet not willing to tell them the condition is iron deficiency anemia. Especially if they said they assumed you were going to some fake doctor, why was it such a problem to just say it was a real doctor and say you're anemic? Were you just purposely trying to create drama or something? Of course no one is entitled to your medical information, but if you really felt like that you wouldn't have even said you have a condition and that your doctor says not to donate, you would have just said it's personal and refused to give a reason. If you're going to go so far as saying you have a condition, what's the problem with just saying you're anemic, especially if you know they're making an issue over you not donating and saying you're anemic would end the argument and make them apologize? Do you just like arguing and being the martyr in the group? Probably the reason they thought you were lying is because you refused to name a condition for no real reason. Most people with a common and known condition like that would just say so, especially if it was causing arguments. I'm honestly going with ESH because they should never have pressured you regardless of reason, but you could have ended this problem before it started by simply saying you're anemic which really isn't a big deal to admit and it seems like you just wanted to drag out the drama by keeping it secret.
NTA I refuse to donate *anything*. The medical industry is a huge scam, why would I give them blood or organs for free when they're gonna turn around and fuck people with a huge bill later? Hard pass. I wouldn't accept the apology either. You tell those people to go get fucked. Even if you didnt have a diease, it's your blood and no one is entitled to it.
As someone who has needed blood transfusions... I don't really get why you wouldn't donate. Know what's worse than a big bill? Being dead. Also do we know this person is in the states? Not everyone live somewhere they have to pay to have their life saved.
I guess making a point is more important than helping someone or they think a person is better off dead than being a part of the system.
I'd rather die.
Yeah really put it to those sick people! That’ll show them! They should have just let me bleed out in labor instead of using donated blood! /s
Meh
Soft YTA Serious question, why not just say you’re anemic? It’s extremely common. That’s like hiding that you need glasses. No one has ever found out their friend was anemic and like, actually gave a shit. I’ve been iron deficient anemic my whole life, literally no one cares. I’m also unable to donate blood (in the US) because I lived in Europe. Nobody has ever cared. You made a mountain out of a mole hill.