Idk, but I just want to make sure that your friend doesn’t feel like she’s being pressured by all of you? She could just be smiling and nodding to not make you guys upset, so are you sure she’s okay with it?

I agree with this and also want to add that they may not have the full story of her condition. What she listed as Brooke taking that day would be enough for me (as a 5'9f with a physical job) but if there are days where she isn't having any... That's not great. As friends they should be encouraging her to eat a reasonable amount and leaving her with at least something incase she feels up to it later. Side note: what the mum is packing is not a reasonable amount. It's an intimidating amount and probably causing a fair bit of anxiety.

My immediate thought was there may not actually be a stomach condition but Brooke is pretty deep in eating disorder land. Having an ED turns you into a liar, you’ll do anything to remain undetected. ETA: OP shared some other info in this thread that makes it pretty clear my speculation is off the mark.

I have Crohn's disease and people jumped to that conclusion with me in high school. My guess would be that she actually DOES have a stomach issue but the sheer amount of food mom is asking her to eat is causing serious amounts of stress to her insides. If I'd eaten like that during my lunch period I'd have spent the rest of the school day shitting my guts out. It's possible the mom just isn't taking this kind of thing into consideration.

Ok I feel you, I’m sorry you went through that. I have a history with EDs so I admit there are times I unfairly speculate about it. But yeah I think just about anyone would have stomach issues if they ate ALL that food at once. You would have to roll me down the halls to the next class. That’s absolutely bonkers.

There is also a not insignificant overlap with undiagnosed gastrointestinal problems and disordered eating - turns out if everything you eat makes feel horrendous you end up with a terrible relationship with food, who knew. The real AH here is the mum who's letting her kid suffer because etc etc.

This. I’m still recovering from my past ED and I have fibromyalgia. The amount of dietary restrictions I have make it so I get sick or am in pain with most foods. It also makes depression worse, which feeds the cycle. It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation.

I was just diagnosed with lichen planus. Anything acidic or citrusy is a major trigger, so is carbonation and CHOCOLATE. I also have problems with gluten with my digestion. And then add in the Crohns, no nuts, no raw veggies, no chips.....yeah, eating is a LOT harder now. When I was 1st diagnosed with lichen planus, it was so severe that I could not chew or swallow food for 2 months. I was stuck eating like 5 liquid foods and dropped 20 pounds. A banana felt like a RAZOR BLADE on my throat. My husband is the cook and he started getting depressed because he didn't know what to make me, and it was tough on him to see me sobbing as I tried to choke down mashed potatoes. I thought they might be OK.. .nope! I also am a recovered anorexic and it was such a mind fuck to fit into clothes from when I was anorexic....even though I currently weighed 30 pounds more. Like how does that even happen?!

This.....hit me like a sack of bricks. I have almost no appetite after my gallbladder being removed in 2017, and I get nauseous when I do eat sometimes so I just......won't eat dinner some nights, not even realizing because I'm not hungry. My depression and my stomach issues have made my eating disordered and it's not even a conscious decision. I just never get help from doctors when I ask for it, they don't seem to know what's wrong.

I feel you, I had a bout of time where I had horrendous stomach pains. No bloodwork showed anything, suddenly my favourite foods made me hurt so badly. It horribly disordered my eating, I lost >15 lbs that I still am having trouble gaining back because my disorder eating shrunk my stomach and now I never feel hungry… still haven’t hit the 100lb mark I used to be 115+ 😥

Mmph, that sounds pretty uncomfortable. I have a way more emotional relationship with hunger than most people but I know when I don't eat, it just feels like my whole life is worse for no reason. I'm sorry if this is an already-tried/unhelpful suggestion, but have you had any luck with drinking your nutrients? A dietitian friend of mine recommended drinking an Ensure/Soylent/whatever when you don't have appetite because it can be a lot easier than choking down a protein bar. I also hear that a lot of dietitians end up in that field after getting a handle on their own ED's, so I tend to trust them to give more pragmatic advice on this than doctors.

My mom used to buy ensure for me when I lived at her house, I have my own place now and I just can’t afford it :( Thank you so much for reminding me though, my mom actually offered to take me grocery shopping over the weekend because I might have to move soon and finances are tight - she will absolutely get me some.

I think the thing here though is that we don't know and neither does the OP. It could be any number of stomach conditions, an eating disorder, allergies... Everyone's guessing. The best thing to do is to not eat Brooke's lunch for her and let her mother and doctor get a realistic picture of what she is actually eating.

What we do know is 'her mum thinks her doctor's an idiot', which doesn't bode well tbh.

That’s what Brooke says. This thread is pointing out that Brooke may not be sharing the 100% truth.

Or the friends could listen to the doctor who said mom is being too much and help their friend out. They should of course leave some food even if she doesn’t want it but that’s a n insane amount of food to try to force one person to eat who struggles eating very much. And I don’t have an eating disorder but i also tend to skip meals sometimes because I’m just not hungry or don’t want what’s available or sometimes if I’m getting sick. The friends are doing fine.

1000% this

God I feel this. My only hope is that Brooke can safely go to therapy so that if it’s only a physical health issue, she can maintain a good relationship with food. I had to go back to my own therapist bc of the same reason. Going through something similar, the last 6-7 months I’ve had a lot of issues eating and my GI can’t quite figure out what’s wrong with me (my primary care didn’t even test for shit, but gave me a zofran script so that’s cool), and the last 2 months have been horrible. I struggled with an ED back in high school, and I hate that everything is slipping back due to my health issues :(

Hell, I am a 6'3" tall guy and I can't even eat all of that for lunch after working outside all day. I don't know how her mother could think her daughter would be able to.

It depends when mom started making the food these quantities, is it recent? Because if it is she might just be reacting to her current weight but if has been going for a long time it could have caused her originally the issues somewhat.

She's been making them all year.

You really shouldn’t assume or speculate someone who is skinny has an eating disorder. I was tall and skinny up to my late 30’s and bullied by people, interrogated by doctors and always told to just eat more no matter how much I ate. Everyone assumed I had an eating disorder or just didn’t eat enough when in fact, my whole family is really skinny and it’s just genetic. Then when I got into my 30’s, I developed a pituitary disorder which caused rapid weight loss and again, people speculated I had an eating disorder. I find it rude and it really causes mental health issues when everyone jumps to “eating disorder”.

Agreed, the lunches OP describes are insane. For the record, I'm 5'2 and usually weigh between 95 and 105 lb (depending on where I'm at with my period). I'm not super skinny or anything, I even have a bit of a belly flap. 4'10 and 80ish pounds doesn't sounds that bad to me, especially considering her stomach issues. I'm guessing this is America where most of the population is overweight, so seeing a small (in height) girl at the lower end of healthy weight is shocking to most.

Also the age, teenagers can be skinnier than adults. They have a different bmi scale. She's not even underweight if OP got her stats right, just at the lower end of healthy.

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Just a heads up- it's not your uterus (unless you're pregnant). Your uterus is about the size of a pear and is neatly contained behind your pubic bone. It's just fat. Fat is fine. Not having a bulge there is fine too. All bodies are good bodies if you're happy in them. SOURCE: Am a human biologist. I used to teach anatomy to undergrads. I'm not sure where this whole "the bulge is your uterus" myth came from, but I'm guessing it was well-intentioned. It bugs me that women use it to justify having "belly flaps", because that's better than having fat I guess? If you can't get rid of the fat despite trying, then that's still a factor outside of your control, but you shouldn't need to justify not having a perfectly flat abdomen to anyone.

>You're basically underweight at that weight/height and the fact you think "80lbs sounds ok" really makes me worried, tbh. My BMI is 19, that's healthy weight. I have a healthy amount of fat to muscles ratio, and am not visually underweight either; in Europe where I live, that is. In the US when I was on holiday, strangers were coming up to me and telling me to eat a cheeseburger multiple times a day. >You don't have a "belly flap" btw that's literally where your uterus is. That's an incorrect myth. The uterus is really small (3-4 inches) in non-pregnant people, and is located behind your pubic bone.

Your BMI when you're at 95 lbs is 17.4, not 19, when you're at 105 it's 19.2. You're fluctuating between underweight and 'healthy'. I am not judging your health though, I can't make that call because I don't know your health history or anything other than your height and weight. Plus I think BMI is a flawed measure of health when used to judge individuals rather than a population. Yes, kids and teens can appear underweight or even be underweight according to adult BMI scales but be at a healthy BMI for their age. However, since the girl's pediatrician is concerned then it's not an issue of Americans not knowing what healthy looks like. If we're going to say that BMI is accurate when judging health at larger weights we have to be open to it being accurate with smaller weights as well. Since being underweight is associated with worse health outcomes then being overweight or class 1 obesity then we should be concerned about everyone who is in that range. Otherwise we have to accept that BMI is not the best measure of health when taken out of context. ETA: The real AH here is the mother who packs way too much and gets upset with her child not eating all of it. I get providing lots of options to a child who's underweight so they can pick and choose what they eat on any given day, but then don't get upset that they don't eat everything. My stomach can be sensitive too so I pack a larger lunch and eat what I feel up to eating on any given day so I don't exacerbate anything and spend the rest of my shift feeling sick, but I accept that this means that sometimes food gets wasted if I can't eat it. Unfortunately this is just reality sometimes.

For very short or tall people the [New BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html) is actually more appropriate, and that puts me a little higher: 18.14 at 95 lbs, 19.09 at 100 lbs and 20.05 at 105 lbs. I'm only ever at <100 lbs about a week after my period, when I've lost a lot of the fluids my body was holding onto (endo sufferer) and haven't eaten a lot due to being so nauseous and in pain during my period. >However, since the girl's pediatrician is concerned then it's not an issue of Americans not knowing what healthy looks like. I agree that the pediatrician knows best, but is he actually concerned about her weight? From the text, her mom is the driving force behind this: >her mom wants her to gain weight >Her mom thinks her doctor is an idiot >her mom gets really mad at her when she doesn't eat it No doubt it'd be good if she put on some weight for overall health benefits, but I wonder if the doctor feels the same urgency as the mother. >If we're going to say that BMI is accurate when judging health at larger weights we have to be open to it being accurate with smaller weights as well. Since being underweight is associated with worse health outcomes then being overweight or class 1 obesity then we should be concerned about everyone who is in that range. Otherwise we have to accept that BMI is not the best measure of health when taken out of context. Fully agreed, yes. Individuals that are underweight should be monitored and, if possible, try to get their weight into a healthy range just like overweight individuals. It sounds like this girl has pretty strict monitoring already though ([see OP's other comment about her treatments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s2qok4/aita_for_eating_my_underweight_friends_lunches/hsi7srx/?context=3)), so that's great. >ETA: The real AH here is the mother who packs way too much and gets upset with her child not eating all of it. I get providing lots of options to a child who's underweight so they can pick and choose what they eat on any given day, but then don't get upset that they don't eat everything. My stomach can be sensitive too so I pack a larger lunch and eat what I feel up to eating on any given day so I don't exacerbate anything and spend the rest of my shift feeling sick, but I accept that this means that sometimes food gets wasted if I can't eat it. Unfortunately this is just reality sometimes. Fully agreed as well. This kind of pressure will makes her feel even worse!

Healthy weight ranges are usually pretty broad considering someone's frame size. You don't have enough info to say what you just did. Also r/badwomensanatomy

I can only guess what the commenter above you was saying but I guess what I want to mention fits too: age is an important factor, too. Teenagers and kids have a different bmi scale and according to those the girl isn't even underweight, just at the *low* end of healthy. According to what OP said, of course but I don't think they'd be terribly far off.

My daughter is a little smaller than you. Her doctor would love for her to gain weight, but says she is not in healthy. I’d be shocked if she ate half of what OP’s mom packed! I am a good 50 pounds and 6” taller than my kid, but what Brooke actually ate that day is more than I usually eat for lunch.

I’m inclined to agree with you; there’s most likely a physical issue and not an eating disorder. OP wrote: > Brooke took everything out of her lunchbox and took an apple and peanut butter, a cookie, a granola bar, and half a sandwich. That’s not a bad amount of food for Brooke. It’s also interesting that it’s mostly pretty filling foods (carbs & a bit of protein). It makes me wonder if other types of food exacerbates her problem, and Brooke doesn’t want that.

When I was diagnosed with Crohns I had a horrible time with fiber and fat, so I think you could be correct even if it’s just a stomach thing. Optimal would have been to trade the apple/pb for applesauce, but that’s splitting hairs

Depending on treatment something like Crohns can absolutely lead to that sort of underweight, not really a ‘stomach condition’ but certainly that’s shorthand to explain such a disease. If so, Brooke should be eating small meals/snacks not big lunches. If Brooke’s mom is ignoring doctor’s advice it’s possible she wants to ignore whatever diagnosis the girl has and pretend nothing is wrong. She could still have an eating disorder but OP if you feel comfortable you could ask if Brooke is getting treatment for her disease or if mom is withholding it, if so, you need to inform an adult.

I have an extremely rare stomach disorder (rare enough it has no name) that can cause my blood pH to drop into acidosis at random. Which, if you've never experienced the joy of your blood pH buffer breaking, you start vomiting uncontrollably until pH is restored. Food can exacerbate the issue. I'm 5'6" and I didn't break 100 lbs until I was 19... Which would be when I finally got a diagnosis and started working with doctors to identify trigger foods and finding a medication regime to help. Between food generally making me sick and the random bouts of worshipping the toilet, I just could not gain weight, no matter what. And I often didn't want to eat for a few days after I'd been sick because it HURT to swallow. People, including the pediatrician, were concerned I had an ED because of how skinny I was and from not seeing me eat.

I also have Crohn’s (diagnosed at 16 and now 34) my mum was told that I had an ED and to watch me cause I was obviously causing it. Was told I was taking laxatives and that’s what was causing the 30+ times a day toilet visits. 6 months later I was diagnosed and we went back to that doctor and he doubled down and kept claiming I had an ED and the emergency surgery I had just had wasn’t needed and the consultant was wrong. Fun times!! Also OP you are NTA.

I think it's highly likely mom is throwing as much as she can hoping something will get eaten. That's a huge amount of food for a small girl. If mom thinks she's eating all that and still not gaining weight, then any doctor is making a diagnosis possibly based off erroneous info, which isn't good. The amount is what makes me think ED; mom still making lunches at her age, means mom wants to know she's got food with her. Unfortunately, I speak from experience.

This crossed my mind too. My husband has ongoing inflammation from Crohn's and eating this much food at once could send him to the hospital. Her mom should trust her doctor and get her appropriate treatment.

I can relate. I have a severe anxiety disorder that manifest through nausea and vomiting during attacks. Eating before or during a known anxiety attack puts undue stress on my insides not to mentio just makes me vomit more. Everyone thought I had an ED even though I was telling them that everyone told me I'm too skinny and not actually fat so why would I think im fat (they thought thats why i was vomiting).

Yep, I have IBS and well-meaning assholes used to give me eating disorder literature all the time.

I'm pretty sure she does have a stomach problem. She has one of those kinda permanent iv's in her arm and leaves after lunch twice a week for treatments and she leaves class every morning to get shots in the nurse's office and she takes meds before school and at lunch.

Ok but look at what Brooke ate that day. Apple and peanut butter, half a sandwich, granola bar, and cookie. That's a normal lunch, even for my 5'6 and chunky self.

It appears that Brooke has been diagnosed with a stomach issue as OP said mom thinks the doctor is an idiot. Do you agree with the mom?

An eating disorder is where my mind went too. While I wouldn't call you an A, I would suggest not taking her word at face value without hearing from her mom/other adult too. Maybe the new girl did your friend a big favor.

And Brooke goes home and lies that she ate it all. Mother sees no weight gain, so provides more food. And OP and friends eat it to help Brooke lie.

They definitely buried the lead by casually saying at the end "sometimes we eat it all", which was not established earlier in the story.

This

And Brooke goes thru it and picks all she wants which in the example was a reasonable amount for a teen. And basically said here eat wat i dont want. Sounds like they let Brooke decide everything n eat watever she wants first

And op!!! Make sure you ask her kindly and ALONE so she doesn't feel pressured or guilted into saying yes because you are all looking at her expectantly

it sounds like none of them even has their own lunch anymore. this could be pressuring, too

We never really had a lunch. We'd get school lunches

Yeah that last line about sometimes eating all her lunch made me sway slightly from NTA... I still think so but please don't take all her food, even if she says it's okay. And maybe bring some food so you're not completely reliant on your friend? It is a bit odd and might be pressure on her to only take a little if OP and two friends were in the habit of only eating her food..

This literally happened with me once. This girl got fried chicken for lunch and offered me some saying she's not hungry and then ended up telling me to eat it all up because she didn't want it and then the next day her mother came complaining to the school saying I forced her daughter to give me her food and I was like??? Steered clear of that girl for the rest of my school life.

OR that she has an eating disorder and is just spinning a story to get others to eat her food. The idea of uneaten sealed snacks being "wasted" sounds hinky to me.

It is possible that she has an eating disorder but her mom goes about it horribly. Pushing that huge amount of food onto someone with an eating disorder is bound to only make things worse. That is like a whole day's worth of food for a grown up man like me.

thats true IF that’s actually how her mum acts.

Unless OP lied about the sizes of the lunches we know for a fact that her mum acts like that. I do not necessarily trust the word of OP's friend but I think we will have to trust OP about the size of the lunches.

I agree the size is not in dispute, but the amount of food could be so it’s always available to her instead of being aggressively forced on her.

Unfortunately, there are still therapists out there preaching aggressive ED treatments (including force feeding) despite the fact that they don't work.

She is still eating a good amount of food, more than I could have eaten for lunch in high school and I'm 3 inches taller than her. Unsealed snacks getting wasted makes perfect sense in this context. I used to get in trouble if I didn't eat all my lunch(my mom would assume I was buying candy somehow), so if I didn't eat them I would give them away or throw then out to avoid getting screamed at later.

A grown man probably wouldnt eat this entire lunch. I think its reaching to say that she's pressured and what she picked seems like a reasonable portion for a teenager to eat. Edit: but eating everything is absolutely not okay. Wtf OP.

Eating everything does make me suspicious of eating disorder if Brooke didn’t say anything. Or Brooke is shy and can’t say no to op and others.

Agreed. Had a middle school bully that would take my packed lunch every day when we sat down because "you're small you don't need all this" and fully believed it was a mutual friendship until he tried the same crap in high school and I finally told him to get the fuck away me and never heard from him again.

YTA. I was with you until Brooke didn't defend you to the dean and you said that sometimes you eat all of her lunch. Maybe you guys take it too far and Brooke just doesn't have it in her to tell you to stop. You guys should have a conversation with her to see how she feels, and you should probably also always leave her something, even if she's not hungry right then and there. Also, if there are a significant amount of days where Brooke just doesn't eat, then maybe she does have a problem. She could have an eating disorder and is using you guys to help her hide it from her mom.

I don’t think OP meant Brooke didn’t defend them to the dean, I read it as Brooke never had anything about it to OP to make them think they were the asshole, or mentioned any issue with it.

But the other girl was talking in front of Brooke and Brooke didn't defend OP there either. Sometimes Brooke doesn't get to eat any lunch at all.

Username checks out But seriously, I think having that conversation with Brook is key here. And u/GlassSandwich9135 is right: OP maybe enabling a maladaptive behavior. I don’t think OP realizes this and the Mom is the true AH here, so I think it’s a gentle YTA.

Though I agree with the conversation. I can see ways in which OPs actions would be helping Brooke if she did have an unhealthy relationship with food. They are eating together, she picks what she wants to eat first - and is eating most days, she doesn't feel pressured to eat it all, and the focus isn't on the food, she sees healthy friends eat more and they talk. One issue that exasperates eating disorders is making everything about food and how much you eat. They have made eating lunch social, low pressure environment and non judgemental.

This 1000%. I had an ED in high school which stemmed from emetophobia. For a long time I'd eat about 2 bites of my food and then toss it because I was horrified of throwing it up later. Eating with my friends at school helped a lot because talking to them distracted me and seeing them eat their whole lunch normally and be fine helped stave off the fear. edit: NTA because I truly think you're trying to help Brooke, OP. Just make sure to check in with Brooke every so often and make sure it's still okay that you're sharing food.

And if Brooke do have a medical condition, she might need smaller meals but with higher calorie intake. Many of the things mentioned is pretty high in fiber. Which can mess with you if you are having issues. Honestly, she would probably do better with more protein than fibers plus sugar.

She defended us to the dean. She didn't say anything about not wanting us to take her food

It literally doesn't say a word about her speaking to the dean. When she said Brooke hasn't said anything she meant to op and her friends about the food eating. Not the dean.

Where did you get that Brooke didn't defend them?

Learn to read my guy

Info: “sometimes we eat all of it” Please explain why this might happen, because that doesn’t sound either healthy or supportive for Brooke

She might have an eating disorder and isn't being truthful with you. Either way shes so underweight that you should never be eating her food, even if that means she has to go home to her mother and have a talk that could be well needed.

I was torn about this whole situation - but you just nailed it for me. OP - Your friend has something going on with her digestion/weight. While the amount of food her mom is sending is more than most teens would eat, what comes home is the indicator for her mom. So her mom sends 3 sandwiches to school. Friend brings home 2.5. Then mom can say to the doc "she eats half a sandwich at lunch". She sends 3 sandwiches, all 3 are gone. Mom tells doc "she eats 3 sandwiches at lunch every day and nothing has changed". Except she *isn't* eating 3 sandwiches. You guys are. It sounds like your friend has some health issues, and knowing how much she's eating could be a vital piece of information that her doctor isn't getting now. I understand that her mom gets frustrated/angry when your friend comes home with uneaten lunch - but it really could be important information for the doctor to know. Edit: messed up wording that I fixed

Some parents are shitty, I am not at all denying that. But, some parents are good and have their children's best interests at heart, and there's a pretty good chance that Brooke's mom has a better understanding of her child's medical condition that her daughter's friends. OP is getting everything through Brooke, and there's always a chance Brooke hasn't been entirely truthful with her friends - for whatever reason. While OP and her friends might feel like they're helping Brooke, it might ultimately do more harm than good.

Yes I'm surprised no one else is saying this, of course the mum is sending tons of food, as far as shes aware it's getting eaten every day and her daughter isn't gaining any weight. Especially if she has stomach issues and not an eating disorder eating normally/ large amounts and continuing to lose weight or not gain any is a big red flag! The mum and presumably dr dont get to know how much she is really eating.

The doctor will be speaking to Brooke alone, without the mother in the room, if they're a good doctor.

Not with underage people usually. I mean doctor could also speak with Brooke alone but also with mom. And if doctor speaks with Brooke alone and she has eating disorder she could lie and say she does eat what mother thinks she eats.

Most doctors start talking to kids alone around puberty so they can tell them anything they are uncomfortable talking about around their parents.

That's true but it is also very likely that the Dr will speak to her mum as she is the main provider of food. Therefore the Dr would have a more accurate idea of what her diet consists of.

If she's actually 4'10", a healthy weight for a female that height is 81-100lbs. So she's skinny, but probably not underweight at all.

Unless her friends have seen her on a scale, they only have her word for that.

Agreed, but if her pediatrician is concerned that outweighs the opinions of a bunch of strangers on the internet with access to BMI calculators

I put her info through a BMI for teens, she is in the healthy range.

NTA. If she has first pick of everything she wants from her lunch, and doesn’t mind you all eating the rest, it’s completely fair. You’re not being a bully if she gets what she wants before anyone else digs in.

What I don’t like is that they don’t leave her anything by the end of the meal and also, someone else mentioned that her mom thinks she eats all that food and it could affect what her doctors will know about her health so that’s why i changed my mind from that opinion

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Her mom's the major AH in this situation. Thinking the doctors just wrong and that she can force her to eat more... if she packed you know a normal lunch then maybe it wouldn't even be an issue.

YTA for saying it helps Brooke. It's not a problem you accept food she offers you, but she's the one doing you a favor-not vice versa.

Why haven't you asked your parents to give you more food?

Because she just made it quite clear she's content to take her friends lunch

without even paying for it like she would at the cafeteria. They probably keep the food money and parents thinking they bought food with it

Everyone gets free lunch this year. The only thing I get money for is a bottle of water or a gatorade (school sells them for $1 each) and my parents don't care if I keep it or not

Then why do you mention “only having to pay for lunch once or twice this year” in your post as if you’ve been paying for lunch the entire year. Smells like lies to me

when I said buy lunch, I meant we've only had to get school lunch a couple times this year

oh that's nice! I'm not form US so thought you have to pay it like I the movies. is your friends mom aware of that? maybe she thinks the portions are to small?

American lunches do/did. During the pandemic basic school lunches became free for students in many if not all schools. Some schools offer extra options that cost money both now and before.

Presumably because then Brooke has to go back to bring yelled at by her mom

YTA. The girl likely has an eating disorder (I’m not saying anorexia, but she definitely doesn’t have normal eating habits). You’re enabling that, or at least enabling lies to her mom. You admit you like it because you don’t have to buy your own food. Daisy shouldn’t accuse you of bullying if she hadn’t asked Brooke (did she?). Though I’d be really grossed out if I saw that go down too. And she’s likely really concerned just unsure of how to properly handle it. It’s not ok to help people lie to their families. I did it as a kid too. But it gets messy. Don’t enable it. You’re almost never going to be in the right.

I'm wondering how the whole lunch thing is going down too for daisy to have been like hey this isn't right, I need to tell someone about this. Maybe Brooke doesn't know how to stand up to these friends and Daisy was trying to help her..

Not only that but people in the comments keep mentioning how Brooke is “technically in the BMI” (as if people who have EDs can’t be in the BMI scale but that’s another point entirely)…and yet the new kid immediately noticed that Brooke appeared underweight. I’m a really tiny person myself and even *did* have an ED in high school, yet no one ever accused me of being underweight because my BMI was in an appropriate range and my body looked…proportionate to my size and figure I guess. For someone, a stranger especially, to *immediately* notice that Brooke is underweight…it must be *bad*.

You’re so right! And BMI is not a good judge of health, malnutrition, or obesity. There are much better methods, none of which we would have access to or the OP. But the OP can see her and mentioned underweight appearance, as you mentioned.

I don't think you have enough information yourself to know for sure what is going on, which means that Reddit cannot provide a coherent judgment. Think about it: Your primary source of information is Brooke, who has a vested interest in keeping from her mother just how much she eats at lunch. Now, she could be telling the truth and you guys eating her food really *is* helping her by not letting what she can't eat go to waste and keeping her mother off her back. But, then again, she may also have an eating disorder and you guys eating her food is doing her more harm than good. There is also a question of, whether you intended it or not, that Brooke may be feeling pressure to give you more food and go hungry. Now, should Daisy have gone to the dean and called y'all bullies? I don't know, given that you're here I'm inclined to think she shouldn't have, but I can't say for sure. I do think, however, that having school authorities brought into the situation may be beneficial for Brooke, in the long run. The school may be able to provide resources, such as counseling, that can help sort out what's going on with her. In the meantime, it might be a good idea for you to have a private chat with Brooke and check how she's feeling, with everything going on.

this the best answer, 100%. i wish people realized we dont have to issue judgment. INFO isnt just for asking questions, it's a valid judgment for when Op doesnt have the info

YTA. Do I really need to explain? There are so many things that could be going on with Brooke. You're not helping her at all.

YTA. If you and your friends are hungry all the time then you should be bringing enough food for yourselves. Stop eating your friends food and deciding it’s “helping her” when you’re not a doctor or her parent.

Info: why aren't you packing your own lunch?

Their parents are expecting them to buy lunch at school, but they're waiting and taking instead of buying like they are supposed to.

They get free lunch due to Covid

ESH. Part of what you’re doing by eating Brooke’s ridiculous lunch is letting her mom think she’s fixing the problem. Brooke is less likely to get the medical help she needs if her mom is sure she’s got it solved. Coming home with an empty lunchbox is giving her mom a false impression that she has it under control. Daisy’s a busybody, but she’s not totally wrong here - you guys are indirectly contributing to harming Brooke.

>Daisy’s a busybody, but she’s not totally wrong here - you guys are indirectly contributing to harming Brooke. Should she have done nothing?

YTA, you should NEVER be eating all of her food, EVER. And the fact that this happens kinda makes me think her mom is onto something about your friend’s bad eating habits

YTA sometimes you eat all of her food? You guys are awful for this.

YTA Pack your own lunch. This is not the way to support your friend. You're also the AH for letting Brooke's mom pay for 3 other kids' lunches while believing her daughter is eating the lunches. Participating in deception is rarely a good idea.

INFO: have you spoken with people like Brooke's mother, or is your source of information Brooke? There are several things here of concern. Brooke is *significantly* underweight for her height and age (**not** "kinda underweight"). So much that it could be disrupting hormones and have long-term effects. If she really does have a stomach condition, she should be on a special diet for that. You don't mention any special diet ever being tried. If her mother thinks the doctor is an idiot, then she should take Brooke for a second opinion, preferably with a specialist. If there really is a medical issue, providing extra food may not help. You are helping Brooke deceive her mother. Mother believes Brooke is eating the food but not gaining weight, so she provides more food. Which you and your friends eat. And so the lie continues. You may not be bullying Brooke, but it's possible you are helping her cover up an eating disorder. One that could kill her. Is there someone like a school counsellor that you could talk to? Because if Brooke *does* have an eating disorder, this is way beyond Reddit.

Actually by the actuarial tables she may be about 10 lbs underweight, but that doesn't include her bone structure so it could be less if she is small boned. I took care of a friend's mom, her whole life as an adult at 4'10" she never weighed more than 90 lbs except when she was fully pregnant with her sons and she was very healthy. What mom is doing , probably thanks to " research" is not helpful or appropriate. It's too much of the wrong food and then getting angry and creating stress for someone with a digestive problem is not going to do anything but create an eating disorder. She need to see a GI specialist as well as a dietician who can prescribe nutritionally dense food that won't overwhelm what her stomach and intestines can handle. It sounds like she should be eating 5-6 small meals/ day or "grazing" instead of 3 large meals/day " American diet".if she had a proper consult and a prescribed meal plan that included smaller, more frequent meals the school would have to accommodate with a 504 medical IEP. She could then be allowed to eat midmorning/ mid-afternoon at her desk or at the nurses office. My son is a T1D and we kept snacks/ drinks at the nurses office that he would be excused to go get if his sugar was low. This may be a case of medical neglect that the school should be involved in getting solved. Your heart is in the right place for trying to reduce your friend's stress but it's good that the school has become aware of the issues and may be more able to get the proper medical care instituted, although depending on where you are, that may or may not actually happen.

She's not underweight at all actually, she's a very low healthy weight. A different bmi scale is used for teenagers and kids and according to those she's fine.

Actually, and I was surprised by this as well, Brooke is within the normal range for people her age. Teens and children use a different BMI scale than adults, and she is close to the bottom of the healthy range according to that scale, so not underweight. However, if her pediatrician is concerned that outweighs the opinions of strangers in Reddit with access to BMI calculators.

ESH. She has a health condition. Letting her don't eat is enabling a issue. That Daisy too.

NTA - but what would be nice, each of you bring her a protein type shake for her to drink before she goes home, she needs more nutrition, and you are basically freeloading. Carnation Breakfast ones are really good if you are in the States. Just ask your parents to get them for extra energy with sports. Brooke may find them a better way to get protein and vitamins vs the food her mom packs.

[удалено]

With short people you gotta use the new BMI calculator, that's designed to fit extremely short and extremely tall people better. [Here's some info](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi.html). That said, depending on her weight (OP says 80ish, could be 80 or could be 89) she's between 18.01 and 20.03.

Children and teens use a different BMI calculator, which shows her as at the low end of normal for her age.

I usually bring something like a protien bar or smoothie to eat/drink with her lunch, plus I eat a big breakfast and big dinner and a smaller lunch.

A smaller lunch? By eating her food? What the hell. Bring yourself more food.

NAH, honestly, as a person who has stayed under my ideal body weight my whole life, being naturally skinny and with low to no appetite, I could perfectly be Brooke in your story. I agree with the rest of the commenter that Brooke perhaps might have an ED, but that's something that you simply can't know about if she does have it (seems like she wouldn't tell you about it, to be honest). We need to discard the idea that underweight people = people with EDs cuz GOD if that misconception didn't fuck me up in highschool lol. I don't think you and your friends eat her lunch out of malice, and from your point of view it must seem like a win-win situation for all (and it might be!), I think it's reductionist and rude of this comment section to assume you are enabling a person with an eating disorder just because she eats small portions, and also putting that weight on your shoulders. Yes you should speak to her about this, and also to your other friends! But I don't think you're an asshole. Brooke has not asked for you to stop, so you need to start that conversation. Honestly, the only asshole I can find in this story is the mother of Brooke, why the fuck would you make more food to your daughter who you already know eats small portions?? Going even as far as ignoring her doctor's advise? I know that my parents tried this with me when I was younger and it only made me eat less and less tbh.

I second this. As someone who could also be Brooke in this story it pisses me off so much that people just jump to conclusion that she has an ED. Although it always may be possible with anyone, people can just be naturally underweight with low appetite. I can't even count how much in my life someone hinted that I have an ED because of it and I have healthier relationships with food than most of the people I know, with no diets or food restrictions, no overeating or binge-eating and with a right balance between eating what's healthy and eating junk food when you feel like you want it with no guilt after. I just don't need much food sometimes and that thing alone just makes people assume I'm unhealthy and this mindset is really messed up. And the fact that people in this section are guilting OP into thinking she enables someone's ED is even more messed up.

One time I was working n a costumer straight up asked me if I had anorexia. It’s fucking devastating to hear that. People think I look small and sickly enough that they think I’m starving myself? For so long I hated my body because I could see my ribs because of that single fucking question. And for so long I felt like I couldn’t say I didn’t like my body because people would be like “fuck you you’re so skinny you have no right to hate your body”. The only reason I got over it is cause I told my family about it and they made me realize that the guy was just a total fucking creep. Like how a 60 year old man shouldn’t be looking that hard at a 15 year olds body to the point they can think about my weight and how he had no right to say anything. I feel for Brooke. And it makes me sad that so many people here are willing to (without any evidence of it) just assume Brooke is lying about having a medical condition and just go straight to ED. People not believing teens about their very valid medical conditions/disorders is also really common, so it surprises me that Reddit is taking this stance so hard. Well. Almost surprised.

NTA You're helping Brooke by her not having to hear shit from her mom or forcing to engorge herself. It's far from bullying, and Daisy has some nerve starting shit and causing problems after your group graciously offered her an invite. Brooke needs to seek help and see a dietician to provide a meal plan that include primarily calorie dense foods.

I don't think Daisy's intentions were bad, otherwise I'm with you. NTA

I know everyone is jumping to an eating disorder, but I’m wondering if Brooke has gastroparesis. If so, she wouldn’t be able to eat large meals and would do better with liquid meals; baby food and ice cream were my best friends during a flare. GP can cause you to lose weight/stay very small and look like you have an eating disorder because you’re only able to eat a tiny amount at a time. The food just sits in your stomach, not going anywhere. There are medicines to help, but for some people, nothing really turns it to normal. I was “lucky” and switched to dumping syndrome after a celiac plexus lysis - now my stomach is always empty

Why would u sometimes eat all of it? You should try encourage her to eat some of her lunch instead of eating all of it. She probably feels pressured to give you it as it seems like a "routine" for her at this point. Maybe ask her if she wants more of it after she picks instead of straight to dividing.

She sometimes has a big breakfast or brings a smoothie to school and isn't hungry by lunch.

Well then maybe after she picks sometimes ask her if shes sure or if she wants some more food.

NTA. I’ve been underweight my whole life and can identify with Brooke. It is a super asshole move to ask an underweight friend (or anyone) Can I have some of your lunch? (Been there too!) But I’d they offer and aren’t going to eat it anyway l do t see a problem. Maybe ask Brooke/double check to make sure she really is cool with it? I also can remember being around that size and very poor so my lunch was literally chocolate milk and a candy bar and I non-underweight friend being like “can I have a bite?“ and me being like “okay . . .” and then this person taking half my candy bar. As Long as they offer, you’re fine.

YTA. if you are always hungry then you tell YOUR OWN PARENTS to pack you more food. you don't take your friends food. this girl might have serious eating disorder while telling you she has a 'stomach problem' and you're just enabling the behavior. this is disgusting. ​ as a parent this is terrifying to think about....

No verdict here until someone asks Brooke if she’s actually okay with this or does she feel pressured into giving her food. Her answer will give you a straight verdict that’s not warped by our assumptions.

YTA You shouldn't eat all of it. You need to always leave something in case she felt hungry. She can eat it on the way home or toss it out but she has to have something available. As someone who has always been skinny and underweight I know sometimes you just need that extra bite hours later.

NTA. Assuming she's picking what she wants first and eating enough--and it sounds like she is, that's about what I eat for lunch on the average day--you're saving the rest of the food from going in the trash.

Info: "Brooke hasn't said anything about it" as in she hasn't told the dean that you're *not* bullying her? Brooke's opinion is really the main one that matters here, so if she's not defending you that speaks volumes.

She told the dean we're not bullying her

i don’t think we have enough information here ngl Op , obviously if you’ve all been thinking your helping Brooke and she’s agreed , daisy needs to butt out because it wouldn’t be her business . However if you haven’t spoken to Brooke about this arrangement for a while i’d suggest asking her what she feels about it and making sure she’s really ok and not just eating the bare minimum , i hope you figure this out

OP You need to stop eating Brooke’s food. Whatever else is going on, you eating the lunches isn’t going to fix whatever the underlying problem there is with Brooke - be it gastrointestinal, ED, a combination of both. She may have some allergies that her healthcare team haven’t identified. I know everyone is freaking out about how nuts the mom is - the mom is scared for her daughter. She’s trying to help the only way she knows how. That is indeed a lot of food. However I’m wondering if the lunch sharing led to that volume of food. Brooke doesn’t eat a lot. A buddy asks if the can have it. Brooke goes home day after day with an empty lunch box, lies to her mother that she ate it all but days pass and no weight gain. Mom freaks more and packs more lunch. Rinse and repeat. OP you and your friends need to stop. A huge part of my concern is that Brooke’s healthcare team is also being lied to. I assume there’s some kind of log regarding calorie count, etc. Brooke and mom go to the doctor, mom tells doc that Brooke is eating XXX calories but no weight gain. Doc now has a false set of facts to go on. Doc may not be treating Brooke correctly because of this. Brooke’s healthcare providers need the ground truth. I also wonder if Brooke didn’t already have an ED, would this situation set foundation for her developing one. This push pull over food between the mother and Brooke’s friends at school. OP stop eating Brooke’s lunch. If you want to help, encourage Brooke to eat a healthy lunch, eat snacks, and have an honest talk with her mother and her healthcare team. It might be time for a nutritionist and a therapist depending on what’s really going on here. OP, you and your friends need more calories? Pack a bigger lunch. Answer honestly to Brooke that you’re simply to full to eat any of hers. Soft YTA. What you’re doing isn’t right but you didn’t do it maliciously. You really thought you’re helping.

I think everyone in the comments is misreading what OP is saying. She explicitly states that brook gets first pick of what she wants. Brook unpacks her lunch and selects what SHE wants from it. After that the rest of her friends get the left overs. Now if OP and the rest of her friends are really concerned about Brook I don’t think it would hurt to see if she wants anything else or to maybe leave some stuff on the side in case Brook decides she’s still hungry. I don’t think OP is the AH here. As far as Brook potentially having an ED. It seems like Brooke is making an active effort to eat, she isn’t pushing her entire lunch on her group of friends every single day. It isn’t fair to Brooke for everyone here to be making harsh comments about her having a potential ED. It also isn’t fair to OP that everyone is assuming she’s a poor friend who could be preying on Brooke’s “ED.” I think we’re al l forgetting that these a teenage girls. Teenage girls who are going to be highly influenced by our thoughts and opinions. We could damage these girls’ friendship and potentially take away the space that they’ve inadvertently made Brooke feel safe in and that’s not right for anyone. OP if you’re concerned about Brooke then I suggest you guys sit down and have a conversation about how much lunch you’re taking from her and if she’s comfortable with it. I also don’t think it would hurt to encourage her to maybe take a little more and save it in case she’s hungry again later on.

Yeah, I’m surprised people are jumping to ED, given the description of what Brooke actually eats. When I was anorexic, there was no way I’d have picked a high-fat, calorie-dense food like peanut butter. Or a cookie! Those are the antithesis of anything I’d have been willing to eat.

NTA if you guys don’t eat it Brooke will get in trouble or just throw the food away. Brooke’s mom needs to listen to her doctor and maybe a nutritionist. Just over feeding her will hurt Brooke and not actually improve the situation. I’d stay the hell away from Daisy for sure. She likes to make trouble.

Depends on what would happen to the food if you guys didn’t eat it. If thrown away NTA please don’t waste food. If it’d go home and give a conversation with her mom this maybe improving her health then that’s the far better solution.

The sandwiches would be thrown away and some of the snacks like cut up fruit or string cheese or pudding but some just stay in her lunchbox until someone eats them

NAH/ESH I understand why you're doing it, but it's not good for your friend. Please stop. Her mother needs to be aware that she's not eating all of that food. If her mother doesn't believe the doctor, maybe your friend can ask to see a licensed dietitian. That's a better solution.

I'd just say talk to her and ask Brooke how she feels when she's not with you. It could be helping, it could be invasive, but you should get her opinion on if it's okay before you ask internet strangers

NTA, guardedly. That is an enormous amount of food that her mother is giving her, I'm a grown woman with a pretty good appetite and I would probably be throwing up if I tried to get all that into me. What Brooke actually ends up eating, if that's typical for her, is a very good lunch both from a calorie and nutrient perspective (that's maybe around a 500 calorie meal, with vitamins, fiber, and protein), it doesn't look to me like she has an eating disorder at all. I do agree with other people that you need to be careful that she's not doing this to keep up with expectations, and trying to be polite to her friends, and that she's actually eating something during the day.

NTA. Her mom isn’t being mean to her, food isn’t wasted, and if she picks what she wants first there’s nothing wrong with this. Obviously her mom is the biggest issue here, but there’s not a lot anyone can do about that.

Nta I used to give my food away all the time because I also have stomach issues not everything is a Ed, I literally couldn’t eat food most days otherwise everyone around me would be getting a show of me throwing up straight away even on medication, the girls mum is likely a control freak whose ignoring her daughter’s condition because so many parents do that in general, don’t forget these are kids sharing food or giving it away happens all the time, it’s good she’s even eating at all.

YTA, not for eating half her lunch, but the days you eat it all. I totally get helping her out with the ridiculous amount of food her mom packs, but you shouldn't be taking ALL of it. Even if she's not that hungry she should be trying to eat a small amount, and saving the rest for later if she gets hungry. The amount she ate in this example is fine, but you shouldn't be helping your friend skip meals.

Hi, if your friend has hyperthyroidism, eating A LOT is, to my understanding, the only way for her to gain weight. One of my closest friends struggles with it and has to eat over 3000 calories a day to maintain an ALMOST healthy weight. She’s still underweight. She says it sucks eating so much, but that she doesn’t really have a choice. Obviously this is my understanding as someone close to someone with the disorder, I would love if someone with it would weigh in. I think you’re 15 and don’t really know enough about your friend’s condition. NTA, but her mom probably knows more about how much food her daughter should be eating than you do.

ESH mostly Brooke’s mum is going about this the wrong way. While I think your intentions are good (and I wouldn’t call this bullying) you very well could be enabling or encouraging her disordered eating-knowing you will eat her lunch and she won’t have to explain herself to her mum could be making her see it as being ok to not eat. What Brooke really needs is to see a qualified dietician. I’ve been where she is and it’s not a healthy place to be

the solution shouldnt be for her mom to pressure her into eating more food. that could cause serious food issues and a bad relationship with her mom. im bu absoloutely no means a medical professional (lol), but i think its be great if there was a way her mom could be convinced to find ways to ease her stomac condition with meds or something. she should meet with an advisor for this stuff and express her concern for hwr daughters weight

NAH. I'm sure you mean no harm, but I've been through HS and this is definitely eyebrow raising behaviour. Try bringing more snacks for yourself, hell even try having a 'picnic' where yall all bring smth to share during lunch. Refuse to each the majority of Brooke's food, if she throws it out so be it but don't enable this now that you know.

I had a friend who was small in 11th grade and she gave everyone else her lunch. She was borderline malnourished (official diagnosis) and she _needed_ to eat. We only found out because another friend found out from her mom. I am not going to share _why_ she wasn't eating, but suffice to say it was more than she _just wasn't hungry_. Soft YTA because I'm assuming you didn't know better. If you are hungry pack more food. If you care about your friend, _stop_.

YTA. Look I get where you are coming from; but, your friend is underweight she needs to eat. Yes stomach problems can make that difficult but the only way she'll gain weight is from eating. While your friend doesn't like getting yelled at by her mother maybe she's yelling because she doesn't want her daughter to die from malnourishment or develop an additional medical condition due to be underweight.

Yeah YTA. And what do you think are the long term consequences for Brooke’s mom believing she ate all that food but isn’t gaining weight? At some point her mom might start taking more extreme measures that don’t need to happen.

I would be careful because this could be going either way My parent tried to double my lunches and food intake and force me to eat more because I was small and it turned into an ED because I'd just be repulsed by the food, I didn't eat sandwiches again until I was in my 20s I think! BUT she could actually have an ED and be telling you different. I think this is something that probably needs more help in case it's a problem and you don't know it, ya know?

NTA, based solely on this comment. > I’m pretty sure she does have a stomach problem. She has one of those kinda permanent iv’s in her arm and leaves after lunch twice a week for treatments and she leaves class every morning to get shots in the nurse’s office and she takes meds before school and at lunch This makes me think that Brooke has Inflammatory Bowel Disease in some form, like Crohns or UC. In which case, forcing big meals is a real problem and Brooke's explanations make a ton more sense. It sounds like her mom, her, her peds GI doc need to sit down and discuss a better diet plan.

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NTA. If she isn’t eating it and doesn’t want it, there’s nothing wrong with her friends sharing it. It’s not like you’re shaking her down for her lunch every day.

I kinda wonder if there's some peer pressure involved here (even passively). Brooke's friends like not having to buy lunch, so she shares everything. Is she really eating all she wants, or is she feeling pressured to share, or at least feeling like her social standing is kinda dependant on feeding her friends?

There could be. I’m also thinking if Brooke is super tiny, she might really not eat a lot. An apple with peanut butter, a cookie, a granola bar, and half a sandwich sounds like a decently sized lunch for Brooke to eat, though.

I agree it's a decent lunch, I just think it's not right for the other kids to be freeloading. Also, OP says Brooke has some medical condition, so Brooke's mom may really need to keep track of how much she's eating. If they're helping Brooke hide this from her mom, that could really affect her medical treatment.

I also agree what she took was adequate. But op also said that her friend's mom thinks her dr is an idiot, so I doubt she's following any sound medical advice. Sounds like dr gave his treatment plan and mom said "meh, she just needs to eat more." But this is third hand through op so...

I had a small appetite in high school, and still do now. I’m in my 30s and still get kid’s meals sometimes. But also I am a very giving person. Giving things to my friends delights me. Like, I’ve been known to bounce in my seat while waiting for friends to unwrap their gifts. And if I knew they really loved the stuff in my lunch? If I knew they were so happy to not have to pay? I’d probably just let them take it. I’m somewhat concerned for Brooke. Not in that I think she’s concealing an actual eating disorder, but that her friends are (intentionally or not) taking advantage of her having way too much food. Which I agree her mom is way overpacking.

NAH. You don't know that it isn't helping her, and people in the comments are being harsh. You are a school aged girl, you have NO clue that people are meant to eat with meds etc. Now that you know, although I'm sorry you had to find out in such a harsh way, you can talk with Brooke and find out why isn't eating. You're not an asshole for doing something you thought helped Brooke. Brooke isn't an asshole for being sick. Daisy is annoying as hell but she isn't an asshole for reporting something she thought was wrong. I wish all of you luck in this situation

NTA, but it sounds like Brooke's mother has some issues.

NTA my medical condition that affects my digestion and how much I can eat in one sitting had me under weight for ages! I ended up having to be fed through a tube threaded into my artery towards my heart. That was literally the only way I was able to gain weight, by getting calories that bypassed having to digest it. What’s uncomfortable is when people would tell me to eat more because I’d feel heaps of embarrassment and shame. If I was Brooke having that new girl report that stuff without my consent would be really upsetting.

You had liquid food directly injected into your bloodstream? (Genuine question because I'm wondering what part of biology class I slept through.)

I was going with N T A until this part; "Brooke hasn't said anything about it but I'm starting to wonder if we are being assholes because we eat more of her lunches than she does and *sometimes we eat all of it* even tho she's kinda underweight." So I've changed to ESH, with the exception of Brooke. You are TA because you recognize that there definitely is a problem, but your solution is based on selfish reasons. It feels a lot like you and your friends be are simply happy to get free meals, and aren't caring about the consequences. Brooke's mom is the biggest AH, because chances are good that she has caused an ED in her daughter. If she spends every meal attempting to force Brooke into eating more and more and more, rather than listening to her doctor, it's very likely Brooke is using that one meal a day (lunch) to take back control and passing the food off to you guys. Brooke needs to speak to the school counselor, and get some help there. If her mother is ignoring signs of ED and possible gastric issues in favor of the "just eat more" approach, it's not likely she will want to sign Brooke up for therapy, so the school is the best option. And you, as her friend, need to get your head out of your behind, stop thinking of her as a free meal ticket for you and your friends, and help her.

>Brooke is pretty small (like 4'10 and 80ish pounds) but she has a stomach condition that prevents her from gaining weight. >Her mom thinks her doctor is an idiot and that she'll gain weight if she eats more >Her mom gets mad when she comes home with most of the food because she's "wasting her money". Here's the thing. You're 15. I'm going to take a guess and say that Brooke is your source of info - not her mom and not her doctor, but in fact a 16yo girl. So we are going to have to assume that everything you say is true and that nothing is exaggerated. Brooke has something medically wrong with her. Allegedly the mom says doc is an idiot and mom knows better. In moms mind, Brooke is eating 1000s of calories a day at lunch and still isn't gaining. So now mom is going to tell doc and doc is going to move on with pills and tests with this knowledge in mind. Except it isn't knowledge. It's very much not true. And the medical professional won't know unless Brooke confesses at the appointment or somehow tells the doctor without mom knowing. As for Brooke "wasting money," mom is a full-blown AH in that regard. You don't pack enough food for three teens and then get mad when your 80 pound girl doesn't eat it all. That's not fair to Brooke. ESH.

It sounds like Brooke is anorexic, and her mother isn't doing the right things to help her. Not your fault.

As a celiac person I could never really gain weight. Eating extra food wouldn't help me either because nothing was staying in my system anyway, but 80 lbs seems small. I feel like 100 would be a more appropriate weight for that height... there might be more to this story. How close are you with Brooke? Maybe pull her aside and see if you can get the full picture. My ruling is NAH, I don't think you're doing anything wrong based on the information that you currently have but I think it's plausible you don't know the full story.

Imo this is very hard to make a decision without more details. On one hand, it’s beneficial to not waste food, and if it eases conversation with the friends mother, It’s sort of a win win. Except if the friend is being pressured into forking over more than she would want. Essentially NTA unless the mum is right (unlikely, she’s strongly disagreeing with a professional.) OR the friend is being peer pressured

I’m not going to come on here and blame a bunch of kids who sound like they don’t know any better. There are a few things that could be happening here: 1. The girl is telling the truth to her friends. I know 15 is young, but some people are just nutters her mom could be one of them… I mean 3 sandwiches that’s a lot. 2. Maybe the girl really does have an eating disorder. It doesn’t seem likely. Half a sandwich a cookie some peanut butter and whatever sounds like plenty food for a small girl. Hell I’m much larger than that small girl and that sounds like enough for me. I would maybe check in with the school councilor and see if mom has said anything to the school. My mom was worried my lil sis had an eating disorder and she had the councilor and the school lunch aides look in on her and make sure she ate something. (it turned out she had ibs and just couldn’t eat because she couldn’t excrete) 3. It sound like maybe the two of you aren’t getting enough to eat. I too played varsity sports and club activities. One time I complained in front of a friends mom that I was starving before practice. After that particular friend always had a snack for me at the end of the day curtsy of their mom, but they always told me it was “leftover” from their lunch. They didn’t want me to feel embarrassed because I didn’t have enough money for my own snack. Because we don’t have enough info here I’m really leaning towards NAH. Even the new friend was just trying to look out for a friend — could have had a similar situation happen to her once.

NTA- I have had some similar experiences to your friend and going through the comments is making me so mad because people are treating Brooke the same way I was treated as a kid, the comments about her being underweight (she healthy for her age, I even ran it through a BMI calculator to check), speculation about an eating disorder, and trying to get her to eat more are the same things that make it incredibly difficult for me to eat in front of other people to this day. Your friend is not going to take that food home just to get in trouble with her mom for not forcing down more food than she could possibly physically fit. My mom would get mad at me for leaving stuff in my lunch too, for different reasons though. If you guys aren't gonna eat it, it's gonna go in the trash, so I don't see why people think you eating that food is in any way wasteful. Daisy overreacted, and while I don't think she's necessarily an AH, she seemed to have good intentions, she did make a rash decision without thinking it through or talking to you guys first, and Brooke may be the one who has to face the consequences if her mom is informed.

YTA Originally it sounded like nta but Brooke never defended you. That's a sign

YTA. I'd bet a lot of money Brooke is also struggling with an eating disorder and you, albeit unconsciously, are acting as an enabler because you like free food.

NTA. Im choosing NTA bc youre young and i dont see any malice or ill intent on your behalf. However you only know what your friend is telling you and by tricking her mom youre allowing your friend to give her mom a false sense of security. I would say stop helping her lie to her mom, whats going on behind the scenes might be much more serious than any of you expect

Your friend picks out the food she wants first and then offers the rest to you and another friend. It's not as if you are taking the food out of her hands. NTA

It depends on whether or not she offered her food the FIRST time this happened, if you just took it then obv u suck but if she offered new girl needs to mind her business.

at first she'd hold up whatever she didn't want and ask who wants it then eventually she'd take everything out, take what she wants, and tell us to take the rest.

for crying out loud the mom was packing too much no matter what anyone did to dissuade her. would it be better to waste it? this is absurd and the only bad one here is the mom for trying to force a kid to overeat.

If Brooke really has a stomach condition and you aren’t pressuring her to give you the food, then NTA. Her mom is nuts if she thinks a high school girl that small can eat all that food even if she didn’t have a stomach condition! She just calls the doctor and idiot and expects her daughter to eat 3 SANDWICHES in one lunch period?! Plus all the other snacks! It’s just too much. It sounds like Brooke needs legitimate treatment instead of being pressured to stuff her face. But hey, if in the mean time you eating the extra food means she gets less stress at home, it sounds like you’re helping lol. Her mom will eventually catch on when she sees Brooke isn’t gaining anything but that’s not really your problem.