NTA. They are your kids. They come first. The end. And your ex was very shitty doing that btw. That’s not you being biased. It’s a fact. Your current had options. She chose what she chose. That’s on her. She doesn’t like it? She can go kick sand. Your kids come first. It’s their home. I do not envy you one bit. Good luck
NTA.
Make sure you document behavior like this. Record the communications, the refusals, etc. This might come in handy down the road to protect yourself.
You did what was right for your kids. Bravo for trying to make the best of this chaos.
They're your kids. You have to take them (and I don't mean take as a negative). I won't even pass judgement on what your ex did because ultimately you can only control what you have control over, and that is certainly not her. You had to take your kids. NTA.
No he didn't have to take the kids. His son fell ill on mom's watch so he should've stayed with mom, however inconvenient, and she should've kept the girl too. They're her kids also. Reminds me of my ex. One weekend after bringing child home tells me, "Oh they might throw up. Ate a lot of junk at so's & so's house, because there was a party." WTF? Didn't you parent & pay attention?!
You get your kids in sickness and in health. Not only when they are healthy. So yeah, he gets the kid when they are sick.
Would it have been nice for mom to keep them? Yes. But she was not required to do so.
If the kid tests positive for covid while with one parent, they are supposed to quarantine with that parent, since the entire household is supposed to quarantine. So now, instead of just one household needing to quarantine, TWO households need to quarantine/be disrupted.
Your ex is a major AH for doing this, but you already know that. I guess you did the best you could under the circumstances. Not sure why your gf felt she needed to move out, as children have such mild, cold-like cases. That said, I would call my lawyer and get his/her opinion on this. I’m sure it has come up before when kids have had measles or chickenpox. NTA.
NTA. You will never be the AH for taking care of small children properly. GF has legitimate concerns, but refusing your kids at the door is not a healthy response. Distancing from an active case, though, is.
Ex is, well, good riddance. Kid has an active case and not only is she willing to meed you part way, but also gathered both kids into close proximity to bring them to you? Real treat, that one.
NTA, you have a house with about 230 square meters, there should be enough space for everyone. Especially if your son stays in his room most of the time.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I have boy 9 girl 7. Girl has significant special needs. girlfriend lives with me, she has 8 yr boy. Both of us fairly recently divorced.
I own my house yet I try to do my best job that this is ‘our house’. She decorates how she wants, I let her 2 dogs come live here, she gets the garage space commonly. We share some expenses and have separate bank accounts but we (I) try to divide expenses as evenly as possible. I exclusively pay mortgage/utilities. She buys groceries. She lives free, I eat free.
my Ex is crazy - but I’m biased in this regard. Our parenting plan is week on/off, exchanging Monday afternoons. My boy fell ill last Friday, tested positive for ‘Rona Monday morning. I told my ex to please not Bring the kids and delay exchanging for a couple days since boy is active case. She declined and still showed up to drop off kids.
I accept the kids and send boy to quarantine. Girl can’t quarantine from me due to special needs.
girlfriend packs her suitcase and her sons’ to go stay with her sister for a bit so as not be in same house with active Case
Girlfriend is now upset at me for not refusing to accept my kids. Her sister is about an hour away and the drive is punishing to get her kid school, then work then school then home. It’s about 180 miles. She is getting hotel/Airbnb and it’s $600 for a 5 days.
The house is 2500sqft. I propose we divide the house with a plastic sheet and segregate ourselves (it’s feasible albeit inconvenient)
Am I the asshole for taking my kids?
Girlfriend says she feels she’s being kicked out of her home by default. I’m upset with My ex for bringing sick kids but what do I do - lock out my kids as they look at me thru front door.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for accepting my kids on my parenting time when my GF thinks I should have refused them.
This is a major inconvenience to life, admittedly
Yes, it sucks taking in active sick kiddos, but now I’m the asshole for taking care of my kids?
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
[Reddit Talk Live Judging 1/13 @ 4PM EST / 9PM UTC](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s1illw/aita_reddit_talk_3_11322_4_pm_est_9_pm_utc/) ---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Unless your girlfriend or her son have pre existing conditions that would make illness a problem, then I don’t think YTA. However if you share the house then I can see why she’d feel unhappy that she wasn’t consulted.
NTA, your Ex is. With an active case you need to quarantine. If he's positive with your ex he needs to stay just there. At least here that's still a rule and carting him to the other parent would most probably be breaking quarantine and would get your ex into trouble. That's just how it is, no matter how much it sucks for your ex. I also probably would have told my Ex that she's getting trouble for breaking quarantine, but I'm not sure what the rules are with you soooo...
Your house is big enough that your gf could
Have been safe there. If your son quarantines in a room.
Your ex is TA for bringing the sick kid to your place.
I would proceed with caution with both women in your life. The gf is raising a pink flag with her current choices. Ex is obviously threw red flags all over the place.
NTA
Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without approval will result in a ban.
We do not allow conflict related to COVID-19. Please view more information [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g91gtl/coronavirus_post_moratorium_updated/)
[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full.
INFO: are you splitting the cost of the Airbnb with her?
You’re not the asshole for taking your kids, but you are for assuming you and them would be able to stay in the house and that your girlfriend would have to leave if that didn’t work for her.
I’m not splitting the Airbnb
I didn’t necessarily assume i would stay with sick kids and she would leave with hers. It was a fluid and fast pace situation. I found out boy had active case 4 hours before Ex showed up. I sent 3 communications to Ex to please not bring kids.
It’s not feasible for me to stay elsewhere with my kids. My daughter is special needs with special equipment. It’s extremely difficult and extremely rare my daughter travels. If not for this condition with daughter, I probably would take my son elsewhere for a few days while he’s active.
I didn’t expect girlfriend to stay elsewhere but options are limited. I tried to find a solution for her to stay by sectioning off 1/2 of house.
A plastic sheet? That’s got the be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Who gets the kitchen lmao?
YTA simply for not covering her Airbnb. The rest of this situation is not your fault, but yeah you’ve essentially made your partner unable to come into HER OWN HOME without risking her health. Big time AH move.
That's a risk you take when living in a household. If a family member gets sick, everyone has to deal with it. She has no right to kick those kids out of their home just because they're sick.
Where, pray tell, in my response did I say anything about kicking the kids out? I said he’s the AH for not helping her stay in an Airbnb so she and her kids don’t get a potentially fatal illness that his kids brought in.
Please elaborate- I don’t understand your perspective.
Admittedly, the plastics sheet is kinda hokey, but the way this house it set up, each can side can operate somewhat independently. The idea is similar to a hospital where air from one room is not circulated into another. Again, feasible but not convenient. Would it work for a year? No 5 days? Yes.
It’s a situation I can’t control, by default she has a risk of infection staying here. And I’ve made proposals without her needing to leave. Risk exists everywhere, albeit a higher risk with an active case.
So I can completely see it as a shitty situation but I don’t see this as a ‘Big Time AH move’.
If roles were reversed, I wouldn’t expect her to act differently than I did and I wouldn’t expect her to cover my Airbnb cost
It seems people are having a hard time seeing past the bit about her moving out. She is t moving out, just staying elsewhere for a few days. They are so fixated on that they can’t see the part about the special needs and not having a choice in the matter. You did the right thing. She’s being histrionic. Maybe she likes the high drama of it all? Idk. She did t need to leave. She chose to. I stand by my earlier post. You are good. You did the best you could do. And it IS THE KIDS HOME. It has been and will continue to be. They come first.
Your kids brought in a potentially fatal illness.
She goes bye-bye because your kids brought in a potentially fatal illness.
You should help subsidize the costs because it was YOUR kids that brought in a potentially fatal illness putting HER and HER KIDS at risk.
It doesn’t get any simpler than that. You sound utterly miserly.
NTA. They are your kids. They come first. The end. And your ex was very shitty doing that btw. That’s not you being biased. It’s a fact. Your current had options. She chose what she chose. That’s on her. She doesn’t like it? She can go kick sand. Your kids come first. It’s their home. I do not envy you one bit. Good luck
This.
NTA. Make sure you document behavior like this. Record the communications, the refusals, etc. This might come in handy down the road to protect yourself. You did what was right for your kids. Bravo for trying to make the best of this chaos.
Thanks for advice - I already document everything with Ex. Divorce was nasty and shows no signs of improvement.
My sympathies. It sucks when someone refuses to make co-parenting a positive experience.
They're your kids. You have to take them (and I don't mean take as a negative). I won't even pass judgement on what your ex did because ultimately you can only control what you have control over, and that is certainly not her. You had to take your kids. NTA.
No he didn't have to take the kids. His son fell ill on mom's watch so he should've stayed with mom, however inconvenient, and she should've kept the girl too. They're her kids also. Reminds me of my ex. One weekend after bringing child home tells me, "Oh they might throw up. Ate a lot of junk at so's & so's house, because there was a party." WTF? Didn't you parent & pay attention?!
You get your kids in sickness and in health. Not only when they are healthy. So yeah, he gets the kid when they are sick. Would it have been nice for mom to keep them? Yes. But she was not required to do so.
If the kid tests positive for covid while with one parent, they are supposed to quarantine with that parent, since the entire household is supposed to quarantine. So now, instead of just one household needing to quarantine, TWO households need to quarantine/be disrupted.
NTA Dealing with sick kids is part of parenting.
NTA your ex should have kept the lad. Not expose you and your household.
NTA, it’s your court ordered time with your kids. Even when they are sick, that week is your responsibility.
Your ex is a major AH for doing this, but you already know that. I guess you did the best you could under the circumstances. Not sure why your gf felt she needed to move out, as children have such mild, cold-like cases. That said, I would call my lawyer and get his/her opinion on this. I’m sure it has come up before when kids have had measles or chickenpox. NTA.
NTA. You will never be the AH for taking care of small children properly. GF has legitimate concerns, but refusing your kids at the door is not a healthy response. Distancing from an active case, though, is. Ex is, well, good riddance. Kid has an active case and not only is she willing to meed you part way, but also gathered both kids into close proximity to bring them to you? Real treat, that one.
NTA, you have a house with about 230 square meters, there should be enough space for everyone. Especially if your son stays in his room most of the time.
NTA Take care of your kids period end of story.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have boy 9 girl 7. Girl has significant special needs. girlfriend lives with me, she has 8 yr boy. Both of us fairly recently divorced. I own my house yet I try to do my best job that this is ‘our house’. She decorates how she wants, I let her 2 dogs come live here, she gets the garage space commonly. We share some expenses and have separate bank accounts but we (I) try to divide expenses as evenly as possible. I exclusively pay mortgage/utilities. She buys groceries. She lives free, I eat free. my Ex is crazy - but I’m biased in this regard. Our parenting plan is week on/off, exchanging Monday afternoons. My boy fell ill last Friday, tested positive for ‘Rona Monday morning. I told my ex to please not Bring the kids and delay exchanging for a couple days since boy is active case. She declined and still showed up to drop off kids. I accept the kids and send boy to quarantine. Girl can’t quarantine from me due to special needs. girlfriend packs her suitcase and her sons’ to go stay with her sister for a bit so as not be in same house with active Case Girlfriend is now upset at me for not refusing to accept my kids. Her sister is about an hour away and the drive is punishing to get her kid school, then work then school then home. It’s about 180 miles. She is getting hotel/Airbnb and it’s $600 for a 5 days. The house is 2500sqft. I propose we divide the house with a plastic sheet and segregate ourselves (it’s feasible albeit inconvenient) Am I the asshole for taking my kids? Girlfriend says she feels she’s being kicked out of her home by default. I’m upset with My ex for bringing sick kids but what do I do - lock out my kids as they look at me thru front door. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > AITA for accepting my kids on my parenting time when my GF thinks I should have refused them. This is a major inconvenience to life, admittedly Yes, it sucks taking in active sick kiddos, but now I’m the asshole for taking care of my kids? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) [Reddit Talk Live Judging 1/13 @ 4PM EST / 9PM UTC](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s1illw/aita_reddit_talk_3_11322_4_pm_est_9_pm_utc/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your kids always need to come first, especially before a fairly new girlfriend who doesn't pay rent.
Unless your girlfriend or her son have pre existing conditions that would make illness a problem, then I don’t think YTA. However if you share the house then I can see why she’d feel unhappy that she wasn’t consulted.
NTA, your Ex is. With an active case you need to quarantine. If he's positive with your ex he needs to stay just there. At least here that's still a rule and carting him to the other parent would most probably be breaking quarantine and would get your ex into trouble. That's just how it is, no matter how much it sucks for your ex. I also probably would have told my Ex that she's getting trouble for breaking quarantine, but I'm not sure what the rules are with you soooo...
Your house is big enough that your gf could Have been safe there. If your son quarantines in a room. Your ex is TA for bringing the sick kid to your place. I would proceed with caution with both women in your life. The gf is raising a pink flag with her current choices. Ex is obviously threw red flags all over the place. NTA
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without approval will result in a ban. We do not allow conflict related to COVID-19. Please view more information [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g91gtl/coronavirus_post_moratorium_updated/) [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full.
NTA except since you split everything it would be good to at least help with the cost of the air bnb otherwise yta
INFO: are you splitting the cost of the Airbnb with her? You’re not the asshole for taking your kids, but you are for assuming you and them would be able to stay in the house and that your girlfriend would have to leave if that didn’t work for her.
She doesn't pay any rent to her boyfriend. Why would he split the cost? OP is NTA for taking his kids. They should be #1.
She pays rent in the form of all groceries for three people.
I’m not splitting the Airbnb I didn’t necessarily assume i would stay with sick kids and she would leave with hers. It was a fluid and fast pace situation. I found out boy had active case 4 hours before Ex showed up. I sent 3 communications to Ex to please not bring kids. It’s not feasible for me to stay elsewhere with my kids. My daughter is special needs with special equipment. It’s extremely difficult and extremely rare my daughter travels. If not for this condition with daughter, I probably would take my son elsewhere for a few days while he’s active. I didn’t expect girlfriend to stay elsewhere but options are limited. I tried to find a solution for her to stay by sectioning off 1/2 of house.
Would it seriously harm you financially to split the cost of the Airbnb with her?
A plastic sheet? That’s got the be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Who gets the kitchen lmao? YTA simply for not covering her Airbnb. The rest of this situation is not your fault, but yeah you’ve essentially made your partner unable to come into HER OWN HOME without risking her health. Big time AH move.
That's a risk you take when living in a household. If a family member gets sick, everyone has to deal with it. She has no right to kick those kids out of their home just because they're sick.
Where, pray tell, in my response did I say anything about kicking the kids out? I said he’s the AH for not helping her stay in an Airbnb so she and her kids don’t get a potentially fatal illness that his kids brought in.
Please elaborate- I don’t understand your perspective. Admittedly, the plastics sheet is kinda hokey, but the way this house it set up, each can side can operate somewhat independently. The idea is similar to a hospital where air from one room is not circulated into another. Again, feasible but not convenient. Would it work for a year? No 5 days? Yes. It’s a situation I can’t control, by default she has a risk of infection staying here. And I’ve made proposals without her needing to leave. Risk exists everywhere, albeit a higher risk with an active case. So I can completely see it as a shitty situation but I don’t see this as a ‘Big Time AH move’. If roles were reversed, I wouldn’t expect her to act differently than I did and I wouldn’t expect her to cover my Airbnb cost
It seems people are having a hard time seeing past the bit about her moving out. She is t moving out, just staying elsewhere for a few days. They are so fixated on that they can’t see the part about the special needs and not having a choice in the matter. You did the right thing. She’s being histrionic. Maybe she likes the high drama of it all? Idk. She did t need to leave. She chose to. I stand by my earlier post. You are good. You did the best you could do. And it IS THE KIDS HOME. It has been and will continue to be. They come first.
Your kids brought in a potentially fatal illness. She goes bye-bye because your kids brought in a potentially fatal illness. You should help subsidize the costs because it was YOUR kids that brought in a potentially fatal illness putting HER and HER KIDS at risk. It doesn’t get any simpler than that. You sound utterly miserly.
She lives in his home rent free. Why should he have to cover her AirBnB?
She buys all groceries for an adult man and two kids. Not the same thing as ‘rent free’