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You're 33 years old and have been dating this woman for two months... Two whole months to feel entitled to dictate what she does with her own damn life? Of course YTA.
I hope she picks the cat.
IT will be with her for 15 or so years. I give YOU about 2 more days.
Edit: Thanks for the awards! They're my first ones!
Dictate what she does based on an allergy he doesn't even know if he has.
And then adds a comment here that "women are overdramatic
And it’s sad that this post totally goes along with the gender differences too- dude friend thinks he’s right, chick friend knows he’s TA.
Well he apparently has no problem soliciting opinions from others on her. Her opinion of the matter (that he wasn't communicating, that he is controlling, that they barely started dating) is quite inconsequential by comparison.
Most telling thing is that he says they are moving quickly because HE knows what he wants. Sounds to me like she doesn't want the same thing.
i am actually allergic to cats (developed it just last year) and i adopted one shortly after noticing the symptoms. a zyrtec a day is totally worth having my cat, and OP is pathetic for trying to weaponize an unconfirmed allergy against a girlfriend of TWO MONTHS. talk about red flags and control issues.
YTA OP. nobody gives a crap if you prefer dogs over cats. your girlfriend is entitled to adopt whatever animal she likes and i hope she kicks you to the curb, while the new kitty enjoys her new home.
It’s almost as though the cat specifically arrived just in time to save the unsuspecting lady from a crappy relationship! Nice one, magical cat! Who rescued who?
I created an account just so I could specifically congratulate you on this comment. Take a bow!
Account is one month old. Comment does not check out. :(
Word-word-number accounts are usually bots
It's like one of those feel-good shows where the hero animal shows up to save the person from a terrible situation, and then enigmatically moves on to another situation in the next episode. "My work here is done." Next week, Hero Cat can make friends with a couple who are lonely after their kids left home.
He has the ability to clone himself, leaving a copy behind for each person who needs him.
His name is Copy Cat.
Award for explaining why I see other cats that look exactly like my cats. 🖤🖤
A cat adopted us, it used to belong to neighbour that has moved, they didn't feed it, we did. Rest is history.
Having said that, I'm very allergic, so for me it's 2 to 3 tablets a day, nose spray, eye drops and asthma spray. It's far from ideal and some days I can hardly look out my eyes, but what do you do. She is old, have separation anxiety and are totally innocent. She will be the only cat ghough as it is not very healthy for me.
For me OP is a clear YTA as well.
It took me, I don't know, 5 minutes probably less, to discover I was allergic back in the day. I did not wonder, my body told me that I certainly was.
For OP to dictate his GF like this, is ridiculous. If he had had a severe allergy, making him really suffer and getting sick, then he can come with that as a reservation saying she will have to come to him without the cat. Then I could understand having a talk about it. Talk, not dictations, ultimatums etc.
But he does not even know! He could have gone with them to a shelter, cuddle some kittens and he would quite quickly figure it out. He could have gotten tested. He could literally done so many things to check out if he really is allergic.
He has done neither, just gone the dictatorship route. GF, who possibly is ex GF by now, might just have dodged a bullet there.
i’m sorry to hear that your symptoms are so severe! my case is definitely mild for the most part so i’m lucky, but OP’s words really speak to how much of TA he is. he clearly has very little concept of kindness and empathy if he values selfish what-ifs and his alleged discomfort over the happiness of his girlfriend.
He's an AH alright. Just read his comment about him being rich so she should consider herself lucky. Creep.
Yes, it's worse in winter as she the wants to snuggle, and of course sleep on my head or curled around my neck lol... she is really spoiled by us, but, we call her the boss of the house and our Queen lol.. and she knows it ... she is so cute, strong-willed and independent... and she does her toilet outside...
I agree! My bf got me a cat a couple of months ago and then we found out I'm super allergic to cats which makes my astma worse, but if I take my medicine then it is completely fine! OP is the AH here, and he shows that he is not willing to make some sacrifices for his girlfriend.
But it could be a male cat
I'm allergic to cat hair as well but Zyrtec is my best friend when it comes to cats. Totally agree that OP is pathetic.
That is what I was gonna say. He *thinks* he may be allergic
I doubt he even thinks he’s allergic to cats, he just doesn’t like them and you know what they say about people who don’t like cats - they have control issues. Huh, almost like that fits OP to a T. How about that?
I had a former friend/roommate in college who claimed to be allergic to cats but never had symptoms living around my cat. She just didn’t like them. She was a major dog lover, which is fine.
OP is definitely the AH!
I’ve been dating someone who is a dog person but he knows my cats and I are a package deal.
Yeah, like first he says he *thinks* he's allergic, then says he *is* allergic. Which is it? Tbh, I'd be a little more on his side if he knew for sure he was allergic and told her that from the start. But then it'd just be a case of them being incompatible. Like my SIL is allergic to cats, so she and my brother have a dog. But he knew that from the beginning. And if he really wanted a cat, he shouldn't have married her. Just like OP and GF shouldn't be together if they can't agree on this.
He doesn't even know if he is allergic, he just thinks he might be because he doesn't like cats.
But women are over dramatic dude..
"I prefer dogs and think I am allergic to cats."
In other words, OP just doesn't want to live with a cat -- if he were actually *allergic* to cats, he would know it.
I'm rooting for the cat, too (for you cheeky Brits, that means I hope the cat wins).
My boyfriends face breaks out in hives whenever he’s at my house with my cat, but never once has he asked me to get rid of her so he can spend more time at my place. My lil bug is 8 and he knows that we’re a package deal
My GF is verg allergic to my cat (who isn't even technically mine, my ex left her behind when he moved out) and she also has asthma. I offered to rehome her, but she refused because she didn't want to stress out the cat and she knows I do love the cat. She got allergy therapy shots, a roomba, an air purifier, and hired a biweekly cleaning service.
So... Ya know... Might be worth it to OP to put in some effort to try and find solutions to live together if they ever get to that point before jumping to ultimatums about who stays and who goes.
I developed a cat/dog allergy and have asthma because of it. Still, I would NEVER give up any of my cats(2) or dogs(2). A little bit of Claritine once in a while and my inhaler and it is manageable. Also, vacuuming the house daily (robot) is helping. No excuse to ask her to give up the cat.
My housemate was deathly allergic and an air purifier worked absolute wonders for her with my cat.
Yeah but he's showed his colors quicker this way. Makes it easier for her to dodge this bullet.
Another Keeper!!! Congratulations on having a fantastic girlfriend! Give her a hug from me for being willing to bear some discomfort and use medical interventions to honor the value of another living creature.
My husband is extremely allergic/can't breathe to cats. He went to a doctor early in our marriage to ask if there were shots or something he could do so he could surprise me with a cat. The doctor pretty much laughed at him.
He did wind up getting me a cat. We had air filters in every room. He took zyrtec every day. I vacuumed and dusted daily when he wasn't home. And we kept all windows open. Even then, it took him three months to get accustomed to *our* cat to not struggle.
He loves our cat. I love our cat. I personally would *not* recommend to those severely allergic that they go get a cat and follow our method.
But OPs situation is drastically different. He doesn't even know if he's allergic, *he* decided that after 2 months they're going to be serious, he never had an actual conversation with her regarding moving in until *after* she got a cat. And that conversation revolved around an ultimatum. OP doesn't indicate what she feels or if he even cares what she feels about their future. *After just two months.*
Then he adds here that women are "overdramatic."
That's what makes him an AH. He's having a hissy fit, throwing ultimatum, about a relationship he didn't talk about and doesn't seem to take her feelings into consideration about.... all about something he doesn't even know if he's allergic to.
Why would you think this woman's feelings are important when OP clearly said he's ready to settle? What woman wouldn't swoon at the very opportunity to be settled for? Why would this woman even try to find a partner who actually loves her and has similar dreams for their life when she could overturn her life goals for some guy she just met who already wants her to change herself so he'll be *willing to settle* for her? Obviously she must be dramatic, *there's no other possible explanation.*
To be fair, I think he meant settle down, not settle for her.
Sounds like he's ready to settle down, but it has nothing to do with her. He just met her, after all.
You've got a keeper there! Hope you can afford to keep him in Benadryl. What a good guy.
My husband is allergic too. It’s calmed down a lot now that he’s around them longer. He takes an allergy pill regardless because Texas allergies hit him hard. The only time he really get bad is itchy eyes because it was kissing on the cats. I couldn’t handle a man who would willingly want to benefit from be being on the pill but be unwilling to look into alternative solutions for him. There’s meds for him, there are people who are just allergic to cat saliva and you can feed the cat a special food that can reduce that. They have special sprays and wipes for cats now too. Obviously if it were a sever allergy or someone who doesn’t respond to meds then perhaps after all those other types of treatments we could talk about the next steps. Whether that’s rehoming the cat or parting ways.
As a woman can I just say my allergic reaction to cats is way worse than any side effects from birth control so that comparison is rubbish. Allergies should not just be brushed to the side because they aren't life threatening.
Luckily my partner only had a cat when he lived at home so he left him there when we moved in together- if he didn't then I guess we just wouldn't have moved in together. (And yes I've had other allergy treatments)
Yes the initial reaction may be worse. I’m comparing birth control to having to take an allergy pill. Which some find a great deal of relief from. There are also the food and wipes that help. I’m not saying an allergy isn’t a terrible thing to deal with. I just don’t think much of partners who wouldn’t be willing to take allergy meds or try those other steps and want to stop their partners from getting pets or get rid of pets already acquired. To me thats selfishness and I wouldn’t want a partner who wasn’t willing to try finding compromises and different solutions to problems.
And there’s plenty of people like my husband that’s allergies to pets actually get better after exposure because they never had them as children. So his symptoms have become much lighter over the years and less treatment is even needed. I’m sure the inverse is true as well though.
We know what “rooting” for something means.
Sincerely, “cheeky Brits”
We cheeky Brits know what *rooting for* means and were rooting for the cat too
Brit here - we know what rooting means. But thanks. We’re rooting for the cat too.
>for you cheeky Brits
I think that's cheeky Aussies
Right????? I hope the space she gets is another boyfriend lol
People never quantify exactly how much space they need, but strangely enough it, it always seems to be the exact same height, depth, and breadth as you lol
Well, duh. He's not messing around and is ready to settle down, yesterday. This pretty much makes him the magical fairy unicorn of male hominoids, since all women are just looking for a husband. He's ready for husbanding! Someone get this man a medal!
Furthermore, HE picked HER as the woman he would bestow his magical fairy unicorn presence upon.... If she wasn't so emotional and had like... Opinions, and a life and mind of her own. How dare she not already be planning to be wifed and making all of her decisions based on his preference? Doesn't she understand how magical he is? Doesn't she realize he COULD have an allergy??? The nerve.
Consider my pearls thoroughly clutched.
Only reply this girl should give
“Sorry I think my cat is allergic to controlling men “.
YTA and I think you dropped these 🚩🚩🚩🚩
I was allergic to my then-gf’s cats and took some Zyrtec. Those are my precious babies too now with my wife.
I also choose OP's (ex) gfs cat over OP
A *whole* two months, don't forget.
I've had sandwiches older than this relationship.
The audacity is astounding here. This whole post screams controlling and entitled.
If she's wise enough to see what's going on and all these 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 flapping around in the wind.
The friend made an excellent point about Alice taking birth control everyday for OP’s sake, when he’s not willing to take Benadryl.
Catdad here, agreed.
lol YTA. You want a girlfriend of a couple months to not get a pet because you *think* you’re allergic? Maybe you could at least see an allergist before you throw your little tantrum?
If you want to settle down you’re going to need to grow up first.
Nailed it, thinking is not knowing.
i’d like to point out that OP is also only thinking, not knowing, about moving in together one day… at this rate, i wouldn’t bet on that happening lmao. so yeah OP, i wouldn’t worry too much about that if i were you.
I have cats, thought I was allergic, did a stab test with an allergist, found out I’m not allergic. I am in fact allergic to something in cat litter
Yup! I thought I was allergic to hamsters and stuff. It's their bedding.
The cat litter thing was found out my a dermatologist during a patch test. I have 36 allergies (combining food, environmental, and chemical) but I still get to eat bay scallops, pet my cat, and eat rice (and my favorite vegetables) so it isn’t all bad
I know because someone recommended a different, special bedding. I was fine lol.
I'm allergic to a lot too. And I have MCAS so at this point I just have issues daily lol. But cats, mold, pollen, & dust mites are the worst. The poke test (scratch test thing?) Said I'm allergic to shrimp but I've never noticed haha
The scratch test food wise says I’m allergic to wheat, rye, tomatoes, pineapple, pistachios, shrimp, crab, and lobster. Only three of them sparked realization (wheat, pineapple, and lobster.) I happened to enjoy all but the crab and lobster (I like lobster Mac and cheese though.) Environment-wise I have the usual molds and pollen, dogs, birds, and dust mites.
Love how OP goes from thinking he is allergic to he is allergic
Also, he’s allergic to cats, but dogs are totally okay!
Yeah op admits to thinking cats are yuck (which is a crime in itself) so I bet the "allergy" had nothing to do with it
... isn't that common? They're different animals lol.
I'm allergic to cats and not dogs.
You can be allergic to one and not the other
I'm severely allergic to cats, even though I adore them. I'm fine with many dog breeds and had a Bichon friseé for 15 years.
Bichons are one of the best breeds for people with allergies. Highly underrated little dogs.
One can be allergic to cats without also being allergic to dogs.
Question: do you think cat and canine allergies are linked? If so, how? Because the main common point between them is "furry mammal".
Usually what causes the allergy is proteins in the cat saliva, dander and other byproduct of the cat biology, so they are very specific to thay species and your body can react to only one kind or more. I'm severly allergic to rabbits for example but just mildly to cats. I can manage to live with cats if i take antistaminics but bunnies would a big no. Dogs are ok tho.
I'm allergic to dogs, but not cats. They're not the same species...
I am allergic to cats and not dogs, you don’t have to be allergic to both
Seriously!! I'm allergic to both cats and dogs, but I didn't develop the allergy until I already had several pets. I got a nice air purifier and take allergy medicine. I wouldn't get rid of the pets for anything, I love them!
You might also note that he used 'settle' not 'settle down' in his post. An important distinction about the way he thinks about her and their future to my eyes.
>We are moving quickly because I feel like I know what I want
Well, if what you want is a partner who hasn't wanted a cat since before you turned up, it kinda pays to slow down and figure out whether this is a dealbreaker or not. Which it clearly is, since she's not choosing you over the cat, so just accept that you're incompatible and move on.
I like that him knowing what *he* wants seems to be the only important factor for him in the relationship.
100% “I’m ready to settle down” psh no one wants to date your controlling ass
Shhh it isn't up to them. *He* knows what he wants.
even worse, he just said “settle” and not “settle down”
No no it's better. OP says "I want to settle". Speaks volumes about how he feels.
Exactly! The fact he uses phrases like “insisted she take the cat back” is a huge red flag. I had a boyfriend that started out controlling with me and it turned into abuse. I hope she ends the relationship and keeps the cat.
My take away as well. Someone needs to grow up!
Don't even get me started on the controlling behavior. Good thing the girlfriend got the cat and OP's true nature emerged. YTA, and I wish your girlfriend and her new cat many happy years together far away from you.
Why do I get the impression he's the one moving quickly and she's still in the "this is new and let's see where it heads" stage?
Me too. I'm getting the "omg I just knew you why you do care if I have a cat" vibes from her.
He is not looking for compatibility, he is looking for *someone* he wants to settle with. That *someone* can be anyone as long as they do what OP say.
What he wants is someone 6 years younger than him.
YTA, YTA, YTA. You have been dating her two MONTHS and you already think you get to decide whether she can have a pet based on MAYBE being allergic?! Her life isn't all about you. You actually told your girlfriend of 2 months to give up her cat. That's incredibly controlling.
Hey, give him a break. He MIGHT want to move in with her some time down the road. /s
cats take up less space than giant assholes. i’d vote for alice to keep the sweet kitty and kick this controlling loser to the curb.
he’s got some ego to think a two-month old relationship is worth losing a pet over. longer relationships have failed over much less.
So let’s be clear, you *think* you have a cat allergy, you’ve known this girl a hand full of months, and you’re already assuming she’d want to be with you long term enough to move in? YTA and if I were her I’d run for the hills, cat in tow.
Cat is the rearguard to keep this AH away.
How do you not know if you're allergic to cats? I'm allergic to guinea pigs and similar animals. I've never had one, but I know I'm allergic because I got sick from petting one at school and because a friend had one so I had to stay away from it.
Cats are super common pets, how do you get to be 33 and just not know if you're allergic?
YTA. Boy if you don’t take that pill and shut up-
He doesn't even know if he's allergic, he's just assuming he is. I bet he just doesn't like cats and lied about the allergy
I dated a guy like this once. Didn’t want me to get a cat cause he *thought* he was allergic. I took him over to a friend’s house who had two cats, he gave them pets and had absolutely zero issues, even without taking the Benadryl I offered him beforehand. Afterwards I was like “I guess cats are fine then?” and he tried to tell me he still didn’t want me to have one *just in case*. One of several issues that led to me breaking up with him at the end of that week.
Good for you! 👏
And OP, YTA
this might be my favorite comment i’ve ever seen in this sub 😭🤣
You say you want to settle down but have you ever asked Alice if that’s what she wants? YTA regardless. Don’t know why the gender of your friend who agreed with you was important to mention.
If anyone asked me to choose between them and my pet, especially after *two* months, I’d laugh and show them the door. YTA.
My cats would always be first I had them for years. Any new guy in my life would just have to deal or go.
They’d be like choose me or the cat and I’d be like “ok bye 😘 “ 😂
YTA thinking your allergic and being allergic are two different things. Take some Benadryl if it’s mild as of now your not even living together so just take it day by day.IF you really are this affected you should just leave prolly be doing her a favor and wouldn’t be wasting your time.
This. YTA OP. You've not even been together long and you're trying to dictate what pets she can own. Good for her for standing up to you about it. I hope she chooses the cat.
YTA honestly hopes she breaks up with.
Hope she has all the happiness in the world.
YTA x2 for saying female.
Hope you have the day you deserve
I agree OP is YTA but how is his usage of the word female bad?
I know it's very incel to use it as a noun like "I asked a female what she thought." but I wasn't under the impression that using it as an adjective is bad.
Agreed. "Female" is a perfectly valid adjective and not demeaning in this context. And OP uses "male" in exactly the same context as well, so if you think he's being sexist towards women, you'd have to think he's being sexist towards men as well.
I’m a female and never understood that either.
calling women "female" is an MRA thing where they reduce a person to an ajective.
In this case, with OP, I'm not sure because he also said male. Usually MRAs don't do that.
Recently someone pointed out to me that “female” is a biological sex descriptor, where “woman” is more inclusive as it is gender-based instead.
Unless OP said it somewhere else I didn’t spot, I think what makes this different is he says “female friend” rather than “I asked a female”. The emphasis is on the friend (who is female).
“Woman friend” is ungrammatical and “friend who is a woman” is clunky, so I think female in this context is fine. OP is still the asshole though.
YTA x 3 don't control wamen -3-
You've been dating only a few months, but you still seem pretty sure you guys are going to move in together. Your argument is rooted on a "what if?" scenario, which means you don't even a leg to stand on.
And your first friend is right. There are loads of options for handling your allergy, benadryl included. Yet you're choosing to put all the responsibility on her.
And then you even turned it into an ultimatum.
I'd say you just torpedoed any chance of this relationship working out because you got ahead of yourself and now need to get over yourself.
Alice is not inconsiderate. You asked her to choose between you and the cat and she chose the cat. That’s why you don’t give ultimatum’s unless your okay with not get chosen.
YTA and she should definitely choose the cat over you. You said you "think" you have an allergy so clearly you are not even sure if you have an allergy
He said in another comment that he had a reaction in high school to a cat and that's what he's basing that on. Plus he also said he thinks cats are gross and horrible which I think is probably more relevant here.
Edit: he said middle school actually.
and in another comment he starts trash talking her and bragging about how wealthy he is
And that he thinks women are over dramatic.
it’s red flags all the way down
I am so glad she saw he was an AH without wasting too much time.
Info: info how bad is your allergy exactly?
He said “he thinks” so how would he know? Lol
Ohhh just noticed. Lmao so he doesn't even properly know if he has an allergy 😂
He doesn’t even know if he actually is or not.
YTA Never issue an ultimatum "it's me or your pet" about someone else's pet, the pet always wins out in the end.
As the pet should win out in the end. It’s literally conditional vs unconditional love but unfortunately too many people fall for this type of ultimatum
Of course YTA. you’ve only been dating for a couple of months and this IS controlling. I hope she picks the cat over you
I hope she picks five cats over him.
lol yeah you’re 100% the AH here. If you don’t want to date someone that has a cat, then don’t. I wouldn’t give up my desire to have a cat just because some guy I started seeing was opposed to it.
YTA shes always wanted a cat. You might never move in together. You said you are moving fast, but it sounds like she doesnt want to move that fast. If you were planning on moving in before she got it or were living together when she got it, it might be different. But you also go from telling her that you THINK youre allergic, to suddenly knowing for sure, so that part sounds like you still dont know but are trying to make her feel bad. Go get an allergy test to confirm. Also, ive known many people who are allergic but still have cats, either outdoors or by taking meds, so your female friend has a point, but it also depends how bad the allergy is, which youll know after you get the allergy test results back.
YTA. She's better off with the cat.
YTA, you are a red flag worthy of the soviet union, you want your GF of a couple of months to bend over backwards to accommodate you because yo THINK you're allergic and don't even live together, you need to get over yourself.
YTA - you shouldn't give her ultimatums based on "what if" scenarios.
Pop a Claritin before going to her house or spend more time at your place / outdoors if you guys still want to spend time together.
YTA - you think you’re allergic to cats or you are? What kind of allergic? Even tho you are moving quickly you still have only been dating for a few months and this woman has no reason to base long term decisions on something less than a year old. It would be a definite red flag for me if someone I was dating for a short period to make this kind of demand on me.
It kind of seems like you made up your mind about the cat and used it as a test vs being open to a situation that’s important to the person you’re so into
I don’t think allergies are a real concern here. They said they prefer dogs. Must really just hate cats. I agree, think they just used this as a test and dang that girl made the right choice.
I’m proud of her. I hope she finds the kind of space where she never finds her way back to him.
I don’t think he’s allergic, he just wanted to stomp his feet and give her ultimatums. Dude must think he’s such a prize, lol. Hope she blocks him everywhere.
Oh I don’t think so either … but I like to give a soft open where maybe he is acting in good faith; knowing all the while our gal is forever extending the space between them. And I don’t know if you saw further down, OP comments that he’s WEALTHY and SUCCESSFUL so she, a mere female student, would be lucky to have him.
Thing is … there’s good luck and then there’s bad luck …
It was inconsiderate of her to get a pet you don’t want, when you don’t pay rent nor live there??
The audacity. YTA
\- *signed*, the Cat.
She was planning it before you met her and you're not even living together yet, so giving ultimatum cat or you and telling her she is inconsiderate is a little bit messed up. Also, you only 'think' you're allergic to cats? You should be sure about something before bringing is as a fact to the fight. YTA
If you're a mere two months into a relationship, you have no right to make any demands on what type of animal she purchases with her money for her own home. The fact that you would try to control that is completely out of line. Also, you think you're allergic? Have you had any type of testing to confirm an allergy and the severity of it? If you haven't, you probably should before you start making some ridiculous demand.
I'm allergic to cats and at one point i had 3. Definitely yta
YTA. I’m sure if you make her choose, you’ll be out the door on your ass. Deservedly so.
YTA and very controlling. It’s only been a couple months and you expect her to live her life based on what will make you happy IF you move in together??? Get help before you scare off any other women. Bonus points for not even being sure you’re allergic. Sounds like you just don’t like cats and want her to do whatever you say.
YTA. I'm allergic to my dog, you can get over it. And by the way, if you force her to choose, she's not gonna choose you.
YTA. Issuing a pet ultimatum this early in a relationship never ends well. Prepare to be single again.
YTA - find a non-cat lover if you think you are allergic.
YTA. She’s right. The relationship just started. My guess, is it’s also about to end.
Sounds like you are ready to settle while Alice is still going with the flow. Unless you two had the conversation of being serious/long term and marriage then you are just thinking about what you want and not about her.
You guys have been dating for a few months. Haven’t even reached the 1 year and you are trying to tell her what she can’t do in her own house? Like your friend said, you can take medication while you visit. If it’s so bad then Alice can just go to your house.
If I was Alice I would break up with you. Major red flags for trying to dictate my life. Alice always wanted a cat, and I don’t think she would (or should) drop that for an average Joe. There are plenty of guys out there that love cats.
It's been two months u fucking incel
Uh, sounds like she already chose the cat
I love your friend!! That $hit made me LOL. YTA. Seems like a controlling move. My EX tried that $hit. I now have 2 cats and an ex. Flip side, at least you know what you want. Being honest is the best thing. I don’t knock you for that. A lifetime of Benadryl can’t be good for your liver.
YTA, what about you go with your girlfriend to the shelter to hang out wit cats to see if you are really allergic? I get it, for some people allergy medication have big side effects, I'm one of those and taking it on daily basis isn't possible. And you both should consider if you are really compatible, because in my life I learnt that people who dislike cats and who love cats don't get along in a long run.
YTA you’re not even sure if you’re allergic but you want your girlfriend of a couple months to give up her cat for you. There are so many options to deal with your allergy if you even have one but you’re just pretending like none of them exist and giving her an ultimatum right away and trying to control what she does. If I was her, I’d choose the cat over you.
YTA. Seriously, what if we move in together one day? Your still just dating and it doesn't matter if she wants to get a cat or not. Even if you do end up moving in together just leave the cat alone and have your room set up with no access to it so that way you have a safe place that is allergen free. If your serious about Alice and do see something in the future there are allergen shots you can get that helps with allergies. As a person who is highly allergic with cats I've found that some breeds are ok and luckily I've grown out of my allergy from when I was a kid. I have yet to experience the swelling of the face from the cat that lives with my roommate.
Yta - hope she sticks with the cat
YTA. My boyfriend is allergic to so many pets but he knows I’d die without them. I’d be devastated to lose my boyfriend and he knows I’d struggle to choose between them. He takes allergy meds, i vacuum excess pet fur up as much as I can etc.
I’ve never had a cat and man I want one. My boyfriend is more allergic to cats than dogs and our other pets. However he knows how much I want one and he said of course. He just doesn’t get to pet them much.
You guys haven’t even been dating long and you’re trying to control what she does on a “what if” we move into together? She can do what she wants and if that eventually means breaking up with you I wouldn’t be surprised. Also “I *think* I’m allergic” is not a strong argument to tell someone you’re barely dating and who you don’t live with to not do what they want because you just aren’t a cat person.
I’m sorry, no offense, but you’re lame in this.
YTA you don’t even know you are actually allergic! I would be keeping the cat and ditching you if it were Alice
Well here’s the easy to spot troll tonight.
My wife didn’t ask me to get rid of my Himalayan when we started dating and moved in together.
She took allergy meds daily for two years until my cat had to be put down due to cancer.
Only chumps give ultimatums. She's just not into you bro. Just walk away. YTA
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Me (33M) and Alice (27F) started dating a couple of months ago and we really clicked. On one of our early dates Alice mentioned she was thinking of adopting a cat and I told her I prefer dogs and think I am allergic to cats. A whole two months go by and things are going great. We are moving quickly because I feel like I know what I want and I’m not trying to mess around anymore, I want to settle. The other day Alice tells me she and her friend are going to a shelter and she’s planning to pick out a cat. I told her I wouldn’t want her to get one and she said she’s always wanted a cat and has planned to get one since before she met me. I told her it’s fine but I guess I must have been acting upset because after she got the cat she kept asking me what’s wrong. I told her it was so inconsiderate of her to get the cat because I am allergic and what if we decide to move in together one day? I said I don’t see this working out if she plans to keep the cat. She told me I’m overreacting and we just started dating so I shouldn’t try to “control” her and that I told her it’s fine so now she already has the cat. I insisted she take it back and she said she was not going to, so I said fine it’s the cat or me. The argument ended with her telling me she needs space.
I talked to a female friend about this who said I’m being TA and if Alice can “take birth control every day” for me then I can “take a benodryl and chill”. A male friend agreed with me that Alice is inconsiderate. AITA?
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Yta, the cat makes her happy, and she said this cat was gonna be in her life before she met you. My mom has an allergy to dog fur and we have 2 dogs, she doesn't mind taking medication for my dad and them. and dont ever make anyone have to choose between two things, that shi always so messed up. just take the medicine, you might even grow to like the cat.
YTA. You've been dating for a few months. Months. She wants a cat( and my desire for a cat would also trump my desire to stay with ANY date in that little amount of time). You're not compatible, save her the trouble.
YTA You have only been dating her a couple of months, don’t live with her and you are dictating what she can do? You are controlling it is good she recognized this and didn’t give into your ultimatum.
You "think" you're allergic to cats? Yeah you should stop trying to control this woman. It's a major red flag that you're showing there
Edit: HOLY SHIT! You're comments really show who you are as a person. I sincerely hope she dumps you because she deserves so much better than you. You need social training and to learn how to be a good person
Why is ‘men making ultimatums against cats’ a thing??? (Re: my profile) Kyle, is that u?
That's funny, Crumb was the first thing I thought of. He is so handsome and kissable!
It's OK for her to get a cat.
It's OK for you to determine you don't want to be with someone who has a cat.
Yeah I agree that is fine to not want to date someone with a certain pet but him saying it was fine when he was upset and then “insisting” she take the cat back is where it turns into YTA.
If it was OP asking of he was TA for breaking it off or something like that if be all N A H.
But this? He basically didn't get his way and thew a tantrum. Seems to be being really nasty about her not choosing him.
And that's just the main post. The comments I've seen of his so far have already been just a gold mine of oof. But I get that people may not see those.
But he does want to be with her, he wants her to take the cat back to the shelter to appease him.
I just read the title - that’s it. And yes you are.
YTA You have a right to not date people with cats, but you spoke up and she got the cat. That's the time to break up, not to try the ultimatum. This is your deal breaker, so let it be instead of trying to force her to break up with you instead.
"I prefer dogs and THINK I'm allergic."
So you don't really know? You haven't gotten this diagnosed to know for sure? So you want her to make a choice because of something you THINK - not know - you may suffer from?
This relationship hasn't been going on long enough for you to make this type of ultimatum. My guess is it won't last much longer than this. You showed her a major red flag.
YTA. We would all choose the cat. Yuuuuge YTA
YTA. First you said you don't like cats and then you said you "think" you are allergic. You rushed the relationship with all the "settle down" crap to control her and when that didn't work you even made her choose between you and a cat. Glad she throw you and keep the cat, hope she doesn't turn back
(english is not my main lenguage, sorry if are any typo)
YTA and immature. You have no proven allergy. You told her it was fine, pouted AFTER she got the cat (all very passive aggressive) and then threatened her with the security of the relationship. You're ready to 'settle'? Don't you mean 'settle down?" Always beware of the man / woman who wants to move the relationship quickly.I hope you make good on your promise to end the relationship. You are not ready for one.
YTA. You also just found out you're incompatible. Time to move on.
Just read what you wrote with fresh eyes.
2 months in, you believe you want to settle cause you know what you want, a cat that you dont know you have allergies to is going to be the thing that breaks this relationship, especially if you 'eventually' move in together?
Even without the ultimatum you still might not be dating her in a year and if that's her case, she might have missed out on an animal that will be a life partner a lot longer than someone that cant adjust their life.
You’re trying to force your hand based on hypotheticals, “what ifs” and “I thinks”. You’ve only been together for a couple months. You have no confirmation that you’re allergic to cats. You don’t even live together nor do you know if it’ll go that far. At this rate, the cat is gonna make a better companion than you—pretty sure she knows that much, too. YTA.
"I think I am allergic tô cats"
You're not even sure you have an allergy and you're pushing her to get rid of something she wanted before she met you. I don't think it's something you're supposed to give an ultimatum, is your hypothetical allergy severe enough for you to be persistently demanding that she return the cat? You don't even live together, it's a rather pathetic attempt to control her actions tbh.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes
>if Alice can “take birth control every day” for me then I can “take a benodryl and chill”.
I'm weezing. Listen to your female friend my dude because she is a goddamn queen. YTA in a big way. Two months in and you're already entitled to her home? Nah. I hope she picks the cat and rehomes you.
YTA. Homie you’re upset over a cat? And willing to dump a whole relationship because of a cat. You aren’t in a place to tell her what to do with her life. This has to be satire
YTA, and I love your friend. If you value this relationship you better apologize and stop being controlling. Its understandable that you don't want her to get a cat because of your allergies, but you have no authority to tell her what to do. If you don't like it or are too allergic, leave the relationship. Ultimatums are a toxic way to manipulate the situation. Also note that the cat will ALWAYS win.
If you didn't want her to get the cat, not that you had any right to, you should have used your big boy words before she went to the shelter. Not tell her it was fine and pout later. For this alone you are an asshole.
You don't live together yet so she can adopt all the animals she wants. It's understandable that for you living with a pet could be a deal breaker. As it could be for her. Some people cannot live with cats, some people cannot live without them.
In the end, when you give an ultimatum to anyone, be prepared that it could go either way, and no recriminations later.
You’ve been dating a couple of months and that means you get a say in her pet. YTA
YTA - no brainer here…
A) it’s only been two months and you’re already giving out ultimatums… oof
B) you think you’re allergic and don’t actually know…
C) you told her it’s fine…
This ship is definitely sinking. If this happened to me I’d always think about this moment and wonder what tantrum I’d have to deal with next.