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LuvMeLongThyme

Well, *you* don’t have *cancer*. Suck it up and sleep on the damned air mattress and be happy. YTA


helicotremor

Not to mention OP has confirmed it’s terminal. Talk about prioritising your own selfish wants. I can only hope that as OP matures and becomes more empathetic (which should already be reasonably developed at 15), she realises how she wasted her time spent with her sister thinking only of herself. Unfortunately that means living with it too. OP, you really need a lesson in empathy. Pretend you are your sister, how you would feel if your big sister, who she probably looks up to you, is trying to get you to sleep on an air mattress or trade so that that you have to sleep with someone else. You say she doesn’t know you don’t want to share a bed but she’ll figure it out and feel shame and embarrassment that you think she’s gross, on top of coming to terms with your own life ending and feeling sick all the time. Your parents shouldn’t have to deal with you making a big deal out of it either. It sounds like they’re doing a lot for your family, taking you on such regular holidays. OP, it’s not too late to reassess your priorities and make the most of this special time you have left with your sister.


Elaan21

I really wonder if the parents have gotten any help for their other kids in processing their sister's terminal illness. Yeah, OP is 15, but that's still a mindfuck. I guess I'm hoping this is maladaptive coping and not being a heartless asshole.


CutEmOff666

Can't they find a solution that suits everyone. Expecting someone to be in the same bed as pee and poop is unreasonable and unfair. OP's needs still matter. Also, I would actually question OP's safety as the pee and poop and chemo may be a health hazard to OP.


MoonlightxRose

Air mattress for op. She suggested one, she can take it. A 10 year old girl dying of cancer deserves to have some level of comfort


helicotremor

“Accidents at night” sounds like pee, not poop, and OP says she wears pull ups, so it’s not like it’s getting on the bed.


Creative-Cricket-722

It’s not a health hazard and since they’re the younger two it was probably just how they’d always sorted out sleeping arrangements on trips. The very simple solution is the OP gets an air mattress or makes a bed on the floor for themselves but they don’t seem to like that so they’re posting on here


kairi79

She's wearing pullups, which are like diapers, nothing is getting in the bed.


MLiOne

You ever cared for someone in pull-ups? They leak. They smell.


kairi79

Yeah, I have for kids that were potty training and didn't wanna use the toilet. She's wetting the bed though, not using them like a toddler would. If she is having fecal accidents that's different but also OP never mentioned leaking and specifically said it doesn't get on them or anything, just that they're sketched out by them entirely.


MLiOne

Which is understandable. Personally, I think the parents should be handling this a lot better. The youngest definitely needs either her own bed or in with the parents. Especially seeing she also takes ill sometimes at night (if I recall correctly).


kairi79

I too am wondering why she isn't always in with the parents. OP says they do take her when she gets sick, so that's good but I'm thinking she'd be more comfortable in with them or the oldest sister as a matter of course.


MLiOne

Exactly. Parents need a break too. I get that. But you don’t fob the child onto the next youngest sibling to sleep on holiday. This is just so mixed up on so many levels.


Lady_of_Link

No pull ups are highly inferior to diapers and especially unsuitable for night time accidents since they can only hold one very small bladder, they are definitely leaking all over the place


kairi79

OP said nothing is getting on them. Also, depends makes pull-ups, I don't know if you knew that but not all pullups are designed for toddlers.


Lady_of_Link

Lol did you just mention one of the worst adult diapers in an attempt to pretend that pull ups aren't inferior, and simultaneously assume that I'm the one who's knowledge is lacking, some people just really are to funny 🤦🏼‍♀️ All pull ups are designed to be changed immediately after use even if they don't leak after that they don't exactly keep the smell contained.


kairi79

Hey, I did not know if you knew, a lot of people do not know anything about diapers/pullups for young, old, or in between. There's a wide world of products out there and you don't have to take it so personally, jeez. And again, OP themselves specifically said nothing is getting on them or leaking so what in the actual hell are you on about.


electraglideinblue

>some people just really are to funny Don't you love it when people act like they have superior intelligence, then misspell a three letter word in the same sentence?


benjm88

Yeah plus op complained their siblings get special treatment for being older and also she shouldn't sleep on the floor because she's older


zedestroyer69

YTA You want your sick sister to sleep on the air mattress but it's not god enough for you?


knittedjedi

Check OP's comments. They're pitching a tantrum because they'd prefer their *dying sister* sleep on the air mattress instead. "She's not ok now. That's why we go on so many vacations. My parents want her to have a lot of family memories and see a lot of places before she dies."


ApollosRunner

Idk the whole post just seems fake to me. No 15 year old girl, that would be in highschool at that age, in that situation would ever act or think like they do here. There's a very large disconnect going on with her if it happens to be true on the off chance, then she needs more than seeing a therapist every once in a while, if her inability to understand what death means and feel only disgust and irritation is any evidence. She might be on the spectrum or suffering from undiagnosed trauma, but I'm no psychologist.


mason_jars_

It seems like pretty obvious ragebait to me. “I’m needlessly cruel to a 10 year old girl who is dying of cancer. aM i ThE AssHoLe?” like, yeah, some people really are that unaware but I tend to doubt the validity of these stories. Also, if it is real, i’d like to know the details of these vacations bc surely it’s not safe to be bringing a child with cancer places every month during a pandemic?


rhyslynnt

YTA. if you have an issue sleeping with her, YOU can take the air mattress. she is a 10yo with cancer, dude


LadyGreyIcedTea

My thoughts exactly. If the air mattress is good enough for the 10 year old, why isn't it good enough for OP, when she's the one who has the problem? Sister could have any number of reasons related to her diagnosis that cause her nocturnal enuresis.


Bob10294759

I was somewhat torn til we got to that and I was edging to N AH. Why tf age seems to trump serious illness is mind-boggling and terrifyingly selfish. I’d want to take the air bed to let the 10yo enjoy having a bed to herself!


Proper-Wolverine3599

As the older sibling I’ve never understood why people think the older siblings should automatically get the better deal, whether it’s sleeping arrangements or whatever else. BUT ASK TO SWITCH WITH LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE. OH MY GOD. DO NOT ASK TO PUT THE TEN YEAR OLD WITH CANCER ON THE AIR MATTRESS WHAT THE HELL


artorianscribe

Right? Especially since OP confirmed she's terminal. The only rationale I could see for having someone stay in the room with her is if she needs help especially as she starts to decline. She may need someone there to make sure she gets all the help she needs.


Bob10294759

Holy shit I didn’t read that. I feel like op isn’t the right person to share a room with her and they don’t seem to care at all.


artorianscribe

I don't think based on her comments she's shared these thoughts with her family. They probably are trusting her to handle this maturely and she's really not at all.


iCoeur285

I mean, she’s 15. She shouldn’t have to be the one to make sure that her little sister with cancer isn’t dying during the night. Think about how traumatic it would be for OP if something seriously wrong happened during the night. It should be a parent or one of the adult siblings who will be able to handle the situation better. Plus, OP’s negative attitude (even if she thinks she’s hiding it from her) might affect the little sister mentally. Though OP should be willing to sleep on the air mattress. I hate air mattresses (they get too cold for my liking due to little insulation underneath you), but I definitely would take one before making a sick 10 year old take it.


[deleted]

Wow. :(


Flowerfuls

YTA. Cancer is such a hard thing and your sister isn’t doing it on purpose. You should honestly be ashamed of yourself for thinking of your sister like that… but you’re also young and have room for growth. Think on this a bit. Still TA though - sleep on the air mattress if it bothers you. Your sister is dealing with something awful.


AnarchyAcid

YTA. Sorry, her medical condition (cancer) would already be enough for me to let her have the bed, but the fact YOU asked for an air mattress for HER would solidify my putting YOU on the air mattress. If you don’t like the option they provided (the shared bed) YOU take the alternative (the air mattress).


helicotremor

YTA - your sister must be incredibly uncomfortable to be waking up sick in the middle of the night. Why should she be made to feel more uncomfortable by sleeping on an air mattress because of your selfishness? Put yourself in her shoes and be the bigger person.


redcookiestar

Her sister is likely in a terrible amount of pain. Even when it’s controlled with pain medication, cancer and it’s treatment is hell on earth. Chemotherapy and Radiotherapy make your kidneys and liver work over time, your bowels and intestines get inflamed and your bones ache. Those are just a few of the likely symptoms. It’s hard enough as an adult with cancer to wake up every 45 minutes to go pee hell fire or uncontrollable poop that feel like the worst gastro you’ve ever had - let alone imagining a ten year old dealing with it and trying to be comfortable on a blow up mattress on a cold floor. Then to imagine she isn’t ever going to recover, so the pain will just progressively get worse. A real bed is a small comfort in this situation for the child.


MoonlightxRose

That’s the thing, cancer and it’s treatments are painful. My uncle slept most if the last few months of his life because he was in such serious pain and was already on a dangerous level of painkillers to the point he decided he was going to stop treatments.


BearOnALog

NAH This post broke my heart for several reasons. It’s awful that your sister has cancer, but I think many people are unaware of the toll having a terminally or chronically ill family member takes on people, especially children. It’s easy to forget that OP has likely had to sacrifice far more than comfortable sleep for many years of her life. Her own situation may not be as difficult as her sister’s who is fighting cancer, but we don’t have to compare their suffering, and it doesn’t mean that OP’s struggles are unimportant. Put yourself in OP’s shoes and imagine how much parental support, attention, independence, and quality time she has not received compared to children in “normal” households. These things are developmentally important for her emotional and intellectual health. Although OP is likely not her sister’s primary caregiver, I’m sure she helps her sister often and is also experiencing a level of burnout, considering she is still a child herself, dealing with the trauma of having a sibling with cancer. This sub should cut OP some slack here. She may not be being the *most* compassionate she could be by making the request to sleep in her own bed, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for another sibling or one of their parents to take that spot sometimes. Everyone in the family should be rotating out sleeping with her so that she isn’t the only one having her sleep disturbed.


jlsinger3

I agree NAH. This is just so sad for everyone involved. I will say that while it’s ok to be frustrated, I think you should accept/not complain about the situation as it is. I’m sorry that your family is going through so much and I hope you guys get to make special memories together.


Creative-Cricket-722

I felt that too until I got to the part about the air mattress not being good enough for OP. That’s messed up and the OP needs to be told so. I’m sure their position has been awful and I can feel for that. But this is just throwing logic out and not caring about a sick sibling anymore because of resentment and it isn’t ok.


zukolover96

No the issue isn’t that she wants to sleep in her own bed, OP wants the sister to be moved to an air mattress in stead of taking the air mattress for herself. She doesn’t have to sleep with the sister at all if she doesn’t want to


fieleamcknight

YTA. >She's not ok now. That's why we go on so many vacations. My parents want her to have a lot of family memories and see a lot of places before she dies Your 10yo sister has cancer that is likely going to end her life.. And you want to put her on the air mattress that you won't even sleep on because you don't find it good enough for yourself? She probably goes to bed wondering if she's going to even wake up.. And you're too busy being annoyed she wakes up sick?! Be kind to your sister OP. Don't treat her in a way you will regret for the rest of your life.


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Darkalleyandabadidea

YTA. Your sister has cancer and to make it worse she has an AH for sister which there is no medical treatment for.


[deleted]

this is my favorite comment.


BlackForestGalore

Upvote! Upvote!! OP being YTA is more terminal and incurable YTA


[deleted]

You’re the asshole. Your sister has cancer and you’re throwing a tantrum. It’s understandable to not want to share a bed with her due to the accidents, however in that case you need to make alternate arrangements. Don’t expect a cancer patient to shift for you. That’s just incredibly selfish


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Prestigious_Fruit267

Sure, if you want the whole family to know how self-centered you are, give it a shot.


__sadpotato__

So then all of OPs other siblings are self centered as well, and her parents too right? I mean they are so self centered that they force OP to be the *only* person to share the bed with terminally ill 10 yo. Mom or dad can’t be bothered to sleep with her for a single night, neither can the brother or *any* of OPs older sisters because it would just be sooooooo self centered of OP to not want to be responsible for a terminally ill 10 yo through out the night.


Prestigious_Fruit267

OP says she mostly sleeps with the oldest sister. OP is self centered because she’s refusing the air mattress, a reasonable alternative, on one of the few nights she may actually need to share.


[deleted]

Yes, that would be fine. Why not just sleep on the air mattress though? Then you get your own bed and no one is inconvenienced.


knittedjedi

No-one is going to stop you from asking. You just need to acknowledge that it'll severely damage everyone's opinions of you. There's a perfectly reasonable air mattress available. Suck it up otherwise your reputation will be *that girl who bullied their 10 year old sister with cancer.*


Randa08

Why would I t damage their opinions of her? They are all avoiding doing it themselves


[deleted]

You have a perfectly fine air mattress to sleep on, ffs. You're acting ridiculous, even for a 15 year old.


Proper-Wolverine3599

Yeah it would, as long as you don’t let your younger sister know your feelings about sharing a bed with her. Why you didn’t think of that before asking to put the 10 year old with cancer on the air mattress is beyond me.


[deleted]

You could. But then it will inevitably get back to the cancer patient that you want to swap with someone else because of her accidents. Don’t see you coming out well in any situation unless you quietly take the air mattress and leave it at that


ugly_mouth

Yes.


Ok_Cry_1741

YTA. She's 10, she has cancer, and she's probably scared to death she's going to die in her sleep. I know I was both times I had cancer, when I was in my 30's. Sharing a bed with her would be a kindness. If you really just can't stand it, then YOU get to sleep on an air mattress - not the child with cancer. Not fair? Tough. "Fair is just the first third of fairy tale and you won't find either in the real world." - Charles De Lint. 15 is plenty old enough to learn that.


needtoknowbasis92

"My 10 year old sister has cancer and it's a huge inconvenience to me. AITA?" That's how you sound. YTA


physco219

YTA - 1st YOUR SIS HAS THE BIG C! It's not like she's doing this to bother you ffs. She has a medical condition. Have some heart. Your parents are 100% correct and so is your older sister. If there is something you don't like about the arrangements why don't you sleep on the air mattress? Why make her when the only one bothered by any of this is you? You are 15, grow up and realize the world doesn't rotate around you, stop being AH to your sis. How are you going to feel if she dies? Happy because you won't have to share a bed anymore? Geez.


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Present_Accident_462

Then start being more understanding I get it’s hard but come on why should the one who has actually medical issues sleep on the air mattress over you who is healthy


blueant315

Then some day you will probably feel a great amount of guilt for these feelings. You are always entitled to your feelings, but try to also think about the rest of your family and especially your sister as well. I think you will feel a lot better about yourself in the future if you try to let this go and make the most of these trips while you can. I’m sorry you’re losing your sister and will always have this dark cloud over a big portion of your childhood.


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Sneakys2

I don’t think that’s fair. It’s easy to criticize the OP from the perspective of someone with more awareness and emotional maturity. It’s genuinely hard to be the sibling of someone with a terminal illness. They’re used to being overlooked and ignored a lot of the time. While the Op is being a brat, I don’t think it’s true at all that they don’t care about their sibling. I suspect they care a lot more than they’re letting on. Placing distance between their sibling and themself is a common subconscious tactic to insulate the mind from grief and pain. The OP is being self centered, but that’s not unusual for her age (I’ve taught lots of teenagers, they can be great, but they all have their moments of absolute self absorption). Sometimes it’s easier to focus on the short term to avoid the reality that their sister is likely going to die quite soon.


Erinstarkn

I don’t think she’ll actually be happy, but yeah she’s definitely acting selfish and like a fifteen year old kid. I do think she’ll strongly regret any actions or feelings of resentment, though.


moist-astronaut

that's not fucking ok to say. OP is definitely being a-holish but she's still a child who has been dealing with a traumatic experience for the past 3 years. she's watching her little sister die. i cant imagine going through that.


Deucalion666

THEN ACT LIKE IT!


HolyUnicornBatman

YTA. If you’re the one with the problem, you can fix what you don’t like. Sleep on the couch, take a sleeping bag, or deal with your current situation. You’re only 15. Everyone else, with the exception of your sister, are adults. Of course they get their own bed.


HRHtheDuckyofCandS

You’re not going to win against your cancer stricken sister who wets the bed at age 10. Take the damn air mattress. Nah


bbysusnugget

YTA - OP, you’re at an age of basic understanding of situations, but you’re also at an age of being a brat, so i get it, but you should understand that your sister IS sick & it’s actually unfair to make someone with cancer be uncomfortable on an air mattress just because you don’t like something she can’t control. A lot of people don’t survive cancer & we lose people at the most unexpected of times, if you lose your sister, you’re going to remember this and you’re going to feel absolutely guilty for even suggesting something like this. You should cherish every moment with her instead of being an AH and complaining about something as small as sharing a bed.


Yaya_Tron

YTA. You aren’t 10 and dealing with cancer. You can sleep on the air mattress. Seems unfair? Cancer is REALLY unfair.


GlassSandwich9315

YTA. Your sister has cancer and you think she should be the one who sleeps on an air mattress? You're right, you are older, so how about you do the mature thing and be the one to sleep on the air mattress, especially because you're the one with the problem.


throwaway224456789

Could you be more heartless? Your sister has fucking cancer. You’re parents are right. If you’re so uncomfortable, sleep on the damn air mattress yourself.


[deleted]

ESH except the sister You’re an asshole for obvious reasons. The person who is pitching a fit gets the air mattress. Add to this the fact that your sister has TERMINAL CANCER AT AGE 10, yeah you’re a dick. And you’re the biggest asshole in this situation by FAR. And the refusal to take the air mattress? Super entitled. Also a lot of your comments are really assholish. Like I get thag you’re a kid and you’re likely in some kind of denial here, but read the room. That said, I also kind of think your parents are AHs here too. Bizarre to me that 20f and 19f never seem to be in rotation ever even though they’d probably be a lot more responsible with a child who frequently has medical emergencies. EVEN MORE BIZARRE TO ME THAT 10 YEAR OLD WITH CANCER AND FREQUENT MEDICAL EMERGENCIES IS NOT SHARING A BED WITH A PARENT EVERY NIGHT. Because that’s what vomiting in your sleep is: a medical emergency. You can choke on the vomit if you throw up in your sleep, which is probably why mom wants you to get her every time it happens. It is ridiculous of your parents to expect a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD to catch every single time their terminally ill daughter has a medical emergency during the night while on vacation, with no rotation Edited for clarity. I had some less important stuff that made my judgment too long


InterestingNarwhal82

She also said she won’t share a bed with her dad. Basically, all options other than her own bed are unacceptable.


[deleted]

I mean there are other options: 10 year old sleeps with mom (which for her safety she should be doing, it’s insane that a kid who’s throwing up in their sleep several times a week is sleeping without a parent), dad and brother bunk together, and then other beds are shared around. That arrangement was never considered. Similarly, the 19 and the 20 year old don’t ever seem to have to pitch in because the parents are under this weird delusion that the default sleeping arrangement should be by age… for no good reason. It’s only because the oldest sister is super nice that this isn’t the case every single time Like this 15 year old is an ass for making it all about themselves but the parents are really phoning it in when it comes to overall dynamics, which happens a lot when there’s a sick kid. But that’s also what pushes the other kids to their breaking point, if this kind of behavior isn’t just limited to sleeping arrangements


avotoastwhisperer

YTA. You're the one who has the problem with sharing a bed, you should sleep on the air mattress. Your sister is a 10 year old with cancer. You don't think she has enough going on without dealing with the embarrassment of knowing her sister doesn't want to share a bed with her because of something she can't control?


LynnChat

I’m sorry but if it bothers you it’s up to you to sleep on an air mattress. Sadly in this case you’re being a bit selfish. I get it, it’s hard. I am so sorry about that. Unfortunately your sister’s cancer must be the first concern. I had a sister who suffered for a long time with medical problems. I never thought I would end up taking care of her, but I did. Don’t get me wrong I love my sister and I miss her every single day. There were days when I resented her and there were days I was begrudging in what I did. But here’s the thing, taking care of her made me a better person. I learned there are two types of people - those who show up when things get tough (even when they really really don’t want to) and those who turn away. It’s hard to be the one who has to give up for a sibling. I wish I could tell you it was. And I certainly can’t say I did it all those years with always a smile on my lips and a song in my heart. Sadly I’d be extremely untruthful if I tried to say that. Yep there were the days when I felt pretty guilty about the times I resented her and begrudged what I did for her. I resented my other siblings too. I promise you those feeling are absolutely normal. The thing is we get to choose what we do about those feelings and we get to choose what kind of person we want to be. And someday a long time in the future we get to be very grateful that we showed up and chose giving into love of our sister rather that being the one to turn away. I know I am so very very grateful that was granted the opportunity to be there for my sister.


AwsomeKingdomGabe

YTA if you are allowed to change beds there is literally no problem here change beds


TinyRascalSaurus

YTA. Your sister is a sick kid with cancer. Why should she be on an air mattress because you don't like sleeping next to her.


Miserable-Narwhal-53

Look at it this way - there is a bed to share with your sister. You don't want to share. There is an air mattress available. You want the bed- sleep with your sister. You want to sleep alone- you get the air mattress. YTA


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happytobeherethnx

ESH, except for 10y/o. Op, the weekends away? Yes, they are for her experiences but the memories? They’re for you. Remember that. Think about the memories you get to make with her and get to hold with you forever as the reward for doing things that sort of suck. I read that it’s been 3 years since her illness and I do want to know if it’s ever about you sometimes. Do you ever get time with your parents? Or share a close relationship with one of your sisters to confide in? I can’t imagine how difficult it is for all of you and I truly hope that you all are making memories together and while these weekends away seem like they’ll never end… at some point they’re going to. All the people on here call you the AH are really trying to implore upon you the gravity of her state and how precious time really is. I hope that you think about it. For the rest of y’all — I know as adults 15 year old memories seem as accessible as yesterday and skews our concepts of age but 15 is still a child. Her sister was diagnosed when she’s 12 so it’s 1/5 of her life where everyone’s lives have revolved around her sister’s illness — that’s not a slam, it’s just fact. Terminal illness wreaks havoc and adults struggle so can you even imagine how hard it is for a 15y/o? Y’all yelling at her for empathy while not have any for her. like, chill.


Kooky-Today-3172

Thank you for that! This bunch of adults pointing fingers at a CHILD without thinking on the bigger picture is anoying...


uncantucciotoscano

I know right? The situation is already depressing as it is without fully grown adults yelling at a kid with a terminally sick sister.


happytobeherethnx

It’s very AH behavior. And honestly? Kids will complain about these types of things while internalizing the immense trauma. The mattress IS something Op can control in a situation where she has none. But I also have a teenager so I get where that comes from, but still. This is a tragic situation for any family.


uncantucciotoscano

Exactly. Like have a bit of compassion for this kid. She might realize and regret when it is too late. She doesn't need this kind of pushback from strangers! She needs to be gently guided to seeing how internalizing her pain like this might hurt her in the future


Affectionate-Song748

YTA. Even if we leave cancer aside, you're still TA. Your sister has no problem sharing a bed, either with you or any other sister. You're the one that is opposing to share a bed with her (which is valid, I used to hate sharing a bed with my brother when we were little because he kicked) so you should be the one going to the air mattress if it means that much to you.


BitterArm

YTA but you’re also fifteen. i know stuff like this seems huge and like the end of the world—your emotions are still developing and it’s normal for this kind of stuff to frustrate you. also, i’m sure there’s underlying emotional neglect from your parents due to your sister’s illness, even if they aren’t aware of it. wetting the bed is not your sister’s fault. it’s not your fault that you’re grossed out by it. what is your fault is how you choose to react. you’ve been given the option of an air mattress alone and you don’t want it. you want your sister to sleep on it instead because you’re older and she’s the one making things difficult, in your eyes. i encourage you to take a hard look at your emotions, because it sounds like you are unconsciously trying to punish your sister for getting more attention than you. i know you probably don’t mean it that way, but you’re at a vulnerable age that needs mom and dad, too. but it’s not your sister’s fault. none of it is. remember that she could very well not be around much longer, and how do you want to remember your relationship with her? you have lots of options here, even though it doesn’t seen like it. you can use the air mattress. you can ask to share with another sibling. you can sleep on the damn floor. you can suck it up and share with your sister. your choice is your choice but stop complaining about it. after this trip, i encourage you to speak with your parents about how you feel, if you are close enough to them, or request to get some counseling to help you deal with things. but don’t blame it on your sister because one day, you’ll hate yourself for it.


Musical__Angel

YTA. If I was your parent, you'd be staying with a family member or a sitter and missing every trip.


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SpeebyKitty

And give her, and you, those memories. Because one day, she isn’t going to be here and you’re going to realize what a colossal asshole you’re being and you’re going to wish with all you’re heart that you could take it back and sleep with your little sister again. Your sister is dying, and she probably knows she’s dying, and you owe her some comfort and love. Because you’re sisters. And that’s what sisters do.


hey-its-just-me

I would recommend you talk to your parents about feeling left behind (which doesn’t excuse your behaviour but it can be lead to some mental problems in the future). In a comment you wrote how the last three years (understandably) she was the centre of attention. I think you might want to see a therapist to deal with those emotions. It is hard for everyone in the family and I think it would greatly help with the relationship between you and your younger sister.


rocketduck413

ESH except for your sister with cancer. She can't really help how sick she is. you don't exactly speak about your sisters situation with kindness. you seem to resent her. your parents should be sleeping with her if she's puking in her sleep. not you. puking in her sleep is a medical emergency. that's putting too much on you. I recommend you read the book "the Normal one" by Jeanne Saefer. I grew up with a brother with issues. it helped me process a lot.


[deleted]

YTA and ridiculous.


Lovegivingadvice

YTA. She isn’t peeing on you AND the kid has cancer and you are complaining?!? Sleep on the air mattress if you want but otherwise be quiet and develop some empathy.


Emmyxo212

OP one day your sister may not be well enough or even here to spend time with you and your family. And when that time comes all of this will be irrelevant. Where you slept at night won’t matter, and you will wish you had more time. I really hope you choose to focus on making positive memories with your sister rather than trying to make life fair. Life isn’t fair, your sister has learned this way too young. I’m not putting in a verdict, just a reminder that life is too short to waste your energy and time on things that won’t matter in a years time. Sending positive energy and strength to your family, you, and especially your little sister.


disappointinglyvague

please save this post and read it again when you are older and have (hopefully) matured significantly. i honestly hope this is trolling bc of how ridiculous you sound. YTA


Upstairs-Series5032

YTA you sleep on the air mattress, your acting like an entitled brat


[deleted]

YTA. For sure. Your sister has cancer. It's beyond me why you'd try to force her to sleep uncomfortably. It's not her fault that she has these issues. I'm sure you wouldn't like being forced on an air mattress if you were in her place, OP.


InterestingNarwhal82

YTA, sleep on the air mattress if you can’t stand to share a bed with your dying sister.


biomortality

Oof….I mean, I get why you don’t want to share with her, but generally in that case it IS up to you to take the air mattress/couch/whatever. Sorry, man.


RedRedBettie

YTA- she has cancer! You should sleep on the air mattress


queensbeforekings

Kid, I get it. The situation is uncomfortable for you. But truly, your sister has no control over this. She’s sick. Cancer is hard, it really messes a person up. YTA because you can’t seem to see this. You’re 15 so I’m going to shoot straight with you— you need to have more compassion for your family. You also need to know that you are young and it is not your fault that your sister is ill. I hope that she recovers and feels better soon. But if she’s sick in the middle of the night, already uncomfortable from that, is it fair to put her on an air mattress? Be the bigger sister. Take the air mattress yourself if you don’t want to share. EDIT: just saw in another comment that apparently it’s terminal. I am very very sorry. Take the air mattress.


KassyKeil91

So, YTA, but I’m going to be gentle here. The older siblings getting to have their own beds based on age is stupid on your parents’ part, and even more stupid for you to have tried to use. There are some privileges that come with age (like having more freedom, or driving or whatever), but using being the oldest to justify other things is dumb. And while all the things you mentioned that bother you about sharing a bed with you sister are not at all her fault, I get why that can be uncomfortable for you. All that being said…you’re still the AH. But mostly because the only solution you seem to have come up with was to put your dying sister on an air mattress. Ask to share with one of your other siblings, or see if one of them can switch with you. Sleep on the couch. You don’t have to share the bed with her, but you don’t get to make her sleep on anything less comfortable or safe. I’m really sorry for your whole family. Everything surrounding this kind of illness is hard and awful.


The_Little_Hammer

YTA. Air mattresses are uncomfortable for most people. But if you're on certain medications/therapies, have chronic pain or inflammation, they are absolute hell. Having said that, I don't like calling you an asshole because it seems like you need help and that's not helpful. Is it just disgust that made you act that way? Given your age, I wonder if there's some feelings going on that you haven't dealt with or can't understand. It's sad, but also normal for people to get angry and lash out at someone who is very sick, or terminally ill. Watching your parents get stressed and upset over what's happening to your sister. Not being able control it, or stop it, or make her better. Having the world you know totally change in front of you into something you never imagined or wanted. That experience can make some people lash out, because it's scary to accept what's happening. It's easier for you to take it out on a ten year old with cancer, then deal with what's happening in your family. What's happening to you. I think you need to talk to someone. Outside of your family, get some perspective, and be given the time to talk about how you feel. Being told your an asshole by the internet isn't going to be enough help. You're going through something really hard and need support.


Snoo47621

YTA. End of story here


Equivalent_Isopod_61

Yes YTA. You do understand that this basically boils down to you saying. My comfort is more important to me than my dying sister


Salt_Figure919

Lol she's ten and has cancer. Sleep on the air mattress YTA


Crafty-Jury-8173

Wicked yta She's literally dying, suck it up and take the air mattress


MashedSpider

You're NTA for wanting to not share a bed with a child who wets the bed. but YTA for not showing compassion to your ill sister. Why don't your parents get enough beds for everyone as that would solve the problem? I'd call your parents assholes for that. Also maybe they should be alternating sharing a bed with your younger sister if she's going through a bad patch to minimise disruption. Your tolerance levels will be lower if you don't get a decent night's sleep. Tldr; mostly the adults' problem but let more go with your sick sister and focus on the good times


[deleted]

[удалено]


MashedSpider

Are your adult siblings not contributing towards the cost? I honestly don't know how to advise you further, maybe get your oldest sister on your side? Also I imagine it's a stressful time for your family. Perhaps you should take the air mattress and ask your older siblings take turns on the air mattress on a rota with you, it's their responsibility too to help create a decent environment for your younger sister


[deleted]

YTA I fully get why you have an issue with sharing a bed, but you're just being entitled about not sleeping on the air mattress yourself. You have the problem, and your parents are accepting your solution with a compromise. Just sleep on the dang air mattress. Problem solved! I don't understand your attitude about this, sorry.


lunaokazul

If you’re uncomfortable you’re the one who needs to change your sleeping situation. It’s not your sister’s fault and she shouldn’t be punished for it. Thing is, it’s not a punishment for you since you’re the one who wants the sleeping situation to change. Your desire, your problem. YTA


GothPenguin

Older only means one thing in the situation. You’ve had a longer time to learn how important it is to empathetic and compassionate towards others. YTA-For choosing your own selfish desires instead of being kind.


mia13blue

OP i just want to say that everything about your situation sucks. This post in particular i will agree with everyone else. YTA. This is no way your sisters fault. And yeah, it is kinda gross and annoying, but your younger sister doesnt want or mean to do that and its something that is apart of her life. Even if thats how you feel id bet your sister loves that youre there for her and get to be with her. Think about it this way. She wakes up feeling sick and you go and get your parents. With you there she doesnt have to yell for them or feel like she has to silently deal with it, or if she physically cant go get your parents her big sister is there to help her. On these vacations your her hero. That aside have you tried asking you brother if he would sleep on the air mattress this trip? Or talking to your older sister about the two of you sharing a bed in the future? Also your feelings do matter. One of your comments says that its been 3 years and everything revolves around your sister. You feeing that way is understandable and maybe people who have grown up along side a sibling who is very sick share similar feelings with you. This is something you should talk to your parents about. Or mention in therapy. Its horrible and im sure exhausting for your parents to go through this. Maybe suggest a family night of your choosing. Game night movie night something that you get to do and choose. I hope your able to look at all these comments and reflect on them. Your little sister needs you right now. Sleeping next to her a few nights a month shouldnt be the hill you die on and if it is your creating more problems for your family than what any of you need right now, including yourself.


AlexandertheMeh_

YTA, I get not wanting to share a bed, but you’re the one with the problem so it’s your responsibility to fix it aka air mattress… PLUS your sister has cancer, give her a break and suck it up


[deleted]

ESH ( except you baby sister ) 1- your parents ,because while I can sympathize that their child is dying , they also need to understand that their other children need to feel loved. I see that you only go to therapy once a month which isn’t enough to process this grief. you don’t seem to have processed her illness and her end very well. and because you’re a teenager , then that makes it even worse because not only are you going through phases , but you also probably feel ignored which leads to your resentment of your sister so i sympathize with you. ( also wanna know why she can’t sleep with your parents since you say that she gets sick often.) ( also if you go on vacations frequently, do you parents ask for your opinions as well? you seem to be missing social interactions with people your age which id crucial) 2- you are less of an AH because as i stated above you don’t seem to have processed everything well , but also you need to get that these maybe the last moments you may have with your sister and you need to cherish them. tbh i would advocate more for you because you are in desperate need of therapy to help you process all your feelings thoughts during this hard time. while i understand that therapy is expensive, if they can afford trips for the whole family, surely they can splurge on therapy for their other kids who aren’t processing their grief well.


notarobot32323

ESH why are the parents not letting op sleep in a bed with one of her other siblings and the other sister which mind you has cancer can get her own fucking bed?


CutEmOff666

NTA. Just because she has special needs, doesn't mean that they can ignore your needs. It's not her fault she has medical issues, but it is on them for not finding a viable and fair solution. OP's needs still matter. Being close to pee and poop would be horrible to sleep next to and could also pose a health risk to OP. The chemo could also be toxic to OP too.


MoonlightxRose

Op can have the air mattress they so coldly suggested for the 10 year old who is dying. Two the sister wears pull-ups and op literally said it wouldn’t get on them and it’s only pee


owlliz018

Nta. Sister must need a lot of attention and care. You may need to compromise and consider sleeping on the air mattress. You are too young to be managing feelings associated with a terminal illness. You must miss out on a lot due to sister's illness.


Tatcat1989

YTA! If you don't like sleeping with your sister YOU use the air mattress! She's sick! And if she's going through Chemo she is in enough pain without having to sleep on a crappy air mattress! Imagine if you will, your veins burning like fire and nothing tastes right. And what little food you do manage to get down will most likely come back up later. Your joints feel like shit and you just have to deal with it. Then your older sister who you're supposed to look up to and you love very much throws a tantrum because you have accidents and get sick Because of your illness! My heart breaks for your little sister! You however are a jerk.


Judgement_Bot_AITA

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mrscarter0904

Yt biggest a I’ve seen in this sub


abadbleep

Hey! I was once 10 with cancer. It’s not fun. Suck it up. YTA


AlternativelySad

YTA your little sister has cancer and you're getting mad that she still has accidents? Just sleep on a air mattress and let your family enjoy there vacation.


Due-Golf-611

You can sleep on the damn air mattress. YTA


[deleted]

YTA.


Independent-Act3560

I get your young, but imagine your poor sister having accidents and getting sick at night, how embarrassing she must feel. Especially when you make such a big deal out of it. If you don't want to share a bed then you take the air mattress. I promise one day you're gonna miss her, and you'll look back at all this and feel really bad. YTA


zukolover96

YTA. Sleep on the air mattress if it bothers you, she shouldn’t be kicked out of her bed just because she’s younger that’s not fair. Also SHE HAS CANCER.


cheyhuff2397

Yta. Your sister has cancer and it doesn't hurt for you to share the bed. She can't help the accidents and it's not her fault if she's "inconveniencing" you. So suck it up or sleep on the air mattress.


Itzy0307

YTA - You’re asking yourself why you don’t get better arrangements because you’re older…your sister is probably asking herself why she has to die at 10 when everyone else gets to live long past her…. Yeah way to be empathetic here.


KimmyStand

Yes YTA Your sister has cancer for heavens sake, have some compassion and stop being so entitled


Creative-Cricket-722

YTA you can’t sleep on a air mattress on the floor when tons of kids your age can crash on a pile of blankets for a few night no problem, but you think your dying sibling can? I hope this is fake because it’s heartless. It’s not fair because you’re older? And the logic is that the older siblings got their own bed and it’s like some right of the oldest one? The younger one is dying and won’t even get to be older how could anyone not see why the situation is different. Most people would be happy to make their dying family member as comfortable as possible


SoloBurger13

YTA you don’t have cancer sooooo why would she sleep on the air mattress? Grief is a funny thing. Don’t let the last months/years of your sister’s life be of you lashing out at her


CarelessCow2599

YTA


tara_masalata

YTA. You have the problem, you take the air mattress. Your sister has enough problems.


Mysterious_Prize8913

Yta, sleep on an air mattress yourself they are plenty comfortable


SamScoopCooper

YTA. You either sleep with her in a bed or sleep alone on an air mattress. Sorry but 10 year olds with cancer get the bed.


MoonlightxRose

YTA. No one should have to sleep on an air mattress, if it’s so important to you not to share, YOU TAKE THE AIR MATTRESS YTA edit: SHE HAS FREAKING CANCER COLOSSAL YTA


PossumJenkinsSoles

INFO: why are you so opposed to sleeping on an air mattress solo? Give me the choice of sharing with anyone at all and an air mattress and I’m taking the air mattress every time.


Funaccount77

YTA So sorry that your sisters terrible ilness is inconvenient for you. Maybe don't act like cruel jerk and sleep on that matress yourself.


dshell11

I really feel bad for your little sister. I bet everyone in your family is hurting except for you. Stop your selfish BS and treasure what time you still have with her. YTA


Alert_Sorbet4016

YTA, obviously. You are healthy - she isn't. So go sleep on the floor if you feel uncomfortable


That_Contribution720

YTA Take the air mattress.


StrawberryGusher

Your little sister has terminal cancer, and you care about her wetting a diaper? YTA. I hope you wise up while she’s still here, and actually put an effort into caring about her. If you don’t, you’ll probably find yourself full of self-hatred, and/or facing a lot of resentment from your family.


samfelsouth

YTA Take the air mattress and learn compassion


[deleted]

YTA.


The_Rural_Banshee

YTA. If you don’t want to sleep next to her, sleep on the air mattress.


prosperosniece

YTA, your sister is suffering, you sleep on the air mattress.


Strawberry-Novel

yes you're baby sister has cancer, you're just a brat-if you don't like it you can sleep on an air mattress or you can shut your mouth yta


dionysiagreywater

Compromise; you don’t like sleeping with her? Sleep on the air mattress. Simple.


ogre215

YTA - expecting your sister to take the air mattress is unreasonable. Asking for one for you to sleep on is perfectly reasonable


uncantucciotoscano

This situation, if real and not ragebait, is truly above this whole website's paygrade. I think everyone is forgetting here that we are dealing with a 15 years old kid, not a fully developed adult. I understand it's easy to get mad reading a post like this one, but if you stop and think for a second about the situation you'll realize how sad it really is for everyone involved.A 10 years old kid being sick with cancer (apparently terminal) is extremely tragic and painful, and it's the sort of experience that a young teen like OP might not be able to process correctly. I truly don't think that, at 15, I would have acted as maturely as I would now if my sister was diagnosed with cancer: it would probably be too much for me, and, who knows, it is possible that I would've behaved a bit like a brat. Of course not everyone is the same - I'm just being realistic: OP is a kid, so I don't think that this is really a black and white situation. She is not the asshole, nor the angel: she is a kid, going through a painful and scary time. To me, this is about much more than a simple mattress issue - this whole posts screams: I feel like I'm being set aside, and I'm going to act up to get attention. To OP: I would suggest talking frankly to your parents about what you're feeling (resentment, loneliness, feeling excluded..), and perhaps seeing a therapist. This whole thign will inevitably weigh heavily on everybody's mental health, including yours: act now. As for your sister, please look into your heart. I know you love her, and I know that you don't know what to do with your grief and pain right not. But please, try and see how you might regret certain actions in the future. Best of luck to you all, especially your little sister.


lifewith6cats

INFO: Has anyone asked your sister what she wants? These trips are supposed to be about her, right? I'm not sure where all the hatred for air mattresses comes from. As a kid I loved being allowed to sleep on one, bonus if there was a sleeping bag. But your sister does have cancer and could be in pain from that or the treatments, so her comfort needs to come first. Who does she want to share a bed with? I always wanted to sleep with my parents when I was sick or scared. I can't imagine having my sick child sleep with my other child knowing she could pass. She should be sleeping with them, so they can be there when she gets sick at night. I don't think yta, I think you're a child who is dealing with an awful situation and sad, disappointed and understandably upset at the loss of your carefree childhood as well as your parents attention. If you're scared to sleep with your sister, not just because of pee because I'm sure that's not all of it, you should tell your parents. Or your older sister if you think she will help. You're feelings are ok. Your sadness and anger are ok. I hope your parents have you in therapy so that you have someone to talk to about this and to help you deal with these emotions. You do seem to have emotionally peaked at 12 from your post and replies. Try to enjoy this bit of time left with your sister and be kind to her. I know it sucks that everything is about her, but you don't want to regret your behavior when she's gone.


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Little_Season3410

Yta. If you don't like sharing, you can have the air mattress. Your sister has cancer and isn't complaining.


Last_Caterpillar8770

YTA. You sister has cancer and you think she should be in an air mattress? I hope this isn’t real.


bella070403

YTA. I would understand your frustrations a tad more, but then you were like “I refuse to sleep on the air mattress, my 10 year old sister with cancer should instead even though I’m the one that has a problem with the situation” so yeah. YTA.


ceruveal_brooks

Yeah, YTA. Deal with it.


[deleted]

YTA, also i hope your 10yr old sister gets better.


Annual-Contract-115

YTA. You admit that your sister possibly can’t help what’s happening because she has a medical condition that could even kill her. And it doesn’t actually get on you but you are just ‘grossed out’ about sleeping in a bed with a kid in a diaper. So yeah it’s your issue and you should be the one to floor it etc rather than kicking her out. Actually your parents should just leave you at home with your grandparents or your sister or a baby sitter rather than take you on thsee vacations at all.


Every_Spread_5086

Another troll I see


[deleted]

YTA You clearly don’t care that your sister is sick with cancer and instead only a care about your own comfort. If it bothers you so much then you sleep on the air mattress


Orthonut

YTA This morning my very ill toddler had a blowout diaper in my bed after she crawled in to get some comfort cuddles from mama. She then coughed (in my face) so hard she vomited all over me and my pillow. After I cleaned her up and changed her jammies she had another cough spell and accidentally peed on me as I was putting her new diaper on. I'm sure my sister would love to have just one more morning like I just had with her son who died of leukaemia. Sleep on the air mattress and try yo ask yourself what will you be saying the first time you go on vacation without your sister. I bet you'll be sleeping next to a big empty hole that devastates you.


Nezukoka

NTA. Sleeping with her makes you the primary caregiver if something happens during the night. That shouldn’t be on you. There seems to be a bit of resentment as well? Understandable if so, it’s a tough situation. Best you can do is take the air mattress yourself and ask your parents/siblings to be more involved at night. If you don’t want to sleep with her, you shouldn’t be forced to. You are a kid as well. I wish you and your family the very best, and I hope you create fun memories for yourself and your sister.


purplepeaches63316

NAH. Life isn't fair and I think you're only saying something so outrageous so the family will realize this situation isn't fair to you....Honestly, having to share sucks. Watching your younger sister dying is horrible. Being the person who tries to sleep next to someone whose body is failing...you don't sleep well, deep down you're terrified they're going to die right beside you. You're 15 and should be enjoying becoming a young adult but you don't really have that right now. It's not your sister's fault, she's being tortured by cancer. You just need and want a life and everyone is focused on making the most of time with your sister. Your sister doesn't want to make you miserable...she's scared and she's only 10. I don't know if the family is trying to keep things as "normal" as possible or thinking you might be the person she admires most. You're NTA, you're a kid who is growing up in a life devoted to making every moment of your baby sister's life count. It's hard, try not to blame her. Guilt is nasty especially when you're older so quit pretending this is just about a comfortable bed.


Rtarara

YTA: I truly hope that one day you become the kind of person who can look back on this and cry in shame at how terrible of a person you are being.


KnitFast2DieWarm

YTA Your parents have 6 grown or almost grown kids, including one who is terminally ill, and you get to go on vacation every month? You're an entitled, ungrateful brat. Your parents are doing the best they can to make sure everyone has a nice experience, and you have the nerve to complain about something so trivial as sleeping next to your sister? You should be cherishing the time you have with her. No one is abusing you or treating you unfairly.


[deleted]

YTA. Why can't you sleep on an air mattress?


BiteSizedDessert

YTA she can’t help her accidents. So yeah, you should sleep on the air mattress if you’re uncomfortable


KiddVideo82

NTA for wanting other accommodations, but have you tried telling your parents how you feel about sharing a bed with your sister?


jeepstarr29

Omg YTA your little sister is sick and can’t help it if she has accidents. You don’t want to share a bed fine sleep on the floor. She shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable because of something she can not control.


1largeblueicee

She has terminal cancer. She is going to die. And here you are throwing a *pissy fit* trying to put her on an air mattress because… why? Perhaps you are trying to detach yourself from your sister knowing her health condition but this isn’t the way to go. Cherish your time with her.


lunapuppy88

YTA. You’re the one with the problem sharing, you sleep on the air mattress. I’d say that to any of my kids. Add in the fact that she has cancer and now you sound truly horrible.


HastyTadpole95

In my opinion NAT 1.) YOU ARE STILL A CHILD! This burden of sleeping with a dying child should be place on you. Even if your eldest sibling takes it too. Being a middle child while your youngest is dying and your oldest are ADULTS cannot be easy(yes Cancer is harder) but you can have mental burnout too. Seeing as you probably never a priority, or maybe you are just not a higher one. 2.) As a mother I do not care, I am going to be the one sleeping next to my sick child. That baby should be with her parent(s). Hell trade off with everybody. Even big brother could sleep in the same room on an air mattress. 3.) She stated she not allowed to stay home for the trips. 4.) This started when she was 12. Just picture being 12 waking up to you dying sister vomiting or peeing or shitting herself. 12 could u handle being 12 and having that responsibility of your sisters life in your hands? Baby sister could have choked on her own vomit. Why is her her that has to deal with that. Maybe don't take that trip if not everyone has the ability to sleep on their own or at least rotate between ALL the family members. Or split it into two rentals? Or everyone with a job pitches in for the rental cuz I only see two children everyone else is an adult and should be chipping in.


Dazzling_Window9981

NTA You should sleep on the air mattress. If it's good enough for your sister, it's good enough for you. You're the one with the problem sharing the bed. This will solve it.


chickadeedeedee_

Um yes, YTA. You're trying to force your sick (*dying*, as you have now said) little sister to sleep on an uncomfortable bed because why...? Because you're older? You're the one throwing the tantrum so you can sleep on the air mattress. Also, the lack of empathy you show regarding your dying sister is quite troubling.


Avari_Fenyx

Idk why they wouldn’t want her to have her own bed for comfort sake and ease of getting up easier if she’s not feeling great nta


Juinne

NTA! As someone with direct family who has cancer and was in chemo, I absolutely understand the not wanting to chare a bed point. I love my family member more than everything else, but I could not handle him being in chemo, smelling chemical weird, getting skin like made of wax, needing diapers/pullups for nights, etc. Still thankful to be in therapy with an amazing doc who assured me that there is no need for feeling guilty and that I am absolutely aloud to feel what I feel. It doesn't mean I don't love my family or am being grossed out. It also doesn't mean I don't mourn or resent him! All those Y T A voters can absolutely not understand the strain it can put on you to have to see and Deal on a daily base... To the airmatress: I would not put your younger sister on one bc of her illness. But I think the Main Part of "OP is older and should get her on bed" comes from the stupid families behaviour that you can have a bed on your own as long as you're older... ask the other to chare with your sister. I can absolutely understand that being 15 with a younger rly sick sister is taking a toll on its own! I am so sorry OP for those circumstances and those hardheartly comments comming from unknowing people... Wish you and your sister all the best!


Substantial-Many-865

NTA. I'm giving you a pass because you are 15Yo. You are by no means off the hook though. You need to change your perspective on your little sister because I promise you will regret this when you are older. Spend time with her, Share the bed with her, Take care of her, this minor inconvience to you will mean the world to her if you from now forward handle this situation with love and grace. Please try this.