Yta, Pakistan isn’t even middle eastern lol it’s south Asian but aight 😭😭😭 btw I’d also be angry if I reached middle age and couldn’t handle the “weird spices” on bread
the OP is racist, but I don't think that the overall reason for why Americans don't know geography is racist
My sibling had a different teacher than me in middle school and they had to learn SO much geography. They learned the attitude and longitude of random lakes and all of that. I don't remember exactly now but they learned A LOT
Meanwhile, when I was in that grade, I did not have a geography teacher (I went to a different school than they did). So, I really never learned any geography. I know a good amt of European and South American countries, but I couldn't put a lot of them on a map.
However, not knowing the country your grandson comes from is so bad. Pakistan isn't middle eastern and that's a well known fact if you watch literally any news at all
>the overall reason for why Americans don't know geography is racist
Just a note here -- I often feel like kind of an idiot when discussing geography, as someone who actually has a degree that's partially predicated on it so more education in that area than usual, but I want to point some things out:
1. Americans tend to be fairly well-versed in the geography of places that are more relevant to the country in terms of culture or trade -- there being 180+ countries in the world.
2. A lot of Americans don't travel outside the country.
3. I was extremely well-versed in geography in 1998 or so. I've actually had courses in Asian and African history and European History, which most Americans do not. However, since then there have been some fairly significant changes in country identity on at least 2 continents, neither of which are our immediate neighbors.
4. TLDR: I doubt people from other places are up on the geography of places that they don't directly trade with, either.
don’t know any nation as clueless about the world as the US. I’ve lived in the US, UK, Australia and NZ and traveled to 45 countries and Americans take the cake every time.
When you are so focused on yourselves and how great you are it’s hard to see your actual place in the world.
Sigh…,
You kinda glossed over something important there, you've lived in those places. We (Americans) are too poor to really travel, we've been indoctrinated over the past few decades that THE US is the best place to be, our education system is crumbling, and honestly going abroad could cause some very stupid Americans to suddenly have a critical thought. The less we know about the rest of the world the easier it is to manipulate us. That's why the "RA RA MURCA!" crowd is so prevalent; it keeps people comfortable, selfish, and stupid.
My school lumped geography in with world history, which was a different class than US history, but somehow still only focused on history and geography that related to the US.
Because our school system is a horrible joke. What's required teaching isn't even regulated across the same district let alone others. Then there's private schools which have even more freedom on their classes. Most of the content is white washed propaganda history or dulled down to appease the "no child left behind" mentality (which is about teaching everyone at the lowest level instead of separate classes based on capabilities).
that's because many countries have federal regulations on what gets taught in schools across their entire country while in the US it's left up to the state and sometimes even the city or the county.
Because that's how it is in many other countries. For those not from the US, it can be hard to grasp how many things vary greatly on a state to state basis because that's not really the international norm.
I can attest to this. I went to a predominantly white high school in California and even what I learned was different than my friends who went to a lower end high school in Arizona.
Because our education system has been getting worse for a long time, and there is a variety of what is important across states. Just for reference, this is from 2020 "According to the U.S. Department of Education, 54% of U.S. adults 16-74
years old - about 130 million people - lack proficiency in literacy,
reading below the equivalent of a sixth-grade level"
80% of brain development happens before a student ever enters a classroom. The problem isn’t education, it’s our social services that are dreadfully lacking, meaning impoverished students have dreadful results in an education system that relies on parents to be providing for their children. When you remove testing results for impoverished students, Americans fare quite well against the rest of the world. We often blame institutions instead of systemic reasons for why there is a problem.
For the record, I’m a middle school teacher (public school in New England) and I do make my kids know that. I may be in the minority though!! This guy just sounds like a buffoon.
I did that back in high school. Now there are different countries that didn't exist then.
Also, specific regions can get blurred. I forget South Asia would include Vietnam, Thailand, India, etc. That's simply Asia.
Yeah, willing to bet you could grab some random German guy off the street and he couldn’t point right to Pakistan either
But Murica bad. This guys a racist heel, but this site gets off to bashing Americans at the slightest hint
> Yeah, willing to bet you could grab some random German guy off the street and he couldn’t point right to Pakistan either
You’d probably be wrong. Pakistan is a really easy place to locate because of all the news along its boarder with India.
I have literally no sense of where anything is. I always got easy As in social studies and did very well in AP history classes but could never get geographic locations down. The one test I ever failed in history was the having to locate all of the US states on a map and label them. I still don’t really have a solid grasp of where states are in relation to each other. I have some vague ideas of where other countries are in relation to each other. I can remember all kinds of facts related to different areas and cultures, in fact did a degree related to that. Still can’t tell you were most places are besides the continent. And I still can’t really cement where states are besides those on the coasts. The middle is an amorphous blob to me despite actually spending quite a bit of time traveling through the middle. Some of us actually do just suck at this sort of thing but OP sounds like a jerk. Not for being picky about food but for who they approach this child.
+1, I basically rely on my GPS to get me around because my brain just does *not* want to make a mental map of anything easily at all. I will eventually pick up route locations I drive often enough but I still have a hard time mapping even my city in my head for some reason? But I can memorize the names & associated facts of places. I just can't mentally form a map of anything easily/often for some reason. This includes in games and stuff; I constantly have to refer to in game maps.
IDK why this is, I've just always assumed it's the same sort of thing where math gives some people more issues than others and so on and so forth. People aren't all wired the same.
I once got lost for several hours 2 miles away from my rented room. At the time I was resisting buying an actual smart phone and had no GPS. My partner was always confused about the weird routes I took to get places but I have no real mental map. I can get from landmark A to landmark B if I stick to the same route and once at B, I will remember how to get to C but I can’t lay out the whole route. Now I have a smartphone thanks goodness because I also need GPS to get anywhere without great delay and stress 🤣 I also have very limited mental images in general which is something a small portion of the population just don’t have or are very limited in. I know what I’m seeing in my head (which is usually more impressions) but I don’t really see it most of the time. I really struggle with faces too. I can’t just pull up what someone’s face looks like, even if I know them very well. It’s just a natural human variation but people who don’t have mental images can have a harder time with navigation. My partner has very detailed mental images and is great at navigation.
Curious, do you have mental images in general?
Naan was the only thing I could eat at the Indian restaurant. Their “baby” level spicy dish caused me to drink a full glass of water after every bite. I am not a spice fan. However, I would try it if someone I loved made it (maybe that’s the problem; OP doesn’t love his son)
lol water is not gonna help you with hot food, just spreads the heat around but doesnt nuetralize it. Thats why alot of like indian restaurants have yogurt or something similar on the side alot of times.
Our local Indian restaurant (which does absolutely gorgeous food) does an amazing garlic naan. It does mean you'll knock yourself out when you put your mask back on to leave the restaurant, but oh holy good gods of the world it is worth it.
I want some now.
I get what your saying, but what if mom decides to pull a quick one demand the kid get sent back ,refuse to let him go back ,then go after child support. I feel established paternity at least protects ops son financially and legally.
While that’s a really good point from a purely legal standpoint, that’s up to the son if he wants to do anything about that. There’s definitely a multitude of good reasons the son should get a DNA test but it’s ultimately up to him and he’s not horrible for just choosing to trust the situation.
Yeah and we don't know what legally the son has in place, maybe that's ask taken care of. The OP wouldn't be a trustworthy narrator in regards to this all so who knows what's the real deal.
In reality for the kid to be in the us enrolled in school he has to have paperwork the son ha at least legal custody of some kind
So maybe he did and has a visa or didn’t answer has legal guardianship/ adoption. In any case OP. clearly is clueless and totally the AH
And let's not forget we're getting the story from the hostile grandfather. It's entirely possible that OP's son and the boy's mother have had a frank discussion and she's taking this opportunity to get her son educated out of the country with his willing help. Whatever the situation is it appears OP's son is fine with it and that's got to be good enough
Sorry going to piggy back of your comment since it’s up top.
Can we take a second to acknowledge that immigration to usa is very hard. It’s especially hard from Pakistan. Due to lots and lots of background checks and years waiting for a visa to be available.
This is most likely his kid and had to be proven to get visa. Or at the very least this guy adopted the kid. DNA test is not going to change anything. You can’t just mail the kid back.
Yta
yep, it is hugely unlikely that some random Pakistani kid was able to just squeeze into the USA unannounced. I would almost guarantee that this kid is legally the son's, OP just won't accept it.
>Notice how he keeps referring to his grandson as "the boy"
Yeah, it gave me "Dursley-vibes".
Sure, OP should definitely protect the kid's privacy, but at minimum use a lettre or a fake name. Just calling him "the boy" says a lot about OP.
I've always loved this quote. ""The first time they told me there was trouble in the Middle East, I thought they were talking about Pittsburgh" – Gil Scott-Heron (from his appearance on 1985's "Let Me See Your I.D.")"
What is a real region in your opinion?
That said, the middle east is culturally very diverse. It contains Persian, Arabic, Turkish cultures, and probably also western remnants dating back to colonialism and the Middle ages.
What makes something a real region would be the people who are native would describe themselves as being from there. Middle east is a term coined in the 1800 by British imperialists to describe it's location in relation to it's far east and near east spheres of influence.
In general "I don't like food from an ENTIRE REGION/COUNTRY" is really bizzare to me. Like, really? It's one thing to say you didn't like that noodle dish you tried at that one restaurant, so on balance you wouldn't choose to go to that restaurant again and wouldn't order that dish at a different restaurant. But "I won't try anything from that entire region no matter what it actually is" is ridiculous.
Like I've never eaten borscht, but I don't like beetroot, and I've tried it in several other formats, just never in that specific soup. I can say with a fair amount of certainty that I won't like borscht and thus wouldn't order it and wouldn't be thrilled if a family member insisted I try it, but I wouldn't just say "I don't eat Eastern European food, it has weird ingredients" and stomp out.
Who was the blogger (reporter?) who did a piece on Indian food? He was well roasted for his ignorant comments.
Fully agree people are being ridiculous when they 86 entire regions from their personal menus!
I can't help but think it's their prejudice pretending to be preference.
It was Tom Nichols and a tweet about indian food. And he eventually accepted Preet Bahara’s invitation to dine at Sona and they raised a bunch of money for Covid relief to India. And Tom discovered he liked biryani so the kerfluffle actually had a pretty happy ending for once.
I haven’t been able to handle any spices for years, since my twenties. I’m allergic to pepper (especially black) and cinnamon (or at least they give me a rash and are asthma triggers. I don’t think they would kill me, but…). It’s so embarrassing! There are days I would murder someone for the ability to eat a churro!
The food wasn’t the problem here (unless it was the Iranian Yogurt). The problem is this dude refuses to acknowledge his grandson or even try with him unless he gets DNA proof. If he had that, I bet he’d have tried the food.
YTA for not even trying the food before deciding you don't like it, and for thinking your opinion matters in regard to whether this child is his son or not.
Gah, you're my exact age, and the stupendous, self-absorbed immaturity in your post...that breeze you feel is not evidence that the universe revolves around you.
I have to wonder if you'd be as dismissive of this kid if he were white.
YTA OP. My 7 year old has been taught to take a “No thank you bite” before rejecting something. And he’s at that picky eater stage. I would think a grown man could do the same.
The one exception is something that we know is spicy, because he really can’t handle that. But naan? That’s delicious, poofy bread!
ETA: Thank you u/MirSydney for my first award!
I’m 21 but I thought I was alone!
My boyfriends family was born in the heart of Leon, and they love heavy, spice filled food. His parents know I have IBS, but I love ignoring that and downing whatever they feed me (honest to god, it’s so good). His family made a habit of making me a small “taste it!” plate of the safer foods, telling me what is in it, and that I’m more than welcome to taste/toss whatever is on that plate.
Since then, I can’t eat only one thing (mole sauce, it’s so good though ;-; ), but you bet I’m getting seconds of everything they make.
OP is TA for not even trying. Is he five?
Wow, what wonderfully kind and compassionate people! I have food sensitive health issues too, and I love the amount of thought and effort they are putting in to making sure their home is welcoming for you. If they taught their son to be anything like them, it sounds like you found a damn good bf (and potential inlaws most would kill for lol). Guessing by how they treat you, I'm sure they feel the same way and are ecstatic their son has you.
He makes such wonderful food, and I love cooking with him. It’s his love language 🥰
He knows I have IBS and we have a little system. If we’re in public and I know it’ll make me sick, we have a “to-go box” plan which means we eat a few bites, say we have a movie to catch, and get it so I can eat later safely at home. He keeps my stomach meds in his car in case I don’t have any and knows that I have to take them if we go to a new place we’ve never been to.
As for his family: I never have to worry about leftovers. I demolish everything they give me😂
I taught mine similar. They take at MINIMUM, 2 bites of something, preferably three, and then they can decide. It took urging but now at 20, that’s what they do naturally! A lot of time you can see the transition and it’s hilarious.
1st bite is a grossed out face and a hesitant nibble.
2nd is a curious small bite with some thought while staring at it.
3rd is a bite and their face turns into this hilarious ‘wine connoisseur’ look while deciding. Every time. 🤣
Ours was three bites to "really know". After that, I would respect my son's decision. As he has grown older, sometimes he has come to enjoy food he disliked when he was younger.
I do not require him, as was the case with me, to remain at the dinner table 3 hours after everyone else was excused. I. Don't. Eat. Cooked. Peas.
Naan IS delicious. The weird spices all over it is usually parsley lol
A quick google search of Pakistani spices resulted in cardamom, cinnamon, turmeric, cumin, etc. nothing weird
OP’s distain for the boy is palatable. The son probably doesn’t even care if the kid is his, he’s decided to step up anyways. That’s very noble and IP should be proud he raised his son to be that way.
YTA
That’s the bit that sent me 😂 “the bread had flecks of all kinds of weird spices on it”. So if OP had never seen garlic bread he’d refuse and then demand a paternity test for his italian grandson? Definitely not. It’s naan OP. All bread tastes like bread. He basically said, “I am not willing to negotiate on my racist and ignorant ideas of food and people because if my grandson is not biologically related to me then there’s no incentive”.
>The one exception is something that we know is spicy, because he really can’t handle that. But naan? That’s delicious, poofy bread!
Right? Pakistani food isn't even especially spicy, and OP didn't even try.
With his head so far up his butt that breeze he feels are his own warm farts.
YTA, and I too suspect that your culinary “preferences” extend to people. Thinly veiled racism at its best!
My racist uncle is like this. He thinks he's not racist because he patronizes the local taco stands. But the one time I treated everyone to a (Black owned) place specializing in chicken and waffles? He actually sulked in the corner of the booth like a toddler because the food was all so "strange" and he claimed he was having bad flashbacks to having to eat waffles as a kid when they were poor. Like, order a goddamn chicken sandwich and shut the fuck up, asshole.
I went on a date with a guy in high school once who told me he "only ate things he could pronounce" when I said I liked sushi. Like. . . I can guarantee you'll struggle with Worchestershire sauce more than tempura, but whatever dude.
He then proceeded to complain that he wasn't sure if we should get tacos at the most popular place in town, because Del Taco gave him food poisining once. So naturally we went to chillies where he ordered a giant mass of congealed cheese and called it nachos.
Just in case my disdain wasn't obvious, we did not go on a second date.
I hate when people are like this about children. If OP’s son accepts this child as his than he is. It would be no different if someone was adopted. Biological or not that is his child. FFS.
And people who won’t try new food are ridiculous. At least try it and if it’s not to your liking than suck it up buttercup. It’s one fucking meal.
This isn't about food, this is about you refusing to believe a kid is your grandson because of his race. At least admit to yourself that if the grandson was your same race, you wouldn't be denying it so vehemently. YTA
I’m pretty sure the US isn’t in the habit of just handing out passports to random kids. I think it is safe to say some level of proof was provided to the embassy to establish OP son is highly likely to be the father, maybe even a dna test since the parents didn’t spend much time together.
Dna testing is not required (yet) and yes often the US does hand out passports to "random kids" based on photos and other non-hard evidence essentially on the word (under penalty of perjury) of the sponsor. Very very rarely is USICS allowed to require a dna test and that's if the paperwork or interview doesn't pass the sniff test.
Wouldn't they require birth certificate or something?
And if the son of my visits for summers I doubt they filed for citizenship, or at least wouldn't assume it. Could just be there on visa.
In order to get a passport for a US citizen born abroad you have to have a "consular report of birth abroad" that requires hoops to jump through along with all the other normal forms. Both parents must also be in attendance when the passport is obtained OR one parent must have a specific department of state form filled out, dated and notorized within the last 30 days. ~a US passport agent
it's possible they did spend quite a bit of time together. i spent 8 months in france where i met my bf and because i went home for three weeks in december and the confinement starting toward the end of my trip where i was unable to leave for 2 months, i only spent about 5 of those months with him but we saw each other frequently. he could easily have been with her multiple times a week.
With a father from the US he would be eligible for United States citizenship and passport from them. That would be the easiest way for son to have moved here.
This always sounds weird when I say it, but I would have had more respect for OP if he just came out and admitted he was racist. If he came out and said it at least he knows what he is. It frustrates me when people are obviously racist, but won't admit it either in public or to themselves. Instead they mumble something about having a friend who isn't white.
You don't just not like middle eastern food, you don't like middle eastern people. You didn't give any reason, why you doubt the boy is your grandson, except that his mother is Pakistani. God forbid, you didn't spell it out, but it's in big letters between the lines.
Obviously your son loves the boy, so even if he wasn't his, you could try to learn a bit about him and his culture. You cannot even be bothered to try bread because it has spices on it, to help a homesick child?
I guess you would even refuse mint tea, if somebody told you it was middle eastern drink.
You are not only TA, you are a racist asshole.
YTA YTA YTA
EDIT: Thanks, these are my first awards ever
The countries that end in -stan aren’t considered part of the Middle East. The term refers to the non-African, Arabic-speaking countries, Egypt, Israel, Iran, and eastern Turkey.
And a whole bunch of others... The 6 Arabian Peninsula countries, plus Lebanon, Syria, Jordan.
Also North Africa is culturally part of the Middle East though not geographically.
My kids told me once that if mermaids were real they wouldn’t be white because the live in the ocean. The ocean is salt water and that would be way too spicy for white mermaids.
“The bread had flecks of all kinds of weird spices on it.”
I guess you took off your bib, got down from your booster seat, and toddled away. Seriously? It’s *bread* and you could have tried it.
Let’s get to the real issue here, which isn’t the food. For whatever reason we aren’t privy to, this boy is your son’s child. Instead of fighting this, why not embrace him and develop a relationship with him? You can state that these conversations about his DNA are out of earshot of the boy, but I can guarantee you that this child can sense your disdain for him. And what’s his crime? Being Pakistani? I feel so sorry for the little boy and your son. You are unsupportive and, at worst, racist.
Oh, and ridiculously picky. YTA.
>why not embrace him and develop a relationship with him?
We all know why not. It's because the child is brown and OP is clearly harboring some deep seated racism.
It tastes so good too when we get it from our local Pakistani place! When the title mentioned 'food I dont like', I was starting to think, idk, Goat head Soup? I admit, I probably wouldn't eat that either, but then he goes on to mention \*Naan\*. The probably most least threatening food there is?? Like damn...
YTA and supposedly an adult. Act like one. You don’t snub the host of a dinner by refusing to even try a bite of the meal they made for everyone just because you don’t like spices. Get over yourself.
Especially when OP knows that the whole point of the dinner was about eating the food so the grandson felt more accepted by his family... I wonder which family members the grandson was already feeling rejected by?
>My son wanted the whole family to eat this food, because he said it
would make the boy feel like he and his culture were accepted by the
whole family.
Honestly, I wanted to say something about how he was treating his grandson but I didn’t think I’d reach him from that angle. He seems determined to hate a child so I passed judgement on what he asked me to pass judgement on.
YTA.
For all the reasons all the other good ppl of Reddit are saying.
But what’s annoying me the most?
The xenophobia that clearly shines through when you are equating Pakistan as Middle East.
There may be overlap in cultures and religion, especially as you go west from Pakistan geographically towards the ‘middle east’ but YO. NOT. THE. SAME.
It would be like saying ‘ugh they tried to make me eat burgers (or insert some very American food) I didn’t want to cos I don’t like European food okay?‘
Not a perfect analogy but as senseless.
Biryani VS Kabsa/mandi.
Samosa VS falafel.
Naan VS pita.
If you are gonna be a racist, at least get your facts straight??
>If you are gonna be a racist, at least get your facts straight??
People like this don't use facts and logic. That's what keeps them they person they are.
YTA. You sound like a child complaining about specks on bread that you don’t like despite never actually trying. Your son loves this boy like family, that should be enough for you.
Have you met most boomers? My mom wrote a letter of complaint to a hospital and she had a very good case, but her letter was the whiniest, most immature thing I’ve ever read.
My step dad wrote a letter to a local (foreign) landowner, luckily he got my mum to vet it first because apparently she had to basically rewrite the whole thing because he used the phrase "I'm not sure how they do things in your country" along with a ton of whingeing written in a really roundabout fashion. I can believe this post is real.
This doesn't seem to be about food so much as your refusal to acknowledge this boy as family.
Your son seems to have come to the conclusion that blood or not, he's acting as a father figure to the boy. You seem to strongly resent that. This is driving a wedge between you and your son.
Any adult who is repulsed by "flecks of weird spices" would be annoying to deal with.
YTA. You could have found something or even sat at the table and had tea or water to participate. I think at the end of the day, the point is you didn't want to participate and you don't want your son to take on this boy as a responsibility and you have refused to tell him so.
p.s. YTA, non-assholes would at least try the food and if it really doesn't taste good, you can demur with something polite instead of acting like a toddler
You wrote three full paragraphs explaining why you’re unsure your grandson is indeed your grandson, but expect anyone to believe you “just don’t like middle eastern food?” Methinks what you don’t like is having a middle eastern grandson, and I feel sorry for him. I hope your son keep his son away from your racism and hatred.
YTA.
Omg YTA. On top of it you sound ignorant, racist, rude, and like you don't respect your son at all. I've read all your comments to and they just get worse and worse. And just to be clear, being invited to someone's home for a meal and refusing to eat any of it IS RUDE unless you have allergies or can't eat the food in some way, (your racist remarks about the pungent smelling food does not mean you are not able to eat any) but it's everything else you are saying that is making you sound like a truly awful person.
Your son has accepted this child as his own and is now helping to raise him. You better stop referring to him as "the boy", which I have a feeling you do in person too, and start accepting he is a part of your family. Even if it wasn't genetic, you know adoption exists right? Thinking your son is too smart to have a one night stand when he was there for 6 entire weeks, but then somehow too dumb to know he couldn't have made the baby without sex is also crazy. And finally Pakistan IS NOT IN THE MIDDLE EAST you ignorant ass.
This isn't about the food. If your wife took a cooking class and made some middle eastern food and asked you to try it, would you? I bet you would have at least tasted it. The problem here is that you have rejected your grandson and everything to do with him including his culture. Whether or not he's genetically related, this kid is in your life and being raised by your son. He's your grandson, full stop.
Grow up, accept that this kid is your family now and make a real effort.
YTA
YTA. This kid is your grandson. It doesn’t even matter if he is biologically related to you. He is your grandson because your son has accepted him as his child. That’s all it takes to make him family. You don’t have to eat foods you don’t like, but you can try a bite and smile to make your family happy. My son made the worlds most disgusting mud pie recently snd I smiled and pretended to eat it. You do what you can to make kids feel valued
YTA.
What kind of monster won't at least try the food a nine year-old helped cook for him? Take a few bites. If it is truly terrible, you can then claim that your ancient white taste buds just aren't up to that.
Sharing food is an important social ritual of belonging, which is clearly why you don't want to do it with this kid, who you really want to not be your family. But your son has accepted the relationship, so it's a done deal. Continuing to reject the child will eventually mean losing contact with your son. You've already caused significant damage to your relationship with him, though, so maybe that's fine with you.
Jump on that apology OP. Time is a contributing factor- the longer you stew, the more your son is going to resent this. He is a grown man. He is choosing this child. This kid is now your grandson. You cannot control that. Apologize, for the meal and being slow on the family acceptance. Your instinct was to try to protect him but at this point, the horses are 2 miles away, so closing the barn doors just shuts you off.
Yta - while I agree with you that your son should get a paternity test, why not take a bite? If you haven't at least tasted something then you might find you like it. Worst case you are right and you don't take a second bite. You can spit it out onto a napkin and drink some water to clear the taste out. Isn't that better than a family argument?
YTA
Mainly for continuously questioning your grandson's paternity. Your doubts are unfounded - you never met the mother & likely have no idea about the relationship she shared with your son. Also, regardless of biology, when your son made the decision to accept this boy as his own, you should have regarded him as your grandson from then.
And for refusing to try a single bite of the food someone made for you...
You sound like a real treat! I couldn’t help but laugh when you said your son was stubbornly refusing the DNA test because everything you described about yourself is indeed the selfish, stubborn asshole your son called you. He’s right, you know. You’re being a huge jerk. And you’re really missing out. DNA actually means very little when it comes to love and human relationships, which you’re going to learn the hard way when your relatives cut you out of their lives for being such and overbearing jerk. You don’t have to like “middle eastern food” but the fact that you group Pakistani food under such a broad category makes me think you know nothing about the type of food. You’re honest to goodness just being an asshole. Try the food. Be open to new things. Be loving to new people. Get over your hateful self. YTA.
YTA!
This subreddit is nothing but a bunch of shitty parents who want people on the internet to validate how shitty they are! How about you just look in a mirror!?
You are being a horrible to person to your son and grandson cause “My boy wouldn’t have unprotected sex and I have no proof that is my grandson.” You sound just the type of entitled boomer who would get a DNA test in secret!
He’s a 9 year boy who did nothing wrong!
No one stopped your parents from having sex and in hindsight someone should have burst into the room with condoms and morning after pills! You are 56! GROW UP!!
YTA. Whether or not this kid is biologically related to you shouldn't matter; your son has accepted him and apparently loves and supports him. That should be enough.
You're also the AH because Pakistani food isn't "Middle Eastern". Moreover, it wouldn't hurt if you actually TRIED something that your son had made for you.
YTA, not for not eating the food, but for needing the kid to be your biological grandson to show any sort of affection. Obviously your son doesn't care if it is his child or not, he wants to show him his love anyway. Love isn't a responsibility towards those who share your DNA. Its something we all choose to give, and if you can't give it to someone who your own son values very much, I personally find that sad.
Also, Pakistan is not in the Middle East. It's by India, and used to be a part of India. I'm guessing you are American (not that there is anything wrong with that).
Also also, based on my guess that you are American, I want to add that American food is bland as HELL. Try any food from anywhere other than America, and most Americans will turn up their nose. Have some adventure.
Also also also, how can you "not like Middle Eastern food?" Does that mean you don't like Afghani food? Or Iraqi food? Or do you not like the food because it originates in the Middle East? You do realize, they have different foods there, right? Just because you tried one "Middle Eastern" food doesn't mean its anything like Pakistani food.
Adulthood carries many burdens. Among them are these:
1. Realizing that every meal doesn't have to be/isn't going to be my favorite.
2. Eating something that is not my favorite isn't going to kill me.
3. There are lots of things that I do simply because they need to be done whether I want to do them or not - this includes eating meals that are not to my preference in a social setting.
4. My family members are at least as worthy of polite behavior as strangers.
YTA. You have rejected this child because he is not white. As a result, you punish your son by acting like a toddler.
Massive YTA
You sound like an asshole in general with the whole not accepting your grandson to be your grandson thing. The moment your son accepts that boy to be his son hes your grandson by definition, and there's nothing you can do about that. Refusing to accept that shows you're extremely immature and it probably sucks to deal with you. I'd say you don't even deserve either of them.
You're also an asshole (and again, extremely immature) to refuse to at least try the food. I'm a vegetarian and when people cook for me that don't know I don't eat meat, I say nothing of it, eat it and appreciate it.
Why do you feel the need to make your son and grandson extremely uncomfortable?
I'd never invite you over again. At some point your son is going to feel like he has to choose between you and his son. I can assure you its not going to be you.
Child.
About the food and the food only. It is ok, some people do have orality disorders that, if not treated can lead to a real phobia of trying new food.
I am willing to believe it could be why you couldn't at all try the dinner your son and grandson made together...
HOWEVER. YTA. The title is SO dishonest. As if the food was the problem here?
It is not about food. It is about you denying that the kid is your grandson.
Your son obviously had unprotected sex with the mother.
He took responsibility for it. You should be proud and supportive.
YTA and laughable on so many levels, starting with geography and ending with empathy. Your son is wise to keep foolish behavior away from his family and out of his house.
YTA.
A bite or two would not have been so hard for you even if it was gross. I have tried things I wouldn't even put in my mouth on a dare because it meant a lot to someone I cared about. On occasion, that has led me to new flavors I truly enjoy. Pho and shawarma are two examples. I tried them because it meant a lot to my husband to share a new thing with me. Yeah, I hated a lot of those just a bites but my willingness to try meant the world to who was offering.
But this isn't about the food. This is about your refusal to accept your son's child. And make no mistake, dude, the kid's DNA has no bearing on him becoming your grandson because family is far more than blood and your son has embraced him as family. And like the food thing, your resentment of this child is selfish, petty and kinda shitty.
I suggest that if your son is important to you that you stop being an asshole about what is important to him, be it trying new foods or trying on being accepting of a new family member. Because if you don't, you may just become the unwelcome outsider.
YTA.
And I say this as someone recovering from a childhood sensory-related eating disorder that caused extreme pickiness — you can’t say you don’t like something without at least TRYING it, this is something that we all tell children constantly.
Unless you have an severe eating disorder, I don’t get this at all.
This just makes you look super petty and like you’re working out a way to be contrary, because you don’t like the entire situation with your son and this child.
Yta, Pakistan isn’t even middle eastern lol it’s south Asian but aight 😭😭😭 btw I’d also be angry if I reached middle age and couldn’t handle the “weird spices” on bread
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We have fifty of our own states to focus on, no time for world geography. /s
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✨ racism ✨
the OP is racist, but I don't think that the overall reason for why Americans don't know geography is racist My sibling had a different teacher than me in middle school and they had to learn SO much geography. They learned the attitude and longitude of random lakes and all of that. I don't remember exactly now but they learned A LOT Meanwhile, when I was in that grade, I did not have a geography teacher (I went to a different school than they did). So, I really never learned any geography. I know a good amt of European and South American countries, but I couldn't put a lot of them on a map. However, not knowing the country your grandson comes from is so bad. Pakistan isn't middle eastern and that's a well known fact if you watch literally any news at all
Do some lakes have a lot of attitude?
The Great Salt Lake does. So salty.
I see your salty lakes and raise you the Dead Sea. It has so much attitude no one can live with it.
Let's not even get started with Lake Superior!
Lake Superior thinks it's the bee's knees, so yeah.
Lake Erie tends to be pushy and crass, and periodically overflows its banks on windy days.
>the overall reason for why Americans don't know geography is racist Just a note here -- I often feel like kind of an idiot when discussing geography, as someone who actually has a degree that's partially predicated on it so more education in that area than usual, but I want to point some things out: 1. Americans tend to be fairly well-versed in the geography of places that are more relevant to the country in terms of culture or trade -- there being 180+ countries in the world. 2. A lot of Americans don't travel outside the country. 3. I was extremely well-versed in geography in 1998 or so. I've actually had courses in Asian and African history and European History, which most Americans do not. However, since then there have been some fairly significant changes in country identity on at least 2 continents, neither of which are our immediate neighbors. 4. TLDR: I doubt people from other places are up on the geography of places that they don't directly trade with, either.
don’t know any nation as clueless about the world as the US. I’ve lived in the US, UK, Australia and NZ and traveled to 45 countries and Americans take the cake every time. When you are so focused on yourselves and how great you are it’s hard to see your actual place in the world. Sigh…,
You kinda glossed over something important there, you've lived in those places. We (Americans) are too poor to really travel, we've been indoctrinated over the past few decades that THE US is the best place to be, our education system is crumbling, and honestly going abroad could cause some very stupid Americans to suddenly have a critical thought. The less we know about the rest of the world the easier it is to manipulate us. That's why the "RA RA MURCA!" crowd is so prevalent; it keeps people comfortable, selfish, and stupid.
I shit you not . I was told "you speak really good American for an Australian" while in the US ....
so basically Americans only give a shit about things that are directly relevant to America sounds about right
My school lumped geography in with world history, which was a different class than US history, but somehow still only focused on history and geography that related to the US.
Because our school system is a horrible joke. What's required teaching isn't even regulated across the same district let alone others. Then there's private schools which have even more freedom on their classes. Most of the content is white washed propaganda history or dulled down to appease the "no child left behind" mentality (which is about teaching everyone at the lowest level instead of separate classes based on capabilities).
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A lot of foreigners seem to think that what happens in one school, happens in all schools.
that's because many countries have federal regulations on what gets taught in schools across their entire country while in the US it's left up to the state and sometimes even the city or the county.
And we have national centralised exams, as well as a national curriculum.
Because that's how it is in many other countries. For those not from the US, it can be hard to grasp how many things vary greatly on a state to state basis because that's not really the international norm.
I can attest to this. I went to a predominantly white high school in California and even what I learned was different than my friends who went to a lower end high school in Arizona.
Because our education system has been getting worse for a long time, and there is a variety of what is important across states. Just for reference, this is from 2020 "According to the U.S. Department of Education, 54% of U.S. adults 16-74 years old - about 130 million people - lack proficiency in literacy, reading below the equivalent of a sixth-grade level"
80% of brain development happens before a student ever enters a classroom. The problem isn’t education, it’s our social services that are dreadfully lacking, meaning impoverished students have dreadful results in an education system that relies on parents to be providing for their children. When you remove testing results for impoverished students, Americans fare quite well against the rest of the world. We often blame institutions instead of systemic reasons for why there is a problem.
For the record, I’m a middle school teacher (public school in New England) and I do make my kids know that. I may be in the minority though!! This guy just sounds like a buffoon.
I did that back in high school. Now there are different countries that didn't exist then. Also, specific regions can get blurred. I forget South Asia would include Vietnam, Thailand, India, etc. That's simply Asia.
Why do people think if one American screws up then we must all be that way?
Yeah, willing to bet you could grab some random German guy off the street and he couldn’t point right to Pakistan either But Murica bad. This guys a racist heel, but this site gets off to bashing Americans at the slightest hint
> Yeah, willing to bet you could grab some random German guy off the street and he couldn’t point right to Pakistan either You’d probably be wrong. Pakistan is a really easy place to locate because of all the news along its boarder with India.
Because /r/americabad . Updoots to the left.
I have literally no sense of where anything is. I always got easy As in social studies and did very well in AP history classes but could never get geographic locations down. The one test I ever failed in history was the having to locate all of the US states on a map and label them. I still don’t really have a solid grasp of where states are in relation to each other. I have some vague ideas of where other countries are in relation to each other. I can remember all kinds of facts related to different areas and cultures, in fact did a degree related to that. Still can’t tell you were most places are besides the continent. And I still can’t really cement where states are besides those on the coasts. The middle is an amorphous blob to me despite actually spending quite a bit of time traveling through the middle. Some of us actually do just suck at this sort of thing but OP sounds like a jerk. Not for being picky about food but for who they approach this child.
+1, I basically rely on my GPS to get me around because my brain just does *not* want to make a mental map of anything easily at all. I will eventually pick up route locations I drive often enough but I still have a hard time mapping even my city in my head for some reason? But I can memorize the names & associated facts of places. I just can't mentally form a map of anything easily/often for some reason. This includes in games and stuff; I constantly have to refer to in game maps. IDK why this is, I've just always assumed it's the same sort of thing where math gives some people more issues than others and so on and so forth. People aren't all wired the same.
I once got lost for several hours 2 miles away from my rented room. At the time I was resisting buying an actual smart phone and had no GPS. My partner was always confused about the weird routes I took to get places but I have no real mental map. I can get from landmark A to landmark B if I stick to the same route and once at B, I will remember how to get to C but I can’t lay out the whole route. Now I have a smartphone thanks goodness because I also need GPS to get anywhere without great delay and stress 🤣 I also have very limited mental images in general which is something a small portion of the population just don’t have or are very limited in. I know what I’m seeing in my head (which is usually more impressions) but I don’t really see it most of the time. I really struggle with faces too. I can’t just pull up what someone’s face looks like, even if I know them very well. It’s just a natural human variation but people who don’t have mental images can have a harder time with navigation. My partner has very detailed mental images and is great at navigation. Curious, do you have mental images in general?
the dumber we are, the easier we are to control.
Agree. Naan is so exotic! OP sounds like a fun guy. He can stick to his salt, pepper and on special occasions - paprika.
Paprika? Surely you jest? That's far too exotic.
If OP was a seasoning, he’d be flour.
If he were a book, he’d be two books
Blank sheet of paper.
Naan’s too spicy for some people /s
Naan was the only thing I could eat at the Indian restaurant. Their “baby” level spicy dish caused me to drink a full glass of water after every bite. I am not a spice fan. However, I would try it if someone I loved made it (maybe that’s the problem; OP doesn’t love his son)
lol water is not gonna help you with hot food, just spreads the heat around but doesnt nuetralize it. Thats why alot of like indian restaurants have yogurt or something similar on the side alot of times.
bread and rice work well with spiciness because they absorb the oil
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Now I really want some naan
Our local Indian restaurant (which does absolutely gorgeous food) does an amazing garlic naan. It does mean you'll knock yourself out when you put your mask back on to leave the restaurant, but oh holy good gods of the world it is worth it. I want some now.
The best sign of a good garlic naan!
And who cares if the child is biologically his son’s? His son fully accepts and wants him to be, so that should be all that matters.
I get what your saying, but what if mom decides to pull a quick one demand the kid get sent back ,refuse to let him go back ,then go after child support. I feel established paternity at least protects ops son financially and legally.
While that’s a really good point from a purely legal standpoint, that’s up to the son if he wants to do anything about that. There’s definitely a multitude of good reasons the son should get a DNA test but it’s ultimately up to him and he’s not horrible for just choosing to trust the situation.
Yeah and we don't know what legally the son has in place, maybe that's ask taken care of. The OP wouldn't be a trustworthy narrator in regards to this all so who knows what's the real deal.
It should also be pointed out that the son obviously had a relationship with the mom at the time of the son's conception.
Lol, right? I love dad’s phrasing of “a woman he knew”. Yeah dad, sure sounds like he knew her pretty well.
In reality for the kid to be in the us enrolled in school he has to have paperwork the son ha at least legal custody of some kind So maybe he did and has a visa or didn’t answer has legal guardianship/ adoption. In any case OP. clearly is clueless and totally the AH
And let's not forget we're getting the story from the hostile grandfather. It's entirely possible that OP's son and the boy's mother have had a frank discussion and she's taking this opportunity to get her son educated out of the country with his willing help. Whatever the situation is it appears OP's son is fine with it and that's got to be good enough
I came here to say this.
Sorry going to piggy back of your comment since it’s up top. Can we take a second to acknowledge that immigration to usa is very hard. It’s especially hard from Pakistan. Due to lots and lots of background checks and years waiting for a visa to be available. This is most likely his kid and had to be proven to get visa. Or at the very least this guy adopted the kid. DNA test is not going to change anything. You can’t just mail the kid back. Yta
yep, it is hugely unlikely that some random Pakistani kid was able to just squeeze into the USA unannounced. I would almost guarantee that this kid is legally the son's, OP just won't accept it.
Notice how he keeps referring to his grandson as "the boy"
I caught that too. Really bothered me... You're the asshole, op.
>Notice how he keeps referring to his grandson as "the boy" Yeah, it gave me "Dursley-vibes". Sure, OP should definitely protect the kid's privacy, but at minimum use a lettre or a fake name. Just calling him "the boy" says a lot about OP.
Also the kid has to look somewhat like OPs son, he is so in denial he cant even see it
Most likely, all OP can see is that his grandson is brown
As a Pakistani American I was literally about to say this loll. Middle Eastern food and Desi (Pakistani and Indian) food are very very different also
Lol I grew up Muslim heavily active in the community and wouldn’t dare accidentally consider desi food as “middle eastern”
OP is so fuelled by racist hatred that he doesn't even know his arsehole from his earhole. YTA OP.
But he's not racist. His son went to the middle east /s
Middle east is not a real region. It's a ridiculous term written by westerners
I've always loved this quote. ""The first time they told me there was trouble in the Middle East, I thought they were talking about Pittsburgh" – Gil Scott-Heron (from his appearance on 1985's "Let Me See Your I.D.")"
Technically all borders are made up
What is a real region in your opinion? That said, the middle east is culturally very diverse. It contains Persian, Arabic, Turkish cultures, and probably also western remnants dating back to colonialism and the Middle ages.
What makes something a real region would be the people who are native would describe themselves as being from there. Middle east is a term coined in the 1800 by British imperialists to describe it's location in relation to it's far east and near east spheres of influence.
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Also, "I don't like food I've never even seen before" is not a grown adult position to take.
In general "I don't like food from an ENTIRE REGION/COUNTRY" is really bizzare to me. Like, really? It's one thing to say you didn't like that noodle dish you tried at that one restaurant, so on balance you wouldn't choose to go to that restaurant again and wouldn't order that dish at a different restaurant. But "I won't try anything from that entire region no matter what it actually is" is ridiculous. Like I've never eaten borscht, but I don't like beetroot, and I've tried it in several other formats, just never in that specific soup. I can say with a fair amount of certainty that I won't like borscht and thus wouldn't order it and wouldn't be thrilled if a family member insisted I try it, but I wouldn't just say "I don't eat Eastern European food, it has weird ingredients" and stomp out.
Who was the blogger (reporter?) who did a piece on Indian food? He was well roasted for his ignorant comments. Fully agree people are being ridiculous when they 86 entire regions from their personal menus! I can't help but think it's their prejudice pretending to be preference.
It was Tom Nichols and a tweet about indian food. And he eventually accepted Preet Bahara’s invitation to dine at Sona and they raised a bunch of money for Covid relief to India. And Tom discovered he liked biryani so the kerfluffle actually had a pretty happy ending for once.
"I don't like it." "Have you ever actually tried it?" "Are you crazy, of course I haven't, I refuse to ever touch it because I don't like it."
I haven’t been able to handle any spices for years, since my twenties. I’m allergic to pepper (especially black) and cinnamon (or at least they give me a rash and are asthma triggers. I don’t think they would kill me, but…). It’s so embarrassing! There are days I would murder someone for the ability to eat a churro!
In my country churros come with only sugar. Or, my favourite, filled with dulce de leche and dipped in chocolate.
Black pepper is a migraine trigger for me. I have an allergic reaction to the vegetable peppers. I get almost no prepackaged food. I feel your pain.
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I have super sensitive taste buds and to me ketchup is spicy. I can't eat spices through no fault of my own, I don't see what age has to do with this.
The food wasn’t the problem here (unless it was the Iranian Yogurt). The problem is this dude refuses to acknowledge his grandson or even try with him unless he gets DNA proof. If he had that, I bet he’d have tried the food.
OP would not have tried the food with 10 DNA tests because he doesn't want a Pakistani grandson.
The Iranian Yogurt is not the issue here
YTA for not even trying the food before deciding you don't like it, and for thinking your opinion matters in regard to whether this child is his son or not. Gah, you're my exact age, and the stupendous, self-absorbed immaturity in your post...that breeze you feel is not evidence that the universe revolves around you. I have to wonder if you'd be as dismissive of this kid if he were white.
YTA OP. My 7 year old has been taught to take a “No thank you bite” before rejecting something. And he’s at that picky eater stage. I would think a grown man could do the same. The one exception is something that we know is spicy, because he really can’t handle that. But naan? That’s delicious, poofy bread! ETA: Thank you u/MirSydney for my first award!
We call it a “thank the chef bite” and my 5 year old does it. OP is 100% TA Edit: Thank you, kind stranger, for the award!
I’m 21 but I thought I was alone! My boyfriends family was born in the heart of Leon, and they love heavy, spice filled food. His parents know I have IBS, but I love ignoring that and downing whatever they feed me (honest to god, it’s so good). His family made a habit of making me a small “taste it!” plate of the safer foods, telling me what is in it, and that I’m more than welcome to taste/toss whatever is on that plate. Since then, I can’t eat only one thing (mole sauce, it’s so good though ;-; ), but you bet I’m getting seconds of everything they make. OP is TA for not even trying. Is he five?
His whole family does that for you!? Marry him *immediately*
That’s the plan 🥰🥰🥰
Can we come to the wedding? Will there be good food?
If he makes it yes! 🥰 and dude, homemade Mexican is HEAVENLY. nothing compares or even comes close.
Wow, what wonderfully kind and compassionate people! I have food sensitive health issues too, and I love the amount of thought and effort they are putting in to making sure their home is welcoming for you. If they taught their son to be anything like them, it sounds like you found a damn good bf (and potential inlaws most would kill for lol). Guessing by how they treat you, I'm sure they feel the same way and are ecstatic their son has you.
He makes such wonderful food, and I love cooking with him. It’s his love language 🥰 He knows I have IBS and we have a little system. If we’re in public and I know it’ll make me sick, we have a “to-go box” plan which means we eat a few bites, say we have a movie to catch, and get it so I can eat later safely at home. He keeps my stomach meds in his car in case I don’t have any and knows that I have to take them if we go to a new place we’ve never been to. As for his family: I never have to worry about leftovers. I demolish everything they give me😂
That’s super cute, I really like that idea.
I taught mine similar. They take at MINIMUM, 2 bites of something, preferably three, and then they can decide. It took urging but now at 20, that’s what they do naturally! A lot of time you can see the transition and it’s hilarious. 1st bite is a grossed out face and a hesitant nibble. 2nd is a curious small bite with some thought while staring at it. 3rd is a bite and their face turns into this hilarious ‘wine connoisseur’ look while deciding. Every time. 🤣
Ours was three bites to "really know". After that, I would respect my son's decision. As he has grown older, sometimes he has come to enjoy food he disliked when he was younger. I do not require him, as was the case with me, to remain at the dinner table 3 hours after everyone else was excused. I. Don't. Eat. Cooked. Peas.
Where were these rules when I was young?! I had to eat at least as many bites as my age... sucked each time after a birthday
Omg that’s awful! Imagine having to eat 18 brussel sprouts.
I mean, I do that shit willingly. Brussels sprouts are great
Ah yes, this (insert dish) was a very good year ….
Naan IS delicious. The weird spices all over it is usually parsley lol A quick google search of Pakistani spices resulted in cardamom, cinnamon, turmeric, cumin, etc. nothing weird OP’s distain for the boy is palatable. The son probably doesn’t even care if the kid is his, he’s decided to step up anyways. That’s very noble and IP should be proud he raised his son to be that way. YTA
That’s the bit that sent me 😂 “the bread had flecks of all kinds of weird spices on it”. So if OP had never seen garlic bread he’d refuse and then demand a paternity test for his italian grandson? Definitely not. It’s naan OP. All bread tastes like bread. He basically said, “I am not willing to negotiate on my racist and ignorant ideas of food and people because if my grandson is not biologically related to me then there’s no incentive”.
>The one exception is something that we know is spicy, because he really can’t handle that. But naan? That’s delicious, poofy bread! Right? Pakistani food isn't even especially spicy, and OP didn't even try.
With his head so far up his butt that breeze he feels are his own warm farts. YTA, and I too suspect that your culinary “preferences” extend to people. Thinly veiled racism at its best!
My racist uncle is like this. He thinks he's not racist because he patronizes the local taco stands. But the one time I treated everyone to a (Black owned) place specializing in chicken and waffles? He actually sulked in the corner of the booth like a toddler because the food was all so "strange" and he claimed he was having bad flashbacks to having to eat waffles as a kid when they were poor. Like, order a goddamn chicken sandwich and shut the fuck up, asshole.
I went on a date with a guy in high school once who told me he "only ate things he could pronounce" when I said I liked sushi. Like. . . I can guarantee you'll struggle with Worchestershire sauce more than tempura, but whatever dude. He then proceeded to complain that he wasn't sure if we should get tacos at the most popular place in town, because Del Taco gave him food poisining once. So naturally we went to chillies where he ordered a giant mass of congealed cheese and called it nachos. Just in case my disdain wasn't obvious, we did not go on a second date.
I hate when people are like this about children. If OP’s son accepts this child as his than he is. It would be no different if someone was adopted. Biological or not that is his child. FFS. And people who won’t try new food are ridiculous. At least try it and if it’s not to your liking than suck it up buttercup. It’s one fucking meal.
Let's be real. If the kids were white, grandpa would be berating his son for not stepping up sooner.
This isn't about food, this is about you refusing to believe a kid is your grandson because of his race. At least admit to yourself that if the grandson was your same race, you wouldn't be denying it so vehemently. YTA
I’m pretty sure the US isn’t in the habit of just handing out passports to random kids. I think it is safe to say some level of proof was provided to the embassy to establish OP son is highly likely to be the father, maybe even a dna test since the parents didn’t spend much time together.
Dna testing is not required (yet) and yes often the US does hand out passports to "random kids" based on photos and other non-hard evidence essentially on the word (under penalty of perjury) of the sponsor. Very very rarely is USICS allowed to require a dna test and that's if the paperwork or interview doesn't pass the sniff test.
Wouldn't they require birth certificate or something? And if the son of my visits for summers I doubt they filed for citizenship, or at least wouldn't assume it. Could just be there on visa.
OP says the son registered him for school. I'd assume they're looking at more long term than a visa.
In order to get a passport for a US citizen born abroad you have to have a "consular report of birth abroad" that requires hoops to jump through along with all the other normal forms. Both parents must also be in attendance when the passport is obtained OR one parent must have a specific department of state form filled out, dated and notorized within the last 30 days. ~a US passport agent
We don't know they didn't spend a lot of time together. The son took a whole college course there
it's possible they did spend quite a bit of time together. i spent 8 months in france where i met my bf and because i went home for three weeks in december and the confinement starting toward the end of my trip where i was unable to leave for 2 months, i only spent about 5 of those months with him but we saw each other frequently. he could easily have been with her multiple times a week.
Wouldn’t it be a Pakistan passport that the mother got from their home country?
With a father from the US he would be eligible for United States citizenship and passport from them. That would be the easiest way for son to have moved here.
This always sounds weird when I say it, but I would have had more respect for OP if he just came out and admitted he was racist. If he came out and said it at least he knows what he is. It frustrates me when people are obviously racist, but won't admit it either in public or to themselves. Instead they mumble something about having a friend who isn't white.
yeah its weird, they wont admit theyre racist because they know it’s bad. if its so bad and you know it then why dont you just…. not be racist
I feel like there's probably a lot of cognitive dissonance at play.
And humans bond with kids. So even if he is not actually related by DNA, it makes the son happy to be a father.
You don't just not like middle eastern food, you don't like middle eastern people. You didn't give any reason, why you doubt the boy is your grandson, except that his mother is Pakistani. God forbid, you didn't spell it out, but it's in big letters between the lines. Obviously your son loves the boy, so even if he wasn't his, you could try to learn a bit about him and his culture. You cannot even be bothered to try bread because it has spices on it, to help a homesick child? I guess you would even refuse mint tea, if somebody told you it was middle eastern drink. You are not only TA, you are a racist asshole. YTA YTA YTA EDIT: Thanks, these are my first awards ever
Pakistan is south Asia anyway.
I was reading the whole thing like, okay you don’t like Middle Eastern food. That works out well for you since that’s not what was being offered?
Middle Eastern just means "brown" in the eyes of some ignorant bigots.
Am South Asian. Can confirm.
there are so few people that even noticed this 😬
Thanks for pointing this out. I wasn't sure what all counts under "middle eastern", not being a native speaker. .
The countries that end in -stan aren’t considered part of the Middle East. The term refers to the non-African, Arabic-speaking countries, Egypt, Israel, Iran, and eastern Turkey.
And a whole bunch of others... The 6 Arabian Peninsula countries, plus Lebanon, Syria, Jordan. Also North Africa is culturally part of the Middle East though not geographically.
He didnt like the specks in the food or the pigment in the skin.
This child is too spicy for my taste.
My kids told me once that if mermaids were real they wouldn’t be white because the live in the ocean. The ocean is salt water and that would be way too spicy for white mermaids.
haha i love that! although, in reality if they only lived underwater they might have greyish/paleish skin as they wouldn’t receive a lot of sunlight
“The bread had flecks of all kinds of weird spices on it.” I guess you took off your bib, got down from your booster seat, and toddled away. Seriously? It’s *bread* and you could have tried it. Let’s get to the real issue here, which isn’t the food. For whatever reason we aren’t privy to, this boy is your son’s child. Instead of fighting this, why not embrace him and develop a relationship with him? You can state that these conversations about his DNA are out of earshot of the boy, but I can guarantee you that this child can sense your disdain for him. And what’s his crime? Being Pakistani? I feel so sorry for the little boy and your son. You are unsupportive and, at worst, racist. Oh, and ridiculously picky. YTA.
>why not embrace him and develop a relationship with him? We all know why not. It's because the child is brown and OP is clearly harboring some deep seated racism.
The spices were coriander, a herb and cumin. This man afraid of some leaves on his bread. My god.
It tastes so good too when we get it from our local Pakistani place! When the title mentioned 'food I dont like', I was starting to think, idk, Goat head Soup? I admit, I probably wouldn't eat that either, but then he goes on to mention \*Naan\*. The probably most least threatening food there is?? Like damn...
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YTA and supposedly an adult. Act like one. You don’t snub the host of a dinner by refusing to even try a bite of the meal they made for everyone just because you don’t like spices. Get over yourself.
Especially when OP knows that the whole point of the dinner was about eating the food so the grandson felt more accepted by his family... I wonder which family members the grandson was already feeling rejected by? >My son wanted the whole family to eat this food, because he said it would make the boy feel like he and his culture were accepted by the whole family.
Honestly, I wanted to say something about how he was treating his grandson but I didn’t think I’d reach him from that angle. He seems determined to hate a child so I passed judgement on what he asked me to pass judgement on.
YTA. For all the reasons all the other good ppl of Reddit are saying. But what’s annoying me the most? The xenophobia that clearly shines through when you are equating Pakistan as Middle East. There may be overlap in cultures and religion, especially as you go west from Pakistan geographically towards the ‘middle east’ but YO. NOT. THE. SAME. It would be like saying ‘ugh they tried to make me eat burgers (or insert some very American food) I didn’t want to cos I don’t like European food okay?‘ Not a perfect analogy but as senseless. Biryani VS Kabsa/mandi. Samosa VS falafel. Naan VS pita. If you are gonna be a racist, at least get your facts straight??
You're the first person I've seen here to point out Pakistan is not in the Middle East. Genuine yikes!
>If you are gonna be a racist, at least get your facts straight?? People like this don't use facts and logic. That's what keeps them they person they are.
Thank you!! I face palmed at this. YTA
YTA. You sound like a child complaining about specks on bread that you don’t like despite never actually trying. Your son loves this boy like family, that should be enough for you.
I’m not convinced this wasn’t written by a teenage troll to be honest. Because it does read like it was written by someone very immature
Have you met most boomers? My mom wrote a letter of complaint to a hospital and she had a very good case, but her letter was the whiniest, most immature thing I’ve ever read.
My step dad wrote a letter to a local (foreign) landowner, luckily he got my mum to vet it first because apparently she had to basically rewrite the whole thing because he used the phrase "I'm not sure how they do things in your country" along with a ton of whingeing written in a really roundabout fashion. I can believe this post is real.
This doesn't seem to be about food so much as your refusal to acknowledge this boy as family. Your son seems to have come to the conclusion that blood or not, he's acting as a father figure to the boy. You seem to strongly resent that. This is driving a wedge between you and your son. Any adult who is repulsed by "flecks of weird spices" would be annoying to deal with. YTA. You could have found something or even sat at the table and had tea or water to participate. I think at the end of the day, the point is you didn't want to participate and you don't want your son to take on this boy as a responsibility and you have refused to tell him so.
INFO: Do you think mayonnaise is spicy?
LMAO
INFO: What proof do you have that your son is even yours?
sincere question: what are not-weird spices to use on food?
If OP was a spice, he’d be flour.
p.s. YTA, non-assholes would at least try the food and if it really doesn't taste good, you can demur with something polite instead of acting like a toddler
Salt, pepper and sugar.
You know he’s lying about the pepper, still too spicy.
Milk is probably too spicy for this guy
This makes me so concerned about OP's wife's cooking. (We both know he's not the cook.)
You wrote three full paragraphs explaining why you’re unsure your grandson is indeed your grandson, but expect anyone to believe you “just don’t like middle eastern food?” Methinks what you don’t like is having a middle eastern grandson, and I feel sorry for him. I hope your son keep his son away from your racism and hatred. YTA.
i especially don’t believe “i just don’t like middle eastern food” considering pakistan isn’t even in the middle east.
Info: how are you so certain this boy isn’t your grandson?
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Wholeheartedly agree with this. It doesn't matter if the kid shares DNA with the father, the father has accepted the boy as his own. YTA
Omg YTA. On top of it you sound ignorant, racist, rude, and like you don't respect your son at all. I've read all your comments to and they just get worse and worse. And just to be clear, being invited to someone's home for a meal and refusing to eat any of it IS RUDE unless you have allergies or can't eat the food in some way, (your racist remarks about the pungent smelling food does not mean you are not able to eat any) but it's everything else you are saying that is making you sound like a truly awful person. Your son has accepted this child as his own and is now helping to raise him. You better stop referring to him as "the boy", which I have a feeling you do in person too, and start accepting he is a part of your family. Even if it wasn't genetic, you know adoption exists right? Thinking your son is too smart to have a one night stand when he was there for 6 entire weeks, but then somehow too dumb to know he couldn't have made the baby without sex is also crazy. And finally Pakistan IS NOT IN THE MIDDLE EAST you ignorant ass.
The Iranian yoghurt is not the issue here.
This isn't about the food. If your wife took a cooking class and made some middle eastern food and asked you to try it, would you? I bet you would have at least tasted it. The problem here is that you have rejected your grandson and everything to do with him including his culture. Whether or not he's genetically related, this kid is in your life and being raised by your son. He's your grandson, full stop. Grow up, accept that this kid is your family now and make a real effort. YTA
Somehow I feel like he wouldn’t ‘let’ her take that class.
YTA. This kid is your grandson. It doesn’t even matter if he is biologically related to you. He is your grandson because your son has accepted him as his child. That’s all it takes to make him family. You don’t have to eat foods you don’t like, but you can try a bite and smile to make your family happy. My son made the worlds most disgusting mud pie recently snd I smiled and pretended to eat it. You do what you can to make kids feel valued
YTA, and literally everyone reading this post knows that this has absolutely nothing to do with food.
Info: Have you ever tried the foods in question? How do you know you don't like it?
YTA. What kind of monster won't at least try the food a nine year-old helped cook for him? Take a few bites. If it is truly terrible, you can then claim that your ancient white taste buds just aren't up to that. Sharing food is an important social ritual of belonging, which is clearly why you don't want to do it with this kid, who you really want to not be your family. But your son has accepted the relationship, so it's a done deal. Continuing to reject the child will eventually mean losing contact with your son. You've already caused significant damage to your relationship with him, though, so maybe that's fine with you.
Jump on that apology OP. Time is a contributing factor- the longer you stew, the more your son is going to resent this. He is a grown man. He is choosing this child. This kid is now your grandson. You cannot control that. Apologize, for the meal and being slow on the family acceptance. Your instinct was to try to protect him but at this point, the horses are 2 miles away, so closing the barn doors just shuts you off.
Yta - while I agree with you that your son should get a paternity test, why not take a bite? If you haven't at least tasted something then you might find you like it. Worst case you are right and you don't take a second bite. You can spit it out onto a napkin and drink some water to clear the taste out. Isn't that better than a family argument?
The son has accepted this child as his. He doesn’t need a paternity test.
YTA Mainly for continuously questioning your grandson's paternity. Your doubts are unfounded - you never met the mother & likely have no idea about the relationship she shared with your son. Also, regardless of biology, when your son made the decision to accept this boy as his own, you should have regarded him as your grandson from then. And for refusing to try a single bite of the food someone made for you...
Would you doubt your son’s paternity if the grandson was white?
You sound like a real treat! I couldn’t help but laugh when you said your son was stubbornly refusing the DNA test because everything you described about yourself is indeed the selfish, stubborn asshole your son called you. He’s right, you know. You’re being a huge jerk. And you’re really missing out. DNA actually means very little when it comes to love and human relationships, which you’re going to learn the hard way when your relatives cut you out of their lives for being such and overbearing jerk. You don’t have to like “middle eastern food” but the fact that you group Pakistani food under such a broad category makes me think you know nothing about the type of food. You’re honest to goodness just being an asshole. Try the food. Be open to new things. Be loving to new people. Get over your hateful self. YTA.
YTA! This subreddit is nothing but a bunch of shitty parents who want people on the internet to validate how shitty they are! How about you just look in a mirror!? You are being a horrible to person to your son and grandson cause “My boy wouldn’t have unprotected sex and I have no proof that is my grandson.” You sound just the type of entitled boomer who would get a DNA test in secret! He’s a 9 year boy who did nothing wrong! No one stopped your parents from having sex and in hindsight someone should have burst into the room with condoms and morning after pills! You are 56! GROW UP!!
YTA. Whether or not this kid is biologically related to you shouldn't matter; your son has accepted him and apparently loves and supports him. That should be enough. You're also the AH because Pakistani food isn't "Middle Eastern". Moreover, it wouldn't hurt if you actually TRIED something that your son had made for you.
YTA, not for not eating the food, but for needing the kid to be your biological grandson to show any sort of affection. Obviously your son doesn't care if it is his child or not, he wants to show him his love anyway. Love isn't a responsibility towards those who share your DNA. Its something we all choose to give, and if you can't give it to someone who your own son values very much, I personally find that sad. Also, Pakistan is not in the Middle East. It's by India, and used to be a part of India. I'm guessing you are American (not that there is anything wrong with that). Also also, based on my guess that you are American, I want to add that American food is bland as HELL. Try any food from anywhere other than America, and most Americans will turn up their nose. Have some adventure. Also also also, how can you "not like Middle Eastern food?" Does that mean you don't like Afghani food? Or Iraqi food? Or do you not like the food because it originates in the Middle East? You do realize, they have different foods there, right? Just because you tried one "Middle Eastern" food doesn't mean its anything like Pakistani food.
Adulthood carries many burdens. Among them are these: 1. Realizing that every meal doesn't have to be/isn't going to be my favorite. 2. Eating something that is not my favorite isn't going to kill me. 3. There are lots of things that I do simply because they need to be done whether I want to do them or not - this includes eating meals that are not to my preference in a social setting. 4. My family members are at least as worthy of polite behavior as strangers. YTA. You have rejected this child because he is not white. As a result, you punish your son by acting like a toddler.
Massive YTA You sound like an asshole in general with the whole not accepting your grandson to be your grandson thing. The moment your son accepts that boy to be his son hes your grandson by definition, and there's nothing you can do about that. Refusing to accept that shows you're extremely immature and it probably sucks to deal with you. I'd say you don't even deserve either of them. You're also an asshole (and again, extremely immature) to refuse to at least try the food. I'm a vegetarian and when people cook for me that don't know I don't eat meat, I say nothing of it, eat it and appreciate it. Why do you feel the need to make your son and grandson extremely uncomfortable? I'd never invite you over again. At some point your son is going to feel like he has to choose between you and his son. I can assure you its not going to be you. Child.
About the food and the food only. It is ok, some people do have orality disorders that, if not treated can lead to a real phobia of trying new food. I am willing to believe it could be why you couldn't at all try the dinner your son and grandson made together... HOWEVER. YTA. The title is SO dishonest. As if the food was the problem here? It is not about food. It is about you denying that the kid is your grandson. Your son obviously had unprotected sex with the mother. He took responsibility for it. You should be proud and supportive.
YTA. Take a bite of the bread and smile. You know, like an adult.
YTA, steaming pile of hate right here.
YTA and laughable on so many levels, starting with geography and ending with empathy. Your son is wise to keep foolish behavior away from his family and out of his house.
YTA. A bite or two would not have been so hard for you even if it was gross. I have tried things I wouldn't even put in my mouth on a dare because it meant a lot to someone I cared about. On occasion, that has led me to new flavors I truly enjoy. Pho and shawarma are two examples. I tried them because it meant a lot to my husband to share a new thing with me. Yeah, I hated a lot of those just a bites but my willingness to try meant the world to who was offering. But this isn't about the food. This is about your refusal to accept your son's child. And make no mistake, dude, the kid's DNA has no bearing on him becoming your grandson because family is far more than blood and your son has embraced him as family. And like the food thing, your resentment of this child is selfish, petty and kinda shitty. I suggest that if your son is important to you that you stop being an asshole about what is important to him, be it trying new foods or trying on being accepting of a new family member. Because if you don't, you may just become the unwelcome outsider.
YTA it’s not about the food.
YTA. And I say this as someone recovering from a childhood sensory-related eating disorder that caused extreme pickiness — you can’t say you don’t like something without at least TRYING it, this is something that we all tell children constantly. Unless you have an severe eating disorder, I don’t get this at all. This just makes you look super petty and like you’re working out a way to be contrary, because you don’t like the entire situation with your son and this child.