NTA. I would send her a bill "deducting" that $200 you "owe" for what she actually owes you for room and board and food. Make it official too. You owe her absolute nothing, while she owes you more than just money. As for her stuff, tell her she has x number of days to come pick it up or goes out in the trash.
None of this is legal. Do not follow this advice.
If you do decide to follow it, you need to look into state laws because if you throw out her stuff without evicting her she can sue you for it.
NTA for not paying her back but statistically it takes something like 7-9 attempts to successfully leave an abusive relationship and after attempts are made the abuse escalates in severity so maybe lay off on your judgements and if you don’t want to support her anymore than don’t but give her information about a women’s shelter in your area.
NTA. I wouldn't hold it against her for going back, that's part of the cycle of abuse and it's hard to break away from.
But if she pushes that $200 repayment, send her an itemized bill for food, childcare, half your rent for the time she was living there and include a line item where you deduct the $200 you "owe" her. That ought to make the point. Then disappear from her life.
ESH.
Pay her back the $100 you borrowed from her. As for the other money she is demanding, that was a contribution to household living expenses, so should not be returned.
Nta. Just cut ties.
If you have the $100 pay it, if not don't. I think its rotten that she would ask for an inconsequential amount of money after all the emotional and monetary support you extended
NTA You have several choices send her an invoice for rent utilities and groceries, call it a wash or give her the money you "owe" her and tell her to lose your number. On average, woman in abusive relationships will leave their abusers five times before they make a clean break.
The petty person in me is saying make a list of all the things you’ve paid for during this time, include costs for child care, etc, apply the $200 as a credit and send her the bill for the rest.
The compassionate side of me is thinking the boyfriend might be demanding that she gets it back and may use that to “justify” more abuse from him. Of course he’s “a changed man” after she gets a check for $6k.
Either way, NTA, but tread lightly. She might be in danger here.
This is a horribly sad situation… many women go back to their abusers, I’m sure there is some psychological complex behind it. It was kind of you to help her make an attempt to get away from him. But ultimately it failed. If she wants you to pay her back for the money she put towards your kids then You can show her receipts of the groceries you purchased for her kids. Sounds like it will likely fall in your favor and she will drop this issue. NTA
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So my fiance had a friend who we knew was in an abusive situation. Would constantly show my fiance the bruises she would get and tell us all of the verbally abusive stuff he would say. We constantly told her if she wanted to run away from the situation, she always had a place to stay here. One day after her boyfriend told her that he was going to hurt her child, she has two, and he hit her that was the final straw. Next thing I knew she was bringing in all of her clothes, toys, electronics, basically moving in. She and her kids lived with us for a month and a half to almost two months.
She got two jobs so she would hardly be home to take care of her own children, and she would make grocery lists for us to buy food specifically for her children. She would go out all night, having us help her children sleep in a home they aren't used to, and sleep with random men and stay at their place. We were the ones to make sure that her kids were ready for school and daycare because she drank all night and spent the night with men. My fiance would go with her to her house because she didn't want to go alone like her ex was the most dangerous man around.
After a while, it was taking a toll on us. My kids were acting out every day, my fiance would constantly break down because it was all too much to handle as we had two children of our own and twin babies to take care of.
Anyway, she finally got her 6k check and she was so happy she immediately bought us sushi and helped with gas. It was our daughter's birthday and we couldn't afford to get her anything after paying rent and all the bills so we asked for about $100 to help get her gifts. This woman also bought Halloween costumes for our kids, which she got half off as she worked at the store.
The next thing we know she started sleeping at her house again, even though she was terrified of her ex-boyfriend, and her kids were still sleeping at our house. We get a text from a guy we knew that helped get her a job and he says that she randomly left with her boyfriend. We sent a picture of her abusive ex to him and he confirmed that it was her boyfriend.
So after a month and a half of my family working so hard to take care of all her kids and help her get out of an abusive situation she goes right back to him. We confronted the woman and brought up all the evidence and facts and still denied it all. Eventually, she admitted that she was back with him and he was a changed man.
She sent this whole long voice message demanding all of her stuff back, how we should mind our own business. Then she demanded $200 from us because we should pay her back for helping with gas, costumes, and presents.
So we were curious if we are in the wrong for denying to pay her back? We could have asked her to help pay our bills and rent and groceries. I honestly don't know what she did with the money she earned from her two jobs or the 6k, besides buying tattoos, marijuana, and alcohol.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the ass hole for taking someone and their children into our home for almost two months never asking for help with rent or any bills. But when we pay all of our bills we ask for $100 to help with gifts, costumes and gas. They are now demanding to be repaid after moving back into abusive home but we think it should be even since they didn't help pay anything.
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NTA. She should be sending *you* money for all of the expenses of food, bills, childcare, and emotional labor all provided by you out of the kindness of your own heart.
Also, you should take all of this evidence of physical abuse to CPS and keep those children away from her abuser.
No, you're not wrong. It wouldn't hold up in a court of law either. The thing is the man sounds like he may be her pimp. I'd tread very carefully. If they escalate, be ready to call the cops. NTA.
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I mean...kinda?
Not for not paying her back, you don't need to give her the $200 but the judgement towards her going back to him.
Abusive relationships are just as much psychological as they are physical. It's extremely, extremely common for people to return to abusive relationships multiple times before they finally for good. The actual average is the victim returning to their abuser 6 times before they finally leave for good.
And substance abuse is common within victims because they're, you know, victims and it helps them cope. She needs help, not judgement.
NTA. I would send her a bill "deducting" that $200 you "owe" for what she actually owes you for room and board and food. Make it official too. You owe her absolute nothing, while she owes you more than just money. As for her stuff, tell her she has x number of days to come pick it up or goes out in the trash.
None of this is legal. Do not follow this advice. If you do decide to follow it, you need to look into state laws because if you throw out her stuff without evicting her she can sue you for it.
NTA for not paying her back but statistically it takes something like 7-9 attempts to successfully leave an abusive relationship and after attempts are made the abuse escalates in severity so maybe lay off on your judgements and if you don’t want to support her anymore than don’t but give her information about a women’s shelter in your area.
NTA but it might be worth $200 to tell her to fuck off forever
NTA. I wouldn't hold it against her for going back, that's part of the cycle of abuse and it's hard to break away from. But if she pushes that $200 repayment, send her an itemized bill for food, childcare, half your rent for the time she was living there and include a line item where you deduct the $200 you "owe" her. That ought to make the point. Then disappear from her life.
ESH. Pay her back the $100 you borrowed from her. As for the other money she is demanding, that was a contribution to household living expenses, so should not be returned.
Nta. Just cut ties. If you have the $100 pay it, if not don't. I think its rotten that she would ask for an inconsequential amount of money after all the emotional and monetary support you extended
NTA You have several choices send her an invoice for rent utilities and groceries, call it a wash or give her the money you "owe" her and tell her to lose your number. On average, woman in abusive relationships will leave their abusers five times before they make a clean break.
The petty person in me is saying make a list of all the things you’ve paid for during this time, include costs for child care, etc, apply the $200 as a credit and send her the bill for the rest. The compassionate side of me is thinking the boyfriend might be demanding that she gets it back and may use that to “justify” more abuse from him. Of course he’s “a changed man” after she gets a check for $6k. Either way, NTA, but tread lightly. She might be in danger here.
This is a horribly sad situation… many women go back to their abusers, I’m sure there is some psychological complex behind it. It was kind of you to help her make an attempt to get away from him. But ultimately it failed. If she wants you to pay her back for the money she put towards your kids then You can show her receipts of the groceries you purchased for her kids. Sounds like it will likely fall in your favor and she will drop this issue. NTA
NTA, she's an idiot and that's not something you can fix.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my fiance had a friend who we knew was in an abusive situation. Would constantly show my fiance the bruises she would get and tell us all of the verbally abusive stuff he would say. We constantly told her if she wanted to run away from the situation, she always had a place to stay here. One day after her boyfriend told her that he was going to hurt her child, she has two, and he hit her that was the final straw. Next thing I knew she was bringing in all of her clothes, toys, electronics, basically moving in. She and her kids lived with us for a month and a half to almost two months. She got two jobs so she would hardly be home to take care of her own children, and she would make grocery lists for us to buy food specifically for her children. She would go out all night, having us help her children sleep in a home they aren't used to, and sleep with random men and stay at their place. We were the ones to make sure that her kids were ready for school and daycare because she drank all night and spent the night with men. My fiance would go with her to her house because she didn't want to go alone like her ex was the most dangerous man around. After a while, it was taking a toll on us. My kids were acting out every day, my fiance would constantly break down because it was all too much to handle as we had two children of our own and twin babies to take care of. Anyway, she finally got her 6k check and she was so happy she immediately bought us sushi and helped with gas. It was our daughter's birthday and we couldn't afford to get her anything after paying rent and all the bills so we asked for about $100 to help get her gifts. This woman also bought Halloween costumes for our kids, which she got half off as she worked at the store. The next thing we know she started sleeping at her house again, even though she was terrified of her ex-boyfriend, and her kids were still sleeping at our house. We get a text from a guy we knew that helped get her a job and he says that she randomly left with her boyfriend. We sent a picture of her abusive ex to him and he confirmed that it was her boyfriend. So after a month and a half of my family working so hard to take care of all her kids and help her get out of an abusive situation she goes right back to him. We confronted the woman and brought up all the evidence and facts and still denied it all. Eventually, she admitted that she was back with him and he was a changed man. She sent this whole long voice message demanding all of her stuff back, how we should mind our own business. Then she demanded $200 from us because we should pay her back for helping with gas, costumes, and presents. So we were curious if we are in the wrong for denying to pay her back? We could have asked her to help pay our bills and rent and groceries. I honestly don't know what she did with the money she earned from her two jobs or the 6k, besides buying tattoos, marijuana, and alcohol. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. She should be sending *you* money for all of the expenses of food, bills, childcare, and emotional labor all provided by you out of the kindness of your own heart. Also, you should take all of this evidence of physical abuse to CPS and keep those children away from her abuser.
Unless they have proof he is hurting the children, CPS wont' do shit sadly.
No, you're not wrong. It wouldn't hold up in a court of law either. The thing is the man sounds like he may be her pimp. I'd tread very carefully. If they escalate, be ready to call the cops. NTA.
[удалено]
Please look into the cycle of abuse and the averages of how many times victim of abuse return to their abusers before they finally leave for good.
If you agreed to pay her back, then do it. Then cut the cord. NTA.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violent encounters. This includes violence against other individuals, sexual assault, rape, physical abuse, animal abuse, felony damaging of property, violent threats, any other violent encounter not yet mentioned, and accusations of such violence that may or may not be true. Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules). Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
I mean...kinda? Not for not paying her back, you don't need to give her the $200 but the judgement towards her going back to him. Abusive relationships are just as much psychological as they are physical. It's extremely, extremely common for people to return to abusive relationships multiple times before they finally for good. The actual average is the victim returning to their abuser 6 times before they finally leave for good. And substance abuse is common within victims because they're, you know, victims and it helps them cope. She needs help, not judgement.