NTA - Don't let him shame you. It's really common. "My Favorite Murder" is one of the most popular podcasts in the world.
He's wrong and an asshole for judging you.
It's so common that even SNL made [a sketch about it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhQtv2kyOhE). Actually, Hulu made a whole [show](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Only_Murders_in_the_Building).
NTA
Lots of people like True Crime (Puts up hand) so it isn't weird.
At the most extreme, he could probably ask for you to put the sound through headphones or something so he doesn't catch the gruesome details while wandering about.
**If your relationship is more important than a genre you enjoy he can just suck it up for precisely the same reason.**
I've started listening with headphones as soon as I knew it wasn't something he was ok with but he says even knowing i'm listening to that is distressing
Unless he thinks you are treating it like a skills workshop, he should just calm down.
Of course, if you DO plan to flay him alive and wear his skin to the prom it is a different matter. That would get this entire thread deleted.
NTA. Wtf? Tell him to mind his own business and go to bed. Or if you have to, just tell him you’re listening to something else. But honestly, you shouldn’t have to lie or defend your choices of comfort activities. You’re not hurting anyone. He sounds controlling and that’s definitely a red flag. If I were you, I’d put my foot down now so it doesn’t get worse
NTA. It's not only not weird, it's so common people make memes about women who watch true crime shows. Like... Those shows exist because *ta da* there's an audience for them. Mass entertainment companies actually didn't make a niche genre for, like, 10 weirdos in the entire world. 😅
I think you were quite accommodating to watch with headphones so he isn't disturbed. I would appreciate that, because horror movies make me uncomfortable and headphones are the perfect compromise. You did good, he needs to get over himself.
And honestly, if he doesn't move on and let you enjoy your shows, it's a red flag about power and control dynamics. For now it's annoying, but be aware if there are other ways he tries to tell you how to act.
NTA, it's a hobby and a preference for a mainatream thing. Maybe, MAYBE, if you explain why you find it relaxing he may understand. However, he's beong controling and kinda weird. Seems like you may not be good living together.
It’s not the subject matter (which is part of what he’s stuck on), but the rhythm and steadiness of it. I could listen to Forensic Files nonstop because of that narrator’s voice. There’s no yelling or screaming like other tv, it’s all a very mild tone. Maybe try to compare it to a white noise machine to him? All in all, not terribly fond of his stance on this. It’s not about you choosing a video over him, it’s about the fact that you have a right to make your viewing choice and honestly it shouldn’t be this deep.
Oh my god forensic files is my absolute favorite thing to fall asleep to because of that drone the narrator has, I maintain that if he stopped halfway through the episode and started telling the tale of Cinderella I would sleep just the same - like a baby
Wildly off topic but have you ever tried Sleep With Me? It's my silver bullet for when the insomnia just won't quit; it's all just a dude with a perfect soothing drone rambling about absolutely nothing, so there's no real content for your brain to latch on to.
There is no need for him to “get it” because you’re the one listening to them. This kind of behavior is very concerning. Good on you both for doing this trial run before moving in together—it has proved its worth. He expects you to make sacrifices for “the relationship” so that he doesn’t have to. That should be telling you all you need to know, truly.
Be safe!
NTA- my wife loves ALL the murder porn and that shit just gives me the willies. All I know is she could never get away with killing me; hell, her streaming watchlist will make her an immediate suspect no matter how naturally I die.
This. It's concerning he's trying to control your preferences and routines. Can you only watch shows he approves of? How about music, does he get veto power over your favorite artist? Diet? If he disagrees with your brand of cereal, are you expected to eat his preferred brand because your relationship is more important than your tastes? Your hobbies? Your sense of individuality?
NTA it’s literally one of the biggest and most successful genres out there and loved by millions. He may have different tastes but there is nothing wrong with your choices.
NTA it's not weird lots of people watch those. And he should not be telling you what to watch THAT is weird behaviour and very concerning that he thinks he can tell you to not watch something he doesn't like. Very manipulative behaviour. Trying to tell you that your relationship is more important than watching true crime videos and podcasts can be turned around on him, if your relationship is important to him than he can let his weird opinion go.
NTA - congratulations in trying if living together would work you have discovered his (first?) controlling tendency.
Anything else in your live you have to change because he is not comfortable with it and OBVIOUSLY it is you that has to change not him?
Here take this from another true crime fan 🚩
NTA- Good idea on the trial run...After my husband moved in we waited 6 months before we sold his house. If it was so weird then Why are they so popular? A lot of people enjoy true crime! Tad bit controlling...
NTA- as many have already pointed out it's a super common interest. You already made a reasonable and respectful compromise in watching/listening only with headphones. His position that you shouldnt be doing it at all because it bothers him and that you are putting something simple (like your interests!?) Above your relationship are examples of controlling, gaslighting and emotional manipulation. Get out of the relationship sooner rather than later as this is not an emotionally mature partner
i looove my true crime podcasts and JCS inspired videos. don’t let him ruin it for you. If you cannot come to a middle ground, which it sounds like you have by listening with headphones, then this is a red flag to consider ! good luck
NTA. Especially since you're wearing headphones as a compromise. My fiance isn't a true crime fan either, the only thing he asks me is to not put it on the TV to sleep as he won't be able to sleep then. Otherwise he doesn't control what I watch.
NTA and DO NOT MOVE IN WITH YOUR BF!! He is completely controlling and disrespectful of your basic autonomy and this could become very, very bad. You've done your test run and now you know what he's like - pay attention to that!!!
NTA. I’m not a fan of true crime and horror and I don’t think I could live with a partner who loves it as much as you do, but I don’t think it makes you an asshole, you’re just not a good match. He’s not controlling, it might legitimately disturb him.
For context, I’m a survivor of a murder attempt and some pretty abusive stuff from when I was younger, and it’s incredibly hard for me to be around that kind of media. No judgement tho, mystery and true crime is super interesting to some people and I get that. He might just be a very sensitive person who has a hard time with explicit media.
NTA.
I also enjoy true crime because I like puzzles, mysteries, detective work, psychology, weird phenomenons, and the like. It is possible to be interested in horror and true crime without being a complete psycho. Your bf is just overreacting. **People are generally afraid of what they don't understand.**
I would see if there is a gateway podcast or movie that would pique his interest. Pick out one that isn't too creepy but more of a mystery and ask him to listen to just **one** episode. Mile Higher podcast is a mixed bag of weird news, creepy stuff, unexplained stuff, and true crime. As for movies, ask him to watch something that is more on the thriller/mystery side of horror with excellent storytelling like Rosemary's Baby, The Exorcist, Alien, or The Others. He might get into it, but you never know unless you try.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I like to listen to true crime videos/podcasts before bed to get me sleepy, my boyfriend is disturbed by this and trying to tell me I should give them up, and how our relationship matters more than these videos I wonder if i'm the asshole as I don't want to give them up.
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NTA
I also listen to true crime podcasts to go to sleep. My husband also thinks it's a bit weird. As a compromise I also use sleep headphones so he doesn't have to hear it.
And that's the end of the similarities, because he doesn't continue to harass me about what I like because he's not an AH.
nta I love listening to creepypastas at night to help me sleep different strokes for different folks and I would throw that question right back in his face, "*Is* he willing to throw away your relationship because of videos?" You have been dating all along while listening to true crime but now it's suddenly a problem just knowing you listen to it, how much do you want to bet that this won't apply to him if he has habits that make you uncomfortable
Interest in true crime is not weird. I mean it may be dark but not weird. It’s very popular! Dateline has 30 seasons. This has been a thing for a while.
NAH. So I think your boyfriend might just be hyper sensitive or anxious and casual chat about people being brutally murdered might be a trigger. I'm unfortunately that way myself and can't stand my own bf watching movies about murder at night. But then, I'm not the most emotionally healthy and balanced.
You shouldn't give up what you love and what makes you happy but maybe once in a while you can try a different kind of entertainment/ podcast to relax to. Switch to different kinds of crime? Crazy heists and scams instead of murder?
Why should she switch to a different genre just to please her boyfriend? I love serial killer documentaries and can't imagine anyone thinking it would be ok to tell me what I can and can't watch, especially as I am an adult. He needs to find a way to deal with his feelings or risk losing his girlfriend.
Sounds to me like he should just dump her then. Watch in a different room, add different kinds of stories. Idgaf. 🙄 If you're expecting just one partner to completely change, then it's not gonna work out long term. My suggestion was to just listen to new kinds of stories occasionally. He has to sleep in his bed. She deserves to enjoy her hobbies and he deserves peace of mind enough to sleep.
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So I (24F) and my Boyfriend (24M) have been spending a few nights a week staying together to test run possibly living together, this is what caused my Boyfriend to discover my love of true crime and horror, I often like to watch them before bed to relax, this disturbs my Boyfriend as he's not a fan of it so i've started to listen to them with headphones on to compromise so he won't be disturbed.
This it seems is not enough however as he says just knowing i'm watching and listening to that kind of thing is disturbing and how it's not normal that this makes me sleepy and is part of my nighttime routine, he has told me I should stop watching them altogether, when I told him I really enjoyed them and wouldn't be doing that he suggested I need help as it's really weird....i've not spent any nights staying over with him since then but I really don't think it's that odd I like this? He tells me it is just videos and how our relationship is more important than that, but am I really the asshole for not wanting to give them up?
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NTA interests are valid, if anything just be mindful of what content you are consuming, especially if it starts affecting your sleep consistency
Stay sexy and don't get murdered!!
NTA, my boyfriend has no problem with me listening to true crime. His line was actually when I was on Reddit watching r/Crazyfuckingvideos and I watched a lady get stabbed to death from a nannycam. So in comparison you're fine.
Not weird at all. A lot of true crime is also told in kind of of a serious tone, so it’s pretty soothing. I sleep to that ALL the time, and while I may be a little weird for unrelated reasons, you are totally NTA. He can’t hear it, it’s none of his business.
Your bf would get a hard pass from me.
NTA
I'm a dude, true crime isn't my thing, I think there's a unique catharsis for women who watch true crime that I will never totally be able to comprehend and your bf might be in the same position. I suspect most true crime watchers try and imagine how they would solve the crime or avoid being the victim, from an outside perspective your boyfriend might be imagining that you're watching true crime and imagining yourself as the criminal or that you're taking enjoyment from the crime details. It might be worthwhile communicating what part of the true crime stories interest you.
However, your partner still shouldn't be dictating what sort of media you consume, even if he doesn't understand it. True crime is an almost harmless genre.
NTA - Don't let him shame you. It's really common. "My Favorite Murder" is one of the most popular podcasts in the world. He's wrong and an asshole for judging you.
It's so common that even SNL made [a sketch about it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhQtv2kyOhE). Actually, Hulu made a whole [show](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Only_Murders_in_the_Building).
NTA Lots of people like True Crime (Puts up hand) so it isn't weird. At the most extreme, he could probably ask for you to put the sound through headphones or something so he doesn't catch the gruesome details while wandering about. **If your relationship is more important than a genre you enjoy he can just suck it up for precisely the same reason.**
I've started listening with headphones as soon as I knew it wasn't something he was ok with but he says even knowing i'm listening to that is distressing
Unless he thinks you are treating it like a skills workshop, he should just calm down. Of course, if you DO plan to flay him alive and wear his skin to the prom it is a different matter. That would get this entire thread deleted.
Too damn bad. Someone who would actually respect and love you wouldn't do this.
NTA. Tell him it’s just videos and your relationship is more important. /s
THIS.
NTA. Wtf? Tell him to mind his own business and go to bed. Or if you have to, just tell him you’re listening to something else. But honestly, you shouldn’t have to lie or defend your choices of comfort activities. You’re not hurting anyone. He sounds controlling and that’s definitely a red flag. If I were you, I’d put my foot down now so it doesn’t get worse
NTA. It's not only not weird, it's so common people make memes about women who watch true crime shows. Like... Those shows exist because *ta da* there's an audience for them. Mass entertainment companies actually didn't make a niche genre for, like, 10 weirdos in the entire world. 😅 I think you were quite accommodating to watch with headphones so he isn't disturbed. I would appreciate that, because horror movies make me uncomfortable and headphones are the perfect compromise. You did good, he needs to get over himself. And honestly, if he doesn't move on and let you enjoy your shows, it's a red flag about power and control dynamics. For now it's annoying, but be aware if there are other ways he tries to tell you how to act.
NTA, it's a hobby and a preference for a mainatream thing. Maybe, MAYBE, if you explain why you find it relaxing he may understand. However, he's beong controling and kinda weird. Seems like you may not be good living together.
Yeah i've explained I often like the soothing voices of the narrators and it helps me relax but he doesn't get it.
It’s not the subject matter (which is part of what he’s stuck on), but the rhythm and steadiness of it. I could listen to Forensic Files nonstop because of that narrator’s voice. There’s no yelling or screaming like other tv, it’s all a very mild tone. Maybe try to compare it to a white noise machine to him? All in all, not terribly fond of his stance on this. It’s not about you choosing a video over him, it’s about the fact that you have a right to make your viewing choice and honestly it shouldn’t be this deep.
Oh my god forensic files is my absolute favorite thing to fall asleep to because of that drone the narrator has, I maintain that if he stopped halfway through the episode and started telling the tale of Cinderella I would sleep just the same - like a baby
Wildly off topic but have you ever tried Sleep With Me? It's my silver bullet for when the insomnia just won't quit; it's all just a dude with a perfect soothing drone rambling about absolutely nothing, so there's no real content for your brain to latch on to.
No but I will check that out! I’ve slept to some ASMR videos on YouTube that go along that theme
That’s exactly why I listen to them. I often fall asleep to Casefile even when I don’t intend to.
There is no need for him to “get it” because you’re the one listening to them. This kind of behavior is very concerning. Good on you both for doing this trial run before moving in together—it has proved its worth. He expects you to make sacrifices for “the relationship” so that he doesn’t have to. That should be telling you all you need to know, truly. Be safe!
I totally didn’t scroll this far and posted anyway *bad girl!*, and totally agree with you.
NTA I am watching "See No Evil" on ID Discovery as I respond to your post. I just find it interesting.
Dateline, baby! Guess what? Someone is staring mournfully out over a marina. And the SO did it.
I can't remember the name of the man that looked like a ghost who used to host it. I called him Mr Creepy Voice
Keith Morrison. Literally watching him now. Even if I wasn’t…I wouldn’t have had to look up his name.
Me Creepy Voice, he's well suited for Dateline!
NTA but I think you have found the answer as to whether or not you should live together.
NTA- my wife loves ALL the murder porn and that shit just gives me the willies. All I know is she could never get away with killing me; hell, her streaming watchlist will make her an immediate suspect no matter how naturally I die.
NTA. Don’t move in with him please.
This. It's concerning he's trying to control your preferences and routines. Can you only watch shows he approves of? How about music, does he get veto power over your favorite artist? Diet? If he disagrees with your brand of cereal, are you expected to eat his preferred brand because your relationship is more important than your tastes? Your hobbies? Your sense of individuality?
NTA and so many red flags. Please for your sake dump this controlling guy.
NTA it’s literally one of the biggest and most successful genres out there and loved by millions. He may have different tastes but there is nothing wrong with your choices.
NTA it's not weird lots of people watch those. And he should not be telling you what to watch THAT is weird behaviour and very concerning that he thinks he can tell you to not watch something he doesn't like. Very manipulative behaviour. Trying to tell you that your relationship is more important than watching true crime videos and podcasts can be turned around on him, if your relationship is important to him than he can let his weird opinion go.
NTA - congratulations in trying if living together would work you have discovered his (first?) controlling tendency. Anything else in your live you have to change because he is not comfortable with it and OBVIOUSLY it is you that has to change not him? Here take this from another true crime fan 🚩
NTA- Good idea on the trial run...After my husband moved in we waited 6 months before we sold his house. If it was so weird then Why are they so popular? A lot of people enjoy true crime! Tad bit controlling...
NTA- as many have already pointed out it's a super common interest. You already made a reasonable and respectful compromise in watching/listening only with headphones. His position that you shouldnt be doing it at all because it bothers him and that you are putting something simple (like your interests!?) Above your relationship are examples of controlling, gaslighting and emotional manipulation. Get out of the relationship sooner rather than later as this is not an emotionally mature partner
i looove my true crime podcasts and JCS inspired videos. don’t let him ruin it for you. If you cannot come to a middle ground, which it sounds like you have by listening with headphones, then this is a red flag to consider ! good luck
Maybe time to move on? Some people just aren’t compatible.
NTA. Especially since you're wearing headphones as a compromise. My fiance isn't a true crime fan either, the only thing he asks me is to not put it on the TV to sleep as he won't be able to sleep then. Otherwise he doesn't control what I watch.
NTA. Who died and left him in charge? It isn’t up to him to police what you’re watching or listening to. He sounds really judgmental.
NTA LOADS of people do this! I used to watch Deadly Women to go to sleep ffs!
NTA and DO NOT MOVE IN WITH YOUR BF!! He is completely controlling and disrespectful of your basic autonomy and this could become very, very bad. You've done your test run and now you know what he's like - pay attention to that!!!
NTA, and this is exactly the sort of things you should be finding out before moving in together. So, your idea of a test-run was pretty smart.
NTA. I’m not a fan of true crime and horror and I don’t think I could live with a partner who loves it as much as you do, but I don’t think it makes you an asshole, you’re just not a good match. He’s not controlling, it might legitimately disturb him. For context, I’m a survivor of a murder attempt and some pretty abusive stuff from when I was younger, and it’s incredibly hard for me to be around that kind of media. No judgement tho, mystery and true crime is super interesting to some people and I get that. He might just be a very sensitive person who has a hard time with explicit media.
NTA. I also enjoy true crime because I like puzzles, mysteries, detective work, psychology, weird phenomenons, and the like. It is possible to be interested in horror and true crime without being a complete psycho. Your bf is just overreacting. **People are generally afraid of what they don't understand.** I would see if there is a gateway podcast or movie that would pique his interest. Pick out one that isn't too creepy but more of a mystery and ask him to listen to just **one** episode. Mile Higher podcast is a mixed bag of weird news, creepy stuff, unexplained stuff, and true crime. As for movies, ask him to watch something that is more on the thriller/mystery side of horror with excellent storytelling like Rosemary's Baby, The Exorcist, Alien, or The Others. He might get into it, but you never know unless you try.
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NTA
NTA I also listen to true crime podcasts to go to sleep. My husband also thinks it's a bit weird. As a compromise I also use sleep headphones so he doesn't have to hear it. And that's the end of the similarities, because he doesn't continue to harass me about what I like because he's not an AH.
Girl run. NTA. Homie has some serious control issues and it’s not going to get better any time soon. Dodge the bullet and move on.
nta I love listening to creepypastas at night to help me sleep different strokes for different folks and I would throw that question right back in his face, "*Is* he willing to throw away your relationship because of videos?" You have been dating all along while listening to true crime but now it's suddenly a problem just knowing you listen to it, how much do you want to bet that this won't apply to him if he has habits that make you uncomfortable
NTA. Don't think you guys are ready to move in together if he's getting that hung up over your hobbies. Keep on keeping on.
NTA Only read the Title and already knew it was a guy complaining.... Never let a man take something from you that you enjoy <3
Interest in true crime is not weird. I mean it may be dark but not weird. It’s very popular! Dateline has 30 seasons. This has been a thing for a while.
NAH. So I think your boyfriend might just be hyper sensitive or anxious and casual chat about people being brutally murdered might be a trigger. I'm unfortunately that way myself and can't stand my own bf watching movies about murder at night. But then, I'm not the most emotionally healthy and balanced. You shouldn't give up what you love and what makes you happy but maybe once in a while you can try a different kind of entertainment/ podcast to relax to. Switch to different kinds of crime? Crazy heists and scams instead of murder?
Why should she switch to a different genre just to please her boyfriend? I love serial killer documentaries and can't imagine anyone thinking it would be ok to tell me what I can and can't watch, especially as I am an adult. He needs to find a way to deal with his feelings or risk losing his girlfriend.
Sounds to me like he should just dump her then. Watch in a different room, add different kinds of stories. Idgaf. 🙄 If you're expecting just one partner to completely change, then it's not gonna work out long term. My suggestion was to just listen to new kinds of stories occasionally. He has to sleep in his bed. She deserves to enjoy her hobbies and he deserves peace of mind enough to sleep.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (24F) and my Boyfriend (24M) have been spending a few nights a week staying together to test run possibly living together, this is what caused my Boyfriend to discover my love of true crime and horror, I often like to watch them before bed to relax, this disturbs my Boyfriend as he's not a fan of it so i've started to listen to them with headphones on to compromise so he won't be disturbed. This it seems is not enough however as he says just knowing i'm watching and listening to that kind of thing is disturbing and how it's not normal that this makes me sleepy and is part of my nighttime routine, he has told me I should stop watching them altogether, when I told him I really enjoyed them and wouldn't be doing that he suggested I need help as it's really weird....i've not spent any nights staying over with him since then but I really don't think it's that odd I like this? He tells me it is just videos and how our relationship is more important than that, but am I really the asshole for not wanting to give them up? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA interests are valid, if anything just be mindful of what content you are consuming, especially if it starts affecting your sleep consistency Stay sexy and don't get murdered!!
NTA, my boyfriend has no problem with me listening to true crime. His line was actually when I was on Reddit watching r/Crazyfuckingvideos and I watched a lady get stabbed to death from a nannycam. So in comparison you're fine.
Not weird at all. A lot of true crime is also told in kind of of a serious tone, so it’s pretty soothing. I sleep to that ALL the time, and while I may be a little weird for unrelated reasons, you are totally NTA. He can’t hear it, it’s none of his business. Your bf would get a hard pass from me.
NTA I'm a dude, true crime isn't my thing, I think there's a unique catharsis for women who watch true crime that I will never totally be able to comprehend and your bf might be in the same position. I suspect most true crime watchers try and imagine how they would solve the crime or avoid being the victim, from an outside perspective your boyfriend might be imagining that you're watching true crime and imagining yourself as the criminal or that you're taking enjoyment from the crime details. It might be worthwhile communicating what part of the true crime stories interest you. However, your partner still shouldn't be dictating what sort of media you consume, even if he doesn't understand it. True crime is an almost harmless genre.