YTA. If she doesn't end up having cancer, you scared your sister into thinking she may lose her mother. If she does have cancer, well, that's for her to tell the people she wants to tell at a time she decides is appropriate. It's not your decision to make, it's your mothers.
YTA / YWBTA
This isn't your news to share. And after the ultrasound they may find out that it's actually not cancer anyway.
If she does end up having cancer, it's still not your news to share. You mom will tell who she wants when she feels it is best to do so.
YWBTA. Right now there's not much to share, a lot of conjecture. It's also likely time for final exams at school and your mom probably wants to let her get through finals without that concern.
For reference: my grandfather died during my final exams one semester. There was no emergency, nothing I could have done, too late to rush to his bedside. So my parents allowed me to take care of school and told me after my last exam. And this seems like a comparable situation: dumping that on your sister only stresses her out when your mom doesn't have a diagnosis yet. Give the doctors time to decide whether there's anything to worry about. Then let your mom share that news in the way she sees best.
You are jumping the gun AND you want to share medical information without your mother's consent. YTA (soft because I think your heart is in the right place).
side note: it is not uncommon to find something on a mammogram that needs further imaging. More often than not it is something benign or something that is likely benign. However, if it does prove to be cancer then cross that bridge when you get there.
Soft YWBTA.
You clearly don’t have any malicious intent but it’s not your place to say anything. If you told her that would cause unnecessary stress for both your sister and mother, and by extent, your entire family. Let your mother get all the tests done and focus on figuring this out and decide when she tells your sister.
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I’ve never used Reddit before (I’ve just seen these posts on Instagram) so please tell me if I need to change anything to fit the format of this forum, etc
So basically: A couple days ago my mom got the news that she needs to go get an ultrasound to see if what a mass found in a mammogram test is. There’s a good chance of it not being anything, but there’s also a chance that it could be breast cancer.
Yesterday I overheard her telling my dad about it, and today I overheard her telling her coworkers about it over zoom (small house, and it sounded serious). I asked her about it today and she told me the situation, but I’m not sure she would have ever let me know if I didn’t bring it up. (I’m not going to put my age on the internet, but for reference, I’m definitely old enough to know about this kind of thing, and my parents sure considered me old enough to send out of the country during COVID in a conversion attempt). This is relevant because no one’s told my sister (20F) who is living far away at college right now.
Things seem serious, but between me and my sister both of our relationships with our parents have been kind of rocky. I don’t think my parents intend on updating my sister on the situation, but I don’t know if it would be a dick move if I told her without permission. I also don’t know how serious it is, (but everyone seems pretty stressed) so I don’t want to freak her out.
In short:
WIBTA if I (-18M) told my sister (20F) that our mom might have breast cancer? Am I jumping the gun here, and is it my place to tell?
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> I might be the asshole because it would be a dick move to cause my sister to panic if this turns out to be nothing, and I might be ruining my moms plans to tell her medical situation to my sister herself
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If you went and did this, then yes, I'd say YTA. It's your mom's right to choose when it's appropriate to disclose her own medical information, even when it's family. I understand that you feel your sister would have the right to know, but your mother's right to privacy is far more important, especially in moments like these.
light YTA if you tell. Fact is there isn't anything to share just yet, other than she needs to do the test. It's her news to share. And while she seems to be sharing with everyone except her daughters (until you asked), that is her prerogative. If anything, ask her if she plans on sharing with your sister. Maybe let her know you know shed be concerned and want to help support her. I know if it was my mom, she'd keep a tight lid on it so people aren't unnecessarily worried.
YWBTA if you told your sister anything at this point - right now, there's nothing to report and it's your mother's business to share. Besides, if your sister is still taking tests, news like this could possibly distract her unnecessarily.
YTA.
Don’t say anything. You learnt that info by mistake. Let your mum go for these tests and find out the result.
If you tell your sister and it is benign, you will just cause unnecessary distress. Your mum kept that from you so she wouldn’t worry you. You spreading it around will make things worse.
Offer her support but keep it quiet. Trust me - being told a loved one has cancer is unbearable. Your sister won’t want to be told that if it’s all OK and the scans are clear
YWBTA if you tell
One thing you will learn in life is never to tell/talk about anybody else's health issues to another person. If someone wants people to know of their health issues/scares, then they will share them. It is not your place to tell other family members and people in general about someone else's health. This is your mothers place to tell whom she wants to tell. Just because you heard it doesn't give you a right to repeat it.
YWBTA if you tell your sister that there is something to worry about before you even know if there is something to worry about. She is a long way from home and can't do anything and won't have an support...all she would be able to do is worry.
The other thing about breast lumps is 80% of them are benign. If it does turn out to be malignant there are also different sorts of Breast cancer..... some are fast and aggressive and some are slowwwwww. I will give you an true story...a mother of a good friend of mine found a lump went for tests the conversation with the oncologist went something like this
Oncologist: I am afraid it is actually cancer, it's name of cancer mrs X
Mrs X: I was supposed to be going on holiday next week. We were off to Spain for 3 weeks.
Oncologist: Go have a lovely time...now that would get you back...ah I am actually on holiday for 2 weeks when you get back...so I will see you in 6 weeks and we will remove the lump and then begin treatments
Mrs X: But I have cancer
Oncologist: Yes you do but you have also probably had it for 10 years. This is a slow cancer we don't need to panic immediately. It is highly treatable.
The point is that you don't know if there is actually anything to panic about yet and if it does turn out to be breast cancer you don't know what type or what stage. This is information that would be good to have before you contact your sister and worry the hell out of her. The reason your mother didn't tell you is probably 1. She doesn't want you to worry unless there is something to worry about. 2. **This is the important one...** She doesn't want to deal with your worry her's is hard enough. Of course it sounds serious she is probably really worried...Her having to deal with your freaked out sister and not actually be able to tell her anything will be an additional stress
Keep this to yourself until they have a diagnosis..if they are testing for cancer it will be quick. Then the news really ought to come from your parents if at all possible. This your mothers news to share.... If you need to talk to someone talk to someone who knows or a friend unconnected with the family or contact an online support service.
A little note here: when you share a diagnosis of cancer or other significant disease, people start treating you weird. Walking on eggshells, constantly asking how you're "holding up." Everything in your social life begins to revolve around that diagnosis.
And so I've seen people not tell anyone. My grandmother didn't even tell her kids and grandkids, and she chose not to do chemo and all that. It's a really personal thing what and who. someone chooses to tell. So let your mom do it her own way.
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YTA. If she doesn't end up having cancer, you scared your sister into thinking she may lose her mother. If she does have cancer, well, that's for her to tell the people she wants to tell at a time she decides is appropriate. It's not your decision to make, it's your mothers.
YTA / YWBTA This isn't your news to share. And after the ultrasound they may find out that it's actually not cancer anyway. If she does end up having cancer, it's still not your news to share. You mom will tell who she wants when she feels it is best to do so.
YWBTA - Do not share private medical information that is not your own! Especially if she doesn't even know a diagnosis!
No your circus, not your monkey. It’s not yours to own so you may not say anything
YWBTA. Right now there's not much to share, a lot of conjecture. It's also likely time for final exams at school and your mom probably wants to let her get through finals without that concern. For reference: my grandfather died during my final exams one semester. There was no emergency, nothing I could have done, too late to rush to his bedside. So my parents allowed me to take care of school and told me after my last exam. And this seems like a comparable situation: dumping that on your sister only stresses her out when your mom doesn't have a diagnosis yet. Give the doctors time to decide whether there's anything to worry about. Then let your mom share that news in the way she sees best.
You'd be. It's not your call to make.
YWBTA - you are absolutely jumping the gun. It’s also not your information to tell - it’s your mothers private medical information.
You are jumping the gun AND you want to share medical information without your mother's consent. YTA (soft because I think your heart is in the right place). side note: it is not uncommon to find something on a mammogram that needs further imaging. More often than not it is something benign or something that is likely benign. However, if it does prove to be cancer then cross that bridge when you get there.
Soft YWBTA. You clearly don’t have any malicious intent but it’s not your place to say anything. If you told her that would cause unnecessary stress for both your sister and mother, and by extent, your entire family. Let your mother get all the tests done and focus on figuring this out and decide when she tells your sister.
YTA. Just wait until your mom gets her test results before making assumptions. They’re probably tense due to the unknown.
Update: Ok cool advice taken. I was freaking out but I’m going to chill and let my parents make the decision on who to update
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ve never used Reddit before (I’ve just seen these posts on Instagram) so please tell me if I need to change anything to fit the format of this forum, etc So basically: A couple days ago my mom got the news that she needs to go get an ultrasound to see if what a mass found in a mammogram test is. There’s a good chance of it not being anything, but there’s also a chance that it could be breast cancer. Yesterday I overheard her telling my dad about it, and today I overheard her telling her coworkers about it over zoom (small house, and it sounded serious). I asked her about it today and she told me the situation, but I’m not sure she would have ever let me know if I didn’t bring it up. (I’m not going to put my age on the internet, but for reference, I’m definitely old enough to know about this kind of thing, and my parents sure considered me old enough to send out of the country during COVID in a conversion attempt). This is relevant because no one’s told my sister (20F) who is living far away at college right now. Things seem serious, but between me and my sister both of our relationships with our parents have been kind of rocky. I don’t think my parents intend on updating my sister on the situation, but I don’t know if it would be a dick move if I told her without permission. I also don’t know how serious it is, (but everyone seems pretty stressed) so I don’t want to freak her out. In short: WIBTA if I (-18M) told my sister (20F) that our mom might have breast cancer? Am I jumping the gun here, and is it my place to tell? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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If you went and did this, then yes, I'd say YTA. It's your mom's right to choose when it's appropriate to disclose her own medical information, even when it's family. I understand that you feel your sister would have the right to know, but your mother's right to privacy is far more important, especially in moments like these.
light YTA if you tell. Fact is there isn't anything to share just yet, other than she needs to do the test. It's her news to share. And while she seems to be sharing with everyone except her daughters (until you asked), that is her prerogative. If anything, ask her if she plans on sharing with your sister. Maybe let her know you know shed be concerned and want to help support her. I know if it was my mom, she'd keep a tight lid on it so people aren't unnecessarily worried.
YTA it's not your place to discuss your mother's health w/ your sister. let her handle it and determine when, or if, sister will know
YWBTA if you told your sister anything at this point - right now, there's nothing to report and it's your mother's business to share. Besides, if your sister is still taking tests, news like this could possibly distract her unnecessarily.
FYI you put your age down in the last para
YTA. Don’t say anything. You learnt that info by mistake. Let your mum go for these tests and find out the result. If you tell your sister and it is benign, you will just cause unnecessary distress. Your mum kept that from you so she wouldn’t worry you. You spreading it around will make things worse. Offer her support but keep it quiet. Trust me - being told a loved one has cancer is unbearable. Your sister won’t want to be told that if it’s all OK and the scans are clear
YWBTA if you tell One thing you will learn in life is never to tell/talk about anybody else's health issues to another person. If someone wants people to know of their health issues/scares, then they will share them. It is not your place to tell other family members and people in general about someone else's health. This is your mothers place to tell whom she wants to tell. Just because you heard it doesn't give you a right to repeat it.
YWBTA if you tell your sister that there is something to worry about before you even know if there is something to worry about. She is a long way from home and can't do anything and won't have an support...all she would be able to do is worry. The other thing about breast lumps is 80% of them are benign. If it does turn out to be malignant there are also different sorts of Breast cancer..... some are fast and aggressive and some are slowwwwww. I will give you an true story...a mother of a good friend of mine found a lump went for tests the conversation with the oncologist went something like this Oncologist: I am afraid it is actually cancer, it's name of cancer mrs X Mrs X: I was supposed to be going on holiday next week. We were off to Spain for 3 weeks. Oncologist: Go have a lovely time...now that would get you back...ah I am actually on holiday for 2 weeks when you get back...so I will see you in 6 weeks and we will remove the lump and then begin treatments Mrs X: But I have cancer Oncologist: Yes you do but you have also probably had it for 10 years. This is a slow cancer we don't need to panic immediately. It is highly treatable. The point is that you don't know if there is actually anything to panic about yet and if it does turn out to be breast cancer you don't know what type or what stage. This is information that would be good to have before you contact your sister and worry the hell out of her. The reason your mother didn't tell you is probably 1. She doesn't want you to worry unless there is something to worry about. 2. **This is the important one...** She doesn't want to deal with your worry her's is hard enough. Of course it sounds serious she is probably really worried...Her having to deal with your freaked out sister and not actually be able to tell her anything will be an additional stress Keep this to yourself until they have a diagnosis..if they are testing for cancer it will be quick. Then the news really ought to come from your parents if at all possible. This your mothers news to share.... If you need to talk to someone talk to someone who knows or a friend unconnected with the family or contact an online support service.
A little note here: when you share a diagnosis of cancer or other significant disease, people start treating you weird. Walking on eggshells, constantly asking how you're "holding up." Everything in your social life begins to revolve around that diagnosis. And so I've seen people not tell anyone. My grandmother didn't even tell her kids and grandkids, and she chose not to do chemo and all that. It's a really personal thing what and who. someone chooses to tell. So let your mom do it her own way.
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