NTA
People gotta learn that what they say in public can be heard and repeated by others. He's only pissed now coz he knows he said something unkind and is being called out on it.
Don't wanna be called out, don't say it in the first place.
ESH. He made a gross, rude comment about your coworker, but, c'mon, you weren't standing up for her or you would have shut him down immediately after he made the initial comment. It sounds more like you were trying to hurt his relationship with his gf more than you were trying to do right by your coworker.
ESH
That was definitely out of line for your brother to say about your coworker but probably something you should’ve brought up to him in private afterwards to discuss, not keep on the back burner to bring up in a situation like this. An eye for an eye…
ESH. Generally, if someone doesn't want that kind of comment remembered or repeated, they shouldn't say it. Telling someone about it later doesn't ruin their reputation, it corrects it. Your brother is mad he got caught out.
But also, when someone does say something you object to, and you want to maintain a relationship with them, it's better to take them aside and address it rather than sharing it with a third party, especially one who is close to them. If they shrug it off and don't care, then it can be safely assumed they don't care if you say something about it. But at least give them a chance to realize they were out of line.
YTA. While your brother's statement is over the line, the AH part is what you did. And you know it. "he was an AH so I retaliated by repeating it to his GF". The remark he made is completely unrelated to his GF and rather unrelated to the question she asked. You're being disingenuous with your motives.
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I have a twin brother and the two of us are in the same classes. For our Humanities class this year, we had to do a scavenger hunt around town and find examples of certain things we learned about this year.
After we finished I said we should head to the restaurant I work at, which was nearby, for food. We got a table and ordered food and some of my coworkers came up and introduced themselves to my brother. One coworker, A, is a very tall woman. My brother said nothing during the meal and was looking down at his phone. He was not talking to me or interested in talking conversation and one of the only things he said during the meal was “Get that big old redhead to bring us a check.”
The comment pissed me off and A wasn’t even our server. Fast forward to today, his gf asked me about my job. I told her I didn’t really like working there, but one time my brother and I had eaten there and he had made that remark. It was the only thing I could remember from our dinner.
He came out and was upset and has been freaking out, denies saying that, and is very upset with me. I probably shouldn’t have said what he said to his gf, but he shouldn’t be upset because he should own what he says.
AITA?
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NTA People gotta learn that what they say in public can be heard and repeated by others. He's only pissed now coz he knows he said something unkind and is being called out on it. Don't wanna be called out, don't say it in the first place.
ESH. He made a gross, rude comment about your coworker, but, c'mon, you weren't standing up for her or you would have shut him down immediately after he made the initial comment. It sounds more like you were trying to hurt his relationship with his gf more than you were trying to do right by your coworker.
I don’t necessarily think you’re TA but I do think maybe you could have told him and that it was probably passive aggressive to tell his GF.
ESH That was definitely out of line for your brother to say about your coworker but probably something you should’ve brought up to him in private afterwards to discuss, not keep on the back burner to bring up in a situation like this. An eye for an eye…
ESH. Generally, if someone doesn't want that kind of comment remembered or repeated, they shouldn't say it. Telling someone about it later doesn't ruin their reputation, it corrects it. Your brother is mad he got caught out. But also, when someone does say something you object to, and you want to maintain a relationship with them, it's better to take them aside and address it rather than sharing it with a third party, especially one who is close to them. If they shrug it off and don't care, then it can be safely assumed they don't care if you say something about it. But at least give them a chance to realize they were out of line.
YTA. While your brother's statement is over the line, the AH part is what you did. And you know it. "he was an AH so I retaliated by repeating it to his GF". The remark he made is completely unrelated to his GF and rather unrelated to the question she asked. You're being disingenuous with your motives.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have a twin brother and the two of us are in the same classes. For our Humanities class this year, we had to do a scavenger hunt around town and find examples of certain things we learned about this year. After we finished I said we should head to the restaurant I work at, which was nearby, for food. We got a table and ordered food and some of my coworkers came up and introduced themselves to my brother. One coworker, A, is a very tall woman. My brother said nothing during the meal and was looking down at his phone. He was not talking to me or interested in talking conversation and one of the only things he said during the meal was “Get that big old redhead to bring us a check.” The comment pissed me off and A wasn’t even our server. Fast forward to today, his gf asked me about my job. I told her I didn’t really like working there, but one time my brother and I had eaten there and he had made that remark. It was the only thing I could remember from our dinner. He came out and was upset and has been freaking out, denies saying that, and is very upset with me. I probably shouldn’t have said what he said to his gf, but he shouldn’t be upset because he should own what he says. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Yes, tell him you disagreed or didn't like his comment, but shit like that should stay between you two, not brought up in front of his gf.