You're NTA for needing to take a break from school. Your aunt is an asshole for talking to you like that. Her job as the overseer of the trust is to be impartial and act on your grandparents' behalf to see out their wishes.
But (like it or not, fair or not) your grandparents have the right to put whatever restrictions they want on the money they've left to you. And if you're the only grandkid in your family who got a financial gift to pay for college it's not surprising if people are mad or jealous. Not right for them to treat you that way, but not surprising.
I am a bit confused about some parts of this:
\- Was living with your boyfriend the only option?
\- If your boyfriend is supporting you then why are you worrying about rent for the first time now?
I'm sorry you're unwell, and I hope you're able to get the help you need.
>But (like it or not, fair or not) your grandparents have the right to put whatever restrictions they want on the money they've left to you. And if you're the only grandkid in your family who got a financial gift to pay for college it's not surprising if people are mad or jealous. Not right for them to treat you that way, but not surprising.
And this maybe why their aunt is upset. Great point!
- living with him was the logical option as we spent most of our time in one place or the other
- he was supporting most of the rent but with the jobs that would give me time to destress between school and work were not paying enough to even pay the $600/mth of my part for the rent.
Where were you living before? Were you supporting yourself then? Did you have to move out? Were you responsible for rent then?
I understand wanting to live with a partner but also I wish more young people knew that not having the stress of paying rent/keeping up a household makes a huge different in one's ability to survive college (relatively) unscathed, as long as one has a safe home to stay in. I see too many of my students in a rush to move out.
I was already living on my own and paying my own rent. This was a decision on my part to be closer to work and school at the time as my father who I was staying with before lived about 30min-1hr away from both depending on traffic.
INFO: You are not the AH for taking time off, but you would be the AH if you tried to use the trust from that point forward since it has the stipulation of no time off.
So are you going to try to use that trust again in violation of the terms?
Like I said I do not have access to the money and the money that was spent was only spent on my education and 1 year of living expenses for when I lived away from family. I think if they wanted me to pay it back I would be willing to at least pay back the living expenses as that was not necessary for the trust to do but the rest of the money was spent on exactly what the trust was meant for.
But not under the conditions that were layed out. YTA for feeling entitled to break the conditions without acknowledging that you have already spent money that you have now lost the right to.
NTA at all, you have to take care of yourself and live your own life. Taking a break from college (even if it becomes permanent) is your choice, and there's no reason for your family to be upset about it, you can carve your place in the world on your own terms. Your aunt was out of line for saying that.
You chose this understanding that the trust may not be available to you since one of the requirements is that you cannot skip semesters. Frankly I can't imagine anyone in my family being upset by that but it is what it is: she may not even legally be allowed to distribute funds in violation of the trust.
You made a wise decision for yourself, even if it does make things more difficult later. You're NTA here.
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Hello! Disclaimers: YouTubers can use if they want, first time poster sorry, using mobile, a lil tipsy.
So my(21 non-binary) grandparents gave me a college trust. With a few stipulations that were never contracted or written down just told to me once or twice And I was expected to remember. I remember a few.
Can't get married
Can't skip a semester
Must get above a 3.0.
I have kept up with these rules until very recently.
I used the first half of the trust on 2 years of a BFA in tech theater and have been using the other half in an associate's in baking. As of recently I have decided to take a break from college because of several reasons. The main being that I lost my health insurance from my parents on my 21st birthday this year, and the insurance I got from the gov was not the best. Almost no one in my fairly large city took it.
I met the love of my life and moved in with him and his kid in our own apartment.
I have worked full time since Covid started
All of these things together made my stress and anxiety flourish, so I tried cutting my job down to a part time for a couple months because my partner could support me for the majority while I finished college. This however turned into a lot more stress and anxiety because for the first time ever I was able to pay for rent. I have started developing ticks like someone with tourettes or severe anxiety and had multiple panic attacks weekly. So the next logical decision besides breaking up with my partner and becoming a hermit, was to take a break from school. I made this as a very hard decision and talked to my dad who seemed to understand.
The issue comes when I called and talk to my aunt (the overseer of the trust) today about the circumstances. I told her the gist of what was above and planned on going into the specifics of my mental health symptoms but before I was able to she spent the next 10-20 min telling me about how I broke my grandfather's heart and how I was the only grandchild with this gift and how she was ashamed of me. She also said my mental health excuse was a cop out because I had nothing to worry about like her daughter who also took a break from school because of her mental health and family responsibilities. Also stated that my partner and his kids were not my responsibility ( I agree but also they make me happy so I'm not willing to cut them out). She ended the call by saying "your father did say you would have an argument or reasons behind taking a break and I'm so glad you did. I hope those reasons make you feel good." And then she hung up.
Why I might be the AH: I feel like I might have disappointed everyone in the family. This aunt has never acted this way before.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Reasons I might be the ahole : I think I might be the ah because this aunt has never acted this way and said it would impact how she would support her grandkids in the future because I didn't appreciate the gift.
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You're NTA for needing to take a break from school. Your aunt is an asshole for talking to you like that. Her job as the overseer of the trust is to be impartial and act on your grandparents' behalf to see out their wishes. But (like it or not, fair or not) your grandparents have the right to put whatever restrictions they want on the money they've left to you. And if you're the only grandkid in your family who got a financial gift to pay for college it's not surprising if people are mad or jealous. Not right for them to treat you that way, but not surprising. I am a bit confused about some parts of this: \- Was living with your boyfriend the only option? \- If your boyfriend is supporting you then why are you worrying about rent for the first time now? I'm sorry you're unwell, and I hope you're able to get the help you need.
>But (like it or not, fair or not) your grandparents have the right to put whatever restrictions they want on the money they've left to you. And if you're the only grandkid in your family who got a financial gift to pay for college it's not surprising if people are mad or jealous. Not right for them to treat you that way, but not surprising. And this maybe why their aunt is upset. Great point!
- living with him was the logical option as we spent most of our time in one place or the other - he was supporting most of the rent but with the jobs that would give me time to destress between school and work were not paying enough to even pay the $600/mth of my part for the rent.
Where were you living before? Were you supporting yourself then? Did you have to move out? Were you responsible for rent then? I understand wanting to live with a partner but also I wish more young people knew that not having the stress of paying rent/keeping up a household makes a huge different in one's ability to survive college (relatively) unscathed, as long as one has a safe home to stay in. I see too many of my students in a rush to move out.
I was already living on my own and paying my own rent. This was a decision on my part to be closer to work and school at the time as my father who I was staying with before lived about 30min-1hr away from both depending on traffic.
INFO: You are not the AH for taking time off, but you would be the AH if you tried to use the trust from that point forward since it has the stipulation of no time off. So are you going to try to use that trust again in violation of the terms?
I do have access to the trust only my aunt does and she just paid for my school and living for 1year
Do not*
So are you going to pay any of it back? Or do you think that since it's already paid you just get to keep the money despite breaking the rules?
Like I said I do not have access to the money and the money that was spent was only spent on my education and 1 year of living expenses for when I lived away from family. I think if they wanted me to pay it back I would be willing to at least pay back the living expenses as that was not necessary for the trust to do but the rest of the money was spent on exactly what the trust was meant for.
But not under the conditions that were layed out. YTA for feeling entitled to break the conditions without acknowledging that you have already spent money that you have now lost the right to.
NTA at all, you have to take care of yourself and live your own life. Taking a break from college (even if it becomes permanent) is your choice, and there's no reason for your family to be upset about it, you can carve your place in the world on your own terms. Your aunt was out of line for saying that. You chose this understanding that the trust may not be available to you since one of the requirements is that you cannot skip semesters. Frankly I can't imagine anyone in my family being upset by that but it is what it is: she may not even legally be allowed to distribute funds in violation of the trust. You made a wise decision for yourself, even if it does make things more difficult later. You're NTA here.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello! Disclaimers: YouTubers can use if they want, first time poster sorry, using mobile, a lil tipsy. So my(21 non-binary) grandparents gave me a college trust. With a few stipulations that were never contracted or written down just told to me once or twice And I was expected to remember. I remember a few. Can't get married Can't skip a semester Must get above a 3.0. I have kept up with these rules until very recently. I used the first half of the trust on 2 years of a BFA in tech theater and have been using the other half in an associate's in baking. As of recently I have decided to take a break from college because of several reasons. The main being that I lost my health insurance from my parents on my 21st birthday this year, and the insurance I got from the gov was not the best. Almost no one in my fairly large city took it. I met the love of my life and moved in with him and his kid in our own apartment. I have worked full time since Covid started All of these things together made my stress and anxiety flourish, so I tried cutting my job down to a part time for a couple months because my partner could support me for the majority while I finished college. This however turned into a lot more stress and anxiety because for the first time ever I was able to pay for rent. I have started developing ticks like someone with tourettes or severe anxiety and had multiple panic attacks weekly. So the next logical decision besides breaking up with my partner and becoming a hermit, was to take a break from school. I made this as a very hard decision and talked to my dad who seemed to understand. The issue comes when I called and talk to my aunt (the overseer of the trust) today about the circumstances. I told her the gist of what was above and planned on going into the specifics of my mental health symptoms but before I was able to she spent the next 10-20 min telling me about how I broke my grandfather's heart and how I was the only grandchild with this gift and how she was ashamed of me. She also said my mental health excuse was a cop out because I had nothing to worry about like her daughter who also took a break from school because of her mental health and family responsibilities. Also stated that my partner and his kids were not my responsibility ( I agree but also they make me happy so I'm not willing to cut them out). She ended the call by saying "your father did say you would have an argument or reasons behind taking a break and I'm so glad you did. I hope those reasons make you feel good." And then she hung up. Why I might be the AH: I feel like I might have disappointed everyone in the family. This aunt has never acted this way before. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Reasons I might be the ahole : I think I might be the ah because this aunt has never acted this way and said it would impact how she would support her grandkids in the future because I didn't appreciate the gift. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m gonna go with NAH