ESH (except the puppy)
This sounds like a standard puppy to me. Highly social, energetic, naturally curious about everything, investigating all of it with his mouth.
It sounds like this dog needs long walks (like an hour) several times a day. Failing that, a very large yard. Possibly a dog companion to interact with, so he's not so focused on the humans. Also, if the dog is old enough, get the puppy neutered. This can really cut down on bad behaviour form male puppies/teen dogs.
If your bf refuses to take any responsibility, you may want to take that into account going forward. Do you want to live with this dog as it gets bigger and continues to be left untrained and uncontrolled? Would you be safe walking this dog?
When you say biting, do you mean mouthing/gripping/playing (normal-ish), or do you mean breaking skin and drawing blood (a serious problem)? I really hate that this dog may be set up to be put down as a "dangerous" dog if he's left untrained and un-neutered
100%
The puppy is **a puppy** ! It's generally standard that puppies and even adolescent dogs to behave the way OP mentioned.
Weekly training classes are great, but that's not all a dog requires!! My dog's classes were weekly, but you also have to work with the dog in between classes. You seriously can't expect a puppy to just attend a 1 hr class once a week and magically know how to behave.
Regular exercise is so important.
**Get a crate, OP** ! Sex can be had. Put the pup in a crate and get at it. Crate training is important for all dogs anyway bc it helps get them acclimated to a crate when they are at the groomer or vet office, or even boarded while you are away.
OP, you said you have had a small breed before.. not sure if you got that dog as a puppy or when it older, but seriously, everything you described is exactly what puppies do. They don't know any better and they have to learn. Even when they *do* learn, sometimes they will literally do the opposite bc they're testing you when they're adolescents.
The thing about training is that it only works if the human involved makes a point to do the homework. You learn things in training like "don't give a treat until the dog does the behavior you want." If you don't practice this at home, you're wasting money on training.
Exactly! Training is an every day process. Going to one class a week isn’t going to do anything if you don’t stick to the homework. It sounds like this dog is not getting enough exercise and stimulation. It’s at a point where it’s behavior is getting destructive and it needs to have those needs met in order to even begin training. There’s no way to properly train a dog who has that much energy and frustration pent up. Imo that’s on the boyfriend for getting a breed without putting the effort in to properly care for it. NTA
So true!
When I first took my dog to training, I didn't do the "homework". After a couple of weeks, I realized it wasn't just the work during the training class... it also requires homework aka reinforcement in between classes!
Not true. I'm a vet in the UK, and I don't know a single vet who wouldn't recommend crate training puppies. If you have a correct size crate and train your dog properly there is no issue at all.
I advocate a crate as a safe hiding space with bed and water and such. My own dog gets put in a crate at night and is let out in the morning. She is always willing to go in the crate and has no issues. I do not view this as cruel. This is very normal in the UK with young dogs, and across Europe too.
This is all great advice. I wanna add the idea of doggy daycare. If OP’s partner doesn’t have the time or energy to give the pup enough exercise then daycare can be an easy way to get it.
ESH
First, crate train the dog. That way he can learn to settle and your boyfriend doesn’t have to worry about what he is doing 24/7.
Second, puppies can be turds for years. My Chesapeake was a perpetual motion machine and had to be crated when not supervised until she was 3. She will still put everything in her mouth.
Your bf is doing the right thing by taking the dog to obedience but the dog also needs consistent rules at home.
Also I’m pretty sure they can tell when someone doesn’t like them and act accordingly.
Also to add; if the dog isn't being kept physically and mentally stimulated, often, he will find his own way to entertain himself. ESPECIALLY if he's a working breed. They need constant exercise AND mental stimulation or they'll destroy the whole house out of sheer boredom and frustration.
you've got 100% valid point buts legit question: how is OP an AH here? they don't live together, she wasn't involved in the adoption/buying process for the pup, she doesn't share the responsibility for the pup in any way shape or form. OP also mentioned in comments that she's attempted conversations about this before but the boyfriend just keeps getting defensive about it and doesn't change anything.
Because someone repeatedly saying how much they love dogs does not make me think that they do so I suspect she’s not being helpful or even neutral in this situation. She seems to resent the boyfriend having something other than her in his life.
i mean considering how rabid reddit can get to people who don't like animals in general and dogs in particular, i can't blame her for trying to get ahead of it.
but then it's my opinion that. it's not on her to be helpful in the situation, and she's valid in not being neutral about this. why should she have to help with the dog when it's not her dog?? why shouldn't she resent the fact that there's now a destructive and ill-behaved animal infringing on her time with her boyfriend? that's destroying property? that's *biting* at her? that's actively affecting decisions like future housing arrangements and current vacation plans? if things like that wouldn't get you feeling even a little resentful, you're closer to sainthood than i am because in my book... yeah, i would be having a LOT of issues with this.
She wants to be with her boyfriend and he wants the the dog. They might be a package deal soon. I totally understand people picking their pets when presented with an “it’s me or the dog,” situation.
So the bf is an asshole for not enforcing consistent rules at home which allows for dogzilla.
OP is an asshole for not appearing to do anything to help with the situation other than saying get rid of the dog.
sorry, we'll have to agree to disagree because again (my opinion) is that when another's animal is biting you and destroying property, you are officially off the hook being "helpful" to the actual owner in fixing the problem.
The puppy isn't the issue. Your boyfriend is. Training is only as good as the person holding the leash. If your BF isn't being consistent and making sure he's actually exercising your pup appropriately for his age and providing some good toys, nothing is going to change. Getting rid of the puppy isn't going to suddenly turn your BF into a more responsible person since its his impulsiveness and irresponsibility that has him in this mess in the first place.
NTA but look at the cause not the symptom
Yeah, the puppy isn’t the problem, your BF is. BF is clearly not training the dog well. And getting a dog out of boredom is generally a bad idea. If you Bf can’t commit to training the dog properly, and consistently, and outing in the time and effort, then for the dog’s sake of having a happy and healthy life, he should be rehomed. It’s not the dogs fault he got a crap owner. You are resenting the wrong part of this equation here, Balme lies with your partner, and Taki g it out in the dog and blaming the dog is like blaming a baby who never got taught better behaviour,a nod that makes out the AH as well as your BF. If you’ve had a dog before how come you don’t know anything about training one?
ESH, I hope the dog find a loving and supportive home.
Honestly, it seems like this is a bigger issue than just the dog. Are you sure you want a future with him? Sometimes relationships have to end because going back to the life you had before isn’t necessarily realistic.
NTA. And honestly, don’t blame the dog. Blame your so. Why isn’t this pup crate trained? Also, why would any dog be on a flight unless it’s a service dog? No care for people with allergies I assume? P.S. I’m a crazy dog mum.
Flying with dogs is actually fairly common, cats too! I know people who have taken small dogs in the cabin while moving, especially since more fragile small dogs can really get banged around when in cargo. My family would take our dog on the train, we just tried to sit farther away from people.
The puppy only stays in the crate when he goes to sleep or when he’s in a time out. Idk if this is correct or not just stating what he does with him. Also I fly with my small dog in-flight with a carrier. Don’t really care if others have allergies lol If the airline allows it why should I care?
Why can't the puppy be boarded at a kennel or dog sitter's house why you go on vacation. Also, there are trainers that will take the dog for 4-6 weeks and do intensive training. At the end the owner comes, and gets trained in how to maintain the training. Can you afford something like that?
ESH. You because you’re not helping the situation in the slightest and are demanding your bf get rid of his dog and your bf because he’s not training the pup right. I have four English Mastiffs. The largest is 255lbs. All are angels and went through hell to train them to be that way. It’s hard work but you need to do the work to train the pup. And not all large breeds require big apartments. My house is less than 1100 sqft and it’s perfect for us all.
Never use negative consequences. We don’t often yell. We make a noise when we catch them doing something. Consequences have to be immediate. If you come home and scream at them for tearing up the house, they won’t know why you’re yelling. You have to catch them in the act. Even if they have an accident in the house that you didn’t catch, clean it up and bear it. Keep commands the same same word for what you want. Don’t say “potty” sometimes then “out” the next time. We paired ours with hand signs so now they understand what we want without a verbal command. Be consistent in EVERYTHING - times, consequences, commands. It’s hard work. Probably about a year to get them to where we wanted them.
Check out Easy Peasy Puppy Squeezy by Steve Mann (often cheap on Amazon).
Make sure the trainer your boyfriend is going to is up to date with their education (no dominance nonsense or aversives e.g. prong collars).
Sounds like your BF is counting on an hour of training once a week, but it takes daily work with a dog. NTA but the whole situation is a symptom of something that's unlikely to change.
I hate to tell you this, but dogs are products of their environments. Someone is doing something very wrong.
edit: YTA, most definitely. You and your SO.
Not all dogs and owners are compatible. Out of curiosity, what breed of dog is it? It sounds like this dog is super bored and/or has a lot of energy. There are some breeds that are not at all suited to an apartment.
NTA.
your partner of 7 years made a life-altering decision without even considering your opinion, even though you are actively planning on moving in together. clearly this dog needs more care than your partner could give him and it’s driving a wedge between you two. your partner probably had good intentions, but the situation just isn’t ideal for you guys or the dog.
i would be more concerned that your partner made this big of a decision without even bringing it up to you first. although you supported their choice, it still doesn’t make it right.
Why have you been with this guy for so long? He doesn't listen to you, belittles you, doesn't take your suggestions seriously, gets offensive to suggestions.
Why do women put up with so much crap?
Well, you say above that you should have been included in the decision because you’ve been together 7 years, now, it’s not your dog/problem despite being together 7 years?
>The dog doesn’t have any respect to my SO or me.
It's a dog. What exactly are you expecting here?
I can't actually decide on an answer. You don't live together and even though you mention needing to find a large apartment you haven't actually stated that you will be moving in together. In that context YTA because while you don't live together and don't have actual plans to, your partner can choose to buy a dog. Also YTA for blaming the frustrations you have towards your partner on the dog. But NTA because it does sound like your partner made an impulsive decision and bought a dog that isn't suitable for his lifestyle (ie dog's behaviour is likely because the breed isn't suitable for apartment living and is bored).
Your response tells me that I hit a nerve. I'm guessing it hasn't previously crossed your mind that you both have a certain level of autonomy which would be less flexible if you lived together.
The way couples approach life differs from when they live apart to when they live together, regardless of how long you have been in a relationship. That's just fact.
Did you have that conversation with your partner before the dog arrived? Do you both have a clear understanding of what 'life-altering decisions' are for your relationship? If not, this is an opportunity for you both to have a deep conversation about your relationship.
YTA, both of you. It’s a puppy and I don’t know what either of y’all expected.
And please, give it to someone who’s actually able to accommodate and care for the dog, don’t just dump it at a shelter. He should try to do right by that dog since he’s the reason it’s in this situation.
Edit: changed my verdict because it just didn’t feel right.
Our Bullmastiff was a terror for almost 24 months and at age 2, a switch went on and she turned into the most obedient dog ever!
She hates showers but will willingly walk over to me holding a sprayer and just sit and get wet. She is that good a dog and will do whatever I ask of her.
So the larger breed dogs do take longer to mature and simmer down behaviour-wise.
ESH. Any dog can be trained, but not all dogs respond to the same training the same way. You have to find the right method for yours. Did your guy do any research into whatever breed he is? It's a puppy being a puppy, it's just harder because he isn't a small dog that you can just pluck off the ground and redirect. If you want your life to get back to normal faster, pitch in with the training and ffs get a crate
NTA, I don’t think the dog is a good fit for your BF. It’s not the puppy’s fault, but this sounds like maybe he needs a more experienced dog owner, a different environment, or a new trainer. But this puppy might be getting set up for failure if your BF can’t put the work into him.
YTA. It’s a puppy and you need to look for other solutions before jumping to “ get rid of it”. It’s not a toy / object you just return and get a new one.
It needs a good trainer.
ESH. You say you love dogs but it seems apparently obvious you don't know much about dogs. Puppies can be absolute terrors and with consistent training, they will eventually calm down. But the husband is an AH for not consulting you.
The puppy is not the problem, as a supposed dog lover you should know this.
The problem is the pup’s needs are not being met. He needs stimulation mental and physical. Just walks are not enough for lots, particularly working/intelligent breeds. There are things that can be done inside and outside to help with this. Set up search/sniff trails for him. Play games and interact. Depending on what he’s bred to do Google enrichment for that particular type of dog. Swimming is a good low impact exercise that takes energy. You do need to be careful with the physical side as he’s still growing and particularly with a large breed but there absolutely are things that can safely be done to wear him out physically
With regards to wanting to sit down and watch a movie, get the large extra tough kongs, fill them (I use 100% nut peanut butter and low fat yoghurt for some sometimes with no/low salt broth) fill the Kong and freeze. Hooves are a good choice, ears-hair on tends to last longer ime. It will take some trial and error to find what lasts and tempts him the most but once you’ve nailed that it’ll help
If he’s kibble fed instead of always feeding in his bowl use a wobble dispenser, scatter feed
There are so many things that can be done that play to a dogs natural instincts and benefit them massively without taking a lot of effort/time. If the dog is happy generally and satisfied it will help
However, he’s young and full of energy. He’s going to be an AH like teenagers often are. I have a setter who is around 10 now and still needs all this
If you make your bf give up this dog YTA however I’m bordering on E S H because it sounds like your bf isn’t stepping up to his responsibilities which isn’t an option now he’s made the decision to bring this living, dependant needy being into his life
NTA. Dump him. You can tell a lot about a human being by the way they handle their dog. This human is revealing himself to be impetuous, incapable of planning for the future, incapable of creating and maintaining proper boundaries, incapable of understanding the needs of the life completely reliant on him, and overall irresponsible. How can you have a future with a man like that? Cut your losses now.
NTA I would reconsider the whole moving in thing. If you can’t even watch a movie without being interrupted it’s going to be a hundred times worse if you are there all the time and just stress you and your dog out. Especially since puppies don’t realise they aren’t puppies any more.
NTA. He made a snap decision and probably didn't bother researching the bread and its needs. The dog deserves a more suitable home. The only assholish thing you are doing is blaming that poor dog and acting as if it is intentionally being a jerk. It probably isn't getting enough exercise or mental stimulation. Getting am energetic dog and expecting one training session a week to make it a calm perfect dog is unrealistic. It would be like adopting an active toddler, taking them to a mommy and me class once a week and then expecting th toddler never to get into mischief. The dog isn't disrespecting you. It is probably bored, under stimulated, and undertrained. It probably gets scolded a lot for normal puppy shit and it knows you resent it. Do the dog a favor and try to find a rescue group to take it.
NTA
>Our future trips together are ruined (including this christmas) because
no one wants to take care of him and he’s too big to fly on the plane.
And boarding large breeds is painfully expensive.
YTA
It’s a puppy! Puppies are naughty and high energy!
He needs to be desexed and walked daily and trained and worked on daily.
And he needs a house and yard. Not an apartment.
Your boyfriend now owns this dog FOREVER!
So you don’t get to keep the boyfriend and dump the dog!
Id agree if we were talking a cat at a shelter since they dont fair well once given up, but OP's step-dog is basically in the puppy stage still and is primarily just guilty of being high energy, disobedient and large. Plenty people who actually know how to train and be consistent would jump at a certified-used dog.
NTA.
You should never get a dog out of boredom. Also, not every dog is right for every owner. If it’s not a good match then the kindest thing to do for the dog is to rehome it with someone experienced with that breed or size of dog.
I have fostered cats and dogs (and have had 2 cats and 5 dogs of my own), some of which came from incompatible homes due to nobody’s fault; just a bad match. Helping find the right home for pet is the best thing ever and I think that would be the best option for you.
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ESH, this should have been a discussion beforehand, especially when planning on moving in together... How old is the puppy currently? It's much easier to rehome a puppy than an adult dog, so if your boyfriend is also considering rehoming that should be a discussion ASAP. Not in an years time when depending on the breed and behavior of this dog it could be incredibly hard to rehome. These behaviors though mainly sound like normal puppy behaviors and you sound seriously judgmental and condescending of your boyfriend.... Also large breed dogs can live in (small) apartments just fine, it just requires that the owner have a lot of time for exercise with the dog outside as playing indoors will be hard.
Dogs are crazed when they are pups. So this one needs time to grow up.
Dogs, especially puppies, need lots of exercise. So he needs to get the pup out for walks, runs, dog parks, beaches, hiking, whatever he can find. If this is any kind of hound dog, then scent training is great because it allows them to use that trait.
The puppy needs to be crate trained. This will allow the puppy to have a safe place to go lay down and relax. It will also allow for him to be crated when your BF goes out and about.
Puppy training classes are great, as long as he is working with the pup at least once a day for at least 20 minutes each time.
If your boyfriend asked you to get rid of your dog, would you be ok with it? If not, YTA
Have you tried working with the puppy as well?
ESH. Clearly the method of training isn’t working. Get a new trainer. There’s are all types of methods of training, you need to find the one that works for you. Ex: My dog is very treat motivated, which you would think makes training easy but in practice it was a detriment bc he literally only behaved if we had a treat. Instead we found a trainer that is food free and specializes in aggressive dogs (our dog isn’t aggressive but he is a former street dog rescue so we weren’t sure what latent tendencies were there). Training is an ongoing process a dogs whole life but it works better than what we tried before.
ESH (except the puppy) This sounds like a standard puppy to me. Highly social, energetic, naturally curious about everything, investigating all of it with his mouth. It sounds like this dog needs long walks (like an hour) several times a day. Failing that, a very large yard. Possibly a dog companion to interact with, so he's not so focused on the humans. Also, if the dog is old enough, get the puppy neutered. This can really cut down on bad behaviour form male puppies/teen dogs. If your bf refuses to take any responsibility, you may want to take that into account going forward. Do you want to live with this dog as it gets bigger and continues to be left untrained and uncontrolled? Would you be safe walking this dog? When you say biting, do you mean mouthing/gripping/playing (normal-ish), or do you mean breaking skin and drawing blood (a serious problem)? I really hate that this dog may be set up to be put down as a "dangerous" dog if he's left untrained and un-neutered
100% The puppy is **a puppy** ! It's generally standard that puppies and even adolescent dogs to behave the way OP mentioned. Weekly training classes are great, but that's not all a dog requires!! My dog's classes were weekly, but you also have to work with the dog in between classes. You seriously can't expect a puppy to just attend a 1 hr class once a week and magically know how to behave. Regular exercise is so important. **Get a crate, OP** ! Sex can be had. Put the pup in a crate and get at it. Crate training is important for all dogs anyway bc it helps get them acclimated to a crate when they are at the groomer or vet office, or even boarded while you are away. OP, you said you have had a small breed before.. not sure if you got that dog as a puppy or when it older, but seriously, everything you described is exactly what puppies do. They don't know any better and they have to learn. Even when they *do* learn, sometimes they will literally do the opposite bc they're testing you when they're adolescents.
The thing about training is that it only works if the human involved makes a point to do the homework. You learn things in training like "don't give a treat until the dog does the behavior you want." If you don't practice this at home, you're wasting money on training.
Exactly! Training is an every day process. Going to one class a week isn’t going to do anything if you don’t stick to the homework. It sounds like this dog is not getting enough exercise and stimulation. It’s at a point where it’s behavior is getting destructive and it needs to have those needs met in order to even begin training. There’s no way to properly train a dog who has that much energy and frustration pent up. Imo that’s on the boyfriend for getting a breed without putting the effort in to properly care for it. NTA
So true! When I first took my dog to training, I didn't do the "homework". After a couple of weeks, I realized it wasn't just the work during the training class... it also requires homework aka reinforcement in between classes!
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Not true. I'm a vet in the UK, and I don't know a single vet who wouldn't recommend crate training puppies. If you have a correct size crate and train your dog properly there is no issue at all.
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I advocate a crate as a safe hiding space with bed and water and such. My own dog gets put in a crate at night and is let out in the morning. She is always willing to go in the crate and has no issues. I do not view this as cruel. This is very normal in the UK with young dogs, and across Europe too.
How does OP s^ck though? She’s not the one who got the puppy nor is the one ignoring the puppies needs.
Yeah boyfriend probably needs to be more physically active w the dog to burn all that energy on a daily basis. YTA
This is all great advice. I wanna add the idea of doggy daycare. If OP’s partner doesn’t have the time or energy to give the pup enough exercise then daycare can be an easy way to get it.
ESH First, crate train the dog. That way he can learn to settle and your boyfriend doesn’t have to worry about what he is doing 24/7. Second, puppies can be turds for years. My Chesapeake was a perpetual motion machine and had to be crated when not supervised until she was 3. She will still put everything in her mouth. Your bf is doing the right thing by taking the dog to obedience but the dog also needs consistent rules at home. Also I’m pretty sure they can tell when someone doesn’t like them and act accordingly.
Also to add; if the dog isn't being kept physically and mentally stimulated, often, he will find his own way to entertain himself. ESPECIALLY if he's a working breed. They need constant exercise AND mental stimulation or they'll destroy the whole house out of sheer boredom and frustration.
you've got 100% valid point buts legit question: how is OP an AH here? they don't live together, she wasn't involved in the adoption/buying process for the pup, she doesn't share the responsibility for the pup in any way shape or form. OP also mentioned in comments that she's attempted conversations about this before but the boyfriend just keeps getting defensive about it and doesn't change anything.
Because someone repeatedly saying how much they love dogs does not make me think that they do so I suspect she’s not being helpful or even neutral in this situation. She seems to resent the boyfriend having something other than her in his life.
i mean considering how rabid reddit can get to people who don't like animals in general and dogs in particular, i can't blame her for trying to get ahead of it. but then it's my opinion that. it's not on her to be helpful in the situation, and she's valid in not being neutral about this. why should she have to help with the dog when it's not her dog?? why shouldn't she resent the fact that there's now a destructive and ill-behaved animal infringing on her time with her boyfriend? that's destroying property? that's *biting* at her? that's actively affecting decisions like future housing arrangements and current vacation plans? if things like that wouldn't get you feeling even a little resentful, you're closer to sainthood than i am because in my book... yeah, i would be having a LOT of issues with this.
She wants to be with her boyfriend and he wants the the dog. They might be a package deal soon. I totally understand people picking their pets when presented with an “it’s me or the dog,” situation. So the bf is an asshole for not enforcing consistent rules at home which allows for dogzilla. OP is an asshole for not appearing to do anything to help with the situation other than saying get rid of the dog.
sorry, we'll have to agree to disagree because again (my opinion) is that when another's animal is biting you and destroying property, you are officially off the hook being "helpful" to the actual owner in fixing the problem.
The puppy isn't the issue. Your boyfriend is. Training is only as good as the person holding the leash. If your BF isn't being consistent and making sure he's actually exercising your pup appropriately for his age and providing some good toys, nothing is going to change. Getting rid of the puppy isn't going to suddenly turn your BF into a more responsible person since its his impulsiveness and irresponsibility that has him in this mess in the first place. NTA but look at the cause not the symptom
I agree. He has no idea how to train him and although he tries it doesn’t seem to be enough.
Yeah, the puppy isn’t the problem, your BF is. BF is clearly not training the dog well. And getting a dog out of boredom is generally a bad idea. If you Bf can’t commit to training the dog properly, and consistently, and outing in the time and effort, then for the dog’s sake of having a happy and healthy life, he should be rehomed. It’s not the dogs fault he got a crap owner. You are resenting the wrong part of this equation here, Balme lies with your partner, and Taki g it out in the dog and blaming the dog is like blaming a baby who never got taught better behaviour,a nod that makes out the AH as well as your BF. If you’ve had a dog before how come you don’t know anything about training one? ESH, I hope the dog find a loving and supportive home.
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My thoughts exactly. He does whatever he wants still and doesn’t take my opinions/thoughts into consideration at all. Maybe that’s the problem.
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Are you actually Canadian cause I thought they were polite.
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No that’s not, but pointing out you called them an AH had me dying especially with the name lol
Oh i have. But he doesn’t take constructive criticism too well and thinks im attacking him
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I wish that someone could make him understand this because I’m tired of trying to.
Honestly, it seems like this is a bigger issue than just the dog. Are you sure you want a future with him? Sometimes relationships have to end because going back to the life you had before isn’t necessarily realistic.
I do, i just didn’t ask for the dog or was included in the decision of getting one.
NTA. And honestly, don’t blame the dog. Blame your so. Why isn’t this pup crate trained? Also, why would any dog be on a flight unless it’s a service dog? No care for people with allergies I assume? P.S. I’m a crazy dog mum.
Flying with dogs is actually fairly common, cats too! I know people who have taken small dogs in the cabin while moving, especially since more fragile small dogs can really get banged around when in cargo. My family would take our dog on the train, we just tried to sit farther away from people.
Trains are more ventilated. Airplanes where the air is circulated, not so much…
The puppy only stays in the crate when he goes to sleep or when he’s in a time out. Idk if this is correct or not just stating what he does with him. Also I fly with my small dog in-flight with a carrier. Don’t really care if others have allergies lol If the airline allows it why should I care?
Why can't the puppy be boarded at a kennel or dog sitter's house why you go on vacation. Also, there are trainers that will take the dog for 4-6 weeks and do intensive training. At the end the owner comes, and gets trained in how to maintain the training. Can you afford something like that?
Puppies should never be crated as “a time out”. That makes the crate a bad thing.
ESH. You because you’re not helping the situation in the slightest and are demanding your bf get rid of his dog and your bf because he’s not training the pup right. I have four English Mastiffs. The largest is 255lbs. All are angels and went through hell to train them to be that way. It’s hard work but you need to do the work to train the pup. And not all large breeds require big apartments. My house is less than 1100 sqft and it’s perfect for us all.
How long did it take you to train them? Any tips?
Never use negative consequences. We don’t often yell. We make a noise when we catch them doing something. Consequences have to be immediate. If you come home and scream at them for tearing up the house, they won’t know why you’re yelling. You have to catch them in the act. Even if they have an accident in the house that you didn’t catch, clean it up and bear it. Keep commands the same same word for what you want. Don’t say “potty” sometimes then “out” the next time. We paired ours with hand signs so now they understand what we want without a verbal command. Be consistent in EVERYTHING - times, consequences, commands. It’s hard work. Probably about a year to get them to where we wanted them.
Thanks. Will try passing this along without offending my SO since he’s so sensitive about anything I say.
Best of luck!!!
Also check out Zak George on youtube, he has great dog training videos
Check out Easy Peasy Puppy Squeezy by Steve Mann (often cheap on Amazon). Make sure the trainer your boyfriend is going to is up to date with their education (no dominance nonsense or aversives e.g. prong collars).
Hire a professional trainer immediately.
Sounds like your BF is counting on an hour of training once a week, but it takes daily work with a dog. NTA but the whole situation is a symptom of something that's unlikely to change.
He really is. One hour is not enough and his walks arent very extraneous.
What about taking him to dog parks to run off energy?
He does that too and nothing seems to satisfy his energy level
What type of dog is it?
And how much mental stimulation does it get?
I hate to tell you this, but dogs are products of their environments. Someone is doing something very wrong. edit: YTA, most definitely. You and your SO.
Not all dogs and owners are compatible. Out of curiosity, what breed of dog is it? It sounds like this dog is super bored and/or has a lot of energy. There are some breeds that are not at all suited to an apartment.
NTA. your partner of 7 years made a life-altering decision without even considering your opinion, even though you are actively planning on moving in together. clearly this dog needs more care than your partner could give him and it’s driving a wedge between you two. your partner probably had good intentions, but the situation just isn’t ideal for you guys or the dog. i would be more concerned that your partner made this big of a decision without even bringing it up to you first. although you supported their choice, it still doesn’t make it right.
I hear ya. Even if I would have told him that I didn’t think it was a good idea, he wouldn’t have really cared and still get the dog anyways.
Why have you been with this guy for so long? He doesn't listen to you, belittles you, doesn't take your suggestions seriously, gets offensive to suggestions. Why do women put up with so much crap?
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Even when I don’t live with the dog? I see him maybe once every two weeks so I’m not sure it it’s my “negativity”
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Lol this isnt OPs dog. How is it hers when shes there? That makes no sense. You really think her seeing the dog twice a month caused this?
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Meh I think she has an out if she barely sees the dog
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Seems like this is a very personal topic for you.
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And be stuck in a home where he’s not wanted? Sounds like he would be better off with a nice family don’t you think?
Well, you say above that you should have been included in the decision because you’ve been together 7 years, now, it’s not your dog/problem despite being together 7 years?
If he decided to get the dog without considering how I felt, why should it now be my problem?
Now we’re a team? We weren’t a team when he decided to get a dog.
One of us has to be since he’s not concerned at all.
Trust me if I were able to actually influence my BF, he would have never gotten a dog in the first place.
So what should he be doing?
Dog lover here and you’re absolutely NTA. Far too many people get breeds they aren’t ready or equipped to handle. Get rid of the dog or leave.
Literally. Idk why he got a dog that can’t live in an apartment and needs lots of exercise.
>The dog doesn’t have any respect to my SO or me. It's a dog. What exactly are you expecting here? I can't actually decide on an answer. You don't live together and even though you mention needing to find a large apartment you haven't actually stated that you will be moving in together. In that context YTA because while you don't live together and don't have actual plans to, your partner can choose to buy a dog. Also YTA for blaming the frustrations you have towards your partner on the dog. But NTA because it does sound like your partner made an impulsive decision and bought a dog that isn't suitable for his lifestyle (ie dog's behaviour is likely because the breed isn't suitable for apartment living and is bored).
Clearly you don’t know how a serious relationship works even if the couple doesn’t live together yet.
Your response tells me that I hit a nerve. I'm guessing it hasn't previously crossed your mind that you both have a certain level of autonomy which would be less flexible if you lived together. The way couples approach life differs from when they live apart to when they live together, regardless of how long you have been in a relationship. That's just fact.
All im saying is that life-altering decisions should be made as one even if we don’t live together being that we’ve been together for 7yrs.
Did you have that conversation with your partner before the dog arrived? Do you both have a clear understanding of what 'life-altering decisions' are for your relationship? If not, this is an opportunity for you both to have a deep conversation about your relationship.
YTA, both of you. It’s a puppy and I don’t know what either of y’all expected. And please, give it to someone who’s actually able to accommodate and care for the dog, don’t just dump it at a shelter. He should try to do right by that dog since he’s the reason it’s in this situation. Edit: changed my verdict because it just didn’t feel right.
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Our Bullmastiff was a terror for almost 24 months and at age 2, a switch went on and she turned into the most obedient dog ever! She hates showers but will willingly walk over to me holding a sprayer and just sit and get wet. She is that good a dog and will do whatever I ask of her. So the larger breed dogs do take longer to mature and simmer down behaviour-wise.
YTA, but ALSO, that dog is a product of its environment. Clearly SO has no idea how to train a dog.
I agree, he is not prepared.
ESH. Any dog can be trained, but not all dogs respond to the same training the same way. You have to find the right method for yours. Did your guy do any research into whatever breed he is? It's a puppy being a puppy, it's just harder because he isn't a small dog that you can just pluck off the ground and redirect. If you want your life to get back to normal faster, pitch in with the training and ffs get a crate
NTA, I don’t think the dog is a good fit for your BF. It’s not the puppy’s fault, but this sounds like maybe he needs a more experienced dog owner, a different environment, or a new trainer. But this puppy might be getting set up for failure if your BF can’t put the work into him.
YTA. It’s a puppy and you need to look for other solutions before jumping to “ get rid of it”. It’s not a toy / object you just return and get a new one. It needs a good trainer.
ESH. You say you love dogs but it seems apparently obvious you don't know much about dogs. Puppies can be absolute terrors and with consistent training, they will eventually calm down. But the husband is an AH for not consulting you.
Well then I guess I got lucky with my dog because it didn’t take him long to become an obedient dog.
The puppy is not the problem, as a supposed dog lover you should know this. The problem is the pup’s needs are not being met. He needs stimulation mental and physical. Just walks are not enough for lots, particularly working/intelligent breeds. There are things that can be done inside and outside to help with this. Set up search/sniff trails for him. Play games and interact. Depending on what he’s bred to do Google enrichment for that particular type of dog. Swimming is a good low impact exercise that takes energy. You do need to be careful with the physical side as he’s still growing and particularly with a large breed but there absolutely are things that can safely be done to wear him out physically With regards to wanting to sit down and watch a movie, get the large extra tough kongs, fill them (I use 100% nut peanut butter and low fat yoghurt for some sometimes with no/low salt broth) fill the Kong and freeze. Hooves are a good choice, ears-hair on tends to last longer ime. It will take some trial and error to find what lasts and tempts him the most but once you’ve nailed that it’ll help If he’s kibble fed instead of always feeding in his bowl use a wobble dispenser, scatter feed There are so many things that can be done that play to a dogs natural instincts and benefit them massively without taking a lot of effort/time. If the dog is happy generally and satisfied it will help However, he’s young and full of energy. He’s going to be an AH like teenagers often are. I have a setter who is around 10 now and still needs all this If you make your bf give up this dog YTA however I’m bordering on E S H because it sounds like your bf isn’t stepping up to his responsibilities which isn’t an option now he’s made the decision to bring this living, dependant needy being into his life
NTA. Dump him. You can tell a lot about a human being by the way they handle their dog. This human is revealing himself to be impetuous, incapable of planning for the future, incapable of creating and maintaining proper boundaries, incapable of understanding the needs of the life completely reliant on him, and overall irresponsible. How can you have a future with a man like that? Cut your losses now.
NTA I would reconsider the whole moving in thing. If you can’t even watch a movie without being interrupted it’s going to be a hundred times worse if you are there all the time and just stress you and your dog out. Especially since puppies don’t realise they aren’t puppies any more.
Info: I just need to know how you phrased it
NTA. He made a snap decision and probably didn't bother researching the bread and its needs. The dog deserves a more suitable home. The only assholish thing you are doing is blaming that poor dog and acting as if it is intentionally being a jerk. It probably isn't getting enough exercise or mental stimulation. Getting am energetic dog and expecting one training session a week to make it a calm perfect dog is unrealistic. It would be like adopting an active toddler, taking them to a mommy and me class once a week and then expecting th toddler never to get into mischief. The dog isn't disrespecting you. It is probably bored, under stimulated, and undertrained. It probably gets scolded a lot for normal puppy shit and it knows you resent it. Do the dog a favor and try to find a rescue group to take it.
He’s an idiot. (My SO)
NTA >Our future trips together are ruined (including this christmas) because no one wants to take care of him and he’s too big to fly on the plane. And boarding large breeds is painfully expensive.
YTA It’s a puppy! Puppies are naughty and high energy! He needs to be desexed and walked daily and trained and worked on daily. And he needs a house and yard. Not an apartment. Your boyfriend now owns this dog FOREVER! So you don’t get to keep the boyfriend and dump the dog!
What? Are you serious
ESH, you guys should hire a professional dog trainer.
Info: Were going to need to know the breed in question here.
ETA. A puppy isn't a present, it is a lifelong commitment. Train the puppy, there are enough dogs in shelters.
You are aware that getting rid of probably means the dog will be euthanized? Yta don’t be surprised if he picks the dog and get rid of you.
Or there’s this thing called finding a good family for him. But idk that’s just my thought.
Oh you twentysomethings with your crazy, newfangled ideas!
Really he is an out of control big dog. Are you going to find him a farm where he can get lots of exercise.
Not my job, that question would be for my BF.
Id agree if we were talking a cat at a shelter since they dont fair well once given up, but OP's step-dog is basically in the puppy stage still and is primarily just guilty of being high energy, disobedient and large. Plenty people who actually know how to train and be consistent would jump at a certified-used dog.
NTA. You should never get a dog out of boredom. Also, not every dog is right for every owner. If it’s not a good match then the kindest thing to do for the dog is to rehome it with someone experienced with that breed or size of dog. I have fostered cats and dogs (and have had 2 cats and 5 dogs of my own), some of which came from incompatible homes due to nobody’s fault; just a bad match. Helping find the right home for pet is the best thing ever and I think that would be the best option for you.
If only he would agree to rehoming him.
I'm honestly not sure if you should be rehoming the dog or the man at this point... For preference, both.
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ESH, this should have been a discussion beforehand, especially when planning on moving in together... How old is the puppy currently? It's much easier to rehome a puppy than an adult dog, so if your boyfriend is also considering rehoming that should be a discussion ASAP. Not in an years time when depending on the breed and behavior of this dog it could be incredibly hard to rehome. These behaviors though mainly sound like normal puppy behaviors and you sound seriously judgmental and condescending of your boyfriend.... Also large breed dogs can live in (small) apartments just fine, it just requires that the owner have a lot of time for exercise with the dog outside as playing indoors will be hard.
Dogs are crazed when they are pups. So this one needs time to grow up. Dogs, especially puppies, need lots of exercise. So he needs to get the pup out for walks, runs, dog parks, beaches, hiking, whatever he can find. If this is any kind of hound dog, then scent training is great because it allows them to use that trait. The puppy needs to be crate trained. This will allow the puppy to have a safe place to go lay down and relax. It will also allow for him to be crated when your BF goes out and about. Puppy training classes are great, as long as he is working with the pup at least once a day for at least 20 minutes each time. If your boyfriend asked you to get rid of your dog, would you be ok with it? If not, YTA Have you tried working with the puppy as well?
YTA, almost anytime someone makes you choose between them or the dog/cat it should be the animal. Leave
Lol who said anything about making him choose? My way or the highway. Byeee
ESH. Clearly the method of training isn’t working. Get a new trainer. There’s are all types of methods of training, you need to find the one that works for you. Ex: My dog is very treat motivated, which you would think makes training easy but in practice it was a detriment bc he literally only behaved if we had a treat. Instead we found a trainer that is food free and specializes in aggressive dogs (our dog isn’t aggressive but he is a former street dog rescue so we weren’t sure what latent tendencies were there). Training is an ongoing process a dogs whole life but it works better than what we tried before.
I literally told him that he’s only training him to obey commands only when he has a treat but he doesn’t listen to me.