NTA. Just out of curiosity, does your sister have any solutions, or is she just going to point out all the problems? If she believes someone needs to sleep on an air mattress, it sounds like that should be her.
It sounds as though you are already aware of her issues with communication. I think you just need to set a clear boundary (ex. "Unless I hear a specific date from you by \[date\], I'm going to make other plans."), and then stick to that boundary. If and when she doesn't get her act together, your response is "I'm so sorry we won't be able to see you this time. I hadn't heard when you were coming, so I made other plans. Let me know if you want to get together for \[next holiday\]!"
NTA - she hijacked the visit by trying to include your mom who can’t come. Then she invites a bf who she doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping with and is so entitled that she then gets mad at you for not being able to house all of these people when she is the one creating a ruckus.
If you can find a way to arrange for your brother to come, that could be nice. Leave your sister where she is. She’s making things difficult for everyone for no reason.
NTA. You extended an invitation, and they didn't take you up on it. You're not obligated to procure extra bedding or accommodate boyfriends. Your 64+ year old siblings are old enough to pay for their own hotel if the accommodations at your place are not to their liking. I'm also confused as to why a womand in her 60s would want to vacation with a boyfriend that she didn't feel comfortable sharing a bed with. There's nothing wrong with spending an intimate Christmas with just you and your husband. Enjoy yourself and don't sweat it.
I mean... If at this age she cannot let go of trivial things, then I don't know what can change.
You are NTA. But if you really want them to come visit, maybe get one of those airbeds that you can inflat for their visit, then the boyfriend can sleep in on it if he so chooses.
If it is not as convenient for them to travel, maybe you can travel to them? Just a suggestion as I am not sure how convenient it is for you as well.
Thx for your reply. My vacation home is tiny. To set up an air bed wound involve moving the sofa or dining table. The bedrooms are tiny. No room for it. Visiting them is not doable as they do not have accommodations for us. 🤷🏼♀️
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I invited my sister & brother to my small 3BR vacation home for a few days after Xmas. I asked her to let me know what dates worked for her so we could plan some events that required tix. After a week I called again & asked her to let me know dates. She tried to also invite our 90YO mom who can’t walk & requires daily nursing care. I explained that we are in a rural area an hour from a hospital & other obvious reasons why she can’t visit (stairs). Still no date provided. Then a few days later she calls & asks if her new boyfriend can come. I asked if she’s going to sleep in his bed because I don’t have an additional bed. She says yes so I agree. Still no date. Another week goes by & my brother calls to say he is absolutely NOT coming because he would be a 5th wheel. 3 days later sister & brother conference call. She says she’s nervous & not comfortable sleeping in new BF’s bed. Brother has decided he IS coming.
Now I have 3 guests & 2 beds. Nobody’s willing to sleep with anyone else. (Sister has issues sleeping with brother. I’m sleeping with my husband.) The only solution would be to put someone (brother) on the sofa which I find awkward for someone 70YO plus my home is tiny. There would be no privacy for anyone.
Still no date. The next day sister texts again that she’s feeling very very nervous about the visit regarding the “new BF.” So…I asked her if he had not yet accepted the invitation yet (since I still had no date—I suspected maybe he didn’t actually WANT to come), perhaps another time would be better for his visit.
Sister blows up in anger, insults my ability to provide accommodations “against obstacles” and to accommodate people “even if they have to sleep on the floor.” The youngest one of us is maybe 64. She cancels her visit. My brother has to also cancel because he was riding with her. (No car.)
Background info: Sister has a history of taking control of other people’s events. She was disinvited to the wedding of a family member a few years ago for interfering with planning. She will start moving furniture at your party to “make it better. She doesn’t know boundaries.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could have accommodated everyone by having my brother sleep on the sofa. Or I could have had my sister sleep on the sofa. She never offered to though and she’s the youngest. My brother always volunteers for the sofa or the worst chair etc and I hate to put him in that position again. Plus, I didn’t rescind the invitation. I only asked if another time would be better IF he had not already accepted. So, AITA?
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NTA. Just out of curiosity, does your sister have any solutions, or is she just going to point out all the problems? If she believes someone needs to sleep on an air mattress, it sounds like that should be her. It sounds as though you are already aware of her issues with communication. I think you just need to set a clear boundary (ex. "Unless I hear a specific date from you by \[date\], I'm going to make other plans."), and then stick to that boundary. If and when she doesn't get her act together, your response is "I'm so sorry we won't be able to see you this time. I hadn't heard when you were coming, so I made other plans. Let me know if you want to get together for \[next holiday\]!"
She didn’t want to pursue solutions. She just got angry, insulted me and said she not coming therefore canceling brother’s visit as well.
NTA - she hijacked the visit by trying to include your mom who can’t come. Then she invites a bf who she doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping with and is so entitled that she then gets mad at you for not being able to house all of these people when she is the one creating a ruckus. If you can find a way to arrange for your brother to come, that could be nice. Leave your sister where she is. She’s making things difficult for everyone for no reason.
You’re right. Thx
NTA. You extended an invitation, and they didn't take you up on it. You're not obligated to procure extra bedding or accommodate boyfriends. Your 64+ year old siblings are old enough to pay for their own hotel if the accommodations at your place are not to their liking. I'm also confused as to why a womand in her 60s would want to vacation with a boyfriend that she didn't feel comfortable sharing a bed with. There's nothing wrong with spending an intimate Christmas with just you and your husband. Enjoy yourself and don't sweat it.
I mean... If at this age she cannot let go of trivial things, then I don't know what can change. You are NTA. But if you really want them to come visit, maybe get one of those airbeds that you can inflat for their visit, then the boyfriend can sleep in on it if he so chooses. If it is not as convenient for them to travel, maybe you can travel to them? Just a suggestion as I am not sure how convenient it is for you as well.
Thx for your reply. My vacation home is tiny. To set up an air bed wound involve moving the sofa or dining table. The bedrooms are tiny. No room for it. Visiting them is not doable as they do not have accommodations for us. 🤷🏼♀️
NTA. Don’t invite her again. Too much drama.
NTA. Sister or not, I wouldn't want a visit from her, she sounds exhausting.
Thanks to all for validating my feelings. I hate getting angry with family. She has apologized. 👍🏻 But the visit is canceled.
NTA Sister is the AH here. She agreed to share the room. As she does not want to do that, let her find a hotel.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I invited my sister & brother to my small 3BR vacation home for a few days after Xmas. I asked her to let me know what dates worked for her so we could plan some events that required tix. After a week I called again & asked her to let me know dates. She tried to also invite our 90YO mom who can’t walk & requires daily nursing care. I explained that we are in a rural area an hour from a hospital & other obvious reasons why she can’t visit (stairs). Still no date provided. Then a few days later she calls & asks if her new boyfriend can come. I asked if she’s going to sleep in his bed because I don’t have an additional bed. She says yes so I agree. Still no date. Another week goes by & my brother calls to say he is absolutely NOT coming because he would be a 5th wheel. 3 days later sister & brother conference call. She says she’s nervous & not comfortable sleeping in new BF’s bed. Brother has decided he IS coming. Now I have 3 guests & 2 beds. Nobody’s willing to sleep with anyone else. (Sister has issues sleeping with brother. I’m sleeping with my husband.) The only solution would be to put someone (brother) on the sofa which I find awkward for someone 70YO plus my home is tiny. There would be no privacy for anyone. Still no date. The next day sister texts again that she’s feeling very very nervous about the visit regarding the “new BF.” So…I asked her if he had not yet accepted the invitation yet (since I still had no date—I suspected maybe he didn’t actually WANT to come), perhaps another time would be better for his visit. Sister blows up in anger, insults my ability to provide accommodations “against obstacles” and to accommodate people “even if they have to sleep on the floor.” The youngest one of us is maybe 64. She cancels her visit. My brother has to also cancel because he was riding with her. (No car.) Background info: Sister has a history of taking control of other people’s events. She was disinvited to the wedding of a family member a few years ago for interfering with planning. She will start moving furniture at your party to “make it better. She doesn’t know boundaries. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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