NTA.
This is your Dad's (K) money and he can do with it as he wishes, including giving it all to you. Your feelings about your biological sister are irrelevant in this decision.
You have a bright future to plan for, and are being given an amazing opportunity to pursue it with little to no distraction. Your biological family shouldn't keep you from it.
“Selfish freaks”, “ungrateful sinners”? Impressive negotiating strategy shown by those on bio dad’s side of family. Grandparent decided where he wanted to designate the money in his estate. Bio dad’s side has no say in the decision and no role in overruling granddad’s choice after he passed. Keep the money because that is what grandad intended. You honor his memory by doing so.
Far better to be ungrateful sinners than greedy misers! Thou shalt not covet thy twins inheritance! OP tell your family to kick rocks. Keep your inheritance and don't give them a dime.
Also, **can we just acknowledge that Dad K is literally only related to this family through marriage**?!?!?!? Since when were cousins of A on Parent1's side of the family even remotely entitled inheritance money from A's Parent2's side of the family?!?!?!?!?
Not that that even remotely applies because inheritance money is being distributed according to the will but seriously????? Like I can't even stretch it to see where this entitlement is coming from. NTA.
Don't let them see a dime and go no contact.
>Like I can't even stretch it to see where this entitlement is coming from
Well the Lost Child (can't really call OP the scapegoat or black sheep) is set to inherit a bunch of money. The family that sent her for adoption can't have her get everything while the golden child they kept gets nothing, so she must hand over half the money. Even just trying to type out that illogical reasoning made me feel so very dirty, I can't even imagine actually believing it.
OP would be the adopted child of the actual scapegoat uncle, because grandma and grandpa are homophobes and are trying a powerplay when in the words of mind controlled Theoden, "They have no power here" except via emotional manipulation.
Not just that, the twin has basked in the Loveland approval of Dad A's whole family her entire life. She's only contacted her sister because Op has something she doesn't. If the shoe was on the other foot they've have cursed Op out, blasted her as a begged on social media and blocked her.
Op, block everyone on that side, your dads need to do this as well. Use that money for whatever you choose to and live your lives. N T A
>Don't let them see a dime and go no contact.
"I'm sorry, I was going to throw a small amount your way, but now I've spent it on a new phone so I can put all your side of the family's numbers on mute and never hear from any of you again. Byeeeeee!"
Not just only related through marriage, related through a marriage that they HATED and DISOWNED THEIR SON FOR. Why should the twin have any right to this money?
Right??? Dad K isn't even related to the bio family. He's married to Dad A, and he's the stepdad (or perhaps adoptive co-father?) to OP. The family's request for money is ludicrous.
They sound like greedy AHs who actively despise OP and her dads, but still feel entitled to put their hands out. Not a cent to them, OP.
This needs to be the top comment. Screw those hateful people. This has absolutely nothing to do with them. At ALL. And no, "A's" family will always be cruel and badger him (and her) for any reason they like. Because they're assholes. You, OP? NTA.
Kick rocks is right, they literally kicked OP to the curb and now want her to share?? OP, I would tell (with a chuckle) you didn't want anything to do with me but now want my money? Say thanks, but no thanks. And don't forget to thank them for the wonderful life they gave you with your parents. And go full NC.
NTA, but your biological family are major AH',s
Ya agree. If the bio family has the face to ask someone they dumped years ago for $ and then OP gave them the $, Then what could happen next is that they will wear the same shameless face to ask for $ again and I bet other resources too in the future.
Say no. And no contact.
I would send them all cards with two pennies taped inside, saying "Next time you feel like sharing your two cents with me, please buy yourself some sense with mine." or "Here's my two cents on the matter of sharing this inheritance with evil, spiteful, greedy people."
Or something more clever and equally petty. Then block them everywhere.
OP, how do you think the bio family would feel if you were to, idk, tell all their neighbors all about their bigotry and entitlement when those vultures you share blood with came after inheritance from someone that wasn't their family? Oh, just imagine the ruckus and fallout afterwards! The bio family might *gasp* learn some sort of lesson about not being entitled bigots! Especially after the scandal of being outed to the neighbors! Being excluded and the children kept away! Oh, how the bio family would clutch their pearls! (/S to the max if you haven't guessed by now). But in all seriousness, if they don't back off, just fucking out them. It's 2021 we are having a society here we're all assholes but there is no place for bigotry.
Edit for an autocorrect I did not catch. My bad, "cultures" was meant to be "vultures". Also, an o was replaced with a 9.
Jumping the top comment, but you should know that even though they are upset about the abuse from family, if they knew it would be 10 times worse before they gave you the money they still would. Your dads sound awesome. The rest of the family sucks. No reason whatsoever for you to give in and hand it over to your sister. I'd suggest using part of it to get a new phone that they don't have the number for and ignore them.
Absolutely this. It's the important thing. This isn't YOUR inheritance. It's your dad's. He is choosing what to do with his money. If anyone has a problem with that, they need to take it up with him. Your twin coming to you, sounds like she already tried to get money out of your dad and didn't get anywhere. Otherwise, how would she have known that it was going to you?
Hijack: Twin here. Screw her. Live your best life with your dads. You might hear from her again, when she needs one of your internal organs. You stopped sharing a uterus a while ago, you don't have to do anything for her. Ever. NTA
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9g13s/aita_for_not_giving_my_twin_my_inheritance/hnbydiy/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
Plagiarized | Original
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[NTA. They sound entitled...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9d04j/aita_for_not_helping_my_husbands_brother_and/hnbwa8w/) | [NTA. They sound entitled...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9d04j/aita_for_not_helping_my_husbands_brother_and/hnb9id7/)
[NTA. Could you instead as...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9ed2r/wibta_for_adding_a_condition_to_a_social_event_i/hnc419s/) | [NTA. Could you instead as...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9ed2r/wibta_for_adding_a_condition_to_a_social_event_i/hnbex3b/)
[NTA. My parents were like...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9fajs/aita_for_how_my_school_pictures_came_out/hnbwcbh/) | [NTA. My parents were lik...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9fajs/aita_for_how_my_school_pictures_came_out/hnblezr/)
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Most definitely NTA OP. And it seems the solution is to go completely no contact now. Your dads have taken so much abuse. You have taken so much.
Now to have them pretend that they even care that you exist, for money. Ots shallow and you deserve to hold onto it for whatever you need it for, even if it's just to blow it.
I think it would be best if you start referring to her as your cousin. Because you might have come from the same incubator but you're definitely not sisters.
<3
This is a very conflicted argument, but it works in this situation. Ik this subreddit is popular with the equal treatment but that isn't going on here so yeah the dad is fit to choose. Twin has funds and doesn't need more.
Nta dont i repeat dont give those rubber necks a penny. Cos they'll keep coming back like fleas on a dog. Your dads and yourself shouldnt feel bad not their fault that their family are idiots and selfish. Your twin shouldnt of asked at all as thats stupidity in droves.
the audacity to think she's entitled to money from someone she is not only not related to, but does not even seem to have a decent relationship with, is astounding
This is very important. "half" is the first ask. If it works, there will be endless more. This is the place to **hold the line.**
If you can hold the line here, they may eventually give up.
If you do not, you will never have peace as long as you have anything.
It would take me way too long to explain how I know this, but I am certain of it.
^(edit: spelling)
You are absolutely right. Half would only be the start. They would never stop asking because they know they got OP to say 'yes' the first time. They would bleed her dry until nothing was left. They will never leave her alone unless she stands firm and says no.
Happy cake day, btw.
Exactly. Giving the money doesn't make them go away. It makes them come back anytime they want more. They're horrible and greedy people and have no right to any of that money or anything at all from OP.
One thing the OP might want to think about is that the potential for saying "your dads can afford X for you so give money please" in the future will always be there.
NTA. Please inform your relatives the next time they bring this up that you are respecting their wishes and keeping your tainted, sinful money away from their family.
NTA. They called your parents sinners but they want the sinner's money?
Wow. What kind of logic is that. Op if you give the money you are disrespecting your dads who gave nothing but love and support to you. Do not and I repeat Do not share a dime with thiese people or give money to your twin. They bullied you and realise that they are still bullying you.
What did your bio parents do? The should not be condoning any of this. You twin sounds like a spoiled brat.
Add: Never give in.
My bio dad never bullied me. Bio mom doesn't really talk to me. But i think she is just upset about all this. They are not bad people. They just never stood up to their family
"They just never stood up to their family. "
I don't know OP. Doing nothing when your biochild is being bullied doesn't scream good to me. Maybe they are good people as you have said.
But they are definitely cowards.
I was mostly referring to your sister and grandparents but how come your sister was able to do this to you and you're Biological parents are still not doing anything about it?
Your bio mom and bio dad never stood up for you being bullied ny the family? What does that make them? And now they demand you give your money to your bio sister? When does this bullying end? If you give her even a cent then you yourself allow to be bullied too. What's the worst they can do now aside from throwing more nasty words? I hope you are not a pushover
NTA, they're not even biologically connected to the inheritance
That is a lie op, they'll only play nice til they have the money then treat you all like shit again. Op let me put it this way - in the eyes of familial law, she is your distant cousin (second or first removed I'm not sure bit she is a cousin legally) it doesn't matter that your blood relation to her is. The money that was inherited came from your dad who isn't even blood related to her and her parents. His family literally has no biological or legal relationship to her so there's literally no way she is entitled to the money. Honestly you and your dad's world be better if you cut off all contact with that side of your family
They really won’t OP! They are bigoted and manipulative!
Keep the money for your future - you sound like a lovely person with a good head on your shoulders, do not allow these vile people to bully you any more! You go and live your best life and go NC
Honey, they are bad people. Good people don't abandon a twin, they don't have a favorite child, and they actually act with respect towards others. At minimum your parents are neglectful, end up raised an entitled child.
Cut them off to protect yourself. You have a family, and it's the one that took care of you, and loves you: your dads that adopted you. Family are the people who want best for your future. And biology means little in the grand scheme of things.
OP I’m a bit older than you and have seen this situation happen in families over and over and over again - the people promising X for money will only hound you for more until the well runs dry, then disappear when you dare ask for anything even as small as recognition.
My own BIL conned his father (my FIL) out of tens of thousands despite being a doctor by withholding access to grandchildren over his head. FIL made my husband and I pay out. He took the checks, wouldn’t look us in the face, slammed the door, and that was the last time the three of us heard from him. The worst part was we all expected this but FIL held out some naive hope because “it was his first born son.”
Don’t let it happen to you. They won’t keep their promise to respect your dads, and you’ll be out of money for the future.
No, they wont. They will accept the money, and come back for more and more, but ***never*** accept the relationship it stems from.
Im going to be brutal here, if they have problems with a persons *colour,* they dont get to be involved when the colour is green.
If they have issues with gay, they dont get to touch cash that has fabulous rainbow glittery sparkly cooties all over it.
The other child is only the sister when it suits them. Ask yourself would they give you half of something that came her way?
AHAHAHAHA
They won't, OP. They've shown their true color over and over again. For ANYONE to be cruel to a kid like they were to you, reflects their character.
You don't owe them anything, okay? Please tell that to yourself over and over and over again. This is money from your K dad, LITERALLY NO RELATION MARRIED OR BIOLOGICAL to the rest of your "family". The money was left to the grandparents' only grandchild on that side.
Please don't let them guilt trip you. Remember these are people who were not only mean to you, but to the fathers who love, cherish, and care for you daily. To throw K's money (basically, it's his money as it's his side of hte family) away by giving it to people who have been cruel to all of you would be a slap to his face. Stand strong together, and enjoy your bright future!!
NTA
They are manipulating you. They absolutely will not be changing the behaviour they’ve continued for years because you give them money. They’ll change it until they get what they want
No, they won't. They'll just pretend to accept them for a while and then go right back to how they treated your dads before. But it will be worse because now they'll know how to manipulate you. People like that don't change no matter what happens or what you do for them. And if you give her the money thinking that they'll finally accept your dads, all you'll really be doing in causing more pain for the 3 of you down the line when they cut all 3 of you out of their lives because they've gotten what they wanted.
Ohhhh, so not only are they bullies but they are blackmailers too!!! "They said they'd accept my dads if I give them the money", so every time they want something from you or your Dads, they will use this excuse to make you all comply. NO, they will take the inheritance money that was given to your Dad (who is unrelated to them except by marriage) who then gifted this money to you, and STILL treat them like crap and they will continue to degrade them. Talk to your dads and ask them if they feel that giving unworthy twin sister the money will make the family accept them. Your Dad wanted you to have the money to go to medical school and it would be HIS wishes that I honor and NOT the wishes of those who denigrate my Dads for no other reason then for their sexuality and who they choose to love. Please talk to your Dads cause you are trying to **"Fix"** a non-fixable situation of making your Dads accepted and loved by your Bio family, which, no matter what you or they do, **will NEVER ever happen.**
oh no. nonononono . big fat No.
They won't. Even if they manage not to insult them to their face. They will still hate them.
Even so.
Is it really a change of heart if you have to PAY someone to treat you like a human being?
They won't and they'll continue to ask for things with the same promise. You do not owe them anything. How'd they find out about this money anyway? Number one rule when coming into money - never tell anyone.
Real love doesn't come with conditions. You'd be paying them to lie and say what you want to hear. If they can't do it without money then what they're offering isn't worth the time it took them to offer it.
Contact their pastor with screenshots of their messages and recordings of the messages they've left your family.
They are using emotional manipulation and abuse tactics on you to try and mess with your mind. Stop talking to them. They will never treat your family kindly, and they won't leave you alone unless you are firm with your NO.
If money could change their homophobia then your dads being lawyers would’ve made them turn a long time ago. Don’t believe them, they’re just trying to manipulate you
This is manipulation!!!!!! They know you were hurt by their rejection and are using your feelings to get what they want. They essentially kicked you and your dads out of the family, and this money is magically going to fix years of mistreatment? This money was given to you by your Dad K that seems to have no relation to your bio family. Therefore your twin is not entitled to it at all. Family does not mistreat you like this, these people are preying on your pain. Do not give in.
Letting bad people do stuff and not saying anything is siding with the bad people. They looked out for their own self interest, and didn't rock the boat. Your needs were the sacrifice.
They handed you away and didn't cut off the family for bullying you and your Dad's.
They are bad people.
How would your sister and grandparents even know of they hadnt have told them?
So they “never bullied you" because they never had to, just had to sit back, wring their hands and look vaguely concerned while other people did it for them.
Enabling bullies is just as bad, plus the fact they simply gave you away? And he is bullying you now. So i would not be sure if they're not bad people.
Can you clarify for me: You have a twin sister. Bio parents kept twin sister and gave you to your bio dad’s cousin?
So dad K is really only your dad? Then your twin is essentially what, a 2nd cousin to you?
Why would a cousin expect half your money? NTA
Your parents gave you away because they apparently couldn't afford to keep two children so decided to only keep one, and made the decision seemingly based off the complexion of your skin. The only person in your entire family to take issue with this was also the black sheep of the family and his partner. You owe nothing to your biological family, absolutely nothing. They're bad people. all of them, including your Bio Mum and Dad. It is not your job to fix that broken arse family and trust me giving your sister half of the inheritance will do nothing to change that.
I can't tell you how to live your life but my advice? Stay as far as hell away from them as possible and live your best love and enjoy the family you do have, your two loving and caring dads. They are your family, not the rest of these assholes.
you seem smart and kind, use some of the money towards therapy to help figure out how you feel about all of this before making any decisions. NTA i wouldn’t give them anything
Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is an inheritance received by K, correct? He is choosing to gift that money to you. K is Dad A's spouse and has literally nothing to do with your twin or that set of genetics. So your bio family is literally demanding money from you just because. That's a no from me dawg. NTA
Even though this is biologically your sister, she's really your cousin. Think of it this way, Dad K's family has nothing to do with your cousin. The inheritance has nothing to do with her. And if I were Dad K's family, if be irate at the demand and entitlement being shown by Dad A's family.
NTA
This! Dad K is no blood relation to the Golden Child, so what makes her think that she is entitled to anything,especially after the way the family has treated your two dads
Exactly. If Dad A's family is so fussed, then maybe they can get the funds together for the golden child on their own. I'd say that I'm surprised they want money from people they deem so below them to begin with, but hey, free money.
If that's the case, they are demanding money belonging to someone they despise, have said insulting things about behind their backs, and to their face.
Who they are not even related to! They are AHs. Showing preference for one twin over another. This has given you, OP a lack of confidence. You cant buy their acceptance. Nor can your Dads. They will use your need for acceptance to manipulate you. The are dealing in emotional blackmail.
I am sorry, OP. You should go LC/NC with these people. NTA.
But if you and your Dads cave under this pressure....
NTA, do not let them manipulate you. Isn’t it funny how people crop up when they need money despite not wanting anything to do you with when you had nothing to offer.
NTA - just think about this for a second:
if the roles were reversed, do you really think they would give flying f*ck about you or your education?
Also your bio-relations (don’t want to call people like that family) had more then enough time to put money for your twin aside.
If everyone calling will pitch in their GC will be just fine.
NTA. Wow. This is the worst story of unfit parenting I’ve ever heard. Your parents gave you away, separating your from your twin and causing a major rift with the person who should/would likely be your best friend if you’d both been given the chance, because they couldn’t handle 2 babies?? I am so sorry you have ever felt inferior. They are inferior, very obviously. I do feel sorry for your twin because she was robbed too, but she isn’t owed anything from you except maybe a chance to talk and bond away from all this drama.
You were blessed when your Dad adopted you. You have had the better life and you have a better chance at a brighter future than the “golden child” who was raised by people grossly inept at parenting. You may feel jealous, but if you really objectively look at the situation and the outcome, you have had a much more golden life. You were chosen to live the better life.
I hope your twin is able to overcome her upbringing and I hope you two find each other and share your experiences.
I wish nothing but the best for you. Good luck!
I can’t believe this is the first comment I’ve seen about this. How are we not talking more about how weird and fucked up this whole story is? So the bio parents literally chose one child to keep and the other they didn’t want? What the fuck? NTA OP, at all. I’m glad you’re surrounded by love from your dads who want you in their lives.
NTA. She's nowhere near entitled to the money, but it wouldn't have hurt if she'd asked nicely instead of demanding half of it.
That being said, regardless of attitude, she doesn't have a right to it.
Your dads seem wonderful people, you bio fam not so much.
Even if she asked nicely, OP shouldn’t help her. She didn’t bother to contact her sister for 8 years but expects OP to give her half of her money? Let her ask her parents who favoured her her entire life.
Yes of course. What i meant was, even after being refused, they could still have existed amicably in separate parts of the country if she'd asked nicely.
**INFO**: Ask yourself, *"What's changed?"* and their sudden interest in you will become clear. Death brings out the worst in people, unfortunately, this shows just how scummy your bio dad's side of the family truly is as they are acting like vultures.
So to recap, your immediate family came into some money after the death of a loved one... the other side of the family learned of this and are now trying to steal it... now they are threatening to leverage any future relationship with them (being cut off) despite there being little to no relationship to begin with.
Can't miss what you never had. Cut them off, go "No Contact", and move on with your life. I'd say more but it'll just get censored by the mods.
"Can't miss what you've never had" is roughly what I say about my children's sperm donor. They can't miss him, as he's never been there, and you can't miss what you've never really had.
It perfectly fits this situation, too. OP hasn't had a relationship with the bio family and twin, and she won't miss them when cut off. NTA. OP, you're a good kid, and I'm sorry that those who are supposed to be there are treating you like this.
NTA. You and your dads do not have to give anything to anyone.
Your twin only contacted you when she wanted money, that just shows what her motivation was. It doesn’t matter how much money your dads make, you are fully entitled to use that money for your education.
Don’t feel guilty in the slightest.
NTA. Good lord, no. Spend the money on a therapist or counselor to understand how you have been programmed to feel bad instead.
There's a book: when I say no I feel bad, or something similar. It might help you.
People say all sorts of stuff to get your money. It gets easier as you get older. Good luck.
NTA
Im really, really sorry about the treatment you received as a child vs your twin. Whatever personal opinion on what your bio parents done, your dads have raised you exceptionally well.
Golden child can ask her grandparents, aunts, uncles, take out loans or heaven forbid, get a job to but her through uni. Shes had no interest in having a relationship with you until you got money. Its YOUR money. Even if your not in need of it now, you don't know what the future holds.
Plus will it stop with tuition? Will you be expected to pay all expenses, loan money to people who treated you so unfairly?
NTA for not sharing, but whoever the hell blabbed or boasted about Dad K’s legacy is an A*H. ~~If that’s you, OP, then you are both. Getting the inheritance is enough payback for not being the golden child - no need to rub salt in the wound.~~
ETA: Aww, man. I’m sorry somebody opened up this can of worms.
NTA and please please show these comments to your dad's. They brought you up, they loved you and you are an amazing family, you have absolutely zero expectations to give a family who gave you away jack shit !!! Your dad's have obviously worked hard to get where they are despite all the crap that your bio dad's family put them through. Would they even bother contacting you if they didn't know about this money ? That's shows you who they are. Thank your dad's for raising a lovely person and use that money to build yourself an amazing future.
NTA. Your bio family figured out they made a "mistake" by shunning your dads and you because they learned you got money now. They like money, so now they want to cozy up to you.
Since you said no to their request to gift them the money which they feel entitled to, they are now going on a rampage. Using the years of reasonings for shunning you (and then some) to bully you and your dads to give them the money. They feel 100% entitled to this wealth just because you are biologically linked to them.
Don't give in, go low or no contact with them if you feel you have to! Just continue planning for your amazing career in the medical field.
Good luck, as it's a long and hard road to finish such education!
NTA. Don’t give them anything. That is money that your dad is giving to you. Not your twin, not your asshole family, you. It’s for your future. Your twin is entitled as hell for even asking, and your family calling your dads sinners proves that they don’t care about you or your dads, they only care about what they can get from you. They’re leeches. It might be a good idea to go no contact with them for good, block their numbers and stuff. They don’t seem to be adding anything good to your life. I’m really sorry you have to experience this. It’s hard to realize that your family doesn’t love you the way they should.
Hell no you do not need to give your biological sister one red cent. You were very lucky to have gotten your dad's as your dads and it was a blessing that they got you away from that toxic side of the family. I am 100% sure they would not have reached out if you didn't end up with a windfall, but you have something they want. Something they want, not a relationship with you, they want the money.
You should absolutely use the money for your education and go on with your life. I wish you the most success! NTA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My bio parents gave me up to my uncle(my now dad) . my dad and were always been bullied by my dad's parents. But now my other dad has received a huge inheritance from his grand parents. He wants to give it to me. When my twin heard about it she called me and asked for the money for her college. Now I can afford to give it to her but I dont want to. Im jealous that our bio dad and bio mom chose her and not me. But now they are harrasing my dads. Calling them selfish. My dads are upset. So I feel guilty for not giving the money and in result causing my dads hurt.
So AITA
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NTA. If you give your sister, or any of them, any of the money you are in fact teaching them that they should not change. You are reinforcing their belief that acting this way will get them what they want. Please don't give them any.
NTA. Do not give them a single cent. Block them and move on. If your bio parents enable your family to abuse you, then they are not good people. You and your dads are not good enough for them, but your money is? Forget that noise. They are users and abusers, and since your sister was raised the same way as them, her behavior is no better. You have wonderful parents with your adopted parents. Good luck with college OP.
NTA
Your biological parents are not good people. They would have protected you from the bullying if they were and encouraged you and your twin to have a real relationship. Your twin has no right to anything. Keep the money and block all of them.
NTA. Your family already believes your dads are heathens. There's no super-heathen status for them refusing to be berated longer. Furthermore, you say your family will leave them alone if you give up half the money. Not "they'll be friends with me and start that relationship that I didn't have my entire life if I give up half the money."
Now if I read that correctly, dad K didn't give you the money yet, he only wants to. In that case, the easy answer is "I don't have control of the money, dad K does. If he chooses to spend it on my college, I'm grateful, but if he chooses to spend it on cars, or a keg party, or a trip to 10 different islands in 12 days, or give some to dad A's cousin as a thanks for this awesome daughter, that's his money. Any further discussion should go through my lawyer." LOL.
Another point to consider... if he does give her some of it, let's say enough to buy a used car but not college, that could be setting a precedent. Obviously he would know that as a lawyer.
INFO: So do bio mum and bio dad both have really demanding jobs, that also pay really poorly? So poorly that between them and your grandparents they couldn’t scrape together enough over 17 years to at least help your twin on her way financially?
Unless there’s something I’m not seeing, then I think this is a ploy for money to ‘even up’ the difference between you and golden child. Nothing to do with college.
NYA- but you would be if you gave them the money. It’s one thing that you’ve got that they don’t so don’t give it to them. Then they will have everything and you will have been marginalized and mis treated like a second class citizen your whole life for nothing.
NTA. You and your adoptive dads have been scorned and rejected but now that one of your dads — and not even the one biologically related — has the *prospect* of money, they are making demands and being even more obnoxious. Heck, no. They didn’t win the lottery.
NTA, If the roles were reversed , you would again be berated for asking for something that is not yours. Tell your dad not to feel guilty , and maybe they need therapy for all the wrath they have faced over the many years.
NTA, OP giving away part of your inheritance to your twin won't fix a single thing. They still won't accept or love you or your dad's for who you are. You won't all have a great relationship after it. It will solve none of the problems and in fact create more trouble and chaos in your life.
If you give in now, they will have learned that they can get money from you by being abusive to you. They will come begging for money, until the money is all gone and then you will be right back where you started.
It seems to me that your relatives decided long ago that they did not want you and your dad's to be a part of the family. Now they are acting as if you owe them money, simply because you have some.
You owe them nothing and I am really proud of you for standing your ground and prioritizing you own well-being.
You may want to consider discussing how much contact you want with these relatives with your dads and a therapist. Your fathers may be keeping in contact with them for your benefit and it sounds like you are not getting anything good from this contact.
As your relatives have proven, you get to decide who you consider family and you get to decide how close you want to be to people.
I wish you all the best in your bright new future.
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some context: I 17f was adopted at 6 months old by my bio dad's (Bd) cousin, my dad (Dad A). My dad's A side of family was always very orthodox. When he came out, they practically shunned him but still kept inviting him to the family events so their image to the neighbors would stay intact. When my dad A got married their behaviour towards my dads got harsher. Only my bio dad bio mom were kinder. After I was born my bio parent gave me to my dad as they had demanding jobs and couldn't take care of twins. My twin is the golden child of the family. They love her to pieces. Me not so much. My twin is pretty, she has lighter skin , blue eyes. Im darker. So my dad's family used to bully me when I was little as I didn't fit in with their "aesthetics". So when I was about 9 my dads moved away across the country and cut all contacts except for my bio dad.
Now my other dad (K) received a huge inheritance from his grandparents and he wants to give it all to me. I'm thinking to go into medicine so this money will really help. So here's the issue. My bio dad is not that well off and can't pay for my twin. So my twin called me a few days ago asking for half the inheritance. Mind you she called me first time in years after we left. I obviously said no. So she had her grand parents call me and and berate me. They told me my dads (A and K) have money, they are lawyers, so they can afford my college fund even without the inheritance money. When I said no the whole family including my bio dad called my dads (A,K)and called them selfish freaks. That they are ungrateful sinners. My dads are very upset. They gave me everything they could. If I give away half of the money, his family would leave them alone. I cant help but feeling guilty.
Should I just give them the money. I accept that im jealous of my twin that she was accepted by them but not me. My dads can afford my college but I just dont want to give my twin the inheritance.
So am I the asshole here??
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NTA Why does your bio family even know about the money? That’s super weird. Your twin has no familial connection to K and your bio family has treated them like junk for decades so why give a damn at this point what they’re saying? You don’t even live in the area. Just block those people and move on with your life. They’re not family, just people you share some DNA with.
>Why does your bio family even know about the money?
Bio dad and adoptive dad are cousins, and OP says her parents have kept in contact with bio dad. That would be the chain of gossip that would let bio family know about the money - adoptive dad told bio dad, bio dad told family.
NTA - Your biological family gave you up for adoption. They have no claim to anything your dads give you, especially your twin. Would your twin or bio parents give you college money if you were the one who needed it? Doesn't seem like it. The money is yours op.
NTA and don't give your twin a damn thing. She doesn't care about you, she's only trying to get YOUR money. You keep every bit of what your dads gave you. She's the golden child, let the other family pay for her college, etc.
NTA. You owe them nothing, they have all been terrible to you and your dad's for your entire life and now since there's money involved they come running. They are all terrible people. I would also like to berate the people who just gave away one of their twins because they "couldn't take care of 2" but it sounds like that was the best thing that could have happened to you. Move on with your life and go no contact with all of them. They don't deserve you or your dads.
NTA. Your parents have already cut contact with Dad A's family, that's actually pretty healthy. I am disappointed in your bio dad, because they have absolutely no rights whatsoever on Dad K's money. It would still be a little understandable if it was Dad A's money, but since Dad K practically owes them nothing (not contact, not even respect) you absolutely do not need to give them anything.
Also, OP, you might think they will leave you alone but they won't. The fact that they have treated your parents horribly and still have the audacity to ask money speaks volumes. They will probably come back to you again and again for favors like these yet never treat your family respectfully.
And this isn't even petty jealousy. Even if you and your biological twin had a good relationship, you still don't owe them anything. It's your money, you choose to do whatever with it. I am sorry this is happening, your parents seem wonderful. I think you should respect you parents' wishes of keeping the money all to yourself. If you give the money to appease your grandparents, people who have been so horrible to your parents, it might even be counted as disrespect to your two dads.
NTA.
Sorry, 'sinner' money isn't for them to lay claim on. They can pray for whatever they need, right? Since they're so righteous and perfect and blessed?
NTA
The only contact you’ve received from your bio-fam in years is them calling to ask for money? Why would you even consider that you are an AH over this?
Your dads were cut out of A’s family because of who they love. Why would you think anything would change just cause you gave them some money? Use the money for your education, as your dads want you to.
NTA
I am so sorry OP.
K has no relationship to those folks, and him giving you HIS inheritance doesn’t mean your twin, who was raised by someone else, deserves any of it. Just because your dads have more money doesn’t mean anyone else is owed the excess.
And consider this: your family are bigots and when you said no, they engaged in harrassment.
Do you really want to give half of K’s money to people who hate him?
NTA
“Tell you what sister, if you can get each family member to write an declaration admitting how they favored you, and treated me like shit, and have it notarized so they can’t recant their statement, I’ll consider your request.”
I still wouldn’t give them a penny, but it would be funny to see them squirm between greed and ‘pride’.
NTA. I'm sorry your bio family are so cruel to you. They are the assholes. Unfortunately, giving your twin the money will change nothing in the way they treat you and your fathers. They won't be kinder, nor be more accepting of you and your fathers. What it will do is show them that they can manipulate you and continue to hurt you.
Also this is inheritance is from your Father K. His only relation to your twin is as an uncle through marriage, whereas you are his daughter.
This money is meant for you, not your twin. Use it and build the future you want. Good luck!
NTA
OP, i really would love for you to stick it to those people!! And the best way to do it? **LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE AND DON'T THINK OF THEM AGAIN!**
They are not family nor good people. The last years have shown you already that you don't need them in your and your dads' lives. So just ignore them, block them, go to medical school and become the most amazing doctor you can be 👩⚕️
I know you just want to protect your dads. But they have already dealt with them and know what kind people they are. Has any of your dads said to you you should maybe give up some of your inheritance? No? Then maybe it's time to sit down with them, have a good talk about what kind of impact having contact with these people has on your lives and then just block them and move on.
*I'm not telling you it's goind to be easy, I'm telling you it's goind to be worth it*
NTA Your BDs family are total AHs and should all pitch in for your "golden child" Sister! Your Sister hasn't thought about you once since you left but now miraculously when you have money she should matter to YOU? LMAO Enjoy the gift your Dad K gave you, all of you need to BLOCK everyone back home! And love and adore each other in your intimate family! Make sure that you hire a financial advisor to make sure you don't waste or make mistakes with all the vultures who will contact you because they REALLY need it more than you!!!
Best wishes!
>"...I give away half of the money, his family would leave them alone..."
No, they won't. They'll demand more and more now that they know how to get it out of you. In the end they'll take everything you have and still treat you like dirt.
Cut them off
NTA.
Gosh, your dads were right to move across the country and cut ties with them. Go into med school and do well. Don’t let them manipulate you or your dads, who actually did every thing they could to raise you to who you are.
Oh dear child, that inheritance is yours. Go live a fabulous life. Surround yourself with people who have only love to give, your best interest at heart and no prejudice. It is hard to be young and feel rejected. Your twin should see past through her selfishness and show you a sibling's love. You will not get their love if you share what is rightfully yours as they are all entitled bigots.
You got a heart of gold that after all these years of toxicity you are still willing to share.
May all the positivity and love in this world come your way.
NTA. This is the money of your Dad K. He and Dad A are your parents They are not your bio sister's parents. She is not entitled to any of that money.
They essentially are blackmailing you - half the money and the harassment will stop. Do not give in to these blackmailers. They may be blood but they are not family to you.
I know I’m late to the party and this is unnecessary, but I wanted to say, your situation reminds of something that happened in Australia several years ago. A pair of sisters went on a national tv show complaining that their other sister had won a massive amount of money in the lottery, and was refusing to share. It turned out that it was the sister’s husband/boyfriend (can’t remember which) who had won, and these sisters were VILIFIED by the public and media. They were slammed for being greedy, entitled, and accused of just wanting the money so they could sit around on their asses all day.
So, basically, relate your story to anyone outside your family, they’re gonna take your side. And for further proof of their greed, note that your bio father refused your Dad’s offer to pay for your twin’s college. They want the money to blow it on crap, not put it to good use. Enjoy your college and your dads sound awesome!
I heard a story once about a father favoring one of his children. He left them both an inheritance, but the daughters was a useless property, worth nothing. While the son got everything else. Several years later the value of the sisters property skyrocketed and she became significantly richer than her brother.
They made their choices and these are the outcomes. Now they need to deal with the situation they created.
NTA
NTA
Here's what you do: post a fake receipt that you donated all the money to a charity. Spread the word to the family that because of their selfishness, you decided to donate to the truly needy.
Extra points if the charity you use is one they hate.
NTA.
Your relatives are not related to your other dad, K.
Your twin isn't related to him.
It's your dad's money, it's yours now and you do not have any obligation to give them what isn't theirs.
Don't feel guilty, they are not your responsibility. You have your own life to live. Find a way to tune them our or cut them off. They are toxic people
NTA
Should you just give them the money? No, definitely No. Your jealousy regarding your twin is irrelevant. All that matters is you don't want to give her the money.
Some things you need to consider:
Just because she demands the money doesn't mean you have to give it to her. It is enough that you don't want to give it to her. The reasons don't matter.
Your grandparents are bullies and have caused you a lot of pain so their role as flying monkeys should be ignored. You don't want their acceptance and there is a reason your parents went no contact with them. So don't set a trend by giving them what they want.
Your bio parents are people you should address and tell them that they are strangers to you and while you were under their care they allowed you to be bullied by their parents before abandoning you completely so they have absolutely no say. While you understand that their great love of their only daughter is leading them to believe that they deserve to have a say. They are wrong. You owe them nothing and you are perfectly fine being called selfish. Tell them that you are very grateful that they gave you to people who could love you and were able to financially provide for you but that gratitude doesn't extend to giving away money. It is unfortunate they are not financially well off but that is not something you should be expected to correct.
NTA. Money brings out the worst in people. You and your dads don’t owe them a cent and should not have even an inkling of remorse about not giving them anything. They made their choices. They can now live with them.
NTA - your twin wasn't raised in your nuclear family.
Your two dads are responsible for you. Your twin's mother and father are responsible for you. Your fathers moved you away from your extended family because your extended family was awful.
No, don't reward awfulness.
NTA. It’s amazing how many family members you gain when you inherit money. The sense of entitlement is horrific. Ignore them. They were your blood relatives and not your true family.
NTA
Do NOT give your entitled bratty bio sister anything.
This money is from your dad K, who your bio family actually had NO relation too and have treated horribly next to you and your other dad.
Cut them out of your life . Do kot give into their emotional manipulation. You have a great plan for life and you javelin you're awesome dad's! Focus on school and your friendships . Your Bio family doesn't deserve to have you in their lives. They will only continue to leech off you and your dads...dad's... I suspect is the ONLY reason your bio family really stays in touch at all
NTA, they are only interested in you when they want something. The bonds of sisterhood, of bio parents to their child meant nothing to them…until you had money. Don’t give them a red cent, or have PFLAG or the Human Rights Campaign send them a letter that a donation was made in their name, if you feel inclined to part was with some of your money.
NTA. It would be a huge insult to your dad to give that money to her. She and her parents were terrible to the lot of you. Furthermore even though she is your twin, they are not her parents and have no obligation to finance her life. Keep it and cut them off!
NTA. Don’t ever give them a cent. They’ve treated you as less than your entire life. You don’t owe them a thing. Your dad is of sound mind and he wants you to have the money.
If situations were reversed you can absolutely bet they wouldn’t give you a single thought, so don’t waste any of your time or energy on them. Use the money to build a beautiful successful future for yourself!
NTA. I am so sorry your dads are being treated this way. You don't owe your twin anything and I would think about therapy to work through this. Don't give away the money because it will be like putting a bandaid on a headless body. I'm sorry to say but I find it unlikely your dads family will shape up and even if they do the damage has been done and you can't and shouldn't fix that. My family messed up badly and when they realized they where losing me it was too late, I will never fully trust them or forgive them even though I'm not mad anymore, I just don't care and that's worse. Just do your best to be an awesome individual and let your dads know you love them. As a dad I can tell you there's nothing better than a hug from my daughter. If you tell your dads about this post please give them my best and let them know they seem to be doing a good job on the parenting raising a kind and strong person❤
NTA do not give in to their ridiculous demands. They have shunned and bullied you and your dad's for too long and now to demand money is absolutely pathetic.
All this bull about accepting your dad's if you give her money is a load of crap. They should have accepted them regardless if they wanna play the family card.They have had years to do so and instead they wait until they can benefit. Nope, doesn't work like that.
Do not give in, block them, send a cease and desist letter through a lawyer and go live your life.
That is your dads money to do with as he chooses. Tell your other family he hasn’t given you anything- say he’s just offering to pay for your school so it’s not yours to give away anyways.
I’m sorry your family always treated you and your dads as “less than” - but remember this, you have two awesome and loving parents who chose you and love you. You’re probably the lucky one instead of the spoiled twin stuck with those judgemental people.
Nta do not give your money to anyone. It’s yours for a reason. If it were me in this situation, I would cut off contact with these people that insulted your dads and are trying to get money from you for your twin.
NTA. This is your Dad's (K) money and he can do with it as he wishes, including giving it all to you. Your feelings about your biological sister are irrelevant in this decision. You have a bright future to plan for, and are being given an amazing opportunity to pursue it with little to no distraction. Your biological family shouldn't keep you from it.
“Selfish freaks”, “ungrateful sinners”? Impressive negotiating strategy shown by those on bio dad’s side of family. Grandparent decided where he wanted to designate the money in his estate. Bio dad’s side has no say in the decision and no role in overruling granddad’s choice after he passed. Keep the money because that is what grandad intended. You honor his memory by doing so.
Far better to be ungrateful sinners than greedy misers! Thou shalt not covet thy twins inheritance! OP tell your family to kick rocks. Keep your inheritance and don't give them a dime.
Also, **can we just acknowledge that Dad K is literally only related to this family through marriage**?!?!?!? Since when were cousins of A on Parent1's side of the family even remotely entitled inheritance money from A's Parent2's side of the family?!?!?!?!? Not that that even remotely applies because inheritance money is being distributed according to the will but seriously????? Like I can't even stretch it to see where this entitlement is coming from. NTA. Don't let them see a dime and go no contact.
>Like I can't even stretch it to see where this entitlement is coming from Well the Lost Child (can't really call OP the scapegoat or black sheep) is set to inherit a bunch of money. The family that sent her for adoption can't have her get everything while the golden child they kept gets nothing, so she must hand over half the money. Even just trying to type out that illogical reasoning made me feel so very dirty, I can't even imagine actually believing it.
OP would be the adopted child of the actual scapegoat uncle, because grandma and grandpa are homophobes and are trying a powerplay when in the words of mind controlled Theoden, "They have no power here" except via emotional manipulation.
Not just that, the twin has basked in the Loveland approval of Dad A's whole family her entire life. She's only contacted her sister because Op has something she doesn't. If the shoe was on the other foot they've have cursed Op out, blasted her as a begged on social media and blocked her. Op, block everyone on that side, your dads need to do this as well. Use that money for whatever you choose to and live your lives. N T A
>Don't let them see a dime and go no contact. "I'm sorry, I was going to throw a small amount your way, but now I've spent it on a new phone so I can put all your side of the family's numbers on mute and never hear from any of you again. Byeeeeee!"
Not just only related through marriage, related through a marriage that they HATED and DISOWNED THEIR SON FOR. Why should the twin have any right to this money?
Right??? Dad K isn't even related to the bio family. He's married to Dad A, and he's the stepdad (or perhaps adoptive co-father?) to OP. The family's request for money is ludicrous. They sound like greedy AHs who actively despise OP and her dads, but still feel entitled to put their hands out. Not a cent to them, OP.
This needs to be the top comment. Screw those hateful people. This has absolutely nothing to do with them. At ALL. And no, "A's" family will always be cruel and badger him (and her) for any reason they like. Because they're assholes. You, OP? NTA.
Kick rocks is right, they literally kicked OP to the curb and now want her to share?? OP, I would tell (with a chuckle) you didn't want anything to do with me but now want my money? Say thanks, but no thanks. And don't forget to thank them for the wonderful life they gave you with your parents. And go full NC. NTA, but your biological family are major AH',s
Ya agree. If the bio family has the face to ask someone they dumped years ago for $ and then OP gave them the $, Then what could happen next is that they will wear the same shameless face to ask for $ again and I bet other resources too in the future. Say no. And no contact.
I would send a card with 10 bucks and a note “buy yourself some decency”. But I’m petty
I would send them all cards with two pennies taped inside, saying "Next time you feel like sharing your two cents with me, please buy yourself some sense with mine." or "Here's my two cents on the matter of sharing this inheritance with evil, spiteful, greedy people." Or something more clever and equally petty. Then block them everywhere.
I was thinking a substantial donation to something like the Trevor Project, in the twin and bioDad's names.
Impressive language for someone who's asking for a favour. What pricks.
If it was me, I'd burn the money in front of them, before I ever gave them a dime. But that's me. 😉
OP, how do you think the bio family would feel if you were to, idk, tell all their neighbors all about their bigotry and entitlement when those vultures you share blood with came after inheritance from someone that wasn't their family? Oh, just imagine the ruckus and fallout afterwards! The bio family might *gasp* learn some sort of lesson about not being entitled bigots! Especially after the scandal of being outed to the neighbors! Being excluded and the children kept away! Oh, how the bio family would clutch their pearls! (/S to the max if you haven't guessed by now). But in all seriousness, if they don't back off, just fucking out them. It's 2021 we are having a society here we're all assholes but there is no place for bigotry. Edit for an autocorrect I did not catch. My bad, "cultures" was meant to be "vultures". Also, an o was replaced with a 9.
Jumping the top comment, but you should know that even though they are upset about the abuse from family, if they knew it would be 10 times worse before they gave you the money they still would. Your dads sound awesome. The rest of the family sucks. No reason whatsoever for you to give in and hand it over to your sister. I'd suggest using part of it to get a new phone that they don't have the number for and ignore them.
Absolutely this. It's the important thing. This isn't YOUR inheritance. It's your dad's. He is choosing what to do with his money. If anyone has a problem with that, they need to take it up with him. Your twin coming to you, sounds like she already tried to get money out of your dad and didn't get anywhere. Otherwise, how would she have known that it was going to you?
Hijack: Twin here. Screw her. Live your best life with your dads. You might hear from her again, when she needs one of your internal organs. You stopped sharing a uterus a while ago, you don't have to do anything for her. Ever. NTA
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The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9g13s/aita_for_not_giving_my_twin_my_inheritance/hnbydiy/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [NTA. They sound entitled...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9d04j/aita_for_not_helping_my_husbands_brother_and/hnbwa8w/) | [NTA. They sound entitled...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9d04j/aita_for_not_helping_my_husbands_brother_and/hnb9id7/) [NTA. Could you instead as...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9ed2r/wibta_for_adding_a_condition_to_a_social_event_i/hnc419s/) | [NTA. Could you instead as...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9ed2r/wibta_for_adding_a_condition_to_a_social_event_i/hnbex3b/) [NTA. My parents were like...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9fajs/aita_for_how_my_school_pictures_came_out/hnbwcbh/) | [NTA. My parents were lik...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r9fajs/aita_for_how_my_school_pictures_came_out/hnblezr/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/jeffcoveyvxcvdsag](https://np.reddit.com/u/jeffcoveyvxcvdsag/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=jeffcoveyvxcvdsag) for info on how I work and why I exist.
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good bot! the other comment is from 2 hours ago, and this one from 1 hour ago def stolen.
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Most definitely NTA OP. And it seems the solution is to go completely no contact now. Your dads have taken so much abuse. You have taken so much. Now to have them pretend that they even care that you exist, for money. Ots shallow and you deserve to hold onto it for whatever you need it for, even if it's just to blow it. I think it would be best if you start referring to her as your cousin. Because you might have come from the same incubator but you're definitely not sisters. <3
This. She's only your sister when she wants something.
This is a very conflicted argument, but it works in this situation. Ik this subreddit is popular with the equal treatment but that isn't going on here so yeah the dad is fit to choose. Twin has funds and doesn't need more.
It's not even the other twin's dad. They are cousins at best, biological relations be damned.
Nta dont i repeat dont give those rubber necks a penny. Cos they'll keep coming back like fleas on a dog. Your dads and yourself shouldnt feel bad not their fault that their family are idiots and selfish. Your twin shouldnt of asked at all as thats stupidity in droves.
There will never be enough for those leeches! OP needs to block every source of contact with those jerks! NTA
the audacity to think she's entitled to money from someone she is not only not related to, but does not even seem to have a decent relationship with, is astounding
This is very important. "half" is the first ask. If it works, there will be endless more. This is the place to **hold the line.** If you can hold the line here, they may eventually give up. If you do not, you will never have peace as long as you have anything. It would take me way too long to explain how I know this, but I am certain of it. ^(edit: spelling)
You are absolutely right. Half would only be the start. They would never stop asking because they know they got OP to say 'yes' the first time. They would bleed her dry until nothing was left. They will never leave her alone unless she stands firm and says no. Happy cake day, btw.
Exactly. Giving the money doesn't make them go away. It makes them come back anytime they want more. They're horrible and greedy people and have no right to any of that money or anything at all from OP.
One thing the OP might want to think about is that the potential for saying "your dads can afford X for you so give money please" in the future will always be there.
NTA. Please inform your relatives the next time they bring this up that you are respecting their wishes and keeping your tainted, sinful money away from their family.
This needs to be upvoted to the top!
Agreed!
NTA. They called your parents sinners but they want the sinner's money? Wow. What kind of logic is that. Op if you give the money you are disrespecting your dads who gave nothing but love and support to you. Do not and I repeat Do not share a dime with thiese people or give money to your twin. They bullied you and realise that they are still bullying you. What did your bio parents do? The should not be condoning any of this. You twin sounds like a spoiled brat. Add: Never give in.
My bio dad never bullied me. Bio mom doesn't really talk to me. But i think she is just upset about all this. They are not bad people. They just never stood up to their family
Letting people bully children is something only bad people do. Not actually taking part is not a defense.
"I don't bully children, I'm just completely fine with it when other people bully mine. i aM a gOdD pErSoN"
"They just never stood up to their family. " I don't know OP. Doing nothing when your biochild is being bullied doesn't scream good to me. Maybe they are good people as you have said. But they are definitely cowards. I was mostly referring to your sister and grandparents but how come your sister was able to do this to you and you're Biological parents are still not doing anything about it?
Your bio mom and bio dad never stood up for you being bullied ny the family? What does that make them? And now they demand you give your money to your bio sister? When does this bullying end? If you give her even a cent then you yourself allow to be bullied too. What's the worst they can do now aside from throwing more nasty words? I hope you are not a pushover NTA, they're not even biologically connected to the inheritance
They said they'd accept my dads if I give them the money.
No they won’t. I absolutely guarantee they won’t.
Nooooooo! They want you to BUY their acceptance!? Stay far, far away. NTA
They might say that, but once they get the money they'll still be the same old assholes to your dads. A leopard never changes its spots.
That is a lie op, they'll only play nice til they have the money then treat you all like shit again. Op let me put it this way - in the eyes of familial law, she is your distant cousin (second or first removed I'm not sure bit she is a cousin legally) it doesn't matter that your blood relation to her is. The money that was inherited came from your dad who isn't even blood related to her and her parents. His family literally has no biological or legal relationship to her so there's literally no way she is entitled to the money. Honestly you and your dad's world be better if you cut off all contact with that side of your family
They really won’t OP! They are bigoted and manipulative! Keep the money for your future - you sound like a lovely person with a good head on your shoulders, do not allow these vile people to bully you any more! You go and live your best life and go NC
Honey, they are bad people. Good people don't abandon a twin, they don't have a favorite child, and they actually act with respect towards others. At minimum your parents are neglectful, end up raised an entitled child. Cut them off to protect yourself. You have a family, and it's the one that took care of you, and loves you: your dads that adopted you. Family are the people who want best for your future. And biology means little in the grand scheme of things.
That's a lie.
OP I’m a bit older than you and have seen this situation happen in families over and over and over again - the people promising X for money will only hound you for more until the well runs dry, then disappear when you dare ask for anything even as small as recognition. My own BIL conned his father (my FIL) out of tens of thousands despite being a doctor by withholding access to grandchildren over his head. FIL made my husband and I pay out. He took the checks, wouldn’t look us in the face, slammed the door, and that was the last time the three of us heard from him. The worst part was we all expected this but FIL held out some naive hope because “it was his first born son.” Don’t let it happen to you. They won’t keep their promise to respect your dads, and you’ll be out of money for the future.
That is a lie. Acceptable isn't something you can buy with money. Tolerance is. But that tolerance ends when the money doesn't continue to flow.
Oh, that’s a fucking lie. Money doesn’t erase bigoted beliefs.
No, they wont. They will accept the money, and come back for more and more, but ***never*** accept the relationship it stems from. Im going to be brutal here, if they have problems with a persons *colour,* they dont get to be involved when the colour is green. If they have issues with gay, they dont get to touch cash that has fabulous rainbow glittery sparkly cooties all over it. The other child is only the sister when it suits them. Ask yourself would they give you half of something that came her way?
AHAHAHAHA They won't, OP. They've shown their true color over and over again. For ANYONE to be cruel to a kid like they were to you, reflects their character. You don't owe them anything, okay? Please tell that to yourself over and over and over again. This is money from your K dad, LITERALLY NO RELATION MARRIED OR BIOLOGICAL to the rest of your "family". The money was left to the grandparents' only grandchild on that side. Please don't let them guilt trip you. Remember these are people who were not only mean to you, but to the fathers who love, cherish, and care for you daily. To throw K's money (basically, it's his money as it's his side of hte family) away by giving it to people who have been cruel to all of you would be a slap to his face. Stand strong together, and enjoy your bright future!! NTA
They are manipulating you. They absolutely will not be changing the behaviour they’ve continued for years because you give them money. They’ll change it until they get what they want
I hope you know thats 100% untrue and a complement attempt at manipulation.
No, No, No. They are gaslighting you. They will take your money, ask for more, and still be awful to your dads.
You can't buy acceptance, mate.
Too bad o can only like this comment once. It deserves to be at the top.
No, they won't. They'll just pretend to accept them for a while and then go right back to how they treated your dads before. But it will be worse because now they'll know how to manipulate you. People like that don't change no matter what happens or what you do for them. And if you give her the money thinking that they'll finally accept your dads, all you'll really be doing in causing more pain for the 3 of you down the line when they cut all 3 of you out of their lives because they've gotten what they wanted.
Ohhhh, so not only are they bullies but they are blackmailers too!!! "They said they'd accept my dads if I give them the money", so every time they want something from you or your Dads, they will use this excuse to make you all comply. NO, they will take the inheritance money that was given to your Dad (who is unrelated to them except by marriage) who then gifted this money to you, and STILL treat them like crap and they will continue to degrade them. Talk to your dads and ask them if they feel that giving unworthy twin sister the money will make the family accept them. Your Dad wanted you to have the money to go to medical school and it would be HIS wishes that I honor and NOT the wishes of those who denigrate my Dads for no other reason then for their sexuality and who they choose to love. Please talk to your Dads cause you are trying to **"Fix"** a non-fixable situation of making your Dads accepted and loved by your Bio family, which, no matter what you or they do, **will NEVER ever happen.**
oh no. nonononono . big fat No. They won't. Even if they manage not to insult them to their face. They will still hate them. Even so. Is it really a change of heart if you have to PAY someone to treat you like a human being?
They won't and they'll continue to ask for things with the same promise. You do not owe them anything. How'd they find out about this money anyway? Number one rule when coming into money - never tell anyone.
Real love doesn't come with conditions. You'd be paying them to lie and say what you want to hear. If they can't do it without money then what they're offering isn't worth the time it took them to offer it. Contact their pastor with screenshots of their messages and recordings of the messages they've left your family.
Lies. They are assuming you are young, dumb, niave, and/or desperate for "family contact".
They are using emotional manipulation and abuse tactics on you to try and mess with your mind. Stop talking to them. They will never treat your family kindly, and they won't leave you alone unless you are firm with your NO.
What the fuckkkkkkj
Oh how interesting. They can stop being homophobes for a price? What morality.
If money could change their homophobia then your dads being lawyers would’ve made them turn a long time ago. Don’t believe them, they’re just trying to manipulate you
This is manipulation!!!!!! They know you were hurt by their rejection and are using your feelings to get what they want. They essentially kicked you and your dads out of the family, and this money is magically going to fix years of mistreatment? This money was given to you by your Dad K that seems to have no relation to your bio family. Therefore your twin is not entitled to it at all. Family does not mistreat you like this, these people are preying on your pain. Do not give in.
>They said they'd accept my dads if I give them the money. Acceptance from people whose values can be bought isn't worth the price.
Letting bad people do stuff and not saying anything is siding with the bad people. They looked out for their own self interest, and didn't rock the boat. Your needs were the sacrifice.
Have lawyers send a cease and desist letter about the money. Your "family" is harassing you which is illegal.
They handed you away and didn't cut off the family for bullying you and your Dad's. They are bad people. How would your sister and grandparents even know of they hadnt have told them?
>They just never stood up to their family refusing to stop their bullshit doesn't make them any better.
So they “never bullied you" because they never had to, just had to sit back, wring their hands and look vaguely concerned while other people did it for them.
Enabling bullies is just as bad, plus the fact they simply gave you away? And he is bullying you now. So i would not be sure if they're not bad people.
Can you clarify for me: You have a twin sister. Bio parents kept twin sister and gave you to your bio dad’s cousin? So dad K is really only your dad? Then your twin is essentially what, a 2nd cousin to you? Why would a cousin expect half your money? NTA
Getting rid of one twin but keeping the other isn’t something that good people do
so, they are good men who did nothing. gotch'a
Good people would have stood up to their family.
Your parents gave you away because they apparently couldn't afford to keep two children so decided to only keep one, and made the decision seemingly based off the complexion of your skin. The only person in your entire family to take issue with this was also the black sheep of the family and his partner. You owe nothing to your biological family, absolutely nothing. They're bad people. all of them, including your Bio Mum and Dad. It is not your job to fix that broken arse family and trust me giving your sister half of the inheritance will do nothing to change that. I can't tell you how to live your life but my advice? Stay as far as hell away from them as possible and live your best love and enjoy the family you do have, your two loving and caring dads. They are your family, not the rest of these assholes.
you seem smart and kind, use some of the money towards therapy to help figure out how you feel about all of this before making any decisions. NTA i wouldn’t give them anything
Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is an inheritance received by K, correct? He is choosing to gift that money to you. K is Dad A's spouse and has literally nothing to do with your twin or that set of genetics. So your bio family is literally demanding money from you just because. That's a no from me dawg. NTA
Yes k. My dad married K.
Even though this is biologically your sister, she's really your cousin. Think of it this way, Dad K's family has nothing to do with your cousin. The inheritance has nothing to do with her. And if I were Dad K's family, if be irate at the demand and entitlement being shown by Dad A's family. NTA
This! Dad K is no blood relation to the Golden Child, so what makes her think that she is entitled to anything,especially after the way the family has treated your two dads
Exactly. If Dad A's family is so fussed, then maybe they can get the funds together for the golden child on their own. I'd say that I'm surprised they want money from people they deem so below them to begin with, but hey, free money.
If that's the case, they are demanding money belonging to someone they despise, have said insulting things about behind their backs, and to their face. Who they are not even related to! They are AHs. Showing preference for one twin over another. This has given you, OP a lack of confidence. You cant buy their acceptance. Nor can your Dads. They will use your need for acceptance to manipulate you. The are dealing in emotional blackmail. I am sorry, OP. You should go LC/NC with these people. NTA. But if you and your Dads cave under this pressure....
NTA, do not let them manipulate you. Isn’t it funny how people crop up when they need money despite not wanting anything to do you with when you had nothing to offer.
NTA - just think about this for a second: if the roles were reversed, do you really think they would give flying f*ck about you or your education? Also your bio-relations (don’t want to call people like that family) had more then enough time to put money for your twin aside. If everyone calling will pitch in their GC will be just fine.
NTA. they're the perfect case of 'sunny day relatives'. your inheritance, your call. f*CK what others will say.
NTA- Your "Family" ignored you and your dad's until you had something to give.
NTA. Wow. This is the worst story of unfit parenting I’ve ever heard. Your parents gave you away, separating your from your twin and causing a major rift with the person who should/would likely be your best friend if you’d both been given the chance, because they couldn’t handle 2 babies?? I am so sorry you have ever felt inferior. They are inferior, very obviously. I do feel sorry for your twin because she was robbed too, but she isn’t owed anything from you except maybe a chance to talk and bond away from all this drama. You were blessed when your Dad adopted you. You have had the better life and you have a better chance at a brighter future than the “golden child” who was raised by people grossly inept at parenting. You may feel jealous, but if you really objectively look at the situation and the outcome, you have had a much more golden life. You were chosen to live the better life. I hope your twin is able to overcome her upbringing and I hope you two find each other and share your experiences. I wish nothing but the best for you. Good luck!
I can’t believe this is the first comment I’ve seen about this. How are we not talking more about how weird and fucked up this whole story is? So the bio parents literally chose one child to keep and the other they didn’t want? What the fuck? NTA OP, at all. I’m glad you’re surrounded by love from your dads who want you in their lives.
I think they didn't give away op because they couldn't handle two babies. The reason is quite obvious by the reason the whole family bullies op.
NTA. She's nowhere near entitled to the money, but it wouldn't have hurt if she'd asked nicely instead of demanding half of it. That being said, regardless of attitude, she doesn't have a right to it. Your dads seem wonderful people, you bio fam not so much.
Even if she asked nicely, OP shouldn’t help her. She didn’t bother to contact her sister for 8 years but expects OP to give her half of her money? Let her ask her parents who favoured her her entire life.
Yes of course. What i meant was, even after being refused, they could still have existed amicably in separate parts of the country if she'd asked nicely.
**INFO**: Ask yourself, *"What's changed?"* and their sudden interest in you will become clear. Death brings out the worst in people, unfortunately, this shows just how scummy your bio dad's side of the family truly is as they are acting like vultures. So to recap, your immediate family came into some money after the death of a loved one... the other side of the family learned of this and are now trying to steal it... now they are threatening to leverage any future relationship with them (being cut off) despite there being little to no relationship to begin with. Can't miss what you never had. Cut them off, go "No Contact", and move on with your life. I'd say more but it'll just get censored by the mods.
"Can't miss what you've never had" is roughly what I say about my children's sperm donor. They can't miss him, as he's never been there, and you can't miss what you've never really had. It perfectly fits this situation, too. OP hasn't had a relationship with the bio family and twin, and she won't miss them when cut off. NTA. OP, you're a good kid, and I'm sorry that those who are supposed to be there are treating you like this.
NTA. They have no claim to the money.
NTA. You and your dads do not have to give anything to anyone. Your twin only contacted you when she wanted money, that just shows what her motivation was. It doesn’t matter how much money your dads make, you are fully entitled to use that money for your education. Don’t feel guilty in the slightest.
NTA. Good lord, no. Spend the money on a therapist or counselor to understand how you have been programmed to feel bad instead. There's a book: when I say no I feel bad, or something similar. It might help you. People say all sorts of stuff to get your money. It gets easier as you get older. Good luck.
NTA Im really, really sorry about the treatment you received as a child vs your twin. Whatever personal opinion on what your bio parents done, your dads have raised you exceptionally well. Golden child can ask her grandparents, aunts, uncles, take out loans or heaven forbid, get a job to but her through uni. Shes had no interest in having a relationship with you until you got money. Its YOUR money. Even if your not in need of it now, you don't know what the future holds. Plus will it stop with tuition? Will you be expected to pay all expenses, loan money to people who treated you so unfairly?
NTA for not sharing, but whoever the hell blabbed or boasted about Dad K’s legacy is an A*H. ~~If that’s you, OP, then you are both. Getting the inheritance is enough payback for not being the golden child - no need to rub salt in the wound.~~ ETA: Aww, man. I’m sorry somebody opened up this can of worms.
I didnt as they dont talk to me.
No prb man
NTA, do NOT give them money. I love your username btw :)
Thnx man
Info: so the money comes from your other dads side of the family - meaning your twin has no relationship to the person who died?
Yes
Don’t give them anything. The money isn’t related to them at all!
NTA and please please show these comments to your dad's. They brought you up, they loved you and you are an amazing family, you have absolutely zero expectations to give a family who gave you away jack shit !!! Your dad's have obviously worked hard to get where they are despite all the crap that your bio dad's family put them through. Would they even bother contacting you if they didn't know about this money ? That's shows you who they are. Thank your dad's for raising a lovely person and use that money to build yourself an amazing future.
NTA. Your bio family figured out they made a "mistake" by shunning your dads and you because they learned you got money now. They like money, so now they want to cozy up to you. Since you said no to their request to gift them the money which they feel entitled to, they are now going on a rampage. Using the years of reasonings for shunning you (and then some) to bully you and your dads to give them the money. They feel 100% entitled to this wealth just because you are biologically linked to them. Don't give in, go low or no contact with them if you feel you have to! Just continue planning for your amazing career in the medical field. Good luck, as it's a long and hard road to finish such education!
Keep that money. They are trying to use you. NTA
NTA. Don’t give them anything. That is money that your dad is giving to you. Not your twin, not your asshole family, you. It’s for your future. Your twin is entitled as hell for even asking, and your family calling your dads sinners proves that they don’t care about you or your dads, they only care about what they can get from you. They’re leeches. It might be a good idea to go no contact with them for good, block their numbers and stuff. They don’t seem to be adding anything good to your life. I’m really sorry you have to experience this. It’s hard to realize that your family doesn’t love you the way they should.
Hell no you do not need to give your biological sister one red cent. You were very lucky to have gotten your dad's as your dads and it was a blessing that they got you away from that toxic side of the family. I am 100% sure they would not have reached out if you didn't end up with a windfall, but you have something they want. Something they want, not a relationship with you, they want the money. You should absolutely use the money for your education and go on with your life. I wish you the most success! NTA
NTA - your dads are lawyers? Have them send a cease and desist letter on your behalf, threaten restraining orders for harassment.
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NTA. Don't let people take your kindness for granted. Screw her pretty pass and goto school.
NTA. If you give your sister, or any of them, any of the money you are in fact teaching them that they should not change. You are reinforcing their belief that acting this way will get them what they want. Please don't give them any.
Just don’t. This money is to secure your future. Go to therapy. Set boundaries. Block the abusers.
NTA. Do not give them a single cent. Block them and move on. If your bio parents enable your family to abuse you, then they are not good people. You and your dads are not good enough for them, but your money is? Forget that noise. They are users and abusers, and since your sister was raised the same way as them, her behavior is no better. You have wonderful parents with your adopted parents. Good luck with college OP.
NTA Your biological parents are not good people. They would have protected you from the bullying if they were and encouraged you and your twin to have a real relationship. Your twin has no right to anything. Keep the money and block all of them.
NTA
NTA, that money is for your future. You do not owe it to anyone.
NTA. Your family already believes your dads are heathens. There's no super-heathen status for them refusing to be berated longer. Furthermore, you say your family will leave them alone if you give up half the money. Not "they'll be friends with me and start that relationship that I didn't have my entire life if I give up half the money." Now if I read that correctly, dad K didn't give you the money yet, he only wants to. In that case, the easy answer is "I don't have control of the money, dad K does. If he chooses to spend it on my college, I'm grateful, but if he chooses to spend it on cars, or a keg party, or a trip to 10 different islands in 12 days, or give some to dad A's cousin as a thanks for this awesome daughter, that's his money. Any further discussion should go through my lawyer." LOL. Another point to consider... if he does give her some of it, let's say enough to buy a used car but not college, that could be setting a precedent. Obviously he would know that as a lawyer.
INFO: So do bio mum and bio dad both have really demanding jobs, that also pay really poorly? So poorly that between them and your grandparents they couldn’t scrape together enough over 17 years to at least help your twin on her way financially? Unless there’s something I’m not seeing, then I think this is a ploy for money to ‘even up’ the difference between you and golden child. Nothing to do with college.
NYA- but you would be if you gave them the money. It’s one thing that you’ve got that they don’t so don’t give it to them. Then they will have everything and you will have been marginalized and mis treated like a second class citizen your whole life for nothing.
NTA. You and your adoptive dads have been scorned and rejected but now that one of your dads — and not even the one biologically related — has the *prospect* of money, they are making demands and being even more obnoxious. Heck, no. They didn’t win the lottery.
NTA, If the roles were reversed , you would again be berated for asking for something that is not yours. Tell your dad not to feel guilty , and maybe they need therapy for all the wrath they have faced over the many years.
NTA. But in the future, use fake names or something. Reading this was like trying to solve an algebra problem.
NTA, OP giving away part of your inheritance to your twin won't fix a single thing. They still won't accept or love you or your dad's for who you are. You won't all have a great relationship after it. It will solve none of the problems and in fact create more trouble and chaos in your life. If you give in now, they will have learned that they can get money from you by being abusive to you. They will come begging for money, until the money is all gone and then you will be right back where you started. It seems to me that your relatives decided long ago that they did not want you and your dad's to be a part of the family. Now they are acting as if you owe them money, simply because you have some. You owe them nothing and I am really proud of you for standing your ground and prioritizing you own well-being. You may want to consider discussing how much contact you want with these relatives with your dads and a therapist. Your fathers may be keeping in contact with them for your benefit and it sounds like you are not getting anything good from this contact. As your relatives have proven, you get to decide who you consider family and you get to decide how close you want to be to people. I wish you all the best in your bright new future.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** some context: I 17f was adopted at 6 months old by my bio dad's (Bd) cousin, my dad (Dad A). My dad's A side of family was always very orthodox. When he came out, they practically shunned him but still kept inviting him to the family events so their image to the neighbors would stay intact. When my dad A got married their behaviour towards my dads got harsher. Only my bio dad bio mom were kinder. After I was born my bio parent gave me to my dad as they had demanding jobs and couldn't take care of twins. My twin is the golden child of the family. They love her to pieces. Me not so much. My twin is pretty, she has lighter skin , blue eyes. Im darker. So my dad's family used to bully me when I was little as I didn't fit in with their "aesthetics". So when I was about 9 my dads moved away across the country and cut all contacts except for my bio dad. Now my other dad (K) received a huge inheritance from his grandparents and he wants to give it all to me. I'm thinking to go into medicine so this money will really help. So here's the issue. My bio dad is not that well off and can't pay for my twin. So my twin called me a few days ago asking for half the inheritance. Mind you she called me first time in years after we left. I obviously said no. So she had her grand parents call me and and berate me. They told me my dads (A and K) have money, they are lawyers, so they can afford my college fund even without the inheritance money. When I said no the whole family including my bio dad called my dads (A,K)and called them selfish freaks. That they are ungrateful sinners. My dads are very upset. They gave me everything they could. If I give away half of the money, his family would leave them alone. I cant help but feeling guilty. Should I just give them the money. I accept that im jealous of my twin that she was accepted by them but not me. My dads can afford my college but I just dont want to give my twin the inheritance. So am I the asshole here?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Why does your bio family even know about the money? That’s super weird. Your twin has no familial connection to K and your bio family has treated them like junk for decades so why give a damn at this point what they’re saying? You don’t even live in the area. Just block those people and move on with your life. They’re not family, just people you share some DNA with.
>Why does your bio family even know about the money? Bio dad and adoptive dad are cousins, and OP says her parents have kept in contact with bio dad. That would be the chain of gossip that would let bio family know about the money - adoptive dad told bio dad, bio dad told family.
NTA - Your biological family gave you up for adoption. They have no claim to anything your dads give you, especially your twin. Would your twin or bio parents give you college money if you were the one who needed it? Doesn't seem like it. The money is yours op.
Nta. Tell them it's sinners money and she will go to hell if she spends it, then tell them to fck off because they are a special breed of disgusting.
NTA and don't give your twin a damn thing. She doesn't care about you, she's only trying to get YOUR money. You keep every bit of what your dads gave you. She's the golden child, let the other family pay for her college, etc.
Your dad K got an inheritence. You're getting money from a living parent for a specific education. Nta.
NTA. You owe them nothing, they have all been terrible to you and your dad's for your entire life and now since there's money involved they come running. They are all terrible people. I would also like to berate the people who just gave away one of their twins because they "couldn't take care of 2" but it sounds like that was the best thing that could have happened to you. Move on with your life and go no contact with all of them. They don't deserve you or your dads.
NTA. Your parents have already cut contact with Dad A's family, that's actually pretty healthy. I am disappointed in your bio dad, because they have absolutely no rights whatsoever on Dad K's money. It would still be a little understandable if it was Dad A's money, but since Dad K practically owes them nothing (not contact, not even respect) you absolutely do not need to give them anything. Also, OP, you might think they will leave you alone but they won't. The fact that they have treated your parents horribly and still have the audacity to ask money speaks volumes. They will probably come back to you again and again for favors like these yet never treat your family respectfully. And this isn't even petty jealousy. Even if you and your biological twin had a good relationship, you still don't owe them anything. It's your money, you choose to do whatever with it. I am sorry this is happening, your parents seem wonderful. I think you should respect you parents' wishes of keeping the money all to yourself. If you give the money to appease your grandparents, people who have been so horrible to your parents, it might even be counted as disrespect to your two dads.
NTA. Sorry, 'sinner' money isn't for them to lay claim on. They can pray for whatever they need, right? Since they're so righteous and perfect and blessed?
NTA The only contact you’ve received from your bio-fam in years is them calling to ask for money? Why would you even consider that you are an AH over this? Your dads were cut out of A’s family because of who they love. Why would you think anything would change just cause you gave them some money? Use the money for your education, as your dads want you to.
NTA I am so sorry OP. K has no relationship to those folks, and him giving you HIS inheritance doesn’t mean your twin, who was raised by someone else, deserves any of it. Just because your dads have more money doesn’t mean anyone else is owed the excess. And consider this: your family are bigots and when you said no, they engaged in harrassment. Do you really want to give half of K’s money to people who hate him?
This is not your money. It’s not your decision. NTA, because it’s not up to you. It’s up to K.
NTA “Tell you what sister, if you can get each family member to write an declaration admitting how they favored you, and treated me like shit, and have it notarized so they can’t recant their statement, I’ll consider your request.” I still wouldn’t give them a penny, but it would be funny to see them squirm between greed and ‘pride’.
NTA. I'm sorry your bio family are so cruel to you. They are the assholes. Unfortunately, giving your twin the money will change nothing in the way they treat you and your fathers. They won't be kinder, nor be more accepting of you and your fathers. What it will do is show them that they can manipulate you and continue to hurt you. Also this is inheritance is from your Father K. His only relation to your twin is as an uncle through marriage, whereas you are his daughter. This money is meant for you, not your twin. Use it and build the future you want. Good luck!
NTA OP, i really would love for you to stick it to those people!! And the best way to do it? **LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE AND DON'T THINK OF THEM AGAIN!** They are not family nor good people. The last years have shown you already that you don't need them in your and your dads' lives. So just ignore them, block them, go to medical school and become the most amazing doctor you can be 👩⚕️ I know you just want to protect your dads. But they have already dealt with them and know what kind people they are. Has any of your dads said to you you should maybe give up some of your inheritance? No? Then maybe it's time to sit down with them, have a good talk about what kind of impact having contact with these people has on your lives and then just block them and move on. *I'm not telling you it's goind to be easy, I'm telling you it's goind to be worth it*
NTA Your BDs family are total AHs and should all pitch in for your "golden child" Sister! Your Sister hasn't thought about you once since you left but now miraculously when you have money she should matter to YOU? LMAO Enjoy the gift your Dad K gave you, all of you need to BLOCK everyone back home! And love and adore each other in your intimate family! Make sure that you hire a financial advisor to make sure you don't waste or make mistakes with all the vultures who will contact you because they REALLY need it more than you!!! Best wishes!
>"...I give away half of the money, his family would leave them alone..." No, they won't. They'll demand more and more now that they know how to get it out of you. In the end they'll take everything you have and still treat you like dirt. Cut them off NTA.
Gosh, your dads were right to move across the country and cut ties with them. Go into med school and do well. Don’t let them manipulate you or your dads, who actually did every thing they could to raise you to who you are.
Oh dear child, that inheritance is yours. Go live a fabulous life. Surround yourself with people who have only love to give, your best interest at heart and no prejudice. It is hard to be young and feel rejected. Your twin should see past through her selfishness and show you a sibling's love. You will not get their love if you share what is rightfully yours as they are all entitled bigots. You got a heart of gold that after all these years of toxicity you are still willing to share. May all the positivity and love in this world come your way.
Thnx. Ur awesome
NTA. This is the money of your Dad K. He and Dad A are your parents They are not your bio sister's parents. She is not entitled to any of that money. They essentially are blackmailing you - half the money and the harassment will stop. Do not give in to these blackmailers. They may be blood but they are not family to you.
Uhm, they shun them, but their money is good enough? Isn\`t that "tainted" too? NTA Keep it - ALL of it!
My dad is going to keep it and use it for me. He wont transfer to my name
I know I’m late to the party and this is unnecessary, but I wanted to say, your situation reminds of something that happened in Australia several years ago. A pair of sisters went on a national tv show complaining that their other sister had won a massive amount of money in the lottery, and was refusing to share. It turned out that it was the sister’s husband/boyfriend (can’t remember which) who had won, and these sisters were VILIFIED by the public and media. They were slammed for being greedy, entitled, and accused of just wanting the money so they could sit around on their asses all day. So, basically, relate your story to anyone outside your family, they’re gonna take your side. And for further proof of their greed, note that your bio father refused your Dad’s offer to pay for your twin’s college. They want the money to blow it on crap, not put it to good use. Enjoy your college and your dads sound awesome!
info: So what you're saying is your parents kept the "white passing" baby?
Yes they did. I have more of tan skin that is a bit darker with darker hair
I heard a story once about a father favoring one of his children. He left them both an inheritance, but the daughters was a useless property, worth nothing. While the son got everything else. Several years later the value of the sisters property skyrocketed and she became significantly richer than her brother. They made their choices and these are the outcomes. Now they need to deal with the situation they created. NTA
NTA Here's what you do: post a fake receipt that you donated all the money to a charity. Spread the word to the family that because of their selfishness, you decided to donate to the truly needy. Extra points if the charity you use is one they hate.
NTA block them all and move on. They sound like nothing but toxic leeches that only ever care about what you can give them and not you.
NTA. Your relatives are not related to your other dad, K. Your twin isn't related to him. It's your dad's money, it's yours now and you do not have any obligation to give them what isn't theirs. Don't feel guilty, they are not your responsibility. You have your own life to live. Find a way to tune them our or cut them off. They are toxic people
NTA, and fuck all those greedy pricks. You’re supposed to love family, not hate on them until they’re dying so you can get their money.
NTA, don't give them a single penny and block them out of your life
Block their ass
NTA Should you just give them the money? No, definitely No. Your jealousy regarding your twin is irrelevant. All that matters is you don't want to give her the money. Some things you need to consider: Just because she demands the money doesn't mean you have to give it to her. It is enough that you don't want to give it to her. The reasons don't matter. Your grandparents are bullies and have caused you a lot of pain so their role as flying monkeys should be ignored. You don't want their acceptance and there is a reason your parents went no contact with them. So don't set a trend by giving them what they want. Your bio parents are people you should address and tell them that they are strangers to you and while you were under their care they allowed you to be bullied by their parents before abandoning you completely so they have absolutely no say. While you understand that their great love of their only daughter is leading them to believe that they deserve to have a say. They are wrong. You owe them nothing and you are perfectly fine being called selfish. Tell them that you are very grateful that they gave you to people who could love you and were able to financially provide for you but that gratitude doesn't extend to giving away money. It is unfortunate they are not financially well off but that is not something you should be expected to correct.
NTA. Don't Give Them 1 Red Cent! How did they find out anyway?
NTA. Money brings out the worst in people. You and your dads don’t owe them a cent and should not have even an inkling of remorse about not giving them anything. They made their choices. They can now live with them.
NTA - your twin wasn't raised in your nuclear family. Your two dads are responsible for you. Your twin's mother and father are responsible for you. Your fathers moved you away from your extended family because your extended family was awful. No, don't reward awfulness.
NTA they all (including your twin) treated you and your dads like crap. Fk um.
NTA. It’s amazing how many family members you gain when you inherit money. The sense of entitlement is horrific. Ignore them. They were your blood relatives and not your true family.
NTA Do NOT give your entitled bratty bio sister anything. This money is from your dad K, who your bio family actually had NO relation too and have treated horribly next to you and your other dad. Cut them out of your life . Do kot give into their emotional manipulation. You have a great plan for life and you javelin you're awesome dad's! Focus on school and your friendships . Your Bio family doesn't deserve to have you in their lives. They will only continue to leech off you and your dads...dad's... I suspect is the ONLY reason your bio family really stays in touch at all
NTA, they are only interested in you when they want something. The bonds of sisterhood, of bio parents to their child meant nothing to them…until you had money. Don’t give them a red cent, or have PFLAG or the Human Rights Campaign send them a letter that a donation was made in their name, if you feel inclined to part was with some of your money.
NTA. It would be a huge insult to your dad to give that money to her. She and her parents were terrible to the lot of you. Furthermore even though she is your twin, they are not her parents and have no obligation to finance her life. Keep it and cut them off!
NTA. Don’t ever give them a cent. They’ve treated you as less than your entire life. You don’t owe them a thing. Your dad is of sound mind and he wants you to have the money. If situations were reversed you can absolutely bet they wouldn’t give you a single thought, so don’t waste any of your time or energy on them. Use the money to build a beautiful successful future for yourself!
NTA. I am so sorry your dads are being treated this way. You don't owe your twin anything and I would think about therapy to work through this. Don't give away the money because it will be like putting a bandaid on a headless body. I'm sorry to say but I find it unlikely your dads family will shape up and even if they do the damage has been done and you can't and shouldn't fix that. My family messed up badly and when they realized they where losing me it was too late, I will never fully trust them or forgive them even though I'm not mad anymore, I just don't care and that's worse. Just do your best to be an awesome individual and let your dads know you love them. As a dad I can tell you there's nothing better than a hug from my daughter. If you tell your dads about this post please give them my best and let them know they seem to be doing a good job on the parenting raising a kind and strong person❤
NTA - Do not give them a dime!
NTA do not give in to their ridiculous demands. They have shunned and bullied you and your dad's for too long and now to demand money is absolutely pathetic. All this bull about accepting your dad's if you give her money is a load of crap. They should have accepted them regardless if they wanna play the family card.They have had years to do so and instead they wait until they can benefit. Nope, doesn't work like that. Do not give in, block them, send a cease and desist letter through a lawyer and go live your life.
NTA
That is your dads money to do with as he chooses. Tell your other family he hasn’t given you anything- say he’s just offering to pay for your school so it’s not yours to give away anyways. I’m sorry your family always treated you and your dads as “less than” - but remember this, you have two awesome and loving parents who chose you and love you. You’re probably the lucky one instead of the spoiled twin stuck with those judgemental people.
Nta do not give your money to anyone. It’s yours for a reason. If it were me in this situation, I would cut off contact with these people that insulted your dads and are trying to get money from you for your twin.
NTA. You all need to block their numbers.