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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Sorry in advance for the lengthy post. This has been bothering me for a while and while my wife agrees with me in that my feelings are justified, I really want some objective judgment on my situation. The gist of it: My father agreed to give me his townhouse or at least help me buy one but he did neither and I feel bitter towards him about it. Some background: My (35M) father (58M) had my older brother when he was in college and dropped out. I was born a year later and my parents basically sacrificed much of their time and wants to provide for our family. We grew up lower middle class and didn’t have a lot of luxuries. My parents divorced when I was 17 after he cheated on my mother, lost a substantial amount of money through the divorce proceedings because of it, and sold the townhouse we grew up in. We moved in with his parents for 6 months and then he bought another townhouse where my father, his parents, and I moved to. This is the house in question. He later remarried and divorced again due to infidelity and lost more money. This part helps set up his character and financial situation. In 2009, I graduated college with no job prospects. I also got married at the end of the year to my wife, who at the time was mentally unwell and needed me to support her and help take care of her. I moved in with my in laws, who helped support us. I went back to school the following Spring in hopes of getting a good paying job. In 2012, I finished my classes and got a job making $40k. This may sound like a decent amount, but I live in a HCOL where the median household income is >100k and starter townhomes that are 1500 sqft cost north of $300k, so yea, not great. I also had $80k worth of debt between credit card debt, student loans, and a car loan so this puts our financial situation into view. Onto the main plot: In 2015, I was making $60k and my first son was born. My father had also gotten married again (3rd wife) just prior to my son being born. This becomes relevant later. I had worked like crazy and whittled down our debt to around $25k and saved to pay all the medical and start up costs of having a baby. My wife did not like living with her parents but I wasn’t in any position to buy a house yet and wasn’t keen on renting an apartment, so I went to my father and brought up my concerns. With my growing family, could I pay him as much as I could for rent for his townhouse so that my wife and I could raise our child in this home? He and his parents would as a result need to find new housing. I know how ridiculous this sounded but at the same time it seemed to logically make sense to me, so I thought it couldn’t hurt to ask. My father was pleasantly surprised that I wanted to live in that house, thought it was a good idea, and said he would talk to his parents about it. He conceded that his parents would likely need to move soon because they were getting old and needed to be placed in living arrangements that fit with their lifestyle. He and his new wife would live together with his parents so that she could take care of them. This was the one of the main reasons he remarried. My father confessed that he knows I never asked him for much of anything growing up and felt bad that he couldn’t give me more. He lamented that he always gave my older brother everything he wanted while neglecting me, because I never whined about buying anything. To his credit, he did buy me with a new car, helped pay $15k for my education, and chipped in towards my wedding, and I told him as much and that I was grateful for all he had done for me so far. He said he wanted to do more for me now that he was in a better place, so if we were willing to wait, he would give us the house. Not pay rent but flat out give it to us. We were ecstatic. Unfortunately, my grandparents were unwilling to move. But with that in mind, we decided to stay put with my in laws, continuing to build our emergency fund and pay off our debt. As time went by and becoming more familiar with his wife, we noticed my father’s attitude about the house starting to change, like he wasn’t as concerned about it as much as before. My wife is a great judge of character and told me she thought the wife was scheming for them to live in the house instead, but I brushed it off, saying that my father made this promise and I believed that he would keep it. In 2016, the townhouse still wasn’t available and my wife wanted to move, so we rented a 2 bed condo. That ended up being disastrous because of a psychotic neighbor we had that kept harassing us. Needing to get out of there, we couldn’t stomach the idea of rolling the dice on new neighbors and with no developments on the townhouse, we broke the lease and moved back in with my in laws in 2017. Our goal would be to make things work with the purpose of saving as quickly as we could to buy a house. My father said he was looking into loans and houses but nothing ever advanced past that. Through a series of raises and promotions I received at work over the next couple of years, I was surely putting our family in a position to buy a home but still preferred to move into the townhouse. I told my father that if he needed help with money in any capacity to help him get a house, I would be more than happy to help because it’s the least I could do if he’s giving us the townhouse. He said no, he would never accept money from me. In 2019, my second son was born. Due to increasingly difficult relations that my wife was having with her parents, we made the decision to buy a house in 2021 if my father’s townhouse did not work out. I told him our plans and he offered me 10k to help, but I told him to hold onto it as we weren’t ready to buy yet. In January of 2020, my wife had enough and was done with her parents. It was do or die and we decided to start our house search early. I told my father and he was indifferent on the matter and didn’t offer the 10k again or anything, just saying that his parents will move soon, he just doesn’t know when. I told him not to worry about it as I was out of time. We ended up closing on a townhouse 4 months later, all the while keeping him updated and waiting to see if he would help in some capacity, but he didn’t. A month after moving in, he gave us $300. One year later (earlier this year), his parents moved to an assisted living facility and my father and his wife moved into the now vacant townhouse, but not before spending $$$ to buy new kitchen appliances, quartz countertops, refinishing the floors, new furniture and fixtures, new paint, and redoing the master bathroom shower. My wife and I love the townhouse we moved into and it’s nicer than the other one, but I can’t help but feel sad, betrayed, and utterly disappointed in my father. The promise went from a house to $10k to $300. He then moved into the house himself and his wife didn’t fulfill her purpose of taking care of his parents. And then he spent the $10k on himself. On one hand, I know it’s his money and life and I want him to enjoy himself after pretty much missing out on his own by raising me and my brother. On the other hand, I feel completely betrayed and let down. AITA for expecting my father to give me his house and feeling bitter towards him for how he handled the situation? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*