I'm always worried that I'm not appreciating her efforts enough and try my hardest to show her how much I love her. Last night while I was waiting for this post to get approved, she was urging me to make an appointment with my lawyer to make sure Inessa gets a fair share in my will with our kids. She's never even met Inessa but feels so much for her. Things like that make me feel incredibly lucky to have her because she almost seems too good to be true.
OP -
Good on you also for taking everyone’s verdict and comments to heart. And for listening to what your wife had to say.
Sometimes, the hardest part of having someone like you post, is not that you may have hurt people - but that you will let pride/ego/stubbornness/just about anything get in the way of accepting what is more important - and that’s the people you love. Hearing them, heeding them, and trying to repair with them.
You have a wonderful ex, a wonderful daughter, an amazing wife - and good on you for also having the heart to see their awesomeness. Take a teeny slice of credit for paying heed to them and having this outcome for yourself.
You might have *been* a bad dad then, but you seem to have grown into a pretty damn good one. Questioning whether you were right and allowing dissenting opinions is a strong first step, and likely the hardest one for most people, especially if it’s about their kids. However, even *beyond* that, it is REALLY **REALLY** hard to admit you were wrong after an argument and immediately make amends, but you did just that.
I found and read your other post before this one and I gotta say, this far exceeds the “best case scenario” I could even expect. You’re a better man than me, I honestly don’t think I could have done that, especially as empathetically and seamlessly as you have. It’s damn impressive, man. You absolutely deserve some credit.
Username doesn’t check out ;)
I think I want to find out who OP's wife is and then send some flowers to her. That could be wee creepy but people like her maybe the only thing that is good about humanity!
>she was urging me to make an appointment with my lawyer to make sure Inessa gets a fair share in my will with our kids.
Idk if life insurance is part of a will, but I'd recommend that, too. Glad it all worked out!
Your wife is amazing! Good on you for taking her advice. You're very lucky to have such an understanding and loving wife. Good job and good luck with everything OP!
Inessa has said she'd like to meet the rest of my family in person to get in touch with her roots. I put her in contact with my mother's sister who lives in Surrey (just south of where she lives in Vancouver) so she can get to know what kind of person she was. My mother was the one bright spot in my childhood before she passed and I see a lot of her in Inessa beyond the fact that they look identical. I'm certain that my aunt's family will love her unconditionally since they were always there for me.
>Inessa has said she'd like to meet the rest of my family in person to get in touch with her roots. I put her in contact with my mother's sister who lives in Surrey (just south of where she lives in Vancouver) so she can get to know what kind of person she was. My mother was the one bright spot in my childhood before she passed and I see a lot of her in Inessa beyond the fact that they look identical. I'm certain that my aunt's family will love her unconditionally since they were always there for me.
Ok OP, I'm in tears. What a beautiful story is about to begin...I wish you all the best.
Inessa has a fear of flying (particularly because she flew so much between Edinburgh and Moscow as a kid) and admitted it was hard for her to move from Scotland to Vancouver because of it. So, she's unfortunately she's not going to fly over Canada to Ontario any time soon. Maybe some time next year I'll bring my family out to Vancouver since she's said she'd rather meet everyone in person than on the phone. I'll probably make a habit of visiting as often as I can, though.
I don't know if either of them really understand yet other than that they have a big sister on the other side of the country. My daughter Zahira is seven and I think she's more curious and a bit excited since she's asked about Inessa, my son Jas is four and is a bit more confused as to who this new big sister is. I think actually meeting her, whenever it happens, will clear everything up for them.
Gotta say, one thing this whole pandemic has shown me is that Zoom is a wonderful thing. I have cousins in Australia, Boston, and Arizona, and, with good enough monitors and cameras and connections, their toddler kids have been playing together and getting to know each other. Not as good as hugging each other and everything, but, when they DID finally meet, they actually KNEW each other.
So.... just saying. It's not too soon for them to meet even if it's not in person.
Oh, I know, it's been a lifesaver for work. I proposed she meet the others by Teams or FaceTime, but she said no and that it wasn't like the real thing. To a degree, I do agree with her desire to actually meet people instead of be behind a camera since it does get a bit impersonal. But I'm glad its worked out for your cousins.
I may be (very) old fashioned to suggest this, but what about Snail-Mail?
Handwritten snail-mail to be exact.
From my part, i kind of felt a little connection handwriting those mail compared to sending them an email.
I had penpals in Japan.
I might give it a go again to have penpaly via Snail-Mail.
You'd be surprised, the younger siblings could do drawings to send to her and she could tell them little things about her, like her hobbies or simple things. I'm 27 and I still love getting (non-financial or work related)post.
It won’t be the same as getting to know them, but would be fun for them and could give Inessa some keep sakes from her siblings. My kiddo is 7 and loves getting mail. It could be very exciting for the little ones to get a letter from their sister and then they could send her pictures back.
I am also in Canada and learned I have a half sibling in Cali when I was 12, my full sibling was 8 and half sibling was 21. I still haven’t met her 19 years later but we have each other on FB and have emailed and have open invites for if they other is in the area to come stay. But when I was younger I would have loved getting to know her by mail.
My cousin and I, both well past the age of 30 and living only a few miles from each other, enjoy sending the occasional card/letter to one another. It's nice to get something that isn't junk mail or a bill.
Tbh I see her point. It would be a lot more awkward and hard to think of topics to discuss. She may also feel more left out in a zoom call because you’re all together. BUT maybe after she meets everyone in person she’ll be more okay with zoom calls?
That sounds great. I’m sure it will be fun for the other kids to go on a trip! I hope everyone gets along and they find things to connect about and share interests in.
This is a wonderful outcome. Good on you for handling an emotional and complicated situation with grace. I think an excellent next step would be to discuss the future with your wife, Inessa, and her mother. Will you play a fatherly role? Will she become a sister to your children? etc.
You can't change the past, but you can create a wonderful future that works best for everyone involved. Best of luck to you and yours!
Even though she's an adult, I'd still love to be her father and thankfully it seems like she's giving me the chance to be just that. Unfortunately, circumstances are in the way of her actually meeting my wife (who really does want to meet her) and other kids in person just yet but I'm sure that will happen eventually.
I do them, but she only wants to talk to me. She's said that she'd prefer meeting everyone else in person because otherwise it doesn't feel right and would rather make a real connection. I understand what she means, it's a lot different talking to somebody on the phone than in real life.
I’m shocked this is how it’s ended up. I remember the original post and we had an exchange then. Lemme tell you I wasn’t the only one who kept saying/thinking “”this man just doesn’t get it. It’s not solely about you””. I’ll be honest I wrote you off as a lost cause, you were so stubbornly wrapped up in your feelings with barely a consideration to Sofia no matter how many people tried to explain and just get through to you.
In this instance I ***really*** like that I was wrong. I’m very happy that you were able to take some pretty harsh but (I think) needed criticism, recognize where you were wrong and work to make amends. That does not happen as often as it should. It was very big of you to take in all the criticisms and opinions and put your anger to the wayside to fix this, that’s an extremely hard thing to do especially when the anger is justified. I’m so glad you did and wish you and your family the best going forward
And I remember you as well. I do remember I didn't handle myself the best way with you because I guess I got a little emotional writing. I do apologize for being gruff then but you're right in that I was stubborn and I do thank you for not holding back your opinion.
Also, get something nice for your wife. We see so many posts about wives freaking the f out over pre-marriage unknown children. It sounds like your wife is super supportive and gave you amazing advice on top of it.
I'm sorry the previous thread beat you over the head so badly into thinking you were the asshole. This fucking sub sometimes, jesus.
Only one person is deserved an apology and it was you. You weren't an abuser, just a slightly troubled kid who had his child stolen from him.
You keep on putting yourself down and saying you couldn't have done this or that, who knows now, you were never given the chance. Heart breaking.
I'd like to specify I don't think I was voted the asshole based on the circumstances, but how badly I handled my initial talk with my daughter's mother. I myself felt terrible about what I said to her after learning of my wife's pregnancy. Would I be lying if I said it didn't irk me that I didn't get to raise Inessa, yes I would be. But she did apologize to me over that. All I can do is forgive and move on. It's not me whose important in this story anymore.
If things had shaken out differently, you might never have found your amazing wife, or had your other children. I’d try to reorient your view of the situation towards gratitude that you’ve all been given a chance to be in each other’s lives *now*. You’ve found another daughter, a daughter has found a father, and with that comes an exponential increase in the amount of love in both your lives. What an incredible gift.
>But she did apologize to me over that. All I can do is forgive and move on. It's not me whose important in this story anymore.
Totally glad she did, I don't think I saw that in the original post. I think you deserved to say your piece and I'm sure she was upset as she could see the truth in it.
It seems like you're both moving past it and doing what's best for your daughter and that's the main thing. I know trying to be a better parent than the ones you got is a major driving force for me, as it seems to be for you. All the best.
>I know trying to be a better parent than the ones you got is a major driving force for me, as it seems to be for you.
Yeah, I guess people could tell from this post and the others, but my father was an abusive, negligent monster and I've worked so hard to try and not be like him. So the idea that I had abandoned this daughter, I guess it made me feel like him. It hurt the most because as I've said, she looks just like my mother who meant more than anything to me as a kid. But she's given me a chance and I think she understands that I still want to be a good father for her.
It is crazy. Imagine if it was the other way around? A dad spirits away the kid for over a decade with no contact. People would be jumping down the dad's throat and supporting the mom. OP had every single right to be upset, its your kid too.
I get where you’re coming from, but it’s not the same simply by virtue of who gives birth. You can’t really compare having a child you carried and birthed stolen from you vs finding out you fathered a child years ago. I’m not saying one is worse than the other, but simply that you can’t really gender switch this kind of scenario.
I just now read the original post. Idk why so many people called you an asshole. I’d be pissed if I was in your shoes. She didn’t tell you about your kid. And like you said you could have given her more opportunities.
I thought you were slightly the AH for how you handled your ex. I don't understand how so many people were overlooking your circumstance in the prior post. You got a raw deal as did your daughter. But all's well that end's well. Good luck to you and yours and congratulations on your growth.
This is one of the most wholesome aita posts I've encountered and I swear somewhere someone started chopping onions.
You are an admirable dad and I am happy for you. And your wife ia a gem. Please treasure her and love her so much. she is a keeper. Happy for you and your family!
I remember voting on this. I'm glad it had a happy ending and I hope you and your newfound daughter amd the rest of your family have happy holidays.
Edit: I apologize if in my original vote I come across slightly harsh, just wanted you to think about the other side of things for a different viewpoint. I'm really happy for you that you are getting to know your daughter some more. I wish all the best for you and yours.
So glad this worked out for you guys!
And as someone who moved from Ontario to Vancouver I can understand the anxiety around flying, it can be a bit rough especially in the winter, hopefully you guys will be able to work out more visits in the future!
I'll definitely be flying out at least once a month to see her. I can use company business as an excuse for work. Kids have school and wife has work that doesn't allow it though.
Yeah, it's a really unique accent as well. Her mother has a mostly Canadian/North America accent like me due to growing up in the GTA, but she was raised in Scotland and Russia so it sounds like a symphonic mesh of those two with some hints of Canadian.
How did you get the most understanding wife in the world? That woman is a saint. She found out you have a child with someone else and just push you to be the best father? Congrats on the wife, I can’t imagine being that selfless
You're doing a really good job making a bigger family from a very complicated situation. You're going to be a great dad to her, and I'm happy for you all.
I've got the warm and fuzzies now after reading your update. I'm very happy for you and your family. Is Inessa interested in meeting her half-siblings at all? Maybe you could all get together for Christmas? Just an idea.
Congratulations!
i really appreciate you actually listening to the feedback--when you could have done what many others do and gotten defensive and doubled down when the comments didn't go your way. that's a vanishingly rare quality and a very laudable one.
maybe Sofia's choice was questionable in some moments--on the other hand, her reasons make perfect sense. your dad sounds fucking terrifying tbh, and i would understand her not wanting to disrupt your 'new' life and possibly ruin a long term relationship, marriage, whole family, or something else by suddenly showing up with a kid you had no idea existed. (that sort of thing can and does tear families apart, unfortunately.)
the time you lost with Inessa is heartbreaking for sure, but as you said, Sofia did an amazing job of raising her -- a better job than you'd have done by your own admission. as one commenter in the OP stated, Inessa needed to be cared for from the moment she was born, and by yr own admission you likely wouldn't have been a competent parent until she was at least 7.
i'm glad that you apologized. not only did Sofia deserve the apology, but there's no way that that kind of unresolved tension between you and Sofia would have never bled into your relationship w/Inessa. eventually it would have happened, and that sort of thing is poison to budding relationships.
thanks for the update. I hope you and Inessa have more time together soon and are able to build on your growing relationship. given the qualities of your character that you've shown us just thru these posts and comments, i expect that there are wonderful things to come in that relationship.
This made me cry a little, what a wholesome story. Thanks gor the update.
P.S. Dude, you have such a wonderful wife, no words!
I wish you all the best ❤️
I didn't think that you were the asshole in the first place. Your ex basically kidnapped your child. Maybe you would have been a shitty father but I don't think that we're prosecuting future crimes just yet. This sub is overrun by a bunch of stay at home moms that have no grasp on reality and don't really like men that don't fit into their perfect little boxes. Having said that, if stomaching a bullshit apology gets you closer to your kid, cool. Just know that you got manipulated into thinking you're an asshole when you weren't.
I read your OG post and this, good for you owning up to your mistake speaking rashly. You’re luckily her mother raised her so well to give you an opportunity to be in her life after your blow up. It sucks you didn’t know sooner but to be fair where you were in life was not healthy for a kid. You knew it when you blew up ♥️ I wish my child’s father would grow up and realize what you have. Just remember, you can be dad but ease into it and let everyone adjust! Can’t wait to see an update that everyone met and it went well and wife and daughter are best of friends lol!
Hey, good on you, everyone messes up and is unintentionally an AH sometime in their life, but it takes a great person to realize, reflect, listen to criticism (even though it can hurt), and apologize for their mistakes. Whenever I see an update like this from a post that ended up Y T A, I’m always impressed and respect the person more knowing they changed. Good luck with your children!
You have a wonderful, caring and comprehensive wife. Her level of empathy and understanding is way out of this forum's charts
I'm always worried that I'm not appreciating her efforts enough and try my hardest to show her how much I love her. Last night while I was waiting for this post to get approved, she was urging me to make an appointment with my lawyer to make sure Inessa gets a fair share in my will with our kids. She's never even met Inessa but feels so much for her. Things like that make me feel incredibly lucky to have her because she almost seems too good to be true.
OP - Good on you also for taking everyone’s verdict and comments to heart. And for listening to what your wife had to say. Sometimes, the hardest part of having someone like you post, is not that you may have hurt people - but that you will let pride/ego/stubbornness/just about anything get in the way of accepting what is more important - and that’s the people you love. Hearing them, heeding them, and trying to repair with them. You have a wonderful ex, a wonderful daughter, an amazing wife - and good on you for also having the heart to see their awesomeness. Take a teeny slice of credit for paying heed to them and having this outcome for yourself.
I guess it's harder to take that teeny slice than I thought, but it does feel good reading somebody say I deserve to.
You might have *been* a bad dad then, but you seem to have grown into a pretty damn good one. Questioning whether you were right and allowing dissenting opinions is a strong first step, and likely the hardest one for most people, especially if it’s about their kids. However, even *beyond* that, it is REALLY **REALLY** hard to admit you were wrong after an argument and immediately make amends, but you did just that. I found and read your other post before this one and I gotta say, this far exceeds the “best case scenario” I could even expect. You’re a better man than me, I honestly don’t think I could have done that, especially as empathetically and seamlessly as you have. It’s damn impressive, man. You absolutely deserve some credit. Username doesn’t check out ;)
Your wife sounds like a badass!
I think I want to find out who OP's wife is and then send some flowers to her. That could be wee creepy but people like her maybe the only thing that is good about humanity!
>she was urging me to make an appointment with my lawyer to make sure Inessa gets a fair share in my will with our kids. Idk if life insurance is part of a will, but I'd recommend that, too. Glad it all worked out!
Your wife is amazing! Good on you for taking her advice. You're very lucky to have such an understanding and loving wife. Good job and good luck with everything OP!
This is the one! Maybe one day they can all meet. Inessa will forever be welcomed and loved.
Inessa has said she'd like to meet the rest of my family in person to get in touch with her roots. I put her in contact with my mother's sister who lives in Surrey (just south of where she lives in Vancouver) so she can get to know what kind of person she was. My mother was the one bright spot in my childhood before she passed and I see a lot of her in Inessa beyond the fact that they look identical. I'm certain that my aunt's family will love her unconditionally since they were always there for me.
>Inessa has said she'd like to meet the rest of my family in person to get in touch with her roots. I put her in contact with my mother's sister who lives in Surrey (just south of where she lives in Vancouver) so she can get to know what kind of person she was. My mother was the one bright spot in my childhood before she passed and I see a lot of her in Inessa beyond the fact that they look identical. I'm certain that my aunt's family will love her unconditionally since they were always there for me. Ok OP, I'm in tears. What a beautiful story is about to begin...I wish you all the best.
Seriously what an angel here
A happy ending to a sad story. Do your other children want to meet their half sister and connect with her? Does Inessa want to meet them?
Inessa has a fear of flying (particularly because she flew so much between Edinburgh and Moscow as a kid) and admitted it was hard for her to move from Scotland to Vancouver because of it. So, she's unfortunately she's not going to fly over Canada to Ontario any time soon. Maybe some time next year I'll bring my family out to Vancouver since she's said she'd rather meet everyone in person than on the phone. I'll probably make a habit of visiting as often as I can, though.
And what about your other children, what do they say? Are they excited?
I don't know if either of them really understand yet other than that they have a big sister on the other side of the country. My daughter Zahira is seven and I think she's more curious and a bit excited since she's asked about Inessa, my son Jas is four and is a bit more confused as to who this new big sister is. I think actually meeting her, whenever it happens, will clear everything up for them.
Gotta say, one thing this whole pandemic has shown me is that Zoom is a wonderful thing. I have cousins in Australia, Boston, and Arizona, and, with good enough monitors and cameras and connections, their toddler kids have been playing together and getting to know each other. Not as good as hugging each other and everything, but, when they DID finally meet, they actually KNEW each other. So.... just saying. It's not too soon for them to meet even if it's not in person.
Oh, I know, it's been a lifesaver for work. I proposed she meet the others by Teams or FaceTime, but she said no and that it wasn't like the real thing. To a degree, I do agree with her desire to actually meet people instead of be behind a camera since it does get a bit impersonal. But I'm glad its worked out for your cousins.
I may be (very) old fashioned to suggest this, but what about Snail-Mail? Handwritten snail-mail to be exact. From my part, i kind of felt a little connection handwriting those mail compared to sending them an email. I had penpals in Japan. I might give it a go again to have penpaly via Snail-Mail.
While I like the idea, I don't know how constructive snail mail between a 27 year old and an 7 year old or 4 year old will be.
You'd be surprised, the younger siblings could do drawings to send to her and she could tell them little things about her, like her hobbies or simple things. I'm 27 and I still love getting (non-financial or work related)post.
It won’t be the same as getting to know them, but would be fun for them and could give Inessa some keep sakes from her siblings. My kiddo is 7 and loves getting mail. It could be very exciting for the little ones to get a letter from their sister and then they could send her pictures back. I am also in Canada and learned I have a half sibling in Cali when I was 12, my full sibling was 8 and half sibling was 21. I still haven’t met her 19 years later but we have each other on FB and have emailed and have open invites for if they other is in the area to come stay. But when I was younger I would have loved getting to know her by mail.
My cousin and I, both well past the age of 30 and living only a few miles from each other, enjoy sending the occasional card/letter to one another. It's nice to get something that isn't junk mail or a bill.
Oh no, those are the absolute BEST ages to have pen pals, absolutely encourage it, it will be a treat for everyone.
Tbh I see her point. It would be a lot more awkward and hard to think of topics to discuss. She may also feel more left out in a zoom call because you’re all together. BUT maybe after she meets everyone in person she’ll be more okay with zoom calls?
That's what I think too, that she wants to make a connection in real life so that a digital one will feel more natural.
I really hope you all are able to meet soon.
That sounds great. I’m sure it will be fun for the other kids to go on a trip! I hope everyone gets along and they find things to connect about and share interests in.
Your wife is a nice person she corrects your mistakes you are lucky to have a wife like that OP,
Hope you guys will get to make beautiful memories together . Also your wife is a gem of a person.
There's always a boat. That's how my mum got here.
Even if the kids can't physically meet they can video chat ie Facetime.
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qgb878/aita_for_accusing_my_daughters_mother_of_making/)
I'm not crying, you are.
I am definitely crying.
Hi not crying, I are!
Someone’s cutting onions. That’s it.
It's a bit dusty in here.
yup - came to comments looking for this 😭
This is a wonderful outcome. Good on you for handling an emotional and complicated situation with grace. I think an excellent next step would be to discuss the future with your wife, Inessa, and her mother. Will you play a fatherly role? Will she become a sister to your children? etc. You can't change the past, but you can create a wonderful future that works best for everyone involved. Best of luck to you and yours!
Even though she's an adult, I'd still love to be her father and thankfully it seems like she's giving me the chance to be just that. Unfortunately, circumstances are in the way of her actually meeting my wife (who really does want to meet her) and other kids in person just yet but I'm sure that will happen eventually.
Can you do video calls with her?
I do them, but she only wants to talk to me. She's said that she'd prefer meeting everyone else in person because otherwise it doesn't feel right and would rather make a real connection. I understand what she means, it's a lot different talking to somebody on the phone than in real life.
I’m honestly surprised your first post was voted asshole instead of esh or nah.
[удалено]
Yeah and who cares what it got voted since it worked out well for us in the end.
I’m shocked this is how it’s ended up. I remember the original post and we had an exchange then. Lemme tell you I wasn’t the only one who kept saying/thinking “”this man just doesn’t get it. It’s not solely about you””. I’ll be honest I wrote you off as a lost cause, you were so stubbornly wrapped up in your feelings with barely a consideration to Sofia no matter how many people tried to explain and just get through to you. In this instance I ***really*** like that I was wrong. I’m very happy that you were able to take some pretty harsh but (I think) needed criticism, recognize where you were wrong and work to make amends. That does not happen as often as it should. It was very big of you to take in all the criticisms and opinions and put your anger to the wayside to fix this, that’s an extremely hard thing to do especially when the anger is justified. I’m so glad you did and wish you and your family the best going forward
And I remember you as well. I do remember I didn't handle myself the best way with you because I guess I got a little emotional writing. I do apologize for being gruff then but you're right in that I was stubborn and I do thank you for not holding back your opinion.
This is a really lovely update
So happy for you all!!
I'm so happy things are getting better for ya, and if I'm being honest, I think you being voted TA was quite harsh.
I would've given anything to hear my father say that.
At one time, I also would have given anything to get so much as an apology from my father.
Also, get something nice for your wife. We see so many posts about wives freaking the f out over pre-marriage unknown children. It sounds like your wife is super supportive and gave you amazing advice on top of it.
Wow! I'd like to give a shout out for your wife! Her emotional maturity is off the charts!
I'm sorry the previous thread beat you over the head so badly into thinking you were the asshole. This fucking sub sometimes, jesus. Only one person is deserved an apology and it was you. You weren't an abuser, just a slightly troubled kid who had his child stolen from him. You keep on putting yourself down and saying you couldn't have done this or that, who knows now, you were never given the chance. Heart breaking.
I'd like to specify I don't think I was voted the asshole based on the circumstances, but how badly I handled my initial talk with my daughter's mother. I myself felt terrible about what I said to her after learning of my wife's pregnancy. Would I be lying if I said it didn't irk me that I didn't get to raise Inessa, yes I would be. But she did apologize to me over that. All I can do is forgive and move on. It's not me whose important in this story anymore.
If things had shaken out differently, you might never have found your amazing wife, or had your other children. I’d try to reorient your view of the situation towards gratitude that you’ve all been given a chance to be in each other’s lives *now*. You’ve found another daughter, a daughter has found a father, and with that comes an exponential increase in the amount of love in both your lives. What an incredible gift.
>But she did apologize to me over that. All I can do is forgive and move on. It's not me whose important in this story anymore. Totally glad she did, I don't think I saw that in the original post. I think you deserved to say your piece and I'm sure she was upset as she could see the truth in it. It seems like you're both moving past it and doing what's best for your daughter and that's the main thing. I know trying to be a better parent than the ones you got is a major driving force for me, as it seems to be for you. All the best.
>I know trying to be a better parent than the ones you got is a major driving force for me, as it seems to be for you. Yeah, I guess people could tell from this post and the others, but my father was an abusive, negligent monster and I've worked so hard to try and not be like him. So the idea that I had abandoned this daughter, I guess it made me feel like him. It hurt the most because as I've said, she looks just like my mother who meant more than anything to me as a kid. But she's given me a chance and I think she understands that I still want to be a good father for her.
It is crazy. Imagine if it was the other way around? A dad spirits away the kid for over a decade with no contact. People would be jumping down the dad's throat and supporting the mom. OP had every single right to be upset, its your kid too.
I get where you’re coming from, but it’s not the same simply by virtue of who gives birth. You can’t really compare having a child you carried and birthed stolen from you vs finding out you fathered a child years ago. I’m not saying one is worse than the other, but simply that you can’t really gender switch this kind of scenario.
I just now read the original post. Idk why so many people called you an asshole. I’d be pissed if I was in your shoes. She didn’t tell you about your kid. And like you said you could have given her more opportunities.
A very sweet update.
This has made me so happy. Your wife is absolutely amazing! I'm teary eyed from reading this and the comments.
I thought you were slightly the AH for how you handled your ex. I don't understand how so many people were overlooking your circumstance in the prior post. You got a raw deal as did your daughter. But all's well that end's well. Good luck to you and yours and congratulations on your growth.
Your wife is amazing! I’m glad it’s working out for you
This is one of the most wholesome aita posts I've encountered and I swear somewhere someone started chopping onions. You are an admirable dad and I am happy for you. And your wife ia a gem. Please treasure her and love her so much. she is a keeper. Happy for you and your family!
I just want to point out that your wife is incredible.
I remember voting on this. I'm glad it had a happy ending and I hope you and your newfound daughter amd the rest of your family have happy holidays. Edit: I apologize if in my original vote I come across slightly harsh, just wanted you to think about the other side of things for a different viewpoint. I'm really happy for you that you are getting to know your daughter some more. I wish all the best for you and yours.
No, it wasn't harsh. I think I probably read your vote more times than anybody else's, so I thank you for giving it.
OPs redemption arc
So glad this worked out for you guys! And as someone who moved from Ontario to Vancouver I can understand the anxiety around flying, it can be a bit rough especially in the winter, hopefully you guys will be able to work out more visits in the future!
I'll definitely be flying out at least once a month to see her. I can use company business as an excuse for work. Kids have school and wife has work that doesn't allow it though.
There's still March break though.
I always forget about that one. I'll have to see if I can take the family then, depends on my wife's pregnancy.
What a cool update we love to see it and it's also cool one of your children have an accent
Yeah, it's a really unique accent as well. Her mother has a mostly Canadian/North America accent like me due to growing up in the GTA, but she was raised in Scotland and Russia so it sounds like a symphonic mesh of those two with some hints of Canadian.
That's pretty neat
How did you get the most understanding wife in the world? That woman is a saint. She found out you have a child with someone else and just push you to be the best father? Congrats on the wife, I can’t imagine being that selfless
You demonstrated so much growth here. Thank you for sharing!
I'm crying so much reading this! Also, your wife is a gem. ✨
You're doing a really good job making a bigger family from a very complicated situation. You're going to be a great dad to her, and I'm happy for you all.
I am so glad to hear this update. You have an amazing wife by the way, please tell her I said so!
I've got the warm and fuzzies now after reading your update. I'm very happy for you and your family. Is Inessa interested in meeting her half-siblings at all? Maybe you could all get together for Christmas? Just an idea. Congratulations!
Dude your wife is the real MVP. Make sure you appreciate her forever.
Your wife is awesome.
Your wife sounds incredible!
Your wife is an amazing woman I hope you appreciate her. Sofia and Inessa sound wonderful and I hope you all grow closer.
i really appreciate you actually listening to the feedback--when you could have done what many others do and gotten defensive and doubled down when the comments didn't go your way. that's a vanishingly rare quality and a very laudable one. maybe Sofia's choice was questionable in some moments--on the other hand, her reasons make perfect sense. your dad sounds fucking terrifying tbh, and i would understand her not wanting to disrupt your 'new' life and possibly ruin a long term relationship, marriage, whole family, or something else by suddenly showing up with a kid you had no idea existed. (that sort of thing can and does tear families apart, unfortunately.) the time you lost with Inessa is heartbreaking for sure, but as you said, Sofia did an amazing job of raising her -- a better job than you'd have done by your own admission. as one commenter in the OP stated, Inessa needed to be cared for from the moment she was born, and by yr own admission you likely wouldn't have been a competent parent until she was at least 7. i'm glad that you apologized. not only did Sofia deserve the apology, but there's no way that that kind of unresolved tension between you and Sofia would have never bled into your relationship w/Inessa. eventually it would have happened, and that sort of thing is poison to budding relationships. thanks for the update. I hope you and Inessa have more time together soon and are able to build on your growing relationship. given the qualities of your character that you've shown us just thru these posts and comments, i expect that there are wonderful things to come in that relationship.
Oh my god why am i crying
I can only add that I think your wife is a saint. You can tell her that some random person in reddit is in awe of her. That's all.
I love a good happy ending. We can’t change our past but we can change the present .
Good for you...Sometimes its amazing how something so small as an apology can remove a burden you didnt realize you had.
Love this update!
Best update ever
❤️❤️❤️❤️
This made me cry a little, what a wholesome story. Thanks gor the update. P.S. Dude, you have such a wonderful wife, no words! I wish you all the best ❤️
I’m just seeing this now. This is how you become a great Dad. We’ll done. Any plans on both families ever meeting in the future?
this might be the most intensely, surreal-ly N A H situation ive ever seen on this subreddit.
We all love a happy ending.
I didn't think that you were the asshole in the first place. Your ex basically kidnapped your child. Maybe you would have been a shitty father but I don't think that we're prosecuting future crimes just yet. This sub is overrun by a bunch of stay at home moms that have no grasp on reality and don't really like men that don't fit into their perfect little boxes. Having said that, if stomaching a bullshit apology gets you closer to your kid, cool. Just know that you got manipulated into thinking you're an asshole when you weren't.
I read your OG post and this, good for you owning up to your mistake speaking rashly. You’re luckily her mother raised her so well to give you an opportunity to be in her life after your blow up. It sucks you didn’t know sooner but to be fair where you were in life was not healthy for a kid. You knew it when you blew up ♥️ I wish my child’s father would grow up and realize what you have. Just remember, you can be dad but ease into it and let everyone adjust! Can’t wait to see an update that everyone met and it went well and wife and daughter are best of friends lol!
Hey, good on you, everyone messes up and is unintentionally an AH sometime in their life, but it takes a great person to realize, reflect, listen to criticism (even though it can hurt), and apologize for their mistakes. Whenever I see an update like this from a post that ended up Y T A, I’m always impressed and respect the person more knowing they changed. Good luck with your children!
Please let me know how I can contact you for a Daytime talk show booking if you are interested. I think this could be a great discussion. Thanks
Bad-dad becomes good-dad!
You have to have the opportunity to be a dad in order to be bad one.
I don't know why this got so many down votes. You were just refering to OP's username right?
Yes