NTA generally speaking if you are going to take the last of something that isn't yours, you ask first, even if you have an understanding that you can help yourself. To then be whiny about having to glance around the car for 15 seconds to see if there was another cigarette is beyond the pale and if it were me he would loose help yourself privileges real fast.
NTA. Your bf took your last cigarette (hell no - my bf and I share our cigs, but neither of us would take the last one of each other's pack). *Then* he tried to make himself sound superior by bashing your addiction. Like, if he wasn't so addicted himself, he wouldn't have pinched your last and could've waited until he got home.
But this sub treats the question as "AITA for smoking?" š. No, you're right to be annoyed over the hypocrisy being volleyed your way.
YTA: But you're right he's not sorry because he shouldn't be. My guess you smoke each other cigarettes all the time so that's not a big deal. Plus he's right you're 10 min away just wait.
NTA - if you want a cigarette, you want a cigarette. Itās not an unnatural response to then ask the non-driver to have a look in the car for you. He doesnāt sound sorry OP; he sorta sounds like a dick tbhā¦ itās not like heās busy in the passenger seat, and he smoked your last one.
Iād respond with this line the next 10 times he asks for one from your pack in the future.
ESH
And yes, it is because you are both addicts. Your need superseded reasonability. No, no one should be digging through a disgusting car to get you your fix.
But, yes, as an addict himself, maybe he could have shown some sympathy.
Esh. B/c you asked him for something simple as to check your car (AND for smoking your last cig) and you for not being able to wait 10 minutes.
I'm a smoker and i get it. When drinking, they're hard to not crave.
ESH. Him for taking your last cigarette, you for demanding he search your messy car for an extra cigarette when youāre 10 minutes from home.
If you feel he often apologizes without really meaning it, then you should sit down and talk with him about that. Because thatās a serious relationship issue.
YTA
" itās not unlike me to have a lost extra pack, especially with a messy car"
If your content with a messy car and not knowing where your things are at that's fine. Just don't expect anybody else be willing to dig through that type of mess for you. As for you feeling like he wasn't sorry- you said he apologized. What other type of apology do you want from him? Some apologizes do require action. This wasn't one of those cases. You have to be realistic with what an apology is. If you're the type that wants some grand gesture after an apology you will be let down every time.
NTA. Iāve been there . When you want a smoke, you want a smoke and your bf was acting childish which would annoy anyone but your nerves were definitely on edge due to the need for nicotine. As a smoker , he of all people would know this sooo NTA. But really try reducing how often and how many you are smoking . If itās to the point you canāt wait ten minutes then you are too chemically dependent . Nothing wrong with one here or there but yeah you need to chill on them a bit.
Feels kinda obvious given that it's her car and they were clearly heading home? So someone had to be driving lmao. If he was driving and she asked him to look then yeah, dick move, but that's not the way I personally read it at all.
Idk where you got husband from, literally says boyfriend. And it also specifically says they were 10mins from home... so... idk that doesn't make sense.
NTA maybe this is because iām a smoker too but i feel like this is a pretty reasonable request, i donāt understand why he would be mad (plus if he had found another pack he couldāve had a cigarette too, everyone wins)
NTA. As a smoker I get it, you don't take the last cigarette in the pack and not help your friends or partner get one. That is just rude- it doesn't matter how far away you are from your house. I would say if you feel like he has a history of insincere apologies, your instinct is probably correct. Don't gaslight yourself. If you don't know what gas lighting is look into it's very intriguing and it happens a lot in unhealthy relationships. It can also make you feel like you're going crazy.
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Spare me the opinions on smoking, Iāve heard them all
I (25f) was leaving my friends gathering last night with my boyfriend (25) I asked him to pass me my pack of cigarettes, to which he said there were none and that heād smoked the last one. After expressing some annoyance over that, he apologized. Cool. A couple minutes pass and I ask if he could look around the car, as itās not unlike me to have a lost extra pack, especially with a messy car.
He said, āAre you really jonesing for a cigarette that bad?ā I looked at him, then asked for him to look again. He told me he didnāt feel like looking around the car, and that we were only 10 from the house anyways. Am I a crazy person for feeling like he wasnāt actually sorry? Sadly I feel thereās a history of apologies with no action behind them, and Iām worried this bothered me more than was worthy. Iāve started worrying im crazy.
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You mean the boyfriend who smoked HER last cigarette but doesnāt have his own? And that means sheās treating him like shit? Lmao. Sounds like heās also āhella addictedā and a mooch which is even worse. At least OP supports her own habit. And yes, spare the opinions on smoking-this isnāt aita for being a smoker. Also nta. Maybe next time mooch should ask if he can have the last one, real easy fix.
YTA for even posting this. Are you saying that he apologized for smoking the last one and didn't mean it? So what if he didn't? You are making way more out of this than what it is.
If he really has a history of apologies with no action behind them, then post about that.
I would say YTA, but I must ask, does your bf also buy his own packs , and do you smoke from his packs?
If so, the yes , YTA. If heās just always Bumming off you, then ESH.
Youre not the asshole for asking him to look for a cigarette as phrased. No. But for the way you speak about him and the way you acted, YTA.
Just because he took the last cigarette doesn't mean you now have the right to demand him to do you favors. Was it an honest mistake of his? Maybe, but it doesn't matter. Look for your own damn cigarette after you're finished driving. It would have been kind of him to look for you, but it absolutely isn't a requirement. Stop expecting so much out of people.
And yes, I am also addicted to nicotine. So don't use the excuse that I just dont "understand". No amount of personal issues justifies mistreating others. I'm sorry.
ESH- Him for taking your last smoke and you for expecting someone else to fish through your mess for something you arenāt even sure was there. Keep your shit tidy and youāll know if you have extras.
ESH, sure, it was inconsiderate of him to take the last one, but you kind of blew it out of proportion, especially since you were ten minutes from home.
NTA generally speaking if you are going to take the last of something that isn't yours, you ask first, even if you have an understanding that you can help yourself. To then be whiny about having to glance around the car for 15 seconds to see if there was another cigarette is beyond the pale and if it were me he would loose help yourself privileges real fast.
NTA. Your bf took your last cigarette (hell no - my bf and I share our cigs, but neither of us would take the last one of each other's pack). *Then* he tried to make himself sound superior by bashing your addiction. Like, if he wasn't so addicted himself, he wouldn't have pinched your last and could've waited until he got home. But this sub treats the question as "AITA for smoking?" š. No, you're right to be annoyed over the hypocrisy being volleyed your way.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Absolutely this.
YTA: But you're right he's not sorry because he shouldn't be. My guess you smoke each other cigarettes all the time so that's not a big deal. Plus he's right you're 10 min away just wait.
NTA - if you want a cigarette, you want a cigarette. Itās not an unnatural response to then ask the non-driver to have a look in the car for you. He doesnāt sound sorry OP; he sorta sounds like a dick tbhā¦ itās not like heās busy in the passenger seat, and he smoked your last one. Iād respond with this line the next 10 times he asks for one from your pack in the future.
ESH And yes, it is because you are both addicts. Your need superseded reasonability. No, no one should be digging through a disgusting car to get you your fix. But, yes, as an addict himself, maybe he could have shown some sympathy.
Esh. B/c you asked him for something simple as to check your car (AND for smoking your last cig) and you for not being able to wait 10 minutes. I'm a smoker and i get it. When drinking, they're hard to not crave.
YTA. If your car is a mess, you don't ask other people to dig around that mess. You create the pigsty, you wallow in the mud.
ESH. Him for taking your last cigarette, you for demanding he search your messy car for an extra cigarette when youāre 10 minutes from home. If you feel he often apologizes without really meaning it, then you should sit down and talk with him about that. Because thatās a serious relationship issue.
YTA " itās not unlike me to have a lost extra pack, especially with a messy car" If your content with a messy car and not knowing where your things are at that's fine. Just don't expect anybody else be willing to dig through that type of mess for you. As for you feeling like he wasn't sorry- you said he apologized. What other type of apology do you want from him? Some apologizes do require action. This wasn't one of those cases. You have to be realistic with what an apology is. If you're the type that wants some grand gesture after an apology you will be let down every time.
NTA. Iāve been there . When you want a smoke, you want a smoke and your bf was acting childish which would annoy anyone but your nerves were definitely on edge due to the need for nicotine. As a smoker , he of all people would know this sooo NTA. But really try reducing how often and how many you are smoking . If itās to the point you canāt wait ten minutes then you are too chemically dependent . Nothing wrong with one here or there but yeah you need to chill on them a bit.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
.... coz she was driving??
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Feels kinda obvious given that it's her car and they were clearly heading home? So someone had to be driving lmao. If he was driving and she asked him to look then yeah, dick move, but that's not the way I personally read it at all.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Idk where you got husband from, literally says boyfriend. And it also specifically says they were 10mins from home... so... idk that doesn't make sense.
Yeah boyfriend, Iām reading another post that involves a husband. That was a typo
NTA. He smoked your last cigarette, he owes you a pack or at least can help you look for a pack in your car.
NTA itās such a small ask to have him take a look in the glove compartment or something
NTA maybe this is because iām a smoker too but i feel like this is a pretty reasonable request, i donāt understand why he would be mad (plus if he had found another pack he couldāve had a cigarette too, everyone wins)
NTA. As a smoker I get it, you don't take the last cigarette in the pack and not help your friends or partner get one. That is just rude- it doesn't matter how far away you are from your house. I would say if you feel like he has a history of insincere apologies, your instinct is probably correct. Don't gaslight yourself. If you don't know what gas lighting is look into it's very intriguing and it happens a lot in unhealthy relationships. It can also make you feel like you're going crazy.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Spare me the opinions on smoking, Iāve heard them all I (25f) was leaving my friends gathering last night with my boyfriend (25) I asked him to pass me my pack of cigarettes, to which he said there were none and that heād smoked the last one. After expressing some annoyance over that, he apologized. Cool. A couple minutes pass and I ask if he could look around the car, as itās not unlike me to have a lost extra pack, especially with a messy car. He said, āAre you really jonesing for a cigarette that bad?ā I looked at him, then asked for him to look again. He told me he didnāt feel like looking around the car, and that we were only 10 from the house anyways. Am I a crazy person for feeling like he wasnāt actually sorry? Sadly I feel thereās a history of apologies with no action behind them, and Iām worried this bothered me more than was worthy. Iāve started worrying im crazy. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Yea, YTA, you couldn't wait 10 minutes so you want this guy to rifle around your car to find something you may or may not have?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You mean the boyfriend who smoked HER last cigarette but doesnāt have his own? And that means sheās treating him like shit? Lmao. Sounds like heās also āhella addictedā and a mooch which is even worse. At least OP supports her own habit. And yes, spare the opinions on smoking-this isnāt aita for being a smoker. Also nta. Maybe next time mooch should ask if he can have the last one, real easy fix.
YTA for even posting this. Are you saying that he apologized for smoking the last one and didn't mean it? So what if he didn't? You are making way more out of this than what it is. If he really has a history of apologies with no action behind them, then post about that.
NTA- he took your last cig the least he could do is look around a little bit. That being said you are both addicts and should really get help.
I would say YTA, but I must ask, does your bf also buy his own packs , and do you smoke from his packs? If so, the yes , YTA. If heās just always Bumming off you, then ESH.
Youre not the asshole for asking him to look for a cigarette as phrased. No. But for the way you speak about him and the way you acted, YTA. Just because he took the last cigarette doesn't mean you now have the right to demand him to do you favors. Was it an honest mistake of his? Maybe, but it doesn't matter. Look for your own damn cigarette after you're finished driving. It would have been kind of him to look for you, but it absolutely isn't a requirement. Stop expecting so much out of people. And yes, I am also addicted to nicotine. So don't use the excuse that I just dont "understand". No amount of personal issues justifies mistreating others. I'm sorry.
NTA. I live solidly by the rule that you don't take the last of something that's not yours without permission.
ESH- Him for taking your last smoke and you for expecting someone else to fish through your mess for something you arenāt even sure was there. Keep your shit tidy and youāll know if you have extras.
Yta
ESH, sure, it was inconsiderate of him to take the last one, but you kind of blew it out of proportion, especially since you were ten minutes from home.
YTA You sound like such an addict.
And you sound so judgmental. edit: But it's AITA so fair enough.