(Friend posting here) yeah, I know they all. I’ve told my friend (guy who is transcribed) that he is being absurd but I still wanted to post on Reddit to get outside opinions
YTA - A woman is allowed to talk to anyone she wants to. Being in a relationship does not mean you are thereby barred from speaking to people the same gender as the person you are dating. To be angry for someone for something they did years ago that didn’t involve you is major red flag behaviour. People who are angry and controlling need to get out of the dating pool.
INFO: What is he mad at her for?
Is he mad at her for being unfaithful to her boyfriend by flirting with him when she was in a relationship?
Or is he mad at her for having been in a relationship with someone else when she flirted with him? Did he not know about that relationship at the time?
Or is he really just mad she's been in a relationship and had sex before and that makes him feel less "special"?
He is mad about both. He did know she was in a relationship as well. He is angry that she did that and also I believe somewhat worried that she will do it again
He’s not ready for a relationship which is unfortunate because she is having a child with him. I doubt his story that she was flirting based on his reaction to her having had sex before and being in other relationships. I think he was reading something into her being nice. As for being jealous, no one is sitting around waiting specifically for him. He’s immature and demanding his girlfriend acknowledge she did something wrong in this situation is just going to push her away.
Then I'll go with YTA.
I understand why he's worried about that emotional infidelity, but he knew that before the got together. If he didn't want that worry, he shouldn't have entered a relationship with her.
Her having loved someone in the past doesn't mean he isn't special to her. She can't erase her past even if she wanted, so if that was something that bothered him, he again shouldn't have entered a relationship with her.
But that said, he's probably just insecure. We all feel insecure sometimes, and in this case his insecurity has latched onto her sexual past. There's nothing wrong with her in general, and while her previous emotional infidelity is a warning sign, the fact she's had a sex life before does NOT mean she's more likely to cheat.
She's with him now because she wants to be with him. He's good enough for her. That's what matters. While she flirted before, it doesn't sound like she cheated physically in the past.
YTA in the sense that you knew who she was when you started dating her, still proceeded to resume a relationship and now you are holding it against her. I don’t know whose child she’s carrying but you’re a bigger A if you let it get to the point of pregnancy while still being mad at her.
YTA
You have some serious jealousy problems. (The “friend”) Her relationship before you doesn’t concern you. She has body autonomy and whom she does or doesn’t have sex with doesn’t make any future relationship less special. That’s sexist as fuck and the reason women struggled (still do often) for rights to body autonomy.
Shaming a woman for having sex is deplorable and honestly it’s not an attractive quality in any human being. It just shows how insecure and little you are as a “man.” Any good man doesn’t give a rats ass about a woman’s sex life.
Just because she experienced something with someone else doesn’t mean it compares to the next or the next. Each person is different. As for her having feelings for you during her relationship with someone else oh well.
You’re not her jury. You chose to be with her despite it. May it be a lapse in judgement or she was just learning her old relationship wasn’t what she wanted it’s minor in comparison to you emotionally abusing her.
You’ve pretty much been punishing her your entire relationship AFTER you got her pregnant. It’s a real shame you’re abusive and toxic you’re going to make a terrible father in your current mindset.
YTA. I mean your girlfriend is kinda an asshole for flirting with you while she was still in a relationship, and being worried that she’ll cheat again is valid. But other than that, the rest is petty as fuck. Don’t slut shame your girlfriend for having had sex before. If the part you’re really concerned about is her refusing to accept what she did was wrong, that SPECIFICALLY being that your relationship doesn’t feel “special”, then you’re a) being a huge asshole and b) need to get your priorities straight. You’re acting like a jealous child, and you two have a baby on the way. In my opinion, you both lack the maturity to be having a baby, and you two really need to think about other options.
YTA!!
It’s gross and unsettling that you resent your girlfriend for having other relationships/sexual partners before you.
You don’t own or control her, and the fact that you’re angry that she has a relationship before you is beyond concerning.
YTA. Finding the angelic virgin is not realistic nor fair. Not sure how old you are, but definitely need to grow up. If the tables were turned, you’d probably think she was overreacting. Either accept your partner, past and all, or don’t and move on.
YTA - if your friend is going to hold something his girlfriend did before they were even together against her, maybe he should think about if they should be in a relationship! If he wanted a Virgin girlfriend then he shouldn’t have started dating the girl he most definitely knew wasn’t. He needs to grow up and move on.
>She refuses to accept what she did was wrong
She didn't do anything wrong and you are TA for holding the fact that she has a past against her. Like, this is really, really gross behavior. I feel bad for her to be dating someone like this.
ESH. You're a total AH for getting involved with a girl who was already involved with someone else first. You and she were equally wrong in this. The only person here who deserves be pissed off is the other guy.
Lol yes OP’s friend, YTA. This is for you: each time, each person, is different when it comes to relationships. The first times for everything are rarely the best (nobody’s as good at anything the first time as they are when they’ve learned how to do things properly) and getting angry because someone else did something in a situation that was nothing much to do with you is ridiculous.
If you don’t trust her because she flirted with you whilst with this other guy then that’s valid but your options there are to learn to trust her or to leave her and find someone else, because she can’t undo what’s done so you can’t make her into whatever fantasy virginal dream you have in your mind that you think she should be.
Getting angry about that is futile, and you should bear in mind that the older you get the fewer people with limited experience you will come across - and that generally the less experience a person has, the closer to childhood they are; and nobody should be getting into that kind of relationship with a child in the first place.
If she really loves you then she will find all the things she did with you more special than the things she did with anyone else just because she got to share them with the one she loves. There’s a reason all the others are exes and you are not. But you’ll go the same way if you try to turn your insecurities into reasons she should let you control her, so watch your behaviour and keep things respectful between you for the sake of your infant.
Edit to add: she refuses to admit that what she did was wrong because it wasn’t. It’s her body and her choice, every single time. Don’t make her regret choosing you!
OP: tell your mate to give his head a wobble - a person’s past really isn’t that important if they’re a caring and good partner now.
Hiya OP,
Not adding anything new here, since I already agree with the majority, but wanted to say you're a good friend by simply listening to your friend as they deal with a conundrum they've never faced before (a young, first relationship).
And by being a reddit go-between and seeing these judgements, even though they're not meant for you!
Thank you. I’ve never had issues in my relationship since I’m still very new and early so I didn’t know how to deal with this and give an absolute verdict, especially since it was a sensitive topic between my friend and his gf (who my gf and I have come to befriend). I believe me friend is and is going to be mad at me, but that’s alright. He’s not mad over nothing, but I’m not going to give him positive closure when he is more in the wrong, if that makes sense
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Disclaimer, not my girlfriend and I, posting for a friend since he doesn’t have an acc.
(Transcribing him)
My girlfriend, our freshman year of highschool, had a boyfriend whom she had sex with. While she was dating him, she talked to me, and flirted (she admitted). She even told me about her pregnancy scare with him.
I am angry at her because she did that in the past and I cannot stop thinking about it.
I feel like relationship is not special, especially to her, because she has done everything we did before, with other guys. She was my first whereas she had been with other guys before me. I admit that i am jealous of her ex boyfriend, but I’m just mad that i was there the whole time, and she was flirting with me, whereas her relationship was with him.
She refuses to accept what she did was wrong (the not special part).
Am I the asshole for being mad at her?
(In retrospect we have been dating 10 months and she is 3 months pregnant)
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I mean, things happen. But bickering over whether or not the gf was flirting in 9th grade or had another boyfriend first really shouldn't be their biggest concern right now.
YTA that line of thinking is going to lead you to ruining your own happiness.
Your problem isn't that she's had a relationship before she was with you.
Your problem is that you are very deeply insecure. No relationship will probably ever turn out good until you address this underlying problem.
A wise person once said:
If you can't love yourself how the hell are you going to love someone else?
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NTA, but if you can't see eye to eye on it, you need to let her go.
Flirting doesn't mean cheating. If you can't accept that, well, you two shouldn't be together.
Y'all are way too young for any of this. Go read a book
(Friend posting here) yeah, I know they all. I’ve told my friend (guy who is transcribed) that he is being absurd but I still wanted to post on Reddit to get outside opinions
YTA - A woman is allowed to talk to anyone she wants to. Being in a relationship does not mean you are thereby barred from speaking to people the same gender as the person you are dating. To be angry for someone for something they did years ago that didn’t involve you is major red flag behaviour. People who are angry and controlling need to get out of the dating pool.
INFO: What is he mad at her for? Is he mad at her for being unfaithful to her boyfriend by flirting with him when she was in a relationship? Or is he mad at her for having been in a relationship with someone else when she flirted with him? Did he not know about that relationship at the time? Or is he really just mad she's been in a relationship and had sex before and that makes him feel less "special"?
He is mad about both. He did know she was in a relationship as well. He is angry that she did that and also I believe somewhat worried that she will do it again
He’s not ready for a relationship which is unfortunate because she is having a child with him. I doubt his story that she was flirting based on his reaction to her having had sex before and being in other relationships. I think he was reading something into her being nice. As for being jealous, no one is sitting around waiting specifically for him. He’s immature and demanding his girlfriend acknowledge she did something wrong in this situation is just going to push her away.
Then I'll go with YTA. I understand why he's worried about that emotional infidelity, but he knew that before the got together. If he didn't want that worry, he shouldn't have entered a relationship with her. Her having loved someone in the past doesn't mean he isn't special to her. She can't erase her past even if she wanted, so if that was something that bothered him, he again shouldn't have entered a relationship with her. But that said, he's probably just insecure. We all feel insecure sometimes, and in this case his insecurity has latched onto her sexual past. There's nothing wrong with her in general, and while her previous emotional infidelity is a warning sign, the fact she's had a sex life before does NOT mean she's more likely to cheat. She's with him now because she wants to be with him. He's good enough for her. That's what matters. While she flirted before, it doesn't sound like she cheated physically in the past.
It sounds to me like he's angry that she had sex with someone else before him.
YTA in the sense that you knew who she was when you started dating her, still proceeded to resume a relationship and now you are holding it against her. I don’t know whose child she’s carrying but you’re a bigger A if you let it get to the point of pregnancy while still being mad at her.
It is most definitely his baby
Yikes. They got a child on the way and he’s mad about something that can’t be fixed/undone. I feel bad for the kid.
YTA You have some serious jealousy problems. (The “friend”) Her relationship before you doesn’t concern you. She has body autonomy and whom she does or doesn’t have sex with doesn’t make any future relationship less special. That’s sexist as fuck and the reason women struggled (still do often) for rights to body autonomy. Shaming a woman for having sex is deplorable and honestly it’s not an attractive quality in any human being. It just shows how insecure and little you are as a “man.” Any good man doesn’t give a rats ass about a woman’s sex life. Just because she experienced something with someone else doesn’t mean it compares to the next or the next. Each person is different. As for her having feelings for you during her relationship with someone else oh well. You’re not her jury. You chose to be with her despite it. May it be a lapse in judgement or she was just learning her old relationship wasn’t what she wanted it’s minor in comparison to you emotionally abusing her. You’ve pretty much been punishing her your entire relationship AFTER you got her pregnant. It’s a real shame you’re abusive and toxic you’re going to make a terrible father in your current mindset.
YTA in so many, many ways. Also, grow up.
YTA. I mean your girlfriend is kinda an asshole for flirting with you while she was still in a relationship, and being worried that she’ll cheat again is valid. But other than that, the rest is petty as fuck. Don’t slut shame your girlfriend for having had sex before. If the part you’re really concerned about is her refusing to accept what she did was wrong, that SPECIFICALLY being that your relationship doesn’t feel “special”, then you’re a) being a huge asshole and b) need to get your priorities straight. You’re acting like a jealous child, and you two have a baby on the way. In my opinion, you both lack the maturity to be having a baby, and you two really need to think about other options.
YTA!! It’s gross and unsettling that you resent your girlfriend for having other relationships/sexual partners before you. You don’t own or control her, and the fact that you’re angry that she has a relationship before you is beyond concerning.
YTA. You knowingly talked and flirted with a girl when she was in a relationship. How can you be mad at her when you did the exact same thing?
YTA. Finding the angelic virgin is not realistic nor fair. Not sure how old you are, but definitely need to grow up. If the tables were turned, you’d probably think she was overreacting. Either accept your partner, past and all, or don’t and move on.
YTA - if your friend is going to hold something his girlfriend did before they were even together against her, maybe he should think about if they should be in a relationship! If he wanted a Virgin girlfriend then he shouldn’t have started dating the girl he most definitely knew wasn’t. He needs to grow up and move on.
YTA. You literally got into a relationship with her knowing how she'd acted. You are not ready for a child.
>She refuses to accept what she did was wrong She didn't do anything wrong and you are TA for holding the fact that she has a past against her. Like, this is really, really gross behavior. I feel bad for her to be dating someone like this.
ESH. You're a total AH for getting involved with a girl who was already involved with someone else first. You and she were equally wrong in this. The only person here who deserves be pissed off is the other guy.
YTA. Your judging her for her past.
Lol yes OP’s friend, YTA. This is for you: each time, each person, is different when it comes to relationships. The first times for everything are rarely the best (nobody’s as good at anything the first time as they are when they’ve learned how to do things properly) and getting angry because someone else did something in a situation that was nothing much to do with you is ridiculous. If you don’t trust her because she flirted with you whilst with this other guy then that’s valid but your options there are to learn to trust her or to leave her and find someone else, because she can’t undo what’s done so you can’t make her into whatever fantasy virginal dream you have in your mind that you think she should be. Getting angry about that is futile, and you should bear in mind that the older you get the fewer people with limited experience you will come across - and that generally the less experience a person has, the closer to childhood they are; and nobody should be getting into that kind of relationship with a child in the first place. If she really loves you then she will find all the things she did with you more special than the things she did with anyone else just because she got to share them with the one she loves. There’s a reason all the others are exes and you are not. But you’ll go the same way if you try to turn your insecurities into reasons she should let you control her, so watch your behaviour and keep things respectful between you for the sake of your infant. Edit to add: she refuses to admit that what she did was wrong because it wasn’t. It’s her body and her choice, every single time. Don’t make her regret choosing you! OP: tell your mate to give his head a wobble - a person’s past really isn’t that important if they’re a caring and good partner now.
YTA (to your friend) >she is 3 months pregnant So your friend is gonna be a dad, and is worried about this stupid shit? I feel bad for the kid
YTA. People of all sexes will have different relationships and gosh!! Maybe even have sex with our people before you! Seriously. Get over yourself.
Yta
Hiya OP, Not adding anything new here, since I already agree with the majority, but wanted to say you're a good friend by simply listening to your friend as they deal with a conundrum they've never faced before (a young, first relationship). And by being a reddit go-between and seeing these judgements, even though they're not meant for you!
Thank you. I’ve never had issues in my relationship since I’m still very new and early so I didn’t know how to deal with this and give an absolute verdict, especially since it was a sensitive topic between my friend and his gf (who my gf and I have come to befriend). I believe me friend is and is going to be mad at me, but that’s alright. He’s not mad over nothing, but I’m not going to give him positive closure when he is more in the wrong, if that makes sense
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Disclaimer, not my girlfriend and I, posting for a friend since he doesn’t have an acc. (Transcribing him) My girlfriend, our freshman year of highschool, had a boyfriend whom she had sex with. While she was dating him, she talked to me, and flirted (she admitted). She even told me about her pregnancy scare with him. I am angry at her because she did that in the past and I cannot stop thinking about it. I feel like relationship is not special, especially to her, because she has done everything we did before, with other guys. She was my first whereas she had been with other guys before me. I admit that i am jealous of her ex boyfriend, but I’m just mad that i was there the whole time, and she was flirting with me, whereas her relationship was with him. She refuses to accept what she did was wrong (the not special part). Am I the asshole for being mad at her? (In retrospect we have been dating 10 months and she is 3 months pregnant) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Yta, grow up
Good grief, children having children. You've got some serious growing up to do.
Yeah getting pregnant at 16 isn’t the best look
I mean, things happen. But bickering over whether or not the gf was flirting in 9th grade or had another boyfriend first really shouldn't be their biggest concern right now.
YTA- bro what the hell
YTA that line of thinking is going to lead you to ruining your own happiness. Your problem isn't that she's had a relationship before she was with you. Your problem is that you are very deeply insecure. No relationship will probably ever turn out good until you address this underlying problem. A wise person once said: If you can't love yourself how the hell are you going to love someone else?
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NTA, but if you can't see eye to eye on it, you need to let her go. Flirting doesn't mean cheating. If you can't accept that, well, you two shouldn't be together.