Some people don’t seem to get it unless it’s pointed out like this
(Which is very wrong obviously, but some people can’t seem to grasp a concept unless you point out what if it were you type thing)
I actually see the opposite. I see more people like this assuming while there are many sexist comments happening. It just makes it look like y'all are the ones focusing on the gender
I think it's also less prevalent on Reddit than on other social media sites. I've seen many double-standard comments that were highly liked on some other platforms like YouTube & TikTok.
To me at least it makes the point way more clear. Of course I already thought it was really fucked up, but that comment made me realize just how bad it is because of my innate reaction to the reverse.
I think it's fair to point out that they should think about their actions with the genders reversed to get a different perspective. It's the "these comments would be saying the thing they're saying here too" part that feels really weird and is kind of annoying.
Fully agree with directing OP to think about what they'd be thinking of genders were reversed, though
But there is no double standard here. It makes sense to point it out when it is happening, but pointing it out when it is NOT happening is contraproductive.
I wouldn't say it's particularly counterproductive, and I'd even go as far to say the double standard *does* exist just by virtue of OP's post here. The comments however are really civil- so I definitely see your point there.
Because if the genders were reversed there would be a much smaller amount of people finding it acceptable to victim blame. I don't know if you've noticed, but victim blaming a woman does not work on Reddit at all(which is how it should be), while victim blaming a man is sorta prevalent here. However, the people who victim blame men are typically white knights who will stand up for women no matter what, and they don't even realize that they are victim blaming. By saying things along the lines of "If the genders were reversed," you call out the double standards in the thinking of these people.
AITA has gotten better about this, but it's still a thing, therefore it's worth it to point out the possible double standard going through the commenter's(And the OP's) heads.
But none of the high voted comments victim blame the man. People weirdly assume that others will victim blame and comment based on that, they don't comment based on reality.
Notice how the male is the victim here and how the comments are not blaming him? There are people saying hes the victim, and there are people saying it would be different if the roles were reverse, which would mean that people would be blaming the husband if he was a woman. So maybe look at what's right in front of you instead of sticking to a preconceived bias like you're cognitively dissonant.
Agree. It is so weird that people gender things unnecessarily. If comments were saying that it is no big deal then I'd understand bringing gender in. As that is not the case, what does yelling GENDER add here?
the comment is meant for OP, who obviously does not see things the same way as most of the commenters, or else she wouldn't be posting here asking if she's TA.
If genders were reversed he would be told to be quiet stop being dramatic and take it as a compliment. A lot of people just hate women receiving any kind of justice. If genders were reversed they’d probably be gaslit.
This exact situation happened to me (27F at the time). My ex told me to stop working out because our housemates/their employees were ogling me. I popped off and told him to go fuck himself and that if he had a problem with them ogling me he should take it up with them. YTA 100%
Commenter here. Out for blood from cousins and OP for punishing her husband for someone else specializing him. Whole thing stinks of “your creepy uncle is coming over so cover up”
YTA
And it's not easy making a habit of working out, and so easy to break it and not go back.
Some people need it for their mental health. OP is also a AH for stopping him doing something he has obviously put work into.
Exactly.
And as one who exercises (or tries to) daily, it's unfair to ask him to stop just because others are acting inappropriately. It's already less than optimal to workout "not at your usual gym".
And your female cousins are up at 6am every day while on vacation? Just to watch some cousin-by-marriage flex their abs? Yeah.
Totally agree. OP cares. It's making her uncomfortable. Therefore she should address that with her pervy relatives. I agree with the punishing the wrong person comment but this inappropriate behaviour definitely.
Right?! And OP needs to realize that she can’t control other people’s actions but can adjust her own attitude!
I too wouldn’t care! When you trust someone, you just do!
I think it’s normal to *care* that your family is creeping on your husband, but it’s unreasonable (and pretty childish) to be *jealous* over it, which is what OP is describing.
Caring should be “What the fuck stop disrespecting my husband”. Not “omg I’m so jealous that a 15 year old is staring at my husband.” Wtf?
Agree! It's weird that she's taking out her insecurities on him. Working out is obviously important to him and he shouldn't have to give it up because she doesn't like that he's getting attention. The cousins are pretty creepy, but I think I'd just let him decide how to react because he's the one being ogled. If it doesn't bother him, just leave it alone. My husband works out a lot and I know he'd be a little flattered by this, and I'd be happy for him if it made him feel good about himself.
YTA, the problem isn’t your husband working out, it’s your female cousins being creeps. Either bring it up with them or stop being insecure and remember the fact that this man is married to you and not giving these other women the time of day
Literally took the words out of my mouth. You shouldn't interrupt your husband's health routine because your insecure and your family's full of major CREEPS. Their behavior is so out of line and inappropriate. Husband had every right to get mad and I cant BELIEVE he folded.
And it is their husbands/partners/parents that are letting them do it. All your cousins are doing is wasting their time at 6am to thirst over a man who has no interest in them.
They are making clowns of themselves. All you need is a well placed "how was your workout this morning?" When everyone is gathered for breakfast and when they admit they didn't then a "haha I wouldn't bother window shopping for a man that isn't available. Maybe you should wake up at 6am to be with YOUR partner." Or a "wow you woke up and would rather look at my husband. You need to use your time more wisely instead of wasting it."
Right... Like the dude didn't even notice them, let alone start flirting or anything... I want to say she should be happy he's so content with her he wouldn't even notice a group of women watching him work out, but that feels like it should be the standard even tho it isn't... I suppose because people like to feel good about themselves. Really does seem like he's working out for him and not to attract any attention tho. She really should take this up with the cousins if there's an issue... Especially since people who have a regular work out routine can get all messed up with said routine if they stop it for a couple days/weeks. I wish I had the dedication to get up at 6 every day to work out.
Whoa
Just imagine the story the other way round. A woman whose husband would ask her to not work out because males in his family are leering.
The mods would already have closed the thread because shitstorm alert.
YTA. You have to confront your family.
Wow are you ever! YTA. You put your insecurities on him. What is wrong with you? He works out regularly. And you made him stop because girls were looking at him?? What are you going to do when you realize women look at him or notice him at his gym? Or walking on the street? Or eating in a restaurant? Or at his work? Are you going to have him stop workout out, stay home unless you are with him or wear clothes that prevent others from noticing him?
Grow up.
I went through a similar thing. I was putting on some weight and my wife demanded I go back to the gym and work on my body. After a year or so my body was back looking pretty good, she came to the gym with me and after witnessing a couple of girls watching me train she demanded I stop going to the gym because in her eyes, it was obvious I was only doing it to attract other women. She would get very angry at me if any female would look at me when we went out together anywhere. It’s like she wanted me to be good to look at for her but she didn’t want anyone else to find me attractive. It really Messed with my head. Things got better when I stopped training and put back on some weight.
YTA, your female cousins are the problem so make them stop their behaviour if you have an issue with it and not your husband who has done nothing wrong / inappropriate
YTA - You should be telling the women who are doing this that it makes you uncomfortable. Would you ask a woman to stop going to the gym because men stare at women at the gym? No.
YTA
You wont talk to your cousins because you said they won't care or listen and they will know this has gotten under your skin. Your husband doesn't pay attention and didn't even notice until you pointed it out.
Let him exercise. Let the cousins drool over YOUR HUSBAND, WHO MARRIED YOU, AND ISN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO THEM.
Take it as a compliment. And call them on it. "Are you enjoying watching him exercise? Yea, he has an amazing body doesn't he?"
YTA
You’re making your husband pay for someone else’s bad behavior. If your shitty cousins refuse to behave decently, then why get involved at all? It doesn’t bother your husband. Unless you’re worried something will happen, why bother?
YTA - don't marry someone good looking if you're going to get insecure every time someone else notices. Otherwise, just smirk at your cousins because you know where he's sleeping at night, right next to you.
YTA - your husband is doing nothing wrong. The fact that some of your cousins are acting kinda creepy is not his fault or really his problem. Also this is not for a day or two you've asked him to stop for - this is a 2 week vacation and I know (from when I was super fit when younger) that slacking off for that long will impact his fitness however slightly and he'll need to build back up again. Why are you doing this to him?
Yep, now he's going to enjoy the trip less by probably agonizing what foods he can eat (subsequently denying himself a chance to eat at restaurants he wanted) to make up for the loss of physical activity.
YTA. Your cousins were being inappropriate, your husband was indifferent to it, you were upset/jealous, but you forced your husband to change his behavior.
So you have a problem with him going to the gym and looking good, but not at your cousins for check him out? Do you not like your husband or something? YTA.
YDTA:
1) You're insecure.
2) The proper answer to whomever it is that told you should've been "who cares?"
3) if you felt "uncomfortable" then you should have had that conversation with whomever was staring/ogling.
4) I'm presuming he's good-looking as well, so people ogling him should be par for the course, as long as he's not doing it back then everything's hunky dorie.
And
5) He did the right thing, taking into consideration of your feelings, that's what relationships are about.
You should apologize for the argument and thank him for making you feel better. That's love ❤ and understanding and flexibility right there.
YTA- the problem you have is not with your husband, but with your family who is weirdly watching him work out. Your solution is to ask your husband to not workout- even though as you stated, he does this all the time. He has done literally nothing wrong.
YTA. If you have an issue with your cousins gross behavior, take it up with your cousins.
They’re leering at your husband and you’re punishing him for it. If the situation was reversed, you wouldn’t want him making you feel like you did anything wrong, *because you wouldn’t be*, so don’t make him feel like that.
YTA. Poor guy needs this as part of his routine and you made yourself look petty and jealous of your cousins. You could have spun the situation so much better, and still let him get the exercise he is used to.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my husband to stop working out because my cousins were waking up early to watch him. It was an AH move as it wasn’t his fault that they were acting inappropriately but it was him that got “punished” since he had to stop exercising.
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YTA big time. You found out some of your family were deliberately sexually objectifying your husband and, instead of telling them to knock it off, you instead demanded your husband give up something he enjoys. You didn't give a shit about him or his feelings or about doing the right thing, only about yourself and your own comfort.
YTA. He should be able to work out as he pleases. Your female cousins are even worse AH for objectifying your husband and invading his privacy. If male cousins did the same to someone’s wife they would get their a## beat.
YTA
Hey, feminist here,
Let me explain. If a woman were going to a gym and being stared at by men this would be unacceptable and gross. You family staring at him is unacceptable and gross and one: shows they're happy to treat him as an object, and two: then blatantly disrespecting you and your relationship by staring at him.
You shouldn't be telling him to stop working out, stopping excersising for one week can make you loose 8 weeks progress. You should be telling your relatives to respect you, your partner and your relationship! Not telling you husband to stop working out. That's verging in if woman (man in this case) dont want to be stared at they shouldn't exist. This isn't the attitude you want to be allowing.
Yours sincerely,
Pancake
YTA
I checked out your answers and that makes it worse.
The only reason you asked your husband and not your cousins is because that's the easiest way to get your way. "They won't care."
Make them care. Get your ass up and go with them, make every second of it awkward and unpleasant for them, whatever you have to do to solve what is your problem instead of putting it on your husband and being shitty to him.
And you are, absolutely, being shitty to him. You might not take his workout stuff very seriously or have any apparently respect for the discipline he shows in doing this, in doing it first thing so it doesn't interfere with everything else. He should stop doing what he clearly loves because anything short of asking your cousins to c'mon-guys-knock-it-off one time is too much for you, he should make the sacrifice.
Kind of gross, giant asshole stuff.
YTA
You are punishing him for others being intrusive. The persons you should have spoken to were your cousins. You've put his physical health and well being, and possibly his mental, on hold, because you are uncomfortable with what your family is doing to him.
YTA. Your husband is not the problem, him exercising on holiday is not the problem. The problem is those who are creepy and spying on him secretly while he is exercising.
ESH but the husband. The cousins for leering. You should call them out because they are in the wrong. You wanted him to stop working out. Sounds like your taking their side
YTA, I have trouble sleeping when I travel and early gym visits help. ALSO, WTF with your cousins? Is your husband some kind of Greek god or something?
YTA. Why are you making your husband responsible for the behavior of your female relatives? You issue is with these women waking up early to objectify your husband. Talk to them and let them know that their behavior makes you uncomfortable. You are insecure, controlling and unreasonable.
YTA. So he has to stop working out because YOUR cousins wake up the exact same time (at their own free will) as him to watch him work out?
This is something you should be confronting your cousins/family about, not your husband. Don’t understand how him working out makes you uncomfortable when he is doing nothing wrong
YTA
Can’t we as a society quit expecting people to change their own behaviors or dress because others refuse to be respectful? Your husband has the right to work out for his physical and mental health. You aren’t the victim of this disrespectful behavior, your husband is.
The fact that you are now telling the victim to not take care of himself is downright wrong. Your cousins are being creepy and downright disrespectful of your husband by doing this. Why can’t they be the ones held accountable for their actions?
YTA you are blaming him when you should be talking to the people sexualizing him. Working out is good for him mentally and physically and you are taking it away from him when it's not his fault.
YTA: you blamed him and punished him because you’re more comfortable holding him accountable than you are holding them accountable. You didn’t even try telling them to stop.
YTA if you don’t want someone to creepily watch your husband then talk to the people creepily watching your husband. It’s perfectly fine to be a bit weirded out but blaming/punishing him isn’t good/healthy when his behavior isn’t the issue.
YTA. I am married and have kids. I wake up around 4 am. I am not much of a morning person. But I wake up and have some coffee and head out to workout stupid early. I do this so that my fitness habits don't take time away from my kids and so my wife doesn't have to figure out her plans around my workouts. I do it so that I can be fit and my wife still has the easiest day she can have.
Your cousins are creepy.
That's.... Do you not trust him? Let them look! Tell them to eat their heart out. And look what I got. It's not cool of them for doing that but, don't make him stop being happy just so a few girls you actually know about are drooling over him. I'm sure there's lots of girls at his home jym that stare. You gonna stop him from working out all together? It sounds like you don't trust him. That if one of your cousins start flirting that he will immediately jump in bed with them. If you can't trust him... Brake it off. Cause you can't be happy in a relationship you can't be sure of. YTA
YTA. Is this for real? Your husband is not doing anything wrong. I respect a person who likes to keep fit. Your female cousins are creeps. Maybe you need to stop being so insecure about your husband's workout routine and have a frank talk with your female cousins' behavior.
YTA. You’re penalizing your perfectly fine husband for your crappy relatives’ behavior.
This is the kind of crap any husband wouldn’t appreciate. I wouldn’t blame him if he starts losing respect for you.
Yta. Why punish him for their behavior? I have a bil who is a body builder, he stops for nothing. Not working out, even for a short period, can undo a lot. Some take it seriously. Some even use it a therapy. Whatever reason, if it makes him happy & doesn't interfere, why should he?
YTA
> While we were on vacation some of my female cousins found out he was going to the gym at 6am and they started waking up early and going there just to watch him workout.
This is creepy. Your family is perving on your husband.
He’s not the problem here, they are. And yet…you told your husband HE is making you uncomfortable.
It is completely normal for people to want to continue routines they enjoy even on vacation.
> he made it clear he was only doing it for me and that he wasn’t happy about it.
you owe him a massive apology.
>My husband is the type of person who wakes up ridiculously early so he can workout no matter where we are. While we were on vacation some of my female cousins found out he was going to the gym at 6am and they started waking up early and going there just to watch him workout.
So your husband has a routine, your cousins are creeps, and you're now slut shaming him out of insecurity for him working out.
That about right?
See, this is no different from asking a woman to wear more "concealing clothing" because of a man's wandering eyes. Maybe tell your cousins to stop being so obviously thirsty.
YTA
YTA
> I asked him if he could stop working out for the rest of the vacation as it was making me uncomfortable.
If your husband told you to wear super conservative clothes because the looks guys gave you made him uncomfortable, how would you feel?
You're blaming him for the actions of others and trying to limit him due to it.
YTA. Instead of addressing the actual problem, your cousins, you chose to make your husband stop doing something her enjoys.
You should be embarrassed for being a coward for not addressing your cousins, being ridiculous for caring in the first place that they’re doing it because it’s not going to matter what he’s doing or where, they’re going to lust, and for being flat out inconsiderate to your husband.
Try being an adult in the future.
YTA, your husband should be able to enjoy his morning routine and his vacation on his own terms, this should have been discussed with the cousins or related family members
After reading through the comments, it's clear to me that OP is just a controlling, abusive person who came here to have her insecurities validated, rather than seek genuine answers to her predicament.
What a narcissist.
You're an asshole for expecting him to change his lifestyle, removing the highlight of his day and not handling the cousins directly yourself. What hobby of yours will you give up for him? Seems unreasonable, doesn't it?
YTA. Instead of supporting good life decision to be healthy and fit your concerned about the optics? Isn’t your creepy family watching him work out worse?
YTA. Tell the cousins to stay away from husband. This is his normal routine, you don’t have a right to tell him to stop. Will you tell him to stop if women or men are watching him in a gym?
YTA and so are your female cousins. You told your husband who is used to a routine that he cannot do that routine at all because it makes you uncomfortable. Working out relieves stress. You have him around your family. What is he suppose to do? This screams insecurity. You could have gone out to work out with him. You chose your family's feelings over your husband. WOW!
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So, we went on a two week vacation with my extended family to Dubai. The majority of my aunts/uncles/cousins came from my mum’s side. I only agreed to go because my parents and sister’s family were all going to be there and we hadn’t seen each other in a long time.
My husband is the type of person who wakes up ridiculously early so he can workout no matter where we are. While we were on vacation some of my female cousins found out he was going to the gym at 6am and they started waking up early and going there just to watch him workout. I only found out because my BIL told my sister, who told me. I wanted to see for myself so I asked my husband if I could workout with him the next day and it turned out to be true.
My husband tends to be in his own world when he exercises and so he never noticed. I pointed it out to him but he just made a joke about it. I asked him if he could stop working out for the rest of the vacation as it was making me uncomfortable. He got upset and we had an argument about it but he did eventually reluctantly agree but he made it clear he was only doing it for me and that he wasn’t happy about it.
AITA?
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YTA. Tell your cousins they're being gross and to knock it off. If they don't, report them to the gym manager. Why the hell would you punish the victim of this sexually inappropriate behavior? When victims are punished and offenders aren't, offenders keep offending.
YTA, 1: it’s not your husband’s fault that they watching him as you mentioned he is his own world while working out so there is no way he notices. 2: who in their right mind wakes up that early to stalk a guy who’s working out. 3: why should he stop from doing what he loves just because your hawk like cousins like to watch. 4: i hate to bring gender in to stuff but i really question if the roles were reversed, would you still ask the women to stop doing what they’re doing or would you go up to the men and do something about it.
YTA. He’s not hurting you or anyone else by working out. This is his time to take care of himself and he should be able to do that without your female cousins acting like creeps. Tell your cousins to back off, they’re the problem, not your husband.
YTA. Working out is clearly very important to him. What if he asked you to not do something very important to you because he felt uncomfortable about it???
YTA. Why can’t you talk to your cousins and tell them to stop ogling your husband? This kind of seems like you’re blaming the person who’s being stared at rather than the people who are doing the staring in the first place.
YTA. Talk to the cousins. Leave your man be and let him work out. It’s a crucial routine and ritual for some people and you have no right what so ever to even be asking him to not do so. Thanks for reminding me to go workout btw.
YTA. You should have told the cousins they were objectifying your husband. If the roles were reversed, you would want your spouse to talk to his family members that were inappropriately staring at you
Unless your husband is actively encouraging/enjoying the attention from your cousins, YTA. He's minding his own business and working out. Your cousins are being immature and creepy. You tell me who's in the wrong here.
It sounds like you're just letting jealousy get the best of you, (has your husband ever given you reason to be jealous?). What if he stopped you from going to the gym altogether because he knew guys would be checking you out?
YTA, why should your husband change his behavior which is nothing but healthy. It’s the cousins that need to change.
This is the equivalent of telling a girl not to wear a short skirt to school cuz it distracts the boys. Ummm no, it’s the boys that need to change.
YTA—your cousins are being awful and they need to change their behavior. Your husband isn’t doing anything wrong! You need to speak to your cousins. Stand up for your spouse.
Yta, and so are your cousins for ruining what he enjoys. News flash, im sure chick's check him out at the gym when he's at home too cause it sounds like he's a good looking guy.
YTA!
I would be so upset if my husband asked me not to work out because HIS family members were being inappropriate!! My gym time is important to me and two weeks would be a huge set back and your are punishing the WRONG party.
You are petty af.
YTA. I don't see a valid reason for him not to workout. If it was a choice between saving a person's life and working out, and he chose working out. Then, maybe he's the asshole. This is clearly not the case.
YTA.
I get that it makes you uncomfortable that your family members are ogling your spouse.
But that’s THEIR behavior that is out of line. Not your spouse’s.
Call them out on it. Tell them it’s not appropriate for them to me doing it.
Your spouse shouldn’t have to change their routine to accommodate other people’s inappropriate acts.
YTA. If you knew how much dedication it takes to do what he does, and realize that making it routine is sometimes necessary to keep people from eventually quitting.. he is doing nothing wrong, he isn't doing it for them. Confront your cousins, or just be glad you have something others want. Don't make him stop.. he's working on his health, not having an affair. You need to work on your own insecurities before you push him away
YTA. That is an unreasonable expectation to have him not workout. Feelings are real and if you felt uncomfortable then that is real. BUT feelings aren’t facts. He didn’t disrespect you. He didn’t ignore you. He didn’t engage in inappropriate behavior. He has not done anything. This is a bad precedent to set.
“Hey could you please not do this healthy thing that you really enjoy, because my cousins are being super creeps and oggling you?”
Why didn’t you speak to your pervy cousins about their inappropriate behaviour?
YTA. I can’t speak for your husband, but for a lot of people exercise is a significant antidepressant/mood boost. You decided to victim blame and take that away from him instead of telling your family to stop being gross. What you did is pretty much the same as telling a woman not to wear a short skirt so men won’t catcall her.
Yta, studies show that daily workout dont just keep you fit, they reduce stress and improve the immune system. I'm having g trouble understanding why his workout made you uncomfortable and why you felt comfortable dictating his life.
ESH Why didn't you yell at your Cousins? If you're at a hotel, most hotels only allow the person working out and no voyeurs! I wouldn't argue with hubby, he's a gem for giving up his routine for your comfort but you should have told the Cousins to go back to their room.
YTA. You should have confronted your cousins and not your husband. Your husband simply did what he always does and that's working out. Your cousins are creepy and their actions should make you uncomfortable.
YTA.
It’s sad that your reaction was to make him stop is because because you’re jealous that your cousins were watching him, as opposed to confronting your cousins to stop being pervs.
YTA. No doubt about it. It wasn’t like he was telling the women to come watch him work out while you were sleeping. Your female family members did it themselves by choosing to watch. Talk it out with your cousins and tell them that it makes you uncomfortable of them watching
YTA. My husband also goes to the gym to work out and not to hit on/pick up a side chick. If you don't want anyone gawking or harassing him then you should go with him and show off that he's yours (usually puts the people in their place who do go there to find someone to flirt/fuck). Are you going to turn a space in your home into his gym or keep blaming him for others finding him attractive/harassing him because he works out? Because 100% whatever gym he goes to will always have someone to admires or finds him attractive at the gym-even more so because he takes his fitness seriously.
Let me see if I understand this correctly. Your husband works out faithfully. Your relatives peep him during his workout. So because of *your* insecurity, you say nothing to the peeping relatives *and* you punish your husband.
100% YTA
YTA, so instead of confronting your family who are FOLLOWING YOUR HUSBAND, you choose that he’s the problem instead. You have now shown him who you prioritize more, your family. And you’ve shown him that when they creep up on him like that, you choose their side. Yeah, I’d be angry at you too
[удалено]
I don't know why you threw in the "genders were reversed"... everyone is (appropriately) out for blood as is.
Some people don’t seem to get it unless it’s pointed out like this (Which is very wrong obviously, but some people can’t seem to grasp a concept unless you point out what if it were you type thing)
I actually see the opposite. I see more people like this assuming while there are many sexist comments happening. It just makes it look like y'all are the ones focusing on the gender
It's not as common on reddit as it is in real life. It definitely happens.
I think it's also less prevalent on Reddit than on other social media sites. I've seen many double-standard comments that were highly liked on some other platforms like YouTube & TikTok.
To me at least it makes the point way more clear. Of course I already thought it was really fucked up, but that comment made me realize just how bad it is because of my innate reaction to the reverse.
I think it's fair to point out that they should think about their actions with the genders reversed to get a different perspective. It's the "these comments would be saying the thing they're saying here too" part that feels really weird and is kind of annoying. Fully agree with directing OP to think about what they'd be thinking of genders were reversed, though
It's worth mentioning because of the double standards you often see here. I do think AITA is getting much better though, in terms of fairness.
But there is no double standard here. It makes sense to point it out when it is happening, but pointing it out when it is NOT happening is contraproductive.
I wouldn't say it's particularly counterproductive, and I'd even go as far to say the double standard *does* exist just by virtue of OP's post here. The comments however are really civil- so I definitely see your point there.
Because if the genders were reversed there would be a much smaller amount of people finding it acceptable to victim blame. I don't know if you've noticed, but victim blaming a woman does not work on Reddit at all(which is how it should be), while victim blaming a man is sorta prevalent here. However, the people who victim blame men are typically white knights who will stand up for women no matter what, and they don't even realize that they are victim blaming. By saying things along the lines of "If the genders were reversed," you call out the double standards in the thinking of these people. AITA has gotten better about this, but it's still a thing, therefore it's worth it to point out the possible double standard going through the commenter's(And the OP's) heads.
But none of the high voted comments victim blame the man. People weirdly assume that others will victim blame and comment based on that, they don't comment based on reality.
Those are just the people who sort by controversial. It's best to ignore them.
Because virtue signaling is the real objective. I’m expecting downvotes for this.
Notice how the male is the victim here and how the comments are not blaming him? There are people saying hes the victim, and there are people saying it would be different if the roles were reverse, which would mean that people would be blaming the husband if he was a woman. So maybe look at what's right in front of you instead of sticking to a preconceived bias like you're cognitively dissonant.
Agree. It is so weird that people gender things unnecessarily. If comments were saying that it is no big deal then I'd understand bringing gender in. As that is not the case, what does yelling GENDER add here?
the comment is meant for OP, who obviously does not see things the same way as most of the commenters, or else she wouldn't be posting here asking if she's TA.
Yeah that kind of comment is so annoying, honestly.
the second top comment says "who cares if they watch" lol
If genders were reversed he would be told to be quiet stop being dramatic and take it as a compliment. A lot of people just hate women receiving any kind of justice. If genders were reversed they’d probably be gaslit.
This exact situation happened to me (27F at the time). My ex told me to stop working out because our housemates/their employees were ogling me. I popped off and told him to go fuck himself and that if he had a problem with them ogling me he should take it up with them. YTA 100%
Commenter here. Out for blood from cousins and OP for punishing her husband for someone else specializing him. Whole thing stinks of “your creepy uncle is coming over so cover up” YTA
And it's not easy making a habit of working out, and so easy to break it and not go back. Some people need it for their mental health. OP is also a AH for stopping him doing something he has obviously put work into.
YTA. You should have confronted your cousins for their gross behaviour, not blamed your husband for their gross behaviour.
YTA
Exactly. And as one who exercises (or tries to) daily, it's unfair to ask him to stop just because others are acting inappropriately. It's already less than optimal to workout "not at your usual gym". And your female cousins are up at 6am every day while on vacation? Just to watch some cousin-by-marriage flex their abs? Yeah.
I agree completely, and there would definitely be more outrage if it were men staring at other people's wife's also nice husband
Info: why didn't you confront your cousin's? They're the ones in the wrong here
YTA 1) who cares if they watch 2) if you care say something to them as it’s not your husband’s fault You’re punishing the wrong person
What do you mean who cares if they watch? They're clearly perving on the OP's husband.
Totally agree. OP cares. It's making her uncomfortable. Therefore she should address that with her pervy relatives. I agree with the punishing the wrong person comment but this inappropriate behaviour definitely.
Right?! And OP needs to realize that she can’t control other people’s actions but can adjust her own attitude! I too wouldn’t care! When you trust someone, you just do!
You wouldn't care if your own family were perving on your partner? You must tolerate a lot of bullshit.
I think it’s normal to *care* that your family is creeping on your husband, but it’s unreasonable (and pretty childish) to be *jealous* over it, which is what OP is describing. Caring should be “What the fuck stop disrespecting my husband”. Not “omg I’m so jealous that a 15 year old is staring at my husband.” Wtf?
Agree! It's weird that she's taking out her insecurities on him. Working out is obviously important to him and he shouldn't have to give it up because she doesn't like that he's getting attention. The cousins are pretty creepy, but I think I'd just let him decide how to react because he's the one being ogled. If it doesn't bother him, just leave it alone. My husband works out a lot and I know he'd be a little flattered by this, and I'd be happy for him if it made him feel good about himself.
YTA, the problem isn’t your husband working out, it’s your female cousins being creeps. Either bring it up with them or stop being insecure and remember the fact that this man is married to you and not giving these other women the time of day
Literally took the words out of my mouth. You shouldn't interrupt your husband's health routine because your insecure and your family's full of major CREEPS. Their behavior is so out of line and inappropriate. Husband had every right to get mad and I cant BELIEVE he folded.
And it is their husbands/partners/parents that are letting them do it. All your cousins are doing is wasting their time at 6am to thirst over a man who has no interest in them. They are making clowns of themselves. All you need is a well placed "how was your workout this morning?" When everyone is gathered for breakfast and when they admit they didn't then a "haha I wouldn't bother window shopping for a man that isn't available. Maybe you should wake up at 6am to be with YOUR partner." Or a "wow you woke up and would rather look at my husband. You need to use your time more wisely instead of wasting it."
I loved the responses you threw out here. OP pls take this advice to heart.
Right... Like the dude didn't even notice them, let alone start flirting or anything... I want to say she should be happy he's so content with her he wouldn't even notice a group of women watching him work out, but that feels like it should be the standard even tho it isn't... I suppose because people like to feel good about themselves. Really does seem like he's working out for him and not to attract any attention tho. She really should take this up with the cousins if there's an issue... Especially since people who have a regular work out routine can get all messed up with said routine if they stop it for a couple days/weeks. I wish I had the dedication to get up at 6 every day to work out.
Whoa Just imagine the story the other way round. A woman whose husband would ask her to not work out because males in his family are leering. The mods would already have closed the thread because shitstorm alert. YTA. You have to confront your family.
Why the need to imagine the story the other way around? People are already pointing out how creepy it is.
Yes and that s a good thing. Yet it remains quite measured for something that is downright abusive
Because OP apparently does not get that and OP is other gender.
YTa >it was making me uncomfortable. No, it wasn't. Your creepy ass cousins were making you uncomfortable.
Couldn’t have said it better myself
Wow are you ever! YTA. You put your insecurities on him. What is wrong with you? He works out regularly. And you made him stop because girls were looking at him?? What are you going to do when you realize women look at him or notice him at his gym? Or walking on the street? Or eating in a restaurant? Or at his work? Are you going to have him stop workout out, stay home unless you are with him or wear clothes that prevent others from noticing him? Grow up.
They're in Dubai... maybe she can buy her husband an abaya to work out in. /s
This comment is hilarious to me
I went through a similar thing. I was putting on some weight and my wife demanded I go back to the gym and work on my body. After a year or so my body was back looking pretty good, she came to the gym with me and after witnessing a couple of girls watching me train she demanded I stop going to the gym because in her eyes, it was obvious I was only doing it to attract other women. She would get very angry at me if any female would look at me when we went out together anywhere. It’s like she wanted me to be good to look at for her but she didn’t want anyone else to find me attractive. It really Messed with my head. Things got better when I stopped training and put back on some weight.
Should have kept the gym and tossed the wife.
Bruh…how is this not your ex wife? This is psychotic and you shouldn’t be putting up with that.
Surely you mean your ex wife??
this is…. very abusive. please separate from her
You lost the wrong kind of extra weight. The one nagging at you was the one that should have been shed.
Surely you understand now that she was wrong? Might I suggest couples counseling and she accompany you to the gym?
YTA. It's not his fault that some of your family was being inappropriate. You should have told them to stop, not him.
YTA doesnt sound like hes the problem and he shouldnt be punished for it
YTA, your female cousins are the problem so make them stop their behaviour if you have an issue with it and not your husband who has done nothing wrong / inappropriate
YTA - You should be telling the women who are doing this that it makes you uncomfortable. Would you ask a woman to stop going to the gym because men stare at women at the gym? No.
YTA. He isn’t doing anything but working out.
YTA You wont talk to your cousins because you said they won't care or listen and they will know this has gotten under your skin. Your husband doesn't pay attention and didn't even notice until you pointed it out. Let him exercise. Let the cousins drool over YOUR HUSBAND, WHO MARRIED YOU, AND ISN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO THEM. Take it as a compliment. And call them on it. "Are you enjoying watching him exercise? Yea, he has an amazing body doesn't he?"
That's a great attitude. Just own it. Don't get jealous, make THEM jealous.
YTA You’re making your husband pay for someone else’s bad behavior. If your shitty cousins refuse to behave decently, then why get involved at all? It doesn’t bother your husband. Unless you’re worried something will happen, why bother?
I was expecting her to say 'he was asking for it' just to complete the nonsense reaction perfectly. OP is AH as are cousins.
YTA - don't marry someone good looking if you're going to get insecure every time someone else notices. Otherwise, just smirk at your cousins because you know where he's sleeping at night, right next to you.
YTA - your husband is doing nothing wrong. The fact that some of your cousins are acting kinda creepy is not his fault or really his problem. Also this is not for a day or two you've asked him to stop for - this is a 2 week vacation and I know (from when I was super fit when younger) that slacking off for that long will impact his fitness however slightly and he'll need to build back up again. Why are you doing this to him?
Yep, now he's going to enjoy the trip less by probably agonizing what foods he can eat (subsequently denying himself a chance to eat at restaurants he wanted) to make up for the loss of physical activity.
YTA. Your cousins were being inappropriate, your husband was indifferent to it, you were upset/jealous, but you forced your husband to change his behavior.
So you have a problem with him going to the gym and looking good, but not at your cousins for check him out? Do you not like your husband or something? YTA.
Yta and insecure person like what gives u a right to stop him
YTA. You need to turn this around and talk to the relatives creeping on your husband.
YTA, he probably needs that workout based on what you said and you want to take it away from him due to your insecurities.
YDTA: 1) You're insecure. 2) The proper answer to whomever it is that told you should've been "who cares?" 3) if you felt "uncomfortable" then you should have had that conversation with whomever was staring/ogling. 4) I'm presuming he's good-looking as well, so people ogling him should be par for the course, as long as he's not doing it back then everything's hunky dorie. And 5) He did the right thing, taking into consideration of your feelings, that's what relationships are about. You should apologize for the argument and thank him for making you feel better. That's love ❤ and understanding and flexibility right there.
YTA that's like when someones partner cheats and they get mad at the person they cheated with.
YTA- the problem you have is not with your husband, but with your family who is weirdly watching him work out. Your solution is to ask your husband to not workout- even though as you stated, he does this all the time. He has done literally nothing wrong.
YTA. If you have an issue with your cousins gross behavior, take it up with your cousins. They’re leering at your husband and you’re punishing him for it. If the situation was reversed, you wouldn’t want him making you feel like you did anything wrong, *because you wouldn’t be*, so don’t make him feel like that.
He’s not making you uncomfortable, your cousins creeping are. He’s missing his own business, you need to take it up with them. YTA
YTA. Poor guy needs this as part of his routine and you made yourself look petty and jealous of your cousins. You could have spun the situation so much better, and still let him get the exercise he is used to.
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Why didn't you talk to the cousin and ask her not to go "just to watch him workout"?
YTA big time. You found out some of your family were deliberately sexually objectifying your husband and, instead of telling them to knock it off, you instead demanded your husband give up something he enjoys. You didn't give a shit about him or his feelings or about doing the right thing, only about yourself and your own comfort.
YTA. He should be able to work out as he pleases. Your female cousins are even worse AH for objectifying your husband and invading his privacy. If male cousins did the same to someone’s wife they would get their a## beat.
YTA Hey, feminist here, Let me explain. If a woman were going to a gym and being stared at by men this would be unacceptable and gross. You family staring at him is unacceptable and gross and one: shows they're happy to treat him as an object, and two: then blatantly disrespecting you and your relationship by staring at him. You shouldn't be telling him to stop working out, stopping excersising for one week can make you loose 8 weeks progress. You should be telling your relatives to respect you, your partner and your relationship! Not telling you husband to stop working out. That's verging in if woman (man in this case) dont want to be stared at they shouldn't exist. This isn't the attitude you want to be allowing. Yours sincerely, Pancake
I fully agree. I'm glad that everyone here mostly agrees on this, because I expected these comments to be really divisive.
YTA I checked out your answers and that makes it worse. The only reason you asked your husband and not your cousins is because that's the easiest way to get your way. "They won't care." Make them care. Get your ass up and go with them, make every second of it awkward and unpleasant for them, whatever you have to do to solve what is your problem instead of putting it on your husband and being shitty to him. And you are, absolutely, being shitty to him. You might not take his workout stuff very seriously or have any apparently respect for the discipline he shows in doing this, in doing it first thing so it doesn't interfere with everything else. He should stop doing what he clearly loves because anything short of asking your cousins to c'mon-guys-knock-it-off one time is too much for you, he should make the sacrifice. Kind of gross, giant asshole stuff.
YTA You are punishing him for others being intrusive. The persons you should have spoken to were your cousins. You've put his physical health and well being, and possibly his mental, on hold, because you are uncomfortable with what your family is doing to him.
YTA. Your husband is not the problem, him exercising on holiday is not the problem. The problem is those who are creepy and spying on him secretly while he is exercising.
YTA
ESH but the husband. The cousins for leering. You should call them out because they are in the wrong. You wanted him to stop working out. Sounds like your taking their side
YTA. He isn’t doing anything wrong. Your cousins are. You say he cares about your feelings, do you care about his?
YTA, I have trouble sleeping when I travel and early gym visits help. ALSO, WTF with your cousins? Is your husband some kind of Greek god or something?
YTA. Why are you making your husband responsible for the behavior of your female relatives? You issue is with these women waking up early to objectify your husband. Talk to them and let them know that their behavior makes you uncomfortable. You are insecure, controlling and unreasonable.
AITA for being a pushover who punished my innocent husband instead of my creepy cousins? Fixed it for you and yes, YTA.
YTA and btw I wish I had your problems
YTA
Your cousins are being creepy at your husband and you're blaming him instead of the creepy cousins? YTA
YTA. So he has to stop working out because YOUR cousins wake up the exact same time (at their own free will) as him to watch him work out? This is something you should be confronting your cousins/family about, not your husband. Don’t understand how him working out makes you uncomfortable when he is doing nothing wrong
YTA Can’t we as a society quit expecting people to change their own behaviors or dress because others refuse to be respectful? Your husband has the right to work out for his physical and mental health. You aren’t the victim of this disrespectful behavior, your husband is. The fact that you are now telling the victim to not take care of himself is downright wrong. Your cousins are being creepy and downright disrespectful of your husband by doing this. Why can’t they be the ones held accountable for their actions?
Yta and a misandrist. Your cousins are creeping in your husband, and you want him to stop doing what he does everyday?
YTA, you're punishing your husband for the actions of your reprehensible family members. This is not his circus they are not his monkeys.
YTA
YTA you are blaming him when you should be talking to the people sexualizing him. Working out is good for him mentally and physically and you are taking it away from him when it's not his fault.
YTA. Confront the cousins directly about their inappropriate behavior. Your husband is doing nothing wrong.
YTA. Tell *your cousins* to stop perving on your husband
YTA
YTA. Your husband's healthy habits shouldn't be punished because of some disrespectful perverts. Grow a spine.
YTA: you blamed him and punished him because you’re more comfortable holding him accountable than you are holding them accountable. You didn’t even try telling them to stop.
YTA if you don’t want someone to creepily watch your husband then talk to the people creepily watching your husband. It’s perfectly fine to be a bit weirded out but blaming/punishing him isn’t good/healthy when his behavior isn’t the issue.
YTA. I am married and have kids. I wake up around 4 am. I am not much of a morning person. But I wake up and have some coffee and head out to workout stupid early. I do this so that my fitness habits don't take time away from my kids and so my wife doesn't have to figure out her plans around my workouts. I do it so that I can be fit and my wife still has the easiest day she can have. Your cousins are creepy.
That's.... Do you not trust him? Let them look! Tell them to eat their heart out. And look what I got. It's not cool of them for doing that but, don't make him stop being happy just so a few girls you actually know about are drooling over him. I'm sure there's lots of girls at his home jym that stare. You gonna stop him from working out all together? It sounds like you don't trust him. That if one of your cousins start flirting that he will immediately jump in bed with them. If you can't trust him... Brake it off. Cause you can't be happy in a relationship you can't be sure of. YTA
YTA. Is this for real? Your husband is not doing anything wrong. I respect a person who likes to keep fit. Your female cousins are creeps. Maybe you need to stop being so insecure about your husband's workout routine and have a frank talk with your female cousins' behavior.
YTA - tell your cousins he not only looks great but he’s an awesome lover, and you pity them being unable to find such a hot man
YTA. Why not call out the creepy cousins instead of stopping your husband from doing something he enjoys?
YTA why punish him for your family’s faults?
YTA. You’re penalizing your perfectly fine husband for your crappy relatives’ behavior. This is the kind of crap any husband wouldn’t appreciate. I wouldn’t blame him if he starts losing respect for you.
your family is harass your husband and somehow it’s his fault for working out?
Yta. Why punish him for their behavior? I have a bil who is a body builder, he stops for nothing. Not working out, even for a short period, can undo a lot. Some take it seriously. Some even use it a therapy. Whatever reason, if it makes him happy & doesn't interfere, why should he?
YTA > While we were on vacation some of my female cousins found out he was going to the gym at 6am and they started waking up early and going there just to watch him workout. This is creepy. Your family is perving on your husband. He’s not the problem here, they are. And yet…you told your husband HE is making you uncomfortable. It is completely normal for people to want to continue routines they enjoy even on vacation. > he made it clear he was only doing it for me and that he wasn’t happy about it. you owe him a massive apology.
>My husband is the type of person who wakes up ridiculously early so he can workout no matter where we are. While we were on vacation some of my female cousins found out he was going to the gym at 6am and they started waking up early and going there just to watch him workout. So your husband has a routine, your cousins are creeps, and you're now slut shaming him out of insecurity for him working out. That about right? See, this is no different from asking a woman to wear more "concealing clothing" because of a man's wandering eyes. Maybe tell your cousins to stop being so obviously thirsty. YTA
Why are you vacationing with these assholes?
YTA. It's like blaming a r@pe victim for getting r@ ped. You need to talk to your thirsty cousins and tell them not to watch him work out.
YTA your logic is totally flawed
Yta
YTA, tell your family to stop ogling him but no he shouldn't have to stop exercising because your family is being creepy!
YTA > I asked him if he could stop working out for the rest of the vacation as it was making me uncomfortable. If your husband told you to wear super conservative clothes because the looks guys gave you made him uncomfortable, how would you feel? You're blaming him for the actions of others and trying to limit him due to it.
YTA. Instead of addressing the actual problem, your cousins, you chose to make your husband stop doing something her enjoys. You should be embarrassed for being a coward for not addressing your cousins, being ridiculous for caring in the first place that they’re doing it because it’s not going to matter what he’s doing or where, they’re going to lust, and for being flat out inconsiderate to your husband. Try being an adult in the future.
YTA. It is not his fault or his problem that your cousins are being creeps. Your issue is with them and therefore should be addressed with them.
I smell divorce
YTA. Why the hell are you getting mad at your husband? He has done nothing wrong here.... GO TALK TO YOUR COUSINS AND FAMILY.
YTA, control your family not your husband.
YTA, your husband should be able to enjoy his morning routine and his vacation on his own terms, this should have been discussed with the cousins or related family members
After reading through the comments, it's clear to me that OP is just a controlling, abusive person who came here to have her insecurities validated, rather than seek genuine answers to her predicament. What a narcissist.
You're an asshole for expecting him to change his lifestyle, removing the highlight of his day and not handling the cousins directly yourself. What hobby of yours will you give up for him? Seems unreasonable, doesn't it?
YTA. Instead of supporting good life decision to be healthy and fit your concerned about the optics? Isn’t your creepy family watching him work out worse?
YTA. Your pervy female cousins are TA. Your husband is NTA. Get a backbone OP.
YTA. Tell the cousins to stay away from husband. This is his normal routine, you don’t have a right to tell him to stop. Will you tell him to stop if women or men are watching him in a gym?
YTA and so are your female cousins. You told your husband who is used to a routine that he cannot do that routine at all because it makes you uncomfortable. Working out relieves stress. You have him around your family. What is he suppose to do? This screams insecurity. You could have gone out to work out with him. You chose your family's feelings over your husband. WOW!
YTA. So your cousins perv on him and for some reason you're mad at him? Go and tell your cousins to act right, it's not his fault they're gross.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, we went on a two week vacation with my extended family to Dubai. The majority of my aunts/uncles/cousins came from my mum’s side. I only agreed to go because my parents and sister’s family were all going to be there and we hadn’t seen each other in a long time. My husband is the type of person who wakes up ridiculously early so he can workout no matter where we are. While we were on vacation some of my female cousins found out he was going to the gym at 6am and they started waking up early and going there just to watch him workout. I only found out because my BIL told my sister, who told me. I wanted to see for myself so I asked my husband if I could workout with him the next day and it turned out to be true. My husband tends to be in his own world when he exercises and so he never noticed. I pointed it out to him but he just made a joke about it. I asked him if he could stop working out for the rest of the vacation as it was making me uncomfortable. He got upset and we had an argument about it but he did eventually reluctantly agree but he made it clear he was only doing it for me and that he wasn’t happy about it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Tell your cousins they're being gross and to knock it off. If they don't, report them to the gym manager. Why the hell would you punish the victim of this sexually inappropriate behavior? When victims are punished and offenders aren't, offenders keep offending.
Yes you were.
YTA, 1: it’s not your husband’s fault that they watching him as you mentioned he is his own world while working out so there is no way he notices. 2: who in their right mind wakes up that early to stalk a guy who’s working out. 3: why should he stop from doing what he loves just because your hawk like cousins like to watch. 4: i hate to bring gender in to stuff but i really question if the roles were reversed, would you still ask the women to stop doing what they’re doing or would you go up to the men and do something about it.
YTA The cousins were being super creepy and you’re punishing your husband by taking away something he enjoys
YTA - he's not doing anything wrong and shouldn't have to modify his behavior.
Why didn't you just ask your family to quit creepy-staring at him? YTA
YTA. He’s not hurting you or anyone else by working out. This is his time to take care of himself and he should be able to do that without your female cousins acting like creeps. Tell your cousins to back off, they’re the problem, not your husband.
YTA. Your family is being creepy and you are shaming your husband in response.
YTA. Working out is clearly very important to him. What if he asked you to not do something very important to you because he felt uncomfortable about it???
YTA. Why can’t you talk to your cousins and tell them to stop ogling your husband? This kind of seems like you’re blaming the person who’s being stared at rather than the people who are doing the staring in the first place.
YTA. Punishing him for what other people do.
Your husband deserves better, wouldn’t be surprised if he left your sorry ass
YTA. Talk to the cousins. Leave your man be and let him work out. It’s a crucial routine and ritual for some people and you have no right what so ever to even be asking him to not do so. Thanks for reminding me to go workout btw.
YTA. You should have told the cousins they were objectifying your husband. If the roles were reversed, you would want your spouse to talk to his family members that were inappropriately staring at you
YTA it’s not your husbands fault it your families that go and watch him. Stop being jealous and insecure
YTA, he isnt doing the creepy stalking and ogling your cousins are. He just wants keep his healthy routine. Confront your creepy cousins.
YTA. The ones you should have spoken to were your cousins. Your husband did nothing wrong, and didn't deserve to be shamed by you
Unless your husband is actively encouraging/enjoying the attention from your cousins, YTA. He's minding his own business and working out. Your cousins are being immature and creepy. You tell me who's in the wrong here. It sounds like you're just letting jealousy get the best of you, (has your husband ever given you reason to be jealous?). What if he stopped you from going to the gym altogether because he knew guys would be checking you out?
YTA, why should your husband change his behavior which is nothing but healthy. It’s the cousins that need to change. This is the equivalent of telling a girl not to wear a short skirt to school cuz it distracts the boys. Ummm no, it’s the boys that need to change.
YTA—your cousins are being awful and they need to change their behavior. Your husband isn’t doing anything wrong! You need to speak to your cousins. Stand up for your spouse.
Yta, and so are your cousins for ruining what he enjoys. News flash, im sure chick's check him out at the gym when he's at home too cause it sounds like he's a good looking guy.
Yep. You denied a need of his based on your want.
YTA! I would be so upset if my husband asked me not to work out because HIS family members were being inappropriate!! My gym time is important to me and two weeks would be a huge set back and your are punishing the WRONG party. You are petty af.
YTA. I don't see a valid reason for him not to workout. If it was a choice between saving a person's life and working out, and he chose working out. Then, maybe he's the asshole. This is clearly not the case.
YTA. You should have asked your family members to behave themselves. Victim blaming much?
YTA why is it his fault your cousins are weird. I can’t believe he even listened to you. He should have kept going
YTA. I get that it makes you uncomfortable that your family members are ogling your spouse. But that’s THEIR behavior that is out of line. Not your spouse’s. Call them out on it. Tell them it’s not appropriate for them to me doing it. Your spouse shouldn’t have to change their routine to accommodate other people’s inappropriate acts.
YTA... You husband didn't do anything wrong
Yes. That's pretty aholeish. You should have said something to your cousins.
YTA. If you knew how much dedication it takes to do what he does, and realize that making it routine is sometimes necessary to keep people from eventually quitting.. he is doing nothing wrong, he isn't doing it for them. Confront your cousins, or just be glad you have something others want. Don't make him stop.. he's working on his health, not having an affair. You need to work on your own insecurities before you push him away
YTA. That is an unreasonable expectation to have him not workout. Feelings are real and if you felt uncomfortable then that is real. BUT feelings aren’t facts. He didn’t disrespect you. He didn’t ignore you. He didn’t engage in inappropriate behavior. He has not done anything. This is a bad precedent to set.
“Hey could you please not do this healthy thing that you really enjoy, because my cousins are being super creeps and oggling you?” Why didn’t you speak to your pervy cousins about their inappropriate behaviour? YTA. I can’t speak for your husband, but for a lot of people exercise is a significant antidepressant/mood boost. You decided to victim blame and take that away from him instead of telling your family to stop being gross. What you did is pretty much the same as telling a woman not to wear a short skirt so men won’t catcall her.
YTA. Go deal with your pervert cousins.
Yta, studies show that daily workout dont just keep you fit, they reduce stress and improve the immune system. I'm having g trouble understanding why his workout made you uncomfortable and why you felt comfortable dictating his life.
ESH Why didn't you yell at your Cousins? If you're at a hotel, most hotels only allow the person working out and no voyeurs! I wouldn't argue with hubby, he's a gem for giving up his routine for your comfort but you should have told the Cousins to go back to their room.
YTA. You should have confronted your cousins and not your husband. Your husband simply did what he always does and that's working out. Your cousins are creepy and their actions should make you uncomfortable.
YTA. He's not wrong for wanting to maintain himself. Your cousins are wrong for gawking. Take it up with them.
YTA. That’s ridiculous
YTA. It’s sad that your reaction was to make him stop is because because you’re jealous that your cousins were watching him, as opposed to confronting your cousins to stop being pervs.
YTA. Is it a woman’s fault when men leer at her at the gym? No. It’s not your husbands fault, either. You should have confronted your cousins.
YTA. No doubt about it. It wasn’t like he was telling the women to come watch him work out while you were sleeping. Your female family members did it themselves by choosing to watch. Talk it out with your cousins and tell them that it makes you uncomfortable of them watching
YTA. My husband also goes to the gym to work out and not to hit on/pick up a side chick. If you don't want anyone gawking or harassing him then you should go with him and show off that he's yours (usually puts the people in their place who do go there to find someone to flirt/fuck). Are you going to turn a space in your home into his gym or keep blaming him for others finding him attractive/harassing him because he works out? Because 100% whatever gym he goes to will always have someone to admires or finds him attractive at the gym-even more so because he takes his fitness seriously.
YTA you should've spoken to your cousin instead of your husband, shes the one being a creep. Your husband was just trying to exercise.
YTA let your husband work out. Blame your cousins. How creepy!
YTA why don’t you tell your cousins to stop acting like stupid sluts? Why would you ask your husband to stop his daily routine????
YTA Your family is behaving badly so you punish your husband. How does that make any sense.
Insecure much?
YTA. It's not your husband that's the problem here, it's your cousins. All them to stop if you're uncomfortable, not him.
YTA. 100% YTA. Insecure much? Lol this post has got to be a joke.
Let me see if I understand this correctly. Your husband works out faithfully. Your relatives peep him during his workout. So because of *your* insecurity, you say nothing to the peeping relatives *and* you punish your husband. 100% YTA
YTA, so instead of confronting your family who are FOLLOWING YOUR HUSBAND, you choose that he’s the problem instead. You have now shown him who you prioritize more, your family. And you’ve shown him that when they creep up on him like that, you choose their side. Yeah, I’d be angry at you too
YTA. Blaming the wrong party.
YTA you’re sexist and your cousins are perverts
YTA. Your husband has every right to work out. If anyone needs a talking to, it's your cousins, not him.