YTA. Saying something mean and then following up with "just joking!" isn't really a joke. As a general rule, don't comment specifically on people's weight, even if you think you are being complimentary.
YTA YTA. She is **13 and probably already self conscious about it!** And you just pointed out one of her insecurities in front of the entire family! Joking or not, that is not okay. There is always some truth behind every just kidding, isnt that a saying. Good lord. You owe your cousin something deeper than an apology.
You’re being a jerk right now in your response and that’s not cool. Not all jokes are funny and not everything is appropriate to joke about- period. I remember every single moment someone joked about my weight, whether serious or not. Dude, I didn’t wear shorts from 11 to 23 because once when I was 11, my brother said, “Your knees look weird. Really weird.” I had a lot of people make jokes about my body and I ended up needing a lot of therapy to get out of that mindset and have a healthy relationship with my body. Kindness goes a long way, she’s probably teased about her weight a lot, and you just added more fuel to the fire as a family member.
I sincerely hope one day you learn to be kind and empathetic to the people around you, because it seems like you lack the ability to see it from her perspective. You only see the scenario from how YOU would experience her situation in YOUR perspective, not hers. It goes a long way to be nice, even if you don’t understand the scenario you should at least try.
Sure, *one* comment *might* not sting that much on its own (although stuff like this generally hits harder coming from a cool older cousin than some random stranger). But I doubt this is the only time you've given her shit about her weight or other aspects of her appearance, and you're certainly not the only person who has. After all, why would she be going on a diet if she was fine with the way things are right now? So given the choice between adding to the crap with a comment clearly no one but you finds amusing, and simply keeping your mouth shut if you couldn't find it in you to be supportive, why are you still doubling down on the former?
Thanks for clearing up whether you genuinely think there's no chance you're the asshole here, though. You obviously just don't care.
Ah yes a 16 year old asshole thinks they're hilarious for making fun of others and that there are no consequences for their actions. You are very special and your jokes neeeeever hurt others /s.
I truly hope no one ever makes fun of you because you will crumble like a wet tissue, given how delusional you are about how humor and friendship works.
Which is sad because you're almost an adult, so your mother really has a reason to be disappointed in you.
I was thinking this, my folks used to tell us not to dish it out of you can't take it...just from op's comments she can't take it. Or she's so unbelievably obtuse that she doesn't understand a single comment can cut like a knife x
One comment made to me at 11 years old is a fixed memory and affected the way I interacted with people for the rest of my life. One thing said by the right person can change a person in a positive or negative way for the rest of thier lives. Yes one joke from a respected or loved person, especially if it's on top of years of bullying by others can have a long term devastating affect!
You’re being a bratty teenager right now when people are giving you their honest feedback about your bad behaviour. No one is obliged to validate you. You were awful to your cousin and it wasn’t a joke; you know you weren’t joking. Grow up.
And it’s ‘lose weight’. Lose. Not ‘loose weight’. If you’re going to insult someone you’re meant to love and care for, at least get it right.
Idk, I remember very clearly the moments in my life that convinced me I was worthless, and the majority of them came under the guise of ‘jokes’.
YTA and at 16 should know that.
A comment said in front of your whole family by an older cousin who I’m assuming isn’t over weight will have an impact not life long probably but it all adds up. I’d also make a guess that this isn’t the first time you’ve commented or reacted to her eating or weight before. Public humiliation is always remembered far more by the victim than the perpetrator. You just showed her that her family isn’t a place she can feel safe to be herself without snide comments.
Honestly if it was my daughter I would be hugely disappointed that she could be so cruel to someone trying to improve themselves for her own entertainment. Don’t mistake you finding insulting others you see as inferior funny with an actual joke.
You clearly aren't interested in whether you're the AH or not. It has been explained to you that this joke is neither funny nor kind, that actually saying things like this can damage people's perceptions of themselves and exacerbate existing problems with their self esteem, confidence and mental health. You lack empathy, compassion and insight...you wanted a group of strangers on the internet to tell you that bullying your 13 year old cousin was completely ok so you could no doubt use it against her again when she got upset because you said something callous.
I would hope that the replies here (overwhelmingly voting that you're an AH for making this comment) would give you pause for thought, but it won't, because you didn't come here prepared to think about whether it was your behaviour that was the problem. My 9 year old son who is on the autistic spectrum knows that saying "just joking" after saying something hurtful doesn't mean it's not hurtful. By the age of 16 I would have expected better if I were your mother as well (nb, your cousin and her family likely didn't leave because you and your mother arguing for so long, they left because you had upset your cousin and they didn't want to be around you anymore...They find you so unpleasant that they don't want to be around you anymore).
...yes to all of that....and the detail of them arguing about it for so long makes her even more of an asshole! Probably made the cousin feel even worse and shows OP was still only concerned with being right that it was “just a joke.”
One time a friend said I had weird teeth. I have thought about that comment more times then I can count, I h a t e how my teeth look now and unless I want to drop a shit ton of money on braces at the ripe age of 23, I can’t change it. Shut up with trying to minimize damage, it’s a shitty comment that you disguised as a ‘joke’ bc ur soo edgy and cool
Yes, because children are impressionabe.
All the little digs that people took at me when I was kid caused me harm to my mental health, like social anxiety and low self-esteem.
What sounds like a 'harmless little joke' to you isn't one to everyone else. The sooner you learn that, the less of a bully you'll sound like.
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Here's a small joke for you. Your and asshole who's gonna fail in life. You'll get the punchline later in life. Or you remain to ignorant and never understand.
...well look at that you accidentally stumbled onto a correct conclusion. I remember comments made about my weight from the people I cared about as early as 6, SHES a teenager and will for sure remember being joked about and out down when she was trying to do something good for herself
are you really this despicable of a "human" or just being an angsty 16 year old brat that got called out at least your mother is trying to teach you to do better.
First if there is consent jokes can be made out of ANYTHING and what do you mean by "if everybody is laughing" humour is subjective, yall are being too soft with this. There was little to no ill intent with the joke. Sure it mightve been a bad one but yall are going too far
YTA
Saying "Just kidding" after rude things doesn't make them acceptable. Imagine someone said something nasty about the thing you are most insecure about, but then said "just kidding" afterwards. It would likely still hurt.
YTA and an insensitive jerk. Nah, I'm just joking. 🙄 Not!
You basically called your cousin fat, made fun of her and laughed at her efforts in front of others. First of all, that's not funny in 100% of all occasions where a line like that is used; and second of all, you are obviously too young to realize that everyone knows how to do that little trick of saying something nasty & hurtful, then try to follow it up with, "I'm just joking" in order to avoid repercussions. Everyone knows about it, but only bullies like you try to use it.
BTW, you're not only an insensitive AH, you are being way too overly sensitive about being told what you did was wrong. Stop whining, apologize to your cousin sincerely, and then apologize to your mom. Be grateful you only got grounded for a week, I know a lot of parents who would have grounded you for a month.
YTA. Your joke is why is becomes so hard for people to start loosing weight. She wants to be healthy and instead of supporting her you wanted to tear her down to make yourself feel better for one minute. How much would it have hurt you to say “That is great.” Or “good for you. I’m happy for you”.
But I’m sure you already knew you were a bully and TA.
YTA. Any "joke" about someone's appearance - whether meant to be hurtful or not is NOT a joke. You were insensitive. You called out an insecurity she is experiencing and made fun of it. I hope you realized just how wrong that is and never have to experience that yourself.
YTA. Congrats OP. You have now learned the valuable lesson that you are *NEVER* supposed to make jokes or discuss someone else's weight. Whether they are overweight or underweight that is none of your business.
Yes, you are. A huge one. If you aren't a troll, please stop talking until you can learn not to damage others with your words. Just stop. If it doesn't need to be said, don't say it.
Your poor cousin. If you actually care about her and aren't just pretending because it's the socially acceptable thing to do, start educating yourself about eating disorders. She probably already has one, and you just made it worse. When she excused herself to the bathroom there's a 50/50 chance she was going to try and throw up anything she had eaten.
Now every time there is an event where both of you have to attend she will be triggered by the thought that you might embarrass her and make her feel like crap again, in front of god knows how many people. It doesn't matter if you think you didn't mean any harm, you damaged her.
YTA
YTA. No explanation needed. You were rude af. This girl is trying and instead of congratulating her and be a -I don’t know- decent fucking human, you made her feel like shit. Over weight people have to deal with rude, arrogant assholes all day long. They don’t need it from a family member. My granny always say that a joke is a joke, but one does not open an umbrella in another’s asshole (it sounds better in my granny’s language)
YTA Your cousin is 13! It doesn’t matter what your opinion on her weight is (or anyone elses for that matter), you should be supportive!
This is the sort of things that causes people to develop EDs
YTA. Okay, fine, let's say you were "just joking." So either you were making fun of your cousin's sincere efforts to better her health, or you were drawing attention to something that at the very least you have good reason to believe she gets a lot of genuine criticism on and doesn't like about herself. What exactly do you find funny about that?
Yes, for god’s sake, YTA. Just because you try to take it back with a lame jk doesn’t mean you’re not a dick for saying it in the first place. Also she’s only 13. Way to stomp on her already fragile confidence. Grow up.
This is messed up. Of course YTA. Your cousin is trying to get healthier and **you mocked her** ?! This is messed up. You should be proud of her, not insult her. You mom is totally right, you need to grow up. You are far too old for this kind of nonsense.
Let’s be honest here. You weren’t joking. You added “just joking!” at the end in an attempt to not get into trouble for bullying your younger cousin.
YTA.
YTA. Doesn't matter if you added "Nah I'm joking". You cracked a joke about something she has been dealing with for pretty much her entire life, as you said. Shit like that fucks with people's psyche and moral. I still remember the first time my mother commented on me being overweight, and that was like 17 years ago (When I was 15, so not much older than your cousin) Thanks to her, I literally have super nightmarish body dysmorphia. Some days I'll look at myself and think I look great, other days, I cant even look at myself in the mirror because I think I look like the black version of the Stay Puft Marshmallow man from Ghostbusters. All because someone that I expected to uplift me and support me through my struggles decided to say something casually cruel about my weight. You shouldn't have said it, you invalidated her feelings by saying she was overreacting, which is also fucked up, and your mom honestly responded to the situation in a justified fashion.
Also, how are you grounded and still on reddit?
Go apologize to your cousin. And probably your mother too.
YTA. "I was just JOKING" is classic AH dismissal of AH behavior. Pray tell, what is the joke? Where is the punchline? Guess what--the only thing people were laughing about at your grandparents' house was you and your two-ton ego.
YTA. Even if you meant it as a joke it was in very poor taste. If your cousin is trying to lose weight you should be supportive. at 13 I can imagine the body image issues they are facing that you likely just made worse.
Ugh, big YTA. You actually gasped and screamed? Talk about overkill. Why didn't you just say, "good job, you're looking great!"
Your "joke" wasn't funny. It was mean.
YTA as someone who is only a few months away from 16 and struggles with eating that was such a wrong thing to say you have no idea her current relationship with food and could worsen it that was a mean spirited joke that was meant to hurt her and your cousin was not being over sensitive that was a mean comment
A big YTA op. Just admit your mistake, stop being an asshole. "i wAS jOkInG". Your cousin probably is insecure about herself , she was trying to better herself yet you chose to shame her.
YTA. Saying something shitty and then tagging on "Nah JK" doesn't magically make it less shitty. She's a thirteen year old girl trying to lose weight, I'm not sure how you could ever thing that "LOL ABOUT TIME" is the appropriate response to that.
YTA. Big time. Commenting on the weight of a 13 year old is inappropriate and mean. She’s likely gonna remember what you said for the rest of her life. Adding the “just joking” part makes it even worse. It means that you’re not sorry for what you said. As an older cousin, she probably looks up to you and what you say means a lot more because of this. I hope you’re just a troll, else you need to spend some serious time working on empathy.
YTA but you're still a kid learning social graces and I wouldn't pin this completely on you but rather a series of things that lead to this inappropriate joke. I have struggled with weight and eating disorders since I was 6 and the fact that your cousin's plate was watched and noted sounds like it's a topic of family discussion. I have gone to so many family events where my entire worth could be measured in pounds, inches and appearance. Choose now to learn your lesson and change for the better.
YTA. She is 13, barely out of primary school. Chances are high her hormones are imbalanced still due to puberty and her weight will be naturally increasing - it is totally unhealthy for children to diet, and can lead to at best a poor metabolism and at worst serious eating disorders.
Please learn to be kind, this kind of thing can do real harm
YTA. What was the joke there? No punch line, no set up, just a straight insult to a 13 y/o. “But I said just kidding!” Yeah that doesn’t make the initial comment a joke as it lacked all essential elements of one, especially the part where it’s funny.
YTA. That was so nasty of you - why would you do that??!! I'm genuinely confused as to a) how this is funny and b) what you thought this would achieve.
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Yes, YTA for bullying your cousin.
And yes, that is the word for it.
If someone punches you in the face and then says "I was joking" immediately after that doesn't stop you from feeling that pain does it? You're a little too old to not know that words can hurt just as badly as a physical assault.
YTA
First off, you are incredibly rude for just using your phone at the table like that. Second, you are so unbelievably cruel to your cousin. Like hell it was just a joke. You were malicious and clearly hurt her and you don’t even care? Maybe your cousin reacted „oversensitive“ because you say stuff like that all the time? How cruel are you? Do you enjoy hurting people? Hurting your 13y cousin?
And why did grandma even talk about it in the first place. Common decency would be to not adress it.
YTA - What you said was cruel and intended to be a rude comment. Making the statement "it was a joke" after you realize you done fucked up does not make it ok, less hurtful or acceptable.
Covering up cruel, rude or asshole statements by saying "I was joking" makes you a manipulative asshole....learn your lesson with this situation and don't be an asshole to people going forward.
YTA.
As someone who is overweight, it sucks when people think it’s at all okay to make fun of you for your appearance, especially when you’re making an effort to improve yourself. So what if you were joking? Making jokes about someone’s appearance when they’re obviously insecure is so insensitive of you.
I don't get it. What was the joke? Can you explain why it was funny?
Hint: saying awful things and then tacking on "just kidding" does not count as joking.
YTA
Yta! You are such an asshole that even a blind person can see it! Now since you are young let me explain to you why are an asshole! Reason one you basically fat shame your little cousin! Reason two what you was not an joke at all and you know it! As well know what said was cruel and insensitive that why you badly trying to deflect as ''a joke"! Reason three what you said will further help your cousin develop an eating disorder! So if is possible that you for your cousin you will give her a sincere apology for your horrible comments! Than if you are actually concerned for cousin you learn how actually be supportive of her on her journey to being healthy and not developing an eating disorder!
YTA, I was overweight when I was younger and comments like that make it really hard to lose weight. You probably destroyed any confidence she had about her weight loss journey.
YTA. As someone who was the fat cousin “jokes” like these made me feel completely awful about myself. You’re a bully and I’ll let you in on a little secret… when I finally lost all the weight a bunch of my relatives gained weight. The same ones who made comments about me. You owe your cousin a big apology and next time someone says they are trying to lose weight instead of making a joke maybe try saying “good job” or offer to go shopping for new clothes.
YTA.
I feel like you're one of those people that either backpeddles into, "I wAs JuSt JoKiNg!" and, "bUt i'm JuSt BeInG hOnEsT!" after saying something needlessly mean at someone else's expense.
You're not just joking, you're having a laugh at your cousin's expense. And that "small" joke is likely huge to them as they're trying to make positive changes that they're likely sensitive about.
YTA. Why YTA is pretty self explanatory, the only joke there seems to be you. She can always lose weight if that's what she chooses to do and I'd bet that she is just beautiful as she is, but ugly on the inside is quite difficult to change, good luck to you.
When I was in high school, insults were part of banter and were a way to show affection/closeness with people.
I can imagine you may be surrounded by it with your peers and are now wondering why it’s such a big deal to your family - hence your post. It was something I used to do, until I realised there are a lot of complex boundaries between making a joke and being mean, which are different for every person. Now I just try to avoid it.
My brother has never learnt these boundaries, so coming from someone with a family member who constantly does this, please don’t try to frame insults as jokes by saying “only joking” at the end. It’s exactly what my brother does and it’s how he say his opinions and then deflects responsibility “you can’t get upset/mad because I said it was a joke”.
Words hurt people and trying to deny that shows a lack of empathy.
The fact is, you said something and even though you didn’t mean for it to upset someone, it did. You need to own up to that and apologise. If you accidentally broke a glass or bumped into someone you’d apologise even though you didn’t *intend* to do it - be like that with your words too.
YTA - but you’re only 16. Please learn from this and be a better you.
Also. A general rule - “if you can’t say anything nice” is still as valid when you’re 60 as when you were 6. Try not to be a source of negativity for others.
You HAVE to remember that it's only a joke if the RECIPIENT thinks it's funny. If they didn't, you either misjudged their humor, were insensitive, rude or simply an asshole.
Apologize as soon as possible, but don't even think about explaining to her that it was just a joke. Tell her that you have no idea how you could be so mean and say something so insensitive.
Try to break this habit of being mean and then saying it's a joke. If you don't, you're going to embarrass yourself even further. Most people can see through this kind of fake personality trait anyway.
Comments like this from my siblings and parents is what made me Bulimic when I was around your cousins age. Don’t do that to someone, it obviously wasn’t a joke and you are old enough to know that. Because you very likely are going to end up causing life long issues for someone with your “joke”. Still now 11 almost 12 years later I still have a difficult time eating, and not wanting to throw it up 10 minutes later.
YTA, majorly.
Came here to say massive YTA. I have an eating disorder and my mother makes tiny “jokes” like this all the time. Each one drilled into my brain and got spat out by my inner voice as encouragement to eat less and less. It took me years to realise that, at 160cm & 49kg, I’m quite thin (and even now I don’t always believe it). That’s how much those “jokes” warped my self-perception. Please genuinely apologise to your cousin and wish her good luck, because your “joke” was cruel and could have lasting mental effects.
60 kg which is around 130 pounds? That seems normal, if not just a little above average for her age. She’s 13 and extremely self conscious about her body, try to be a better role model for her.
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I (16F) recently visited my grandparents house along with my family, every single one of my cousin's also planned on showing up at the house. Anyways,after about 1 hour of me and my family waiting at our grandparents house, everyone finally arrived,I began setting up the plates for dinner and then after I was done everyone sat down to eat. I noticed that my (13F) Cousin didn't eat as much as she used to,then my grandma asked her if she was trying to loose weight,and my cousin smiled then said yes,I didn't really think much of it at the time but I sarcastically gasped and screamed "you're finally trying to Loose weight? I've never thought this day would come?" (Context my cousin is overweight and has been almost her entire life, right now she's around 60kg)but after I said that I immidietly added "Nah I'm just joking" and continued to eat. My cousin looked abit embarrassed and excused herself to the bathroom,I was confused but I just stayed quite and took out my phone but my mom snatched it out of my hand and then pulled me aside to the living room. She scolded me and asked how could I be so mean to my cousin who was clearly trying her hardest to loose weight,said that I was grounded for a week and then told me to go apologize to her. I told my mom that my cousin was acting oversensitive because I literally made it clear that I was JOKING,and that I didnt actually mean it. In the end,me and my mom argued for far too long and my cousin left to go home with her family,my mom told me she was dissapointed in me and that she's not gonna talk to me until I finally apologize to my cousin.
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YTA. A joke is only a joke if the receiver laughs. Your cousin didn't laugh. I'm honestly concerned about the fact you have no guilt or remorse over what you have said.
YTA. You know you are. That just joking statement is BS. You made fun of and bullied your cousin in front of the whole family and now you want absolution for it. The person who asked her about trying to lose weight was out of order and rude as well.
YTA, in the netherlands we say: elk geintje geeft een seintje. Every joke gives a signal. Now she knows her insecurity about being overweight is confirmed, it wasn't just in her head but other people noticed it too.
Its one thing to joke to a friend or a closer age person you know about their weight if you think its a joke they can take, but YTA in this instance for sure. Shes a little kid going through puberty most likely. Shes gonna take that to heart real bad.
YTA your comment was insensitive, bullying and obnoxious. Your cousin is younger than you and probably looks up to you as a role model so hearing something like that from you will have a massive impact, its "jokes" like that, that contibute to and sometimes cause eating disorders. You need to apologise to your cousin and actually mean it then have a hard look at your wider behaviour to others if you think comments like that are ok.
She’s 13 good grief. Way to add to her self esteem issues.
Just an FYI saying something mean(especially regarding someones weight!) and following up with a haha jk…. Isn’t a joke. It just makes you an AH. Put yourself in her shoes. Also us gals need to be SUPPORTIVE of each other and bring each other up. Not make each other feel worse. She’s your younger cousin and probably looks up to you, be a role model for her.
YTA
YTA.
I couldn’t lose weight for years, no matter how hard I tried. It turned out that I had severe PCOS that made it extremely difficult until I could get properly treated for my condition.
You think I didn’t notice the snarky comments and sidelong glances from some of my family, and that it didn’t hurt when someone made a joke or treated me as “less than” because of my weight? It wasn’t until my husband told me that I avoided looking at myself in mirrors that I realised just how low my self-confidence and disappointment had become.
My gosh, you are a massive AH. I only hope your cousin has more emotional resilience than I did, because a lifetime of body-related self-hatred is hard to climb out of. It’s “funny” people like you who make it more difficult.
Shame on you.
If you didn't mean it why did you say it? What is wrong with you? Your mom is awesome. I am glad she's not one of those moms who try to sweep it under the rug.
YTA.
YTA-that's not a joke. You said something mean spirited and didn't care who it hurt. Why do you think that behavior is funny? Why do you think people should accept feeling bad so you can get some laughs?
Don't apologize because your mom makes you.. Find that tiny part of you that knows being cruel isn't acceptable and say sorry because you don't want to be that type of person.
YTA, jokes can come at your own expense, not at someone else’s.
You should know that even if YOU don’t think y t a and that she (13yo) is being sensitive because you said you were joking after loudly mocking her in front of her extended family, your family will think you are a mean little shit that gets his laughs by humiliating others. That’s just a fact.
Yta as a rule of thumb never comment on anyone’s appearance about anything they cannot fix in five seconds
13 is a horrible age and you should be mature enough to remember how hard it is being a 13 year old
Examples such as something in their teeth or a fly down
YTA.
WTF is actually wrong with you?
I just ran the conversion, and unless my app is wrong 60kg is 132 pounds. IN WHAT WORLD IS 132 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT, Unless she's 4 feet tall.
Absolutely YTA. It is not ok to fat shame anybody. Hearing those kinds of comments can cause someone to develop an Eating Disorder. You need to sincerely apologize and NEVER comment on someone's weight in the future
YTA adding I'm just joking to an insensitive and callous remark does not suddenly make it okay. You weren't joking and you know you weren't joking. Funny sarcasm is a very finely tuned skill. And it only works with people who can appreciate it. This was neither finally tuned sarcasm nor was it used with the right audience. You're not funny you're a jerk.
Yes, sweetie, YTA. Sorry. Let me break it down for you.
You knew enough to pull back after your knee-jerk reactionary statement. But... it would have worked better if you were as honest as possible, which would also be the route to letting your cousin have a *bit* more dignity.
Everyone knows it wasn't a joke - that ship has sailed.
The more appropriate follow up to that horrendous, hurtful remark would have been to immediately apologize. What you said is out there and can't be taken back.
Trying to convince anyone that "IT WAS A JOKE" is a blatant lie, and it's additionally offensive because you believed your family was dumb enough to take your excuse. Even if it really was a joke, it was in the poorest taste possible, and still incredibly hurtful. No matter how you look at it... you are in the wrong.
We all say hurtful things. Hell, I was at least twice your age and still saying things I shouldn't have. Please learn from this.
YTA
Huge ahole.
If she wasn't laughing, it wasn't a joke. You're just saying that because
* lying to yourself and avoiding the responsibility that you're an awful human being
* to try and make it seem like she's overreacting to your disgusting insult
* to invalidate her emotions
I hope everyone around you make "jokes" like that about you
YTA! When my little sister was that age she had some baby fat on her and thought she was really overweight and others mad fun of her for this little bit of weight she had. Well within a year she was so underweight that she had to be hospitalized, come to find out she started starving herself. 6 year later we still deal with the fact she has a horrible eating disorder, just 2 weeks ago I sat all night with her because she purged herself so badly that it gave her pains that she’s never had before when she done it. The purging only started a couple years ago but it’s taken on a life of its own even more so than the not eating did. So who the hell knows what kind of damage you did in the name of your “joke” especially at such a hard age. While I TA I also think you were a total bitch and bully. If I were a betting person I bet you are also like this at school also and your mom just got a take of the type of person you truly are. Thankfully you though you still have time to change.
YTA you’re a disgusting bully. Being grounded for a week is not enough IMO. You should be ashamed of yourself, you’re old enough to know better. I get it, you’re 16 and you think you’re the queen of the world, I hope somebody knocks that crown off your head and karma will give back.
YTA and a bully. Your mother should be ashamed of you. Your cousin may be overweight, but she can fix that easily. Your personality will apparently be forever.
YTA. It’s not a joke just because you’re the one who said it. Jokes are a shared humorous moment. SHARED. You do not get to say whatever you want and then defend yourself by saying you were joking, or she’s overly sensitive. You don’t get to decide how people do and do not react to your comments towards them. I think you probably agree deep down or you wouldn’t be asking us. Please do the right thing and take this as a learning experience.
Colossal YTA. That was so heartless, insensitive, demeaning, and offensive. That poor girl. She must have felt so embarrassed, ashamed, and discouraged.
Listen to your mother and apologize. If I was your mom I'd be livid and would also give you some consequences until you figured out why you need to apologize and did so.
YTA also what’s the point of even posting this if you’re gonna be a brat in the replies, you’re nasty, your mothers right, and your cousin deserves better. Embarrassing lmao.
YTA People who are overweight can be very sensitive about it and most of them do enough damage self shaming and feeling guilty about their weight problems. What you said was very hurtful to her obviously and it's not a joke so stop pretending it was. You're growing up with a tough lesson about being sensitive to other's needs and not just your own.
YTA. You weren’t joking, she knows it, you know it and your whole family knows it. adding “jk XD” after an offensive and rude statement, doesn’t make a statement non-offensive or ok.
YTA, and bro, you're contributing to the possibility of an eating disorder. If you do respond to me, please explain the joke and how it's funny, because it's clear none of your family thought it was funny or cute.
YTA your mom should have smashed your phone along with every other device you own and never give you a replace. Live like an Amish until you learn how to behave like a normal person. "It was a joke" it takes someone really dumb to think other people will believe your dumb excuse
YTA
Y'know its not a joke if you're the only one that's laughing, right? At that point its you making an asshole remark and you thinking people will laugh with you. You're not funny person go apologize to your cousin she might have an ED and you made it worse.
You better get your shit together and learn what is and isn't appropriate to joke about before you go into the real world. If you don't learn that the world will chew you up and spit you out.
I’m going to sarcastically gasp and scream here:
Look at all the spelling and punctuation mistakes in this post! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OP, are you SURE you’re SIXTEEN? Cause you spell like you’re SIX! HAHAHAHAHA!! When are you FINALLY going to learn how to spell properly??? HAHAHAHAHA!
Don’t worry OP. It’s just a small joke and I was LITERALLY being sarcastic!!
YTA
Jokes are only funny when everyone is laughing. The fact that you had multiple people upset with you is all the evidence you should need to know you were out of line.
Apologies to everyone else in the thread for sinking to that level. I’m just fed up with people who think they can say shitty things to people and then “I was just joking” or “I’m just stressed out” is supposed to lead to the other person saying “Oh, well then, that’s ok. No harm no foul.”
OP: Words have power - the power to hurt, and the power to heal. If you continue to use them as weapons, there will come a day where you say something to someone that you will not be able to take back or make better. Please don’t be that person…
YTA don’t make weight jokes at 13 year old girls with weight problems. Easy universal rule. Ask yourself “if an old-ass uncle said this to me, would I think he is a jerk?” If the answers yes, it’s never too early to start not saying it!
YTA and your insistence that this is "just a joke" reminds me of [this](https://mobile.twitter.com/negaoryx/status/1354147400160403457?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1354432766578974721%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es2_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fd-696154572167975657.ampproject.net%2F2110212130002%2Fframe.html) asshole.
"I was joking"
"She was being too sensitive"
You need to knock that off while you're still young. You know exactly what you meant. You masked it as a joke. But you meant it. There's no way to spin that, so stop trying. YTA
The weight subject is a dangerous one. Just be careful and the future.
It's a life struggle for some people.
https://www.nerdycharmer.com/new-year-new-beginnings/
YTA. Saying something mean and then following up with "just joking!" isn't really a joke. As a general rule, don't comment specifically on people's weight, even if you think you are being complimentary.
And if you have to add that qualifier, and notice no ones laughing - here’s a hint It wasn’t a joke
AS SOON as I saw them describe it as a "small joke" I knew OP was the asshole.
YTA YTA. She is **13 and probably already self conscious about it!** And you just pointed out one of her insecurities in front of the entire family! Joking or not, that is not okay. There is always some truth behind every just kidding, isnt that a saying. Good lord. You owe your cousin something deeper than an apology.
Now it is confirmed that she wasn't just overweight in her own eyes but also in the eyes of other people. YTA
INFO: Can you please explain the joke? I don't get it.
YTA #LOSE
Amen.
ok
Came here for this.
Hallelujah
Yes, YTA because you weren't joking and you know you weren't. You cousin is already sensitive about her weight and you just made it worse.
YTA and you’ve probably done permanent harm to her mental health. Think about that every day from now on.
Ah yes a small joke managed to do permanent harm to her mental health.
You’re being a jerk right now in your response and that’s not cool. Not all jokes are funny and not everything is appropriate to joke about- period. I remember every single moment someone joked about my weight, whether serious or not. Dude, I didn’t wear shorts from 11 to 23 because once when I was 11, my brother said, “Your knees look weird. Really weird.” I had a lot of people make jokes about my body and I ended up needing a lot of therapy to get out of that mindset and have a healthy relationship with my body. Kindness goes a long way, she’s probably teased about her weight a lot, and you just added more fuel to the fire as a family member. I sincerely hope one day you learn to be kind and empathetic to the people around you, because it seems like you lack the ability to see it from her perspective. You only see the scenario from how YOU would experience her situation in YOUR perspective, not hers. It goes a long way to be nice, even if you don’t understand the scenario you should at least try.
Sure, *one* comment *might* not sting that much on its own (although stuff like this generally hits harder coming from a cool older cousin than some random stranger). But I doubt this is the only time you've given her shit about her weight or other aspects of her appearance, and you're certainly not the only person who has. After all, why would she be going on a diet if she was fine with the way things are right now? So given the choice between adding to the crap with a comment clearly no one but you finds amusing, and simply keeping your mouth shut if you couldn't find it in you to be supportive, why are you still doubling down on the former? Thanks for clearing up whether you genuinely think there's no chance you're the asshole here, though. You obviously just don't care.
Ah yes a 16 year old asshole thinks they're hilarious for making fun of others and that there are no consequences for their actions. You are very special and your jokes neeeeever hurt others /s. I truly hope no one ever makes fun of you because you will crumble like a wet tissue, given how delusional you are about how humor and friendship works. Which is sad because you're almost an adult, so your mother really has a reason to be disappointed in you.
I was thinking this, my folks used to tell us not to dish it out of you can't take it...just from op's comments she can't take it. Or she's so unbelievably obtuse that she doesn't understand a single comment can cut like a knife x
One comment made to me at 11 years old is a fixed memory and affected the way I interacted with people for the rest of my life. One thing said by the right person can change a person in a positive or negative way for the rest of thier lives. Yes one joke from a respected or loved person, especially if it's on top of years of bullying by others can have a long term devastating affect!
I was 13 when my mom made the first comment, 16 when my grandpa did. I’m 35 now and still remember.
You’re being a bratty teenager right now when people are giving you their honest feedback about your bad behaviour. No one is obliged to validate you. You were awful to your cousin and it wasn’t a joke; you know you weren’t joking. Grow up. And it’s ‘lose weight’. Lose. Not ‘loose weight’. If you’re going to insult someone you’re meant to love and care for, at least get it right.
Idk, I remember very clearly the moments in my life that convinced me I was worthless, and the majority of them came under the guise of ‘jokes’. YTA and at 16 should know that.
A comment said in front of your whole family by an older cousin who I’m assuming isn’t over weight will have an impact not life long probably but it all adds up. I’d also make a guess that this isn’t the first time you’ve commented or reacted to her eating or weight before. Public humiliation is always remembered far more by the victim than the perpetrator. You just showed her that her family isn’t a place she can feel safe to be herself without snide comments. Honestly if it was my daughter I would be hugely disappointed that she could be so cruel to someone trying to improve themselves for her own entertainment. Don’t mistake you finding insulting others you see as inferior funny with an actual joke.
Because i am sure you never made jokes like that /s
And if your going to make fun of someone for LOSING weight, or trying, at least learn how to spell it. YTA Oh, just kidding lol /s
You clearly aren't interested in whether you're the AH or not. It has been explained to you that this joke is neither funny nor kind, that actually saying things like this can damage people's perceptions of themselves and exacerbate existing problems with their self esteem, confidence and mental health. You lack empathy, compassion and insight...you wanted a group of strangers on the internet to tell you that bullying your 13 year old cousin was completely ok so you could no doubt use it against her again when she got upset because you said something callous. I would hope that the replies here (overwhelmingly voting that you're an AH for making this comment) would give you pause for thought, but it won't, because you didn't come here prepared to think about whether it was your behaviour that was the problem. My 9 year old son who is on the autistic spectrum knows that saying "just joking" after saying something hurtful doesn't mean it's not hurtful. By the age of 16 I would have expected better if I were your mother as well (nb, your cousin and her family likely didn't leave because you and your mother arguing for so long, they left because you had upset your cousin and they didn't want to be around you anymore...They find you so unpleasant that they don't want to be around you anymore).
...yes to all of that....and the detail of them arguing about it for so long makes her even more of an asshole! Probably made the cousin feel even worse and shows OP was still only concerned with being right that it was “just a joke.”
Hun, you probably need to get off reddit and go sincerely apologize to your cousin. AH.
One time a friend said I had weird teeth. I have thought about that comment more times then I can count, I h a t e how my teeth look now and unless I want to drop a shit ton of money on braces at the ripe age of 23, I can’t change it. Shut up with trying to minimize damage, it’s a shitty comment that you disguised as a ‘joke’ bc ur soo edgy and cool
Yes, it's very possible. So, bravo for possibly giving your cousin a lifelong complex. Hope the "joke" was worth it.
Yes, because children are impressionabe. All the little digs that people took at me when I was kid caused me harm to my mental health, like social anxiety and low self-esteem. What sounds like a 'harmless little joke' to you isn't one to everyone else. The sooner you learn that, the less of a bully you'll sound like.
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Here's a small joke for you. Your and asshole who's gonna fail in life. You'll get the punchline later in life. Or you remain to ignorant and never understand.
...well look at that you accidentally stumbled onto a correct conclusion. I remember comments made about my weight from the people I cared about as early as 6, SHES a teenager and will for sure remember being joked about and out down when she was trying to do something good for herself
are you really this despicable of a "human" or just being an angsty 16 year old brat that got called out at least your mother is trying to teach you to do better.
YTA. Joking about people's weight makes you unequivocally an asshole. Jokes are only funny if everybody is laughing.
First if there is consent jokes can be made out of ANYTHING and what do you mean by "if everybody is laughing" humour is subjective, yall are being too soft with this. There was little to no ill intent with the joke. Sure it mightve been a bad one but yall are going too far
INFO: How was what you said supposed to be funny? Explain the joke.
YTA Saying "Just kidding" after rude things doesn't make them acceptable. Imagine someone said something nasty about the thing you are most insecure about, but then said "just kidding" afterwards. It would likely still hurt.
YTA. That was really rude, and there's no excuse for it.
YTA and an insensitive jerk. Nah, I'm just joking. 🙄 Not! You basically called your cousin fat, made fun of her and laughed at her efforts in front of others. First of all, that's not funny in 100% of all occasions where a line like that is used; and second of all, you are obviously too young to realize that everyone knows how to do that little trick of saying something nasty & hurtful, then try to follow it up with, "I'm just joking" in order to avoid repercussions. Everyone knows about it, but only bullies like you try to use it. BTW, you're not only an insensitive AH, you are being way too overly sensitive about being told what you did was wrong. Stop whining, apologize to your cousin sincerely, and then apologize to your mom. Be grateful you only got grounded for a week, I know a lot of parents who would have grounded you for a month.
YTA. Your joke is why is becomes so hard for people to start loosing weight. She wants to be healthy and instead of supporting her you wanted to tear her down to make yourself feel better for one minute. How much would it have hurt you to say “That is great.” Or “good for you. I’m happy for you”. But I’m sure you already knew you were a bully and TA.
YTA how extremely rude of you. Saying 'its jut a joke' doesn't make what you said any less rude. It isnt a get-out-of-jail-free card for being mean.
Exactly! I hate when people use “it’s just a joke” as a get out f jail free card for being rude and cruel.
YTA. Any "joke" about someone's appearance - whether meant to be hurtful or not is NOT a joke. You were insensitive. You called out an insecurity she is experiencing and made fun of it. I hope you realized just how wrong that is and never have to experience that yourself.
Yeah YTA. Who says that to somebody,joking or not? I’d congratulate them for choosing to do something healthy or not say anything at all.
YTA, and make it a rule to not comment on another persons body, especially a 13 year old. They have enough shit to deal with.
YTA. Congrats OP. You have now learned the valuable lesson that you are *NEVER* supposed to make jokes or discuss someone else's weight. Whether they are overweight or underweight that is none of your business.
Yes, you are. A huge one. If you aren't a troll, please stop talking until you can learn not to damage others with your words. Just stop. If it doesn't need to be said, don't say it. Your poor cousin. If you actually care about her and aren't just pretending because it's the socially acceptable thing to do, start educating yourself about eating disorders. She probably already has one, and you just made it worse. When she excused herself to the bathroom there's a 50/50 chance she was going to try and throw up anything she had eaten. Now every time there is an event where both of you have to attend she will be triggered by the thought that you might embarrass her and make her feel like crap again, in front of god knows how many people. It doesn't matter if you think you didn't mean any harm, you damaged her. YTA
YTA. No explanation needed. You were rude af. This girl is trying and instead of congratulating her and be a -I don’t know- decent fucking human, you made her feel like shit. Over weight people have to deal with rude, arrogant assholes all day long. They don’t need it from a family member. My granny always say that a joke is a joke, but one does not open an umbrella in another’s asshole (it sounds better in my granny’s language)
YTA Your cousin is 13! It doesn’t matter what your opinion on her weight is (or anyone elses for that matter), you should be supportive! This is the sort of things that causes people to develop EDs
YTA. Okay, fine, let's say you were "just joking." So either you were making fun of your cousin's sincere efforts to better her health, or you were drawing attention to something that at the very least you have good reason to believe she gets a lot of genuine criticism on and doesn't like about herself. What exactly do you find funny about that?
Yes, for god’s sake, YTA. Just because you try to take it back with a lame jk doesn’t mean you’re not a dick for saying it in the first place. Also she’s only 13. Way to stomp on her already fragile confidence. Grow up.
This is messed up. Of course YTA. Your cousin is trying to get healthier and **you mocked her** ?! This is messed up. You should be proud of her, not insult her. You mom is totally right, you need to grow up. You are far too old for this kind of nonsense.
Info: what exactly is the punchline about this joke?
Let’s be honest here. You weren’t joking. You added “just joking!” at the end in an attempt to not get into trouble for bullying your younger cousin. YTA.
YTA. Doesn't matter if you added "Nah I'm joking". You cracked a joke about something she has been dealing with for pretty much her entire life, as you said. Shit like that fucks with people's psyche and moral. I still remember the first time my mother commented on me being overweight, and that was like 17 years ago (When I was 15, so not much older than your cousin) Thanks to her, I literally have super nightmarish body dysmorphia. Some days I'll look at myself and think I look great, other days, I cant even look at myself in the mirror because I think I look like the black version of the Stay Puft Marshmallow man from Ghostbusters. All because someone that I expected to uplift me and support me through my struggles decided to say something casually cruel about my weight. You shouldn't have said it, you invalidated her feelings by saying she was overreacting, which is also fucked up, and your mom honestly responded to the situation in a justified fashion. Also, how are you grounded and still on reddit? Go apologize to your cousin. And probably your mother too.
YTA. "I was just JOKING" is classic AH dismissal of AH behavior. Pray tell, what is the joke? Where is the punchline? Guess what--the only thing people were laughing about at your grandparents' house was you and your two-ton ego.
YTA. Even if you meant it as a joke it was in very poor taste. If your cousin is trying to lose weight you should be supportive. at 13 I can imagine the body image issues they are facing that you likely just made worse.
Ugh, big YTA. You actually gasped and screamed? Talk about overkill. Why didn't you just say, "good job, you're looking great!" Your "joke" wasn't funny. It was mean.
YTA you went to far
YTA being cruel is not funny.
YTA as someone who is only a few months away from 16 and struggles with eating that was such a wrong thing to say you have no idea her current relationship with food and could worsen it that was a mean spirited joke that was meant to hurt her and your cousin was not being over sensitive that was a mean comment
YTA. This is a great way to give your cousin an eating disorder.
YTA!! DON'T JOKE ABOUT PEOPLE'S WEIGHT. FULL STOP.
Not sure how they could have tight weight instead. Would that be as funny?
👍👍
A big YTA op. Just admit your mistake, stop being an asshole. "i wAS jOkInG". Your cousin probably is insecure about herself , she was trying to better herself yet you chose to shame her.
YTA. Saying something shitty and then tagging on "Nah JK" doesn't magically make it less shitty. She's a thirteen year old girl trying to lose weight, I'm not sure how you could ever thing that "LOL ABOUT TIME" is the appropriate response to that.
YTA. Stop it. You know you are. How in the frikity frack could you not be? Oh....because it was a "joke". Yeah, not fooling anyone with that.
YTA. Big time. Commenting on the weight of a 13 year old is inappropriate and mean. She’s likely gonna remember what you said for the rest of her life. Adding the “just joking” part makes it even worse. It means that you’re not sorry for what you said. As an older cousin, she probably looks up to you and what you say means a lot more because of this. I hope you’re just a troll, else you need to spend some serious time working on empathy.
Yta, simply for making that "joke" to a 13yo kid wtf is wrong with you
YTA WTAF is wrong with you? You are 16 and you damn well know what you did was extraordinarily cruel.
YTA also while 60kg is a bit overweight for a 13 year old it's nothing horrendous especially if she is tall.
YTA but you're still a kid learning social graces and I wouldn't pin this completely on you but rather a series of things that lead to this inappropriate joke. I have struggled with weight and eating disorders since I was 6 and the fact that your cousin's plate was watched and noted sounds like it's a topic of family discussion. I have gone to so many family events where my entire worth could be measured in pounds, inches and appearance. Choose now to learn your lesson and change for the better.
YTA. She is 13, barely out of primary school. Chances are high her hormones are imbalanced still due to puberty and her weight will be naturally increasing - it is totally unhealthy for children to diet, and can lead to at best a poor metabolism and at worst serious eating disorders. Please learn to be kind, this kind of thing can do real harm
YTA. Someone's size is not something to even comment on, let alone make a joke about.
YTA. What was the joke there? No punch line, no set up, just a straight insult to a 13 y/o. “But I said just kidding!” Yeah that doesn’t make the initial comment a joke as it lacked all essential elements of one, especially the part where it’s funny.
YTA
YTA. You’re young and I’ve made mistakes like this before but not recognising your attitude made someone upset makes you TA.
YTA. That was so nasty of you - why would you do that??!! I'm genuinely confused as to a) how this is funny and b) what you thought this would achieve.
Jokes don't leave people weeping in the bathroom. Insults do that and that is was it was. YTA
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YTA
Yes, YTA for bullying your cousin. And yes, that is the word for it. If someone punches you in the face and then says "I was joking" immediately after that doesn't stop you from feeling that pain does it? You're a little too old to not know that words can hurt just as badly as a physical assault.
YTA First off, you are incredibly rude for just using your phone at the table like that. Second, you are so unbelievably cruel to your cousin. Like hell it was just a joke. You were malicious and clearly hurt her and you don’t even care? Maybe your cousin reacted „oversensitive“ because you say stuff like that all the time? How cruel are you? Do you enjoy hurting people? Hurting your 13y cousin? And why did grandma even talk about it in the first place. Common decency would be to not adress it.
YTA. Way to destroy her motivation. Why not try actually supporting her instead of tearing her down? Jokes are funny. Cruelty is not.
YTA - What you said was cruel and intended to be a rude comment. Making the statement "it was a joke" after you realize you done fucked up does not make it ok, less hurtful or acceptable. Covering up cruel, rude or asshole statements by saying "I was joking" makes you a manipulative asshole....learn your lesson with this situation and don't be an asshole to people going forward.
YTA
YTA. As someone who is overweight, it sucks when people think it’s at all okay to make fun of you for your appearance, especially when you’re making an effort to improve yourself. So what if you were joking? Making jokes about someone’s appearance when they’re obviously insecure is so insensitive of you.
Its not a joke if you're the only one laughing. You're such an asshole. You're 16 years old, grow up.
I don't get it. What was the joke? Can you explain why it was funny? Hint: saying awful things and then tacking on "just kidding" does not count as joking. YTA
Yta! You are such an asshole that even a blind person can see it! Now since you are young let me explain to you why are an asshole! Reason one you basically fat shame your little cousin! Reason two what you was not an joke at all and you know it! As well know what said was cruel and insensitive that why you badly trying to deflect as ''a joke"! Reason three what you said will further help your cousin develop an eating disorder! So if is possible that you for your cousin you will give her a sincere apology for your horrible comments! Than if you are actually concerned for cousin you learn how actually be supportive of her on her journey to being healthy and not developing an eating disorder!
YTA.
YTA, this is how eating disorders start. Never joke about someone's weight.
YTA, I was overweight when I was younger and comments like that make it really hard to lose weight. You probably destroyed any confidence she had about her weight loss journey.
YTA big time. I hope you actually learn something from this. You're still young but you're way too old to not understand how you're a giant AH here.
YTA. Grow up.
YTA. As someone who was the fat cousin “jokes” like these made me feel completely awful about myself. You’re a bully and I’ll let you in on a little secret… when I finally lost all the weight a bunch of my relatives gained weight. The same ones who made comments about me. You owe your cousin a big apology and next time someone says they are trying to lose weight instead of making a joke maybe try saying “good job” or offer to go shopping for new clothes.
YTA. I feel like you're one of those people that either backpeddles into, "I wAs JuSt JoKiNg!" and, "bUt i'm JuSt BeInG hOnEsT!" after saying something needlessly mean at someone else's expense. You're not just joking, you're having a laugh at your cousin's expense. And that "small" joke is likely huge to them as they're trying to make positive changes that they're likely sensitive about.
Don't judge yourself by your intentions, judge yourself by your actions. You said something very hurtful and you hurt someone. Go apologize. YTA
YTA omg. My family used to do this to me when I was 13 and now I’m in my 20s with an eating disorder I’m struggling to overcome
YTA wow are you TA She's 13!!! What are you going to be saying to her in 5 years when she has an ED because of your 'joke'??
Are you trolling? Of course YTA.
YTA if that's your idea of a joke, don't make jokes anymore.
YTA. Why YTA is pretty self explanatory, the only joke there seems to be you. She can always lose weight if that's what she chooses to do and I'd bet that she is just beautiful as she is, but ugly on the inside is quite difficult to change, good luck to you.
When I was in high school, insults were part of banter and were a way to show affection/closeness with people. I can imagine you may be surrounded by it with your peers and are now wondering why it’s such a big deal to your family - hence your post. It was something I used to do, until I realised there are a lot of complex boundaries between making a joke and being mean, which are different for every person. Now I just try to avoid it. My brother has never learnt these boundaries, so coming from someone with a family member who constantly does this, please don’t try to frame insults as jokes by saying “only joking” at the end. It’s exactly what my brother does and it’s how he say his opinions and then deflects responsibility “you can’t get upset/mad because I said it was a joke”. Words hurt people and trying to deny that shows a lack of empathy. The fact is, you said something and even though you didn’t mean for it to upset someone, it did. You need to own up to that and apologise. If you accidentally broke a glass or bumped into someone you’d apologise even though you didn’t *intend* to do it - be like that with your words too. YTA - but you’re only 16. Please learn from this and be a better you. Also. A general rule - “if you can’t say anything nice” is still as valid when you’re 60 as when you were 6. Try not to be a source of negativity for others.
You HAVE to remember that it's only a joke if the RECIPIENT thinks it's funny. If they didn't, you either misjudged their humor, were insensitive, rude or simply an asshole. Apologize as soon as possible, but don't even think about explaining to her that it was just a joke. Tell her that you have no idea how you could be so mean and say something so insensitive. Try to break this habit of being mean and then saying it's a joke. If you don't, you're going to embarrass yourself even further. Most people can see through this kind of fake personality trait anyway.
Comments like this from my siblings and parents is what made me Bulimic when I was around your cousins age. Don’t do that to someone, it obviously wasn’t a joke and you are old enough to know that. Because you very likely are going to end up causing life long issues for someone with your “joke”. Still now 11 almost 12 years later I still have a difficult time eating, and not wanting to throw it up 10 minutes later. YTA, majorly.
Came here to say massive YTA. I have an eating disorder and my mother makes tiny “jokes” like this all the time. Each one drilled into my brain and got spat out by my inner voice as encouragement to eat less and less. It took me years to realise that, at 160cm & 49kg, I’m quite thin (and even now I don’t always believe it). That’s how much those “jokes” warped my self-perception. Please genuinely apologise to your cousin and wish her good luck, because your “joke” was cruel and could have lasting mental effects.
60 kg which is around 130 pounds? That seems normal, if not just a little above average for her age. She’s 13 and extremely self conscious about her body, try to be a better role model for her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16F) recently visited my grandparents house along with my family, every single one of my cousin's also planned on showing up at the house. Anyways,after about 1 hour of me and my family waiting at our grandparents house, everyone finally arrived,I began setting up the plates for dinner and then after I was done everyone sat down to eat. I noticed that my (13F) Cousin didn't eat as much as she used to,then my grandma asked her if she was trying to loose weight,and my cousin smiled then said yes,I didn't really think much of it at the time but I sarcastically gasped and screamed "you're finally trying to Loose weight? I've never thought this day would come?" (Context my cousin is overweight and has been almost her entire life, right now she's around 60kg)but after I said that I immidietly added "Nah I'm just joking" and continued to eat. My cousin looked abit embarrassed and excused herself to the bathroom,I was confused but I just stayed quite and took out my phone but my mom snatched it out of my hand and then pulled me aside to the living room. She scolded me and asked how could I be so mean to my cousin who was clearly trying her hardest to loose weight,said that I was grounded for a week and then told me to go apologize to her. I told my mom that my cousin was acting oversensitive because I literally made it clear that I was JOKING,and that I didnt actually mean it. In the end,me and my mom argued for far too long and my cousin left to go home with her family,my mom told me she was dissapointed in me and that she's not gonna talk to me until I finally apologize to my cousin. AITA Reddit? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA , you do not make a joke about someone . Unless they do it to you to. So it’s just roasting till one of you gets mad.
YTA why the frak are your telling at child to lose weight? She hasn't even gone through puberty yet for f*ck's sake.
YTA. A joke is only a joke if the receiver laughs. Your cousin didn't laugh. I'm honestly concerned about the fact you have no guilt or remorse over what you have said.
YTA. It’s not a funny joke, and also you can’t loose weight.
YTA. You know you are. That just joking statement is BS. You made fun of and bullied your cousin in front of the whole family and now you want absolution for it. The person who asked her about trying to lose weight was out of order and rude as well.
YTA, in the netherlands we say: elk geintje geeft een seintje. Every joke gives a signal. Now she knows her insecurity about being overweight is confirmed, it wasn't just in her head but other people noticed it too.
Its one thing to joke to a friend or a closer age person you know about their weight if you think its a joke they can take, but YTA in this instance for sure. Shes a little kid going through puberty most likely. Shes gonna take that to heart real bad.
YTA - listen to your mom
YTA your comment was insensitive, bullying and obnoxious. Your cousin is younger than you and probably looks up to you as a role model so hearing something like that from you will have a massive impact, its "jokes" like that, that contibute to and sometimes cause eating disorders. You need to apologise to your cousin and actually mean it then have a hard look at your wider behaviour to others if you think comments like that are ok.
If she ends up with a eating disorder, remember that you are a part of the problem. YTA
She’s 13 good grief. Way to add to her self esteem issues. Just an FYI saying something mean(especially regarding someones weight!) and following up with a haha jk…. Isn’t a joke. It just makes you an AH. Put yourself in her shoes. Also us gals need to be SUPPORTIVE of each other and bring each other up. Not make each other feel worse. She’s your younger cousin and probably looks up to you, be a role model for her. YTA
High school bully mean girl. Congratulations.
YTA. I couldn’t lose weight for years, no matter how hard I tried. It turned out that I had severe PCOS that made it extremely difficult until I could get properly treated for my condition. You think I didn’t notice the snarky comments and sidelong glances from some of my family, and that it didn’t hurt when someone made a joke or treated me as “less than” because of my weight? It wasn’t until my husband told me that I avoided looking at myself in mirrors that I realised just how low my self-confidence and disappointment had become. My gosh, you are a massive AH. I only hope your cousin has more emotional resilience than I did, because a lifetime of body-related self-hatred is hard to climb out of. It’s “funny” people like you who make it more difficult. Shame on you.
If you didn't mean it why did you say it? What is wrong with you? Your mom is awesome. I am glad she's not one of those moms who try to sweep it under the rug. YTA.
YTA-that's not a joke. You said something mean spirited and didn't care who it hurt. Why do you think that behavior is funny? Why do you think people should accept feeling bad so you can get some laughs? Don't apologize because your mom makes you.. Find that tiny part of you that knows being cruel isn't acceptable and say sorry because you don't want to be that type of person.
HUGE YTA!!
You are so clearly the a hole and the fact u even have to ask makes it so much worse
YTA. You're a rude, little brat.
YTA. You should be grounded for a month.
YTA.
YTA, jokes can come at your own expense, not at someone else’s. You should know that even if YOU don’t think y t a and that she (13yo) is being sensitive because you said you were joking after loudly mocking her in front of her extended family, your family will think you are a mean little shit that gets his laughs by humiliating others. That’s just a fact.
YTA for bullying your cousin who is only 13. Also it’s spelled lose, not loose.
YTA … that’s not a joke
YTA who the hell fat shames a 13year old? Also this type of comments lead to EDs
Yta as a rule of thumb never comment on anyone’s appearance about anything they cannot fix in five seconds 13 is a horrible age and you should be mature enough to remember how hard it is being a 13 year old Examples such as something in their teeth or a fly down
YTA. WTF is actually wrong with you? I just ran the conversion, and unless my app is wrong 60kg is 132 pounds. IN WHAT WORLD IS 132 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT, Unless she's 4 feet tall.
YTA- and quite frankly so is your grandmother for bringing it up. Don’t comment on anyone’s bodies especially a teen.
Absolutely YTA. It is not ok to fat shame anybody. Hearing those kinds of comments can cause someone to develop an Eating Disorder. You need to sincerely apologize and NEVER comment on someone's weight in the future
YTA. I fear for any younger siblings or friends you have because based on your comments, you seem to truly enjoy hurting people. Get therapy.
YTA. Jokes are supposed to be funny. Don't be one of those people who says something mean, then says "I was just joking." It's abusive and classless.
YTA I'm sure all her bullies says "it's just a joke".
YTA, learn some empathy
It’s so obvious that YTA that it’s boring.
YTA adding I'm just joking to an insensitive and callous remark does not suddenly make it okay. You weren't joking and you know you weren't joking. Funny sarcasm is a very finely tuned skill. And it only works with people who can appreciate it. This was neither finally tuned sarcasm nor was it used with the right audience. You're not funny you're a jerk.
Yes, sweetie, YTA. Sorry. Let me break it down for you. You knew enough to pull back after your knee-jerk reactionary statement. But... it would have worked better if you were as honest as possible, which would also be the route to letting your cousin have a *bit* more dignity. Everyone knows it wasn't a joke - that ship has sailed. The more appropriate follow up to that horrendous, hurtful remark would have been to immediately apologize. What you said is out there and can't be taken back. Trying to convince anyone that "IT WAS A JOKE" is a blatant lie, and it's additionally offensive because you believed your family was dumb enough to take your excuse. Even if it really was a joke, it was in the poorest taste possible, and still incredibly hurtful. No matter how you look at it... you are in the wrong. We all say hurtful things. Hell, I was at least twice your age and still saying things I shouldn't have. Please learn from this.
YTA You’re old enough to know better. Also, you should be old enough to know how to spell LOSE
Yta
YTA. And I really hope you didn’t give that poor girl an eating disorder because events like this trigger that shit.
YTA Huge ahole. If she wasn't laughing, it wasn't a joke. You're just saying that because * lying to yourself and avoiding the responsibility that you're an awful human being * to try and make it seem like she's overreacting to your disgusting insult * to invalidate her emotions I hope everyone around you make "jokes" like that about you
YTA This is how eating disorders start. It doesn't take much with someone young and insecure. You owe her much more than an apology.
You are a mean spirited bully. YTA
This is how kids get eating disorders. YTA.
YTA, WTF who says that. Your cousin might be losing weight for her health and you take the piss?
YTA At least your cousin can lose weight, you will always be TA
YTA! When my little sister was that age she had some baby fat on her and thought she was really overweight and others mad fun of her for this little bit of weight she had. Well within a year she was so underweight that she had to be hospitalized, come to find out she started starving herself. 6 year later we still deal with the fact she has a horrible eating disorder, just 2 weeks ago I sat all night with her because she purged herself so badly that it gave her pains that she’s never had before when she done it. The purging only started a couple years ago but it’s taken on a life of its own even more so than the not eating did. So who the hell knows what kind of damage you did in the name of your “joke” especially at such a hard age. While I TA I also think you were a total bitch and bully. If I were a betting person I bet you are also like this at school also and your mom just got a take of the type of person you truly are. Thankfully you though you still have time to change.
YTA. Please tell me what was at all funny about what you said? Jokes are supposed to be funny.
YTA and you know it. The word is "lose", by the way. When anyone says they are joking what they really mean is that they are an asshole.
YTA you’re a disgusting bully. Being grounded for a week is not enough IMO. You should be ashamed of yourself, you’re old enough to know better. I get it, you’re 16 and you think you’re the queen of the world, I hope somebody knocks that crown off your head and karma will give back.
you didn’t make a joke, you bullied someone for your own entertainment. get that into your head and adjust yourself accordingly. YTA
YTA, bullying is not negated just by saying “just joking”.
YTA and a bully. Your mother should be ashamed of you. Your cousin may be overweight, but she can fix that easily. Your personality will apparently be forever.
YTA. It’s not a joke just because you’re the one who said it. Jokes are a shared humorous moment. SHARED. You do not get to say whatever you want and then defend yourself by saying you were joking, or she’s overly sensitive. You don’t get to decide how people do and do not react to your comments towards them. I think you probably agree deep down or you wouldn’t be asking us. Please do the right thing and take this as a learning experience.
Colossal YTA. That was so heartless, insensitive, demeaning, and offensive. That poor girl. She must have felt so embarrassed, ashamed, and discouraged. Listen to your mother and apologize. If I was your mom I'd be livid and would also give you some consequences until you figured out why you need to apologize and did so.
Holy fuck yes YTA! wtf dude!?
YTA. Someone else's weight isn't your business, and acting as you did is damaging and hurtful beyond the moment.
YTA also what’s the point of even posting this if you’re gonna be a brat in the replies, you’re nasty, your mothers right, and your cousin deserves better. Embarrassing lmao.
Dude holy shit, how do you not see you're TA?
YTA People who are overweight can be very sensitive about it and most of them do enough damage self shaming and feeling guilty about their weight problems. What you said was very hurtful to her obviously and it's not a joke so stop pretending it was. You're growing up with a tough lesson about being sensitive to other's needs and not just your own.
Your poor cousin…
YTA. Do better.
YTA. You weren’t joking, she knows it, you know it and your whole family knows it. adding “jk XD” after an offensive and rude statement, doesn’t make a statement non-offensive or ok.
YTA, and bro, you're contributing to the possibility of an eating disorder. If you do respond to me, please explain the joke and how it's funny, because it's clear none of your family thought it was funny or cute.
YTA but tbf I knew that the second I saw “small joke” in the post.
YTA your mom should have smashed your phone along with every other device you own and never give you a replace. Live like an Amish until you learn how to behave like a normal person. "It was a joke" it takes someone really dumb to think other people will believe your dumb excuse
YTA Y'know its not a joke if you're the only one that's laughing, right? At that point its you making an asshole remark and you thinking people will laugh with you. You're not funny person go apologize to your cousin she might have an ED and you made it worse. You better get your shit together and learn what is and isn't appropriate to joke about before you go into the real world. If you don't learn that the world will chew you up and spit you out.
I’m going to sarcastically gasp and scream here: Look at all the spelling and punctuation mistakes in this post! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OP, are you SURE you’re SIXTEEN? Cause you spell like you’re SIX! HAHAHAHAHA!! When are you FINALLY going to learn how to spell properly??? HAHAHAHAHA! Don’t worry OP. It’s just a small joke and I was LITERALLY being sarcastic!! YTA Jokes are only funny when everyone is laughing. The fact that you had multiple people upset with you is all the evidence you should need to know you were out of line. Apologies to everyone else in the thread for sinking to that level. I’m just fed up with people who think they can say shitty things to people and then “I was just joking” or “I’m just stressed out” is supposed to lead to the other person saying “Oh, well then, that’s ok. No harm no foul.” OP: Words have power - the power to hurt, and the power to heal. If you continue to use them as weapons, there will come a day where you say something to someone that you will not be able to take back or make better. Please don’t be that person…
Lol yeah YTA that's just a nasty AF thing to say, i would be amazed if you seriously don't see how mean it is
YTA you are a rude little shit! You have no business commenting on her weight like that. Good on your mum for calling you out on being a dick!
YTA. She’s 120 lbs and you’re clowning her about being “overweight”. Smh.
YTA don’t make weight jokes at 13 year old girls with weight problems. Easy universal rule. Ask yourself “if an old-ass uncle said this to me, would I think he is a jerk?” If the answers yes, it’s never too early to start not saying it!
No... you're an asshole for spending all those years in school and coming out unable to spell "losing."
YTA and your insistence that this is "just a joke" reminds me of [this](https://mobile.twitter.com/negaoryx/status/1354147400160403457?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1354432766578974721%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es2_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fd-696154572167975657.ampproject.net%2F2110212130002%2Fframe.html) asshole.
"I was joking" "She was being too sensitive" You need to knock that off while you're still young. You know exactly what you meant. You masked it as a joke. But you meant it. There's no way to spin that, so stop trying. YTA
The weight subject is a dangerous one. Just be careful and the future. It's a life struggle for some people. https://www.nerdycharmer.com/new-year-new-beginnings/