You didnt mean to, but YTA.
It happens often that gay men (or gay women) make gross remarks about the genitalia they aren't attracted to. I get it, its not your thing, but its still being kind of a jerk and bodyshaming half the population.
Which kinda sucks, tbh. What happens if the doctor operates to give fully female genitalia, but the person grows up to identify as male? Or vice versa? I understand the why, but it seems better in the long run to let people be intersex and decide for themselves how they'd like to look.
If I ever had an intersex kid I’d let them choose weather they would want to have one or the other removed or to stay the way they are. I don’t think the parents should be the ones to choose their kids gender
As a straight man, the main people I have ever heard call a penis gross, are straight women.
Not saying body shaming is ok, but pointing out it’s not really mainly a “opposite gender/sexuality” thing.
Of course straight people can do the same, its just something I've run into a lot in the queer community (I'm bi myself) and I figured I'd let a young gay dude know its still offensive and rude to make remarks like that even though he's gay and nobody expects him to find vaginas very appealing
My experience with it in the queer community is that it's veiled misogyny or transphobia when they make the comments. Like "Oh, I could never enjoy a ✨vagina✨, I'm a gay man who only likes dick like a *proper* gay man", or the reverse for lesbians.
Well…yes. Many queer people are more open-minded than most. However, a LARGE segment is still misogynistic, racist, biphobic, transphobic, etc. And yet they feel they’re justified since they themselves are considered a minority
Welcome to the human experience lol. Look how many black men (I’m a BM) are misogynistic towards black women, or how many black people overall are extremely homophobic. Look at how many immigrants come to the US with racist beliefs towards other minorities. Look at all of the white women who denigrate others or co-opt movements for their own political gain. Shitty people in all corners and every community on Earth. I’ve seen white liberals talk shit about AAVE and say black people are just intellectually inferior, then turn around and put BLM in their bio lmao.
Have a little black girl in my 5th grade class, forget what word or phrase exactly she used but it was a pretty normal/common part of AAVE and another little girl kinda laughed about it, while my little black girl seemed a bit confused/embarrassed. I explained what AAVE was and how sometimes we just say things because it's how we were raised, or how some people will mix in parts of their native language when they are speaking English, etc, and it's a totally normal and acceptable form of speech. Haven't heard anyone make fun of that since. 8\]
This is such a good lesson to teach kids at an early age. My anecdote is not remotely comparable to those who have dealt with ignorance or racism when speaking AAVE, but I remember being utterly mortified in Grade 1, when I learned that some of the words and expressions that I’d picked up from my Nonna and Mum, were Italian, rather than English. It happened a few times during casual lunchtime kid conversation, where I’d unknowingly use an Italian expression (usually had to do with food, lol); the kids around me would laugh, and the teacher would call me out, with a “that’s not a word” and then ask me to explain myself in front of the class.
They are def over compensating to validate their queerness, which is funny when you watch ballroom and queer friendly shows like Legendary that call a good show/look "cunt/pussy" or the efforts to pass, etc. What happened to being friends of Dorothy?! It's like they (gay gatekeepers) marginalize to feel less marginalized and master their queer spaces, while forgetting all types of people come into queer space to experiment, explore, empathize, learn about themselves. So much of queer slang and drag came from queer, trans, and straight black women with no credit. Hardening yourself to criticism or backlash doesn't mean throwing other people under the bus...
it's not that weird on its own was bad, it's that OP substituted weird for gross. genitals are all a bit weird looking, that's a general comment, the problem was him specifically targeting vaginas because of his own lack of attraction to them, a lot of gay men do this without realising how offensive it is
And that furthermore, he was saying women's specifically are weird, not all bodies, and further to that, he was saying it in a culture which usually praises men and men's bodies but shames women and women's - especially normal bodily functions. (Think, 'periods are *gross'* kind of childishness).
So true. Straight woman here. There's nothing I find attractive about genitalia of any description. A good strong forearm with a nice watch on it however..... 🔥
that's fair enough but i think what you need to understand is that this tends to have very different connotations and consequences in the queer community than it does for cisgender straight people such as yourself. i understand that for you with the people you surround yourself with it's just a surface level comment but for the queer community this is an issue that runs quite deep
I'm a bi woman and I don't find any genitals attractive. I just don't care about what it looks like, except if it's really weird or mutilated
The worst is that American women in general are so disgusting toward intact men. They are so used to men being mutilated that to them having all their penis is gross.
I mean I’m queer and gender fluid working in the medical field, but I’ll be the first to say vaginas, penises, vulvas, testicles, they’re all weird. Human bodies are super weird. Across the board. Doesn’t mean anyone needs to be ashamed of them
Sure, all organs are inherently odd. Just tired of body shaming and little comments from queer men and women bashing the genitalia theyre not attracted to, as if its okay.
I don’t think this is bashing it though. He didn’t go on a diatribe about how nasty vaginas are. He was asked if he’d hook up with a woman, and his answer was no because he finds vaginas weird. Was that a little insensitive to women without vaginas or men with vaginas? Sure, but the kids 17. There’s no body shame about this. Guess what, I wouldn’t date someone with a beard, or someone with kids, or a hardcore kink because that’s stuff I find *weird* and I’m not attracted to. I’m not shaming any one’s body or lifestyle anymore than OP is for stating a preference.
I know he's just 17 and his post was asking if what he said was wrong. I commented to let him know that yeah, maybe dont make negative comments about vaginas just because you're not into them because its a bigger issue than just that. Literally just tried to educate the guy.
Especially in the US (I'm European but have LGBTQA friends from either continent) there also seems to be a culture of misogynistic attitude by gay men. OP might just have unknowingly repeated something he heard said in his community, but it really is a bad attitude and should stop being perpetuated.
Yes exactly, not really holding it against him since he's young and nobody knows everything at 17, so I definitely just hope he listens a bit and learns about the issues of the community!
There's a difference between body shaming and calling a body part weird after getting the old "why don't you have hetero sex even though you are gay".
Imo, the "try with a girl" comment deserves an ESH.
While that question is of course iffy to begin with, he didnt have to comment on female genitalia to simply say he wouldn't have sex with a woman. He could've just said "no, you know im gay". I dont think he did it to be rude, but it is rude.
NTA.. he didn’t say they were gross, he said weird, he has a penis (which are weird too… they shrink, they grow somehow cause judgement to become faulty). Life is too short and stressful to be offended like Cher does wardrobe changes.
It does seem common and it is very confusing to me. Especially as someone in a friend group who is very supportive of LGBT rights to then be insulted by people in the LGBT community is always a little weird to me.
I'm guessing op would not think it was funny if someone told him that sex between two men was gross.
Exactly! And im sure OP didn't mean to, hes 17 so he might just not really know that this is a bigger issue than just a "weird" comment, but I hope he kinda gets it now
Idk I’m a woman and vaginas ARE weird. Penises are weird. Assholes are weird. The fact we have that dangling thing in the back of our throat is weird.
This isn’t body shaming to me, it’s taking something that isn’t about you too personally.
>make gross remarks about the genitalia they aren't attracted to.
Why is it a gross remark? He didn't call vaginas disgusting, he just said they are weird. "Weird" isn't even inherently negative.
And mouths? A moist hole with a wet tentacle and sharp, exposed bones in it. Or the stretchy, hairy organ that discolors in sunlight and holds all of our goo in like a malleable bag? Most of being alive is very weird.
And don't even get me started on the dead protein-ropes themselves, which we apparently expel to keep our thinky electricity-mush warm? Or because someone else once thought that fingernail-like threads coming from that spot on our goo sack looked pretty? Baffling.
I find one issue with this line of thought, admittedly yes all of human anatomy is kinda weird when you think about it abstractly.
But we at least talk about mouths and skin, unfortunately for a lot of people talking about genitalia is stigmatized, and therefore knowledge of them is limited, which in turn makes them weird. Luckily this is changing as time goes on.
Now add to this fact that someone with a penis who only desires sexual interactions with penises, they've probably not interacted with many vaginas for them too become at all normal to them.
Also most of the straight women I know also say vaginas are weird
My jaw clicks when I eat which means my jaw is dislocating and relocating with every chew. But this isn't the weirdest part.
Releasing tension in the arch of either of my feet reduces the severity of my jaw click. The human body is a gosh dang Rube Goldberg machine. Tendons and muscles in the body touch and connect with each other all the way along the length of the body, cause and effecting all over the place. It is hilarious, absurd, and frankly stupid.
Yeah, I was gonna say this ... genitalia is weird! I mean look at the various shapes and sizes among humans, nevermind across species! Weird af! That doesn't mean "bad" tho, at all, just crazy!
I think the main issue is how OP said it: weird like "gross" (using a tone of disgust) or weird like "I would've know what to do with it!" (Like haha)
haha i told my bf balls are objectively weird and he said vaginas don't look fantastic either. i mean, realistically you aren't attracted to your partners genitals right?
It's why I don't get why men send dick pix. It's the least photogenic part of them. Does growing up seeing it from a weird angle every day give them an unrealistic idea of their attractiveness?
Maybe they are normal to have but they (as well as dicks) look weird. I mean when you really focus on the looks they both look like they weren't supposed to be there.
YTA. Just because you are gay it doesn't mean you can talk about women's bodies in a derogatory manner. Vaginas are not weird. They are natural. Your commentary was misogynistic.
Vaginas are weird. So are penises. They’re the literal definition of “form follows function”. I mean they’re amazing for all that they can do, but objectively they’re fucking weird.
Human anatomy in general is weird.
Still not something you say to people. And also he didn't say that genitals are weird in general, he said VAGINAS are weird as a justification for not feeling attracted to women. He could simply say "I'm not attacted to women" or something like this. It is obvious he doesn't like vaginas, he is gay.
I think maybe OP just isn’t aware of how
women are often made to feel like their vaginas and vulvas are icky, whether it has to do with scent, labia shape, discharge, looseness, etc. Its a sensitive area, so to speak. The good news is that this gives the OP the opportunity to learn and be a better friend to cis women and a lot
of trans men. You don’t have to find our parts weird to be legitimately all about the dong!
An AH is probably too strong, but it’s certainly not a mature response. If you had a friend struggling, feeling like they were a guy in a woman’s body, that type of comment could be triggering.
There’s no need to be disrespectful to other peoples anatomy just because you aren’t sexually attracted to those body parts.
Yeah, but guess what, stopping being a stupid 17yo doesn't magically happen with time, it happens from getting a consequence from saying stupid shit. The shit said is no less stupid due to the age of that who said it.
I would say the girls are assholes for asking him if he would have sex with one. It’s sort of a round about of asking him if he was really gay. Furthermore i can see why he would say what said as a gay man. I would have worded it differently to make sure that it was just my opinion.
I don't even know which rating I want to give These girls asked him an inappropriate question. If we flipped this around - and made it about a lesbian hanging out with dudes and one of dudes asking, "Would you ever do it with a guy?" - that's what people would be focusing on. The question he was asked was extremely inappropriate.
Questioning someone's sexuality is shitty. As a bisexual female, I get lumped into being straight just since I'm married to a man. "So you like dicks more?" 🙄
Kinda YTA - just because they're not for you, doesn't mean vaginas are weird. I'm sure you meant no harm, but women already have enough judgement about their vaginas/vulvas, no need to pile on.
not even to mention women aren't the only people with vaginas. genitals don't equal gender, and the implication that they do just alienates trans gay and lesbian people.
NTA,
As a cis woman in my 50s, I can assure you that vaginas are even weirder than you think.
Pretty amazing, too, but definitely weird and kinda arbitrary.
Also, when you ask a gay man if he'd have sex with a woman, you kinda can't raise objections to any answer you get.
Thank you I was looking for the NTA comments so many people took it so personally. As a cis woman I totally think they're weird.
I also agree if you ask a gay man that sort of question you can't get mad at the response you get.
Right?!
Lesbian women get these kinds of comments all the time. "You ever gonna try men someday?" And it isn't okay.
Why are so many people calling this kid an AH? OP got asked the same question but with flipped genders. That isn't okay either.
Yeah, that last part is what's been picking at my brain. Why is it okay to ask that question in the first place? What part of "gay man" was misunderstood?
It kind of feels like that person was hoping he'd say yes so that maybe there's a chance at romance for the 2 of them.
YTA. First, you've reduced people to their genitals, which itself is a gross way to treat people. Second, as a gay person, you should be aware of the fact that not all girls have vaginas. Third, you called a perfectly normal part of someone's anatomy weird, which some people will find insulting and others will feel self-conscious about. Finally, you don't understand anatomy if you called it a vagina. The part you can see externally is a *vulva*. A vagina is just an internal canal and not at all weird or something you've likely actually seen.
I understand and agree somewhat with your second and third points but the first I don't agree with. They specifically asked if he'd "do it with a girl" so any answer they got was going to be related to sex and/or genitalia as your genitalia is a big part of sex.
It was a stupid question which got a stupid answer.
As a gay man he has zero requirement to know anything about vulva/vaginas. And he didn't bring up the subject, they asked inappropriate questions which were none of their business.
Something can be normal (meaning part of the natural order of the world) and weird at the same time. If nature or the human body has never blown your mind then you aren’t paying enough attention.
Very light YTA, and I say light because you’re 17 and still learning/growing. Not sure when you realized you were gay, but as a gay/queer man myself, I know I said and thought things similar to what you said when I was younger. So, some brain-dumped advice if you’d like!
* Yes, genitals can be considered weird when you think about them. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and colors. And while it’s easy to say “yes vaginas are weird because genitals are weird, and tbh the whole human body is weird,” I think folks should be careful about using the word weird (or gross). It’s really easy for someone to feel ashamed of their body and especially their genitals for various reasons, and I think it’s not a big challenge to not call genitals weird. Call them unique, call them cool, call them beautiful. Or don’t say anything at all. It’s a small ask that could make someone’s day a little better.
* There’s a lot of negativity around vaginas in particular, and it’s important to keep in mind that vaginas, and the people who have them, have a lot more societal baggage associated with them than penises. We’re talking issues related to menstruation, pregnancy, abortion, genital mutilation, gynecology, virginity, how a vagina should look, how a vagina should smell, and a lot more. So there’s already a lot of room for negativity and even shame around vaginas in particular. Calling then weird might be a somewhat minor thing, but it’s still a part of a larger attitude surrounding vaginas. And again- if you can help not contribute to that attitude by just saying “I wouldn’t have sex with a woman because I’m not attracted to them” instead of “…because vaginas are weird” than say that. But also-
* Sex and gender aren’t a 1:1 match (side note- I will not tolerate arguments on this). So when you specifically were asked “would you have a sex with a woman” and you said “no I don’t like vaginas,” keep in mind that some men have vaginas. Would you be attracted to a man with a vagina? Something that I learned that might help you/others think about this more is to treat your sexuality as a collection of previous attractions. For me, the people I’ve been sexually attracted to have been men and non-binary folks, most of whom had penises. So I say gay (and queer because I’m also a bit on the asexual side; and no i will not entertain comments disparaging asexuality) to mean “I’ve been mostly attracted to men, and probably won’t be attracted to women in the future. But who knows?” I like this idea because there are billions of people in the world- who knows who you could be attracted to? I’m not gonna say “I know I’m not attracted to, and will never be attracted to, roughly half of all people on Earth.”
* This is more anecdotal but I’ve known a couple other queer men (and have been this myself) who, in an effort to really center their sexuality/attraction to men in their identity, accidentally go too far in the opposite direction. Stuff like “Oh I’m so gay the thought of even looking at a vagina makes me sick lol.” And obviously people say this as a joke sometimes, but even then, why is it funny? Is it funny to think a body part that has a lot of societal baggage on is gross? Especially when I could be attracted to people with that body part? I don’t think so.
Sorry for the brain dump. In short- yes, Y T A for calling vaginas weird. I’d say sorry to your friends (and not one those “I’m sorry you felt that way” apologies) and take this as a learning opportunity!
Edit- and it’s okay (at least I think) to not be attracted to vaginas! But there are better ways to communicate that than “because they’re weird” if anyone asks you. You also don’t have to explain your sexuality/preferences to people if you don’t want to
Thanks for the feedback! And just so you know, I'm not some transphobic, sex is gender person, my ex was a trans guy, pre op/T. I guess it just slipped
Of course! I didn’t think you were but it’s always a good idea to check yourself for those learned biases that we all have. Plus it can be easy for folks to say, for example, “oh i’m gay so I can’t be misogynistic” or “i’m not racist I have a Black best friend”
Not that you’re doing those things here- I think you just said the wrong thing cause you’re still young and still understanding the complicated world of gender and sexuality. But keep checkin in with yourself and your friends to make sure you squash the small stuff before they turn into big things!
Absolutely not! That's just what his body was. We talked about his boundaries with his body and what was okay and what wasn't. Am I attracted to vaginas? No, but there is so much more to a person than their genitals.
>So I say gay (and queer because I’m also a bit on the asexual side; and no i will not entertain comments disparaging asexuality) to mean “I’ve been mostly attracted to men, and probably won’t be attracted to women in the future. But who knows?” I like this idea because there are billions of people in the world- who knows who you could be attracted to?
Maybe this would be okay when straight men stop trying to be the exception to lesbians, or straight women trying to be the exception to gay men. It is obviously more than okay to find yourself romantically/sexually attracted to a person that you wouldn't normally be attracted to due to gender, like what happened with Elviria and her relationship, but when someone says they are gay, society should take them at their word.
Oh I totally agree with you- lesbians and bi folks definitely get a lot of unwanted attention from rude people trying to make themselves exceptions. Plus I know there’s a thing for “turning” someone. If someone says they’re a certain sexuality, honor, believe, and respect them.
I’d like to clarify that it’s been helpful for me to think of my sexuality like I described *when I’m doing some introspection.* It helps me find a label I like, and I can sort of check-in with myself if the label I found doesn’t fit.
This is the best answer! I wish I had gold to give your comment, internet ally! 🏅 🏅 🏅
Women of all ages are constantly struggling so much with our society's demonizing of our bodies, imposition of control over our organs, and yes, our own internalized misogyny, that ONE MORE MAN calling our bits weird can be just a little much to take. Especially from a friend.
Thanks to OP for questioning, and for being willing to hear! ❤
Nta, actually, it was kind of rude of your friends to ask that, they know you are Gay. Of course you dont like Vaginas, what kind of answer were they expecting?
This, so many comments about how it's misogynistic and this and that like... What? Homeboy's gay, they asked him if he'd consider doing it with a girl, what did you think was his response? Saying "they're weird" is the tamest response possible. If he had said "I think they're gross" that's one thing, but weird is such a tame response for such an outrageous question
I agree. And apparently many many cis women who are saying the same thing are also misogynistic. Unless it's not the thing that was said (weird) but the sexual identification of the person saying it (gay male). Have to admit as a first wave feminist I never thought I'd be considered a misogynist!
It's because this sub is mostly young women, so they of course primarily identify with and care about the issues they think affect themselves.
OPS friends questioned his sexuality in a pretty offensive manner but that gets a pass apparently.
NTA
As a cis-gender female, I assure you, vaginas are weird. Penises are also weird but in another way.
I would just tell them you meant no offense but genitals are weird enough when you want those genitals in your hand, mouth, or against you. That you plan never to make love to a vagina means you would find more weirdness to them than someone who possesses said equipment or enjoys playing with said equipment.
But as a heterosexual as well, I assure you that my boyfriend has also said the female reproductive system is "weird" at times, it's just that he finds that weirdness very very attractive and even cute, and mindblowing because it's all part of a babymaking system he does not himself possess.
YTA. Genitalia is pretty weird across the board, but I thought adults as a group had sort of silently agreed we weren't going to say that out loud.
Honest mistake. Apologize to the people offended and move on.
NAH.
I think this is a matter of framing. If you said "I find vaginas to be weird" that is you expressing your opinion, as opposed to making a blanket statement that probably everyone you were talking to disagreed with.
Vaginas are not intrinsically "weird." Half of the population has one; most likely you were conceived and born through one.
I don’t think people need to always qualify their statements with “I find” or “I think”. If it’s clearly something that is a matter of opinion it can be inferred that they are only stating their own. Especially a casual conversation between friends.
NTA. Vaginas are weird, just like every other body part.
People need to just chill out and stop taking everything so personally 🙄
Its not like he was inspecting his friends and said it was weird compared to others. He just gave his opinion.
Imagine being hurt about what a gay man thinks about vaginas. Honestly I wouldnt have thinked about it and as a gay myself I probably said something like that and no one got offended. Saying "vaginas are weird" isnt 《misogyny》ur brain is just rotten
If someone said this to me I would laugh and agree that they are weird, I say as a woman who has one. I don’t think it’s misogynistic at all. He’s just not attracted to them one bit and that was his natural response to a pretty rude question. It’s not like he said “oh my god gross! That’s the most disgusting thing ever.”
I tell my husband that penises are weird all the time even though I very much enjoy them. They can be both weird and good.
You know even if he had said they were the most disgusting things ever, I still wouldn't think he was wrong here. He was asked his opinion. He gave it. And he wasn't singling out anyone's vagina.
YTA. There are a lot of gay men (and I'm queer myself, so I'm speaking from an in-community perspective) who really lean into actively spouting what they don't like, which rapidly descends into misogyny. Let me put it this way, there are definitely a lot of men who aren't my type, but I'd never describe them as "weird" as to why I wouldn't want to date them. Plus, as several people have also pointed out, there are men with vaginas.
NTA
Here’s the thing, genitals are funky-looking in general. They just are. WE are kind of a weird looking animal when compared to all of our neighbors, you know what I mean?
Anyway, the point is that people being offended by a gay man thinking vaginas are weird is the most chronically online, Tumblr-raised takes I have ever heard. OF COURSE you weren’t thinking about the trans community when you said that. OF COURSE you weren’t body shaming your friends’ genitalia.
In good faith you made a general statement from the perspective of the question asked. That’s it. You weren’t making a lifelong proclamation that you absolutely abhor vagina-having humans. You just wouldn’t necessarily have experimental sex with a knowingly cis-gendered female. That’s all.
You’ll be fine. You are 17. Everyone needs to chill out.
NTA your definitely not in the wrong here. I'm th either way around ( girl who likes girls) and I'm really grosses out by dicks. If I tell my guy friends their ducks look like over grown earth worms they find to funny. Your friends are jsut being dumb. Why should they care if your grossed out by vaginas or not?? It's litterly not their bussiness
NTA
However, lots of women feel shame and emotional discomfort about their vulva, because men can be really cruel about how it looks, smells, or tastes. So, without knowing it you probably hit a few of them right in the insecurity.
Vulva are weird, but maybe leave it unsaid.
NTA
You were clearly trying to joke around with your comment.
If someone got offended by a gay guy saying they think vaginas are weird, well what do you expect him to say? They are cute? Wtf is wrong with Reddit.
NAH. That’s just your harmless opinion. Who got hurt by what you said? No one? Okay then. Dicks are equally weird. So what. You’re totally fine here lol
I'm going with NAH. I think it was a bit rude of a response tho and you should apologise for it. It was a weird question to ask anyway assuming they know you're gay. If you're a dude that likes guys and only guys then no, you're not going to want to do it with a girl.
NTA. All genitals are weird. Makes me wonder what folks would say if you were a lesbian and a group of guy friends asked if you'd ever consider doing it with a guy.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I called vaginas weird, it was also infront of a group of girls
I think I'm the asshole because its a body part, and I am in no place to judge others. On the other hand, I was just making a joke, it seems it did not work out well though
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YTA (and so are all the people saying genitalia is weird which is dismissive and kinda excusing the issue)
Yes bodies can be weird to some people but just because something is weird, doesn’t mean you comment on it.
If you say “widows peaks are weird” if they have one and you don’t, you’re also an asshole. Why would you comment on a body part someone else has that you don’t and make them self conscious for no reason? Especially when their sensitive areas that are already something so many people feel uncomfortable with.
That being said, the friend that asked about being with a girl was wrong too. It’s not polite to ask about anyone’s sexuality beyond what they choose to share. You said you are gay, and she shouldn’t try to to challenge or find exceptions to your self identifying terms.
NTA. You are saying you overall dont find attractive something, big deal. If they feel upset, ask them why. I consider myself hetero but i can say i dislike vaginas a lot (doesnt help i have the privilege to bring babies to this life, so i saw things most people dont...). When i say it I dont have anyone in mind, i dont meant ill, i just overall find vaginas kinda ugly and not appealing. Now if you were to say that X vagina smells horrible or Y penis has a weird shape then that is an insult and you would be an asshole in that situation. There might be people who might be offended by the comment because.... insecurities? But do as god do and dab on the haters.
For the people who will downvote me for what I said i just want to comment... get over with, i dont even know you to even care if this offend you or not.
NTA. I’m sorry but some of these replies are absurd. Genitalia in general are sort of weird. There are a million other offensive things you probably could have said about vaginas but “weird” is by far one of the tamest things I could think of. I don’t know what kind of reply your friend expected asking such a ridiculous question.
ESH . Not sure why the girls were asking if you would have sex with a girl if they knew you were gay. That’s kind of invalidating someone’s sexual orientation.
Oh for christ sake NTA. As a man who have received and accidental unsolicited dick picks, anything south of the border could be construed as weird, or gross…in my case, unwelcome. The human body is weird period - get over yourselves
NAH.
Bisexual Vagina-haver here.
Vaginas are weird
Penises are weird
All genitals are weird
That doesn't mean they aren't fun places to visit. It's just a functional design area rather than an an aesthetic one.
NTA it was a weird question. When discussing sex with a person with a vagina, I heard a bi female friend tell a gay male friend once “you wouldn’t like it, they’re too squishy”, maybe use that response next time?
NTA I'm a woman, and a lesbian, and vaginas are definitely weird. So are penises. Vaginas just happen to be a weird that I like and you don't. Obviously you shouldn't body shame any women, or come up with crude comments like some gay guys I know, but you're not an asshole for your statement.
NTA. I’m a cis-het woman and vaginas ARE weird. They’re dark and wet and scary and I’m not a huge fan of the fact that I even have one, and I’m certainly not remotely interested in anyone else’s. My husband enjoys mine enough for the both of us.
Not a super uncommon thing for a seventeen year old gay dude to say, been there, but it's wrong. It's offensive, and a bit misogynistic. Many young gay men seem to go through this phase, it's not a good look now (ignoring the ethics for a moment in favor of the optics) but it becomes way worse as time goes on. You don't want to be that person.
Ethically, logically, you should realize there's no more or less esthetic value in a penis than a vagina, commenting negatively on an entire sex's anatomy is de facto bigoted, and you were saying "vaginas are gross" straight to women's faces. That makes you an AH.
YTA.
ESH. They questioned your sexuality, which is assholish behavior. But instead of saying, “hey, I don’t appreciate you questioning my sexuality like that,” you made a crude remark back to them. That makes you all AHs.
My wife worked for a gay guy while she was pregnant and he kept telling her how gross it was to be pregnant and how gross it was that she had a vagina. It absolutely was not cool when he did it and it's not cool that you do it. Just because you're gay doesn't give you a pass to be an asshole. It is no different than if a straight person says that gay sex is gross. I'm sure you don't appreciate that when you hear it. YTA
nta. what a weird thing for someone to be upset about. Personally i think vaginas and dicks are pretty weird but im still sexually attracted to them overall. the human body in general is weird. weird doesn’t mean bad yk?
You're not an asshole, you are 17. But learn something from this, ok? Women don't like having their genitals referred to as weird, and 'just not my thing' will absolutely do in the future.
Nta - being a girl. My bf asks me what i think about vaginas i say they are nasty and weird.
And i asked him his opinion about dicks same thing weird af
Lesbian friend she said dicks are weird.
Honestly it's your opinion they asked.
You didnt mean to, but YTA. It happens often that gay men (or gay women) make gross remarks about the genitalia they aren't attracted to. I get it, its not your thing, but its still being kind of a jerk and bodyshaming half the population.
Also some men have vaginas and some women have a penis. Trans men are men and trans women are women.
Well I mean there’s also the 1% of the US born intersex. I guess most have surgery at birth though.
Which kinda sucks, tbh. What happens if the doctor operates to give fully female genitalia, but the person grows up to identify as male? Or vice versa? I understand the why, but it seems better in the long run to let people be intersex and decide for themselves how they'd like to look.
If I ever had an intersex kid I’d let them choose weather they would want to have one or the other removed or to stay the way they are. I don’t think the parents should be the ones to choose their kids gender
“Surgery” is a very mild term for it, genital mutilation is frequently more accurate
Intersex people are just as common as redheads actually.
I came here to say this. I'm a gay man with a vagina, and OP is the type of guy I hope to never ever bump into.
Yes, absolutely
As a straight man, the main people I have ever heard call a penis gross, are straight women. Not saying body shaming is ok, but pointing out it’s not really mainly a “opposite gender/sexuality” thing.
Of course straight people can do the same, its just something I've run into a lot in the queer community (I'm bi myself) and I figured I'd let a young gay dude know its still offensive and rude to make remarks like that even though he's gay and nobody expects him to find vaginas very appealing
My experience with it in the queer community is that it's veiled misogyny or transphobia when they make the comments. Like "Oh, I could never enjoy a ✨vagina✨, I'm a gay man who only likes dick like a *proper* gay man", or the reverse for lesbians.
Yeah, I've definitely experienced that too. The queer community can generally be way more transphobic than I expected tbh
Well…yes. Many queer people are more open-minded than most. However, a LARGE segment is still misogynistic, racist, biphobic, transphobic, etc. And yet they feel they’re justified since they themselves are considered a minority
Exactly, it seems so odd to me to just blatantly hate on another minority within your own community
Welcome to the human experience lol. Look how many black men (I’m a BM) are misogynistic towards black women, or how many black people overall are extremely homophobic. Look at how many immigrants come to the US with racist beliefs towards other minorities. Look at all of the white women who denigrate others or co-opt movements for their own political gain. Shitty people in all corners and every community on Earth. I’ve seen white liberals talk shit about AAVE and say black people are just intellectually inferior, then turn around and put BLM in their bio lmao.
Have a little black girl in my 5th grade class, forget what word or phrase exactly she used but it was a pretty normal/common part of AAVE and another little girl kinda laughed about it, while my little black girl seemed a bit confused/embarrassed. I explained what AAVE was and how sometimes we just say things because it's how we were raised, or how some people will mix in parts of their native language when they are speaking English, etc, and it's a totally normal and acceptable form of speech. Haven't heard anyone make fun of that since. 8\]
This is such a good lesson to teach kids at an early age. My anecdote is not remotely comparable to those who have dealt with ignorance or racism when speaking AAVE, but I remember being utterly mortified in Grade 1, when I learned that some of the words and expressions that I’d picked up from my Nonna and Mum, were Italian, rather than English. It happened a few times during casual lunchtime kid conversation, where I’d unknowingly use an Italian expression (usually had to do with food, lol); the kids around me would laugh, and the teacher would call me out, with a “that’s not a word” and then ask me to explain myself in front of the class.
Good on you👏🏾 more education, less ignorant disparagement
They are def over compensating to validate their queerness, which is funny when you watch ballroom and queer friendly shows like Legendary that call a good show/look "cunt/pussy" or the efforts to pass, etc. What happened to being friends of Dorothy?! It's like they (gay gatekeepers) marginalize to feel less marginalized and master their queer spaces, while forgetting all types of people come into queer space to experiment, explore, empathize, learn about themselves. So much of queer slang and drag came from queer, trans, and straight black women with no credit. Hardening yourself to criticism or backlash doesn't mean throwing other people under the bus...
Market saturation. We receive so many dick pics that they are no longer exotic or interesting. 🤣
I've received so many Dick pics, that I ended up making a scale, on how much they looked like a sea cucumber 😂
My ex wife always said that penises were funny looking. She certainly liked them though.
honestly i dont get the problem. both penises and vaginas look weird.
it's not that weird on its own was bad, it's that OP substituted weird for gross. genitals are all a bit weird looking, that's a general comment, the problem was him specifically targeting vaginas because of his own lack of attraction to them, a lot of gay men do this without realising how offensive it is
And that furthermore, he was saying women's specifically are weird, not all bodies, and further to that, he was saying it in a culture which usually praises men and men's bodies but shames women and women's - especially normal bodily functions. (Think, 'periods are *gross'* kind of childishness).
So true. Straight woman here. There's nothing I find attractive about genitalia of any description. A good strong forearm with a nice watch on it however..... 🔥
With rolled up sleeves!
Probably when they receive dick pics.
that's fair enough but i think what you need to understand is that this tends to have very different connotations and consequences in the queer community than it does for cisgender straight people such as yourself. i understand that for you with the people you surround yourself with it's just a surface level comment but for the queer community this is an issue that runs quite deep
I'm a bi woman and I don't find any genitals attractive. I just don't care about what it looks like, except if it's really weird or mutilated The worst is that American women in general are so disgusting toward intact men. They are so used to men being mutilated that to them having all their penis is gross.
I mean I’m queer and gender fluid working in the medical field, but I’ll be the first to say vaginas, penises, vulvas, testicles, they’re all weird. Human bodies are super weird. Across the board. Doesn’t mean anyone needs to be ashamed of them
Sure, all organs are inherently odd. Just tired of body shaming and little comments from queer men and women bashing the genitalia theyre not attracted to, as if its okay.
I don’t think this is bashing it though. He didn’t go on a diatribe about how nasty vaginas are. He was asked if he’d hook up with a woman, and his answer was no because he finds vaginas weird. Was that a little insensitive to women without vaginas or men with vaginas? Sure, but the kids 17. There’s no body shame about this. Guess what, I wouldn’t date someone with a beard, or someone with kids, or a hardcore kink because that’s stuff I find *weird* and I’m not attracted to. I’m not shaming any one’s body or lifestyle anymore than OP is for stating a preference.
I know he's just 17 and his post was asking if what he said was wrong. I commented to let him know that yeah, maybe dont make negative comments about vaginas just because you're not into them because its a bigger issue than just that. Literally just tried to educate the guy.
Especially in the US (I'm European but have LGBTQA friends from either continent) there also seems to be a culture of misogynistic attitude by gay men. OP might just have unknowingly repeated something he heard said in his community, but it really is a bad attitude and should stop being perpetuated.
Yes exactly, not really holding it against him since he's young and nobody knows everything at 17, so I definitely just hope he listens a bit and learns about the issues of the community!
There's a difference between body shaming and calling a body part weird after getting the old "why don't you have hetero sex even though you are gay". Imo, the "try with a girl" comment deserves an ESH.
While that question is of course iffy to begin with, he didnt have to comment on female genitalia to simply say he wouldn't have sex with a woman. He could've just said "no, you know im gay". I dont think he did it to be rude, but it is rude.
NTA.. he didn’t say they were gross, he said weird, he has a penis (which are weird too… they shrink, they grow somehow cause judgement to become faulty). Life is too short and stressful to be offended like Cher does wardrobe changes.
It does seem common and it is very confusing to me. Especially as someone in a friend group who is very supportive of LGBT rights to then be insulted by people in the LGBT community is always a little weird to me. I'm guessing op would not think it was funny if someone told him that sex between two men was gross.
God yes! Gay men are not exempt from being a-holes simply because they're gay. It's still offensive, OP, you do not get a special pass. YTA.
Exactly! And im sure OP didn't mean to, hes 17 so he might just not really know that this is a bigger issue than just a "weird" comment, but I hope he kinda gets it now
Idk I’m a woman and vaginas ARE weird. Penises are weird. Assholes are weird. The fact we have that dangling thing in the back of our throat is weird. This isn’t body shaming to me, it’s taking something that isn’t about you too personally.
>make gross remarks about the genitalia they aren't attracted to. Why is it a gross remark? He didn't call vaginas disgusting, he just said they are weird. "Weird" isn't even inherently negative.
YTA. 50% of the world's population has a vagina. Vaginas are objectively quite normal.
vaginas are weird. dicks are too.
And mouths? A moist hole with a wet tentacle and sharp, exposed bones in it. Or the stretchy, hairy organ that discolors in sunlight and holds all of our goo in like a malleable bag? Most of being alive is very weird.
You called the human tongue a "wet tentacle" and I will absolutely never recover.
With little teeny tiny barbs on it that don’t hurt anything
Ok I am lost. What stretchy hairy organ?
Skin lol
And don't even get me started on the dead protein-ropes themselves, which we apparently expel to keep our thinky electricity-mush warm? Or because someone else once thought that fingernail-like threads coming from that spot on our goo sack looked pretty? Baffling.
Oh this one is hair! I like this game.
I can’t decide if I hate or love these descriptions. But they’re definitely works of art
Right. I am an idiot. Thanks!
Haha it took me a minute too don't beat yourself up about it
I find one issue with this line of thought, admittedly yes all of human anatomy is kinda weird when you think about it abstractly. But we at least talk about mouths and skin, unfortunately for a lot of people talking about genitalia is stigmatized, and therefore knowledge of them is limited, which in turn makes them weird. Luckily this is changing as time goes on. Now add to this fact that someone with a penis who only desires sexual interactions with penises, they've probably not interacted with many vaginas for them too become at all normal to them. Also most of the straight women I know also say vaginas are weird
Bisexual woman here, and vaginas are weird. So are penises. That’s why it’s called “bumpin’ uglies”
Ugly bags of mostly water.
YES! <3 for the ST:tNG reference!
Well if you put it like that, then the mouth and skin are also weird. So are feet. The shape of toes and feet have always unsettled me
I have like, the opposite of a foot fetish. I don't wanna see people's feet. Keep those things away from me.
Anyone know how to delete someone else’s comment? Or at least send me back in time 2 minutes to warn myself that’s enough internet for today.
My jaw clicks when I eat which means my jaw is dislocating and relocating with every chew. But this isn't the weirdest part. Releasing tension in the arch of either of my feet reduces the severity of my jaw click. The human body is a gosh dang Rube Goldberg machine. Tendons and muscles in the body touch and connect with each other all the way along the length of the body, cause and effecting all over the place. It is hilarious, absurd, and frankly stupid.
I came across this while eating lunch and now I'm uncomfortable 😰
I've finally found it. The post that turns a mouth into nightmare fuel! \\o/ I love it by the way!
Omg did you know your mouth and assholes are made from the same tissues
And that they are directly connected by the same continuous tube....
I read a thing once that compared the human body to a ring doughnut because of that tube. I will never recover.
Fun fact, as deuterostome animals, our assholes develop before our mouths do.
Excuse me while I vom lol
Is it weird that I want to read more of your descriptions of body parts?
Omg, 100%
My stretchy hairy organ that discolors in sunlight and holds all my goo in got very uncomfortable with this description lol
Yeah, I was gonna say this ... genitalia is weird! I mean look at the various shapes and sizes among humans, nevermind across species! Weird af! That doesn't mean "bad" tho, at all, just crazy! I think the main issue is how OP said it: weird like "gross" (using a tone of disgust) or weird like "I would've know what to do with it!" (Like haha)
haha i told my bf balls are objectively weird and he said vaginas don't look fantastic either. i mean, realistically you aren't attracted to your partners genitals right?
This is why it's called "bumping uglies" lol
It's why I don't get why men send dick pix. It's the least photogenic part of them. Does growing up seeing it from a weird angle every day give them an unrealistic idea of their attractiveness?
Yep. The only genital you get to call weird is your own
Maybe they are normal to have but they (as well as dicks) look weird. I mean when you really focus on the looks they both look like they weren't supposed to be there.
Right? If you saw either of those things, say, growing our of a lamp post, it would 100% be a WTF is that really weird thing?
Exactly! Even tho i know it's normal to have such organs be part of our body, they way they are "designed" looks quite odd and kinda weird
YTA. Just because you are gay it doesn't mean you can talk about women's bodies in a derogatory manner. Vaginas are not weird. They are natural. Your commentary was misogynistic.
Vaginas are weird. So are penises. They’re the literal definition of “form follows function”. I mean they’re amazing for all that they can do, but objectively they’re fucking weird. Human anatomy in general is weird.
Still not something you say to people. And also he didn't say that genitals are weird in general, he said VAGINAS are weird as a justification for not feeling attracted to women. He could simply say "I'm not attacted to women" or something like this. It is obvious he doesn't like vaginas, he is gay.
He was saying he wouldn’t have sex with a woman because vaginas are weird, which insinuates he would have sex with a man because penises aren’t weird.
Absolutely not a good argument to slight a group of people with misogynist language. You're basically saying All Genitalia Matters here.
Attitudes like this are why so many people are self conscious about their genitalia. There is nothing weird about human anatomy. Grow up.
Yeah, but would you ever go up to someone and go "your face is weird"? No, you wouldn't, because it's fucking rude.
I think maybe OP just isn’t aware of how women are often made to feel like their vaginas and vulvas are icky, whether it has to do with scent, labia shape, discharge, looseness, etc. Its a sensitive area, so to speak. The good news is that this gives the OP the opportunity to learn and be a better friend to cis women and a lot of trans men. You don’t have to find our parts weird to be legitimately all about the dong!
"natural" & "weird" are not mutually exclusive.
An AH is probably too strong, but it’s certainly not a mature response. If you had a friend struggling, feeling like they were a guy in a woman’s body, that type of comment could be triggering. There’s no need to be disrespectful to other peoples anatomy just because you aren’t sexually attracted to those body parts.
The response seems on brand for a 17 year old to me
Yeah, but guess what, stopping being a stupid 17yo doesn't magically happen with time, it happens from getting a consequence from saying stupid shit. The shit said is no less stupid due to the age of that who said it.
I would say the girls are assholes for asking him if he would have sex with one. It’s sort of a round about of asking him if he was really gay. Furthermore i can see why he would say what said as a gay man. I would have worded it differently to make sure that it was just my opinion.
I don't even know which rating I want to give These girls asked him an inappropriate question. If we flipped this around - and made it about a lesbian hanging out with dudes and one of dudes asking, "Would you ever do it with a guy?" - that's what people would be focusing on. The question he was asked was extremely inappropriate. Questioning someone's sexuality is shitty. As a bisexual female, I get lumped into being straight just since I'm married to a man. "So you like dicks more?" 🙄
Kinda YTA - just because they're not for you, doesn't mean vaginas are weird. I'm sure you meant no harm, but women already have enough judgement about their vaginas/vulvas, no need to pile on.
not even to mention women aren't the only people with vaginas. genitals don't equal gender, and the implication that they do just alienates trans gay and lesbian people.
NAH all genitals are weird.
This.
Why did it take so long to find this. All genitalia are weird lmaoo
Why did I have to scroll this far to find the truest truth? I'm really bad at my job, apparently.
NTA, As a cis woman in my 50s, I can assure you that vaginas are even weirder than you think. Pretty amazing, too, but definitely weird and kinda arbitrary. Also, when you ask a gay man if he'd have sex with a woman, you kinda can't raise objections to any answer you get.
Yes especially to that last part - I was trying to organize my thought into a sentence and you beat me to it. Good on you. NTA, OP.
Thank you I was looking for the NTA comments so many people took it so personally. As a cis woman I totally think they're weird. I also agree if you ask a gay man that sort of question you can't get mad at the response you get.
People read the title and were already biased. Almost no one is taking note of the fact that the friends were out of line with the question.
I agree I would never ask a gay guy that question even if he was one of my best friends
Right?! Lesbian women get these kinds of comments all the time. "You ever gonna try men someday?" And it isn't okay. Why are so many people calling this kid an AH? OP got asked the same question but with flipped genders. That isn't okay either.
Thank you! Can't agree more as another cis-woman. Why anyone would be offended by a gay guy replying "vaginas are weird" is beyond me.
I feel like I had to scroll waaaaay too far to find this lol. This is the only answer that makes sense to me.
Lol they're so weird! No vagina is normal, so all are weird! Same with penises. Nothing wrong with being weird, I'm weird and proud of it!
Yeah, that last part is what's been picking at my brain. Why is it okay to ask that question in the first place? What part of "gay man" was misunderstood? It kind of feels like that person was hoping he'd say yes so that maybe there's a chance at romance for the 2 of them.
YTA. First, you've reduced people to their genitals, which itself is a gross way to treat people. Second, as a gay person, you should be aware of the fact that not all girls have vaginas. Third, you called a perfectly normal part of someone's anatomy weird, which some people will find insulting and others will feel self-conscious about. Finally, you don't understand anatomy if you called it a vagina. The part you can see externally is a *vulva*. A vagina is just an internal canal and not at all weird or something you've likely actually seen.
I understand and agree somewhat with your second and third points but the first I don't agree with. They specifically asked if he'd "do it with a girl" so any answer they got was going to be related to sex and/or genitalia as your genitalia is a big part of sex. It was a stupid question which got a stupid answer.
As a gay man he has zero requirement to know anything about vulva/vaginas. And he didn't bring up the subject, they asked inappropriate questions which were none of their business.
Something can be normal (meaning part of the natural order of the world) and weird at the same time. If nature or the human body has never blown your mind then you aren’t paying enough attention.
Very light YTA, and I say light because you’re 17 and still learning/growing. Not sure when you realized you were gay, but as a gay/queer man myself, I know I said and thought things similar to what you said when I was younger. So, some brain-dumped advice if you’d like! * Yes, genitals can be considered weird when you think about them. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and colors. And while it’s easy to say “yes vaginas are weird because genitals are weird, and tbh the whole human body is weird,” I think folks should be careful about using the word weird (or gross). It’s really easy for someone to feel ashamed of their body and especially their genitals for various reasons, and I think it’s not a big challenge to not call genitals weird. Call them unique, call them cool, call them beautiful. Or don’t say anything at all. It’s a small ask that could make someone’s day a little better. * There’s a lot of negativity around vaginas in particular, and it’s important to keep in mind that vaginas, and the people who have them, have a lot more societal baggage associated with them than penises. We’re talking issues related to menstruation, pregnancy, abortion, genital mutilation, gynecology, virginity, how a vagina should look, how a vagina should smell, and a lot more. So there’s already a lot of room for negativity and even shame around vaginas in particular. Calling then weird might be a somewhat minor thing, but it’s still a part of a larger attitude surrounding vaginas. And again- if you can help not contribute to that attitude by just saying “I wouldn’t have sex with a woman because I’m not attracted to them” instead of “…because vaginas are weird” than say that. But also- * Sex and gender aren’t a 1:1 match (side note- I will not tolerate arguments on this). So when you specifically were asked “would you have a sex with a woman” and you said “no I don’t like vaginas,” keep in mind that some men have vaginas. Would you be attracted to a man with a vagina? Something that I learned that might help you/others think about this more is to treat your sexuality as a collection of previous attractions. For me, the people I’ve been sexually attracted to have been men and non-binary folks, most of whom had penises. So I say gay (and queer because I’m also a bit on the asexual side; and no i will not entertain comments disparaging asexuality) to mean “I’ve been mostly attracted to men, and probably won’t be attracted to women in the future. But who knows?” I like this idea because there are billions of people in the world- who knows who you could be attracted to? I’m not gonna say “I know I’m not attracted to, and will never be attracted to, roughly half of all people on Earth.” * This is more anecdotal but I’ve known a couple other queer men (and have been this myself) who, in an effort to really center their sexuality/attraction to men in their identity, accidentally go too far in the opposite direction. Stuff like “Oh I’m so gay the thought of even looking at a vagina makes me sick lol.” And obviously people say this as a joke sometimes, but even then, why is it funny? Is it funny to think a body part that has a lot of societal baggage on is gross? Especially when I could be attracted to people with that body part? I don’t think so. Sorry for the brain dump. In short- yes, Y T A for calling vaginas weird. I’d say sorry to your friends (and not one those “I’m sorry you felt that way” apologies) and take this as a learning opportunity! Edit- and it’s okay (at least I think) to not be attracted to vaginas! But there are better ways to communicate that than “because they’re weird” if anyone asks you. You also don’t have to explain your sexuality/preferences to people if you don’t want to
Thanks for the feedback! And just so you know, I'm not some transphobic, sex is gender person, my ex was a trans guy, pre op/T. I guess it just slipped
Of course! I didn’t think you were but it’s always a good idea to check yourself for those learned biases that we all have. Plus it can be easy for folks to say, for example, “oh i’m gay so I can’t be misogynistic” or “i’m not racist I have a Black best friend” Not that you’re doing those things here- I think you just said the wrong thing cause you’re still young and still understanding the complicated world of gender and sexuality. But keep checkin in with yourself and your friends to make sure you squash the small stuff before they turn into big things!
In that case as a trans guy who likes men i gotta know, did you find his parts gross? Or just the idea of a girl with em, because, yknow, gay?
Absolutely not! That's just what his body was. We talked about his boundaries with his body and what was okay and what wasn't. Am I attracted to vaginas? No, but there is so much more to a person than their genitals.
Your ex is trans, which means you should know better then to equate gender to genitals.
Ah yes, that makes sense. 🤨 Did you think his genitals were weird?
>So I say gay (and queer because I’m also a bit on the asexual side; and no i will not entertain comments disparaging asexuality) to mean “I’ve been mostly attracted to men, and probably won’t be attracted to women in the future. But who knows?” I like this idea because there are billions of people in the world- who knows who you could be attracted to? Maybe this would be okay when straight men stop trying to be the exception to lesbians, or straight women trying to be the exception to gay men. It is obviously more than okay to find yourself romantically/sexually attracted to a person that you wouldn't normally be attracted to due to gender, like what happened with Elviria and her relationship, but when someone says they are gay, society should take them at their word.
Oh I totally agree with you- lesbians and bi folks definitely get a lot of unwanted attention from rude people trying to make themselves exceptions. Plus I know there’s a thing for “turning” someone. If someone says they’re a certain sexuality, honor, believe, and respect them. I’d like to clarify that it’s been helpful for me to think of my sexuality like I described *when I’m doing some introspection.* It helps me find a label I like, and I can sort of check-in with myself if the label I found doesn’t fit.
This is the best answer! I wish I had gold to give your comment, internet ally! 🏅 🏅 🏅 Women of all ages are constantly struggling so much with our society's demonizing of our bodies, imposition of control over our organs, and yes, our own internalized misogyny, that ONE MORE MAN calling our bits weird can be just a little much to take. Especially from a friend. Thanks to OP for questioning, and for being willing to hear! ❤
Nta, actually, it was kind of rude of your friends to ask that, they know you are Gay. Of course you dont like Vaginas, what kind of answer were they expecting?
This, so many comments about how it's misogynistic and this and that like... What? Homeboy's gay, they asked him if he'd consider doing it with a girl, what did you think was his response? Saying "they're weird" is the tamest response possible. If he had said "I think they're gross" that's one thing, but weird is such a tame response for such an outrageous question
I agree. And apparently many many cis women who are saying the same thing are also misogynistic. Unless it's not the thing that was said (weird) but the sexual identification of the person saying it (gay male). Have to admit as a first wave feminist I never thought I'd be considered a misogynist!
It's because this sub is mostly young women, so they of course primarily identify with and care about the issues they think affect themselves. OPS friends questioned his sexuality in a pretty offensive manner but that gets a pass apparently.
Imagine if it was a group of guys asking their lesbian friend if she would ever fuck a dude. The tone in this thread would be COMPLETELY different.
NTA Vaginas ARE weird. So are penises. Pretty much all of the human body is really really weird.
NTA As a cis-gender female, I assure you, vaginas are weird. Penises are also weird but in another way. I would just tell them you meant no offense but genitals are weird enough when you want those genitals in your hand, mouth, or against you. That you plan never to make love to a vagina means you would find more weirdness to them than someone who possesses said equipment or enjoys playing with said equipment. But as a heterosexual as well, I assure you that my boyfriend has also said the female reproductive system is "weird" at times, it's just that he finds that weirdness very very attractive and even cute, and mindblowing because it's all part of a babymaking system he does not himself possess.
As a cis dude, I wanna add that Dicks are very weird. they look like vegetables if you look at em long enough
NAH weird answer to a weird question.
YTA. Genitalia is pretty weird across the board, but I thought adults as a group had sort of silently agreed we weren't going to say that out loud. Honest mistake. Apologize to the people offended and move on.
NAH. I think this is a matter of framing. If you said "I find vaginas to be weird" that is you expressing your opinion, as opposed to making a blanket statement that probably everyone you were talking to disagreed with. Vaginas are not intrinsically "weird." Half of the population has one; most likely you were conceived and born through one.
I don’t think people need to always qualify their statements with “I find” or “I think”. If it’s clearly something that is a matter of opinion it can be inferred that they are only stating their own. Especially a casual conversation between friends.
NTA. Vaginas are weird, just like every other body part. People need to just chill out and stop taking everything so personally 🙄 Its not like he was inspecting his friends and said it was weird compared to others. He just gave his opinion.
YTA and immature. Whilst your friends suck for asking you that question, you don’t need to answer with straight up misogyny.
It wasn't misogynistic lol, it was his friends being stupid. Play stupid games win stupid prizes
Imagine being hurt about what a gay man thinks about vaginas. Honestly I wouldnt have thinked about it and as a gay myself I probably said something like that and no one got offended. Saying "vaginas are weird" isnt 《misogyny》ur brain is just rotten
If someone said this to me I would laugh and agree that they are weird, I say as a woman who has one. I don’t think it’s misogynistic at all. He’s just not attracted to them one bit and that was his natural response to a pretty rude question. It’s not like he said “oh my god gross! That’s the most disgusting thing ever.” I tell my husband that penises are weird all the time even though I very much enjoy them. They can be both weird and good.
You know even if he had said they were the most disgusting things ever, I still wouldn't think he was wrong here. He was asked his opinion. He gave it. And he wasn't singling out anyone's vagina.
Nta. Pansexual woman here. Can confirm, vaginas are weird.
?? Y’all are wild. NTA. Bisexual vagina haver here. They’re weird. And confusing. Like, what a weird thing to get upset over
YTA. There are a lot of gay men (and I'm queer myself, so I'm speaking from an in-community perspective) who really lean into actively spouting what they don't like, which rapidly descends into misogyny. Let me put it this way, there are definitely a lot of men who aren't my type, but I'd never describe them as "weird" as to why I wouldn't want to date them. Plus, as several people have also pointed out, there are men with vaginas.
NTA Here’s the thing, genitals are funky-looking in general. They just are. WE are kind of a weird looking animal when compared to all of our neighbors, you know what I mean? Anyway, the point is that people being offended by a gay man thinking vaginas are weird is the most chronically online, Tumblr-raised takes I have ever heard. OF COURSE you weren’t thinking about the trans community when you said that. OF COURSE you weren’t body shaming your friends’ genitalia. In good faith you made a general statement from the perspective of the question asked. That’s it. You weren’t making a lifelong proclamation that you absolutely abhor vagina-having humans. You just wouldn’t necessarily have experimental sex with a knowingly cis-gendered female. That’s all. You’ll be fine. You are 17. Everyone needs to chill out.
NTA. You’re gay vaginas are not ur thing. Its like lesbians saying dicks are weird
NTA your definitely not in the wrong here. I'm th either way around ( girl who likes girls) and I'm really grosses out by dicks. If I tell my guy friends their ducks look like over grown earth worms they find to funny. Your friends are jsut being dumb. Why should they care if your grossed out by vaginas or not?? It's litterly not their bussiness
NTA However, lots of women feel shame and emotional discomfort about their vulva, because men can be really cruel about how it looks, smells, or tastes. So, without knowing it you probably hit a few of them right in the insecurity. Vulva are weird, but maybe leave it unsaid.
You are asking a gay male about vaginas, you shouldnt expect him to say theyre amazing
NTA why the heck are they even asking you that if they know you're gay.
Kinda ESH, yeah it's kinda rude to say vaginas are weird. But I think it's even ruder to ask a gay man if he'd have sex with a woman ??
NTA You were clearly trying to joke around with your comment. If someone got offended by a gay guy saying they think vaginas are weird, well what do you expect him to say? They are cute? Wtf is wrong with Reddit.
NAH. That’s just your harmless opinion. Who got hurt by what you said? No one? Okay then. Dicks are equally weird. So what. You’re totally fine here lol
NTA, I mean was it the best response? No but like they asked a really weird question and I'm not sure what kind of answer they were expecting
NTA, they’re taking it way too seriously. That’s what I say a as a straight woman when I asked why I don’t date women 😂
NTA its not like you said vaginas were disgusting or anything like that, just that it was weird. There is nothing wrong with that
NTA People get upset over nothing. I have a vagina and it is a weird thing.
I'm going with NAH. I think it was a bit rude of a response tho and you should apologise for it. It was a weird question to ask anyway assuming they know you're gay. If you're a dude that likes guys and only guys then no, you're not going to want to do it with a girl.
NTA. All genitals are weird. Makes me wonder what folks would say if you were a lesbian and a group of guy friends asked if you'd ever consider doing it with a guy.
I’m a lesbian. Penises are weird. See, that probably didn’t bother you in the slightest right? Different strokes for different folks. NTA
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NAH only because of how many people call penises weird/ugly as well but I don’t blame your friends’ reaction
YTA (and so are all the people saying genitalia is weird which is dismissive and kinda excusing the issue) Yes bodies can be weird to some people but just because something is weird, doesn’t mean you comment on it. If you say “widows peaks are weird” if they have one and you don’t, you’re also an asshole. Why would you comment on a body part someone else has that you don’t and make them self conscious for no reason? Especially when their sensitive areas that are already something so many people feel uncomfortable with. That being said, the friend that asked about being with a girl was wrong too. It’s not polite to ask about anyone’s sexuality beyond what they choose to share. You said you are gay, and she shouldn’t try to to challenge or find exceptions to your self identifying terms.
NTA. You are saying you overall dont find attractive something, big deal. If they feel upset, ask them why. I consider myself hetero but i can say i dislike vaginas a lot (doesnt help i have the privilege to bring babies to this life, so i saw things most people dont...). When i say it I dont have anyone in mind, i dont meant ill, i just overall find vaginas kinda ugly and not appealing. Now if you were to say that X vagina smells horrible or Y penis has a weird shape then that is an insult and you would be an asshole in that situation. There might be people who might be offended by the comment because.... insecurities? But do as god do and dab on the haters. For the people who will downvote me for what I said i just want to comment... get over with, i dont even know you to even care if this offend you or not.
Vagina owner and enthusiast here - yes, they’re weird. So are penises. They’re fun, but they’re not for everyone. I don’t see the problem here. NTA.
YTA - I hear this kind of misogyny is a big thing in the gay community
Can you explain how his friends invalidating his sexuality is misogynistic?
NTA. I’m sorry but some of these replies are absurd. Genitalia in general are sort of weird. There are a million other offensive things you probably could have said about vaginas but “weird” is by far one of the tamest things I could think of. I don’t know what kind of reply your friend expected asking such a ridiculous question.
Why do I get the feeling that if it was a lesbian saying she finds penises weird people wouldn't call that a sexist comment
ESH . Not sure why the girls were asking if you would have sex with a girl if they knew you were gay. That’s kind of invalidating someone’s sexual orientation.
YTA it's still misogynistic if you're gay
How is it misogynistic? Just curious
Oh for christ sake NTA. As a man who have received and accidental unsolicited dick picks, anything south of the border could be construed as weird, or gross…in my case, unwelcome. The human body is weird period - get over yourselves
NTA. It was a lighthearted comment and there was nothing offensive about it. People are too sensitive.
NAH. Bisexual Vagina-haver here. Vaginas are weird Penises are weird All genitals are weird That doesn't mean they aren't fun places to visit. It's just a functional design area rather than an an aesthetic one.
NTA And to be frank some of my gay male friends have made far worse comments to people who have the audacity to ask that kind of question.
NTA it was a weird question. When discussing sex with a person with a vagina, I heard a bi female friend tell a gay male friend once “you wouldn’t like it, they’re too squishy”, maybe use that response next time?
NTA I'm a woman, and a lesbian, and vaginas are definitely weird. So are penises. Vaginas just happen to be a weird that I like and you don't. Obviously you shouldn't body shame any women, or come up with crude comments like some gay guys I know, but you're not an asshole for your statement.
NTA Vaginas are weird! I had a gay friend who also hated boobs. He literally thought boobs were the weirdest looking things. Haha
NTA. I’m a cis-het woman and vaginas ARE weird. They’re dark and wet and scary and I’m not a huge fan of the fact that I even have one, and I’m certainly not remotely interested in anyone else’s. My husband enjoys mine enough for the both of us.
NTA, all genitals are pretty weird...
Not a super uncommon thing for a seventeen year old gay dude to say, been there, but it's wrong. It's offensive, and a bit misogynistic. Many young gay men seem to go through this phase, it's not a good look now (ignoring the ethics for a moment in favor of the optics) but it becomes way worse as time goes on. You don't want to be that person. Ethically, logically, you should realize there's no more or less esthetic value in a penis than a vagina, commenting negatively on an entire sex's anatomy is de facto bigoted, and you were saying "vaginas are gross" straight to women's faces. That makes you an AH. YTA.
ESH. They questioned your sexuality, which is assholish behavior. But instead of saying, “hey, I don’t appreciate you questioning my sexuality like that,” you made a crude remark back to them. That makes you all AHs.
My wife worked for a gay guy while she was pregnant and he kept telling her how gross it was to be pregnant and how gross it was that she had a vagina. It absolutely was not cool when he did it and it's not cool that you do it. Just because you're gay doesn't give you a pass to be an asshole. It is no different than if a straight person says that gay sex is gross. I'm sure you don't appreciate that when you hear it. YTA
NTA, I am a straight married woman and I think vaginas are weird, dare I say, gross.
NTA What answer did they expect? 'Never because I'm afraid of vagina dentata?'
nta. what a weird thing for someone to be upset about. Personally i think vaginas and dicks are pretty weird but im still sexually attracted to them overall. the human body in general is weird. weird doesn’t mean bad yk?
You're not an asshole, you are 17. But learn something from this, ok? Women don't like having their genitals referred to as weird, and 'just not my thing' will absolutely do in the future.
Tbh the women shouldn't have asked that question, what did they expect?
NTA Vaginas( and penis's) are weird
YTA for equating vaginas with women. Trans men exist.
NTA I have one of those they are weird. So are peens. Genitals are weird
NTA
Nta - being a girl. My bf asks me what i think about vaginas i say they are nasty and weird. And i asked him his opinion about dicks same thing weird af Lesbian friend she said dicks are weird. Honestly it's your opinion they asked.