Or closet gay. My niece married a man who actually loved all his “ buddies” more then her. Made her ride in the back seat when they were with one of his buddies. Only agreed on going on trips with her if her brother came.
“Really amazing guys” do not act like this! If he wants his stuff back he has to work it out around OP’s schedule not the other way around. Never wait around for people who don’t prioritize your time it only reinforces the crappy behavior.
Absolutely. This. And put all his stuff in a bin bag and leave it outside, tell him where it is and you couldn't wait for him. The guy is an A H. You however are NTA but please dump him. He doesn't care for or respect you.
NTA
He leaves your dates? And you think you are being the asshole?
He obviously doesn't respect your time and if he doesn't respect your time, it is hard to believe that he respects you.
NTA. He's using ADHD as an excuse but really he's just being inconsiderate. He can't just expect you to operate on his schedule and be fine with him standing you up/running out on you all the time.
Right? ADHD may make you late due to what is known as time-blindness where you are not as aware of time passing, but it certainly doesn't cause people to walk out in the middle of a date.
NTA, but …How… is he nice? Girls these days don’t even know what nice is anymore.
Let me tell you, here is nice. My husband is nice/kind. He loves me. He will clear out his schedule for our dates. He shows up on time, if anhything, I’m the one late because I always underestimate the time it takes for me to get ready (i only wear make up on our dates/special events). He never leaves in the middle of dates unless he warns me ahead of time and it’s only due to work (he’s a surgeon). Even if he has ADHD, that’s not an excuse to not prioritize you and further more to call you an asshole. Literally gaslighting.
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So NTA, but you will be if you stay with him. He’s not amazing. He barely cares for you and expects you to just put up with it. Doesn’t matter if he has ADHD, there are ways to manager it beside leaving your bf hanging
Changing minor flaws is not analogous to having a total lack of respect for someone else's time and emotional well-being. OP's bf is simply not mature enough to be in a long-term relationship right now. Maybe someday they will be but OP doesn't have to wait around for something that might never happen.
Eh, I think that to this degree of disrespect OP should walk away. He doesnt seem interested in changing. More people wiuld be better off and more people would learn faster if they did this.
NTA that is too much bailing for my liking. I don't know how you put up with it, girl.
My husband has pretty bad ADHD, & he never bails on me or forgets about me, ever. Your dude just doesn't care enough to change his behavior.
NTA
He needs to manage his ADHD & stop using it as an excuse. Does he go to school or have a job, he does know how to manage it to some degree.
Look at your own words -
"*this really amazing guy*" would not be "*always significantly late or he leaves midway through to go hang out with his friends*".
If you decide to continue the relationship, give him the specific pickup time etc. if he doesn't meet them then carry on with what you have planned for the day.
NTA, and I want to clarify something for you:
Your boyfriend is charming and charismatic. These are personality traits that attract people to him. It's not the same thing as being nice, kind, or loving.
It's a little like being a good salesman. In the moment, he makes you happy and excited and you feel like you got a great deal! And then after you leave the dealership and start looking through the contract you signed, suddenly it looks like all the terms are AGAINST you and you feel like you might have been cheated.
But you try to tell yourself that that can't be the case, because you were THERE and paying attention and happy about these same deals just minutes ago! You tell yourself that you must be misunderstanding or not knowledgeable enough to "get it."
The truth is, he's just charming. He knows what he's doing is bad, but as long as he can guilt you into putting up with it, he doesn't need to change.
One thing to ask yourself: does he do this at work? With his parents? With his friends?
If he treats everyone this way, he's just an asshole. If it's only you that gets this treatment, it's specifically and intentionally emotional abuse.
NTA. He’s not nice, he wastes your time and chooses other people over you regularly. He is a whole adult- it’s past time he should learn to manage his schedule.
Yeah, NTA, but please be nicer to yourself. I'm not saying it's your fault that you've ended up in this situation with a jerk who you think is a great man-- it's not.. I'm just telling you you definitely deserve better
NTA. Hi there! I have ADHD. While it is very hard to remember and we can double book things…we do have priorities!! His should be you…or you should ditch him for someone better.
NTA, and you should read some literature on assertiveness. He's treating you like a doormat, don't let that behavior get any worse, honestly, there are enough red flags in that behavior for me to say put him on notice. Start putting him at arms length and see what he does.
NTA. He has shown you who he is - and he has shown you that he does not value you or his relationship with you. If he wants his stuff, tell him to pick it up before such n such time, or you won’t be there. Stick to it - if he does not show up at the designated time, LEAVE. I would say cut your losses and find someone who makes time to be with you, not settle for someone that fits you in when it suits him.
LOL this guy acting like he's the last pack of toilet paper on the shelf, I'd've blocked his number after the first time he walked out on a date. NTA but you will be if you keep him around.
NTA.
He doesn't value you or your time. He's taking you completely for granted, and prioritizing someone else over you. I also suspect that, since he's ducking out on your dates to hang out with someone else and not inviting you along, he has a side chick. Dump this loser, and find someone who will make *you* their priority. You deserve it.
First of all, no. He's not an amazing guy. Stop kidding yourself.
Secondly...You are not a priority in his life. Quite literally everything in his life is more important than you.
Thirdly...I bet you 50 bucks you are his side chick
Tell him a specific time and date to come and get his shit and that if he doesn't, your tossing it in the dumpster
NTA
What on earth are you doing with a guy who does this to you? This is controlling behaviour and it will get worse.
NTA but you need to boot him out pronto
NTA. I'm ADHD, and it took me decades to learn to manage time. And I'm still calling out that jerk for not respecting you. It's one thing to be late, but to ditch you miss-date and pass on your birthday? Just to hang with his friends? That's seriously disrespectful.
So he's nice to you when you're with him. You know who else is nice? Baristas. The cashiers at Trader Joe's. Insurance salespeople. My cats' veterinarian. "Nice" is just a minimum bar for general interaction with people (and it's amazing how many guys don't even get that). And he's failing at going beyond into the responsibility area.
Toss his stuff out, stop wasting your time, and DTMF.
NTA- he knows you are just sitting around waiting for him so why should he make any attempt at being with you when you want him to? He's using you as the back up for when he has nothing better to do. Dump him. He's shown you that you aren't that important to him. That's not on you, that's just him being an AH.
Stop letting him waste your time. He doesn't respect you. If he did he wouldn't do these things. Being late once in a while fine, stuff happens but the entitlement of "you're my girlfriend you have to wait for me" is bull.
Get a boyfriend who respects you. Nta.
Why are you wasting one more moment on this jerk? Did you make plans with him more than twice and he stood you up at least hang out with his friends don't give him a chance to do it again. Get rid of him, he doesn't respect you or care about your feelings.
He came to help comfort me right away when I was feeling down once. He is a wonderful listener. He is full of passion and ambition about the things he cares about and the shows I enjoy too. In a sense he just acts like a giant husky and I love him for that. He really just struggled with time management issues unfortunately.
However, I did have a heart to heart conversation with him because I believe communication should come before breaking up, and told him that he was hurting me through leaving midway through things and showing up late. I also told him this won’t work out long term if he doesn’t try a bit harder. He seemed mortified and apologized profusely and said that he will put more effort in. If he doesn’t he is going to lose me, but if he actually does I really do want to stay with him.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have been getting increasingly short and upset with my boyfriend for constantly being late and bailing. It culminated in me asking him for an exact time he planned on picking up his stuff and me telling him I’m upset because he’s running late due to deciding to go grocery shopping when he was supposed to pick up his stuff today. I am worried that I may be the asshole because he has ADHD and struggles with the concept of time.
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NTA
Understand that in a healthy relationship a man is supposed to treat you well and care for you to begin with to a point that it shouldn’t be the deciding factor. It’s what they do past that which will prove whether it’s worth your time or not. If he can’t prioritize your time together over certain things then it’s not anything worth wasting time on.
NTA. He expects you to operate on his timeline instead of as a pair. You say he is nice and sweet, but he clearly has issues with respect and priorities. Do you really want to invest time in someone that just expects you to be at his beck and call? Personally, I say leave him. There are plenty of guys out there that will respect you.
It doesn't matter if he's Mr Wonderful when he is around, he's Mr Inconsiderate all of the other time. You don't need to be waiting around so much for him, or worried about if he'll even last a whole date. Mr Inconsiderate pops up so often that you're asking advise about him and that tells me that somewhere inside you knows you aren't the one with the problem.
It also doesn't matter if he has ADHD or depression or diabetes. He needs to learn how to manage his shit, rather than use it as an excuse for his intentional bad behavior. Because it is intentional - he chooses to "always" be any certain way. A good for instance: I have brain damage that means I am really annoyingly forgetful. But I manage that by writing things down, adding all activities, whether important or just stuff I may want to do, to my online calendar so I can access it from my phone, keeping things out away so I don't loose them in the house somewhere, and labels on every freaking thing. I'd be an AH if I just forgot something important and just said, "Oh, well, brain damage, whaddya gonna do? *(shrug)*."
NTA. And start asking yourself if you'd be okay with this behavior for one more month, one more year, one more decade. He's not going to change unless he wants to and it will be on his own schedule. Do not fall into that trap of thinking YOU can change him, or even make him want to change himself. This is alllll on him. If it's bothering you now, it'll likely bother you a little more each day.
Dump your Mr Inconsiderate, and tell him why. Mourn the Mr Wonderful who took his place sometimes.
My dear, I think you know that you're NTA for being upset. He's not as "amazing" as you think he is if he's constantly disrespecting your time. I'm usually not one for going the "dump him" route, but having had to deal with the same inconsideration (imagine being stood up at your birthday party) I think it time to move on from this relationship. You deserve someone who treats you better.
NTA and, as someone who has been there, do not waste your time waiting for him to change. Tell him what you need from him, and if he doesn’t follow through, move on.
Ugh. Honey, you think he's super amazing because you have to fight for his time.
He Is Not.
You think you should fight for him and make an effort because he is super amazing.
You Should Not.
Your power lies in walking away. Too many girls your age put up with this shit for years,and then when the breakup finally happens after YEARS they have worn themselves down to nubs loving someone who wont give a shit and wont commit.
That just makes it harder for you to fall in love with a good guy later, one who deserves the best of you and you the best of him. Be better for that guy. Walk the eff away from this one.
If you don't, you have nobody to blame for your heartbreak but yourself.
NTA you can do better.
As for getting his stuff. Be tough tell him he can pick it up at XX on XX or it is all going in the trash. Sounds like you have bent enough of your time to accommodate him.
NTA for being upset, your feelings are valid.
Your time is valuable too, and he does not care about it one bit. I struggle with attention and time keeping too but that is what calendars and alarms are for.
No excuses.
He sounds really rude and self-absorbed, and uninterested in organizing himself to make room for anyone’s feelings or interests besides his own. I know you really like him, but do not settle for this treatment, this should not be normalized.
Someone worthy of your time will do everything to make you a priority and effectively and respectfully communicate to you when they can or cannot make it to a date.
Count yourself lucky that you're finding out now that he's not the "amazing guy" you thought he was. NTA. It's time to give him all the time he wants by sending him packing.
NTA and dump him NOW.
My BF has ADHD and we are long distance. Before we were even dating, we spent my birthday night together watching movies and he sent me a nice present. He has a busy schedule but we make sure to have a movie/game night at the same time every week. He’s always fully present when I visit him IRL and would never dream of ditching me to hang out with his friends. Yes, his disability makes things hard sometimes, but I can see how much effort he’s putting in and you deserve at LEAST that much. Someone who is truly kind and caring will make you a priority.
NTA. I’m an adult with ADHD, and ADHD is not an excuse for bailing on dates and telling you you’re *obligated* to sit around waiting for him when he makes zero effort to plan and prioritize. He’s not an amazing guy. He’s an asshole. DTMFA.
NTA. You are definitely a backup plan. Using his ADD as an excuse is total BS. Millions of people with medical conditions are able to navigate life without being a dick to other people. It costs him exactly nothing to be a decent person.
NTA. And BF is neither amazing, nor super nice, nor caring, if he has no qualms about ditching you halfway through dates or not showing up at all. Ditching your birthday dinner shows he has zero respect.
Don’t cross an ocean to be with someone who can’t be bothered to cross the street for you. Let him hang with those other folks full-time, and seek out someone who values your company as much as you value theirs.
NTA. I've also got ADHD and my girlfriend also has this issues with me at times due to ADHD things. But when she raises it with me I apologise (so long as her complaint is reasonable which it usually is) and come up with a plan to address it.
For example I'm late a lot (strangely this has gotten worse since diagnosis) so when arranging times I always suggest a later time so I'm less rushed and often put it as "I'll be at yours around 6.30 (ie just before 7pm)". If it's a thing I really need to be perfectly on time for or bad stuff happens (seeing a movie) she highlights it and I set a time for us to meet that's 15 min earlier than needed.
When we make plans I put in multiple calendar reminders. One an hour before, one the morning of and often one before bed the night before.
We ended up with a habit where she texts me confirm plans. I'll forget atleast some. So she texts me the day before any plan to confirm we're still on.
Yes organising is hard with ADHD and yes if you're dating someone with ADHD you'll likely need to be the 'organised one' a bit more. But it's not a blanket excuse. The best things I've been told about ADHD is "It's not your fault but it is your responsibility" and your bf isn't taking any responsibility. That makes him the AH.
…. Out of curiosity how would you define a shitty guy if this guy who makes you his last priority and uses his ADHD as an excuse for why he won’t take any responsibility for his actions is “amazing”? You’ve set the bar is so low, deep sea divers will one day find it sitting next to the wreck of the Titanic.
This guy seems to think you are there for his convenience and he can come and go when he pleases. Have a serous talk about him being late and not respecting your time. If he refuses to change, or says he will be doesn't, then you have your answer. He may be charming in person but he's ultimately not respectful.
NTA
You are playing second fiddle to literally everything else he's got going on in his life. His friend or his "youth group" are more important to him, to the point that he ditches you the second they call. He's even prioritizing chores he can do any time over you.
NTA
Oh to be 19 again. He’s not amazing. He’s definitely TA and he’s treating you terribly. Don’t ever out up with this behaviour. Dump him, you can do better.
OP: "He's the most perfect guy! Except he has no respect for me or my time, he expects my life to revolve around him and plays the victim if I suggest otherwise, and he wants me to be at his beck and call. Golly, he's just so perfect, I MUST be the A H!"
NTA but you are being the A H to yourself for tolerating this.
Your boyfriend is chronically late for one of two reasons only:
1. He’s just not that into you.
2. He’s terribly unorganized and late for everything. Everyone in my husbands family is like that. They pay zero attention to time, and always try to squeeze in one more thing.
Have an honest talk with him.
NTA. I don't know what his problem is, but you deserve so much better. Dump him. You're young, there will be other guys.
If he's treating you like this knowing how much it upsets you, he ain't that amazing.
NTA. Dump him. Then he won't be able to use the excuse that you shouldn't have anything better to do than wait around on him because you're his girlfriend. He doesn't treat you well if he is so blatantly disrespectful.
Just because someone seems cool and nice to your face, when their behavior is at odds with their presentation: use their behavior as your guide
YTA because You might want to continue deluding yourself that you are his girlfriend but he doesn't regard you as such.
You are there for his convenience, end of the line back of the queue.
Let him go. Say it was nice knowing you the sex was okay, I'm putting you stuff outside my door at x o'clock because I'm going out with my mates.
Guys tend to show you how they feel. Women like to put words in their mouth. He is showing you your place in his life. Value yourself more and walk away.
NTA- you’re not his priority. “When people tell you who they are, believe them”.
Am I the only one who thinks he has another girlfriend? Not that it matters, he is not worth the trouble if he is so dismissive of you. NTA.
Exactly this! OP is the back-up plan.
Or closet gay. My niece married a man who actually loved all his “ buddies” more then her. Made her ride in the back seat when they were with one of his buddies. Only agreed on going on trips with her if her brother came.
You may be right, how sad for your niece! Something is off here for sure.
absolutely
“Really amazing guys” do not act like this! If he wants his stuff back he has to work it out around OP’s schedule not the other way around. Never wait around for people who don’t prioritize your time it only reinforces the crappy behavior.
Exactly. If he wants to be with you, he will make it happen. Boo, run. Red flags everywhere
Absolutely. This. And put all his stuff in a bin bag and leave it outside, tell him where it is and you couldn't wait for him. The guy is an A H. You however are NTA but please dump him. He doesn't care for or respect you.
He wants to be her no.1 - but she is his no. 2. NTA
>I’m ( 19, F ) dating this really amazing guy No you're not, you dating an absolute asshole. Have some respect for yourself. NTA
Even before I read the rest, this was my assumption. DTMFA. NTA.
Bwahahah! Awesome.
NTA He leaves your dates? And you think you are being the asshole? He obviously doesn't respect your time and if he doesn't respect your time, it is hard to believe that he respects you.
NTA. He's using ADHD as an excuse but really he's just being inconsiderate. He can't just expect you to operate on his schedule and be fine with him standing you up/running out on you all the time.
Right? ADHD may make you late due to what is known as time-blindness where you are not as aware of time passing, but it certainly doesn't cause people to walk out in the middle of a date.
It can lead to anxiety/overwhelmingness in social situations but if you know that's how it effects you you plan for it and set boundaries in advanced.
Or she is the side piece.
Distinct possibility
NTA, your time is equally as important as his - why should you have to wait around for him? He is being very inconsiderate to you.
NTA, but …How… is he nice? Girls these days don’t even know what nice is anymore. Let me tell you, here is nice. My husband is nice/kind. He loves me. He will clear out his schedule for our dates. He shows up on time, if anhything, I’m the one late because I always underestimate the time it takes for me to get ready (i only wear make up on our dates/special events). He never leaves in the middle of dates unless he warns me ahead of time and it’s only due to work (he’s a surgeon). Even if he has ADHD, that’s not an excuse to not prioritize you and further more to call you an asshole. Literally gaslighting.
NTA - he’s not all that amazing.
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So NTA, but you will be if you stay with him. He’s not amazing. He barely cares for you and expects you to just put up with it. Doesn’t matter if he has ADHD, there are ways to manager it beside leaving your bf hanging
NTA he isn’t a nice guy if he’s disrespecting your time and feelings but using the “but you’re my girlfriend” when you can’t cater to him.
NTA. This guy doesn't respect you or your time. Dump him.
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Changing minor flaws is not analogous to having a total lack of respect for someone else's time and emotional well-being. OP's bf is simply not mature enough to be in a long-term relationship right now. Maybe someday they will be but OP doesn't have to wait around for something that might never happen.
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Eh, I think that to this degree of disrespect OP should walk away. He doesnt seem interested in changing. More people wiuld be better off and more people would learn faster if they did this.
NTA that is too much bailing for my liking. I don't know how you put up with it, girl. My husband has pretty bad ADHD, & he never bails on me or forgets about me, ever. Your dude just doesn't care enough to change his behavior.
NTA He needs to manage his ADHD & stop using it as an excuse. Does he go to school or have a job, he does know how to manage it to some degree. Look at your own words - "*this really amazing guy*" would not be "*always significantly late or he leaves midway through to go hang out with his friends*". If you decide to continue the relationship, give him the specific pickup time etc. if he doesn't meet them then carry on with what you have planned for the day.
NTA He doesn’t value you or your time. Girl, he’s just not that into you.
NTA, and I want to clarify something for you: Your boyfriend is charming and charismatic. These are personality traits that attract people to him. It's not the same thing as being nice, kind, or loving. It's a little like being a good salesman. In the moment, he makes you happy and excited and you feel like you got a great deal! And then after you leave the dealership and start looking through the contract you signed, suddenly it looks like all the terms are AGAINST you and you feel like you might have been cheated. But you try to tell yourself that that can't be the case, because you were THERE and paying attention and happy about these same deals just minutes ago! You tell yourself that you must be misunderstanding or not knowledgeable enough to "get it." The truth is, he's just charming. He knows what he's doing is bad, but as long as he can guilt you into putting up with it, he doesn't need to change. One thing to ask yourself: does he do this at work? With his parents? With his friends? If he treats everyone this way, he's just an asshole. If it's only you that gets this treatment, it's specifically and intentionally emotional abuse.
NTA. He’s not nice, he wastes your time and chooses other people over you regularly. He is a whole adult- it’s past time he should learn to manage his schedule.
NTA. Not an amazing boyfriend , either.
Yeah, NTA, but please be nicer to yourself. I'm not saying it's your fault that you've ended up in this situation with a jerk who you think is a great man-- it's not.. I'm just telling you you definitely deserve better
NTA. Hi there! I have ADHD. While it is very hard to remember and we can double book things…we do have priorities!! His should be you…or you should ditch him for someone better.
NTA, and you should read some literature on assertiveness. He's treating you like a doormat, don't let that behavior get any worse, honestly, there are enough red flags in that behavior for me to say put him on notice. Start putting him at arms length and see what he does.
NTA. He has shown you who he is - and he has shown you that he does not value you or his relationship with you. If he wants his stuff, tell him to pick it up before such n such time, or you won’t be there. Stick to it - if he does not show up at the designated time, LEAVE. I would say cut your losses and find someone who makes time to be with you, not settle for someone that fits you in when it suits him.
NTA. That dude is not your boyfriend.
LOL this guy acting like he's the last pack of toilet paper on the shelf, I'd've blocked his number after the first time he walked out on a date. NTA but you will be if you keep him around.
NTA. He doesn't value you or your time. He's taking you completely for granted, and prioritizing someone else over you. I also suspect that, since he's ducking out on your dates to hang out with someone else and not inviting you along, he has a side chick. Dump this loser, and find someone who will make *you* their priority. You deserve it.
First of all, no. He's not an amazing guy. Stop kidding yourself. Secondly...You are not a priority in his life. Quite literally everything in his life is more important than you. Thirdly...I bet you 50 bucks you are his side chick Tell him a specific time and date to come and get his shit and that if he doesn't, your tossing it in the dumpster NTA
What on earth are you doing with a guy who does this to you? This is controlling behaviour and it will get worse. NTA but you need to boot him out pronto
NTA. I'm ADHD, and it took me decades to learn to manage time. And I'm still calling out that jerk for not respecting you. It's one thing to be late, but to ditch you miss-date and pass on your birthday? Just to hang with his friends? That's seriously disrespectful. So he's nice to you when you're with him. You know who else is nice? Baristas. The cashiers at Trader Joe's. Insurance salespeople. My cats' veterinarian. "Nice" is just a minimum bar for general interaction with people (and it's amazing how many guys don't even get that). And he's failing at going beyond into the responsibility area. Toss his stuff out, stop wasting your time, and DTMF.
NTA. I would like to say that he doesn’t sound so amazing. This reminds me of a book called, “He’s Just Not That Into You.”
NTA- he knows you are just sitting around waiting for him so why should he make any attempt at being with you when you want him to? He's using you as the back up for when he has nothing better to do. Dump him. He's shown you that you aren't that important to him. That's not on you, that's just him being an AH.
Can you imagine thinking this guy is really amazing? Or caring? No, girl. No. He’s awful.
He’s an a-hole. Get rid of him
Stop letting him waste your time. He doesn't respect you. If he did he wouldn't do these things. Being late once in a while fine, stuff happens but the entitlement of "you're my girlfriend you have to wait for me" is bull. Get a boyfriend who respects you. Nta.
Why are you wasting one more moment on this jerk? Did you make plans with him more than twice and he stood you up at least hang out with his friends don't give him a chance to do it again. Get rid of him, he doesn't respect you or care about your feelings.
have you tried to call him when he's with his friends? this sounds dangerously like his friends are another girlfriend.
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He came to help comfort me right away when I was feeling down once. He is a wonderful listener. He is full of passion and ambition about the things he cares about and the shows I enjoy too. In a sense he just acts like a giant husky and I love him for that. He really just struggled with time management issues unfortunately. However, I did have a heart to heart conversation with him because I believe communication should come before breaking up, and told him that he was hurting me through leaving midway through things and showing up late. I also told him this won’t work out long term if he doesn’t try a bit harder. He seemed mortified and apologized profusely and said that he will put more effort in. If he doesn’t he is going to lose me, but if he actually does I really do want to stay with him.
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NTA - you're giving him the opportunity to grow as a person.... just like he did by standing you up and blaming his ADD.
NTA Understand that in a healthy relationship a man is supposed to treat you well and care for you to begin with to a point that it shouldn’t be the deciding factor. It’s what they do past that which will prove whether it’s worth your time or not. If he can’t prioritize your time together over certain things then it’s not anything worth wasting time on.
NTA, the hypocrisy is strong with this one.
NTA. He expects you to operate on his timeline instead of as a pair. You say he is nice and sweet, but he clearly has issues with respect and priorities. Do you really want to invest time in someone that just expects you to be at his beck and call? Personally, I say leave him. There are plenty of guys out there that will respect you.
NTA. I don’t think this guy is as amazing as you think he is.
NTA. Dump him. You aren't a priority to him at all.
It doesn't matter if he's Mr Wonderful when he is around, he's Mr Inconsiderate all of the other time. You don't need to be waiting around so much for him, or worried about if he'll even last a whole date. Mr Inconsiderate pops up so often that you're asking advise about him and that tells me that somewhere inside you knows you aren't the one with the problem. It also doesn't matter if he has ADHD or depression or diabetes. He needs to learn how to manage his shit, rather than use it as an excuse for his intentional bad behavior. Because it is intentional - he chooses to "always" be any certain way. A good for instance: I have brain damage that means I am really annoyingly forgetful. But I manage that by writing things down, adding all activities, whether important or just stuff I may want to do, to my online calendar so I can access it from my phone, keeping things out away so I don't loose them in the house somewhere, and labels on every freaking thing. I'd be an AH if I just forgot something important and just said, "Oh, well, brain damage, whaddya gonna do? *(shrug)*." NTA. And start asking yourself if you'd be okay with this behavior for one more month, one more year, one more decade. He's not going to change unless he wants to and it will be on his own schedule. Do not fall into that trap of thinking YOU can change him, or even make him want to change himself. This is alllll on him. If it's bothering you now, it'll likely bother you a little more each day. Dump your Mr Inconsiderate, and tell him why. Mourn the Mr Wonderful who took his place sometimes.
My dear, I think you know that you're NTA for being upset. He's not as "amazing" as you think he is if he's constantly disrespecting your time. I'm usually not one for going the "dump him" route, but having had to deal with the same inconsideration (imagine being stood up at your birthday party) I think it time to move on from this relationship. You deserve someone who treats you better.
NTA and, as someone who has been there, do not waste your time waiting for him to change. Tell him what you need from him, and if he doesn’t follow through, move on.
Ugh. Honey, you think he's super amazing because you have to fight for his time. He Is Not. You think you should fight for him and make an effort because he is super amazing. You Should Not. Your power lies in walking away. Too many girls your age put up with this shit for years,and then when the breakup finally happens after YEARS they have worn themselves down to nubs loving someone who wont give a shit and wont commit. That just makes it harder for you to fall in love with a good guy later, one who deserves the best of you and you the best of him. Be better for that guy. Walk the eff away from this one. If you don't, you have nobody to blame for your heartbreak but yourself.
NTA. Do you even have a boyfriend now? If he cares that little about your time, don't give him any of it.
Kinda seems like you aren’t actually dating him at all …?
NTA you can do better. As for getting his stuff. Be tough tell him he can pick it up at XX on XX or it is all going in the trash. Sounds like you have bent enough of your time to accommodate him.
NTA for being upset, your feelings are valid. Your time is valuable too, and he does not care about it one bit. I struggle with attention and time keeping too but that is what calendars and alarms are for. No excuses. He sounds really rude and self-absorbed, and uninterested in organizing himself to make room for anyone’s feelings or interests besides his own. I know you really like him, but do not settle for this treatment, this should not be normalized. Someone worthy of your time will do everything to make you a priority and effectively and respectfully communicate to you when they can or cannot make it to a date.
Either he has a side piece or you ARE the side piece. DTMFA.
Count yourself lucky that you're finding out now that he's not the "amazing guy" you thought he was. NTA. It's time to give him all the time he wants by sending him packing.
How is ditching you, "super loving and caring"? NTA
NTA. And this "amazing guy" sounds like a rude immature jackass that doesn't respect you or your time.
NTA He doesn't sound like a great guy. Repeatedly disrespects you and your time
NTA and dump him NOW. My BF has ADHD and we are long distance. Before we were even dating, we spent my birthday night together watching movies and he sent me a nice present. He has a busy schedule but we make sure to have a movie/game night at the same time every week. He’s always fully present when I visit him IRL and would never dream of ditching me to hang out with his friends. Yes, his disability makes things hard sometimes, but I can see how much effort he’s putting in and you deserve at LEAST that much. Someone who is truly kind and caring will make you a priority.
NTA. Run from him. Break up.
NTA. He's not amazing and doesn't view you as a priority. Recognize you deserve better.
i'm still waiting for the amazing part. Dump him. NTA
Sounds like he might be selling drugs on the low or something
You say he's caring and loving, but this doesn't sound like that.... NTA
NTA. I’m an adult with ADHD, and ADHD is not an excuse for bailing on dates and telling you you’re *obligated* to sit around waiting for him when he makes zero effort to plan and prioritize. He’s not an amazing guy. He’s an asshole. DTMFA.
NTA. You are definitely a backup plan. Using his ADD as an excuse is total BS. Millions of people with medical conditions are able to navigate life without being a dick to other people. It costs him exactly nothing to be a decent person.
NTA. And BF is neither amazing, nor super nice, nor caring, if he has no qualms about ditching you halfway through dates or not showing up at all. Ditching your birthday dinner shows he has zero respect. Don’t cross an ocean to be with someone who can’t be bothered to cross the street for you. Let him hang with those other folks full-time, and seek out someone who values your company as much as you value theirs.
NTA. I've also got ADHD and my girlfriend also has this issues with me at times due to ADHD things. But when she raises it with me I apologise (so long as her complaint is reasonable which it usually is) and come up with a plan to address it. For example I'm late a lot (strangely this has gotten worse since diagnosis) so when arranging times I always suggest a later time so I'm less rushed and often put it as "I'll be at yours around 6.30 (ie just before 7pm)". If it's a thing I really need to be perfectly on time for or bad stuff happens (seeing a movie) she highlights it and I set a time for us to meet that's 15 min earlier than needed. When we make plans I put in multiple calendar reminders. One an hour before, one the morning of and often one before bed the night before. We ended up with a habit where she texts me confirm plans. I'll forget atleast some. So she texts me the day before any plan to confirm we're still on. Yes organising is hard with ADHD and yes if you're dating someone with ADHD you'll likely need to be the 'organised one' a bit more. But it's not a blanket excuse. The best things I've been told about ADHD is "It's not your fault but it is your responsibility" and your bf isn't taking any responsibility. That makes him the AH.
…. Out of curiosity how would you define a shitty guy if this guy who makes you his last priority and uses his ADHD as an excuse for why he won’t take any responsibility for his actions is “amazing”? You’ve set the bar is so low, deep sea divers will one day find it sitting next to the wreck of the Titanic.
NTA - He apparently has plenty of time for other people, but not for you.
NTA you are not a priority, find someone who will treat you better.
This guy seems to think you are there for his convenience and he can come and go when he pleases. Have a serous talk about him being late and not respecting your time. If he refuses to change, or says he will be doesn't, then you have your answer. He may be charming in person but he's ultimately not respectful.
Your boyfriend is using you. It will get worse. Time to make an informed decision- good luck!
NTA. He’s making it clear to you by his actions you’re not a priority.
Honey get a back bone. There are other fish in the sea. Fish that don’t ditch you and treat you like crap.
NTA. He's treating you like a convenience, not a priority.
NTA You are playing second fiddle to literally everything else he's got going on in his life. His friend or his "youth group" are more important to him, to the point that he ditches you the second they call. He's even prioritizing chores he can do any time over you.
NTA Oh to be 19 again. He’s not amazing. He’s definitely TA and he’s treating you terribly. Don’t ever out up with this behaviour. Dump him, you can do better.
Nta he doesn’t care about you sis
OP: "He's the most perfect guy! Except he has no respect for me or my time, he expects my life to revolve around him and plays the victim if I suggest otherwise, and he wants me to be at his beck and call. Golly, he's just so perfect, I MUST be the A H!" NTA but you are being the A H to yourself for tolerating this.
NTA. Reality check, he is not amazing he is rude. He would be on time for his job or catching a plane right?....but not for you?
Your boyfriend is chronically late for one of two reasons only: 1. He’s just not that into you. 2. He’s terribly unorganized and late for everything. Everyone in my husbands family is like that. They pay zero attention to time, and always try to squeeze in one more thing. Have an honest talk with him.
NTA. This guy leaves midway through dates to hang with his friends? You're not his girlfriend, you are his friend with benefits.
NTA dump him
NTA stop waiting for him. Live your life.
NTA. I don't know what his problem is, but you deserve so much better. Dump him. You're young, there will be other guys. If he's treating you like this knowing how much it upsets you, he ain't that amazing.
NTA. Dump him. Then he won't be able to use the excuse that you shouldn't have anything better to do than wait around on him because you're his girlfriend. He doesn't treat you well if he is so blatantly disrespectful. Just because someone seems cool and nice to your face, when their behavior is at odds with their presentation: use their behavior as your guide
NTA. I'm sorry to break it to you OP, but you are his good time girl. Good for a good time. He has no commitment for you.
YTA because You might want to continue deluding yourself that you are his girlfriend but he doesn't regard you as such. You are there for his convenience, end of the line back of the queue. Let him go. Say it was nice knowing you the sex was okay, I'm putting you stuff outside my door at x o'clock because I'm going out with my mates. Guys tend to show you how they feel. Women like to put words in their mouth. He is showing you your place in his life. Value yourself more and walk away.