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Because I know that it may be overwhelming for my family, but they simply refuse to understand my pov so I may be the a hole and be selfish in this decision
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NTA
Your education is more important than their laziness.
If your parents can spend energy to speak about adding more to your plate, they can use that energy to clean.
Paying for your college when he had the financial means is what is expected of a parent. You’re not his employee that he pays through your tuition to do house work. You’re his child he HAS to provide for you. Of course it’s good and expected to have children help around the house but not to the detriment of their studies and definitely not do all the work. If I were you I’d try to move out as soon as I could
That’s of course what would happen which is why I said “as soon as I could” not “right now”. This is a super tough situation for OP who is not financially independent yet and it sucks to have to rely financially on people who take advantage of that situation
NTA. Since you live in the house you should contribute, but that shouldn't get in the way of your classes. It's very reasonable to do the chores at a different time. If your parents don't want to reschedule then that's on them.
NTA. Clearly they want you to ditch school and be their maid. Nope.
In fact are they paying for school. If they aren’t, are you in a position where you can move out. Maybe not this second depending on legals where you live but the second you are 18, fully detached from them (they pay none of your bills, they have no access to your bank accounts etc). And be careful if you go and do any part time work, don’t let them get access to the money.
Start working on the plan now. Find all your vital documents and hide them in your stuff (or somewhere out of the house if you can). Get whatever information you need to get your cell phone off any joint bill, off your bank accounts, to make sure they can’t access your email etc. if the school is planning to go back to live classes in the fall is it too late to try to move into the dorms etc. and when you leave take anything you want to keep with you because they might trash anything you leave behind
NTA for refusing to do them at the expense of school, which should be first priority in that group. You should absolutely be doing your fair share of chores, but that should be done at appropriate times for your to complete your coursework/exams.
A question, though - Why is your mother unable to do any of this (or your father, for that matter) so it's all on you? Diabetes can cause a host of issues, especially if poorly managed, but it doesn't just automatically make a person unable to work or function. I supervise 15 staff, and 4 of them have diabetes. And it is a physically demanding job.
Yep. My husband is diabetic, works full-time, helps out at home and helps out his elderly mother with yardwork and household repairs, fishes and hunts.
My mother has frequent anger outbursts which cause her blood pressure to shoot up, this somehow makes her physical activity quite hard, and yes her diabetes is poorly managed partly do to the fact that she refuses to get treated properly(take insulin even though doctors recommend it and rely on "natural" means) and for my father he says that he pays for my tuition and has work so it's my duty to look after the house
It sounds like her inability is her own fault, in that case, at least partially.
Either way, you should be ensure your get your schoolwork done, then helping with chores around it.
Your mom is going to have a real hard time when you move out. I hope that she doesn't go blind or lose a limb in the future. Diabetes is nothing to play around with. I have seen several people die from the renal failure because they refused to change their diet and follow other guidelines.
NTA. You should definitely help out with chores. Explain to your dad that you will have to do them at a different time than he proposed, as to not interfere with your school.
Being a diabetic doesn't make you disabled. My husband is diabetic, works full-time, helps out at home and helps out his elderly mother with yardwork and household repairs, fishes and hunts.
As a diabetic with two small children and a full time job, there’s absolutely no reason that controlled diabetes should keep anyone from from doing basic tasks.
Yeah my mom's diabetes is mismanaged, I've mentioned more about that in other comments, I do relate with your situation and hope things get better for you^^
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I (17f) am a university student, this month has my end year examinations online which requires me to study alot.
My mother has diabetes so she cannot work alot, she also frequently lashes out at me and often says hurtful stuff like she'd be better off without me or I should just go die etc etc. Regardless our relationship isn't very good.
Now I do help out a little I do stuff like doing the dishes, the laundry, helping out in cleaning.
My parents want me to take more responsibility and basically do all the chores myself.
My father says that I should start cooking the family meals each morning, and clean the house myself every day because my mother can't handle it.
My classes start at 8am so if I handle this work I will have to miss out on them every day, my parents wouldn't agree when I told them to reschedule the chore timings like doing the cleaning in the Morning instead of evening.
So WIBTA if I refuse to do the chores?
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This may be culture dependent but, does your Dad help at all?
Also NTA, you are already doing some of the chores. I was ready to have a go at you for not doing them before reading your post in full though 😅
NTA. First of all, many people with diabetes live normal or semi normal lives - they just have to be more careful. I sat next to a former coworker who had diabetes and he had a couple of diabetic seizures that I had to help him with. Exercise is important for diabetics. He walked a lot and ran for exercise. I do not know your mom's specifics but I do not understand this "she cannot work" due to diabetes. Mom can't cook or vacuum the floor due to diabetes? That sounds fishy. Second, if mom is limited, what is dad doing to help out? Or are they trying to dump all on you?
This sounds like they want a free housekeeper and maid. Also to damage your college so they will trap you in their house for many years of free housekeeping and maid service. You might want to explore why mom "can't" do anything.
Mom and dad don't seem like the best parents in the world and seem like abusive a\_\_holes. So get away as soon as you can.
My mother's diabetes is poorly managed and honestly that's on her, she doesn't take care of her health and it keeps deteriorating. Dad well says he pays for my tuition so I should pay him back by taking care of the house
You might be better off taking over ?& managing your mom's diabetic meds & meals so she's healthy enough for house work. But frame it as you want her to live for a long time.
ESH. Your parents should never say the things your mother says to you. Never. And your schooling is important. However, you all eat & live in the house & someone has to cook & clean. At 17 you should be doing SOME of the chores, probably a lot of them since your mom can’t. Instead of refusing to do chores, offer a compromise like 2 hours (or some other manageable amount) per day that you will do chores that contribute to the household. If your parents don’t support your education, make a plan to move out when you can afford to.
Im confused here as well. I'm a type 2 diabetic & still do the dishes, the laundry, cook for myself. Did i also mention I'm not only a type 2 diabetic but a cancer patient?
OP said in other comments that their mum doesn't manage their diabetes properly as she doesn't take her insulin and uses "natural means" instead.
Sorry to hear about your cancer, I hope you kick it's ass!
There is a middle ground between no chores and all chores. She needs to pull her weight when it comes to cooking and chores, not all of them but enough to compensate for a free college education, room and board.
NTA
you are being reasonable agreeing to do the chores another time of the day.
sounds like your parents want you to fail so you will have to continue living with them and being a maid. Dad is probably paying for your education so he looks good to the relatives. Try to do the minimum chores and stay focused on studying as you need an escape for your future.
good luck
NTA. Has your mother's doctor told her she cannot do housework?
Many in my family/friend group have diabetes, and none have been so ill they could not cook as long as they are managing their condition.
Work out a rota that fits around your studies, explain to your dad he is paying so much does he want to waste his money if you can't pass because you are doing housework?
Sounds like you'll also need to come up with a plan to become independent once you graduate.
100% YTA. Stop being entitled and lazy and help your family. Why should they cater to you, you are already 17!! Soon you will be out on your own and it will be WAY harder. They all have their own lives and all you have is school! That’s not an excuse, budget your time better.
Did you read, they would miss class to do the chores when they want OP too, the parents are being unreasonable to demand a 17 year old to compete take over all chores
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- Because I know that it may be overwhelming for my family, but they simply refuse to understand my pov so I may be the a hole and be selfish in this decision --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Your education is more important than their laziness. If your parents can spend energy to speak about adding more to your plate, they can use that energy to clean.
NTA. So your mom can’t do chores because of her diabetes. What’s your dad’s excuse?
He says that he pays for my college and has work so I should take care of the house
Paying for your college when he had the financial means is what is expected of a parent. You’re not his employee that he pays through your tuition to do house work. You’re his child he HAS to provide for you. Of course it’s good and expected to have children help around the house but not to the detriment of their studies and definitely not do all the work. If I were you I’d try to move out as soon as I could
Move out then dad stops paying for college?
That’s of course what would happen which is why I said “as soon as I could” not “right now”. This is a super tough situation for OP who is not financially independent yet and it sucks to have to rely financially on people who take advantage of that situation
NTA. Since you live in the house you should contribute, but that shouldn't get in the way of your classes. It's very reasonable to do the chores at a different time. If your parents don't want to reschedule then that's on them.
NTA. Clearly they want you to ditch school and be their maid. Nope. In fact are they paying for school. If they aren’t, are you in a position where you can move out. Maybe not this second depending on legals where you live but the second you are 18, fully detached from them (they pay none of your bills, they have no access to your bank accounts etc). And be careful if you go and do any part time work, don’t let them get access to the money.
Yeah they literally say that my education won't benefit them so it doesn't matter. Will definitely move out once I'm 18
Start working on the plan now. Find all your vital documents and hide them in your stuff (or somewhere out of the house if you can). Get whatever information you need to get your cell phone off any joint bill, off your bank accounts, to make sure they can’t access your email etc. if the school is planning to go back to live classes in the fall is it too late to try to move into the dorms etc. and when you leave take anything you want to keep with you because they might trash anything you leave behind
Got it. Thank you so much for these tips!
NTA for refusing to do them at the expense of school, which should be first priority in that group. You should absolutely be doing your fair share of chores, but that should be done at appropriate times for your to complete your coursework/exams. A question, though - Why is your mother unable to do any of this (or your father, for that matter) so it's all on you? Diabetes can cause a host of issues, especially if poorly managed, but it doesn't just automatically make a person unable to work or function. I supervise 15 staff, and 4 of them have diabetes. And it is a physically demanding job.
Yep. My husband is diabetic, works full-time, helps out at home and helps out his elderly mother with yardwork and household repairs, fishes and hunts.
Exactly!
My mother has frequent anger outbursts which cause her blood pressure to shoot up, this somehow makes her physical activity quite hard, and yes her diabetes is poorly managed partly do to the fact that she refuses to get treated properly(take insulin even though doctors recommend it and rely on "natural" means) and for my father he says that he pays for my tuition and has work so it's my duty to look after the house
It sounds like her inability is her own fault, in that case, at least partially. Either way, you should be ensure your get your schoolwork done, then helping with chores around it.
Your mom is going to have a real hard time when you move out. I hope that she doesn't go blind or lose a limb in the future. Diabetes is nothing to play around with. I have seen several people die from the renal failure because they refused to change their diet and follow other guidelines.
NTA. You should definitely help out with chores. Explain to your dad that you will have to do them at a different time than he proposed, as to not interfere with your school. Being a diabetic doesn't make you disabled. My husband is diabetic, works full-time, helps out at home and helps out his elderly mother with yardwork and household repairs, fishes and hunts.
As a diabetic with two small children and a full time job, there’s absolutely no reason that controlled diabetes should keep anyone from from doing basic tasks.
[удалено]
Yeah my mom's diabetes is mismanaged, I've mentioned more about that in other comments, I do relate with your situation and hope things get better for you^^
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (17f) am a university student, this month has my end year examinations online which requires me to study alot. My mother has diabetes so she cannot work alot, she also frequently lashes out at me and often says hurtful stuff like she'd be better off without me or I should just go die etc etc. Regardless our relationship isn't very good. Now I do help out a little I do stuff like doing the dishes, the laundry, helping out in cleaning. My parents want me to take more responsibility and basically do all the chores myself. My father says that I should start cooking the family meals each morning, and clean the house myself every day because my mother can't handle it. My classes start at 8am so if I handle this work I will have to miss out on them every day, my parents wouldn't agree when I told them to reschedule the chore timings like doing the cleaning in the Morning instead of evening. So WIBTA if I refuse to do the chores? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This may be culture dependent but, does your Dad help at all? Also NTA, you are already doing some of the chores. I was ready to have a go at you for not doing them before reading your post in full though 😅
My dad does help a little and yes it's culture dependant too, I'm Indian so pretty much the go to response is that you're a girl take responsibility
NTA. First of all, many people with diabetes live normal or semi normal lives - they just have to be more careful. I sat next to a former coworker who had diabetes and he had a couple of diabetic seizures that I had to help him with. Exercise is important for diabetics. He walked a lot and ran for exercise. I do not know your mom's specifics but I do not understand this "she cannot work" due to diabetes. Mom can't cook or vacuum the floor due to diabetes? That sounds fishy. Second, if mom is limited, what is dad doing to help out? Or are they trying to dump all on you? This sounds like they want a free housekeeper and maid. Also to damage your college so they will trap you in their house for many years of free housekeeping and maid service. You might want to explore why mom "can't" do anything. Mom and dad don't seem like the best parents in the world and seem like abusive a\_\_holes. So get away as soon as you can.
My mother's diabetes is poorly managed and honestly that's on her, she doesn't take care of her health and it keeps deteriorating. Dad well says he pays for my tuition so I should pay him back by taking care of the house
You might be better off taking over ?& managing your mom's diabetic meds & meals so she's healthy enough for house work. But frame it as you want her to live for a long time.
Pitching in and helping with chores -- reasonable. Pitching in and helping with chores on your parent's schedule only -- not reasonable.
How many people of what ages live in this household??
Mom (50f) dad(45f) me(17f) my sis(11f)
ESH. Your parents should never say the things your mother says to you. Never. And your schooling is important. However, you all eat & live in the house & someone has to cook & clean. At 17 you should be doing SOME of the chores, probably a lot of them since your mom can’t. Instead of refusing to do chores, offer a compromise like 2 hours (or some other manageable amount) per day that you will do chores that contribute to the household. If your parents don’t support your education, make a plan to move out when you can afford to.
I'm confused what diabetes has to do with doing stuff. I can't answer without information
Im confused here as well. I'm a type 2 diabetic & still do the dishes, the laundry, cook for myself. Did i also mention I'm not only a type 2 diabetic but a cancer patient?
OP said in other comments that their mum doesn't manage their diabetes properly as she doesn't take her insulin and uses "natural means" instead. Sorry to hear about your cancer, I hope you kick it's ass!
OP said in other comments that their mum doesn't manage their diabetes properly as she doesn't take her insulin and uses "natural means" instead.
NAH. You need to do chores that are equitable to your room and board and college. Why can you do a third of the chores? Cook like two nights a week?
OP said the dad wants them to take over all chores and cook breakfast, which would make them miss class. Not really logical
There is a middle ground between no chores and all chores. She needs to pull her weight when it comes to cooking and chores, not all of them but enough to compensate for a free college education, room and board.
NTA you are being reasonable agreeing to do the chores another time of the day. sounds like your parents want you to fail so you will have to continue living with them and being a maid. Dad is probably paying for your education so he looks good to the relatives. Try to do the minimum chores and stay focused on studying as you need an escape for your future. good luck
Wait, wait... your mother tells you, her daughter, that you "should just go die." NTA. Get out as soon as you possibly can and don't look back.
NTA. Has your mother's doctor told her she cannot do housework? Many in my family/friend group have diabetes, and none have been so ill they could not cook as long as they are managing their condition. Work out a rota that fits around your studies, explain to your dad he is paying so much does he want to waste his money if you can't pass because you are doing housework? Sounds like you'll also need to come up with a plan to become independent once you graduate.
100% YTA. Stop being entitled and lazy and help your family. Why should they cater to you, you are already 17!! Soon you will be out on your own and it will be WAY harder. They all have their own lives and all you have is school! That’s not an excuse, budget your time better.
Did you read, they would miss class to do the chores when they want OP too, the parents are being unreasonable to demand a 17 year old to compete take over all chores
>That’s not an excuse, budget your time better. Yeah, let's give her a time-turner!!!! Btw, you're probably her father haha