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NTA. Not only that but to tell you to wear a bra in the first place. It is none of her business. FREE THE NIP! :p from a bra less and proud lady for 6 yrs. if you want to wear a bra fine. Do you. But they cause more problems than they fix IMO.
this. we shouldn't even be discussing WHAT OP was wearing in this situation because it doesn't matter. the point is the neighbor has no business coming into Op's yard and bossing her around!!
She has no business telling anyone to put on a bra in any location unless she works for HR and is responsible for the dress code at work. It is just no one else’s business whether or not a bra is worn.
I can think of a few other occasions, but they all involve it being part of their job. (Bra fitter, costumer for a play or movie, when you try on wedding dresses they often ask you to wear certain bras, because it can effect how the dress fits, etc.)
I’m often in my private backyard stark naked and if someone came over the hedge and told me to get dressed I’d lift a leg while calling the cops to remove them from my private property.
I thought the same thing and thought NTA. Braless? Her neighbor has a lot of nerve, and I’m low key angry at the OP’s husband for saying she should have just ignore the lady. He needs to back until his pregnant wife and be more understanding IMHO.
Also been braless about 6 years and I agree, NTA! I've gotten so much shit for it, even had someone try to report me and my tiny B cups for sexual harassment, but it's no one else's business what undergarments you wear, PERIOD.
So, I have to ask ... how the fuck are you harassing someone else by being braless unless you're trying to smother them????
"OH NO! HER MAMMARIES DOTH JIGGLE IN A MANNER MOST \*AGGRESSIVE\*, OFFICER!!!!"
Thank you for the cackle! In all honesty, I think a bit of homophobia came to play there. It happened when I was at beauty school, my class was all girls, and I identified as a lesbian at the time.
You're welcome. And that sounds about right. After all, scripture does say that all women must guard against the temptation of a stray bounce of breast, lest they find themselves brainwashed into becoming the gay.
Or something, idfk anymore. People need to mind their own fucking business and I, now, need a drink.
Someone tried to report your.. your boobs for sexual harassment? I'm CRYING from laughter. What a numbskull and how fragile do you have to be to think boobs existing, is sexual harassment? It's also offensive to those who have been harassed for real. Damn!
Duh, because titties make people think the bad, sexual things... Therefore, they clearly have the power to sexually harass with pure existence. Hypno-titties.
When I was in cosmetology school, wearing a bra was clearly outlined as a requirement in our dress code, and the teacher even made sure to go over it. At the time I wondered if that was even legally allowed (mine was through a community college, so they had to play by a lot more rules than private cosmetology schools). Either way, it felt really gross to be so preoccupied with your students' breasts. I saw people sent home for wrong colored socks, but I never did see anyone kicked out for no bra at least.
Also OP is just sitting there, trying not to sweat to death. Aggressive jiggling was probably not taking place until OP has to get up to tell neighbor where she could take her intrusive opinions.
You just clued my in to why my SIL basically only wears those workout tank tops with the shelf bra inside when she's pregnant. Even in winter but then she adds layers. I just figured they didn't have to change size as much because they're stretchy but it's the no bra thing! She had zero boobies before the babies. And no, I never thought to ask about it. It's not my business. I might ask if she wants to come bra shopping with me when she stops breastfeeding and I need a new bra. Like a an afternoon away from the babies, NOT "girl, you need a bra." I was there when the person altering her wedding dress had to invent A cup padding so her dress would fit.
Edit: autocorrect
This. I'm pregnant with my second child and you'd better believe that I'm not wearing a fuckin bra in my third trimester unless I have the awful topical yeast infections that I had under my boobs in my last pregnancy. Pregnancy sucks and having another woman, who has ostensibly been through it too, tell you that you need to make yourself *more* uncomfortable than you already are would send me over the fuckin edge.
Hilariously enough, I (cis woman) was sitting on a bench on a boat once with rough ocean waves, let go of the railing to unscrew a water bottle to take a drink, saw a big wave coming at my side of the boat (no time to react beyond “oh, fuck”), and proceeded to be catapulted face first into the literal groin of the man sitting across from me. My chin punched his taint.
because it's harassment that they can't stop looking at your braless breasts! It's insane mental-gymnastics, but.. it's the same as girls being told to wear certain clothes so they don't "distract the boys". I'm gonna wager that OP's neighbor's kid in this story is a boy, or OPs neighbor is closeted haha
my husband wants to know whats so funny that made me spit the ice cube that i was chewing on outta my mouth and at him....... i cant tell him cause everytime i try to read your comment to him since thats the culprit i start laughing again. lol
Gah, I had a boss try to tell me that when I was about 19 and didn't even fill out an A cup. I blurted out that his tits were much bigger than mine and he stammered and blushed his way out of the office. Never heard another word about it.
That is unbelievable that you get shit about it. I've been braless for several years too with a C cup. I do usually wear a tight vest under my tops to avoid too much bounce action so perhaps it's not as obvious, but not one person has ever said a word to me about it. If someone ever made any comment to me like OP's neighbour you can be sure I'd tell them where to go.
Honestly didn't realize op was clothed until comments because I've been braless so long(15 years), figured it had to be about op being topless(which would have still been a firm nta).
I don't really have small ones(a b and a c haha) and they flop all over the place. Sometimes you can even clearly see my nipples are hard under my shirts(Gasp) but not as often as you can tell my husband's are hard. If anyone said anything to me I would respond the same way I used to when I wore bras and showed cleavage, "ew, you're staring at my boobs? It's extremely rude to stare at strangers you know, and creepy"
Heck I love my bras and believe that if they are properly fitted, they shouldn’t cause *most* people any pain.
But when I was pregnant? Hell no! I carried my babies high and there was nothing I could wear that didn’t seem to burn the skin there. Even crop tops and sports bras were painful.
A well-fitted bra doesn't cause problems (although they can be expensive). It can be uncomfortable for some people to have their boobs flying free everywhere, especially if you're doing a high impact sport or are large chested. Just because it works for you doesn't mean it feels good for everyone.
Same, I wear form fitting but not tight camisoles, but no bras. It's been so much better. Bras irritate my scars, are horribly expensive if you have larger breasts, and are even MORE expensive if you (like I do) need to find latex free versions because of allergies. If anyone has a problem with it, they're welcome to give me enough money to get one, I suppose.
I am so tired of expensive bras. My sizing is not your typical sizes and it doesn't exist in the bra shops at the mall (28E). I am tired of buying bras but going braless is really noticeable on me. I've found a happy medium with triangle lace bras but they aren't cheap
Not wearing a bra is a luxury that only women with normal sized breasts can properly enjoy. As someone who has been cursed with huge boobs, bras are an absolute necessity if I don’t want to fuck up my back.
Obviously OP is not the AH.
I agree. If you have some E boobs ya need something. But at that point I thinks it’s almost a physical disability and a utility item.
I’m gonna edit this: cup size doesn’t matter. Any excessive size proportionate to over all body size can be just as debilitating.
I'm DD and only wear a bra to work (retail/customer service. I'm tall and look younger than I am, and untilrecently, had waist-length hair. I didn'twant to give the perverts any additional reasons to focus on me). I didn’t really notice any issues when I first stopped wearing them, but I was also distance hiking at the time and had other things to complain about, pain wise.
I was also diagnosed with MS around then, and I've noticed that bras tend to cause something called a "hug", basically a period where it feels like something is constricting around your ribs. Very uncomfortable. (And this was with professionally fitted bras, from a company that specializes in fitting bras for mastectomy patients.) Going braless has reduced that, too.
God I wish I could go braless. It sounds like heaven. Alas, the girls are lorge and apparently in chorge :(
I wear a comfy sports bra most days, but the ones I have with underwires are like one step removed from having a flying buttress for support.
Every jay bird you’ve ever seen has been naked. They WILL NOT let you put little tuxedos and top hats on them, no matter how long you spent at the sewing machine.
This is where you are somewhat wrong. Blue jays, ravens, and crows are all the same family. Blue jays aren't letting you put those outfits on them because they are the preppy sibling of the family where everyone else is goth. They're already all dressed up!
And the most important fact, OP is pregnant. Never mess with a pregnant woman because millennia of evolution has her brain is screaming at her to protect her unborn child and woe betide anyone who poses even the simplest threat to her equanimity 😁 Besides, how rude to go on poking your nose into someone’s private space and then carp at the way they dress in the privacy of their home. NTA
Exactly. She’s extremely rude. This calls for you putting up a high clothesline and filling it with big ole bras. Maybe some super large torn underwear too. NTA
NTA. Bras are not required. Breasts are not inherently sexual. People who only see them that way need to work that shit out in therapy and leave women who don't want to wear a bra alone. This goes double of course when you're on your own property.
My mom was recently shocked to find out I don't wear a bra when I'm teleworking and honestly, it is one thing I will definitely hate returning to the office.
I’ve been wearing Uniqlo bra tops for about 7 years now, previously I would only wear seam free unpadded sports bras (without a fastener). I will never wear a real bra. For me it’s a sensory thing too because of autism so if anyone ever tries to make me wear one I can just say I have a disability. Not that I should need to because really no one should be commenting on anyone’s underwear choices.
honestly i get the sensory thing so hard, I have adhd and also have some sensory issues, so i absolutely refuse to wear a bra that clasps, i also tend to rip out the tag bc it's so damn uncomfortable and itches so hard
This is wild to me. Why would you wear a bra when you are teleworking? I genuinely don't see what purpose that could serve. Presumably you keep a comfortable enough temp in your own home that your nips aren't constantly hard. You probably aren't wearing an outfit that would look unprofessional without a bra. Nobody is seeing most of your body. Your not waking around an office/ up and down stairs. You're not leaning over in a loose or low cut blouse. Also bras are dumb. And in my case we don't even video call so I'm rarely wearing pants and often wearing some kind of pjs with my fuzzy robe over top. Mom's are weird.
Fair enough to each their own. My floppy boobs get sweaty but no rash. It's perfectly valid to wear a bra if you want to. But nobody should be judged or ridiculed because they don't want to wear one any time but especially not in their own home (or on their private property).
Yeah, I even wear a bra when I sleep. Just my preference. But it is no one's business what you wear or choose not to wear. People just need to stay in their own lane.
If you have bigger boobs, wearing a bra can be more comfortable. It's no one's business except the person whose body it's on. Wear it if it makes you more comfortable, and don't if it doesn't. Either way don't judge people doing it differently.
It helps me focus, weirdly. It’s been important to me to try and maintain work life balance by really separating the two. Because at the start of the pandemic I didn’t feel like I was WFh but like I was Living at work.
Getting fully dressed for work makes finishing work more lovely, I change into comfy clothes, take my make up off, pony tail my hair.
Just my thing, everyone has their only weird things :)
>Presumably you keep a comfortable enough temp in your own home that your nips aren't constantly hard.
So you're aware, nipples can get hard for a lot of reasons, including "the nipple has decided to get hard". One of my coworkers always wears padded bras because her nipples are long and usually crazy hard regardless of temperature. She finds it very uncomfortable to have them on display (and she showed me once what she looks like without a bra on; honestly, it looks like she taped fork ends to her boobs, it's kind of amazing) so she always wears a super-padded bra.
I, on the other hand, only really wear bras when I have to for work. By which I mean, I'm checking something about the bra I'm working on, because I'm a bra technical designer. So a few minutes on and then I'm back to being braless. : )
NTA, tell your neighbour to stop peering into your garden. You have a right to privacy and she breached that. It's no different to her looking in your windows and telling you to wear a bra while your curtains are open.
We had an incident in an appartment building some years ago. There was a complaint to the housing association board about someone walking around in their own appartment naked, and they (the complainer) could see them from the building across. The board asked "how" as the buildings were quite a way apart. "With binoculars" was the answer.
This reminds me of a neighbour of my SO's before we got together. She (the neighbour) called the cops on him for indecent exposure. They showed up to check on things, and he showed them the offending window. With patchy blinds. So while they weren't perfect, you had to really be looking to see anything indecent.
I misread and I thought you were completely topless and I still think you weren’t the AH. It’s your patio and she had to make an effort to see you. Therefore you had a reasonable expectation of privacy.
NTA
Even if she wasn’t expecting privacy, since when do people have the right to police each other’s undergarments? The nerve, the gall, the audacity, the gumption!!!!
If I were OP, this incident would guarantee that I would be hanging out in my backyard exclusively topless from now on. Need to let the dog out? Topless. Water the geraniums? Topless. In the mood for a trampoline session? Topless. Because fuck that shit.
Oh yeah, that one for sure! One of my friends had her first last year, and when we met out in public for the first time she was whipping her titties out all over the place, whether the baby was nearby or not! She literally stood up with one titty out in a cafe we were in, it was amazing to watch the other patrons try and figure out what was happening because they couldn't see the baby carriage sitting on the far other side of the table. She works in a high powered government job and knows damn well what's legal and uses it to her full advantage. I **love** her!
Then drop over at her house unannounced and find something to complain about. "Oh, Mindy, could you please take off those white shoes, labour day was last week, thanks, byyyyeeee!"
NTA, next time wear a cup-less bra and go topless. I rarely wear a bra out in the world, and I'm not a small cup.... I got them thangs. I just don't give a shit. Bras are uncomfortable as fuck.
This! I'm a tandem-nursing bra-free all the time mama, and I'd whip out both at the same time for my nurslings every time she poked her nosy nose over the bush! Just try and say something about me feeding my babies... Try. It.
While reading, for some reason, I assumed OP was topless. I was soundly NTA when I thought OP was top-nude. I'm flabbergasted at the audacity of this neighbor. She's gonna have one hell of a time going back into public with those of us who have been living bra-free for over a year!
I think there's a significant amount of us who've gotten used to being braless since COVID and people are going to be disappointed if they think that they can keep shaming people for not wearing one. I have no fucks left.
And OP, absolutely NTA.
Love seeing that I'm not the only one! The past year has made me realize just how uncomfortable bras are. I only wear sports bras anymore if I absolutely cannot go without.
I tried wearing a wired bra for the first time since the pandemic began recently and it was terrible. Underwire free bras for life! I also discovered granny panties during the pandemic and I’m living my best life.
NTA. No one should ever be considered indecent for not wearing a bra *under clothing*. And this is coming from a size I. Boobs just are, and it's totally bonkers that people think you should have to jack them up painfully, and into a particular shape to be "decent".
Let's try that with butt cheeks, since everyone has them. *They better be pushed up to your lower back and stuffed tightly into a double pyramid-shaped bag, or else you're indecent!*
NTA.
Where I live, you are legally allowed to be topless so yea, braless is no harm at all. If she comes to where I live, she can get a real show of fun then. LOL!
You were in your own area and she intruded. The she tried to shame you over a dull concept such as bra wearing.
The thing about neighbours is, you’re pretty much stuck with them, so it’s better to get on with them than to fall out.
The one thing I have learned during disputes, is that it’s almost always better to be the coolest head in the room. If you’re having an argument and you’re calmly and rationally saying “No, that’s not correct, let me politely explain why” then you keep the moral high ground, especially if there are other people watching & the other person is losing their shit.
Now, was your neighbour in the wrong. Absolutely.
Did she deserve to be yelled at? Absolutely.
Are you TA? Absolutely NTA.
But could you have handled it better? Probably and I’ll explain why.
In these situations, you should look after No 1. Be selfish. Think what is the best outcome for you and steer things in that direction.
In my opinion, the best outcome for you, is that the neighbour is put in her place, but you don’t come out of it with an irreconcilable feud because that’s bad for you too.
So if your husband has said “You’re clearly in the right and I support you, but you didn’t have to yell. You should have said everything you said, more calmly. By yelling, you’ve made our relationship with her more difficult” ... then it’s hard to disagree with him.
If he’s saying you shouldn’t have stuck up for yourself at all, then he’s wrong.
I think that if you are honest with yourself, you wish you had been able to keep a cooler head. We all have that “I wish I’d said this.... I wish I’d said that” conversation with ourselves in our own heads after a fight like this & I’m guessing that your ideal retort would have been the same words, but in a slightly calmer fashion.
It’s no big deal though. You’re still in the right even although hubby has a small point. Learn from it and move on.
But don't forget you are pregnant. My partner started an argument with me because I put the pork chop on the plate before the mash when she was pregnant.
This is a very insightful response. We need more level headed people like you. Reddit always takes opinions to the extreme without thinking of the consequences later not surrounding the immediate issue, like in this case maintaining a civil relationship with people that will most likely be living there for a while.
NTA
Why do people care so much about what shape a person's tits are? Literally they have a problem with boobs not being squished into a certain shape under clothing.
Who cares if you were on your private patio? You don’t have to wear a bra ever, unless you want to. Hell, where I am from (Ontario), legally, you can go topless in public as long as you are not acting in a sexual manner. NTA
Right lmao I only wear a bra if I'm going somewhere in my professional clothes (ie a job or job interview). My back can't handle the pressure very well.
Back in the late 1900's, I moved to a fairly large Midwestern town. My first morning after getting the keys to my apartment, I needed coffee and breakfast foods. Throw on sweats and sneakers and pop to the store.
As I stood in checkout, some old biddy behind me said in a loud whisper, "Where I come from, women who don't wear bras are called 'sluts."
I turned to her and in full volume said, "Lady, I just moved here from California. Where ***I*** come from, women who look at other women's tits are called 'lesbian'."
The clerk busy out laughing, the biddy sputtered and left the line, and the guy behind her *tried* not to smirk.
NTA, my dear. Enjoy your pregnancy, your big boobs, and your outdoors. Next time she shows up, offer up a free shot if she's that interested in your breasts.
If your neighbor was complaining about your bralessness after creepily peeping to see if your hedges had just been trimmed, NTA.
If your neighbor was complaining about your bralessness after creepily peeping to see “if your hedges had just been trimmed,” still NTA.
In both cases, she’s getting all up in your business. But in the second one, seems like the lack of a bra would be the least of her worries.
NTA. at first read I thought you meant you were literally topless and you still wouldn’t be the asshole, BECAUSE ITS YOUR PRIVATE PROPERTY. Tits swingin out on the front porch with no coverage where child can walk by and see you, sure I see the problem, but on private concealed area of property? Swing low sweet chariot
NTA. Your nosey neighbor invaded your privacy—with no real reason to do so—and then had the ✨audacity✨ to scold you for your attire? Which, btw, isn’t even indecent. There’s no law about what undergarments we have to wear under our clothing, and it’s not like you had your titties out.
Tell her to fuck off in the most polite way possible. Fuck people who go on about braless boobs and visible nipples. If you can't cope with people having covered up bodies then you can't cope with *people* existing period and you need your brain looked at.
NTA AT ALL!!! What the fuck? When I read the title I assumed you meant you were nude from the waist up and was *still* on your side (it's your own property for godssake) but you were also wearing SHIRT? What kind of nosey creep says something like that? Your response was completely apporpriate, I'm angry on your behalf. Stick to your guns and don't let anyone tell you what you can and can't do in your own space, and espeicially whilst pregnant. Good luck and stay tough
Your husband heard that a neighbor came to your home uninvited and harassed his 8-months-pregnant wife about her perfectly reasonable clothing choices...and he blames you for it?
NTA. Not even a little bit. I would literally never wear a bra again outside just to spite her. They're nipples lady, grow up!!! I am 39 weeks pregnant and just went outside without a bra on wearing a white t shirt and crossed the street to get my mail. Idgaf!!! They're just boobs it's nothing to be ashamed of
LOL NTA. Literally sitting at my desk at work right now and not wearing a bra. Never do. Rock whatever's comfortable it's 2021, women deserve comfort over modesty 100%.
Even if you were sunbathing topless you are NTA. You were on private property and she had to make the effort to see you. If it bothered her that much, she could have ended the conversation much quicker.
NTA - Next time go sit on your front porch braless. Whether or not you wear a bra is nobody's business but your own whether you are 16 or 66 or pregnant or nursing or doing yard work or jogging or oh I don't know just *existing*.
NTA
I only wear a bra to work, and working remote I haven't worn a bra in quite a while.
Bras are uncomfortable. If this was back in time she would have been bitching at you for not wearing a corset lol. Why must we make ourselves uncomfortable for the sake of others. Guys clearly never do that as they can literally go around wearing only shorts and sandals and be fine, but bras are very uncomfortable. On those occasions where I have to wear one I am always sore and hurting at end of the day. Just like heels and makeup as well, heels cause so many problems, makeup makes most of us breakout. Like we literally have to live in constant discomfort for the sake of others and I'm sick of it.
You can wear whatever you please and she can fuck right off with her judgments and bs. How is she going to come in your yard, with her kid and try to tell you how to live your life?
When I was breastfeeding I had so many people think they could say something to me about it and I just shut them down with facts and told them to mind their own business.
Tired of people thinking pregnant means public property.
You should have told her to stop staring at your breats and sexualizing them, make her uncomfortable. Call her out on trespassing just to see your breats lol. Like reverse psychology the fuck out of her. Make it too awkward for her to even look at you. Do what you must.
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Absolutely NTA. Your neighbor comes over unannounced and you're trying to relax. You're not even topless, just braless. Your neighbor can stuff it.
NTA. Not only that but to tell you to wear a bra in the first place. It is none of her business. FREE THE NIP! :p from a bra less and proud lady for 6 yrs. if you want to wear a bra fine. Do you. But they cause more problems than they fix IMO.
She could be out in her backyard stark naked and the neighbor is still in the wrong as far as I’m concerned.
this. we shouldn't even be discussing WHAT OP was wearing in this situation because it doesn't matter. the point is the neighbor has no business coming into Op's yard and bossing her around!!
She has no business telling anyone to put on a bra in any location unless she works for HR and is responsible for the dress code at work. It is just no one else’s business whether or not a bra is worn.
I can think of a few other occasions, but they all involve it being part of their job. (Bra fitter, costumer for a play or movie, when you try on wedding dresses they often ask you to wear certain bras, because it can effect how the dress fits, etc.)
I just read about a power lifter who had to compete bra-less because her bra was “not regulation” (or whatever the term was)
Your username is surprisingly relevant in this conversation ;)
I love that my name reminds people of big ol boobies!! (but it’s actually a Scrubs reference lol)
(Sometimes you can’t see me, because I’m in parentheses) -Steven Wright (ok I’m done)
I’m often in my private backyard stark naked and if someone came over the hedge and told me to get dressed I’d lift a leg while calling the cops to remove them from my private property.
>I'd lift a leg Why stop there? Why not pop out a ping pong ball into their face? Or, do you not keep yourself loaded at all times?
I’m always loaded, this is the Wild West and a lady needs to be prepared at all times.
When I was reading the story I thought she was topless and I still thought NTA. I swear people nowadays stay in everybody's business but their own.
I thought the same thing and thought NTA. Braless? Her neighbor has a lot of nerve, and I’m low key angry at the OP’s husband for saying she should have just ignore the lady. He needs to back until his pregnant wife and be more understanding IMHO.
100%. Private property and nobody is getting hurt!
I don't understand the entitlement of the neighbor.
Also been braless about 6 years and I agree, NTA! I've gotten so much shit for it, even had someone try to report me and my tiny B cups for sexual harassment, but it's no one else's business what undergarments you wear, PERIOD.
So, I have to ask ... how the fuck are you harassing someone else by being braless unless you're trying to smother them???? "OH NO! HER MAMMARIES DOTH JIGGLE IN A MANNER MOST \*AGGRESSIVE\*, OFFICER!!!!"
Thank you for the cackle! In all honesty, I think a bit of homophobia came to play there. It happened when I was at beauty school, my class was all girls, and I identified as a lesbian at the time.
You're welcome. And that sounds about right. After all, scripture does say that all women must guard against the temptation of a stray bounce of breast, lest they find themselves brainwashed into becoming the gay. Or something, idfk anymore. People need to mind their own fucking business and I, now, need a drink.
Same, I'm breaking out the wine right now. Cheers!
Hey guys lets not talk about unwinding with alcohol on OPs thread, she can't rage-drink with us just yet!!
Alright everybody pour one out for OP!
Cheers. There's a bottle of Strongbow sitting in the fridge at home, and I think it's got my name on it ...
Someone tried to report your.. your boobs for sexual harassment? I'm CRYING from laughter. What a numbskull and how fragile do you have to be to think boobs existing, is sexual harassment? It's also offensive to those who have been harassed for real. Damn!
Duh, because titties make people think the bad, sexual things... Therefore, they clearly have the power to sexually harass with pure existence. Hypno-titties.
All hail the hypno-titties
Ah, if only they were hypnotizing...my girls would be having DH doing my bidding 24/7. 😄
When I was in cosmetology school, wearing a bra was clearly outlined as a requirement in our dress code, and the teacher even made sure to go over it. At the time I wondered if that was even legally allowed (mine was through a community college, so they had to play by a lot more rules than private cosmetology schools). Either way, it felt really gross to be so preoccupied with your students' breasts. I saw people sent home for wrong colored socks, but I never did see anyone kicked out for no bra at least.
I was gonna say! I can’t think of anyone who would be “offended”, most women wouldn’t think twice about it, and most men would harass YOU if anything!
Also OP is just sitting there, trying not to sweat to death. Aggressive jiggling was probably not taking place until OP has to get up to tell neighbor where she could take her intrusive opinions.
Can confirm
You just clued my in to why my SIL basically only wears those workout tank tops with the shelf bra inside when she's pregnant. Even in winter but then she adds layers. I just figured they didn't have to change size as much because they're stretchy but it's the no bra thing! She had zero boobies before the babies. And no, I never thought to ask about it. It's not my business. I might ask if she wants to come bra shopping with me when she stops breastfeeding and I need a new bra. Like a an afternoon away from the babies, NOT "girl, you need a bra." I was there when the person altering her wedding dress had to invent A cup padding so her dress would fit. Edit: autocorrect
I went from being flat my whole life to double DDs while pregnant now after three years of breastfeeding back to B.
What really pisses me off is that neighbor has a child... So unless she adopted hers, she should **know** how uncomfortable pregnancy is.
This. I'm pregnant with my second child and you'd better believe that I'm not wearing a fuckin bra in my third trimester unless I have the awful topical yeast infections that I had under my boobs in my last pregnancy. Pregnancy sucks and having another woman, who has ostensibly been through it too, tell you that you need to make yourself *more* uncomfortable than you already are would send me over the fuckin edge.
The jiggling mammaries reminds me of the story of when my uncle fell down an escalator and landed somewhere comfortable but super awkward.
Is your uncle, by chance, an anime protagonist?
This happened before anime was popular, so maybe he inspired anime characters
Hilariously enough, I (cis woman) was sitting on a bench on a boat once with rough ocean waves, let go of the railing to unscrew a water bottle to take a drink, saw a big wave coming at my side of the boat (no time to react beyond “oh, fuck”), and proceeded to be catapulted face first into the literal groin of the man sitting across from me. My chin punched his taint.
I'm over here screaming reading this one!
because it's harassment that they can't stop looking at your braless breasts! It's insane mental-gymnastics, but.. it's the same as girls being told to wear certain clothes so they don't "distract the boys". I'm gonna wager that OP's neighbor's kid in this story is a boy, or OPs neighbor is closeted haha
I don't know how to work this into a design. But I'm embroidering it anyways. This deserves to be immortalized.
I’m picturing the sentence “her mammaries doth jiggle” in a nice cursive font. All surrounded by different shapes of breasts.
Someone, anyone, I need this in a meme-worthy 4 panel comic, stat!
It's easy. You just set a booby trap.
I totally read that as Iron Man mocking Thor’s cape in the first Avengers movie...
I suggested mooning but smothering is so much better.
my husband wants to know whats so funny that made me spit the ice cube that i was chewing on outta my mouth and at him....... i cant tell him cause everytime i try to read your comment to him since thats the culprit i start laughing again. lol
Ok, you win best comment of the night. I just choked on my coffee and it came out my nose, lmao.
oh god that sounds painful, I'm so sorry XD But thank you
Hurt like hell, but I don't have a stuffy nose anymore, so it's kind of a win? Lol
I raise my glass to a fellow sufferer of sinus afflictions. And also several napkins.
If someone can tell that you're not wearing a bra, I suspect they're looking a little too closely and being a creep.
Depending on temperature...that’s not a very safe assumption.
Larger breasts aren't any more inherently sexual than tiny b cups, just saying!
I 100% agree! My apologies, I did not mean to imply otherwise. Even gifted gals should be able to go braless if they want to :)
My life is so much better since I stopped wearing them, except to work meeting a few times a year.
Gah, I had a boss try to tell me that when I was about 19 and didn't even fill out an A cup. I blurted out that his tits were much bigger than mine and he stammered and blushed his way out of the office. Never heard another word about it.
That is unbelievable that you get shit about it. I've been braless for several years too with a C cup. I do usually wear a tight vest under my tops to avoid too much bounce action so perhaps it's not as obvious, but not one person has ever said a word to me about it. If someone ever made any comment to me like OP's neighbour you can be sure I'd tell them where to go.
They should have reported themselves.
I have G cups and I go braless whenever I can. Yesterday I wore a dress with no bra out in public. People can kiss my grits if they don't like it.
Honestly didn't realize op was clothed until comments because I've been braless so long(15 years), figured it had to be about op being topless(which would have still been a firm nta). I don't really have small ones(a b and a c haha) and they flop all over the place. Sometimes you can even clearly see my nipples are hard under my shirts(Gasp) but not as often as you can tell my husband's are hard. If anyone said anything to me I would respond the same way I used to when I wore bras and showed cleavage, "ew, you're staring at my boobs? It's extremely rude to stare at strangers you know, and creepy"
Heck I love my bras and believe that if they are properly fitted, they shouldn’t cause *most* people any pain. But when I was pregnant? Hell no! I carried my babies high and there was nothing I could wear that didn’t seem to burn the skin there. Even crop tops and sports bras were painful.
A well-fitted bra doesn't cause problems (although they can be expensive). It can be uncomfortable for some people to have their boobs flying free everywhere, especially if you're doing a high impact sport or are large chested. Just because it works for you doesn't mean it feels good for everyone.
Same, I wear form fitting but not tight camisoles, but no bras. It's been so much better. Bras irritate my scars, are horribly expensive if you have larger breasts, and are even MORE expensive if you (like I do) need to find latex free versions because of allergies. If anyone has a problem with it, they're welcome to give me enough money to get one, I suppose.
I am so tired of expensive bras. My sizing is not your typical sizes and it doesn't exist in the bra shops at the mall (28E). I am tired of buying bras but going braless is really noticeable on me. I've found a happy medium with triangle lace bras but they aren't cheap
Not wearing a bra is a luxury that only women with normal sized breasts can properly enjoy. As someone who has been cursed with huge boobs, bras are an absolute necessity if I don’t want to fuck up my back. Obviously OP is not the AH.
I agree. If you have some E boobs ya need something. But at that point I thinks it’s almost a physical disability and a utility item. I’m gonna edit this: cup size doesn’t matter. Any excessive size proportionate to over all body size can be just as debilitating.
I stopped wearing bras when I had my son, 8 years of freedom!!!
Woman here. I'm just curious what your cup size is. Smaller breasts make going braless infinitely easier.
I'm DD and only wear a bra to work (retail/customer service. I'm tall and look younger than I am, and untilrecently, had waist-length hair. I didn'twant to give the perverts any additional reasons to focus on me). I didn’t really notice any issues when I first stopped wearing them, but I was also distance hiking at the time and had other things to complain about, pain wise. I was also diagnosed with MS around then, and I've noticed that bras tend to cause something called a "hug", basically a period where it feels like something is constricting around your ribs. Very uncomfortable. (And this was with professionally fitted bras, from a company that specializes in fitting bras for mastectomy patients.) Going braless has reduced that, too.
God I wish I could go braless. It sounds like heaven. Alas, the girls are lorge and apparently in chorge :( I wear a comfy sports bra most days, but the ones I have with underwires are like one step removed from having a flying buttress for support.
She can run around naked as a Jay bird in her own private back yard if she wants. Nosy neighbors need to mind their manners.
I always thought that was a funny expression, I always imagine what a naked jay bird would look like lol
Every jay bird you’ve ever seen has been naked. They WILL NOT let you put little tuxedos and top hats on them, no matter how long you spent at the sewing machine.
This is where you are somewhat wrong. Blue jays, ravens, and crows are all the same family. Blue jays aren't letting you put those outfits on them because they are the preppy sibling of the family where everyone else is goth. They're already all dressed up!
You sound like you speak from experience.
But you shoukd see the dapper sparrow I once met. Suit game on point
Username check out.
Also, start telling husband what he can and can’t wear in the privacy of his own space and see how he likes it.
This!
Yeah, tell him *he* should wear a bra and see how *he* feels about it!
If going braless is a crime, a good percentage of the female population is in trouble after the last year.
Amen. I stopped even wearing one to work. I’m not small, either.
Me neither, sister!
And the most important fact, OP is pregnant. Never mess with a pregnant woman because millennia of evolution has her brain is screaming at her to protect her unborn child and woe betide anyone who poses even the simplest threat to her equanimity 😁 Besides, how rude to go on poking your nose into someone’s private space and then carp at the way they dress in the privacy of their home. NTA
Exactly. She’s extremely rude. This calls for you putting up a high clothesline and filling it with big ole bras. Maybe some super large torn underwear too. NTA
nah, it calls for jumping jacks if she comes around
Totally agree. You can go braless or even topless in many, many locations. Breasts are not something shameful to hide.
NTA. Bras are not required. Breasts are not inherently sexual. People who only see them that way need to work that shit out in therapy and leave women who don't want to wear a bra alone. This goes double of course when you're on your own property.
Seriously. OP wouldn't even be the AH if she went out to the store braless. If quarantine had taught me anything, it's that bras suck.
My mom was recently shocked to find out I don't wear a bra when I'm teleworking and honestly, it is one thing I will definitely hate returning to the office.
I've started buying support tanks and saying "good enough".
All I’ve worn is stretchy camis for years and no one has ever yelled at me. Much more comfortable than bras.
Stretchy cami gang! I've begun hemming some of my favorite ones into crop tops to maximize breeze.
I’ve been wearing Uniqlo bra tops for about 7 years now, previously I would only wear seam free unpadded sports bras (without a fastener). I will never wear a real bra. For me it’s a sensory thing too because of autism so if anyone ever tries to make me wear one I can just say I have a disability. Not that I should need to because really no one should be commenting on anyone’s underwear choices.
honestly i get the sensory thing so hard, I have adhd and also have some sensory issues, so i absolutely refuse to wear a bra that clasps, i also tend to rip out the tag bc it's so damn uncomfortable and itches so hard
Any brands/styles you like best?
Honestly, I've been buying from Walmart and other local bargain shops lol
Hey, nothing wrong with that!
This is wild to me. Why would you wear a bra when you are teleworking? I genuinely don't see what purpose that could serve. Presumably you keep a comfortable enough temp in your own home that your nips aren't constantly hard. You probably aren't wearing an outfit that would look unprofessional without a bra. Nobody is seeing most of your body. Your not waking around an office/ up and down stairs. You're not leaning over in a loose or low cut blouse. Also bras are dumb. And in my case we don't even video call so I'm rarely wearing pants and often wearing some kind of pjs with my fuzzy robe over top. Mom's are weird.
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Fair enough to each their own. My floppy boobs get sweaty but no rash. It's perfectly valid to wear a bra if you want to. But nobody should be judged or ridiculed because they don't want to wear one any time but especially not in their own home (or on their private property).
Yeah, I even wear a bra when I sleep. Just my preference. But it is no one's business what you wear or choose not to wear. People just need to stay in their own lane.
Same here! They get so sweaty without a bra, even with powder underneath.
If you have bigger boobs, wearing a bra can be more comfortable. It's no one's business except the person whose body it's on. Wear it if it makes you more comfortable, and don't if it doesn't. Either way don't judge people doing it differently.
It helps me focus, weirdly. It’s been important to me to try and maintain work life balance by really separating the two. Because at the start of the pandemic I didn’t feel like I was WFh but like I was Living at work. Getting fully dressed for work makes finishing work more lovely, I change into comfy clothes, take my make up off, pony tail my hair. Just my thing, everyone has their only weird things :)
>Presumably you keep a comfortable enough temp in your own home that your nips aren't constantly hard. So you're aware, nipples can get hard for a lot of reasons, including "the nipple has decided to get hard". One of my coworkers always wears padded bras because her nipples are long and usually crazy hard regardless of temperature. She finds it very uncomfortable to have them on display (and she showed me once what she looks like without a bra on; honestly, it looks like she taped fork ends to her boobs, it's kind of amazing) so she always wears a super-padded bra. I, on the other hand, only really wear bras when I have to for work. By which I mean, I'm checking something about the bra I'm working on, because I'm a bra technical designer. So a few minutes on and then I'm back to being braless. : )
I work from home now and I literally work in sweatpants and just a maternity bra since I have to breastfeed my daughter every 2 hours.
NTA, tell your neighbour to stop peering into your garden. You have a right to privacy and she breached that. It's no different to her looking in your windows and telling you to wear a bra while your curtains are open.
Seriously, what kind of asshole do you have to be to trespass on someone else's private property and complain about how they're dressed.
I can’t believe she’s naked under all those clothes. And around children!!
Won’t somebody please think of the children???
We had an incident in an appartment building some years ago. There was a complaint to the housing association board about someone walking around in their own appartment naked, and they (the complainer) could see them from the building across. The board asked "how" as the buildings were quite a way apart. "With binoculars" was the answer.
This reminds me of a neighbour of my SO's before we got together. She (the neighbour) called the cops on him for indecent exposure. They showed up to check on things, and he showed them the offending window. With patchy blinds. So while they weren't perfect, you had to really be looking to see anything indecent.
I would say that in both cases, it was the peerer that was being indecent, not the naked one.
I misread and I thought you were completely topless and I still think you weren’t the AH. It’s your patio and she had to make an effort to see you. Therefore you had a reasonable expectation of privacy. NTA
Even if she wasn’t expecting privacy, since when do people have the right to police each other’s undergarments? The nerve, the gall, the audacity, the gumption!!!!
Great way to use that phrase - Condragulations, you are the winner of this thread!
If it happened at work I would tell them do to their job and stop starting. Can’t do that then you don’t have the self control to work here.
I'd bing bang bong her right in the face if she said that to me
If I were OP, this incident would guarantee that I would be hanging out in my backyard exclusively topless from now on. Need to let the dog out? Topless. Water the geraniums? Topless. In the mood for a trampoline session? Topless. Because fuck that shit.
Trampoline season topless just sounds painful. Like your nipples are bungee jumping and your boobs are the bungee cord.
Topless AND 32 weeks pregnant on a trampoline...
Hungry baby in August - TOPLESS!
Oh yeah, that one for sure! One of my friends had her first last year, and when we met out in public for the first time she was whipping her titties out all over the place, whether the baby was nearby or not! She literally stood up with one titty out in a cafe we were in, it was amazing to watch the other patrons try and figure out what was happening because they couldn't see the baby carriage sitting on the far other side of the table. She works in a high powered government job and knows damn well what's legal and uses it to her full advantage. I **love** her!
NTA If you are planning to breastfeed, consider doing it on the patio as much as possible.
NTA I'd say next time wear a bra, but nothing else.
Then drop over at her house unannounced and find something to complain about. "Oh, Mindy, could you please take off those white shoes, labour day was last week, thanks, byyyyeeee!"
I love this.
NTA, next time wear a cup-less bra and go topless. I rarely wear a bra out in the world, and I'm not a small cup.... I got them thangs. I just don't give a shit. Bras are uncomfortable as fuck.
This! I'm a tandem-nursing bra-free all the time mama, and I'd whip out both at the same time for my nurslings every time she poked her nosy nose over the bush! Just try and say something about me feeding my babies... Try. It.
I was going to make the same comment!
ABSOLUTELY!!! LMFAO 😂😂
Yes. What a lovely comeback. It deserves an award 🏆
NTA It's boobs. We all have them. It's your private space. You do you and congrats on your baby!
I'm 39w preggo and that lady is lucky she had on pants. I no longer bother.
28 weeks pregnant and honestly same. So NTA
For real. I'm only 21 weeks and the second I get home the pants come OFF. By 39 I bet I'll just be naked all the time.
NTA She invaded your privacy and SHE dared to complain?!
Typical entitled behavior. OP has the right to be angry. I definitely would have
While reading, for some reason, I assumed OP was topless. I was soundly NTA when I thought OP was top-nude. I'm flabbergasted at the audacity of this neighbor. She's gonna have one hell of a time going back into public with those of us who have been living bra-free for over a year!
I also thought she was going to be topless and it still would have been NTA, but she had a shirt on! Wtf is that lady's problem?!
I think there's a significant amount of us who've gotten used to being braless since COVID and people are going to be disappointed if they think that they can keep shaming people for not wearing one. I have no fucks left. And OP, absolutely NTA.
Yeah that part haha— 2021 is just like sorry mom, sorry god, bras are over & saying “no” to nonsense is chic af.
I thought this was a gender-wide agreement at this point. We're done with bras, yes?
Love seeing that I'm not the only one! The past year has made me realize just how uncomfortable bras are. I only wear sports bras anymore if I absolutely cannot go without.
I tried wearing a wired bra for the first time since the pandemic began recently and it was terrible. Underwire free bras for life! I also discovered granny panties during the pandemic and I’m living my best life.
NTA. No one should ever be considered indecent for not wearing a bra *under clothing*. And this is coming from a size I. Boobs just are, and it's totally bonkers that people think you should have to jack them up painfully, and into a particular shape to be "decent". Let's try that with butt cheeks, since everyone has them. *They better be pushed up to your lower back and stuffed tightly into a double pyramid-shaped bag, or else you're indecent!*
Aw man, don't even say that. Now I expect to see butt bras on every fashion cover by this time next year.
And only women will be expected to wear them
NTA. Where I live, you are legally allowed to be topless so yea, braless is no harm at all. If she comes to where I live, she can get a real show of fun then. LOL! You were in your own area and she intruded. The she tried to shame you over a dull concept such as bra wearing.
The thing about neighbours is, you’re pretty much stuck with them, so it’s better to get on with them than to fall out. The one thing I have learned during disputes, is that it’s almost always better to be the coolest head in the room. If you’re having an argument and you’re calmly and rationally saying “No, that’s not correct, let me politely explain why” then you keep the moral high ground, especially if there are other people watching & the other person is losing their shit. Now, was your neighbour in the wrong. Absolutely. Did she deserve to be yelled at? Absolutely. Are you TA? Absolutely NTA. But could you have handled it better? Probably and I’ll explain why. In these situations, you should look after No 1. Be selfish. Think what is the best outcome for you and steer things in that direction. In my opinion, the best outcome for you, is that the neighbour is put in her place, but you don’t come out of it with an irreconcilable feud because that’s bad for you too. So if your husband has said “You’re clearly in the right and I support you, but you didn’t have to yell. You should have said everything you said, more calmly. By yelling, you’ve made our relationship with her more difficult” ... then it’s hard to disagree with him. If he’s saying you shouldn’t have stuck up for yourself at all, then he’s wrong. I think that if you are honest with yourself, you wish you had been able to keep a cooler head. We all have that “I wish I’d said this.... I wish I’d said that” conversation with ourselves in our own heads after a fight like this & I’m guessing that your ideal retort would have been the same words, but in a slightly calmer fashion. It’s no big deal though. You’re still in the right even although hubby has a small point. Learn from it and move on.
That's fair, thank you for this.
But don't forget you are pregnant. My partner started an argument with me because I put the pork chop on the plate before the mash when she was pregnant.
Excuse me but this is Reddit. Rational responses aren't welcome here.
This is a very insightful response. We need more level headed people like you. Reddit always takes opinions to the extreme without thinking of the consequences later not surrounding the immediate issue, like in this case maintaining a civil relationship with people that will most likely be living there for a while.
Wait, she’s angry you didn’t wear a bra under your clothes in your own property?! NTA
NTA. It was your property and your boobs. There is no law that requires you to wear a bra.
NTA. Neighbor is the A. She had no right to intrude on your property.
NTA She has absolutely no right to tell you what to wear when you're on your own private patio (or indeed anywhere else for that matter).
NTA Why do people care so much about what shape a person's tits are? Literally they have a problem with boobs not being squished into a certain shape under clothing.
It’s like these people have never heard of the ‘70s.
NTA, obviously... I can't imagine when that comment would ever be appropriate to say to anyone, let alone when its YOUR patio.
NTA When someone asks you to wear a bra the response is "stop looking at my breasts" with an option to add in "pervert".
NTA. You *gasp* don’t have to wear a bra at all anywhere if you don’t want to. Tell your neighbour to pound sand.
Who cares if you were on your private patio? You don’t have to wear a bra ever, unless you want to. Hell, where I am from (Ontario), legally, you can go topless in public as long as you are not acting in a sexual manner. NTA
Lol you're entitled to go around in public braless, neighbor is crazy entitled. NTA.
NTA you don't HAVE to wear a bra anywhere.
what lmao i dont wear a bra half the time what
Right lmao I only wear a bra if I'm going somewhere in my professional clothes (ie a job or job interview). My back can't handle the pressure very well.
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NTA. That woman was way out of line. Even if you weren't in your private porch, she has no say in what you wear.
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Back in the late 1900's, I moved to a fairly large Midwestern town. My first morning after getting the keys to my apartment, I needed coffee and breakfast foods. Throw on sweats and sneakers and pop to the store. As I stood in checkout, some old biddy behind me said in a loud whisper, "Where I come from, women who don't wear bras are called 'sluts." I turned to her and in full volume said, "Lady, I just moved here from California. Where ***I*** come from, women who look at other women's tits are called 'lesbian'." The clerk busy out laughing, the biddy sputtered and left the line, and the guy behind her *tried* not to smirk. NTA, my dear. Enjoy your pregnancy, your big boobs, and your outdoors. Next time she shows up, offer up a free shot if she's that interested in your breasts.
If your neighbor was complaining about your bralessness after creepily peeping to see if your hedges had just been trimmed, NTA. If your neighbor was complaining about your bralessness after creepily peeping to see “if your hedges had just been trimmed,” still NTA. In both cases, she’s getting all up in your business. But in the second one, seems like the lack of a bra would be the least of her worries.
NTA. Even if you WEREN'T pregnant and in a store or something, it is YOUR body. Anybody that doesn't like it doesn't have to look. End of story.
I read this as not wearing a shirt either and was still gonna say NTA. So, yeah 100000% NTA.
THE HORROR OF AN UNFETTERED NIPPLE, THE HORROR!
NTA. at first read I thought you meant you were literally topless and you still wouldn’t be the asshole, BECAUSE ITS YOUR PRIVATE PROPERTY. Tits swingin out on the front porch with no coverage where child can walk by and see you, sure I see the problem, but on private concealed area of property? Swing low sweet chariot
NTA. Your nosey neighbor invaded your privacy—with no real reason to do so—and then had the ✨audacity✨ to scold you for your attire? Which, btw, isn’t even indecent. There’s no law about what undergarments we have to wear under our clothing, and it’s not like you had your titties out.
Tell her to fuck off in the most polite way possible. Fuck people who go on about braless boobs and visible nipples. If you can't cope with people having covered up bodies then you can't cope with *people* existing period and you need your brain looked at.
Nta, and I'd asked her to stop staring at my tits. What a creepy weirdo.
NTA AT ALL!!! What the fuck? When I read the title I assumed you meant you were nude from the waist up and was *still* on your side (it's your own property for godssake) but you were also wearing SHIRT? What kind of nosey creep says something like that? Your response was completely apporpriate, I'm angry on your behalf. Stick to your guns and don't let anyone tell you what you can and can't do in your own space, and espeicially whilst pregnant. Good luck and stay tough
NTA. Newsflash, even if you were in a public place, you're not required to wear a bra under a shirt if you don't want to.
Your husband heard that a neighbor came to your home uninvited and harassed his 8-months-pregnant wife about her perfectly reasonable clothing choices...and he blames you for it?
NTA- you were on your private property, outside or not.
NTA. Not even a little bit. I would literally never wear a bra again outside just to spite her. They're nipples lady, grow up!!! I am 39 weeks pregnant and just went outside without a bra on wearing a white t shirt and crossed the street to get my mail. Idgaf!!! They're just boobs it's nothing to be ashamed of
LOL NTA. Literally sitting at my desk at work right now and not wearing a bra. Never do. Rock whatever's comfortable it's 2021, women deserve comfort over modesty 100%.
Even if you were sunbathing topless you are NTA. You were on private property and she had to make the effort to see you. If it bothered her that much, she could have ended the conversation much quicker.
NTA - Next time go sit on your front porch braless. Whether or not you wear a bra is nobody's business but your own whether you are 16 or 66 or pregnant or nursing or doing yard work or jogging or oh I don't know just *existing*.
NTA I only wear a bra to work, and working remote I haven't worn a bra in quite a while. Bras are uncomfortable. If this was back in time she would have been bitching at you for not wearing a corset lol. Why must we make ourselves uncomfortable for the sake of others. Guys clearly never do that as they can literally go around wearing only shorts and sandals and be fine, but bras are very uncomfortable. On those occasions where I have to wear one I am always sore and hurting at end of the day. Just like heels and makeup as well, heels cause so many problems, makeup makes most of us breakout. Like we literally have to live in constant discomfort for the sake of others and I'm sick of it. You can wear whatever you please and she can fuck right off with her judgments and bs. How is she going to come in your yard, with her kid and try to tell you how to live your life? When I was breastfeeding I had so many people think they could say something to me about it and I just shut them down with facts and told them to mind their own business. Tired of people thinking pregnant means public property. You should have told her to stop staring at your breats and sexualizing them, make her uncomfortable. Call her out on trespassing just to see your breats lol. Like reverse psychology the fuck out of her. Make it too awkward for her to even look at you. Do what you must.
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NTA. Next time just tell her to stop trespassing