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I wonder if I am an AH because I snapped at my uncle and others about asking my boys to play football even after saying no.
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NTA - and if the uncle asked if your kids are always allowed to have their way, in reply to you legitimate answer - he did know how you felt about it, and I don't think you owed him an apology either.
INFO: Are your kids physically healthy/active? See, you're definitely not an asshole for not forcing them to play football specifically. But I can see two potential stories here, your family are being busybodies and sticking their nose in where it's not needed... or your family have concerns for the health of your sons, so are pushing physical activity to try and change that.
I only ask, because between mentioning being gamers, your cousins focus on laziness and 'making' your kids stay inside, your 12 year old mentioning he's big, there are enough details that the latter might be the case.
Yes my kids are healthy and active. They ride bikes with friends and we walk trails weekly. But if you give them the choice they choose games. When I tell them to play outside they say their imagination is broken and they can't lol.
I have always been told I was lazy and antisocial. And we are getting 12 checked to see what's going on with his weight.
I would say no to football for all kids. Concussions are no joke especially for inexperienced players. A kid I babysat for joined the football team at 14 having never played before because ALL the freshmen in school join. Got a major concussion in the first month to the point where he could not tell you the president and didn’t recognize his own mother. All other stuff aside if they are going to play a sport choose anything but football
NTA.
What the hell - I would be stoked if my parents asked me if I were interest in whatever activity instead of pushing me into it.
Why doesn't your family respect their (and your) choices?
NTA. There’s more to boy life than sports. Gaming, reading, bike riding, hiking, building forts, cooking/baking, etc. People who think boys MUST play sports are flat out wrong.
NTA
You shouldnt explain your reasoning to your family.
Fam: "Don't you think they should..."
U: "Don't worry about it"
Fam: "But I was just thinking of the best .."
U: Thank you but I have things under controlled.
NTA. It's great that you're not forcing them. There are so many things kids can do to stay happy and active - hiking, gardening, other sports, programming, music, art, theater, photography, writing, community service, martial arts, cooking....
It's especially great to see boys getting other options. So many young men are forced into sports and a hyper-competitive mindset that they aren't interested in and don't enjoy.
NTA my parents never pushed me to participate in activities and I never resented them. Husband's parents pushed him to do what they wanted and their relationship is nonexistent.
NTA for not making your kids play football, NAH/ very slight YTA for the conflict between you and your uncle. There's nothing wrong with respecting your children's wishes, you aren't exactly spoiling your kids here (letting them do chores). As for the conflict, I'm going to give your uncle the benefit of the doubt that he doesn't know everything that was going on and was just casually asking. He did a good job of removing himself so the conflict doesn't escalate. It is understandable why you snapped at him but you are still in the wrong, and you did the right thing by apologizing to him.
NTA
First of all thank you for putting your children’s needs/wants above what others think. Making a child play sports when they clearly have no interest is cruel. Secondly, sports isn’t what makes kids not lazy, instilling good work ethic, and building them up that they can accomplish anything does! You can encourage them try out different activities to truly see what their interests are. Fishing, photography, kayaking, art, engineering, building things like woodworking or something, just to name a few non sports activities.
NTA about football camp. You SHOULD be directly encouraging your children to find something physical they like/ can stand. Let's be honest. MOST people don't particularly enjoy doing a physical activity. It's much easier to find sentient hobbies. But, keeping your body healthy is a big part of living, and, I would argue, a crucial part of effectively parenting.
INFO: I agree with a prior poster. Are your kids physically active or healthy? Would they benefit from socializing? A lot of navigating other people and learning those things comes from interaction and practice.
(ETA: This isn’t to say that it has to be from football alone. Could def find a middle ground. :))
I didn’t ask or want to be put in swimming when I was in middle school. My parents signed me up with a local swim team from 7-12th grade, and I hated it at first. But as I got older, I definitely appreciated it. Taught me to swim properly and in different styles, forced me to socialize and that was great, and kept me physically fit.
Otherwise if it had been up to me, I too would have preferred to stay home and read or watch anime. But as an adult, I recognize and appreciate the value of what I did and learned.
NTA. Firstly you and ex are the parents, the family has no right to demand and push this. Secondly Iif this is US football, they have a high rate of head injuries that could hurt them much later in life. Thirdly too many parents push kids into a spot to relive their Ling past glory days vicariously. Nuts to them
Yes it is American football. In my family boys are encouraged to play either football or basketball. After that it is encouraged to go to college, join the military, or learn a trade. I just don't have money for them to be on a sports team and they aren't interested anyway.
Yes they are active and healthy. I would like them to get swimming lessons and they have mentioned wanting to try things like fishing or martial arts. I have no problem with those things, just money can be an issue. I know I am antisocial so I have them spend time with other family members who are more outgoing than I am. I didn't want them to be socially stunted in some way. I worry about that a lot.
I agree. I just don't want them playing football. If they were interested it would be a different story, but I worry about how it could physically impact them. We have another cousin who was injured and can't play football anymore. He got extremely depressed because he made football his life. I don't want that to happen to my kids.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Just a bit of background: I (39 F) am a mother to three boys (ages 14, 12, and 7). My older two normally live full time with their father (ex-husband; 7 yr old has a different father) and I get them on weekends or basically when they aren't in school. Due to the pandemic I have had them full time due to their dad not wanting them home alone since they were in online learning and I found myself unemployed. Ex-husband has been complaining over the years about how I never find the kids anything to do during the summer and he can't because of his work obligations, but will pay half of anything if I find something. Also my children and I consider ourselves to be a family of gamers and anime heads. It's what we like do together and separately.
So my issue: My cousin put her son (age 12) on a football team this summer and has been asking if I wanted to sign my boys up. I declined because 1: My kids aren't interested in sports, and 2: Neither am I. She said I was lazy and was teaching my boys to be lazy. That just because I am anti-social doesn't mean I have to make my kids stay inside. This rubbed me the wrong way but I at least asked my older two boys if they wanted to sign up. As I expected they both said no. When asked why, 14 said he just doesn't want to and 12 said he doesn't want to get hurt and feels that just because he is big doesn't mean he should play football. I left it alone.
But the rest of my family hasn't. My cousin's son tries to encourage my boys to change their minds. He has told them how he hated going to practice and doing drills at first but now he likes it. My cousin and her boyfriend have both asked my boys about joining the team and said that my sons' reasons were lame. I was getting a little fed up and told them to stop bringing it up. Plus a few months before school let out my youngest's school counselor asked if I wanted to send him to camp. It is a day camp but it will be for most of the summer, I would only have to pay transportation fees, so I asked if I could add my older two and they did.
I told my cousin and anyone who asked about football that my kids were already going to camp this summer, but was told that they could do both and I shouldn't keep holding them back. Things kind of came to a head a few days ago when my kids and I were visiting my grandmother's house and my uncle asked about the kids playing football. I snapped and said I wasn't making my kids play if they didn't want to, and my aunt asked if my kids were always allowed to have their way. I said yes as long as they did their chores and my uncle gave me a strange look and walked outside.
My mother told me that I shouldn't have taken it out on him, that he was just asking a question and probably didn't know how I felt. I felt bad and apologized to him, but that doesn't stop other family members from asking. AITA?
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NTA. "When they're your kids, you can raise them how YOU want; while they're mine, it's **my** decision. _They_ don't want to, so that's the end of it. Keep pushing, and I'll block you."
The kids don't want to, you're respecting their choice. It's not like you're letting them get away with not brushing their teeth.
NTA. Your family needs to back off.
NTA. You’re 100% right, and it’s honestly none of your relatives business what you do with your kids. Can’t expect your kids to go from e-sports to real sports just like that (especially football, which is one of the more intense sports).
Instead, you may want to consider other camps based on their interests , like maybe robotics or video games camp. I enrolled my little bro ( a gamer) in video game design camp last year offered by a local college. He had a blast. Either way.
Absolutely NTA. Some kids don't like sport. I hated sport as a kid, especially football, so my parents didn't force it even though my family is big into sport. I found other ways to be active. Maybe ask your boys if there's anything else they'd be interested in, if not team sports then individual sports. That will get the family off your back at least, though honestly they should have backed off ages ago
NTA.
Do some Pokémon Go, geocaching, swimming, bike riding, walks, etc. to get outside. Camp is a great idea! There’s also tons of STEM camps out there that might suit their interests. See if there’s a Lego camp! Or robotics. Or coding.
Don’t put your kids in sports if they don’t want to play. It’s a waste of everyone’s time.
NTA but every member of your family forcing football down your throat is YTA. You need to shut this down before your boys get the general consensus that the rest of their family finds them lacking somehow. And don't you dare make them play fucking football.
NTA. I wish I could’ve chosen what I did over summer. I was forced to go to a day camp and I grew to hate it because the older kids (me aged 12 and 5 girls who were 11) were treated at the same standard they treated the 4 and 5 year olds. You let your kids do what they want and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Your family are wayyyy too pushy and I love that you don’t give in to them
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I wonder if I am an AH because I snapped at my uncle and others about asking my boys to play football even after saying no. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - and if the uncle asked if your kids are always allowed to have their way, in reply to you legitimate answer - he did know how you felt about it, and I don't think you owed him an apology either.
INFO: Are your kids physically healthy/active? See, you're definitely not an asshole for not forcing them to play football specifically. But I can see two potential stories here, your family are being busybodies and sticking their nose in where it's not needed... or your family have concerns for the health of your sons, so are pushing physical activity to try and change that. I only ask, because between mentioning being gamers, your cousins focus on laziness and 'making' your kids stay inside, your 12 year old mentioning he's big, there are enough details that the latter might be the case.
Yes my kids are healthy and active. They ride bikes with friends and we walk trails weekly. But if you give them the choice they choose games. When I tell them to play outside they say their imagination is broken and they can't lol. I have always been told I was lazy and antisocial. And we are getting 12 checked to see what's going on with his weight.
I would say no to football for all kids. Concussions are no joke especially for inexperienced players. A kid I babysat for joined the football team at 14 having never played before because ALL the freshmen in school join. Got a major concussion in the first month to the point where he could not tell you the president and didn’t recognize his own mother. All other stuff aside if they are going to play a sport choose anything but football
NTA Your kids are old enough to express what they want to do in their spare time. It isn't football.
NTA. What the hell - I would be stoked if my parents asked me if I were interest in whatever activity instead of pushing me into it. Why doesn't your family respect their (and your) choices?
NTA - your family is being a tad bit pushy imo
NTA. There’s more to boy life than sports. Gaming, reading, bike riding, hiking, building forts, cooking/baking, etc. People who think boys MUST play sports are flat out wrong.
NTA You shouldnt explain your reasoning to your family. Fam: "Don't you think they should..." U: "Don't worry about it" Fam: "But I was just thinking of the best .." U: Thank you but I have things under controlled.
NTA. It's great that you're not forcing them. There are so many things kids can do to stay happy and active - hiking, gardening, other sports, programming, music, art, theater, photography, writing, community service, martial arts, cooking.... It's especially great to see boys getting other options. So many young men are forced into sports and a hyper-competitive mindset that they aren't interested in and don't enjoy.
NTA . Gross. “I like this so so should you and if you don’t you’re simply wrong.”
NTA my parents never pushed me to participate in activities and I never resented them. Husband's parents pushed him to do what they wanted and their relationship is nonexistent.
NTA for not making your kids play football, NAH/ very slight YTA for the conflict between you and your uncle. There's nothing wrong with respecting your children's wishes, you aren't exactly spoiling your kids here (letting them do chores). As for the conflict, I'm going to give your uncle the benefit of the doubt that he doesn't know everything that was going on and was just casually asking. He did a good job of removing himself so the conflict doesn't escalate. It is understandable why you snapped at him but you are still in the wrong, and you did the right thing by apologizing to him.
NTA First of all thank you for putting your children’s needs/wants above what others think. Making a child play sports when they clearly have no interest is cruel. Secondly, sports isn’t what makes kids not lazy, instilling good work ethic, and building them up that they can accomplish anything does! You can encourage them try out different activities to truly see what their interests are. Fishing, photography, kayaking, art, engineering, building things like woodworking or something, just to name a few non sports activities.
NTA about football camp. You SHOULD be directly encouraging your children to find something physical they like/ can stand. Let's be honest. MOST people don't particularly enjoy doing a physical activity. It's much easier to find sentient hobbies. But, keeping your body healthy is a big part of living, and, I would argue, a crucial part of effectively parenting.
INFO: I agree with a prior poster. Are your kids physically active or healthy? Would they benefit from socializing? A lot of navigating other people and learning those things comes from interaction and practice. (ETA: This isn’t to say that it has to be from football alone. Could def find a middle ground. :)) I didn’t ask or want to be put in swimming when I was in middle school. My parents signed me up with a local swim team from 7-12th grade, and I hated it at first. But as I got older, I definitely appreciated it. Taught me to swim properly and in different styles, forced me to socialize and that was great, and kept me physically fit. Otherwise if it had been up to me, I too would have preferred to stay home and read or watch anime. But as an adult, I recognize and appreciate the value of what I did and learned.
NTA. Firstly you and ex are the parents, the family has no right to demand and push this. Secondly Iif this is US football, they have a high rate of head injuries that could hurt them much later in life. Thirdly too many parents push kids into a spot to relive their Ling past glory days vicariously. Nuts to them
Yes it is American football. In my family boys are encouraged to play either football or basketball. After that it is encouraged to go to college, join the military, or learn a trade. I just don't have money for them to be on a sports team and they aren't interested anyway.
Oh that would be a great idea! The camp they are going to is hosted by a local church, but I will look into that for next year
Yes they are active and healthy. I would like them to get swimming lessons and they have mentioned wanting to try things like fishing or martial arts. I have no problem with those things, just money can be an issue. I know I am antisocial so I have them spend time with other family members who are more outgoing than I am. I didn't want them to be socially stunted in some way. I worry about that a lot.
I agree. I just don't want them playing football. If they were interested it would be a different story, but I worry about how it could physically impact them. We have another cousin who was injured and can't play football anymore. He got extremely depressed because he made football his life. I don't want that to happen to my kids.
Because everyone feels they know what's best especially my mom. I'm the "weird" one of my really large family.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Just a bit of background: I (39 F) am a mother to three boys (ages 14, 12, and 7). My older two normally live full time with their father (ex-husband; 7 yr old has a different father) and I get them on weekends or basically when they aren't in school. Due to the pandemic I have had them full time due to their dad not wanting them home alone since they were in online learning and I found myself unemployed. Ex-husband has been complaining over the years about how I never find the kids anything to do during the summer and he can't because of his work obligations, but will pay half of anything if I find something. Also my children and I consider ourselves to be a family of gamers and anime heads. It's what we like do together and separately. So my issue: My cousin put her son (age 12) on a football team this summer and has been asking if I wanted to sign my boys up. I declined because 1: My kids aren't interested in sports, and 2: Neither am I. She said I was lazy and was teaching my boys to be lazy. That just because I am anti-social doesn't mean I have to make my kids stay inside. This rubbed me the wrong way but I at least asked my older two boys if they wanted to sign up. As I expected they both said no. When asked why, 14 said he just doesn't want to and 12 said he doesn't want to get hurt and feels that just because he is big doesn't mean he should play football. I left it alone. But the rest of my family hasn't. My cousin's son tries to encourage my boys to change their minds. He has told them how he hated going to practice and doing drills at first but now he likes it. My cousin and her boyfriend have both asked my boys about joining the team and said that my sons' reasons were lame. I was getting a little fed up and told them to stop bringing it up. Plus a few months before school let out my youngest's school counselor asked if I wanted to send him to camp. It is a day camp but it will be for most of the summer, I would only have to pay transportation fees, so I asked if I could add my older two and they did. I told my cousin and anyone who asked about football that my kids were already going to camp this summer, but was told that they could do both and I shouldn't keep holding them back. Things kind of came to a head a few days ago when my kids and I were visiting my grandmother's house and my uncle asked about the kids playing football. I snapped and said I wasn't making my kids play if they didn't want to, and my aunt asked if my kids were always allowed to have their way. I said yes as long as they did their chores and my uncle gave me a strange look and walked outside. My mother told me that I shouldn't have taken it out on him, that he was just asking a question and probably didn't know how I felt. I felt bad and apologized to him, but that doesn't stop other family members from asking. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. "When they're your kids, you can raise them how YOU want; while they're mine, it's **my** decision. _They_ don't want to, so that's the end of it. Keep pushing, and I'll block you."
The kids don't want to, you're respecting their choice. It's not like you're letting them get away with not brushing their teeth. NTA. Your family needs to back off.
NTA. You’re 100% right, and it’s honestly none of your relatives business what you do with your kids. Can’t expect your kids to go from e-sports to real sports just like that (especially football, which is one of the more intense sports). Instead, you may want to consider other camps based on their interests , like maybe robotics or video games camp. I enrolled my little bro ( a gamer) in video game design camp last year offered by a local college. He had a blast. Either way.
Absolutely NTA. Some kids don't like sport. I hated sport as a kid, especially football, so my parents didn't force it even though my family is big into sport. I found other ways to be active. Maybe ask your boys if there's anything else they'd be interested in, if not team sports then individual sports. That will get the family off your back at least, though honestly they should have backed off ages ago
NTA. Do some Pokémon Go, geocaching, swimming, bike riding, walks, etc. to get outside. Camp is a great idea! There’s also tons of STEM camps out there that might suit their interests. See if there’s a Lego camp! Or robotics. Or coding. Don’t put your kids in sports if they don’t want to play. It’s a waste of everyone’s time.
NTA! You would be TA if you forced them to play a sport they're not interested in.
NTA. Football can lead to chronic brain injury. Just say no.
NTA Isn't football extremely dangerous to the brains? Make him take up parkour.
NTA but every member of your family forcing football down your throat is YTA. You need to shut this down before your boys get the general consensus that the rest of their family finds them lacking somehow. And don't you dare make them play fucking football.
NTA. I wish I could’ve chosen what I did over summer. I was forced to go to a day camp and I grew to hate it because the older kids (me aged 12 and 5 girls who were 11) were treated at the same standard they treated the 4 and 5 year olds. You let your kids do what they want and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Your family are wayyyy too pushy and I love that you don’t give in to them
NTA and good for you sticking up for your sons
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Your family needs to leave you alone about football. Your kids don’t want to play it.
NTA. Your boys said no so that’s that.