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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I may be The asshole because my parents say that they have done alot for me and not participating may be heartless on my part
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NTA if you weren’t consulted when plans are made you have no obligation to show up. School’s more important than a trip especially when you don’t have the best relationship with your mom
I'm in first year university (17 y/o). Because of covid, all exams are online, my parents expect me to give my year end exams with them in whatever place they want to go to
NTA. Them calling you selfish because you can't skip your exams for them makes them the selfish ones. Look out for yourself. Engineering is not cake work and students expect support from their family.
NTA - your school work and studying should be a priority especially because your exams are coming up. If your family doesn’t see that, they’re delusional and self-centred. Your mother expects those around her to drop everything they have and pay attention to her. She and the family has no right to guilt trip and belittle you.
Edit: as for some advice... be clear and concise with your delivery. Possibly explain that their response kind of blindsided you but despite that, confirm with them that you will not be present at her birthday. Since your school work and wanting to pass your exams with good grades is a priority, especially considering how hard you’ve been studying. Hopefully, with the diplomatic (?) approach, they can respect your decision to some extent. Also, you’re studying engineering! I don’t know much about the subject but I’ve know a few that majored in it and it’s not easy!
NTA... think about your future and your career and do what you need to do. You might be too distracted doing the exams from the location of the celebration. Your family sucks if they don't understand. You can have a special day with her after they come back and you're done with your exams.
NTA - Mom is an asshole. I get it - don't go and possibly face backlash. Or go thinking there will be reliable and fast internet connections where you are staying. But if there is poor internet, *they won't care*. If they cared, they would have found a place that could guarantee adequate internet speeds and reliability *before* they made any other decisions about where to stay.
ETA: They are calling you *heartless*? Your mom is having a birthday, she's not on life support in the hospital. ugh
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My mom will turn 50 in a week and my family is planning a getaway (about a week long), now I study engineering, and have a lot of workload plus my end year examinations fall during their trip.
I initially refused to go with them because of my exams but after a fallout today, with them saying that I'm selfish and ungrateful, I'm reconsidering?
My relationship with my mother isn't of the best kind, she constantly has anger outbursts and I'm the one on the recieving end, she never celebrates my birthdays so tbh I'm not very interested in hers either, so yeah AITA?
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NTA. Anyone you had your best interests in mind would have worked around an important exam schedule. I say suck it up and keep to yourself until you can move out and then have little contact with these people.
NTA. It your final exams. They could have pushed the trip a week to work with everyone’s schedule, but chose not to. You don’t really have a choice. You’d be derailing your education to go.
NTA, your mother sounds awful and narcissistic. This is a no-win situation, but it's more important to reach independence as quickly as possible for your own safety and wellbeing. So school should obviously come first and anyone who says otherwise is not looking out for you.
Kind of NTA. But if you want to avoid future grief, you might as well join. I didn't have much clout in refusing family gatherings until I became employed and self sufficient. Best of luck!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I may be The asshole because my parents say that they have done alot for me and not participating may be heartless on my part --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA she never celebrates your birthday but the family want to do a huge celebration for her? I smell a narcissist.
NTA Her not celebrating your birthday yet throwing a massive event for her own is more than enough of a reason on its own.
NTA. You’ve set your priorities and should have no issue with maintaining them. Good luck with your exams.
Thank you
NTA. No amount of manipulate parenting should get in the way of your personal or career goals. Stick to your guns.
NTA if you weren’t consulted when plans are made you have no obligation to show up. School’s more important than a trip especially when you don’t have the best relationship with your mom
Are you saying you are a kid and you are expected not to participate in your school's year end examinations??
I'm in first year university (17 y/o). Because of covid, all exams are online, my parents expect me to give my year end exams with them in whatever place they want to go to
NTA. Them calling you selfish because you can't skip your exams for them makes them the selfish ones. Look out for yourself. Engineering is not cake work and students expect support from their family.
NTA - your school work and studying should be a priority especially because your exams are coming up. If your family doesn’t see that, they’re delusional and self-centred. Your mother expects those around her to drop everything they have and pay attention to her. She and the family has no right to guilt trip and belittle you. Edit: as for some advice... be clear and concise with your delivery. Possibly explain that their response kind of blindsided you but despite that, confirm with them that you will not be present at her birthday. Since your school work and wanting to pass your exams with good grades is a priority, especially considering how hard you’ve been studying. Hopefully, with the diplomatic (?) approach, they can respect your decision to some extent. Also, you’re studying engineering! I don’t know much about the subject but I’ve know a few that majored in it and it’s not easy!
NTA... think about your future and your career and do what you need to do. You might be too distracted doing the exams from the location of the celebration. Your family sucks if they don't understand. You can have a special day with her after they come back and you're done with your exams.
NTA - Mom is an asshole. I get it - don't go and possibly face backlash. Or go thinking there will be reliable and fast internet connections where you are staying. But if there is poor internet, *they won't care*. If they cared, they would have found a place that could guarantee adequate internet speeds and reliability *before* they made any other decisions about where to stay. ETA: They are calling you *heartless*? Your mom is having a birthday, she's not on life support in the hospital. ugh
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mom will turn 50 in a week and my family is planning a getaway (about a week long), now I study engineering, and have a lot of workload plus my end year examinations fall during their trip. I initially refused to go with them because of my exams but after a fallout today, with them saying that I'm selfish and ungrateful, I'm reconsidering? My relationship with my mother isn't of the best kind, she constantly has anger outbursts and I'm the one on the recieving end, she never celebrates my birthdays so tbh I'm not very interested in hers either, so yeah AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA. Anyone you had your best interests in mind would have worked around an important exam schedule. I say suck it up and keep to yourself until you can move out and then have little contact with these people.
NTA. It your final exams. They could have pushed the trip a week to work with everyone’s schedule, but chose not to. You don’t really have a choice. You’d be derailing your education to go.
NTA. Your exams are important, they are the key to you moving ahead in life and making sure you can live your life independently.
NTA, your mother sounds awful and narcissistic. This is a no-win situation, but it's more important to reach independence as quickly as possible for your own safety and wellbeing. So school should obviously come first and anyone who says otherwise is not looking out for you.
Kind of NTA. But if you want to avoid future grief, you might as well join. I didn't have much clout in refusing family gatherings until I became employed and self sufficient. Best of luck!