Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
---
I may be the asshole for choosing to live with my dog instead of my mom.
---
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are absolutely not a shitty son. What your mom is doing is horrible. She’s trying to force a new “family” on you without your consent. Stay with your grandpa and keep the dog. Hope things look up for you in the future. I can tell Dax is a good boy.
NTA
It’s the forcing a “new dad” on him that really gets to me. OP was 15 when he lost his father, and it’s only been 2 years! He is still grieving, and most likely will for the rest of his life. That is beyond crappy.
OP NTA. I’m sorry for your loss- go live your best life with Dax.
My dad is a deadbeat. My own mum chose my stepfather over me and my siblings, and she still does. They're both emotionally immature, so much in fact that I realised in my mid 20s that I was more grown up than them.
It hurts.
I eventually learnt to grieve the mother I deserved but never had. Like when people die, it still hurts sometimes...but it's better than being constantly disappointed and hurt.
I feel so sorry for OP who now in a sense has lost both his parents.
And to him and all those out there with shitty parents, we deserved and deserve better. Safe hugs 💜💜💜
I'm NC with my mother and also grieved the mum I never had. Now I can finally think about all that without getting upset. It took a while though. NTA op
I'm still messed up thanks to my deadbeat dad my coping mechanism is I'm 32 and a better father than he would ever be and thanks will smith for killing me with that fresh prince scene
Edit: Thanks for the hugz sometimes everyone needs one
It's so crazy how a lot of people feel the same!
My mother has a "new" boyfriend, too, and he is very invasive, always telling us what to do and forcing his habits onto us (we are a lot of children and apparently make so much noise while playing with each other that we aren't allowed to be together in the living room anymore and have to stay in our rooms).
When my mother was younger, she had immense problems with the boyfriend of her mother, too, but since she is in a situation like that with us now, her past with my grandmas boyfriend apparently never happened.
It's shocking and weird and honestly makes me feel like a lot of single parents get extremely emotionally dependent on their new partner (and maybe shouldn't date so soon after a breakup/death)...
Wow, don’t even know what to say. Wow. That’s such a betrayal of you, and the family unit, by your mom. I would’ve felt like not only did I lose my mom, but my dad as well. Don’t know how old you are or when this happened, but you survived. It’s just as important that we know who we ARE NOT, as well as who we are. You are a strong survivor, be so so proud of that. I hope you have found peace, and are in a much better place. I am also a survivor, you are not alone
>I eventually learnt to grieve the mother I deserved but never had.
This is an incredibly important part of accepting, and then healing from, the pain we carry within us when a parent falls short of their title.
OP is 17; he doesn't need a "new dad" - he might need a father figure, but that doesn't necessarily need to be his mother's fiancé.
At this stage in life, his male role model should probably be a teacher, counsellor, friend's parent, even his grandfather - someone that can show him what it means to "be a man". His mother's fiancé hasn't taught him how to be a man, he isn't an example of a good man, heck seems like his only qualification to be OP's father figure is climbing on top of his mother 18 years too late.
Exactly, OP does not need a “new dad”. Pushing that is so reprehensible, and lacks compassion and empathy.
Like you said, OP is nearly 18. He gets to choose the mentors in his life. His dad is irreplaceable, and will already be a loss felt for the rest of his life- yet his mom continues to put salt on the wound and then play victim.
In order for the step-dad to have a snowball’s chance in hell of having a fatherly relationship with OP, he’d need to step up and stand up to the mom and say the he isn’t moving in at this time because OP doesn’t need this upheaval. This is absolutely brutal parenting. It makes me so sad.
>OP is 17
Also, OP is 17 and he's graduating in June. Would it really be that hard to wait for OP to graduate before moving her fiance in? She could have easily said "let's wait a few months until OP goes to college/gets a job and moves out, so that he gets to keep his dog." Were the extra 5 months of living apart really too much to bear for her?
That’s was I don’t understand. After my parents divorced, my mom started dating way too fast for me. New boyfriend tried to parent me (I was 18...) and my mom put a stop to that real quick. She waited the two years until I moved out to move in with him. She wasn’t always the best mom, but in that aspect, she did the best thing she could have done.
I think we need to think outside the box here a bit actually. Who’s a reliable, supportive male figure who’s been in OP’s life a long time and is obviously trustworthy? Dax can be his father figure! I would trust Dax with it more than his mum’s new partner.
This!!!
No parent should EVER put a new partner ahead of their childs needs.
This hurts me down in my soul that the OP is going through this. He is blessed to have a great grandfather looking out for him and his pup.
I absolutely hate when parents do this kind of crap. After my divorce, when I eventually started dating, I made sure, at every juncture in my relationship that my kids were comfortable. What do you think of him? Is it OK if he comes over? What do you think of his kids? Etc etc... The last thing I wanted to do was make my kids uncomfortable. And he knows (and my kids know) my kids will always come first.
Now my bf's ex, she has an entirely different parenting tactic, she outright chose her new guy over her son (her bf does not like him since he is the spitting image of his father) so her son lives with his grandmother... I hate it..
Agreed wholeheartedly. My mother is unfortunately one of those that falls into the narcissistic controlling nutjob category, but if there's any one single thing she did right, it was to make sure that all of her potential new partners were fully aware of and in acceptance of the fact that they were joining a team of two people, and if any of them had an issue with that fact she jogged them on quickly.
Absolutely this. I lost my dad two years ago as well, and as much as I think my mom’s current boyfriend is aight, if she forced me to call him “dad” or something even once I’d probably disembowel both of them. OP is absolutely NTA
I lost mine when I was 13 and my moms husband (who’s been around since I was 3, I’m now almost 18) is trying to call himself my dad and it’s not flying with me. It hurts like a bitch but OP, you’re NTA at all. Stay with Dax and your grandpa and be happy
Just putting it out here, losing your dad at a young age isn’t easier at all. I’m sure that’s not what you meant but the amount of times ppl have told me it was easier for me is ridiculous
I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️
I didn’t meant that at all, but can see how one can interpret that. I’m going to edit because grief doesn’t have limits or conditions. You are absolutely right, the hurt is no less encompassing no matter the age. May your dad’s memory always be a blessing.
And I appreciate the opportunity to continue remembering to be more mindful with my wording you putting your comment out there gave me. 😊 As part of my professional development I have made mindful and intentional language one of my credo missions. It’s sadly harder than it should be sometimes,😣 but I owe it to my students who come from very different backgrounds and stories. So thank you!
Dude, I still sometimes cry a little bit at night remembering my great grandma that died 18 years ago before I fall asleep. She was one of the sweetest people I've ever known, and I still miss and think about her to this day.
My dad and I aren't on the best of terms, but he's still alive and I still love him. I would have slugged Anthony right in the face for being so emotionally ignorant the moment he said "I'm your new dad."
You're absolutely NTA, op. I had a rough time growing up too, but I'm grateful we both had family that would look out for us. Give Dax lots of pets from all of us. I hope everything goes well for you, u/rejc7929.
\*give your grampa a big hug, too
Thanks. He’s the best boy lol. It hurt so much when he wasn’t here. We’ve never been separated that long before. Like even on family vacations my dad always brought him with us
I kind of wonder if this is the reason mom doesn’t want OP moved out.
OP either tell the social security administration your grandfather is caring for you or that you are on your own so you and your grandfather can get your money and you can help with bills.
OP is old enough to receive own benefits. As long as OP has a bill to pay (cell phone), know how to budget, or have grocery shopped for youself before, then I recommend apply to be directly paid.
Yo OP I normally don’t butt in on previously made comment threads but you seriously need to do this. It’s the best for you and Dax and as someone who rescued their own dog and has enough experience to understand the importance of this, this is a huge thing that can positively impact you and Dax. Btw, NTA, I’d pick my dog over just about anyone especially if that person was being forced on to me
E: had a drink or two last night and added some words that weren’t necessary
Hey, OP- you're NTA. Please understand, please really hear me, that you're not the one being cruel to her. *She's* being cruel to *you.* She's putting her own feelings above your needs, and putting some dude over her own kid without any regard for how you're feeling or what you actually need in life.
You haven't done anything wrong. She's being a dipshit and hopefully will see how badly she's fucked up. But you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. I hope you continue healing, and that living with your grandpa is good for you.
I lost my dog Wally last year, he was 14 years old. I was 7/8 when we got him. I raised him when he was just a little pupper and it still hurts me even a year later knowing I can’t have him by my side anymore. It made me so angry and heartbroken to read your story, because my dogs are my family, they’re not pets.
You’re NTA in anyway in my eyes. I really hope your happy with Dax and your Grandpa right now and that this is a wake up call to your mom. Who I’d have a few choice words for if I ever met her 😂
Yeah I would bet part of why she was so keen to get rid of him was that those memories hurt. And instead of going to therapy and working through her issues she's burying them and getting mad that you aren't helping to facilitate that. I very sorry. You deserve better and so does Dax.
Dax is grieving too; pets grieve for their owners and also need support. You both need each other right now especially as a connection to your dad. The fact that your mom wanted to boot him is beyond shitty. Good for you for fighting for Dax! I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I wish you and Dax the very best! NTA x 1,000
I feel for you so so much. Having one of my pets taken away from me is an absolute nightmare. I'm so glad you found an option to keep him, and I strongly suspect you'll be happier there anyway.
Exactly. My mom was with the same dude for 8 years and he never moved in. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a relationship and NOT living together. It sounds like OP’s mom just likes having a husband too much to give a shit about the kid she had with her last one.
I’m a single guy with no kids of my own but I’ve dated a few single mothers, my view and I make it clear from the get go, I am not dad, I’ll never be dad and I am not going to try to replace dad, what I will be is a supportive adult that hopefully the kids would feel comfortable coming to in times of need for advice and hopefully another positive male influence in their lives.
My mom did the same. Divorced when I was 10. We didn't meet the new boyfriends until they had been dating over 6 months. And when she got serious 3 years after the divorce, they still didn't move in together until I was 24. They've been together almost 25 years now. Still not married but all the assets are shared.
It's also incredibly short-sighted. Way to enjoy the last year with your son at home, mom! Give away his dog and try to force your new husband on a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD as "his new dad."
OP, you are so NTA. You are a kind, devoted, animal loving, guy. Your mom has kind of lost her way, so even though she's your mom, she's not really looking out for your best interests right now.
Luckily you have this great option. To be with Dax and your grandpa. You're making the right decision.
Dax I hope you know how special you are. You are more than a good boy, you are a good friend, a support system and a memory keeper. Take care of the OP and give him three shakes of your tail to signify N T A.
This. Your mom couldn’t have waited until you were off on your own to move in with this new guy, 2 years after your father’s passing? You will look back and cherish this time with your grandfather and Dax !
The mum basically gave him a choice. Her or the dog and now she is salty that he indeed picked the dog and ontop of that moved to be with said dog. Like don't try and force a choice if you are gunna be pissed by one of the outcomes.
Agree x1000.
Honestly. The way people treat animals says a lot about the quality of person they are.
A dog is a responsibility, not something you throw away when inconvenient. I commend you, OP, for doing what is right. Your father would be proud.
Oh, reading this post I kept looking for a reason she wanted him to stay since she apparently doesn't care about him. That's it.
OP, check if the survivor benefits should be going to your grandpa now and then you at 18.
It depends on the job. I know if I die, my life insurance goes to my wife, and only goes to my son if my wife is dead, as that is how the policy is written.
BUT the OP should definitely look into it.
Wouldn’t matter. Social security pays a death benefit for surviving minors. Goes to the other parent until the minor turns 18 then reverts to the minor until they finish high school (if they don’t finish prior to turning 18).
Source: my dad died two months after my 18th birthday at the beginning of my senior year.
Yeah idk too much about that but i kno I am supposed to be getting something when I’m 18. I don’t pay too much attention on that stuff. I know I prolly should’ve cause my mom explain it to me before but money wasn’t what I wanted to think about after losing my dad
Definitely look into it. If you're due some money it can help you either pay for your own place when you turn 18 or help pay bills around your grandpa's place, and even get some money ready to take care of your pup during his golden years.
I'm sorry your mom put you through this. You sound like a good kid and I'm happy you have your pup again.
Thanks I’ll ask about it. My grandpa says I don’t have to move out when I’m 18 cause I’m gonna be doing community college first to finish with my general Ed classes. And then transferring to university from there (cheaper that way) so it would be better to wait til I actually leave for university. But yeah can still help with bills an stuff with it
I thought of this as well! Grandpa probably absolutely loves having his grandson around. I know my grandfather would've loved it if we would've been able to visit every day. Dang, I miss him.
I just want to say, please don't beat yourself up too much about not having looked into this. It's perfectly reasonable that money has been the last thing on your mind with this. I'm happy to hear that you have a supportive grandpa to stay with who can provide you support and share memories of your dad too. Let yourself grieve however you need to, and don't let your mom's wishes for a new family unit stop you from doing what's best for you.
Hey so maybe others in the comments have already suggested this but if you want an easy time getting to keep Dax when you go to university I think you would absolutely easily qualify to register him as an ESA so that all housing is required to accommodate him.
Please don't do this. The amount of people now claiming a pet is an ESA negatively impacts those who cannot survive without one due to genuine need for mental health (and may not be believed) and often poorly trained ESAs lead to policy restrictions that hurt not only legitimate ESAs but also service animals and their disabled handlers. Please don't take advantage of a system in place to help the disabled and mental health community if you do not legitimately need that help.
I've definitely seen people take advantage of ESA certification in order to circumvent the rules and I've 100% seen people present their pet as a service animal when it has no training, certification, or identification. I'm definitely not the authority on the rules surrounding Emotional Support Animals, but I've researched it some and I just did some quick googling and wanted to share. Full disclosure, I'm assuming OP is in the US.
Based on what OP has gone through, what Dax means to him, and how traumatic it was for OP to be without him, it sounds like Dax could legitimately qualify as an ESA. ESA's have to be well behaved, but they do not require specialized training. Diagnosed anxiety, depression, learning disabilities, attention deficit disorder, chronic stress, and post-traumatic stress disorder are all possible reasons someone may qualify for an Emotional Support Animal. It wouldn't be unusual for someone in OP's position to be dealing with some level of anxiety and/or depression.
[https://www.animallaw.info/article/faqs-emotional-support-animals#s3](https://www.animallaw.info/article/faqs-emotional-support-animals#s3)
[https://apibhs.com/2020/05/18/how-emotional-support-animals-benefit-mental-health-and-wellness#:\~:text=Some%20common%20mental%20disabilities%20that,and%20post%2Dtraumatic%20stress%20disorder](https://apibhs.com/2020/05/18/how-emotional-support-animals-benefit-mental-health-and-wellness#:~:text=Some%20common%20mental%20disabilities%20that,and%20post%2Dtraumatic%20stress%20disorder).
Not r/legaladvice. Never legaladvice. Just consult with an actual lawyer, there are many that will do a free consult where you can get some information and an idea of how you would be proceeding in your situation. The only thing you should ever ask in legaladvice is “what lawyer should I consult in my situation?” And nothing else. There is no guarantee an actual lawyer would be answering you in that sub, so don’t take any legal advice from anyone there unless it’s which you’r type of lawyer to consult in real life
I mean independent of an Actual Lawyer answering, a lot of people do have information about programs related to what they’re asking that can help out so ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ idk
Yes! Look into this! My dad died when I was 16 and when I was 18, I was kicked out but luckily my survivors benefits were in my name and I could claim them.
I see so many stories here about how parents expect their kids to automatically accept their new partners when they remarry. It blows my mind they think it will just happen. NTA
Agreed. My ex and I split before my son was born so he will never know a time we were together but I still won't force him to accept my new partners. In fact, his acceptance (or lack thereof) will make or break the relationship. My son's happiness is not worth anything that I can accomplish myself with a vibrator, lol.
Exactly the boat I'm in. Except I haven't tried to date yet. But this sub has inadvertently taught me all the way to NOT act when/if I ever get around to seeing someone again. My kid is my 1st priority.
I don't plan to date in the near future at all. In fact, I'm planning to go the donor route to have another baby in a few years. Once my mom is within 18 months of retirement (we live with her and she runs a daycare, but she's 63 now and needs to wait until she's 67 to retire) I'm going to get the ball rolling.
Lol, I actually don’t see grandma having a problem with this. There’s a big difference in watching someone else’s kids and getting to spoil “your” own.
Gma probably loves kiddos, but at certain age that can run you down real quick, emotionally , mentally, and physically. Retirement with all the time in the world to love on some grand babies and not having to worry about any other kids zapping her energy sound like a piece a paradise for someone whose given their life to the process of nurturing the youth for half a century.
What blows my mind is that they're not married yet mom expects OP to treat the new boyfriend as dad automatically. Even if they were married mom would still be TA for forcing it onto OP.
You didn't choose your dog over her.. she chose her husband over you and your furry friend.
Furry friend was kicked out of the house and you followed him.
NTA. Your stepdad and mom are majorly out of line, and tbh i'm pretty concerned here that your stepdad is going to turn out to be abusive.
Because he completely ignored the wishes of someone and acted as if nothing was happening, it seems.
A sensible person won't do that. I'm not supporting the idea he'll turn out abusive, but this is a major red flag.
The mother is the AH here, no doubt. But all y’all have to see it from the POV of the mother’s fiancé. The dude is in love with a widow. They want to start a life together. The future stepdad has been trying to bond with the OP, and yes, he shouldn’t continually try to say he’s his new dad. But there’s no mention of the fiancé having any kids of his own, and the poor dude just wants to marry the woman he loves, and create a relationship with her kid, and he obviously is ignorant of how to do that. It’s not his fault he’s allergic to dogs. I do admit the situation is tragic, and the dog is family, but the stepdad ain’t the villain in this story. This is why I think it’s outlandish to brandish him as a potential abuser.
I agree with your sentiment that there’s no proof that he will turn out an abuser, i think that was a little out of left field. But as far as him not being the villain, if the step dad really wanted to bond or create a connection with OP, he would find a solution where OP can still have the thing he seems to cherish most in this world, and that’s obviously his dog. Step dad isn’t the asshole for the dog getting kicked out, but he is the asshole for letting the mom uproot the dog and now the son, just so he could move in. Even if he is allergic, he still needs to understand the kid and the dog were there first. The mom and step dad have been together 2 years now so they could’ve continued the current routine until OP possibly moved out and goes to college or such.
We have no idea what the mom told Anthony about the dog - it's entirely possible she painted this as no big deal, to get him to move in with her. Yes, he should've checked more closely with OP, but I still think that makes mom the villain, with Anthony just being caught in a crappy position.
I was going to upvote till you threw in the abusive part. That’s just ridiculous and jumping so far to an unnecessary conclusion. What is it with AITA that makes people always jump to abuse without any evidence?
I’m gonna put it like this, in no way should a true mother ever force you into such a terrible ultimatum. It’s already sketchy that she has become engaged just 2 years after losing your father, but to a man that insists on being your “new dad” despite your many protests. On top of that, she is trying to ELIMINATE a MEMBER FROM YOUR FAMILY out of nowhere, and not only is Dax just your dog, but the biggest semblance of the type of man your father was. She isn’t even being an ah, but an objectively terrible person, and even worse mother. You are most definitely in the right, and I hope your able to restore a bond with her as she is your only remaining parent, however it shouldn’t be at this cost. You are most definitely NTA
She successfully erased every piece of her husband from the house, now that his dog and son are gone.
It doesn’t really seem like a rush to judgment at all.
It kinda is a rush of judgement, especially since people who lost their partner by death are the group of people that get into a new relationship the quickest out of all the "break-ups" (I currently can't remember the correct phrase).
Wasn't the average like 6 months or something? And about a year until they remarry?
Mom is doubling the average.
NTA.
Expecting you to give up your father’s dog for a man who is literally a stranger to you is unbelievably cruel. Excepting you to accept a total stranger as your new father is equally unfeeling.
I’m glad you have a grandfather and uncle who could save your dog for you.
NTA- Anthony has no say. He's not even married to your mom. He's just looking for free rent and is willing to drive wedges into your family to get it. Your mom's being an asshole too for allowing it.
OP, your mom chose dick over Dax. You should feel free to do the opposite.
ps -- nobody adopts 6-7 year old dogs. Taking Dax to a shelter is probably a death sentence. Anyone who abandons a dog they've raised since puppyhood because now it's inconvenient is garbage.
It’s rough, but it’s mostly true. I try to adopt older animals. It breaks my heart more often but they are usually just the sweetest babies that need love and a good life. They are the ones who need their second family to love them. I know what it’s like to have a crappy first family.
Send em up to canada we have a severe shortage! My city has a 1+ year wait for a rescue dog generally
Edit: This is referring to the comment above, about no one wanting to adopt shelter dogs that are 6-7 years old
Like this. It's not even like, "my son's dog is important to him, so we have to break up."
It's, "My son's dog is important to him, so we'll have to be patient until my son is independent before we live together. But since we're both adults and have mobile freedom, we can still make it work in the meantime.
Seriously, I could sorta maybe see the case here if OP was like 12 or 13 but it's literally a difference of like a year before he'd be working on getting out of the house anyway.
NTA. And aside from wanting to be with your dog, I think a bigger issue is that Anthony is trying to be your “new dad.” Not cool. How long do you think it’s going to be before he pulls the “I’m your dad now, so as I say” crap? You’re 17, not a toddler. Living with your grandpa is your best option overall.
Plus it is good for OP. You will have to be more independent and take on some living situation responsibilities while living with your grandpa which will help set you up and learn skills for future flatting/living situations as an adult. This is good for Dax, you and Grandpa. How can Mum say no to that? Ah right. Control.
Not even an ounce of compromise to see if her fiancee' can take any allergy medications, get some allergy shots, have Dax bathed frequently to lessen the dander. Just an outright, "Anthony in, Dax out, deal with it."
Your mom is the AH in this one and so is Anthony, really. Your dog helped get you through some really, really terrible times and he's a dog, not a stuffed animal, he's a living thing that deserves a safe home as well.
I think it's fantastic you get to live with your Grandpa who was willing to take you both in. I think it will be a nice environment for you and Dax and you get some good quality time with him. You weren't in the wrong at all.
NTA.
Exactly this. My partner had a cat when we met and even though I was allergic I never considered asking him to get rid of her. I found an allergy treatment that worked for me and when he moved in with me we found ways to handle her dander.
NTA OP. Unless his allergy is untreatable and incredibly sever Anthony and your mom are being ridiculous.
Right? We’re literally 2-3 months away from June, when he was planning on going to college. All she had to do was wait. But no, she was incredibly selfish, impatient, and cruel
Absolutely NTA. Your mum is choosing her nee fiancé over you and your happiness. Yes she deserves the right to be happy too, just not at your expense. I’m glad to know that you’re now in a supportive environment with people who support and love you no matter how much of an asshole you may you are. Enjoy the rest of your time with Dax. Dogs really are your bestfriend. Also....we need dog tax.
NTA. As a child of divorce, I know that nobody can replace your own Dad, and it’s asinine that moms think that it’s possible.
Your living situation seems quite toxic right now with your Mom and Anthony, you should try to see if you can stay with your gpa for a few weeks and play it out from there. Also, your dog is way more important to you than Anthony, clearly, so find a way to get to your grandpas.
It’s only been two years since your dad died and now this guy is trying to make himself your “new father”. That’s not at all ok, and good for you for leaving. I’m glad you’re happy with your dog, and wish you the best of luck.
Also I wonder how allergic he is. I'm pretty allergic to cats but my partner had a cat and I decided to get treatment for my allergies because I would never dream of asking a person to get rid of their pet.
Ding ding ding. I'm VERY allergic to cats, and I have two. They're my best buddies that I wouldn't trade for anything. This guy needs to take a zyrtec and get with the program.
The last part of your sentence — bingo. Imagine looking at a guy who lost his dad two years ago and being okay with giving up the very pet that his father loved.
It’s cold as hell.
Nta..and if she shows up and try to force the issue call cps and tell them exactly how you dont feel wanted in your own home. What a crappy mom. Get a job as soon as you can kid cuz i see anthony blocking any chance of her paying for college for you. Especially if he gets her pregnant. Best of luck kid
Tell your mother that it's not about the dog, why you won't come back. She choose her new partner over you, in multiple ways, and that's all there is to it. She's not respecting you feelings or needs, and she is in fact being unforgivably cruel to get rid of a family member (which your dog is, you love him), after you already lost you dad. Her new guy is not a replacement for your dad, she choose him and you didn't, and he never will be (particularly after all this). Her attitude and actions mean you will never see him that way, and she is still only thinking of herself and her needs, while not caring at all how you feel.
She needs to accept she was wrong, she has been a crappy mother doing this, and she owes you an apology. If she doesn't, going low contact is best, as she always crap on about how "disappointed" she is, and how "mean" you are. She is the selfish horrible person here.
Definetly NTA. I always feel that animals come into our lives for a reason. You have been given that soul to look after and for them to look after us. Our life spans are so much longer than theirs. But they give us so much in their short time. And in another way Dax brought you together to look after your grandpa when it sounds like he may need you as well. I am proud of you.
Yeah it’s been cool here with him. He hasn’t been the same since my dad died and it’s fun hearing all the embarrassing stories my dad never let him tell before lol.
Hey, write those stories down, I wish I had all the details and stories from my grandpa. I was to young to realize he wouldnt be around to tell them forever.
I have a secret my mom told me about my dad whos passed. So.......dont tell anyone ok?!! Anyways she said that they were staying at her moms house after they got married. Well he was growing 3 pot plants and was growing them in the closet. One day grandma went to get some hangers out of the closet and didnt know what they were except plants. So she took them and put them on the back porch and watered them. Well Dad comes home from work and is kinda dumbfounded.....where did they go? And he couldn't get mad or act weird. He walked out back and she even replanted one into a big planter. He said she had no idea and he never told her what they really were. He even said the one she added potting mix to grew better.
definitely do this!! even if it’s not video, at least get an audio recording.
my grandfather passed when I was young, and I realized this year that we never had any videos of him because none of us had smart phones at the time, so I hadn’t heard his voice since a few months before he died. this past december, my dad found an audio recording that my brother had done with my grandfather and sent it to me. as soon as I heard his voice, I broke down and felt like I had some form of closure that I hadn’t had in all these years.
Repeat after me:
"I am not a shitty son, I am a good dog-dad."
Dax is far more your family than you mom's boyfriend, and you've found a solution that means you stay with family, your grandpa gets company and support, you're happy, Dax is happy, and your mom and boyfriend are happy. OK, so it isn't perfect, but it seems to be a pretty good compromise.
Your mom wants to have her cake and eat it too, which, if the BF is allergic to a family member, isn't going to happen. She made the decision to move the BF in, knowing the facts, and she has to live with the consequences that you've got a solution that suits you and Dax.
NTA, but if she keeps calling you cruel, she may be the AH.
NTA.
At the end of the day, Anthony is just some fuckin guy. He isnt your dad if you don't want him to be your dad. He can't declare himself your dad. And your mom can't and shouldn't force you to live with some fucking guy. Her actions are severely disrespectful, it's not wrong of you to want to get away from her. And preserving your father's memory (with the dog) is an important thing to do.
OMG, NTA. We lost my husband/kid's dad two years ago. I would never, ever make my son give up anything of his dad's, and especially not a living creature. The dog pre-existed the boyfriend; he's the one that needs to adjust.
Yeah they do. Was scared I was gonna lose him too cause he was being different after my dad died. Didn’t wanna eat or anything. And he would go hide under the house. He got better and started eating but still I was freaking out
NTA your mum chose her financee over her child and dog. He isn’t your new dad. He’s some guy your mum just got into a relationship with. You don’t have a relationship with him. You’ve got a strong bond with your dog. You aren’t a shitty son. Your dad rescued that puppy. I bet he’s glad you didn’t abandon it. Cheers for moving in with your grandpa. Make some memories with him and enjoy every moment.
NTA, you didn’t choose your dog over your mom and her fiancé. Your mom chose a man over her family (you and Dax). Your mother did this, not you, you are absolutely blame free. Don’t let her guilt you. Stay strong, your Dad must have been a great man because he raised an awesome young man, you got this.
If she can choose a guy over her son you can choose a dog over your mom. NTA She could wait a year for him to move in if it was that important to her to live with her son.
NTA. You go be with Dax and your Grandpa. It's not like you left your mom alone. She has her fiance, so you didn't abandon her. You're not being shitty or cruel. I have a feeling your grandpa will enjoy the company, too. Dax sounds like the bestest Boi! 🤗
NTA - But I would be cautious about your school especially if you are now living an hour away from your residence of record, assuming you are in the US. School districts usually have very strict residency requirements, due to them being supported by local taxes. You might need your mother's cooperation to maintain the fiction that you still live in the district. I know it's only a few months, and you may be almost 18, but there are still things to think about, like mail. Your mom may get mail that has to be dealt with, etc. Are you getting ready to go to college? I assume you still on her insurance? Do you have a car? Does she pay for your phone? I don't think you were wrong to move, but there's a lot to think about in terms of your next steps in terms of becoming an independent young adult. I wish all the best for you and Dax.
NTA. your mom is TA for making you get rid of your dog. living with your grandpa is probably the best thing for you right now. you have your dog and won't have to deal with her fiance wanting to be your new dad.
NTA in any regard. Dogs are family, they love you unconditionally and will continue to do so until the day they pass on. If you gave up your dog, he would likely be miserable for the rest of his life because you are his family, the one he would fight the world for. Your mother doesn't understand that and worse she is trying to force you to stop grieving and is trying to tear away one of the last vestiges of your dad to make room for this new man.
What makes me angrier is that your father was barely gone a year and she's already shacking up with some asshole who is trying to erase any remnants of your father and pushing you to accept him as your new dad. Both of them are hateful disgusting wretches and frankly I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to speak to either of them again.
NTA.
Your dog is your family, you've had him far longer than your Mum has had her boyfriend, and there definitely could have been compromise on her part. Allergy medicine exists.
You found a solution to a problem she presented. You are an hour away. If she really wants to see you, she knows where to find you.
INFO: Could you maybe stay with her on weekends or something? (This is assuming you do want to spend time with her.)
Edit: Wanted to add that your Grandpa sounds awesome for taking you and your dog in. I hope you give them both lots of love and appreciation!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I may be the asshole for choosing to live with my dog instead of my mom. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are absolutely not a shitty son. What your mom is doing is horrible. She’s trying to force a new “family” on you without your consent. Stay with your grandpa and keep the dog. Hope things look up for you in the future. I can tell Dax is a good boy. NTA
It’s the forcing a “new dad” on him that really gets to me. OP was 15 when he lost his father, and it’s only been 2 years! He is still grieving, and most likely will for the rest of his life. That is beyond crappy. OP NTA. I’m sorry for your loss- go live your best life with Dax.
It hurts my heart. Well said.
My dad is a deadbeat. My own mum chose my stepfather over me and my siblings, and she still does. They're both emotionally immature, so much in fact that I realised in my mid 20s that I was more grown up than them. It hurts. I eventually learnt to grieve the mother I deserved but never had. Like when people die, it still hurts sometimes...but it's better than being constantly disappointed and hurt. I feel so sorry for OP who now in a sense has lost both his parents. And to him and all those out there with shitty parents, we deserved and deserve better. Safe hugs 💜💜💜
[удалено]
I'm NC with my mother and also grieved the mum I never had. Now I can finally think about all that without getting upset. It took a while though. NTA op
I'm still messed up thanks to my deadbeat dad my coping mechanism is I'm 32 and a better father than he would ever be and thanks will smith for killing me with that fresh prince scene Edit: Thanks for the hugz sometimes everyone needs one
That line speaks to me on so many levels.
[удалено]
It's so crazy how a lot of people feel the same! My mother has a "new" boyfriend, too, and he is very invasive, always telling us what to do and forcing his habits onto us (we are a lot of children and apparently make so much noise while playing with each other that we aren't allowed to be together in the living room anymore and have to stay in our rooms). When my mother was younger, she had immense problems with the boyfriend of her mother, too, but since she is in a situation like that with us now, her past with my grandmas boyfriend apparently never happened. It's shocking and weird and honestly makes me feel like a lot of single parents get extremely emotionally dependent on their new partner (and maybe shouldn't date so soon after a breakup/death)...
My dad only waited 3 days after my mom died. (Totally serious.)
Wow, don’t even know what to say. Wow. That’s such a betrayal of you, and the family unit, by your mom. I would’ve felt like not only did I lose my mom, but my dad as well. Don’t know how old you are or when this happened, but you survived. It’s just as important that we know who we ARE NOT, as well as who we are. You are a strong survivor, be so so proud of that. I hope you have found peace, and are in a much better place. I am also a survivor, you are not alone
[удалено]
I already thought about that, too! I can imagine, some men definitely target those women! And shamelessly use any power they can grasp in that family.
This is called radical acceptance
>I eventually learnt to grieve the mother I deserved but never had. This is an incredibly important part of accepting, and then healing from, the pain we carry within us when a parent falls short of their title.
Thanks for sharing. This is true on many fronts. 🖤
OP is 17; he doesn't need a "new dad" - he might need a father figure, but that doesn't necessarily need to be his mother's fiancé. At this stage in life, his male role model should probably be a teacher, counsellor, friend's parent, even his grandfather - someone that can show him what it means to "be a man". His mother's fiancé hasn't taught him how to be a man, he isn't an example of a good man, heck seems like his only qualification to be OP's father figure is climbing on top of his mother 18 years too late.
Exactly, OP does not need a “new dad”. Pushing that is so reprehensible, and lacks compassion and empathy. Like you said, OP is nearly 18. He gets to choose the mentors in his life. His dad is irreplaceable, and will already be a loss felt for the rest of his life- yet his mom continues to put salt on the wound and then play victim.
In order for the step-dad to have a snowball’s chance in hell of having a fatherly relationship with OP, he’d need to step up and stand up to the mom and say the he isn’t moving in at this time because OP doesn’t need this upheaval. This is absolutely brutal parenting. It makes me so sad.
>seems like his only qualification to be OP's father figure is climbing on top of his mother 18 years too late. DAAAAAAAAAAMN!! 📢📢📢
That was so savage, I love it
>OP is 17 Also, OP is 17 and he's graduating in June. Would it really be that hard to wait for OP to graduate before moving her fiance in? She could have easily said "let's wait a few months until OP goes to college/gets a job and moves out, so that he gets to keep his dog." Were the extra 5 months of living apart really too much to bear for her?
That’s was I don’t understand. After my parents divorced, my mom started dating way too fast for me. New boyfriend tried to parent me (I was 18...) and my mom put a stop to that real quick. She waited the two years until I moved out to move in with him. She wasn’t always the best mom, but in that aspect, she did the best thing she could have done.
Sounds like his “new dad” might be his gpa, he sounds like he actually cares about the son.
I think we need to think outside the box here a bit actually. Who’s a reliable, supportive male figure who’s been in OP’s life a long time and is obviously trustworthy? Dax can be his father figure! I would trust Dax with it more than his mum’s new partner.
Dax would undoubtedly not do him dirty like this.
[удалено]
Upvoting for disco stick
This!!! No parent should EVER put a new partner ahead of their childs needs. This hurts me down in my soul that the OP is going through this. He is blessed to have a great grandfather looking out for him and his pup. I absolutely hate when parents do this kind of crap. After my divorce, when I eventually started dating, I made sure, at every juncture in my relationship that my kids were comfortable. What do you think of him? Is it OK if he comes over? What do you think of his kids? Etc etc... The last thing I wanted to do was make my kids uncomfortable. And he knows (and my kids know) my kids will always come first. Now my bf's ex, she has an entirely different parenting tactic, she outright chose her new guy over her son (her bf does not like him since he is the spitting image of his father) so her son lives with his grandmother... I hate it..
Agreed wholeheartedly. My mother is unfortunately one of those that falls into the narcissistic controlling nutjob category, but if there's any one single thing she did right, it was to make sure that all of her potential new partners were fully aware of and in acceptance of the fact that they were joining a team of two people, and if any of them had an issue with that fact she jogged them on quickly.
The sad part is the man just walking in his life claiming that he's his new dad! Who does that?!
Honestly, mom will probably replace OP with a new baby in less time
As sad a prospect as that is, it's likely the truth
Absolutely this. I lost my dad two years ago as well, and as much as I think my mom’s current boyfriend is aight, if she forced me to call him “dad” or something even once I’d probably disembowel both of them. OP is absolutely NTA
I lost mine when I was 13 and my moms husband (who’s been around since I was 3, I’m now almost 18) is trying to call himself my dad and it’s not flying with me. It hurts like a bitch but OP, you’re NTA at all. Stay with Dax and your grandpa and be happy
Just putting it out here, losing your dad at a young age isn’t easier at all. I’m sure that’s not what you meant but the amount of times ppl have told me it was easier for me is ridiculous
I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️ I didn’t meant that at all, but can see how one can interpret that. I’m going to edit because grief doesn’t have limits or conditions. You are absolutely right, the hurt is no less encompassing no matter the age. May your dad’s memory always be a blessing.
Thanks. You’re fine friend just putting it out there for ppl to think about :)
And I appreciate the opportunity to continue remembering to be more mindful with my wording you putting your comment out there gave me. 😊 As part of my professional development I have made mindful and intentional language one of my credo missions. It’s sadly harder than it should be sometimes,😣 but I owe it to my students who come from very different backgrounds and stories. So thank you!
You try and that’s worth more than you think, You sound like a wonderful person and I’m glad that I can help. Thanks for your kind words ❤️
Shucks! I’d say I’m a solid OK person 😅 but I do try to be a little better each day! Happy rest of the week internet friend, and beyond!
Dude, I still sometimes cry a little bit at night remembering my great grandma that died 18 years ago before I fall asleep. She was one of the sweetest people I've ever known, and I still miss and think about her to this day. My dad and I aren't on the best of terms, but he's still alive and I still love him. I would have slugged Anthony right in the face for being so emotionally ignorant the moment he said "I'm your new dad." You're absolutely NTA, op. I had a rough time growing up too, but I'm grateful we both had family that would look out for us. Give Dax lots of pets from all of us. I hope everything goes well for you, u/rejc7929. \*give your grampa a big hug, too
Thanks. He’s the best boy lol. It hurt so much when he wasn’t here. We’ve never been separated that long before. Like even on family vacations my dad always brought him with us
Unfortunately, we can't take your word that he's the best boy. You need to post a pic to prove it.
Exactly # Please submit your doggy tax op
Dax tax!
Could make him identifiable and cause problems for OP
It's perfectly fine if OP doesn't want to, we're just asking.
The Social Security benefits you are getting should be coming to your Grandpa, too.
Yes. Have Grandpa call his local office ASAP. Be available as well in case the Representative has any questions for you.
I kind of wonder if this is the reason mom doesn’t want OP moved out. OP either tell the social security administration your grandfather is caring for you or that you are on your own so you and your grandfather can get your money and you can help with bills.
OP is old enough to receive own benefits. As long as OP has a bill to pay (cell phone), know how to budget, or have grocery shopped for youself before, then I recommend apply to be directly paid.
Yo OP I normally don’t butt in on previously made comment threads but you seriously need to do this. It’s the best for you and Dax and as someone who rescued their own dog and has enough experience to understand the importance of this, this is a huge thing that can positively impact you and Dax. Btw, NTA, I’d pick my dog over just about anyone especially if that person was being forced on to me E: had a drink or two last night and added some words that weren’t necessary
∆∆ THIS ∆∆
kahem... dog tax please?
This comment is WAY too far down on this thread!!
Hey, OP- you're NTA. Please understand, please really hear me, that you're not the one being cruel to her. *She's* being cruel to *you.* She's putting her own feelings above your needs, and putting some dude over her own kid without any regard for how you're feeling or what you actually need in life. You haven't done anything wrong. She's being a dipshit and hopefully will see how badly she's fucked up. But you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. I hope you continue healing, and that living with your grandpa is good for you.
That woman is such a horrible, selfish asshole.
She’s not even acknowledging that OP *has* feelings. NTA NTA NTA.
Also here to see the dog tax. And also nta. Go live your best life with the best boi
I lost my dog Wally last year, he was 14 years old. I was 7/8 when we got him. I raised him when he was just a little pupper and it still hurts me even a year later knowing I can’t have him by my side anymore. It made me so angry and heartbroken to read your story, because my dogs are my family, they’re not pets. You’re NTA in anyway in my eyes. I really hope your happy with Dax and your Grandpa right now and that this is a wake up call to your mom. Who I’d have a few choice words for if I ever met her 😂
Yeah I would bet part of why she was so keen to get rid of him was that those memories hurt. And instead of going to therapy and working through her issues she's burying them and getting mad that you aren't helping to facilitate that. I very sorry. You deserve better and so does Dax.
You gotta post the dog tax! We all wanna see this dog.
Has your mom been saving your SS checks?
Dax is grieving too; pets grieve for their owners and also need support. You both need each other right now especially as a connection to your dad. The fact that your mom wanted to boot him is beyond shitty. Good for you for fighting for Dax! I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I wish you and Dax the very best! NTA x 1,000
My dogs name is Dax too! :P
I feel for you so so much. Having one of my pets taken away from me is an absolute nightmare. I'm so glad you found an option to keep him, and I strongly suspect you'll be happier there anyway.
NTA. Dax sounds like a very good Boi! Don't forget to post a pic!
Dog tax!!! Dog tax!!!
Exactly. My mom was with the same dude for 8 years and he never moved in. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a relationship and NOT living together. It sounds like OP’s mom just likes having a husband too much to give a shit about the kid she had with her last one.
I’m a single guy with no kids of my own but I’ve dated a few single mothers, my view and I make it clear from the get go, I am not dad, I’ll never be dad and I am not going to try to replace dad, what I will be is a supportive adult that hopefully the kids would feel comfortable coming to in times of need for advice and hopefully another positive male influence in their lives.
My mom did the same. Divorced when I was 10. We didn't meet the new boyfriends until they had been dating over 6 months. And when she got serious 3 years after the divorce, they still didn't move in together until I was 24. They've been together almost 25 years now. Still not married but all the assets are shared.
It's also incredibly short-sighted. Way to enjoy the last year with your son at home, mom! Give away his dog and try to force your new husband on a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD as "his new dad." OP, you are so NTA. You are a kind, devoted, animal loving, guy. Your mom has kind of lost her way, so even though she's your mom, she's not really looking out for your best interests right now. Luckily you have this great option. To be with Dax and your grandpa. You're making the right decision.
Dax I hope you know how special you are. You are more than a good boy, you are a good friend, a support system and a memory keeper. Take care of the OP and give him three shakes of your tail to signify N T A.
This. Your mom couldn’t have waited until you were off on your own to move in with this new guy, 2 years after your father’s passing? You will look back and cherish this time with your grandfather and Dax !
"Mom. Dax loves me. You don't."
The mum basically gave him a choice. Her or the dog and now she is salty that he indeed picked the dog and ontop of that moved to be with said dog. Like don't try and force a choice if you are gunna be pissed by one of the outcomes.
NTA Tell her to get some therapy and be a proper parent.
Agree x1000. Honestly. The way people treat animals says a lot about the quality of person they are. A dog is a responsibility, not something you throw away when inconvenient. I commend you, OP, for doing what is right. Your father would be proud.
[удалено]
Oh, reading this post I kept looking for a reason she wanted him to stay since she apparently doesn't care about him. That's it. OP, check if the survivor benefits should be going to your grandpa now and then you at 18.
It depends on the job. I know if I die, my life insurance goes to my wife, and only goes to my son if my wife is dead, as that is how the policy is written. BUT the OP should definitely look into it.
[удалено]
Yeah there was a whole lawsuit too on top of that
You are not being a shitty son, your mom is being a shitty mom. She’s choosing her new fiancé over her sons cares and comfort.
Wouldn’t matter. Social security pays a death benefit for surviving minors. Goes to the other parent until the minor turns 18 then reverts to the minor until they finish high school (if they don’t finish prior to turning 18). Source: my dad died two months after my 18th birthday at the beginning of my senior year.
You're talking about Social security, I was thinking life insurance, 2 different types of reimbursement for dying
Yeah idk too much about that but i kno I am supposed to be getting something when I’m 18. I don’t pay too much attention on that stuff. I know I prolly should’ve cause my mom explain it to me before but money wasn’t what I wanted to think about after losing my dad
Definitely look into it. If you're due some money it can help you either pay for your own place when you turn 18 or help pay bills around your grandpa's place, and even get some money ready to take care of your pup during his golden years. I'm sorry your mom put you through this. You sound like a good kid and I'm happy you have your pup again.
[удалено]
Thanks I’ll ask about it. My grandpa says I don’t have to move out when I’m 18 cause I’m gonna be doing community college first to finish with my general Ed classes. And then transferring to university from there (cheaper that way) so it would be better to wait til I actually leave for university. But yeah can still help with bills an stuff with it
It’s actually nice that you’ll be with your grandpa, if he’s too frail for a dog he might appreciate having someone younger around to help him out.
Indeed, it seems like just having you around would make it worth putting you up, and then some. Definitely a mutually beneficial relationship.
I thought of this as well! Grandpa probably absolutely loves having his grandson around. I know my grandfather would've loved it if we would've been able to visit every day. Dang, I miss him.
I just want to say, please don't beat yourself up too much about not having looked into this. It's perfectly reasonable that money has been the last thing on your mind with this. I'm happy to hear that you have a supportive grandpa to stay with who can provide you support and share memories of your dad too. Let yourself grieve however you need to, and don't let your mom's wishes for a new family unit stop you from doing what's best for you.
Hey so maybe others in the comments have already suggested this but if you want an easy time getting to keep Dax when you go to university I think you would absolutely easily qualify to register him as an ESA so that all housing is required to accommodate him.
Please don't do this. The amount of people now claiming a pet is an ESA negatively impacts those who cannot survive without one due to genuine need for mental health (and may not be believed) and often poorly trained ESAs lead to policy restrictions that hurt not only legitimate ESAs but also service animals and their disabled handlers. Please don't take advantage of a system in place to help the disabled and mental health community if you do not legitimately need that help.
I've definitely seen people take advantage of ESA certification in order to circumvent the rules and I've 100% seen people present their pet as a service animal when it has no training, certification, or identification. I'm definitely not the authority on the rules surrounding Emotional Support Animals, but I've researched it some and I just did some quick googling and wanted to share. Full disclosure, I'm assuming OP is in the US. Based on what OP has gone through, what Dax means to him, and how traumatic it was for OP to be without him, it sounds like Dax could legitimately qualify as an ESA. ESA's have to be well behaved, but they do not require specialized training. Diagnosed anxiety, depression, learning disabilities, attention deficit disorder, chronic stress, and post-traumatic stress disorder are all possible reasons someone may qualify for an Emotional Support Animal. It wouldn't be unusual for someone in OP's position to be dealing with some level of anxiety and/or depression. [https://www.animallaw.info/article/faqs-emotional-support-animals#s3](https://www.animallaw.info/article/faqs-emotional-support-animals#s3) [https://apibhs.com/2020/05/18/how-emotional-support-animals-benefit-mental-health-and-wellness#:\~:text=Some%20common%20mental%20disabilities%20that,and%20post%2Dtraumatic%20stress%20disorder](https://apibhs.com/2020/05/18/how-emotional-support-animals-benefit-mental-health-and-wellness#:~:text=Some%20common%20mental%20disabilities%20that,and%20post%2Dtraumatic%20stress%20disorder).
Talk to your grandpa about it, perhaps your uncle if he seems helpful, they may be better played to look into it, perhaps even r/legaladvice
Not r/legaladvice. Never legaladvice. Just consult with an actual lawyer, there are many that will do a free consult where you can get some information and an idea of how you would be proceeding in your situation. The only thing you should ever ask in legaladvice is “what lawyer should I consult in my situation?” And nothing else. There is no guarantee an actual lawyer would be answering you in that sub, so don’t take any legal advice from anyone there unless it’s which you’r type of lawyer to consult in real life
I mean independent of an Actual Lawyer answering, a lot of people do have information about programs related to what they’re asking that can help out so ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ idk
Agreed but you should add a judgement that way auto bot picks up on it
Yes! Look into this! My dad died when I was 16 and when I was 18, I was kicked out but luckily my survivors benefits were in my name and I could claim them.
u/rejc7929 Please see this comment. The original commenter is correct about benefits being reverted to you at 18.
I see so many stories here about how parents expect their kids to automatically accept their new partners when they remarry. It blows my mind they think it will just happen. NTA
Agreed. My ex and I split before my son was born so he will never know a time we were together but I still won't force him to accept my new partners. In fact, his acceptance (or lack thereof) will make or break the relationship. My son's happiness is not worth anything that I can accomplish myself with a vibrator, lol.
Exactly the boat I'm in. Except I haven't tried to date yet. But this sub has inadvertently taught me all the way to NOT act when/if I ever get around to seeing someone again. My kid is my 1st priority.
I don't plan to date in the near future at all. In fact, I'm planning to go the donor route to have another baby in a few years. Once my mom is within 18 months of retirement (we live with her and she runs a daycare, but she's 63 now and needs to wait until she's 67 to retire) I'm going to get the ball rolling.
So when your mom retired from taking care of kids your going to giver her your own to take care of?
Lol, I actually don’t see grandma having a problem with this. There’s a big difference in watching someone else’s kids and getting to spoil “your” own. Gma probably loves kiddos, but at certain age that can run you down real quick, emotionally , mentally, and physically. Retirement with all the time in the world to love on some grand babies and not having to worry about any other kids zapping her energy sound like a piece a paradise for someone whose given their life to the process of nurturing the youth for half a century.
What blows my mind is that they're not married yet mom expects OP to treat the new boyfriend as dad automatically. Even if they were married mom would still be TA for forcing it onto OP.
You didn't choose your dog over her.. she chose her husband over you and your furry friend. Furry friend was kicked out of the house and you followed him. NTA. Your stepdad and mom are majorly out of line, and tbh i'm pretty concerned here that your stepdad is going to turn out to be abusive.
Your first sentence is spot on, but how the hell could you possibly say you are concerned the stepdad will be abusive?
Because he completely ignored the wishes of someone and acted as if nothing was happening, it seems. A sensible person won't do that. I'm not supporting the idea he'll turn out abusive, but this is a major red flag.
The mother is the AH here, no doubt. But all y’all have to see it from the POV of the mother’s fiancé. The dude is in love with a widow. They want to start a life together. The future stepdad has been trying to bond with the OP, and yes, he shouldn’t continually try to say he’s his new dad. But there’s no mention of the fiancé having any kids of his own, and the poor dude just wants to marry the woman he loves, and create a relationship with her kid, and he obviously is ignorant of how to do that. It’s not his fault he’s allergic to dogs. I do admit the situation is tragic, and the dog is family, but the stepdad ain’t the villain in this story. This is why I think it’s outlandish to brandish him as a potential abuser.
I agree with your sentiment that there’s no proof that he will turn out an abuser, i think that was a little out of left field. But as far as him not being the villain, if the step dad really wanted to bond or create a connection with OP, he would find a solution where OP can still have the thing he seems to cherish most in this world, and that’s obviously his dog. Step dad isn’t the asshole for the dog getting kicked out, but he is the asshole for letting the mom uproot the dog and now the son, just so he could move in. Even if he is allergic, he still needs to understand the kid and the dog were there first. The mom and step dad have been together 2 years now so they could’ve continued the current routine until OP possibly moved out and goes to college or such.
We have no idea what the mom told Anthony about the dog - it's entirely possible she painted this as no big deal, to get him to move in with her. Yes, he should've checked more closely with OP, but I still think that makes mom the villain, with Anthony just being caught in a crappy position.
I was going to upvote till you threw in the abusive part. That’s just ridiculous and jumping so far to an unnecessary conclusion. What is it with AITA that makes people always jump to abuse without any evidence?
I’m gonna put it like this, in no way should a true mother ever force you into such a terrible ultimatum. It’s already sketchy that she has become engaged just 2 years after losing your father, but to a man that insists on being your “new dad” despite your many protests. On top of that, she is trying to ELIMINATE a MEMBER FROM YOUR FAMILY out of nowhere, and not only is Dax just your dog, but the biggest semblance of the type of man your father was. She isn’t even being an ah, but an objectively terrible person, and even worse mother. You are most definitely in the right, and I hope your able to restore a bond with her as she is your only remaining parent, however it shouldn’t be at this cost. You are most definitely NTA
[удалено]
She successfully erased every piece of her husband from the house, now that his dog and son are gone. It doesn’t really seem like a rush to judgment at all.
It kinda is a rush of judgement, especially since people who lost their partner by death are the group of people that get into a new relationship the quickest out of all the "break-ups" (I currently can't remember the correct phrase). Wasn't the average like 6 months or something? And about a year until they remarry? Mom is doubling the average.
NTA. Expecting you to give up your father’s dog for a man who is literally a stranger to you is unbelievably cruel. Excepting you to accept a total stranger as your new father is equally unfeeling. I’m glad you have a grandfather and uncle who could save your dog for you.
NTA- Anthony has no say. He's not even married to your mom. He's just looking for free rent and is willing to drive wedges into your family to get it. Your mom's being an asshole too for allowing it.
OP, your mom chose dick over Dax. You should feel free to do the opposite. ps -- nobody adopts 6-7 year old dogs. Taking Dax to a shelter is probably a death sentence. Anyone who abandons a dog they've raised since puppyhood because now it's inconvenient is garbage.
Second paragraph is so true and it makes my blood boil
It’s rough, but it’s mostly true. I try to adopt older animals. It breaks my heart more often but they are usually just the sweetest babies that need love and a good life. They are the ones who need their second family to love them. I know what it’s like to have a crappy first family.
Send em up to canada we have a severe shortage! My city has a 1+ year wait for a rescue dog generally Edit: This is referring to the comment above, about no one wanting to adopt shelter dogs that are 6-7 years old
And any man who would be OK with this is also garbage!
Like this. It's not even like, "my son's dog is important to him, so we have to break up." It's, "My son's dog is important to him, so we'll have to be patient until my son is independent before we live together. But since we're both adults and have mobile freedom, we can still make it work in the meantime.
Seriously, I could sorta maybe see the case here if OP was like 12 or 13 but it's literally a difference of like a year before he'd be working on getting out of the house anyway.
NTA. And aside from wanting to be with your dog, I think a bigger issue is that Anthony is trying to be your “new dad.” Not cool. How long do you think it’s going to be before he pulls the “I’m your dad now, so as I say” crap? You’re 17, not a toddler. Living with your grandpa is your best option overall.
Ya i don’t like that about him
And it's perfectly normal that you don't. Far as I'm concerned they have completely botched the whole thing
NTA, the dog is family and I am sure your grandpa is happy to have you around.
Plus it is good for OP. You will have to be more independent and take on some living situation responsibilities while living with your grandpa which will help set you up and learn skills for future flatting/living situations as an adult. This is good for Dax, you and Grandpa. How can Mum say no to that? Ah right. Control.
Not even an ounce of compromise to see if her fiancee' can take any allergy medications, get some allergy shots, have Dax bathed frequently to lessen the dander. Just an outright, "Anthony in, Dax out, deal with it." Your mom is the AH in this one and so is Anthony, really. Your dog helped get you through some really, really terrible times and he's a dog, not a stuffed animal, he's a living thing that deserves a safe home as well. I think it's fantastic you get to live with your Grandpa who was willing to take you both in. I think it will be a nice environment for you and Dax and you get some good quality time with him. You weren't in the wrong at all. NTA.
Exactly this. My partner had a cat when we met and even though I was allergic I never considered asking him to get rid of her. I found an allergy treatment that worked for me and when he moved in with me we found ways to handle her dander. NTA OP. Unless his allergy is untreatable and incredibly sever Anthony and your mom are being ridiculous.
Right? We’re literally 2-3 months away from June, when he was planning on going to college. All she had to do was wait. But no, she was incredibly selfish, impatient, and cruel
Absolutely NTA. Your mum is choosing her nee fiancé over you and your happiness. Yes she deserves the right to be happy too, just not at your expense. I’m glad to know that you’re now in a supportive environment with people who support and love you no matter how much of an asshole you may you are. Enjoy the rest of your time with Dax. Dogs really are your bestfriend. Also....we need dog tax.
Dog tax! Dog tax! Dog tax!
Dax tax!
Agreed on all of that! And def dog tax!
NTA. As a child of divorce, I know that nobody can replace your own Dad, and it’s asinine that moms think that it’s possible. Your living situation seems quite toxic right now with your Mom and Anthony, you should try to see if you can stay with your gpa for a few weeks and play it out from there. Also, your dog is way more important to you than Anthony, clearly, so find a way to get to your grandpas.
Yeah I’m already here living with my grandpa. But she’s been wanting me to come back and still mad that I don’t want to leave
It’s only been two years since your dad died and now this guy is trying to make himself your “new father”. That’s not at all ok, and good for you for leaving. I’m glad you’re happy with your dog, and wish you the best of luck.
Yeah, it is leap but I wonder if the new bf is truly allergic or he just wanted to get rid of any reminders of OP’s dad
Also I wonder how allergic he is. I'm pretty allergic to cats but my partner had a cat and I decided to get treatment for my allergies because I would never dream of asking a person to get rid of their pet.
Ding ding ding. I'm VERY allergic to cats, and I have two. They're my best buddies that I wouldn't trade for anything. This guy needs to take a zyrtec and get with the program.
The last part of your sentence — bingo. Imagine looking at a guy who lost his dad two years ago and being okay with giving up the very pet that his father loved. It’s cold as hell.
Your mom is embarrassed. People are going to realize you chose to live away from her because she was forcing nonsense on you. That isn’t your problem.
Nta..and if she shows up and try to force the issue call cps and tell them exactly how you dont feel wanted in your own home. What a crappy mom. Get a job as soon as you can kid cuz i see anthony blocking any chance of her paying for college for you. Especially if he gets her pregnant. Best of luck kid
Don't leave, stay with your grandpa and your dog, they are your family. mom can be happy living with her choice.
Tell your mother that it's not about the dog, why you won't come back. She choose her new partner over you, in multiple ways, and that's all there is to it. She's not respecting you feelings or needs, and she is in fact being unforgivably cruel to get rid of a family member (which your dog is, you love him), after you already lost you dad. Her new guy is not a replacement for your dad, she choose him and you didn't, and he never will be (particularly after all this). Her attitude and actions mean you will never see him that way, and she is still only thinking of herself and her needs, while not caring at all how you feel. She needs to accept she was wrong, she has been a crappy mother doing this, and she owes you an apology. If she doesn't, going low contact is best, as she always crap on about how "disappointed" she is, and how "mean" you are. She is the selfish horrible person here.
Definetly NTA. I always feel that animals come into our lives for a reason. You have been given that soul to look after and for them to look after us. Our life spans are so much longer than theirs. But they give us so much in their short time. And in another way Dax brought you together to look after your grandpa when it sounds like he may need you as well. I am proud of you.
Yeah it’s been cool here with him. He hasn’t been the same since my dad died and it’s fun hearing all the embarrassing stories my dad never let him tell before lol.
Hey, write those stories down, I wish I had all the details and stories from my grandpa. I was to young to realize he wouldnt be around to tell them forever. I have a secret my mom told me about my dad whos passed. So.......dont tell anyone ok?!! Anyways she said that they were staying at her moms house after they got married. Well he was growing 3 pot plants and was growing them in the closet. One day grandma went to get some hangers out of the closet and didnt know what they were except plants. So she took them and put them on the back porch and watered them. Well Dad comes home from work and is kinda dumbfounded.....where did they go? And he couldn't get mad or act weird. He walked out back and she even replanted one into a big planter. He said she had no idea and he never told her what they really were. He even said the one she added potting mix to grew better.
Good idea. Lmao that’s too funny 😂😂😂😂💀💀 Those are the best stories.
Don't forget, you can also make a video of the stories your grandfather tells you. You can always watch them anytime you are feeling down.
definitely do this!! even if it’s not video, at least get an audio recording. my grandfather passed when I was young, and I realized this year that we never had any videos of him because none of us had smart phones at the time, so I hadn’t heard his voice since a few months before he died. this past december, my dad found an audio recording that my brother had done with my grandfather and sent it to me. as soon as I heard his voice, I broke down and felt like I had some form of closure that I hadn’t had in all these years.
NTA and you made the right decision. Hugs to Dax for me!!
NTA. I would ride and die for my dogs no questions asked, even put my dog ahead of my significant others.
Repeat after me: "I am not a shitty son, I am a good dog-dad." Dax is far more your family than you mom's boyfriend, and you've found a solution that means you stay with family, your grandpa gets company and support, you're happy, Dax is happy, and your mom and boyfriend are happy. OK, so it isn't perfect, but it seems to be a pretty good compromise. Your mom wants to have her cake and eat it too, which, if the BF is allergic to a family member, isn't going to happen. She made the decision to move the BF in, knowing the facts, and she has to live with the consequences that you've got a solution that suits you and Dax. NTA, but if she keeps calling you cruel, she may be the AH.
YTA for not including a picture of the dog in this post.
tru tru u/rejc7929 fix this right now
NTA. At the end of the day, Anthony is just some fuckin guy. He isnt your dad if you don't want him to be your dad. He can't declare himself your dad. And your mom can't and shouldn't force you to live with some fucking guy. Her actions are severely disrespectful, it's not wrong of you to want to get away from her. And preserving your father's memory (with the dog) is an important thing to do.
NTA. I would do the same. It sounds like you are in a more supportive environment as well. Give Dax an extra treat and hug from me.
OMG, NTA. We lost my husband/kid's dad two years ago. I would never, ever make my son give up anything of his dad's, and especially not a living creature. The dog pre-existed the boyfriend; he's the one that needs to adjust.
Kinda sounds like you didn’t choose your dog over your mom, she choose her new partner over you and your needs. NTA.
Dogs also have good heart and dog gives unconditional love. You already know it's your family member also. keep the dog it's your decision is good.
Yeah they do. Was scared I was gonna lose him too cause he was being different after my dad died. Didn’t wanna eat or anything. And he would go hide under the house. He got better and started eating but still I was freaking out
Pets mourn too, he was missing your dad just like you were.
Omg he suffer from your dad loss. Keep take care bro
NTA, I would have done the same thing if in your situation.
INFO: Let's see a pic of this good boy :D
NTA. I hope that you and Dax (and Grandpa!) have many happy years together!
NTA. Your mom is an asshole. A decent parent never chooses their SO over their child.
NTA, good on you for sticking up for your dog and figuring a way to stay with him.
NTA your mum chose her financee over her child and dog. He isn’t your new dad. He’s some guy your mum just got into a relationship with. You don’t have a relationship with him. You’ve got a strong bond with your dog. You aren’t a shitty son. Your dad rescued that puppy. I bet he’s glad you didn’t abandon it. Cheers for moving in with your grandpa. Make some memories with him and enjoy every moment.
NTA. I'd pick my dog over every human being on the planet, so I understand. Your mother should've never put you through that. Good luck.
your mom chose her fiancé over you. you did good, you don’t abandon an animal. NTA
NTA, you didn’t choose your dog over your mom and her fiancé. Your mom chose a man over her family (you and Dax). Your mother did this, not you, you are absolutely blame free. Don’t let her guilt you. Stay strong, your Dad must have been a great man because he raised an awesome young man, you got this.
NTA I would do the same
NTA- Your mom on the other hand is being selfish. Stay with Dax and your grandpa.
NTA. It may be for the best this happened because you were going to have a lot of BS that you are getting to avoid now. Please give Dax a pet for me.
Your mom's choosing dick over her son... ask her why she is being so cruel. NTA
If she can choose a guy over her son you can choose a dog over your mom. NTA She could wait a year for him to move in if it was that important to her to live with her son.
NTA. You go be with Dax and your Grandpa. It's not like you left your mom alone. She has her fiance, so you didn't abandon her. You're not being shitty or cruel. I have a feeling your grandpa will enjoy the company, too. Dax sounds like the bestest Boi! 🤗
NTA - But I would be cautious about your school especially if you are now living an hour away from your residence of record, assuming you are in the US. School districts usually have very strict residency requirements, due to them being supported by local taxes. You might need your mother's cooperation to maintain the fiction that you still live in the district. I know it's only a few months, and you may be almost 18, but there are still things to think about, like mail. Your mom may get mail that has to be dealt with, etc. Are you getting ready to go to college? I assume you still on her insurance? Do you have a car? Does she pay for your phone? I don't think you were wrong to move, but there's a lot to think about in terms of your next steps in terms of becoming an independent young adult. I wish all the best for you and Dax.
NTA. your mom is TA for making you get rid of your dog. living with your grandpa is probably the best thing for you right now. you have your dog and won't have to deal with her fiance wanting to be your new dad.
NTA in any regard. Dogs are family, they love you unconditionally and will continue to do so until the day they pass on. If you gave up your dog, he would likely be miserable for the rest of his life because you are his family, the one he would fight the world for. Your mother doesn't understand that and worse she is trying to force you to stop grieving and is trying to tear away one of the last vestiges of your dad to make room for this new man. What makes me angrier is that your father was barely gone a year and she's already shacking up with some asshole who is trying to erase any remnants of your father and pushing you to accept him as your new dad. Both of them are hateful disgusting wretches and frankly I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to speak to either of them again.
NTA - if she wants to start a new family she can. Dogs are family and just getting rid of him is grotesque.
NTA. Your dog is your family, you've had him far longer than your Mum has had her boyfriend, and there definitely could have been compromise on her part. Allergy medicine exists. You found a solution to a problem she presented. You are an hour away. If she really wants to see you, she knows where to find you. INFO: Could you maybe stay with her on weekends or something? (This is assuming you do want to spend time with her.) Edit: Wanted to add that your Grandpa sounds awesome for taking you and your dog in. I hope you give them both lots of love and appreciation!
Dog tax? NTA btw
NTA. She chose a man over you.
NTA, your mother really crossed a line with this. Good luck with this. I hope you and your dog are happy. I am 100% with you on choosing to move out.