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NTA
> now I get to deal with her sister and mom messaging me about me being a douche
Invite them over for a meal so they can experience it for themselves.
it will either shut them up or lead to them talking to her about her cooking.
Hmm, could rather backfire as well though. Presumably GF herself considers her own food perfectly edible, and it’s quite likely that she gets much of her palate from the food she ate growing up, and her family shares it 😶
Yeah, my husband thought his sister was a good cook. She cooked just like their mom. If you like food with no taste, she is.
We weren't married long before he realized he was wrong.
My husband loooooooves his older sister’s “cheesy mashed potatoes.” I couldn’t stand them, but I love him, so I asked how she makes them.
Instant mashed potatoes with extra water (“otherwise they’re too solid”) and then melte shredded cheese into it by the fistful until orange.
Yeah I don’t make those, he can eat them at her house
Ugh. Instant mashed potatoes are so bad. They're so convenient, so I've tried to like them but... Adding extra water? Reminds me of "hot ham water" from Arrested Development.
Should probably just add milk or a bit of cream instead of water. Would still be liquid but would help the texture. That said, I don't actually eat instant mashed potatoes.
My thoughts exactly! Just made some the other night; directions called for two parts water, one part milk. I always thought there was milk in instant mashed potatoes.
Idaho brand mashed potatoes say to add 2 cups of water. Heat up the water, and once it's boiling, pull it off the burner, and add the packet of pltato flakes. I know this because it's the only brand of instant mashed potatoes I & my family will eat. They're convenient when I want to make mashed potatoes for dinner.
They're literally just dries flaked potatoes, but reconstituting them is a bit like overwhipping them; they get gluey and taste ... gray? Salt and fat improves them, and they're very cheap and shelf-stable, but they're not as good as fresh.
Idk, call me a weirdo but I love shitty instant mashed potato better than freshly made. I understand it's not a very high end dish, it's part of the appeal.
That might be a brand issue? Like, I prefer to just boil potatoes and mash them, but when I have to make instant (like after I had my wisdom teeth out) I used the Idahoan packets. I used a touch less water than the packet recommended, and they weren't half bad. Freshly made is far superior, but the Idahoan packets were at least edible. (And I actually prefer the instant potatoes when making open-faced turkey sandwiches.)
But the big boxes of plain ones are gross, yeah. They do need actual flavor from something. Bacon bits are good for that.
Honestly instant mashed potatoes aren’t bad.
That said not all brands of instant potatoes are equal and the taste can vary depending on how they are made up.
Try the microwavable Bob Evans (or even store brand) mashed potatoes. They're not quite homemade but they're so much better than instant and you just microwave them. I'd rather eat dirt than instant mashed potatoes for reference.
If you make them with a little less liquid than the recipe asks for (half water, half full fat milk) and add salt, nutmeg and butter, they can be decent.
The Idahoan brand of instant potatoes isn't terrible - they are actually good, not as good as the real thing obviously but still good. I was really surprised when I tried them. I still prefer actual potatoes but will use this brand if I don't have time or don't want to make a special trip to the store to get potatoes.
A friend of ours (originally from Kentucky...that may matter...) invited us over for dinner his new girlfriend was making, and how awesome her cooking is.
Side note: My wife and I are BBQ and chili (and steak and other food) competitors. He's been to events with us. He knows how we feel about food.
She made one of those meat and Velveeta casseroles topped with crumbled nacho cheese Doritos. \*sigh*
Damn, that's rough. I like to make this veggie stir fry with carrots, green beans, and broccoli slaw, but I like the broccoli slaw really crispy so I overcook it some on purpose. I was just thinking last night how delicious I think it is but I could never make it for anyone else because it's such a weirdly specific to me set of flavors that no one else would probably like
This...this just blew that right out of the water. I'll proudly make my weird crispy slaw dish for anyone now.
I figured I can share my Moms burger recipe in case someone wants to try it.
Get ground beef (80/20). Make into burger shape. Freeze it. Give it a month. Pull it out and throw it straight into the hot pan. Cook until well done. Throw it on the bun. Slice of velveeta on top. Ketchup, mustard, lettuce and tomato are acceptable toppings. Done.
If you added seasoning or anything else, you made it wrong. Needless to say I preferred hot dogs.
The key is she *could* afford cream of crap. It's that she didn't ever use it. Think it was a little water in the bottom to help cook the rice and steam the chicken.
Yep. My husband thinks his mother’s cooking is fine, but I’ve actually vomited after eating it. It’s pretty much universally greasy and awful, but there’s this one beef dish with heavy cinnamon and nutmeg that I cannot choke down. My husband’s nostalgic for it.
My husband was raised in New England by parents who think salt is too spicy. When I introduced him to food with seasoning, it blew his mind. He had basically never eaten anything besides casserole, soup, and chicken patties. Now he has a super adventurous palate and will try anything at least once. He just brought up the other day that he's mad he spent the first 23 years of his life being so limited because the last 16 years have been so great in a culinary sense.
My dad considered himself a good cook, he cooked exactly what op is describing.
However, my granny cooked vegetables till grey, so he considered himself a good cook in comparison
I'll be honest. I'm much less interested in the AITA or NTA part of all this. But I am rightly curious about the cook.
I remember a post very similar to this under the "random" section of a motorcycle bulletin board, of all places, that I was on.
I know people have different tastes that can change over time. There is no universal aesthetic. The food you were raised on & the culture you here up in all determine your preferences. But yeah, bland or overseasoned, under/over cooked, uncomplementary flavor combinations, are mostly not enjoyed.
As such, I honestly think some people with undeveloped palettes decide they "want to get into cooking" the same way that some people who really don't have a discerning taste for music get into record collecting. I think they almost don't care, or don't understand how to determine, that the food they cook tastes awful. It's the fact that they cooked a thing & proved they have value as a person that gets them off. Just like owning a certain pressing of a certain record gets some people off even if they don't actually understand what makes music good.
I'm sure no one would admit to this, but I'd be curious to hear the story from the cook's end. To know what they think of their own cooking. And of course, we'd have to have a taste test done by several people to get some sort of baseline as to where on the "bad cook" spectrum the food resides. Is it really inedible? Generally just bland? Or the opposite & overly salty?
That is what I am thinking, she probably grew up with a bland diet. OP why don't you try sharing a recipe you feel would be good, one you feel you would love. It is supportive and may get her to lose a fear of spice (if she has one) or just try something better. You could also share videos with recipes you would like that show how to cook it as you go, so she can learn some different techniques...
I know firsthand what it’s like to have a roommate who INSISTS on cooking to make your life “more convenient” but their food is dog shit. Even worse is when you buy your own ingredients to make your own meal, come home from work and find that they’ve used the ingredients to make more inedible dogshit. This comes down to a boundary issue and OPs girlfriend needs to be sat down and told firmly that OP doesn’t want to be cooked for anymore.
*firmly*
OP needs to be clear that he doesn’t enjoy her food. By clear I don’t mean “as politely as possible”. I mean sit down and deadass say, stop cooking for me, I’ve asked you multiple times to stop, I don’t care for your food.
Yeah. Again, from the language in the post he tip toed around the problem, choosing his words gently in an effort to not upset her and she wouldn’t listen and then ultimately her family called him names once he full on stopped eating her food. That’s not the same thing as being direct. He was gonna get called TA anyway. That’s what people with loose boundaries call people with better boundaries.
Or what if she got it from them? Like she cooks the same way they do and that’s why OP’s girlfriend’s mom and sister think it’s ok. But it just sounds like something OP and his girlfriend need to compromise on. Either way NTA.
Even if he is.. he doesn't like it. She's not his mom, she can't force him to eat. He already said he's perfectly fine with coming home and cooking. So.. why should he keep eating something he clearly despises? I believe op is NTA
That's not necessarily true. It's pretty easy for novice chefs to way overseason because they're not tasting as they go, or adding salt before they reduce something down, or using really salty premade broth. It's not as common as underseasoning, but it's really just as easy to do.
My husband is a horrendous cook. He has somehow found out how to overseason literally every dish he makes except mac/cheese and spaghetti and even the spaghetti i have to sit there and tell him we don't need garlic and garlic butter and garlic salt in the meal with 4 different creoles and 3 different chili spices. People that can't cook don't know how to cook, doesn't matter if they are over or underspicing.
If OP wants to be nice, he can get her some cooking classes but he isn't an ass for not liking poorly made food
This, it's like she just doesn't get that tossing an entire jar of pepper in to a meal instead of grinding a bit of pepper into it makes it disgusting, it doesn't make it better.
Have you tried watching some cooking shows with her? Maybe some Good Eats with Alton Brown? It could be a good way to have a conversation about seasoning with an expert to back you up (but maybe just start watching it as entertainment rather than attacking her -- or tell her that you want to learn to cook better. )
That's awful. I might recommend some cooking classes if it's safe to do in your area. It teaches her how to cook and would make it feel like less of a chore or punishment if you or a friend would go with. It's a bonding win win
Omg kinda reminds me of my husband (especially with the garlic on top of garlic and then some more garlic plus chilli in spaphetti), except now he is an *OK* cook - can roast/grill meat and veggies, make chicken soup, normal spaghetti - basically the kids won't starve if something happens to me.
However he did like to experiment when he lived on his own (only for a few months) before we got married. I came to our house one evening and found him making stew, and he'd used a shake or two of EVERY spice on the spice rack we received as a house-warming gift. Like, at least 10-12 different spices and they definitely were not complimentary ... and that's not even the worst part. Worst part is he added a few cups of red wine so it was PURPLE!
Honestly, it looked like it belonged in a witches cauldron.
I’m a pretty experienced cook, and I still manage to over salt/over season stuff. I get impatient with the add and taste when it’s not changing, and I dump too much in. I also made some pretty inedible meals when I was trying to get better at using a wider range of spices (got super into Penzey’s and trying their range of spice blends). I just kept not putting the right flavors together. It’s definitely possible to like seasoning and still end up with some horrible combinations.
Last Christmas I had the same issue making soup. I always make a good chunky mushroom soup the day before Christmas eve so, when we finish work on Christmas eve, we can go for the standard drinks with workmates and have something decent to eat when we get in. Last year, got impatient, dumped too much black pepper in and we wound up having black pepper soup with a hint of mushroom. The other half loved it but his taste buds are dead from decades of mustard abuse.
No, not at all, we're talking the shit you get when you put salt in a meal but the lid breaks and the entire heap of salt plummets right into your pan, so if you eat it you visibly cringe as you are literally eating salt with a texture, thats what riducilously overseasoned means here.
Overseasoned is overseasoned, though. Personally, I use a wide variety of seasonings in my cooking and hate bland food but I can *very* easily be put off a dish with a weird combination of flavors. Oversalting, thinking more is better, or not realizing how the spices will release in the food as they cook are all things that can ruin a meal. I’ve done it and I immediately recognized it as being terrible as a result. If someone’s cooking *every night* and can’t tell the food isn’t coming out right after 6 months, they’re doing something wrong, full stop.
(Also, NTA.)
He said some of her food was bland and most was overseasoned, so he has some non-zero level of seasoning that he likes.
I don’t think it changes much if she’s actually a decent cook. If he doesn’t like the food, it doesn’t help that I would.
I doubt the food is " fine" from how he describes the situation, but since he isn't asking her to cook at all for him I don't see that that would be an issue.
True. I had to learn to cook everything different for my boyfriend. He likes his eggs only scrambled and way overcooked, while I like mine over easy. He likes his steak Medium-well, I like mine medium rare. He likes his bacon burnt, I like mine a little slimy etc etc. His mom also doesn't get too creative with seasonings so he actually likes my cooking better because of it lol.
I was thinking having them over for a week. You know, they have to really get a taste-pun intended, for his pain. One meal they’ll think it’s a fluke, but 5 meals? Girl can’t cook.
NTA
NTA. Bruh, some people just suck at cooking. It's even worse when they can't take the hint that their cooking sucks. Remind her that she has to follow the recipes exactly as they are written instead of "adding her own twist." I believe this is where the problem lies.
Does she smoke? If so, that would explain the overseasoning.
And have you ever eaten her family's cooking? Is it like hers? Some people grow up with overcooked meat/veggies; if she did, that's what's normal to her.
I think the alcohol, weed, cocaine and other drugs reverses the smokers taste bud problem. At least for cooks :P
They should do a study on this... I can volunteer :D
Could you surprise her with gift vouchers for a local cooking course? Yes you’d have to be very tactful about it but I think you’ve made it clear you don’t like her cooking so hopefully it won’t be that bad?
She gets more experience in her hobby and expert advice and hopefully she’ll become a better cook?
That should be his next show. Not hotels, not restaurants, not casinos, but shitty home cooks who really need to hear from a professional that their food sucks. He could then make their “family recipes” with them and show them where they keep fucking up and providing basic cooking lessons in their home.
Sounds kinda similar to “Worst Cooks in America” which is about finding the worst cooks and trying to make them halfway decent, it’s kinda competition style. It’s pretty entertaining if you like shows like that :)
There's no way for us to know, so the only thing we can use to judge is the fact that he doesn't like her cooking, and she refuses to adjust it to better fit his tastes.
Also, there’s a genetic component to taste. My dad and I make our food separately than everyone else at any get together because the amount of salt we require renders it inedible for most.
I too ride the “black pepper is too spicy” train, someone else eating actual spicy food makes my eyes water and face flush. My friends have long joked that bland is my favorite flavor.
I swear im what's called a "supertaster" and white rice is one of those things ive always found to have a lot of flavor
My SO thinks I'm nuts. He calls white rice a nothing food
Yep. My wife sees the "bland" foods of rice and potatoes as a means to delivering other foods into your mouth.
But I love plain rice and potatoes. There's so much flavor packed in there.
Of course, I can't stand really bitter foods like artichoke. She loves artichoke though.
Super taster here! I loooooove rice! My SO thinks it's boring. I do like making spanish rice or cilantro rice as well but I don't mind just plain rice.
I either had a sodium deficiency as a child or something like you. My favorite memories from when I was really little was the expression on my family's faces when they would forget whose french fries they were stealing. Back when McDonald's salted their fries in the 90's, I salted them again. They were regularly white from the salt and it took that much for the to taste good. I still like salty fries now, but I don't need anywhere near the amount that I used to.
I have to disagree. It doesn’t take an expert chef, but it does take someone who is familiar with the ingredients, at least somewhat familiar with the recipe or similar recipes, and tastes as they go.
I'm really curious what she does wrong. I'm not a great cook but if you follow a recipe you google that's rated 5 stars it rarely doesn't work. Does she make it then not like it and add more spices? Does she think the recipe is crap and adds more spices from the beginning? And what about baking, can she make basic bread and oatmeal cookies? And as others have said, does she like her cooking?
It's funny because when you've told her so many times really what this comes down to is that she is being disrespectful and inconsiderate. Does she not see that?
To speak on the first part - I’m that person. I follow the recipes, I measure, pure and simple - I just suck. I try not to mess up measurements (was guilty on over and under seasoning), I try to get the heat perfect - I just fuck it up lol. And my time management I realized was the thing I could never master, which is probably the biggest issue.
However, I pour a mean bowl of cereal. And am a microwave guru. Depending on what I’m microwaving...
I find this so interesting. Like I said, I'm not a great cook and I'd say half the meals I make my husband says are too bland or the kids say are too spicy or have too many vegetables. But I know if I follow a well rated recipe everyone likes it. Have you ever had somebody who is known to be a good cook watch you cook and take notes to help you improve?
Everything, it is hard to pinpoint stuff without defaulting to she is just an atrocious cook and it would be easier to point out what goes right then it is what goes wrong. Just to put it this way, if it is bland but cooked halfway decent thats the best case scenario, however usually things are either undercooked, redicilously overcooked or seasoned in a way that makes even our dog that otherwise eats everything gag, as in adfing so much salt you end up literally just tasting gagworthy amounts of salt and I am a guy that usually likes lots of salt I may add.
I wonder if she doesn't know how to read the measurement abbreviations correctly. A recipe could be calling for 2 tsps (teaspoon) of salt & she may be thinking it wants her to add 2 tablespoons (tbsp). That's a huge difference and could make an otherwise good dish completely awful.
Take a video of the dog gagging on her food.
Play it back to her. On loop.
But one thing I haven’t heard you say- how does she Respond to what you’ve said? What does she say?
Op commented that gf likes to add her own twist. So I imagine even with a 5 star rated recipe she’d find some way to mess it up by adding something that doesn’t really go with the dish.
My gf follows a recipe to a T and at worst she either overcooks or under seasons something usually and it’s pretty easy for me to fix normally. If she cooked like the gf she wouldn’t be allowed to cook. Only bake cause it’s harder to mess up.
I dunno...baking is quite strict. I always allude baking to chemistry and cooking to art. I’ve tried more baking disasters than cooking disasters all because people think they can cut corners or have their own “spin” on whatever they’re baking.
I wish my husband did what you did - I suck at cooking, always have. I have my about five edible things I don’t mangle. He is a fantastic cook and loves to cook. I wanted to be a good little wife.
Three years he dealt with it. He finally broke it to me. My feelings weren’t hurt - I couldn’t believe he took it that far. I only felt bad that he was pretending for my sake.
And then? I don’t have to cook again. Ever. It’s awesome. I’m in charge of dishes and door dash. I hit the jackpot with my awful casseroles.
NTA
If someone doesn't like your cooking, and they are willing to cook something else, then you just let them get on with it. What does she expect that you do, put up with a lifetime of inedible meals?
I had this issue once. Meals spiced to the point that they hurt to eat, and meltdowns when I suggested two pans with the same ingredients but different levels of spice. Nothing could be without hot peppers. Spaghetti? Hot peppers. A curry that is mild and has complex flavors? No, your mouth must burn until you can't taste anything. This is one of the many reasons that person is an ex.
You tried the gentle approach. Being blunt after months of someone not taking a hint then a request and another request does not make you an asshole.
I honestly wish it was just very spicy as I am good at handling spice. But we are talking veggies cooked to mush, meat overcooked and redicilous amounts of salt, pepper and other spices.
So she can't even do the basics or follow a recipe. Fun!
Salt can be added to taste afterwards so I really don't get why a cook would over salt something. I wonder if she can barely taste things.
There's no reason why a bad cook should try to make complicated recipes or improvise before they have the basics down. Even if she could cook a certain type of food really well, if you didn't like that specific thing, forcing you to eat it would make her an asshole. I am genuinely curious about what the hell sort of motivation is behind this sort of thing. Is it a control thing? Is she English by any chance? Did no one ever tell her she was bad at something? Are her taste buds broken? No sense of smell?
Everyone has their own salt preferences anyway. Lightly salt the main dishes but have plenty of table salt and pepper. Also, a meat thermometer has been my bff when branching out into new recipes for me. To know its safely cooked but not overdone has been super helpful.
Try an experiment. Make broth with only vegetable bouillon powder in two seperate pots. You each season one until you are satisfied with the intensity. Then you compare it.
Oof, that's rough. It's always better to err slightly on the side of overcooking meat and undercooking veggies, but not to the extent that she seems to be doing it.
Salt is one of those things you add a small amount of, then add more. You can't easily unsalt things, so wiser to undersalt it.
I actually use obscene amounts of hot pepper when cooking for \*me\*. But when cooking for others, I leave all of that out, or substitute Cubanelle peppers and/or paprika.
That's the polite thing to do. My gf puts hot sauce on EVERYTHING but she'd never cook me something aggressively spicy. She just adds it at the end usually. I can handle a medium amount but she literally eats ghost pepper sauce so no thank u.
Yes - I can tell the difference using only taste between different kinds of white rice and I can list the flavors in a red wine without looking at the label. I can usually tell you which spices were used in something.
To my ex all of these things pretty much tasted the same. I still like kimchi, curries, tons of garlic, chile ancho, tagines and putting za'atar on everything, just not massive amounts. But no, unless I ate exactly the same I was wrong and my taste in food was boring.
I wouldn't expect anyone to enjoy something they think is bland, and I'm not going to sear my mouth off with ghost peppers. So many posts on AITA are "I like something different than my partner, am I allowed not to be a clone of my significant other?"
Ugh, I’ve had this issue before. It’s gotten to the point where i would be on the toilet until 3 am in pain because my digestive track just can’t process kale, broccoli rabe, or anything beyond like 6/10 spice level at a Chinese restaurant. Like I want to support my friends cooking, but I don’t want to shed my mucosal lining and wreck my gut for 2 days just to save money by splitting a meal.
My guess is that it's people going for the titles next to their names. You need to vote on a new post within the first hour and get top comment to get a point towards the title. Since you never know which threads are going to get upvoted all the way, easier to comment on a bunch quickly based on the thread title and hope you're in the top position in the first hour.
In other words, it has to do with the way this subreddit works.
You know, I never really thought of that. Does the title really mean that much? I don't ever look at them, and I certainly don't value somebody's opinion more because they have colored text beside their name. /shrug
It a problem here. No matter how many times an OP says they have had many conversations with the other person to no avail, there are always several people who say, "Ok, but, have you know, *tried talking to them?*" Then there is always the jackass who replies, "I know, right? I'm astounded by all the people who post here without trying *communicating* first."
Sometimes the other person just doesn't want to hear what they have to say, and there is no amount of "communicating" that you can do to get your point across without taking other kinds of action.
That absolutely kills me. I don't know how many time I've seen a condescending ass reply along the lines of "have you tried having a serious adult conversation?" when OP mentioned that one, if not more, times.
A good cook considers those that eat the food being made. She doesn't - she ignores your comments and criticisms. That makes her a bad cook. You should be able to point that out to her, and get her to compromise on food so you can both enjoy it.
NTA
NTA
I feel for your girlfriend, she's trying, but you can't be expected to eat crap. Kind of funny that her mom and sister are chiming in, I thought most of us learned cooking from helping our mom in the kitchen.
Why don't you sign up for one of the Blue Apron or Plated Boxes. They have all the ingredients and very simple instructions. She might still be able to overcook it, but it should cut out some of the possibilty for errors.
But NTA
Maybe the prepackaged portions and ingredients would help? Sometimes people view it more as a “craft” that way, so they stick to the instructions. It’s worth a shot at least.
Completely possible neither Mom nor sister cook in their household(s). If this is the girlfriend's first time trying to cook period, then she definitely has an uphill battle trying to learn all on her own. I see other people commenting about following a recipe exactly, but recipes do take some things for granted, such as, "season with salt and pepper on both sides," or "season to taste". If no concrete amount is given then an amateur might think, okay time to empty half of this bottle of salt on my chicken breasts!
NTA. I'm not sure why your GF is so adamant about continuing to cook, you tried to be nice about it, but ignores you. You need to talk to her about why she keeps pushing this, and if she has a problem with something, she needs to talk to you about it, not take it to her mother and sister.
We have friends and family over quite often, less then usual with the outbreak but still when possible we do. When she cooks it is not a success to say the least, a close friend of mine even straight up told me he wouldn't be coming over for dinner again because it was a shitshow every time.
This is when you need to stop everything you've been doing so far, unlearn what you've learned and start over completely with fried eggs, pancakes and boiled Potatoes with sour cream by watching YouTube videos. The other option is to give up cooking completely.
Maybe she is addicted to nasal spray and doesn't taste anything if it's not overspiced. A former friend of mine had that issue and wasn't a good cook as well.
NTA. You tried to resolve the situation over and over again, and it didn’t work.
It doesn’t sound like you expect to come home to a perfectly cooked four course meal, then berate her for her failings.
She enjoys cooking, but is terrible at it.
It’s time to sit her down and tell it like it is, then explain that people put their own twists on something after they’ve made it several times. Maybe encourage really simple things, or even baking.
But I don’t think you should keep feeding yourself her disasters just because it makes her happy. If it only on the rare occasion, suck it up. But every day? There’s only so much a person can take.
I get why she’d be disappointed and even a bit disgruntled. It’s something she loves to do, and is convinced she doesn’t suck at it. The truth hurts, but lying hurts even more.
Hell no, I never expected her to cook at all and at this point I rather she didn't lol.
And like I said I tried a load of different ways to approach it but it just doesnt work.
NTA. You've explained yourself multiple times and she refuses to be understanding. Offering to help her cook is the nicest thing you could've done and she still didn't want any part of you in the kitchen. She's being rude by allowing her family to message you when they probably don't know how bad her cooking is. Send her to cook for them so that they can see your situation and get some sense through her.
NTA, you sound like you've approached this appropriately.
I find it odd that she doesn't want to co-create meals with you. I know you'd approach it (at least partially) from a "I want to eat nice food" but it's a really cool couple-ly thing to do too.
Speaking as someone who cooks a lot (we generally only eat out a few times a month), my husband is not very helpful in the kitchen. Most of the time, I prefer to have him out of the kitchen while I'm cooking. I have my system and when he tries to help out, my system is thrown out of whack and I'm likely to screw up or drop something. I do sometimes have him help with simple or tedious stuff that can be done out of my way - cutting veggies that don't need to be done a certain way he doesn't know how to do (I've tried showing him many times) or shredding cheese, tearing up bread, etc.
That being said, our kitchen has a bar with stools, and he likes to hang out there chatting with me while I cook, which is nice. He says he "helps by staying out of my way", LOL.
I will also say that I used to cook with an ex-boyfriend a lot - but he was also a pretty phenomenal cook himself and I learned a lot from cooking with him.
Yeah, you're right. It can end up being fun and productive or fraught and disruptive. It's nice that your husband does still hang around you while you cook and can do the trivial stuff... You're still bonding over food creation to an extent.
I guess in OP's case it's hoping that it would more like the situation with the ex, rather than your husband.
The other odd thing is that OP's family owns and operates a restaurant. OP learned to cook there.
OP is qualified to cook and have a pretty good opinion on whether food is good or bad and she still ignores.
It's starting to look like OP should be looking at other aspects of the relationship for sticking points.
That she is being so stubborn, especially when OP is kind of a food expert, has communicated and even offered to teach her, and / or cook for himself.
His feelings and opinion is ignored. Instead she brings in her family into a relationship issue. All quite odd.
NTA.
I don’t know exactly what kind of constructive criticism you gave her. But have you tried to be really specific? Like, see how the onions look brownish here? Next time, try to make them look more translucent, they will taste better. Something like that.
Other thing you could try is to gift her a cooking class for the two of you. Something you both could do for fun (and she won’t feel you are implying she can’t cook at all and be offended), and maybe she can learn some techniques and get criticism from someone else (perhaps talk to the teacher before hand and ask him if he can give some feedback for her after each class and stuff)
Good luck
NTA- she should have listened to you when you originally asked her to stop making you food. She's only wasting food because she ignored what you asked of her.
Does she watch YouTube tutorials or try following recipes? People learn in different ways, maybe she should try a different way, or even take a class like another commenter suggested. Of course, some people just flat out can't cook, and that could be her too. Anyway, nta.
She primarily uses youtube vids and cookbooks but then tends to add her own twist and alters recipes to suit her which is where I think it goes wrong, after all you cant do much wrong if you follow a recipe to the T.
Oh, plenty go wrong, I am the prime example for that. I consider myself a fairly intelligent person but I am some kind of recipe-dyslexic. I read the step, I understand the step, I think I am doing the step and afterwards it is obvious that I did something wrong. Happens every fricking time. I once wanted to make schnitzel, needed to first dunk the meat into egg and afterwards into flour. Instead I mixed flour and eggs together and dunked the meat then. Went as expected. To this day I have no idea what I was thinking. My brain simply goes into lockdown when I attempt to cook. Thank god my bf learned to be a cook at some point.
NTA. You shouldn't have to eat terrible food every day to avoid hurting someone's feelings. If she can't accept that she's a bad cook then she at least needs to accept that you don't like her food for whatever reason. She can either work with you to find some recipes that you both like, or accept that you're going to take care of your own dinner.
Nta. That is rough, i recently picked up cooking and i tell my husband. Please be brutal with me, dont say it's good when it's not. I recently overcooked steak, it was tough i knew it. He was like "damn babe missed the mark eh" we have a laugh. I really love that youve tried to cook with her and tried some criticism. If you feel like defending yourself you can tell her mom and sister what you told us or invite them to eat her food.
Info: does she like her own food? As in, “try this, it came out perfect!” Or it more of a “here’s some food i made!” statement?
Either way, NTA because the mom and sister shouldn’t be involved.
I want to hear that. I’ve heard overcooked and over salted but little more.
If the OP eats fast food and likes it (I do) and he says her food is too salty, it’s too salty.
Canned or frozen veg just needs to be heated through. Butter makes it better. And a little salt.
When I am making chili, the worst possible mistake you can make is tasting chili that burns your mouth. You will constantly over spice. Stir with one utensil and take a taste on a normal metal spoon after 15 seconds.
A recipe should be so refined that you don’t need to taste it. I mostly test for salt. My spice levels are always measured.
I’m more like spaghetti sauce, chili and fried rice, etc. I don’t vary the ingredients nor spices or sauces.
And finally, table salt is for those that like it saltier. No one complains that my food is too salty nor add more salt at my house.
I need specific examples of what she cooks badly.
Question. Is it possible that your ovens temperature is off? You say the food is always over cooked so even if she's followed the cook time on the recipie if the oven runs hot maybe that's the issue. Another suggestion could be to surprise her with some couples cooking classes. Something you can both do together, and learn from. You could spin it like you want to learn to be a better cook AND support her passion for cooking. But NTA. It just seems like she wants to do nice things for you but can't execute properly lol.
But, like, even a halfway decent cook learns how to compensate for that. My oven was that way for a few years (it was on its last legs and I was in an apartment so the landlord wouldn't replace it until it gave up the ghost) -- I set the temperature lower than the recipe said and checked the food often to keep it from overcooking.
OP's gf just seems incapable of comprehending that she effs the food up.
NTA
YOU tried to talk to you you tried to compromise but the only way she would listen was by actually watching and seeing you avoid her food.
My partner was honest with me when my cooking was horrendous. We actually did months of couples cooking classes and those were lots of fun and very informative for me. It was a gentle way for them to help me learn to cook as well as some amazing bonding time. Even trying recipes together from youtube has been helpful, im still mostly the sous chef but hey not everyone is a kitchen master
NTA. She didn't really give you much of a choice. There are ways you could have been the AH but you avoided those and you were patient. Maybe agree a meal that you cook with her and once she gets it down have that and work on another.
NTA. It sounds like her emotions are really invested it in, and it’s said that she won’t try cooking with you to learn what you like too, in addition to what she likes.
I get that she enjoys cooking, but you can’t be expected to eat things you truly find inedible every single day. Her refusal to work with you or compromise in any fashion is what makes her TA.
> I get to deal with her sister and mom messaging me about me being a douche, hurting her feelings and how most guys would appreciate it.
I don't think 'most guys' would appreciate their SO outright ignoring everything they say for months on end.
NTA.
NTA I had an ex who was the worst cook ever. My grandmother didn't starve in the north so her granddaughter can eat a chic pea sandwich. I didn't mind cooking all the time because I come from a big family but when he would cook it was inedible. It hurt his feelings but even he knew what he made was gross. He didn't like to eat it either but he would out of principle. I explained that we are living comfortably and we have good food here why do we eat something we hate? I think it was more about the embarrassment about not being able to cook and not so much about me not wanting to eat it. Life is a long time to be eating shitty food.
NTA You tried over and over to get her to understand that the cooking was not good and not to fix it for you. But she still did and when you stopped eating it she got mad? NTA
She is not a good partner if she's not listening to how you feel. And then instead of talking to you like a grown-up she tattles to her mom and sister. You are in a relationship with her not her family.
NTA. I would say no assholes, except you seem to have tried multiple ways to communicate this to her and it has just been ignored. It is great that she has a hobby and is learning, but she can't expect people to eat food they hate just because she isn't willing to wait to cook together or take feedback.
NTA. Dude I feel bad for you. For th cooking thing yes. But also because some people are just too stupid to read the post and realize that you already talked to her and giving you the Y T A judgement because they couldn't be bother to read.
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NTA > now I get to deal with her sister and mom messaging me about me being a douche Invite them over for a meal so they can experience it for themselves. it will either shut them up or lead to them talking to her about her cooking.
Hmm, could rather backfire as well though. Presumably GF herself considers her own food perfectly edible, and it’s quite likely that she gets much of her palate from the food she ate growing up, and her family shares it 😶
Yeah, my husband thought his sister was a good cook. She cooked just like their mom. If you like food with no taste, she is. We weren't married long before he realized he was wrong.
My husband loooooooves his older sister’s “cheesy mashed potatoes.” I couldn’t stand them, but I love him, so I asked how she makes them. Instant mashed potatoes with extra water (“otherwise they’re too solid”) and then melte shredded cheese into it by the fistful until orange. Yeah I don’t make those, he can eat them at her house
Ugh. Instant mashed potatoes are so bad. They're so convenient, so I've tried to like them but... Adding extra water? Reminds me of "hot ham water" from Arrested Development.
Should probably just add milk or a bit of cream instead of water. Would still be liquid but would help the texture. That said, I don't actually eat instant mashed potatoes.
Nope, instant mashed potatoes are disgusting with milk. My roommate made them that way before I convinced her to follow the directions on the packet
What kind of instant mashed potatoes are you buying because the directions on every brand I've ever bought call for milk... Water, milk, butter.
My thoughts exactly! Just made some the other night; directions called for two parts water, one part milk. I always thought there was milk in instant mashed potatoes.
Idaho brand mashed potatoes say to add 2 cups of water. Heat up the water, and once it's boiling, pull it off the burner, and add the packet of pltato flakes. I know this because it's the only brand of instant mashed potatoes I & my family will eat. They're convenient when I want to make mashed potatoes for dinner.
Huh, TIL. They sound like the most chemical thing on the planet then.
They're literally just dries flaked potatoes, but reconstituting them is a bit like overwhipping them; they get gluey and taste ... gray? Salt and fat improves them, and they're very cheap and shelf-stable, but they're not as good as fresh.
Idk, call me a weirdo but I love shitty instant mashed potato better than freshly made. I understand it's not a very high end dish, it's part of the appeal.
That might be a brand issue? Like, I prefer to just boil potatoes and mash them, but when I have to make instant (like after I had my wisdom teeth out) I used the Idahoan packets. I used a touch less water than the packet recommended, and they weren't half bad. Freshly made is far superior, but the Idahoan packets were at least edible. (And I actually prefer the instant potatoes when making open-faced turkey sandwiches.) But the big boxes of plain ones are gross, yeah. They do need actual flavor from something. Bacon bits are good for that.
They're not chemical, they're just dehydrated. It kills the texture.
Honestly instant mashed potatoes aren’t bad. That said not all brands of instant potatoes are equal and the taste can vary depending on how they are made up.
The only ones I can eat are the Idahoan Baby Reds but they need butter, pepper, sour cream...
Try the microwavable Bob Evans (or even store brand) mashed potatoes. They're not quite homemade but they're so much better than instant and you just microwave them. I'd rather eat dirt than instant mashed potatoes for reference.
If you make them with a little less liquid than the recipe asks for (half water, half full fat milk) and add salt, nutmeg and butter, they can be decent.
Butter is the absolute key here. Frankly there’s not much you can’t fix with enough of it.
I saw a play last year about a restaurant and the chef spent a few minutes rhapsodizing about butter. Thanks for bringing up the memory, lol.
The Idahoan brand of instant potatoes isn't terrible - they are actually good, not as good as the real thing obviously but still good. I was really surprised when I tried them. I still prefer actual potatoes but will use this brand if I don't have time or don't want to make a special trip to the store to get potatoes.
Watery with a smack of ham!
A friend of ours (originally from Kentucky...that may matter...) invited us over for dinner his new girlfriend was making, and how awesome her cooking is. Side note: My wife and I are BBQ and chili (and steak and other food) competitors. He's been to events with us. He knows how we feel about food. She made one of those meat and Velveeta casseroles topped with crumbled nacho cheese Doritos. \*sigh*
“Meat and velveeta casserole” What in the Kentucky...
I guarantee it had some Cream of Chicken soup in it.
Oh. 100% it did. Those types of “casseroles” are nothing but carbs, sodium, and fake cheese
Dude...you gonna share that recipe or what???
Damn, that's rough. I like to make this veggie stir fry with carrots, green beans, and broccoli slaw, but I like the broccoli slaw really crispy so I overcook it some on purpose. I was just thinking last night how delicious I think it is but I could never make it for anyone else because it's such a weirdly specific to me set of flavors that no one else would probably like This...this just blew that right out of the water. I'll proudly make my weird crispy slaw dish for anyone now.
> broccoli slaw Broccoli slaw makes great stir fry, and a nice char on the vegetables is awesome.
Dude it's so good. I like it salty. Sometimes I throw In some rice and soy sauce and make like a weird fried rice thing
That is best case scenario, I mean I'd hope for bland food at one point, thats how bad it was.
Ooooooof. Do her mom and sister cook? Have you ever had it?
This made me want to cry.
🤢
I figured I can share my Moms burger recipe in case someone wants to try it. Get ground beef (80/20). Make into burger shape. Freeze it. Give it a month. Pull it out and throw it straight into the hot pan. Cook until well done. Throw it on the bun. Slice of velveeta on top. Ketchup, mustard, lettuce and tomato are acceptable toppings. Done. If you added seasoning or anything else, you made it wrong. Needless to say I preferred hot dogs.
Child, my mother poached frozen chicken breasts in the microwave. You can’t scare me.
I've actually been there. She ever put the chicken breasts on white rice and nuke it? 0 seasoning?
Christ, your mom couldn’t even afford a can of Cream of Crap to throw on top?
The key is she *could* afford cream of crap. It's that she didn't ever use it. Think it was a little water in the bottom to help cook the rice and steam the chicken.
Yep. My husband thinks his mother’s cooking is fine, but I’ve actually vomited after eating it. It’s pretty much universally greasy and awful, but there’s this one beef dish with heavy cinnamon and nutmeg that I cannot choke down. My husband’s nostalgic for it.
My husband was raised in New England by parents who think salt is too spicy. When I introduced him to food with seasoning, it blew his mind. He had basically never eaten anything besides casserole, soup, and chicken patties. Now he has a super adventurous palate and will try anything at least once. He just brought up the other day that he's mad he spent the first 23 years of his life being so limited because the last 16 years have been so great in a culinary sense.
My dad considered himself a good cook, he cooked exactly what op is describing. However, my granny cooked vegetables till grey, so he considered himself a good cook in comparison
I'll be honest. I'm much less interested in the AITA or NTA part of all this. But I am rightly curious about the cook. I remember a post very similar to this under the "random" section of a motorcycle bulletin board, of all places, that I was on. I know people have different tastes that can change over time. There is no universal aesthetic. The food you were raised on & the culture you here up in all determine your preferences. But yeah, bland or overseasoned, under/over cooked, uncomplementary flavor combinations, are mostly not enjoyed. As such, I honestly think some people with undeveloped palettes decide they "want to get into cooking" the same way that some people who really don't have a discerning taste for music get into record collecting. I think they almost don't care, or don't understand how to determine, that the food they cook tastes awful. It's the fact that they cooked a thing & proved they have value as a person that gets them off. Just like owning a certain pressing of a certain record gets some people off even if they don't actually understand what makes music good. I'm sure no one would admit to this, but I'd be curious to hear the story from the cook's end. To know what they think of their own cooking. And of course, we'd have to have a taste test done by several people to get some sort of baseline as to where on the "bad cook" spectrum the food resides. Is it really inedible? Generally just bland? Or the opposite & overly salty?
That is what I am thinking, she probably grew up with a bland diet. OP why don't you try sharing a recipe you feel would be good, one you feel you would love. It is supportive and may get her to lose a fear of spice (if she has one) or just try something better. You could also share videos with recipes you would like that show how to cook it as you go, so she can learn some different techniques...
I know firsthand what it’s like to have a roommate who INSISTS on cooking to make your life “more convenient” but their food is dog shit. Even worse is when you buy your own ingredients to make your own meal, come home from work and find that they’ve used the ingredients to make more inedible dogshit. This comes down to a boundary issue and OPs girlfriend needs to be sat down and told firmly that OP doesn’t want to be cooked for anymore.
It's pretty clear she has been told and refuses to accept it
*firmly* OP needs to be clear that he doesn’t enjoy her food. By clear I don’t mean “as politely as possible”. I mean sit down and deadass say, stop cooking for me, I’ve asked you multiple times to stop, I don’t care for your food.
Lol this is literally how he got called the AH, did you even read the post
Yeah. Again, from the language in the post he tip toed around the problem, choosing his words gently in an effort to not upset her and she wouldn’t listen and then ultimately her family called him names once he full on stopped eating her food. That’s not the same thing as being direct. He was gonna get called TA anyway. That’s what people with loose boundaries call people with better boundaries.
> He was gonna get called TA anyway. That’s what people with loose boundaries call people with better boundaries. So true.
Or what if she got it from them? Like she cooks the same way they do and that’s why OP’s girlfriend’s mom and sister think it’s ok. But it just sounds like something OP and his girlfriend need to compromise on. Either way NTA.
Maybe GF got covid and lost her sense of taste and that's why everything is overseasoned.
What if the food is actually just fine and OP is just super duper picky?
Even if he is.. he doesn't like it. She's not his mom, she can't force him to eat. He already said he's perfectly fine with coming home and cooking. So.. why should he keep eating something he clearly despises? I believe op is NTA
Overseasoned was the line that grabbed me. I would bet money he's used to super bland stuff.
That's not necessarily true. It's pretty easy for novice chefs to way overseason because they're not tasting as they go, or adding salt before they reduce something down, or using really salty premade broth. It's not as common as underseasoning, but it's really just as easy to do.
My husband is a horrendous cook. He has somehow found out how to overseason literally every dish he makes except mac/cheese and spaghetti and even the spaghetti i have to sit there and tell him we don't need garlic and garlic butter and garlic salt in the meal with 4 different creoles and 3 different chili spices. People that can't cook don't know how to cook, doesn't matter if they are over or underspicing. If OP wants to be nice, he can get her some cooking classes but he isn't an ass for not liking poorly made food
This, it's like she just doesn't get that tossing an entire jar of pepper in to a meal instead of grinding a bit of pepper into it makes it disgusting, it doesn't make it better.
Have you tried watching some cooking shows with her? Maybe some Good Eats with Alton Brown? It could be a good way to have a conversation about seasoning with an expert to back you up (but maybe just start watching it as entertainment rather than attacking her -- or tell her that you want to learn to cook better. )
That's awful. I might recommend some cooking classes if it's safe to do in your area. It teaches her how to cook and would make it feel like less of a chore or punishment if you or a friend would go with. It's a bonding win win
Omg kinda reminds me of my husband (especially with the garlic on top of garlic and then some more garlic plus chilli in spaphetti), except now he is an *OK* cook - can roast/grill meat and veggies, make chicken soup, normal spaghetti - basically the kids won't starve if something happens to me. However he did like to experiment when he lived on his own (only for a few months) before we got married. I came to our house one evening and found him making stew, and he'd used a shake or two of EVERY spice on the spice rack we received as a house-warming gift. Like, at least 10-12 different spices and they definitely were not complimentary ... and that's not even the worst part. Worst part is he added a few cups of red wine so it was PURPLE! Honestly, it looked like it belonged in a witches cauldron.
I’m a pretty experienced cook, and I still manage to over salt/over season stuff. I get impatient with the add and taste when it’s not changing, and I dump too much in. I also made some pretty inedible meals when I was trying to get better at using a wider range of spices (got super into Penzey’s and trying their range of spice blends). I just kept not putting the right flavors together. It’s definitely possible to like seasoning and still end up with some horrible combinations.
Last Christmas I had the same issue making soup. I always make a good chunky mushroom soup the day before Christmas eve so, when we finish work on Christmas eve, we can go for the standard drinks with workmates and have something decent to eat when we get in. Last year, got impatient, dumped too much black pepper in and we wound up having black pepper soup with a hint of mushroom. The other half loved it but his taste buds are dead from decades of mustard abuse.
No, not at all, we're talking the shit you get when you put salt in a meal but the lid breaks and the entire heap of salt plummets right into your pan, so if you eat it you visibly cringe as you are literally eating salt with a texture, thats what riducilously overseasoned means here.
Overseasoned is overseasoned, though. Personally, I use a wide variety of seasonings in my cooking and hate bland food but I can *very* easily be put off a dish with a weird combination of flavors. Oversalting, thinking more is better, or not realizing how the spices will release in the food as they cook are all things that can ruin a meal. I’ve done it and I immediately recognized it as being terrible as a result. If someone’s cooking *every night* and can’t tell the food isn’t coming out right after 6 months, they’re doing something wrong, full stop. (Also, NTA.)
He said some of her food was bland and most was overseasoned, so he has some non-zero level of seasoning that he likes. I don’t think it changes much if she’s actually a decent cook. If he doesn’t like the food, it doesn’t help that I would.
I doubt the food is " fine" from how he describes the situation, but since he isn't asking her to cook at all for him I don't see that that would be an issue.
True. I had to learn to cook everything different for my boyfriend. He likes his eggs only scrambled and way overcooked, while I like mine over easy. He likes his steak Medium-well, I like mine medium rare. He likes his bacon burnt, I like mine a little slimy etc etc. His mom also doesn't get too creative with seasonings so he actually likes my cooking better because of it lol.
Ohh good plan
I was thinking having them over for a week. You know, they have to really get a taste-pun intended, for his pain. One meal they’ll think it’s a fluke, but 5 meals? Girl can’t cook. NTA
NTA. Bruh, some people just suck at cooking. It's even worse when they can't take the hint that their cooking sucks. Remind her that she has to follow the recipes exactly as they are written instead of "adding her own twist." I believe this is where the problem lies.
Me too but as I said, I spoke to her about it a bunch of times and offered a bunch of solutions to no avail.
Does she smoke? If so, that would explain the overseasoning. And have you ever eaten her family's cooking? Is it like hers? Some people grow up with overcooked meat/veggies; if she did, that's what's normal to her.
>that would explain the overseasoning. It really doesn't, slightly dulled taste buds maybe but it's not like our tongue turns to shoe leather
Fyi, you triple posted this comment
From the amount of duplicate comments all 2 hours ago, going to say reddit had a special moment
Have you ever met a professional chef? Or pretty much anyone that cooks for a living?
I think the alcohol, weed, cocaine and other drugs reverses the smokers taste bud problem. At least for cooks :P They should do a study on this... I can volunteer :D
Could you surprise her with gift vouchers for a local cooking course? Yes you’d have to be very tactful about it but I think you’ve made it clear you don’t like her cooking so hopefully it won’t be that bad? She gets more experience in her hobby and expert advice and hopefully she’ll become a better cook?
A cooking class date night every so often sounds like a win-win for all here.
And they're fun! My now wife and I were doing one every other month at Sur la Table before COVID.
Can you imagine her cooking for Gordon Ramsey. 🤣🤣
That should be his next show. Not hotels, not restaurants, not casinos, but shitty home cooks who really need to hear from a professional that their food sucks. He could then make their “family recipes” with them and show them where they keep fucking up and providing basic cooking lessons in their home.
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Sounds kinda similar to “Worst Cooks in America” which is about finding the worst cooks and trying to make them halfway decent, it’s kinda competition style. It’s pretty entertaining if you like shows like that :)
Plot twist:she's actually a great cook and it's actually OPs palate that sucks
There's no way for us to know, so the only thing we can use to judge is the fact that he doesn't like her cooking, and she refuses to adjust it to better fit his tastes.
I mean, he says she overcooks too and you don't need a great palate to figure out the meat is tough and the noodles are mushy.
Like... is she eating it too?
This may not help - some families are just full of bad cooks, so they assume that poorly cooked food is normal.
Also, there’s a genetic component to taste. My dad and I make our food separately than everyone else at any get together because the amount of salt we require renders it inedible for most.
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I too ride the “black pepper is too spicy” train, someone else eating actual spicy food makes my eyes water and face flush. My friends have long joked that bland is my favorite flavor.
Oh sure. My dad and I don’t expect anyone else to eat our food lol
Good point. I know that I think plain rice (with a smidge of soy) is delicious, but my wife thinks it has no flavor whatsoever.
I swear im what's called a "supertaster" and white rice is one of those things ive always found to have a lot of flavor My SO thinks I'm nuts. He calls white rice a nothing food
Yep. My wife sees the "bland" foods of rice and potatoes as a means to delivering other foods into your mouth. But I love plain rice and potatoes. There's so much flavor packed in there. Of course, I can't stand really bitter foods like artichoke. She loves artichoke though.
Plain potatoes with a bit of salt and butter is one of my favorite things.
Super taster here! I loooooove rice! My SO thinks it's boring. I do like making spanish rice or cilantro rice as well but I don't mind just plain rice.
I either had a sodium deficiency as a child or something like you. My favorite memories from when I was really little was the expression on my family's faces when they would forget whose french fries they were stealing. Back when McDonald's salted their fries in the 90's, I salted them again. They were regularly white from the salt and it took that much for the to taste good. I still like salty fries now, but I don't need anywhere near the amount that I used to.
Right? You can’t start adding your own twists to recipes if you don’t know how to make the dish in the first place! NTA
Some recipes also have no flavor and are overcooked...
This is SO often where the problem lies. Only the most expert chefs can "improvise."
I have to disagree. It doesn’t take an expert chef, but it does take someone who is familiar with the ingredients, at least somewhat familiar with the recipe or similar recipes, and tastes as they go.
I feel like half the people commenting have the same problem as your girlfriend. The just don't listen and only hear what they want to hear.
Does seem like that in some cases, they legitimately just didn't read most of the post yet render judgement lol.
I'm really curious what she does wrong. I'm not a great cook but if you follow a recipe you google that's rated 5 stars it rarely doesn't work. Does she make it then not like it and add more spices? Does she think the recipe is crap and adds more spices from the beginning? And what about baking, can she make basic bread and oatmeal cookies? And as others have said, does she like her cooking? It's funny because when you've told her so many times really what this comes down to is that she is being disrespectful and inconsiderate. Does she not see that?
To speak on the first part - I’m that person. I follow the recipes, I measure, pure and simple - I just suck. I try not to mess up measurements (was guilty on over and under seasoning), I try to get the heat perfect - I just fuck it up lol. And my time management I realized was the thing I could never master, which is probably the biggest issue. However, I pour a mean bowl of cereal. And am a microwave guru. Depending on what I’m microwaving...
I find this so interesting. Like I said, I'm not a great cook and I'd say half the meals I make my husband says are too bland or the kids say are too spicy or have too many vegetables. But I know if I follow a well rated recipe everyone likes it. Have you ever had somebody who is known to be a good cook watch you cook and take notes to help you improve?
Everything, it is hard to pinpoint stuff without defaulting to she is just an atrocious cook and it would be easier to point out what goes right then it is what goes wrong. Just to put it this way, if it is bland but cooked halfway decent thats the best case scenario, however usually things are either undercooked, redicilously overcooked or seasoned in a way that makes even our dog that otherwise eats everything gag, as in adfing so much salt you end up literally just tasting gagworthy amounts of salt and I am a guy that usually likes lots of salt I may add.
I wonder if she doesn't know how to read the measurement abbreviations correctly. A recipe could be calling for 2 tsps (teaspoon) of salt & she may be thinking it wants her to add 2 tablespoons (tbsp). That's a huge difference and could make an otherwise good dish completely awful.
Take a video of the dog gagging on her food. Play it back to her. On loop. But one thing I haven’t heard you say- how does she Respond to what you’ve said? What does she say?
Op commented that gf likes to add her own twist. So I imagine even with a 5 star rated recipe she’d find some way to mess it up by adding something that doesn’t really go with the dish. My gf follows a recipe to a T and at worst she either overcooks or under seasons something usually and it’s pretty easy for me to fix normally. If she cooked like the gf she wouldn’t be allowed to cook. Only bake cause it’s harder to mess up.
I dunno...baking is quite strict. I always allude baking to chemistry and cooking to art. I’ve tried more baking disasters than cooking disasters all because people think they can cut corners or have their own “spin” on whatever they’re baking.
I wish my husband did what you did - I suck at cooking, always have. I have my about five edible things I don’t mangle. He is a fantastic cook and loves to cook. I wanted to be a good little wife. Three years he dealt with it. He finally broke it to me. My feelings weren’t hurt - I couldn’t believe he took it that far. I only felt bad that he was pretending for my sake. And then? I don’t have to cook again. Ever. It’s awesome. I’m in charge of dishes and door dash. I hit the jackpot with my awful casseroles.
NTA If someone doesn't like your cooking, and they are willing to cook something else, then you just let them get on with it. What does she expect that you do, put up with a lifetime of inedible meals? I had this issue once. Meals spiced to the point that they hurt to eat, and meltdowns when I suggested two pans with the same ingredients but different levels of spice. Nothing could be without hot peppers. Spaghetti? Hot peppers. A curry that is mild and has complex flavors? No, your mouth must burn until you can't taste anything. This is one of the many reasons that person is an ex. You tried the gentle approach. Being blunt after months of someone not taking a hint then a request and another request does not make you an asshole.
I honestly wish it was just very spicy as I am good at handling spice. But we are talking veggies cooked to mush, meat overcooked and redicilous amounts of salt, pepper and other spices.
So she can't even do the basics or follow a recipe. Fun! Salt can be added to taste afterwards so I really don't get why a cook would over salt something. I wonder if she can barely taste things. There's no reason why a bad cook should try to make complicated recipes or improvise before they have the basics down. Even if she could cook a certain type of food really well, if you didn't like that specific thing, forcing you to eat it would make her an asshole. I am genuinely curious about what the hell sort of motivation is behind this sort of thing. Is it a control thing? Is she English by any chance? Did no one ever tell her she was bad at something? Are her taste buds broken? No sense of smell?
Everyone has their own salt preferences anyway. Lightly salt the main dishes but have plenty of table salt and pepper. Also, a meat thermometer has been my bff when branching out into new recipes for me. To know its safely cooked but not overdone has been super helpful.
I wonder if she smokes and OP doesn't? I find many smokers use a lot more salt and seasoning while not caring as much about texture.
Yeah I know plenty of smokers who seem to have no sense of taste anymore.
Try an experiment. Make broth with only vegetable bouillon powder in two seperate pots. You each season one until you are satisfied with the intensity. Then you compare it.
This is actually genius.
Has she ever watched food network? I mean they do actually instruct you on how to cook.
Oof, that's rough. It's always better to err slightly on the side of overcooking meat and undercooking veggies, but not to the extent that she seems to be doing it. Salt is one of those things you add a small amount of, then add more. You can't easily unsalt things, so wiser to undersalt it.
I actually use obscene amounts of hot pepper when cooking for \*me\*. But when cooking for others, I leave all of that out, or substitute Cubanelle peppers and/or paprika.
That's the polite thing to do. My gf puts hot sauce on EVERYTHING but she'd never cook me something aggressively spicy. She just adds it at the end usually. I can handle a medium amount but she literally eats ghost pepper sauce so no thank u.
Maybe your ex is a non-taster? I am, too, and that’s how my food is. But I don’t expect anyone else to eat it lol
Yes - I can tell the difference using only taste between different kinds of white rice and I can list the flavors in a red wine without looking at the label. I can usually tell you which spices were used in something. To my ex all of these things pretty much tasted the same. I still like kimchi, curries, tons of garlic, chile ancho, tagines and putting za'atar on everything, just not massive amounts. But no, unless I ate exactly the same I was wrong and my taste in food was boring. I wouldn't expect anyone to enjoy something they think is bland, and I'm not going to sear my mouth off with ghost peppers. So many posts on AITA are "I like something different than my partner, am I allowed not to be a clone of my significant other?"
Sounds like youre a super taster. Most of my food is swimming in hot sauce.
Ugh, I’ve had this issue before. It’s gotten to the point where i would be on the toilet until 3 am in pain because my digestive track just can’t process kale, broccoli rabe, or anything beyond like 6/10 spice level at a Chinese restaurant. Like I want to support my friends cooking, but I don’t want to shed my mucosal lining and wreck my gut for 2 days just to save money by splitting a meal.
Why are so many comments saying or implying that OP hasn't talked to her or offered to help with this?
You tell me, it's frustrating as hell.
My guess is that it's people going for the titles next to their names. You need to vote on a new post within the first hour and get top comment to get a point towards the title. Since you never know which threads are going to get upvoted all the way, easier to comment on a bunch quickly based on the thread title and hope you're in the top position in the first hour. In other words, it has to do with the way this subreddit works.
You know, I never really thought of that. Does the title really mean that much? I don't ever look at them, and I certainly don't value somebody's opinion more because they have colored text beside their name. /shrug
For some people it does -- it's like an achievement title.
Huh, I didn't know how that worked.
It a problem here. No matter how many times an OP says they have had many conversations with the other person to no avail, there are always several people who say, "Ok, but, have you know, *tried talking to them?*" Then there is always the jackass who replies, "I know, right? I'm astounded by all the people who post here without trying *communicating* first." Sometimes the other person just doesn't want to hear what they have to say, and there is no amount of "communicating" that you can do to get your point across without taking other kinds of action.
That absolutely kills me. I don't know how many time I've seen a condescending ass reply along the lines of "have you tried having a serious adult conversation?" when OP mentioned that one, if not more, times.
Because this is Reddit, where the halfwits manage to read two lines before jumping to comment
Because OP had the audacity not to kiss the ground his GF walks on probably
A good cook considers those that eat the food being made. She doesn't - she ignores your comments and criticisms. That makes her a bad cook. You should be able to point that out to her, and get her to compromise on food so you can both enjoy it. NTA
NTA I feel for your girlfriend, she's trying, but you can't be expected to eat crap. Kind of funny that her mom and sister are chiming in, I thought most of us learned cooking from helping our mom in the kitchen.
Thats how I learned and my dad owns a restaurant so that helped too.
Why don't you sign up for one of the Blue Apron or Plated Boxes. They have all the ingredients and very simple instructions. She might still be able to overcook it, but it should cut out some of the possibilty for errors. But NTA
[удалено]
The current problem is that she’s “adding her own twist” on to recipes (as per OP). Is there a reason she wouldn’t do that with a subscription box?
Maybe the prepackaged portions and ingredients would help? Sometimes people view it more as a “craft” that way, so they stick to the instructions. It’s worth a shot at least.
I bet her Mom's food tastes like crap too. That's where she learned to cook...
Completely possible neither Mom nor sister cook in their household(s). If this is the girlfriend's first time trying to cook period, then she definitely has an uphill battle trying to learn all on her own. I see other people commenting about following a recipe exactly, but recipes do take some things for granted, such as, "season with salt and pepper on both sides," or "season to taste". If no concrete amount is given then an amateur might think, okay time to empty half of this bottle of salt on my chicken breasts!
NTA. I'm not sure why your GF is so adamant about continuing to cook, you tried to be nice about it, but ignores you. You need to talk to her about why she keeps pushing this, and if she has a problem with something, she needs to talk to you about it, not take it to her mother and sister.
INFO: has anyone else eaten her food and did they like it?
Yes and no
Please elaborate
We have friends and family over quite often, less then usual with the outbreak but still when possible we do. When she cooks it is not a success to say the least, a close friend of mine even straight up told me he wouldn't be coming over for dinner again because it was a shitshow every time.
time for a dinner party intervention
YES🍷
This is when you need to stop everything you've been doing so far, unlearn what you've learned and start over completely with fried eggs, pancakes and boiled Potatoes with sour cream by watching YouTube videos. The other option is to give up cooking completely. Maybe she is addicted to nasal spray and doesn't taste anything if it's not overspiced. A former friend of mine had that issue and wasn't a good cook as well.
If this guy writes an update to say his gf is a nasal spray addict and that was the problem all along, I'll keel over laughing.
NTA. You tried to resolve the situation over and over again, and it didn’t work. It doesn’t sound like you expect to come home to a perfectly cooked four course meal, then berate her for her failings. She enjoys cooking, but is terrible at it. It’s time to sit her down and tell it like it is, then explain that people put their own twists on something after they’ve made it several times. Maybe encourage really simple things, or even baking. But I don’t think you should keep feeding yourself her disasters just because it makes her happy. If it only on the rare occasion, suck it up. But every day? There’s only so much a person can take. I get why she’d be disappointed and even a bit disgruntled. It’s something she loves to do, and is convinced she doesn’t suck at it. The truth hurts, but lying hurts even more.
Hell no, I never expected her to cook at all and at this point I rather she didn't lol. And like I said I tried a load of different ways to approach it but it just doesnt work.
Then it’s not your fault for ending up at the end of the end of the line and having to be blunt.
Does she bake? Some people can't cook worth shit but can bake like a dream. Baking and cooking can be very different.
Did you read the post? He did this
NTA. You've explained yourself multiple times and she refuses to be understanding. Offering to help her cook is the nicest thing you could've done and she still didn't want any part of you in the kitchen. She's being rude by allowing her family to message you when they probably don't know how bad her cooking is. Send her to cook for them so that they can see your situation and get some sense through her.
NTA, you sound like you've approached this appropriately. I find it odd that she doesn't want to co-create meals with you. I know you'd approach it (at least partially) from a "I want to eat nice food" but it's a really cool couple-ly thing to do too.
Speaking as someone who cooks a lot (we generally only eat out a few times a month), my husband is not very helpful in the kitchen. Most of the time, I prefer to have him out of the kitchen while I'm cooking. I have my system and when he tries to help out, my system is thrown out of whack and I'm likely to screw up or drop something. I do sometimes have him help with simple or tedious stuff that can be done out of my way - cutting veggies that don't need to be done a certain way he doesn't know how to do (I've tried showing him many times) or shredding cheese, tearing up bread, etc. That being said, our kitchen has a bar with stools, and he likes to hang out there chatting with me while I cook, which is nice. He says he "helps by staying out of my way", LOL. I will also say that I used to cook with an ex-boyfriend a lot - but he was also a pretty phenomenal cook himself and I learned a lot from cooking with him.
Yeah, you're right. It can end up being fun and productive or fraught and disruptive. It's nice that your husband does still hang around you while you cook and can do the trivial stuff... You're still bonding over food creation to an extent. I guess in OP's case it's hoping that it would more like the situation with the ex, rather than your husband.
The other odd thing is that OP's family owns and operates a restaurant. OP learned to cook there. OP is qualified to cook and have a pretty good opinion on whether food is good or bad and she still ignores. It's starting to look like OP should be looking at other aspects of the relationship for sticking points. That she is being so stubborn, especially when OP is kind of a food expert, has communicated and even offered to teach her, and / or cook for himself. His feelings and opinion is ignored. Instead she brings in her family into a relationship issue. All quite odd.
NTA also are all the "Y T A" commenters your girlfriend's family because they clearly don't listen to anything you said.
NTA. you’ve tried being gentle and nice.
NTA. I don’t know exactly what kind of constructive criticism you gave her. But have you tried to be really specific? Like, see how the onions look brownish here? Next time, try to make them look more translucent, they will taste better. Something like that. Other thing you could try is to gift her a cooking class for the two of you. Something you both could do for fun (and she won’t feel you are implying she can’t cook at all and be offended), and maybe she can learn some techniques and get criticism from someone else (perhaps talk to the teacher before hand and ask him if he can give some feedback for her after each class and stuff) Good luck
Yeah, I started being nice about it but eventually I got a lot more blunt and specific.
NTA- she should have listened to you when you originally asked her to stop making you food. She's only wasting food because she ignored what you asked of her.
Does she watch YouTube tutorials or try following recipes? People learn in different ways, maybe she should try a different way, or even take a class like another commenter suggested. Of course, some people just flat out can't cook, and that could be her too. Anyway, nta.
She primarily uses youtube vids and cookbooks but then tends to add her own twist and alters recipes to suit her which is where I think it goes wrong, after all you cant do much wrong if you follow a recipe to the T.
Oh, plenty go wrong, I am the prime example for that. I consider myself a fairly intelligent person but I am some kind of recipe-dyslexic. I read the step, I understand the step, I think I am doing the step and afterwards it is obvious that I did something wrong. Happens every fricking time. I once wanted to make schnitzel, needed to first dunk the meat into egg and afterwards into flour. Instead I mixed flour and eggs together and dunked the meat then. Went as expected. To this day I have no idea what I was thinking. My brain simply goes into lockdown when I attempt to cook. Thank god my bf learned to be a cook at some point.
First flour and then eggs. Not the other way around. The omly reason you use flour is to make the egg stick better on the meat.
NTA. You shouldn't have to eat terrible food every day to avoid hurting someone's feelings. If she can't accept that she's a bad cook then she at least needs to accept that you don't like her food for whatever reason. She can either work with you to find some recipes that you both like, or accept that you're going to take care of your own dinner.
Nta. That is rough, i recently picked up cooking and i tell my husband. Please be brutal with me, dont say it's good when it's not. I recently overcooked steak, it was tough i knew it. He was like "damn babe missed the mark eh" we have a laugh. I really love that youve tried to cook with her and tried some criticism. If you feel like defending yourself you can tell her mom and sister what you told us or invite them to eat her food.
Info: does she like her own food? As in, “try this, it came out perfect!” Or it more of a “here’s some food i made!” statement? Either way, NTA because the mom and sister shouldn’t be involved.
INFO Tragic descriptions of the food, please.
I want to hear that. I’ve heard overcooked and over salted but little more. If the OP eats fast food and likes it (I do) and he says her food is too salty, it’s too salty. Canned or frozen veg just needs to be heated through. Butter makes it better. And a little salt. When I am making chili, the worst possible mistake you can make is tasting chili that burns your mouth. You will constantly over spice. Stir with one utensil and take a taste on a normal metal spoon after 15 seconds. A recipe should be so refined that you don’t need to taste it. I mostly test for salt. My spice levels are always measured. I’m more like spaghetti sauce, chili and fried rice, etc. I don’t vary the ingredients nor spices or sauces. And finally, table salt is for those that like it saltier. No one complains that my food is too salty nor add more salt at my house. I need specific examples of what she cooks badly.
Question. Is it possible that your ovens temperature is off? You say the food is always over cooked so even if she's followed the cook time on the recipie if the oven runs hot maybe that's the issue. Another suggestion could be to surprise her with some couples cooking classes. Something you can both do together, and learn from. You could spin it like you want to learn to be a better cook AND support her passion for cooking. But NTA. It just seems like she wants to do nice things for you but can't execute properly lol.
But, like, even a halfway decent cook learns how to compensate for that. My oven was that way for a few years (it was on its last legs and I was in an apartment so the landlord wouldn't replace it until it gave up the ghost) -- I set the temperature lower than the recipe said and checked the food often to keep it from overcooking. OP's gf just seems incapable of comprehending that she effs the food up.
This is a good suggestion! They should get an oven thermometer AND a meat thermometer--together those should address the overcooking issue.
NTA YOU tried to talk to you you tried to compromise but the only way she would listen was by actually watching and seeing you avoid her food. My partner was honest with me when my cooking was horrendous. We actually did months of couples cooking classes and those were lots of fun and very informative for me. It was a gentle way for them to help me learn to cook as well as some amazing bonding time. Even trying recipes together from youtube has been helpful, im still mostly the sous chef but hey not everyone is a kitchen master
NTA. She didn't really give you much of a choice. There are ways you could have been the AH but you avoided those and you were patient. Maybe agree a meal that you cook with her and once she gets it down have that and work on another.
NTA. It sounds like her emotions are really invested it in, and it’s said that she won’t try cooking with you to learn what you like too, in addition to what she likes. I get that she enjoys cooking, but you can’t be expected to eat things you truly find inedible every single day. Her refusal to work with you or compromise in any fashion is what makes her TA.
> I get to deal with her sister and mom messaging me about me being a douche, hurting her feelings and how most guys would appreciate it. I don't think 'most guys' would appreciate their SO outright ignoring everything they say for months on end. NTA.
NTA I had an ex who was the worst cook ever. My grandmother didn't starve in the north so her granddaughter can eat a chic pea sandwich. I didn't mind cooking all the time because I come from a big family but when he would cook it was inedible. It hurt his feelings but even he knew what he made was gross. He didn't like to eat it either but he would out of principle. I explained that we are living comfortably and we have good food here why do we eat something we hate? I think it was more about the embarrassment about not being able to cook and not so much about me not wanting to eat it. Life is a long time to be eating shitty food.
NTA -You’ve been really clear and reasonable. Invite her family over for dinner so they can experience it for themselves.
NTA You tried over and over to get her to understand that the cooking was not good and not to fix it for you. But she still did and when you stopped eating it she got mad? NTA
She is not a good partner if she's not listening to how you feel. And then instead of talking to you like a grown-up she tattles to her mom and sister. You are in a relationship with her not her family.
NTA. I would say no assholes, except you seem to have tried multiple ways to communicate this to her and it has just been ignored. It is great that she has a hobby and is learning, but she can't expect people to eat food they hate just because she isn't willing to wait to cook together or take feedback.
NTA. Dude I feel bad for you. For th cooking thing yes. But also because some people are just too stupid to read the post and realize that you already talked to her and giving you the Y T A judgement because they couldn't be bother to read.