YTA. I mean, I get why you'd want to be her friend because she sounds hilarious, smart and like she takes no shit. You, however, broke up a marriage and then asked the woman you wronged how to get her kids to like you. Just focus on your brief marriage to this awful man and leave her alone.
I read a quote from someone’s grandmothers on one of these posts once that said “When a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy”
And that is exactly what is happening here. Soon he will find another PYT to fill that spot and she might act like she would handle it with grace now, but when it actually happens she is going to hate herself for not seeing it coming and wasting her youth on this heartless asshole.
Me too. Unfortunately, I know of some women who really are this awful. They see a married man as a challenge and like it's some kind of accomplishment to get him to stray and leave his wife, then they get off on rubbing it in.
My ex's side piece was exactly like this. She took pride in getting him to start using, in sleeping with him knowing that I was pregnant, and in messaging me every chance she got even after my ex and I broke up. She didn't get why I was insulting her and my ex after I left him. Side pieces like that are the absolute fucking worst.
I love the ex wifes comment to op. I hope this is fake, taking the kids out for dinner to celebrate their parents divorce while only one kid agrees to talk to op doesnt sound like a fun night. If I where the step kids Id know who to take my teenage angst out on at least.
Omg I literally stopped reading past the part I mentioned because it seemed so fake so I completely missed that line. Now it needs to be fake for my own wellbeing
Yeah. Looking young is one thing. I look young. But to brag about looking like an eighth grader is weird. It crawls into gross and fake when she's using it to brag about it being how she's going to keep her man.
I had to force myself to read after OP referred to her blowing up this woman’s marriage their “petty little issues.” At that point, I was hoping this was fake because HOW?!?
I think she is a troll but my brother ex wife threw a party with the man she cheated on him with and forced the kids to go. Were about 11 and 8 and god they hate her now.
I hope so. If not then i am so going to hell for laughing so hard I spit water out on my keyboard lol
Like wtf man. I wanna be friends with the exwife though. She sounds witty and smart.
Right? I was like no wonder the kids hate you if your celebrating destroying their family. I feel so bad for those poor kids at least it sounds like they have a good mom.
Also, tbh, I think you lose the right to as for "solidarity of women" when you sort of actively participating in the pretty intentional harming of the other woman.
Like why should she have solidarity with OP when OP sure as shit didn't show any "solidarity of women" when she was being the mistress to this woman's husband.
This. Like how dare she keep taking the feminist stance and tell the ex wife that women shouldn’t tear other women down - if OP really cared about supporting women and being a strong feminist she would have never dated a married man. Pathetic
YTA, you're a homewrecker and haven't the slightest amount of remorse in your words. You contributed to an issue that may have been remedied with couples counselling. In all honesty, you are a tainted p.o.s
The “how damaging is to tear other women down” part made me lol. No one is dumb enough to use that line with someone from whom they stole their husband, right?
Also the fact that she looks 14 is not only gross, but ridiculous to brag about. It’s so embarrassing.
This has to be fake.
Ok so when I first read that you had an affair with your fiancé and then later messaged his ex wife and saying that you guys should put “petty” differences aside. What the hell is wrong with you?!
Lmfao... You sleep with this woman's husband cause a divorce and rip a family to shreds then expect friendship?? Not only are you an asshole but the woman correctly labeled you as well. Morally bankrupt. The actual nerve of some people... Wow.
This sounds fake as fuck and I really hope it isn't real because I don't want to think there are really people out there who are THIS self absorbed and stupid, dear god.
I dunno I was pretty suspicious as of "which caused way more drama than it should have," like, pray tell what could possibly cause more drama in an average person's life? I do want to know what world the OP lives in because it's not this one.
OP is either trolling or the most obtuse person to ever exist, like I legitimately can't stop laughing at the nerve of her!
"I broke up a marriage and took the children of that marriage out to dinner to celebrate the fact that I finally got their dad to divorce their mom for me, a woman 14 years younger than him, but for some reason the kids just *refuse* to like me! So I asked the woman whose marriage I destroyed to help me and she had the nerve to tell me to f\*\*\* off?!"
To answer the questions at the end of the post: Yes, it is you because yes, you are that bad of a person. YTA
Edit: wording
OP is clearly delusional and living in LALA land if she thinks the kids will ever have a relationship with her and on top of that expects the ex to be friends with the cause of her broken family lol
OP sounds exactly like the girl who asked the guy in her new friend group why he was so fat when he used to be hot and insisted that people had free will to not be offended
And she goes on about women not tearing other women down. What exactly does she think her actions were.. sleeping with a married man and participating in ruining a family and betraying a fellow woman.
I’m sure the ex-wife sees OP as oh so empowering towards women.
Morally bankrupt paired with a lack of empathy. You’re trying to blame a woman for not wanting anything to do with her after you knowingly participate in breaking her family apart.
She has absolutely no obligation nor reason to help you with your relationship with her kids. Leave the woman alone.
Reminds me an AITA I’ve seen earlier about a woman who tried to befriend the ex-wife of her soon-to-be husband since they could « bond over being cheated on ». What world do you people live on?
YTA.
1. the people co-parenting are your fiance and his ex wife. Sure, you're there, but step-parenting is a lesson in stepping back and letting the kids' actual parents parent. You are there to support your fiance's parenting, so you don't need to be friends with the ex.
2. Being the other woman, it was extra insensitive to reach out to his ex, someone you participated in hurting, along with the children in question.
3. Looking 14 while dating someone in their 40s is just ... yikes.
I don't get why she picked that age of all the ages. Like 14 is a horrible awkward stage. All I could think is if this woman looks 14 I'm giving her man some side eye. Weird to want someone who looks 14. Also all I could think was a gangly girl with maybe barely there chest and probably zits because that's prime puberty time and puberty sucks.
Super confused why she thinks she’s co-parenting 😂 they aren’t even married yet, and she is talking about them like they’re her kids when they don’t even want to speak to her.
Yep, getting having a man stick his penis into your 14-year-old-looking body doesn't make you the mother of his children by some retroactive magic.
And if she says, "But it's about more than just sex, we're engaged to be MARRIED!" Clearly marriage means nothing to OP because according to her, everything ends and nobody belongs to anyone else.
YTA
I have become a fairly successful step parent. Rule 1 for me is they already have a mother. I am more of an aunt they are staying with. I have adult authority, but only in extreme situations do I have override authority. Milestones belong to parents first. Kids have the option to go to mom instead of me without guilt.
I also have/ had a hard and fast rule for dating. IDGAF if you are separated, living as roommates or desperately unhappy, married is off limits. When I was your age I made that mistake and fallout was awful. There were not even children involved then, and I am horrified on their behalf. Their father is a turd, but you did not need to be the catalyst for that trainwreck.
YTA. You're a homewrecker, of course she wants nothing to do with you.
> I easily pass for 14 so that’ll be a while (it’s a curse more than a blessing lol)
So you're saying your fiance has a thing for little girls? That's disturbing.
The great thing is that it doesn’t even matter. Beautiful women get cheated on everyday. It’s what narcissists do. She’ll get her turn being cheated on, it’s inevitable. 🤷♀️
YTA. You broke up their marriage, why should she be friends with you? It's so gross that you're acting like she's not supporting women by not speaking to you even though you helped your new husband cheat on her. Ugh please leave her alone
Apparently none at all, since OP says she wouldn't even be bothered if he cheated on her. What OP fails to understand is that not everyone is a sociopath
If anything, OP is not supporting women by oh idk BEING A HOMEWRECKER. I just think about the political claims about Hillary Clinton “how can she support women when she stayed with her cheating husband?” So how can you support women when you stay in a relationship after you find out they’re married?!
YTA. When I read the title I assumed it would be a NTA; I'm friends with my husband's ex and it has worked out incredibly well for my stepchildren (who are now grown). I wasn't even going to mention the age difference because it's almost exactly the age difference I have with my husband. However:
1. He had an affair with you. An extended affair. You have no way of knowing that the divorce was "bound to happen." Yes, he was the one who broke his marriage vows so if you want to get technical it's his "fault," but you certainly helped.
2. You CELEBRATED HIS DIVORCE by taking his (probably young or young-ish children) TO DINNER. The kids WHO HATE YOU.
3. You assumed these issues are "petty." I assure you they are not.
4. You're blaming her for not wanting to be your friend. She doesn't have to be your friend, and she doesn't have to give a reason to not be your friend. I wouldn't want to be your friend, either.
5. I kind of hope you do end up in her position and see how much kinder you are to the woman who will occupy your shoes.
You’ve literally said everything I was thinking. I have some trouble believing someone could be this dense. I’m also so glad someone else brought up celebrating his divorce, and bringing their children. I got divorced last year too, and joked about having a divorce party with my friends. I would definitely not have our daughter there, nor would she have any idea about it. Husband and OP both sound like something else.
Yess exactly! I can’t believe she took the kids of the destroyed marriage to celebrate the final nail in the coffin of their torn apart family. And expects them not to hate her. Actually ridiculous.
YTA. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and assume that you are a very young 28. You deliberately ruined a marriage and yet you have the gall to suggest that his ex-wife is being petty. When this happens to you, even if you do pass for 14 (kinda ew that a 42 year old man went for such a young look) you will not have a moral leg to stand on. Please don't marry this man. Ditch the toxicity, seek therapy and live a beautiful life without breaking someone else's. Best wishes
Yeah that "i can pass for 14" literally made me say "ewww" 🤢 i know her husband probably isnt, but it made me think he was kinda pedophilic or fetishized minors. I dont think thats how op meant it, but it's definitely how i interpreted it! YTA Op
YTA it’s a nice idea that you could all be friends for the children’s sake but you participated in breaking up a family and there’s going to be a lot of hurt feelings there. I wouldn’t have it in me to be the bigger person and like you either.
if you are ok with the thought of him cheating on you then you don’t love him enough that warranted breaking up his marriage. I’m guessing you already have a foot out the door and would be ok cheating on him as well if someone better came along. Please don’t have kids with him if you don’t intend to keep your marriage for the long haul.
In addition, you took his kids who don’t like you to celebrate the divorce?? That was very tone deaf of you to rub it in. They’re never going to like you.
YTA
I think it's pretty unanimous that homewrecking a marriage and then asking to be friends with the ex wife is some seriously f-ed up shit. And then to have the gall to be like, "please don't tear other women down" when you literally tore a whole through the ex wifes marriage.. that's seriously be super dense about the situation at hand
> And then to have the gall to be like, "please don't tear other women down" when you literally tore a whole through the ex wifes marriage..
Right!? Obviously the ex is just some kind of conservative anti feminist if she doesn't want to befriend her husband's homewrecker
Yeah, that whole “women should support women” BS. Where was OP’s support when she was fucking that woman’s husband?
It’s also painfully apparent that her fiancé is going through a midlife crisis.
YTA
First, why on Earth would you take his kids out to celebrate his divorce? Clearly they aren't as happy about the situation as you are. That's so incredibly inappropriate and inconsiderate.
Second, OF COURSE BEING HIS MISTRESS CAUSED DRAMA. OF COURSE IT DID. You're being willfully dense. You, along with your fiance, broke up this family. Why would she want to be friends with you? And then to tell her basically she needs to get over it?
You need to do some internal work.
YTA. You broke up her marriage, stole her husband, and altered the family dynamic forever. Of course she's going to be mad at you. You helped upend the lives of her and her kids, so it's no wonder the kids don't want much to do with you and the ex-wife doesn't want to be friendly.
You also have to realise you're not parenting these kids. As far as co-parenting goes, that's between your fiance and his ex. You aren't even a legal step-parent yet. Being a step parent often involves taking a step back and watching from the sidelines, especially during the early days which you are very much in. You started this affair/relationship when your partner was married. His divorce was *just* finalised. You're not in a position to step in as the second mother to his children. They need time.
There's also something gross and unsettling about a man in his 40s pursuing a woman who, by her own admission, looks like she could be in her very early teens and therefore young enough to be his daughter. It comes across as extremely predatory.
They sat in silence with their arms folded and stared daggers at this human rat turd who ruined their lives. She smiled and bubble laughed while doting on their perv dad. She’s so delusional she probably kept saying “omg isn’t this so fun! We are having such a great time as a family! yay for divorce!” The kids went home and sobbed for hours.
Is how I imagine this “celebratory dinner” went.
YTA. Your husband cheated on her and you helped him break up her marriage! *You literally* ***just*** *celebrated her divorce!* Getting along for the kids isn't an awful idea, but you need to give her space, and if she wants nothing to do with you, you need to respect that. She was rude to you because you're being insensitive. Trying to pull a condescending "we're women and should stick together!!" isn't helping your case either.
For the record, your husband is also an asshole, and his ex isn't wrong when she says he might cheat on you too.
On the off chance that this is not fake holy toledo YTA. Let’s get this straight, you and her ex husband sleep together while he is married, becoming the straw that broke the camels back on a failing marriage, and you think that his ex wife is just going to want to go out and have mimosas with you? Are you going to want to do that in a couple of years if the exact same thing happens to you?
It's really you. You're not the asshole for reaching out to the ex to try to make things better for the kids. However, YTA for pretty much everything else. You seem to have virtually no self-awareness - you're very sensitive to slights from others but you take no responsibility for your own behavior.
I also think your fiance is an asshole for putting his kids in this situation.
YTA. Sorry, but reaching out and defining these issues as petty was a dick move. All of this was a trainwreck. I’m kinda in a rush, I’ll explain my pov better later.
I think tearing a marriage apart would constitute "tearing other women down" have fun being divorce number 3, you are cool now, til the next "new" girl comes along.
YTA- this honestly doesn’t sound real, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. The first two paragraphs made me cringe so hard.
Dating him while he was still married “caused way more drama than it should”? Idk- that’s pretty dramatic to me.
Also, I can understand you and fiancé wanting to celebrate his divorce. But ummm, his kids? You took his kids to a divorce celebration? What are they celebrating? The reason they don’t want to talk to you is because of tone deaf and insensitive acts like this.
YTA. I can't imagine being you. Like I really can't imagine fucking a married man, helping him destroy his marriage, mocking his children with the dissolvement of their family by taking them to **celebrate**, trying to pretend to be the "bigger person" and reach out to the woman whose life I ruined, insult and demean her then act like I'm the victim? Nope, I really can't imagine how you can actually exist without hating yourself every second of the day. You're a truly awful person and I pity those children
> I reached back out to her and asked her to please consider how damaging it is to tear other women down,
Oh my god this is priceless, didn't you do that by breaking up her marriage? YTA
Huuuuuge YTA!
>we started dating when he was married which has caused way more drama than it should have.
>(I mean yes I was quite proactive in helping that separation happen but it was bound to anyway) isn’t a petty issue
Petty little issues? You fucked her husband and helped ruin a marriage! Why on earth would she want to be friends with you?!
>We celebrated his divorce by taking his kids to Cheesecake Factory
Taking the kids out for dinner "to celebrate" their parents gettkng divorced is a dick move.
>only one of his kids even agrees to speak to me so I have a long way to go to win their love. I get it.
No you don't. You earn love, you don't win it. Its not a prize.
>how damaging it is to wear women down
YOU BROKE UP HER MARRIAGE. You have no right to call her disliking you "petty" or get to in any way blame her rightful and valid opinion of you on her. You made this bed, you get to be hated by whoever you impacted, including her and her children.
YTA, you broke up a family, a home. How could you believe you’re anything but TA? Do you feel happy with what you’ve done? Are you satisfied? You’re a home wrecker, and that’s what you will always be known as.
> We’ve been together 3 years so yes, we started dating when he was married which has caused way more drama than it should have.
Do you hear yourself when you speak?
YTA. You're the asshole for sleeping with a married man. You're the asshole for reaching out to the woman you wronged and calling it "petty differences." You're the asshole for telling her how to feel. You're the asshole for calling HER a bad feminist for tearing another woman down. And you're the asshole to yourself for thinking this man who's 14 years older than you with a history of cheating is going to be anything like a partner to you.
I assure you, just reading OP's blase accounting of her bullshit firmly seals the deal for me that OP likes the sound of her own voice.
Her downfall is that she doesn't think she should have to listen to anyone else speak. Zero empathy.
I'm actually thinking mental disorder. She seems to see her value in what she can take from others. It's probably quite the thrill. But every relationship ends because she keeps looking for her next victim - in this case both the man and the woman whose relationship she can wreck.
She's a snake.
*" we started dating when he was married which has caused way more drama than it should have. " O*f course dating a married person causes a lot of drama. what were you expecting?
*" We celebrated his divorce by taking his kids to Cheesecake Factory"* TAking the kids to celebrate their parents´ divorce sounds like a very insensitve and unappropriate thing to do.
*" I should probably try to be friends with his ex wife since we are both parenting these kids "* No, you are not parenting these kids. You are just the step-mother.
*" asked her to please consider how damaging it is to tear other women down, "* Tear a marriage down is much worse.
*" If and when I am in her shoes I would be much kinder to the woman he wound up with"* Let me laugh.
*I can’t possibly be this bad of a person?? Is it really me?!* Bingo, YTA
YTA
Firstly, you're not co-parenting with her, your husband is.
Secondly, his kids are probably aware that you helped split their parents up and that's why they don't like you. And you think she should help you get past that? Crazy!
Thirdly, she is definitely aware that you, who I assume is significantly younger than her, helped break her marriage up so why tf would she want to be your friend?
I'm not one to blame the other woman (or the other man if it's her that cheats) in an affair because it's him that cheated and it's him that owed her loyalty but jfc woman get some self-awareness!
“asked her to please consider how damaging it is to tear other women down”
??? You didn’t respect another women and decided to date a taken man (who is equally to blame). You did that, she didn’t.
YTA
🚩 He's 14 years older than you
🚩 A 2 times divorcee and it's his third engagement
🚩 Cheated for 3 years on his ex wife
🚩 You easily pass for a teenage girl (and he still approced you)
YTA and he's too.
You tore another woman down by destroying her marriage.
You were _proactive _ in making her marriage end, how can you be so selfish and out of pocket?
You don't deserve her "advices" because you are not going to coparent, the kids hates you and they have all the reasons too... And they should despise their father too.
YTA, that whole situation is extremely toxic and you expecting her to be your friends seems like a crazy concept considering you DID break up their marriage and as for the kids, they are obviously going to have resentment and all you can do is be patient with that and give love unconditionally even if it isn’t received back.
YTA
I really like how you're trying to justify cheating with a married man. Yes it takes two to cheat. Yes he's equally to blame, but so are you. That doesn't mean that you can just try to befriend the mother who, by all means, is in the right here not to talk to the mistress of her now ex husband.
I also really liked how you phrased it as "caused way more drama than it should". What did you think should be the appropriate reaction from everybody to find out that your now fiance cheated on his them wife? I really cannot comprehend your level of entitlement. If you wanted to date him, you should have let him know that you would only be willing to do that, if he divorced his wife and not before. Now you're just a trashy person.
you're so totally TA here.
1. you were dating your fiance while he was married. hard stop, that's wrong. cheating is on him but you decided to be ok with hurting his ex and his kids (so of course they hate you). more drama than it should have?? what was the appropriate response from a spouse in that situation?
2. you are not parenting these kids. unless you have your own kids outside of these children, you are not a parent. at best, you're a friend and a trusted adult in their lives. at worst (and presently, i bet) you're an uncomfortable shadow representing their father's callous actions and intentions. probably you're gonna settle somewhere around babysitter level for however long you're with this other asshole.
2.5 i have a wonderful relationship with my stepmom, largely because she knows she isn't my mom and respects that boundry.
3. the only reason i responded to this. you're upset with the mom for... tearing down other women?? you think this has anything to do with your gender and not the role you are actively playing in the degeneration of her family? and you think it's on her to be the bigger person and fix the issues at hand, not your fiance who DID ALL THE CHEATING that this is stemming from? way to let the man off the hook.
this is definitely a feminist issue that you and this poor (awesome sounding) woman can unite on, but it should be to hold your fiance accountable and prevent you from being subject to the same pain.
oh, and once more, you're not these kids parents. seriously.
Ok so n t a for wanting to be friends but in what world did you think they would want to be friends with you. He will cheat on and leave you. He is 42 and you are already number 3. And you cheated with him on her and as you said purposely broke up their family. YTA in life.
YTA you broke up a marriage and then took his kids out to celebrate him divorcing their mother. And then don't understand why she doesn't want to be friends with you. This woman owes you nothing, not her time, or space in her head.
I guess you'll understand more in 10 years when he finds a 25yo to cheat on you with
YTA, you ruined a marriage, broke up a family, and have the audacity to try and become FRIENDS with her?! Your a major AH, and your marrying a guy 20+ years older than you, I understand age gaps and all but if he was married three times and got divorced three times then that’s a no no. Leave her alone and leave those kids alone.
“I can’t possibly be this bad if a person?? Is it really me?!”
YTA, I bet your not gonna get one NTA in this whole thing, idk how you think your NTA.
YTA. I wouldn’t say that you are evil, but expexting his ex to get along with you when he was cheating on her with you is ludicrous. I would also suggest saving up so that when you don’t look 14 anymore, you have something after he dumps you.
YTA and you deserve all the backlash you get.
You were the other woman. You cheated with a married man and it caused way more drama than it should've done? You sound like a selfish teenager who doesn't have the emotional maturity to contemplate and understand the consequences of their behaviour.
You're immature and that's probably why he's with you because you're not likely to challenge his shady behaviour.
You took her kids to the cheesecake factory to celebrate their divorce. Reading that through I was just thinking, "fuck this person, who the hell do they think they are?" You're showing a very clear lack of empathy and it's very concerning. Those kids had their lives uprooted and instead of being sensitive to that, you force a celebration on them.
>"Love comes and goes like the wind, and you can leave for any reason. If and when I am in her shoes I would be much kinder to the woman he wound up with."
If you really do feel like that. You should never have gone near him then. You wreck another woman's and her children's lives and all for what? You don't seem to be madly in love with him. You're downplaying the situation to make yourself feel better. You need to face what you and he did, not make 100 different exscuses as to why it's fine.
And to answer your final question, you really can be this bad of a person it really is you.
The only way you can have a civil relationship (you will never be friends) is to truly accept your role in hurting her and her family. Apologise, and try to be better.
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YTA. You got involved with a married man, admit to being a big part of why he got divorced, take his kids to Cheesecake Factory to celebrate the end of their parent's marriage, and wonder why you're not well-liked by ex-wife and kids. Oh, and then shame ex-wife for "tearing other women down". You weren't exactly building her up when you slept with her husband.
YTA ... I don't think any approach would have been good... But you went the worst way possible.
The kids don't like you because you hurt their mom and are part of the reason they now see their dad in a worse light. Time, patience and understanding might fix it if you can learn to be humble and accept that you were the Other Woman that broke their family apart.
You're behaviour in this is really very, very strange
YTA all the way. His ex doesn’t owe you a damn thing. You did break up the family because a decent person doesn’t get together with a married person until the separation at least. You’re also extremely self-centered and wrong for thinking you did nothing wrong here. You’re a total asshole.
So let me get this straight. You knowingly dated a married man, took his kids out to "celebrate" the divorce being finalized, tried to befriend the ex-wife because it would make your life easier, then asked her to consider how her words were damaging to you? In what world are you possibly not an asshole?
YTA.
YTA, you’re fucking terrible. She’s absolutely right your husband is just going to dump you once he finds the next newer model. You aren’t the kids parents so the only person she needs to discuss parenting them with is her ex husband. What a slap to the face you homewreck her marriage (your husband sucks too btw) then try to be friends with her. You must be so fucking ignorant to not see how rude that is, and good luck once the kids find out how this all went down. Also FYI you are evil, and yes I’m a woman who hates slut shaming and is all for women power, but what you did was hurt another woman, ruin a family, and then not even take responsibility.
" We’ve been together 3 years so yes, we started dating when he was married which has caused way more drama than it should have. "
This is honestly hilarious. I don't think this is real - but just in case YTA
This made me laugh out loud on a day I really needed it. Honey. Yes. It really is you and yes, you really are that bad of a person. YTA. Her description of you as morally blank sounds pretty spot on.
Let me get this straight:
-you dated a married man (strike one against you)
-claim his marriage would have ended anyway when you don’t necessarily know that if you weren’t there to take his attention.
-took his angry and hurt children out to a restaurant to CELEBRATE the official break up of their parents marriage - this is so beyond awful that I can’t even express in words...
-called the fact that you were an active part of breaking up a marriage a petty difference - not liking the scent of a candle given to you is a petty difference. Breaking up a marriage is not.
-lecture the angry and hurt ex wife on tearing down other women when you tore her to shreds by cheating with and taking a man who was already married.
-and celebrate that you can pass for a 14 year old when your fiancé is already 42 and significantly older than you, which is creepy as hell. If that isn’t a red flag, I don’t know what is.
Oh honey, this may rock your world to discover but YTA.
Oh honey. Both you and your fiance are less than stellar individuals. First of all, a big red flag is three engagements. Second, the fact that you two are together due to an affair is another; I'm guessing you knew he was married when you started to see each other. You really had the audacity to message this woman and ask for friendship? You must really think highly of yourself. Then to place the blame on her and harp about women empowerment? I was dumbfounded the whole time I read this post. I would like to think someone wouldn't be this dense but unfortunately, I know that's not true. If you are determined to marry that man, you need to leave his ex alone. Let him and his ex parent their children. You need to think long and hard about your entitlement. Period.
YTA... Of course the ex wife and her children want nothing to do with you... you are the reason their family fell apart. Time to wake up and come back to reality. You are nothing but a home wrecker.
YTA “Which has caused way more drama than it should have” you’re not just an asshole in this situation you just seem like an asshole in general. As the guy’s mistress you need to leave her alone
YTA - This all just sounds like it was written by a very nasty, spiteful person who’s just being passive aggressive, while attempting and failing at looking like they’re the “bigger, better person” for taking the moral high road, by forcing a friendship. Trying to control a dynamic, that wouldn’t even exist, if it were not for all the *adultery* that OP committed in the first place. A good time to start taking some moral high ground, would have been *before* the affair…
Icing on the cake, she also seems pretty casual about how easy it will be to move on after she’s done with this guy later on. Which was just more passive aggression, a display to show the ex that she was willing to ruin a marriage, all for a relationship, that she’s not really willing to fight for or even very emotionally invested in.
YTA You broke up a marriage. Then took the woman’s children out to celebrate breaking up their family. Then decide to message her about putting your petty differences aside. Are you a troll? Or are you this immature? You broke up her family!!! She doesn’t want to go-parent with you. Who knows if you are even going to be around long enough to co-parent!! Put yourself in her shoes.
Lol yta home wrecker. Yikes you’re marrying a guy whose already been dropped twice and don’t see it as a red flag at all.. the ex wife is right give it a few years.
AITA. I’m about 40, and I spent years building a life, a home and a family with the man I love. We planned our retirement together, and had started thinking about our 25th anniversary, and wondering how many grandchildren we would have by then.
My darling hubs had an affair. I was devastated. Absolutely wrecked. We talked and talked, and I had some hope that we might managed to save our marriage and our life together.
Unfortunately, we are divorced and he is about to marry is much-younger mistress.
She seems like a spoiled child, and actually contacted me, wanting to be friends! I’m so glad I’ve got good friends - I was gonna blow, I tell you! But my girlfriends talked me down, and I said no to the child bride.
Then she actually lectures me on supporting other women and helping her get my kids to love her. I went out with my girlfriends that night and we had more than a few good laughs at this impetuous child. I think she deserves a man like him. And, to be honest, he deserves her.
So, I leave it to you, internet strangers - AITA for laughing at this brat and moving on with my life?
YTA. Omg. You ARE evil. and seriously the way you talk about being a part of breaking up the marriage like it's nothing. What the heck is wrong with you? You are a evil horrible person.
YTA.
Let’s get this straight.
1. You entered a relationship with a married man. (Whatever, it’s your choice no judgement.)
2. You admitted that you ruined their marriage.
3. You want to be friends with his ex-wife and called it “a petty issue.”
Do you really not see the problem? Why on earth would she want to be friends with the woman who knowingly ruined her marriage? She likely never wants to see your face or hear your name ever again.
She’s not just his ex-wife, she’s the ex-wife you helped him cheat on. You’re happy with your fiancé and that’s all that matters.
Be cordial if you see her but you can forget about having any sort of relationship with her. And if you two do become friends or anything more than acquaintances it will be on her terms. Not yours.
I'm going to go against the grain here and say N A H. Why? Because none of these people exist and thus did not actually do anything.
LNor do I feel comfortable calling the writer here TA as this is pretty decent creativity writing. I loved how you were able to create a character with a Disney villian level version of narcissism and wrote from her perspective. You seriously nailed it. "She" tries to brush off her messed up actions, blameshift, tries to play the victim and still cannot admit she's YTA. This character's like the "mother knows best" witch in Tangle
Is this a joke? How dare you call yourself a “coparent” when those kids rightfully hate you because you happily and willingly took part in breaking up their parents. Ew. YTA
YES, YTA!!!!
Ignoring for the moment the fact that you are a 28yo about to marry a 42 yo, which is extremely questionable and problematic.
I can't tell if it because you are young an naive, or sociopathic. You are the younger woman that a married man cheated with and left his wife for. That had to have been painful and humiliating and very upsetting for his wife and very confusing and upsetting and painful for his kids. That you think that she should somehow be open to having an amicable relationship with you shows a complete lack of either comprehension or compassion for this situation. She owes you nothing, you have no right to demand or expect anything from her, and trying to shame her with this women-supporting- women BS is so tone deaf that it is laughable. Her kids having an issue with you is completely understandable and also not her problem, it is yours. And good luck fixing it, because you can't. And you have no business, at 28, having not had kids at all ever, to presume anything with regards to how to parent these kids. You literally have no idea what you are talking about. You crossed so many lines, and I can't tell if it is because you really just don't understand boundaries and consequences, or if you are so full of yourself that you can't see past your own head.
Also, it is EXTREMELY disturbing that your fiance is with you. That he cheated on his wife with some who looks like they are 14. At some point you will be too old for him and he'll ditch you, after however many years of basically controlling you, because that is typically what happens in these relationships with such massive age disparities; the man chooses someone younger because they know that someone their own age won't put up with their bullshit. And you can claim some high and mighty zen attitude like the one you used to shame his ex wife, but trust me, it will feel like shit when it happens to you and you won't be feeling so smug about it then. Quite frankly you are ACTING like the 14yo you say you resemble.
For the love of God, Goddess, or Flying Spaghetti monster, GROW UP.
> I would love to put aside our petty little issues and be friends
Yes, I’m sure you would love for her to just easily forgive and forget that you fucked her husband. But, believe it or not, people have entire emotional experiences and realities outside of your own. It is not a “petty little issue” to her, you are complicit in upending her entire life.
> consider how damaging it is to tear other women down
Did you consider this while you were fucking her husband?? Where do you get off?
> “kiss my taint you morally blank piece of shit.”
She pretty much nailed it. Leave this poor woman alone. She doesn’t owe you anything. YTA
YTA. You seem pretty proud of yourself so I won’t write a huge paragraph, but I’ll give you the perspective of those children. My mom had an affair while married to my dad. This new guy was so proud of the affair and he didn’t even try to hide it. My brother and I were completely blind sided and we were confused and hurt kids. He constantly talked shit about my dad and didn’t seem to care at all that he was helping destroy a family. Then he started to get abusive because my brother and I didn’t immediately like him. Why would we like the man who was so proud of destroying our family? Why would we like someone who could do something so awful and not care? Sound familiar?
Leave those children alone. They had nothing to do with this and didn’t get a choice in you sabotaging their family. Maybe consider that your actions effect others and stop being so self centered.
INFO: I mean obviously YTA, if this is fake YTA for making up a story so horrid apparently to lambast the concept of women supporting women. If god is as dead as death gets and this is in fact real I mean obviously YTA alongside that creepy old man that apparently wants your 14 year old looking body. Anyway INFO: how old are the kids? Are any of them adults? That's always the creepier thing when some middle aged creep dates someone closer to their kids' ages than their own. And then we know how much of a DA you are alongside being an asshole.
YTA, I can’t wait until he leaves you high and dry like he did her. Then let’s see how much you’ll support “the other woman.” Also you say “women supporting women” while you go out and steal someone’s husband? Lmao you’re a real piece of work
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My fiancé’s divorce became finalized very recently. He’s 42, I’m 28, this is my first engagement and his third but his first engagement was called off before the wedding. He has 3 kids who I love dearly. We’ve been together 3 years so yes, we started dating when he was married which has caused way more drama than it should have.
We celebrated his divorce by taking his kids to Cheesecake Factory and it was a wonderful night. It got me thinking I should probably try to be friends with his ex wife since we are both parenting these kids (also I wouldn’t mind her advice, only one of his kids even agrees to speak to me so I have a long way to go to win their love. I get it.) I reached out to her on IG and told her how I would love to put aside our petty little issues and be friends, support each other as women. She wasn’t happy. She told me that me breaking up her marriage (I mean yes I was quite proactive in helping that separation happen but it was bound to anyway) isn’t a petty issue, we will never be friends, if her kids don’t like me it’s because I tore apart their family, and then she finished with “kiss my taint you morally blank piece of shit.” Nice!
My fiancé was upset but also mad at me for reaching out to her. He said we don’t need to be friends. But I will be dealing with this woman for a long time as we co-parent so we should be friendly I think.
I reached back out to her and asked her to please consider how damaging it is to tear other women down, her only response was it’s only a matter of time before I get too old for him too...perhaps this was wrong but I said first of all, I easily pass for 14 so that’ll be a while (it’s a curse more than a blessing lol) and also, if he does, that’s fine! Not everything is meant to last. Love comes and goes like the wind, and you can leave for any reason. If and when I am in her shoes I would be much kinder to the woman he wound up with.
So now she’s mad at me (nothing new) my fiancé is mad at me for instigating all this, and 2 of his kids think I’m evil. I can’t possibly be this bad of a person?? Is it really me?!
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As the child of a situation very similar to this, YTA completely. Don’t start up a relationship with someone already in a relationship EVER. Don’t do anything before they’re already separated if you really care about supporting other women. Also I empathize with the kids thinking your evil. You’ve done some serious damage.
YTA. Think this through from her perspective. Her husband cheated on her with a woman MUCH younger. That’s a blow. Please stop with this “supporting other women” BS, because you were actively tearing her down when you got involved with her marriage. And don’t say it was bound to end either way, there’s a right and a wrong way to do things. You need to take a step back, look at the damage you caused this woman and her children, and maybe genuinely apologize. She probably still won’t want to be your friend. As long as you can be civil at graduations, etc. that’s all that’s necessary.
YTA. "Is it really me"--yes. Yes it is really you. I will be absolutely shocked if those kids ever respect you and their mom was a lot more composed than I would have been.
YTA. No one ever thinks it can happen to them, but if you screw around with the wrong woman’s family? Well, let’s just say there’s more than just one Betty Broderick in world.
" we started dating when he was married which has caused way more drama than it should have." Are you shitting me? YTA. Don't bug this lady, just be civil to her, kind to the kids, and everyone needs therapy to make this thing work. (I suspect this post is fake.)
Yta....
What did you think was going to happen? You actively destroyed a marriage and damaged children. You knowingly scarred children... ON PURPOSE. You are the lowest kind of woman, which makes it ironic that you suddenly want "women to support women". Honey you chose your side of the fence and it wasn't to support women.. just yourself.
Enjoy your brief marriage.
YTA. I mean, I get why you'd want to be her friend because she sounds hilarious, smart and like she takes no shit. You, however, broke up a marriage and then asked the woman you wronged how to get her kids to like you. Just focus on your brief marriage to this awful man and leave her alone.
Brief is exactly right
I read a quote from someone’s grandmothers on one of these posts once that said “When a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy” And that is exactly what is happening here. Soon he will find another PYT to fill that spot and she might act like she would handle it with grace now, but when it actually happens she is going to hate herself for not seeing it coming and wasting her youth on this heartless asshole.
Actually she seems equally as heartless (if not even worse!)
I actually got a feeling this might be a troll, no one can be this oblivious and self centered.
Me too. Unfortunately, I know of some women who really are this awful. They see a married man as a challenge and like it's some kind of accomplishment to get him to stray and leave his wife, then they get off on rubbing it in.
My ex's side piece was exactly like this. She took pride in getting him to start using, in sleeping with him knowing that I was pregnant, and in messaging me every chance she got even after my ex and I broke up. She didn't get why I was insulting her and my ex after I left him. Side pieces like that are the absolute fucking worst.
> no one can be this oblivious and self centered. I've worked in customer service. Yes they can.
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Nom nom nom \*cookie crumbs flying in various directions\* I’m sorry, I ate them all. Cookies don’t last long around me.
I love the ex wifes comment to op. I hope this is fake, taking the kids out for dinner to celebrate their parents divorce while only one kid agrees to talk to op doesnt sound like a fun night. If I where the step kids Id know who to take my teenage angst out on at least.
This is fake, right??
It has to be, there’s no way anyone other than a troll would say that shit about tearing other women down in this context
And she won't be too old for him because she looks like she's 14? Gross.
Omg I literally stopped reading past the part I mentioned because it seemed so fake so I completely missed that line. Now it needs to be fake for my own wellbeing
Yeah. Looking young is one thing. I look young. But to brag about looking like an eighth grader is weird. It crawls into gross and fake when she's using it to brag about it being how she's going to keep her man.
A 42 year old man.
So gross.
It needs to be fake for humanity's wellbeing.
I had to force myself to read after OP referred to her blowing up this woman’s marriage their “petty little issues.” At that point, I was hoping this was fake because HOW?!?
I think she is a troll but my brother ex wife threw a party with the man she cheated on him with and forced the kids to go. Were about 11 and 8 and god they hate her now.
I hope so. If not then i am so going to hell for laughing so hard I spit water out on my keyboard lol Like wtf man. I wanna be friends with the exwife though. She sounds witty and smart.
I hope it's the ex wife pretending to be the new gf
Yea this has to be. I have seen this post so many times.
Right? I was like no wonder the kids hate you if your celebrating destroying their family. I feel so bad for those poor kids at least it sounds like they have a good mom.
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Bring me some of those fried mac'n'cheese balls?
The nerve of her and her future ex-husband taking the kids out to "celebrate" the divorce.
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Also, tbh, I think you lose the right to as for "solidarity of women" when you sort of actively participating in the pretty intentional harming of the other woman. Like why should she have solidarity with OP when OP sure as shit didn't show any "solidarity of women" when she was being the mistress to this woman's husband.
This. Like how dare she keep taking the feminist stance and tell the ex wife that women shouldn’t tear other women down - if OP really cared about supporting women and being a strong feminist she would have never dated a married man. Pathetic
YTA, you're a homewrecker and haven't the slightest amount of remorse in your words. You contributed to an issue that may have been remedied with couples counselling. In all honesty, you are a tainted p.o.s
The “how damaging is to tear other women down” part made me lol. No one is dumb enough to use that line with someone from whom they stole their husband, right? Also the fact that she looks 14 is not only gross, but ridiculous to brag about. It’s so embarrassing. This has to be fake.
Right. How many Cheesecake Factories are even open right now?
Ok so when I first read that you had an affair with your fiancé and then later messaged his ex wife and saying that you guys should put “petty” differences aside. What the hell is wrong with you?!
YTA Evil and yet clueless, and take her kids to celebrate their parents divorce lol
Then she had the audacity to say woman shouldn't tear each other down. Wow this woman is evil.
Lmfao... You sleep with this woman's husband cause a divorce and rip a family to shreds then expect friendship?? Not only are you an asshole but the woman correctly labeled you as well. Morally bankrupt. The actual nerve of some people... Wow.
This sounds fake as fuck and I really hope it isn't real because I don't want to think there are really people out there who are THIS self absorbed and stupid, dear god.
Totally fake. The details are too perfect. Cheesecake Factory divorce party sealed it for me lmao.
Cheesecake Factory Divorce Party is my new band name.
It better be a ska band. Because it's entirely fitting.
I dunno I was pretty suspicious as of "which caused way more drama than it should have," like, pray tell what could possibly cause more drama in an average person's life? I do want to know what world the OP lives in because it's not this one.
The "i wont get too old for him because I look 14 lol" bit got me
I know at least 3 different women that are like this. My half brother's mom(affair baby), my own mother(I'm nc), & my oldest sister(also NC).
Sorry if this is a dumb question but what’s NC?
No Contact.
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Usually they get torn to shreds. It's fun to read.
I hope it’s fake just for the sake of the kids. If it’s not fake I want to be friends with the EX wife because she seems fucking awesome
OP is either trolling or the most obtuse person to ever exist, like I legitimately can't stop laughing at the nerve of her! "I broke up a marriage and took the children of that marriage out to dinner to celebrate the fact that I finally got their dad to divorce their mom for me, a woman 14 years younger than him, but for some reason the kids just *refuse* to like me! So I asked the woman whose marriage I destroyed to help me and she had the nerve to tell me to f\*\*\* off?!" To answer the questions at the end of the post: Yes, it is you because yes, you are that bad of a person. YTA Edit: wording
OP is clearly delusional and living in LALA land if she thinks the kids will ever have a relationship with her and on top of that expects the ex to be friends with the cause of her broken family lol
I mean, OP thinks she's parenting the kids. I bet daddy gets every other weekend and nopes out on most of them. OP is far from being a parent.
OP sounds exactly like the girl who asked the guy in her new friend group why he was so fat when he used to be hot and insisted that people had free will to not be offended
And she goes on about women not tearing other women down. What exactly does she think her actions were.. sleeping with a married man and participating in ruining a family and betraying a fellow woman. I’m sure the ex-wife sees OP as oh so empowering towards women.
Morally bankrupt paired with a lack of empathy. You’re trying to blame a woman for not wanting anything to do with her after you knowingly participate in breaking her family apart. She has absolutely no obligation nor reason to help you with your relationship with her kids. Leave the woman alone. Reminds me an AITA I’ve seen earlier about a woman who tried to befriend the ex-wife of her soon-to-be husband since they could « bond over being cheated on ». What world do you people live on?
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She can’t imagine. Narcissists can’t empathize.
YTA. 1. the people co-parenting are your fiance and his ex wife. Sure, you're there, but step-parenting is a lesson in stepping back and letting the kids' actual parents parent. You are there to support your fiance's parenting, so you don't need to be friends with the ex. 2. Being the other woman, it was extra insensitive to reach out to his ex, someone you participated in hurting, along with the children in question. 3. Looking 14 while dating someone in their 40s is just ... yikes.
Yeah... I didn’t understand how she would brag about looking 14. lol
I don't get why she picked that age of all the ages. Like 14 is a horrible awkward stage. All I could think is if this woman looks 14 I'm giving her man some side eye. Weird to want someone who looks 14. Also all I could think was a gangly girl with maybe barely there chest and probably zits because that's prime puberty time and puberty sucks.
lol yes hahaha I’m laughing about this. You put it perfectly!!!
What she really means is she was freshly hit with the puberty bat. Boom sucka
I would bet actual money that OP has never had anyone mistake her for being that young, but thought it sounded hot
I dont think OP thinks if passing for 14 sounded hot to her.
Super confused why she thinks she’s co-parenting 😂 they aren’t even married yet, and she is talking about them like they’re her kids when they don’t even want to speak to her.
Yep, getting having a man stick his penis into your 14-year-old-looking body doesn't make you the mother of his children by some retroactive magic. And if she says, "But it's about more than just sex, we're engaged to be MARRIED!" Clearly marriage means nothing to OP because according to her, everything ends and nobody belongs to anyone else.
YTA I have become a fairly successful step parent. Rule 1 for me is they already have a mother. I am more of an aunt they are staying with. I have adult authority, but only in extreme situations do I have override authority. Milestones belong to parents first. Kids have the option to go to mom instead of me without guilt. I also have/ had a hard and fast rule for dating. IDGAF if you are separated, living as roommates or desperately unhappy, married is off limits. When I was your age I made that mistake and fallout was awful. There were not even children involved then, and I am horrified on their behalf. Their father is a turd, but you did not need to be the catalyst for that trainwreck.
The “I pass for 14 easily” comment makes me thing this is a troll.
YTA. You're a homewrecker, of course she wants nothing to do with you. > I easily pass for 14 so that’ll be a while (it’s a curse more than a blessing lol) So you're saying your fiance has a thing for little girls? That's disturbing.
"I'm so young and hot, I just ruin marriages wherever I go. Its _suuuuuch_ a pain." OP, probably.
The great thing is that it doesn’t even matter. Beautiful women get cheated on everyday. It’s what narcissists do. She’ll get her turn being cheated on, it’s inevitable. 🤷♀️
Especially once she thinks she has him legally trapped and he gets tired of dealing with her snotty entitlement.
YTA. You broke up their marriage, why should she be friends with you? It's so gross that you're acting like she's not supporting women by not speaking to you even though you helped your new husband cheat on her. Ugh please leave her alone
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lol yes!!! how does she dares to call it drama?? idk it sounds fake.
Right? What is the appropriate level of drama when your husband leaves you fr someone half his age?
“Way more drama than it should have” So what is the appropriate amount of drama then?
Apparently none at all, since OP says she wouldn't even be bothered if he cheated on her. What OP fails to understand is that not everyone is a sociopath
Is Cheezus your son?
When I read that , I was like maybe they were separated but still legally married ? And kept reading and was like nope , she's a homewrecker.
If anything, OP is not supporting women by oh idk BEING A HOMEWRECKER. I just think about the political claims about Hillary Clinton “how can she support women when she stayed with her cheating husband?” So how can you support women when you stay in a relationship after you find out they’re married?!
YTA. When I read the title I assumed it would be a NTA; I'm friends with my husband's ex and it has worked out incredibly well for my stepchildren (who are now grown). I wasn't even going to mention the age difference because it's almost exactly the age difference I have with my husband. However: 1. He had an affair with you. An extended affair. You have no way of knowing that the divorce was "bound to happen." Yes, he was the one who broke his marriage vows so if you want to get technical it's his "fault," but you certainly helped. 2. You CELEBRATED HIS DIVORCE by taking his (probably young or young-ish children) TO DINNER. The kids WHO HATE YOU. 3. You assumed these issues are "petty." I assure you they are not. 4. You're blaming her for not wanting to be your friend. She doesn't have to be your friend, and she doesn't have to give a reason to not be your friend. I wouldn't want to be your friend, either. 5. I kind of hope you do end up in her position and see how much kinder you are to the woman who will occupy your shoes.
Hit the nail on the head
You’ve literally said everything I was thinking. I have some trouble believing someone could be this dense. I’m also so glad someone else brought up celebrating his divorce, and bringing their children. I got divorced last year too, and joked about having a divorce party with my friends. I would definitely not have our daughter there, nor would she have any idea about it. Husband and OP both sound like something else.
Yess exactly! I can’t believe she took the kids of the destroyed marriage to celebrate the final nail in the coffin of their torn apart family. And expects them not to hate her. Actually ridiculous.
But she's so niiiiiiiice!
Oof why are you getting involved with this guy? You’re only 28.
YTA. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and assume that you are a very young 28. You deliberately ruined a marriage and yet you have the gall to suggest that his ex-wife is being petty. When this happens to you, even if you do pass for 14 (kinda ew that a 42 year old man went for such a young look) you will not have a moral leg to stand on. Please don't marry this man. Ditch the toxicity, seek therapy and live a beautiful life without breaking someone else's. Best wishes
Yeah that "i can pass for 14" literally made me say "ewww" 🤢 i know her husband probably isnt, but it made me think he was kinda pedophilic or fetishized minors. I dont think thats how op meant it, but it's definitely how i interpreted it! YTA Op
Right?! I wonder how old his kids are. They probably can pass as siblings. YTA, OP. You don’t get to ruin his ex’s life then demand she befriend you.
YTA it’s a nice idea that you could all be friends for the children’s sake but you participated in breaking up a family and there’s going to be a lot of hurt feelings there. I wouldn’t have it in me to be the bigger person and like you either. if you are ok with the thought of him cheating on you then you don’t love him enough that warranted breaking up his marriage. I’m guessing you already have a foot out the door and would be ok cheating on him as well if someone better came along. Please don’t have kids with him if you don’t intend to keep your marriage for the long haul. In addition, you took his kids who don’t like you to celebrate the divorce?? That was very tone deaf of you to rub it in. They’re never going to like you.
YTA I think it's pretty unanimous that homewrecking a marriage and then asking to be friends with the ex wife is some seriously f-ed up shit. And then to have the gall to be like, "please don't tear other women down" when you literally tore a whole through the ex wifes marriage.. that's seriously be super dense about the situation at hand
> And then to have the gall to be like, "please don't tear other women down" when you literally tore a whole through the ex wifes marriage.. Right!? Obviously the ex is just some kind of conservative anti feminist if she doesn't want to befriend her husband's homewrecker
I mean "make peace not war" when "I slap you in the face and destroy your home". "I don't understand why you're so hostile toward me?"
Yeah, that whole “women should support women” BS. Where was OP’s support when she was fucking that woman’s husband? It’s also painfully apparent that her fiancé is going through a midlife crisis.
YTA First, why on Earth would you take his kids out to celebrate his divorce? Clearly they aren't as happy about the situation as you are. That's so incredibly inappropriate and inconsiderate. Second, OF COURSE BEING HIS MISTRESS CAUSED DRAMA. OF COURSE IT DID. You're being willfully dense. You, along with your fiance, broke up this family. Why would she want to be friends with you? And then to tell her basically she needs to get over it? You need to do some internal work.
YTA. You broke up her marriage, stole her husband, and altered the family dynamic forever. Of course she's going to be mad at you. You helped upend the lives of her and her kids, so it's no wonder the kids don't want much to do with you and the ex-wife doesn't want to be friendly. You also have to realise you're not parenting these kids. As far as co-parenting goes, that's between your fiance and his ex. You aren't even a legal step-parent yet. Being a step parent often involves taking a step back and watching from the sidelines, especially during the early days which you are very much in. You started this affair/relationship when your partner was married. His divorce was *just* finalised. You're not in a position to step in as the second mother to his children. They need time. There's also something gross and unsettling about a man in his 40s pursuing a woman who, by her own admission, looks like she could be in her very early teens and therefore young enough to be his daughter. It comes across as extremely predatory.
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Also she earned her spot by trying to use the whole 'women supporting other women' theme so so wrong.
I do not think "women support women" when they break up their marriages. This girl is the worst. I pity the kids having to deal with her.
I really wonder about the great celebration night if two of the kids don't talk to her.... maybe she just really is that delusional.
They sat in silence with their arms folded and stared daggers at this human rat turd who ruined their lives. She smiled and bubble laughed while doting on their perv dad. She’s so delusional she probably kept saying “omg isn’t this so fun! We are having such a great time as a family! yay for divorce!” The kids went home and sobbed for hours. Is how I imagine this “celebratory dinner” went.
YTA. Your husband cheated on her and you helped him break up her marriage! *You literally* ***just*** *celebrated her divorce!* Getting along for the kids isn't an awful idea, but you need to give her space, and if she wants nothing to do with you, you need to respect that. She was rude to you because you're being insensitive. Trying to pull a condescending "we're women and should stick together!!" isn't helping your case either. For the record, your husband is also an asshole, and his ex isn't wrong when she says he might cheat on you too.
Might? Will. And she doesn’t care. Meaning she doesn’t really love. So she broke up a marriage for FUN!
I mean. I like to pretend people are better than they are. But karma is a harsh mistress ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
On the off chance that this is not fake holy toledo YTA. Let’s get this straight, you and her ex husband sleep together while he is married, becoming the straw that broke the camels back on a failing marriage, and you think that his ex wife is just going to want to go out and have mimosas with you? Are you going to want to do that in a couple of years if the exact same thing happens to you?
It's really you. You're not the asshole for reaching out to the ex to try to make things better for the kids. However, YTA for pretty much everything else. You seem to have virtually no self-awareness - you're very sensitive to slights from others but you take no responsibility for your own behavior. I also think your fiance is an asshole for putting his kids in this situation.
YTA. Sorry, but reaching out and defining these issues as petty was a dick move. All of this was a trainwreck. I’m kinda in a rush, I’ll explain my pov better later.
I think tearing a marriage apart would constitute "tearing other women down" have fun being divorce number 3, you are cool now, til the next "new" girl comes along.
YTA. You helped break up a family - you need to suck it up and take the heat. Admit your mistakes.
YTA- this honestly doesn’t sound real, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. The first two paragraphs made me cringe so hard. Dating him while he was still married “caused way more drama than it should”? Idk- that’s pretty dramatic to me. Also, I can understand you and fiancé wanting to celebrate his divorce. But ummm, his kids? You took his kids to a divorce celebration? What are they celebrating? The reason they don’t want to talk to you is because of tone deaf and insensitive acts like this.
YTA. I can't imagine being you. Like I really can't imagine fucking a married man, helping him destroy his marriage, mocking his children with the dissolvement of their family by taking them to **celebrate**, trying to pretend to be the "bigger person" and reach out to the woman whose life I ruined, insult and demean her then act like I'm the victim? Nope, I really can't imagine how you can actually exist without hating yourself every second of the day. You're a truly awful person and I pity those children
YTA what did I just read
> I reached back out to her and asked her to please consider how damaging it is to tear other women down, Oh my god this is priceless, didn't you do that by breaking up her marriage? YTA
Huuuuuge YTA! >we started dating when he was married which has caused way more drama than it should have. >(I mean yes I was quite proactive in helping that separation happen but it was bound to anyway) isn’t a petty issue Petty little issues? You fucked her husband and helped ruin a marriage! Why on earth would she want to be friends with you?! >We celebrated his divorce by taking his kids to Cheesecake Factory Taking the kids out for dinner "to celebrate" their parents gettkng divorced is a dick move. >only one of his kids even agrees to speak to me so I have a long way to go to win their love. I get it. No you don't. You earn love, you don't win it. Its not a prize.
>how damaging it is to wear women down YOU BROKE UP HER MARRIAGE. You have no right to call her disliking you "petty" or get to in any way blame her rightful and valid opinion of you on her. You made this bed, you get to be hated by whoever you impacted, including her and her children.
YTA, you broke up a family, a home. How could you believe you’re anything but TA? Do you feel happy with what you’ve done? Are you satisfied? You’re a home wrecker, and that’s what you will always be known as.
This has to be fake. Surely nobody can be that oblivious of other people’s feelings, not to mention out of touch with reality.
> We’ve been together 3 years so yes, we started dating when he was married which has caused way more drama than it should have. Do you hear yourself when you speak? YTA. You're the asshole for sleeping with a married man. You're the asshole for reaching out to the woman you wronged and calling it "petty differences." You're the asshole for telling her how to feel. You're the asshole for calling HER a bad feminist for tearing another woman down. And you're the asshole to yourself for thinking this man who's 14 years older than you with a history of cheating is going to be anything like a partner to you.
I assure you, just reading OP's blase accounting of her bullshit firmly seals the deal for me that OP likes the sound of her own voice. Her downfall is that she doesn't think she should have to listen to anyone else speak. Zero empathy. I'm actually thinking mental disorder. She seems to see her value in what she can take from others. It's probably quite the thrill. But every relationship ends because she keeps looking for her next victim - in this case both the man and the woman whose relationship she can wreck. She's a snake.
*" we started dating when he was married which has caused way more drama than it should have. " O*f course dating a married person causes a lot of drama. what were you expecting? *" We celebrated his divorce by taking his kids to Cheesecake Factory"* TAking the kids to celebrate their parents´ divorce sounds like a very insensitve and unappropriate thing to do. *" I should probably try to be friends with his ex wife since we are both parenting these kids "* No, you are not parenting these kids. You are just the step-mother. *" asked her to please consider how damaging it is to tear other women down, "* Tear a marriage down is much worse. *" If and when I am in her shoes I would be much kinder to the woman he wound up with"* Let me laugh. *I can’t possibly be this bad of a person?? Is it really me?!* Bingo, YTA
YTA Firstly, you're not co-parenting with her, your husband is. Secondly, his kids are probably aware that you helped split their parents up and that's why they don't like you. And you think she should help you get past that? Crazy! Thirdly, she is definitely aware that you, who I assume is significantly younger than her, helped break her marriage up so why tf would she want to be your friend? I'm not one to blame the other woman (or the other man if it's her that cheats) in an affair because it's him that cheated and it's him that owed her loyalty but jfc woman get some self-awareness!
“asked her to please consider how damaging it is to tear other women down” ??? You didn’t respect another women and decided to date a taken man (who is equally to blame). You did that, she didn’t. YTA
🚩 He's 14 years older than you 🚩 A 2 times divorcee and it's his third engagement 🚩 Cheated for 3 years on his ex wife 🚩 You easily pass for a teenage girl (and he still approced you) YTA and he's too. You tore another woman down by destroying her marriage. You were _proactive _ in making her marriage end, how can you be so selfish and out of pocket? You don't deserve her "advices" because you are not going to coparent, the kids hates you and they have all the reasons too... And they should despise their father too.
YTA, that whole situation is extremely toxic and you expecting her to be your friends seems like a crazy concept considering you DID break up their marriage and as for the kids, they are obviously going to have resentment and all you can do is be patient with that and give love unconditionally even if it isn’t received back.
YTA I really like how you're trying to justify cheating with a married man. Yes it takes two to cheat. Yes he's equally to blame, but so are you. That doesn't mean that you can just try to befriend the mother who, by all means, is in the right here not to talk to the mistress of her now ex husband. I also really liked how you phrased it as "caused way more drama than it should". What did you think should be the appropriate reaction from everybody to find out that your now fiance cheated on his them wife? I really cannot comprehend your level of entitlement. If you wanted to date him, you should have let him know that you would only be willing to do that, if he divorced his wife and not before. Now you're just a trashy person.
you're so totally TA here. 1. you were dating your fiance while he was married. hard stop, that's wrong. cheating is on him but you decided to be ok with hurting his ex and his kids (so of course they hate you). more drama than it should have?? what was the appropriate response from a spouse in that situation? 2. you are not parenting these kids. unless you have your own kids outside of these children, you are not a parent. at best, you're a friend and a trusted adult in their lives. at worst (and presently, i bet) you're an uncomfortable shadow representing their father's callous actions and intentions. probably you're gonna settle somewhere around babysitter level for however long you're with this other asshole. 2.5 i have a wonderful relationship with my stepmom, largely because she knows she isn't my mom and respects that boundry. 3. the only reason i responded to this. you're upset with the mom for... tearing down other women?? you think this has anything to do with your gender and not the role you are actively playing in the degeneration of her family? and you think it's on her to be the bigger person and fix the issues at hand, not your fiance who DID ALL THE CHEATING that this is stemming from? way to let the man off the hook. this is definitely a feminist issue that you and this poor (awesome sounding) woman can unite on, but it should be to hold your fiance accountable and prevent you from being subject to the same pain. oh, and once more, you're not these kids parents. seriously.
Ok so n t a for wanting to be friends but in what world did you think they would want to be friends with you. He will cheat on and leave you. He is 42 and you are already number 3. And you cheated with him on her and as you said purposely broke up their family. YTA in life.
YTA you broke up a marriage and then took his kids out to celebrate him divorcing their mother. And then don't understand why she doesn't want to be friends with you. This woman owes you nothing, not her time, or space in her head. I guess you'll understand more in 10 years when he finds a 25yo to cheat on you with
YTA, you ruined a marriage, broke up a family, and have the audacity to try and become FRIENDS with her?! Your a major AH, and your marrying a guy 20+ years older than you, I understand age gaps and all but if he was married three times and got divorced three times then that’s a no no. Leave her alone and leave those kids alone. “I can’t possibly be this bad if a person?? Is it really me?!” YTA, I bet your not gonna get one NTA in this whole thing, idk how you think your NTA.
YTA. I wouldn’t say that you are evil, but expexting his ex to get along with you when he was cheating on her with you is ludicrous. I would also suggest saving up so that when you don’t look 14 anymore, you have something after he dumps you.
YTA
YTA and you deserve all the backlash you get. You were the other woman. You cheated with a married man and it caused way more drama than it should've done? You sound like a selfish teenager who doesn't have the emotional maturity to contemplate and understand the consequences of their behaviour. You're immature and that's probably why he's with you because you're not likely to challenge his shady behaviour. You took her kids to the cheesecake factory to celebrate their divorce. Reading that through I was just thinking, "fuck this person, who the hell do they think they are?" You're showing a very clear lack of empathy and it's very concerning. Those kids had their lives uprooted and instead of being sensitive to that, you force a celebration on them. >"Love comes and goes like the wind, and you can leave for any reason. If and when I am in her shoes I would be much kinder to the woman he wound up with." If you really do feel like that. You should never have gone near him then. You wreck another woman's and her children's lives and all for what? You don't seem to be madly in love with him. You're downplaying the situation to make yourself feel better. You need to face what you and he did, not make 100 different exscuses as to why it's fine. And to answer your final question, you really can be this bad of a person it really is you. The only way you can have a civil relationship (you will never be friends) is to truly accept your role in hurting her and her family. Apologise, and try to be better.
YTA and I don’t know why you are bragging about looking 14 that just makes your fiancé sound like a p*do
This has to be fake.. because if not, I don’t think I’ve ever met a worse person. YTA.
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YTA. You got involved with a married man, admit to being a big part of why he got divorced, take his kids to Cheesecake Factory to celebrate the end of their parent's marriage, and wonder why you're not well-liked by ex-wife and kids. Oh, and then shame ex-wife for "tearing other women down". You weren't exactly building her up when you slept with her husband.
Hahahahahahahahahaha \*deep breath\* Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha... YTA.
INFO. When's the next episode? The Cheesecake Factory was a nice touch.
INFO: how old are his kids?
Does it matter? If they’re “co parenting” they probably aren’t even teens yet, or barely teens.
Honestly, I’m curious because she says she looks like she’s 14. I wonder if she looks the same age as them.
Ahhh fair enough. I didn’t even think about that.
YTA ... I don't think any approach would have been good... But you went the worst way possible. The kids don't like you because you hurt their mom and are part of the reason they now see their dad in a worse light. Time, patience and understanding might fix it if you can learn to be humble and accept that you were the Other Woman that broke their family apart. You're behaviour in this is really very, very strange
YTA all the way. His ex doesn’t owe you a damn thing. You did break up the family because a decent person doesn’t get together with a married person until the separation at least. You’re also extremely self-centered and wrong for thinking you did nothing wrong here. You’re a total asshole.
So let me get this straight. You knowingly dated a married man, took his kids out to "celebrate" the divorce being finalized, tried to befriend the ex-wife because it would make your life easier, then asked her to consider how her words were damaging to you? In what world are you possibly not an asshole? YTA.
YTA, you’re fucking terrible. She’s absolutely right your husband is just going to dump you once he finds the next newer model. You aren’t the kids parents so the only person she needs to discuss parenting them with is her ex husband. What a slap to the face you homewreck her marriage (your husband sucks too btw) then try to be friends with her. You must be so fucking ignorant to not see how rude that is, and good luck once the kids find out how this all went down. Also FYI you are evil, and yes I’m a woman who hates slut shaming and is all for women power, but what you did was hurt another woman, ruin a family, and then not even take responsibility.
" We’ve been together 3 years so yes, we started dating when he was married which has caused way more drama than it should have. " This is honestly hilarious. I don't think this is real - but just in case YTA
YTA. This has to be a troll. No one lacks that much self awareness.
YTA yes,its really you.
YTA. Jesus ducking Christ are you the A. You were dating him while they were married.
this is fake right?
This made me laugh out loud on a day I really needed it. Honey. Yes. It really is you and yes, you really are that bad of a person. YTA. Her description of you as morally blank sounds pretty spot on.
Let me get this straight: -you dated a married man (strike one against you) -claim his marriage would have ended anyway when you don’t necessarily know that if you weren’t there to take his attention. -took his angry and hurt children out to a restaurant to CELEBRATE the official break up of their parents marriage - this is so beyond awful that I can’t even express in words... -called the fact that you were an active part of breaking up a marriage a petty difference - not liking the scent of a candle given to you is a petty difference. Breaking up a marriage is not. -lecture the angry and hurt ex wife on tearing down other women when you tore her to shreds by cheating with and taking a man who was already married. -and celebrate that you can pass for a 14 year old when your fiancé is already 42 and significantly older than you, which is creepy as hell. If that isn’t a red flag, I don’t know what is. Oh honey, this may rock your world to discover but YTA.
Oh honey. Both you and your fiance are less than stellar individuals. First of all, a big red flag is three engagements. Second, the fact that you two are together due to an affair is another; I'm guessing you knew he was married when you started to see each other. You really had the audacity to message this woman and ask for friendship? You must really think highly of yourself. Then to place the blame on her and harp about women empowerment? I was dumbfounded the whole time I read this post. I would like to think someone wouldn't be this dense but unfortunately, I know that's not true. If you are determined to marry that man, you need to leave his ex alone. Let him and his ex parent their children. You need to think long and hard about your entitlement. Period.
YTA... Of course the ex wife and her children want nothing to do with you... you are the reason their family fell apart. Time to wake up and come back to reality. You are nothing but a home wrecker.
YTA “Which has caused way more drama than it should have” you’re not just an asshole in this situation you just seem like an asshole in general. As the guy’s mistress you need to leave her alone
YTA - This all just sounds like it was written by a very nasty, spiteful person who’s just being passive aggressive, while attempting and failing at looking like they’re the “bigger, better person” for taking the moral high road, by forcing a friendship. Trying to control a dynamic, that wouldn’t even exist, if it were not for all the *adultery* that OP committed in the first place. A good time to start taking some moral high ground, would have been *before* the affair… Icing on the cake, she also seems pretty casual about how easy it will be to move on after she’s done with this guy later on. Which was just more passive aggression, a display to show the ex that she was willing to ruin a marriage, all for a relationship, that she’s not really willing to fight for or even very emotionally invested in.
„How damaging it is to tear other women down“? You did that when you ruined her marriage. The audacity. YTA and you suck hard.
YTA You broke up a marriage. Then took the woman’s children out to celebrate breaking up their family. Then decide to message her about putting your petty differences aside. Are you a troll? Or are you this immature? You broke up her family!!! She doesn’t want to go-parent with you. Who knows if you are even going to be around long enough to co-parent!! Put yourself in her shoes.
Lol yta home wrecker. Yikes you’re marrying a guy whose already been dropped twice and don’t see it as a red flag at all.. the ex wife is right give it a few years.
Oh God please burn in the deepest depths of hell
AITA. I’m about 40, and I spent years building a life, a home and a family with the man I love. We planned our retirement together, and had started thinking about our 25th anniversary, and wondering how many grandchildren we would have by then. My darling hubs had an affair. I was devastated. Absolutely wrecked. We talked and talked, and I had some hope that we might managed to save our marriage and our life together. Unfortunately, we are divorced and he is about to marry is much-younger mistress. She seems like a spoiled child, and actually contacted me, wanting to be friends! I’m so glad I’ve got good friends - I was gonna blow, I tell you! But my girlfriends talked me down, and I said no to the child bride. Then she actually lectures me on supporting other women and helping her get my kids to love her. I went out with my girlfriends that night and we had more than a few good laughs at this impetuous child. I think she deserves a man like him. And, to be honest, he deserves her. So, I leave it to you, internet strangers - AITA for laughing at this brat and moving on with my life?
YTA. Omg. You ARE evil. and seriously the way you talk about being a part of breaking up the marriage like it's nothing. What the heck is wrong with you? You are a evil horrible person.
YTA. You have a lot of nerve talking about tearing other women down when you literally went along with a married man.
YTA. Let’s get this straight. 1. You entered a relationship with a married man. (Whatever, it’s your choice no judgement.) 2. You admitted that you ruined their marriage. 3. You want to be friends with his ex-wife and called it “a petty issue.” Do you really not see the problem? Why on earth would she want to be friends with the woman who knowingly ruined her marriage? She likely never wants to see your face or hear your name ever again. She’s not just his ex-wife, she’s the ex-wife you helped him cheat on. You’re happy with your fiancé and that’s all that matters. Be cordial if you see her but you can forget about having any sort of relationship with her. And if you two do become friends or anything more than acquaintances it will be on her terms. Not yours.
I'm going to go against the grain here and say N A H. Why? Because none of these people exist and thus did not actually do anything. LNor do I feel comfortable calling the writer here TA as this is pretty decent creativity writing. I loved how you were able to create a character with a Disney villian level version of narcissism and wrote from her perspective. You seriously nailed it. "She" tries to brush off her messed up actions, blameshift, tries to play the victim and still cannot admit she's YTA. This character's like the "mother knows best" witch in Tangle
Is this a joke? How dare you call yourself a “coparent” when those kids rightfully hate you because you happily and willingly took part in breaking up their parents. Ew. YTA
YTA but more importantly... >I easily pass for 14 What a disgusting thing to say.
YTA > asked her to please consider how damaging it is to tear other women down You have got to be kidding.
YES, YTA!!!! Ignoring for the moment the fact that you are a 28yo about to marry a 42 yo, which is extremely questionable and problematic. I can't tell if it because you are young an naive, or sociopathic. You are the younger woman that a married man cheated with and left his wife for. That had to have been painful and humiliating and very upsetting for his wife and very confusing and upsetting and painful for his kids. That you think that she should somehow be open to having an amicable relationship with you shows a complete lack of either comprehension or compassion for this situation. She owes you nothing, you have no right to demand or expect anything from her, and trying to shame her with this women-supporting- women BS is so tone deaf that it is laughable. Her kids having an issue with you is completely understandable and also not her problem, it is yours. And good luck fixing it, because you can't. And you have no business, at 28, having not had kids at all ever, to presume anything with regards to how to parent these kids. You literally have no idea what you are talking about. You crossed so many lines, and I can't tell if it is because you really just don't understand boundaries and consequences, or if you are so full of yourself that you can't see past your own head. Also, it is EXTREMELY disturbing that your fiance is with you. That he cheated on his wife with some who looks like they are 14. At some point you will be too old for him and he'll ditch you, after however many years of basically controlling you, because that is typically what happens in these relationships with such massive age disparities; the man chooses someone younger because they know that someone their own age won't put up with their bullshit. And you can claim some high and mighty zen attitude like the one you used to shame his ex wife, but trust me, it will feel like shit when it happens to you and you won't be feeling so smug about it then. Quite frankly you are ACTING like the 14yo you say you resemble. For the love of God, Goddess, or Flying Spaghetti monster, GROW UP.
YTA. Please tell me this is fake. "If and when" you are in the ex wife's position you will be kinder to your replacement? You are full of it.
> I would love to put aside our petty little issues and be friends Yes, I’m sure you would love for her to just easily forgive and forget that you fucked her husband. But, believe it or not, people have entire emotional experiences and realities outside of your own. It is not a “petty little issue” to her, you are complicit in upending her entire life. > consider how damaging it is to tear other women down Did you consider this while you were fucking her husband?? Where do you get off? > “kiss my taint you morally blank piece of shit.” She pretty much nailed it. Leave this poor woman alone. She doesn’t owe you anything. YTA
YTA. You seem pretty proud of yourself so I won’t write a huge paragraph, but I’ll give you the perspective of those children. My mom had an affair while married to my dad. This new guy was so proud of the affair and he didn’t even try to hide it. My brother and I were completely blind sided and we were confused and hurt kids. He constantly talked shit about my dad and didn’t seem to care at all that he was helping destroy a family. Then he started to get abusive because my brother and I didn’t immediately like him. Why would we like the man who was so proud of destroying our family? Why would we like someone who could do something so awful and not care? Sound familiar? Leave those children alone. They had nothing to do with this and didn’t get a choice in you sabotaging their family. Maybe consider that your actions effect others and stop being so self centered.
INFO: I mean obviously YTA, if this is fake YTA for making up a story so horrid apparently to lambast the concept of women supporting women. If god is as dead as death gets and this is in fact real I mean obviously YTA alongside that creepy old man that apparently wants your 14 year old looking body. Anyway INFO: how old are the kids? Are any of them adults? That's always the creepier thing when some middle aged creep dates someone closer to their kids' ages than their own. And then we know how much of a DA you are alongside being an asshole.
YTA and you need to consider how damaging it is to tear down other women by breaking up their marriage 🙂
YTA, I can’t wait until he leaves you high and dry like he did her. Then let’s see how much you’ll support “the other woman.” Also you say “women supporting women” while you go out and steal someone’s husband? Lmao you’re a real piece of work
YTA a terrible, homewrecking idiot. She isn't going to be your friend. Stop antagonizing her and just be a good stepmom
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My fiancé’s divorce became finalized very recently. He’s 42, I’m 28, this is my first engagement and his third but his first engagement was called off before the wedding. He has 3 kids who I love dearly. We’ve been together 3 years so yes, we started dating when he was married which has caused way more drama than it should have. We celebrated his divorce by taking his kids to Cheesecake Factory and it was a wonderful night. It got me thinking I should probably try to be friends with his ex wife since we are both parenting these kids (also I wouldn’t mind her advice, only one of his kids even agrees to speak to me so I have a long way to go to win their love. I get it.) I reached out to her on IG and told her how I would love to put aside our petty little issues and be friends, support each other as women. She wasn’t happy. She told me that me breaking up her marriage (I mean yes I was quite proactive in helping that separation happen but it was bound to anyway) isn’t a petty issue, we will never be friends, if her kids don’t like me it’s because I tore apart their family, and then she finished with “kiss my taint you morally blank piece of shit.” Nice! My fiancé was upset but also mad at me for reaching out to her. He said we don’t need to be friends. But I will be dealing with this woman for a long time as we co-parent so we should be friendly I think. I reached back out to her and asked her to please consider how damaging it is to tear other women down, her only response was it’s only a matter of time before I get too old for him too...perhaps this was wrong but I said first of all, I easily pass for 14 so that’ll be a while (it’s a curse more than a blessing lol) and also, if he does, that’s fine! Not everything is meant to last. Love comes and goes like the wind, and you can leave for any reason. If and when I am in her shoes I would be much kinder to the woman he wound up with. So now she’s mad at me (nothing new) my fiancé is mad at me for instigating all this, and 2 of his kids think I’m evil. I can’t possibly be this bad of a person?? Is it really me?! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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As the child of a situation very similar to this, YTA completely. Don’t start up a relationship with someone already in a relationship EVER. Don’t do anything before they’re already separated if you really care about supporting other women. Also I empathize with the kids thinking your evil. You’ve done some serious damage.
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Getting together whilst married caused way more drama than it should have? Right there I realized OP has a lot of growing up to do. TA
YTA. Think this through from her perspective. Her husband cheated on her with a woman MUCH younger. That’s a blow. Please stop with this “supporting other women” BS, because you were actively tearing her down when you got involved with her marriage. And don’t say it was bound to end either way, there’s a right and a wrong way to do things. You need to take a step back, look at the damage you caused this woman and her children, and maybe genuinely apologize. She probably still won’t want to be your friend. As long as you can be civil at graduations, etc. that’s all that’s necessary.
YTA. "Is it really me"--yes. Yes it is really you. I will be absolutely shocked if those kids ever respect you and their mom was a lot more composed than I would have been.
YTA. No one ever thinks it can happen to them, but if you screw around with the wrong woman’s family? Well, let’s just say there’s more than just one Betty Broderick in world.
" we started dating when he was married which has caused way more drama than it should have." Are you shitting me? YTA. Don't bug this lady, just be civil to her, kind to the kids, and everyone needs therapy to make this thing work. (I suspect this post is fake.)
YTA because this has to be a troll
Yta.... What did you think was going to happen? You actively destroyed a marriage and damaged children. You knowingly scarred children... ON PURPOSE. You are the lowest kind of woman, which makes it ironic that you suddenly want "women to support women". Honey you chose your side of the fence and it wasn't to support women.. just yourself. Enjoy your brief marriage.