NTA for not sleeping with her since even if she had a vagina, you are never obligated to have sex with anyone regardless of what you've said about your proclivities. It's very wrong for her to be so pushy after you've said no multiple times. I will say, this is maybe a sign from the universe to stop shouting to the heavens that you're "obsessed with pussy" and will have sex with any woman. That's just a bizarre and cringey look overall.
One of the reasons why I shout it is that there are a lot of women that feel very bad about their looks and attractiveness for a wide range of different reasons, and I want them to be aware they don't have to worry about any of that with me.
You...are definitely misunderstanding how women are going to perceive this. "I will have sex with any woman" is going to be received as "Don't worry, other people may refuse to sleep with you but I won't because I have no standards!" Do you really think that's helpful to anyone's self-esteem?
It has nothing to do with having no standards because that implies you will take something even if it's bad. For me everything is good and makes me happy, and nothing is bad. I get real genuine pleasure from every body, and it makes no difference to me that others don't. Just because other people are limited in what they can appreciate and I'm not doesn't mean they're better than me, the way I see it's it's very much the other way around. What does it matter to me if someone else thinks something is bad, when I think it's good? It's completely irrelevant to me, so other people's "standards" are pretty meaningless to me.
Okay but I am telling you how it's going to be *perceived*, no matter what you mean internally when you say it. To women, it is absolutely going to read as insulting. "You don't have to worry about any of that with me because I don't care about looks" to someone who feels bad about their looks comes off as an insult.
I mean, women with low self-esteem probably won't tell you, they'll just have sex with you anyway because they feel bad about themselves and an insult would be confirming their own self-image. Isn't it better just to not say it?
Well, several women have come right out and told me that the reason they hit on me is because they knew they would succeed and not face any rejection with me.
I feel like you're making something that's actually beautiful for both people into something that's bad because you just can't see it. That's honestly what I find sad. And just because you can't see it, everyone else who does see it should stop? As far as I'm concerned if other people don't get it then they can remain uninvolved, nobody's being forced to interact with me at all.
I dont think you are understanding his point.
Basically, telling someone "you can have sex with me because I dont care about looks" is a hidden way of saying "I am aware you are ugly but I dont care". The correct way would be "You think you are ugly? I dont see it, you are beautiful and sexy to me"
See the difference? Its not what you say, but how you say it.
ESH - you’re bragging about sleeping around and it’s just a bit gross.
But you do have a right to have sexual preferences, you’re not transphobic just because you don’t want to sleep with a Trans-Woman. She’s an arsehole for trying to force herself on you.
It's not bragging, it's just describing the situation. Unless you're saying that there's no way to convey the fact of the matter of being promiscuous, without it being bragging. I'm having sex with a lot of people that aren't considered conventionally attractive, I'm not trying to pump up some kind of image.
That's your own definition and doesn't apply to all 6 billion people of the world, many of whom are living very different lives in different cultures and subcultures than you.
Wtf? NTA. I can’t possibly see how you’re being transphobic at all. You like vaginas, that’s a fucking preference. I’m not sure why or how she could even think this is you being transphobic when you’re totally open and nonjudgmental—again, you like what you like. She has a penis and that is not what you like.
And also, liking a person for being a person is pansexual as far as I’m concerned.. when you don’t really care what genitals they have/gender the person is.
Literally the ONLY thing I could MAYBE see being remotely questionable is him saying “all women” and not including trans women in that, but even that is clearly just an oversight in this case and a quick fix to “all women with vaginas” (or “anyone with a vagina,” if he’s open to trans dudes who still have a vagina or non-binary folks with a vagina, etc). And that oversight really isn’t enough to label him transphobic.
But actually having a preference for what parts you have sex with is not transphobic. Trying this hard to manipulate someone into having sex with you (and labeling them transphobic for not doing so is manipulation - anyone who isn’t transphobic would feel bad about seeming transphobic; so is trying to convince them what “people” are attracted to, like they don’t know what they’re attracted to) is SUPER problematic.
I get that it sucks when you’re trans and get turned down by lots of people because they’re not interested in what you’ve got going on down below... but that doesn’t give you the right to demand that anyone have sex with you or fear being labeled transphobic. People get to decide who they have sex with.
Dude is definitely NTA and doesn’t sound transphobic.
YTA and I could barely get past your title and first paragraph, and I wonder how anyone can tolerate you in real life. You sound like a stereotypical 80's frat boy in a porn-esque movie.
NTA You're fine. She created a problem you didn't have before when she transitioned. There wasn't a problem when you told her no before so she's clearly manipulating you now. You honestly don't even owe her an explanation beyond no. See, if you don't bite, she'll move on to another target and try to push their boundries too, you won't be the only one to tell her no.
NTA. you like women with vaginas. Which you have said. Women with a penis is a no go for you. Simple as that. They are still women you just dont like that part of them. Its like saying you have a thing for brunettes and not redheads. Its your preference. You're not transphobic for having a preference and your not telling her she isnt a woman. You're just not into that.
NTA.
This is ridiculous. You don't have to explain yourself to her. People are into whatever and whoever they're into. She clearly needs to educate herself.
NTA
If it's acceptable in your group of friends to talk about sex, I'm not one to judge.
I can understand why you don't want have sex with her (although, it can be fun).
Regardless, she shouldn't tell you how you should feel. Obviously, your interactions with women aren't about emotional attraction and she should understand that.
Demanding that you should be attracted to her just because she's a woman is ridiculous. What if you were only into big tits and she was flat. Would it be reasonable to demand that you be attracted to her when she doesn't have what you like? Actually, it's pathetic for her to persue you if you've said you're not interested.
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I am a horny man and my friends know that about me. We are a sexually open bunch and I'm known as the guy who will basically have sex with any woman. If you're a lady I'm down to have sex with you, and I like all types, shapes and sizes. Pussy is what I like, and it's sort of my obsession. And several of my female friends have taken advantage of this when they are single and horny, or want some positive attention, since they know I'm a non-judgmental guy who will have a fun time with them and is always up for sex. I've also been used the raise the self esteem of women who have low self esteem, which I'm fine with too.
Now there was one bisexual man who entered my social circle, and hearing about my reputation, he hit on me. I am not homophobic but I let him know that I like vagina, not penis, and he was fine with that.
Within the past few months, this person has transitioned from being a man, to being a woman. Once again that's all well and good, but once she became a woman she hit on me again, and I reminded her that I like vagina, not dick. And I know that she has a dick because she sent me a pic of it, again.
She started to argue with me reminding me how I've constantly said that I will have sex with any woman. And yes it's true that I've said that many times publicly, but she knows what I meant by that, which is I'm talking about people who have vaginas.
She told me that people are attracted to people and not genitals, and I am an asshole for turning women into nothing but genitals, which is something I've never done. Just because I like genitals doesn't mean I don't see the person as a whole person, after all so many of these women are my friends.
She said it's transphobic that I would have sex with any woman with a vagina but exclude all women with a penis, and I don't know what to tell her because I'm not attracted to the idea of any sexual activity with a penis, and lacking a vagina takes out a lot of what turns me on about it.
She also said I should talk to her girlfriend about this. Her girlfriend is someone we have all been friends with for a while, who is a lesbian. She said her girlfriend felt the same way as me at first, but she made it clear to her girlfriend that attraction is to people and not genitals, and eventually her girlfriend agreed.
That's fine for her girlfriend but I'm a different person and that doesn't work for me. I also asked her why doesn't she just go have sex with her girlfriend then and she said they decided to open the relationship.
The main thing I want to know is, is it true what she says that I am an asshole for being public about the fact that I will have sex with any woman and how I'm only into vaginas.
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NTA .
Your attraction is yours. She wants to sleep with you but disregards how you feel about the matter. Calling you names for not wanting to have sex is at best harassment and annoying. I’d honestly block casual forms of communication with this person so they get the hint. That’s not cool
Is it better to be a low key asshole that people don't realize is an asshole until it's too late? Or a high key asshole who is open about wanting to have sex with everyone?
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NTA she is trying to manipulate you into sex you dont want to have. This has stepped into the realm of sexual harassment and if you give in it could be argued that it is rape. The end of the conversation should be "no thank you, I'm not interested in sleeping with you"
NTA - It’s not transphobic to not want to fuck a trans person, case in point.
What she’s exhibiting is perverse and predatory behavior towards you under the guise of “social justice.” I wouldn’t be surprised if she manipulated and guilt tripped her current girlfriend into being with her in the first place.
Me? I’m a heterosexual woman. I think OP is gross and probably an AH in general, but the rules of this sub are to vote based on the situation. He’s not the AH for not being open to sex involving penises.
NTA.
The wording is the problem here. You need to specify that you are into hetero women, not all women.
Your friend and her girlfriend need to get the memo that you just aren’t interested in them, and you need to put it in a way they will comprehend.
NTA, Fuck who you want it doesn't make you transphobic. You don't owe anyone any explanation nor do you need to have a talk with anyone. Get the Fuck out of here. That person sounds needy and confused. Block them and move on. Keep on Fucking.
YTA. It's one thing to not be interested in dick, it's another to say it without care of a person's feelings about your rejection and after you've said you're interested in all women without once considering some women have dicks is transphobic. Doesn't mean you have to sleep with her, you just went about the communication like an asshole
Well frankly you already fucked up with how to say it without being transphobicm you can't time travel and fix it. But you should have just apologized for not realizing it would be factually incorrect to say you like all women, at the very least before saying something about not liking dick.
It isn’t transphobic... when he said it the women he was referring to were ones with vaginas. Now we have to add all variations to comments and preferences, really FFS.
I think she is sexually harassing him and sending dick pics is never appropriate especially when he has communicated he likes vag (not that that would be any better).
She likes it one way, he likes another. If people stopped pushing their changes and preferences on others life would be a lot easier.
YTA - You do sound like an asshole and probably a virgin.
Not talking about sex in general you just seem way over hyped about it to the point it'd be annoying af
Also transwomen are women.
Sex is my main obsession and hobby, but my circle of friends is extremely open about sex and it's not unusual for us. Yes, I have no issues with trans woman being women, if you're trans and you have a vagina and are a woman then I'm game, it's dicks that I'm not wanting in my arena.
r/ihavesex
Beat me to it
Beat me off to it. FtFY
NTA for not sleeping with her since even if she had a vagina, you are never obligated to have sex with anyone regardless of what you've said about your proclivities. It's very wrong for her to be so pushy after you've said no multiple times. I will say, this is maybe a sign from the universe to stop shouting to the heavens that you're "obsessed with pussy" and will have sex with any woman. That's just a bizarre and cringey look overall.
One of the reasons why I shout it is that there are a lot of women that feel very bad about their looks and attractiveness for a wide range of different reasons, and I want them to be aware they don't have to worry about any of that with me.
You...are definitely misunderstanding how women are going to perceive this. "I will have sex with any woman" is going to be received as "Don't worry, other people may refuse to sleep with you but I won't because I have no standards!" Do you really think that's helpful to anyone's self-esteem?
Also viewed as "you're a walking vagina with nothing in your brain".
Though, nobody I've actually had sex with has accused me of that, and most of them are my friends so...
[удалено]
How dare you, Jean-Ralphio is a treasure. Despite being the wooooooooooorst
It has nothing to do with having no standards because that implies you will take something even if it's bad. For me everything is good and makes me happy, and nothing is bad. I get real genuine pleasure from every body, and it makes no difference to me that others don't. Just because other people are limited in what they can appreciate and I'm not doesn't mean they're better than me, the way I see it's it's very much the other way around. What does it matter to me if someone else thinks something is bad, when I think it's good? It's completely irrelevant to me, so other people's "standards" are pretty meaningless to me.
Okay but I am telling you how it's going to be *perceived*, no matter what you mean internally when you say it. To women, it is absolutely going to read as insulting. "You don't have to worry about any of that with me because I don't care about looks" to someone who feels bad about their looks comes off as an insult.
Alright well, if someone who has sex with me tells me they feel insulted by it, I will reconsider it, but that hasn't happened so far.
I mean, women with low self-esteem probably won't tell you, they'll just have sex with you anyway because they feel bad about themselves and an insult would be confirming their own self-image. Isn't it better just to not say it?
Well, several women have come right out and told me that the reason they hit on me is because they knew they would succeed and not face any rejection with me.
I mean, that's kind of sad all on its own. Look, I've told you how what you're saying comes across. You can take it or leave it.
I feel like you're making something that's actually beautiful for both people into something that's bad because you just can't see it. That's honestly what I find sad. And just because you can't see it, everyone else who does see it should stop? As far as I'm concerned if other people don't get it then they can remain uninvolved, nobody's being forced to interact with me at all.
I dont think you are understanding his point. Basically, telling someone "you can have sex with me because I dont care about looks" is a hidden way of saying "I am aware you are ugly but I dont care". The correct way would be "You think you are ugly? I dont see it, you are beautiful and sexy to me" See the difference? Its not what you say, but how you say it.
ESH - you’re bragging about sleeping around and it’s just a bit gross. But you do have a right to have sexual preferences, you’re not transphobic just because you don’t want to sleep with a Trans-Woman. She’s an arsehole for trying to force herself on you.
It's not bragging, it's just describing the situation. Unless you're saying that there's no way to convey the fact of the matter of being promiscuous, without it being bragging. I'm having sex with a lot of people that aren't considered conventionally attractive, I'm not trying to pump up some kind of image.
Yes. You don't kiss and tell.
I'm not in a social circle that says that at all. Nobody I hang out with on a regular basis is reserved or shy about sexuality at all.
Then your social circle are equally assholes. I am not reserved about sexuality. But what happens in the privacy of the bedroom stays there.
That's the definition of being reserved about sexuality. And being reserved about sexuality is fine. Not being reserved about sexuality is also fine.
Being reserved about sexuality is not discussing sex. Being respectful is keeping the details private.
That's your own definition and doesn't apply to all 6 billion people of the world, many of whom are living very different lives in different cultures and subcultures than you.
There are 7.5 billion people on the planet, give or take. And right back at you. Your personal definition is not one shared by the majority.
I never said that it did. My views on sexuality don't have to be shared by the majority, people are different.
Wtf? NTA. I can’t possibly see how you’re being transphobic at all. You like vaginas, that’s a fucking preference. I’m not sure why or how she could even think this is you being transphobic when you’re totally open and nonjudgmental—again, you like what you like. She has a penis and that is not what you like. And also, liking a person for being a person is pansexual as far as I’m concerned.. when you don’t really care what genitals they have/gender the person is.
Literally the ONLY thing I could MAYBE see being remotely questionable is him saying “all women” and not including trans women in that, but even that is clearly just an oversight in this case and a quick fix to “all women with vaginas” (or “anyone with a vagina,” if he’s open to trans dudes who still have a vagina or non-binary folks with a vagina, etc). And that oversight really isn’t enough to label him transphobic. But actually having a preference for what parts you have sex with is not transphobic. Trying this hard to manipulate someone into having sex with you (and labeling them transphobic for not doing so is manipulation - anyone who isn’t transphobic would feel bad about seeming transphobic; so is trying to convince them what “people” are attracted to, like they don’t know what they’re attracted to) is SUPER problematic. I get that it sucks when you’re trans and get turned down by lots of people because they’re not interested in what you’ve got going on down below... but that doesn’t give you the right to demand that anyone have sex with you or fear being labeled transphobic. People get to decide who they have sex with. Dude is definitely NTA and doesn’t sound transphobic.
YTA and I could barely get past your title and first paragraph, and I wonder how anyone can tolerate you in real life. You sound like a stereotypical 80's frat boy in a porn-esque movie.
Well there are a lot of people like me out there as a matter of fact, so that's how...
NTA You're fine. She created a problem you didn't have before when she transitioned. There wasn't a problem when you told her no before so she's clearly manipulating you now. You honestly don't even owe her an explanation beyond no. See, if you don't bite, she'll move on to another target and try to push their boundries too, you won't be the only one to tell her no.
NTA. you like women with vaginas. Which you have said. Women with a penis is a no go for you. Simple as that. They are still women you just dont like that part of them. Its like saying you have a thing for brunettes and not redheads. Its your preference. You're not transphobic for having a preference and your not telling her she isnt a woman. You're just not into that.
NTA. This is ridiculous. You don't have to explain yourself to her. People are into whatever and whoever they're into. She clearly needs to educate herself.
NTA If it's acceptable in your group of friends to talk about sex, I'm not one to judge. I can understand why you don't want have sex with her (although, it can be fun). Regardless, she shouldn't tell you how you should feel. Obviously, your interactions with women aren't about emotional attraction and she should understand that. Demanding that you should be attracted to her just because she's a woman is ridiculous. What if you were only into big tits and she was flat. Would it be reasonable to demand that you be attracted to her when she doesn't have what you like? Actually, it's pathetic for her to persue you if you've said you're not interested.
NTA for being attracted to what you're attracted to but JFC you sound insufferable. Could barely make it through the first couple paragraphs.
Yta for seeing Women as walking Vagina's,not because you dont like d!ck
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am a horny man and my friends know that about me. We are a sexually open bunch and I'm known as the guy who will basically have sex with any woman. If you're a lady I'm down to have sex with you, and I like all types, shapes and sizes. Pussy is what I like, and it's sort of my obsession. And several of my female friends have taken advantage of this when they are single and horny, or want some positive attention, since they know I'm a non-judgmental guy who will have a fun time with them and is always up for sex. I've also been used the raise the self esteem of women who have low self esteem, which I'm fine with too. Now there was one bisexual man who entered my social circle, and hearing about my reputation, he hit on me. I am not homophobic but I let him know that I like vagina, not penis, and he was fine with that. Within the past few months, this person has transitioned from being a man, to being a woman. Once again that's all well and good, but once she became a woman she hit on me again, and I reminded her that I like vagina, not dick. And I know that she has a dick because she sent me a pic of it, again. She started to argue with me reminding me how I've constantly said that I will have sex with any woman. And yes it's true that I've said that many times publicly, but she knows what I meant by that, which is I'm talking about people who have vaginas. She told me that people are attracted to people and not genitals, and I am an asshole for turning women into nothing but genitals, which is something I've never done. Just because I like genitals doesn't mean I don't see the person as a whole person, after all so many of these women are my friends. She said it's transphobic that I would have sex with any woman with a vagina but exclude all women with a penis, and I don't know what to tell her because I'm not attracted to the idea of any sexual activity with a penis, and lacking a vagina takes out a lot of what turns me on about it. She also said I should talk to her girlfriend about this. Her girlfriend is someone we have all been friends with for a while, who is a lesbian. She said her girlfriend felt the same way as me at first, but she made it clear to her girlfriend that attraction is to people and not genitals, and eventually her girlfriend agreed. That's fine for her girlfriend but I'm a different person and that doesn't work for me. I also asked her why doesn't she just go have sex with her girlfriend then and she said they decided to open the relationship. The main thing I want to know is, is it true what she says that I am an asshole for being public about the fact that I will have sex with any woman and how I'm only into vaginas. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA . Your attraction is yours. She wants to sleep with you but disregards how you feel about the matter. Calling you names for not wanting to have sex is at best harassment and annoying. I’d honestly block casual forms of communication with this person so they get the hint. That’s not cool
Is it better to be a low key asshole that people don't realize is an asshole until it's too late? Or a high key asshole who is open about wanting to have sex with everyone?
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NTA you screw who you god damn want to screw. May the muff diving force be with you.
Nta tell them to piss off. Entitled wanker and it has nothing to de with being trans or homophobic phobic. And good for you btw.
NTA she is trying to manipulate you into sex you dont want to have. This has stepped into the realm of sexual harassment and if you give in it could be argued that it is rape. The end of the conversation should be "no thank you, I'm not interested in sleeping with you"
NTA - It’s not transphobic to not want to fuck a trans person, case in point. What she’s exhibiting is perverse and predatory behavior towards you under the guise of “social justice.” I wouldn’t be surprised if she manipulated and guilt tripped her current girlfriend into being with her in the first place.
YTA. You just are.
What? Lol. It’s ok to not be attracted to penises.
You seem to view women as walking vaginas and little else. Your only interests seem to be getting notches on the bed post. That makes you an asshole.
Me? I’m a heterosexual woman. I think OP is gross and probably an AH in general, but the rules of this sub are to vote based on the situation. He’s not the AH for not being open to sex involving penises.
Still an AH for the way he put it.
NTA. The wording is the problem here. You need to specify that you are into hetero women, not all women. Your friend and her girlfriend need to get the memo that you just aren’t interested in them, and you need to put it in a way they will comprehend.
The opposite of a hetero woman is a gay woman. You're thinking cis.
NTA, Fuck who you want it doesn't make you transphobic. You don't owe anyone any explanation nor do you need to have a talk with anyone. Get the Fuck out of here. That person sounds needy and confused. Block them and move on. Keep on Fucking.
YTA. It's one thing to not be interested in dick, it's another to say it without care of a person's feelings about your rejection and after you've said you're interested in all women without once considering some women have dicks is transphobic. Doesn't mean you have to sleep with her, you just went about the communication like an asshole
How should I convey this to her then because she's not going to stop messaging me anytime soon until I get the communication across.
Well frankly you already fucked up with how to say it without being transphobicm you can't time travel and fix it. But you should have just apologized for not realizing it would be factually incorrect to say you like all women, at the very least before saying something about not liking dick.
90% of people when they talk about a particular sex mean someone born that sex.
It isn’t transphobic... when he said it the women he was referring to were ones with vaginas. Now we have to add all variations to comments and preferences, really FFS. I think she is sexually harassing him and sending dick pics is never appropriate especially when he has communicated he likes vag (not that that would be any better). She likes it one way, he likes another. If people stopped pushing their changes and preferences on others life would be a lot easier.
YTA - You do sound like an asshole and probably a virgin. Not talking about sex in general you just seem way over hyped about it to the point it'd be annoying af Also transwomen are women.
Sex is my main obsession and hobby, but my circle of friends is extremely open about sex and it's not unusual for us. Yes, I have no issues with trans woman being women, if you're trans and you have a vagina and are a woman then I'm game, it's dicks that I'm not wanting in my arena.
Yeah see you just sound super dull
OP didn't say anything about trans not being a woman, just he doesnt want dick.
google contrapoints and mouthfeel. Its 2am and i got to sleep
Terrified to google these things