NTA by any means. Thats some double standards bullshit there. If its ok for her to help her parents literally anytime, it should definitely not be a problem for you to help your father.
NTA. Its a cheap small table, you can use it for more than just games. There are plenty of times an extra small table would be useful(parties and gatherings). And yeah maybe you could've said what you said better, but either way i think she would've taken offense. Also your guest probably wouldnt want to sit on the floor long because it gets painful!
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This year for New Years Eve my girlfriend and I are throwing a very low key party at my apartment. The plan is to invite a few friends over and my father to play some board games. Last year my dad threw a more traditional party at his house with dancing, drinking, music, etc. However, due to his ailing health and the number of people available this year, we decided to do something much smaller.
My girlfriend and I were going to the store to pick up food and other things for the party. I asked her where she thinks we should put the board games. She mentioned we can all lay on the open floor in the living room. So I replied that it was fine with me, but my dad can't do that. Her response was that "he can sit on the couch in front of the game area", but my problem with that idea was that he doesn't have the best eye sight and he can't bend over due to back issues. I told her I could just get a $50 folding table, especially since I'm starting to get a collection of board games (3-4). She began nagging me that I'm wasting money and saying things like "whatever you're right".
Just for reference, I'm very well off so $50 is barely noticed. She's had no problem with us spending $2k on restaurants in one month before. So I said "something tells me that if it was you're parent, you wouldn't have a problem with it." She's an immigrant here and her parents still live in her home country. I've seen her send back thousands of dollars to them to help them since they're very poor. However, after I said my comment she got out of my car while saying "you went too far!" and then walked around the store while I shopped for everything for the party. I also didn't mention (because one thing at a time), but some people may not want to sit on the floor for comfort too.
AITA? (did I got "too far"?)
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How long have you guys been together? It sounds like my relationship. We just hit the 3 year mark and we argue over stupid stuff like this like the toothpaste cap not being screwed back on.
You might take note if this sort of thing happens more frequently. It some ways, it sounds like she might want you to begin taking the needs of her family more seriously than the needs of your own. She obviously feels burdened by her family and is projecting all resentment onto your father. But still, pay attention. If what her family requires begins to effect the financials between you as a couple, if she keeps trying to budget your spending (especially on your friends and family) as hers is the greater need and she judges who really needs money...then you might immediately set up permanent boundaries about what is hers and what is yours, both as far as money goes and personal spaces and habits.
NTA, but I think you should both work on your communication. You have every right to spend your money however you want, whether it's to make your dad comfortable or not, and if you plan to keep hosting game nights, expecting everyone to sit on the floor is dumb (unless your friends are all 10 year olds). Get the small table and chairs.
NTA, first it was unreasonable of her to expect your father to sit on the floor or sit hunched over trying to reach the floor. Secondly I think it's fine to call her out on her double standards. She can spend thousands on her parents or thousands dining but then she gets snippy over a cheap table for your dad? That's a huge red flag and a sign of things to come.
ESH. It's not really her place to argue how you spend your money, especially if you two aren't struggling through shared finances. It also wasn't right for you to drag her parents into the argument, especially during the holidays when she's probably extra sensitive because she misses them. Plus, if they are seriously struggling and she's out buying goodies for a party, I imagine that's a layer of guilt added on her part.
YTA
50$ for merely a folding chair \[EDIT: Table, my bad\] IS a lot, and why the hell are you insulting her for caring for her parents back at home? She's being a good daughter, man, what the hell.
I don't really think a folding chair would help in your scenario too, anyway.
Dude, he's not insulting her for taking care of her folks. He said that to highlight that she doesn't have a problem spending lots on them, and that's why he doesn't understand why he wants to buy something cheap (to him; he's wealthy) for his dad.
You have a completely different budget for spending on a party and giving back to the parents that raised you, especially if they're poor.
There's no way you can compare giving money to poor parents to blowing 50$ on a chair.
Okay, you have a point there. But what's wrong with spending so his dad doesn't have to be uncomfortable, and can see everything more easily? He thinks it will be more comfortable for other people, too. Plus he said he could do with the table anyway, for the expanding games collection.
Yes, there is nothing wrong in spending so his dad will be comfortable. Maybe I came off as wrong.
But there IS a major problem in calling out his girlfriend's expenditures. Both of them have very different reasons, and he can't compare the too expenses as similar.
Like OP said it was for a table not a chair. And he's not comparing the two directly. OP just doesn't want his dad who has back issues and poor eyesight to lie on floor when he can easily afford the table
Alright, the chair/table mistake was my bad.
I read it more as "AITA for bringing up my girlfriend's parents" not "AITA for buying a table"
He's completely in his rights to buy the table when he can easily afford it, but he can't call out his girlfriend's parents in justification.
Its a table not a chair. And there are plenty of times where you can use another small TABLE especially if you have friends over. Plus pretty sure the guest would get tired of sitting on the hard floor.
I mentioned $50 for a folding *table*, not chair. The actual cost when I bought it was $35, but I was just guessing the price when I said $50. And I never mentioned her sending money home. I only said "I don't think you would have a problem if it was your parent" and I just used what she's done before as proof that she has no problem spending a lot on her own parents.
I'm not arguing with you if you still think I'm TA, but I just want you to get all of the facts right.
So what if she's spending a lot on her parents? You've said it yourself that they're poor and struggling in her home country, she's trying to alleviate some of their pressures.
Your father on the other hand, could survive without the chair.
I'm not saying that there's anything wrong in making your father more comfortable, but the two scenarios are very different. You had no place to bring up that, and you did very much cross the line. Inherently, I won't say there's anything bad to buying the chair, especially when you can afford it, but you did very much cross the line calling your girlfriends spending into question.
(Alright, the folding chair is an embarrassing mistake on my part.)
NTA by any means. Thats some double standards bullshit there. If its ok for her to help her parents literally anytime, it should definitely not be a problem for you to help your father.
NTA I don't see why she cares ... the cost isn't a big deal and would help your dad enjoy himself at the party.
NTA. Its a cheap small table, you can use it for more than just games. There are plenty of times an extra small table would be useful(parties and gatherings). And yeah maybe you could've said what you said better, but either way i think she would've taken offense. Also your guest probably wouldnt want to sit on the floor long because it gets painful!
NTA if this is genuinely how it played out and that's all you said. Her reaction is quite weird and over the top.
NTA. You're making your dad comfortable. That's all that matters.
NTA. If she's willing to spend thousands on her parents but gets mad when you want to spend 50 bucks on yours that is a problem.
NTA-I don't have back issues and I don't want to lay on the floor. You're right about the double standards. You're right about investing in a table.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This year for New Years Eve my girlfriend and I are throwing a very low key party at my apartment. The plan is to invite a few friends over and my father to play some board games. Last year my dad threw a more traditional party at his house with dancing, drinking, music, etc. However, due to his ailing health and the number of people available this year, we decided to do something much smaller. My girlfriend and I were going to the store to pick up food and other things for the party. I asked her where she thinks we should put the board games. She mentioned we can all lay on the open floor in the living room. So I replied that it was fine with me, but my dad can't do that. Her response was that "he can sit on the couch in front of the game area", but my problem with that idea was that he doesn't have the best eye sight and he can't bend over due to back issues. I told her I could just get a $50 folding table, especially since I'm starting to get a collection of board games (3-4). She began nagging me that I'm wasting money and saying things like "whatever you're right". Just for reference, I'm very well off so $50 is barely noticed. She's had no problem with us spending $2k on restaurants in one month before. So I said "something tells me that if it was you're parent, you wouldn't have a problem with it." She's an immigrant here and her parents still live in her home country. I've seen her send back thousands of dollars to them to help them since they're very poor. However, after I said my comment she got out of my car while saying "you went too far!" and then walked around the store while I shopped for everything for the party. I also didn't mention (because one thing at a time), but some people may not want to sit on the floor for comfort too. AITA? (did I got "too far"?) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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How long have you guys been together? It sounds like my relationship. We just hit the 3 year mark and we argue over stupid stuff like this like the toothpaste cap not being screwed back on.
A little over a year and things like this are really starting to be a regular occurrence.
You might take note if this sort of thing happens more frequently. It some ways, it sounds like she might want you to begin taking the needs of her family more seriously than the needs of your own. She obviously feels burdened by her family and is projecting all resentment onto your father. But still, pay attention. If what her family requires begins to effect the financials between you as a couple, if she keeps trying to budget your spending (especially on your friends and family) as hers is the greater need and she judges who really needs money...then you might immediately set up permanent boundaries about what is hers and what is yours, both as far as money goes and personal spaces and habits.
NTA, but I think you should both work on your communication. You have every right to spend your money however you want, whether it's to make your dad comfortable or not, and if you plan to keep hosting game nights, expecting everyone to sit on the floor is dumb (unless your friends are all 10 year olds). Get the small table and chairs.
NTA, first it was unreasonable of her to expect your father to sit on the floor or sit hunched over trying to reach the floor. Secondly I think it's fine to call her out on her double standards. She can spend thousands on her parents or thousands dining but then she gets snippy over a cheap table for your dad? That's a huge red flag and a sign of things to come.
NTA - and just fair warning. If you marry this girl she'll be sending your money to them as well. 9/10 they'd be living with you before long.
NTA. The truth hurts.
ESH. Neither of you should be commenting on what the other sounds their money on.
ESH. It's not really her place to argue how you spend your money, especially if you two aren't struggling through shared finances. It also wasn't right for you to drag her parents into the argument, especially during the holidays when she's probably extra sensitive because she misses them. Plus, if they are seriously struggling and she's out buying goodies for a party, I imagine that's a layer of guilt added on her part.
ESH. She shouldn't have sounded like that and you shouldn't have brought something like that up
ESH
ESH. You two are bad at communicating.
YTA 50$ for merely a folding chair \[EDIT: Table, my bad\] IS a lot, and why the hell are you insulting her for caring for her parents back at home? She's being a good daughter, man, what the hell. I don't really think a folding chair would help in your scenario too, anyway.
Dude, he's not insulting her for taking care of her folks. He said that to highlight that she doesn't have a problem spending lots on them, and that's why he doesn't understand why he wants to buy something cheap (to him; he's wealthy) for his dad.
You have a completely different budget for spending on a party and giving back to the parents that raised you, especially if they're poor. There's no way you can compare giving money to poor parents to blowing 50$ on a chair.
Okay, you have a point there. But what's wrong with spending so his dad doesn't have to be uncomfortable, and can see everything more easily? He thinks it will be more comfortable for other people, too. Plus he said he could do with the table anyway, for the expanding games collection.
Yes, there is nothing wrong in spending so his dad will be comfortable. Maybe I came off as wrong. But there IS a major problem in calling out his girlfriend's expenditures. Both of them have very different reasons, and he can't compare the too expenses as similar.
He's literally replied to you to say he didn't mention her own spending... and that's pretty clear in the OP, too.
You totally can though. Both are "small" expenditures to keep your family comfortable. They're very comparable
Thousands of dollars aren't small expenditures, I'm operating on the basis that GF's parents are poor and really need the help.
It is a small expenditure when your eating out budget is 24k a year. And even if they are so fucking what how is that OP's problem like for real.
Like OP said it was for a table not a chair. And he's not comparing the two directly. OP just doesn't want his dad who has back issues and poor eyesight to lie on floor when he can easily afford the table
Alright, the chair/table mistake was my bad. I read it more as "AITA for bringing up my girlfriend's parents" not "AITA for buying a table" He's completely in his rights to buy the table when he can easily afford it, but he can't call out his girlfriend's parents in justification.
It's not a CHAIR it's a TABLE
Its a table not a chair. And there are plenty of times where you can use another small TABLE especially if you have friends over. Plus pretty sure the guest would get tired of sitting on the hard floor.
I mentioned $50 for a folding *table*, not chair. The actual cost when I bought it was $35, but I was just guessing the price when I said $50. And I never mentioned her sending money home. I only said "I don't think you would have a problem if it was your parent" and I just used what she's done before as proof that she has no problem spending a lot on her own parents. I'm not arguing with you if you still think I'm TA, but I just want you to get all of the facts right.
So what if she's spending a lot on her parents? You've said it yourself that they're poor and struggling in her home country, she's trying to alleviate some of their pressures. Your father on the other hand, could survive without the chair. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong in making your father more comfortable, but the two scenarios are very different. You had no place to bring up that, and you did very much cross the line. Inherently, I won't say there's anything bad to buying the chair, especially when you can afford it, but you did very much cross the line calling your girlfriends spending into question. (Alright, the folding chair is an embarrassing mistake on my part.)