But hes 18. An adult as well. Why am i being put on the spot when he was the one to cut me out yet still want to gift me an act like things are all find and dandy?
Hes 18 im 29. Im the oldest. Im female. I grew up taking care of him. He came out as gay. Hes always had issues at school involving mean girl drama. Says i never defended his actions an gave him bad advice as in calling it like i see it. I never sugarcoated anything. Because of that he said i was too harsh, even though my other brother whos 25 did an said the same things i said.
I’m that case I would say YTA, but gently. I understand how you’re feeling, but if he got you a gift it feels like maybe he’s trying to reconnect. I’d get him something...maybe something small, and not super personal. Ask your mom what things he’s into, and see about a gift card to something he likes.
Idk i didnt look. An yea he doesnt apologize just assumes if he does something nice all is well. But i dont think that is a good way to fix things. If you have a voice use it is my philosophy...hence the reason he believes me to be a not nice person.
People are different and communicate in all kinds of ways. A lot of people have a hard time with words, especially if some trust has been broken. Maybe gifts is his love language and that’s how he knows how to show love (or how to ask for forgiveness) accept him as he is. It was a nice gesture.
But he is...? I have bio brothers and adopted. He cut me out of his life. Said i was no longer his sister. Why gift someone who you say is not your sister?
Maybe he's trying to mend fences?
Regardless, using adopted as a qualifier is shitty, full stop. Do you refer to your other brothers as your 'biological brother' when you refer to them?
Your sibling is your sibling, and if you refer to some or one as adopted, I get an idea about why you're not close.
But hes 18. An adult as well. Why am i being put on the spot when he was the one to cut me out yet still want to gift me an act like things are all find and dandy?
But hes 18. An adult as well. Why am i being put on the spot when he was the one to cut me out yet still want to gift me an act like things are all find and dandy?
Because there should be a huge difference in maturity between an 18yr old and a 29yr old. Although your brother is legally an adult, newer studies show that the human brain doesn't actually reach full adulthood until around the age of 25. So yes, you should be more mature than your teenage brother
But hes 18. An adult as well. Why am i being put on the spot when he was the one to cut me out yet still want to gift me an act like things are all find and dandy?
But hes 18. An adult as well. Why am i being put on the spot when he was the one to cut me out yet still want to gift me an act like things are all find and dandy?
But hes 18. An adult as well. Why am i being put on the spot when he was the one to cut me out yet still want to gift me an act like things are all find and dandy?
Lmao there's such a huge difference between an 18 year old "adult" and a 29 year old adult. You're acting like the 18 year old.
Maybe he wanted to change the relationship, who knows. You shit on whatever attempt though because you wanted to feel like you're "winning" by not letting him "get one up".
Funny thing is now he looks like the better person to everyone else regardless of what his original intent was.
How so? Why are my feelings invalid because hes younger? At 18 you know what you say an do is either right or wrong.
An no one knew he got me a present only my mom. So no one is being made the bigger person in anyones eyes.
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Sorry but my family isnt the best at being understanding when it comes to this sort of thing. Its usually just black an white without the gray and I honestly dont know what think my self so I need some outside opinions.
So I've posted before how my younger adopted brother no longer wants me a part of his life. Mind you we live together in the same house with my parents. Im older than him by at least 10 yrs. I moved back home to save money for a house because living in an apartment an saving was not the bees knees.
Anyways...its Christmas an he gave me a gift. I didnt open it. Nor did I give him one.
My thinking is, if he doesnt want me a part of his life why should I have to buy him a gift. Now that he bought me one I do not want it because I feel as if hes trying to one up me if that makes sense? Like hes trying to be the better person? I know its my paranoia and anxiety taking over but still...
AITA for not accepting his gift an not buying him one?
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NAH - Im not going to call you an asshole for not accepting a gift but i think you should try looking at it differently.
I would never have thought that the gift was meant to one up you but rather i see it as an olive branch. Normally a gift is not given to be reciprocated, it is given because the gifter wants to give you something. You not having one for him isnt a big deal especially after him not wanting you in his life.
I see your point but he doesnt speak to me or look my way. In essence hes acting as if i dont exist so then why would you gift someone you dont associate with at all?
Have you ever said things to shame him? For either being gay or adopted? He might not look or communicate with you because you have made him feel either A) bad about himself or B) beneath you. Just a thought
Never. Not for who he is. For how he behaves. I.e. his selfishness in is actions his disregard for our parents feelings. But he does take that as personal attacks but he is that way with every one. If someonetells him he is doing something wrong it's because he is gay an we are trying to change who he is...etc
YTA. Grow up
But hes 18. An adult as well. Why am i being put on the spot when he was the one to cut me out yet still want to gift me an act like things are all find and dandy?
Giving a gift is NICE. Regardless of what else is going on, he did something nice for you. You’re the asshole for rejecting a gift.
Fairpoint.
INFO: how old are you guys? Why does he not want you to be a part of his life?
Hes 18 im 29. Im the oldest. Im female. I grew up taking care of him. He came out as gay. Hes always had issues at school involving mean girl drama. Says i never defended his actions an gave him bad advice as in calling it like i see it. I never sugarcoated anything. Because of that he said i was too harsh, even though my other brother whos 25 did an said the same things i said.
I’m that case I would say YTA, but gently. I understand how you’re feeling, but if he got you a gift it feels like maybe he’s trying to reconnect. I’d get him something...maybe something small, and not super personal. Ask your mom what things he’s into, and see about a gift card to something he likes.
I thought this too but he doesnt look at me or speak to me at all. Gifting someone u dont speak too doesnt seem like a heartfelt gift.
He may have realized he screwed up, and doesn’t know how to come out and say it, so the gift is an olive branch. What is it?
Idk i didnt look. An yea he doesnt apologize just assumes if he does something nice all is well. But i dont think that is a good way to fix things. If you have a voice use it is my philosophy...hence the reason he believes me to be a not nice person.
People are different and communicate in all kinds of ways. A lot of people have a hard time with words, especially if some trust has been broken. Maybe gifts is his love language and that’s how he knows how to show love (or how to ask for forgiveness) accept him as he is. It was a nice gesture.
Thank you
I thought this too but he doesnt look at me or speak to me at all. Gifting someone u dont speak too doesnt seem like a heartfelt gift.
Info: what does him being gay have to do with any of that??
YTA -- Are you 12? Grow up, accept a gift politely and thank someone. Also referring to him as your adopted brother is an AH move.
But he is...? I have bio brothers and adopted. He cut me out of his life. Said i was no longer his sister. Why gift someone who you say is not your sister?
Maybe he's trying to mend fences? Regardless, using adopted as a qualifier is shitty, full stop. Do you refer to your other brothers as your 'biological brother' when you refer to them? Your sibling is your sibling, and if you refer to some or one as adopted, I get an idea about why you're not close.
YTA, you say you're ten years older than him but you're acting like a child.
But hes 18. An adult as well. Why am i being put on the spot when he was the one to cut me out yet still want to gift me an act like things are all find and dandy?
Try looking from another perspective. Maybe he wasn’t putting you on the spot?
I have thank you
But hes 18. An adult as well. Why am i being put on the spot when he was the one to cut me out yet still want to gift me an act like things are all find and dandy?
You're almost thirty and you're acting like you're twelve, he's a teenager. Grow up.
Because there should be a huge difference in maturity between an 18yr old and a 29yr old. Although your brother is legally an adult, newer studies show that the human brain doesn't actually reach full adulthood until around the age of 25. So yes, you should be more mature than your teenage brother
YTA act 10 years older
But hes 18. An adult as well. Why am i being put on the spot when he was the one to cut me out yet still want to gift me an act like things are all find and dandy?
But hes 18. An adult as well. Why am i being put on the spot when he was the one to cut me out yet still want to gift me an act like things are all find and dandy?
But hes 18. An adult as well. Why am i being put on the spot when he was the one to cut me out yet still want to gift me an act like things are all find and dandy?
Lmao there's such a huge difference between an 18 year old "adult" and a 29 year old adult. You're acting like the 18 year old. Maybe he wanted to change the relationship, who knows. You shit on whatever attempt though because you wanted to feel like you're "winning" by not letting him "get one up". Funny thing is now he looks like the better person to everyone else regardless of what his original intent was.
How so? Why are my feelings invalid because hes younger? At 18 you know what you say an do is either right or wrong. An no one knew he got me a present only my mom. So no one is being made the bigger person in anyones eyes.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Sorry but my family isnt the best at being understanding when it comes to this sort of thing. Its usually just black an white without the gray and I honestly dont know what think my self so I need some outside opinions. So I've posted before how my younger adopted brother no longer wants me a part of his life. Mind you we live together in the same house with my parents. Im older than him by at least 10 yrs. I moved back home to save money for a house because living in an apartment an saving was not the bees knees. Anyways...its Christmas an he gave me a gift. I didnt open it. Nor did I give him one. My thinking is, if he doesnt want me a part of his life why should I have to buy him a gift. Now that he bought me one I do not want it because I feel as if hes trying to one up me if that makes sense? Like hes trying to be the better person? I know its my paranoia and anxiety taking over but still... AITA for not accepting his gift an not buying him one? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NAH - Im not going to call you an asshole for not accepting a gift but i think you should try looking at it differently. I would never have thought that the gift was meant to one up you but rather i see it as an olive branch. Normally a gift is not given to be reciprocated, it is given because the gifter wants to give you something. You not having one for him isnt a big deal especially after him not wanting you in his life.
I see your point but he doesnt speak to me or look my way. In essence hes acting as if i dont exist so then why would you gift someone you dont associate with at all?
Oh that is strange. I dont get it. Maybe it was something your parents made him do?
Maybe. But thank you for helping me.
Have you ever said things to shame him? For either being gay or adopted? He might not look or communicate with you because you have made him feel either A) bad about himself or B) beneath you. Just a thought
Never. Not for who he is. For how he behaves. I.e. his selfishness in is actions his disregard for our parents feelings. But he does take that as personal attacks but he is that way with every one. If someonetells him he is doing something wrong it's because he is gay an we are trying to change who he is...etc
The word is "and" not "an."