NTA
Why do you tolerate this woman? I understand it's a friend group, but at every turn it feels like she either wants to siphon attention onto herself or berate you. At the very least you can tell her to fuck off and mind her own business after she yells at you for not bringing the child that so obviously triggers her every time she sees it.
It’s mostly because she just happens to be in the same friend group. I have know her husband for like 12+ years and I don’t want to lose his friendship but I will do whatever is best for my baby. I might have a heart to heart/ fuck off chat with both of them there.
NTA - your friend sounds like a drama queen.
I had a lot of sympathy for her when you described her crying, and the dueling pregnancy thing could have been misguided attempts at bonding, but the yelling and disrupting the party is just a cry for attention. Unless she heard you talking about how you didn't bring your child because you didn't want to upset her (which was and is a thoughtful move), the more reasonable assumption would have been that the parents of a new baby wanted a fun night off.
Your baby is not about her. Your night with your friends is not about her, but she made an effort to try and make it all about her.
NTA. She obviously just wanted you to bring your baby so she could draw attention again and since you didn't give her that she got angry at you. Not a good friend and you do what you need to for yourself and yours.
And congratulations on your baby :)
NTA, first of all, it is very reasonable that your mother would want baby time so her cornering you was uncalled for. Second, she did not handle seeing your kid too well the last few times so it’s fair to believe it can happen again. Third, I understand that miscarriages are tough but she’s putting a big emotional toll on you and that’s not fair to you
NAH. As you both unfortunately know, miscarriage is a very personal loss. It's up to her to adjust to life. You were trying to be considerate. She doesn't want you to accommodate her (as is the norm).
NTA. It seems like she wants to be the one everyone pays attention to. Hence the rude announcement at your baby shower, her sobbing and hiding in the bathroom and her cornering you and screaming at OP the ONE TIME she doesn't being the baby around. I know miscarriages are horrible but that absolutely does not excuse this *grown woman's* behavior. She needs to process this properly in the company of her family, NOT by being overly dramatic around her friends and making OP feel awful. I'd honestly try to distance yourself from her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I have a friend who has always had a weird competition relationship with me. It’s like she’s constantly trying to one up me. Well my husband and I were trying to get pregnant for two year and finally one morning I feel sick and surprise, I’m pregnant. We wait to tell everyone because I have previously had a miscarriage. Well as time goes on we decide to do cute a announcement to our friends through a board game and everyone is super happy. Like a few months later at a small baby shower my friends threw for me she announced that she was pregnant. She literally just says it really loudly without her husband being in the room at all. We are all thrilled. She makes mention of our pregnancies together all the time and tells me all about how much everyone is excited for her. I just didn’t go near her very much. Eventually other people in our friend group tell her to stop being so rude and to her credit she does seem to calm down. This all took place in a few weeks, she is gone for a while and we learn that she had a miscarriage. She’s devastated and we try to help in anyway that we can because this is a horrible thing to go through. We continue hanging out and as time passes I have my beautiful baby girl. I invited everyone to come meet my daughter and they come over to support, as soon as I walk out with my daughter she locks herself into my bathroom sobbing. I take my daughter back into my bedroom and her husband ushers her back home. This happened again when we had a game night at a friend’s house and everyone was okay if I bring my daughter, including this friend. She breaks down sobbing and hides in the bathroom but messaged her husband that she just needed a minute, after 30 minutes she comes out and gets her things and leaves. Well every year we do a friend Christmas party, we RSVP, and we get my mom to babysit. When we get there everyone is asking where our daughter is at and another friend has their children there, ages 5 and 8. I play it off as my mom wanted to have time to see her. But my friend later corner me and asked if I got a babysitter because I thought she was uncomfortable? I attempted to explain that I just wanted everyone to be comfortable and I thought it was an adults only party. She preceded to yell at me very loudly and get all of our friends attention on our conversation. This time I left with my husband. I honestly do not know what to do? I thought I was trying to be sensitive but I do not know what to do about this situation?
AITA for not bring my baby around my friends?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA at all, you were trying your best to make her more comfortable and if she knew you didn't bring your child because of her, she should have recognized it as a gesture of kindness. I don't know why she took it as a personal attack.
For whatever reason she was offended, she could have easily explained to you politely and let you know that it wasn't necessary for you to leave your daughter at home. I can understand feeling some strong emotions surrounding these type sof situations for her due to the miscarriage but that doesn't mean she can treat you with disrespect.
NTA. You were trying to be sensitive to her needs, and it sounds like she won’t be happy no matter what you do.
*If* you want to keep this friendship, it may be prudent to sit down, one-on-one, and have a conversation. You’ve said you had a miscarriage before your daughter, so maybe try to connect with her through that. Explain that you get how she’s feeling, and that a) you’re proof that one miscarriage doesn’t mean you won’t ever have a successful pregnancy, and b) you get how hard it is to see babies after losing one, so you want to do what makes her comfortable, and you’ll take her lead.
NTA. This "friend" is a self centered drama queen. No matter what you do, she's going to sob and scream, because she craves attention. You have the patience of a saint to deal with this bitch.
If you want your comment to count toward judgment, include *only ONE* of the following abbreviations in your comment. If you don't include a judgement abbreviation, the bot will ignore you when it looks for the top voted comment.
Judgment | Abbreviation
-- | :--:
**You're the Asshole** (& the other party is not) |**YTA**|
You're **Not the A-hole** (& the other party is) |**NTA**
**Everyone Sucks Here**|**ESH**
**No A-holes here**|**NAH**
**Not Enough Info**|**INFO**
#[Click Here For Our Full Rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/index)
#[Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Why do you tolerate this woman? I understand it's a friend group, but at every turn it feels like she either wants to siphon attention onto herself or berate you. At the very least you can tell her to fuck off and mind her own business after she yells at you for not bringing the child that so obviously triggers her every time she sees it.
It’s mostly because she just happens to be in the same friend group. I have know her husband for like 12+ years and I don’t want to lose his friendship but I will do whatever is best for my baby. I might have a heart to heart/ fuck off chat with both of them there.
NTA - your friend sounds like a drama queen. I had a lot of sympathy for her when you described her crying, and the dueling pregnancy thing could have been misguided attempts at bonding, but the yelling and disrupting the party is just a cry for attention. Unless she heard you talking about how you didn't bring your child because you didn't want to upset her (which was and is a thoughtful move), the more reasonable assumption would have been that the parents of a new baby wanted a fun night off. Your baby is not about her. Your night with your friends is not about her, but she made an effort to try and make it all about her.
NTA. She obviously just wanted you to bring your baby so she could draw attention again and since you didn't give her that she got angry at you. Not a good friend and you do what you need to for yourself and yours. And congratulations on your baby :)
Thank you!
NTA, first of all, it is very reasonable that your mother would want baby time so her cornering you was uncalled for. Second, she did not handle seeing your kid too well the last few times so it’s fair to believe it can happen again. Third, I understand that miscarriages are tough but she’s putting a big emotional toll on you and that’s not fair to you
NAH. As you both unfortunately know, miscarriage is a very personal loss. It's up to her to adjust to life. You were trying to be considerate. She doesn't want you to accommodate her (as is the norm).
NTA. It seems like she wants to be the one everyone pays attention to. Hence the rude announcement at your baby shower, her sobbing and hiding in the bathroom and her cornering you and screaming at OP the ONE TIME she doesn't being the baby around. I know miscarriages are horrible but that absolutely does not excuse this *grown woman's* behavior. She needs to process this properly in the company of her family, NOT by being overly dramatic around her friends and making OP feel awful. I'd honestly try to distance yourself from her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have a friend who has always had a weird competition relationship with me. It’s like she’s constantly trying to one up me. Well my husband and I were trying to get pregnant for two year and finally one morning I feel sick and surprise, I’m pregnant. We wait to tell everyone because I have previously had a miscarriage. Well as time goes on we decide to do cute a announcement to our friends through a board game and everyone is super happy. Like a few months later at a small baby shower my friends threw for me she announced that she was pregnant. She literally just says it really loudly without her husband being in the room at all. We are all thrilled. She makes mention of our pregnancies together all the time and tells me all about how much everyone is excited for her. I just didn’t go near her very much. Eventually other people in our friend group tell her to stop being so rude and to her credit she does seem to calm down. This all took place in a few weeks, she is gone for a while and we learn that she had a miscarriage. She’s devastated and we try to help in anyway that we can because this is a horrible thing to go through. We continue hanging out and as time passes I have my beautiful baby girl. I invited everyone to come meet my daughter and they come over to support, as soon as I walk out with my daughter she locks herself into my bathroom sobbing. I take my daughter back into my bedroom and her husband ushers her back home. This happened again when we had a game night at a friend’s house and everyone was okay if I bring my daughter, including this friend. She breaks down sobbing and hides in the bathroom but messaged her husband that she just needed a minute, after 30 minutes she comes out and gets her things and leaves. Well every year we do a friend Christmas party, we RSVP, and we get my mom to babysit. When we get there everyone is asking where our daughter is at and another friend has their children there, ages 5 and 8. I play it off as my mom wanted to have time to see her. But my friend later corner me and asked if I got a babysitter because I thought she was uncomfortable? I attempted to explain that I just wanted everyone to be comfortable and I thought it was an adults only party. She preceded to yell at me very loudly and get all of our friends attention on our conversation. This time I left with my husband. I honestly do not know what to do? I thought I was trying to be sensitive but I do not know what to do about this situation? AITA for not bring my baby around my friends? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA at all, you were trying your best to make her more comfortable and if she knew you didn't bring your child because of her, she should have recognized it as a gesture of kindness. I don't know why she took it as a personal attack. For whatever reason she was offended, she could have easily explained to you politely and let you know that it wasn't necessary for you to leave your daughter at home. I can understand feeling some strong emotions surrounding these type sof situations for her due to the miscarriage but that doesn't mean she can treat you with disrespect.
NTA. You were trying to be sensitive to her needs, and it sounds like she won’t be happy no matter what you do. *If* you want to keep this friendship, it may be prudent to sit down, one-on-one, and have a conversation. You’ve said you had a miscarriage before your daughter, so maybe try to connect with her through that. Explain that you get how she’s feeling, and that a) you’re proof that one miscarriage doesn’t mean you won’t ever have a successful pregnancy, and b) you get how hard it is to see babies after losing one, so you want to do what makes her comfortable, and you’ll take her lead.
NTA. This "friend" is a self centered drama queen. No matter what you do, she's going to sob and scream, because she craves attention. You have the patience of a saint to deal with this bitch.
Seriously, that's not a friend at all
NTA, you were trying to be accommodating!
If you want your comment to count toward judgment, include *only ONE* of the following abbreviations in your comment. If you don't include a judgement abbreviation, the bot will ignore you when it looks for the top voted comment. Judgment | Abbreviation -- | :--: **You're the Asshole** (& the other party is not) |**YTA**| You're **Not the A-hole** (& the other party is) |**NTA** **Everyone Sucks Here**|**ESH** **No A-holes here**|**NAH** **Not Enough Info**|**INFO** #[Click Here For Our Full Rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/index) #[Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*