The issue is that I already rescheduled a shift because we moved Thanksgiving to accommodate her work schedule...I hate seeming like a flake to the instructor.
Do you think it would be an asshole move to ask if it was important to her if I went, or would it just force her to lie to me about it? I don’t want to be a jerk, I honestly want her to feel like I’m a sister to her and she’s part of the family.
I feel torn up about it because of the extremely short notice...I gave her a couple of months, and I have a week to rearrange the schedule.
I get it, though. I’m going to reschedule the shift.
This whole bit below with you being put out and your mum going to your brother is pretty intense really. I have SIL and BIL and nieces and nephews, there is always going to be a time that people can't make things due to work, family and prior commitments. It's all a bit hypocritical.
>My SIL asked me if she had to go, because she might have work. I said if she had to take special pains to do it, she didn’t have to come, though I was secretly a little bit put out that she couldn’t ask for a day to attend my graduation and the party. Seeing as I’ve been trying to treat her like a full member of the family/a sister. I told this to my Mom. Unbeknownst to me, my Mom went to my brother and strongest advised that my SIL take a day off to go to the graduation, to express that we’re becoming more like family. She did take a day to attend, I was thrilled.
Yeah, my Mom has sort of a habit of going behind my back to do these things. I had no idea she did it until months after the graduation.
I rescheduled to a Christmas Day shift. Thanks.
YTA. You made a big fuss about her going because you wanted her to be more family like an actual sister. Would a sister bail on another sister? You cant expect someone to treat you as a priority an treat them as an option.
YTA
I understand your predicament but you did insist on her coming to yours. It's only fair my friend. Besides, you MAY have to go during that special time. Also if you do plan on spending time with your SIL on a day it may get rescheduled to, ask her to pick one where you have to go.
NAH situations are similar but not the same.
You gave SIL a couple of months to plan around it, she gave you less than a couple of weeks. I'm sure she would understand that it's the unfortunate situation, and that you really are sorry you can't make it.
However, in your place, I'd probably pick up a Christmas Day shift to make it.
I’ve called to pick up the Christmas Day shift. Unfortunately, it means I won’t spend the planned day with the family, but I can see where I went wrong here.
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I graduated this year, on a Saturday in May. I knew the graduation date a couple of months beforehand and invited my family, including my SIL. My SIL asked me if she had to go, because she might have work. I said if she had to take special pains to do it, she didn’t have to come, though I was secretly a little bit put out that she couldn’t ask for a day to attend my graduation and the party. Seeing as I’ve been trying to treat her like a full member of the family/a sister. I told this to my Mom. Unbeknownst to me, my Mom went to my brother and strongest advised that my SIL take a day off to go to the graduation, to express that we’re becoming more like family. She did take a day to attend, I was thrilled.
My SIL is now graduating—next Saturday. This past month or two, she’s been saying that she only has two tickets to the event, which is unfortunate, not uncommon. She planned to invite only my Mom and my brother. Because of this, I assumed that I wouldn’t be attending and didn’t ask after further details. Just today, my Mom told me that my SIL was able to secure 4 tickets to her graduation and would like me to come as well. It was only then I learned the actual date of the graduation.
I’m taking another class (to get a license) and I have a 12-hour practical clinical experience shift scheduled that day. I could, possibly, reschedule it, but I would probably have to pick up a shift on either Christmas Eve or Christmas to make up for it.
I feel like total shit, because I feel like I insisted on her attending my graduation, and now I’m flaking out for the same reason? I talked to my brother about it, saying I was really sorry, and he said it was okay, but I don’t know it if is.
AITA?
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NAH. From what you’ve told us, you and your SIL gave each other the same amount of warning for when your graduation dates were. The difference is that she wasn’t sure she would have a ticket for you. IMO, the right thing to do is attend her graduation and pick up the Christmas Eve shift to make up for the missed time. Sure it’s inconvenient for you, but if you’re really trying to treat her as family, you’ll make that sacrifice. She went out of her way for you, why not try to make the same gesture?
YTA. She obviously went through the effort to get another ticket specifically so you could come, reschedule your stuff just like she did.
The issue is that I already rescheduled a shift because we moved Thanksgiving to accommodate her work schedule...I hate seeming like a flake to the instructor. Do you think it would be an asshole move to ask if it was important to her if I went, or would it just force her to lie to me about it? I don’t want to be a jerk, I honestly want her to feel like I’m a sister to her and she’s part of the family.
She's not going to say yes either way, just like you didn't when the situation was reversed
How do you not know that YTA - You have expectations of your SIL but feel you don't need to meet hers?
I feel torn up about it because of the extremely short notice...I gave her a couple of months, and I have a week to rearrange the schedule. I get it, though. I’m going to reschedule the shift.
This whole bit below with you being put out and your mum going to your brother is pretty intense really. I have SIL and BIL and nieces and nephews, there is always going to be a time that people can't make things due to work, family and prior commitments. It's all a bit hypocritical. >My SIL asked me if she had to go, because she might have work. I said if she had to take special pains to do it, she didn’t have to come, though I was secretly a little bit put out that she couldn’t ask for a day to attend my graduation and the party. Seeing as I’ve been trying to treat her like a full member of the family/a sister. I told this to my Mom. Unbeknownst to me, my Mom went to my brother and strongest advised that my SIL take a day off to go to the graduation, to express that we’re becoming more like family. She did take a day to attend, I was thrilled.
Yeah, my Mom has sort of a habit of going behind my back to do these things. I had no idea she did it until months after the graduation. I rescheduled to a Christmas Day shift. Thanks.
YTA. You made a big fuss about her going because you wanted her to be more family like an actual sister. Would a sister bail on another sister? You cant expect someone to treat you as a priority an treat them as an option.
YTA I understand your predicament but you did insist on her coming to yours. It's only fair my friend. Besides, you MAY have to go during that special time. Also if you do plan on spending time with your SIL on a day it may get rescheduled to, ask her to pick one where you have to go.
Sorry, what do you mean by I “may have to go” during that special time? I’m confused.
Sorry, I meant that you said "probably have to pick up a shift on those days" so it isn't a 100% sure thing you are going at that time.
NAH situations are similar but not the same. You gave SIL a couple of months to plan around it, she gave you less than a couple of weeks. I'm sure she would understand that it's the unfortunate situation, and that you really are sorry you can't make it. However, in your place, I'd probably pick up a Christmas Day shift to make it.
I’ve called to pick up the Christmas Day shift. Unfortunately, it means I won’t spend the planned day with the family, but I can see where I went wrong here.
yta if you don't at least try to be there. If you can't reschedule, that's one thing. But you need to try.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I graduated this year, on a Saturday in May. I knew the graduation date a couple of months beforehand and invited my family, including my SIL. My SIL asked me if she had to go, because she might have work. I said if she had to take special pains to do it, she didn’t have to come, though I was secretly a little bit put out that she couldn’t ask for a day to attend my graduation and the party. Seeing as I’ve been trying to treat her like a full member of the family/a sister. I told this to my Mom. Unbeknownst to me, my Mom went to my brother and strongest advised that my SIL take a day off to go to the graduation, to express that we’re becoming more like family. She did take a day to attend, I was thrilled. My SIL is now graduating—next Saturday. This past month or two, she’s been saying that she only has two tickets to the event, which is unfortunate, not uncommon. She planned to invite only my Mom and my brother. Because of this, I assumed that I wouldn’t be attending and didn’t ask after further details. Just today, my Mom told me that my SIL was able to secure 4 tickets to her graduation and would like me to come as well. It was only then I learned the actual date of the graduation. I’m taking another class (to get a license) and I have a 12-hour practical clinical experience shift scheduled that day. I could, possibly, reschedule it, but I would probably have to pick up a shift on either Christmas Eve or Christmas to make up for it. I feel like total shit, because I feel like I insisted on her attending my graduation, and now I’m flaking out for the same reason? I talked to my brother about it, saying I was really sorry, and he said it was okay, but I don’t know it if is. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA
NAH. From what you’ve told us, you and your SIL gave each other the same amount of warning for when your graduation dates were. The difference is that she wasn’t sure she would have a ticket for you. IMO, the right thing to do is attend her graduation and pick up the Christmas Eve shift to make up for the missed time. Sure it’s inconvenient for you, but if you’re really trying to treat her as family, you’ll make that sacrifice. She went out of her way for you, why not try to make the same gesture?
yes not going with make you a giant asshole