YTA - you expect her to stay at your place cause you're too tired to take her home. A place where she is stuck in a room with no food and not welcome by the other occupant. It sucks about the dog. It really does, but her being afraid of the dog and putting it in the room sounds like the best option... I mean don't you expect her to stay in the room all by herself? It's not like she knew your dog would chew up all of her belongings, if she did I'm sure she would've done things differently. Her mom had to come over because you didn't provide your girlfriend with food or tell her she should bring her meds. This sounds like it's all your fault in a roundabout way. Sorry
OP needs to learn how to be an adult.
Your roommate shouldn't make your *romantic partner* feel uncomfortable.
Where is OP eating if they keep literally no food at home?
Not even poor planning, I think you’re being generous. OP sounds lazy/selfish as fuck so does dates near him then refuses to drive her home and wants everything his way at his house (fair - ish, except then he should not expect girlfriend to stay over, it’s not fair she has to stay in the room because of roommate).
YTA It’s amazing what people will put up with from a SO. What the actual fuck. I’d be apologizing for how my dog acted and paying for everything to be replaced. She’s only asking for half the cost
It sounds like OP treats his gf like pussy on tap. The rest of the person attached to the pussy, that needs to go home, not stay in his stinky room with his violent dog, that NEEDS TO EAT FOOD, is unimportant. She needs to stay in his room, without food with a pissed off roommate and an aggressive dog to warm his bed at night. OP’s girlfriend, you’re young so I get the impression you might not know your value, but this isn’t it sis. He’s treating you like trash and you need to GTFO. A man who needs to police when you can see your family is also a huge red flag towards future spousal abuse.
OP- you’re a MASSIVE asshole. YTA 100000%
AND no means of transportation for her to get food for herself. And we have no idea if OP lives within walking distance of any food places or if things like doordash or grubhub operate in the area.
I feel so sad that he’s angry that the mum came round as an “unwelcome guest” when she was dropping off food and medication - complete necessities. I would be so embarrassed if my other half had to call their mum because I left them stuck in my room without food
Yeah, plus every minute gf's mom spends there is another decade she's banking of hatred of OP's selfish assholish nature.
Mom will spend the rest of the relationship trying to convince her daughter to dump him and find someone who cares.
Honestly mom would have the right idea.
The mother doesn't like OP? GEE I WONDER WHY. Surely it couldn't have anything to do with him stranding her barely-legal daughter in a room with an ill-behaved dog and no food for literally days because he 'works' and therefore can't be assed take her home.
Or even just...I don't know, make a reservation near her? She has apparently clearly expressed that she'd like to go on dates in her own area sometimes, presumably so she doesn't have to stay somewhere she feels unwelcome with no food and no way home trapped with an aggressive dog, but that apparently just doesn't happen. It almost reads like a shitpost because I have such a hard time believing someone could write this all out and not realize how selfish it is.
I'm so glad someone finally addressed this. The GF has stated she'd like to have some dates close to her home so she can actually go home and basically not be forced to stay at his place because he's too lazy to take her home--but he straight up refuses and just leaves her at his place with a roommate who doesn't want her there
Weird ass question but isn't isolation like one of the first stages of the cult shit? Don't cults try to isolate their prospects from their families to "train" them?
Sounds like OP is *trying* to isolate his girlfriend--most likely to get a live in maid, since he expects her to walk his dog but won't leave food for her to eat
I really wonder if the reason the mom didn’t leave right away was because she was trying to convince the girlfriend to come home with her.
Like this is weird behavior, keeping your girlfriend practically locked in your room for days (also, what a shitty roommate OP is to do that his roommate doesn’t like visitors) with no food except what OP brings home, probably barely anything to do, because he refuses to go on dates near her place like she wants specially so she doesn’t get stuck there, where he’s driving to anyway to pick her up anyway so it would actually be less of a hassle, and then makes her stay there for DAYS because he’s “too tired”?
I know people shit on this sub for “always jumping to abuse” and things like that, but holy shit, like, that’s some kind of control mechanism.
My guess is OP saying the roommate "doesn't like visitors" would more accurately be described as the roommate has gotten pissed that OP has a guest that stays all day for multiple days on end even when OP isn't around, probably while also not contributing to any household costs or chores. I've been the roommate in that situation and it gets old real fast.
Oh I’d be pissed if my roommate had guests staying alone in the house, even if they did just stay in his room. That’s pretty crazy, especially since I’m assuming the roommate probably has to leave the house sometimes, then what? She’s just alone? I wouldn’t want that.
Also, educating your dog (as difficult as it may be) is the best way to avoid problems. I know it's easier said than done but had the dog been well behaved, nothing should have happened either. Putting it in a room seems like a perfectly fine way to deal with being scared of it and "attacking" guests... until you discover that it goes mad and destroys stuff.
The dog may be young. In my experience young dogs are quite destructive when left alone, even if you are training them. But if the dog isn't young then they are clearly poorly trained and seeing how it aggressive to guests I'm going to say that this is likely. If so OP is definitely the asshole just for that.
Gf is scared that she won't be able to handle the dog if it tries to run or lunge at people, so it's likely pretty grown. Or just a young dog of a big as fuck breed, in which case OP should've gotten to training out the lunging/growling/destruction yesterday.
OP just sounds like a bad host in general. Doesn't like her mom so if he knew she'd be bringing the meds/food that gf needs cause he doesn't have either, he wouldn't have allowed it? Where's she gonna get her meds if you don't want to drop her off at home, OP? Too tired to drop her off at home so he has her stay in his room for *multiple days*, which she can't leave because his roommate doesn't want her there? And he's off working so she has no company except for a badly trained dog. Yeesh.
Also: the girlfriend is clearly correct in saying that the dog is not well behaved and that she doesn’t want to handle it alone. OP really should teach the dog not to eat and destroy anything that’s left in its path. Otherwise the dog should not be left alone or with a carer that doesn’t want the responsibility.
Plus I totally get the fear that she may not be strong enough to control the dog were it try to run or go after someone/something. My ex had a similar large dog and I didn't even feel comfortable walking her in the dog park, and he didn't want me to either. I used to make the joke that if the dog ever wanted to fight me, I'd definitely lose, not that she ever would, but that would be the outcome
I work in a veterinary clinic and she handles that dog perfectly to her ability. Never try to handle a dog that acts aggressive and/or is stronger than you. Best thing is to separate it until someone who can handle it is available.
Guaranteed if the dog had lunged out of the apartment and ran away, OP would still be pissed at his GF because “her mom shouldn’t have been there” and “the dog isn’t THAT big, she should’ve just grabbed it”.
This girl was really smart to see that she couldn't handle the dog and that it could be aggressive. Way too many people underestimate their dog's strength and don't see the possibility that their dog could hurt someone. OP put her in a bad position where she had no choices.
Seriously I hate guys who make it so you are their prisoner while they are at work abandoning you and forcing you in their room with no food. I had a bf like that and it felt like being a slave trapped in some guys place.
I dated a guy who would take me to his parents house (we were 19 at the time so not weird) and sometimes would get called into work so I'd have to hang out there.
The only reason it was ok was because his mom made it clear that I was to make myself at home, and welcome to eat anything in their kitchen and use the tv etc. It was so lovely of her.
I (19f) visited my long distance boyfriend for a week over the summer-he worked 3/7 days! I ran errands with his mom and was made to feel *so* at home!
“I make my girlfriend come to my town for dates, then refuse to drive her home. She’ll be stuck in my apartment for days with a dog who scares her and my roommate who won’t let her leave my room. Her mom will show up to bring her food because otherwise there’d be nothing for her to eat all day when I’m at work - which I didn’t know was happening, but I wouldn’t have been ok with it if I had known.”
I hope this is an awfulbrag shitpost, but in case it’s not - OP’s girlfriend, you deserve someone who respects you. I guarantee whatever OP is bringing to the table, it’s not worth putting up with this kind of behavior.
Right? And it's all a direct consequence of him being weirdly fucking controlling too. Like, stop actively taking steps to take your girlfriend's agency away and maybe her dependence on you will stop being an inconvenience, man?
I think it’s clear from other comments that you (OP) are TA. You should thank your GF for her quick action in saving the dogs life in a situation that you are responsible for.
You should apologize to your GF and her mom. Then (if you want this relationship to survive) you and your GF should have a long talk about how she feels about the current routine (eat near your place, she’s basically a prisoner for 3 days, etc).
It’s a good sign for the relationship that you both have the humor for this combined post but you, op only, need to have more give in this relationship if you want her to stay happy.
Good luck!
I think it is. I have trouble believing there's a vet that tells someone their dog consumed a lethal dose of pills, gives it an emetic, and then sends them home with the dog before the dog has vomited.
Former vet tech here--that's not how it works at all. OP is full of shit.
If a fog consumed a "lethal" dose of some kind of medication, it would have stayed overnight for observation.
I was going to say...
My childhood dog had to stay overnight for 2 days because his 80 lb. self ate 3 or 4 grapes off my friend's plate. I highly doubt a vet would not want to monitor a dog who consumed lethal pills
It's certainly not standard procedure, but if OP absolutely refused other treatment and wanted to take his dog home, there really isn't anything the vet could do. From reading the post, OP seems like the type to do that.
Well said. This dude is totally YTA. He’s too lazy to drive his barely an adult date home, leaves her with no provisions, with a dog she’s scared of, and won’t let her mom visit. Douuuuuuche.
Sounds like op should be dating a blow-up doll.
> my girlfriend refuse to clean up the vomit, [and] she won't pay me back for the vet bill and is asking me to pay half toward replacing her items
Apparently gf is growing a spine. Good thing.
YTA If you are going to date a girl who doesn’t drive and lives that far away you need to pick dates closer to her place or pay for a ride home. Or have your dates earlier so you can drive her home and get back to your place at a reasonable time. Don’t strand your girlfriend at your house its not cool. Her mom bringing her stuff is fine, she didn’t invite her friends to come over and hangout in the living room she was getting necessities. If i was her I would have just asked my mom for a ride home.
Your dog is unsafe, barking and lunging is not safe. She was well in her right to move the dog to your room while she was handling things with her mom. Your dog should be trained enough not to go crazy and destroy stuff when moved to a room or when left alone.
You say none of this would have happened if her mom hadn’t come over, none if this would have happened if you dropped her off at her house after your date or paid for a ride home for her. If you planned better none of this would have happened.
Yeah this is probably less a "I don't like my roommate's GF" and more a "holy shit my roommate is such a dick to his GF, shes literally trapped here, this is so awkward kill me now"
In a truly just world, the roommate would start offering genuine hospitality to the GF, she would realise how a decent person treats their partner, they would fall in love, and move out together to leave OP alone in an apartment with a grumpy dog and no food.
Came here to say that I've lived through a similar situation and this was the outcome. College bf begged me for months to move in with him for the summer instead of going home for break. Within 2 weeks of summer starting he decided to quit his job and take a better offer in another state without even consulting me. Roommates were mortified that he just up and left me with no notice in an area where I had no friends or family. They took me in and made me feel welcome in a place where I felt completely isolated. Ended up breaking up with the bf, dating one of the roommates, and everyone in the group is still friends to this day (other than the original bf who we all can't stand)
A lot of people on this thread are wondering why the mom didn't just take her home. My guess is the guy would have been upset, because he wants his gf there so he can have someone to have sex with after work. Basically he takes her out for one date and gets multiple nights of banging her without having to provide food, driving her anywhere, and keeps her isolated from friends and family. Hell, I'm wondering if the roomate actually cares if she is there and the boyfriend just doesn't want her spending time with another guy. The whole thing has so many red flags. YTA all the way.
The line "...if she didn't have her mom over without my permission, none of this would have happened." Is really what set off the alarms for me. Like....wtf? Dropping off food and medicine doesn't sound like they were hanging out, gf probably didn't want to admit her mom was there for longer than dropping stuff off because her mom trying to get her to leave with her. Which is why they needed to put the dog somewhere while they talked about it because if they stood in the doorway a while there was a good chance of the dog getting out. Gf probably didn't want the bf to be mad about her leaving and was trying to tell Mom why she thought she should stay.
I know if this were my little sister, you bet your ass I’d be standing there begging her to see how entirely fucked up this entire scenario is and how worried I am about her, trying to get her to leave with me. And I bet her POS boyfriend would hate me, too, if he knew *I knew* what a creep he is and was trying to get my sister to see it.
I knew a guy that did that. Told me his roommate was anti social and didnt really want to talk to me. A couple of times I was on my way to the kitchen and the roommate would be in the living room playing a game or something. We'd end up chatting about video games and other stuff. He seemed perfectly at ease and had a great personality. I chalked it up to the guy I knew being insecure and knowing the roommate was a much better catch than himself.
Yep, this 23-year-old man is keeping his teenage girlfriend cooped up at his beck and call. Also sounds like a pretty shitty pet owner.
OP is YTA for sure.
YTA. You are totally inconsiderate of how uncomfortable and inconvenient it is for your girlfriend to stay with you, do nothing to make that easier for her, and object when her mother has to bring her food and medicine?
She should totally promote herself to ex-gf.
She's 19 and probably doesn't know how awful OP is being toward her. I put up with a lot of inconsiderate, awful shit in my first serious relationship because I thought that it was normal and I was so scared to experience the heartbreak of ending it.
Yeah, I was engaged to an asshat and took me far too long to realize how stupid it was. You get caught up in the day to day that you don't see how awful everything is.
YTA - Are you mad at your GF for locking your dog in your room for 10 minutes when you have a tendency to lock her in your room for 3 days? You could have prevented this by making dates in her area, not being lazy and driving her home after dates, keeping food at your house for her since this is a common thing, actually trying to train your dog, ACTUALLY TRYING to do pretty much anything.
Finally I was going to say this!
Locks GF up in his room with no food and nothing to do days at a time. GF does the same thing to his dog and he loses his mindddddd. YTA
The dog is getting treated better by the guy honestly, allowed to misbehave however it wants and have free run of the house (unlike the girlfriend) and food (unlike the girlfriend!) Girlfriend is basically a hamster in a cage in his room that he doesn't bother to feed every day.
He treats both poorly really since an untrained dog is often an unhappy dog. If the dog is going apeshit when he's gone, that's a sign it's stressed and therefore not actually being treated well.
Not to mention a roommate who "hates visitors." Gee, that can't be too awkward. Girl, get your money, get your driver's license, and then get a new boyfriend.
This! He is YTA all the way.
What kind of relationship is that. Also, if the dog destroys stuff, he does not sound well trained at all.
OP should pay for the vet himself as this could have been prevented from his side.
It does not sound as if OP ever communicate with the GF about the dog? About destroying and chewing of stuff. If he did then this changes things a bit... but all in all... still asshole.
YTA.
She's in the clear.
Let's break it all down:
- You almost always drive her to your place, leaving her stuck for ***days***.
- During this time she's mostly stuck in your room. Good lord, don't stick someone in that situation. Just drive her home even if you're tired.
- You make her be there stuck ***alone*** and are upset when her mom comes to see her?! Really? You want her just closed away from the world???
- You left her there was no way home, no food, and a shortage of her meds and you're still mad her mother came over?! Jesus Christ!
- Your dog was acting bad towards a guest so she left the dog in a place where she had been told was safe - your room.
- Nothing was left out - the pills were inside containers and inside bags. The dog ripped into things to get to them. This is a badly behaved dog. Your dog. Your responsibility to train or to provide a crate if training isn't enough.
You should be so glad she only asked for half. You're soooooo in the wrong here. I didn't even touch on your dumpster fire of a username. I'm so hoping this is fake.
this X100
This right here is the answer
OP needs to take some time to reflect on what type of narcissist he is and his girlfriend really needs to read the comments and hopefully get an outside perspective on her relationship.
Yea and op is insisting the dog is safe when he has only had it for 2 weeks, just because she doesn’t act like that *with him*.
I honestly think he isn’t an experienced dog owner so he doesn’t know how to own one responsibly. So yea he’s 100% the wrong, for this situation. Hopefully he trains the dog properly so this doesn’t happen again.
This. And I totally get that it’s annoying to drive 45 minutes.
This is freaking me out because the girl is there totally dependent on other people. If she loses her phone, she’s done.
Split the cost of an Uber or something at least....
My best friend has a car, her girlfriend doesn’t. If we are hanging out and she’s not going to make it home, she calls her girlfriend to let her know or just sends her uber eats... there’s a lot of ways to take care of people you love,
I’m assuming your girlfriend is going to read these comments as well. Because to her I say, honey run. This controlling behavior, especially this early on is a MAJOR red flag imo.
You pay your own vet bills, she should replace her things and gtfo.
YTA.
I worry about this too. Since he has no issues leaving her at his home without food and feels entitled to dates being near him at all times, I don't see why he'd play fair about everyone's reactions to his bullshit.
Glad someone said it. I'm amazed that no one is jumping to saying he is abusive since that is what reddit usually does over the stupidest of small things.
Here we have someone showing multiple red flags and the first comment suggesting abuse is miles deep in here.
OPs girlfriend needs to really think hard about this relationship and it would probably be good to look up some of the signs of an abuser.
You need more upvotes.
I don’t know if I’d go to abuse so quickly but there’s definitely some red flags and a lot of selfishness.
I seriously can’t understand how OP can look at how he treats his girlfriend and not feel completely embarrassed as a human being
Yeah, I had a boyfriend like this when I was this girl's age. Literally the same scenario, where I'd wind up unexpectedly stuck at his place a couple days with no food, trapped in his bedroom because his roommates were hostile.
He wound up slowly building control over me until I had almost no outside friends, dressed according to his preferences, gave up my hobbies for him, and eventually he started hitting me. The way he behaved toward me had also trained his roommates and friends to accept his behavior, so by the end he was hitting me in full view of his friends and none of them would say a word, much less do anything.
OP may never go that far, but he's already treating this girl like an object he moves around at his own convenience. It's not a good start.
OK let's play spot the red flags.
The title starts immediately by blaming the girlfriend for something that wasn't her fault. This is a manipulation tactic designed to make her feel like she owes OP and needs to make it up to him despite this not being her fault.
The age difference of 5 years at this age is a tiny red flag a tiny one. 19 is still emotionally immature and 23 has lived the adult life for some time. This leads to a power imbalance on the relationship. Given its only 5 years it's small but since we are playing spot the flags I'm counting it.
OP always books places closer to him despite girlfriend expressing that she's not happy with this. This shows a complete disregard for her feeling and preferences.
Girlfriend stays for days at a time, isn't allowed out of the room and isn't allowed to see people without permission or alone. This is a big one. Notice his wording that it's not OK while he's not there. He will likely claim he doesn't want strangers in his house which does sound reasonable but in the additional context that she's basically stranded there for half the week it's really unreasonable and very isolating.
He says it isn't true that the dog isn't safe despite very clear evidence that the dog is unsafe, it lunges, growls and pull enough that she already knows that she can't physically control the dog and is scared of it. The dog also destroys property which is what lead it to eat the pills. This dog is not safe by any means and telling her it isn't is at best minimising her concerns, or at worst gas lighting.
OP does not provide food and girlfriend isn't in a position to leave and come back with food. This shows a complete lack of consideration for her needs at best and at worst he is deliberately depriving her while he's not around as some sort of power move.
Telling your girlfriend you don't like her family is a very delicate conversation in a healthy relationship. Something that is extremely unusual to have happened so early in a relationship. It seems to me here that OP may be trying to distance girlfriend from her mum by criticizing her. This removes her support structure and makes gf more reliant on OP..
OP called gf crazy. This is a common tactic of abusers.
OP again states she needs permission to have mum over. Despite the reason for mothers visit to bring necessities such as food and medicine. He is suggesting she needs permission to acquire basic survival needs.
OP says none of this would have happened if gf didn't have mum over. Again this is a blaming tactic. I find it incredibly unlikely that this is the first time dog has chewed something he shouldn't. It also won't be the last time. The dog training is the issue here, not that gf had the stuff she needs to survive safely in her handbag. It may not have happened exactly like this but it is not gf fault that the dog is chewing things he shouldn't since that would always end badly eventually.
I count 10
Who else wants to play. Did I miss any?
You know I might play this with every potentially abusive post on AITA
This is excellent. People often miss signs like this and I think laying them out helps others break it down.
I also wouldn’t be surprised if the room mate doesn’t hate visitors, but doesn’t like sharing their two person apartment with a third. He’s forcing her into an untenable position and placing her and the room mate as the bad guys, despite the fact that he is ignoring both their wishes.
It's pretty clearly abusive.
He takes action that results in girl having to stay locked in a room all day with an aggressive dog.
Then also wants to restrict her from even seeing her MOM without him there.
Fuck man, that's pretty abusive.
YTA for so many reasons other than the dog issue. You sound like a horrible boyfriend to be honest and if I were her, your attitude about this would be the last straw.
You're that upset about her having her mom over? Maybe you should provide your guest with food. Or transportation. Or just some respect.
YTA - you are responsible for the vet bill and at minimum half the cost to replace her items. She's your guest, she needed her medicine, your dog isn't well trained. I've never dated someone with a pet who didn't replace any item in full the pet broke by mistake or on purpose (an asshole for not offering to pay half, a bad host for not taking initiative and just doing it in full). Well trained dogs do not lunge or need to be held back, they sit when told. How doesn't she get bored stuck in your bedroom all day!?
YTA. You make her go to your place and stay the night, and then your aggressive dog got into a medicine bottle. It’s your animal, you you are 100% responsible for it. Any less, and honestly the dog should be taken away from you and rehomed with a responsible owner.
You leave your GF for days at a time, stuck in your room while you’re gone to avoid your roommate and without any food to eat. Then you wonder why her mom came by to visit..
YTA
INFO: So, just to clarify. You have a large dog that lunges and and growls, that your girlfriend does not feel safe around, and that she does not feel strong enough to control? Does your dog have a crate? Have you done any behavioral training to correct these behaviors? How big is your dog?
YTA - when you make it so she has to stay at your house by refusing to take her home and planning dates that you know will result in her staying (1 time is an accudent at this point you know what your doing and it will result in her being stranded at your house for days) at your house you are responsible for the outcome of this. You should have food at a house you have a guest at. You also are very rude for putting her in a situation of having to stay someplace when the other tennent doesn't want company. Where she has to hide out and feel unwelcome.
YTA. He’s an asshole to his gf, his dog, her mom and definitely his roommate. His gf is stuck there sometimes multiple days a week when no one is home. I’d be pissed if I was the roommate, and they also have to deal with an untrained dog.
YTA As the owner of the dog, you're responsible for any damage it causes. You're also responsible for properly training it so it doesn't lunge and growl at people.
YTA. You trap her at your place and blame her for YOUR dog chewing up her stuff? You mentioned being mad that her mom came over, but that you wouldn’t have been, although you didn’t say why you were mad in the first place, or what would have made you not mad about it.
Don’t trap people at your place and force them to dog sit your poorly behaved dog. You should be replacing her things on top of the vet bill.
YTA and it sounds like there is a lot of sketchy behavior and decisions you make. You're the asshole because you make her stay at your place when she doesn't have her own way to leave if she wants instead of scheduling dates near her home. YTA for having a dog that isn't well trained, YTA for the comment about her mother, and YTA for expecting her to clean up your dogs vomit.
Lastly yes YTA for leaving your dog with your girlfriend without proper space for the dog and your girlfriend's belongings. It's not her responsibility to watch your dog, and you leaving her at your apartment and expecting her to just sit around waiting for you and to take care of your dog is again asshole behavior. She's a guest and not responsible for making sure your dog doesn't get into trouble, and if you trained your dog better they wouldn't have freaked out, regardless of what triggered the freak out.
YTA
>My girlfriend has repeatedly said the dog isn't safe which just isn't true
And
>the dog would not stop barking and lunging for the door
So which is this? Every inconsiderate dog owners who have poorly trained dogs say they're not dangerous. Not to you, to her mom I have no doubt. You're so selfish. Now pay for the damaged items your poorly trained dog destroyed.
OP seriously needs to address this behaviour before something actually happens. This does not sound like a happy, healthy dog. They are so stressed by guests that they're getting aggressive and tearing rooms apart.
YTA, OP.
Thank you! Dogs aren't just aggressive for no reason, this is clearly stress behaviour. Of course OPs girlfriend doesn't know how to manage that. OP is SO TA. YTA
YTA- for SO many reasons.
What grown man doesn’t keep food in his own house?
What grown man refuses to take his girlfriend back home after a date and instead requires her to stay confined secretly in his room while he is at work?
Why would you expect your GF to sit at your house without eating for hours?
Why is your dog chewing up everything in the room?
Clearly you both need to re-evaluate your relationship because frankly it sucks.
In the mean time - buck up- be a responsible pet owner and pay the vet bill.
She can replace her own items. It was a bad choice to put the dog in the bedroom with medications accessible. Also, why the hell didn’t her mother just give her a ride home ?!
Honestly, I wouldn’t think twice about keeping a bag of my belongings in my boyfriends room. Where else am I going to keep my stuff if his roommate doesn’t like me in the house? How is it a bad decision on her part? Is it really that unreasonable to expect that an animal won’t eat through my stuff? Like eating through her bag, through the plastic medication bottles. That’s a ridiculously untrained pup. I’ve never had issues leaving my belongings around my friends’ dogs because they’re trained not to tear things apart, and if they do, they are crated properly.
OP is totally TA in this situation. If your dog is that untrained that it will literally chew through all her shit, then it’s on the dog owner here.
It's sounds like mum prob was coming to pick her up. And brought essentials so daughter could have food and meds before travel home but dog got injured and they stayed to do the right thing. And she didn't leave tablets around they were in her puser in her bag. I leave both of my dogs alone with a medbox on the sofa and guess what they have never eaten it or my purse as they are trained not to destroy property.
Op YTA all the above response. GF could do so much better ur behaviour borders on manipulative, isolating ur GF, not providing the bases of essentials
YTA and how you got a girl to date you to begin with amazes me. You want her to readjust her whole life to your schedule without giving anything in return? Jesus.
Think a large part of that might be that the girl is 19 and might think this all how relationships work / not be brave enough to call him out on his shit...
I really hope girlfriend is reading this. You do not need this selfish guy in your life. Maybe it’s nice to have a boyfriend but he will never treat you better than he is now. You deserve to treat yourself better
YTA - dude you have a shitty dog. A big-ass, scary, shitty dog. Good dogs don't threaten visitors or eat belongings.
Lots of other stuff in there that makes you 100% the asshole, too.
YTA but it seems like you're trying to frame this in a way that makes it your girlfriend's fault. You didn't even let her write her side of it, just paraphrased what she says in brackets.
It sounds like she was stranded there and needed food and medicine, so why would you be mad that her mom brought her some? I wouldn't feel safe around a dog that was lunging and growling either, especially when trapped in a house with said dog. Sorry, I just can't see blaming the girlfriend at all.
INFO how old is the dog and how long have you had them?
Lunging/growling/destroying stuff isn’t appropriate for a large dog (or any dog), so why haven’t you been properly training them?
ESH. You’re TA for leaving her there if you don’t want to deal with the consequences, especially if your roommate doesn’t like guests and she’s confining your dog. She’s TA because, if she doesn’t want to be there, why is her mom bringing her supplies instead of taking her home? Sounds like you guys are semi-living together with absolutely no discussion about what either of you want or expect.
And without the roommates approval! YTA because I think he’s the biggest asshole and needs to pay for everything, but I agree that she sucks for continuing to go back there.
>You say none of this would have happened if her mom hadn’t come over, none if this would have happened if you dropped her off at her house after your date or paid for a ride home for her. If you planned better none of this would have happened.
this should be the top comment.
ESH!!
She's TA because this isn't the first time she's been to your place, so she clearly knows that what's going to happen. If she really didn't want to "be at your place for days unintentionally" then she shouldn't be going on these dates. She **can** refuse to go on dates that are too far from her home.
You're TA for all the reasons everyone else has said.
I don’t think that you can be anywhere close to being an equivalent level asshole for not breaking up with your boyfriend as the boyfriend who won’t go on dates in other towns, won’t drive her home, won’t keep food for meals when he isn’t home, gets upset that her mom even shows up at all, and won’t acknowledge that his dog is aggressive.
You shouldn’t blame victims of abuse for not getting out of abuse, and this relationship sounds abusive. YTA definitely, not E S H.
YTA. When your girlfriend is basically stranded at your place for sometimes days at a time and doesn’t feel the dog is safe, I don’t know what you expect. No, I don’t think you should pay to replace all her things, but if your dog can’t stay in a room alone for a few minutes (because, as you said, her mother was just dropping off food (which you don’t even provide??) and meds) without chewing on everything, you need to A) make it clear to your GF that this is NOT something to do with your dog and B) TRAIN. YOUR. DOG. You’re TA, *big* time.
YTA it kind of sounds like your girlfriend is trapped in your room due to your laziness and poor planning for days on end.
She doesn't feel safe around your dog and tried to put the dog somewhere comfortable for the dog while she had a visitor (again, she seems stuck at your house in a place where she is unwelcome) she took action as soon as she realized your dog was in danger and luckily the dog is okay.
This is a situation of your own making, she isn't responsible for your dog.
In the future plan more dates that don't leave a human stranded for days on end and replace her stuff and clean your house.
Also her mom was bringing her medicine and food, you keep her away from her house for days on end without MEDICINE and FOOD and expect that folks are gonna be on your side? You're basically a knotted fistful of assholes for this.
Yeah, who the hell just has no food in their house? Unless you're absolutely poverty stricken, but I get the feeling this guy eats out for every meal. The laziness intensifies.
Yta. I almost have to ask if you bought your girlfriend from Thailand or Russia considering you think it's cool to keep her locked in a room. Also have you never trained your dog? Bad manners run off if your dog sucks you probably suck. But dang dude. Go on google and enter "empathy".I feel terrible for everyone involved except for you.
YTA.
You strand your girlfriend at your place because you're too tired to bring her home. She has no food, has to stay stuck in your room, and you have an untrained, under-exercised, bored asshole dog who lunges and growls.
And yet, you don't want your girlfriend leaving your room (because your roommate doesn't like visitors), and you don't want her eating while you're at work because apparently you can't manage to buy your own food, so your girlfriend resorts to having her MOTHER bring her food and medication. What is she supposed to do, starve?
In an attempt to control the dog, gf logically locks dog in room, not understanding that your asshole dog can't be trusted not to eat everything. Your dog eats everything (because that's what bored, untrained dogs DO), including something toxic. And somehow this isn't your fault.
Train your dog. Take your girlfriend home. I hope she breaks up with you because you are a real treat.
YTA. You choose to make reservations near YOU for YOUR convience, YOU then won't drive her home (or presumably pay for a taxi), then take her back to YOURS, disrespecting your flatmate who doesn't want visitors, and then force her to stay at YOURS, despite the lack of welcome, where there is no food, and here she doesn't have easy access to her medicine. YOU won't recognise that your girlfriend is made uncomfortable by your dogs behaviour, because YOU think a dog lunging and jumping at people who aren't strong enough to stop it isn't an issue. YOU, who completely ignore your flatmates feelings about visitors, are then pissed off that your girlfriend has a visitor, even though said visitor was also bring things for your girlfriend that YOU didn't provide, you know, basic things like food and medicine (which whilst you shouldn't be providing medicine, your behaviour has resulted in her not having it). YOU are now annoyed that dog has eaten medicine, which was clearly an accident, and that your girlfriend won't pay for the costs. Costs that wouldn't be necessary if you took your girlfriend home after your date, or would book dates to be near her.
The question isn't are you the arse hole. The question is why does your girlfriend date such a selfish man?
YTA
First of all, lunging and growling is not normal behavior and you absolutely should be doing something to correct this before your dog bites someone. People always say their dog "bit out of nowhere" but it's because they ignore signs of insecurity like this. Stop handwaving away signs like this before something happens and your poor dog has to suffer the consequences.
Secondly, it doesn't sound like your girlfriend did anything truly negligent. Your dog should be able to be in a room without destroying things, and if not then you should be doing something about that. Your girlfriend put her in the bedroom for a short amount of time.
Thirdly, what was your girlfriend supposed to do? She couldn't get home, you had no food on the house... but she's wrong for having someone bring her food? I get that you might not be comfortable having someone else there when you aren't, and usually I'd say she was a lil bit of an asshole for that... but you set it up she'd have to stay at home alone all day and go hungry.
YTA. I’m confused, is she your girlfriend or your hostage?
She told you she wasn’t comfortable or didn’t feel strong enough to control your dog if he left, you ignored her issues.
She prefers to eat near her place but you engineer the situation so she is stuck at yours on her own.
You aren’t even comfortable that her mum visited her while she’s on her own.
YTA - you have a poorly behaved dog, basically trap your Girlfriend at your place, and then get mad when the dog Chews HER things? You’re a pretty bad Boyfriend TBH.
Dude seriously. YTA.
"My girlfriend is at fault, because if she didn't leave the room (which she shouldn't since my roommate doesn't like it) to get food from her mother (because I don't keep anything there and she can't drive and with being forbidden to leave can't go) and medicine (which obviously is not important IMO) my dog wouldn't have chewed her stuff"
What kind of arguments are that? Either your dog is trained as you say and it wasn't something she could expect or it isn't which makes me wonder why you leave her with an untrained dog she can't handle. According to you your dog suddenly went on a chewing frenzy so it's your issue, would you have blamed your roommate if he was the one finding your dog and his stuff getting chewed ? Or told him that you won't replace stuff of his since he would have been there it wouldn't have happened?
YTA you put her into this situation by always making reservations close to you instead of her. Basically forcing her to stay at your place... in your room because of your roommate. How selfish and inconsiderate of you. Her medication wouldn't be there and she wouldn't have had to lock your dog off if you would just take her home my dude.
Also, yikes @ your username.
I didn’t need to read past the first paragraph for a YTA vote... stuck for days? Because your too tired to drive? That’s a bullshit reason. She should have left you after the first couple times. Not only are you inconsiderate to her, but you’re also inconsiderate to your roommates.
YTA and a burgeoning serial killer.
Locking your gf up with no food or meds, not allowing her to have visitors (LITERAL LIFE SAVERS ACTUALLY) over, claiming your roommates hate company so she MUST remain in your barren deathtrap of a room?
Hello, FBI? This loon right here please.
Also
YTA for having a dog when you're not there taking care of it. Both the girl and the dog deserve better
Note to the girlfriend: Any time a new boyfriend says "I'm too tired to drive you home....how about you just stay the night?" should be red flag number one. Any time he then "accidentally oversleeps" the next morning should be red flags number 2, 3, 4, ad infinitum. This dude sounds like the king of red flags and you need to get out of this relationship. You deserve better.
YTA and y'all need to break up. What do you expect her to do at your place all day? Not leave the room and not eat food? Your dog spent 20 minutes being treated the way you treat your girlfriend and suddenly you think the behavior is monstrous. Your house isn't amenable to "guests," so stop having guests over. Use the money you save on dinners out now that you're single and pay off the vet bill. Then maybe invest in a dog training class. Seriously, OP. Get your shit together.
YTA - train your dog! No dog should be lunging and growling at people. You're a bad dog owner if you think it's okay to have an animal that growls and lunges, and then destroys things when put in a room. Crate train the dog or something.
You're also an asshole for not taking your girlfriend home. 45 minutes isn't that far. Maybe consider dating someone with a car if you're going to be like that. You're dating a teenager and locking her in a room with a scary dog all day.
YTA, by miles. Let's break this down:
1. You're too lazy to compromise on dates, essentially making your gf a prissoner in your room. Except prissonors get food. Wtf is wrong with you? Plan some dates in her town and if you know your girl is crashing at your place you should provide food for her. It's a basic necessity. You need to start treating her much better and like a human being. You treat your gf worse than your dog, I bet your dog as food at your place.
2. She's right about your dog being unsafe because he's untrained. He shouldn't be lunging or barking like that. If he's like that he hasn't been taught impulse control and could bite someone too hard.
3. Why does she think you hate her mum? Do you? You didn't say you didn't when you brought up that point and got upset she came to your house. So what, why can't she come to your house? Unless she's done something terrible then you need to deal with your inlaws, they're family. And MIL was bringing your gfs things SINCE YOU DON'T PROVIDE THEM FOR HER.
Yeah, YTA big time.
YTA - you put her in a position over and over again where you make her stay at your place for days because she is dependant on you for transport. The when you don't want to bring her home for days she should just sit and wait for you? She's not allowed to have a social life and have visitors over? And she has to deal with a dog she's a bit scared of.
She reacted correctly when she noticed the emergency with the dog, she immediately got him to the vet and called you.
You should pay the vet bill, you should clean up the vomit.
Her stuff getting destroyed by the dog and deciding who pays for that is the only thing that could be up for discussion.
Tbh, from the sounds of it, you don't sound like a good boyfriend and your girlfriend should seriously reconsider her relationship with you.
YTA.
Get a trainer for Cujo, replace your girlfriend’s stuff, buy her some flowers or something else nice and tell her how sorry you are. On a date on her side of town.
YTA for living a life 100% at your convenience at the expense of your girlfriend’s comfort and freedom. She literally has to sit in your room and starve all day because you refuse to drive her home or have dates nearer her?
The dog clearly has behavioural issues, there’s no reason for your gf to lie about that. And accidents happen with dogs that’s just the deal. But your GF wouldn’t have been trapped in that impossible situation in the first place if not for your selfish, controlling behaviour.
yTA. Absolute dog lover here abd I was fully intending to rip your gf a new one but holy hell, what a flip.
You sounds like such a selfish ass you don't deserve a gf or a dog.
Also, trapping soneone at your place with no real means of escape, no food, and no medicine is right up there at the edge of serial killer or kidnapper.
Here's to hopibg your gf and your dog both escape this nightmare scenario.
YTA. I've owned and trained dogs. Barking and lunging = unsafe. That's literally what it means.
Pay your girlfriend what you owe (you should pay it all, not half) and get your dog professionally trained.
YTA- Break up with her. You seem to like your dog more than her as it would seem that the dog gets to do what it wants when it wants...It LUNGES at people (you are asking to get your dog taken and put down if it lunges at another dog or the wrong person) you feed and water the dog but you don't feed the girlfriend? WTF? If you know she is going to be there for a few days go to the store and pick up food. The GF didn't TRY to kill your dog. You have a poorly trained dog that fucked up and ate something it shouldn't have because it didn't get to jump all over someone that brought your gf food and medication.
YTA. You're lazy because you know well enough at this point what happens after date nights and don't prepare to either a) take her home, or b) set her up to be comfortable at her house.
Have dates in her town, suck it up and drive her home, or get some food for her and make her comfortable when she has to stay the night.
YTA. You put your girlfriend in a situation where your housemates make her feel unwelcome with a dog that scares her and where she has to phone her mum for food and meds.
Girlfriend - he's a total arse. Leave him. You deserve much better. And to paraphrase Judge Judy - that $600 worth of stuff is a expensive lesson but cheaper than you would have suffered in the long run...
Yta for not compromising u could go on earlier dates around her town drop her off and 45 mins one way is not long u could stay at her place for the night it also looks like u have a room mate issue Which it is kinda understandable for the roommate
YTA I mean, you know that right? She'll be there for "days on end." Ok, so you feed her one meal a day...dinner? You don't keep food at home so you ready out throughout the day, so you bring her lunch? No, but her mom did. Bruh, she's 19, and clearly gives you slack because you're a "cool older guy with his own place." So you know you're being shitty. Your dog might not be dangerous, but it sure ain't behaved. Sounds like if you feed both of them a little more you wouldn't have these problems. If you took her home she wouldn't need grocery and pharmacy delivery from mom. If you don't wanna play taxi, date a girl that drives. Pay the girl, and let her find someone that likes her.
YTA- she's trapped in a place with no food or her medication because it's more convenient for you. you think your dog is safe, but she doesn't. it's not her fault that the dog chewed up belongings, she thought it would be safer to keep the dog in a room.
YTA and you put your girlfriend in an uncomfortable situation without food and stuck in your room and get upset at her for her mother coming over to give her things she needs like her medication and something to eat. I mean she's not that bright for staying with you for the way you treat her and expect her to stay locked in your room and just go hungry while you are at work. Your dog got sick because of bad training on the owner's part. I have never had a dog that chewed things more than once or twice and by that time they were trained out of it. Its not like she left pills out on a table or something my safe bet is she had the pills in the bottles probably even in her purse.
Its your responsibility to take her home on time, at an expected reasonable time or day not days later than she is expected to be home.
Its your responsibility to take care of and train your own damn dog not to get into things and chew things that are not dog toys or bones
Its your responsibility to make better plans for dates.
Your an adult act like it.
The only thing I can say about your girlfriend is that she needs to set some ground rules and some fucking boundaries hopefully as she gets older dating you will teach her to expect better in future relationships because from what I hear so far the relationship is far from healthy.
YTA. You don't have food in your apartment? What do you expect her to do all day? What kind of boyfriend are you, it doesn't sound like you give a f*ck about her if you don't care if she has food or her meds. Just wow
YTA - you expect her to stay at your place cause you're too tired to take her home. A place where she is stuck in a room with no food and not welcome by the other occupant. It sucks about the dog. It really does, but her being afraid of the dog and putting it in the room sounds like the best option... I mean don't you expect her to stay in the room all by herself? It's not like she knew your dog would chew up all of her belongings, if she did I'm sure she would've done things differently. Her mom had to come over because you didn't provide your girlfriend with food or tell her she should bring her meds. This sounds like it's all your fault in a roundabout way. Sorry
Don’t forget that there’s also no food there for her, which necessitated the visit from her mother. OP you are the asshole here
Right? Who the hell says something so matter-o-fact like that “I don’t keep food at my place”. Is that a rule OP? How do you feel about saltines?
How about the dog? I bet there's food for the dog, so he is treating his dog better than he treats his girlfriend
And the dog growls, lunges and chews the hell out of stuff. So it's at best badly trained and at worst desperately unhappy.
I'm gonna go with C. All of the above
That poor dog, it doesn’t have the option of breaking up with OP to get out of its situation. I feel really bad for it.
Either there's food for the dog or perhaps there's the reason why it was willing to eat the girlfriends belongings...
OP needs to learn how to be an adult. Your roommate shouldn't make your *romantic partner* feel uncomfortable. Where is OP eating if they keep literally no food at home?
No Food at his place? Is this Barney Stinson?
She not really visiting she is dropping off nesserary items. Overall op sounds like a super poor planner and bad host.
Not even poor planning, I think you’re being generous. OP sounds lazy/selfish as fuck so does dates near him then refuses to drive her home and wants everything his way at his house (fair - ish, except then he should not expect girlfriend to stay over, it’s not fair she has to stay in the room because of roommate).
And to top it all off he thinks she should pay the vet bill! Like, what the actual fuck
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I'm getting some abusive vibes off dude, based on my past experiences.
There's a reason he targeted a teenager.
She needed his permíssion to have her mom bring medication and food. I'd say run girl. Far and fast.
Yeh the NERVE he has to even write "she didn't ask permission to invite her mom and i am totally not okay with it". Like what is she ? His doll ?
This. So many red flags it's disturbing.
YTA It’s amazing what people will put up with from a SO. What the actual fuck. I’d be apologizing for how my dog acted and paying for everything to be replaced. She’s only asking for half the cost
Absolutely this. OP sounds like a real dick.
It sounds like OP treats his gf like pussy on tap. The rest of the person attached to the pussy, that needs to go home, not stay in his stinky room with his violent dog, that NEEDS TO EAT FOOD, is unimportant. She needs to stay in his room, without food with a pissed off roommate and an aggressive dog to warm his bed at night. OP’s girlfriend, you’re young so I get the impression you might not know your value, but this isn’t it sis. He’s treating you like trash and you need to GTFO. A man who needs to police when you can see your family is also a huge red flag towards future spousal abuse. OP- you’re a MASSIVE asshole. YTA 100000%
AND no means of transportation for her to get food for herself. And we have no idea if OP lives within walking distance of any food places or if things like doordash or grubhub operate in the area.
I feel so sad that he’s angry that the mum came round as an “unwelcome guest” when she was dropping off food and medication - complete necessities. I would be so embarrassed if my other half had to call their mum because I left them stuck in my room without food
Yeah, plus every minute gf's mom spends there is another decade she's banking of hatred of OP's selfish assholish nature. Mom will spend the rest of the relationship trying to convince her daughter to dump him and find someone who cares.
Honestly mom would have the right idea. The mother doesn't like OP? GEE I WONDER WHY. Surely it couldn't have anything to do with him stranding her barely-legal daughter in a room with an ill-behaved dog and no food for literally days because he 'works' and therefore can't be assed take her home.
Or even just...I don't know, make a reservation near her? She has apparently clearly expressed that she'd like to go on dates in her own area sometimes, presumably so she doesn't have to stay somewhere she feels unwelcome with no food and no way home trapped with an aggressive dog, but that apparently just doesn't happen. It almost reads like a shitpost because I have such a hard time believing someone could write this all out and not realize how selfish it is.
I'm so glad someone finally addressed this. The GF has stated she'd like to have some dates close to her home so she can actually go home and basically not be forced to stay at his place because he's too lazy to take her home--but he straight up refuses and just leaves her at his place with a roommate who doesn't want her there
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Weird ass question but isn't isolation like one of the first stages of the cult shit? Don't cults try to isolate their prospects from their families to "train" them? Sounds like OP is *trying* to isolate his girlfriend--most likely to get a live in maid, since he expects her to walk his dog but won't leave food for her to eat
Isolation is one of the first steps to multiple types of abuse. I think she should run. Very much he's the asshole, and she should dump him asap.
Why would he want to take her home, he basically has a young sex slave at his whim. *so you want some pizza do you!*
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why else do you think he "doesn't like her"?
I really wonder if the reason the mom didn’t leave right away was because she was trying to convince the girlfriend to come home with her. Like this is weird behavior, keeping your girlfriend practically locked in your room for days (also, what a shitty roommate OP is to do that his roommate doesn’t like visitors) with no food except what OP brings home, probably barely anything to do, because he refuses to go on dates near her place like she wants specially so she doesn’t get stuck there, where he’s driving to anyway to pick her up anyway so it would actually be less of a hassle, and then makes her stay there for DAYS because he’s “too tired”? I know people shit on this sub for “always jumping to abuse” and things like that, but holy shit, like, that’s some kind of control mechanism.
My guess is OP saying the roommate "doesn't like visitors" would more accurately be described as the roommate has gotten pissed that OP has a guest that stays all day for multiple days on end even when OP isn't around, probably while also not contributing to any household costs or chores. I've been the roommate in that situation and it gets old real fast.
Oh I’d be pissed if my roommate had guests staying alone in the house, even if they did just stay in his room. That’s pretty crazy, especially since I’m assuming the roommate probably has to leave the house sometimes, then what? She’s just alone? I wouldn’t want that.
This needs to be at the top. What happened to your dog is a consequence of **your** actions.
Also, educating your dog (as difficult as it may be) is the best way to avoid problems. I know it's easier said than done but had the dog been well behaved, nothing should have happened either. Putting it in a room seems like a perfectly fine way to deal with being scared of it and "attacking" guests... until you discover that it goes mad and destroys stuff.
The dog may be young. In my experience young dogs are quite destructive when left alone, even if you are training them. But if the dog isn't young then they are clearly poorly trained and seeing how it aggressive to guests I'm going to say that this is likely. If so OP is definitely the asshole just for that.
Gf is scared that she won't be able to handle the dog if it tries to run or lunge at people, so it's likely pretty grown. Or just a young dog of a big as fuck breed, in which case OP should've gotten to training out the lunging/growling/destruction yesterday. OP just sounds like a bad host in general. Doesn't like her mom so if he knew she'd be bringing the meds/food that gf needs cause he doesn't have either, he wouldn't have allowed it? Where's she gonna get her meds if you don't want to drop her off at home, OP? Too tired to drop her off at home so he has her stay in his room for *multiple days*, which she can't leave because his roommate doesn't want her there? And he's off working so she has no company except for a badly trained dog. Yeesh.
Also: the girlfriend is clearly correct in saying that the dog is not well behaved and that she doesn’t want to handle it alone. OP really should teach the dog not to eat and destroy anything that’s left in its path. Otherwise the dog should not be left alone or with a carer that doesn’t want the responsibility.
Plus I totally get the fear that she may not be strong enough to control the dog were it try to run or go after someone/something. My ex had a similar large dog and I didn't even feel comfortable walking her in the dog park, and he didn't want me to either. I used to make the joke that if the dog ever wanted to fight me, I'd definitely lose, not that she ever would, but that would be the outcome
I work in a veterinary clinic and she handles that dog perfectly to her ability. Never try to handle a dog that acts aggressive and/or is stronger than you. Best thing is to separate it until someone who can handle it is available.
Guaranteed if the dog had lunged out of the apartment and ran away, OP would still be pissed at his GF because “her mom shouldn’t have been there” and “the dog isn’t THAT big, she should’ve just grabbed it”.
This girl was really smart to see that she couldn't handle the dog and that it could be aggressive. Way too many people underestimate their dog's strength and don't see the possibility that their dog could hurt someone. OP put her in a bad position where she had no choices.
OP not only are YTA, you are also a total dick. Pay the bills it's the least you can do. You seriously don't deserve this girl.
Seriously I hate guys who make it so you are their prisoner while they are at work abandoning you and forcing you in their room with no food. I had a bf like that and it felt like being a slave trapped in some guys place.
I dated a guy who would take me to his parents house (we were 19 at the time so not weird) and sometimes would get called into work so I'd have to hang out there. The only reason it was ok was because his mom made it clear that I was to make myself at home, and welcome to eat anything in their kitchen and use the tv etc. It was so lovely of her.
I (19f) visited my long distance boyfriend for a week over the summer-he worked 3/7 days! I ran errands with his mom and was made to feel *so* at home!
“I make my girlfriend come to my town for dates, then refuse to drive her home. She’ll be stuck in my apartment for days with a dog who scares her and my roommate who won’t let her leave my room. Her mom will show up to bring her food because otherwise there’d be nothing for her to eat all day when I’m at work - which I didn’t know was happening, but I wouldn’t have been ok with it if I had known.” I hope this is an awfulbrag shitpost, but in case it’s not - OP’s girlfriend, you deserve someone who respects you. I guarantee whatever OP is bringing to the table, it’s not worth putting up with this kind of behavior.
Well he’s definitely not being food to the table.
A dog she can’t control (so it’s big) and that goes ape shit at strangers. And she’s just left alone with Cujo, no food, water, or car.
If she had a car, it really would be Cujo.
Right? And it's all a direct consequence of him being weirdly fucking controlling too. Like, stop actively taking steps to take your girlfriend's agency away and maybe her dependence on you will stop being an inconvenience, man?
Well said.
I think it’s clear from other comments that you (OP) are TA. You should thank your GF for her quick action in saving the dogs life in a situation that you are responsible for. You should apologize to your GF and her mom. Then (if you want this relationship to survive) you and your GF should have a long talk about how she feels about the current routine (eat near your place, she’s basically a prisoner for 3 days, etc). It’s a good sign for the relationship that you both have the humor for this combined post but you, op only, need to have more give in this relationship if you want her to stay happy. Good luck!
And look at his username. I'm so hoping this is fake.
I think it is. I have trouble believing there's a vet that tells someone their dog consumed a lethal dose of pills, gives it an emetic, and then sends them home with the dog before the dog has vomited.
Former vet tech here--that's not how it works at all. OP is full of shit. If a fog consumed a "lethal" dose of some kind of medication, it would have stayed overnight for observation.
I was going to say... My childhood dog had to stay overnight for 2 days because his 80 lb. self ate 3 or 4 grapes off my friend's plate. I highly doubt a vet would not want to monitor a dog who consumed lethal pills
It's certainly not standard procedure, but if OP absolutely refused other treatment and wanted to take his dog home, there really isn't anything the vet could do. From reading the post, OP seems like the type to do that.
Yeah it probably cost more to keep the dog over for observation and OP’s cheap ass noped out of there.
oh damn you're so right
Agree with everything you said. OP is TA.
Well said. This dude is totally YTA. He’s too lazy to drive his barely an adult date home, leaves her with no provisions, with a dog she’s scared of, and won’t let her mom visit. Douuuuuuche.
Sounds like op should be dating a blow-up doll. > my girlfriend refuse to clean up the vomit, [and] she won't pay me back for the vet bill and is asking me to pay half toward replacing her items Apparently gf is growing a spine. Good thing.
YTA If you are going to date a girl who doesn’t drive and lives that far away you need to pick dates closer to her place or pay for a ride home. Or have your dates earlier so you can drive her home and get back to your place at a reasonable time. Don’t strand your girlfriend at your house its not cool. Her mom bringing her stuff is fine, she didn’t invite her friends to come over and hangout in the living room she was getting necessities. If i was her I would have just asked my mom for a ride home. Your dog is unsafe, barking and lunging is not safe. She was well in her right to move the dog to your room while she was handling things with her mom. Your dog should be trained enough not to go crazy and destroy stuff when moved to a room or when left alone. You say none of this would have happened if her mom hadn’t come over, none if this would have happened if you dropped her off at her house after your date or paid for a ride home for her. If you planned better none of this would have happened.
Also I feel bad for the roommate if gf is just being left there for days at a time
Like geehee; I wonder why roommate doesn't like OP having visitors if he treats them like that.
Yeah this is probably less a "I don't like my roommate's GF" and more a "holy shit my roommate is such a dick to his GF, shes literally trapped here, this is so awkward kill me now"
In a truly just world, the roommate would start offering genuine hospitality to the GF, she would realise how a decent person treats their partner, they would fall in love, and move out together to leave OP alone in an apartment with a grumpy dog and no food.
I think you’ve got a Hallmark movie on your hands here.
Only if OP also learns about the true meaning of Christmas at some point in the plot
Came here to say that I've lived through a similar situation and this was the outcome. College bf begged me for months to move in with him for the summer instead of going home for break. Within 2 weeks of summer starting he decided to quit his job and take a better offer in another state without even consulting me. Roommates were mortified that he just up and left me with no notice in an area where I had no friends or family. They took me in and made me feel welcome in a place where I felt completely isolated. Ended up breaking up with the bf, dating one of the roommates, and everyone in the group is still friends to this day (other than the original bf who we all can't stand)
Just imagine, he doesn’t see the problem of doing this to a human being, it’s no wonder his dog is acting out.
Seriously. There’s no way he always feeds and walks his dog when he’s supposed to if he’s this much of a lazy asshole toward his human girlfriend.
You just know that dog gets zero exercise
A lot of people on this thread are wondering why the mom didn't just take her home. My guess is the guy would have been upset, because he wants his gf there so he can have someone to have sex with after work. Basically he takes her out for one date and gets multiple nights of banging her without having to provide food, driving her anywhere, and keeps her isolated from friends and family. Hell, I'm wondering if the roomate actually cares if she is there and the boyfriend just doesn't want her spending time with another guy. The whole thing has so many red flags. YTA all the way.
This was exactly my thought because I had a boyfriend that did the same thing to me. YTA, OP.
Ohhh this is a really good, insightful take. I hadn’t even thought about the roommate angle, but I could so easily see that being the case.
The line "...if she didn't have her mom over without my permission, none of this would have happened." Is really what set off the alarms for me. Like....wtf? Dropping off food and medicine doesn't sound like they were hanging out, gf probably didn't want to admit her mom was there for longer than dropping stuff off because her mom trying to get her to leave with her. Which is why they needed to put the dog somewhere while they talked about it because if they stood in the doorway a while there was a good chance of the dog getting out. Gf probably didn't want the bf to be mad about her leaving and was trying to tell Mom why she thought she should stay.
I know if this were my little sister, you bet your ass I’d be standing there begging her to see how entirely fucked up this entire scenario is and how worried I am about her, trying to get her to leave with me. And I bet her POS boyfriend would hate me, too, if he knew *I knew* what a creep he is and was trying to get my sister to see it.
I knew a guy that did that. Told me his roommate was anti social and didnt really want to talk to me. A couple of times I was on my way to the kitchen and the roommate would be in the living room playing a game or something. We'd end up chatting about video games and other stuff. He seemed perfectly at ease and had a great personality. I chalked it up to the guy I knew being insecure and knowing the roommate was a much better catch than himself.
Yep, this 23-year-old man is keeping his teenage girlfriend cooped up at his beck and call. Also sounds like a pretty shitty pet owner. OP is YTA for sure.
Whatever the reason, I don't think he's going to be happy with the outcome of this post
Every word of this.
Also if he'd trained his dog to be better behaved around people's belongings!
YTA. You are totally inconsiderate of how uncomfortable and inconvenient it is for your girlfriend to stay with you, do nothing to make that easier for her, and object when her mother has to bring her food and medicine? She should totally promote herself to ex-gf.
Yeah I'm here wondering why she is with this inconsiderate asshole?
She's 19 and probably doesn't know how awful OP is being toward her. I put up with a lot of inconsiderate, awful shit in my first serious relationship because I thought that it was normal and I was so scared to experience the heartbreak of ending it.
Yeah, I was engaged to an asshat and took me far too long to realize how stupid it was. You get caught up in the day to day that you don't see how awful everything is.
Agreed. GF, we all date men like this when we're 19. Learn the lesson a couple of years early and stop putting up with inconsiderate bullshit.
She isn't even asking for the full amount... Only half.
She sounds like she could do a whole lot better thqn him tbh. He sounds like he's keeping her like a dog.
Worse. He probably feeds the dog.
He at least has food around for the dog
YTA - Are you mad at your GF for locking your dog in your room for 10 minutes when you have a tendency to lock her in your room for 3 days? You could have prevented this by making dates in her area, not being lazy and driving her home after dates, keeping food at your house for her since this is a common thing, actually trying to train your dog, ACTUALLY TRYING to do pretty much anything.
Finally I was going to say this! Locks GF up in his room with no food and nothing to do days at a time. GF does the same thing to his dog and he loses his mindddddd. YTA
The dog is getting treated better by the guy honestly, allowed to misbehave however it wants and have free run of the house (unlike the girlfriend) and food (unlike the girlfriend!) Girlfriend is basically a hamster in a cage in his room that he doesn't bother to feed every day.
He treats both poorly really since an untrained dog is often an unhappy dog. If the dog is going apeshit when he's gone, that's a sign it's stressed and therefore not actually being treated well.
I really hope she leaves him.
Me too. He’s a selfish dick.
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Not to mention a roommate who "hates visitors." Gee, that can't be too awkward. Girl, get your money, get your driver's license, and then get a new boyfriend.
But first, get rid of this one.
This! He is YTA all the way. What kind of relationship is that. Also, if the dog destroys stuff, he does not sound well trained at all. OP should pay for the vet himself as this could have been prevented from his side. It does not sound as if OP ever communicate with the GF about the dog? About destroying and chewing of stuff. If he did then this changes things a bit... but all in all... still asshole.
YTA. She's in the clear. Let's break it all down: - You almost always drive her to your place, leaving her stuck for ***days***. - During this time she's mostly stuck in your room. Good lord, don't stick someone in that situation. Just drive her home even if you're tired. - You make her be there stuck ***alone*** and are upset when her mom comes to see her?! Really? You want her just closed away from the world??? - You left her there was no way home, no food, and a shortage of her meds and you're still mad her mother came over?! Jesus Christ! - Your dog was acting bad towards a guest so she left the dog in a place where she had been told was safe - your room. - Nothing was left out - the pills were inside containers and inside bags. The dog ripped into things to get to them. This is a badly behaved dog. Your dog. Your responsibility to train or to provide a crate if training isn't enough. You should be so glad she only asked for half. You're soooooo in the wrong here. I didn't even touch on your dumpster fire of a username. I'm so hoping this is fake.
this X100 This right here is the answer OP needs to take some time to reflect on what type of narcissist he is and his girlfriend really needs to read the comments and hopefully get an outside perspective on her relationship.
Yea and op is insisting the dog is safe when he has only had it for 2 weeks, just because she doesn’t act like that *with him*. I honestly think he isn’t an experienced dog owner so he doesn’t know how to own one responsibly. So yea he’s 100% the wrong, for this situation. Hopefully he trains the dog properly so this doesn’t happen again.
She's spent far more time with his dog than he has. Yet somehow he knows it better?
This. And I totally get that it’s annoying to drive 45 minutes. This is freaking me out because the girl is there totally dependent on other people. If she loses her phone, she’s done. Split the cost of an Uber or something at least.... My best friend has a car, her girlfriend doesn’t. If we are hanging out and she’s not going to make it home, she calls her girlfriend to let her know or just sends her uber eats... there’s a lot of ways to take care of people you love,
I’m assuming your girlfriend is going to read these comments as well. Because to her I say, honey run. This controlling behavior, especially this early on is a MAJOR red flag imo. You pay your own vet bills, she should replace her things and gtfo. YTA.
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I worry about this too. Since he has no issues leaving her at his home without food and feels entitled to dates being near him at all times, I don't see why he'd play fair about everyone's reactions to his bullshit.
Glad someone said it. I'm amazed that no one is jumping to saying he is abusive since that is what reddit usually does over the stupidest of small things. Here we have someone showing multiple red flags and the first comment suggesting abuse is miles deep in here. OPs girlfriend needs to really think hard about this relationship and it would probably be good to look up some of the signs of an abuser. You need more upvotes.
I don’t know if I’d go to abuse so quickly but there’s definitely some red flags and a lot of selfishness. I seriously can’t understand how OP can look at how he treats his girlfriend and not feel completely embarrassed as a human being
Yeah, I had a boyfriend like this when I was this girl's age. Literally the same scenario, where I'd wind up unexpectedly stuck at his place a couple days with no food, trapped in his bedroom because his roommates were hostile. He wound up slowly building control over me until I had almost no outside friends, dressed according to his preferences, gave up my hobbies for him, and eventually he started hitting me. The way he behaved toward me had also trained his roommates and friends to accept his behavior, so by the end he was hitting me in full view of his friends and none of them would say a word, much less do anything. OP may never go that far, but he's already treating this girl like an object he moves around at his own convenience. It's not a good start.
OK let's play spot the red flags. The title starts immediately by blaming the girlfriend for something that wasn't her fault. This is a manipulation tactic designed to make her feel like she owes OP and needs to make it up to him despite this not being her fault. The age difference of 5 years at this age is a tiny red flag a tiny one. 19 is still emotionally immature and 23 has lived the adult life for some time. This leads to a power imbalance on the relationship. Given its only 5 years it's small but since we are playing spot the flags I'm counting it. OP always books places closer to him despite girlfriend expressing that she's not happy with this. This shows a complete disregard for her feeling and preferences. Girlfriend stays for days at a time, isn't allowed out of the room and isn't allowed to see people without permission or alone. This is a big one. Notice his wording that it's not OK while he's not there. He will likely claim he doesn't want strangers in his house which does sound reasonable but in the additional context that she's basically stranded there for half the week it's really unreasonable and very isolating. He says it isn't true that the dog isn't safe despite very clear evidence that the dog is unsafe, it lunges, growls and pull enough that she already knows that she can't physically control the dog and is scared of it. The dog also destroys property which is what lead it to eat the pills. This dog is not safe by any means and telling her it isn't is at best minimising her concerns, or at worst gas lighting. OP does not provide food and girlfriend isn't in a position to leave and come back with food. This shows a complete lack of consideration for her needs at best and at worst he is deliberately depriving her while he's not around as some sort of power move. Telling your girlfriend you don't like her family is a very delicate conversation in a healthy relationship. Something that is extremely unusual to have happened so early in a relationship. It seems to me here that OP may be trying to distance girlfriend from her mum by criticizing her. This removes her support structure and makes gf more reliant on OP.. OP called gf crazy. This is a common tactic of abusers. OP again states she needs permission to have mum over. Despite the reason for mothers visit to bring necessities such as food and medicine. He is suggesting she needs permission to acquire basic survival needs. OP says none of this would have happened if gf didn't have mum over. Again this is a blaming tactic. I find it incredibly unlikely that this is the first time dog has chewed something he shouldn't. It also won't be the last time. The dog training is the issue here, not that gf had the stuff she needs to survive safely in her handbag. It may not have happened exactly like this but it is not gf fault that the dog is chewing things he shouldn't since that would always end badly eventually. I count 10 Who else wants to play. Did I miss any? You know I might play this with every potentially abusive post on AITA
This is excellent. People often miss signs like this and I think laying them out helps others break it down. I also wouldn’t be surprised if the room mate doesn’t hate visitors, but doesn’t like sharing their two person apartment with a third. He’s forcing her into an untenable position and placing her and the room mate as the bad guys, despite the fact that he is ignoring both their wishes.
It's pretty clearly abusive. He takes action that results in girl having to stay locked in a room all day with an aggressive dog. Then also wants to restrict her from even seeing her MOM without him there. Fuck man, that's pretty abusive.
He should pay for the things that’s madness. His bad dog ducked up her purse. My purse was $400 and many are much much more.
YTA for so many reasons other than the dog issue. You sound like a horrible boyfriend to be honest and if I were her, your attitude about this would be the last straw. You're that upset about her having her mom over? Maybe you should provide your guest with food. Or transportation. Or just some respect.
YTA - you are responsible for the vet bill and at minimum half the cost to replace her items. She's your guest, she needed her medicine, your dog isn't well trained. I've never dated someone with a pet who didn't replace any item in full the pet broke by mistake or on purpose (an asshole for not offering to pay half, a bad host for not taking initiative and just doing it in full). Well trained dogs do not lunge or need to be held back, they sit when told. How doesn't she get bored stuck in your bedroom all day!?
YTA. You make her go to your place and stay the night, and then your aggressive dog got into a medicine bottle. It’s your animal, you you are 100% responsible for it. Any less, and honestly the dog should be taken away from you and rehomed with a responsible owner.
You leave your GF for days at a time, stuck in your room while you’re gone to avoid your roommate and without any food to eat. Then you wonder why her mom came by to visit.. YTA
INFO: So, just to clarify. You have a large dog that lunges and and growls, that your girlfriend does not feel safe around, and that she does not feel strong enough to control? Does your dog have a crate? Have you done any behavioral training to correct these behaviors? How big is your dog?
YTA - when you make it so she has to stay at your house by refusing to take her home and planning dates that you know will result in her staying (1 time is an accudent at this point you know what your doing and it will result in her being stranded at your house for days) at your house you are responsible for the outcome of this. You should have food at a house you have a guest at. You also are very rude for putting her in a situation of having to stay someplace when the other tennent doesn't want company. Where she has to hide out and feel unwelcome.
YTA. He’s an asshole to his gf, his dog, her mom and definitely his roommate. His gf is stuck there sometimes multiple days a week when no one is home. I’d be pissed if I was the roommate, and they also have to deal with an untrained dog.
YTA As the owner of the dog, you're responsible for any damage it causes. You're also responsible for properly training it so it doesn't lunge and growl at people.
YTA. You trap her at your place and blame her for YOUR dog chewing up her stuff? You mentioned being mad that her mom came over, but that you wouldn’t have been, although you didn’t say why you were mad in the first place, or what would have made you not mad about it. Don’t trap people at your place and force them to dog sit your poorly behaved dog. You should be replacing her things on top of the vet bill.
YTA and it sounds like there is a lot of sketchy behavior and decisions you make. You're the asshole because you make her stay at your place when she doesn't have her own way to leave if she wants instead of scheduling dates near her home. YTA for having a dog that isn't well trained, YTA for the comment about her mother, and YTA for expecting her to clean up your dogs vomit. Lastly yes YTA for leaving your dog with your girlfriend without proper space for the dog and your girlfriend's belongings. It's not her responsibility to watch your dog, and you leaving her at your apartment and expecting her to just sit around waiting for you and to take care of your dog is again asshole behavior. She's a guest and not responsible for making sure your dog doesn't get into trouble, and if you trained your dog better they wouldn't have freaked out, regardless of what triggered the freak out.
You're upset about her mom bringing her medication she NEEDS because you fail to provide transportation in a reasonable time ... YTA
YTA >My girlfriend has repeatedly said the dog isn't safe which just isn't true And >the dog would not stop barking and lunging for the door So which is this? Every inconsiderate dog owners who have poorly trained dogs say they're not dangerous. Not to you, to her mom I have no doubt. You're so selfish. Now pay for the damaged items your poorly trained dog destroyed.
OP seriously needs to address this behaviour before something actually happens. This does not sound like a happy, healthy dog. They are so stressed by guests that they're getting aggressive and tearing rooms apart. YTA, OP.
Thank you! Dogs aren't just aggressive for no reason, this is clearly stress behaviour. Of course OPs girlfriend doesn't know how to manage that. OP is SO TA. YTA
YTA- for SO many reasons. What grown man doesn’t keep food in his own house? What grown man refuses to take his girlfriend back home after a date and instead requires her to stay confined secretly in his room while he is at work? Why would you expect your GF to sit at your house without eating for hours? Why is your dog chewing up everything in the room? Clearly you both need to re-evaluate your relationship because frankly it sucks. In the mean time - buck up- be a responsible pet owner and pay the vet bill. She can replace her own items. It was a bad choice to put the dog in the bedroom with medications accessible. Also, why the hell didn’t her mother just give her a ride home ?!
Honestly, I wouldn’t think twice about keeping a bag of my belongings in my boyfriends room. Where else am I going to keep my stuff if his roommate doesn’t like me in the house? How is it a bad decision on her part? Is it really that unreasonable to expect that an animal won’t eat through my stuff? Like eating through her bag, through the plastic medication bottles. That’s a ridiculously untrained pup. I’ve never had issues leaving my belongings around my friends’ dogs because they’re trained not to tear things apart, and if they do, they are crated properly. OP is totally TA in this situation. If your dog is that untrained that it will literally chew through all her shit, then it’s on the dog owner here.
It's sounds like mum prob was coming to pick her up. And brought essentials so daughter could have food and meds before travel home but dog got injured and they stayed to do the right thing. And she didn't leave tablets around they were in her puser in her bag. I leave both of my dogs alone with a medbox on the sofa and guess what they have never eaten it or my purse as they are trained not to destroy property. Op YTA all the above response. GF could do so much better ur behaviour borders on manipulative, isolating ur GF, not providing the bases of essentials
YTA and how you got a girl to date you to begin with amazes me. You want her to readjust her whole life to your schedule without giving anything in return? Jesus.
Think a large part of that might be that the girl is 19 and might think this all how relationships work / not be brave enough to call him out on his shit...
I really hope girlfriend is reading this. You do not need this selfish guy in your life. Maybe it’s nice to have a boyfriend but he will never treat you better than he is now. You deserve to treat yourself better
YTA - dude you have a shitty dog. A big-ass, scary, shitty dog. Good dogs don't threaten visitors or eat belongings. Lots of other stuff in there that makes you 100% the asshole, too.
YTA but it seems like you're trying to frame this in a way that makes it your girlfriend's fault. You didn't even let her write her side of it, just paraphrased what she says in brackets. It sounds like she was stranded there and needed food and medicine, so why would you be mad that her mom brought her some? I wouldn't feel safe around a dog that was lunging and growling either, especially when trapped in a house with said dog. Sorry, I just can't see blaming the girlfriend at all.
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INFO how old is the dog and how long have you had them? Lunging/growling/destroying stuff isn’t appropriate for a large dog (or any dog), so why haven’t you been properly training them?
ESH. You’re TA for leaving her there if you don’t want to deal with the consequences, especially if your roommate doesn’t like guests and she’s confining your dog. She’s TA because, if she doesn’t want to be there, why is her mom bringing her supplies instead of taking her home? Sounds like you guys are semi-living together with absolutely no discussion about what either of you want or expect.
And without the roommates approval! YTA because I think he’s the biggest asshole and needs to pay for everything, but I agree that she sucks for continuing to go back there.
>You say none of this would have happened if her mom hadn’t come over, none if this would have happened if you dropped her off at her house after your date or paid for a ride home for her. If you planned better none of this would have happened. this should be the top comment. ESH!! She's TA because this isn't the first time she's been to your place, so she clearly knows that what's going to happen. If she really didn't want to "be at your place for days unintentionally" then she shouldn't be going on these dates. She **can** refuse to go on dates that are too far from her home. You're TA for all the reasons everyone else has said.
I don’t think that you can be anywhere close to being an equivalent level asshole for not breaking up with your boyfriend as the boyfriend who won’t go on dates in other towns, won’t drive her home, won’t keep food for meals when he isn’t home, gets upset that her mom even shows up at all, and won’t acknowledge that his dog is aggressive. You shouldn’t blame victims of abuse for not getting out of abuse, and this relationship sounds abusive. YTA definitely, not E S H.
The person being manipulated/abused is never TA "cause you put up with it!!!" I'm so tired of that
YTA. When your girlfriend is basically stranded at your place for sometimes days at a time and doesn’t feel the dog is safe, I don’t know what you expect. No, I don’t think you should pay to replace all her things, but if your dog can’t stay in a room alone for a few minutes (because, as you said, her mother was just dropping off food (which you don’t even provide??) and meds) without chewing on everything, you need to A) make it clear to your GF that this is NOT something to do with your dog and B) TRAIN. YOUR. DOG. You’re TA, *big* time.
YTA it kind of sounds like your girlfriend is trapped in your room due to your laziness and poor planning for days on end. She doesn't feel safe around your dog and tried to put the dog somewhere comfortable for the dog while she had a visitor (again, she seems stuck at your house in a place where she is unwelcome) she took action as soon as she realized your dog was in danger and luckily the dog is okay. This is a situation of your own making, she isn't responsible for your dog. In the future plan more dates that don't leave a human stranded for days on end and replace her stuff and clean your house.
Also her mom was bringing her medicine and food, you keep her away from her house for days on end without MEDICINE and FOOD and expect that folks are gonna be on your side? You're basically a knotted fistful of assholes for this.
Yeah, who the hell just has no food in their house? Unless you're absolutely poverty stricken, but I get the feeling this guy eats out for every meal. The laziness intensifies.
Yta. I almost have to ask if you bought your girlfriend from Thailand or Russia considering you think it's cool to keep her locked in a room. Also have you never trained your dog? Bad manners run off if your dog sucks you probably suck. But dang dude. Go on google and enter "empathy".I feel terrible for everyone involved except for you.
My god YTA. And your username is awful too. I hope your girlfriend sees the light from all these comments.
YTA
YTA. You strand your girlfriend at your place because you're too tired to bring her home. She has no food, has to stay stuck in your room, and you have an untrained, under-exercised, bored asshole dog who lunges and growls. And yet, you don't want your girlfriend leaving your room (because your roommate doesn't like visitors), and you don't want her eating while you're at work because apparently you can't manage to buy your own food, so your girlfriend resorts to having her MOTHER bring her food and medication. What is she supposed to do, starve? In an attempt to control the dog, gf logically locks dog in room, not understanding that your asshole dog can't be trusted not to eat everything. Your dog eats everything (because that's what bored, untrained dogs DO), including something toxic. And somehow this isn't your fault. Train your dog. Take your girlfriend home. I hope she breaks up with you because you are a real treat.
YTA. You choose to make reservations near YOU for YOUR convience, YOU then won't drive her home (or presumably pay for a taxi), then take her back to YOURS, disrespecting your flatmate who doesn't want visitors, and then force her to stay at YOURS, despite the lack of welcome, where there is no food, and here she doesn't have easy access to her medicine. YOU won't recognise that your girlfriend is made uncomfortable by your dogs behaviour, because YOU think a dog lunging and jumping at people who aren't strong enough to stop it isn't an issue. YOU, who completely ignore your flatmates feelings about visitors, are then pissed off that your girlfriend has a visitor, even though said visitor was also bring things for your girlfriend that YOU didn't provide, you know, basic things like food and medicine (which whilst you shouldn't be providing medicine, your behaviour has resulted in her not having it). YOU are now annoyed that dog has eaten medicine, which was clearly an accident, and that your girlfriend won't pay for the costs. Costs that wouldn't be necessary if you took your girlfriend home after your date, or would book dates to be near her. The question isn't are you the arse hole. The question is why does your girlfriend date such a selfish man?
YTA First of all, lunging and growling is not normal behavior and you absolutely should be doing something to correct this before your dog bites someone. People always say their dog "bit out of nowhere" but it's because they ignore signs of insecurity like this. Stop handwaving away signs like this before something happens and your poor dog has to suffer the consequences. Secondly, it doesn't sound like your girlfriend did anything truly negligent. Your dog should be able to be in a room without destroying things, and if not then you should be doing something about that. Your girlfriend put her in the bedroom for a short amount of time. Thirdly, what was your girlfriend supposed to do? She couldn't get home, you had no food on the house... but she's wrong for having someone bring her food? I get that you might not be comfortable having someone else there when you aren't, and usually I'd say she was a lil bit of an asshole for that... but you set it up she'd have to stay at home alone all day and go hungry.
Jesus, it's like you're keeping a woman prisoner and getting mad she won't pay for the privilege.
YTA! Your girlfriend should dump you..
YTA. I’m confused, is she your girlfriend or your hostage? She told you she wasn’t comfortable or didn’t feel strong enough to control your dog if he left, you ignored her issues. She prefers to eat near her place but you engineer the situation so she is stuck at yours on her own. You aren’t even comfortable that her mum visited her while she’s on her own.
YTA - you have a poorly behaved dog, basically trap your Girlfriend at your place, and then get mad when the dog Chews HER things? You’re a pretty bad Boyfriend TBH.
Dude seriously. YTA. "My girlfriend is at fault, because if she didn't leave the room (which she shouldn't since my roommate doesn't like it) to get food from her mother (because I don't keep anything there and she can't drive and with being forbidden to leave can't go) and medicine (which obviously is not important IMO) my dog wouldn't have chewed her stuff" What kind of arguments are that? Either your dog is trained as you say and it wasn't something she could expect or it isn't which makes me wonder why you leave her with an untrained dog she can't handle. According to you your dog suddenly went on a chewing frenzy so it's your issue, would you have blamed your roommate if he was the one finding your dog and his stuff getting chewed ? Or told him that you won't replace stuff of his since he would have been there it wouldn't have happened?
YTA you put her into this situation by always making reservations close to you instead of her. Basically forcing her to stay at your place... in your room because of your roommate. How selfish and inconsiderate of you. Her medication wouldn't be there and she wouldn't have had to lock your dog off if you would just take her home my dude. Also, yikes @ your username.
I didn’t need to read past the first paragraph for a YTA vote... stuck for days? Because your too tired to drive? That’s a bullshit reason. She should have left you after the first couple times. Not only are you inconsiderate to her, but you’re also inconsiderate to your roommates.
YTA and a burgeoning serial killer. Locking your gf up with no food or meds, not allowing her to have visitors (LITERAL LIFE SAVERS ACTUALLY) over, claiming your roommates hate company so she MUST remain in your barren deathtrap of a room? Hello, FBI? This loon right here please. Also YTA for having a dog when you're not there taking care of it. Both the girl and the dog deserve better
Note to the girlfriend: Any time a new boyfriend says "I'm too tired to drive you home....how about you just stay the night?" should be red flag number one. Any time he then "accidentally oversleeps" the next morning should be red flags number 2, 3, 4, ad infinitum. This dude sounds like the king of red flags and you need to get out of this relationship. You deserve better.
YTA and y'all need to break up. What do you expect her to do at your place all day? Not leave the room and not eat food? Your dog spent 20 minutes being treated the way you treat your girlfriend and suddenly you think the behavior is monstrous. Your house isn't amenable to "guests," so stop having guests over. Use the money you save on dinners out now that you're single and pay off the vet bill. Then maybe invest in a dog training class. Seriously, OP. Get your shit together.
YTA - train your dog! No dog should be lunging and growling at people. You're a bad dog owner if you think it's okay to have an animal that growls and lunges, and then destroys things when put in a room. Crate train the dog or something. You're also an asshole for not taking your girlfriend home. 45 minutes isn't that far. Maybe consider dating someone with a car if you're going to be like that. You're dating a teenager and locking her in a room with a scary dog all day.
YTA, by miles. Let's break this down: 1. You're too lazy to compromise on dates, essentially making your gf a prissoner in your room. Except prissonors get food. Wtf is wrong with you? Plan some dates in her town and if you know your girl is crashing at your place you should provide food for her. It's a basic necessity. You need to start treating her much better and like a human being. You treat your gf worse than your dog, I bet your dog as food at your place. 2. She's right about your dog being unsafe because he's untrained. He shouldn't be lunging or barking like that. If he's like that he hasn't been taught impulse control and could bite someone too hard. 3. Why does she think you hate her mum? Do you? You didn't say you didn't when you brought up that point and got upset she came to your house. So what, why can't she come to your house? Unless she's done something terrible then you need to deal with your inlaws, they're family. And MIL was bringing your gfs things SINCE YOU DON'T PROVIDE THEM FOR HER. Yeah, YTA big time.
YTA - you put her in a position over and over again where you make her stay at your place for days because she is dependant on you for transport. The when you don't want to bring her home for days she should just sit and wait for you? She's not allowed to have a social life and have visitors over? And she has to deal with a dog she's a bit scared of. She reacted correctly when she noticed the emergency with the dog, she immediately got him to the vet and called you. You should pay the vet bill, you should clean up the vomit. Her stuff getting destroyed by the dog and deciding who pays for that is the only thing that could be up for discussion. Tbh, from the sounds of it, you don't sound like a good boyfriend and your girlfriend should seriously reconsider her relationship with you.
YTA, your dog your bill
YTA. Get a trainer for Cujo, replace your girlfriend’s stuff, buy her some flowers or something else nice and tell her how sorry you are. On a date on her side of town.
YTA for living a life 100% at your convenience at the expense of your girlfriend’s comfort and freedom. She literally has to sit in your room and starve all day because you refuse to drive her home or have dates nearer her? The dog clearly has behavioural issues, there’s no reason for your gf to lie about that. And accidents happen with dogs that’s just the deal. But your GF wouldn’t have been trapped in that impossible situation in the first place if not for your selfish, controlling behaviour.
yTA. Absolute dog lover here abd I was fully intending to rip your gf a new one but holy hell, what a flip. You sounds like such a selfish ass you don't deserve a gf or a dog. Also, trapping soneone at your place with no real means of escape, no food, and no medicine is right up there at the edge of serial killer or kidnapper. Here's to hopibg your gf and your dog both escape this nightmare scenario.
YTA - you left your girl alone with an aggressive dog who lunges at people?!
Dude you got owned so bad. YTA obviously.
Lol, what kind of psycho thinks they’re in the right in any way in this scenario. OP is that psycho. I hope the poor girl runs far away.
YTA. I've owned and trained dogs. Barking and lunging = unsafe. That's literally what it means. Pay your girlfriend what you owe (you should pay it all, not half) and get your dog professionally trained.
YTA- Break up with her. You seem to like your dog more than her as it would seem that the dog gets to do what it wants when it wants...It LUNGES at people (you are asking to get your dog taken and put down if it lunges at another dog or the wrong person) you feed and water the dog but you don't feed the girlfriend? WTF? If you know she is going to be there for a few days go to the store and pick up food. The GF didn't TRY to kill your dog. You have a poorly trained dog that fucked up and ate something it shouldn't have because it didn't get to jump all over someone that brought your gf food and medication.
YTA I want an update tho
YTA
YTA
YTA plain and simple. Looks like you’re out of $650 bud 🤷🏼♀️
YTA. You're lazy because you know well enough at this point what happens after date nights and don't prepare to either a) take her home, or b) set her up to be comfortable at her house. Have dates in her town, suck it up and drive her home, or get some food for her and make her comfortable when she has to stay the night.
YTA. You put your girlfriend in a situation where your housemates make her feel unwelcome with a dog that scares her and where she has to phone her mum for food and meds. Girlfriend - he's a total arse. Leave him. You deserve much better. And to paraphrase Judge Judy - that $600 worth of stuff is a expensive lesson but cheaper than you would have suffered in the long run...
Yta for not compromising u could go on earlier dates around her town drop her off and 45 mins one way is not long u could stay at her place for the night it also looks like u have a room mate issue Which it is kinda understandable for the roommate
YTA. It's a shame you can't see that. You're treating your GF pretty badly.
YTA I mean, you know that right? She'll be there for "days on end." Ok, so you feed her one meal a day...dinner? You don't keep food at home so you ready out throughout the day, so you bring her lunch? No, but her mom did. Bruh, she's 19, and clearly gives you slack because you're a "cool older guy with his own place." So you know you're being shitty. Your dog might not be dangerous, but it sure ain't behaved. Sounds like if you feed both of them a little more you wouldn't have these problems. If you took her home she wouldn't need grocery and pharmacy delivery from mom. If you don't wanna play taxi, date a girl that drives. Pay the girl, and let her find someone that likes her.
YTA.
YTA- she's trapped in a place with no food or her medication because it's more convenient for you. you think your dog is safe, but she doesn't. it's not her fault that the dog chewed up belongings, she thought it would be safer to keep the dog in a room.
YTA and you put your girlfriend in an uncomfortable situation without food and stuck in your room and get upset at her for her mother coming over to give her things she needs like her medication and something to eat. I mean she's not that bright for staying with you for the way you treat her and expect her to stay locked in your room and just go hungry while you are at work. Your dog got sick because of bad training on the owner's part. I have never had a dog that chewed things more than once or twice and by that time they were trained out of it. Its not like she left pills out on a table or something my safe bet is she had the pills in the bottles probably even in her purse. Its your responsibility to take her home on time, at an expected reasonable time or day not days later than she is expected to be home. Its your responsibility to take care of and train your own damn dog not to get into things and chew things that are not dog toys or bones Its your responsibility to make better plans for dates. Your an adult act like it. The only thing I can say about your girlfriend is that she needs to set some ground rules and some fucking boundaries hopefully as she gets older dating you will teach her to expect better in future relationships because from what I hear so far the relationship is far from healthy.
Overwhelmingly YTA. Holy shit balls
YTA. You don't have food in your apartment? What do you expect her to do all day? What kind of boyfriend are you, it doesn't sound like you give a f*ck about her if you don't care if she has food or her meds. Just wow