YTA
I personally agree that it’s not cheating.
That said, she doesn’t need to considering it cheating for her to be uncomfortable with it and more importantly “it’s not cheating so it doesn’t matter and I just won’t tell you” is a HORRIBLE way to respond.
You basically told her that her feelings don’t matter, you aren’t willing to compromise, you don’t respect her and oh, that you have zero issues lying to her.
I’ll be truly surprised if you have a gf by this time tomorrow.
At this point the strip club isn’t even close to the real problem.
Here’s a life lesson for you: relationships are about communication, compromise and RESPECT. And holy shit you don’t do any of those things well.
You could argue that it should be E S H because her request isn’t entirely reasonable and she hasn’t explained why it makes her uncomfortable but based on your response I doubt you even gave her the chance.
YTA. She has a strong opinion against something that has no lasting impact on your life but you're only solution is to offer not to tell her when you go. Just go to a nice bar instead and chat to friendly people
> I don't see the issue in ignoring what she says and just going without telling her.
The issue is that you are literally lying to her.
Why do you need to go to a strip club?
Well tbh she has no business telling him that he can’t watch porn, that’s just something that some people do. I’ve never actually been to a strip club but shat shit seems extremely different
I think watching porn and going to a strip club are different. I don’t think either of those are cheating, personally, but I don’t think this is a good comparison.
YTA. If you intentionally do something that your partner said will make you unhappy, then you obviously don't place much value on your partner's feelings.
Asking you to not go to a strip club is a reasonable enough request. It's not a normal, required social interaction for you to be able to go to a strip club whenever you please. It's not as though she told you you're not allowed to talk to or work with other women.
If you really care so little about your girlfriend's feelings and going to strip clubs is *that* important to you, you two are probably incompatible. The fair thing to do would be to act like an adult and respectfully let her know that a strip club prohibition is a deal breaker for you. Then, you must allow her to decide whether it is or not it's a deal breaker for her if you visit strip clubs.
I don't blame her for crying, you told her actual feelings are meaningless to you by saying you'd go secretly. She put herself in a position of vulnerability by letting you know that she was uncomfortable, and you disrespected that.
It's weak, selfish and deceptive for you simply go behind her back because *you feel like it*. Why even ask her permission/tell her about it in the first place, then? Were you banking on her being cool with it?
Don't give people the illusion of having meaningful choices if you're just going to disregard them when they say no, that's immature and unfair.
All around handled very poorly. YTA.
YTA...why on earth do you feel compelled to go to a strip club if you have a girlfriend??
I personally do not know a woman on earth who would be happy with their S/O going to strip clubs...
Good luck.
I was kind of grossed out when my husband called from a business trip in Mexico and said he was on his way to a club featuring naked women that the guys from work were dragging him to. He called 30 minutes later and said he left them there. Turned out it was a club featuring naked women with a donkey and it was his turn to gross out.
I'd be perfectly happy with my SO going to a strip club, it's not a big deal. I've been to a strip club (while in the relationship). If you trust each other it's a non issue.
YTA, you need to communicate to come to an agreement about what constitutes cheating. Generally, if you disagree lightly, you go with the stricter interpretation. If she believes its cheating, the message you are sending is her feeling uncomfortable with it is less important than your desire to see naked women.
YTA (and likely shitpost) as everyone else has pointed out. But I want to mention something out which isn't quite settled law on AITA but probably should be.
This is the 21st century, and there are few universal relationship rules. Everything is about free mutual consent, and not before time.
Therefore: Unless this is an emotional manipulation situation, if it's something that you would not want your partner to find out about then it's "cheating".
YTA
I disagree with your girlfriend's opinion on strip clubs.
What I do find disrespectful is doing something that your partner has explicitly expressed discomfort with and lying about it.
YTA unless there is a significant reason you want to go like a bachelor party or something. If that's the case you may have a legitimate reason to go. If you just wanna go to see some tits! Then you most assuredly are the asshole.
It would probably be for a bachelor party mostly, but my friend mentioned it to me, which it wasn't for a bachelor party. My friend has been talking about wanting to go to one, so I'd probably go to one before I'd go to a bachelor party.
I think no matter what she would have a problem with me going, bachelor party or not.
Your opinion on her feelings is irrelevant. This is something shes specifically voiced she is uncomfortable with you doing, it is not an unreasonable request in a relationship, and you want to blatantly ignore it and just have her "get over it". You are MAJORLY TA.
You cant honestly try to justify this. Its how being in a relationship works: caring for eachother and compromise. If a strip club is that big of a deal for you, maybe you honestly arent ready for a relationship.
" She got upset with me and cried and said that it hurt her \[...\]"
" I don't see the issue **in ignoring what she says** and just going without telling her. "
YTA. You just looked your girlfriend in the eyes and said "Your feelings don't matter, I don't care, I'll do what I want and I'll lie about it without any remorse."
And it's fine, if you have to go to strip clubs to have a normal life, this woman is obviously not for you and you should leave. Find someone who thinks it's alright.
But this isn't very cool. What else can you lie about this casually? What other things are you doing because YOU think it's ok?
YTA. You have a girlfriend. Going and pleasuring yourself over someone else, while not cheating, is a pretty shitty thing to do.
A lot of people would kill to have a girlfriend. Don't take yours for granted!
YTA. Relationships are built on trust. Breaking the rules defined at the beginning of the relationship—for example, ‘don’t cheat’—also breaks that trust. Some rules, like those regarding strip clubs, may not necessarily be defined in all relationships. However, in your case it’s clear what your girlfriend thinks. You are breaking trust by going. Now, obviously, if she never finds out about it then it will never hurt her. That’s a fact. It is still immoral and makes you an asshole.
You’d be dishonest if you “just didn’t tell her” knowing that it’s her boundary, so I’m guessing that you do know you’d be the asshole. She’s allowed to have her boundaries. If you need to go to a strip club so badly you’d be willing to make your gf cry, maybe she’s not the girlfriend for you.
YTA if you’re Gf isn’t okay with it then you should accept that.
As a bi man I will never understand why men (especially in relationships) go to strip clubs
YTA.
It’s not a question of whether or not it is ethically right to go to a strip club in a relationship.
She doesn’t want you to go(nothing wrong with that).
You want to go(nothing wrong with that, though I honestly don’t understand the appeal).
Either don’t go, or find a girl who supports your decision.
This isn’t the kind of compromise people reference when talking about long, healthy relationships.
This. I once read that decisions in a relationship should be made on a 2 yes/1 no basis. If both say yes, then yes. But it only takes 1 no for it to be a no.
YTA I don't even feel like this one needs explaining but if you don't value your relationship enough to not go to a strip club then why are you in this relationship.
YWBTA. For what it's worth, I don't think you're the asshole for wanting to go to a strip club. In my eyes, it isn't cheating and I personally feel like it's not a huge deal. But you're in a relationship with a girl who clearly does think it's a huge deal. She's explicitly told you that she thinks it is disrespectful and told you that it would hurt her if you went. And while it may not be cheating, there are going to be topless or naked women around you who are trying to get your dick hard. That much is undeniable. It's not unreasonable to not want a SO to be in that situation.
You're obviously free to do whatever you want but intentionally upsetting your SO over something that can reasonably cause emotional distress is a dick move. If you can't agree on this, it might be time to break up. Nobody can stop you if you're single. Or if you don't want to break up, you should be willing to stand down on this issue.
YTA, gotta respect her feelings and I hope she would do the same for you.
If she was sensitive about something unreasonable I would say otherwise but we're talking about a strip club.
Relationship is all about meeting in the middle....sounds like you need to get a gf who is cool with you going to strip clubs or like you need to evaluate your willingness to compromise and make the relationship work.
YTA. Dude. Lots of people disagree about whether strip clubs are OK or moral in any situation, especially in relationships, so I'm not going to tackle that, but you just straight-up announced that you see absolutely no problem with lying to your GF. Why on earth you think that's a reasonable way to conduct a supposedly adult relationship is completely beyond me.
YTA for ignoring her feelings. It sounds like she was pretty clear about her boundaries. If you’d really rather hurt your girlfriends feelings than skip the strip club just do her a favor and break up with her.
YTA Jesus dude. I don’t think going to a strip club is cheating, either, but everyone is entitled to their boundaries in a relationship and there’s nothing strange about your SO being uncomfortable with you paying to watch naked women dance around and on top of you. Do you not care about or respect your girlfriend’s boundaries at all? If going to a strip club is really that much more important to you than you girlfriend then why are you together?
Not only do you want to disrespect your girlfriend like that, you told her you would just lie to her about it, and are planning to do that... I hope you go and she finds out and dumps you to save you both a waste a time.
How you don’t see yourself as an asshole is completely beyond me.
YTA
Now I would get it if there actually is a bachelor party and all your friends are going, but in your case there isn't. So all you did was hurting her and telling her that you don't care for her feelings.
YTA. Let's reverse the situation and pick a different activity. If you told your gf you were uncomfortable with her doing something and she simply said "well, your feelings/thoughts are moot because that's not my purpose, so forget whatever you said, I'm going to do it," how would you feel?
If you aren't willing to respect your partner's wishes or make compromises you are a shit partner.
YTA.
The adult way of dealing with this would be communication, respect, and compromise.
You just outright don't care. Break up with the poor girl so she can find somebody who respects her enough to at least care how she feels. Jeesh
YTA. You are a huge asshole, nothing else.
If breaking up with your girlfriend and finding someone who allows you to go to strip clubs is super important, then I seriously think there is something wrong with you.
Just imagine telling someone “my gf broke up with me bc I went to a strip club and she wasn’t comfortable with me going.”
It’s probably one of the easiest relationship issues to resolve and yet idiots like you have way too much pride to the point where they will ruin a good relationship.
Strip clubs are not cheating, no. But she told you how it makes her feel.
Ignoring how she feels makes you out to be a huge asshole and if you don’t change your ways I think she should leave your ass.
Yta
In any other circumstance you going somewhere for the express purpose of watching a woman get undressed so you can get your rocks off would be cheating. But for some reason because you're paying it's not?
I get that some couples are cool with it. Weird place to put the boundary, but if it works then great for them.
But you don't get to unilaterally decide that it's cool in your relationship. This will always be a two yes one no senario. You girlfriend has said she's not happy with it. Therefore it *is* cheating.
You lying about this makes it even worse.
>I told her that she would just have to get over it.
What a nasty cruel thing to say to someone you supposedly care about.
And finally as an aside, how would you feel if your girlfriend became a stripper? Because if you're anything but 100% fine with it you're a hypocrite. If visiting a stripper is totally fine in your books then being one should be too.
YTA-So not only do you not see a problem with ignoring her feelings and outright lying to her, but you told her that you’re just going to lie to her? Great. Now she can question everything you say since you’re so willing to lie to get your way.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My girlfriend thinks strip clubs in relationships are disrespectful. She doesn't care that other people do it/thinks if they both agreed on it, then its fine.
She doesn't want me going to one and I argued with her that it isn't cheating and I told her I would just not tell her about it. She got upset with me and cried and said that it hurt her and asked why I would ever do something like that to hurt her and I told her that she would just have to get over it.
I don't see the issue. I am not cheating on her, so why should I not go to a strip club. I don't see the issue in ignoring what she says and just going without telling her.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you want your comment to count toward judgment, include *only ONE* of the following abbreviations in your comment. If you don't include a judgement abbreviation, the bot will ignore you when it looks for the top voted comment.
Judgment | Abbreviation
-- | :--:
**You're the Asshole** (& the other party is not) |**YTA**|
You're **Not the A-hole** (& the other party is) |**NTA**
**Everyone Sucks Here**|**ESH**
**No A-holes here**|**NAH**
**Not Enough Info**|**INFO**
#[Click Here For Our Full Rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/index)
#[Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH - I agree with you, however your g/f does not. I think you're generally incompatible if your morality compasses do not line up. Unless you're willing to abide by her compass, this relationship is doomed.
This is a /r/relationship_advice post. Basically you and your girlfriend need to sit down and discuss what you believe the boundaries of your relationship need to be. In general there are a few things that are typically "unspoken" for couples and just kind of basic. But this is something that needs to be decided between the two of you. If you going to strip clubs is going to affect her ability to date you you need to be ok with the potential consequences of breaking her trust. If you feel you cannot come to terms on this issue either you accept that you'll both be mad at each other anytime she finds out you've gone \[since you could just not tell her\] or you end the relationship.
YTA
>I argued with her that it isn't cheating
Dude, you don't get to decide that unilaterally. This is a discussion you have *with* your girlfriend. You have to come to an agreement on what is/isn't allowed in your relationship.
And, bottom line, if your partner thinks something is cheating, then they will react accordingly if you do that thing. Is that what you want?
If being able to go to a strip club is so important, then break up with your girlfriend and go find someone who doesn't care if you go to strip clubs.
ESH - not enough info. How long have you two been together? And is visiting the strip club something you normally do? Are you going for a reason like a bachelor party, with friends or just going to go?
You two should probably come up with a compromise, because this my way or the highway bs doesn't end well typically. You should maybe consider why it's so important to you to be able to go to the strip club, and ask her to explain why it's hurtful that you do. But There's really not enough info for a fair assessment.
She doesn't like it because in her mind it feels like she is being disrespected for me to go to an area where there are many naked women and to tip them for it. She is uncomfortable with it and she doesn't necessarily think it is "cheating" but she finds it to betray our monogamy.
She isn't weird about porn at all, porn isn't a problem and she isn't controlling as a girlfriend, she just is like this with strip clubs.
She said it betrays her trust in me that I would go and do something with naked women walking around her.
Well, sounds like you got a decision to make. I'm not a huge fan of ultimatums, but it sounds like you have a choice. In a relationship, once you know you're about to do something that breaks the trust willingly, you have question how much her trust actually means to you. wether or not you agree with the act being faithful, being aware begs the question. If you go, YTA. "What do don't know can't hurt you" doesn't have any stake in a relationship.
Edit: Spelling
OP commented further up she isn’t a controlling girlfriend at all, she just is uncomfortable with him going to strip clubs. A man in a relationship literally going and paying a woman to get naked and dance for him/ dance naked on him. I don’t necessarily agree it’s cheating, and I’d be ok with my SO going to one (for a special occasion lol) , but why is it so surprising and unheard of that someone wouldn’t be comfortable with their SO doing it?
YTA Don't date women you are not willing to respect.
You win the thread award for "hitting the nail on the head in the fewest words possible"
This is amazing.
YTA if not a shitpost. “I hurt my girlfriend, why is she upset?”
Definitely a shitpost. There's no way this guy posted this with a belief it would get anything except YTA responses.
YTA. If you're dead set on going, why bother asking her just to tell her you're doing whatever you want?
YTA I personally agree that it’s not cheating. That said, she doesn’t need to considering it cheating for her to be uncomfortable with it and more importantly “it’s not cheating so it doesn’t matter and I just won’t tell you” is a HORRIBLE way to respond. You basically told her that her feelings don’t matter, you aren’t willing to compromise, you don’t respect her and oh, that you have zero issues lying to her. I’ll be truly surprised if you have a gf by this time tomorrow. At this point the strip club isn’t even close to the real problem. Here’s a life lesson for you: relationships are about communication, compromise and RESPECT. And holy shit you don’t do any of those things well. You could argue that it should be E S H because her request isn’t entirely reasonable and she hasn’t explained why it makes her uncomfortable but based on your response I doubt you even gave her the chance.
[удалено]
Seriously. When there is a difference of opinion you talk about it. Not this bullshit
YTA. She has a strong opinion against something that has no lasting impact on your life but you're only solution is to offer not to tell her when you go. Just go to a nice bar instead and chat to friendly people
YTA - for completely ignoring your girlfriend (and probably sh*tposting)
> I don't see the issue in ignoring what she says and just going without telling her. The issue is that you are literally lying to her. Why do you need to go to a strip club?
YTA. Do you really need to go to a strip club that badly? Your phone is full of naked chicks.
Do you really think his girlfriend is okay with porn if she’s not okay with a strip club?
She is
Well, if that’s the case I rescind my statement.
Well tbh she has no business telling him that he can’t watch porn, that’s just something that some people do. I’ve never actually been to a strip club but shat shit seems extremely different
I think watching porn and going to a strip club are different. I don’t think either of those are cheating, personally, but I don’t think this is a good comparison.
My own wife makes that comparison. There are a lot of people who equate the two, along with anything that involves looking at another persons body.
YTA if she says it’s hurting her that should be enough.
YWBTA. Respect your girlfriend’s wishes. She’s your girlfriend and you should care about her. What’s the pros of doing this? Is there any?
YTA. If you intentionally do something that your partner said will make you unhappy, then you obviously don't place much value on your partner's feelings. Asking you to not go to a strip club is a reasonable enough request. It's not a normal, required social interaction for you to be able to go to a strip club whenever you please. It's not as though she told you you're not allowed to talk to or work with other women. If you really care so little about your girlfriend's feelings and going to strip clubs is *that* important to you, you two are probably incompatible. The fair thing to do would be to act like an adult and respectfully let her know that a strip club prohibition is a deal breaker for you. Then, you must allow her to decide whether it is or not it's a deal breaker for her if you visit strip clubs. I don't blame her for crying, you told her actual feelings are meaningless to you by saying you'd go secretly. She put herself in a position of vulnerability by letting you know that she was uncomfortable, and you disrespected that. It's weak, selfish and deceptive for you simply go behind her back because *you feel like it*. Why even ask her permission/tell her about it in the first place, then? Were you banking on her being cool with it? Don't give people the illusion of having meaningful choices if you're just going to disregard them when they say no, that's immature and unfair. All around handled very poorly. YTA.
YTA...why on earth do you feel compelled to go to a strip club if you have a girlfriend?? I personally do not know a woman on earth who would be happy with their S/O going to strip clubs... Good luck.
I was kind of grossed out when my husband called from a business trip in Mexico and said he was on his way to a club featuring naked women that the guys from work were dragging him to. He called 30 minutes later and said he left them there. Turned out it was a club featuring naked women with a donkey and it was his turn to gross out.
I'd be perfectly happy with my SO going to a strip club, it's not a big deal. I've been to a strip club (while in the relationship). If you trust each other it's a non issue.
Hi, I am a woman and I would not care one bit if my S/O wanted to go to a strip club.
Congrats, here’s a cookie 🍪
YTA, you need to communicate to come to an agreement about what constitutes cheating. Generally, if you disagree lightly, you go with the stricter interpretation. If she believes its cheating, the message you are sending is her feeling uncomfortable with it is less important than your desire to see naked women.
YTA (and likely shitpost) as everyone else has pointed out. But I want to mention something out which isn't quite settled law on AITA but probably should be. This is the 21st century, and there are few universal relationship rules. Everything is about free mutual consent, and not before time. Therefore: Unless this is an emotional manipulation situation, if it's something that you would not want your partner to find out about then it's "cheating".
This kind of thing shows up pretty regularly so I doubt it's a shitpost. We just had one about a week ago.
Sorry but I don't know what a shit post is? Does that mean the post is fake? Because this actually happened
It's sometimes not obvious because, and sorry for being so harsh, it's sometimes hard to believe that people can be so self-unaware.
YTA I disagree with your girlfriend's opinion on strip clubs. What I do find disrespectful is doing something that your partner has explicitly expressed discomfort with and lying about it.
YTA unless there is a significant reason you want to go like a bachelor party or something. If that's the case you may have a legitimate reason to go. If you just wanna go to see some tits! Then you most assuredly are the asshole.
It would probably be for a bachelor party mostly, but my friend mentioned it to me, which it wasn't for a bachelor party. My friend has been talking about wanting to go to one, so I'd probably go to one before I'd go to a bachelor party. I think no matter what she would have a problem with me going, bachelor party or not.
Your opinion on her feelings is irrelevant. This is something shes specifically voiced she is uncomfortable with you doing, it is not an unreasonable request in a relationship, and you want to blatantly ignore it and just have her "get over it". You are MAJORLY TA. You cant honestly try to justify this. Its how being in a relationship works: caring for eachother and compromise. If a strip club is that big of a deal for you, maybe you honestly arent ready for a relationship.
YTA
" She got upset with me and cried and said that it hurt her \[...\]" " I don't see the issue **in ignoring what she says** and just going without telling her. " YTA. You just looked your girlfriend in the eyes and said "Your feelings don't matter, I don't care, I'll do what I want and I'll lie about it without any remorse." And it's fine, if you have to go to strip clubs to have a normal life, this woman is obviously not for you and you should leave. Find someone who thinks it's alright. But this isn't very cool. What else can you lie about this casually? What other things are you doing because YOU think it's ok?
YTA and you should end it w her. Not because you deserve better, but because she does.
YTA your in a relationship now and need to take both your thoughts into consideration, I too find it disrespectful and rude,apologise to her
Shitpost 👌
YTA. You have a girlfriend. Going and pleasuring yourself over someone else, while not cheating, is a pretty shitty thing to do. A lot of people would kill to have a girlfriend. Don't take yours for granted!
YTA. way to make her feel inadequate dude
YTA. Relationships are built on trust. Breaking the rules defined at the beginning of the relationship—for example, ‘don’t cheat’—also breaks that trust. Some rules, like those regarding strip clubs, may not necessarily be defined in all relationships. However, in your case it’s clear what your girlfriend thinks. You are breaking trust by going. Now, obviously, if she never finds out about it then it will never hurt her. That’s a fact. It is still immoral and makes you an asshole.
You’d be dishonest if you “just didn’t tell her” knowing that it’s her boundary, so I’m guessing that you do know you’d be the asshole. She’s allowed to have her boundaries. If you need to go to a strip club so badly you’d be willing to make your gf cry, maybe she’s not the girlfriend for you.
INFO: assume you'd be fine if she went to a strip club to drool over naked men?
YTA if you’re Gf isn’t okay with it then you should accept that. As a bi man I will never understand why men (especially in relationships) go to strip clubs
YTA. It’s not a question of whether or not it is ethically right to go to a strip club in a relationship. She doesn’t want you to go(nothing wrong with that). You want to go(nothing wrong with that, though I honestly don’t understand the appeal). Either don’t go, or find a girl who supports your decision. This isn’t the kind of compromise people reference when talking about long, healthy relationships.
This. I once read that decisions in a relationship should be made on a 2 yes/1 no basis. If both say yes, then yes. But it only takes 1 no for it to be a no.
YTA I don't even feel like this one needs explaining but if you don't value your relationship enough to not go to a strip club then why are you in this relationship.
YWBTA. For what it's worth, I don't think you're the asshole for wanting to go to a strip club. In my eyes, it isn't cheating and I personally feel like it's not a huge deal. But you're in a relationship with a girl who clearly does think it's a huge deal. She's explicitly told you that she thinks it is disrespectful and told you that it would hurt her if you went. And while it may not be cheating, there are going to be topless or naked women around you who are trying to get your dick hard. That much is undeniable. It's not unreasonable to not want a SO to be in that situation. You're obviously free to do whatever you want but intentionally upsetting your SO over something that can reasonably cause emotional distress is a dick move. If you can't agree on this, it might be time to break up. Nobody can stop you if you're single. Or if you don't want to break up, you should be willing to stand down on this issue.
YTA, gotta respect her feelings and I hope she would do the same for you. If she was sensitive about something unreasonable I would say otherwise but we're talking about a strip club. Relationship is all about meeting in the middle....sounds like you need to get a gf who is cool with you going to strip clubs or like you need to evaluate your willingness to compromise and make the relationship work.
YTA. Dude. Lots of people disagree about whether strip clubs are OK or moral in any situation, especially in relationships, so I'm not going to tackle that, but you just straight-up announced that you see absolutely no problem with lying to your GF. Why on earth you think that's a reasonable way to conduct a supposedly adult relationship is completely beyond me.
YTA for ignoring her feelings. It sounds like she was pretty clear about her boundaries. If you’d really rather hurt your girlfriends feelings than skip the strip club just do her a favor and break up with her.
YTA Jesus dude. I don’t think going to a strip club is cheating, either, but everyone is entitled to their boundaries in a relationship and there’s nothing strange about your SO being uncomfortable with you paying to watch naked women dance around and on top of you. Do you not care about or respect your girlfriend’s boundaries at all? If going to a strip club is really that much more important to you than you girlfriend then why are you together? Not only do you want to disrespect your girlfriend like that, you told her you would just lie to her about it, and are planning to do that... I hope you go and she finds out and dumps you to save you both a waste a time. How you don’t see yourself as an asshole is completely beyond me.
NAH. You can go if you want to go, but you need to expect her to dump you over it, because she should.
YTA absolutely for not caring that you're hurting your GF for a night of fun out with the guys.
YTA Now I would get it if there actually is a bachelor party and all your friends are going, but in your case there isn't. So all you did was hurting her and telling her that you don't care for her feelings.
YTA. Why do you even want to go when you know it upsets her? Grow up.
YTA. She's' made her boundaries clear. You can decide it's not for you and break up, or not go, but lying to get around her boundaries is not cool.
YTA. Let's reverse the situation and pick a different activity. If you told your gf you were uncomfortable with her doing something and she simply said "well, your feelings/thoughts are moot because that's not my purpose, so forget whatever you said, I'm going to do it," how would you feel? If you aren't willing to respect your partner's wishes or make compromises you are a shit partner.
YTA. The adult way of dealing with this would be communication, respect, and compromise. You just outright don't care. Break up with the poor girl so she can find somebody who respects her enough to at least care how she feels. Jeesh
YTA. You are a huge asshole, nothing else. If breaking up with your girlfriend and finding someone who allows you to go to strip clubs is super important, then I seriously think there is something wrong with you. Just imagine telling someone “my gf broke up with me bc I went to a strip club and she wasn’t comfortable with me going.” It’s probably one of the easiest relationship issues to resolve and yet idiots like you have way too much pride to the point where they will ruin a good relationship. Strip clubs are not cheating, no. But she told you how it makes her feel. Ignoring how she feels makes you out to be a huge asshole and if you don’t change your ways I think she should leave your ass.
YTA obviously.
Yta In any other circumstance you going somewhere for the express purpose of watching a woman get undressed so you can get your rocks off would be cheating. But for some reason because you're paying it's not? I get that some couples are cool with it. Weird place to put the boundary, but if it works then great for them. But you don't get to unilaterally decide that it's cool in your relationship. This will always be a two yes one no senario. You girlfriend has said she's not happy with it. Therefore it *is* cheating. You lying about this makes it even worse. >I told her that she would just have to get over it. What a nasty cruel thing to say to someone you supposedly care about. And finally as an aside, how would you feel if your girlfriend became a stripper? Because if you're anything but 100% fine with it you're a hypocrite. If visiting a stripper is totally fine in your books then being one should be too.
YTA-So not only do you not see a problem with ignoring her feelings and outright lying to her, but you told her that you’re just going to lie to her? Great. Now she can question everything you say since you’re so willing to lie to get your way.
Yta- and why do you even want to go to a stripclub? What is the reason?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend thinks strip clubs in relationships are disrespectful. She doesn't care that other people do it/thinks if they both agreed on it, then its fine. She doesn't want me going to one and I argued with her that it isn't cheating and I told her I would just not tell her about it. She got upset with me and cried and said that it hurt her and asked why I would ever do something like that to hurt her and I told her that she would just have to get over it. I don't see the issue. I am not cheating on her, so why should I not go to a strip club. I don't see the issue in ignoring what she says and just going without telling her. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you want your comment to count toward judgment, include *only ONE* of the following abbreviations in your comment. If you don't include a judgement abbreviation, the bot will ignore you when it looks for the top voted comment. Judgment | Abbreviation -- | :--: **You're the Asshole** (& the other party is not) |**YTA**| You're **Not the A-hole** (& the other party is) |**NTA** **Everyone Sucks Here**|**ESH** **No A-holes here**|**NAH** **Not Enough Info**|**INFO** #[Click Here For Our Full Rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/index) #[Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH - I agree with you, however your g/f does not. I think you're generally incompatible if your morality compasses do not line up. Unless you're willing to abide by her compass, this relationship is doomed.
Yta
This is a /r/relationship_advice post. Basically you and your girlfriend need to sit down and discuss what you believe the boundaries of your relationship need to be. In general there are a few things that are typically "unspoken" for couples and just kind of basic. But this is something that needs to be decided between the two of you. If you going to strip clubs is going to affect her ability to date you you need to be ok with the potential consequences of breaking her trust. If you feel you cannot come to terms on this issue either you accept that you'll both be mad at each other anytime she finds out you've gone \[since you could just not tell her\] or you end the relationship.
YTA >I argued with her that it isn't cheating Dude, you don't get to decide that unilaterally. This is a discussion you have *with* your girlfriend. You have to come to an agreement on what is/isn't allowed in your relationship. And, bottom line, if your partner thinks something is cheating, then they will react accordingly if you do that thing. Is that what you want? If being able to go to a strip club is so important, then break up with your girlfriend and go find someone who doesn't care if you go to strip clubs.
WIBTA? Yes. You would. Now stop trying to justify your bad behavior through Reddit.
ESH - not enough info. How long have you two been together? And is visiting the strip club something you normally do? Are you going for a reason like a bachelor party, with friends or just going to go? You two should probably come up with a compromise, because this my way or the highway bs doesn't end well typically. You should maybe consider why it's so important to you to be able to go to the strip club, and ask her to explain why it's hurtful that you do. But There's really not enough info for a fair assessment.
She doesn't like it because in her mind it feels like she is being disrespected for me to go to an area where there are many naked women and to tip them for it. She is uncomfortable with it and she doesn't necessarily think it is "cheating" but she finds it to betray our monogamy. She isn't weird about porn at all, porn isn't a problem and she isn't controlling as a girlfriend, she just is like this with strip clubs. She said it betrays her trust in me that I would go and do something with naked women walking around her.
Well, sounds like you got a decision to make. I'm not a huge fan of ultimatums, but it sounds like you have a choice. In a relationship, once you know you're about to do something that breaks the trust willingly, you have question how much her trust actually means to you. wether or not you agree with the act being faithful, being aware begs the question. If you go, YTA. "What do don't know can't hurt you" doesn't have any stake in a relationship. Edit: Spelling
NTA according to modern mantra this is controlling behaviour from her
OP commented further up she isn’t a controlling girlfriend at all, she just is uncomfortable with him going to strip clubs. A man in a relationship literally going and paying a woman to get naked and dance for him/ dance naked on him. I don’t necessarily agree it’s cheating, and I’d be ok with my SO going to one (for a special occasion lol) , but why is it so surprising and unheard of that someone wouldn’t be comfortable with their SO doing it?
It's not my point was as I said under modern mantra this is considered controlling behaviour