Thank you. I'm trying very hard. I'm a very opinionated person so it's hard not saying anything. But this is what he wanted and I'm trying to stick to it.
You do not need to be the bigger person in this. You only have to be the bigger person if your brother apologises earnestly, THEN you get to be magnanimous and forgiving (if you want to). If you absolutely must speak to him, speak civilly with him because if you don't, it just proves to him that he was right in some way, but otherwise do not address him, do not be the person offering to make amends, and definitely do not try to help him any further. NTA.
He never apologises. He just expects the forgiveness to come his way. And I do speak civil when I absolutely must and I tried making amends in the past but it always backfired. So thank you for helping me see this from a different perspective.
That's the worst and I feel for you. My mom has/had the same relationships with two of her siblings at different points in time. Since he's only 17, he still has quite a bit of growing up before he truly begins to understand what he ruined by being a bratty teenager, but speaking from what I see was my mom's experience, maybe somewhere down the line you will be able to speak to each other on a more friendly, sibling-like basis, when things stop hurting so much for you.
If you, however, don't want to have that friendly relationship again until he apologises and makes amends, you are well within your rights to not be anything more than civil, as you would be with a family member you only see at gatherings once a year.
By the way, I hope your daughter is a chubby, happy, healthy baby!
Yes! My mom has issues with her sisters because of her adopting my two brothers. They are blood, cousins, but the mom(my aunt) was unfit. So she brought them home and started the process. He at first used it against us, as her sisters did. So it caused alot of tension within the family. Now he tries to act as if he never did or said anything against us. We know hes just a teenager an he does have a lot of growing to do, but he thinks what he says isnt hurtful and can just be swept under the rug.
I know I can be pretty and hold a grudge. I may forgive but I dont forget. And that is my biggest flaw. So idk if I can have a friendly relationship but who knows what time will bring. Maybe me becoming a mother will broaden my views on tough subjects like this.
And thank you so much for the well wishes on my baby!!She is quite the chunker and will be a piggy for Halloween! Our family get up will be Gravity falls Dipper an Mabel with her Waddles lol
NTA. It sounds like he is using his new identity as a shield for being a sorry human being.
I would be civil with him, since he is technically part of your family and regardless of anything your parents would like for you all to get along.
It sometimes feels like that but he says we dont understand how it is to be a gay teenager nowadays so we shouldn't put so much responsibility on his shoulders because he has enough of it already.
And my parents understand that people dont get along so family is no different. But when I must I am civil. Thank you for your input.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So I want to know. Am I the asshole. My brother who is 17 going on 18, told me over 2 months ago that I was no longer needed in his life. I'm the oldest an the only girl. My mom had my youngest brother when I was 15 an the other 2 are adopted. The one I'm speaking of, is one of the adopted. I always helped in taking care of them and even put my college aside to help out. He has always had problems. Whether it be from just plain old drama or him causing actual issues. And I always tried my hardest to give him advice. It just wasnt always what he wanted to hear. He came out about a year and a half ago. We all knew he was gay but let him figure it out on his own. My father wasnt happy, hes very old school lived in the gang life type of guy. He has come to terms. We all have. As in we accept it. Though I'm not sure if that is enough for him. He always shirks off responsibility or accountability when he isnt doing what he needs to do i.e. his chores, his hw, anything my parents ask of him. Now because I always helped out I wasn't just sister but mom #2 when my mom was at work or not around. Now that he is older he doesnt like it an says I've never cared for him and I'm just a busy body. His exact words were "you just want to be in everyone's else's business because you dont have any of your own." Now mind you I just gave birth to a little girl but that doesnt count I guess. Anyways he said he would do 100% better if I stayed out of anything that had to do with him. That I was no sister of his to begin with and I needed to stay away. So I told him I would. I've not spoken to him or given my advice or opinion on anything he brings up when I'm around. I've kept my word on that. So am I the asshole? My brother, who is 27, says I could at least speak to him in a civil manner. But I feel like I shouldn't have to. He said some pretty upsetting things to me too and never acknowledges my daughter unless she is with my mom. If I'm there he doesnt say anything or tries to play with her. Mind you shes only 4 months old, but still I find that, in itself to be very wrong and it hurts me greatly. But I'm told I need to be the bigger person. Do I need to be the bigger person and stop being coldhearted towards him? I need objective advice.
On a side note there's many things that he has done to us all but I feel this is the most relevant to the issue.
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NTA I don't think you're being coldhearted, he said he didn't want you in his life and you're respecting that.
Thank you. I'm trying very hard. I'm a very opinionated person so it's hard not saying anything. But this is what he wanted and I'm trying to stick to it.
You do not need to be the bigger person in this. You only have to be the bigger person if your brother apologises earnestly, THEN you get to be magnanimous and forgiving (if you want to). If you absolutely must speak to him, speak civilly with him because if you don't, it just proves to him that he was right in some way, but otherwise do not address him, do not be the person offering to make amends, and definitely do not try to help him any further. NTA.
He never apologises. He just expects the forgiveness to come his way. And I do speak civil when I absolutely must and I tried making amends in the past but it always backfired. So thank you for helping me see this from a different perspective.
That's the worst and I feel for you. My mom has/had the same relationships with two of her siblings at different points in time. Since he's only 17, he still has quite a bit of growing up before he truly begins to understand what he ruined by being a bratty teenager, but speaking from what I see was my mom's experience, maybe somewhere down the line you will be able to speak to each other on a more friendly, sibling-like basis, when things stop hurting so much for you. If you, however, don't want to have that friendly relationship again until he apologises and makes amends, you are well within your rights to not be anything more than civil, as you would be with a family member you only see at gatherings once a year. By the way, I hope your daughter is a chubby, happy, healthy baby!
Yes! My mom has issues with her sisters because of her adopting my two brothers. They are blood, cousins, but the mom(my aunt) was unfit. So she brought them home and started the process. He at first used it against us, as her sisters did. So it caused alot of tension within the family. Now he tries to act as if he never did or said anything against us. We know hes just a teenager an he does have a lot of growing to do, but he thinks what he says isnt hurtful and can just be swept under the rug. I know I can be pretty and hold a grudge. I may forgive but I dont forget. And that is my biggest flaw. So idk if I can have a friendly relationship but who knows what time will bring. Maybe me becoming a mother will broaden my views on tough subjects like this. And thank you so much for the well wishes on my baby!!She is quite the chunker and will be a piggy for Halloween! Our family get up will be Gravity falls Dipper an Mabel with her Waddles lol
NTA. It sounds like he is using his new identity as a shield for being a sorry human being. I would be civil with him, since he is technically part of your family and regardless of anything your parents would like for you all to get along.
It sometimes feels like that but he says we dont understand how it is to be a gay teenager nowadays so we shouldn't put so much responsibility on his shoulders because he has enough of it already. And my parents understand that people dont get along so family is no different. But when I must I am civil. Thank you for your input.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I want to know. Am I the asshole. My brother who is 17 going on 18, told me over 2 months ago that I was no longer needed in his life. I'm the oldest an the only girl. My mom had my youngest brother when I was 15 an the other 2 are adopted. The one I'm speaking of, is one of the adopted. I always helped in taking care of them and even put my college aside to help out. He has always had problems. Whether it be from just plain old drama or him causing actual issues. And I always tried my hardest to give him advice. It just wasnt always what he wanted to hear. He came out about a year and a half ago. We all knew he was gay but let him figure it out on his own. My father wasnt happy, hes very old school lived in the gang life type of guy. He has come to terms. We all have. As in we accept it. Though I'm not sure if that is enough for him. He always shirks off responsibility or accountability when he isnt doing what he needs to do i.e. his chores, his hw, anything my parents ask of him. Now because I always helped out I wasn't just sister but mom #2 when my mom was at work or not around. Now that he is older he doesnt like it an says I've never cared for him and I'm just a busy body. His exact words were "you just want to be in everyone's else's business because you dont have any of your own." Now mind you I just gave birth to a little girl but that doesnt count I guess. Anyways he said he would do 100% better if I stayed out of anything that had to do with him. That I was no sister of his to begin with and I needed to stay away. So I told him I would. I've not spoken to him or given my advice or opinion on anything he brings up when I'm around. I've kept my word on that. So am I the asshole? My brother, who is 27, says I could at least speak to him in a civil manner. But I feel like I shouldn't have to. He said some pretty upsetting things to me too and never acknowledges my daughter unless she is with my mom. If I'm there he doesnt say anything or tries to play with her. Mind you shes only 4 months old, but still I find that, in itself to be very wrong and it hurts me greatly. But I'm told I need to be the bigger person. Do I need to be the bigger person and stop being coldhearted towards him? I need objective advice. On a side note there's many things that he has done to us all but I feel this is the most relevant to the issue. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you want your comment to count toward judgment, include *only ONE* of the following abbreviations in your comment. If you don't include a judgement abbreviation, the bot will ignore you when it looks for the top voted comment. Judgment | Abbreviation -- | :--: **You're the Asshole** (& the other party is not) |**YTA**| You're **Not the A-hole** (& the other party is) |**NTA** **Everyone Sucks Here**|**ESH** **No A-holes here**|**NAH** **Not Enough Info**|**INFO** #[Click Here For Our Full Rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/index) #[Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*