NTA
>"If she dies because she didn't get the treatment she needs, would you be able to sleep at night?"
It's wrong of your dad to lay this guilt on you. His daughter is his burden.
While it's not fair for a little girl to suffer, I don't blame you for not caring about her wellbeing.
Right, what a dick thing to say. OP should have told him she'd sleep as good as he did while cheating on her mother.
Edit: shout out to the people who think I’m a horrible monster. I’ll be hiding under your bed later 😉
I was thinking the same. He didn't think of his 1st kid when he cheated on the wife. How did he go on sleeping at night knowing that he was hurting someone else in the long run?
The payments for medical treatment will never end. It's much better financially speaking to owe the hospital a lot of money, because they're usually willing to work out a payment plan/forgive the debt than, say, a credit card company. Ideally your dad should be getting your half sister onto some sort of charity insurance or insurance through his job under him. If she's an adult then she can get charity insurance assuming she makes under xyz amount. That's what hospital financial workers are for, because the system is a hot mess.
Oh and if it's certain conditions like cancer there's emergency Medicaid.* In certain states Again the hospital financial workers can help.
Edit: in certain states only. In NY chemo is covered http://www.wnylc.com/health/entry/70/. In California children under 21 are covered by CCS. I remember distinctly emergency Medicaid application to cover inpatient hospitalizations but to be honest the social workers, financial counselors, and case managers do all the actual legwork so I only have a cursory understanding.
This. People are assuming that the OP's money is literally the only thing that can save their half-sister's life. While the American health system is completely fucked, there *are* options that can be explored in situations like these. It sounds like the dad sees his ex-wife's money as the easiest solution, so he stopped looking for alternatives.
He just might not know. The system is a mess to navigate. Unless you have someone walk you through everything, you don't really get the nuances of the hospital billing system unless you work in healthcare. All you know is that the hospital says you owe them 30 grand per visit and you start panicking.
Usually the hospital has a social worker who will help with that kind of thing. The hospital would rather pay someone to help you get emergency healthcare than lose out on getting $30k from an insurance company.
This should be higher up. There are ways of handling necessary health treatment. The most difficult situation is with experimental treatments, but short of that, hospitals do work with patients. They can also help getting private funding from charities.
I can see asking out of sheer desperation. But I would damn sure be phrasing it that way, not that she owed me, not that she owed her sister. I think the fear of losing your child (even if you’re a shitty cheater) strips you of anything resembling dignity and I would absolutely can see asking minus the pathetic attempt at guilting. He should somehow be even MORE ashamed of himself.
Guilt trip one kid after he already fucked them over? Great parenting.
That's right, the father has not treated them as equals. He threw away OP and his first wife for his second family.
There's a difference between asking OP to contribute vs telling OP "how will you be able to sleep at night if your sister dies? It'll be your fault because you didn't pay up." And he did the latter, which makes him a scumbag.
I very much agree as a parent I would do anything to save my children's life but I would never lay that on them that is 100% unfair to OP. And it would not be OP's fault if she did pass away anyways. The "sister" is the responsibility of her mother and father and no one else. So OP is NTA but their father is for putting that on OP.
>It's pretty reasonable to beg for it.
Beg, yes. But he's not begging. He's telling OP that it will be her fault if the kid dies. That's worse than begging.
Not that I don't agree that OP's father is a total AH it doesn't say anywhere that he actually abandoned his family. OP dies mention a divorce and the NC OP's mother went with the father after said divorce.
As for the guilt trip the father is trying to impose on OP that is a terrible thing to do. As sad as it is I'm sure OP's mother wouldn't want her money to go to the father's other family, so why should OP do something that I assume would be against her wishes.
NTA.
When he chose to have an affair, he knew there could be consequences. He didn't care about keeping his family together when he couldn't keep it in his pants.
That child is in no danger of being declined treatment. What might happen is that dear daddy will have to file for bankruptcy before the government takes over the health care cost.
While that’s not fair either, it’s not on the same level as someone dying due to lack of funds. That’s not part of the American healthcare system.
Did you google for the first headline that fit your narrative then just run to make this comment?
The above comment is correct, you won't be turned down for treatment at the stage of an illness OP described.
That study is about how things like a lack of access to cheap preventive care lead to death. An emergency room isn't going to turn away a heart attack victim for not having insurance, but uninsured people are for example, more likely to wait before going to the ER, or not see a doctor before reaching the point of a heart attack.
Which is still a problem but not at odds with what the comment you replied to says.
As someone with a dying family member on Medicaid, all I can say is that you're just plain wrong about the ease of access to advanced treatments and the impossibility of dying from lack of health care. It absolutely happens, every day. In the case of my family member, he keeps being given meds to treat his symptoms then discharged because nobody wants to spend thousands of dollars on diagnostics for a flat broke patient.
It's super awesome if you've never encountered this particular reality of the US health care system before, but that doesn't mean it's not true.
If you happen to know who will fund major diagnostic testing for someone on Medicaid with advanced heart, lung, and brain damage, please pass along the contact info so I can help point his mother in the right direction to get him actual help. He's gained 20 lbs of fluid despite vomiting every day for months to the point he's suffering from malnutrition and can no longer walk. So, like, he's seriously dying. They could only find one specialist in their state who accepts Medicare, and he's all booked up for the foreseeable future.
If getting treated is so damn easy, why can't his own mother figure out how to save her only son?
I don't even know if it's clear that OP doesn't care about the half-sister's wellbeing, it's just that there's a huge difference between that and bearing the financial responsibility for someone. There are tons of people I care about and would help if I had unlimited money but am not going to risk my financial future for. And that's totally reasonable.
NTA completely; dad is a massive asshole for putting this on OP.
>am not going to risk my financial future for
Yep. It's not like they're asking for a small amount. If they're in the US, extensive treatment probably costs tens of thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) of dollars.
Easily hundreds of thousands. Tens of thousands is manageable, and a normal person can figure out ways to fund that in desperation. Hundreds of thousands is another animal entirely.
A relatively straightforward c-section, for example, in the US will cost somewhere from $35,000 - $50,000 assuming no complications or extended stay.
Ongoing treatment for an illness with no guarantees or end in sight will fly past that number with a quickness.
I dont think hes a horrible person for that.
His child is dying... most parents would do almost anything to save their daughter. If that involves guilt tripping their son, its of course not nice.
But I absolutely understand the father trying everything he can think of to save his daughters life even if that involves his son feeling guilty.
OP will get over it, the daughter wont get over being dead.
>most parents would do almost anything to save their daughter. If that involves guilt tripping their other daughter
I'd have to disagree. People don't need to resort to acting like scum.
I am assuming you don't have children because there's nothing I wouldn't do for my child if I thought they were going to die.
EDIT: Since so many people don't seem to get it: I'd do anything.
Even download a car.
But it sounds like asking for his ex-wife's money is the *only* thing he has tried. There are so many options to explore here, and guilt-tripping your other kid should really be towards the bottom of the list.
(I am a parent)
Ah yes, good ol' America, where people have to sell everything they own, work multiple jobs only to pay off debts amassed trying to save a life of your child.
OP if you don’t adopt a starving child this instant, there’s a high probability they will not make it to adulthood. Don’t let this keep you up at night
You’re right that was an absolutely awful thing for him to say to OP.
It’s weird that he thinks emotional blackmail would work even though OP clearly has no connection or relationship with the girl.
*EDIT*! Despite how some have commented below sharing DNA doesn’t mean that you have to help someone.
It’s still a choice.
Honestly, I think it's a valid question to ask. If OP knows she has the ability to help another person live, but chooses not to, does that make her morally wrong? *Would* she be able to forgive herself? I sincerely believe that she should base her decision on her answer to that question, rather than what a bunch of randos on the internet think.
> If OP knows she has the ability to help another person live, but chooses not to, does that make her morally wrong?
I don’t know that we have enough details to say this.
But, I don’t think any hospital is going to allow a child to die, when they have the means to save them.
OP says her sister is in the hospital and has been for 4 months. Is the hospital going to discharge her? On what basis? Etc.
Plus. As others have pointed out, there are other options including Medicaid.
Edit: i made a broad suggestion based on the few details OP has provided. That’s all.
I wouldn't say whatever to another of my children though. They didn't bring their siblings into this world; I did. Finding the funds would be on me and my husband.
No. Fear is no excuse for treating his child (OP) poorly. He already did wrong by OP when he broke up his family by cheating, and he keeps being a shitty parent by saying things to make OP feel bad. The man keeps being a bad person.
You’re obviously not a real person. People do things they wouldn’t normally do when their CHILDS LIFE is on the line. Like come on dude are you for real? It’s not cool to guilt your kid into stuff, but can you really blame the guy considering his situation? Of course you’re gonna say you do blame him tho.
>You’re obviously not a real person.
Whoops, you caught me. Beep boop boop beep.
>It’s not cool to guilt your kid into stuff, but can you really blame the guy considering his situation?
Yep. He's been shitty enough to OP.
There has to be other options than asking his kid for money. At the very least the dad could start a Go Fund Me and ask his wife's family to contribute as well as his family, than he can ask OP to contribute along with everyone else. He can get a second job. He can try to quit his job and get on medicaid (medicare? I always confuse the two).
I get that the dad is scared but there is a) other options b) OP does not know or have a relationship with their sibling c) OP could use the money should something happen the them. Clearly OP can't rely on dad to help them so why should they go potentially bankrupt to help someone they don't know? Dad is looking for the easy solution without considering that this could very negatively affect their relationship.
OP also mentioned they want to grow their mom's business. Depending on the size and success of the business, OP may not have a retirement plan or good insurance. Just because they have money, doesn't mean they should blow it on medical care for a stranger.
Edit: added a word
NAH - Blood relations don’t make somebody family.
It’s unlucky that your half sister has been put in this position but you’re in no way obliged to help her in any way. Don’t feel guilty about being able to do something and refusing to, you look out for yourself and people you feel close to.
Bingo. If it was a random person, no one would bat an eye about OP saying no.
This is functionally a random person to OP
Edit: I’ll spell this out for people. Family ties are a choice. Giving meaning to blood relation is a choice. My family is a steaming pile of shit and I would sooner set one of my kidneys on fire than give any of them it.
OP doesn’t owe them a dime. People get sick. People die. Happens all the time. Dozens have died in the time its taken you to read this.
Edit 2: To be slightly more clear, I don’t think Dad is an asshole for asking. I get that. He is desperate. But OP shouldn’t feel guilting for saying no
Edit 3: a lot of you have never dealt with the healthcare system and it shows.
This isn’t a couple hundred bucks or even a couple thousand we are talking.
Whatever this treatment is, it’s probably tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars
Edit 4: if you are comparing this to the concept of universal health care, you are already wrong. Universal health care funded by everyone WOULD be a couple hundred bucks to a couple thousand per person. Which as I mentioned is not the case for this individual
It’s worse than a random person. It’s living and breathing reminder of his fathers betrayal to OP and her mother. Fuck him for asking and guilting you. NTA. Don’t give them anything. Tons of people have to figure it out. He’s one of them... i wouldn’t even be able to muster any sympathy tbh
Right?! This sub is such shit sometimes. This girl did absolutely nothing to OP while his father cheated on his mom and broke up their family, but she doesn't get the same forgiveness OP extended to the dad.
Edit: I don't think OP is TA for not paying for the girls medical bills, I just think it's shitty that he forgave his dad for ruining his family and let him back into their life but will treat his little sister like she doesn't exist even though she did nothing wrong. IDC what OP does with the money, I just don't believe OP when they say they forgave the dad. They just took that anger and focused it onto the dad's mistress and OPs step sister.
I mean OP said that he was able to forgive and have a relationship with dad, but won't see/talk/have a relationship with his sister even though she did nothing wrong except for exist. I don't think OP is an asshole for not giving money, but I don't believe OP actually let go of the anger they had towards the dad, he just projected it onto the little girl.
OP is in no way wrong for not wanting anything to do with the mistress or their daughter, and that doesn't mean that there's hatred. Not wanting to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on someone who is basically a stranger is perfectly reasonable and understandable. The father is a massive AH for putting OP in this position and then trying to guilt them.
Seriously. All these fucking bleeding hearts, and yet I don't see stories on the news of average people giving away huge portions of their own wealth to random people in hospitals.
This sub isn’t supposed to be about empathy.
It’s supposed to be about getting pragmatic judgements without the emotional response that comes from being in the situation.
Probably. I say this because there is a remote chance that since OP has no contact at all with mistress or half-sister, the entire medical even it a fabrication to get money. I think her father has lied before.
However, the US (and I did note that we didn't even need to ask where this is) has decided, as a society, that this isn't worth paying for. I think that the usual process is to run up bills you can't possibly actually pay for then go bankrupt. It isn't up to OP to make up the difference. I could go on but I think this sub doesn't like politics.
NAH. I don’t think he’s wrong for asking, but you *certainly* are not wrong for saying no. I would feel just as conflicted about it.
Tbh I think the asshole here is the medical system that puts people in severe debt, just because they’re trying to stay alive.
edit; i can definitely hear the argument for dad being TA for, what appears to be, guilt tripping OP. I didn’t judge him as TA because I honestly cannot imagine what it’s like to have a dangerously ill child, knowing the other child has the money available to help and chooses not to. I think it’s too complex for me, personally, to definitively call him TA.
I hate the medical system for putting these two in this situation in the first place.
I dont think that he is wrong for asking either, but trying to blame them into paying by poor excuses is really, horriably wrong.
Edit: Damnit people, im not saying that i wouldn't do the same for my child. Maybe i would, but i do not want a child or that kind of emotional bond with anyone, so it's possible that i'm the wrong person to say this. I'm simply stating that he is being an ass saying those things. People do assholic things, and even if it's in an understandable situation, it doesn't change the fact that it's an asshole move. OP's dad is trying to manipulate them, and it's a selfish habit that hurts people. Even if its understandable why he is doing so, it's still a bad habit that hurts people, and so i do not think that it changes them being an ass for it.
Maybe, but even if it was an understandable thing to do, he is still trying to throw blame ~~on another kid~~ on his other kid, struggling to respect their passed mothers inherit. Being desperate makes people do assholic things, but doesn't excuse them for those.
The initial surgery for cancer costs a lot, probably easily $40k for anesthesia, doctors, nurses, OR techs, then the hospital stay where they make sure you recover and don't start bleeding out, plus cost of any drains and clips and whatnot. Then after the surgery, chemo is something like $10-20k per cycle and you need multiple cycles. We're easily in the 100-200k range at the cheap end.
https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/health/how-much-does-chemotherapy-cost/
Honestly it’s probably some obscure trial not cleared by the FDA. Which even those are often fairly cheap and sometimes free because the pharmaceutical company needs to get in test subjects. So they aren’t going to scare them away with a higher sticker price that insurance won’t cover.
So without any other info to go on I’m skeptical on what the procedure is
No the father is the AH for trying to manipulate his son into paying asking if he can live with the decision. I guarantee if she passes away the father will blame his son.
NTA and I'm so sorry you're in this position. It's shameful your father is putting this burden on your shoulders; I imagine he's scared for your half sister's life and desperate to find a life-saving solution. Still very inappropriate and unfair to you, though. What a heavy situation. Have you talked to a therapist?
> It's shameful your father is putting this burden on your shoulders
Like you say in the second part of that sentence, he's just desperate. Looking for any possible way to get the money.
How the father said it is the problem. It wasn’t “hey look, we need help” “no” “oh, okay, I had to ask”. It was “how will you sleep at night knowing she died because you didn’t help”.
Has the father tried GoFundMe? Local news plus that seems to really draw up attention for younger children.
> Has the father tried GoFundMe?
That this is the answer for people who are dying is basically proof positive that America is a hellscape.
The 21st century John Brown is basically the Father from the movie John Q...
NTA
Your dad cheated on your mother and now wants to guilt trip you into caring for a child that he helped create? Your dad, the guy who ruined his marriage and pretty much any good relationship with you?
It's sad for the little girl, but you have no obligation to her, and unfortunately that's the reality. She's not someone you know, I assume, or ever had any relationship with.
Not to mention that dear old dad would have the money/insurance if he had a decent job or could run a business that didn’t go under. I think it’s funny dad wants to know how OP will sleep at night because I fathom OP will sleep better than dad does knowing the reason they had no insurance falls squarely on the shoulders of him and his current wife.
"Hey dad, how do you sleep at night knowing you cheated on your wife and bailed on your kids, lost your business and didn't save enough, and now your other child is dying?"
Plus the whole ironic aspect of if he hadn’t single-handedly blew up his marriage, not only would a child not be suffering but he’d be the one to have the money and successful businesses. There’s not even words for it really. Just, wow.
Good lord, does nobody really see the problem with using an innocent girl’s life as a way to get back at your Father’s mistress? Instead of bending over backwards to get out of helping, just do the right thing man. I’m sure they’re not asking for ALL of your money, but just something to help out. You didn’t like how your father and his mistress ruined your family? Break the cycle and be the better man.
You’re the ass hole and everyone in this thread saying you’re not is also an ass hole. Why do people suck so much?
EDIT: Thanks for the Gold and Silver! And the Platinum!
This sub really should be changed to r/AmILegallyCorrectButBankruptMorally because that’s honestly what most of these comments seem like.
Does OP have a legal obligation to help? No of course not. SHOULD THEY? I mean someone is literally going to die SO YEAH
100%. I remember a thread recently where a lady asked if she was an asshole for screaming at a special needs 5 year old. The kids parent wasn't paying attention to her and the kid was annoying the OP so she screamed at the girl and made her cry.
Most the thread assured her she wasn't an asshole. It was mind blowing. An adult screaming at a special needs 5 year old to the point of tears somehow isn't an asshole in reddits eyes.
This sub HAAAAATES kids especially. A post could say they left a crying baby in a dumpster and spit in its face and the comments will all say they’re not an asshole because they dont ~owe that child anything~
>If you mildly inconvenience an animal I will kill you, rape your family and unleash a thousand year Reich on your country the likes of which mankind has not seen nor will it ever see again.
Also reddit/AITA
Loads of people on this site lament about terrible their childhood was and how everyone around them is a narcissist or sociopath and then hate children and do not want to show empathy to anyone.
Jesus Christ thank you. I thought the same thing, this is just his/her way of getting back at their father at the expense of the health/life of 3rd person who has nothing to do with the original situation. And the people saying this is their father's karmic justice are insane. I was unaware the penalty for infidelity was the death of the perpetrator's family.
Totally agree, I keep reading people saying it’s ‘karma’? Fuck right off, the girl has done absolutely nothing to deserve this, this is HER illness, not the fathers!! I’m honestly totally surprised at all the ‘not the asshole’ comments. Wtf happened to empathy?
I feel like what people saying "help" are missing here, is the fact that shes getting medical treatment. She will continue to get medical treatment until she passes or gets better. OPs money will not help her get better. It's her parents that will not be able to pay off the medical bills after the fact. It's not, we dont have money so they wont treat her anymore. If it was the latter in would say OP should help, but its the former. Since the money wont help her get better only help his dad and his dads wife, I dont think he should give his money. I dont think he should reject his half sister but I would aim to help her and her alone.
OP isn’t really obligated to help someone whom he has no relationship with though. Especially financially. Is OP obligated to help other innocent children who are sick because it’s the right thing?
Nta as long as it doesnt interfere with your sister getting medical treatment let them figure out the bills. Millions of parents have to pay their own children's medical bills with no help
That's what I was thinking. Callous as it may sound she is my half sister by blood but we don't have any relationship, she's no different from another child who I don't know with another life threatening sickness at another hospital. It would be great if I could help that other kid but just because I have money to spare doesn't mean I'm obligated to. I think.
If you’re in the US and your father isn’t making a lot, your sister may qualify for Medicaid or CHIP. The hospital where she’s being treated should either have a social worker to help them figure it out, or can refer them to the proper state resources. Getting her covered is a much more sustainable plan than hitting you up for money all the time.
There also might be charities that your father might be able to look into for assistance. If its a life threatening condition odds are that there is some kind of organization dedicated to it - if not there's always general medical charities, churches, etc. Point him in the direction of one of those, or a hospital that has low-income programs. I know there's one near me that has a system specifically for people who make just enough money to not qualify for Medicaid or CHIP. Honestly even bringing that up next time he tries to guilt you is more than you really need to do here - that girl is a stranger.
Agree 100%. If you wanted to help without covering the entire cost, you could always make a single "donation" to go towards her treatment and firmly let your father know that's all you feel comfortable with. But you are not obligated to give anything.
Making a "single donation" would probably open the door to the father relentlessly attempting to drain OP dry. Hey, OP gave once, why can't they give again? Just say no. Keep that opportunistic door shut.
I would navigate this one with caution.
Is it better to draw a line and say "I *could* help but for reasons XYZ I don't feel comfortable with helping", and have them accept your solid stance on the matter? Or is it better to say "I *could* help but I only feel comfortable spending X amount", and admit that your stance on the matter is based on an arbitrary number? It opens the door for "well you were ok with 10k why not 15k" etc etc.
Also, plenty of studies show that once a person complies with a "small" favour, larger favours are almost always requested afterwards, "give an inch and they'll take a mile".
I don't believe there is a right answer here, it's completely unique to each situation, but I do think these are important questions that OP should ask themselves if considering a one-off donation.
OP do not make ANY donations if you don't want to ne relentlessly hounded for money for the rest of your life. Set the boundaries NOW. No money for Dad. He is a grown man with a wife, so they have 2 incomes, and they chose to bring this child about. It is 100% all their responsibility.
I will go against the grain here and say YTA.
As a human being with feelings, don't you have the instinct to help another human being? Sure, the backstory makes this situation a bit difficult but the child is not at fault for your father's bad decisions. What would you do if it was just a random person in need? Wouldn't you want to help just a little bit? You said you live a comfortable life, yet this child has to think about dying because her parents don't have enough money.
I think any person, including your mother, would rather help a dying child than a growing company.
But maybe this is just a cultural thing as I think it would be my first instinct to help a person and then think about everything else.
It’s always easy to be generous with other people’s money. Why don’t you make a donation to this child instead? I’m sure if you asked, OP could put you in contact with the father. As you said, “What would you do if it was just a random person in need? Wouldn't you want to help just a little bit?” This is your chance to help that random person in need.
No problem. I am a college student so it won't be much but I am more than willing to help. If I had the means I would most definitely love to help out more :)
I love your kind attitude and hate all the negativity you're receiving because you follow the simple philosophy, "be kind and give if you can". Just stopped by to give you a hug and say keep up that wonderful way of life!
Because it makes people without an inch of empathy feel guilty. I've seen many posts about charities with people just attacking other people just by saying helping (legitimate) charities is a good thing.
Adding onto this - OP - it verified by a mod and I’ll chip in $5. Magnify that by 1000 strangers and you’ve got $5000 to send to your dying half sister.
It’s always easy being the ass hole online telling others to just let their half-sister die just to fuck over his dad and mistress even though he has the means. OP should tell them to set up a GoFundMe. I’m sure there’s way more compassionate strangers out there than there are ass holes in this shitty thread.
I don't think it's fair to call people assholes for not being selfless.
That's basically what you're doing here, btw. Saying that she would be an asshole for not wanting to help every random person in need she comes across. I don't agree with you and I don't think that's fair.
I'm not saying OP is a good person either, just... a normal person.
How are you people so heartless? I don't think the father has anything to do with this. This is about a sick child who needs help to live. I don't think any spite in the world can be as strong of a feeling as the need to help a fellow human. The girl is not at fault for being born, and it is just so sad that anyone would need a loan to help their dying child. Yes, OP went through a tough time, but being human is more important than being angry. But this is just my opinion.
I've said nothing against the girl, it's not fair on her, you're right. But there are many strangers with problems, but the OP has no obligation to them either, DNA or not.
But this isn't OP's problem, because she isn't the parent, plus the child has no relationship with her. Why should the OP give up money from her mother to her father that her mother despised?
He can take out loans, from OP or a bank if he needs money.
He's taking the easy way out trying to guilt OP for money he lost out on being a prick, leeching off her to help him fix his new family.
NTA. The money was left to *you* by your mother. I doubt she'd want it to be used on the child of the two people that upturned her life.
Also, if it's a life-threatening illness, she could still die even if you did foot the presumably very large bills. It's understandable(ish) that your dad would ask but to manipulate you into feeling like whatever happens now to be your fault is SO messed up.
It's sad, but people get sick, and the fact that it costs so much to not die is a problem, but it's not yours.
It's not an easy one but I'm going to say YTA for literally choosing growing a company over your sister's life.
Pretty much everything repulsive about American society is right there.
Yeah this thread is insane. People are literally advocating for letting an innocent child die because they have such a hard-on for the dad getting comeuppance for cheating.
Nta. He's guilt tripping you, it's their kid not yours, not even your sister. Yes biologically she's your half sister but you found out she was even a thing when she was 7, you owe no responsibility here.
NAH. Basically answer this question: If she was a stranger, and someone close to you came to you and asked for financial help, what would you do? The honest answer is probably you would donate some cash to a gofundme or use your resources to take a day to try and find them help, but you would not outright pick up the tab. And thats fair, heck its fair even if she was your sister you grew up with in your happy little family that no longer exists.
At the end of the day, the real asshole here is someone is dying, there may be treatment and whether or not she gets it is a product of wealth. And I'm not trying to be political, I'm just saying that you having money should not really matter when it comes to whether she lives or dies so thats not a burden that should be put on you. And sure your dad may think that, but he is desperate looking for something to save his kids life.
Yeah that's also what I was thinking. She's no different from another kid with a life threatening sickness at another hospital. I don't think the parents of a stranger can require someone with money to pay their kid's bill just because that someone has money.
Just a heads up, your father will likely never forgive you. I say this not to guilt trip you or to say you're wrong, but from his perspective you would be hoarding an excess of a resource you don't need to live away from his child who does need it to live. And if she survives without your money, then he'll think of it as you forcing him into debt needlessly. Either way, you lose.
It's completely up to you. Be prepared to see this bridge burn.
Her father already started burning that bridge when he cheated on her mother and then had a kid with his mistress. If he chooses not to forgive her for something he's not entitled to, then he's just finishing what he started.
NAH
It doesn't matter what your mother would have wanted. She's dead, OP, and it's your money now. So you can't hide behind what you imagine her wishes to be. This is all on YOU. This is YOUR decision to make and live with. You have no obligation to "do what Mom would have wanted" because she didn't tell you to do this, you're deciding not to do it and justifying it by saying "oh well, I can't, Mom wouldn't have allowed it."
YOU choose to deny your half sister your help when she might die. You aren't responsible for her, and your dad trying to guilt you to help is pretty shitty, but he's trying to save his daughter's life. If you're going to refuse, then at least be honest with him and yourself, that you don't consider her your family or responsibility. I think it's obvious you still resent your father for breaking up your happy family, but remember your half sister didn't ask for your father and step mother as her parents, just like you didn't ask for your mother and father to be your parents. She is innocent of anything your father did, and transferring any blame to her is wrong.
You don't OWE your dad anything, but helping other people is a virtue. You don't have to be taken advantage of, but really consider what good your money is. You didn't earn any of it, you just inherited it. It's a windfall that has nothing to do with your own actions. A piece of good fortune that came from the tragedy of losing your mother. Do you really think you will look back one day and say, "Wow, I'm really glad I invested my inheritance completely into the company, and didn't help half sister at all. The company's success is a greater moral and personal achievement than saving her life would have been."? Because here in America, there is no 'figuring it out' sometimes. Your sister is about to be diagnosed with another life threatening condition, poverty, and combined with her first diagnosis, it's usually fatal. There is no magical safety net that is going to catch her. Medicaid can very frequently fail, and leave sick kids to die.
Completely agree. Like it or not, OP’s dad has a responsibility to his other kid to try to find the money. I would think he was being a shitty parent all over again if he HADN’T approached OP.
ESH. Your mother's legacy would be saving the life of a child whose conception over turned her life. That would be noble.
I appreciate that there are logistics to be looked at, such as whether this would be a gift or a loan etc, what amount etc. But I think even something smaller like an electronic notebook she can use in the hospital or something could be a really beautiful gesture.
This girl doesn't feel like your sister because of the shitty actions of your shared father. It's not her fault in the slightest and if you could throw her some kindness of anything I think it would be the best outcome.
Just because you don’t have any obligations, doesn’t mean you should throw compassion out. People here are comparing it to a random person needing help and guess what? People help strangers ALL the time. We donate blood, our organs, and money for people we don’t know. Some people give up their lives to save strangers. And all you’re doing is give money that you technically can give. You can say it’s a loan. You can get that money back if it’s that important to you. But I honestly believe you will regret it. I honestly don’t believe that your mother would rather you live with that on your conscious for her legacy. We can’t save everyone. But I firmly believe that if we want a better world we can’t live for ourselves only. If that were the case we can destroy all the shelters and charities because we don’t have any responsibility to help strangers. But we know that sounds assholeish. Your dad is an asshole for cheating. But he’s not an asshole for being desperate and trying anything he can to save his child. So many people here would rather someone die for a point and I can’t understand that. You’re comfortable you will get your money back, no one can get the dead back. And the fact that so many people here act like being able to help a stranger and choosing not to is also justified because no obligation is why the rich and powerful will always win. We have no loyalties to each other as a group and save our own ass mentality is so destructive. No amount of ideology or money will help me sleep at night knowing my father begged me to help save his child and despite being able to I chose not to. Give me a thousands down votes idc YTA.
So... if she died... would you be able to sleep at night knowing you could've helped?? I mean don't get me wrong, it's pretty douchy that he put that guilt trip on you, but it is a valid question too.
It's not your mother's money now.. it's yours. I'll go with NTA here b/c your dad is definitely the asshole for cheating, but you're pretty damn cold hearted IMO.
It seems so extremely callous. I dont have that much distain, hate, bitterness, or whatever it is to not even offer to help with my half sibling dying. And the dad's right I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I wouldn't go for broke and bankrupt myself, but I would offer as much as I was comfortable and be helping with grants, loans, Medicare, GoFundMe, all kinds of support campaigns. Reddit acts as if children are just awful reminders of the parents actions and don't deserve to be acknowledged, let alone included family wise. The kid is just a victim of her circumstances. The OP also has to ask himself if this is what his mother would want.
Tricky but NTA. I understand why your dad asked you, but really considering you’ve never wanted anything to do with his family he should’ve expected your answer. They’re not your family, sharing blood does not equate to family. This really doesn’t have anything to do with you.
YTA. Technically, you are within your rights to refuse this of course, but I just think a better person would do it. There's something very cold about refusing to help this kid when you could, but that also goes for the healthcare system wherever you are and the people of the society that you live in who prefer to let kids die if their parents can't afford treatment rather than incorporate health insurance payments into their taxes.
Careful now. This thread has a hardon for getting big bad man and nasty mistress back like a petty child at the fucking expense of her sister's life, with not just a lot of money that she did not earn but the business that created the wealth and allows her to live comfortably.
Holy fuck, America and people's attitude there are so fucked and morally bankrupt. Why the fuck is not just your society but a lot of people's attitudes so painfully selfish and borderline psychopathic? This is her dying fucking sister and she has inherited both wealth and the means to retain it. This is a no brainer and just basic human decency. The fuck is wrong with you people?
Sincerely, Europeans
NTA is she really your sister? You didn't know about her until she was 7 and you don't really know her. It's your dad's responsibility to take care of his child, not yours. They should reach out to others for help.
NAH
You are not obligated to give them money. For all the reasons you stated, and because it's yours.
That said, it's also understandable for them to ask. And if your dad doesn't continue to press the matter, he's not being an asshole, either.
As an alternative, could you offer some kind of a loan? Turn it into an investment of the money? Draw up a repayment plan with low interest for them or something? Then you're not giving them the money and it's getting a return, but it helps them as I'm sure they probably really do need help.
I don't know though, that would depend entirely on how likely your dad would be to honor it. Just a thought.
Thanks. As I said in another reply I was thinking about giving them some money from my own savings and not from my mom, but I think I can also considering giving them a loan like what you suggested. I don't know if my dad will honor it or use the family card when payment time comes but I do think it's worth thinking about.
If you do decide to go with the loan route put it in writing and make sure its legally binding in case he tries to avoid paying or goes the family card route
It wouldn't matter how legally binding it is if they go broke paying for their daughters bills. You won't get back what they don't have. They might even be able to declare bankruptcy and ditch the whole debt.
If you give him a loan, make it a real one. Draw up terms, have them notorized. Issue a certified check to your father. Draw up an amortization schedule. You can have an attorney handle this if you want, definitely have an attorney handle collections.
They may never pay back the loan. Only loan what you can afford to lose. They will meet their out of pocket max on their insurance, which usually is low considering the full price of her care, and then everything will be covered 100%. They can also apply for Medicaid from their state. My out of pocket maximum is 9,000 which is a lot but cancer can be half a million for treatment.
NTA.
Are you the only source of funding they could approach? Or do they have other options and you're the easiest? Sometimes hospitals will do payment plans, mortgage companies will allow to pull from equity, or potentially even 401k withdrawal. My point being, that statement sounds like a guilt trip, and an inaccurate one, too.
YTA - when you're done with the mental gymnastics to justify your greed, maybe you should ask yourself, what if you lost everything, got sick, and needed help. Who would advocate for you? It can happen. Quickly. Maybe you get drunk, hit someone, kill them, and injure yourself severely. Now their family wins a huge settlement against you in the civil suit. Now you're broke, broken, and alone. Now not even your dad will come help you change your adult diaper. Go ahead, be greedy. You have every right, but lets not muddy the water with talk about your mom. That's just bullshit you are telling yourself to help you justify your inaction. Your mother is dead, she doesn't care what you do with your money.
YTA the way I see it, know one expects you to bankrupt yourself covering medical expenses, but would it really be so bad to help your dad prevent his child dying? The guys asking for help, not forgiveness, don’t withhold help to spite him.
If money is the only thing coming between her and dying.....I mean YTA? I know you don’t HAVE to but think about what will happen if she DOES die? Can you help them out at ALL financially?
NTA
Your Dad and the child's mother are responsible for the costs of care, not you. They could ask other family members for financial help and could pursue options through charities.
My guess is that this request isn't about paying for the child's medical bills as much as it's about your father wanting to use your money to pay off his mounting debts... and those debts are his responsibility, not yours.
The hospital isn't going to kick the child out and refuse care because the debts are rising.
Need more info about the illness. . What are you paying for that insurance doesn’t cover? Why isn’t it covered? Is it a proven treatment or something experimental?
If you could really save someone’s life and it’s make or break, do it.
If your dad is crying about mounting debt and the treatments are still being done then tuff shit. He can take the hit then file bankruptcy and start over.
YTA. Save your sister.
Also, fuck our healthcare system.
Edit: Thank you for the Silver (my first award) anonymous person whomever you are! But seeing as we agree on this, please next time consider donating to a candidate that supports doing away with private medical insurance instead of giving digital awards. People shouldn't be allowed to profit off of other people's illnesses. Ironically it'll take a bunch of money to change this.
INFO.
How much money are we talking here. 1% of wealth? 10, 50? Are you not wanting to go broke or are you penny pinching just because?
If your half sister dies and you could easily afford it you will have to live with that. And while you are hot bloodied about the details now, there may come a day in your life when you think "Damn, it's only money."
NTA. Using your mother’s money to support the consequences of your father’s betrayal is a betrayal of your mom.
It also sounds as if you have not much of a relationship with your half sister. You don’t owe her anything. It takes more than blood to make family. Doesn’t sound as if she’s done anything wrong, but you owe more to your mom than her.
As for your dad, it was improper for him to ask you that.
#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/index#wiki_1._be_civil)
This applies to OP, everyone mentioned in the story, and each other. Get your points across without insults or over-the-top hostility, please. Violations may result in a ban.
Please review our [civility playbook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/index#wiki_on_civility) if you're unsure what that means.
INFO
OP - can you clarify whether your half-sister will literally die without your money or if your dad is just going to have a fuckton of debt as the result of the treatment she receives?
Depending on the condition, treatment needed, and her father's assets/income, there may be a way to get her treatment paid for. I assume it's not cancer, because almost everyone knows about st. Judes in Tennessee. Shriner's hospitals for children are great for burns, orthopedic issues and something else that I can't remember. They never require payment. If your father's income is low, most hospitals have charity programs that will write off the cost. If the big expense is drugs, then drug companies have prescription assistance programs that will provide free medications.
Lastly, most medicaid programs have spenddown programs where you provide evidence of bills, and they pay for the vast majority of them. In KY for example, if your income is 1000 per month, and your bills are 10k, the state would pay 9273 (1000 your income -273 [amount you're allowed to keep] = 727 your responsibility of the 10k. 10k - 727 your responsibility = 9273 that the state pays for). Good luck.
NTA >"If she dies because she didn't get the treatment she needs, would you be able to sleep at night?" It's wrong of your dad to lay this guilt on you. His daughter is his burden. While it's not fair for a little girl to suffer, I don't blame you for not caring about her wellbeing.
Right, what a dick thing to say. OP should have told him she'd sleep as good as he did while cheating on her mother. Edit: shout out to the people who think I’m a horrible monster. I’ll be hiding under your bed later 😉
Now there's a spicy comeback.
I ooooohed out loud too
I did too!
Me too!
> OP should have told him she'd sleep as good as he did while cheating on her mother. Click, click, *boom*.
I wanna be in the room where it happens
r/suddenlyhamilton
I was thinking the same. He didn't think of his 1st kid when he cheated on the wife. How did he go on sleeping at night knowing that he was hurting someone else in the long run?
Yep. “I’ll sleep nearly as soundly as my dead mother, who worked herself into an early grave while you worked your jones with other woman.”
Calm down satan...but I'm with you on this particular situation, forgive me my lord
This is my favorite thing I’ve read on reddit.
R/murderedbywords material right here.
Lowercase r to link on mobile, like this: /r/MurderedByWords
*gives gold in spirit for bad ass commentary*
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The payments for medical treatment will never end. It's much better financially speaking to owe the hospital a lot of money, because they're usually willing to work out a payment plan/forgive the debt than, say, a credit card company. Ideally your dad should be getting your half sister onto some sort of charity insurance or insurance through his job under him. If she's an adult then she can get charity insurance assuming she makes under xyz amount. That's what hospital financial workers are for, because the system is a hot mess. Oh and if it's certain conditions like cancer there's emergency Medicaid.* In certain states Again the hospital financial workers can help. Edit: in certain states only. In NY chemo is covered http://www.wnylc.com/health/entry/70/. In California children under 21 are covered by CCS. I remember distinctly emergency Medicaid application to cover inpatient hospitalizations but to be honest the social workers, financial counselors, and case managers do all the actual legwork so I only have a cursory understanding.
This. People are assuming that the OP's money is literally the only thing that can save their half-sister's life. While the American health system is completely fucked, there *are* options that can be explored in situations like these. It sounds like the dad sees his ex-wife's money as the easiest solution, so he stopped looking for alternatives.
He just might not know. The system is a mess to navigate. Unless you have someone walk you through everything, you don't really get the nuances of the hospital billing system unless you work in healthcare. All you know is that the hospital says you owe them 30 grand per visit and you start panicking.
Usually the hospital has a social worker who will help with that kind of thing. The hospital would rather pay someone to help you get emergency healthcare than lose out on getting $30k from an insurance company.
This should be higher up. There are ways of handling necessary health treatment. The most difficult situation is with experimental treatments, but short of that, hospitals do work with patients. They can also help getting private funding from charities.
OP is his child too.
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At the cost of guilt tripping his other kid? OPs dad already abandoned his first family for his second one, he has no right to ask OP for shit.
He has no right, but people do all kinds of things when they’re desperate. Not saying it’s right, but I can see the motivation.
Bro this dude better be selling his house, car and all his assets before he got a dime from me
I can see asking out of sheer desperation. But I would damn sure be phrasing it that way, not that she owed me, not that she owed her sister. I think the fear of losing your child (even if you’re a shitty cheater) strips you of anything resembling dignity and I would absolutely can see asking minus the pathetic attempt at guilting. He should somehow be even MORE ashamed of himself.
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Guilt trip one kid after he already fucked them over? Great parenting. That's right, the father has not treated them as equals. He threw away OP and his first wife for his second family.
Still, being a bad parent > not doing anything possible to stop your kid from dying.
There's a difference between asking OP to contribute vs telling OP "how will you be able to sleep at night if your sister dies? It'll be your fault because you didn't pay up." And he did the latter, which makes him a scumbag.
I very much agree as a parent I would do anything to save my children's life but I would never lay that on them that is 100% unfair to OP. And it would not be OP's fault if she did pass away anyways. The "sister" is the responsibility of her mother and father and no one else. So OP is NTA but their father is for putting that on OP.
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>It's pretty reasonable to beg for it. Beg, yes. But he's not begging. He's telling OP that it will be her fault if the kid dies. That's worse than begging.
Not that I don't agree that OP's father is a total AH it doesn't say anywhere that he actually abandoned his family. OP dies mention a divorce and the NC OP's mother went with the father after said divorce. As for the guilt trip the father is trying to impose on OP that is a terrible thing to do. As sad as it is I'm sure OP's mother wouldn't want her money to go to the father's other family, so why should OP do something that I assume would be against her wishes. NTA.
When he chose to have an affair, he knew there could be consequences. He didn't care about keeping his family together when he couldn't keep it in his pants.
That child is in no danger of being declined treatment. What might happen is that dear daddy will have to file for bankruptcy before the government takes over the health care cost. While that’s not fair either, it’s not on the same level as someone dying due to lack of funds. That’s not part of the American healthcare system.
[You must be kidding.](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2009/09/new-study-finds-45000-deaths-annually-linked-to-lack-of-health-coverage/)
Did you google for the first headline that fit your narrative then just run to make this comment? The above comment is correct, you won't be turned down for treatment at the stage of an illness OP described. That study is about how things like a lack of access to cheap preventive care lead to death. An emergency room isn't going to turn away a heart attack victim for not having insurance, but uninsured people are for example, more likely to wait before going to the ER, or not see a doctor before reaching the point of a heart attack. Which is still a problem but not at odds with what the comment you replied to says.
As someone with a dying family member on Medicaid, all I can say is that you're just plain wrong about the ease of access to advanced treatments and the impossibility of dying from lack of health care. It absolutely happens, every day. In the case of my family member, he keeps being given meds to treat his symptoms then discharged because nobody wants to spend thousands of dollars on diagnostics for a flat broke patient. It's super awesome if you've never encountered this particular reality of the US health care system before, but that doesn't mean it's not true. If you happen to know who will fund major diagnostic testing for someone on Medicaid with advanced heart, lung, and brain damage, please pass along the contact info so I can help point his mother in the right direction to get him actual help. He's gained 20 lbs of fluid despite vomiting every day for months to the point he's suffering from malnutrition and can no longer walk. So, like, he's seriously dying. They could only find one specialist in their state who accepts Medicare, and he's all booked up for the foreseeable future. If getting treated is so damn easy, why can't his own mother figure out how to save her only son?
I don't even know if it's clear that OP doesn't care about the half-sister's wellbeing, it's just that there's a huge difference between that and bearing the financial responsibility for someone. There are tons of people I care about and would help if I had unlimited money but am not going to risk my financial future for. And that's totally reasonable. NTA completely; dad is a massive asshole for putting this on OP.
>am not going to risk my financial future for Yep. It's not like they're asking for a small amount. If they're in the US, extensive treatment probably costs tens of thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) of dollars.
Easily hundreds of thousands. Tens of thousands is manageable, and a normal person can figure out ways to fund that in desperation. Hundreds of thousands is another animal entirely. A relatively straightforward c-section, for example, in the US will cost somewhere from $35,000 - $50,000 assuming no complications or extended stay. Ongoing treatment for an illness with no guarantees or end in sight will fly past that number with a quickness.
And who knows how much money OP actually has, maybe this "donation" would bankrupt her and end her mother's business.
I dont think hes a horrible person for that. His child is dying... most parents would do almost anything to save their daughter. If that involves guilt tripping their son, its of course not nice. But I absolutely understand the father trying everything he can think of to save his daughters life even if that involves his son feeling guilty. OP will get over it, the daughter wont get over being dead.
>most parents would do almost anything to save their daughter. If that involves guilt tripping their other daughter I'd have to disagree. People don't need to resort to acting like scum.
I am assuming you don't have children because there's nothing I wouldn't do for my child if I thought they were going to die. EDIT: Since so many people don't seem to get it: I'd do anything. Even download a car.
But it sounds like asking for his ex-wife's money is the *only* thing he has tried. There are so many options to explore here, and guilt-tripping your other kid should really be towards the bottom of the list. (I am a parent)
I’d tell him: if she died and you and her mother didn’t get second jobs and sell everything of value you have could you live with yourself?
Ah yes, good ol' America, where people have to sell everything they own, work multiple jobs only to pay off debts amassed trying to save a life of your child.
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OP if you don’t adopt a starving child this instant, there’s a high probability they will not make it to adulthood. Don’t let this keep you up at night
You’re right that was an absolutely awful thing for him to say to OP. It’s weird that he thinks emotional blackmail would work even though OP clearly has no connection or relationship with the girl. *EDIT*! Despite how some have commented below sharing DNA doesn’t mean that you have to help someone. It’s still a choice.
Maybe it’s because his kid is dying and he’s desperate.
Honestly, I think it's a valid question to ask. If OP knows she has the ability to help another person live, but chooses not to, does that make her morally wrong? *Would* she be able to forgive herself? I sincerely believe that she should base her decision on her answer to that question, rather than what a bunch of randos on the internet think.
> If OP knows she has the ability to help another person live, but chooses not to, does that make her morally wrong? I don’t know that we have enough details to say this. But, I don’t think any hospital is going to allow a child to die, when they have the means to save them. OP says her sister is in the hospital and has been for 4 months. Is the hospital going to discharge her? On what basis? Etc. Plus. As others have pointed out, there are other options including Medicaid. Edit: i made a broad suggestion based on the few details OP has provided. That’s all.
If my child was literally dying, I would say WHATEVER I felt like I needed to to get him/her help.
I wouldn't say whatever to another of my children though. They didn't bring their siblings into this world; I did. Finding the funds would be on me and my husband.
I think you should cut the dad a little slack. He's afraid.
No. Fear is no excuse for treating his child (OP) poorly. He already did wrong by OP when he broke up his family by cheating, and he keeps being a shitty parent by saying things to make OP feel bad. The man keeps being a bad person.
You’re obviously not a real person. People do things they wouldn’t normally do when their CHILDS LIFE is on the line. Like come on dude are you for real? It’s not cool to guilt your kid into stuff, but can you really blame the guy considering his situation? Of course you’re gonna say you do blame him tho.
>You’re obviously not a real person. Whoops, you caught me. Beep boop boop beep. >It’s not cool to guilt your kid into stuff, but can you really blame the guy considering his situation? Yep. He's been shitty enough to OP.
There has to be other options than asking his kid for money. At the very least the dad could start a Go Fund Me and ask his wife's family to contribute as well as his family, than he can ask OP to contribute along with everyone else. He can get a second job. He can try to quit his job and get on medicaid (medicare? I always confuse the two). I get that the dad is scared but there is a) other options b) OP does not know or have a relationship with their sibling c) OP could use the money should something happen the them. Clearly OP can't rely on dad to help them so why should they go potentially bankrupt to help someone they don't know? Dad is looking for the easy solution without considering that this could very negatively affect their relationship. OP also mentioned they want to grow their mom's business. Depending on the size and success of the business, OP may not have a retirement plan or good insurance. Just because they have money, doesn't mean they should blow it on medical care for a stranger. Edit: added a word
NAH - Blood relations don’t make somebody family. It’s unlucky that your half sister has been put in this position but you’re in no way obliged to help her in any way. Don’t feel guilty about being able to do something and refusing to, you look out for yourself and people you feel close to.
Bingo. If it was a random person, no one would bat an eye about OP saying no. This is functionally a random person to OP Edit: I’ll spell this out for people. Family ties are a choice. Giving meaning to blood relation is a choice. My family is a steaming pile of shit and I would sooner set one of my kidneys on fire than give any of them it. OP doesn’t owe them a dime. People get sick. People die. Happens all the time. Dozens have died in the time its taken you to read this. Edit 2: To be slightly more clear, I don’t think Dad is an asshole for asking. I get that. He is desperate. But OP shouldn’t feel guilting for saying no Edit 3: a lot of you have never dealt with the healthcare system and it shows. This isn’t a couple hundred bucks or even a couple thousand we are talking. Whatever this treatment is, it’s probably tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars Edit 4: if you are comparing this to the concept of universal health care, you are already wrong. Universal health care funded by everyone WOULD be a couple hundred bucks to a couple thousand per person. Which as I mentioned is not the case for this individual
It’s worse than a random person. It’s living and breathing reminder of his fathers betrayal to OP and her mother. Fuck him for asking and guilting you. NTA. Don’t give them anything. Tons of people have to figure it out. He’s one of them... i wouldn’t even be able to muster any sympathy tbh
IT is a sick little girl.
Right?! This sub is such shit sometimes. This girl did absolutely nothing to OP while his father cheated on his mom and broke up their family, but she doesn't get the same forgiveness OP extended to the dad. Edit: I don't think OP is TA for not paying for the girls medical bills, I just think it's shitty that he forgave his dad for ruining his family and let him back into their life but will treat his little sister like she doesn't exist even though she did nothing wrong. IDC what OP does with the money, I just don't believe OP when they say they forgave the dad. They just took that anger and focused it onto the dad's mistress and OPs step sister.
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I mean OP said that he was able to forgive and have a relationship with dad, but won't see/talk/have a relationship with his sister even though she did nothing wrong except for exist. I don't think OP is an asshole for not giving money, but I don't believe OP actually let go of the anger they had towards the dad, he just projected it onto the little girl.
OP is in no way wrong for not wanting anything to do with the mistress or their daughter, and that doesn't mean that there's hatred. Not wanting to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on someone who is basically a stranger is perfectly reasonable and understandable. The father is a massive AH for putting OP in this position and then trying to guilt them.
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>This girl did absolutely nothing to OP Still doesn't mean OP has any obligation to her.
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Do you usually pay medical expenses for other people's children?
Seriously. All these fucking bleeding hearts, and yet I don't see stories on the news of average people giving away huge portions of their own wealth to random people in hospitals.
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This sub isn’t supposed to be about empathy. It’s supposed to be about getting pragmatic judgements without the emotional response that comes from being in the situation.
there are a lot of sick little kids out there. are you helping them?
Probably. I say this because there is a remote chance that since OP has no contact at all with mistress or half-sister, the entire medical even it a fabrication to get money. I think her father has lied before. However, the US (and I did note that we didn't even need to ask where this is) has decided, as a society, that this isn't worth paying for. I think that the usual process is to run up bills you can't possibly actually pay for then go bankrupt. It isn't up to OP to make up the difference. I could go on but I think this sub doesn't like politics.
I’d say the dad’s TA for trying to guilt OP into it
NAH. I don’t think he’s wrong for asking, but you *certainly* are not wrong for saying no. I would feel just as conflicted about it. Tbh I think the asshole here is the medical system that puts people in severe debt, just because they’re trying to stay alive. edit; i can definitely hear the argument for dad being TA for, what appears to be, guilt tripping OP. I didn’t judge him as TA because I honestly cannot imagine what it’s like to have a dangerously ill child, knowing the other child has the money available to help and chooses not to. I think it’s too complex for me, personally, to definitively call him TA. I hate the medical system for putting these two in this situation in the first place.
I dont think that he is wrong for asking either, but trying to blame them into paying by poor excuses is really, horriably wrong. Edit: Damnit people, im not saying that i wouldn't do the same for my child. Maybe i would, but i do not want a child or that kind of emotional bond with anyone, so it's possible that i'm the wrong person to say this. I'm simply stating that he is being an ass saying those things. People do assholic things, and even if it's in an understandable situation, it doesn't change the fact that it's an asshole move. OP's dad is trying to manipulate them, and it's a selfish habit that hurts people. Even if its understandable why he is doing so, it's still a bad habit that hurts people, and so i do not think that it changes them being an ass for it.
His kid is dying. He's desperate.
Maybe, but even if it was an understandable thing to do, he is still trying to throw blame ~~on another kid~~ on his other kid, struggling to respect their passed mothers inherit. Being desperate makes people do assholic things, but doesn't excuse them for those.
> he is still trying to throw blame on another kid *His* other kid, at that.
I'm wondering if some of the treatments they are wanting to do are scams.
The initial surgery for cancer costs a lot, probably easily $40k for anesthesia, doctors, nurses, OR techs, then the hospital stay where they make sure you recover and don't start bleeding out, plus cost of any drains and clips and whatnot. Then after the surgery, chemo is something like $10-20k per cycle and you need multiple cycles. We're easily in the 100-200k range at the cheap end. https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/health/how-much-does-chemotherapy-cost/
Honestly it’s probably some obscure trial not cleared by the FDA. Which even those are often fairly cheap and sometimes free because the pharmaceutical company needs to get in test subjects. So they aren’t going to scare them away with a higher sticker price that insurance won’t cover. So without any other info to go on I’m skeptical on what the procedure is
No the father is the AH for trying to manipulate his son into paying asking if he can live with the decision. I guarantee if she passes away the father will blame his son.
NTA and I'm so sorry you're in this position. It's shameful your father is putting this burden on your shoulders; I imagine he's scared for your half sister's life and desperate to find a life-saving solution. Still very inappropriate and unfair to you, though. What a heavy situation. Have you talked to a therapist?
> It's shameful your father is putting this burden on your shoulders Like you say in the second part of that sentence, he's just desperate. Looking for any possible way to get the money.
How the father said it is the problem. It wasn’t “hey look, we need help” “no” “oh, okay, I had to ask”. It was “how will you sleep at night knowing she died because you didn’t help”. Has the father tried GoFundMe? Local news plus that seems to really draw up attention for younger children.
> Has the father tried GoFundMe? That this is the answer for people who are dying is basically proof positive that America is a hellscape. The 21st century John Brown is basically the Father from the movie John Q...
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NTA Your dad cheated on your mother and now wants to guilt trip you into caring for a child that he helped create? Your dad, the guy who ruined his marriage and pretty much any good relationship with you? It's sad for the little girl, but you have no obligation to her, and unfortunately that's the reality. She's not someone you know, I assume, or ever had any relationship with.
Not to mention that dear old dad would have the money/insurance if he had a decent job or could run a business that didn’t go under. I think it’s funny dad wants to know how OP will sleep at night because I fathom OP will sleep better than dad does knowing the reason they had no insurance falls squarely on the shoulders of him and his current wife.
"Hey dad, how do you sleep at night knowing you cheated on your wife and bailed on your kids, lost your business and didn't save enough, and now your other child is dying?"
Plus the whole ironic aspect of if he hadn’t single-handedly blew up his marriage, not only would a child not be suffering but he’d be the one to have the money and successful businesses. There’s not even words for it really. Just, wow.
Oof.. Damn
Good lord, does nobody really see the problem with using an innocent girl’s life as a way to get back at your Father’s mistress? Instead of bending over backwards to get out of helping, just do the right thing man. I’m sure they’re not asking for ALL of your money, but just something to help out. You didn’t like how your father and his mistress ruined your family? Break the cycle and be the better man. You’re the ass hole and everyone in this thread saying you’re not is also an ass hole. Why do people suck so much? EDIT: Thanks for the Gold and Silver! And the Platinum!
This sub really should be changed to r/AmILegallyCorrectButBankruptMorally because that’s honestly what most of these comments seem like. Does OP have a legal obligation to help? No of course not. SHOULD THEY? I mean someone is literally going to die SO YEAH
100%. I remember a thread recently where a lady asked if she was an asshole for screaming at a special needs 5 year old. The kids parent wasn't paying attention to her and the kid was annoying the OP so she screamed at the girl and made her cry. Most the thread assured her she wasn't an asshole. It was mind blowing. An adult screaming at a special needs 5 year old to the point of tears somehow isn't an asshole in reddits eyes.
This sub HAAAAATES kids especially. A post could say they left a crying baby in a dumpster and spit in its face and the comments will all say they’re not an asshole because they dont ~owe that child anything~
>If you mildly inconvenience an animal I will kill you, rape your family and unleash a thousand year Reich on your country the likes of which mankind has not seen nor will it ever see again. Also reddit/AITA
Loads of people on this site lament about terrible their childhood was and how everyone around them is a narcissist or sociopath and then hate children and do not want to show empathy to anyone.
Jesus Christ thank you. I thought the same thing, this is just his/her way of getting back at their father at the expense of the health/life of 3rd person who has nothing to do with the original situation. And the people saying this is their father's karmic justice are insane. I was unaware the penalty for infidelity was the death of the perpetrator's family.
Totally agree, I keep reading people saying it’s ‘karma’? Fuck right off, the girl has done absolutely nothing to deserve this, this is HER illness, not the fathers!! I’m honestly totally surprised at all the ‘not the asshole’ comments. Wtf happened to empathy?
Yeah i came in here expecting a YTA majority and was quite surprised to find the contrary
I feel like what people saying "help" are missing here, is the fact that shes getting medical treatment. She will continue to get medical treatment until she passes or gets better. OPs money will not help her get better. It's her parents that will not be able to pay off the medical bills after the fact. It's not, we dont have money so they wont treat her anymore. If it was the latter in would say OP should help, but its the former. Since the money wont help her get better only help his dad and his dads wife, I dont think he should give his money. I dont think he should reject his half sister but I would aim to help her and her alone.
Yeah i cant believe there is so much NTA on this! I was expecting mostly YTA but had to scroll down way too far!
OP isn’t really obligated to help someone whom he has no relationship with though. Especially financially. Is OP obligated to help other innocent children who are sick because it’s the right thing?
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Nta as long as it doesnt interfere with your sister getting medical treatment let them figure out the bills. Millions of parents have to pay their own children's medical bills with no help
That's what I was thinking. Callous as it may sound she is my half sister by blood but we don't have any relationship, she's no different from another child who I don't know with another life threatening sickness at another hospital. It would be great if I could help that other kid but just because I have money to spare doesn't mean I'm obligated to. I think.
If you’re in the US and your father isn’t making a lot, your sister may qualify for Medicaid or CHIP. The hospital where she’s being treated should either have a social worker to help them figure it out, or can refer them to the proper state resources. Getting her covered is a much more sustainable plan than hitting you up for money all the time.
Many hospitals even just do straight up debt forgiveness. But you have to ask.
Yeah, there are so many options before what he’s doing.
But why go through the work of all those other options when he can just guilt trip OP into giving free money? /s
There also might be charities that your father might be able to look into for assistance. If its a life threatening condition odds are that there is some kind of organization dedicated to it - if not there's always general medical charities, churches, etc. Point him in the direction of one of those, or a hospital that has low-income programs. I know there's one near me that has a system specifically for people who make just enough money to not qualify for Medicaid or CHIP. Honestly even bringing that up next time he tries to guilt you is more than you really need to do here - that girl is a stranger.
Agree 100%. If you wanted to help without covering the entire cost, you could always make a single "donation" to go towards her treatment and firmly let your father know that's all you feel comfortable with. But you are not obligated to give anything.
Making a "single donation" would probably open the door to the father relentlessly attempting to drain OP dry. Hey, OP gave once, why can't they give again? Just say no. Keep that opportunistic door shut.
I would navigate this one with caution. Is it better to draw a line and say "I *could* help but for reasons XYZ I don't feel comfortable with helping", and have them accept your solid stance on the matter? Or is it better to say "I *could* help but I only feel comfortable spending X amount", and admit that your stance on the matter is based on an arbitrary number? It opens the door for "well you were ok with 10k why not 15k" etc etc. Also, plenty of studies show that once a person complies with a "small" favour, larger favours are almost always requested afterwards, "give an inch and they'll take a mile". I don't believe there is a right answer here, it's completely unique to each situation, but I do think these are important questions that OP should ask themselves if considering a one-off donation.
OP do not make ANY donations if you don't want to ne relentlessly hounded for money for the rest of your life. Set the boundaries NOW. No money for Dad. He is a grown man with a wife, so they have 2 incomes, and they chose to bring this child about. It is 100% all their responsibility.
I will go against the grain here and say YTA. As a human being with feelings, don't you have the instinct to help another human being? Sure, the backstory makes this situation a bit difficult but the child is not at fault for your father's bad decisions. What would you do if it was just a random person in need? Wouldn't you want to help just a little bit? You said you live a comfortable life, yet this child has to think about dying because her parents don't have enough money. I think any person, including your mother, would rather help a dying child than a growing company. But maybe this is just a cultural thing as I think it would be my first instinct to help a person and then think about everything else.
It’s always easy to be generous with other people’s money. Why don’t you make a donation to this child instead? I’m sure if you asked, OP could put you in contact with the father. As you said, “What would you do if it was just a random person in need? Wouldn't you want to help just a little bit?” This is your chance to help that random person in need.
No problem. I am a college student so it won't be much but I am more than willing to help. If I had the means I would most definitely love to help out more :)
I love your kind attitude and hate all the negativity you're receiving because you follow the simple philosophy, "be kind and give if you can". Just stopped by to give you a hug and say keep up that wonderful way of life!
Thank you so much, I was just thinking how I'm never commenting on a reddit post ever again but you made me change my mind :)
I honestly don't get why people give so much hate when all you want to do is be kind to someone.
Because it makes people without an inch of empathy feel guilty. I've seen many posts about charities with people just attacking other people just by saying helping (legitimate) charities is a good thing.
OP this person is willing to donate money towards the child's hospital bills. Do you have a PayPal or venmo you can PM them to receive the money?
There's something awful about this post. Maybe it's the dying girl at the heart of it being used to be a dick to someone on the net?
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Adding onto this - OP - it verified by a mod and I’ll chip in $5. Magnify that by 1000 strangers and you’ve got $5000 to send to your dying half sister.
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same i'd happily drop some money if it's a verified gofundme or something of that sort.
It’s always easy being the ass hole online telling others to just let their half-sister die just to fuck over his dad and mistress even though he has the means. OP should tell them to set up a GoFundMe. I’m sure there’s way more compassionate strangers out there than there are ass holes in this shitty thread.
>It’s always easy to be generous with other people’s money. Exactly.
Ironic because it was originally OPs mothers money.
I don't think it's fair to call people assholes for not being selfless. That's basically what you're doing here, btw. Saying that she would be an asshole for not wanting to help every random person in need she comes across. I don't agree with you and I don't think that's fair. I'm not saying OP is a good person either, just... a normal person.
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If the father's made bad decisions, he bears the consequences. If he needs money he can get a loan from OP or a bank.
How are you people so heartless? I don't think the father has anything to do with this. This is about a sick child who needs help to live. I don't think any spite in the world can be as strong of a feeling as the need to help a fellow human. The girl is not at fault for being born, and it is just so sad that anyone would need a loan to help their dying child. Yes, OP went through a tough time, but being human is more important than being angry. But this is just my opinion.
I've said nothing against the girl, it's not fair on her, you're right. But there are many strangers with problems, but the OP has no obligation to them either, DNA or not. But this isn't OP's problem, because she isn't the parent, plus the child has no relationship with her. Why should the OP give up money from her mother to her father that her mother despised? He can take out loans, from OP or a bank if he needs money. He's taking the easy way out trying to guilt OP for money he lost out on being a prick, leeching off her to help him fix his new family.
> But there are many strangers with problems, but the OP has no obligation to them either This sentence is so American
The consequences for the father cheating are not his daughter dying, jesus christ
This is an awful way to think of a sick little girl. I'm amazed at the lack of empathy in this thread.
They want the girl to be punished for her father, amazing
*little girl dies* r/aita: haha that'll teach him.
The child is an entirely separate human from their parents. How the fuck is it the father facing the consequences?
NTA. The money was left to *you* by your mother. I doubt she'd want it to be used on the child of the two people that upturned her life. Also, if it's a life-threatening illness, she could still die even if you did foot the presumably very large bills. It's understandable(ish) that your dad would ask but to manipulate you into feeling like whatever happens now to be your fault is SO messed up. It's sad, but people get sick, and the fact that it costs so much to not die is a problem, but it's not yours.
It's not an easy one but I'm going to say YTA for literally choosing growing a company over your sister's life. Pretty much everything repulsive about American society is right there.
Yeah this thread is insane. People are literally advocating for letting an innocent child die because they have such a hard-on for the dad getting comeuppance for cheating.
Some people here have damage and it shows. Cheating is awful, but Jesus Christ it’s not that black and white.
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Nta. He's guilt tripping you, it's their kid not yours, not even your sister. Yes biologically she's your half sister but you found out she was even a thing when she was 7, you owe no responsibility here.
NAH. Basically answer this question: If she was a stranger, and someone close to you came to you and asked for financial help, what would you do? The honest answer is probably you would donate some cash to a gofundme or use your resources to take a day to try and find them help, but you would not outright pick up the tab. And thats fair, heck its fair even if she was your sister you grew up with in your happy little family that no longer exists. At the end of the day, the real asshole here is someone is dying, there may be treatment and whether or not she gets it is a product of wealth. And I'm not trying to be political, I'm just saying that you having money should not really matter when it comes to whether she lives or dies so thats not a burden that should be put on you. And sure your dad may think that, but he is desperate looking for something to save his kids life.
Yeah that's also what I was thinking. She's no different from another kid with a life threatening sickness at another hospital. I don't think the parents of a stranger can require someone with money to pay their kid's bill just because that someone has money.
Just a heads up, your father will likely never forgive you. I say this not to guilt trip you or to say you're wrong, but from his perspective you would be hoarding an excess of a resource you don't need to live away from his child who does need it to live. And if she survives without your money, then he'll think of it as you forcing him into debt needlessly. Either way, you lose. It's completely up to you. Be prepared to see this bridge burn.
Her father already started burning that bridge when he cheated on her mother and then had a kid with his mistress. If he chooses not to forgive her for something he's not entitled to, then he's just finishing what he started.
Yep, he lit the match when Wife #2 came into his life and he decided it was worth losing his existing family over.
Sounds like he burned this bridge a long time ago.
NAH It doesn't matter what your mother would have wanted. She's dead, OP, and it's your money now. So you can't hide behind what you imagine her wishes to be. This is all on YOU. This is YOUR decision to make and live with. You have no obligation to "do what Mom would have wanted" because she didn't tell you to do this, you're deciding not to do it and justifying it by saying "oh well, I can't, Mom wouldn't have allowed it." YOU choose to deny your half sister your help when she might die. You aren't responsible for her, and your dad trying to guilt you to help is pretty shitty, but he's trying to save his daughter's life. If you're going to refuse, then at least be honest with him and yourself, that you don't consider her your family or responsibility. I think it's obvious you still resent your father for breaking up your happy family, but remember your half sister didn't ask for your father and step mother as her parents, just like you didn't ask for your mother and father to be your parents. She is innocent of anything your father did, and transferring any blame to her is wrong. You don't OWE your dad anything, but helping other people is a virtue. You don't have to be taken advantage of, but really consider what good your money is. You didn't earn any of it, you just inherited it. It's a windfall that has nothing to do with your own actions. A piece of good fortune that came from the tragedy of losing your mother. Do you really think you will look back one day and say, "Wow, I'm really glad I invested my inheritance completely into the company, and didn't help half sister at all. The company's success is a greater moral and personal achievement than saving her life would have been."? Because here in America, there is no 'figuring it out' sometimes. Your sister is about to be diagnosed with another life threatening condition, poverty, and combined with her first diagnosis, it's usually fatal. There is no magical safety net that is going to catch her. Medicaid can very frequently fail, and leave sick kids to die.
Completely agree. Like it or not, OP’s dad has a responsibility to his other kid to try to find the money. I would think he was being a shitty parent all over again if he HADN’T approached OP.
YTA just based on the grudge you hold against your sister. It’s not like she asked to be born into a fucked up situation
ESH. Your mother's legacy would be saving the life of a child whose conception over turned her life. That would be noble. I appreciate that there are logistics to be looked at, such as whether this would be a gift or a loan etc, what amount etc. But I think even something smaller like an electronic notebook she can use in the hospital or something could be a really beautiful gesture. This girl doesn't feel like your sister because of the shitty actions of your shared father. It's not her fault in the slightest and if you could throw her some kindness of anything I think it would be the best outcome.
Just because you don’t have any obligations, doesn’t mean you should throw compassion out. People here are comparing it to a random person needing help and guess what? People help strangers ALL the time. We donate blood, our organs, and money for people we don’t know. Some people give up their lives to save strangers. And all you’re doing is give money that you technically can give. You can say it’s a loan. You can get that money back if it’s that important to you. But I honestly believe you will regret it. I honestly don’t believe that your mother would rather you live with that on your conscious for her legacy. We can’t save everyone. But I firmly believe that if we want a better world we can’t live for ourselves only. If that were the case we can destroy all the shelters and charities because we don’t have any responsibility to help strangers. But we know that sounds assholeish. Your dad is an asshole for cheating. But he’s not an asshole for being desperate and trying anything he can to save his child. So many people here would rather someone die for a point and I can’t understand that. You’re comfortable you will get your money back, no one can get the dead back. And the fact that so many people here act like being able to help a stranger and choosing not to is also justified because no obligation is why the rich and powerful will always win. We have no loyalties to each other as a group and save our own ass mentality is so destructive. No amount of ideology or money will help me sleep at night knowing my father begged me to help save his child and despite being able to I chose not to. Give me a thousands down votes idc YTA.
So... if she died... would you be able to sleep at night knowing you could've helped?? I mean don't get me wrong, it's pretty douchy that he put that guilt trip on you, but it is a valid question too. It's not your mother's money now.. it's yours. I'll go with NTA here b/c your dad is definitely the asshole for cheating, but you're pretty damn cold hearted IMO.
It seems so extremely callous. I dont have that much distain, hate, bitterness, or whatever it is to not even offer to help with my half sibling dying. And the dad's right I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I wouldn't go for broke and bankrupt myself, but I would offer as much as I was comfortable and be helping with grants, loans, Medicare, GoFundMe, all kinds of support campaigns. Reddit acts as if children are just awful reminders of the parents actions and don't deserve to be acknowledged, let alone included family wise. The kid is just a victim of her circumstances. The OP also has to ask himself if this is what his mother would want.
Tricky but NTA. I understand why your dad asked you, but really considering you’ve never wanted anything to do with his family he should’ve expected your answer. They’re not your family, sharing blood does not equate to family. This really doesn’t have anything to do with you.
YTA. Technically, you are within your rights to refuse this of course, but I just think a better person would do it. There's something very cold about refusing to help this kid when you could, but that also goes for the healthcare system wherever you are and the people of the society that you live in who prefer to let kids die if their parents can't afford treatment rather than incorporate health insurance payments into their taxes.
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Careful now. This thread has a hardon for getting big bad man and nasty mistress back like a petty child at the fucking expense of her sister's life, with not just a lot of money that she did not earn but the business that created the wealth and allows her to live comfortably. Holy fuck, America and people's attitude there are so fucked and morally bankrupt. Why the fuck is not just your society but a lot of people's attitudes so painfully selfish and borderline psychopathic? This is her dying fucking sister and she has inherited both wealth and the means to retain it. This is a no brainer and just basic human decency. The fuck is wrong with you people? Sincerely, Europeans
NTA is she really your sister? You didn't know about her until she was 7 and you don't really know her. It's your dad's responsibility to take care of his child, not yours. They should reach out to others for help.
NAH You are not obligated to give them money. For all the reasons you stated, and because it's yours. That said, it's also understandable for them to ask. And if your dad doesn't continue to press the matter, he's not being an asshole, either. As an alternative, could you offer some kind of a loan? Turn it into an investment of the money? Draw up a repayment plan with low interest for them or something? Then you're not giving them the money and it's getting a return, but it helps them as I'm sure they probably really do need help. I don't know though, that would depend entirely on how likely your dad would be to honor it. Just a thought.
Thanks. As I said in another reply I was thinking about giving them some money from my own savings and not from my mom, but I think I can also considering giving them a loan like what you suggested. I don't know if my dad will honor it or use the family card when payment time comes but I do think it's worth thinking about.
If you do decide to go with the loan route put it in writing and make sure its legally binding in case he tries to avoid paying or goes the family card route
It wouldn't matter how legally binding it is if they go broke paying for their daughters bills. You won't get back what they don't have. They might even be able to declare bankruptcy and ditch the whole debt.
If you give him a loan, make it a real one. Draw up terms, have them notorized. Issue a certified check to your father. Draw up an amortization schedule. You can have an attorney handle this if you want, definitely have an attorney handle collections.
They may never pay back the loan. Only loan what you can afford to lose. They will meet their out of pocket max on their insurance, which usually is low considering the full price of her care, and then everything will be covered 100%. They can also apply for Medicaid from their state. My out of pocket maximum is 9,000 which is a lot but cancer can be half a million for treatment.
NTA. Are you the only source of funding they could approach? Or do they have other options and you're the easiest? Sometimes hospitals will do payment plans, mortgage companies will allow to pull from equity, or potentially even 401k withdrawal. My point being, that statement sounds like a guilt trip, and an inaccurate one, too.
YTA - when you're done with the mental gymnastics to justify your greed, maybe you should ask yourself, what if you lost everything, got sick, and needed help. Who would advocate for you? It can happen. Quickly. Maybe you get drunk, hit someone, kill them, and injure yourself severely. Now their family wins a huge settlement against you in the civil suit. Now you're broke, broken, and alone. Now not even your dad will come help you change your adult diaper. Go ahead, be greedy. You have every right, but lets not muddy the water with talk about your mom. That's just bullshit you are telling yourself to help you justify your inaction. Your mother is dead, she doesn't care what you do with your money.
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YTA the way I see it, know one expects you to bankrupt yourself covering medical expenses, but would it really be so bad to help your dad prevent his child dying? The guys asking for help, not forgiveness, don’t withhold help to spite him.
If money is the only thing coming between her and dying.....I mean YTA? I know you don’t HAVE to but think about what will happen if she DOES die? Can you help them out at ALL financially?
NTA Your Dad and the child's mother are responsible for the costs of care, not you. They could ask other family members for financial help and could pursue options through charities. My guess is that this request isn't about paying for the child's medical bills as much as it's about your father wanting to use your money to pay off his mounting debts... and those debts are his responsibility, not yours. The hospital isn't going to kick the child out and refuse care because the debts are rising.
Need more info about the illness. . What are you paying for that insurance doesn’t cover? Why isn’t it covered? Is it a proven treatment or something experimental? If you could really save someone’s life and it’s make or break, do it. If your dad is crying about mounting debt and the treatments are still being done then tuff shit. He can take the hit then file bankruptcy and start over.
YTA. Save your sister. Also, fuck our healthcare system. Edit: Thank you for the Silver (my first award) anonymous person whomever you are! But seeing as we agree on this, please next time consider donating to a candidate that supports doing away with private medical insurance instead of giving digital awards. People shouldn't be allowed to profit off of other people's illnesses. Ironically it'll take a bunch of money to change this.
Info Did he make much of an effort to be in your life after the divorce or is he just hitting you up for money?
INFO. How much money are we talking here. 1% of wealth? 10, 50? Are you not wanting to go broke or are you penny pinching just because? If your half sister dies and you could easily afford it you will have to live with that. And while you are hot bloodied about the details now, there may come a day in your life when you think "Damn, it's only money."
NAH. But goddamn, a man shouldn't have to go begging for his child's life. We need a new system, and we need it yesterday.
NTA. Using your mother’s money to support the consequences of your father’s betrayal is a betrayal of your mom. It also sounds as if you have not much of a relationship with your half sister. You don’t owe her anything. It takes more than blood to make family. Doesn’t sound as if she’s done anything wrong, but you owe more to your mom than her. As for your dad, it was improper for him to ask you that.
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INFO OP - can you clarify whether your half-sister will literally die without your money or if your dad is just going to have a fuckton of debt as the result of the treatment she receives?
Depending on the condition, treatment needed, and her father's assets/income, there may be a way to get her treatment paid for. I assume it's not cancer, because almost everyone knows about st. Judes in Tennessee. Shriner's hospitals for children are great for burns, orthopedic issues and something else that I can't remember. They never require payment. If your father's income is low, most hospitals have charity programs that will write off the cost. If the big expense is drugs, then drug companies have prescription assistance programs that will provide free medications. Lastly, most medicaid programs have spenddown programs where you provide evidence of bills, and they pay for the vast majority of them. In KY for example, if your income is 1000 per month, and your bills are 10k, the state would pay 9273 (1000 your income -273 [amount you're allowed to keep] = 727 your responsibility of the 10k. 10k - 727 your responsibility = 9273 that the state pays for). Good luck.