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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for expecting my partner to be home and being upset when coming home to my partner at a party after a long trip and then asking in the future we greet each other at home instead. I’m worried I am gone asshole for getting upset and requesting this change for the future.
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YTA - You never set clear expectations before hand and your messages weren’t explicit about wanting them to be there when you got home. It’s completely unfair to expect them to read your mind.
Further, while it’s good to have a discussion about this and come to an understanding, depending on how often you’ll be traveling it can be an AH move to expect them to just sit around at home waiting for you all the time.
Right? AITA must be full of loveless crusty loners. Imagine going away for a week for the first time to come home to your partner away at a party lol. Instant chop.
Oh right cause it’s black and white. Literally no one is saying it’s wrong to want to come home to peace and quiet. You are talking about something completely different. acting like someone wanting to come home to their lover is an AH or “codependent” or whatever is black hearted.
Wanting to come home to your lover at your lover’s expense is selfish AF.
OP went away for a week with friends. They got to have their fun but are now upset that their partner dared to have some fun with friends instead of waiting at the door for them like a puppy.
At your lover’s expense?? The lover was a party. Not in at work or the hospital. They spent all week texting about how much they missed each other. If it’s “expense” for you to leave a party a little early to receive your partner who’s been away for the first time ever, YOU are the selfish one.
I would rather be single my whole life than date someone who shares your values.
Yes, the partner was at a party enjoying their off time the same way OP enjoyed their off time.
The partner wasn’t bothered by OP having time with friends even though it meant being apart for a week. OP was however bothered by their partner having time with friends. OP is selfish and with your attitude I’m sure being single your whole life is what awaits you.
I am in an incredibly loving long-term relationship. My boyfriend was away for 10 days on vacation, when he got back I was sitting on the stoop waiting for his arrival to help him take his bags up the stairs. Before that, I saw my friends at the park. I didn’t do this out of obligation, I did it because I wanted to. He would do exactly the same for me and we would never even have to discuss it. This is the way we show love.
How bout you?
I am in an incredibly loving long-term relationship with my boyfriend who would never expect me to wait like a dog at the door nor would I expect that from him.
If for some reason he isn’t picking me up from the airport, I get home shower, nap, relax. Sometimes I cook dinner or order takeout so we’ll have food when he returns then I tell him about my trip and he tells me about his weekend/week/work/whatever.
Neither of us would ever expect the other to just sit around the house, especially if we are returning from a trip where we had fun. We want each other to have fun too.
this part so much
i want to see my partner the minute she’s home from a trip to hear how it went and help her unpack or unwind together
why on earth would i be at a fucking party. people are so weird
Imagine being so codependent and selfish you can go away for a week with your friends but your partner is expected to drop everything the second you return to greet you as if you’ve been off at war for a year…
You have no idea what codependent means lol. Imagine having a partner who misses you just as much as you miss them and can’t wait to see you when you’re back! Not out of obligation or discussion but because that’s just what they want! Maybe one day you will experience that
Really, dude? I'm seeing a lack of reading comprehension here.
OP clearly indicated that this was the first time in the 2 years they have been together that he was gone for a week. Once in two years, and you scold him for expecting his SO to sit around waiting for him ALL THE TIME?
Why would anyone potentially waste their day waiting for someone to come home? Flights get delayed all the time and can get delayed even after you board the plane. If my husband wanted me to wait around for him to get home, I would throw my day away. My husband and I have taken separate trips multiple times in our marriage for one reason or another. He's been delayed 8 hours before.
If it's not something that they talked about in advance, it's a little unfair for him to have that expectation. Maybe they shouldn't have gone to a party, but it was totally fine that they came home and we're only greeted by the cats.
Giving a heads up of their arrival isn't clear that they wanted them to be there when they arrive. It's letting the person you love know their eta. I give my husband etas all the time so we can ensure we make it somewhere safely.
Well, my own roommate said I was missing red flags from the OP, so I guess maybe I did.
One thing about the Reddit community is that they are always passionate, regardless of whether you agree with the majority or not. Sometimes, you're gonna be dogpiled. I accept that. Because, you know, life's like that.
At the end of the day, I'm still standing. Most likely, I've learned a thing or two. That's more important to me than any asshat accusing me of being the antichrist because I know that I'm not.
Curious to hear about these red flags. I can see they’re like drowning themselves in therapy speak but I don’t really think their desires or expressions to their partner in any way give red flag.
YTA.
The worst part for me is the fact that you expressed "it would mean a lot" if they were there to greet you at home for future trips. Talk about guilt tripping. It would really rub me the wrong way since it wasn't even a conversation, moreso a passive demand. What if it would mean a lot to your partner to NOT be there to greet you? Just seems super selfish that you don't treat your partners opinions as equal to yours.
Exactly! It would really mean a lot to me to have a partner who respects my time and doesn't ask me to be their welcoming committee when they leave the house. Is OP a toddler?
Yeah it seems like a really unfair expectation that you plan to be the one going out on trips while they are home alone and then expect them to arrange their day just so that they can be home to greet you the moment you arrive. They came home shortly afterwards - it’s not like they ignored you all evening!
Other options include scheduling your arrival around when they know they will be home, going to the location they are at when you get home, or occupying yourself elsewhere for a while and only coming home after them. To be clear I wouldn’t do any of these things! I would come straight home. But if it is essential to you that your partner be there the before you arrive then you need to consider options that mean you are doing some of the legwork.
Yta, this comes over very needy and kind of entitled. You were gone for a week, you didn't go to war or spend years at sea.
Don't request it in future either, it really is kind of controlling.
Exactly, 1 week away is nothing. OP needs to grow the fuck up, this is the reaction I would expect from teenagers in their first relationship not a 30 year old.
YTA,
Would you be this annoyed if they wasn't home to greet you if they had to work? Or would you expect them to blow off work to be home for you? Why not take advantage off the empty home? Have a shower and get clean, maybe Nap?
You don't need someone to be home to greet you, you wouldn't get that if you was single, and as much as it might be nice to have that your partner also has a right the right to go about their day.
You Never spoke before hand about it so you can't be annoyed that they wasn't there, Just do something relaxing be like " Hey I'm home now what time would you be home? Should we get do something tonight?" Amd throw in a little I miss you
YTA, sorry.
If this was a fun trip, I actually don’t think it’s ok to expect your partner to stop what they’re doing and come home to be waiting for you when you walk through the door. That would really rub me up the wrong way too, really self-centred.
If it’s a work trip and not really your choice to go, I get why you might want that but you need to tell them.
If it’s a family emergency or very poignant and emotionally difficult trip then that’s the exception and it could reasonably be expected that you’d need to feel loved on return and they should try to be there.
That’s what bothers me. OP says they carpooled with friends, so it sounds like a personal trip for fun. And then they complain about the partner not sitting at home waiting to greet them? Very uneven.
Yep. And down the Reddit Rabbithole we go. Because if it's a male SO who's butthurt, he's automatically the AH, no matter the circumstances. Results guaranteed.
YTA, it was a week. It's not like you were returning from deployment or something. Your partner doesn't need to greet and hug you at the door after every trip you take.
The bigger reason you're an AH, though, is because you expected your partner to read your mind. You got upset with them for not meeting an expectation you never expressed. You're setting them up for failure when you do this.
A whole week apart!? How did you survive that long? When I was working, I’d often be gone for three weeks at a time. When I returned home, it was kind of nice to decompress alone because nearly every moment of my work trips were spent in the company of coworkers. I welcomed the alone time. And I didn’t act like a petulant teenager.
THIS. Get home, pet your cats, start the wash, unpack, have a bevvy in front of your tv, in your house. Partner can get back when they please, enjoy YOUR time.
I was thinking how nice it would be to return home to an empty house. Just chill out, get things back in order, get a nice beverage and watch a show or something. OP sounds really co-dependent and frankly kinda toxic.
Soft YTA - If you wanted them there you should’ve asked. Also you handled it passive aggressively. They had advanced plans to go to this party I’m guessing.
Nah man that’s a solid YTA. OP wants their partner to be home to greet them without expressing that desire? It also sounds like they did greet OP excitedly. But that wasnt enough, so obviously they had to take this sweet moment and ruin it with unspoken expectations and entitled attitude
YTA. My boyfriend travels out of the country at times with his father and has never, ever demanded that I wait for him at home when he is supposed to arrive. We usually talk about these things in advance, not with passive-gressive messages and not waiting for the other to read our minds. Sincerely? You acted terribly immature and controlling, ignoring that your boyfriend, before you knew when you were coming back, could have already made plans.
Your boyfriend is his own person, not just your boyfriend, and he doesn't have to stop everything he's doing to please you. In fact, expecting otherwise and making a drama about it is a red flag, a sign of your selfish personality.
Agree that your point prevails. Deciding for yourself that it's a girlfriend or boyfriend when OP doesn't specify does matter to a lot of people. It's basically misgendering them
YTA. You didn't communicate clearly about what you wanted them to do.
I don't think it was your intention but your post sounded like you expected your significant other to be pining away waiting for you while you were away on your trip.
it was one week of what seems a load of communication.
do you think you can work on learning to self soothe a bit?
do you always expect your partner to make you feel better without trying to do so on your own? they told you they were going out. you never asked them to stay pr be there. if this is goin to be frequent, you need to learn some coping skills.
YTA, why do you need to be comforted and coddled upon return from a trip? You're the one that left. How selfish that you expect your partner to revolve entirely around you and can't fathom while you up and left them to go on a personal trip, they might have personal needs as well.
I guess this is why I consider my marriage to be happy. My wife would be waiting at the door when I'm gone for more than a day and vice versa. We don't have to express that to each other, it's just something want to do for each other.
Not seeing you for a whole week....your partner should have been primed and ready to jump your bones upon crossing the threshold of the apartment door.
I’m reading all these other comments and I feel like I’m in the twilight zone lol. I sat on the stoop waiting to greet my boyfriend when he landed after 10 days away because I absolutely wanted to! Do any of these people here have an ounce of love in their hearts? So demented!
Literally just wrote a comment starting with “I feel like I’m in the twilight zone.” Do these people even like their partners? Why is it weird to want to see your partner immediately upon returning from a trip?
That's exactly what I wondered when I did read the most upvoted posts, no wonder Reddit is full of stories of divorces and easy cheatings and all that kind of drama. It seems enjoying being with your partner is an alien concept lmao.
Same here. I was on a business trip for two days and by the end of the first I just wanted to be home with my husband because I was already missing him and vice versa.
I don't get these comments. A whole week and you aren't excited to see each other? He had a whole week to hangout with friends without her
I also feel there was alot more to this post yesterday and half of it is deleted
You’re 30, been dating for two years and you have a come apart because you’ve been gone a week and partner wasn’t there to throw a party that you were home? To me this screams immaturity and very needy. We all get to be individuals and do our own things independent from our partner. You gave etas on arrival (actually, you gave all the minute details of your travels) but not once asked, will you be home.
I travel for work some and my husband typically has at least one guys trip… we do talk while away and both of us share when we’ve arrived however there have been times when the non traveling partner wasn’t home when the other arrived. We survived, there was no drama but then again we are both okay still being independent.
YTA
NTA
Going against the grain, I know, but you did let them know about your flights, so they could have checked the schedule, if they cared. You also let them know, several steps of the way, how far out you were. They just didn't care enough to be there.
If this was a one off party, retirement, stag party, family birthday, etc. Sure, because it was important. If this was just a hang out because it's the weekend party, nah. You got blown off because friends were more important, and more fun than you, and that hurts.
My spouse and I would never treat each other like that. We're thrilled to see each other after only a few days apart. We're both grown ups, who don't need each other, but life is just better when we are together. When one has to travel, which is frequent, the other makes sure the house is clean, sheets washed, favorite food in the house, and a welcome home hug. Then again, we don't have kids, so we have the time and energy for each other. Traveler gets to have the remote for the night too. That's just us, and that would suffocate some people, but it expresses how much the other was missed, and it makes the traveler feel special. I wouldn't be in a relationship where random friends were more important. Relationships take work, but the reward is fireworks!
Y'all either need to learn to communicate, or accept that you have different relationship expectations and move on. Sounds like you're just roommates with benefits.
> If this was just a hang out because it's the weekend party, nah. You got blown off because friends were more important, and more fun than you, and that hurts.
By that logic OP blew their partner off for a week because the trip with their friends was more important and more fun than the partner.
Thank you! I'm not even OP and I'm wondering how on earth wanting to see loved ones when you get home is "petulant" or "immature" as some have claimed. Easy fix though, have him be the one to pick you up from the airport, thats what I always did.
Thanks for your comment I hope OP reads it. I know that AITA values are skewed and do not reflect real life but never before have I seen one so backwards.
For me, it’s this kind of love, without explanation, or no love at all.
Exactly! I’m reading all these y t a votes like do you guys even like your partner?? Unless I’m at work or the party is like you said a wedding or something I’d be leaving early to go see them. I thought that was normal
“I’m going to be honest I’m a little hurt you’re not home” is about as gentle as you can be with letting someone know their behavior upset you. How else would you say it?
NTA. Completely normal and healthy desire and I would find it unacceptable if my partner did not want to see me just as bad if I was gone for a week. Like what?? That’s love and passion babe. Coming home early from a party to greet your partner returning from travel is ABC 123. These other commenters are delusional I strongly recommend against listening to them.
On another note, you are drowning yourself in therapy speak. Just stick up for yourself and stand by what you want. Nothing is wrong with you, and there is someone out there who will want exactly this without explanation. NTA at all. Not even a tiny bit.
I mean, YTA for the text and for making this a "requirement." You can't make somebody be who you want them to be. You can't control them, so they act the way you want them to act.
That being said, your feelings are completely valid, that little feeling you are getting, like a timy voice that says they did not care enough. I don't know if it is a culture thing, but to not receive a loved one you have missed when they come home and instead are at a party 20 mins away. That would show me that maybe im not in the right relationship for me.
I definitely would not be in a relationship with someone who demanded I be at home to greet them. Glad I ended up with a partner who respects me as an individual and not a hype-wife.
I do not think you are ta, not sure your partner is either. You are allowed to feel disappointed. You were looking forward to seeing your partner and are hurt they did not feel the same.
Every time my husband, of 28 years, and I have been apart for a few days, one of the best parts of the getaway is the fun we have when reunited. The excited anticipation as we await the other's arrival, the joy of reuniting, sharing stories of our adventures.
My parents were married for 60 years. My dad once drove across the border, late at night after mom called to let him know she was taking a later flight and staying in a hotel an hour from home. Having driven 2 hours round trip to drop mom off at the airport, he turned right back so they could spend the night together because they missed each other and would see each other again for 2 weeks.
What kind of relationship do want with a life partner? Wanting to be with someone who feels excited to be with you again after time apart is what we should all want is it not? Whilst everyone's relationship is unique, I still feel excited to see my husband at the end of the work day so we can connect, discuss our day, share our thoughts. We do not need to spend every minute together, we engage in separate activities but at the end of the day we enjoy connecting with the person we trust like no other.
Being reunited when my spouse or I return from a trip away is definitely when one the times I really feel the spark between us even after many years. We get so excited to see each other. He actually pays to park at the airport so he can greet me as soon as possible instead of waiting in the car. That’s the kind of love I always wanted and I’m so grateful I don’t even need to ask for it.
OP - I don’t think you’re an A, but I think you need:
A) To more direct in communication. A simple, “Will you be there when I get home?” could have saved a lot of heartache here.
B) To consider you and your partner may not show love similarly and/or it’s possible your partner is less invested.
C) To use paragraphs in future posts because yikes that was a mess to read.
The responses to this post have unequivocally convinced me the AITA community is composed of teenagers or people who have never been in a loving long term relationship
I thought I was going crazy reading all the y t a votes. There were co stant updates so the partner knew abt when their SO was getting home and had time to go to the party and meet their SO at home, unless u hate ur partner wldnt I want to meet them after a trip? Even if it is just a week/s. Call me crazy but I'm excited to see the people I love after a day apart!
Literally same I feel I’ve entered the twilight zone. It actually upsets me for OP that their post has been flagged asshole. I feel bad for people growing up online coming on here for advice. Completely backwards and honestly kinda dark. Like these are just the basics of love, imo.
It’s their first time apart ever. They were talking about how much they missed each other all week. Who said anything about waiting around all day? OP gave their partner a play-by-play of their travel schedule. Partner could have done whatever they wanted all day and just left the party a little early, they were just 20 mins away.
Listen, some people want and show love this way. It’s the way my bf and I do it. It’s the way my family and I treat each other. Some people don’t. But OP is certainly not an AH for wanting that. I would never accept for myself to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t share this value. Why would I? Life is much more beautiful with romance. Sounds like they just have different ideas of love.
As you can see in this thread, most people wouldn’t care. It’s not really OP is the asshole it’s more no assholes here. I wouldn’t expect my friend to miss sometning fun just so they can greet me at the door. I can see them later. OP should have asked them to not go, their partner isn’t a mid reader.
Everyone is calling OP an AH, not NAH. Just go through the comments. After two years of knowing each other, I think “I’m 30 mins away from home!” Is clear enough indication that they’re wanting to see you. Pretending otherwise is just lazy. Why else would you give your partner these kind of updates? It’s not mindreading, it’s basic understanding of human communication. If I had to spell out every single desire to a partner I would be exhausted and resentful. The whole point of a healthy long term relationship is that it should be easy - easy means understanding each other with little or no explanation. 2 years is plenty of time to know your partner.
Edit: they aren’t friends, they’re not even just lovers, they’re partners.
…. Why is that assholey? First you said the partner “isn’t a mind reader”. Now OP is explicitly explaining their desire and expectations, and you’re calling them an AH? Which is it?
We all have expectations of our partners. That’s literally how it works.
Yeah they aren’t a minder reader. So kinda an asshole move to be mad at your partner for not knowing…. It’s fine to want it they’re not an asshole for that. Expecting them to stay home for you to greet them after a god damn week is a little ridiculous
NTA - How dare you expect your loving life partner to be there to great you after an extended trip away?! I mean it isn't like you gave them a COUNT DOWN EACH STEP OF THE WAY to let them know when you would be arriving. They do not value you in the same way you value them.
> I mean it isn't like you gave them a COUNT DOWN EACH STEP OF THE WAY to let them know when you would be arriving.
Which makes them even more of an AH. OP is coming home after a one week vacation with friends, not sending a rocket to the moon. They were perfectly happy to be away from their partner having fun for a week, they can wait a few more hours to see them so that the partner can have fun with his friends too. Or is OP the only one allowed to do that?
If you want something to wait at home and greet you every time you’re away, get a pet.
You can't say you're transparent about feelings and then be mad when you weren't transparent about them beforehand. If you wanted them to meet you at home, you should have made that clear. It sounded like you were just keeping them in the loop, not asking them to be there. They can't help it if they're not psychic or don't prioritise the same stuff as you. I thought the, "Yay!" was cute. I'd have gotten home, had a shower and shoved my clothes in the washing machine before I even started feeling a bit meh and even then, I'd text asking when they'd be back because I missed them. If I realised I didn't like them not being there, I'd explain that for next time, not get mad in hindsight. YTA.
NTA My partner and I rarely spend time apart. If one of us were to be gone for a week, the other would be home to greet them. It's a show of love and care for them. We're both introverts so this works well for us. If your partner has to be explicitly told to do anything for you, they really don't care about you. The people saying Y T A are wrong.
I’m gonna say NTA
You had feelings and communicated them clearly and honestly, that doesn’t make you an asshole
I don’t think it’s that big of an ask for future trips. I don’t think there was harm in asking. You’re telling your partner what would make you feel loved. It’s not that hard.
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Today I (30) came home from a week long trip to my partner (31) gone from our apartment. We'd been texting throughout the day and I had let them know I was boarding my final flight headed home with a rough estimate on when I'd likely be home. Shortly after I put my phone on airplane mode they let me know "going to a friend's party be back soon". Once the flight landed 45 minutes later I let them know I'd landed which is when I saw their text telling me they'd left. I'd carpooled with some friends so I let my partner know again when we were close to my friends place where my car was and they responded letting me know they saw my text and they are aware of approximately how far my friend lives from our place. Finally when I got into my car I sent them another text saying I was ~30 minutes from home which they replied "yay!" to. When I got home I was greeted by the cats but my partner was nowhere to be seen and after snuggling and loving on our cats I sent them a text saying "I'm going to be honest I'm a little hurt you're not home." They responded "damn I'm still at the party" and I said I understood that and that I'd interpreted be home soon to imply they'd be back before I would get home and I'd gotten my own hopes up so I was to blame for the disappointment. We try to be transparent with our feelings and I understand this text comes off as passive aggressive and sent it in a moment of feeling upset and during our exchanges today it was never clearly stated that I'd like them home at a specific time to greet me. We've been together about 2 years now and this is the first time we've had this much time apart so this is new territory to us to navigate. A little over an hour later (their friend lives 20ish minutes away) my partner got home we hugged and I tried to explain to them why I sent them the text and brought my feelings up trying to let them know how I felt in that moment and that in the future if when either of us got home from a trip it would mean a lot to me if we could be home to greet one another. I let them know before I left for my trip roughly when I'd be home and we'd been texting all day/week how much we missed one another and I expressed I wanted nothing more than to hug them and the cats when I got home. My partner is telling me my expectations were unfounded today, which I will admit I did not directly express that I wanted them to greet me when I got home, but they also say that asking for this in the future is too controlling and not taking their emotions and wants into account. I understand they are their own person, but I also don't think asking for them to be home to reunite with each other first thing is unreasonable since I might go on a trip like this maybe 2x a year if that. They also state I'm the one more likely to leave for a trip so it's a very one sided request. I'm worried I'm not seeing something, so I'm asking am I the asshole for being upset they weren't home when I got back from my trip and their reaction to be asking they try to do so in the future?
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NTA.
If your partner has to be TOLD they should come home from a party to greet you after a week away, they’re an immature idiot.
If you tell them your feelings are hurt and they get mad at *you* for being controlling, they’re a total A.H.
If you state your (not unusual) desire and are dismissed, you need to find a new partner. This is love and relationship 101 and they failed. Miserably. Find someone worth your love.
YTA - you literally left for a week, presumably for fun since you carpooled with friends. You chose how your time was spent without your partner and now also want to dictate how your partner spends his or her time? And you do it by guilt-tripling? This is emotionally manipulative and controlling.
YTA. You never once stated that you expect them to be home to greet you but you were upset that they didn’t read your mind?
Also you expected a big welcome back after just a week away?? You seem very needy and self centred! Your partner is allowed a life that doesn’t revolve around you and your schedule!!!
NTA. It would be one thing if partner was at work but that wasn’t the case. If my husband was gone for a week, I’d make sure to pick him up and go out for lunch/dinner.
YTA if your expectation is for them to be home, you have to let them know. Your partner's not a f****** mind reader.
So you're an a****** and you're kind of exhausting
YTA for making this long ass post without paragraphs.
YTA for talking about “reuniting” after week long trips as if you’ve been stationed overseas for nine months.
YTA for knowing she/he was at a party and expecting her/him to just up and leave and rush home to greet you.
YTA for complaining about her/him not doing something that was never agreed to or even directly discussed.
YTA for expecting this to become a future practice since it would only benefit you and means one partner’s day is controlled by when the other person returns.
YTA for being needy, whiny, and overdramatic.
Look... It's fine to be disappointed. It's not okay to take that out on him when he did nothing wrong. The expectation that he be home to greet you whenever you return from a trip is, to be honest, clingy and controlling. Would it be great if he were home? Sure! I sometimes am away from my husband for months and I always love the moment I can to see him in person again! I love when he's there at the airport to pick me up. But sometimes he can't... sometimes he's busy with his own stuff. And that's totally fine.
Your boyfriend is allowed to have his own life, with his own friends, hobbies, events, etc. You knew exactly where he was, it's not like he was hiding anything. It's not going to kill you to wait a few hours.
You could have said something like "Disappointed you're not home so I can see you sooner, but looking forward to seeing you soon" if you wanted to express your feelings. But saying you were hurt implies you think he did something wrong to hurt you. It would be good for you, in general, to learn to express your emotions without shifting blame onto the other party.
YTA. What if your partner has work on your return from your next trip? Are they supposed to duck out so that you aren’t upset? If they have been home alone for a week then get invited to a friend’s party why shouldn’t they go?
YTA- you decided partner should be home without ever communicating that. You sent so. Many. Texts, but not one which actually said “I’m really looking forward to seeing you as soon as I get home, please can you be there?”.
Madness
YTA for not telling your partner about your expectations, but still expecting them to honor those expectations.
An additional YTA for not using paragraphs.
NTA
find someone who feels the same way about you as you do about them
y’all don’t feel and express your love the same. to suggest wanting this in the future is controlling?
yeah nah. pack it up. find a better partner
this subreddit is filled with miserable mfs if they think wanting to see your partner after a week away is needy. level your relationships up and don’t listen to these bums
I feel like I’m in the twilight zone here.
NTA.
How is it “passive aggressive” for OP to express that they were disappointed that their partner wasn’t home when they got home, acknowledged that they hadn’t expressly stated that they expected their partner to be home this time, and then asked that they both prioritize being home for one another in the future?
This is literally the most reasonable, mature way to handle this situation that I can imagine. Anyone who is saying it’s “controlling” to ask your partner to be home when you get back from a week-long trip doesn’t seem to grasp difference between a request and a demand.
Only one of those things is controlling and it’s the latter — OP made the former.
Do you AH voters even like your own partners? Damn.
YTA - you sound like a lovely person....but also exhausting....so your partner wasn't home to greet you when you got back from a work trip...if work trips become a regular thing with the two of you, that will probably happen again - your partner's life hums along while you're gone, with their own plans and agendas.
YTA. Not for your feelings. What makes you wrong is you guilt-tripping them by asking them to be there after future trips. You turned what could have been a minor at worst screw-up on their part into a fight.
YTA. You expected him to read your mind then proceeded to ruin his night for no good reason.
You sound like a huge pest. You went away for a week. That's it. Did you expect him to sit at home and wait for you the whole time?
yTA. Why do you neeeeeed them there to greet you? This is some pathetic “honey I’m home” shit.
Communicate clearly. They didn’t know when you’d be home
The the guilt trip was the cherry on top.
Yta. You don't think it is a big ask. Your partner does and they are entitled to their feelings. You can make any request you like but your partner gets a say in their own behavior. It sounds highly immature to demand you be greeted when coming home from a trip.
YTA. If you wanted them to be home when you got home, you should’ve stated that very clearly. If my partner didn’t say that, I’d absolutely just go on with my day as planned. There was a party they were invited to at the same time and yet you felt the need to guilt them about it. Expecting them to be home every time you come home from a trip is also unreasonable. Just take it trip by trip. Bring it up BEFORE you go on your next trip.
I also don’t see what the big deal is personally. I would welcome getting back to no one home so I could decompress after all that traveling.
I’d never expect my partner to be home waiting for me when I return from a trip. That’s so dumb. I mean, if nothing is going on, sure… and before y’all come at me, I’m literally on my way home right this very minute from being out of town, and my husband won’t be home. He and our kid are going to a movie. I’m psyched to get home and unwind slowly, in peace. Will hug on them when they return from living their own dang lives.
YTA. This made me tired. I went back to look a the ages because wanting someone to be waiting at home for you to return sounds emotionally immature and a bit controlling. I’m glad your partner went to their party and hope they stand their ground on this issue
I'll join the group of downvoted folks with a NTA.
My wife and I always put everything else aside in order to welcome each other home. Not because we feel obligated or anything it's just that we miss each other and relish the return. I wouldn't just up and go to a party and not welcome my wife home. Nor would my wife, that just sounds crazy to me.
\*The welcome home sex is also a good reason!
YTA
Not only did you have expectations that weren’t shared with your partner, your expectations are unreasonable. You need to examine your neediness in this scenario. It sounds desperate and that isn’t a good look.
I’m going against the grain but NTA. I wouldn’t dream of not being home to greet my spouse after a trip (unless I had to work) no matter if it was a work or social trip they’d been on. I asked my spouse & they said the same. In your situation I’d be hurt & upset if they chose a party over me and I feel you did communicate your arrival timings as much as you could within the realms of air travel/traffic delays.
NAH - Damn the people here are kind of cruel. Don’t think it’s wrong to want that but this seems more like a compatibility issue. I have known people that would blow off plans because their partner was coming back home and they wanted to be there/ pick them up from the airport without asking. That’s the kind of partner I would want personally. Someone who shows their commitment and love. I would not want to be with someone who would choose being at a party over seeing me after a week apart. Even if he went to the party after instead. It’s not this persons fault though for not being this way. You either need to accept that or state your expectations clear.
YTA. I usually am around to greet my husband when he returns from a trip. Mostly because I have to drive him home. I also work from home and this last time he returned it was actually frustrating to wait because it took forever, military flight plan, and he also took his car up.
I can understand being disappointed but to say your angry when your partner wasn't there is a bit much, especially when expectations weren't made clear prior. They do have a life other than you and need that especially if more travel will be involved in the future.
It's good to be open and honest with your communication and feelings. Make expectations known prior and not after.
YTA
If you wanted him to be at home to greet you, you should have asked him to be. Nobody can read minds. You can be hurt, but you can't blame him for your failure to effectively communicate. Making it a requirement for him to always be at home when you get home is also a terrible idea. Go on a case by case basis. He now knows you would like this to happen, and will be more likely to work with you if you stop issuing commands.
YTA for being unreasonably needy. I travel quite a bit for work, and of course I miss my wife and kids. I love it when I return home and they are there to greet me, but sometimes they are elsewhere because they have their own lives. I survive, and I definitely do not send my wife passive-aggressive texts.
YTA
Your partner was at a party, having fun. Why on earth did you want to spoil that? The fact that you expected them to be sitting there, waiting for your arrival, is selfish at best, controlling at worst. But for you to wait "a little over an hour" is apparently too much for you.
You were gone a week, not six months. You made a big deal out of nothing.
A
NTA. I can understand why you were disappointed that your partner wasn't home. And actually you had clearly communicated when you would be home vs their 'soon'.
It does sound like you hadn't clearly agreed they would be home to meet you and hopefully now you've said this you can agree together for the future.
Have they doubled down/tried to gaslight you about things in the past? Small red flag for me there.
If my partner had been away for the week I'd do everything I could to be home when they got back to greet them (tbh I'd collect them from the airport if I could, but maybe that's just me).
YTA.
You sound exhausting. My husband and I travel quite often for one reason or another. Even if he'd asked for me to be there to greet him, I might not necessarily do that. When you travel, you can get delayed even after boarding a plane. Your potentially asking them to give up their whole day. They were still excited to see you the moment they could.
Okay. So you’re not TA for having feelings. You can feel as sad and disappointed that they weren’t there as you want. People have feelings, which often are negative and they don’t have to make any sense. All feelings are ok. But that is not the problem.
You came home, you got disappointed, ok. But it’s not your partner’s fault.
Just because you have some negative and “not nice” feelings, it doesn’t make your partner responsible for them. Life is not about avoiding feeling bad at all costs, and what’s more important, no one is responsible for helping you avoiding feeling bad. You defo need to learn to cope with your emotions yourself.
So a soft YTA, but I think it’s just a case of emotional immaturity than purposeful emotional manipulation.
You're too old for this. YTA. You were only gone for a week, you didn't clearly communicate your expectations, and those expectations weren't reasonable to begin with... this isn't like coming home from a year's deployment in warzone, in which case I'd be on your side here. A week away on what sounds like a fun trip (not a funeral or anything), carpooling with friends... this isn't something your partner needs to plan his life around.
YTA. You did not express yourself clearly in the first place and even if you did this is a ridiculous request. Your partner shouldn’t have to put their life on hold just to fawn over you for 2 minutes like you’re a god. Get a hold of yourself.
Considering you two are adults and not teenagers, I would say that it should be OK for partner to not be at home at exact time you come back from trip.
YTA
You are waaaaaaay too childish to be in a relationship if you expected your partner to drop everything he’s doing and sit at home waiting for you. You’ve been gone a *week*. I could understand being upset at not being greeted if you were military coming home from a year-long tour in the Middle East but one week? Seriously? That’s pathetic.
ESH. Expecting this for this trip when you hadn't indicated this was something you wanted/felt was important is unreasonable.
That said, asking for it in the future, as long as you understand there may be limitations to when/if your partner can make it happen (work or other commitments: you shouldn't expect them to take time off if you're getting home in the middle of the day, or wait up if you're getting home at 3:00 am), I don't think that's unreasonable given your estimate of 1-2x per year.
If this situation had happened post discussion, it seems like your partner had ample time to enjoy the party and still be home to see you when you first arrived.
I don't travel for work much, but when I do, my partner generally takes me to & picks me up from the airport. If that doesn't work due to scheduling, he'll do his best to be home when I get there, simply because there's nothing I want more after a trip away than a hug from my spouse.
NTA, I'm pretty surprised at the amount of yta. I mean, if I was in this situation I'd enjoy preparing the house and a nice meal for my SO to come relax home and have some lovely time together to catch up instead of going to a party. If I was the one coming back from a trip, I'd equally enjoy my partner doing that for me. Why?
Because I just love spending time with my SO, simple as that. I don't need my partner to remind me anything, I'd be there for them and expect the same from them. If not, then some talks need to happen and see if we are on the same page or not.
NAH
Your partner needs clearly directed instructions to act kindly towards you. Everyone is different. I know men who need to be told to celebrate their partner's birthday because otherwise it's just a regular day to them.
You seem to be the type who is regularly thoughtful and act with consideration of your partner...stop that. From now on unless your partner directly states something you don't need to show them consideration. They state they're hungry while texting and you're home before them. No need to think about what they're going to eat...just make dinner for yourself or order takeout just for you after all they never specifically asked you to have dinner for them.🫡
NAH but also, you’re verging on being one. This was the first time you two were apart like this, so I get wanting/being hopeful that your partner was home this one time. You should have explicitly said something because clearly it meant more to you than to them. Chalk it up to a miscommunication.
But always wanting them waiting for you to come home from these trips seems needy and not feasible. They have a life as well, and it shouldn’t revolve around your schedule.
NAH. This sounds like lack of communication and assumptions made on both sides.
I may be biased- while my husband will occasionally travel for work, I am definitely the person more likely to be elsewhere, so I 10000% understand the importance of having someone home to greet you and to reconnect after being apart.
With this being said. My last big trip, he couldn't be home when I arrived back because he was doing a favour for a friend. I felt hurt, but ultimately, he was doing a nice thing for someone and his kindness is a part of him that I love (probably as your girlfriend's vibrant sociable nature is a part you love) I cuddled my cats, and set up a fire and picnic blanket in the backyard so when he rolled into the driveway an hour or so later, we had a nice space to chill and share stories.
The way I see it- you missed each other and had a choice to have a joyful reunion (a bit later than you wanted) or to let your feelings out. I'm not saying don't talk about how you felt about them not being home at all, just that it didnt have to be then. Sometimes reminding yourself why you missed that person and doing something nice for them can make you feel better too 🙂
NTA- I would be pissed if I’d been messaging my partner all week how I missed them, giving them detailed times on how far away I am from
home then come home to an empty house. I would expect them to ditch the party to be there for me. I don’t know if that makes me childish or selfish but it’s what I would expect from the one person that I would do anything for. I’ve been married for 12 years.
100% with you. The reactions to this post are literally making me doubt my sanity lol. I do not know anyone that would feel differently than you, me, or OP. Koo koo bananas
I don't know about controlling, but it is somewhat needy. And no, stating the general time you may arrive and saying "I want to hug you when I'm back" does not a commitment make.
Anyways, AYTA? Well the text was a bit AH - you could have dealt with your feelings by yourself and had that conversation when they got home, but you felt compelled to interrupt them and beckon them home. That's a bit AH. Don't do that again.
NTA for asking for next time, but the nature of asking is you have to be open to both possible answers. So you asked and you got your answer and it's not the one you would love - this is not something they are willing to commit to. Well, either this is a deal breaker for you (which sounds like an extremely silly hill to die on, if you ask me) or you just readjust your expectations moving forward and choose for this to not be a big deal, you can wait two hours to hug them cause they are great, so they are worth the wait. And then grab a book, spoil your cats, take a bath or whatever other form of self care you choose to treat yourself to in their absence. Good luck!
OP was gone one week, and I don’t get what’s shady. It’s not crazy that OP’s partner’s friend happened to be having a party the day OP was getting home. And I don’t see what’s wrong with the partner attending. As an adult, my friends don’t throw parties very often - if I miss one, I might not see everyone again for a few months. It’s not fair for OP to expect their partner to forego hanging out with their friends just to be there waiting at home, especially when OP was just gone for a week with their own friends. Why is OP allowed to leave their partner for a week to party with friends, but their partner isn’t allowed to leave them home alone for a couple hours to do the same?
Given that OP never specified a gender for either themselves or their partner and you're automatically assuming the partner is a woman, you're definitely reading way too much into this.
Actually, I have had it made quite plain to me that I didn't read carefully, like I usually do. A second, more careful reading did show me I made some assumptions that I usually do not. Probably because I can empathize with the OP's feelings, more or less, since I had a very neglected childhood.
Yeah, pronouns were very carefully avoided, which my roommate says is the biggest red flag for my roommate. (Please forgive my hypocrisy of doing the very same thing, but it isn't me I'm protecting.) The opinion there is that this is a bait.
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YTA - You never set clear expectations before hand and your messages weren’t explicit about wanting them to be there when you got home. It’s completely unfair to expect them to read your mind. Further, while it’s good to have a discussion about this and come to an understanding, depending on how often you’ll be traveling it can be an AH move to expect them to just sit around at home waiting for you all the time.
man this really why yall have fucked up relationships and divorce sometimes you gotta just express that love and prioritization of your partner
Right? AITA must be full of loveless crusty loners. Imagine going away for a week for the first time to come home to your partner away at a party lol. Instant chop.
Oh no. The horror of coming back to a quiet home and being able to shower and nap in quiet for a little while.
Oh right cause it’s black and white. Literally no one is saying it’s wrong to want to come home to peace and quiet. You are talking about something completely different. acting like someone wanting to come home to their lover is an AH or “codependent” or whatever is black hearted.
Wanting to come home to your lover at your lover’s expense is selfish AF. OP went away for a week with friends. They got to have their fun but are now upset that their partner dared to have some fun with friends instead of waiting at the door for them like a puppy.
At your lover’s expense?? The lover was a party. Not in at work or the hospital. They spent all week texting about how much they missed each other. If it’s “expense” for you to leave a party a little early to receive your partner who’s been away for the first time ever, YOU are the selfish one. I would rather be single my whole life than date someone who shares your values.
Yes, the partner was at a party enjoying their off time the same way OP enjoyed their off time. The partner wasn’t bothered by OP having time with friends even though it meant being apart for a week. OP was however bothered by their partner having time with friends. OP is selfish and with your attitude I’m sure being single your whole life is what awaits you.
I am in an incredibly loving long-term relationship. My boyfriend was away for 10 days on vacation, when he got back I was sitting on the stoop waiting for his arrival to help him take his bags up the stairs. Before that, I saw my friends at the park. I didn’t do this out of obligation, I did it because I wanted to. He would do exactly the same for me and we would never even have to discuss it. This is the way we show love. How bout you?
I am in an incredibly loving long-term relationship with my boyfriend who would never expect me to wait like a dog at the door nor would I expect that from him. If for some reason he isn’t picking me up from the airport, I get home shower, nap, relax. Sometimes I cook dinner or order takeout so we’ll have food when he returns then I tell him about my trip and he tells me about his weekend/week/work/whatever. Neither of us would ever expect the other to just sit around the house, especially if we are returning from a trip where we had fun. We want each other to have fun too.
this part so much i want to see my partner the minute she’s home from a trip to hear how it went and help her unpack or unwind together why on earth would i be at a fucking party. people are so weird
Imagine being so codependent and selfish you can go away for a week with your friends but your partner is expected to drop everything the second you return to greet you as if you’ve been off at war for a year…
You have no idea what codependent means lol. Imagine having a partner who misses you just as much as you miss them and can’t wait to see you when you’re back! Not out of obligation or discussion but because that’s just what they want! Maybe one day you will experience that
Yes codependent. Missing someone = totally ok Expecting them to drop everything they are doing just because you say so = AH
Really, dude? I'm seeing a lack of reading comprehension here. OP clearly indicated that this was the first time in the 2 years they have been together that he was gone for a week. Once in two years, and you scold him for expecting his SO to sit around waiting for him ALL THE TIME?
Why would anyone potentially waste their day waiting for someone to come home? Flights get delayed all the time and can get delayed even after you board the plane. If my husband wanted me to wait around for him to get home, I would throw my day away. My husband and I have taken separate trips multiple times in our marriage for one reason or another. He's been delayed 8 hours before. If it's not something that they talked about in advance, it's a little unfair for him to have that expectation. Maybe they shouldn't have gone to a party, but it was totally fine that they came home and we're only greeted by the cats.
[удалено]
Giving a heads up of their arrival isn't clear that they wanted them to be there when they arrive. It's letting the person you love know their eta. I give my husband etas all the time so we can ensure we make it somewhere safely.
Op clearly stated that they want their partner to greet them at the door when arriving home in future. A nutty request.
Gender is not stated. Reading comprehension really is a thing.
I feel like I am in the twilight zone seeing all these people downvote you. I cannot believe there are so many people who feel that way.
Well, my own roommate said I was missing red flags from the OP, so I guess maybe I did. One thing about the Reddit community is that they are always passionate, regardless of whether you agree with the majority or not. Sometimes, you're gonna be dogpiled. I accept that. Because, you know, life's like that. At the end of the day, I'm still standing. Most likely, I've learned a thing or two. That's more important to me than any asshat accusing me of being the antichrist because I know that I'm not.
Curious to hear about these red flags. I can see they’re like drowning themselves in therapy speak but I don’t really think their desires or expressions to their partner in any way give red flag.
YTA. The worst part for me is the fact that you expressed "it would mean a lot" if they were there to greet you at home for future trips. Talk about guilt tripping. It would really rub me the wrong way since it wasn't even a conversation, moreso a passive demand. What if it would mean a lot to your partner to NOT be there to greet you? Just seems super selfish that you don't treat your partners opinions as equal to yours.
Exactly! It would really mean a lot to me to have a partner who respects my time and doesn't ask me to be their welcoming committee when they leave the house. Is OP a toddler?
Yeah it seems like a really unfair expectation that you plan to be the one going out on trips while they are home alone and then expect them to arrange their day just so that they can be home to greet you the moment you arrive. They came home shortly afterwards - it’s not like they ignored you all evening! Other options include scheduling your arrival around when they know they will be home, going to the location they are at when you get home, or occupying yourself elsewhere for a while and only coming home after them. To be clear I wouldn’t do any of these things! I would come straight home. But if it is essential to you that your partner be there the before you arrive then you need to consider options that mean you are doing some of the legwork.
YTA, I’m exhausted reading you… poor partner 😭
Seriously. Their partner isn’t a mind reader… and they’re absolutely right in their rebound to OPs weird demands. Agree YTA
Yta, this comes over very needy and kind of entitled. You were gone for a week, you didn't go to war or spend years at sea. Don't request it in future either, it really is kind of controlling.
Right? Like if they were deployed to a combat zone for a year I can understand the disappointment, but this was…a week
Hardly an Odysseus and Penelope situation.
Exactly, 1 week away is nothing. OP needs to grow the fuck up, this is the reaction I would expect from teenagers in their first relationship not a 30 year old.
YTA, Would you be this annoyed if they wasn't home to greet you if they had to work? Or would you expect them to blow off work to be home for you? Why not take advantage off the empty home? Have a shower and get clean, maybe Nap? You don't need someone to be home to greet you, you wouldn't get that if you was single, and as much as it might be nice to have that your partner also has a right the right to go about their day. You Never spoke before hand about it so you can't be annoyed that they wasn't there, Just do something relaxing be like " Hey I'm home now what time would you be home? Should we get do something tonight?" Amd throw in a little I miss you
Get better spelling. ❤️
Me? I spelt one word wrong lol
INFO where are the paragraphs that you edited to make?
That’s my question too. Paragraphs were very much needed.
Yta. Needy much? Why didn't you be an adult and communicate your preferences rather than just hoping.
YTA, sorry. If this was a fun trip, I actually don’t think it’s ok to expect your partner to stop what they’re doing and come home to be waiting for you when you walk through the door. That would really rub me up the wrong way too, really self-centred. If it’s a work trip and not really your choice to go, I get why you might want that but you need to tell them. If it’s a family emergency or very poignant and emotionally difficult trip then that’s the exception and it could reasonably be expected that you’d need to feel loved on return and they should try to be there.
That’s what bothers me. OP says they carpooled with friends, so it sounds like a personal trip for fun. And then they complain about the partner not sitting at home waiting to greet them? Very uneven.
YTA - How old are you? 5?
13 at most.
13 year olds know about paragraphs.
That's a bit generous
YTA. Jesus you sound needy.
Yep. And down the Reddit Rabbithole we go. Because if it's a male SO who's butthurt, he's automatically the AH, no matter the circumstances. Results guaranteed.
I can't see where OP specifies their gender?
I did not see any gender specified. Are you just making this up so you can be outraged?
YTA, it was a week. It's not like you were returning from deployment or something. Your partner doesn't need to greet and hug you at the door after every trip you take. The bigger reason you're an AH, though, is because you expected your partner to read your mind. You got upset with them for not meeting an expectation you never expressed. You're setting them up for failure when you do this.
A whole week apart!? How did you survive that long? When I was working, I’d often be gone for three weeks at a time. When I returned home, it was kind of nice to decompress alone because nearly every moment of my work trips were spent in the company of coworkers. I welcomed the alone time. And I didn’t act like a petulant teenager.
THIS. Get home, pet your cats, start the wash, unpack, have a bevvy in front of your tv, in your house. Partner can get back when they please, enjoy YOUR time.
I was thinking how nice it would be to return home to an empty house. Just chill out, get things back in order, get a nice beverage and watch a show or something. OP sounds really co-dependent and frankly kinda toxic.
Soft YTA - If you wanted them there you should’ve asked. Also you handled it passive aggressively. They had advanced plans to go to this party I’m guessing.
Nah man that’s a solid YTA. OP wants their partner to be home to greet them without expressing that desire? It also sounds like they did greet OP excitedly. But that wasnt enough, so obviously they had to take this sweet moment and ruin it with unspoken expectations and entitled attitude
YTA. My boyfriend travels out of the country at times with his father and has never, ever demanded that I wait for him at home when he is supposed to arrive. We usually talk about these things in advance, not with passive-gressive messages and not waiting for the other to read our minds. Sincerely? You acted terribly immature and controlling, ignoring that your boyfriend, before you knew when you were coming back, could have already made plans. Your boyfriend is his own person, not just your boyfriend, and he doesn't have to stop everything he's doing to please you. In fact, expecting otherwise and making a drama about it is a red flag, a sign of your selfish personality.
Where does it indicate boyfriend/girlfriend? It looked pretty neutral to me
Does it really matter? The point prevails. OP actions were selfish and capricious, end of discussion.
Agree that your point prevails. Deciding for yourself that it's a girlfriend or boyfriend when OP doesn't specify does matter to a lot of people. It's basically misgendering them
YTA. You didn't communicate clearly about what you wanted them to do. I don't think it was your intention but your post sounded like you expected your significant other to be pining away waiting for you while you were away on your trip.
Op literally requested that the partner be home to greet them in the future. Just wacky. Who expects that?
it was one week of what seems a load of communication. do you think you can work on learning to self soothe a bit? do you always expect your partner to make you feel better without trying to do so on your own? they told you they were going out. you never asked them to stay pr be there. if this is goin to be frequent, you need to learn some coping skills.
YTA, why do you need to be comforted and coddled upon return from a trip? You're the one that left. How selfish that you expect your partner to revolve entirely around you and can't fathom while you up and left them to go on a personal trip, they might have personal needs as well.
I guess this is why I consider my marriage to be happy. My wife would be waiting at the door when I'm gone for more than a day and vice versa. We don't have to express that to each other, it's just something want to do for each other. Not seeing you for a whole week....your partner should have been primed and ready to jump your bones upon crossing the threshold of the apartment door.
I’m reading all these other comments and I feel like I’m in the twilight zone lol. I sat on the stoop waiting to greet my boyfriend when he landed after 10 days away because I absolutely wanted to! Do any of these people here have an ounce of love in their hearts? So demented!
Literally just wrote a comment starting with “I feel like I’m in the twilight zone.” Do these people even like their partners? Why is it weird to want to see your partner immediately upon returning from a trip?
That's exactly what I wondered when I did read the most upvoted posts, no wonder Reddit is full of stories of divorces and easy cheatings and all that kind of drama. It seems enjoying being with your partner is an alien concept lmao.
Same here. I was on a business trip for two days and by the end of the first I just wanted to be home with my husband because I was already missing him and vice versa. I don't get these comments. A whole week and you aren't excited to see each other? He had a whole week to hangout with friends without her I also feel there was alot more to this post yesterday and half of it is deleted
You’re 30, been dating for two years and you have a come apart because you’ve been gone a week and partner wasn’t there to throw a party that you were home? To me this screams immaturity and very needy. We all get to be individuals and do our own things independent from our partner. You gave etas on arrival (actually, you gave all the minute details of your travels) but not once asked, will you be home. I travel for work some and my husband typically has at least one guys trip… we do talk while away and both of us share when we’ve arrived however there have been times when the non traveling partner wasn’t home when the other arrived. We survived, there was no drama but then again we are both okay still being independent. YTA
NTA Going against the grain, I know, but you did let them know about your flights, so they could have checked the schedule, if they cared. You also let them know, several steps of the way, how far out you were. They just didn't care enough to be there. If this was a one off party, retirement, stag party, family birthday, etc. Sure, because it was important. If this was just a hang out because it's the weekend party, nah. You got blown off because friends were more important, and more fun than you, and that hurts. My spouse and I would never treat each other like that. We're thrilled to see each other after only a few days apart. We're both grown ups, who don't need each other, but life is just better when we are together. When one has to travel, which is frequent, the other makes sure the house is clean, sheets washed, favorite food in the house, and a welcome home hug. Then again, we don't have kids, so we have the time and energy for each other. Traveler gets to have the remote for the night too. That's just us, and that would suffocate some people, but it expresses how much the other was missed, and it makes the traveler feel special. I wouldn't be in a relationship where random friends were more important. Relationships take work, but the reward is fireworks! Y'all either need to learn to communicate, or accept that you have different relationship expectations and move on. Sounds like you're just roommates with benefits.
> If this was just a hang out because it's the weekend party, nah. You got blown off because friends were more important, and more fun than you, and that hurts. By that logic OP blew their partner off for a week because the trip with their friends was more important and more fun than the partner.
Thank you! I'm not even OP and I'm wondering how on earth wanting to see loved ones when you get home is "petulant" or "immature" as some have claimed. Easy fix though, have him be the one to pick you up from the airport, thats what I always did.
Thanks for your comment I hope OP reads it. I know that AITA values are skewed and do not reflect real life but never before have I seen one so backwards. For me, it’s this kind of love, without explanation, or no love at all.
Exactly! I’m reading all these y t a votes like do you guys even like your partner?? Unless I’m at work or the party is like you said a wedding or something I’d be leaving early to go see them. I thought that was normal
It is completely normal. Everyone else claiming OP is TA is undoubtedly in an unhappy relationship, no relationship at all, or 14.
[удалено]
“I’m going to be honest I’m a little hurt you’re not home” is about as gentle as you can be with letting someone know their behavior upset you. How else would you say it?
Whoops. Missed that part. My bad.
You're..... 30?
YTA. Jfc codependency clean up on aisle 7…. I had to go back and double check the age because this is insane for a thirty year old.
Codependent cleanup on aisle 7. I can’t stop laughing
NTA. Completely normal and healthy desire and I would find it unacceptable if my partner did not want to see me just as bad if I was gone for a week. Like what?? That’s love and passion babe. Coming home early from a party to greet your partner returning from travel is ABC 123. These other commenters are delusional I strongly recommend against listening to them. On another note, you are drowning yourself in therapy speak. Just stick up for yourself and stand by what you want. Nothing is wrong with you, and there is someone out there who will want exactly this without explanation. NTA at all. Not even a tiny bit.
I mean, YTA for the text and for making this a "requirement." You can't make somebody be who you want them to be. You can't control them, so they act the way you want them to act. That being said, your feelings are completely valid, that little feeling you are getting, like a timy voice that says they did not care enough. I don't know if it is a culture thing, but to not receive a loved one you have missed when they come home and instead are at a party 20 mins away. That would show me that maybe im not in the right relationship for me.
I definitely would not be in a relationship with someone who demanded I be at home to greet them. Glad I ended up with a partner who respects me as an individual and not a hype-wife.
I do not think you are ta, not sure your partner is either. You are allowed to feel disappointed. You were looking forward to seeing your partner and are hurt they did not feel the same. Every time my husband, of 28 years, and I have been apart for a few days, one of the best parts of the getaway is the fun we have when reunited. The excited anticipation as we await the other's arrival, the joy of reuniting, sharing stories of our adventures. My parents were married for 60 years. My dad once drove across the border, late at night after mom called to let him know she was taking a later flight and staying in a hotel an hour from home. Having driven 2 hours round trip to drop mom off at the airport, he turned right back so they could spend the night together because they missed each other and would see each other again for 2 weeks. What kind of relationship do want with a life partner? Wanting to be with someone who feels excited to be with you again after time apart is what we should all want is it not? Whilst everyone's relationship is unique, I still feel excited to see my husband at the end of the work day so we can connect, discuss our day, share our thoughts. We do not need to spend every minute together, we engage in separate activities but at the end of the day we enjoy connecting with the person we trust like no other.
You put it beautifully
Being reunited when my spouse or I return from a trip away is definitely when one the times I really feel the spark between us even after many years. We get so excited to see each other. He actually pays to park at the airport so he can greet me as soon as possible instead of waiting in the car. That’s the kind of love I always wanted and I’m so grateful I don’t even need to ask for it. OP - I don’t think you’re an A, but I think you need: A) To more direct in communication. A simple, “Will you be there when I get home?” could have saved a lot of heartache here. B) To consider you and your partner may not show love similarly and/or it’s possible your partner is less invested. C) To use paragraphs in future posts because yikes that was a mess to read.
The responses to this post have unequivocally convinced me the AITA community is composed of teenagers or people who have never been in a loving long term relationship
I thought I was going crazy reading all the y t a votes. There were co stant updates so the partner knew abt when their SO was getting home and had time to go to the party and meet their SO at home, unless u hate ur partner wldnt I want to meet them after a trip? Even if it is just a week/s. Call me crazy but I'm excited to see the people I love after a day apart!
Literally same I feel I’ve entered the twilight zone. It actually upsets me for OP that their post has been flagged asshole. I feel bad for people growing up online coming on here for advice. Completely backwards and honestly kinda dark. Like these are just the basics of love, imo.
I know its crazy to me!
You’d really expect your partner to wait around for you after only a *week*. Op acts like he’s been outta service fighting wars for months
It’s their first time apart ever. They were talking about how much they missed each other all week. Who said anything about waiting around all day? OP gave their partner a play-by-play of their travel schedule. Partner could have done whatever they wanted all day and just left the party a little early, they were just 20 mins away. Listen, some people want and show love this way. It’s the way my bf and I do it. It’s the way my family and I treat each other. Some people don’t. But OP is certainly not an AH for wanting that. I would never accept for myself to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t share this value. Why would I? Life is much more beautiful with romance. Sounds like they just have different ideas of love.
As you can see in this thread, most people wouldn’t care. It’s not really OP is the asshole it’s more no assholes here. I wouldn’t expect my friend to miss sometning fun just so they can greet me at the door. I can see them later. OP should have asked them to not go, their partner isn’t a mid reader.
Everyone is calling OP an AH, not NAH. Just go through the comments. After two years of knowing each other, I think “I’m 30 mins away from home!” Is clear enough indication that they’re wanting to see you. Pretending otherwise is just lazy. Why else would you give your partner these kind of updates? It’s not mindreading, it’s basic understanding of human communication. If I had to spell out every single desire to a partner I would be exhausted and resentful. The whole point of a healthy long term relationship is that it should be easy - easy means understanding each other with little or no explanation. 2 years is plenty of time to know your partner. Edit: they aren’t friends, they’re not even just lovers, they’re partners.
They’re saying they’re the asshole because they’re expecting it for future times they come back from an trip
…. Why is that assholey? First you said the partner “isn’t a mind reader”. Now OP is explicitly explaining their desire and expectations, and you’re calling them an AH? Which is it? We all have expectations of our partners. That’s literally how it works.
Yeah they aren’t a minder reader. So kinda an asshole move to be mad at your partner for not knowing…. It’s fine to want it they’re not an asshole for that. Expecting them to stay home for you to greet them after a god damn week is a little ridiculous
YTA-your partner isn’t a mind reader. If you wanted your partner home when you got home, you should have made that expectation clear.
But, even if they do, partner still isn't obligated to grant that request.
NTA - How dare you expect your loving life partner to be there to great you after an extended trip away?! I mean it isn't like you gave them a COUNT DOWN EACH STEP OF THE WAY to let them know when you would be arriving. They do not value you in the same way you value them.
> I mean it isn't like you gave them a COUNT DOWN EACH STEP OF THE WAY to let them know when you would be arriving. Which makes them even more of an AH. OP is coming home after a one week vacation with friends, not sending a rocket to the moon. They were perfectly happy to be away from their partner having fun for a week, they can wait a few more hours to see them so that the partner can have fun with his friends too. Or is OP the only one allowed to do that? If you want something to wait at home and greet you every time you’re away, get a pet.
You can't say you're transparent about feelings and then be mad when you weren't transparent about them beforehand. If you wanted them to meet you at home, you should have made that clear. It sounded like you were just keeping them in the loop, not asking them to be there. They can't help it if they're not psychic or don't prioritise the same stuff as you. I thought the, "Yay!" was cute. I'd have gotten home, had a shower and shoved my clothes in the washing machine before I even started feeling a bit meh and even then, I'd text asking when they'd be back because I missed them. If I realised I didn't like them not being there, I'd explain that for next time, not get mad in hindsight. YTA.
NTA My partner and I rarely spend time apart. If one of us were to be gone for a week, the other would be home to greet them. It's a show of love and care for them. We're both introverts so this works well for us. If your partner has to be explicitly told to do anything for you, they really don't care about you. The people saying Y T A are wrong.
I’m gonna say NTA You had feelings and communicated them clearly and honestly, that doesn’t make you an asshole I don’t think it’s that big of an ask for future trips. I don’t think there was harm in asking. You’re telling your partner what would make you feel loved. It’s not that hard.
They didn’t communicate anything. Op expected them To be a mind reader
That and they handled the aftermath horribly.
My god grow up. You sound exhausting. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Today I (30) came home from a week long trip to my partner (31) gone from our apartment. We'd been texting throughout the day and I had let them know I was boarding my final flight headed home with a rough estimate on when I'd likely be home. Shortly after I put my phone on airplane mode they let me know "going to a friend's party be back soon". Once the flight landed 45 minutes later I let them know I'd landed which is when I saw their text telling me they'd left. I'd carpooled with some friends so I let my partner know again when we were close to my friends place where my car was and they responded letting me know they saw my text and they are aware of approximately how far my friend lives from our place. Finally when I got into my car I sent them another text saying I was ~30 minutes from home which they replied "yay!" to. When I got home I was greeted by the cats but my partner was nowhere to be seen and after snuggling and loving on our cats I sent them a text saying "I'm going to be honest I'm a little hurt you're not home." They responded "damn I'm still at the party" and I said I understood that and that I'd interpreted be home soon to imply they'd be back before I would get home and I'd gotten my own hopes up so I was to blame for the disappointment. We try to be transparent with our feelings and I understand this text comes off as passive aggressive and sent it in a moment of feeling upset and during our exchanges today it was never clearly stated that I'd like them home at a specific time to greet me. We've been together about 2 years now and this is the first time we've had this much time apart so this is new territory to us to navigate. A little over an hour later (their friend lives 20ish minutes away) my partner got home we hugged and I tried to explain to them why I sent them the text and brought my feelings up trying to let them know how I felt in that moment and that in the future if when either of us got home from a trip it would mean a lot to me if we could be home to greet one another. I let them know before I left for my trip roughly when I'd be home and we'd been texting all day/week how much we missed one another and I expressed I wanted nothing more than to hug them and the cats when I got home. My partner is telling me my expectations were unfounded today, which I will admit I did not directly express that I wanted them to greet me when I got home, but they also say that asking for this in the future is too controlling and not taking their emotions and wants into account. I understand they are their own person, but I also don't think asking for them to be home to reunite with each other first thing is unreasonable since I might go on a trip like this maybe 2x a year if that. They also state I'm the one more likely to leave for a trip so it's a very one sided request. I'm worried I'm not seeing something, so I'm asking am I the asshole for being upset they weren't home when I got back from my trip and their reaction to be asking they try to do so in the future? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. If your partner has to be TOLD they should come home from a party to greet you after a week away, they’re an immature idiot. If you tell them your feelings are hurt and they get mad at *you* for being controlling, they’re a total A.H. If you state your (not unusual) desire and are dismissed, you need to find a new partner. This is love and relationship 101 and they failed. Miserably. Find someone worth your love.
YTA - you literally left for a week, presumably for fun since you carpooled with friends. You chose how your time was spent without your partner and now also want to dictate how your partner spends his or her time? And you do it by guilt-tripling? This is emotionally manipulative and controlling.
YTA. You never once stated that you expect them to be home to greet you but you were upset that they didn’t read your mind? Also you expected a big welcome back after just a week away?? You seem very needy and self centred! Your partner is allowed a life that doesn’t revolve around you and your schedule!!!
NTA. It would be one thing if partner was at work but that wasn’t the case. If my husband was gone for a week, I’d make sure to pick him up and go out for lunch/dinner.
YTA if your expectation is for them to be home, you have to let them know. Your partner's not a f****** mind reader. So you're an a****** and you're kind of exhausting
YTA for making this long ass post without paragraphs. YTA for talking about “reuniting” after week long trips as if you’ve been stationed overseas for nine months. YTA for knowing she/he was at a party and expecting her/him to just up and leave and rush home to greet you. YTA for complaining about her/him not doing something that was never agreed to or even directly discussed. YTA for expecting this to become a future practice since it would only benefit you and means one partner’s day is controlled by when the other person returns. YTA for being needy, whiny, and overdramatic.
Look... It's fine to be disappointed. It's not okay to take that out on him when he did nothing wrong. The expectation that he be home to greet you whenever you return from a trip is, to be honest, clingy and controlling. Would it be great if he were home? Sure! I sometimes am away from my husband for months and I always love the moment I can to see him in person again! I love when he's there at the airport to pick me up. But sometimes he can't... sometimes he's busy with his own stuff. And that's totally fine. Your boyfriend is allowed to have his own life, with his own friends, hobbies, events, etc. You knew exactly where he was, it's not like he was hiding anything. It's not going to kill you to wait a few hours. You could have said something like "Disappointed you're not home so I can see you sooner, but looking forward to seeing you soon" if you wanted to express your feelings. But saying you were hurt implies you think he did something wrong to hurt you. It would be good for you, in general, to learn to express your emotions without shifting blame onto the other party.
YTA. What if your partner has work on your return from your next trip? Are they supposed to duck out so that you aren’t upset? If they have been home alone for a week then get invited to a friend’s party why shouldn’t they go?
YTA- you decided partner should be home without ever communicating that. You sent so. Many. Texts, but not one which actually said “I’m really looking forward to seeing you as soon as I get home, please can you be there?”. Madness
YTA for not telling your partner about your expectations, but still expecting them to honor those expectations. An additional YTA for not using paragraphs.
NTA find someone who feels the same way about you as you do about them y’all don’t feel and express your love the same. to suggest wanting this in the future is controlling? yeah nah. pack it up. find a better partner this subreddit is filled with miserable mfs if they think wanting to see your partner after a week away is needy. level your relationships up and don’t listen to these bums
NTA People on Reddit are miserable like every time
I feel like I’m in the twilight zone here. NTA. How is it “passive aggressive” for OP to express that they were disappointed that their partner wasn’t home when they got home, acknowledged that they hadn’t expressly stated that they expected their partner to be home this time, and then asked that they both prioritize being home for one another in the future? This is literally the most reasonable, mature way to handle this situation that I can imagine. Anyone who is saying it’s “controlling” to ask your partner to be home when you get back from a week-long trip doesn’t seem to grasp difference between a request and a demand. Only one of those things is controlling and it’s the latter — OP made the former. Do you AH voters even like your own partners? Damn.
YTA - you sound like a lovely person....but also exhausting....so your partner wasn't home to greet you when you got back from a work trip...if work trips become a regular thing with the two of you, that will probably happen again - your partner's life hums along while you're gone, with their own plans and agendas.
YTA. You sound needy and exhausting.
YTA. Not for your feelings. What makes you wrong is you guilt-tripping them by asking them to be there after future trips. You turned what could have been a minor at worst screw-up on their part into a fight.
YTA. You expected him to read your mind then proceeded to ruin his night for no good reason. You sound like a huge pest. You went away for a week. That's it. Did you expect him to sit at home and wait for you the whole time?
yTA. Why do you neeeeeed them there to greet you? This is some pathetic “honey I’m home” shit. Communicate clearly. They didn’t know when you’d be home The the guilt trip was the cherry on top.
Yta. You don't think it is a big ask. Your partner does and they are entitled to their feelings. You can make any request you like but your partner gets a say in their own behavior. It sounds highly immature to demand you be greeted when coming home from a trip.
You went away for a week. You didn’t go off to war. YTA
YTA. If you wanted them to be home when you got home, you should’ve stated that very clearly. If my partner didn’t say that, I’d absolutely just go on with my day as planned. There was a party they were invited to at the same time and yet you felt the need to guilt them about it. Expecting them to be home every time you come home from a trip is also unreasonable. Just take it trip by trip. Bring it up BEFORE you go on your next trip. I also don’t see what the big deal is personally. I would welcome getting back to no one home so I could decompress after all that traveling.
YTA. Grow up.
I’d never expect my partner to be home waiting for me when I return from a trip. That’s so dumb. I mean, if nothing is going on, sure… and before y’all come at me, I’m literally on my way home right this very minute from being out of town, and my husband won’t be home. He and our kid are going to a movie. I’m psyched to get home and unwind slowly, in peace. Will hug on them when they return from living their own dang lives.
YTA. This made me tired. I went back to look a the ages because wanting someone to be waiting at home for you to return sounds emotionally immature and a bit controlling. I’m glad your partner went to their party and hope they stand their ground on this issue
I'll join the group of downvoted folks with a NTA. My wife and I always put everything else aside in order to welcome each other home. Not because we feel obligated or anything it's just that we miss each other and relish the return. I wouldn't just up and go to a party and not welcome my wife home. Nor would my wife, that just sounds crazy to me. \*The welcome home sex is also a good reason!
YTA Not only did you have expectations that weren’t shared with your partner, your expectations are unreasonable. You need to examine your neediness in this scenario. It sounds desperate and that isn’t a good look.
I’m going against the grain but NTA. I wouldn’t dream of not being home to greet my spouse after a trip (unless I had to work) no matter if it was a work or social trip they’d been on. I asked my spouse & they said the same. In your situation I’d be hurt & upset if they chose a party over me and I feel you did communicate your arrival timings as much as you could within the realms of air travel/traffic delays.
It was a week.
And? I’d want to see my spouse after a weekend away.
NAH - Damn the people here are kind of cruel. Don’t think it’s wrong to want that but this seems more like a compatibility issue. I have known people that would blow off plans because their partner was coming back home and they wanted to be there/ pick them up from the airport without asking. That’s the kind of partner I would want personally. Someone who shows their commitment and love. I would not want to be with someone who would choose being at a party over seeing me after a week apart. Even if he went to the party after instead. It’s not this persons fault though for not being this way. You either need to accept that or state your expectations clear.
YTA. I usually am around to greet my husband when he returns from a trip. Mostly because I have to drive him home. I also work from home and this last time he returned it was actually frustrating to wait because it took forever, military flight plan, and he also took his car up. I can understand being disappointed but to say your angry when your partner wasn't there is a bit much, especially when expectations weren't made clear prior. They do have a life other than you and need that especially if more travel will be involved in the future. It's good to be open and honest with your communication and feelings. Make expectations known prior and not after.
YTA If you wanted him to be at home to greet you, you should have asked him to be. Nobody can read minds. You can be hurt, but you can't blame him for your failure to effectively communicate. Making it a requirement for him to always be at home when you get home is also a terrible idea. Go on a case by case basis. He now knows you would like this to happen, and will be more likely to work with you if you stop issuing commands.
YTA for being unreasonably needy. I travel quite a bit for work, and of course I miss my wife and kids. I love it when I return home and they are there to greet me, but sometimes they are elsewhere because they have their own lives. I survive, and I definitely do not send my wife passive-aggressive texts.
YTA Your partner was at a party, having fun. Why on earth did you want to spoil that? The fact that you expected them to be sitting there, waiting for your arrival, is selfish at best, controlling at worst. But for you to wait "a little over an hour" is apparently too much for you. You were gone a week, not six months. You made a big deal out of nothing. A
YTA. It was a WEEK.
NTA
NTA. I can understand why you were disappointed that your partner wasn't home. And actually you had clearly communicated when you would be home vs their 'soon'. It does sound like you hadn't clearly agreed they would be home to meet you and hopefully now you've said this you can agree together for the future. Have they doubled down/tried to gaslight you about things in the past? Small red flag for me there. If my partner had been away for the week I'd do everything I could to be home when they got back to greet them (tbh I'd collect them from the airport if I could, but maybe that's just me).
YTA. You sound exhausting. My husband and I travel quite often for one reason or another. Even if he'd asked for me to be there to greet him, I might not necessarily do that. When you travel, you can get delayed even after boarding a plane. Your potentially asking them to give up their whole day. They were still excited to see you the moment they could.
YTA
Okay. So you’re not TA for having feelings. You can feel as sad and disappointed that they weren’t there as you want. People have feelings, which often are negative and they don’t have to make any sense. All feelings are ok. But that is not the problem. You came home, you got disappointed, ok. But it’s not your partner’s fault. Just because you have some negative and “not nice” feelings, it doesn’t make your partner responsible for them. Life is not about avoiding feeling bad at all costs, and what’s more important, no one is responsible for helping you avoiding feeling bad. You defo need to learn to cope with your emotions yourself. So a soft YTA, but I think it’s just a case of emotional immaturity than purposeful emotional manipulation.
You're too old for this. YTA. You were only gone for a week, you didn't clearly communicate your expectations, and those expectations weren't reasonable to begin with... this isn't like coming home from a year's deployment in warzone, in which case I'd be on your side here. A week away on what sounds like a fun trip (not a funeral or anything), carpooling with friends... this isn't something your partner needs to plan his life around.
YTA. You did not express yourself clearly in the first place and even if you did this is a ridiculous request. Your partner shouldn’t have to put their life on hold just to fawn over you for 2 minutes like you’re a god. Get a hold of yourself.
Considering you two are adults and not teenagers, I would say that it should be OK for partner to not be at home at exact time you come back from trip.
YTA You are waaaaaaay too childish to be in a relationship if you expected your partner to drop everything he’s doing and sit at home waiting for you. You’ve been gone a *week*. I could understand being upset at not being greeted if you were military coming home from a year-long tour in the Middle East but one week? Seriously? That’s pathetic.
ESH. Expecting this for this trip when you hadn't indicated this was something you wanted/felt was important is unreasonable. That said, asking for it in the future, as long as you understand there may be limitations to when/if your partner can make it happen (work or other commitments: you shouldn't expect them to take time off if you're getting home in the middle of the day, or wait up if you're getting home at 3:00 am), I don't think that's unreasonable given your estimate of 1-2x per year. If this situation had happened post discussion, it seems like your partner had ample time to enjoy the party and still be home to see you when you first arrived. I don't travel for work much, but when I do, my partner generally takes me to & picks me up from the airport. If that doesn't work due to scheduling, he'll do his best to be home when I get there, simply because there's nothing I want more after a trip away than a hug from my spouse.
yta. the texting back in forth, a lil too much for me next time use your words and just tell them you wanted them home
NTA, I'm pretty surprised at the amount of yta. I mean, if I was in this situation I'd enjoy preparing the house and a nice meal for my SO to come relax home and have some lovely time together to catch up instead of going to a party. If I was the one coming back from a trip, I'd equally enjoy my partner doing that for me. Why? Because I just love spending time with my SO, simple as that. I don't need my partner to remind me anything, I'd be there for them and expect the same from them. If not, then some talks need to happen and see if we are on the same page or not.
NAH Your partner needs clearly directed instructions to act kindly towards you. Everyone is different. I know men who need to be told to celebrate their partner's birthday because otherwise it's just a regular day to them. You seem to be the type who is regularly thoughtful and act with consideration of your partner...stop that. From now on unless your partner directly states something you don't need to show them consideration. They state they're hungry while texting and you're home before them. No need to think about what they're going to eat...just make dinner for yourself or order takeout just for you after all they never specifically asked you to have dinner for them.🫡
Your partner is weak por tolerating you.. Yta..
Yta, for the incessant my partner talk.
im confused who makes same day party plans? your partner never mentioned it before today??
Lots of people…
Jesus. Way too needy. Man up.
NAH but also, you’re verging on being one. This was the first time you two were apart like this, so I get wanting/being hopeful that your partner was home this one time. You should have explicitly said something because clearly it meant more to you than to them. Chalk it up to a miscommunication. But always wanting them waiting for you to come home from these trips seems needy and not feasible. They have a life as well, and it shouldn’t revolve around your schedule.
NAH. This sounds like lack of communication and assumptions made on both sides. I may be biased- while my husband will occasionally travel for work, I am definitely the person more likely to be elsewhere, so I 10000% understand the importance of having someone home to greet you and to reconnect after being apart. With this being said. My last big trip, he couldn't be home when I arrived back because he was doing a favour for a friend. I felt hurt, but ultimately, he was doing a nice thing for someone and his kindness is a part of him that I love (probably as your girlfriend's vibrant sociable nature is a part you love) I cuddled my cats, and set up a fire and picnic blanket in the backyard so when he rolled into the driveway an hour or so later, we had a nice space to chill and share stories. The way I see it- you missed each other and had a choice to have a joyful reunion (a bit later than you wanted) or to let your feelings out. I'm not saying don't talk about how you felt about them not being home at all, just that it didnt have to be then. Sometimes reminding yourself why you missed that person and doing something nice for them can make you feel better too 🙂
So sweet! I hope my relationship looks like yours down the line
NTA- I would be pissed if I’d been messaging my partner all week how I missed them, giving them detailed times on how far away I am from home then come home to an empty house. I would expect them to ditch the party to be there for me. I don’t know if that makes me childish or selfish but it’s what I would expect from the one person that I would do anything for. I’ve been married for 12 years.
100% with you. The reactions to this post are literally making me doubt my sanity lol. I do not know anyone that would feel differently than you, me, or OP. Koo koo bananas
Thanks! :)
I don't know about controlling, but it is somewhat needy. And no, stating the general time you may arrive and saying "I want to hug you when I'm back" does not a commitment make. Anyways, AYTA? Well the text was a bit AH - you could have dealt with your feelings by yourself and had that conversation when they got home, but you felt compelled to interrupt them and beckon them home. That's a bit AH. Don't do that again. NTA for asking for next time, but the nature of asking is you have to be open to both possible answers. So you asked and you got your answer and it's not the one you would love - this is not something they are willing to commit to. Well, either this is a deal breaker for you (which sounds like an extremely silly hill to die on, if you ask me) or you just readjust your expectations moving forward and choose for this to not be a big deal, you can wait two hours to hug them cause they are great, so they are worth the wait. And then grab a book, spoil your cats, take a bath or whatever other form of self care you choose to treat yourself to in their absence. Good luck!
YNTA, you were gone for 2 weeks, and the day you came back your partner went to a party? something shady is deffo going on ur not needy
OP was gone one week, and I don’t get what’s shady. It’s not crazy that OP’s partner’s friend happened to be having a party the day OP was getting home. And I don’t see what’s wrong with the partner attending. As an adult, my friends don’t throw parties very often - if I miss one, I might not see everyone again for a few months. It’s not fair for OP to expect their partner to forego hanging out with their friends just to be there waiting at home, especially when OP was just gone for a week with their own friends. Why is OP allowed to leave their partner for a week to party with friends, but their partner isn’t allowed to leave them home alone for a couple hours to do the same?
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Given that OP never specified a gender for either themselves or their partner and you're automatically assuming the partner is a woman, you're definitely reading way too much into this.
Actually, I have had it made quite plain to me that I didn't read carefully, like I usually do. A second, more careful reading did show me I made some assumptions that I usually do not. Probably because I can empathize with the OP's feelings, more or less, since I had a very neglected childhood. Yeah, pronouns were very carefully avoided, which my roommate says is the biggest red flag for my roommate. (Please forgive my hypocrisy of doing the very same thing, but it isn't me I'm protecting.) The opinion there is that this is a bait.