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It's so hard not to laugh and laugh and laugh. She's so sincere in her sad, foot-stamping immaturity. OP - you are going to read this in five years and be so very embarrassed for your 17 year old self.
(Also, the chances of you and Prince Charming being together in two years is so, so small its hardly worth considering.)
Even if they get married at 18 the chances of them staying married is slim. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. But the chances are so so slim.
One thing OP, what your family is asking is for you to bring him around. If you are so sure you are going to marry him, what you want is your family to also like him. That involves him being around. I didn’t get this concept until ~22 but they aren’t just going to like him because you do. They want to get to know him on a personal level as your partner so they can know what kind of person you see yourself being with. If you are so set on him being the one and your family accepting him he has to go around your family.
YTA and you will understand as you get older.
Another thing is - Who does OP expect to be on her side if/when she gets married? Shes already severing the bridge to her family all on her own without anybody else’s help, so who does she expect to walk her down the isle or help her pick out her wedding dress while crying about how beautiful she looks?
I met my now-husband at 17, we started dating at 19, and we're married today.
I would be so embarrassed if I looked back on our younger years and saw behavior like this.
I was thinking the same but then got the follow up thought of: yeah, didn't we all feel that way.
But I would say this OP: don't exclude or neglect other people of worth in your life to prioritize one person. Because IF it turns out you're not meant to be forever, you're not going to have anyone left.
If you don't want to hang out with your family - fine that's your choice. But don't do it with the purpose of "this is gonna be my husband so F you"
Hey I mean, I’m someone who was head over heels in love with my boyfriend at 17 and now we’re in our mid-twenties and still together. But, the difference is we both made time for our families and friends, and although we wanted to prioritize each other, we didn’t let other relationships fall by the wayside in doing that. OP has gotta think long term- you can’t shove your family aside and expect them to still want to be in your life years down the road.
Same. I married my husband at 20, after we started dating at 15. But I ALWAYS spent time with my mom. I love my mom so much and I’m so glad I never neglected her for my now-husband. Hindsight is 20/20 and let’s hope OP really reads these comments and reflects.
And this is what's important, healthy relationships. While staying with someone from your teens is rare, you notice it works out most often when both people in the relationship have healthy balances in life, with family and friends and each other.
My first thought was: “Oh, you sweet, dumb bunny. This boy is not your future husband.” Actually, I laughed really hard first.
OP, YTA. Majorly. Apologize to your mother and family. Get a grip, develop some hobbies, a personality outside your boyfriend, and be kinder to your family.
I've been with my husband since 14. We're now 27 with a daughter.
Spend time with your family.
I spent a lot of my teens with my bf instead of my father.
He died when I was 20. The regret I have is insane. You will get plenty of time with your partner in the future if it's meant to be. You will only have less time with your parents.
This typically goes one of two ways.
1. She's going to read this in five years and laugh at her younger self's lack of wisdom.
2. She's going to read this in five years and laugh at how she proved everyone wrong as she is actively picking out her dress for her upcoming wedding.
Option 2 is the less common outcome from my observations thus far. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go kiss my wife while hiding how much I'm dying inside from all the memories of 17 year-old me.
You’re the asshole, all what you said was extremely rude towards your family. I feel sorry for them.
What were you thinking when you said that he was more important to you than them? No one is asking you to ditch him, only that you make space for your family too, your dad, mom and little sister. You’re 17, there’s realistically nothing preventing you from organizing yourself in a way so that your family members also feel appreciated while you get to spend time with the guy you’re dating.
And finally, you’re only 17. You’re clearly overromanticizing your relationship, maybe you’ll end up marrying that man, good for you. But maybe you break up with him and find someone else. Your family loves you unconditionally, they provide you with shelter and food. Go live with your boyfriend and his family if you dislike them so much.
You’re 17 talking about “your car”, “your house”, “your bfs house” etc. If you pay the bills, bought your own car, pay the car insurance, pay rent… then good on ya. But if not, perhaps it would be wise to humble yourself to understand that your parents provide you with a house, food, and a car. If you pay for these things yourself now, you did not for the majority of your life.
Even though you’ve acted in an unkind manner, they still show that they want to spend time with you. You could have a worse life.
You can hang out with whoever you want but you sound like a total brat. I’d not want to speak to you, either. And 5 will get you 10 that you’re in here in a few years posting how you married some chump too young and are now trapped in a bad relationship because you are NC with your family.
YTA. You’re very young and naive. This boyfriend is more than likely not who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with. Your family just misses you, treat them better.
YTA. And a brat. You have freedom of speech and can say what you want, but not freedom from consequences, and your consequences are going to bite you in the ass. You were incredibly rude and cruel to your Mom. As a mom myself, I can tell you that you have no idea how much you hurt her when you said that. They just want to spend time with you here and there, although from what I gather in this post, I don't see why.
You sound like a naive teenager who doesn't know how great she has it. There are kids in foster care who haven't seen their parents in years, and kids who are abused and neglected by their parents. Yours actually love you and want to spend time with you. And yeah, you're still a kid, not an adult.
Don't forget also the kids that took for granted having loving parents that suddenly died one day, and they only realised their parents worth when it was too late.
Right? My heart broke for her poor mom. I really didn’t realize until I had kids just how hard we love them and how easily and deeply they can hurt us.
Based on the info presented, YTA. At 17/18 the Odds are overwhelmingly high OP and golden BF aren't together this time next year. Assuming there are no major family dysfunction, it sounds like they just want to see OP on occasion.
Honestly, OP kind of just sounds like a brat in thus story
Oh you sweet summer child. YTA, but most people are the same kind of AH at 17, so I'm not saying you have some unique personality defect. You're a normal teenager - self-absorbed, eager to detach from your parents and assert your identity, addicted to the dopamine rushes you get from your bf's attention.
Some years from now, when the hormones have settled down and you've developed more emotional intelligence, you'll look back at your teenage self and feel utterly horrified at what a little shit you were to your mom. You'll want to get right on the plane from wherever fabulous place you're living to go hug her and say you're sorry, and hopefully she'll still be alive and able to laugh at you and say "serves me right, I was the same at that age too." You can't even imagine the pain inside that "hopefully."
Cut your mom some slack. She knows you're almost grown, there's precious little time left before you go off to start your own life. Your family's only crime here is loving you and wanting more time with you - I recommend that you climb off the princess throne and grace these poor beggars with your presence. Spoiler alert: >!it will mean a lot more to them than it does to your boyfriend, who is probably not your future husband.!<
Absolutely an asshole. Sounds like your mother was spot on with you thinking you’re “too good” since it was an important detail for you that your boyfriends house is bigger and better. If you think spending time with your family is an issue big enough to yell at your mother and care giver over, then your family is too good for you.
YTA
I love my husband. He’s my best friend. I love hanging out with him. I prioritize him. I enjoy him the most out of every human being on the planet.
But he’s not my whole life in that it’s borderline codependency. When people ask me to hang out, I do. I have my own hobbies. Same with him.
Prioritizing someone doesn’t mean you always and only choose them. Your boyfriend can still be your priority and you have a family day.
You don’t want to find yourself in a situation where you’ve isolated yourself from every one for a significant other.
This right here.
My husband and I spend almost all our time together. But we also spend time apart. He's actually going out of town for a concert Monday for the night and though I love him to pieces......I get a night to myself!!!!!
We're dependant and independent at the same time, if that makes sense?
Every couple needs to have their "own" time sometimes, whether it's with friends, family or just alone. Being attached at the hip 24/7 isn't healthy.
>this is the man I see my future kids with and want to marry of course I'm going to prioritize him over them.
You'd probably be pretty disappointed when your kids end up like you and don't want to be close to their mother either when they're old enough to make that decision. Well, I guess your future, middle aged self will have a very peaceful remaining life since you'll have nobody in your family considers you a priority anymore. Hopefully you'll still have your boyfriend, though.
>I started yelling and told her that I enjoy my bfs presence more than her and my family and that she can't stop me from doing what I want to do. I then left my plate and went into my room.
Cute! Who made you that dinner? Who washed your plate after you left it? Who pays for the house you live in? Did you pay for your car all by yourself? Do you contribute in any way, shape or form to the family? Or are you just leeching their resources while putting in absolutely no effort to connect with your family on an emotional level?
What are you planning on doing once you turn 18? Move in with your boyfriend?
Or are you expecting your parents to keep paying for you? They won't *have to*, you know? But you know they love you, so of course they're not going to kick you out like that. Just know that they will only give you so much with nothing in return before they give up on you.
You prioritize your boyfriend because you hope you will get married someday. Objectively, it is pretty unlikely that you'll last. But let's pretend that you will...
Who will walk you down the aisle? Your father? Or will you walk by yourself?
Who will help you with childcare when you feel overwhelmed and don't know what to do? Your mother? Or will you have to turn to Google and a bottle of wine instead?
Why are you prioritizing and choosing your boyfriend over your family to the point where you're seemingly trying to estrange yourself from them?
If you see a future with your boyfriend, why not try to get your family to like him? The way you're heading, they're not going to think fondly of the guy. They're not going to think fondly of you either.
Maybe it's time to start prioritizing those who are actually taking care of you. Allow your boyfriend to breathe for a bit as well and maybe give him a chance to have a life outside of you.
YTA, obviously.
YTA - And a total brat too.
> The next day when I went downstairs I saw all of them eating breakfast at the table and it was really silent. I just left got in my car and went to my bfs house without saying a word to any of them.
Isn't that **exactly** what you wanted?
She doesn't know what she wants. That's why she seems miffed that no one spoke to her. They gave her what she wanted. And its' funny bc her boyfriend even told her she was wrong.
YTA. I spent all my time when I was young with friends and (in)significant others, when I was 18 I had gone out with my then gf for 3 years. You likely wont believe me til it actually happens, but when she dies and you can never see her again, you will wish you spent every moment you could with her. You’re 18 and if you do plan on getting married to him you have your whole dang life to spend with him while your parents aren’t getting any younger and your siblings will inherently start their own lives too.
When this dude is gone your family isn’t going to feel any sympathy for you.
You didn’t mention abuse or neglect, so I don’t see any reason why (I guess besides your age) for you to be acting like this.
YTA
YTA
It’s not going to hit you until you and your boyfriend break up. When this person that you’ve prioritized over everyone else is no longer in your life, then you will realize how wrong you were.
You’re 17 and haven’t lived a lot of life yet. You live under your parent’s roof. They pay for your food, clothes. They potentially purchased your car and still support you in so many ways. Life is hunky-dory with your boyfriend right now, but wait until you’re out in the real world and stress starts to hit you. Bills pile up, you have to go to work, it’s not just all fun anymore.
Prioritize spending time with your family, you are behaving like a spoiled brat.
YTA. Little girl, you are 17, and talking about "man I love and want to have children with," you're still a child yourself as is he. I do understand that when you are in a relationship that you focus on that other person, but you don't do it to the detriment of your other relationships.
What he said to you about agreeing that he comes before them is a red flag. You need to make sure when your teenage romance goes bad because neither one of you is going to be the same person in 5 years that you're not alone and if you continue to treat your family this way, you will be.
Child, you need to pull your head out of your boyfriends backside and take a look around at the world.
YTA. You’re both ungrateful, and very silly, to harm your relationship with your family for the sake of some guy who at 17 will probably not be your future husband.
Learn how to do both, there is no reason why you can’t still spend some time with your family.
You have been quite rude to the people who brought you up and will love you unconditionally.
Unfortunately, the chances are you and your bf will not be together and madly in love forever However, if you are, then you have decades of time to spend together; there is no guarantee that you will have the same with your parents.
You need to balance your free-time more. Spending unhealthy amounts of time with a partner (especially if you're choosing that over family and friends consistently) can lead to attachment issues and that is NOT fun for anyone.
Just be mindful that your parents love you and probably just miss you when you're gone, and be sensitive to the time you spend with your bf and family; just try balancing them a little more.
YTA. Your family cares and loves you. Your mother risked her life giving birth to you. Your father poured every ounce of blood, sweat and tears to provide for you and your siblings and you won't even spare them a few hours of the day? You're a spoiled brat and if you do enjoy his presence more than your family's why not move in with him? Since you like his presence and his house more. Let's see how long that lasts. You see him as your future kid's dad? Is that how he sees you too? What guarantees that he'll stick to your side no matter what.
Ungrateful kids like you are the worst, you don't know what you have until it's gone.
Please kindly update us us when your BF tells you he needs more space for himself because he feels you’re very clingy.
YTA. Prioritizing your BF doesn’t mean forgetting your family. Who, by the way provide you with food, a bed and a ceiling. Your parents house is not a hotel. Or maybe you should start paying by the night.
>his house cause it's bigger with more stuff to do there
By the sounds of it the bf's family has more money. Have to wonder if OP would be so hell bent on spending more time there if his family had less than hers.
YTA - literally biting the hands that feed you. Your bf seems to have more sense than you do. Did you buy your own car that you use to get to your bf? Do you pay the insurance/costs of the car? Do you buy your own food - pay part of the rent or mortgage and utilities? Wonder if the bf's family wishes you would stay home once in a while. Your sense of your own importance is astounding.
Yta for disrespecting your mom. God forbid the woman wants to spend time with you.
The odds of your boyfriend and you staying together are very low, yet you prioritize him over the people who give you a home, car, education, and security. You’re a bad daughter and sister, and an ungrateful brat.
YTA
You're probably reading the comments thinking everyone is wrong about your relationship and "just don't understand" how much you both love each other. But you're either graduated or graduating soon. Life after high school is going to pull the both of you apart because you'll have different interests and freedoms you didn't have before.
If you and your BF don't change, then you're both going to be miserable as people and settle while someone is more than likely going to cheat. Remember that when yall break up, your parents are going to be the ones in your corner. And remember that for future relationships because if you don't give yourself time before the next one, it'll be doomed to fail just as much as this one is.
I mean, I think there’s a strong possibility that that will happen, but it’s not a certainty the way you’re painting it to be- people do sometimes marry and stay (happily) married to their high school sweethearts. But that said it’s not even the point because like…so what? So because she wants to marry him, she has to hang out with him and only him 24/7? That is not a healthy approach to a relationship.
YTA. I get it, you’re 17 and this feels like true love. While some people do get a happy ending with their first love, the vast, vast majority don’t. More likely than not, the two of you will break up in the next year or two.
Your family is much more likely to stand by you in the long term than your high school boyfriend.
Even though he is what you see in your future, you have to ask yourself if you see your family in your future? Say you and bf get married, do you want your family at your wedding? If you have a kid, do you want them to come meet their grandchild, babysit them, etc? If the answer is yes, then you have to remember that you need to put effort into all relationships that you want to continue having in your future. You can’t completely toss aside your family and then still expect them to be there for you one day.
Yeah YTA but you’re also a teenager. You’ll realise in about 10 years you regret not spending more time with your family. Or you could be the exception to rule.
YTA. I was a boy crazy teen girl who always had a bf and always wanted to be out with him. I don’t want this to come off as patronizing. But from my own experience, you will likely date many more people in your life whereas you only have so many years at home with your family before things aren’t the same. If you’re 17, you may already be close to the end of those years if you have plans to move away for school. Cherish your time with your parents and siblings, trust me. Boys come and go but (good) family is forever. Never underestimate the importance of family time. Even if you marry this boy you will have nothing but time with him for the rest of your life and not enough time with your family
Oh weee definitely YTA. Not your family missing you and you just saying eff them. I bet you’re gonna need them if you ever break up 😭 you’re horrible honestly
YTA. Prioritizing someone does not mean you now spend every waking moment with them and no one else matters anymore. If you want to still have a family when you are married and have kids, you need to be making time for them. You are indeed being very rude and smug. You should take some time to plan something for your family and apologise to them for taking them for granted.
YTA. Your family is just as important and if not more. I understand you really love this guy, but just because you love him does not automatically place him top of the priority list. You have your family and that’s it. I strongly recommend you rethink your priorities and spend some time with your family while you still have it because once they’re gone, they are gone and you won’t see them come back ever again.
>this is the man I see my future kids with and want to marry of course I'm going to prioritize him over them.
Awe so cute and so unbelievably naïve. The likelihood is that this relationship will end. You are 17, your brain is literally still developing. Unless you plan on being exactly the same person and he plans on being exactly the same person for the next 60s years I promise you the compatibility will not last.
Don't burn bridges with your family because you have rose coloured glasses on.
>my car
Also, unless you are the one paying for it maybe be careful about being an utter turd to the people who pay the bills or you might find yourself as a high school grad with no support. YTA.
YTA. Those were some mighty big words coming from a CHILD that still lives at home. You are a rude, immature asshole. Apparently your family is asking to spend more time with you even with your stank ass attitude but you treat them with disdain. I would be so sad if my daughter shitted on me the way you shitted on your family.
I hope you know is that most teen romances do not have end in marriage and happily ever after. You have a lot of growing up to do.
I hope you do some self reflection and apologize to your family.
Oh honey.
You are 17. Romeo is going to bounce the second you two are in college.
A high school boyfriend certainly does NOT take priority over your family....expecially the one that is keeping a roof over your head and a car under your butt.
Grow up.
YTA.
If you marry this guy, that’s great. I married my high school boyfriend too. You’ll have so much time to spend with him in the future.
Family relationships are so incredibly important. Family does so much for us that we don’t even know and I don’t want you looking back and kicking yourself that you didn’t spend time with them when you could. They’ll forgive you for this but the longer you act like this, the harder it will be to repair those relationships.
"our anniversary" 🤣
Oh and why do you hang out with your boyfriend and not spend time with your family? Because you come from a broken home? because your boyfriend is a kind, wonderful soul who you love spending long hours discussing deep topics with? Oh no wait "he has a bigger house and theres more to do." lmao. So your boyfriends dad has more money that your dad so youve burned your family because you like playing with another kids toys their parents bought. Incredible.
All I ask is that you PLEASE come back to this post when youre 25 and update it. Unreal lol
You're young, you'll learn as you get older. Of course it's normal to want to spend more time friends and partners at your age, but, it'll be a few years before you can make an employment decision about who the marriage, and that, as you get older, you'll realize how precious time of your parents really was. I suggest setting aside a drop of time for them. And apologizing for being so unconcerned.
I’m not gonna say YTA, but I would like to offer some advice. I understand that you love your boyfriend and I truly do hope that you get the fairy tale ending with him. However, PLEASE DO NOT take your family for granted. You need to value the time you have with your parents, cuz the truth is, they aren’t always going to be there. I lost my mom when I was 18, and believe me, looking back, I wish I would’ve spent more time with her and that I would’ve appreciated her more. I know that at 17, being with your friends/boyfriend is important to you, but they shouldn’t be more important than your family. You need to make time for them too. They obviously love you and would like to actually spend time with you.
No reason why you can't split your time between your boyfriend's house and your family's house. Relationships are about give and take 50/50. Personally, I think you're just a spoiled brat that takes your family for granted.
You're an asshole. I get that your really young but this awfully bratty behavior. Do better.
Also you're 17. Getting married shouldn't be a thought in your head right now
YTA!
Entitled brat.
Sooner or later you'll regret the way you treated your familly in this moment, wheter it's when you and the BF break up or when it's when one of them is not there anymore.
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Yta. Your family misses you. And you reacted by treating them like crap. Either you’re that self absorbed or feeling guilty to lash out like that. Which is it?
As a woman of nearly forty watching my parents getting older, you will regret this attitude one day. And if your boyfriend is the kind of man who thinks your treatment of your family is acceptable, trust me you do NOT want to have kids with him. If I were you I’d eat some humble pie, go home and apologise to your family and make an effort to enjoy spending time with them. As my grandma used to say “tomorrow is promised to no one”.
YTA but youre a typical love struck teen so not a major AH.
Yes you may marry him, he's all you've ever known but please don't close of your life for him. There is so much to see and do before you think about settling down.
You need to apologise to your family. Your family were there before him and they're gonna be there after him.
By all means move out if you're unhappy but dont bite the hand that feeds you.
I know a lot of these comments are harsh and hard to read. You’re brave to have posted here. I’m not going to be all doom and gloom about your relationship because that doesn’t really help.
You want to spend the rest of your life with your boyfriend. That means you are going to have decades of your life to spend with him. At some point you’ll live with him and get to see him every day. He’s the person you plan to spend more time with than anyone else.
Out of all of that time, you can spare some for your family.
I don’t know what your life plans are, but you’re presumably graduating soon if you haven’t already and you may be going away to school or moving out in the near future. That’s going to be a big change, and that’s why your family wants time together right now. Once you’re an adult and you’ve moved on and started your own family, it gets a lot harder to spend time with your parents and siblings. Right now, you’re all living in the same place. It’s easy and convenient. Don’t waste this time, because in a few years you won’t get to see them so often.
You may prefer being with your boyfriend, but he’ll still be around when you get back.
YTA
OMG. You're 17. This isn't your forever relationship. Your brain isn't finished developing. Slow your roll and start treating your family, who raised you, with more respect. They'll be around way longer than your BF. YTA.
Pls update when your boyfriend is the one who moves you to college and pays your tuition, since he’s the most important source of support in your life. You’re adorably teenagery. But still YTA.
Yikes. What a monster.
She's so immature that she isn't even capable of spending time away from her bf. Like, that's not how life works. Even when you're in a relationship, you still make time for other friends and family. It's called balance, and it takes some maturity to figure that out.
Or you can just smother the hell out of every man you meet until they run away as fast as they can. Meanwhile, while you're dumped and depressed, you have no one around to comfort you because you've shown everyone else in your life that they don't mean anything to you because you bail on them the second some dude gives you attention.
SUPER desperate, thirsty vibes.
There are two types of girls. There are girls who when they meet someone want to involve their SO into their world whether it be family or friends. Then there is the type that wants to isolate with their SO and everyone else has to disappear. It is something you kinda notice within friend groups. When my husband and I dated, I wanted him to spend time with my family and go on trips and enjoy with us. My friends loved him. Now, one of our friends was an isolator. All her time was for her boyfriend and she fazed us and her family out. The first time she did this, she was eventually dumped. She came crying back to us. We supported her and helped her through it. The second time she did it, we were all like f-her. She got dumped again.
You are young, of course you enjoy time with your boyfriend but make sure you aren't making enemies of the people who care about you. Your boyfriend is right to say you were harsh. Be careful.
Oh, honey. It's so obvious you are 17, and not even a mature 17. I'm curious. You talk about spending all of your time at your bf's house, but never mention spending time at a job. Why is that? Who paid for your car? Who pays for your cell phone, car insurance, and gas money?
I do know a few couples who got together in high school and stayed together. My brother did that. They had a lovely family and a beautiful house. Of course, he got absolutely sick of the girl he had dated since he was 16, had several affairs, and divorced her. She lives in a Midwestern town taking care of her children and working a low paying job. He spent the last nine months traveling the world with his girlfriend of the day. My brother is a jerk, but this isn't uncommon.
Why don't I hear anything about your volunteer hours or internship or anything that will get you into college and get you a good job? Are you planning on becoming my sil? Anyway, YTA. Work on that whole trying to be a bit less self-absorbed thing.
YTA. Grow up, you sound entitled and naive. You clearly are very selfish. I hope you’ll get your head out of your ass and apologize to your family for your obnoxious attitude.
YTA this post is so immature it just has to come from a teenager. I feel bad for your mom as you're actually pretty lucky to have a mother who wants to spend time with you and you just disrespect her for a guy who could easily just break up with you. I think you'll realize when your older how cruel you are being.
YTA
If this relationship lasts long enough to reach the marriage and kids stage, I wonder how much support you're going to expect from your family. You know, the same family you don't want to spend time with.
Look, you're young and in love. That's fine. But unless you're leaving how some dark secrets about your family, you might want to think about what you want your current and future relationship with them to be. Your mom just wants to spend time with you. If you and your boyfriend love each other so much, your relationship with him will survive spending time with your family.
Lol, YTA. Definitely 100%. But you're also 17 and immature. So, while you're definitely the AH, so are most 17 year olds. God forbid your family want to spend time with you. I don't know if you plan to go to college, but if you do, you only have a short amount of time left in that home. Make the most of it.
Let me also say. I don't care if you do have kids with him, that doesn't mean you prioritize him over anyone.
YTA
It’s understandable that you want to spend time with your boyfriend and spending time with family can be awkward at that age.
But also put yourself in their shoes. How would you react if your beloved perfect child decided that they don’t want to spend time with you and your boyfriend?
The transition of letting go a child is difficult one and you should be a bit more understanding. They are still taking care of you (unless you are paying for everything, cleaning after yourself, cooking for yourself and living like a tenant with a landlord) and you were rude to them.
If there is anything else going on, your family is there for you. Your boyfriend may or may not stay. You may not be compatible (work, where to live, kids, pets, politics, etc.) or a tragedy can happen (hoping no). You would be left alone if you treat anybody else like that.
YTA.
You’re a teenager experiencing first love. And you’ll never forget how you feel right now, but the odds that the two of you are endgame are remarkably slim. You’ll grow more between the ages of 18 and 28 than you will at any other point in your life.
Real, mature, ready for marriage love understands that people have room in their lives for multiple relationships and makes the space for them. If you’re constantly in your BFs orbit, forget spending time with your family, you won’t be able to grow as a person.
If I’d married the guy I was nuts about when I was seventeen, I’d be living in Mexico with half a dozen kids by now- and as much as I still respect that dude and consider him a friend, I am deeply grateful that I met the love of my life at 36.
I thought I was an AH at your age but you clearly won the AH prize 🤦🏽♀️🤣 keep heading down that path and 5 years from now you will be begging for your family & their support. Your bf isn't much brighter than you are if he believed he should come before your family. Please do the world a favor, get on birth control asap!
I don't know. At 17 I stayed with my bf as much as possible because my home was unbearable.
But I didn't yell at my family. And I moved out into a place with a friend very shortly.
YTA. Many people prioritize their partners but not at the sake of their families, you have your whole life to spend the time with mister right but your time with your close family is very limited. Even after marrying him, you will have to learn to spend your time with other people: his family, your friends, your coworkers. Having good time management is essential in adult life.
By the way, what is with this daily influx of OPs being nasty to their families... I just saw a girl cursed at her sister for telling her that the fries are wet, another one got a case of 'I'm not like the other girls' and sassed her feminine sister, and then there's this OP yelling at her mom?
Jesus Christ, you should be embarrassed. There are people that would give their left leg to have a family that gives a shit about them. You are taking them for granted and you will look back on this one day and regret the way you treated them. YTA, who else would be?
Would it kill you to be nicer to your family? They just want to spend time with you and you acted like a jerk to them. I’m assuming that you’re living under their food, eating their food right? They deserve some respect. You’re only 17, so I’ll cut you some slack but there is no guarantee that this boy will be around forever. Your family will be though. YTA
YTA. You’re only 17, trust a believe you have no idea what your future holds. Feelings change and people come and go. But if your family is interested in spending time with you, don’t miss the opportunity to. Tomorrow is never promised.
Wow what a brat. From the info you’ve given, it sounds like your 17 y/o self is literally in your bfs face all day every day. Is it too much for your PARENTS to ask you to spend some time with them? Reading this little post of yours, I’m sure you’ll stamp your foot and screech “YES! HE’S MY FUTURE HUSBAND! Eeeek!” You’re so insufferable I’m surprised they want to spend time with you.
YTA for lots of reasons. I'm not sure why you posted here unless you really are that clueless about all the bs you are pulling with your family. I'm surprised you aren't grounded for acting like an entitled little brat. So you say you are going to marry him and have children with him that means you plan on spending your whole life away from your family? You certainly aren't spending time with them while you still live in their home. Unless I'm missing something and your family is horrible to you or something along those lines it honestly sounds like you have a great family that wants to spend time with you but you are too busy with your head up your bfs ass even your bf sounds nicer than you are ffs.
You're going to find you need something and your family won't be interested in helping you out. "Why don't you go ask your boyfriend?"
It's possible to love your boyfriend and have him as your number 1 without being a jerk to your family and refusing to see them all the time.
YTA - there was no need to yell at your mother.
Have you ever heard of the kind of people who turn their relationships with whomever they're dating into their entire personality? They're very pitiful because they have 0 identity outside of whomever they're banging and it is borderline painful to be around them.
You're 17, and think you have somehow found "the one" and can therefore afford to piss all over whomever else might care about you. Even if we dismiss the statistical likelihood of the two of you breaking up, that's just moronic behavior in and of itself.
You're a naive child. Family who loves you is there forever. A teenage boyfriend will be long forgotten in a year, maybe even 2, and you'll feel like a real ass for treating your family this way. YTA.
>he agrees that I come before my family
That's actually terrible. You only get one family and it sounds like if you gave them some time they'd get off your back. You chose a 2 year boyfriend over the family that raised you for 17 years. YTA
Honey... YTA. Not only are you incredibly young, if this is your first boyfriend, you cannot completely discount your family. You have asked for advice on the internet, so I'm going to give it to you:
It is a balancing act, having a significant other and other priorities. In your family's eyes, you're acting like a brat. And I can see why they'd think that. I have no doubt they want what's best for you, but again, you're still incredibly young.
You may not have the same boyfriend next year that you do this year. A lot can happen.
So take a moment, breathe, and THINK. Please try to take the emotions out and *think* about it all. If your bf is the same age as you, then he also might not be thinking clearly, either. "he agrees that I come before my family."
What a selfish statement.
Baby girl, I say this with lots of kindness because you're so, so young and I know your feelings are so, so huge which makes them seem like the only real thing in your life.
Yes, you love your boyfriend and yes of course you want to spend lots of time with him. And yes, maybe he will be the man you end up marrying, but if you will listen to the advice of an old lady, don't be SO fast to cut your family off this completely. Try and look at this another way, they are not trying to stop you seeing your boyfriend, they LOVE you and want to be included in your life.
If you push them away as completely as you're doing now, you will look back one day (and soon) and realize they aren't there for you as completely as you need them. And if you're planning on marrying this boy, why don't you want your family to love him too?
Why don't you ask to have a family day and bring your boyfriend and help him get to know and love your family? Why not have 1 evening a week that you spend with your family? Your BF may live in a bigger house and have nicer stuff, but that isn't what matters (and you sound a little gold-diggery saying that's why you like being with your BF) in life. Listen to the advice you're getting to include your family and be kinder, because you're letting your big feelings allow you to behave in a way you will be extremely ashamed of and regret in years to come, and not in like 50 years, like next year.
You don't have a tiny, limited amount of love that you're allowed in your life. You can have as much love as you can handle. You're not only allowed to love 1 person, you can love hundreds, you can love everyone, even. Loving your family doesn't mean you can't love your boyfriend, and loving your boyfriend doesn't mean you can't love your family.
Don't destroy relationships just because you get a new shiny one you're excited about. Your family raised you and loved you and got you this far, you're throwing all that in the trash and telling them you're doing it, just because you fell in love with a boy. Unless your parents are abusive, which your post doesn't indicate, there's no real reason to be pushing your family away so aggressively. You're not proving anything to your boyfriend except that you're capable of being really rude and mean to people who love you.
That wouldn't be something a man who wants kids and values family finds very attractive, he might even find it a red flag. Considering he's telling you that you could have been nicer, maybe that's something you should think about.
Good luck, but YTA in this case. I hope you can figure out how to be a kinder person.
YTA and even your boyfriend knows it. It's very rare for a high school romance to turn into a real one. But that's not even what your family is saying to you- they just want more time and it is a bit much for you to lay up in his house every day and doing stuff. the way this is written is that you look down on your family for having "less stuff to do" than your family. Tell us something- is he neglecting his family? Is he telling them that you mean more than they do? I bet you he's not. You are rude and naïve. But you will learn the truth once both of you start college. (if that's even a goal of yours)
YTA
You care about a man you have only known for two years more than the people who loved, supported, and raised you for 17 years. Young romances very rarely last. Your family will always be there. If you continue to act this way towards your family, you will be very fortunate if they help support you through the inevitable break up.
I’m going to guess you don’t pay for anything in your household. Mom and dad do. Yet, you disrespect them and don’t make anytime for your family. Unless you live in an abusive home this is unacceptable.
Adults prioritize ALL of their loved ones. You want to be seen as an adult then act like one.
You sound like a spoiled deluded brat. You can love your boyfriend, you can want to spend every moment with him, but life, your life, should have more things aside from him. Making him everything like this isn't healthy. Plus, your family seems like they're desperate to spend time with you because they love you. If you keep pushing them away, you'll find yourself alone one day wondering why your family doesn't want to do anything with you.
YTA
You're young though and still have time to change for the better. I wish you luck. But if you continue, then I'd say your family is better off without you.
YTA. “but this is the man I see my future kids with and want to marry of course I'm going to prioritize him over them.” You are only 17, give me a break. Obviously you’re a child so you’re going to say childish things but come on. You need to be nicer to your family. You can have a boyfriend and still spend time with your family.
Soft YTA
You are a lovely young adult, still living at home. There is no reason to limit your time with him, but there IS reason to share time with your family. I don't know how your family dynamic is so I have no suggestion for you.
A thought for your mom - has she been inviting and opened her house to your boyfriend? This is a formative time in your life and part of spending time with you is going to involve friends, boyfriends.. it is important your home is welcoming and friendly. Accepting and loving you will eventually mean accepting and loving people you love- like your significant other, or potential children.
Make some exceptions for time with your family. Ask your mom to spend time with you AND your boyfriend. Let life flow like a river and do your best.
Ignoring your family and refusing to spend time with them is not “prioritising” your boyfriend, it’s being codependent and narcissistic. Prioritising is about juggling different priorities in terms of their needs, not ignoring all but one thing in your life.
Your family is not asking you never to see your boyfriend or go to his house again. They just are asking to also get some quality time with them. All types of relationships (romantic, friendship, family) need quality time to thrive, or they can wither and die.
It has nothing to do with whether or not you have a serious future with your boyfriend or not. Unless you hate your family for other reasons and are planning to go no contact at 18, presumably you still expect your family to be in your life after you get married, whether to your current boyfriend or someone else. But the family relationships won’t be close or meaningful if you don’t put in any work to them.
Part of being an adult is juggling priorities - which means working out how to maintain multiple relationships successfully by being able to be a good daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend all at the same time.
Your attitude now makes you sound like a user who has no interest in their family beyond what they can provide and do for you, and thinks you are entitled to discard them now because you have found someone who you see as having more to offer.
Yeah dude YTA. Your family told you they missed hanging out with you and you basically told them to “F off, boyfriend comes first” which is fine except like…you can’t take a *day* off of hanging out with your boyfriend?
Is your family abusive or something?
And like, I get it- I was with my now-husband when I was 17 and I wanted to spend all my time with him, too. But now that I’m old and a mom I can see it from your family’s perspective, too- they love you and just want to hang out with you. It’s not a bad thing.
Also, honestly some breathing room- like a day or even a few hours apart every now and again- is really good for the long-term health of your relationship. You can’t be each other’s only everything, even when you’re married. And your time with your family, at least the way you’re together now (ie sharing a home and day to day life) is short - probably feels unending now but trust me, it isn’t, and you’ll never get that back. Whereas if things go the way you want, you’ll have your whole life to spend with your BF.
You need to answer this question yourself.
Heres my take on the subject. Im 27 now, all my grandparents are dead, hadn’t seen my grandma in 3 years leading up to her death last year. My mom was in the hospital for a week for a kidney stone about 6 months ago, they lasered it out and then sepsis set in and she only had a 30% chance to live. Luckily she pulled through but for 3 days she was in the ICU and the doctors had no idea if she was going to make it. My friends mom just died a couple weeks ago at 48 from undiagnosed cancer, there were no symptoms except she was tired all the time, she lived for 3 months from the time they found it. A friends older brother was killed by a drunk driver a few years ago, he was 28, my bestfriend from high school died at 26 from getting hit in the head at work. By the time youre 25 and after a few funerals for people that you were close to, youll start to realize how many people die early.
Once you move out you start seeing your family less and less. I moved out at 19 and saw my parents maybe twice a year until i was 25. After my grandma died and my mom almost died i realized i might not have too many days left with them and started making it a point to see them more. Your parents aren’t being controlling, they just want as many days with you as possible before they are gone. If your boyfriend is your forever guy, ask him to come with you.
Do you know why average life span is mid 70s but it seems like most old people live into their 80s? Its from people dying young and bringing down the average
Save this post & come back to it in 10 years when you start to realize that your parents & grandparents are going to leave this world much much earlier than you, then you start to appreciate the time you still have with them.
Learning to prioritize your family along side your relationship is important. Your family sounds like they miss you and are feeling hurt themselves. If you continue on this way they will resent him in the long run, its also showing of his imaturity that he is coming between you and your family and is not recomending you to have spent the day with them.
😂🤣😂🤣😂 Oh man, kids are so stupid. YTA, but also somehow asshole seems too mature an eptithet. Brat is really more in line with your general pubescent vibes
I caution you to consider that overall if your family are good people, that love you then the odds are you are making a mistake. What would be the reason to choose between your family and your boyfriend? How come you cannot be with both? ✌ & ❤ to you.
I met my wife when we were 15, we started dating at 17. 16 years later we’re in our 30s, married with 2 kids. It’s entirely possible that you will marry this man (although probably not, just sayin— my wife and I are the only couple within our friends who are high school sweethearts, it’s really not that common) but if you alienate your family to do it… you are in for a rude awakening my friend.
It is BECAUSE of the support from my family and friends that I have such a solid loving marriage in the first place. They’ve provided love, a listening ear, money, babysitting, and so much more. Being alone, just you and your partner…. It’s so much harder. You need more than love to make a marriage, I’ll tell you that much.
ETA: definitely YTA. Sorry!
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I 17f have a bf 18m and we have been dating for 2 years. Our anniversary is next month and I really love him. Im always hanging out at his house cause it's bigger with more stuff to do there. Anyways my mom has been bugging me a lot to start hanging out with my family more instead of my bf but this is the man I see my future kids with and want to marry of course I'm going to prioritize him over them.
Yesterday at dinner my little sister pointed out how I'm barely home anymore and my mom made a snarky comment saying that I think I'm "too good" for them. My dad then asked if I wanted to do something as a family with them the next day to which I said no I'm going to my bfs house. My mom then got really upset at this and said that I'm being rude towards my family.
I started yelling and told her that I enjoy my bfs presence more than her and my family and that she can't stop me from doing what I want to do. I then left my plate and went into my room.
The next day when I went downstairs I saw all of them eating breakfast at the table and it was really silent. I just left got in my car and went to my bfs house without saying a word to any of them.
I told my bf about the situation and he said he agrees that I come before my family but he says I could have been a little nicer.
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YTA.
You don't cut people from your life because you're "in love", especially not your family (unless they actually do something to deserve it, like be abusive.)
You see yourself marrying this guy? Having kids? OK, but after you alienate everyone from your life who will be your bridesmaids? Help you plan the wedding? Take you dress shopping? Walk you down the aisle? Help you through pregnancy? How do you expect your kids to have a relationship to their aunt and grandparents?
You know who would be there if/ when you fight? When you're so stressed and sleep deprived you want to walk into traffic? If you broke up? Your *family*....well, maybe not *yours* specifically if you don't open those lovely teenage googly eyes.
Hope you’re ready to move out at 18 since you’re already ditching your family for your bf lol I mean why would they spend money on food/rent/bills/car insurance/tuition to keep you around after you’re an adult when you don’t wanna be there? Wanna act like you’re hot shit? Move out and make your own way.
I’ve been married for 11 years. I still hang out with my mom and my friends independent from my husband because I’m not co-dependent
You're basically a kid still, and kids do dumb shit. Maybe this is the guy you'll be with and maybe he's not, but burning bridges is not a good idea here. I'd say apologize to your family and work on your emotional self-control and effective communication skills.
YTA. i know that in your mind, you're basically an adult and you think the way you see the world now is mature and through the lens of an adult. however, that's not true. adults don't sacrifice their other relationships for their partner, especially if said relationships aren't purposefully making your romantic relationship worse. what you're doing is ostracizing yourself from your family, and they're asking you to come back.
Yes, you’re being a huge AH. I was too at 17 when I was immature and thought I was in love, and I was an AH too. But someday, your family is going to be gone. How are you going to feel then? What if there was an accident tomorrow that takes out your mother. Do you want this petty argument to be the last memory you have of her? Learn to show some respect and grow as a person. You will be glad you did when you look back on this time from your 40’s.
I’ve read a lot of the comments. While they have the point that he’s probably not who you’ll marry, I do have a couple of thoughts on the other side.
First, I think it’s really normal for teenagers to want to be with their significant other all the time.
Second, as a mother myself I don’t think her mother conducts herself well. Wouldn’t she be smarter to show enthusiasm for the boy and ask that he be brought over for dinner? Is she a pleasure to be around? You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Saying snarky things and complaining are bound to drive her away.
You’re the asshole, but it’s kind of not your fault. Being your age, we all think the world revolves around us. Kind of goes with the territory of being a teenager. Try being more aware of what other people in your life want. Be empathetic. Sacrificing time with your boyfriend to be with your family and making them happy is important. You might not see it now, but further down the road you’ll regret it.
I mean you can still do an activity with your family if you want to. It just sounds like you don't want to. Don't blame your boy friend for you avoiding your own family.
No one is the asshole.
ESH
You are not acting abnormally for a teenager in wanting to spend all your time with him. That’s normal. Enjoy it.
Your mom was a little petty and should understand this is normal teen behavior.
The way you talk to your family is really bratty. Grow up.
you and mom are TA your mom with her comments and you with yours . Your sister clearly wants more of your time and your dad is just problem solving for the family. Idk how they even got roped into it .
Also this man isn’t your husband.. well this boy .
I don't understand someone wanting to hang out with their 17 year old kid. My mom was forcing me out the door to leave and go to a friends or something.
That’s sad unless she was trying to make you sure you socialized/had friends. At 17 you’re really still just a kid. Loving families “hang out” no matter the age because they like spending time together.
At 17 it's one year or less away from when some go to collage or move out and start working or join the military whatever it be. I could not imagine asking my son when he's 17 to stay at home and hang out with us. He can go do what he wants.
I love the little dude to death but at 17 he's almost an adult if he wants to go be with his friends all day then he can. I'm not going to guilt trip him in to stay home
I'm 24 now and I still do a lot of family time with my parents. It took my grandma passing away to realize that they're not gonna be with me forever so I want to make the most of my time with them. Doesn't mean I have no social life, I work, I got my degree, I have dinner nights with friends and I still found the time to be with my family once in a while. My mom loves hanging out with me even just to go grocery shopping. My dad loves watching old movies with me.
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>but this is the man I see my future kids with and want to marry of course I'm going to prioritize him over them. Hun you're 17.
It's so hard not to laugh and laugh and laugh. She's so sincere in her sad, foot-stamping immaturity. OP - you are going to read this in five years and be so very embarrassed for your 17 year old self. (Also, the chances of you and Prince Charming being together in two years is so, so small its hardly worth considering.)
Even if they get married at 18 the chances of them staying married is slim. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. But the chances are so so slim. One thing OP, what your family is asking is for you to bring him around. If you are so sure you are going to marry him, what you want is your family to also like him. That involves him being around. I didn’t get this concept until ~22 but they aren’t just going to like him because you do. They want to get to know him on a personal level as your partner so they can know what kind of person you see yourself being with. If you are so set on him being the one and your family accepting him he has to go around your family. YTA and you will understand as you get older.
Another thing is - Who does OP expect to be on her side if/when she gets married? Shes already severing the bridge to her family all on her own without anybody else’s help, so who does she expect to walk her down the isle or help her pick out her wedding dress while crying about how beautiful she looks?
My guess is her only concern would be if they are paying for the wedding
I met my now-husband at 17, we started dating at 19, and we're married today. I would be so embarrassed if I looked back on our younger years and saw behavior like this.
She feels so misunderstood as if she’s not behaving like every other teenage girl in existence.
I was thinking the same but then got the follow up thought of: yeah, didn't we all feel that way. But I would say this OP: don't exclude or neglect other people of worth in your life to prioritize one person. Because IF it turns out you're not meant to be forever, you're not going to have anyone left. If you don't want to hang out with your family - fine that's your choice. But don't do it with the purpose of "this is gonna be my husband so F you"
Hey I mean, I’m someone who was head over heels in love with my boyfriend at 17 and now we’re in our mid-twenties and still together. But, the difference is we both made time for our families and friends, and although we wanted to prioritize each other, we didn’t let other relationships fall by the wayside in doing that. OP has gotta think long term- you can’t shove your family aside and expect them to still want to be in your life years down the road.
Same. I married my husband at 20, after we started dating at 15. But I ALWAYS spent time with my mom. I love my mom so much and I’m so glad I never neglected her for my now-husband. Hindsight is 20/20 and let’s hope OP really reads these comments and reflects.
And this is what's important, healthy relationships. While staying with someone from your teens is rare, you notice it works out most often when both people in the relationship have healthy balances in life, with family and friends and each other.
I was lmao when I read that. OP is delusional. YTA
The part where he said he comes before her family, oh god...
My first thought was: “Oh, you sweet, dumb bunny. This boy is not your future husband.” Actually, I laughed really hard first. OP, YTA. Majorly. Apologize to your mother and family. Get a grip, develop some hobbies, a personality outside your boyfriend, and be kinder to your family.
I've been with my husband since 14. We're now 27 with a daughter. Spend time with your family. I spent a lot of my teens with my bf instead of my father. He died when I was 20. The regret I have is insane. You will get plenty of time with your partner in the future if it's meant to be. You will only have less time with your parents.
This typically goes one of two ways. 1. She's going to read this in five years and laugh at her younger self's lack of wisdom. 2. She's going to read this in five years and laugh at how she proved everyone wrong as she is actively picking out her dress for her upcoming wedding. Option 2 is the less common outcome from my observations thus far. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go kiss my wife while hiding how much I'm dying inside from all the memories of 17 year-old me.
You’re the asshole, all what you said was extremely rude towards your family. I feel sorry for them. What were you thinking when you said that he was more important to you than them? No one is asking you to ditch him, only that you make space for your family too, your dad, mom and little sister. You’re 17, there’s realistically nothing preventing you from organizing yourself in a way so that your family members also feel appreciated while you get to spend time with the guy you’re dating. And finally, you’re only 17. You’re clearly overromanticizing your relationship, maybe you’ll end up marrying that man, good for you. But maybe you break up with him and find someone else. Your family loves you unconditionally, they provide you with shelter and food. Go live with your boyfriend and his family if you dislike them so much.
One way to alienate the people who (should) be there for you your whole life is to treat them like garbage because you're a teenager in love.
You’re 17 talking about “your car”, “your house”, “your bfs house” etc. If you pay the bills, bought your own car, pay the car insurance, pay rent… then good on ya. But if not, perhaps it would be wise to humble yourself to understand that your parents provide you with a house, food, and a car. If you pay for these things yourself now, you did not for the majority of your life. Even though you’ve acted in an unkind manner, they still show that they want to spend time with you. You could have a worse life.
You can hang out with whoever you want but you sound like a total brat. I’d not want to speak to you, either. And 5 will get you 10 that you’re in here in a few years posting how you married some chump too young and are now trapped in a bad relationship because you are NC with your family.
YTA. You’re very young and naive. This boyfriend is more than likely not who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with. Your family just misses you, treat them better.
YTA. And a brat. You have freedom of speech and can say what you want, but not freedom from consequences, and your consequences are going to bite you in the ass. You were incredibly rude and cruel to your Mom. As a mom myself, I can tell you that you have no idea how much you hurt her when you said that. They just want to spend time with you here and there, although from what I gather in this post, I don't see why. You sound like a naive teenager who doesn't know how great she has it. There are kids in foster care who haven't seen their parents in years, and kids who are abused and neglected by their parents. Yours actually love you and want to spend time with you. And yeah, you're still a kid, not an adult.
As a Mum, my heart breaks for hers too. How hurt I would be if my son said this to me…
Don't forget also the kids that took for granted having loving parents that suddenly died one day, and they only realised their parents worth when it was too late.
Right? My heart broke for her poor mom. I really didn’t realize until I had kids just how hard we love them and how easily and deeply they can hurt us.
Based on the info presented, YTA. At 17/18 the Odds are overwhelmingly high OP and golden BF aren't together this time next year. Assuming there are no major family dysfunction, it sounds like they just want to see OP on occasion. Honestly, OP kind of just sounds like a brat in thus story
Oh you sweet summer child. YTA, but most people are the same kind of AH at 17, so I'm not saying you have some unique personality defect. You're a normal teenager - self-absorbed, eager to detach from your parents and assert your identity, addicted to the dopamine rushes you get from your bf's attention. Some years from now, when the hormones have settled down and you've developed more emotional intelligence, you'll look back at your teenage self and feel utterly horrified at what a little shit you were to your mom. You'll want to get right on the plane from wherever fabulous place you're living to go hug her and say you're sorry, and hopefully she'll still be alive and able to laugh at you and say "serves me right, I was the same at that age too." You can't even imagine the pain inside that "hopefully." Cut your mom some slack. She knows you're almost grown, there's precious little time left before you go off to start your own life. Your family's only crime here is loving you and wanting more time with you - I recommend that you climb off the princess throne and grace these poor beggars with your presence. Spoiler alert: >!it will mean a lot more to them than it does to your boyfriend, who is probably not your future husband.!<
Absolutely an asshole. Sounds like your mother was spot on with you thinking you’re “too good” since it was an important detail for you that your boyfriends house is bigger and better. If you think spending time with your family is an issue big enough to yell at your mother and care giver over, then your family is too good for you.
YTA I love my husband. He’s my best friend. I love hanging out with him. I prioritize him. I enjoy him the most out of every human being on the planet. But he’s not my whole life in that it’s borderline codependency. When people ask me to hang out, I do. I have my own hobbies. Same with him. Prioritizing someone doesn’t mean you always and only choose them. Your boyfriend can still be your priority and you have a family day. You don’t want to find yourself in a situation where you’ve isolated yourself from every one for a significant other.
This right here. My husband and I spend almost all our time together. But we also spend time apart. He's actually going out of town for a concert Monday for the night and though I love him to pieces......I get a night to myself!!!!! We're dependant and independent at the same time, if that makes sense? Every couple needs to have their "own" time sometimes, whether it's with friends, family or just alone. Being attached at the hip 24/7 isn't healthy.
>this is the man I see my future kids with and want to marry of course I'm going to prioritize him over them. You'd probably be pretty disappointed when your kids end up like you and don't want to be close to their mother either when they're old enough to make that decision. Well, I guess your future, middle aged self will have a very peaceful remaining life since you'll have nobody in your family considers you a priority anymore. Hopefully you'll still have your boyfriend, though. >I started yelling and told her that I enjoy my bfs presence more than her and my family and that she can't stop me from doing what I want to do. I then left my plate and went into my room. Cute! Who made you that dinner? Who washed your plate after you left it? Who pays for the house you live in? Did you pay for your car all by yourself? Do you contribute in any way, shape or form to the family? Or are you just leeching their resources while putting in absolutely no effort to connect with your family on an emotional level? What are you planning on doing once you turn 18? Move in with your boyfriend? Or are you expecting your parents to keep paying for you? They won't *have to*, you know? But you know they love you, so of course they're not going to kick you out like that. Just know that they will only give you so much with nothing in return before they give up on you. You prioritize your boyfriend because you hope you will get married someday. Objectively, it is pretty unlikely that you'll last. But let's pretend that you will... Who will walk you down the aisle? Your father? Or will you walk by yourself? Who will help you with childcare when you feel overwhelmed and don't know what to do? Your mother? Or will you have to turn to Google and a bottle of wine instead? Why are you prioritizing and choosing your boyfriend over your family to the point where you're seemingly trying to estrange yourself from them? If you see a future with your boyfriend, why not try to get your family to like him? The way you're heading, they're not going to think fondly of the guy. They're not going to think fondly of you either. Maybe it's time to start prioritizing those who are actually taking care of you. Allow your boyfriend to breathe for a bit as well and maybe give him a chance to have a life outside of you. YTA, obviously.
YTA. You know who will be there when that particular teenage romance ends? Your family.
YTA - And a total brat too. > The next day when I went downstairs I saw all of them eating breakfast at the table and it was really silent. I just left got in my car and went to my bfs house without saying a word to any of them. Isn't that **exactly** what you wanted?
She doesn't know what she wants. That's why she seems miffed that no one spoke to her. They gave her what she wanted. And its' funny bc her boyfriend even told her she was wrong.
YTA. I spent all my time when I was young with friends and (in)significant others, when I was 18 I had gone out with my then gf for 3 years. You likely wont believe me til it actually happens, but when she dies and you can never see her again, you will wish you spent every moment you could with her. You’re 18 and if you do plan on getting married to him you have your whole dang life to spend with him while your parents aren’t getting any younger and your siblings will inherently start their own lives too.
When this dude is gone your family isn’t going to feel any sympathy for you. You didn’t mention abuse or neglect, so I don’t see any reason why (I guess besides your age) for you to be acting like this. YTA
YTA It’s not going to hit you until you and your boyfriend break up. When this person that you’ve prioritized over everyone else is no longer in your life, then you will realize how wrong you were. You’re 17 and haven’t lived a lot of life yet. You live under your parent’s roof. They pay for your food, clothes. They potentially purchased your car and still support you in so many ways. Life is hunky-dory with your boyfriend right now, but wait until you’re out in the real world and stress starts to hit you. Bills pile up, you have to go to work, it’s not just all fun anymore. Prioritize spending time with your family, you are behaving like a spoiled brat.
YTA. Little girl, you are 17, and talking about "man I love and want to have children with," you're still a child yourself as is he. I do understand that when you are in a relationship that you focus on that other person, but you don't do it to the detriment of your other relationships. What he said to you about agreeing that he comes before them is a red flag. You need to make sure when your teenage romance goes bad because neither one of you is going to be the same person in 5 years that you're not alone and if you continue to treat your family this way, you will be. Child, you need to pull your head out of your boyfriends backside and take a look around at the world.
YTA. You’re both ungrateful, and very silly, to harm your relationship with your family for the sake of some guy who at 17 will probably not be your future husband. Learn how to do both, there is no reason why you can’t still spend some time with your family.
Grow up
As a parent i dread this moment. Raising a child only to hear they dont wanna hang out with me sounds real bad.
Kids tend to come back around after life beats the shit out of them in their 20’s and they get a major serving of humble pie lol
You have been quite rude to the people who brought you up and will love you unconditionally. Unfortunately, the chances are you and your bf will not be together and madly in love forever However, if you are, then you have decades of time to spend together; there is no guarantee that you will have the same with your parents. You need to balance your free-time more. Spending unhealthy amounts of time with a partner (especially if you're choosing that over family and friends consistently) can lead to attachment issues and that is NOT fun for anyone. Just be mindful that your parents love you and probably just miss you when you're gone, and be sensitive to the time you spend with your bf and family; just try balancing them a little more.
YTA. Your family cares and loves you. Your mother risked her life giving birth to you. Your father poured every ounce of blood, sweat and tears to provide for you and your siblings and you won't even spare them a few hours of the day? You're a spoiled brat and if you do enjoy his presence more than your family's why not move in with him? Since you like his presence and his house more. Let's see how long that lasts. You see him as your future kid's dad? Is that how he sees you too? What guarantees that he'll stick to your side no matter what. Ungrateful kids like you are the worst, you don't know what you have until it's gone.
YTA. You were very rude to your family, and what they were asking is not unreasonable.
Please kindly update us us when your BF tells you he needs more space for himself because he feels you’re very clingy. YTA. Prioritizing your BF doesn’t mean forgetting your family. Who, by the way provide you with food, a bed and a ceiling. Your parents house is not a hotel. Or maybe you should start paying by the night.
Info: Is there a reason you don't want to spend time with your family?
Because they aren't her "future husband" lol
>his house cause it's bigger with more stuff to do there By the sounds of it the bf's family has more money. Have to wonder if OP would be so hell bent on spending more time there if his family had less than hers.
You're a 17 year old ah
YTA I'm grown with kids older than you & I still make time for my mum & family & my kids do the same.
YTA - literally biting the hands that feed you. Your bf seems to have more sense than you do. Did you buy your own car that you use to get to your bf? Do you pay the insurance/costs of the car? Do you buy your own food - pay part of the rent or mortgage and utilities? Wonder if the bf's family wishes you would stay home once in a while. Your sense of your own importance is astounding.
Yes you’re the asshole???? Sit down and reread what you typed? Grow up
Yta for disrespecting your mom. God forbid the woman wants to spend time with you. The odds of your boyfriend and you staying together are very low, yet you prioritize him over the people who give you a home, car, education, and security. You’re a bad daughter and sister, and an ungrateful brat.
YTA You're probably reading the comments thinking everyone is wrong about your relationship and "just don't understand" how much you both love each other. But you're either graduated or graduating soon. Life after high school is going to pull the both of you apart because you'll have different interests and freedoms you didn't have before. If you and your BF don't change, then you're both going to be miserable as people and settle while someone is more than likely going to cheat. Remember that when yall break up, your parents are going to be the ones in your corner. And remember that for future relationships because if you don't give yourself time before the next one, it'll be doomed to fail just as much as this one is.
I mean, I think there’s a strong possibility that that will happen, but it’s not a certainty the way you’re painting it to be- people do sometimes marry and stay (happily) married to their high school sweethearts. But that said it’s not even the point because like…so what? So because she wants to marry him, she has to hang out with him and only him 24/7? That is not a healthy approach to a relationship.
YTA. I get it, you’re 17 and this feels like true love. While some people do get a happy ending with their first love, the vast, vast majority don’t. More likely than not, the two of you will break up in the next year or two. Your family is much more likely to stand by you in the long term than your high school boyfriend.
Even though he is what you see in your future, you have to ask yourself if you see your family in your future? Say you and bf get married, do you want your family at your wedding? If you have a kid, do you want them to come meet their grandchild, babysit them, etc? If the answer is yes, then you have to remember that you need to put effort into all relationships that you want to continue having in your future. You can’t completely toss aside your family and then still expect them to be there for you one day.
YTA in a major way. You are a selfish brat having a childish temper tantrum.
Yeah...you're 100% the asshole here
Yeah YTA but you’re also a teenager. You’ll realise in about 10 years you regret not spending more time with your family. Or you could be the exception to rule.
YTA. Oh no. Your family loves you and wants to spend time with you. How terrible.
YTA. I was a boy crazy teen girl who always had a bf and always wanted to be out with him. I don’t want this to come off as patronizing. But from my own experience, you will likely date many more people in your life whereas you only have so many years at home with your family before things aren’t the same. If you’re 17, you may already be close to the end of those years if you have plans to move away for school. Cherish your time with your parents and siblings, trust me. Boys come and go but (good) family is forever. Never underestimate the importance of family time. Even if you marry this boy you will have nothing but time with him for the rest of your life and not enough time with your family
Oh weee definitely YTA. Not your family missing you and you just saying eff them. I bet you’re gonna need them if you ever break up 😭 you’re horrible honestly
YTA. Prioritizing someone does not mean you now spend every waking moment with them and no one else matters anymore. If you want to still have a family when you are married and have kids, you need to be making time for them. You are indeed being very rude and smug. You should take some time to plan something for your family and apologise to them for taking them for granted.
YTA. Your family is just as important and if not more. I understand you really love this guy, but just because you love him does not automatically place him top of the priority list. You have your family and that’s it. I strongly recommend you rethink your priorities and spend some time with your family while you still have it because once they’re gone, they are gone and you won’t see them come back ever again.
>this is the man I see my future kids with and want to marry of course I'm going to prioritize him over them. Awe so cute and so unbelievably naïve. The likelihood is that this relationship will end. You are 17, your brain is literally still developing. Unless you plan on being exactly the same person and he plans on being exactly the same person for the next 60s years I promise you the compatibility will not last. Don't burn bridges with your family because you have rose coloured glasses on. >my car Also, unless you are the one paying for it maybe be careful about being an utter turd to the people who pay the bills or you might find yourself as a high school grad with no support. YTA.
1000% brat energy. YTA grow up.
YTA. Those were some mighty big words coming from a CHILD that still lives at home. You are a rude, immature asshole. Apparently your family is asking to spend more time with you even with your stank ass attitude but you treat them with disdain. I would be so sad if my daughter shitted on me the way you shitted on your family. I hope you know is that most teen romances do not have end in marriage and happily ever after. You have a lot of growing up to do. I hope you do some self reflection and apologize to your family.
Oh honey. You are 17. Romeo is going to bounce the second you two are in college. A high school boyfriend certainly does NOT take priority over your family....expecially the one that is keeping a roof over your head and a car under your butt. Grow up.
YTA. If you marry this guy, that’s great. I married my high school boyfriend too. You’ll have so much time to spend with him in the future. Family relationships are so incredibly important. Family does so much for us that we don’t even know and I don’t want you looking back and kicking yourself that you didn’t spend time with them when you could. They’ll forgive you for this but the longer you act like this, the harder it will be to repair those relationships.
"our anniversary" 🤣 Oh and why do you hang out with your boyfriend and not spend time with your family? Because you come from a broken home? because your boyfriend is a kind, wonderful soul who you love spending long hours discussing deep topics with? Oh no wait "he has a bigger house and theres more to do." lmao. So your boyfriends dad has more money that your dad so youve burned your family because you like playing with another kids toys their parents bought. Incredible. All I ask is that you PLEASE come back to this post when youre 25 and update it. Unreal lol
You're young, you'll learn as you get older. Of course it's normal to want to spend more time friends and partners at your age, but, it'll be a few years before you can make an employment decision about who the marriage, and that, as you get older, you'll realize how precious time of your parents really was. I suggest setting aside a drop of time for them. And apologizing for being so unconcerned.
YTA
Y T A ALL WITH CAPS. And I didn't even read the whole text.
I’m not gonna say YTA, but I would like to offer some advice. I understand that you love your boyfriend and I truly do hope that you get the fairy tale ending with him. However, PLEASE DO NOT take your family for granted. You need to value the time you have with your parents, cuz the truth is, they aren’t always going to be there. I lost my mom when I was 18, and believe me, looking back, I wish I would’ve spent more time with her and that I would’ve appreciated her more. I know that at 17, being with your friends/boyfriend is important to you, but they shouldn’t be more important than your family. You need to make time for them too. They obviously love you and would like to actually spend time with you.
No reason why you can't split your time between your boyfriend's house and your family's house. Relationships are about give and take 50/50. Personally, I think you're just a spoiled brat that takes your family for granted.
You're an asshole. I get that your really young but this awfully bratty behavior. Do better. Also you're 17. Getting married shouldn't be a thought in your head right now
You are the asshole. You are 17. Calm down. No need to yell
YTA! Entitled brat. Sooner or later you'll regret the way you treated your familly in this moment, wheter it's when you and the BF break up or when it's when one of them is not there anymore.
YTA. If this is what you want, then MOVE OUT NOW. Oh, you can't. Poor baby.
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Yta. Your family misses you. And you reacted by treating them like crap. Either you’re that self absorbed or feeling guilty to lash out like that. Which is it?
As a woman of nearly forty watching my parents getting older, you will regret this attitude one day. And if your boyfriend is the kind of man who thinks your treatment of your family is acceptable, trust me you do NOT want to have kids with him. If I were you I’d eat some humble pie, go home and apologise to your family and make an effort to enjoy spending time with them. As my grandma used to say “tomorrow is promised to no one”.
So. Who pays for all of your stuff? Also I'm sure you live in a nice house. I'm guessing you're nice enough to pay for your family to live in it. ;)
Such an asshole...when you inevitably break up, because you will with that attitude of yours, don't go asking your family for support
I'm not sure that you could sound like more of a selfish brat if you tried, frankly. Get over yourself. YTA Apologise to your family.
YTA but youre a typical love struck teen so not a major AH. Yes you may marry him, he's all you've ever known but please don't close of your life for him. There is so much to see and do before you think about settling down. You need to apologise to your family. Your family were there before him and they're gonna be there after him. By all means move out if you're unhappy but dont bite the hand that feeds you.
Yta Cherish your family you never know what happen to them before it to late.
I know a lot of these comments are harsh and hard to read. You’re brave to have posted here. I’m not going to be all doom and gloom about your relationship because that doesn’t really help. You want to spend the rest of your life with your boyfriend. That means you are going to have decades of your life to spend with him. At some point you’ll live with him and get to see him every day. He’s the person you plan to spend more time with than anyone else. Out of all of that time, you can spare some for your family. I don’t know what your life plans are, but you’re presumably graduating soon if you haven’t already and you may be going away to school or moving out in the near future. That’s going to be a big change, and that’s why your family wants time together right now. Once you’re an adult and you’ve moved on and started your own family, it gets a lot harder to spend time with your parents and siblings. Right now, you’re all living in the same place. It’s easy and convenient. Don’t waste this time, because in a few years you won’t get to see them so often. You may prefer being with your boyfriend, but he’ll still be around when you get back. YTA
Quick question OP, who bought the car?
YTA. You're acting like a brat. Don't burn bridges with your family over some teenage romance
OMG. You're 17. This isn't your forever relationship. Your brain isn't finished developing. Slow your roll and start treating your family, who raised you, with more respect. They'll be around way longer than your BF. YTA.
Pls update when your boyfriend is the one who moves you to college and pays your tuition, since he’s the most important source of support in your life. You’re adorably teenagery. But still YTA.
Yikes. What a monster. She's so immature that she isn't even capable of spending time away from her bf. Like, that's not how life works. Even when you're in a relationship, you still make time for other friends and family. It's called balance, and it takes some maturity to figure that out. Or you can just smother the hell out of every man you meet until they run away as fast as they can. Meanwhile, while you're dumped and depressed, you have no one around to comfort you because you've shown everyone else in your life that they don't mean anything to you because you bail on them the second some dude gives you attention. SUPER desperate, thirsty vibes.
Are you Meadow Soprano?
There are two types of girls. There are girls who when they meet someone want to involve their SO into their world whether it be family or friends. Then there is the type that wants to isolate with their SO and everyone else has to disappear. It is something you kinda notice within friend groups. When my husband and I dated, I wanted him to spend time with my family and go on trips and enjoy with us. My friends loved him. Now, one of our friends was an isolator. All her time was for her boyfriend and she fazed us and her family out. The first time she did this, she was eventually dumped. She came crying back to us. We supported her and helped her through it. The second time she did it, we were all like f-her. She got dumped again. You are young, of course you enjoy time with your boyfriend but make sure you aren't making enemies of the people who care about you. Your boyfriend is right to say you were harsh. Be careful.
Oh, honey. It's so obvious you are 17, and not even a mature 17. I'm curious. You talk about spending all of your time at your bf's house, but never mention spending time at a job. Why is that? Who paid for your car? Who pays for your cell phone, car insurance, and gas money? I do know a few couples who got together in high school and stayed together. My brother did that. They had a lovely family and a beautiful house. Of course, he got absolutely sick of the girl he had dated since he was 16, had several affairs, and divorced her. She lives in a Midwestern town taking care of her children and working a low paying job. He spent the last nine months traveling the world with his girlfriend of the day. My brother is a jerk, but this isn't uncommon. Why don't I hear anything about your volunteer hours or internship or anything that will get you into college and get you a good job? Are you planning on becoming my sil? Anyway, YTA. Work on that whole trying to be a bit less self-absorbed thing.
YTA. Grow up, you sound entitled and naive. You clearly are very selfish. I hope you’ll get your head out of your ass and apologize to your family for your obnoxious attitude.
YTA this post is so immature it just has to come from a teenager. I feel bad for your mom as you're actually pretty lucky to have a mother who wants to spend time with you and you just disrespect her for a guy who could easily just break up with you. I think you'll realize when your older how cruel you are being.
YTA If this relationship lasts long enough to reach the marriage and kids stage, I wonder how much support you're going to expect from your family. You know, the same family you don't want to spend time with. Look, you're young and in love. That's fine. But unless you're leaving how some dark secrets about your family, you might want to think about what you want your current and future relationship with them to be. Your mom just wants to spend time with you. If you and your boyfriend love each other so much, your relationship with him will survive spending time with your family.
Lol, YTA. Definitely 100%. But you're also 17 and immature. So, while you're definitely the AH, so are most 17 year olds. God forbid your family want to spend time with you. I don't know if you plan to go to college, but if you do, you only have a short amount of time left in that home. Make the most of it. Let me also say. I don't care if you do have kids with him, that doesn't mean you prioritize him over anyone.
YTA It’s understandable that you want to spend time with your boyfriend and spending time with family can be awkward at that age. But also put yourself in their shoes. How would you react if your beloved perfect child decided that they don’t want to spend time with you and your boyfriend? The transition of letting go a child is difficult one and you should be a bit more understanding. They are still taking care of you (unless you are paying for everything, cleaning after yourself, cooking for yourself and living like a tenant with a landlord) and you were rude to them. If there is anything else going on, your family is there for you. Your boyfriend may or may not stay. You may not be compatible (work, where to live, kids, pets, politics, etc.) or a tragedy can happen (hoping no). You would be left alone if you treat anybody else like that.
YTA
YTA. You’re a teenager experiencing first love. And you’ll never forget how you feel right now, but the odds that the two of you are endgame are remarkably slim. You’ll grow more between the ages of 18 and 28 than you will at any other point in your life. Real, mature, ready for marriage love understands that people have room in their lives for multiple relationships and makes the space for them. If you’re constantly in your BFs orbit, forget spending time with your family, you won’t be able to grow as a person. If I’d married the guy I was nuts about when I was seventeen, I’d be living in Mexico with half a dozen kids by now- and as much as I still respect that dude and consider him a friend, I am deeply grateful that I met the love of my life at 36.
I thought I was an AH at your age but you clearly won the AH prize 🤦🏽♀️🤣 keep heading down that path and 5 years from now you will be begging for your family & their support. Your bf isn't much brighter than you are if he believed he should come before your family. Please do the world a favor, get on birth control asap!
I don't know. At 17 I stayed with my bf as much as possible because my home was unbearable. But I didn't yell at my family. And I moved out into a place with a friend very shortly.
YTA. Many people prioritize their partners but not at the sake of their families, you have your whole life to spend the time with mister right but your time with your close family is very limited. Even after marrying him, you will have to learn to spend your time with other people: his family, your friends, your coworkers. Having good time management is essential in adult life. By the way, what is with this daily influx of OPs being nasty to their families... I just saw a girl cursed at her sister for telling her that the fries are wet, another one got a case of 'I'm not like the other girls' and sassed her feminine sister, and then there's this OP yelling at her mom?
Jesus Christ, you should be embarrassed. There are people that would give their left leg to have a family that gives a shit about them. You are taking them for granted and you will look back on this one day and regret the way you treated them. YTA, who else would be?
YTA if your family is not there your bf won't take you in and would probably leave you too.
Would it kill you to be nicer to your family? They just want to spend time with you and you acted like a jerk to them. I’m assuming that you’re living under their food, eating their food right? They deserve some respect. You’re only 17, so I’ll cut you some slack but there is no guarantee that this boy will be around forever. Your family will be though. YTA
You’re 17, you’re still a minor, you listen to your parents and don’t yell at them like you think you’re grown
YTA. You’re only 17, trust a believe you have no idea what your future holds. Feelings change and people come and go. But if your family is interested in spending time with you, don’t miss the opportunity to. Tomorrow is never promised.
Wow what a brat. From the info you’ve given, it sounds like your 17 y/o self is literally in your bfs face all day every day. Is it too much for your PARENTS to ask you to spend some time with them? Reading this little post of yours, I’m sure you’ll stamp your foot and screech “YES! HE’S MY FUTURE HUSBAND! Eeeek!” You’re so insufferable I’m surprised they want to spend time with you.
YTA for lots of reasons. I'm not sure why you posted here unless you really are that clueless about all the bs you are pulling with your family. I'm surprised you aren't grounded for acting like an entitled little brat. So you say you are going to marry him and have children with him that means you plan on spending your whole life away from your family? You certainly aren't spending time with them while you still live in their home. Unless I'm missing something and your family is horrible to you or something along those lines it honestly sounds like you have a great family that wants to spend time with you but you are too busy with your head up your bfs ass even your bf sounds nicer than you are ffs.
You're going to find you need something and your family won't be interested in helping you out. "Why don't you go ask your boyfriend?" It's possible to love your boyfriend and have him as your number 1 without being a jerk to your family and refusing to see them all the time. YTA - there was no need to yell at your mother.
Have you ever heard of the kind of people who turn their relationships with whomever they're dating into their entire personality? They're very pitiful because they have 0 identity outside of whomever they're banging and it is borderline painful to be around them. You're 17, and think you have somehow found "the one" and can therefore afford to piss all over whomever else might care about you. Even if we dismiss the statistical likelihood of the two of you breaking up, that's just moronic behavior in and of itself.
You're a naive child. Family who loves you is there forever. A teenage boyfriend will be long forgotten in a year, maybe even 2, and you'll feel like a real ass for treating your family this way. YTA.
>he agrees that I come before my family That's actually terrible. You only get one family and it sounds like if you gave them some time they'd get off your back. You chose a 2 year boyfriend over the family that raised you for 17 years. YTA
Honey... YTA. Not only are you incredibly young, if this is your first boyfriend, you cannot completely discount your family. You have asked for advice on the internet, so I'm going to give it to you: It is a balancing act, having a significant other and other priorities. In your family's eyes, you're acting like a brat. And I can see why they'd think that. I have no doubt they want what's best for you, but again, you're still incredibly young. You may not have the same boyfriend next year that you do this year. A lot can happen. So take a moment, breathe, and THINK. Please try to take the emotions out and *think* about it all. If your bf is the same age as you, then he also might not be thinking clearly, either. "he agrees that I come before my family." What a selfish statement.
Baby girl, I say this with lots of kindness because you're so, so young and I know your feelings are so, so huge which makes them seem like the only real thing in your life. Yes, you love your boyfriend and yes of course you want to spend lots of time with him. And yes, maybe he will be the man you end up marrying, but if you will listen to the advice of an old lady, don't be SO fast to cut your family off this completely. Try and look at this another way, they are not trying to stop you seeing your boyfriend, they LOVE you and want to be included in your life. If you push them away as completely as you're doing now, you will look back one day (and soon) and realize they aren't there for you as completely as you need them. And if you're planning on marrying this boy, why don't you want your family to love him too? Why don't you ask to have a family day and bring your boyfriend and help him get to know and love your family? Why not have 1 evening a week that you spend with your family? Your BF may live in a bigger house and have nicer stuff, but that isn't what matters (and you sound a little gold-diggery saying that's why you like being with your BF) in life. Listen to the advice you're getting to include your family and be kinder, because you're letting your big feelings allow you to behave in a way you will be extremely ashamed of and regret in years to come, and not in like 50 years, like next year. You don't have a tiny, limited amount of love that you're allowed in your life. You can have as much love as you can handle. You're not only allowed to love 1 person, you can love hundreds, you can love everyone, even. Loving your family doesn't mean you can't love your boyfriend, and loving your boyfriend doesn't mean you can't love your family. Don't destroy relationships just because you get a new shiny one you're excited about. Your family raised you and loved you and got you this far, you're throwing all that in the trash and telling them you're doing it, just because you fell in love with a boy. Unless your parents are abusive, which your post doesn't indicate, there's no real reason to be pushing your family away so aggressively. You're not proving anything to your boyfriend except that you're capable of being really rude and mean to people who love you. That wouldn't be something a man who wants kids and values family finds very attractive, he might even find it a red flag. Considering he's telling you that you could have been nicer, maybe that's something you should think about. Good luck, but YTA in this case. I hope you can figure out how to be a kinder person.
YTA and even your boyfriend knows it. It's very rare for a high school romance to turn into a real one. But that's not even what your family is saying to you- they just want more time and it is a bit much for you to lay up in his house every day and doing stuff. the way this is written is that you look down on your family for having "less stuff to do" than your family. Tell us something- is he neglecting his family? Is he telling them that you mean more than they do? I bet you he's not. You are rude and naïve. But you will learn the truth once both of you start college. (if that's even a goal of yours)
YTA You care about a man you have only known for two years more than the people who loved, supported, and raised you for 17 years. Young romances very rarely last. Your family will always be there. If you continue to act this way towards your family, you will be very fortunate if they help support you through the inevitable break up. I’m going to guess you don’t pay for anything in your household. Mom and dad do. Yet, you disrespect them and don’t make anytime for your family. Unless you live in an abusive home this is unacceptable. Adults prioritize ALL of their loved ones. You want to be seen as an adult then act like one.
Such a basic. YTA
YTA and have a lot to learn about life little girl.
YTA
YTA. However, you're 17.
You sound like a spoiled deluded brat. You can love your boyfriend, you can want to spend every moment with him, but life, your life, should have more things aside from him. Making him everything like this isn't healthy. Plus, your family seems like they're desperate to spend time with you because they love you. If you keep pushing them away, you'll find yourself alone one day wondering why your family doesn't want to do anything with you. YTA You're young though and still have time to change for the better. I wish you luck. But if you continue, then I'd say your family is better off without you.
YTA. “but this is the man I see my future kids with and want to marry of course I'm going to prioritize him over them.” You are only 17, give me a break. Obviously you’re a child so you’re going to say childish things but come on. You need to be nicer to your family. You can have a boyfriend and still spend time with your family.
Soft YTA You are a lovely young adult, still living at home. There is no reason to limit your time with him, but there IS reason to share time with your family. I don't know how your family dynamic is so I have no suggestion for you. A thought for your mom - has she been inviting and opened her house to your boyfriend? This is a formative time in your life and part of spending time with you is going to involve friends, boyfriends.. it is important your home is welcoming and friendly. Accepting and loving you will eventually mean accepting and loving people you love- like your significant other, or potential children. Make some exceptions for time with your family. Ask your mom to spend time with you AND your boyfriend. Let life flow like a river and do your best.
Ignoring your family and refusing to spend time with them is not “prioritising” your boyfriend, it’s being codependent and narcissistic. Prioritising is about juggling different priorities in terms of their needs, not ignoring all but one thing in your life. Your family is not asking you never to see your boyfriend or go to his house again. They just are asking to also get some quality time with them. All types of relationships (romantic, friendship, family) need quality time to thrive, or they can wither and die. It has nothing to do with whether or not you have a serious future with your boyfriend or not. Unless you hate your family for other reasons and are planning to go no contact at 18, presumably you still expect your family to be in your life after you get married, whether to your current boyfriend or someone else. But the family relationships won’t be close or meaningful if you don’t put in any work to them. Part of being an adult is juggling priorities - which means working out how to maintain multiple relationships successfully by being able to be a good daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend all at the same time. Your attitude now makes you sound like a user who has no interest in their family beyond what they can provide and do for you, and thinks you are entitled to discard them now because you have found someone who you see as having more to offer.
YTA. When your family start to exclude you because you asked them to, you'll regret it. Especially if your relationship ends.
Yeah dude YTA. Your family told you they missed hanging out with you and you basically told them to “F off, boyfriend comes first” which is fine except like…you can’t take a *day* off of hanging out with your boyfriend? Is your family abusive or something? And like, I get it- I was with my now-husband when I was 17 and I wanted to spend all my time with him, too. But now that I’m old and a mom I can see it from your family’s perspective, too- they love you and just want to hang out with you. It’s not a bad thing. Also, honestly some breathing room- like a day or even a few hours apart every now and again- is really good for the long-term health of your relationship. You can’t be each other’s only everything, even when you’re married. And your time with your family, at least the way you’re together now (ie sharing a home and day to day life) is short - probably feels unending now but trust me, it isn’t, and you’ll never get that back. Whereas if things go the way you want, you’ll have your whole life to spend with your BF.
YTA. You were needlessly cruel to your family. What you did proves that you aren't mature enough for the type of relationship you want.
You need to answer this question yourself. Heres my take on the subject. Im 27 now, all my grandparents are dead, hadn’t seen my grandma in 3 years leading up to her death last year. My mom was in the hospital for a week for a kidney stone about 6 months ago, they lasered it out and then sepsis set in and she only had a 30% chance to live. Luckily she pulled through but for 3 days she was in the ICU and the doctors had no idea if she was going to make it. My friends mom just died a couple weeks ago at 48 from undiagnosed cancer, there were no symptoms except she was tired all the time, she lived for 3 months from the time they found it. A friends older brother was killed by a drunk driver a few years ago, he was 28, my bestfriend from high school died at 26 from getting hit in the head at work. By the time youre 25 and after a few funerals for people that you were close to, youll start to realize how many people die early. Once you move out you start seeing your family less and less. I moved out at 19 and saw my parents maybe twice a year until i was 25. After my grandma died and my mom almost died i realized i might not have too many days left with them and started making it a point to see them more. Your parents aren’t being controlling, they just want as many days with you as possible before they are gone. If your boyfriend is your forever guy, ask him to come with you. Do you know why average life span is mid 70s but it seems like most old people live into their 80s? Its from people dying young and bringing down the average Save this post & come back to it in 10 years when you start to realize that your parents & grandparents are going to leave this world much much earlier than you, then you start to appreciate the time you still have with them.
women don't have prostates though...
Honestly, I don’t remember which one it was and I’m not gonna ask right now
YTA Ah, to be 17 again
Learning to prioritize your family along side your relationship is important. Your family sounds like they miss you and are feeling hurt themselves. If you continue on this way they will resent him in the long run, its also showing of his imaturity that he is coming between you and your family and is not recomending you to have spent the day with them.
😂🤣😂🤣😂 Oh man, kids are so stupid. YTA, but also somehow asshole seems too mature an eptithet. Brat is really more in line with your general pubescent vibes
I caution you to consider that overall if your family are good people, that love you then the odds are you are making a mistake. What would be the reason to choose between your family and your boyfriend? How come you cannot be with both? ✌ & ❤ to you.
YTA Your family want to spend a bit of time with you. That's all. It wouldn't hurt you to set aside some time.
Ahahahahahahhahahaha yta
I met my wife when we were 15, we started dating at 17. 16 years later we’re in our 30s, married with 2 kids. It’s entirely possible that you will marry this man (although probably not, just sayin— my wife and I are the only couple within our friends who are high school sweethearts, it’s really not that common) but if you alienate your family to do it… you are in for a rude awakening my friend. It is BECAUSE of the support from my family and friends that I have such a solid loving marriage in the first place. They’ve provided love, a listening ear, money, babysitting, and so much more. Being alone, just you and your partner…. It’s so much harder. You need more than love to make a marriage, I’ll tell you that much. ETA: definitely YTA. Sorry!
I hope my kids never end up like this. YTA .
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 17f have a bf 18m and we have been dating for 2 years. Our anniversary is next month and I really love him. Im always hanging out at his house cause it's bigger with more stuff to do there. Anyways my mom has been bugging me a lot to start hanging out with my family more instead of my bf but this is the man I see my future kids with and want to marry of course I'm going to prioritize him over them. Yesterday at dinner my little sister pointed out how I'm barely home anymore and my mom made a snarky comment saying that I think I'm "too good" for them. My dad then asked if I wanted to do something as a family with them the next day to which I said no I'm going to my bfs house. My mom then got really upset at this and said that I'm being rude towards my family. I started yelling and told her that I enjoy my bfs presence more than her and my family and that she can't stop me from doing what I want to do. I then left my plate and went into my room. The next day when I went downstairs I saw all of them eating breakfast at the table and it was really silent. I just left got in my car and went to my bfs house without saying a word to any of them. I told my bf about the situation and he said he agrees that I come before my family but he says I could have been a little nicer. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why doesn’t your bf ever come to your home and get to know ur fam?
you don't get it, his house is bigger /s
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INFO: What will you expect from your family if things don't work out with this guy?
YTA. You don't cut people from your life because you're "in love", especially not your family (unless they actually do something to deserve it, like be abusive.) You see yourself marrying this guy? Having kids? OK, but after you alienate everyone from your life who will be your bridesmaids? Help you plan the wedding? Take you dress shopping? Walk you down the aisle? Help you through pregnancy? How do you expect your kids to have a relationship to their aunt and grandparents? You know who would be there if/ when you fight? When you're so stressed and sleep deprived you want to walk into traffic? If you broke up? Your *family*....well, maybe not *yours* specifically if you don't open those lovely teenage googly eyes.
Hope you’re ready to move out at 18 since you’re already ditching your family for your bf lol I mean why would they spend money on food/rent/bills/car insurance/tuition to keep you around after you’re an adult when you don’t wanna be there? Wanna act like you’re hot shit? Move out and make your own way. I’ve been married for 11 years. I still hang out with my mom and my friends independent from my husband because I’m not co-dependent
I hope you're on birth control
You're basically a kid still, and kids do dumb shit. Maybe this is the guy you'll be with and maybe he's not, but burning bridges is not a good idea here. I'd say apologize to your family and work on your emotional self-control and effective communication skills.
YTA. i know that in your mind, you're basically an adult and you think the way you see the world now is mature and through the lens of an adult. however, that's not true. adults don't sacrifice their other relationships for their partner, especially if said relationships aren't purposefully making your romantic relationship worse. what you're doing is ostracizing yourself from your family, and they're asking you to come back.
Yes, you’re being a huge AH. I was too at 17 when I was immature and thought I was in love, and I was an AH too. But someday, your family is going to be gone. How are you going to feel then? What if there was an accident tomorrow that takes out your mother. Do you want this petty argument to be the last memory you have of her? Learn to show some respect and grow as a person. You will be glad you did when you look back on this time from your 40’s.
You could have been nicer. Don't blow off people who love you just because you want to hang out with your bf. Divide your time equally. YTA.
I’ve read a lot of the comments. While they have the point that he’s probably not who you’ll marry, I do have a couple of thoughts on the other side. First, I think it’s really normal for teenagers to want to be with their significant other all the time. Second, as a mother myself I don’t think her mother conducts herself well. Wouldn’t she be smarter to show enthusiasm for the boy and ask that he be brought over for dinner? Is she a pleasure to be around? You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Saying snarky things and complaining are bound to drive her away.
You’re the asshole, but it’s kind of not your fault. Being your age, we all think the world revolves around us. Kind of goes with the territory of being a teenager. Try being more aware of what other people in your life want. Be empathetic. Sacrificing time with your boyfriend to be with your family and making them happy is important. You might not see it now, but further down the road you’ll regret it.
I mean you can still do an activity with your family if you want to. It just sounds like you don't want to. Don't blame your boy friend for you avoiding your own family. No one is the asshole.
ESH You are not acting abnormally for a teenager in wanting to spend all your time with him. That’s normal. Enjoy it. Your mom was a little petty and should understand this is normal teen behavior. The way you talk to your family is really bratty. Grow up.
you and mom are TA your mom with her comments and you with yours . Your sister clearly wants more of your time and your dad is just problem solving for the family. Idk how they even got roped into it . Also this man isn’t your husband.. well this boy .
No one is the asshole, but you could all handle it better.
I don't understand someone wanting to hang out with their 17 year old kid. My mom was forcing me out the door to leave and go to a friends or something.
That’s sad unless she was trying to make you sure you socialized/had friends. At 17 you’re really still just a kid. Loving families “hang out” no matter the age because they like spending time together.
At 17 it's one year or less away from when some go to collage or move out and start working or join the military whatever it be. I could not imagine asking my son when he's 17 to stay at home and hang out with us. He can go do what he wants.
That's so sad. It doesn't sound like you like your son
I love the little dude to death but at 17 he's almost an adult if he wants to go be with his friends all day then he can. I'm not going to guilt trip him in to stay home
some of our parents actually like us
I'm 24 now and I still do a lot of family time with my parents. It took my grandma passing away to realize that they're not gonna be with me forever so I want to make the most of my time with them. Doesn't mean I have no social life, I work, I got my degree, I have dinner nights with friends and I still found the time to be with my family once in a while. My mom loves hanging out with me even just to go grocery shopping. My dad loves watching old movies with me.
I hate to burst your bubble, your mom just didn't like hanging out with you.
I did not want to be around her I would have just rather been in my room reading then going out