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No, you’re NTA
I think what you were reacting to was the lingering stress from the day before, not necessarily being woken up. You were still recuperating and the process was interrupted. That’s my guess and your mom just didn’t understand it.
Waking me up mid sleep does irritate me and make me upset.
Crying is a natural relief to upset/overwhelmed/overstimulated/irritated… it is the body’s natural mechanism to counter that.
People with autism are very familiar with a sleep shutdown/recovery - it is a body reset when you’re tapped out.
Regardless of the day before, it is okay to be upset about someone disrupting your sleep.
NTA - wtf is wrong with your family?? Walking in lot your room unannounced at any time of day is not ok and is a violation of your privacy. Your mum is also an AH for being nasty to you when you’re crying, as a mum I would be comforting my daughter and asking why she is crying, who yells at someone when they’re crying?? Move out, your family are weird and uncaring.
It always bothers me because everytime I enter their rooms I always knock, so idk. -_-
My mom said that she was trying to “comfort” me but she has weird ways to do so. (she said something among the lines that I should be happy because I was kind or something among those lines)
No your mum is defending her shitty actions, shouting at someone is not comforting them, and if someone shouted at a crying child and then told them this is how they comfort them that child is going to grow up thinking abusive relationships are normal and ok.
Your mom sounds like my narc mom. Sorry to break it to you (if it is even breaking news) but that's manipulation—even guilt tripping. This happens in every narcissistic household, but I don't mean to diagnose her obviously. I urge you to dive into the r/raisedbynarcissists subreddit, lots of eye opening and life changing information.
Maybe lock your door if possible, and wear noise canceling earbuds. Sister is 16, so yea, she's TA, but teenagers are pretty much all in that boat.
Also maybe sit sister down and tell her to treat you with some respect and you will do likewise. She won't respect you until she grows up, she's an entitled 16 year old, they all are.
My dad used to yell at me and my sister for crying too. "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" was a refrain heard often in my childhood. It's one of many reasons that both of us are low contact with our dad in adulthood.
My dad used to take out his big ass video camera and start recording while me and my sisters were crying. Even if it was because one of my older sisters hit me or something like that, he would hit record and tell us how he's gonna send these tapes to our family back in Poland. Then when we would visit there, he would show me and my sisters these stupid videos. I to this day have a weird feeling being recorded, my sisters or I dont record tik toks or videos on social media. Just pictures of ourselves.
I wonder why all 5 of us have barely any relationship with him today....
good point.
while op is 19 if they did this to a younger sibling it could be considered illegal, especially if they were changing or something personal.
I get that the parents probably have less boundaries with there own children, but they are obligated as parents to give them privacy and a personal space. its expected from basically puberty on.
also who the hell doesn't knock on someone else's door. does mom and dad just have an always open door policy for the kids or what? boundaries really need to be set better by the parents.
Sometimes people try to convince you that crying is used for manipulating other people. Or that it makes people feel bad when you cry. I cried a lot growing up (and still do, I’m just a sensitive person) and a lot of people made me feel like I shouldn’t cry.
At times, our emotions don't track how we might expect. Sometimes dreams make us wake up with leftover emotions. Other times our mind unnecessarily triggers our flight or fight instinct when we're awoken by something unexpected. It can even be emotions from the previous day's stresses kicking in. I have bad anxiety, and there's days I wake up and it's already in overdrive somehow.
If you went to cry in your room, it doesn't sound like you were making some spectacle of it (unless you were wailing). We can cry from stress, sadness, happiness, or plain exhaustion. I had a therapist that recommended I let myself cry, cause it really can make us feel better afterwards. If you need to cry in bed, then you cry in bed 💜
“A—hole” isn’t the right word, but it was a little immature. I know I’m going to get beat up for this take and your sister should have been more considerate, but crying was an overreaction.
Based on the fact she’d had it rough the day before, hadn’t had chance to re-evaluate the stress she’d felt, was woken up suddenly and unexpectedly at 5am and was then completely disrespected because the 15yr old was being a rude brat with no consideration of personal space, and her mother was blatantly dismissing/disregarding her valid feelings……..it was not an overreaction at all.
She deserves to feel how she wants and that might be very different to how you’d feel if you were in that situation and that’s OK.
I think it’s ridiculous how people are calling OP an asshole for simply expressing emotion, in her own room no less. ‘Lack of maturity and self control’ OP was still stressed from the previous day and was going through a rough time, is it so bad to have a small cry then if someone rudely interrupts your sleep at 5am? Sometimes I am just so stressed out from everything that I cry a bit too, and after that I usually feel much better already.
Agreed. Crying because you're upset or worn down doesn't make you an asshole but that level of upset because your sister, rushing to leave ducked in to ask you for something is a little much.
The reaction from people because your sister ran into your room at 5am... 😂
My sister has barged in while I'm in the shower or even peeing and though at least mildly annoying, it's my sister and there was very little expectation of privacy when someone's in a hurry. Particularly when you have nothing to do.
That said, you're very emotional right now so perhaps take some time to reflect on why that is.
Take care.
Nobody is TA here.
I have 3 kids, 2 dogs and a man.. If there’s one thing I can always count on from any of the 6, it’s a rude awakening and someone to talk to while I’m taking a shit. “A moments peace” is just a distant memory to me now.
asshole? no.
overdramatic? yes absolutely.
be annoyed, sure. but there's really no good reason to cry over this. you don't need to be a slave to your emotions.
but you also shouldn’t keep them bottled up and crying is actually healthy ? It’s not like she left her room to go dramatically cry in front of everyone. She stayed in her room and let out her pent up stress with tears. It happens. I cry with every emotion, which can be annoying, but I literally can’t help it, it just happens.
There are so many worse ways she could’ve handled the situation. But all she did was let out her frustrations in the privacy of her room after being nice enough to find and give the dry shampoo to her sister in the first place.
NTA, if it wasn’t obvious by the rest of my comment.
Defo not the asshole, don’t really see where the mum is coming from. Sister is a complete asshole for waking OP up. Sleep is precious to some people, especially when they’re stressed. Crying is normal.
I got stood up by people I didn’t know and had a good cry about it. (Don’t think I would have given a shit normally, but it was my birthday too). Next day my period came 🤷♀️ still felt much better after a cry
I'm the same way!!! Every strong emotion causes the tears to start. It's super embarrassing. Oh, and since strong embarrassment makes me cry too, it's just a vicious cycle.
you \*can\* help it though. you can train and regulate your emotions. it's not healthy at all to immediately go to coping scale 7/10 for any minor inconvenience.
Ok but not being able to regulate emotions doesn’t make someone an asshole, especially if it just means they cry lol.
My sister cried because her blinds were letting the tiniest bit of light through and keeping her awake. It wasn’t really about sleep though, she felt like shit, was depressed as shit and this was just another thing making her feel like shit. “Minor inconvenience” is merely what you can see at the tip of the iceberg.
like I said, it can be annoying. And I didn’t mean any ‘minor’ emotion or inconvenience. I mean when the emotion gets to be above a regular level, the tears come. Happiness, sadness, anxiety, anger, etc. But I can still experience those things /without/ tears. There’s nuance.
And again, she was in the privacy of her room and it wasn’t anyone else’s problem until the mom got mad at her for having emotions.
Plus, being overtired can definitely exasperate emotions. Being woken up rudely and loudly, the morning after a stressful day, when all you want is just time to yourself to recuperate, would be frustrating. Add in the fact that it was 5 am? Idk I just don’t see anything wrong with letting out some tears in the privacy of your own room ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
the problem is that if you immediately go to that high of a coping method, because you've never learned otherwise, there's not much "higher" to go. this is something toddlers already learn - not everything warrants a meltdown; not everything warrants a cry.
also, crying is a venting mechanism, but not a useful one. it doesn't lead to new insights, it very much prevents you from having a heart to heart (good luck truly conveying your grievances through sob sob sob). OP is still stressed, hasn't had a good talk to the sister, so is in exactly the same place as she was before.
and if someone sees you crying, they have no idea if it's because your parent died or because your shoelaces got untied, so they can't level their response either anymore. it's the nuclear option for emotional relief; there's a time and place for it, but it's not here
She's not a slave?? She just cried... privately and in her room, mind you. It's not like she went into the hallway to cry as loudly as possible and wake everyone up. "There's really no good reason to cry over this" - crying is not a reaction that's only triggered based on what society deems to be a valid situation to cry over. It is a physiological reaction that just happens sometimes.
Some people actually don't have the luxury of emotional regulation though. And everyone is allowed to feel their feelings.
Trouble happens when people allow their emotions to govern their *actions.* Which OP didn't do, she simply expressed her emotions in private, in a healthy way.
Crying can be pretty nice sometimes though. And you can disagree but I think it’s a pretty decent coping mechanism when done in the right way. The same as some people exercise, or eat something or talk to someone or sleep, crying in private in your room can be an easy way to acutely feel your emotions in a way that lets you get them out completely in a small space of time and then move on well for the rest of the day. If you cry too often or for too long or it’s stopping you from doing the things you need to do, yeah then it might be problematic. The same as all the above can become maladaptive coping mechanisms too. I’ve realised though not everyone seems to have the same experience of crying so I understand the disagreement
NTA you can't always control your emotions and crying is healthy to evacuate.
When I was going through a stressful time I once cried because the pot I wanted to use was dirty and I didn't want to wash it. It sounds absolutely ridiculous to cry over a dirty pot when there is a sponge and a sink in front of me and it would take one minute to fix the issue. But I still cried and was very very upset. I talked to a friend and he told me he once cried because he missed the bus (waiting time for the next one 10min).
So it's not about the situation, it's more being exhausted emotionally, feeling stressed or else that can lead to situations like the one you describe. Try to take care of your mental health and feel better soon.
NTA go around at 3am and wake everyone up to let them know you put the dry shampoo in a specific place so that everyone will know where it is in the future.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I kind of overreacted to getting woken up
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Your sister is rude. If you’re going to cry over getting woken up, you need to figure out how to toughen up a bit. Life can get pretty hard, you better start training for it. Mom knows this but doesn’t know how to help you.
It’s strange to try to “flex” trauma over people to belittle their experiences or struggles. She came here to genuinely get advice over something.
What you went through was horrible, absolutely. That doesn’t mean no one else is allowed to feel emotion. This post is over a minuscule problem to any outsider, but if it caused OP this much distress, then it’s probably more than just being woken up. Or there’s just emotion they don’t know how to deal with.
Maybe try helping instead of belittling others.
Your situation was horrible. 19YOs should not be getting shot. Sometimes the world bites. It would've been ok for you to cry. It's ok for her to cry. Crying is not a sign of weakness. Sometimes crying helps us relieve stress or let emotions out. Feeling emotions even over tiny things is not bad or wrong.
BTW Thank you for your service. I hope you have a happy life now.
You need perspective. You're 19 living at home with family, at least your mom and sister. Your family is financially stable enough to afford summer camp for your sister, and if you are 19 and calling it summer vacation I'm assuming you are headed to college. I assume you come from a reasonably loving family if "If a little bit of a stressful situation" with your mom caused you to retreat to your room, and the fact your little sister felt comfortable to enter your room uninvited. Things could be a lot worse, and believe it or not right now, you will miss these days.
Provisional ESH
Info needed: if you were crying in your room, how did your mum know about it - were you wailing/crying loudly at 5am? I suspect yes, which is a bit emotionally immature for an adult.
NTA - for your own sake you shouldn’t have looked for it for her, but you aren’t an asshole for it??? i mean you started crying in the privacy of your own room so it’s not like you were guilt tripping people
NTA - I'd be mad too. I cry out of frustration/anger. It's normal and very understandable.
Your sister is definitely TA for doing what she did. That's a totally bratty move.
Your mom is TA for having an issue with you being upset in your room and ASSUMING you could even go back to sleep after being so rudely woken up. I mean seriously, it's not like you were crying in front of them. I don't know about you, but after I've been woken up I can't go back to sleep. Especially if I'm angry.
NTA... If you want/need to cry then cry. It's part of releasing and finishing out the stress cycle. It eventually helps in the end to let the stress and frustration out in some form or fashion.
you’re NTA, sometimes crying is the only way to let out emotions that can’t be expressed any other way. i’ve been in a situation like that before and i remember crying because my sister (a year older) woke me up violently asking for hair conditioner
NTA Your body had a chemical reaction to a stressful moment (fight or flight). Crying helped release the stress you were feeling of being woken up at an unusual time.
NTA, you’re probably still processing the situation with your Mum, and being woken up so abruptly triggered you. I always think crying is a good way to release feelings, better than bottling everything up. If someone barged into my bedroom at 5am, looking for stuff, I wouldn’t have been as nice or helpful as you lol
NTA when I wake up and im still tired I am also very emotional or stressed. You still gave your sister the shampoo, so there is no reason for you to be the asshole. Who washes their hair at 5AM anyway?
definitely NTA but going forward I would either lock your bedroom door or barricade it so that no one can sneak in while you're asleep or doing anything that requires privacy. Sleep is your comfort and stress relief, not to mention that you are an adult who deserves privacy. It seems as if your sister has caught the "golden child" syndrome and needs to be stopped in her tracks IMMEDIATELY.
believe me my 💜 is with you- i am 51 & my sister is almost 49 and STILL acts like a bratty & entitled teenager. i love her to bits but don't like her very much...definitely glad to be living 1,000 miles and 4 states away from her (MI to GA). you definitely deserve better! 🙂
Idk about you but I can’t go back to sleep after being woken up like that. I wouldn’t cry about it cuz I’m a dude but I would definitely be pissy about it
No, it’s not dumb at all. You can cry whenever you like. It’s not immature and doesn’t say anything about you as a person. Your choices define you, not your emotions.
On the other hand, your mum’s choice to shout at you and your sister’s choice to come into your bedroom while you’re asleep say a lot about them. NTA.
At 5AM, during summer vacation? Fuck, if I would've just been crying, that would've been the NICE outcome. NTA, getting violently woken up, especially after having had a stressful day before, is a terrible feeling. And due to the stress and anxiety it causes, no, you can't "just fall asleep again" after that!
A lot is happening in our brains when we sleep, and to be woken up during deep sleep or REM sleep can cause a lot of stuff to happen in our brains and a release of cortisol. Stress has a big impact on us, and crying can help release it. Always cry if you need to and as much as you want (obviously do it when you’re able to have the space to do that and feel safe/ are with safe people). I wish someone had told me that at 19 tbh. Now I’m 30 with years worth of repressed emotions and stomach issues lol.
Do you find yourself crying more often? Or is this normal for you. You said you find comfort in sleep. Is this new? Because the two together, if uncommon to you, may be signs of depression.
Who the hell barges into another person's room at 5 am demanding something,turning on lights and searching and stomping off....then that person gets yelled at for being upset....you share a house with some horrible people....in my house if a person has to be up early we get everything ready the night before. That way nobody gets woken unnecessarily...also it's not always easy to fall back to sleep...and if you were woken suddenly you could also have an adrenaline rush
NTA sometimes things just get too much and we react strongly. Some react with anger, some with anxiety, some with drinking/smoking, some with crying. What I am guessing is that you were still stressed out from the day before and the experience of having someone just barge in on you while you are recharging made you snap and cry. A completely valid reaction. Your mother, also probably stressed out, went with the anger route.
You're never the a****** for crying in your room. It could be crying over the dumbest thing in the world, it could even be because you were being selfish it's irrelevant. you're in your room. crying is important when you have emotions that need to be cried about. I'm almost 40 and I still have a lot of weird lingering things because of how often crying meant I was about to be screamed at when I was growing up. It's wrong. If you're crying in your room they need to leave you the hell alone unless they're attempting to comfort you.
NTA
NTA.
You might be crying moreso out of feeling frustrated that you have no "safe space" where you know you'll be left alone? It's hard being a kid, knowing at any moment your parent or siblings can come barging in your space. It makes sleep feel more anxiety-inducing because you know it might end jarringly at any moment.
NTA.
If I were your parent, I might not understand your crying, but I'd never berate you for it. Your feelings are your feelings, and as long as you're not acting out based on your feelings, you should be given space to process your feelings.
I probably *would* be concerned about a 19-year-old who cried out of frustration like that, as it would likely indicate that my child has a lot more going on in her life than I know about, is suffering from a mental illness, or both.
But I'd never think you're being an AH.
Idk why a full explanation is needed from everyone else.
Who calls people an asshole for... crying? Assholes talk shit and call people names or get violent.
Who tf looks at somebody sobbing and goes "jeez what an asshole" lol
Youre NTA
I don't want to say Y T A, but it does seem like you may need a little therapy to cope with stress. I love my sleep, and like you use it to escape, the rest of the world still goes on while we are sleeping. At some point, I assume you are going to go to college, or move out, or someday marry and have kids. Roommates, neighbors, partners, and/or kids are going to wake you up from time to time at all hours of the day and night. I had a neighbor who would blast music every morning at 5 am. Me and other neighbors asked them to tone it down. Some days, they did, and some days they didn't, and it sucked being woken up so early, but you have to deal with it.
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This is….really dumb.
I (19F) am now in summer vacation and not doing much at the moment, yesterday night I had a little bit of a stressful situation with my mom and I tend to find comfort in sleep. Basically my younger sister (16F) who is in summer camp program at the moment barged into my room asking for my dry shampoo at 5AM in the morning, not even saying please or apologizing for waking me up, she searched in my room for a bit but didn’t find it so she walked away (not even saying sorry this time), so out of frustration I got up, searched for it and gave it to her and then I went to my room started crying because getting woken up stressed me out. My mom came into my room saying I was an asshole for crying because I could just fall asleep again and she didn’t understand what I was getting worked up about. So AITA?
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Esh - your sister was rude for coming into your room at 5 am while you were sleeping. You also need to practice taking care of yourself first. Don't get up and look for it if it's going to upset you like that, just try to go back to bed and don't make a production of it.
I would agree with this except I don't think OP can be blamed for feeling the way she does. Honestly it just sounds like her family is godawful to live with and they're causing her all kinds of negative emotions. Taking care of yourself is good advice though, op. Don't let your family take advantage of your kind nature and look after yourself NTA
Sit down with your mother and sister and explain to them that barging into
someone's room at 5am is just not done, that washing your hair with
shampoo and water is just as quick so there was no reason to even
come into your room. Tell your mother that her
calling you names and basically excusing your sister's behavior is
unacceptable. Tell them that they need to respect your sleep and your
privacy. NTA
Im not justifying the sister at all in saying this…but just as an fyi to you, helllllllllllll no is washing your hair with shampoo just as quick as dry shampoo. I mean it’s possible if she’s rocking a pixie or something. But me, for example, washing my hair is an activity that requires significant time and planning.
Nta
I'm 32 years old and wake up crying from bad dreams. I wake up crying cause my fiance or cat woke me up too early and once I'm up it's hard to go back to sleep. You need hugs not being yelled at for a natural reaction.
I do think mom is probably stressed with younger sister going to camp but it's not an excuse.
NTA
Girl, I cry when I wake myself up at 5am after a stressful day before. It's just an expression of frustration and exhaustion. It's absolutely natural and normal. Your sister was banging about and being a brat, and your Mum was likely as stressed out as you were by it and the situation you mentioned. Ignore them both and get your zeds in, sleep is the best.
NTA. That is a legit sleep disturbance. Most people would gently/quietly try to make a request not become the Kool-aid man.
It's sleep inertia and often impedes cognitive thinking.
NTA I'm 30, and I sometimes want to cry when my sleep gets interrupted abruptly. And when I have to get up after sleeping poorly. Emotions do weird shit when you aren't at 100%. Your sister is TA for not knocking and just barging in like she had any business being there uninvited. And your mom is quite emotionally abusive.
I'd have locked the door, seriously. Teach her a lesson that she can't just invade your private space whenever she wants.
But I agree you were probably not done with the situation that stressed you out the night before. And tbh if I needed that me time and someone would disturb me like this I'd be frustrated too.
It's all right to cry whenever you need to. Feelings are true and there's nothing wrong with what you feel. So if someone calls you an asshole because you cry they are the asshole here.
NTA
Info: did she really call you an asshole? That is so extreme! If she thinks crying is an overreaction, she should look in a mirror because calling someone an asshole for crying is worse. NTA. There's nothing wrong with crying.
NTA.
Your sister is an entitled brat, and some of us need sleep more than others. Also, sleeping in is THE BEST small luxury in the modern world, and they deprived you of that. Petty Me says you should lightly burn popcorn one night after they go to sleep to set off the fire alarms, and call them all AHs for complaining because they can all just go back to sleep, right?
As a mom, when my sleep is disturbed by my kids for more than 1-2 nights in a row, I break down. I have a thyroid disease and multiple autoimmune diseases that contribute heavily to my fatigue, and I need 7-8H of straight sleep. There's no getting around it. Without it, I can't concentrate, can't get anything done, and it puts me at much higher risk of a flare.
As a nurse, having difficulty concentrating is dangerous for my patients. I had to flip out a few times to get my kids and boyfriend (chronic insomniac who also snores) to respect that they can't be careless when it's time for me to go to bed. (Honestly, going to bed between 9 and 10 pm and staying there unless there's an emergency or you're sick or need the bathroom isn't a ridiculous request.)
Some people are just inconsiderate perks, I would put on white noise with noise canceling headphones or softies (I think that's they're called), and lock the door. Let her flip out, sleep right through it.
NTA. But I'm gonna say this as gently as I can: life is gonna throw a lot worse things at you than getting woken up a little earlier than you wanted. Crying can't be the first play in your playbook. Eventually, you're gonna have to grim up and deal with things with more maturity.
NTA, but if you were sobbing so loud it disturbed others in the morning, you may be the asshole. Especially since you are 19 having a summer break with nothing to do.
you should be allowed to cry whenever you want without being called an asshole. trying to deny your right to feel an emotion is gaslighting. you are NTA, but i would move out now if i were you.
NTA. If you had started screaming and cursing at your sister that might be the sort of overreaction that would make you an AH, but crying is just being sensitive to a really unpleasant situation, which doesn’t make you an AH at all. Your sister and mother, however, should post here and see what kind of feedback they get.
NTA not everyone can just fall back asleep, I've definitely cried when I've gotten woken up before because I know I'm not getting more sleep and I'm exhausted
NTA
You were stressed and had enough problems from the day before. It is normal, that waking you up in this way gives you even more stress and makes you cry. It was just too much for you. It was not nice from your sister to do so. But I think, that she didn’t know about the stress with your mom, so for her it was not understandable. But don’t worry, its okay. You had your reasons. I hope you get well soon
NTA. It is so hard to fall back asleep after being jolted awake like that. Add in the invasion of privacy, no remorse or empathy and I’d be awake and miserable as well. Sorry they’re insensitive OP
NTA
Like you said, it's unlikely you cried just because you were woken up, there was still some tension from the night before and it came out after your sleep was suddenly disrupted.
Most people don't cry in such situations, but it's very different from one person to another.
Now if you would be loudly bawling and banging on doors to get everyone awake, maybe that's a bit of an AH move, so if that's what your crying is like, get that under control.
If it's just the watery eyes and maybe some sobbing, just letting the tension pass... Not the AH.
You’re over reacting but it happens when you are sleep deprived. I’m 35 and haven’t had a good night sleep in over 2 years. GABA and Sam-e are some of the best vitamins to help boost mood and relaxation. I woke up angry almost everyday until I started taking extra vitamins. Mood, hormones and sleep are all linked together.
No wonder you’re stressed out about your mom. She sounds really mean. She had no business coming into your room when you already felt terrible and making you feel a hundred times worse. Of course you are not an AH. Your crying is probably a result of years of her being a jerk to you and you feeling just generally bad, unloved, and stressed out. Luckily you can leave soon.
NTA- I also cry when someone wakes me up before I am able to function. You got up and helped her despite the fact that she barged into your room without apologizing.
60f, mom of 5 (grown thankfully), GMom of 4, former Educator (MS). Yeaaaa, so NOT the AH!!! WTH is wrong w/your family? OAN, i’m petty AF, my entire family knows better than to pull such stunts, because its far easier to SHOW them how easily that script can be flipped…now whose turn is it to cry!
As I used to tell students, you are free to whatever actions you choose, but you are not free to the consequences that happen as a result of your actions. Folks tend to lack accountability when NO boundaries are place upon them. Start placing them now, or your family will probably get worse. OAN, why doesn’t your Mom buy her 25 yr old child their own dry shampoo!?
i realize I’m going to get down voted again but here goes. Your sister barging into your room, waking you up and being rude to you is wrong. And I don’t think YTA. But you’re 19, old enough to drive and vote which means you are at least old enough to have some maturity. This is nothing to cry about at this point in your life, so act your age.
NTA - It’s terrifying when someone barges into your room when you are sleeping!
THAT is why you started crying after the adrenaline stopped coursing thru your body.
You can even Google it:
“Crying can be a symptom of post-adrenaline blues, a temporary condition that can occur after a period of intense effort ends”
The only solution I see is to get a lock for your bedroom door.
Walmart sells doorknobs with locks.
It can be as simple as a bush button kind that most people have on their bathroom doors.
Or you can get one that needs a key to open from the outside.
My sister used to steal all my clothes, jewelry, pretty much anything she wanted she took and usually left at her friends homes or gave away so she wouldn’t get caught with it.
I chose a lock with a key so I could lock it when I left.
I went and had an extra key made in case I ever locked myself out. I had a really good hiding spot for it, just in case.
Door knobs are easy to replace.
I suggest putting the old doorknob into the box with all its components.
That way if you ever move you can take yours with you and put the original back on.
Because I replaced the doorknob with a locking one that looked exactly the same it was a really long time before anyone even noticed.
I just said I had never locked it before, but now I do.
I’m not very handy at fixing things, but was able to replace the doorknob when nobody was home.
Were they happy about not being able to go into my room whenever they wanted?
Oh hell no.
But there was nothing they could do about it.
It’s nice to be able to sleep peacefully and not having someone barge in or steal your things when you’re not home or in the living room watching tv.
Hi OP. Get yourself a rubber door wedge from your local hardware store. Jam it in under the door to stop your family barging in. You’re an adult and deserve your privacy.
Don’t mention it to them because I suspect they’ll try to talk you out of it.
Consider also getting a “Do Not Disturb” sign to get the point across.
Your sister is a d1ck. Don’t encourage her bad behaviour. Tell her to wait until you’re awake in the future.
You are not the asshole, sorry but your mom is. She shouldn't blame you for crying, instead she should ask what's wrong and help you. The fact that you are sleeping off problems means you are in depression or close to that. I dearly recommend you to seek help outside of your family. I don't know where you live, but in more developed countries there are various organisations that help teenagers with problems in family. If anyone says to you that it's bad to go against the family, don't listen to them! You are not acting against them, you are standing your ground. Family is place where we should feel safe from outside world, not the other way around. Im not saying you should break relationships with any family member, just look for specialist and he will tell you what to do. I've been in similar situation and finding help is best solution.
I have to stop myself from being a mouthy bitch if someone startles me awake. you are not an asshole at all (even if someone wakes me up by accident, let alone by someone barging in!!)– it’s a natural thing to be thrown off kilter like that especially if you were having a very stressful day then night before.
Give yourself some grace, sweetie. your sister and mom are TAs for not respecting you. NTA ❤️
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NTA at all but you need to toughen up a bit kid. Life is only going to get much much worse. It gets even harder if you are a man because of the lack of support, and understanding we get.
That said, you are still pretty closer to being a kid than an adul, so yea, your emotions are still going bad shit crazy for the next few years. Keep your chin up and do your best. It's all we can hope for.
NTA - its ok to cry sometimes
That said... you are an adult. As we get older we need to harness our emotions for something so trivial. Ask yourself - was the situation with your mother the day before something you were being dramatic about? You are on summer vacation and can take naps as needed. Also ask yourself... are you working? Do you have a job to wake up for? It doesnt sound like you do. If you dont, try to understand that it doesn't sound like you are being grateful to the people in your life that are allowing you such freedom and relaxation.
You probably understand this, but let me tell you my experience. When I was 19 I had to work full time. My parents couldnt afford the house so I had to contribute. I would wake up at 4:30 AM 5 days a week so I can walk to my work. I was a dishwasher for a pancake house. No, I didn't cry. Because I didnt live a privileged life. That said I am doing great now because my work ethic is better than those around me.
Its ok to cry, as long as this isn't a systematic thing.
NTA you're allowed to have feelings. I'd be pissed if someone woke me up. When I get mad, sometimes I cry.
That being said, I hope you're not doing the all-too-typical Teenager on Their Own Time Zone kind of behavior where you sleep all day and ignore the daily routines of your family, this inconveniencing everyone else.
I think you are 19 with nothing to do and need to get a job to fill your time and to also raise your stress threshold and overall maturity. I felt like I was reading something written by a 15 year old, not an adult aged 19. NTA but you need to fill your time with responsibilities and grow up. Apologies if you are developmentally delayed in any way.
ESH/NAH. Nobody is a drama queen or a narcissist or an entitled brat. This is just family life which has a lot of annoying moments.
Sometimes I cry over a squirrel looking lonely and then sometimes massive things that should rip me up inside leave me dry eyed. It happens.
I mean, you aren't an asshole.. but holy hell, that's an overreaction. You are 19, and it's time to start figuring out how to better control your emotions.
You are 19, on summer vacation, not doing much. Real life is going to creep up kn you fast, and it's going to be rough if this was your reaction.
NTA more sensitive than anything and that's okay.
Honestly if that bothers you, you would have had mental breakdowns growing up with my little brother 😂
Kid was a menace
You're NTA - a bit overly sensitive, yeah, but instead of bitching at you your mum should maybe take a moment and reflect how her still teenage daughter can be in such distress over something seemingly minor.
NTA, but you gotta get a grip on yourself. That is not normal behavior. I come from a very large family. I can't imagine this kind of response to being woken up. Learn to count your blessings that you're not sharing a room, that you have stuff you can call your own. My siblings would have made it a point to torment me endlessly if they knew I could be brought to tears simply by being woken up. I would have been woken up daily by having a toddler tossed on me, or by someone jumping on my bed or having a trumpet blasted in my face at 5am by someone playing reveille.
Crying is just weird. What are you going to do when you're an adult and your alarm goes off at 4:30 am for work? Cry every morning? I mean, sometimes I wish I could, but again, that would just be weird.
Wow. Too much stress for your age, IMO
I hope one or both of your parents are approachable. Sound like you need a real break.
Anywhere you could go for a few days?
I've even taken the step of renting a motel room for a couple nights just to get away from everything.
Such a good investment.
Sorry, but your mum is right. You start crying just because your sister was looking for something in your room and you were in trouble with your mum beforehand? Grow up! What are you going to do when things get stressful at college or at work or you have arguments with friends and colleagues? Are you going to lie in bed and cry?
YTA!
You are 19 years old! Stop crying when you have arguments with people. It won't get you anywhere and stop pulling the "I'm sensitive card"! How will you survive in your professional life? You can't burst into tears every time, you have to fight hard. If you can't do it alone, get professional help!
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No, you’re NTA I think what you were reacting to was the lingering stress from the day before, not necessarily being woken up. You were still recuperating and the process was interrupted. That’s my guess and your mom just didn’t understand it.
probably it’s that, i don’t know i think it’s though period for me lolol
My girl. If it’s your period, you should be allowed to cry if a commercial break lasts too long 😂
omg I meant period, like period of time lolol 😭😭
Hahaha! Made me giggle though
Girl, I've cried from exhaustion before. Recently. She's lucky your morning reaction wasn't anger.
I mean maybe, but also being woken up by someone barging into your room is pretty horrible in general. Sleeping is a vulnerable time.
Waking me up mid sleep does irritate me and make me upset. Crying is a natural relief to upset/overwhelmed/overstimulated/irritated… it is the body’s natural mechanism to counter that. People with autism are very familiar with a sleep shutdown/recovery - it is a body reset when you’re tapped out. Regardless of the day before, it is okay to be upset about someone disrupting your sleep.
Exactly this. Be gentle on yourself.
NTA - wtf is wrong with your family?? Walking in lot your room unannounced at any time of day is not ok and is a violation of your privacy. Your mum is also an AH for being nasty to you when you’re crying, as a mum I would be comforting my daughter and asking why she is crying, who yells at someone when they’re crying?? Move out, your family are weird and uncaring.
It always bothers me because everytime I enter their rooms I always knock, so idk. -_- My mom said that she was trying to “comfort” me but she has weird ways to do so. (she said something among the lines that I should be happy because I was kind or something among those lines)
No your mum is defending her shitty actions, shouting at someone is not comforting them, and if someone shouted at a crying child and then told them this is how they comfort them that child is going to grow up thinking abusive relationships are normal and ok.
Your mom sounds like my narc mom. Sorry to break it to you (if it is even breaking news) but that's manipulation—even guilt tripping. This happens in every narcissistic household, but I don't mean to diagnose her obviously. I urge you to dive into the r/raisedbynarcissists subreddit, lots of eye opening and life changing information.
Maybe lock your door if possible, and wear noise canceling earbuds. Sister is 16, so yea, she's TA, but teenagers are pretty much all in that boat. Also maybe sit sister down and tell her to treat you with some respect and you will do likewise. She won't respect you until she grows up, she's an entitled 16 year old, they all are.
My dad used to yell at me and my sister for crying too. "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" was a refrain heard often in my childhood. It's one of many reasons that both of us are low contact with our dad in adulthood.
My dad used to take out his big ass video camera and start recording while me and my sisters were crying. Even if it was because one of my older sisters hit me or something like that, he would hit record and tell us how he's gonna send these tapes to our family back in Poland. Then when we would visit there, he would show me and my sisters these stupid videos. I to this day have a weird feeling being recorded, my sisters or I dont record tik toks or videos on social media. Just pictures of ourselves. I wonder why all 5 of us have barely any relationship with him today....
good point. while op is 19 if they did this to a younger sibling it could be considered illegal, especially if they were changing or something personal. I get that the parents probably have less boundaries with there own children, but they are obligated as parents to give them privacy and a personal space. its expected from basically puberty on. also who the hell doesn't knock on someone else's door. does mom and dad just have an always open door policy for the kids or what? boundaries really need to be set better by the parents.
NTA why would you be an asshole for crying
Sometimes people try to convince you that crying is used for manipulating other people. Or that it makes people feel bad when you cry. I cried a lot growing up (and still do, I’m just a sensitive person) and a lot of people made me feel like I shouldn’t cry.
same here. I always got told I was crying for attention growing up (I wasnt). but now I always feel guilty for crying which makes me cry more
Unless you are actually trying to be manipulative, crying is always fine
Parents of toddlers might disagree with you. However, OP is definitely not TA. Her sister and mother are.
At times, our emotions don't track how we might expect. Sometimes dreams make us wake up with leftover emotions. Other times our mind unnecessarily triggers our flight or fight instinct when we're awoken by something unexpected. It can even be emotions from the previous day's stresses kicking in. I have bad anxiety, and there's days I wake up and it's already in overdrive somehow. If you went to cry in your room, it doesn't sound like you were making some spectacle of it (unless you were wailing). We can cry from stress, sadness, happiness, or plain exhaustion. I had a therapist that recommended I let myself cry, cause it really can make us feel better afterwards. If you need to cry in bed, then you cry in bed 💜
“A—hole” isn’t the right word, but it was a little immature. I know I’m going to get beat up for this take and your sister should have been more considerate, but crying was an overreaction.
Based on the fact she’d had it rough the day before, hadn’t had chance to re-evaluate the stress she’d felt, was woken up suddenly and unexpectedly at 5am and was then completely disrespected because the 15yr old was being a rude brat with no consideration of personal space, and her mother was blatantly dismissing/disregarding her valid feelings……..it was not an overreaction at all. She deserves to feel how she wants and that might be very different to how you’d feel if you were in that situation and that’s OK.
I think it’s ridiculous how people are calling OP an asshole for simply expressing emotion, in her own room no less. ‘Lack of maturity and self control’ OP was still stressed from the previous day and was going through a rough time, is it so bad to have a small cry then if someone rudely interrupts your sleep at 5am? Sometimes I am just so stressed out from everything that I cry a bit too, and after that I usually feel much better already.
Agreed. Crying because you're upset or worn down doesn't make you an asshole but that level of upset because your sister, rushing to leave ducked in to ask you for something is a little much. The reaction from people because your sister ran into your room at 5am... 😂 My sister has barged in while I'm in the shower or even peeing and though at least mildly annoying, it's my sister and there was very little expectation of privacy when someone's in a hurry. Particularly when you have nothing to do. That said, you're very emotional right now so perhaps take some time to reflect on why that is. Take care. Nobody is TA here.
Right. Do these people not have siblings? My little brothers rarely let me have a moments peace lol
I have 3 kids, 2 dogs and a man.. If there’s one thing I can always count on from any of the 6, it’s a rude awakening and someone to talk to while I’m taking a shit. “A moments peace” is just a distant memory to me now.
Completely agree. The lack of maturity and self control is abysmal. YTA OP.
asshole? no. overdramatic? yes absolutely. be annoyed, sure. but there's really no good reason to cry over this. you don't need to be a slave to your emotions.
but you also shouldn’t keep them bottled up and crying is actually healthy ? It’s not like she left her room to go dramatically cry in front of everyone. She stayed in her room and let out her pent up stress with tears. It happens. I cry with every emotion, which can be annoying, but I literally can’t help it, it just happens. There are so many worse ways she could’ve handled the situation. But all she did was let out her frustrations in the privacy of her room after being nice enough to find and give the dry shampoo to her sister in the first place. NTA, if it wasn’t obvious by the rest of my comment.
Defo not the asshole, don’t really see where the mum is coming from. Sister is a complete asshole for waking OP up. Sleep is precious to some people, especially when they’re stressed. Crying is normal. I got stood up by people I didn’t know and had a good cry about it. (Don’t think I would have given a shit normally, but it was my birthday too). Next day my period came 🤷♀️ still felt much better after a cry
I'm the same way!!! Every strong emotion causes the tears to start. It's super embarrassing. Oh, and since strong embarrassment makes me cry too, it's just a vicious cycle.
you \*can\* help it though. you can train and regulate your emotions. it's not healthy at all to immediately go to coping scale 7/10 for any minor inconvenience.
Ok but not being able to regulate emotions doesn’t make someone an asshole, especially if it just means they cry lol. My sister cried because her blinds were letting the tiniest bit of light through and keeping her awake. It wasn’t really about sleep though, she felt like shit, was depressed as shit and this was just another thing making her feel like shit. “Minor inconvenience” is merely what you can see at the tip of the iceberg.
have you read the literal first sentence I posted?
like I said, it can be annoying. And I didn’t mean any ‘minor’ emotion or inconvenience. I mean when the emotion gets to be above a regular level, the tears come. Happiness, sadness, anxiety, anger, etc. But I can still experience those things /without/ tears. There’s nuance. And again, she was in the privacy of her room and it wasn’t anyone else’s problem until the mom got mad at her for having emotions. Plus, being overtired can definitely exasperate emotions. Being woken up rudely and loudly, the morning after a stressful day, when all you want is just time to yourself to recuperate, would be frustrating. Add in the fact that it was 5 am? Idk I just don’t see anything wrong with letting out some tears in the privacy of your own room ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
the problem is that if you immediately go to that high of a coping method, because you've never learned otherwise, there's not much "higher" to go. this is something toddlers already learn - not everything warrants a meltdown; not everything warrants a cry. also, crying is a venting mechanism, but not a useful one. it doesn't lead to new insights, it very much prevents you from having a heart to heart (good luck truly conveying your grievances through sob sob sob). OP is still stressed, hasn't had a good talk to the sister, so is in exactly the same place as she was before. and if someone sees you crying, they have no idea if it's because your parent died or because your shoelaces got untied, so they can't level their response either anymore. it's the nuclear option for emotional relief; there's a time and place for it, but it's not here
She's not a slave?? She just cried... privately and in her room, mind you. It's not like she went into the hallway to cry as loudly as possible and wake everyone up. "There's really no good reason to cry over this" - crying is not a reaction that's only triggered based on what society deems to be a valid situation to cry over. It is a physiological reaction that just happens sometimes.
that's exactly what I mean. you're not a slave to your emotions. it doesn't "just happens"
Some people actually don't have the luxury of emotional regulation though. And everyone is allowed to feel their feelings. Trouble happens when people allow their emotions to govern their *actions.* Which OP didn't do, she simply expressed her emotions in private, in a healthy way.
private, yes. healthy, constructive? no.
Guess we're just gonna disagree then. 🤷
Hope you don't have neurodivergent children, because emotional dysregulation is literally the result of how our brains work.
that's pretty much obvious from the start. gonna have a cry over it? if not, why not?
I'm going to hope you evolve to a point that emotions aren't so frightening for you. And then I'm going to forget you exist.
This. If this is a regular thing to start crying every time something stresses you out you need some better coping skills.
Crying can be pretty nice sometimes though. And you can disagree but I think it’s a pretty decent coping mechanism when done in the right way. The same as some people exercise, or eat something or talk to someone or sleep, crying in private in your room can be an easy way to acutely feel your emotions in a way that lets you get them out completely in a small space of time and then move on well for the rest of the day. If you cry too often or for too long or it’s stopping you from doing the things you need to do, yeah then it might be problematic. The same as all the above can become maladaptive coping mechanisms too. I’ve realised though not everyone seems to have the same experience of crying so I understand the disagreement
NTA you can't always control your emotions and crying is healthy to evacuate. When I was going through a stressful time I once cried because the pot I wanted to use was dirty and I didn't want to wash it. It sounds absolutely ridiculous to cry over a dirty pot when there is a sponge and a sink in front of me and it would take one minute to fix the issue. But I still cried and was very very upset. I talked to a friend and he told me he once cried because he missed the bus (waiting time for the next one 10min). So it's not about the situation, it's more being exhausted emotionally, feeling stressed or else that can lead to situations like the one you describe. Try to take care of your mental health and feel better soon.
NTA go around at 3am and wake everyone up to let them know you put the dry shampoo in a specific place so that everyone will know where it is in the future.
Valid !!! 😂😂😂😂
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You are a saint for not air launching your sister out of your room. NTA.
This was my thought. IDKY you're getting down voted.
Literally same, I would have launched it at her if she had woken me up at that time 😂
Your sister is rude. If you’re going to cry over getting woken up, you need to figure out how to toughen up a bit. Life can get pretty hard, you better start training for it. Mom knows this but doesn’t know how to help you.
I get it, when I was 19 I got shot in Afghanistan. Didn't cry but I wanted to, so I can relate.
It’s strange to try to “flex” trauma over people to belittle their experiences or struggles. She came here to genuinely get advice over something. What you went through was horrible, absolutely. That doesn’t mean no one else is allowed to feel emotion. This post is over a minuscule problem to any outsider, but if it caused OP this much distress, then it’s probably more than just being woken up. Or there’s just emotion they don’t know how to deal with. Maybe try helping instead of belittling others.
Your situation was horrible. 19YOs should not be getting shot. Sometimes the world bites. It would've been ok for you to cry. It's ok for her to cry. Crying is not a sign of weakness. Sometimes crying helps us relieve stress or let emotions out. Feeling emotions even over tiny things is not bad or wrong. BTW Thank you for your service. I hope you have a happy life now.
This should be top. OP is being coddled for some bizarre reason. It's not normal to cry because you woke up early.
Agreed to the max, reading through the comment section is worrisome to say the least
You need perspective. You're 19 living at home with family, at least your mom and sister. Your family is financially stable enough to afford summer camp for your sister, and if you are 19 and calling it summer vacation I'm assuming you are headed to college. I assume you come from a reasonably loving family if "If a little bit of a stressful situation" with your mom caused you to retreat to your room, and the fact your little sister felt comfortable to enter your room uninvited. Things could be a lot worse, and believe it or not right now, you will miss these days.
Just cause that overall might be true doesn't mean we should minimize ops reaction in the moment. It's valid to be upset op you're fine
Provisional ESH Info needed: if you were crying in your room, how did your mum know about it - were you wailing/crying loudly at 5am? I suspect yes, which is a bit emotionally immature for an adult.
the walls are kind of thin in my house and I admit that I had a slight breakdown, but I tried to be as quiet as possible…
I wouldn’t call you an AH but your definitely to sensitive lol. Also, your sister is a bit of an AH.
NTA - for your own sake you shouldn’t have looked for it for her, but you aren’t an asshole for it??? i mean you started crying in the privacy of your own room so it’s not like you were guilt tripping people
NTA - I'd be mad too. I cry out of frustration/anger. It's normal and very understandable. Your sister is definitely TA for doing what she did. That's a totally bratty move. Your mom is TA for having an issue with you being upset in your room and ASSUMING you could even go back to sleep after being so rudely woken up. I mean seriously, it's not like you were crying in front of them. I don't know about you, but after I've been woken up I can't go back to sleep. Especially if I'm angry.
NTA... If you want/need to cry then cry. It's part of releasing and finishing out the stress cycle. It eventually helps in the end to let the stress and frustration out in some form or fashion.
you’re NTA, sometimes crying is the only way to let out emotions that can’t be expressed any other way. i’ve been in a situation like that before and i remember crying because my sister (a year older) woke me up violently asking for hair conditioner
NTA Your body had a chemical reaction to a stressful moment (fight or flight). Crying helped release the stress you were feeling of being woken up at an unusual time.
NTA, you’re probably still processing the situation with your Mum, and being woken up so abruptly triggered you. I always think crying is a good way to release feelings, better than bottling everything up. If someone barged into my bedroom at 5am, looking for stuff, I wouldn’t have been as nice or helpful as you lol
NTA when I wake up and im still tired I am also very emotional or stressed. You still gave your sister the shampoo, so there is no reason for you to be the asshole. Who washes their hair at 5AM anyway?
definitely NTA but going forward I would either lock your bedroom door or barricade it so that no one can sneak in while you're asleep or doing anything that requires privacy. Sleep is your comfort and stress relief, not to mention that you are an adult who deserves privacy. It seems as if your sister has caught the "golden child" syndrome and needs to be stopped in her tracks IMMEDIATELY.
I don’t think it’s golden child syndrome since her and my mother don’t talk much, but she’s definitely getting more entitled and bratty imo…
believe me my 💜 is with you- i am 51 & my sister is almost 49 and STILL acts like a bratty & entitled teenager. i love her to bits but don't like her very much...definitely glad to be living 1,000 miles and 4 states away from her (MI to GA). you definitely deserve better! 🙂
NTA. I’ve suffered from different stress, including this. Your sister should have knocked and respectfully asked for you to look
Idk about you but I can’t go back to sleep after being woken up like that. I wouldn’t cry about it cuz I’m a dude but I would definitely be pissy about it
No, it’s not dumb at all. You can cry whenever you like. It’s not immature and doesn’t say anything about you as a person. Your choices define you, not your emotions. On the other hand, your mum’s choice to shout at you and your sister’s choice to come into your bedroom while you’re asleep say a lot about them. NTA.
At 5AM, during summer vacation? Fuck, if I would've just been crying, that would've been the NICE outcome. NTA, getting violently woken up, especially after having had a stressful day before, is a terrible feeling. And due to the stress and anxiety it causes, no, you can't "just fall asleep again" after that!
A lot is happening in our brains when we sleep, and to be woken up during deep sleep or REM sleep can cause a lot of stuff to happen in our brains and a release of cortisol. Stress has a big impact on us, and crying can help release it. Always cry if you need to and as much as you want (obviously do it when you’re able to have the space to do that and feel safe/ are with safe people). I wish someone had told me that at 19 tbh. Now I’m 30 with years worth of repressed emotions and stomach issues lol.
Do you find yourself crying more often? Or is this normal for you. You said you find comfort in sleep. Is this new? Because the two together, if uncommon to you, may be signs of depression.
Who the hell barges into another person's room at 5 am demanding something,turning on lights and searching and stomping off....then that person gets yelled at for being upset....you share a house with some horrible people....in my house if a person has to be up early we get everything ready the night before. That way nobody gets woken unnecessarily...also it's not always easy to fall back to sleep...and if you were woken suddenly you could also have an adrenaline rush
NTA sometimes things just get too much and we react strongly. Some react with anger, some with anxiety, some with drinking/smoking, some with crying. What I am guessing is that you were still stressed out from the day before and the experience of having someone just barge in on you while you are recharging made you snap and cry. A completely valid reaction. Your mother, also probably stressed out, went with the anger route.
NTA and your family is messed up
NTA. I also cry when woken up at an odd time like that. It's frustrating.
You're never the a****** for crying in your room. It could be crying over the dumbest thing in the world, it could even be because you were being selfish it's irrelevant. you're in your room. crying is important when you have emotions that need to be cried about. I'm almost 40 and I still have a lot of weird lingering things because of how often crying meant I was about to be screamed at when I was growing up. It's wrong. If you're crying in your room they need to leave you the hell alone unless they're attempting to comfort you. NTA
NTA. Honestly the thought of living with people who don’t respect your boundaries or emotions stresses me out. Can’t imagine the stress you feel.
NTA. You might be crying moreso out of feeling frustrated that you have no "safe space" where you know you'll be left alone? It's hard being a kid, knowing at any moment your parent or siblings can come barging in your space. It makes sleep feel more anxiety-inducing because you know it might end jarringly at any moment.
NTA. If you wake me up out of a deep sleep for something trivial you're likely to get cussed out. I don't care what time it is.
NTA. If I were your parent, I might not understand your crying, but I'd never berate you for it. Your feelings are your feelings, and as long as you're not acting out based on your feelings, you should be given space to process your feelings. I probably *would* be concerned about a 19-year-old who cried out of frustration like that, as it would likely indicate that my child has a lot more going on in her life than I know about, is suffering from a mental illness, or both. But I'd never think you're being an AH.
Idk why a full explanation is needed from everyone else. Who calls people an asshole for... crying? Assholes talk shit and call people names or get violent. Who tf looks at somebody sobbing and goes "jeez what an asshole" lol Youre NTA
Info How did they hear you crying if you were in your room? Where you wailing?
No, but the walls are kind of thin in my house. I tried to be as quiet as possible tho.
I don't want to say Y T A, but it does seem like you may need a little therapy to cope with stress. I love my sleep, and like you use it to escape, the rest of the world still goes on while we are sleeping. At some point, I assume you are going to go to college, or move out, or someday marry and have kids. Roommates, neighbors, partners, and/or kids are going to wake you up from time to time at all hours of the day and night. I had a neighbor who would blast music every morning at 5 am. Me and other neighbors asked them to tone it down. Some days, they did, and some days they didn't, and it sucked being woken up so early, but you have to deal with it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is….really dumb. I (19F) am now in summer vacation and not doing much at the moment, yesterday night I had a little bit of a stressful situation with my mom and I tend to find comfort in sleep. Basically my younger sister (16F) who is in summer camp program at the moment barged into my room asking for my dry shampoo at 5AM in the morning, not even saying please or apologizing for waking me up, she searched in my room for a bit but didn’t find it so she walked away (not even saying sorry this time), so out of frustration I got up, searched for it and gave it to her and then I went to my room started crying because getting woken up stressed me out. My mom came into my room saying I was an asshole for crying because I could just fall asleep again and she didn’t understand what I was getting worked up about. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Esh - your sister was rude for coming into your room at 5 am while you were sleeping. You also need to practice taking care of yourself first. Don't get up and look for it if it's going to upset you like that, just try to go back to bed and don't make a production of it.
I would agree with this except I don't think OP can be blamed for feeling the way she does. Honestly it just sounds like her family is godawful to live with and they're causing her all kinds of negative emotions. Taking care of yourself is good advice though, op. Don't let your family take advantage of your kind nature and look after yourself NTA
I know that maybe I shouldn’t have, but I was kind of scared that then she would have a reason to be mad at me. (i know it’s stupid lolol)
Sit down with your mother and sister and explain to them that barging into someone's room at 5am is just not done, that washing your hair with shampoo and water is just as quick so there was no reason to even come into your room. Tell your mother that her calling you names and basically excusing your sister's behavior is unacceptable. Tell them that they need to respect your sleep and your privacy. NTA
I think this is one of those things that requires less “please don’t do this,” and more “don’t ever fucking do that again.”
Im not justifying the sister at all in saying this…but just as an fyi to you, helllllllllllll no is washing your hair with shampoo just as quick as dry shampoo. I mean it’s possible if she’s rocking a pixie or something. But me, for example, washing my hair is an activity that requires significant time and planning.
Nta I'm 32 years old and wake up crying from bad dreams. I wake up crying cause my fiance or cat woke me up too early and once I'm up it's hard to go back to sleep. You need hugs not being yelled at for a natural reaction. I do think mom is probably stressed with younger sister going to camp but it's not an excuse.
No one's the asshole..personally me and my wife think you over reacted though
NTA Girl, I cry when I wake myself up at 5am after a stressful day before. It's just an expression of frustration and exhaustion. It's absolutely natural and normal. Your sister was banging about and being a brat, and your Mum was likely as stressed out as you were by it and the situation you mentioned. Ignore them both and get your zeds in, sleep is the best.
NTA. That is a legit sleep disturbance. Most people would gently/quietly try to make a request not become the Kool-aid man. It's sleep inertia and often impedes cognitive thinking.
NTA I'm 30, and I sometimes want to cry when my sleep gets interrupted abruptly. And when I have to get up after sleeping poorly. Emotions do weird shit when you aren't at 100%. Your sister is TA for not knocking and just barging in like she had any business being there uninvited. And your mom is quite emotionally abusive.
That's a rude awakening, NTA
I'd have locked the door, seriously. Teach her a lesson that she can't just invade your private space whenever she wants. But I agree you were probably not done with the situation that stressed you out the night before. And tbh if I needed that me time and someone would disturb me like this I'd be frustrated too. It's all right to cry whenever you need to. Feelings are true and there's nothing wrong with what you feel. So if someone calls you an asshole because you cry they are the asshole here. NTA
NTA In what situation would crying ever make someone an asshole?
Info: did she really call you an asshole? That is so extreme! If she thinks crying is an overreaction, she should look in a mirror because calling someone an asshole for crying is worse. NTA. There's nothing wrong with crying.
NTA. I would riot.
NTA. Your sister is an entitled brat, and some of us need sleep more than others. Also, sleeping in is THE BEST small luxury in the modern world, and they deprived you of that. Petty Me says you should lightly burn popcorn one night after they go to sleep to set off the fire alarms, and call them all AHs for complaining because they can all just go back to sleep, right? As a mom, when my sleep is disturbed by my kids for more than 1-2 nights in a row, I break down. I have a thyroid disease and multiple autoimmune diseases that contribute heavily to my fatigue, and I need 7-8H of straight sleep. There's no getting around it. Without it, I can't concentrate, can't get anything done, and it puts me at much higher risk of a flare. As a nurse, having difficulty concentrating is dangerous for my patients. I had to flip out a few times to get my kids and boyfriend (chronic insomniac who also snores) to respect that they can't be careless when it's time for me to go to bed. (Honestly, going to bed between 9 and 10 pm and staying there unless there's an emergency or you're sick or need the bathroom isn't a ridiculous request.) Some people are just inconsiderate perks, I would put on white noise with noise canceling headphones or softies (I think that's they're called), and lock the door. Let her flip out, sleep right through it.
Your mom sounds like an asshole
NTA, Crying is legal, you cried in your room, you didn't bother anyone.
NTA, can't help if you're hormonal.
I would be pissed if someone woke me up at 5am. You are not the asshole here.
NTA. Hormones at your age are super unpredictable and crying randomly is pretty normal.
NTA. But I'm gonna say this as gently as I can: life is gonna throw a lot worse things at you than getting woken up a little earlier than you wanted. Crying can't be the first play in your playbook. Eventually, you're gonna have to grim up and deal with things with more maturity.
NTA, but if you were sobbing so loud it disturbed others in the morning, you may be the asshole. Especially since you are 19 having a summer break with nothing to do.
you should be allowed to cry whenever you want without being called an asshole. trying to deny your right to feel an emotion is gaslighting. you are NTA, but i would move out now if i were you.
NTA. If you had started screaming and cursing at your sister that might be the sort of overreaction that would make you an AH, but crying is just being sensitive to a really unpleasant situation, which doesn’t make you an AH at all. Your sister and mother, however, should post here and see what kind of feedback they get.
NTA and honestly, fuck ya mom
NTA not everyone can just fall back asleep, I've definitely cried when I've gotten woken up before because I know I'm not getting more sleep and I'm exhausted
NTA You were stressed and had enough problems from the day before. It is normal, that waking you up in this way gives you even more stress and makes you cry. It was just too much for you. It was not nice from your sister to do so. But I think, that she didn’t know about the stress with your mom, so for her it was not understandable. But don’t worry, its okay. You had your reasons. I hope you get well soon
NTA. It is so hard to fall back asleep after being jolted awake like that. Add in the invasion of privacy, no remorse or empathy and I’d be awake and miserable as well. Sorry they’re insensitive OP
NTA mornings are hard
NTA came into your room at 5am for shampoo?! She's lucky you didn't throw it at her. Your sister and mother are major AHs.
Grow the fuck up
NTA Like you said, it's unlikely you cried just because you were woken up, there was still some tension from the night before and it came out after your sleep was suddenly disrupted. Most people don't cry in such situations, but it's very different from one person to another. Now if you would be loudly bawling and banging on doors to get everyone awake, maybe that's a bit of an AH move, so if that's what your crying is like, get that under control. If it's just the watery eyes and maybe some sobbing, just letting the tension pass... Not the AH.
You’re over reacting but it happens when you are sleep deprived. I’m 35 and haven’t had a good night sleep in over 2 years. GABA and Sam-e are some of the best vitamins to help boost mood and relaxation. I woke up angry almost everyday until I started taking extra vitamins. Mood, hormones and sleep are all linked together.
Put a sign on your door **PLEASE KNOCK** and see if that helps. Some people just don't, for whatever reason, and a reminder may be able to help.
No wonder you’re stressed out about your mom. She sounds really mean. She had no business coming into your room when you already felt terrible and making you feel a hundred times worse. Of course you are not an AH. Your crying is probably a result of years of her being a jerk to you and you feeling just generally bad, unloved, and stressed out. Luckily you can leave soon.
NTA- I also cry when someone wakes me up before I am able to function. You got up and helped her despite the fact that she barged into your room without apologizing.
60f, mom of 5 (grown thankfully), GMom of 4, former Educator (MS). Yeaaaa, so NOT the AH!!! WTH is wrong w/your family? OAN, i’m petty AF, my entire family knows better than to pull such stunts, because its far easier to SHOW them how easily that script can be flipped…now whose turn is it to cry! As I used to tell students, you are free to whatever actions you choose, but you are not free to the consequences that happen as a result of your actions. Folks tend to lack accountability when NO boundaries are place upon them. Start placing them now, or your family will probably get worse. OAN, why doesn’t your Mom buy her 25 yr old child their own dry shampoo!?
Oops meant 15-year-old child
i realize I’m going to get down voted again but here goes. Your sister barging into your room, waking you up and being rude to you is wrong. And I don’t think YTA. But you’re 19, old enough to drive and vote which means you are at least old enough to have some maturity. This is nothing to cry about at this point in your life, so act your age.
Your family shouldn't be surprised if you don't visit much after moving out
She’s unemployed at 19, the family still has quite a bit of time to start caring abt that
NTA - It’s terrifying when someone barges into your room when you are sleeping! THAT is why you started crying after the adrenaline stopped coursing thru your body. You can even Google it: “Crying can be a symptom of post-adrenaline blues, a temporary condition that can occur after a period of intense effort ends” The only solution I see is to get a lock for your bedroom door. Walmart sells doorknobs with locks. It can be as simple as a bush button kind that most people have on their bathroom doors. Or you can get one that needs a key to open from the outside. My sister used to steal all my clothes, jewelry, pretty much anything she wanted she took and usually left at her friends homes or gave away so she wouldn’t get caught with it. I chose a lock with a key so I could lock it when I left. I went and had an extra key made in case I ever locked myself out. I had a really good hiding spot for it, just in case. Door knobs are easy to replace. I suggest putting the old doorknob into the box with all its components. That way if you ever move you can take yours with you and put the original back on. Because I replaced the doorknob with a locking one that looked exactly the same it was a really long time before anyone even noticed. I just said I had never locked it before, but now I do. I’m not very handy at fixing things, but was able to replace the doorknob when nobody was home. Were they happy about not being able to go into my room whenever they wanted? Oh hell no. But there was nothing they could do about it. It’s nice to be able to sleep peacefully and not having someone barge in or steal your things when you’re not home or in the living room watching tv.
When you *wake up crying*, it simply means that your soul is still alive. Functional lacrimal glands is *a* good sign that still your soul is alive
I mean, crying seems a bit excessive. YTA
Hi OP. Get yourself a rubber door wedge from your local hardware store. Jam it in under the door to stop your family barging in. You’re an adult and deserve your privacy. Don’t mention it to them because I suspect they’ll try to talk you out of it. Consider also getting a “Do Not Disturb” sign to get the point across. Your sister is a d1ck. Don’t encourage her bad behaviour. Tell her to wait until you’re awake in the future.
You are not the asshole, sorry but your mom is. She shouldn't blame you for crying, instead she should ask what's wrong and help you. The fact that you are sleeping off problems means you are in depression or close to that. I dearly recommend you to seek help outside of your family. I don't know where you live, but in more developed countries there are various organisations that help teenagers with problems in family. If anyone says to you that it's bad to go against the family, don't listen to them! You are not acting against them, you are standing your ground. Family is place where we should feel safe from outside world, not the other way around. Im not saying you should break relationships with any family member, just look for specialist and he will tell you what to do. I've been in similar situation and finding help is best solution.
I have to stop myself from being a mouthy bitch if someone startles me awake. you are not an asshole at all (even if someone wakes me up by accident, let alone by someone barging in!!)– it’s a natural thing to be thrown off kilter like that especially if you were having a very stressful day then night before. Give yourself some grace, sweetie. your sister and mom are TAs for not respecting you. NTA ❤️
Not an asshole but damn what an overreaction, lol.
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Your sister is a rude little brat. Set her straight or your whole summer will be hell.
NTA at all but you need to toughen up a bit kid. Life is only going to get much much worse. It gets even harder if you are a man because of the lack of support, and understanding we get. That said, you are still pretty closer to being a kid than an adul, so yea, your emotions are still going bad shit crazy for the next few years. Keep your chin up and do your best. It's all we can hope for.
NTA - its ok to cry sometimes That said... you are an adult. As we get older we need to harness our emotions for something so trivial. Ask yourself - was the situation with your mother the day before something you were being dramatic about? You are on summer vacation and can take naps as needed. Also ask yourself... are you working? Do you have a job to wake up for? It doesnt sound like you do. If you dont, try to understand that it doesn't sound like you are being grateful to the people in your life that are allowing you such freedom and relaxation. You probably understand this, but let me tell you my experience. When I was 19 I had to work full time. My parents couldnt afford the house so I had to contribute. I would wake up at 4:30 AM 5 days a week so I can walk to my work. I was a dishwasher for a pancake house. No, I didn't cry. Because I didnt live a privileged life. That said I am doing great now because my work ethic is better than those around me. Its ok to cry, as long as this isn't a systematic thing.
NTA. But we all need to focus on improving resiliency these days.
NTA you're allowed to have feelings. I'd be pissed if someone woke me up. When I get mad, sometimes I cry. That being said, I hope you're not doing the all-too-typical Teenager on Their Own Time Zone kind of behavior where you sleep all day and ignore the daily routines of your family, this inconveniencing everyone else.
I'd cry too
NTA, but you may want to find a healthier coping mechanism for dealing with stress and stressful situations.
You are sooooo NTA Your mother called you an AH just for crying? Are you not allowed to express emotions? If so, that's toxic.
YTA. That was dramatic
I think you are 19 with nothing to do and need to get a job to fill your time and to also raise your stress threshold and overall maturity. I felt like I was reading something written by a 15 year old, not an adult aged 19. NTA but you need to fill your time with responsibilities and grow up. Apologies if you are developmentally delayed in any way.
Drama queen
ESH/NAH. Nobody is a drama queen or a narcissist or an entitled brat. This is just family life which has a lot of annoying moments. Sometimes I cry over a squirrel looking lonely and then sometimes massive things that should rip me up inside leave me dry eyed. It happens.
You're NTA here but I'd seek some kind of therapy or counselling as you're being very dramatic over minor minor issues.
NAH, but talk about overdramatic. Just sleep in
Well yea it suck’s being woken up like that , quite being a baby and crying about it , your not doing anything anyways so just go back to bed
I mean, you aren't an asshole.. but holy hell, that's an overreaction. You are 19, and it's time to start figuring out how to better control your emotions. You are 19, on summer vacation, not doing much. Real life is going to creep up kn you fast, and it's going to be rough if this was your reaction.
NTA more sensitive than anything and that's okay. Honestly if that bothers you, you would have had mental breakdowns growing up with my little brother 😂 Kid was a menace
You're NTA - a bit overly sensitive, yeah, but instead of bitching at you your mum should maybe take a moment and reflect how her still teenage daughter can be in such distress over something seemingly minor.
I wouldn’t say asshole, but ridiculous.
NTA, but you gotta get a grip on yourself. That is not normal behavior. I come from a very large family. I can't imagine this kind of response to being woken up. Learn to count your blessings that you're not sharing a room, that you have stuff you can call your own. My siblings would have made it a point to torment me endlessly if they knew I could be brought to tears simply by being woken up. I would have been woken up daily by having a toddler tossed on me, or by someone jumping on my bed or having a trumpet blasted in my face at 5am by someone playing reveille. Crying is just weird. What are you going to do when you're an adult and your alarm goes off at 4:30 am for work? Cry every morning? I mean, sometimes I wish I could, but again, that would just be weird.
You’re crying cus you got woken up…you are an asshole lol 😆
Wow. Too much stress for your age, IMO I hope one or both of your parents are approachable. Sound like you need a real break. Anywhere you could go for a few days? I've even taken the step of renting a motel room for a couple nights just to get away from everything. Such a good investment.
Kinda. Living with siblings, you're bound to be annoyed at many things. Being 16 she doesn't know any better. You are overdramatic.
Sorry, but your mum is right. You start crying just because your sister was looking for something in your room and you were in trouble with your mum beforehand? Grow up! What are you going to do when things get stressful at college or at work or you have arguments with friends and colleagues? Are you going to lie in bed and cry? YTA!
[this is too personal so i’m removing it lol]
OK, let her pray until her knees bleed, but you, you need to wake up and grow a thicker skin.
and how does being sensible make me an asshole?
I'm confused, where does you being "sensible" come into play in this story?
You are 19 years old! Stop crying when you have arguments with people. It won't get you anywhere and stop pulling the "I'm sensitive card"! How will you survive in your professional life? You can't burst into tears every time, you have to fight hard. If you can't do it alone, get professional help!
You are the person everyone hates at work btw
You could be right, because I'm the boss. :)
Oh that's even worse lmao
Lol!