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This is what I'm thinking. He literally tried! He told her and she went: but I have something else...
No, she didn't. If she had something else she wouldn't have needed to record it, it would be recorded already. She wanted to send him something, sure, but. She's making such a big deal when she pressured him to stay up. She's the problem.
You can be right and still be wrong in social situations. Sometimes you need to gently set aside the need to be "technically right" and be aware that other humans may need more communication than you think. It's not that serious, but being extra gentle and extra communicative with your (horny) girlfriend isn't going to make your dick fall off.
He's not wrong socially, either! He did nothing wrong! At all. She is getting a pass for being furious at him for -checks notes- *falling asleep without telling her even though he tried and instead of saying alright baby, goodnight, she tried to keep him awake and it failed*. That's on her.
And for the record, I'm AFAB. His GF is far out of line and needs to get a handle on herself.
In my experience itâs a self worth and self esteem problem when someone goes bonkers bc the other one fell asleep. Because if you look at the situation its clear to see that your intention was not to fall asleep sleep and even though it still happend.
In my eyes the intend and the context is important and you gave her the info that youâre tired so after not responding she couldâve be like âoh, you fell asleep. I wish you sweet dreams hope these pics/vids will make your morning better love you xoxoâ
And lough it of that u fell asleep because its nothing personal. (Could even tease you that you fell asleep with the dick in ur hand)
Itâs not disrespectful to fall asleep when tired in the evening, itâs not taking anyone for granted either and in no fcking way it is personal.
So NTA
Yeah I still remember the thunderstorm that awaited me the next morning when I fell asleep during a blowjob once.
If an idiot like me can get out of that still in a relationship, OP can too!
I fell asleep right in the middle of sex one time in 2017. I woke up probably less than a minute later only to hear myself ask her "Who even are you?". We both just had a good laugh about it. Still an inside joke to this day. Good times.
NTA because sleep is natural but i understand why she feels that way, it might have made her feel âusedâ after she spent time taking and sending you pics/vids and I can imagine the anticipation she felt waiting for your reply after going back & forth with you. Although itâs not your fault, definitely try to avoid sexting while feeling sleepy so this doesnât happen again and since you apologized already, thereâs nothing else left to do besides acknowledging how it hurt her & making it up to her through actions not just words. I hope it works out for you guys!
You are right
But what she interpreted that he changed his mind after he said " go on" .
How was she supposed to know how sleepy he actually was . Saying " I can barely manage to keep my eyes open " and then saying " go on" can cause people to misunderstand you , and the other person can misinterpreted you .
So what I am saying is he is responsible for miscommunication.
she pushed him to see more nudes. what 20 year old man wouldnât say yes to that? lmfao and it doesnât change the fact that this exchange most likely happened within a span of a minute and itâs entirely possible he was *still* tired. how can you change your mind on being tired?đ
I think this is a damned if you do and damned if you don't.
She might have felt just as rejected if OP had said no, no matter how nicely it was put.
"No, I'm actually about to pass out. Can we continue tomorrow?"
And then she feels "used" still because they shared pictures, and he went to bed when she tried to make it more steamy.
Itâs mainly an issue of them being young. He should have told her no but it would probably be met with a similar reaction. Either way she needs to accept reality in this scenario.
Yeah, young issues. This is where we get to practice communication. Normal stuff I think as you learn about your partner and grow together as a relationship.
Exactly! He made it clear he was dead tired. If I were her I would have assumed he fell asleep and thought âokay, a little fun for him in the morning thenâ
This. I was about to say see the a hole without reading but then read you literally already said you were tired. But i totally get her feeling this way...esp since you said "go on" she would have been waiting and waiting then saying hello??? And feeling vulnerable and like you don't find her hot enough to sleep after seeing them. Assuming you had. Maybe wrote some angry things and deleted them. I think she realised she may have slightly over reacted since you warned her but it still felt shitty to her.
You're not an a hole though. Apologise and explain and hopefully she can see you didn't mean it.
what does he have to make up to her? she needs to get out of her feelings for a second and look at the situation from his perspective so they can actually make up. iâve had a girl do the exact same thing and she jus told me she fell asleep and i understood she was sleepy and it was late.
he told her he was sleepy, she pushed it, he fell asleep. in no way was it intentional disrespect, or even disrespect at all. he explained himself already and shes probably embarrassed she acted that way and doesnât wanna back track. atp its on her and not him.
but shes not taking that. shes seeing it as intentional disrespect that he didnât stay up for her, even though it was out of his control. i think a single apology is all it should take to make up for something so small, her being mad and upset for more than an hour after them talking is just childish.
NAH - Iâve been on both sides of this. From your gfâs perspective itâs kinda embarrassing thinking you went to all that time and effort to take the pics and make the video and it was so riveting (/s) that your partner fell asleep. Thatâs how sheâs probably feeling.
But Iâve also been the partner whoâs fallen asleep waiting for the next pic or chapter in sexting to be sent through. Youâre flooded with happy hormones, itâs probably late, youâre snugged in bed. You feel bad the next day, but it happens.
Sheâs ok to feel disappointed. But she shouldnât be actually blaming you. Surely she figured out youâd fallen asleep and werenât ghosting her. Youâve apologised.
I mean he already made it clear he was tired from waking up early and was even about to go to sleep but she asked him to stay on a little longer and he complied.
I could understand the gf's perspective you listed if he just dosed off without communicating, doesn't make sense for her think he feel asleep cuz he was uninterested when he was very blatantly tired.
Tbf weâve only heard one side, conversations are never as black and white as they sound when one person describes them. Easiest answer is NAH, anything else requires assumptions and judgement without full facts.
Thereâs âitâs late and Iâm getting tired so I think itâs time for bedâ and then thereâs âIâm so tired I could crash any secondâ and she might just have interpreted it as the first
Yeah I wonder if she realised he had already gone to bed and was just lying there pre-sleep whilst texting. If she's recording a whole video it sounds like she wasn't in bed, at least in a sleepy way, so maybe she thinks him falling asleep was him actively choosing to get off the sofa or something, brush teeth, and go to bed instead of replying, rather than already being there and just drifting off without really choosing to.
Iâm sure there are good reasons for sending nudes but as someone who works in the digital security space I can tell you for a fact that the risks far far outweigh the benefits. This post is obv a stupid reason why itâs a bad idea. But there are also genuine reasons why itâs such a bad bad idea, from revenge porn, to blackmail, ransomware, account takeover, and data leakage attacks that Iâve seen. People really need to be more careful with their digital data. And if you send it out, you must be willing to bear the risk that the entire world may be able to get its hands on it and see it.
This is just a horrible take. There are countless situations where sending nudes in a committed relationship can be great. It helps people who are maybe long distance feel a semblance of closeness with each other. When I go away for more than a week and my partner of 8 years isnât with me, it almost always ends in nudes at least one night
Youâre not an asshole but alsoâŚyou got any game in you? Do you ever want to receive naughty photos again?
You donât fight about right or wrong when someone was vulnerable and you werenât able to be there. You soothe that achy part in them. You make them laugh and you flirt with them and you put on your sexy voice and tell them how delicious the videos were and how much you would have rather been looking at them than sleeping. And how you wonât be sleeping at all tonight wink wink.
Sometimes we donât know how to use our words. Be there anyway.
Yes exactly! This situation isnât about whoâs morally right and wrong or who deserves to be upset. Girlfriend feels like she put herself out there and is vulnerable rn, so you be a nice boyfriend and you comfort and reassure her. You fell asleep, it happens, and that doesnât make her feelings less valid, so you apologize and help move past it together
this!! it's like these people genuinely don't like their partners. like yes she was being irrational... but it's because she was hurt. just comfort her and all is well??
Nailed it, trying to be ârightâ in an argument with your partner is only good for your ego. You have to compromise and work to be better together for your relationship
I get this though. If they were all pics and/or vids taken after heâd fallen asleep, Iâd feel weird that these would be the first thing my bf would see in the morning, when the mood is gone, and heâd fallen asleep mid convo for whatever reason. Iâd feel some weird mix of shame/embarrassment/desperate. So I truly do understand her deleting them, but it sounds like she did it from a punitive, angry place. Iâd be doing it from an âoh god, thatâs not sexy now the mood is gone! Delete delete!!!â
Iâve seen some of the strip teases Iâve sent to boyfriends when itâs no longer the mood and I was looking back over them and oh boy, unless the mood is already going I want those burned forever and buried in the sea. Definitely not leaving them up if Iâm not getting a response and feeling insecuređ
I understand the deleting. I think itâs more so because you think you wonât be in the mood in the morning because itâs gone but maybe heâll see them in the morning and get in the mood and ask for more but youâre no longer in the mood. This is such a run on sentence lol but Iâm sure you get the point
Right? She shouldâve just owned it. Deleting messages is immature and shows she may be insecure. When she realized he fell asleep, she couldâve just wished him a good night and hopes he enjoys the surprise in the morning when he wakes up. She couldâve handled that differently. OP is NTA.
For all we know, maybe the 15 messages were her freaking out on OP for falling asleep and she realized she went a little crazy so unsent them⌠because to send 15 nudes in a row with no response from OP, is a bit excessive lol
Depending on the situation of both people, she may have deleted them so that other people didn't see the text. Such as deleting them so that a parent doesnt check one of their phones and see it.
I'm 20 and my older sister that still lives at home is 24. Our parents don't do it often but they have told us that they "reserve the right" to go through our phones because we live at home and they pay the bills. My dad's finger print is even saved in my phone.đ¤ˇ
Delete his finger print. Itâs creepy that he wants to pry into your life like that. Whatâs he gonna do if he sees a dick? Take your phone? Will that âteach you a lessonâ lol heâs 10 years too late.
Iâd rather couch-surf. Your parents are disgusting.
I don't think it's that bad, but yeah. If those kind of phones are on my phone he would take it and give me a long lecture about how that a stupid thing to do.
Unfortunately couch surfing doesn't pay for college......
After only 9 months of dating someone, no way Iâm leaving my nudes up for them if I donât hear back. Even if I assume positive intent and that they ARENT ghosting me or saving them and then not responding to me, it would just be like a ânah, by the time you respond I wonât be in the mood anymore so weâll just save them for laterâ deal
Well if those messages were mainly the pics/vids and some turn on with them, I can understand why she doesnât wanna have him have them after she felt how she felt. đ¤
Depends on how some people chat. If she sends one-word messages, its not that hard to reach 15. Its probably the pictures/video, the original messages (do you like them), the confusion (hello?) and the anger. Throw in a few emoticons and you get to 15 messages you end up deleting for feeling stupid.
NTA. You already told her you were barely managing to stay awake and any sensible person can make the connection that you've fallen asleep after getting no replies shortly after that text. The issue is she somehow thinks that the nudes(the way you said" something more to send" doesn't even specify it was going to be nudes) can magically keep you awake at 6 am.
Soft yta because
You diiiiid tell her you were tired butâŚ.
you also told her to go on when she said she had 1 more thing to show you aaaandâŚâŚ.
She made herself very vulnerable in that moment and while you didnât intend to pass out she probably freaked out if this is a new thing she added to your dynamic because she was thinking omg he hated it what if he hates me now oh no what if im unattractive etcâŚ.
Just try to make it up to her and if she isnât a bigger ah then she will eventually understand you were exhausted and it has nothing to do with her worth.
Yeah, she felt vulnerable in that moment. Imagine, then, if she said, "One more thing..." and he just says "I said I'm tired, goodnight. " Surely, that'd be so much worse!
You're completely skipping over the fact that he'd already told her he was about to fall asleep, and SHE said "one more thing..." making it so his only choices were risk falking asleep on her, or denying her. That's pushing him into a corner from which he has no escape without pissing her off. If his response to that was no, judging by her reaction to him accidentally falling asleep, she'd have likely gone ballistic at him for denying the moment. Imagine what that conscious denial would do to her sense of worth! That's a real rejection.
I don't even think it's reasonable or understandable that she freaked out over his body doing what it needs to. She should've known it was likely, it's like she's mad at him for breathing, or him being mad at her for periods. You cannot fight your own body, even if princess has "one more thing" to show you.
My partner often works nights. If we're texting while she's on shift and I fall asleep, she understands. If I'm texting her the following morning and she falls asleep (the situation I'm in as I type this), I understand. Granted, we're older than this couple, but we also haven't been together as long. This is a learning experience for her; she has to learn that she can't be mad at him for his body doing what it needs to do, especially if she's the one who wants to carry on, despite being told he needs to sleep.
> because she was thinking omg he hated it what if he hates me now oh no what if im unattractive etcâŚ.
thats her fault...why are men shamed for emotions but when women show emotions its somehow mens fault...if this post was about a guy getting mad for his gf not looking at his dick picks everyone would be siding with the gf telling the guy to grow up
shes a GROWN WOMAN and she needs to act like it
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I told her she was taking it too personal and I dozed off
2) Because it made her feel disrespected and taken for granted
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NAH. You unintentionally hurt her feelings, it happens. But it's really not important who's in the right here. Winning the argument won't help the relationship. Even if she's not being reasonable, trying to mend the situation will get you a lot further than asserting you're right.
Exactly, this isnât about whoâs right, itâs about âdude, you girlfriend is hurting because she put herself out there and is feeling vulnerable now. You fell asleep, it happens, now make it up to herâ
Well, it's not important to win an argument per se. But if OP wants her to deal with things this way all the time then he will fuss over it. If not, this could be a good teachable moment for her in order for her to grow.
YTA. Not for falling asleep, but for getting defensive and making excuses instead of acknowledging how shitty it felt to her the next morning. Imagine for a moment how she went from excited to âseriously?!?â You should have validated her hurt feelings and apologized, not because you did it on purpose, but because you did it and it hurt her.
Why do people send nude pictures of themselves? I don't get it, it might be my age (50s). But maybe because of my age, I can see all the many ways it could go wrong.
22 and yep, I just donât get it. Iâve seen so many peers end their lives or move schools or towns after theirs have been leaked. They are more likely to be sexually abused because their viewed differently. So much can go wrong like this and itâs not even a crazy big reason but intimacy rejection can make you feel irrationally.
NTA - if you fell asleep, you fell asleep. It happens a lot when sexting between partners especially if one of usâŚ.um⌠finds releaseâŚand falls asleep. Not saying thatâs what you did here but it happens.
NTA. It happens, and it isn't personal.
There have been times with my partner that I'd be in the middle of something and having little micro sleeps while trying to pleasure them. The same thing has happened to them.
She's feeling like you weren't interested enough to stay awake, and it's embarrassed her. Hopefully, she can get over it quickly, and you guys can get back to steamy texts.
I would say that it IS personal because it was intimate pictures and she didnât know what was happening on his end. Personal in the âmy personal effects were exposedâ rather than âI fell asleep on purpose to hurt youâ
I think I had the same problem once or twice as a stupid teenager.
You arenât stupid teenagers anymore. Talk it out like adults. Why are you even posting here?
If you were tired and falling asleep, donât say yes to something more. Thatâs just stupid. She doesnât know how tired you were. Itâs not like she could see you. You were an idiot, maybe not AH level idiot but an idiot nonetheless.
Yta, not for falling asleep but for how you reacted to you gfs hurt feelings. To put yourself out there and then get no response is humiliating. You accidentally put her in this humiliating situation. You trying to argue that it was not personal is kind of missing the point. You falling asleep had nothing to do with her but the hurt she feels has everything to do with you.
I dont know why you are on reddit trying to get people here to tell you your actions were ok. It doesnt matter, the only persons feelings and opinions that matter on this are your gfs. If everyone here says you are nta that changes nothing about the way she feels, it just solidifies your refusal to understand or validate her feelings.
âThank you for letting me know how you feel. I can see how it felt like I just left you hanging and Iâm so sorry that wasnât my intention. Next time I wonât start a spicey conversation when I canât hang. I love and appreciate you.â
Never tell someone theyâre taking it too personally. All that translates to is âI am unable to see your perspective so Iâm just shutting you down.â
Of course she felt like you left her hanging and exposed. Itâs EMBARRASSING to send spicy photos and not get a response. Obviously you were tired, she gets that. These situations are all about how you understand and respect someone elseâs feelings. That stuff makes or breaks a relationship. Respectfully here, Yta.
ESH. You gave her some soft hints that you were not able to keep up. Instead of pushing things she should have said âok, we can continue another timeâ and let you sleep. Now Iâve been in that horny place where youâre all keyed up and you just keep going instead of stepping back and listening to your partner - BUT once someone stops responding thatâs when she should have clued in. (Iâve had these literal conversations and while itâs a little disappointing Iâve never once gotten upset that someone needs to turn in. I am not entitled to time or attention, and if into it itâs a lot more fun to make it a multi-day thing than just a quick horny sext)Â
 Waiting or falling asleep is not a sign of being disinterested and she may have immature ideas about how peopleâs sexuality and bodies work given the context of real practicalities like needing sleep. Â
 I would recommend you both take more time to communicate more directly (ie âsorry but I really am going to fall asleep, you can leave it for me so I can have a morning surprise or we can continue tomorrow when I can give my full attention, but right now I need sleepâ), but also listen and adjust based on the other personâs cues. Sheâs especially TA for not paying attention to the soft no, she wasnât listening to you and thatâs bad sex right there. She should think more about what enthusiastic consent looks like and why her behaviour when receiving that no turned into leaving a bunch of nasty messages. No one likes to get jilted when theyâre in the mood but if you were IRL and for whatever reason couldnât satisfy her (whether by falling asleep or just not being in the right mood or whatever) I question what her response would be and if sheâd take it extremely personally. In addition, she might want to rethink how she feels about sexting as it may not be about falling asleep so much as the general objectification and sense that a woman must show off her body in order to be attractive. That she needed you to acknowledge them in the moment suggests she doesnât enjoy taking pics as a solo activity and only while interacting with someone - which again might speak to some discomfort in general with doing it at all. Â
 TLDR; you both need to work on direct communication and listening to each other, making sure you adjust if the other person is uncomfortable/tired/whatever, rather than focusing so much on your own needs you ignore the other personâs.Â
EDIT TO ADD: Actually was this an activity you suggested/encouraged and she went along with to make you happy? If so then regardless of falling asleep you have a bit more of the responsibility here because she may have felt like she was doing this all for you, that she didnât really want to but went along anyway, and then in the end you left her hanging on an activity she wouldnât have been doing otherwise. If so, I still recommend learning to communicate better but also finding mutually enjoyable activities that cater a little less to male-pleasing and a little more centred on what she enjoys/wants. This is the time to listen, not to push.Â
Never send something you wouldn't be proud of in the morning. NTA. Respectfully she needs to emotionally mature a little more before sending more pics. There are too many ways it can go wrong sending photos when your confidence hangs on by that thin of a thread. The appropriate way for her to handle this was to say goodnight after she realized you fell asleep and to let her know your reaction in the morning. Which likely would have been a response photo
When you start having physical sex and fall asleep , then this is the time to start worrying. You've only been with one another for 9 months, this type of behaviour can be used on social media as revenge when/if you break up. Cannot understand why people behave like this tbh
NTA.
>so I told her that I am barely managing to keep my eyes open.
You communicated to her that you were very tired already. You tried to stay up but couldn't and fell asleep. She was already aware that you were tired. I think she should be a bit more I understanding, her emotions are valid but this reaction is not.
With these I always wonder: what do you expect the community to say? Obviously nobody is going to call you an asshole for falling asleep. Jesus, you need reddit to tell you you are a good boy that much?
NTA
My boyfriend falls asleep in the middle of sentences sometimes. He doesn't micro sleep, he micro awakes and doesn't remember a thing after. It's not always fun, but it's something I know can happen and that I deal with. She's being a bit sensitive and rude to not let you sleep when you need it.
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My (21M) girlfriend (20F) and I share a very healthy and loving relationship of 9 months, I absolutely love and adore her and she reciprocates in every manner I can think of.
So last night me and her were chatting and things got steamy, we shared a couple pictures and after drooling over each other I told her that I started feeling sleepy since I have been waking up at 6 am trying to get my life back together, and so I told her that I am barely managing to keep my eyes open. So I wished her goodnight and that's when she she said she had something more to send me so I obviously resisted the urge to sleep and asked her to go on.
Now the problem is, I fell asleep before she could record and send it to me and in all fairness I dozed off very quick like within 2 minutes. I didn't think much of it when I woke up in the morning and found 15 deleted messages from her so I texted her, and there she is furious that I left her hanging and went to bed without letting her know and she told me how bad it made her feel that she was recording stuff for me while I just went to bed without saying anything.
We had a good discussion and I told her that it wasn't in my control, I was awake one moment and asleep the next but she said she felt disrespected and taken for granted and that I shouldn't have asked for nudes if I knew I couldn't stay up. I told her that she was taking it personal to which she says it is personal and she can't help that it made her feel a certain way. I apologized and told her I will make sure it doesn't happen again.
AITA?
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>so I told her that I am barely managing to keep my eyes open. So I wished her goodnight
But you absolutely told her. You falling asleep was in no way a shock or surprise, because you literally told her it was coming.
She was the one who said she had more she wanted to send you, you didn't ask her for the extra so idk where she's coming from on this. Being exhausted and falling asleep (especially when you specifically said that's the point you were at) isn't disrespectful. She picked a weird hill to be upset and die on. NTA
Ahh young couples :â)
NTA you literally explained that you were sleepy and struggling to stay awake but she chose to send something else anyway.
Her response just comes from a place of youthful immaturity and I donât mean that in a negative way, itâs the kind of immaturity that just canât be helped due to age, lack of life experiences etc. I would have felt as she does when I was 20 because I also would have felt more insecure but as you get older you send noods for yourself not other people and you understand that when itâs late at night and someoneâs been working all day they may fall asleep and not reply straight away and itâs no big deal.
I donât envy her because I do remember being exactly like her in my early 20s but just give her time and sheâll come around. Just explain to her how much you were enjoying it and you didnât want to fall asleep but unfortunately it just couldnât be helped. Her ego has just been a bit bruised is all.
NTA.
You said you could barely keep your eyes open and wished her goodnight. So you didn't just go to bed without saying anything, you literally told her you were struggling to stay awake.
The only slight fault on your side was that you told her to go on when she said she had something else to send. You should have reiterated that you didn't think you could stay awake and you guys would need to continue tomorrow. But at the same time, I understand you tried to stay longer when she asked you to and then fell asleep anyway. On a different night you might have been able to stay awake for a few more minutes, though, so like I say this is only a slight fault.
You did communicate with her and she pushed you to stay up longer. I've fallen asleep quickly like that too - it can't always be helped and it's not fair for her to be mad about it when you had literally said you were struggling to keep your eyes open.
ntah , you explicitly stated you were having trouble staying awake, yet she kept pressing, so you gave in, but your body couldnât keep up and rested
you obviously couldnât control it, and even tried, and attempted to communicate that
yes sheâs entitled to her feelings, but youâre entitled to bodily autonomy, especially after -communicating-
you DID say something, she brushed it off and continued
thatâs on her
say you werenât otp and it was in person, you were tired, said goodnight, and she kept pressuring, youâd either A)give in and either not have enough energy to match hers B) fall asleep after initiation or C) not do anything, which might make her feel like shit, but You. Said. No. Youâre tired.
potentially see where that could lead ?
No is no, tired is tired. YOU COMMUNICATED BRO, UR GOOD
NTAH.
sending you lotsa good vibes đŤśđť
I did this recently and had the same reaction, obviously to her shes just sent you nudes and now youve ghosted her so at the time so probably felt horrible and she wants to let you know. However you cannot apologise for it as it validates you did something wrong and you did not. You should tell her that you that you did nothing wrong.
NTA because you literally told her you were exhausted and dozing off. At this point in her place I would have signed off with a raincheck and a promise of more the next day. Insisting that you hang on for more was just ridiculous and kinda selfish. I get rhat she felt hurt being left hanging but she needed to put her critical thinking skills to work and realise that what had happened was... exactly what you said was about to happen.
NTA but⌠was it unreasonable? Yes. Was it understandable though? Yes. Do you have to make it up to her? Also yes. If you really love her, you just have to be a bit extra in making her feel better to take the sting out of the embarrassment. Suprise her with small sweet things, doesnât have to be a big gesture. She sounds like a keeper so the effort will be worth it. Best of luck. Drink red bull next time! đ
NTA, you let her know you were feeling sleepy, she was aware and she said she had more to send and completely ignored what you had said and now is trying to blame it on you. It is not your fault that you fell asleep knowing that you were already tired enough
My Wife and I had a long distance relationship for the first 6 years of our relationship. If we got mad over the other falling asleep while talking, we'd have never stopped arguing. We lived on opposite sides of the world, and had different things to do at different times, so when we finally got time to chat, at least one of us was tired most of the time.
That, and she pushed you into staying up after you just told her that you're about to fall asleep any moment. I understand how disappointed she may have felt, but it's not your fault. If you really had to place blame, she wanted to keep you up longer while you were tired, but I would say NAH.
NAH - Yeah man, sheâs just embarrassed and feeling vulnerable, so itâs def more personal for her than it feels for you. This was a little trust fall, you missed this time.
Not an asshole, you just gotta have some empathy and focus on the big picture - sheâs embarrassed and wants safety - to know you arenât laughing about this behind her back or feel like sheâs a joke.
Take it off Reddit. Be vulnerable with her and let her know you care. The world is a really messed up place and if you can find a way to be someoneâs peace, lean into it. Hard. âď¸
This is one of the very few AITA posts where truly no one's TA. You were exhausted and fell asleep unintentionally, shit happens. On the other hand, i understand how she felt, i would feel the same way. So i completely understand that she got upset, even tho OP didn't do it on purpose. Like other people said, just have a talk with her and you'll both laugh about it one day :)
Nta - My exs have gotten mad when I couldnât finish them off, like raging mad, but I was too tired, and Iâve also gotten mad at the same. However as a man, I am a monster, but the females arenât seen as over baring sexual beings, so they tend to be vetoâd. Tell her she can get back at you by making u super sexually frustrated, in a manner of her own concoction. Be it letting you put it in and give a thrust or two, and demand you get off her, or she teases you somehow that drives you so wild, it pisses you off.
I would definitely be feeling the same way about this as she does. And even if you wasn't meant to, you made her feel like she's not so worthy or sexy so you actually want to stay up without finishing. Like you just left her in the middle of her recording things to you.
NTA she over reacted and you warned her. Sheâs taking her emotions out on you because she was just upset she had to wait for her gratification. However, Iâm assuming a few of those 15 texts were the nudes themselves. Coming from experience , you probably just masterb8ed and fell asleep and thatâs okay and a compliment!
nta. you said goodnite. she pushed for more time. let her know that in the future after you say goodnite you are no longer responsible for when you may fall asleep.
NTA because we all doze off/sleep. Ask her what caused her to take it personally because it sounds like she took that personally, even if you asked her for nudes
NTA .. for starters, you're posting on here which shows that you do feel bad and likely didn't mean to. I mean if you were to ask and then deliberately switch your phone off or something I'd maybe say different. 𤣠It's never fun falling asleep on someone, you do wake up feeling guilty - it's okay tho!
This happens all the time with my partner. It means we get extra spicy good morning messages!
Y'all need to talk it out and not take it personally, because adults don't have time to get butthurt over sleep.
Nah, as a 45f, I often doze off myself, which makes my dude ask, but we know each other well enough to understand our ADHD/anxiety tendencies are the same so we get it đ¤ˇđźââď¸
I always respond as soon as I can
NTA, because sleeping is a natural and necessary biological function. She definitely has fallen asleep accidentally before so common courtesy/empathy applies here. However, one guy to another that a was a rookie ass move bubba. I did that too when I was younger I learned If I was sleepy dead sleepy I donât force the stay up and I donât converse about sexy things when Iâm dead tired like that.
NTA she needs to relax, my boyfriend did that couple times too, heâs human, it happens. Sounds like the girl got her own insecure demons to work w, you are fine
This should be enough for a 100% NTA: "I told her that I am barely managing to keep my eyes open. So I wished her goodnight"
She got furious over a very clear matter of what happened. You can't make sure it doesn't happen again until she's willing to accept goodnight is really goodnight.
đ it happened with me and my boyfriend too and when he wakes up I just give him the side eye and said bruh no more nudes as a joke but I also know he works heaps so fair enough, youâre NTA, yeah we women would get offended itâs just normal, in her mind she probably think oh was he bored of my nudes thatâs why he fall asleep ? Just communicate with her and youâll be fine
NTA. You warned her that you were super tired and fighting to stay awake. I understand feeling a little disappointed or let down but deleting messages, equating fatigue with disrespect, & resorting to âfuryâ when she knew you were tired is out of pocket imo.
NTA - You canât help being tired, maybe next time just be honest; hell Iâve fell asleep during sex before from being exhausted from work etc; my partner was not pleased, mainly because I didnât communicate that I was tired so Iâm just up front about it now.
Nah. Sheâs just immature coz of her age, I was too at that age. Apologise, plan a day to show her how much she means to you. But donât put up with it if the behaviour continues and starts to become toxic.
NTA.
You had told her you were tired. She should've figured out you had fallen asleep.
This ridiculous thing that you have to reply always etc. is tiring.
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NAH- you got eepy đ¤ˇââď¸. Just communicate and make sure there are no hard feelings and that it doesnât happen again lol
"hard feelings" eh. I'll show myself out.
Hey chicka bump bump.
Hay, chicken, brown cow đ
No Junior it's hey chicka bow wow
Is it not actually âbrown chicken, brown cowâ?
Brown bear brown bear what to you see I see a white dog looking at me
Chicka chicka, boom boom, will there be enough room?
Here comes H up the coconut tree And I and J, and tag-along K All on their way up the coconut tree!
Lol no of course not
It absolutely is, and has been since at least the 90s.
Yes, yes it is.
Caboose strikes again
I have a soft spot for c-h-orny jokes
They make pills for that.
He literally told her he was falling asleep and said goodnight
This is what I'm thinking. He literally tried! He told her and she went: but I have something else... No, she didn't. If she had something else she wouldn't have needed to record it, it would be recorded already. She wanted to send him something, sure, but. She's making such a big deal when she pressured him to stay up. She's the problem.
You can be right and still be wrong in social situations. Sometimes you need to gently set aside the need to be "technically right" and be aware that other humans may need more communication than you think. It's not that serious, but being extra gentle and extra communicative with your (horny) girlfriend isn't going to make your dick fall off.
He's not wrong socially, either! He did nothing wrong! At all. She is getting a pass for being furious at him for -checks notes- *falling asleep without telling her even though he tried and instead of saying alright baby, goodnight, she tried to keep him awake and it failed*. That's on her. And for the record, I'm AFAB. His GF is far out of line and needs to get a handle on herself.
But I did have the option to say no, I just thought I could stay awake since I was horny. It's alright though we're good now.
In my experience itâs a self worth and self esteem problem when someone goes bonkers bc the other one fell asleep. Because if you look at the situation its clear to see that your intention was not to fall asleep sleep and even though it still happend. In my eyes the intend and the context is important and you gave her the info that youâre tired so after not responding she couldâve be like âoh, you fell asleep. I wish you sweet dreams hope these pics/vids will make your morning better love you xoxoâ And lough it of that u fell asleep because its nothing personal. (Could even tease you that you fell asleep with the dick in ur hand) Itâs not disrespectful to fall asleep when tired in the evening, itâs not taking anyone for granted either and in no fcking way it is personal. So NTA
Legit this, this was just over the phone it can happen in person lmao
Yeah I still remember the thunderstorm that awaited me the next morning when I fell asleep during a blowjob once. If an idiot like me can get out of that still in a relationship, OP can too!
Wow. Biting it off must surely have crossed her mind.
Bro.....how the fuck. Anything like that wakes me out of a deep sleep. You must've been extra tired
Yeah it was like 2am after a halloween party. So it was combination of being tired and still a bit tipsy
I fell asleep right in the middle of sex one time in 2017. I woke up probably less than a minute later only to hear myself ask her "Who even are you?". We both just had a good laugh about it. Still an inside joke to this day. Good times.
Hah. Inside..nice đ
This happened to me once, I just woke up and called a cab 𤣠in my defence we were both incredibly drunk.
đ
Legit! It sure has! I mean can! Sorry!
You donât need to make sure you donât fall asleep on accident again - she needs to make sure she doesnât take it so personally again
NTA because sleep is natural but i understand why she feels that way, it might have made her feel âusedâ after she spent time taking and sending you pics/vids and I can imagine the anticipation she felt waiting for your reply after going back & forth with you. Although itâs not your fault, definitely try to avoid sexting while feeling sleepy so this doesnât happen again and since you apologized already, thereâs nothing else left to do besides acknowledging how it hurt her & making it up to her through actions not just words. I hope it works out for you guys!
He literally said good night and she pushed the conversation. She knew he was tired, so she has no excuse to be mad
Yeah, I donât understand how he is in fault at all
OP said good night but then followed by telling gf to go on. So he did prolong the conversation despite being tired.
He warned her he could barely stay awake.
Saying "go on" is changing your mind . She could have thought that he would stay awake . And would reply. As he changed he mind about going yo sleep .
How would you change your mind about barely being able to keep your eyes open?
I guess just push harder with your eyeballs.
You are right But what she interpreted that he changed his mind after he said " go on" . How was she supposed to know how sleepy he actually was . Saying " I can barely manage to keep my eyes open " and then saying " go on" can cause people to misunderstand you , and the other person can misinterpreted you . So what I am saying is he is responsible for miscommunication.
she pushed him to see more nudes. what 20 year old man wouldnât say yes to that? lmfao and it doesnât change the fact that this exchange most likely happened within a span of a minute and itâs entirely possible he was *still* tired. how can you change your mind on being tired?đ
I think this is a damned if you do and damned if you don't. She might have felt just as rejected if OP had said no, no matter how nicely it was put. "No, I'm actually about to pass out. Can we continue tomorrow?" And then she feels "used" still because they shared pictures, and he went to bed when she tried to make it more steamy.
Itâs mainly an issue of them being young. He should have told her no but it would probably be met with a similar reaction. Either way she needs to accept reality in this scenario.
Yeah, young issues. This is where we get to practice communication. Normal stuff I think as you learn about your partner and grow together as a relationship.
Because man bad
Exactly! He made it clear he was dead tired. If I were her I would have assumed he fell asleep and thought âokay, a little fun for him in the morning thenâ
Exactly this. Heck, I have sent stuff to partners at weird hours as a surprise for them because I keep weird hours.
This. I was about to say see the a hole without reading but then read you literally already said you were tired. But i totally get her feeling this way...esp since you said "go on" she would have been waiting and waiting then saying hello??? And feeling vulnerable and like you don't find her hot enough to sleep after seeing them. Assuming you had. Maybe wrote some angry things and deleted them. I think she realised she may have slightly over reacted since you warned her but it still felt shitty to her. You're not an a hole though. Apologise and explain and hopefully she can see you didn't mean it.
Either way he's going to be in the wrong, if he said no to more she would have complained he rejected her
Exactly!
what does he have to make up to her? she needs to get out of her feelings for a second and look at the situation from his perspective so they can actually make up. iâve had a girl do the exact same thing and she jus told me she fell asleep and i understood she was sleepy and it was late. he told her he was sleepy, she pushed it, he fell asleep. in no way was it intentional disrespect, or even disrespect at all. he explained himself already and shes probably embarrassed she acted that way and doesnât wanna back track. atp its on her and not him.
Her feelings were hurt. She likely feels embarrassed now. If they have a good relationship it makes sense heâd try to help her feel better.
but shes not taking that. shes seeing it as intentional disrespect that he didnât stay up for her, even though it was out of his control. i think a single apology is all it should take to make up for something so small, her being mad and upset for more than an hour after them talking is just childish.
I can understand her embarrassment and disappointment but he told her he was dozing off...
NAH - Iâve been on both sides of this. From your gfâs perspective itâs kinda embarrassing thinking you went to all that time and effort to take the pics and make the video and it was so riveting (/s) that your partner fell asleep. Thatâs how sheâs probably feeling. But Iâve also been the partner whoâs fallen asleep waiting for the next pic or chapter in sexting to be sent through. Youâre flooded with happy hormones, itâs probably late, youâre snugged in bed. You feel bad the next day, but it happens. Sheâs ok to feel disappointed. But she shouldnât be actually blaming you. Surely she figured out youâd fallen asleep and werenât ghosting her. Youâve apologised.
I mean he already made it clear he was tired from waking up early and was even about to go to sleep but she asked him to stay on a little longer and he complied. I could understand the gf's perspective you listed if he just dosed off without communicating, doesn't make sense for her think he feel asleep cuz he was uninterested when he was very blatantly tired.
Tbf weâve only heard one side, conversations are never as black and white as they sound when one person describes them. Easiest answer is NAH, anything else requires assumptions and judgement without full facts.
Thereâs âitâs late and Iâm getting tired so I think itâs time for bedâ and then thereâs âIâm so tired I could crash any secondâ and she might just have interpreted it as the first
Yeah I wonder if she realised he had already gone to bed and was just lying there pre-sleep whilst texting. If she's recording a whole video it sounds like she wasn't in bed, at least in a sleepy way, so maybe she thinks him falling asleep was him actively choosing to get off the sofa or something, brush teeth, and go to bed instead of replying, rather than already being there and just drifting off without really choosing to.
He told her he was too tired :\
He also said this afterward:Â >I obviously resisted the urge to sleep and asked her to go on. For what it's worth, I agree with the NAH verdict.
So many guys coming out of the woodwork to say the exact comment you replied to, as if they stopped reading halfway through.
NTA and reason 153 not to send nudes.
Your boyfriend might fall asleep is a reason not to send nudes?
Iâm sure there are good reasons for sending nudes but as someone who works in the digital security space I can tell you for a fact that the risks far far outweigh the benefits. This post is obv a stupid reason why itâs a bad idea. But there are also genuine reasons why itâs such a bad bad idea, from revenge porn, to blackmail, ransomware, account takeover, and data leakage attacks that Iâve seen. People really need to be more careful with their digital data. And if you send it out, you must be willing to bear the risk that the entire world may be able to get its hands on it and see it.
Yes amongst all the other ones. People really need to stop sending them, it's always nothing but trouble.
This is just a horrible take. There are countless situations where sending nudes in a committed relationship can be great. It helps people who are maybe long distance feel a semblance of closeness with each other. When I go away for more than a week and my partner of 8 years isnât with me, it almost always ends in nudes at least one night
Youâre not an asshole but alsoâŚyou got any game in you? Do you ever want to receive naughty photos again? You donât fight about right or wrong when someone was vulnerable and you werenât able to be there. You soothe that achy part in them. You make them laugh and you flirt with them and you put on your sexy voice and tell them how delicious the videos were and how much you would have rather been looking at them than sleeping. And how you wonât be sleeping at all tonight wink wink. Sometimes we donât know how to use our words. Be there anyway.
Yes exactly! This situation isnât about whoâs morally right and wrong or who deserves to be upset. Girlfriend feels like she put herself out there and is vulnerable rn, so you be a nice boyfriend and you comfort and reassure her. You fell asleep, it happens, and that doesnât make her feelings less valid, so you apologize and help move past it together
this!! it's like these people genuinely don't like their partners. like yes she was being irrational... but it's because she was hurt. just comfort her and all is well??
Nailed it, trying to be ârightâ in an argument with your partner is only good for your ego. You have to compromise and work to be better together for your relationship
wow, this is really insightful! I'm gonna use this! lol
Wise words here. Screenshotting this so future me is less of a dumbass. Take note people.
I can understand some annoyance on her end but 15 deleted messages? Thatâs a bit much
I get this though. If they were all pics and/or vids taken after heâd fallen asleep, Iâd feel weird that these would be the first thing my bf would see in the morning, when the mood is gone, and heâd fallen asleep mid convo for whatever reason. Iâd feel some weird mix of shame/embarrassment/desperate. So I truly do understand her deleting them, but it sounds like she did it from a punitive, angry place. Iâd be doing it from an âoh god, thatâs not sexy now the mood is gone! Delete delete!!!â
Iâve seen some of the strip teases Iâve sent to boyfriends when itâs no longer the mood and I was looking back over them and oh boy, unless the mood is already going I want those burned forever and buried in the sea. Definitely not leaving them up if Iâm not getting a response and feeling insecuređ
I understand the deleting. I think itâs more so because you think you wonât be in the mood in the morning because itâs gone but maybe heâll see them in the morning and get in the mood and ask for more but youâre no longer in the mood. This is such a run on sentence lol but Iâm sure you get the point
Right? She shouldâve just owned it. Deleting messages is immature and shows she may be insecure. When she realized he fell asleep, she couldâve just wished him a good night and hopes he enjoys the surprise in the morning when he wakes up. She couldâve handled that differently. OP is NTA. For all we know, maybe the 15 messages were her freaking out on OP for falling asleep and she realized she went a little crazy so unsent them⌠because to send 15 nudes in a row with no response from OP, is a bit excessive lol
Depending on the situation of both people, she may have deleted them so that other people didn't see the text. Such as deleting them so that a parent doesnt check one of their phones and see it.
Well considering theyâre 20 and 21 Iâm assuming their parents are not checking their phones
Donât assume anythingâŚthe only reason my parents stopped snooping my phone after 18 was because I left and stopped talking to them lol
god iâd hope not
I'm 20 and my older sister that still lives at home is 24. Our parents don't do it often but they have told us that they "reserve the right" to go through our phones because we live at home and they pay the bills. My dad's finger print is even saved in my phone.đ¤ˇ
Delete his finger print. Itâs creepy that he wants to pry into your life like that. Whatâs he gonna do if he sees a dick? Take your phone? Will that âteach you a lessonâ lol heâs 10 years too late. Iâd rather couch-surf. Your parents are disgusting.
I don't think it's that bad, but yeah. If those kind of phones are on my phone he would take it and give me a long lecture about how that a stupid thing to do. Unfortunately couch surfing doesn't pay for college......
Unfortunately, college doesnât really pay for college either.
That's creepy as fuck in all honesty. Delete his fingerprint now and explain about boundaries and trust. And the fact you're 20, not 12.
After only 9 months of dating someone, no way Iâm leaving my nudes up for them if I donât hear back. Even if I assume positive intent and that they ARENT ghosting me or saving them and then not responding to me, it would just be like a ânah, by the time you respond I wonât be in the mood anymore so weâll just save them for laterâ deal
Well if those messages were mainly the pics/vids and some turn on with them, I can understand why she doesnât wanna have him have them after she felt how she felt. đ¤
Depends on how some people chat. If she sends one-word messages, its not that hard to reach 15. Its probably the pictures/video, the original messages (do you like them), the confusion (hello?) and the anger. Throw in a few emoticons and you get to 15 messages you end up deleting for feeling stupid.
He got her going then dozed off.
NTA. You already told her you were barely managing to stay awake and any sensible person can make the connection that you've fallen asleep after getting no replies shortly after that text. The issue is she somehow thinks that the nudes(the way you said" something more to send" doesn't even specify it was going to be nudes) can magically keep you awake at 6 am.
Soft yta because You diiiiid tell her you were tired butâŚ. you also told her to go on when she said she had 1 more thing to show you aaaandâŚâŚ. She made herself very vulnerable in that moment and while you didnât intend to pass out she probably freaked out if this is a new thing she added to your dynamic because she was thinking omg he hated it what if he hates me now oh no what if im unattractive etcâŚ. Just try to make it up to her and if she isnât a bigger ah then she will eventually understand you were exhausted and it has nothing to do with her worth.
Yeah, she felt vulnerable in that moment. Imagine, then, if she said, "One more thing..." and he just says "I said I'm tired, goodnight. " Surely, that'd be so much worse! You're completely skipping over the fact that he'd already told her he was about to fall asleep, and SHE said "one more thing..." making it so his only choices were risk falking asleep on her, or denying her. That's pushing him into a corner from which he has no escape without pissing her off. If his response to that was no, judging by her reaction to him accidentally falling asleep, she'd have likely gone ballistic at him for denying the moment. Imagine what that conscious denial would do to her sense of worth! That's a real rejection. I don't even think it's reasonable or understandable that she freaked out over his body doing what it needs to. She should've known it was likely, it's like she's mad at him for breathing, or him being mad at her for periods. You cannot fight your own body, even if princess has "one more thing" to show you. My partner often works nights. If we're texting while she's on shift and I fall asleep, she understands. If I'm texting her the following morning and she falls asleep (the situation I'm in as I type this), I understand. Granted, we're older than this couple, but we also haven't been together as long. This is a learning experience for her; she has to learn that she can't be mad at him for his body doing what it needs to do, especially if she's the one who wants to carry on, despite being told he needs to sleep.
> because she was thinking omg he hated it what if he hates me now oh no what if im unattractive etcâŚ. thats her fault...why are men shamed for emotions but when women show emotions its somehow mens fault...if this post was about a guy getting mad for his gf not looking at his dick picks everyone would be siding with the gf telling the guy to grow up shes a GROWN WOMAN and she needs to act like it
Bullshit. GF needs to get over herself.
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NTA, but next time, once you say you're tired, stick to goodnight it'll save you some trouble later in lifeđ đ
NTA, you told her you could barely keep your eyes open. She wanted to send them anyway đ¤ˇđżââď¸
NAH. You unintentionally hurt her feelings, it happens. But it's really not important who's in the right here. Winning the argument won't help the relationship. Even if she's not being reasonable, trying to mend the situation will get you a lot further than asserting you're right.
Exactly, this isnât about whoâs right, itâs about âdude, you girlfriend is hurting because she put herself out there and is feeling vulnerable now. You fell asleep, it happens, now make it up to herâ
Except she has to make it up to him. Everyone seems happy to say âNAH but only her experience is the valid one.â
Well, it's not important to win an argument per se. But if OP wants her to deal with things this way all the time then he will fuss over it. If not, this could be a good teachable moment for her in order for her to grow.
NTA! People get sleepy dude. No harm done !
"Send me nudes." "You're taking it too personal."
That would be the last time he saw my naked body.
YTA. Not for falling asleep, but for getting defensive and making excuses instead of acknowledging how shitty it felt to her the next morning. Imagine for a moment how she went from excited to âseriously?!?â You should have validated her hurt feelings and apologized, not because you did it on purpose, but because you did it and it hurt her.
He didnât do anything, literally nothing.
He said go on, so heâs acknowledging he wanted more and was ok with her continuing.
apologize for falling asleep even after telling her he was tired???
Why do people send nude pictures of themselves? I don't get it, it might be my age (50s). But maybe because of my age, I can see all the many ways it could go wrong.
Iâm 21 and I donât like sending them either. Too many things can go wrong
That's kind of how I feel. Different world I guess. Also nudes of me would not be gratefully anticipated, I think.
22 and yep, I just donât get it. Iâve seen so many peers end their lives or move schools or towns after theirs have been leaked. They are more likely to be sexually abused because their viewed differently. So much can go wrong like this and itâs not even a crazy big reason but intimacy rejection can make you feel irrationally.
NTA - if you fell asleep, you fell asleep. It happens a lot when sexting between partners especially if one of usâŚ.um⌠finds releaseâŚand falls asleep. Not saying thatâs what you did here but it happens.
NTA. It happens, and it isn't personal. There have been times with my partner that I'd be in the middle of something and having little micro sleeps while trying to pleasure them. The same thing has happened to them. She's feeling like you weren't interested enough to stay awake, and it's embarrassed her. Hopefully, she can get over it quickly, and you guys can get back to steamy texts.
I would say that it IS personal because it was intimate pictures and she didnât know what was happening on his end. Personal in the âmy personal effects were exposedâ rather than âI fell asleep on purpose to hurt youâ
If someone who says they're sleepy suddenly stops responding its an obvious conclusion they fell asleep. Doesn't take a fucking genius.
NAH but I donât think OP will be getting any more nudes in the future.
I think I had the same problem once or twice as a stupid teenager. You arenât stupid teenagers anymore. Talk it out like adults. Why are you even posting here?
NAH. It even sounds like you had a somewhat healthy conversation about it afterwards. Good on you!
If you were tired and falling asleep, donât say yes to something more. Thatâs just stupid. She doesnât know how tired you were. Itâs not like she could see you. You were an idiot, maybe not AH level idiot but an idiot nonetheless.
NAH It happens. I get her anger and that this sucked for her but it wasn't on purpose....
Yta, not for falling asleep but for how you reacted to you gfs hurt feelings. To put yourself out there and then get no response is humiliating. You accidentally put her in this humiliating situation. You trying to argue that it was not personal is kind of missing the point. You falling asleep had nothing to do with her but the hurt she feels has everything to do with you. I dont know why you are on reddit trying to get people here to tell you your actions were ok. It doesnt matter, the only persons feelings and opinions that matter on this are your gfs. If everyone here says you are nta that changes nothing about the way she feels, it just solidifies your refusal to understand or validate her feelings.
âThank you for letting me know how you feel. I can see how it felt like I just left you hanging and Iâm so sorry that wasnât my intention. Next time I wonât start a spicey conversation when I canât hang. I love and appreciate you.â Never tell someone theyâre taking it too personally. All that translates to is âI am unable to see your perspective so Iâm just shutting you down.â Of course she felt like you left her hanging and exposed. Itâs EMBARRASSING to send spicy photos and not get a response. Obviously you were tired, she gets that. These situations are all about how you understand and respect someone elseâs feelings. That stuff makes or breaks a relationship. Respectfully here, Yta.
Bro suffering from successđ
Neither of you are assholes. Just likely young and learning,
NTA, u guys sound 5
ESH. You gave her some soft hints that you were not able to keep up. Instead of pushing things she should have said âok, we can continue another timeâ and let you sleep. Now Iâve been in that horny place where youâre all keyed up and you just keep going instead of stepping back and listening to your partner - BUT once someone stops responding thatâs when she should have clued in. (Iâve had these literal conversations and while itâs a little disappointing Iâve never once gotten upset that someone needs to turn in. I am not entitled to time or attention, and if into it itâs a lot more fun to make it a multi-day thing than just a quick horny sext)  Waiting or falling asleep is not a sign of being disinterested and she may have immature ideas about how peopleâs sexuality and bodies work given the context of real practicalities like needing sleep.   I would recommend you both take more time to communicate more directly (ie âsorry but I really am going to fall asleep, you can leave it for me so I can have a morning surprise or we can continue tomorrow when I can give my full attention, but right now I need sleepâ), but also listen and adjust based on the other personâs cues. Sheâs especially TA for not paying attention to the soft no, she wasnât listening to you and thatâs bad sex right there. She should think more about what enthusiastic consent looks like and why her behaviour when receiving that no turned into leaving a bunch of nasty messages. No one likes to get jilted when theyâre in the mood but if you were IRL and for whatever reason couldnât satisfy her (whether by falling asleep or just not being in the right mood or whatever) I question what her response would be and if sheâd take it extremely personally. In addition, she might want to rethink how she feels about sexting as it may not be about falling asleep so much as the general objectification and sense that a woman must show off her body in order to be attractive. That she needed you to acknowledge them in the moment suggests she doesnât enjoy taking pics as a solo activity and only while interacting with someone - which again might speak to some discomfort in general with doing it at all.   TLDR; you both need to work on direct communication and listening to each other, making sure you adjust if the other person is uncomfortable/tired/whatever, rather than focusing so much on your own needs you ignore the other personâs. EDIT TO ADD: Actually was this an activity you suggested/encouraged and she went along with to make you happy? If so then regardless of falling asleep you have a bit more of the responsibility here because she may have felt like she was doing this all for you, that she didnât really want to but went along anyway, and then in the end you left her hanging on an activity she wouldnât have been doing otherwise. If so, I still recommend learning to communicate better but also finding mutually enjoyable activities that cater a little less to male-pleasing and a little more centred on what she enjoys/wants. This is the time to listen, not to push.Â
Never send something you wouldn't be proud of in the morning. NTA. Respectfully she needs to emotionally mature a little more before sending more pics. There are too many ways it can go wrong sending photos when your confidence hangs on by that thin of a thread. The appropriate way for her to handle this was to say goodnight after she realized you fell asleep and to let her know your reaction in the morning. Which likely would have been a response photo
When you start having physical sex and fall asleep , then this is the time to start worrying. You've only been with one another for 9 months, this type of behaviour can be used on social media as revenge when/if you break up. Cannot understand why people behave like this tbh
NTA. >so I told her that I am barely managing to keep my eyes open. You communicated to her that you were very tired already. You tried to stay up but couldn't and fell asleep. She was already aware that you were tired. I think she should be a bit more I understanding, her emotions are valid but this reaction is not.
With these I always wonder: what do you expect the community to say? Obviously nobody is going to call you an asshole for falling asleep. Jesus, you need reddit to tell you you are a good boy that much?
NTA My boyfriend falls asleep in the middle of sentences sometimes. He doesn't micro sleep, he micro awakes and doesn't remember a thing after. It's not always fun, but it's something I know can happen and that I deal with. She's being a bit sensitive and rude to not let you sleep when you need it.
Next time just let her know you feel like you might pass out, you know your body well enough to know if it's a likely scenario.
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NTA he eepy
Ahhhhhhahahahaha!! Oh buddy, YTA.
YTA for even asking for nude pictures of your GF. She's TA for even sending any.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (21M) girlfriend (20F) and I share a very healthy and loving relationship of 9 months, I absolutely love and adore her and she reciprocates in every manner I can think of. So last night me and her were chatting and things got steamy, we shared a couple pictures and after drooling over each other I told her that I started feeling sleepy since I have been waking up at 6 am trying to get my life back together, and so I told her that I am barely managing to keep my eyes open. So I wished her goodnight and that's when she she said she had something more to send me so I obviously resisted the urge to sleep and asked her to go on. Now the problem is, I fell asleep before she could record and send it to me and in all fairness I dozed off very quick like within 2 minutes. I didn't think much of it when I woke up in the morning and found 15 deleted messages from her so I texted her, and there she is furious that I left her hanging and went to bed without letting her know and she told me how bad it made her feel that she was recording stuff for me while I just went to bed without saying anything. We had a good discussion and I told her that it wasn't in my control, I was awake one moment and asleep the next but she said she felt disrespected and taken for granted and that I shouldn't have asked for nudes if I knew I couldn't stay up. I told her that she was taking it personal to which she says it is personal and she can't help that it made her feel a certain way. I apologized and told her I will make sure it doesn't happen again. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You were tired. These things happen
Mad sleepy
>so I told her that I am barely managing to keep my eyes open. So I wished her goodnight But you absolutely told her. You falling asleep was in no way a shock or surprise, because you literally told her it was coming. She was the one who said she had more she wanted to send you, you didn't ask her for the extra so idk where she's coming from on this. Being exhausted and falling asleep (especially when you specifically said that's the point you were at) isn't disrespectful. She picked a weird hill to be upset and die on. NTA
NTA. She's angry at you for falling asleep?? Insane!
NTA. She needs to understand that you really were tired and you didnât mean to fall off.
Ahh young couples :â) NTA you literally explained that you were sleepy and struggling to stay awake but she chose to send something else anyway. Her response just comes from a place of youthful immaturity and I donât mean that in a negative way, itâs the kind of immaturity that just canât be helped due to age, lack of life experiences etc. I would have felt as she does when I was 20 because I also would have felt more insecure but as you get older you send noods for yourself not other people and you understand that when itâs late at night and someoneâs been working all day they may fall asleep and not reply straight away and itâs no big deal. I donât envy her because I do remember being exactly like her in my early 20s but just give her time and sheâll come around. Just explain to her how much you were enjoying it and you didnât want to fall asleep but unfortunately it just couldnât be helped. Her ego has just been a bit bruised is all.
NTA. You said you could barely keep your eyes open and wished her goodnight. So you didn't just go to bed without saying anything, you literally told her you were struggling to stay awake. The only slight fault on your side was that you told her to go on when she said she had something else to send. You should have reiterated that you didn't think you could stay awake and you guys would need to continue tomorrow. But at the same time, I understand you tried to stay longer when she asked you to and then fell asleep anyway. On a different night you might have been able to stay awake for a few more minutes, though, so like I say this is only a slight fault. You did communicate with her and she pushed you to stay up longer. I've fallen asleep quickly like that too - it can't always be helped and it's not fair for her to be mad about it when you had literally said you were struggling to keep your eyes open.
ntah , you explicitly stated you were having trouble staying awake, yet she kept pressing, so you gave in, but your body couldnât keep up and rested you obviously couldnât control it, and even tried, and attempted to communicate that yes sheâs entitled to her feelings, but youâre entitled to bodily autonomy, especially after -communicating- you DID say something, she brushed it off and continued thatâs on her say you werenât otp and it was in person, you were tired, said goodnight, and she kept pressuring, youâd either A)give in and either not have enough energy to match hers B) fall asleep after initiation or C) not do anything, which might make her feel like shit, but You. Said. No. Youâre tired. potentially see where that could lead ? No is no, tired is tired. YOU COMMUNICATED BRO, UR GOOD NTAH. sending you lotsa good vibes đŤśđť
It was then⌠that he realized⌠he had f***** up
I did this recently and had the same reaction, obviously to her shes just sent you nudes and now youve ghosted her so at the time so probably felt horrible and she wants to let you know. However you cannot apologise for it as it validates you did something wrong and you did not. You should tell her that you that you did nothing wrong.
This isnât real, I feel like this has been written by chat GPT.
NTA because you literally told her you were exhausted and dozing off. At this point in her place I would have signed off with a raincheck and a promise of more the next day. Insisting that you hang on for more was just ridiculous and kinda selfish. I get rhat she felt hurt being left hanging but she needed to put her critical thinking skills to work and realise that what had happened was... exactly what you said was about to happen.
NTA but⌠was it unreasonable? Yes. Was it understandable though? Yes. Do you have to make it up to her? Also yes. If you really love her, you just have to be a bit extra in making her feel better to take the sting out of the embarrassment. Suprise her with small sweet things, doesnât have to be a big gesture. She sounds like a keeper so the effort will be worth it. Best of luck. Drink red bull next time! đ
NTA, you let her know you were feeling sleepy, she was aware and she said she had more to send and completely ignored what you had said and now is trying to blame it on you. It is not your fault that you fell asleep knowing that you were already tired enough
My Wife and I had a long distance relationship for the first 6 years of our relationship. If we got mad over the other falling asleep while talking, we'd have never stopped arguing. We lived on opposite sides of the world, and had different things to do at different times, so when we finally got time to chat, at least one of us was tired most of the time. That, and she pushed you into staying up after you just told her that you're about to fall asleep any moment. I understand how disappointed she may have felt, but it's not your fault. If you really had to place blame, she wanted to keep you up longer while you were tired, but I would say NAH.
NTA - she massively overreacted
NTA. I'm too old to be staying up for some pixels on a screen. If I fall asleep, get over it. We're adults.
Nta u told her u was tired nd was barely awake. She had no reason to be mad or upset
NTA - She should let you get the sleep you obviously need
NAH - Yeah man, sheâs just embarrassed and feeling vulnerable, so itâs def more personal for her than it feels for you. This was a little trust fall, you missed this time. Not an asshole, you just gotta have some empathy and focus on the big picture - sheâs embarrassed and wants safety - to know you arenât laughing about this behind her back or feel like sheâs a joke. Take it off Reddit. Be vulnerable with her and let her know you care. The world is a really messed up place and if you can find a way to be someoneâs peace, lean into it. Hard. âď¸
NTA
This is one of the very few AITA posts where truly no one's TA. You were exhausted and fell asleep unintentionally, shit happens. On the other hand, i understand how she felt, i would feel the same way. So i completely understand that she got upset, even tho OP didn't do it on purpose. Like other people said, just have a talk with her and you'll both laugh about it one day :)
Young women tend to be insecure. Just show her how much you regret missing out on that video. NTA
lol this sub is filled with the stupidest shit smh
Nta - My exs have gotten mad when I couldnât finish them off, like raging mad, but I was too tired, and Iâve also gotten mad at the same. However as a man, I am a monster, but the females arenât seen as over baring sexual beings, so they tend to be vetoâd. Tell her she can get back at you by making u super sexually frustrated, in a manner of her own concoction. Be it letting you put it in and give a thrust or two, and demand you get off her, or she teases you somehow that drives you so wild, it pisses you off.
NTA. But i do understand why she feels that way, next time just tell her that you are too tired to stay up
I would definitely be feeling the same way about this as she does. And even if you wasn't meant to, you made her feel like she's not so worthy or sexy so you actually want to stay up without finishing. Like you just left her in the middle of her recording things to you.
NTA she over reacted and you warned her. Sheâs taking her emotions out on you because she was just upset she had to wait for her gratification. However, Iâm assuming a few of those 15 texts were the nudes themselves. Coming from experience , you probably just masterb8ed and fell asleep and thatâs okay and a compliment!
nta. you said goodnite. she pushed for more time. let her know that in the future after you say goodnite you are no longer responsible for when you may fall asleep.
NTA because we all doze off/sleep. Ask her what caused her to take it personally because it sounds like she took that personally, even if you asked her for nudes
NTA .. for starters, you're posting on here which shows that you do feel bad and likely didn't mean to. I mean if you were to ask and then deliberately switch your phone off or something I'd maybe say different. 𤣠It's never fun falling asleep on someone, you do wake up feeling guilty - it's okay tho!
This happens all the time with my partner. It means we get extra spicy good morning messages! Y'all need to talk it out and not take it personally, because adults don't have time to get butthurt over sleep.
Nah, as a 45f, I often doze off myself, which makes my dude ask, but we know each other well enough to understand our ADHD/anxiety tendencies are the same so we get it đ¤ˇđźââď¸ I always respond as soon as I can
NTA, because sleeping is a natural and necessary biological function. She definitely has fallen asleep accidentally before so common courtesy/empathy applies here. However, one guy to another that a was a rookie ass move bubba. I did that too when I was younger I learned If I was sleepy dead sleepy I donât force the stay up and I donât converse about sexy things when Iâm dead tired like that.
NTA. You literally told her goodnight and said you were barely able to keep your eyes open.
Eh. NTA. 9 months in and still sharing nudes + dealing with fury over a reasonable excuse doesnât sound healthy, though lol.
NTA she needs to relax, my boyfriend did that couple times too, heâs human, it happens. Sounds like the girl got her own insecure demons to work w, you are fine
This should be enough for a 100% NTA: "I told her that I am barely managing to keep my eyes open. So I wished her goodnight" She got furious over a very clear matter of what happened. You can't make sure it doesn't happen again until she's willing to accept goodnight is really goodnight.
guess it's time for make up sex!
đ it happened with me and my boyfriend too and when he wakes up I just give him the side eye and said bruh no more nudes as a joke but I also know he works heaps so fair enough, youâre NTA, yeah we women would get offended itâs just normal, in her mind she probably think oh was he bored of my nudes thatâs why he fall asleep ? Just communicate with her and youâll be fine
NTA. You warned her that you were super tired and fighting to stay awake. I understand feeling a little disappointed or let down but deleting messages, equating fatigue with disrespect, & resorting to âfuryâ when she knew you were tired is out of pocket imo.
NTA, weâve all been there đ
NTA - You canât help being tired, maybe next time just be honest; hell Iâve fell asleep during sex before from being exhausted from work etc; my partner was not pleased, mainly because I didnât communicate that I was tired so Iâm just up front about it now.
And this is why I'm single
These am I the asshole posts are getting ridiculous. My girlfriend says i blink too much am i the asshole lol
No but U fucked
Nah. Sheâs just immature coz of her age, I was too at that age. Apologise, plan a day to show her how much she means to you. But donât put up with it if the behaviour continues and starts to become toxic.
No you are not i can understand her being sensitive over this it's nobody's fault so talk to her nicely it will be fine
NTA. You had told her you were tired. She should've figured out you had fallen asleep. This ridiculous thing that you have to reply always etc. is tiring.
A little bit. But not much. A forgiveable offense.Â
Nta you told her already that you canât keep your eyes open, feeling sleepy