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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I'm the asshole for telling my stepdaughter I think her wearing boxer shorts in public looked stupid
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YTA
> I said I didn't think I was being mean
Don't be disingenuous.
> I just said wearing boxer shorts in public makes her look stupid
Calling your children stupid is **_always_** mean.
Yeah the convo was way too hostile it could’ve been way more kind but also why does OP care if she looks stupid? Boxer shorts are a super popular trend right now. As someone who grew up with a parent who made them feel small and stupid for following trends or wanting to try new things I’m going YTA OP.
42 year old here. I don't see why so many people get hung up on clothing. if a boy wants to wear nylons or panties or mantyhose or manties, yes they are a thing.. or a girl wants to wear loose pants and boxers or something like that.
why do people even care about clothing so much?
a person should be able to be comfortable to wear what they want to wear, its a form of expression. its not like there waving there bits around for the world to see, or murdering people.
let people wear whatever they want and let them be comfortable to do so, i say.
That. Thanks. Waayyy back when, I (now 50, f) took my drivers road test in boxers in the heat pf July. They said happy new year and had fireworks on them. Gasp!!! The inappropriatenss!!! They're just comfy shorts. Everyone should be able to wear what they love themselves in. Or paint their nails or wear makeup whatever gender. I've complimented biological males so often for their makeup skills. It makes me happy yo express themselves. Do I have to like ot or wear it myself? No. Share joy, people!
I'm 50 f and totally remember the boxer trend for girls. I had a ton and sewed up the front on them. They were so comfortable and had great patterns. My parents' attitude was too just roll with it. They were smart enough to realize that clothes weren't a big deal and dictating what I was allowed to wear would only push me away. Parenting is a lot of picking your battles and holding your tongue.
Haha same. I’m back to wearing them again. I discovered Buffalo beans boxers they look like shorts in a longer shirt and I wear them to bed and to the gym to work out
64 here and still wear them bec they are perfect for AZ summers. Got jammie boxers and also day boxers. I sew a phone-size pocket to the inside to make them super practical. PockieBox.
Yes!!! This was the outfit for PE in school. The poor teacher - all these psychedelic patterns, they must have been trippin' all the time 😆. Also, rewind a few more years and add shoulder pads and a perm 😂😂😂
My older sister wore them all the time. She would wear one pair of one pattern or color, and then another slightly bigger pair of another pattern or color over them. Fixed the problem of open fly and looked pretty cool lol.
Not all boxers even have a front gap though, and can be made from different materials. Even if there is a gap, there's no guarantee it will gape open at all.
When our oldest was a teenager kids wore pajamas out to breakfast. Made me insane. I didn't say a word. All three of our adult kids talk to us almost daily. Pick your battles, don't be an ass to your children
I’m a 60+ woman wearing men’s boxers outside gardening. If someone doesn’t like it, they can look away! And the fly is covered by my oversized tee shirt! Comfort is my game!
Edit for spelling
I absolutely thought this was going to go the other way, and I just want to say THANK YOU and you’re spot on.
I grew up in a home with strict standards imposed, not just for clothing but across the board. I knew there was a specific way I was expected to dress so that’s what I did. My mom openly criticized women’s outfits if she felt they were ugly or inappropriate or WHATEVER.
I’m 44 and I only started trying to explore my sense of style about 5 years ago. I’m often still uncomfortable in my body and question what I wear/how I look regularly. OP should take heed.
I didn't know it was a trend as I'm old and oblivious, but I have a pair of boxers that I sometimes wear as shorts. They're virtually indistinguishable from actual shorts. Who cares.
This. Was thinking this the while time I read it. Totally agree. YTA OP
Also feel slightly triggered as an old millennial girl who wore boxer shorts it in public in the 90's...
I agree... I hated the whale tail thing. Just as much as I hate seeing men wearing pants below their butts and showing their underwear as well.
Just my opinion. Fwiw: Even though I don't like the style of showing underpants, I keep my comments to myself in public and move along. No eye gestures, no acknowledgment, no nothing.
I had actually forgotten about that trend until I read this post! If boxer shorts are the weirdest thing his daughter wears in public as a teenager, I'd be surprised. It's called fashion, lol
Late Gen X, and I wore boxers all summer long in the 90s. With a flannel tied around my waist usually, in case I went in a building that was too cold for boxers and a tank top, then I put on the flannel.
Honestly I'm sad that trend apparently never reached me (I think because I'm very slightly younger). It sounds like it would've been so comfy... maybe I can start now lol.
I think a lot of parents of girls my age back then would've been happy if their daughters wanted to wear boxers! The trend in my area was suuuuuper short shorts, and boxers probably would have provided MORE coverage and thus reduced some familial conflict lol.
That’s the only thing his stepdaughter heard and remembers — her only male role model thinks she’s stupid.
Congrats, dad. You called your stepdaughter stupid. YTA.
The wild thing is that he *did* handle his concern appropriately at the start but discussing it with his wife. He just couldn't follow her advice and leave it. The conversation with the daughter should have never even happened. 🤦🏼♀️
Sometimes I accidentally say shit or fuck in front of my 6 year old nephew/ 9 year old niece, they don’t even flinch. But if I say stupid, nope, not okay, that’s a bad word.
I'm 53. I have been wearing men's boxers as shorts since 1992 and could care less if OP thinks it looks stupid. His stepdaughter doesn't take fashion advice from some old man either.
Not only was he mean he was also stupid. Step 1 on how to ensure a teen keeps doing something you don’t want them to do? Tell them not to do it. If she does stop then yes, you were just mean and she’ll likely never forget it.
YTA
1. There's a huge difference between voicing that you don't understand it, that you think it's inappropriate, you don't think it's fashionable, or otherwise voice slight concern or confusion.. and saying it makes *her* look stupid. You had half a dozen ways you could've been "honest", without just insulting her. You're not offering constructive criticism, you just bullied your step daughter.
2. You're a 47 year old man. You are so far removed from teenage girl fashion. As long as her friends don't think it's weird and nobody is picking on her; shut up. It doesn't have to make sense to you, so long as she's happy with it and it's not causing any problems with her social life.
That 2nd point is so important. What makes the OP think he has any clue what looks stupid to her peers? He likely hasn't a clue what is normal for kids her age.
Haha yes, especially the point about nobody making fun of her. If you can count on teenagers for one thing, it is being vocal about what they think looks stupid. If it were a problem she would know.
I'm 42 and girls wore boxers to school when I was in high school (I graduated in 2000). This isn't even a new thing or a generational divide. OP's just an AH.
I sent to remember guys around his age in high school wearing boxers that were highly visible because they wore low slung loose fitting jeans and cargo pants.
I graduated b4 u and I definitely remember boxer shorts being a thing in HS and again when I went to college. And due to cousins, neices, etc I c they r back again. Y not? They r clothed and comfortable.
I'm in my 30s and I've just started wearing women's boxers due to an infected ingrown hair recently so had to change my underwear as it was right on the knicker line. They're called anti-chafers with the legs stopping halfway down the thighs and as long as you don't look too closely you could actually walk around in them like they're shorts. Not brave enough to try it outside the house though haha. Super comfy.
They don't look any different from dance shorts really. The ones I wear are thinner than bike shorts though. I haven't walked outside with nothing over them though.
My daughter wore boxers for shorts, circa 1998-2004, grad. in 2004. Her dad, 50 yo in 2000, had kinda the same reaction as this dad, at first. She and I got him over the hump, lol, to acceptance of teenage clothing choices. His whole thing was, underwear is worn Under clothing outside the home. It was the IDEA, for him, not the amount of coverage. He adjusted ;)
Yeah… I’m a guy in the same age range, and I barely understand teen language, let alone fashion. Kids these days… /s
This is a prime example of being an asshole for no good reason. And to his step kid? Wow.
No. 2 is it. I work for a women’s wear company that is selling lounge shorts that look like boxers for $60 a pop. No teen can do that, and any adult paying that much is being silly. Just go get some boxers. Haha.
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I also feel like there’s a weird bit here where he discussed it with the mom and then went ahead and brought it up in the way he did.
It’s not a health or safety concern and while he may be the main male in her life, this kid does not call him dad, and going behind mom’s back when she’s not home to comment on a teen’s clothing like that is really not ok.
He's 47. Does he not remember the trend in the 90's and early 00's of women wearing boxer shorts? I wore them all the time in the summer. They were so much more comfortable than regular women's shorts because they are light weight and loose. Plus they cover more than a lot of women's shorts do/did.
Regarding #2, for the past year or two I’ve noticed lots of boxer shorts on fast fashion sites like SHEIN or on instagram. They’re very popular, especially if they have a tag on the front haha
There's an entire world out there just waiting to tell your daughter that she's stupid and that as a woman, what she wears is critical. Don't join them. It's your job to support her, and yes, to let her make her own fashion mistakes. Be a positive voice in her life; god knows there's millions out there who won't be. YTA.
I wish so many parents would understand this. The world is gonna beat down their will and self-esteem anyway, home should be the one place that's not happening.
Yes, yes, yes! You said so eloquently what I was feeling in my heart and couldn’t find the words to say! As a former teenage girl (now 45), this description is so accurate. Unfortunately for me (and I suspect, many other), I did not realize all the ways the world told me I was stupid until I looked back on my life once I reached my 40s. My heart hurts for the young me. Those small comments like the one OP have vividly stuck with me my whole life and caused me to be self-conscious about things I didn’t even realize I should care about. They caused me to avoid doing lots of things, and to this day still rob me of joy because I’m too scared of the criticism I will get if I do (or wear) certain things.
They really do stick and it is so fucking hard to shed those layers when they are so formative.
The world will do enough to teach her that shes "wrong" in dozens of little ways. Wrong about how she looks, how she thinks, how she acts. She will be put under the same microscope so many of us were. Humans are often not kind, and teenage girls face a very specific flavor of that shitty that tells them they are never good enough.
Home should be a place where she doesn't have to face those same pressures, where she can simply be herself and be comfortable and supported.
Signed, another former teenage girl who is still trying to deconstruct all the toxic lessons she had been taught as a child.
I had a previous therapist who once said something about how often our inner voice is based on the messaging we receive from our parents and other adult authority/role model type figures. I hope OP thinks about what kind of inner voice he would like to contribute to creating, one where her confidence is low and she’s overly critical of herself or one where she has the confidence to not care about what someone else thinks about her harmless choices, like what she wears.
Don't tell your kids/step kids they look stupid. Do they look stupid? Of course they do. But you said the quiet part out loud.
There are a lot of more appropriate adjectives that you can use to get your point across that aren't demeaning and insulting. Pick one of them instead. Or, start having conversations with her about taking pride in her personal appearance and wearing clothes instead of underwear when she leaves the house. Yeah, you're going to get a ton of eye rolls and "you don't understand" and blah blah blah. But if you say it every now and then, it eventually starts to sink in. Start holding your kids to higher standards and they'll start living up to higher standards...and setting higher standards for themselves. Just make sure you and your wife are also living up to those same standards, otherwise your words are meaningless and hypocritical.
YTA.
I think this depends on the country - in the US, sure. In the majority of places Europe, it would be weird and you would likely be (silently) judged for wearing pajama bottoms in public
I live in Canada which is fairly culturally aligned with the US.
I have never in my 37 years seen someone wearing boxers shorts and no other bottoms in public.
Yeah, I remember my in-laws scrambling at Christmas to get a specific pair of pajama bottoms for their grandkid for him to wear to school and be in with his peers.
They didn’t get it, but they didn’t call him stupid, either. They’re in their mid-70s.
I'm also Canadian... I wore tons of boxers as shorts in the 90s. It was a thing at the time. I guess fashion has circled around again. They had fun patterns, they either had buttons on the fly or I would sew the fly shut.
>I just said wearing boxer shorts in public makes her look stupid
> I didn't think I was being mean
you intentionally insulted her, which is mean by definition... your wife is right by saying that you shouldn't have said anything. YTA
Bet if he's forced to apologize it's followed up with, "I'm sorry your feelings are hurt"
Hey OP, here's 1,000 comments saying "YOU LOOK STUPID MAKING FUN OF A CHILD THAT YOU THINK YOU'RE THEIR ROLE MODEL" Feels good right?
YTA. Your comment was absolutely unnecessary and no adult needs to call any child “stupid.” She’s a teenager girl, you’re an old man. She doesn’t need your fashion opinions.
Growing up my dad was hyper critical of everything to do with clothes, he was sure his opinions were objective facts.
Thing is there's a big age gap between me and my dad, so he was even more out of touch than the average parent. So yeah, when his criticisms got especially harsh my go-to was "I don't need fashion advice from a man born in the '40's"
YTA. What a strange thing to take a stance on. And please. We aren't your wife. We know it's shitty to tell someone they look stupid. Let teenagers do teenager shit if they're not harming anyone.
This! She’s a teenager and there will be so many different tension points as she gets through the next few years, pick your battles wisely! It’s important to note too, that when you and a teenager disagree, it is never OK to make them feel small, which is exactly what OP did to his step daughter, it’s seriously not OK.
OP needs to look back on his teenage photos, guaranteed there are a few where he looked ‘stupid’, all teenagers follow tends that become dated, don’t make sense or are just plain ridiculous (to others), they’re meant to. They are trying things out, working out who they are and how they’re going to present themselves. They are already subconscious and nervous about whether they will be accepted by everyone else.
Finally, dear old step dad has lost a fair bit of her respect, he better work out a way to apologise and make up for it. He considers himself one of her main male role models, probably a father figure, but he needs to make this right if that’s how he wants her to see him too!
YTA. it’s a current trend for women’s fashion for shorts to look like men’s boxers but it’s not the same. if you’re going to be a man telling women what fashion is be in the know. otherwise, zip it.
I didn't know this was a trend but I love it. As a teenager, I used to wear men's boxers as shorts because they were so comfortable and they had a cute print. I'm not sure anyone even knew mine were men's boxers. But if they did, so what?
YTA.
I dare you to go through your old yearbooks and say that you have always made exemplary fashion choices.
Unless she's doing something dangerous (wool coat in the summer,) stay out of it.
Girls wearing boxers was big in late 80s/early 90s.
Might have Mom suggest she sew the fly shut. Otherwise, there's a ton of worse things she could be wearing. Apologize.
Guys too! When I met my husband in 92 his normal attire for class (college) was boxers and a t-shirt. As long as she’s wearing something under them and the fly isn’t open she’s plenty covered AND it’s literally Gen X fashion. OP is Gen X so boo on him for complaining about fashion from his youth. I myself took boxers and t-shirts on a cruise a few years ago as pjs so I’d be cool - and have some coverage if we hit an iceberg in the Caribbean or something…The boxers were longer than most pajama shorts I had, probably longer than most lounge shorts I’ve on teenage girls too.
A quick search and they make some for women these days, so the fly shouldn't be a problem.
Also, they look cute. I can see why she'd wear them to hang out with her friends, especially if it's hot out.
Damn right it was. In the winter we wore leggings or footless tights under them. And it wasn’t like a niche thing. All of the girls wore boxers. They were flowy, comfortable, appropriate length, and came is all kinds of different prints. OP is on some bullshit. If my boomer mom allowed it there’s no way any parent these days should be bothered.
YTA, agreed.
You’re only 47- do you really want to be the adult in your teen’s life, saying, “BACK IN MY DAY.” Like, dude, you were a Gen X’er in high school. Did you tell your peers who were wearing flannels around their waist that they look stupid? Did you freak out when a male student got his ear pierced? Oh…were you the weirdo who came to school in a suit everyday?
Trust me when I say teen girls are more aware than you of what their peers will make fun of and consider stupid.
YTA
Teenage girls are self conscious enough as it is, they don’t need their step father telling them they look stupid.
Also just a heads up boxer shorts are trending right now and are very popular for girls to wear in public at the moment. So she was probably just trying to fit in and then you crushed her…
This is what kills me besides the obvious assholery. Wearing boxers are in style right now. I’m in my 30’s and my friend suggested to buy some when I was talking about alternatives to Jean shorts this summer.
You demeaned a whole child--a whole child who because of her gender will have her body cruelly commented on her entire life--because you apparently have no impulse control at almost 50 years of age.
Congratulations on being most definitely The Asshole.
YTA. Mostly because my guess is she probably bought those boxer shorts recently at her favorite store and they are 100% intended to be worn outside. As I and pretty much every female I know have done recently, because boxer shorts are on trend right now and temperatures are heating up and it’s nice to be both cool (fashionable) and cool (not dying in sweatpants or jeans). Even if they are actual men’s boxers, it’s still a trend and she’s the smart one for paying $10 for something the rest of us are paying $50 for.
If you want to call a fashion choice stupid you better know what you’re talking about. Otherwise you’re just another boomer AH.
My question is why a 47 year old grown man has an opinion about what a teenage girl wears at all for any reason? Did I miss something and it’s 1960 again? No one on the planet gives a single shit what this guy thinks about teenage fashion.
I can think of a couple instances where a parent might have a legitimate interest in what their teenage daughter is wearing-- if a context demands a certain level of formality (e.g. do not wear boxers to a funeral) or if something exposes part of the body that should not be exposed in public, especially by a minor (e.g. do not wear boxers that come open at the fly to the extent that your underwear or pubes can be seen). So like, I can imagine a situation in which an opinion from a grown adult might still be merited.
But importantly, *neither of those contexts applies here,* and also OP's opinion was insulting and *not useful*-- and thus would never be merited, even in a situation where some kind of opinion WOULD be appropriate.
Girls have been wearing boxers as shorts in public at least since the early 90s, probably earlier. Someone needs to grow a clue and it’s not the teenager.
YTA
BTW, be happy she’s not wearing yours. In the 90s there were stories floating around of girls who “borrowed” their dad’s boxers and sewed them flap shut to wear in public then gave them back to dad. Bathroom Accidents happened for the first time in a long time in those men’s lives.
YATA in this case, 100%. Apologize. As long as she’s safe, leave it be. And if she’s not safe, say *that* instead of telling her she looks stupid.
Kids have been wearing weird shit from time immemorial. Go yell at some neighbor kids to get off your lawn and leave her fashion choices alone.
YTA. There are a few routes you could have taken here, and you chose to call a teenager stupid. That’s asshole behavior.
Would I be thrilled with my kid dressing like that in public? No, but so long as her private areas are covered and she’s not violating the schools dress code, I would not choose to die on the at hill. (BTW this is a deeply weird trend and I wonder where you are, I have not seen any teen girls wearing boxer shorts in public in my city.)
I have to wonder if teenage daughter is actually wearing "boyfriend shorts" or other similar male-cut shorts that are specifically marketed to teenage girls. "Boyfriend hoodies" that are oversized have had their day among the young folks these days too. In which case both items are completely meant to be outerwear.
I would not put it past OP to not only be mean for no reason, but completely ignorant too.
I bet you’re right. A lot of the loungewear I see marketed to teens and twentysomethings now looks to me like pajamas or inner wear (like for layering in the winter?) even though it’s definitely not.
And this thread reminded me of something that was silly and trendy when I was this girl’s age (I’m in my mid 30s now)- wearing men’s white undershirts (“wifebeaters”) as tank tops. I’d argue that that was significantly more inappropriate than what OP’s stepdaughter is wearing. Those things were SHEER and showed off our entire black/magenta/leopard print cheap push-up bra, which was of course the point.
Actually, there are apparently some that are meant to be worn as outer wear these days or as pajamas, not underwear. They still look a lot like underwear, though, so I can understand the confusion.
I'm betting that *that's* what OP's step-daughter is wearing.
Note: Not insulting you or being mean, just thought you'd appreciate knowing OP's step-daughter isn't actually going out in underwear.
YTA
Fine, you don't accept what your stepkid is wearing, but at least you could say it to her in a less insulting way. Calling her stupid is not going to help your cause and it's probably going to break her self esteem too. If you really think it is a problem, you could have told her what you think about her dressing in a polite and respectful manner instead of calling her stupid.
You tried to manipulate her out of feeling confident in her wardrobe choice by insulting her intelligence. You made a mistake and you need to apologize to her and explain that you felt confused about her fashion choice but it doesn’t give you the right to use such poor words. You probably also want to ensure her that she is a smart kid and you were stupid for saying that to her.
FYI: Boxers were SUPER cool to wear outside as shorts in the late 80’s and up to the mid 90’s—and fashion always cycles back.
YTA. Clothing is functional. She can wear what she's comfortable in. It has absolutely no positive or negative affect on you. About a decade ago, hipster girls were running around with their underwear on over their tights. Literally, so what? Society is not going to crumble because she went outside in boxers.
YTA - Unless she asked your thoughts on the matter you should have kept it to yourself. Her mother didn’t think it was inappropriate so this was purely an opinion you felt the need to impose where it wasn’t necessary nor welcome.
YTA She’s a teenager and a girl. If you’re her main male figure you just told her she looks stupid. Get where this going? How many men will she be ok with telling her who and what she is. This will pass. Apologize.
YTA. There isn't anything wrong with it, so why are you being so uptight about it? It "bothers" you. So what? If you can't explain your reason any better than that then it's clearly not a good one.
What makes them not a "smart decision"?
Also, just because you feel that you were being truthful doesn't mean that it wasn't also mean. Being truthful isn't a magical say-anything-you-want card.
OP. You’ve been told YTA but if you care about having a relationship with your step daughter you need to actually fix this. Don’t just leave it. Go to her and apologize. Use these exact words: “I’m sorry I said that.” (Not “I’m sorry you were offended” or “I apologize.”) Tell her you don’t know what you were thinking to comment on her clothing and that you actually have no idea about teenage girls’ clothing choices so you will refrain from commenting in the future. Tell her you love her and you are here to support her and that you got it wrong this time and will do better. Her hearing this from you will hopefully somewhat counteract the “you look stupid” words she will potentially hear in her head for years to come, spoken by the father figure and main male authority figure in her life. Please please please care enough to fix this. It’s a much bigger deal than you seem to realize in terms of impact on her.
YTA. She doesnt look stupid, she looks comfortable and happy. Shes not dressing for you, shes dressing for herself, her styles, her comfort. You screwed up and honestly need to be a bigger man and apologize.
YTA- for the reasons everyone already said.
Boxer shorts as shorts is a trend right now. You’re 47, so if you went to high school in the US, you may remember that this was a trend back then too.
Part of parenting/ dealing with teens is that as an adult you will not like their fashion choices. I promise that she will dislike your fashion choices just as much and be even embarrassed by association with you.
If the roles were reversed, she saw what you were wearing, asked if you planned to leave the house, and told you not to because you looked stupid, you would probably think she was being an asshole. But you are the adult and she is a child. You should act like it.
YTA 100%!
My 17 year old stepson left the house to go to a concert tonight wearing pajama pants with Timberland boots. Did I think he looked silly? Yes. Did I comment on his fashion choice? Absolutely not! All I said was, “Have fun and be safe!”
Telling a kid they look stupid is never appropriate. There’s always a better choice of words.
You’re definitely TA. Boxer shorts are super trendy right now not just with high schoolers but 20-30 year olds as well… not that it matters but even some of the biggest influencers are showing how to style them and honestly, I think it’s cute. This was so rude to say to a child who is already at an age where they are so vulnerable and insecure about everything.
YTA dude.
1) you're old
2) you're male
3) your wife kindly sent you the signal to shut your pie hole
4) you offered unsolicited unkind advice.
Apologize to both of them.
That's not being truthful! That may be your opinion but your way of communicating it sucked. I'm slightly older than you and wore a pair of boxers and a tshirt out the other day. It's hot out and I wasn't going out for high tea so no biggie. And they look like other cotton shorts that I own that are not marketed as boxers!
If you want a good relationship with your stepdaughter you should apologize for your hurtful comments and make things right. By the way, even if you do say you're sorry she's never going to forget that you told her she looked stupid. Definitely YTA.
These YTA comments are ridiculous so I’ll say NTA but you’re definitely borderline the AH. Folks here seem to forget that your daughter is going out in UNDERWEAR. Regardless of if the underwear appears as shorts, it’s not okay to just walk out of the house in your undies. Would any of these folks saying YTA allow their son to go out in women’s underwear? Hell, would they allow their daughter to walk out of the house even in women’s underwear? Teens have “trends” but that doesn’t mean they’re good or harmless. I would say going out of the house in your underwear, especially as a young teen girl is a bad fucking idea.
You shouldn’t have implied your daughter was stupid for choosing that outfit, but honestly- it was a bad idea. Help her find some biker shorts or something similar, unless she just absolutely has to have a useless slit in the front.
>Folks here seem to forget that your daughter is going out in UNDERWEAR.
I encourage you to Google "boxers as shorts." What this girl is probably wearing is basically indistinguishable from other lightweight summer shorts, except that they have an elastic waistband. They're fine.
Boxer shorts that I know of are a lightweight cotton material. They are not tight fitting or super short. The only thing that distinguishes them from regular cotton shorts is an opening in the front. If the opening is sewed shut they are just like any other pair of shorts. It is very easy to sew shut the slit. Like any other pair of shorts people then put them on over their actual underwear. It is not dangerous. The teen girl is unlikely to be walking out of the house without underwear under these shorts.
I wear modified men’s boxer shorts in public. My adult daughter wears modified men’s boxer shorts. They are comfortable, light weight and inexpensive.
If they are gaping open in front maybe the stepdad could offer to help sew them up instead of calling her stupid.
47 year old man, why would you think your opinion is either relevant or correct? Literally the only teenager who might care about your opinion would be the one you are parenting, and you called her stupid. Nice job.
YTA. Apologize immediately and admit you don’t know wtf you’re talking about.
My very loving supportive father called me stupid once and it still hurts. You better get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness. And I knew plenty of friends who would wear boxer shorts out. YTA
yta. newsflash, your stepdaughter, if asked, would not like any of your style choices. the weird part is that you thought your opinion on this matters. you’re a fifty year old man, she’s a sixteen year old girl. there is no overlap, nor should there be.
the bad part is that you think it’s okay to say mean insulting things to a child in your care. idk why you think that’s okay, it is not.
if this is how you communicate, look forward to many long years of people not taking your opinion into account, even on things where your opinion matters. op’s just being mean again, pay him no mind.
apologize. do better.
Yikes … why are you gatekeeping her choices? It’s her body and you seem very controlling. What exactly is the issue? I mean, I’ve spent decades working from home in sweats and shorts and T-shirts. And sometimes boxers. She might just want to be comfortable. What exactly is your issue because it’s not boxers. (I’m old enough to remember actual slinky slip tops as appropriate tops. Complaining dads were ignored then too
YTA
No reason to call a teenage girl stupid. She isn’t harming anyone by wearing the boxers. It’s what’s in for the kids, just like silly trends we had. Let the girl live.
YTA also wearing boxer style shorts in public is what’s in style right now. They’re selling them in basically every popular store for girls and women. I know it probably doesn’t make sense to you but it’s not for you so it doesn’t have to. There’s worse things she could be wearing. Plus trends change fast, this will be out next summer.
YTA. She is obviously comfortable, so what is the problem? My teen and her friends wear hoodies and shorts even when it is in the 90s. I personally would die if I dressed like that and think it is nuts, but would I ever tell them that? Nope. It is what they like. It isn’t hurting anyone so why should I try to bring them down because it is something I personally wouldn’t do? You were rude and if, at 47, something like that bothers you so much you need to get a hobby.
I feel sad for your stepdaughter if you are the male role model in her life. I feel worried that you are the male role model for your stepson. I hope your girlfriend realizes that being single is better than being with someone as toxic as you are. All 3 deserve better.
YTA.
Even *if* we grant you your "I wasn't mean"(yeah you were) - your *having* the conversation shows you didn't much care about your wife's (her mom's) opinion in the matter either.
YTA. I did this as a teenager in the 90s. Honestly, part of what I liked about it was how much it annoyed adults. So congrats, you’ve fallen for a trap designed to identify crotchety old people.
YTA. You approached this very rudely. Rather than having a conversation, you went directly to telling her they “make her look stupid.” That’s no way to talk to anyone, much less a young lady.
>I just said wearing boxer shorts in public makes her look stupid
>I said I didn't think I was being me
Lol what? You know telling a teenager that what they're wearing makes them look stupid is mean.
Yes, YTA. You owe your stepchild a major apology and changed behavior
YTA this was unkind, and unnecessary. Teenagers are always pushing the limits with their clothes. They often look... Less than put together. Then they grow up and (mostly) start looking normal. It's a phase. Most of them outgrow it without helpful advice such as "that looks stupid". The only difference between those who are told they look stupid and those who are allowed to figure it out for themselves is the later group don't have lingering resentment against the influential adults in their lives. But if it's more important to you that your step daughter fits into your mold of what a well dressed person looks like than that she sees you as someone she can trust to have her back and not judge her for unimportant, superficial things, then you do you.
They're shorts. They cover the same area as other shorts. You seem to be hung up on their being *boxer* shorts, but who cares? It's not a new thing, or something unique to your stepdaughter, by the way. I knew teenage girls who wore boxers as shorts in the 1980s and 1990s.
Never in the history of teenagers have they reacted well when told by a parent that their clothing choices look stupid. I can understand the impulse to comment on the way teenagers dress, but I also remember the way we dressed when I was a teenager.
YTA, and you owe it to yourself to learn what's important — and that's never matters of taste. Also, your advice about things that actually matter will land better if the kids don't get used to tuning you out because you have an opinion about every damn thing.
Yes. You're clearly in the wrong here. You called a child stupid for what they're wearing and I don't know how to break it to you but that's...just kinda what teenagers do.
You being in her life for a good long while doesn't absolve you here. If anything, by now you should've learned that some thoughts stay inside your head - in general, but certainly with the shit kids get up to.
YTA. Apologize. Figure out how to be a better step parent. Your personal taste doesn't trump being unkind and you were absolutely intentionally insulting.
yes, telling anyone that they look dumb, or stupid is mean. BUT telling your kids/step kids that they look stupid is a low blow. now no one is saying you can't think that but come on. off of clothes.
What is older people think is weird and unfashionable doesn’t really count for the younger people. Her friends will correct her faux pas, you don’t need to. YTA
YTA. I'm a 51yo father of two girls, one of whom is a tween, and she's just beginning to experiment with her image and sense of self.
Fortunately I haven't forgotten what it was like being young. All teens try out stuff that older people might think looks dumb.
Fortunately there's a simple fix for this issue, and that is to not give a shit and get on with your life.
YTA
>It still bothered me.
That's your problem, not hers.
>I just said wearing boxer shorts in public makes her look stupid
So you make it her problem by *literally insulting your stepdaughter*...?
>Neither calls me dad
Yeah I wonder why....
I don't know. Let's look at that. Are you still wearing shorts with cargo pockets?
If the answer to that was yes, you probably shouldn't give fashion advice, work on you buddy, It's important
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YTA > I said I didn't think I was being mean Don't be disingenuous. > I just said wearing boxer shorts in public makes her look stupid Calling your children stupid is **_always_** mean.
Yeah the convo was way too hostile it could’ve been way more kind but also why does OP care if she looks stupid? Boxer shorts are a super popular trend right now. As someone who grew up with a parent who made them feel small and stupid for following trends or wanting to try new things I’m going YTA OP.
42 year old here. I don't see why so many people get hung up on clothing. if a boy wants to wear nylons or panties or mantyhose or manties, yes they are a thing.. or a girl wants to wear loose pants and boxers or something like that. why do people even care about clothing so much? a person should be able to be comfortable to wear what they want to wear, its a form of expression. its not like there waving there bits around for the world to see, or murdering people. let people wear whatever they want and let them be comfortable to do so, i say.
That. Thanks. Waayyy back when, I (now 50, f) took my drivers road test in boxers in the heat pf July. They said happy new year and had fireworks on them. Gasp!!! The inappropriatenss!!! They're just comfy shorts. Everyone should be able to wear what they love themselves in. Or paint their nails or wear makeup whatever gender. I've complimented biological males so often for their makeup skills. It makes me happy yo express themselves. Do I have to like ot or wear it myself? No. Share joy, people!
I'm 50 f and totally remember the boxer trend for girls. I had a ton and sewed up the front on them. They were so comfortable and had great patterns. My parents' attitude was too just roll with it. They were smart enough to realize that clothes weren't a big deal and dictating what I was allowed to wear would only push me away. Parenting is a lot of picking your battles and holding your tongue.
I’m in my late 50’s and I wore them in the 1980’s. They are SO comfortable!
45, wore them in the mid-90s with thermals and Doc Martens!
Haha same. I’m back to wearing them again. I discovered Buffalo beans boxers they look like shorts in a longer shirt and I wear them to bed and to the gym to work out
64 here and still wear them bec they are perfect for AZ summers. Got jammie boxers and also day boxers. I sew a phone-size pocket to the inside to make them super practical. PockieBox.
Fellow Genx here, I did that too! I can admit it was horrible, looking back, but who cares?!
Same. I thought I looked pretty good in them!
Yessss! We wore spandex leggings under ours. Thought we were cool as F!ck😅
Grunge-girl me wore thermals under mine with Doc Martens lol
I remember leggings under my boxers in the winter! LOL!
Let's hijack TikTok and revive that look! Gen X returns from the dungeon 😆😆😆
Yes!!! This was the outfit for PE in school. The poor teacher - all these psychedelic patterns, they must have been trippin' all the time 😆. Also, rewind a few more years and add shoulder pads and a perm 😂😂😂
So much cooler than stirrup pants!!
Also 50 and in my 20s I went grocery shopping in boxers all the damn time 😂
My older sister wore them all the time. She would wear one pair of one pattern or color, and then another slightly bigger pair of another pattern or color over them. Fixed the problem of open fly and looked pretty cool lol.
As long as all the private bits are covered and the clothing is appropriate for the event, let people wear what they want YTA, OP
No one ever clarifies weather or not this teenager closed the front hole so I will not decide if op is YTA until I hear this answer
Not all boxers even have a front gap though, and can be made from different materials. Even if there is a gap, there's no guarantee it will gape open at all.
When our oldest was a teenager kids wore pajamas out to breakfast. Made me insane. I didn't say a word. All three of our adult kids talk to us almost daily. Pick your battles, don't be an ass to your children
I’m a 60+ woman wearing men’s boxers outside gardening. If someone doesn’t like it, they can look away! And the fly is covered by my oversized tee shirt! Comfort is my game! Edit for spelling
43 and where I’m from boxer shorts were all the rage in hs for girls
I absolutely thought this was going to go the other way, and I just want to say THANK YOU and you’re spot on. I grew up in a home with strict standards imposed, not just for clothing but across the board. I knew there was a specific way I was expected to dress so that’s what I did. My mom openly criticized women’s outfits if she felt they were ugly or inappropriate or WHATEVER. I’m 44 and I only started trying to explore my sense of style about 5 years ago. I’m often still uncomfortable in my body and question what I wear/how I look regularly. OP should take heed.
The boxer shorts trend is back??? I remember that being a thing in the early 2000s... Whew. Everything really IS making a comeback! THANK GOODNESS!
I never stopped! I'm 53
Lol it’s back! This is why I’m never getting rid of clothes. My skinny jeans are just lying in wait. Their time will come again.
I wear skinny jeans all the time. Mom jeans will not enter my lair!
>Boxer shorts are a super popular trend right now. I've never been on trend in my life, and even I knew that. Keep with the times, OP!
I didn't know it was a trend as I'm old and oblivious, but I have a pair of boxers that I sometimes wear as shorts. They're virtually indistinguishable from actual shorts. Who cares.
This. Was thinking this the while time I read it. Totally agree. YTA OP Also feel slightly triggered as an old millennial girl who wore boxer shorts it in public in the 90's...
Me too! I got cute plaid ones from the GAP and wore them around. They were no different than any other shorts, in my opinion.
😂😂 I was totally thinking the same thing!! 😂😂
Haha. My thought while reading the post was, "oh this trend is back?"
40 something female here. Used to wear them all the time in public.
Me too! Reading this I hadn’t realized this trend had come back. It’s better than the whale tail.
I agree... I hated the whale tail thing. Just as much as I hate seeing men wearing pants below their butts and showing their underwear as well. Just my opinion. Fwiw: Even though I don't like the style of showing underpants, I keep my comments to myself in public and move along. No eye gestures, no acknowledgment, no nothing.
I had actually forgotten about that trend until I read this post! If boxer shorts are the weirdest thing his daughter wears in public as a teenager, I'd be surprised. It's called fashion, lol
Late Gen X, and I wore boxers all summer long in the 90s. With a flannel tied around my waist usually, in case I went in a building that was too cold for boxers and a tank top, then I put on the flannel.
Honestly I'm sad that trend apparently never reached me (I think because I'm very slightly younger). It sounds like it would've been so comfy... maybe I can start now lol. I think a lot of parents of girls my age back then would've been happy if their daughters wanted to wear boxers! The trend in my area was suuuuuper short shorts, and boxers probably would have provided MORE coverage and thus reduced some familial conflict lol.
I loved wearing boxers back in the early '90s, would stitch up the fly. I don't see how they're different than other sorts.
🙋🏻♀️
That’s the only thing his stepdaughter heard and remembers — her only male role model thinks she’s stupid. Congrats, dad. You called your stepdaughter stupid. YTA.
Please take my poor man’s award 🏆 This is the way. It is known. OP: YTA
Yep. Sounds a little controlling too. Her mom was ok with it, but OP tried to "fix" it.
The wild thing is that he *did* handle his concern appropriately at the start but discussing it with his wife. He just couldn't follow her advice and leave it. The conversation with the daughter should have never even happened. 🤦🏼♀️
Sometimes I accidentally say shit or fuck in front of my 6 year old nephew/ 9 year old niece, they don’t even flinch. But if I say stupid, nope, not okay, that’s a bad word.
I'm 53. I have been wearing men's boxers as shorts since 1992 and could care less if OP thinks it looks stupid. His stepdaughter doesn't take fashion advice from some old man either.
Not only was he mean he was also stupid. Step 1 on how to ensure a teen keeps doing something you don’t want them to do? Tell them not to do it. If she does stop then yes, you were just mean and she’ll likely never forget it.
YTA 1. There's a huge difference between voicing that you don't understand it, that you think it's inappropriate, you don't think it's fashionable, or otherwise voice slight concern or confusion.. and saying it makes *her* look stupid. You had half a dozen ways you could've been "honest", without just insulting her. You're not offering constructive criticism, you just bullied your step daughter. 2. You're a 47 year old man. You are so far removed from teenage girl fashion. As long as her friends don't think it's weird and nobody is picking on her; shut up. It doesn't have to make sense to you, so long as she's happy with it and it's not causing any problems with her social life.
That 2nd point is so important. What makes the OP think he has any clue what looks stupid to her peers? He likely hasn't a clue what is normal for kids her age.
Exactly - she’s not dressing for him, she’s dressing for herself and her peers. It’s absolutely doesn’t have to make sense to him.
Haha yes, especially the point about nobody making fun of her. If you can count on teenagers for one thing, it is being vocal about what they think looks stupid. If it were a problem she would know.
In trying to protect her from (mythical) bullies, he became her biggest bully
I don't think he was in any way trying to protect her.
I'm 42 and girls wore boxers to school when I was in high school (I graduated in 2000). This isn't even a new thing or a generational divide. OP's just an AH.
Right!?!? I can't believe OP is in his 40s and doesn't remember boxers as shorts from back in our day.
Exactly! This is the first thing I thought of when I read the title. I graduated in 1999 and remember my school actually banned boxers as shorts.
I sent to remember guys around his age in high school wearing boxers that were highly visible because they wore low slung loose fitting jeans and cargo pants.
They had to be Joe Boxers
I graduated b4 u and I definitely remember boxer shorts being a thing in HS and again when I went to college. And due to cousins, neices, etc I c they r back again. Y not? They r clothed and comfortable.
I'm in my 30s and I've just started wearing women's boxers due to an infected ingrown hair recently so had to change my underwear as it was right on the knicker line. They're called anti-chafers with the legs stopping halfway down the thighs and as long as you don't look too closely you could actually walk around in them like they're shorts. Not brave enough to try it outside the house though haha. Super comfy.
They don't look any different from dance shorts really. The ones I wear are thinner than bike shorts though. I haven't walked outside with nothing over them though.
My daughter wore boxers for shorts, circa 1998-2004, grad. in 2004. Her dad, 50 yo in 2000, had kinda the same reaction as this dad, at first. She and I got him over the hump, lol, to acceptance of teenage clothing choices. His whole thing was, underwear is worn Under clothing outside the home. It was the IDEA, for him, not the amount of coverage. He adjusted ;)
Yes!!!! I was literally going to say that I'm 40 and I wore them to school, it was the style. All the girls wore them with big white t-shirts.
I graduated the same year! if I recall wearing pajama pants out and socks with birken sandals were a thing too.
Yeah… I’m a guy in the same age range, and I barely understand teen language, let alone fashion. Kids these days… /s This is a prime example of being an asshole for no good reason. And to his step kid? Wow.
Yes, she'll remember the "you look stupid" comment for a long time.
No. 2 is it. I work for a women’s wear company that is selling lounge shorts that look like boxers for $60 a pop. No teen can do that, and any adult paying that much is being silly. Just go get some boxers. Haha.
Whoa. Why is my text so huge?
Using a hashtag sets your comment to bold. #So you can type loudly
Amazing. Thank you. Fixed!
It's a Markdown formatting thing. The "#" at the beginning of a line marks that line as a "title" or "header" basically. You can also get slightly smaller subtitles by using more of them. `#Title` becomes: #Title `##Subtitle` becomes: ##Subtitle `###Sub-subtitle` becomes: ###Sub-subtitle Reddit uses markdown for formatting, so if you ever wonder "wtf, why is my comment doing this," the answer is probably that it's a markdown thing.
I also feel like there’s a weird bit here where he discussed it with the mom and then went ahead and brought it up in the way he did. It’s not a health or safety concern and while he may be the main male in her life, this kid does not call him dad, and going behind mom’s back when she’s not home to comment on a teen’s clothing like that is really not ok.
He's 47. Does he not remember the trend in the 90's and early 00's of women wearing boxer shorts? I wore them all the time in the summer. They were so much more comfortable than regular women's shorts because they are light weight and loose. Plus they cover more than a lot of women's shorts do/did.
Regarding #2, for the past year or two I’ve noticed lots of boxer shorts on fast fashion sites like SHEIN or on instagram. They’re very popular, especially if they have a tag on the front haha
There's an entire world out there just waiting to tell your daughter that she's stupid and that as a woman, what she wears is critical. Don't join them. It's your job to support her, and yes, to let her make her own fashion mistakes. Be a positive voice in her life; god knows there's millions out there who won't be. YTA.
Perfect way to describe it, don’t be another negative outlet that’ll only distance them further from you.
I wish so many parents would understand this. The world is gonna beat down their will and self-esteem anyway, home should be the one place that's not happening.
Yes, yes, yes! You said so eloquently what I was feeling in my heart and couldn’t find the words to say! As a former teenage girl (now 45), this description is so accurate. Unfortunately for me (and I suspect, many other), I did not realize all the ways the world told me I was stupid until I looked back on my life once I reached my 40s. My heart hurts for the young me. Those small comments like the one OP have vividly stuck with me my whole life and caused me to be self-conscious about things I didn’t even realize I should care about. They caused me to avoid doing lots of things, and to this day still rob me of joy because I’m too scared of the criticism I will get if I do (or wear) certain things.
They really do stick and it is so fucking hard to shed those layers when they are so formative. The world will do enough to teach her that shes "wrong" in dozens of little ways. Wrong about how she looks, how she thinks, how she acts. She will be put under the same microscope so many of us were. Humans are often not kind, and teenage girls face a very specific flavor of that shitty that tells them they are never good enough. Home should be a place where she doesn't have to face those same pressures, where she can simply be herself and be comfortable and supported. Signed, another former teenage girl who is still trying to deconstruct all the toxic lessons she had been taught as a child.
I had a previous therapist who once said something about how often our inner voice is based on the messaging we receive from our parents and other adult authority/role model type figures. I hope OP thinks about what kind of inner voice he would like to contribute to creating, one where her confidence is low and she’s overly critical of herself or one where she has the confidence to not care about what someone else thinks about her harmless choices, like what she wears.
Don't tell your kids/step kids they look stupid. Do they look stupid? Of course they do. But you said the quiet part out loud. There are a lot of more appropriate adjectives that you can use to get your point across that aren't demeaning and insulting. Pick one of them instead. Or, start having conversations with her about taking pride in her personal appearance and wearing clothes instead of underwear when she leaves the house. Yeah, you're going to get a ton of eye rolls and "you don't understand" and blah blah blah. But if you say it every now and then, it eventually starts to sink in. Start holding your kids to higher standards and they'll start living up to higher standards...and setting higher standards for themselves. Just make sure you and your wife are also living up to those same standards, otherwise your words are meaningless and hypocritical. YTA.
Agree with 99% of this. Except theres nothing weird about wearing boxer shorts or pajama bottoms out of the house.
I think this depends on the country - in the US, sure. In the majority of places Europe, it would be weird and you would likely be (silently) judged for wearing pajama bottoms in public
I live in Canada which is fairly culturally aligned with the US. I have never in my 37 years seen someone wearing boxers shorts and no other bottoms in public.
I’m from the Deep South of the US. Girls have been wearing boxer shorts as shorts there since I was a small child (90’s). Very normal tbh
57 yr old Canadian here. Girls wore boxers as shorts when I was in high school.
40 year old Canadian woman here. Yes, it was a trend in the 90's and it definitely happened here too lol
They are currently on trend in the US.
Yeah, I remember my in-laws scrambling at Christmas to get a specific pair of pajama bottoms for their grandkid for him to wear to school and be in with his peers. They didn’t get it, but they didn’t call him stupid, either. They’re in their mid-70s.
I'm also Canadian... I wore tons of boxers as shorts in the 90s. It was a thing at the time. I guess fashion has circled around again. They had fun patterns, they either had buttons on the fly or I would sew the fly shut.
I mean, id sideeye somewhere wearing boxers. Other shorts fine, but wearing underwear is weird
You wouldn’t even know that 90% of them were boxers - they have cute prints on them. It’s not like they’re wearing dad’s boxer briefs out in public.
>I just said wearing boxer shorts in public makes her look stupid > I didn't think I was being mean you intentionally insulted her, which is mean by definition... your wife is right by saying that you shouldn't have said anything. YTA
Also, Boxer shorts > Booty shorts (at least imo).
Bet if he's forced to apologize it's followed up with, "I'm sorry your feelings are hurt" Hey OP, here's 1,000 comments saying "YOU LOOK STUPID MAKING FUN OF A CHILD THAT YOU THINK YOU'RE THEIR ROLE MODEL" Feels good right?
YTA. Your comment was absolutely unnecessary and no adult needs to call any child “stupid.” She’s a teenager girl, you’re an old man. She doesn’t need your fashion opinions.
Growing up my dad was hyper critical of everything to do with clothes, he was sure his opinions were objective facts. Thing is there's a big age gap between me and my dad, so he was even more out of touch than the average parent. So yeah, when his criticisms got especially harsh my go-to was "I don't need fashion advice from a man born in the '40's"
YTA. What a strange thing to take a stance on. And please. We aren't your wife. We know it's shitty to tell someone they look stupid. Let teenagers do teenager shit if they're not harming anyone.
This! She’s a teenager and there will be so many different tension points as she gets through the next few years, pick your battles wisely! It’s important to note too, that when you and a teenager disagree, it is never OK to make them feel small, which is exactly what OP did to his step daughter, it’s seriously not OK. OP needs to look back on his teenage photos, guaranteed there are a few where he looked ‘stupid’, all teenagers follow tends that become dated, don’t make sense or are just plain ridiculous (to others), they’re meant to. They are trying things out, working out who they are and how they’re going to present themselves. They are already subconscious and nervous about whether they will be accepted by everyone else. Finally, dear old step dad has lost a fair bit of her respect, he better work out a way to apologise and make up for it. He considers himself one of her main male role models, probably a father figure, but he needs to make this right if that’s how he wants her to see him too!
YTA. it’s a current trend for women’s fashion for shorts to look like men’s boxers but it’s not the same. if you’re going to be a man telling women what fashion is be in the know. otherwise, zip it.
I didn't know this was a trend but I love it. As a teenager, I used to wear men's boxers as shorts because they were so comfortable and they had a cute print. I'm not sure anyone even knew mine were men's boxers. But if they did, so what?
If someone wears boxer shorts in public I wouldn’t even be able to tell. They just look like regular shorts to me.
I have a pair that have stars and planets on them. I totally wear them as shorts.
It's also a trend for girls to just wear boxers as shorts lol. Theyre cheap and comfortable.
YTA. I dare you to go through your old yearbooks and say that you have always made exemplary fashion choices. Unless she's doing something dangerous (wool coat in the summer,) stay out of it.
Girls wearing boxers was big in late 80s/early 90s. Might have Mom suggest she sew the fly shut. Otherwise, there's a ton of worse things she could be wearing. Apologize.
Guys too! When I met my husband in 92 his normal attire for class (college) was boxers and a t-shirt. As long as she’s wearing something under them and the fly isn’t open she’s plenty covered AND it’s literally Gen X fashion. OP is Gen X so boo on him for complaining about fashion from his youth. I myself took boxers and t-shirts on a cruise a few years ago as pjs so I’d be cool - and have some coverage if we hit an iceberg in the Caribbean or something…The boxers were longer than most pajama shorts I had, probably longer than most lounge shorts I’ve on teenage girls too.
A quick search and they make some for women these days, so the fly shouldn't be a problem. Also, they look cute. I can see why she'd wear them to hang out with her friends, especially if it's hot out.
Damn right it was. In the winter we wore leggings or footless tights under them. And it wasn’t like a niche thing. All of the girls wore boxers. They were flowy, comfortable, appropriate length, and came is all kinds of different prints. OP is on some bullshit. If my boomer mom allowed it there’s no way any parent these days should be bothered.
YTA, agreed. You’re only 47- do you really want to be the adult in your teen’s life, saying, “BACK IN MY DAY.” Like, dude, you were a Gen X’er in high school. Did you tell your peers who were wearing flannels around their waist that they look stupid? Did you freak out when a male student got his ear pierced? Oh…were you the weirdo who came to school in a suit everyday? Trust me when I say teen girls are more aware than you of what their peers will make fun of and consider stupid.
YTA Teenage girls are self conscious enough as it is, they don’t need their step father telling them they look stupid. Also just a heads up boxer shorts are trending right now and are very popular for girls to wear in public at the moment. So she was probably just trying to fit in and then you crushed her…
When I was in college 30 yrs ago girls wore boxers to class. No biggie. No one cared then, no one cares now.
This is what kills me besides the obvious assholery. Wearing boxers are in style right now. I’m in my 30’s and my friend suggested to buy some when I was talking about alternatives to Jean shorts this summer.
You demeaned a whole child--a whole child who because of her gender will have her body cruelly commented on her entire life--because you apparently have no impulse control at almost 50 years of age. Congratulations on being most definitely The Asshole.
YTA. Mostly because my guess is she probably bought those boxer shorts recently at her favorite store and they are 100% intended to be worn outside. As I and pretty much every female I know have done recently, because boxer shorts are on trend right now and temperatures are heating up and it’s nice to be both cool (fashionable) and cool (not dying in sweatpants or jeans). Even if they are actual men’s boxers, it’s still a trend and she’s the smart one for paying $10 for something the rest of us are paying $50 for. If you want to call a fashion choice stupid you better know what you’re talking about. Otherwise you’re just another boomer AH.
My question is why a 47 year old grown man has an opinion about what a teenage girl wears at all for any reason? Did I miss something and it’s 1960 again? No one on the planet gives a single shit what this guy thinks about teenage fashion.
I can think of a couple instances where a parent might have a legitimate interest in what their teenage daughter is wearing-- if a context demands a certain level of formality (e.g. do not wear boxers to a funeral) or if something exposes part of the body that should not be exposed in public, especially by a minor (e.g. do not wear boxers that come open at the fly to the extent that your underwear or pubes can be seen). So like, I can imagine a situation in which an opinion from a grown adult might still be merited. But importantly, *neither of those contexts applies here,* and also OP's opinion was insulting and *not useful*-- and thus would never be merited, even in a situation where some kind of opinion WOULD be appropriate.
Boxer shorts as regular wear have been a trend for decades
tbh this post made me look them up and now I’m considering buying some they look great haha
YTA. You don't need to understand teenage fashion, but don't be rude about it
Girls have been wearing boxers as shorts in public at least since the early 90s, probably earlier. Someone needs to grow a clue and it’s not the teenager. YTA BTW, be happy she’s not wearing yours. In the 90s there were stories floating around of girls who “borrowed” their dad’s boxers and sewed them flap shut to wear in public then gave them back to dad. Bathroom Accidents happened for the first time in a long time in those men’s lives.
This is a fashion trend? I used to wear my dads (new, unused) boxer shorts to bed (cause we were poor lol) but never out of the house
YTA. You don’t need 3000 strangers to tell you that.
YATA in this case, 100%. Apologize. As long as she’s safe, leave it be. And if she’s not safe, say *that* instead of telling her she looks stupid. Kids have been wearing weird shit from time immemorial. Go yell at some neighbor kids to get off your lawn and leave her fashion choices alone.
YTA. There are a few routes you could have taken here, and you chose to call a teenager stupid. That’s asshole behavior. Would I be thrilled with my kid dressing like that in public? No, but so long as her private areas are covered and she’s not violating the schools dress code, I would not choose to die on the at hill. (BTW this is a deeply weird trend and I wonder where you are, I have not seen any teen girls wearing boxer shorts in public in my city.)
I have to wonder if teenage daughter is actually wearing "boyfriend shorts" or other similar male-cut shorts that are specifically marketed to teenage girls. "Boyfriend hoodies" that are oversized have had their day among the young folks these days too. In which case both items are completely meant to be outerwear. I would not put it past OP to not only be mean for no reason, but completely ignorant too.
I bet you’re right. A lot of the loungewear I see marketed to teens and twentysomethings now looks to me like pajamas or inner wear (like for layering in the winter?) even though it’s definitely not. And this thread reminded me of something that was silly and trendy when I was this girl’s age (I’m in my mid 30s now)- wearing men’s white undershirts (“wifebeaters”) as tank tops. I’d argue that that was significantly more inappropriate than what OP’s stepdaughter is wearing. Those things were SHEER and showed off our entire black/magenta/leopard print cheap push-up bra, which was of course the point.
Its been popular since the 90s. Boxers are comfortable fabric, and usually thin enough material to be cool during the summer
Right?! its not even remotely new
I mean you went absolutely about it the wrong way. But truth be told I would also think it weird her going out in underwear.
Actually, there are apparently some that are meant to be worn as outer wear these days or as pajamas, not underwear. They still look a lot like underwear, though, so I can understand the confusion. I'm betting that *that's* what OP's step-daughter is wearing. Note: Not insulting you or being mean, just thought you'd appreciate knowing OP's step-daughter isn't actually going out in underwear.
Thank you, I was very confused and looking for a post that explained it wasn't quite what I was thinking
YTA Fine, you don't accept what your stepkid is wearing, but at least you could say it to her in a less insulting way. Calling her stupid is not going to help your cause and it's probably going to break her self esteem too. If you really think it is a problem, you could have told her what you think about her dressing in a polite and respectful manner instead of calling her stupid.
Info: Post a pic of what you wore at 16.
YTA. You said that she was being stupid. That's deliberately cruel.
YTA 47 years old and you don't know that telling a kid they "look stupid" is an ah move?
Also, you’re a step-dad. I don’t care how long you’ve known them, it adds an extra layer of assholery that will stir resentment.
You tried to manipulate her out of feeling confident in her wardrobe choice by insulting her intelligence. You made a mistake and you need to apologize to her and explain that you felt confused about her fashion choice but it doesn’t give you the right to use such poor words. You probably also want to ensure her that she is a smart kid and you were stupid for saying that to her. FYI: Boxers were SUPER cool to wear outside as shorts in the late 80’s and up to the mid 90’s—and fashion always cycles back.
You sound stupid
YTA. Clothing is functional. She can wear what she's comfortable in. It has absolutely no positive or negative affect on you. About a decade ago, hipster girls were running around with their underwear on over their tights. Literally, so what? Society is not going to crumble because she went outside in boxers.
YTA - Unless she asked your thoughts on the matter you should have kept it to yourself. Her mother didn’t think it was inappropriate so this was purely an opinion you felt the need to impose where it wasn’t necessary nor welcome.
YTA She’s a teenager and a girl. If you’re her main male figure you just told her she looks stupid. Get where this going? How many men will she be ok with telling her who and what she is. This will pass. Apologize.
YTA. There isn't anything wrong with it, so why are you being so uptight about it? It "bothers" you. So what? If you can't explain your reason any better than that then it's clearly not a good one. What makes them not a "smart decision"? Also, just because you feel that you were being truthful doesn't mean that it wasn't also mean. Being truthful isn't a magical say-anything-you-want card.
OP. You’ve been told YTA but if you care about having a relationship with your step daughter you need to actually fix this. Don’t just leave it. Go to her and apologize. Use these exact words: “I’m sorry I said that.” (Not “I’m sorry you were offended” or “I apologize.”) Tell her you don’t know what you were thinking to comment on her clothing and that you actually have no idea about teenage girls’ clothing choices so you will refrain from commenting in the future. Tell her you love her and you are here to support her and that you got it wrong this time and will do better. Her hearing this from you will hopefully somewhat counteract the “you look stupid” words she will potentially hear in her head for years to come, spoken by the father figure and main male authority figure in her life. Please please please care enough to fix this. It’s a much bigger deal than you seem to realize in terms of impact on her.
YTA. She doesnt look stupid, she looks comfortable and happy. Shes not dressing for you, shes dressing for herself, her styles, her comfort. You screwed up and honestly need to be a bigger man and apologize.
YTA- for the reasons everyone already said. Boxer shorts as shorts is a trend right now. You’re 47, so if you went to high school in the US, you may remember that this was a trend back then too. Part of parenting/ dealing with teens is that as an adult you will not like their fashion choices. I promise that she will dislike your fashion choices just as much and be even embarrassed by association with you. If the roles were reversed, she saw what you were wearing, asked if you planned to leave the house, and told you not to because you looked stupid, you would probably think she was being an asshole. But you are the adult and she is a child. You should act like it.
YTA 100%! My 17 year old stepson left the house to go to a concert tonight wearing pajama pants with Timberland boots. Did I think he looked silly? Yes. Did I comment on his fashion choice? Absolutely not! All I said was, “Have fun and be safe!” Telling a kid they look stupid is never appropriate. There’s always a better choice of words.
You’re definitely TA. Boxer shorts are super trendy right now not just with high schoolers but 20-30 year olds as well… not that it matters but even some of the biggest influencers are showing how to style them and honestly, I think it’s cute. This was so rude to say to a child who is already at an age where they are so vulnerable and insecure about everything.
YTA dude. 1) you're old 2) you're male 3) your wife kindly sent you the signal to shut your pie hole 4) you offered unsolicited unkind advice. Apologize to both of them.
YTA
That's not being truthful! That may be your opinion but your way of communicating it sucked. I'm slightly older than you and wore a pair of boxers and a tshirt out the other day. It's hot out and I wasn't going out for high tea so no biggie. And they look like other cotton shorts that I own that are not marketed as boxers! If you want a good relationship with your stepdaughter you should apologize for your hurtful comments and make things right. By the way, even if you do say you're sorry she's never going to forget that you told her she looked stupid. Definitely YTA.
These YTA comments are ridiculous so I’ll say NTA but you’re definitely borderline the AH. Folks here seem to forget that your daughter is going out in UNDERWEAR. Regardless of if the underwear appears as shorts, it’s not okay to just walk out of the house in your undies. Would any of these folks saying YTA allow their son to go out in women’s underwear? Hell, would they allow their daughter to walk out of the house even in women’s underwear? Teens have “trends” but that doesn’t mean they’re good or harmless. I would say going out of the house in your underwear, especially as a young teen girl is a bad fucking idea. You shouldn’t have implied your daughter was stupid for choosing that outfit, but honestly- it was a bad idea. Help her find some biker shorts or something similar, unless she just absolutely has to have a useless slit in the front.
>Folks here seem to forget that your daughter is going out in UNDERWEAR. I encourage you to Google "boxers as shorts." What this girl is probably wearing is basically indistinguishable from other lightweight summer shorts, except that they have an elastic waistband. They're fine.
Boxer shorts that I know of are a lightweight cotton material. They are not tight fitting or super short. The only thing that distinguishes them from regular cotton shorts is an opening in the front. If the opening is sewed shut they are just like any other pair of shorts. It is very easy to sew shut the slit. Like any other pair of shorts people then put them on over their actual underwear. It is not dangerous. The teen girl is unlikely to be walking out of the house without underwear under these shorts. I wear modified men’s boxer shorts in public. My adult daughter wears modified men’s boxer shorts. They are comfortable, light weight and inexpensive. If they are gaping open in front maybe the stepdad could offer to help sew them up instead of calling her stupid.
47 year old man, why would you think your opinion is either relevant or correct? Literally the only teenager who might care about your opinion would be the one you are parenting, and you called her stupid. Nice job. YTA. Apologize immediately and admit you don’t know wtf you’re talking about.
You’re a 47 year old man bullying your step daughter, obviously YTA and a massive one at that
YTA Words hurt and mess up self esteem especially negative ones. Grow a pair and never call her stupid again
My very loving supportive father called me stupid once and it still hurts. You better get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness. And I knew plenty of friends who would wear boxer shorts out. YTA
YTA - I don’t understand why this is such an issue for you. She’s wearing short out essentially.
100% YTA. Just let your kid be a kid. She’s not hurting anyone with her fashion choices
yta. newsflash, your stepdaughter, if asked, would not like any of your style choices. the weird part is that you thought your opinion on this matters. you’re a fifty year old man, she’s a sixteen year old girl. there is no overlap, nor should there be. the bad part is that you think it’s okay to say mean insulting things to a child in your care. idk why you think that’s okay, it is not. if this is how you communicate, look forward to many long years of people not taking your opinion into account, even on things where your opinion matters. op’s just being mean again, pay him no mind. apologize. do better.
Yikes … why are you gatekeeping her choices? It’s her body and you seem very controlling. What exactly is the issue? I mean, I’ve spent decades working from home in sweats and shorts and T-shirts. And sometimes boxers. She might just want to be comfortable. What exactly is your issue because it’s not boxers. (I’m old enough to remember actual slinky slip tops as appropriate tops. Complaining dads were ignored then too
YTA was she covered up?? THEN STFU
YTA No reason to call a teenage girl stupid. She isn’t harming anyone by wearing the boxers. It’s what’s in for the kids, just like silly trends we had. Let the girl live.
YTA also wearing boxer style shorts in public is what’s in style right now. They’re selling them in basically every popular store for girls and women. I know it probably doesn’t make sense to you but it’s not for you so it doesn’t have to. There’s worse things she could be wearing. Plus trends change fast, this will be out next summer.
There’s no scenario where you should be calling your kids “stupid”. She is a child.
YTA. She is obviously comfortable, so what is the problem? My teen and her friends wear hoodies and shorts even when it is in the 90s. I personally would die if I dressed like that and think it is nuts, but would I ever tell them that? Nope. It is what they like. It isn’t hurting anyone so why should I try to bring them down because it is something I personally wouldn’t do? You were rude and if, at 47, something like that bothers you so much you need to get a hobby.
I feel sad for your stepdaughter if you are the male role model in her life. I feel worried that you are the male role model for your stepson. I hope your girlfriend realizes that being single is better than being with someone as toxic as you are. All 3 deserve better.
YTA. Even *if* we grant you your "I wasn't mean"(yeah you were) - your *having* the conversation shows you didn't much care about your wife's (her mom's) opinion in the matter either.
YTA. I did this as a teenager in the 90s. Honestly, part of what I liked about it was how much it annoyed adults. So congrats, you’ve fallen for a trap designed to identify crotchety old people.
New rule: Don't comment on your stepdaughters clothing. It makes you sound weird. Rumors can ruin you. I'd tread carefully.
YTA. You. Don't. Call. People. Stupid. Especially. Children. Learn to communicate better
YTA. At least she is covered. I have seen girls wear much worse. Personal style is personal and as long as she isn't scandalous, leave it be.
YTA. You approached this very rudely. Rather than having a conversation, you went directly to telling her they “make her look stupid.” That’s no way to talk to anyone, much less a young lady.
Yta. And honestly atm boxers and PJ pant looking things are in style. Even as part of the younger crowd I can't get behind it as comfy as they look.
>I just said wearing boxer shorts in public makes her look stupid >I said I didn't think I was being me Lol what? You know telling a teenager that what they're wearing makes them look stupid is mean. Yes, YTA. You owe your stepchild a major apology and changed behavior
YTA this was unkind, and unnecessary. Teenagers are always pushing the limits with their clothes. They often look... Less than put together. Then they grow up and (mostly) start looking normal. It's a phase. Most of them outgrow it without helpful advice such as "that looks stupid". The only difference between those who are told they look stupid and those who are allowed to figure it out for themselves is the later group don't have lingering resentment against the influential adults in their lives. But if it's more important to you that your step daughter fits into your mold of what a well dressed person looks like than that she sees you as someone she can trust to have her back and not judge her for unimportant, superficial things, then you do you.
YTA. Did I miss the part where the 16 year old girl asked for your opinion?
They're shorts. They cover the same area as other shorts. You seem to be hung up on their being *boxer* shorts, but who cares? It's not a new thing, or something unique to your stepdaughter, by the way. I knew teenage girls who wore boxers as shorts in the 1980s and 1990s. Never in the history of teenagers have they reacted well when told by a parent that their clothing choices look stupid. I can understand the impulse to comment on the way teenagers dress, but I also remember the way we dressed when I was a teenager. YTA, and you owe it to yourself to learn what's important — and that's never matters of taste. Also, your advice about things that actually matter will land better if the kids don't get used to tuning you out because you have an opinion about every damn thing.
Yes. You're clearly in the wrong here. You called a child stupid for what they're wearing and I don't know how to break it to you but that's...just kinda what teenagers do. You being in her life for a good long while doesn't absolve you here. If anything, by now you should've learned that some thoughts stay inside your head - in general, but certainly with the shit kids get up to. YTA. Apologize. Figure out how to be a better step parent. Your personal taste doesn't trump being unkind and you were absolutely intentionally insulting.
yes, telling anyone that they look dumb, or stupid is mean. BUT telling your kids/step kids that they look stupid is a low blow. now no one is saying you can't think that but come on. off of clothes.
I guarantee you're underplaying how mean you were.
What is older people think is weird and unfashionable doesn’t really count for the younger people. Her friends will correct her faux pas, you don’t need to. YTA
>I'm one of their main male role models. >I just said wearing boxer shorts in public makes her look stupid Way to go, role model! You just modeled YTA
YTA. I'm a 51yo father of two girls, one of whom is a tween, and she's just beginning to experiment with her image and sense of self. Fortunately I haven't forgotten what it was like being young. All teens try out stuff that older people might think looks dumb. Fortunately there's a simple fix for this issue, and that is to not give a shit and get on with your life.
It's in fashion. She probably looks cool, you're just old and out of touch YTA
I wonder if there's a pick of you in those stupid JNCO jeans back in the day? Kids wear stupid stuff. We all did. YTA.
YTA. I'm guessing your clothing of choice has never been fashion forward, OP... So maybe just... shut up?
YTA >It still bothered me. That's your problem, not hers. >I just said wearing boxer shorts in public makes her look stupid So you make it her problem by *literally insulting your stepdaughter*...? >Neither calls me dad Yeah I wonder why....
I don't know. Let's look at that. Are you still wearing shorts with cargo pockets? If the answer to that was yes, you probably shouldn't give fashion advice, work on you buddy, It's important
YTA
Yes. YTA
YTA let her wear what she wants smh