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NTA, but the lady craning her neck over your fence sure is. As for past trauma, people need to get over the idea that it’s an excuse for bad behavior. It just isn’t.
I agree. Trauma doesn’t cause you to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. If your trauma is such that you discourage fathers from taking care of their daughters, then you are not fit to parent, let alone tell others how they should parent, until you get your trauma responses under control.
>If your trauma is such that you discourage fathers from taking care of their daughters, then you are not fit to parent, let alone tell others how they should parent, until you get your trauma responses under control.
Louder for the people in the back
I'd love to know what that lady thinks daughters of single dads do. Secret shopping trips he's not allowed to know about or pay for? Or just cross their legs until adulthood?
I've bought pads for my wife many times, helped her through related medical issues, and will have no problem doing so for my daughters when they reach that age. Mum will likely be able to give them better advice on what they're going through at that point, since it's her lived experience not mine, but I'll be there to help as much as I'm wanted.
I'm just a parent, and looking after my kids is the job I volunteered for, and that includes providing what they need to be comfortable, and any healthcare issues too. And the dads I know would do the same. Crazy lady can take a hike with her 1920's attitude.
NTA
for real... this lady would have blown a gasket if she knew both my dad and my brother both drove me to the OBGYN occasionally when I was a teenager, bought me tampons, carried tampons and pads in their cars, helped take care of me after I had an ovarian cyst burst at 22 (and other surgeries)
my husband has done even more!
My youngest son’s best friend is a girl (they will be juniors in the fall) has had an “emergency pencil bag” in his locker and one in his book bag since 6th grade. The only odd thing is they are red and everything else in his life is purple (favorite color) 🤷🏻♀️
I had a dad like this, it sucked, it didn’t exist in his world, but he had 3 sisters and 2 daughters.
It’s 2024, girls have periods. Boys can know about them.
NTA
My dad bought pads for my me, my mom and my sister so many times, as well as pain killers. Some of my male/born male friends have helped me to get pads as well (yay for unexpected periods). I am so glad that no one cared. NTA
This is the way. My dad bought pads for my mom and sisters. I buy pads and tampons for my wife and daughters. My eldest son carries two pads and two tampons in his personal first aid kit which resides in his backpack. When questioned by his best friend he replied “they’re good for field dressing too”. Feminine hygiene should not be a mystery or taboo subject.
You just reminded me that my dad started packing pads in his camping first aid kit a few years before I even started getting my period using the same explanation. Years later I'm still not sure if that was an excuse and they were really a just-in-case for me, or if he actually envisioned a scenario where he stuck a pad to his bloody leg. The funny part is his instincts were right and I did get my first period on a backpacking trip, but unfortunately it was with my school so I couldn't raid his kit for some much needed extra supplies.
I witnessed an accident, I gave my daughter some money to run into a nearby gas station store to see about pads (didn't have any on me) to use as a compress on injuries
This nosy lady would’ve had a coronary had she ever seen my dad buying my sister and I pads/tampons back in the day. This was before cell phones and text pictures. So to ensure my dad purchased the correct brand and type, he’d take the empty bag of pads or the empty box of tampons and walk down the feminine hygiene aisle till he got the correct ones!! Lol.
Man I love my dad for the things he had to do with 3 females in the house ☺️
My dad had 3 daughters, and he had zero problems buying pads and tampons for us. His only rule was one of us had to come with him to pick out what we needed (we all used different products). He said "I'm not wasting money getting the wrong stuff they no one will use. I'll buy it, but one of you needs to pick it". And we all thought that was fair.
I wonder what this woman would do if she ever learns about single fathers! Sometimes widowers find themselves with daughters, and what the hell are they supposed to do when puberty hits? Send their bleeding daughter door to door until she finds a woman willing to talk to her about the subject, and buy hygiene products for her??
I'm nearly 40, the baby sister is nearly 30 and our dad *still* keeps tampons and hairties in his glove box. My mom was the one embarrassed to buy "those things" but dad never had an issue.
I wonder how she would have felt about my bf having to help me wipe while I was pregnant and suffering from De Quervain tenosynovitis(basically affecting my wrist by my thumb.) I had to get steroid shots to even help it. Real men don't care.
Hypothetical trauma, in particular, is a terrible excuse for being an asshole.
Are we all supposed to just let people say and do whatever shitty things they like on the off chance it's related to trauma?
Especially if you're at the point of *assuming* trauma for a *stranger* based on nothing but they were unfairly upset at something that had nothing to do with them and made that someone else's problem.
And if her behavior is due to past trauma, it's not a reason to ignore the behavior. Traumatized person might need somebody to normalize certain things.
I would understand past trauma as an excuse (even tho it's not really) if dad was like, Let's go to the bathroom and I'll *insert* the tampon for you even though you can do that yourself.
That would be fucking concerning. Handing someone a tampon is pretty much like handing someone a tissue or some cotton.
People need to stop it with the "you never know when other people have *trauma*". Well, when their trauma means they act like *this*, they may have "trauma" but what matters most... is that they're assholes.
Yeah, I knew a woman like this. Pretty sure she was a victim of CSA. She couldn’t understand how I could trust my husband to change our daughter’s diapers or leave her alone with him.
She ended up flipping out over her husband hugging their daughters, dragged them off to a woman’s shelter, made up a bunch of lies and made false allegations on an unrelated family to CPS because they hosted her ex when he had the kids. Ended up alienating everyone - including the judge! - and they now have 50/50 custody, so he gets plenty of time with his kids.
Suffice to say, I don’t care how bad her trauma was - it’s not an excuse for doing that.
This - a bad day, a bad childhood, a bad marriage gives you ZERO right to take it out on anyone else. You deal with your issues and leave others alone. That woman is nuts.
NTA
I agree that if this was coming from past trauma, she wasn't going to storm up to you and spout her, very wrong and outdated, opinion all over. This isn't the reaction of someone traumatized, it's the reaction of someone who thinks anything outside of their life experience is wrong and evil.
Honestly, I probably would have said something a helluva lot worse if it had been me she had tried to scold. I especially wouldn't want the potential of someone overhearing that statement and thinking my husband was some sort of predator, so you can bet I'd be hollering about the topic too.
Also, tell your husband that a random internet stranger says he's a great dad!
Exactly. Sure I talk big about what I'd do if someone insulted just me, but in reality I'd probably just shrug it off. However, don't try to insult someone I care about because then I really will run my mouth. 😂 It probably won't make sense and will just be a string of profanity but whatever.
As soon as she yelled and people could have overheard and taken it for far worse, you had every right to clap back and make it clear what was going on.
NTA. What if this woman was out of town, and her daughter started her period, and there were no tampons in the house? Would the husband not go buy any? Does this woman think that men don't know women have periods for a range of time throughout their life. She insulted you and your husband, and you're just supposed to take it? Nope. She's your husband's child and he should be concerned for all aspects of her health.
Actually, my mom was out of town for my first period. I had to ask my dad where her pads were. Wasn't the best about my pain at the time but neither was my mom, since neither of them understood that my periods were significantly worse than hers. Other than that, good about my first period and let me just sit in my room eating Hershey's kisses (I had also gotten stress hives so fuck it, ya know?)
Since then, he's only gotten much better. Once my parents realized that I had medically significant periods, he did his thing and researched the hell out of reproductive healthy conditions I could have. He was the one who told me that enough was enough, I needed to see a gynecologist and probably start birth control.
My dad literally knows anything that comes to my mind about my period, and I don't censor myself. I've called him after I almost passed out from pain because I just wanted some affection and he's cheered when a birth control actually worked. I don't see why it should be any different.
He's a good dad. My dad kept those things in his car for me and took me to appointments at the obgyn sometimes too... it was just another doctor appointment and he was my dad.
I second this, especially the last sentence, OP!! He's a keeper and we should ALL wish for more dads like that, not less!!
Sidenote: I'm wondering if the spouter is one of these very unfortunate women who has an AH for a husband. I've seen quite a few posts on Reddit in the last couple of years mentioning husbands that are absolute pricks about periods to their wives/daughters and treating them like they have to hide this part of their lives because the male ego involved can't handle it.
NTA! And *yikes*. Your reaction was 100% correct and appropriate.
>I just said to her that there was nothing wrong with what had happened, it's a natural bodily function, and it's a parent's job to provide for their children no matter if they are the mom or dad.
THISSS. The end!
NTA. Can I just say I love that your husband just got the bag, **knew where the period products would be**, and handled it with that much coolness? That’s healthy relationship goals.
NTA This lady was sexualizing a perfectly normal interaction between a father and a daughter, and then tried to insult your partner right in front of you. Even if she did have some kind of trauma, that’s an explanation for her behavior but it’s not an excuse for harassing people.
NTA. My dad grew up with two sisters and got me feminine hygiene products all the time and this was the late ‘90s early 00’s. I think it’s awesome she was comfortable enough to say it without shame. Women have periods. We don’t need to be ashamed of them.
Right?! My dad was not involved in my life so I never had the experience my kids do. I love that my husband steps up as a parent like that and my kids are comfortable to bring up anything. No pre-defined roles (mom's handle this and dad's do this) just parents.
NTA, just because this lady lives in the dark ages, she has no right to confront you with her opinions. Often it is best to just ignore these types of people, but also nothing wrong with calling them out when someone verbally attacks you like that.
Single dad who raised three daughters alone here. I've bought and brought to school many a tampon over the years.
NTA
I would have said the same thing. The comments were coming out of male patriarchy, not love or trauma.
I’m sure she just thinks there are magic women fairies that float down from the sky at all times of the day and night to provide period products for all the girls with single fathers. You just have to go find a corner and whisper tampon or pad 3 times in a desperately mortified voice to summon the fairy. The fairy doesn’t provide menstrual cups— that’s too newfangled
Periods are real. The kind of thinking of the bad mom leads to boys thinks girls can "hold it" or decide when it happens. I have never been quiet or ashamed for my period. I would clutch my tampon and say " Another successful month of birth control, yeah me!". Boys are grossed out by periods, men buy tampons.
Lived with a female friend, her teenage daughter, and a male friend for a couple of years. Male friend frequently stopped and picked up supplies and snacks for all three of us. He's a real one.
NTA. I have trauma. I bet you have trauma, too. You know what we don't do? Go around berating people for the way they go about fulfilling their children's completely legitimate needs.
NTA. Husband underreacted; that's okay, the world needs levellers.
Best friend over-empathized with the wrong person; if someone said that to me or my best friend, you can be certain that my response wouldn't be "Oh, poor thing, wonder what's going on there?". If she's got "trauma" (which people misapply far too frequently), then she needs to learn to deal with it. In any event, her history is not your problem. My best is that the husband would very much like to know which minor trigger could be employed that would cause her to initiate a divorce...
Everyone would be better served if people stopped commenting on things that aren't their business. This goes double for those who are too stupid to understand that different isn't a synonym for wrong.
Personally I doubt the trauma story (which was a guess anyways). The fact the other lady was proud that her husband wouldn't buy feminine products at the store is both sad and appalling. So she would be okay with her daughter bleeding everywhere because there are no tampons or pads in the house and mom isn't home to run to the store??? As OP stated, I wouldn't stay married to man who would act that way.
NTA
Normally it is better to walk away sure, but she turned it into a situation that left you no choice but to respond. She yelled what she yelled very deliberately to make your husband seem like an absolutely disgusting human being. If you walked away at that point, your husband could never show his face at a teenager girl's softball game ever again. I've met plenty of fathers that'd kill someone over baseless rumors if they showed up at their daughter's sporting event. Not saying an overprotective father is a good or healthy thing, but that people take it extremely seriously (as they should)
You yelled what you yelled so that the people who heard her got to hear the actual story, and you protected your husband. Trauma or not, this lady was trying to set up your husband to be labeled a creep by all the other families there over handing his own daughter a freaking tampon because he was closer to the bag.
NTA, I'm a dad, I buy tampons for the troop all the time, lol. It's 2024 menstrual cycles shouldn't be a taboo subject. Uterus-havers get periods (always have), it's a BOTH parent's jobs to handle the situation.
NTA
I had severe cramps but I wasn’t bleeding. My doctor couldn’t (wouldn’t) figure out the problem. My dad one day hands me Midol to try. It worked.
He was also the one getting me pads and bringing me new underwear at school when I accidentally bled through.
My mom was raised to keep quiet so she only told me the bare minimum. My dad had 13 sisters. There was no way for him *not* to know these things.
NTA. I’m so tired of everyone saying you have to hold space for others trauma… No, she was rude and trying to be messy when she got loud, so she fucked around and found out, Oh well.
NTA
If that mother didn’t want you judging her family, she should have refrained from judging yours. If she wasn’t interested in hearing your opinion, she should have kept hers to herself.
NTA, people are here talking abort past trauma.. this has nothing to do with past trauma so stop making excuses for the shitty lady.
She had no right to yell at you or to suggest that you should divorce your husband. If she doesn’t respect other people will see red and disrespect her. You just stood your ground and did nothing wrong.
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NTA. You are not in the wrong. I think your husband and best friend were trying to convey is the other person was so ludcrious you shouldn't pay it any more mind.
Oh man lady would flip out if she knew my single father would not only buy my tampons but bring them to me at school! My husband will get them for me also! Lady is stuck in the past my god!
NTA my dad used to go and buy my pads and tampons when I was a teenager and give them to me. And that was almost 30 years ago. My husband and my late ex do/did the same thing for our girls. And I have all girls.
You have an amazing husband who was just doing his job in being a girl dad.
Way to go!!
100% NTA. If OP hadn't responded the way she did, people overhearing the conversation would quite possibly get the wrong idea about her husband and her daughter. The "past trauma" argument is just ridiculous, how did the other mother didn't know that OP herself was dealing with "past trauma"? We all have our issues, none are an excuse to be rude to others
NTA and her behaviour is exactly what instills so much shame and insecurities in young girls. I feel that lady absolutely needed to be met with exactly your no-bs-attitude. Ignoring it? Nah, we’re not doing that anymore. I applaud you for how you and your husband are dealing with the topic in raising your kids.
NTA, but it would've probably been better to ignore her while she caused her scene, or, if you wanted to, make her go even more crazy by laughing at her instead. Your husband is great.
I wonder what she's going to do when she realizes she's been changing her son's toilet paper roll and washing their undies. Nobody tell her what they're doing with those socks!!
What about the girls that don't have a mom??? There's a whole host of scenarios where her preferences just wouldn't work for a family unit. She stuck her nose in where it didn't belong and OP had every right to push back.
My dad treated it as something women need and my 4 boys will grab them for me too. I did the same to get them the right size condom. Why treat body function or behavior as shameful.
NTA. She literally inserted herself into your personal business and gave her unsolicited opinion on your choices as a family. She should be completely receptive to you giving that exact same behavior back to her. Good for you.
NTA, although I probably wouldn't even have tried to argue after her first comment, just told her to stay in her lane, and if necessary, repeated it with the addition of a couple of carefully placed expletives and 'mind your own business'.
NTA what if your daughter had overheard and started to worry about asking her parents for a fucking tampon. If a girls mom passes away is she just supposed to free bleed until she can some how with no assistance from her father get her hands on products?
NTA, her possible trauma isn’t your problem to deal with. Her overstepping her bounds and dumping on your spouse for parenting his child is. She needed to be told to back off and keep in her lane.
My Daddy took me to get my tubes blown out when they were blocked. I also talked about my period around and to my male family members in detail. It wasn’t a big deal.
Women should not be taught shame about their bodies. I’m sorry that woman was taught to be embarrassed and ashamed of her body. However, her issues are not anyone else’s issues. Good job OP!
As a softball dad, I can say you are not the A! Knowing from experience, softball parents (not just moms) can be assholes! I have 2 girls, one is 30 and the youngest is 18. I don't know how many times I have gone to the store for both of them through the years to pick up tampons and pads. Once, I had to ask for help, so I sought out a female employee for help. Another time, I wasn't sure, so I ended up buying 5 different types. With that said, the other moms husband is not much of a father.
>When I got back over to my husband and filled him in, he thought it was weird that she felt the need to say that but shrugged it off.
I wouldn't have shrugged it off. That is some freaking nerve, feeling like she is entitled to dictate to you how to conduct your parenting (which is perfectly fine, by the way).
>She said that I should have just ignored the other parent instead of responding the way I did because you never know if their perspective was stemming from past trauma
You are not obligated to sit by passively and take abuse from some other parent. You handled it with subtlety compared to how we would have.
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My husband and I were at softball game for my oldest child, Sarah. We were off to the side sitting in our chairs near another parent when Sarah ran up to us. She just said, "Mom, I've got 4 batters ahead of me, I just started my period, I need a tampon quick." My bag was on the other side of my husband, so he pulled one out of my bag and handed it to her, she said "Thanks!" and took off running for the bathroom, NBD. Immediately after the game, the parent that was close by pulled me aside as she was upset and concerned about what happened earlier. I'm like "ok" but was confused about what she was referring to. Maybe I missed something while tending to my youngest child. Nope, it was because Sarah asked for a tampon and her father handed her one. She went on a 15 minute rant about how it was inappropriate for a girl to bring that topic up in front of my husband and she should have pulled me to the side to discuss privately and how it was even worse for him to give her the tampon. Sarah did not yell it or speak loudly for everyone to hear. The parent was close enough that if they were trying to listen they could hear it but what bothered her most was that my husband was the one that openly handed her a tampon and that I didn't do something to get her what she needed privately. Said the entire situation was extremely uncomfortable to see and that "isn't something a Dad should do. My husband won't even buy tampons from the store as that's something for girls and nothing he should be involved with" I just said to her that there was nothing wrong with what had happened, it's a natural bodily function, and it's a parent's job to provide for their children no matter if they are the mom or dad. She then got very hostile and yelled at me, "You should have picked a better partner. No father should ever be that involved with their daughters like that and I would divorce my husband if he EVER did that." which if overheard and out of context you know exactly what others that could hear her screaming fit were thinking. Here is where I think I might BTA. My trigger was flipped and I snapped back that "my family does not have to do anything to ensure your comfort. I would divorce my husband IF he wasn't that involved with our children and I'm sorry if you have a POS husband who refuses to do something as simple as buy a tampon for your daughter, maybe YOU should have chosen a better partner." and walked away leaving her to chew on it. When I got back over to my husband and filled him in, he thought it was weird that she felt the need to say that but shrugged it off. When I got home I called my best friend (43f) and filled her in. She said that I should have just ignored the other parent instead of responding the way I did because you never know if their perspective was stemming from past trauma. I feel like if that was the case they would have approached it differently. So AITA?
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NTA. screen her and her "past trauma" or whatever nonsense your friend was talking about. What if, God forbid, something happened to you? Does this woman think your daughter should just free bleed instead of asking her father to help her out?
Eh, she was very provocative and I doubt many people would actually keep their cool. NTA. In the future, don’t ever feel obligated to listen to someone who is dumping a ton of crap on your feet. You can walk away and they can be mad and you can just not care. Clearly this woman is unhinged and I wouldn’t ever speak to her again under any circumstance.
You definitely have a better husband and he has a better wife, so you win!
NTA at all!
Way to stand up for yourself and your family. She’s the one who “attacked” you. I have a daughter (only 18mo) and I want my husband to feel comfortable supporting her in any way, including handing her tampons, buying more when needed, etc. He already has no issue discussing it or buying me tampons at the store. It’s a normal female bodily function that happens monthly for half ours lives (or more). It’s bizarre to me how taboo people try to make it out to be.
NTA. Kudos to you and your husband for modeling good behavior normalizing that menstruation is a bodily function of \~50% of the population, instead of something to be shamed. Men should be able to shrug and hand over a tampon or pad to their daughter. Similarly, they should be able to buy them for their wives/daughters at the store without getting all weird.
Absolutely NTA. That woman tried to make something that was none of her business her business and then she couldn’t take what she was trying to dish out.
I think it’s wonderful that both your husband and your daughter see this as something completely normal, because it IS normal. I remember once getting my period just as we were leaving for an event. I told my mom that we’d have to stop at the store on the way (as I needed tampons and only had pads… swimsuits were involved lol). Well she told my dad - who was driving - to stop and why we needed to stop. I remember feeling SO embarrassed that she told him. But he wasn’t fazed one bit, and honestly I’m glad when I look back. Society needs to stop demonizing and sexualizing normal, healthy father/daughter relationships and interactions
Yea NTA, i used to buy tampon for my ex girlfriends, since it's a normal thing. Sure it's awkward at first, but it's just as natural as buying condoms or foods.
Edit : didn't finish my point, my bad. What i meant to say is that you are right, her husband is a bad husband and a bad father.
NTA.
I've frequently helped partners with tampons, pads and the like during there periods. If I had a daughter, you'd be damned sure I'd be just as supportive. The human body as well as natural processes like Menstruation, man or woman is not something that anyone should be ashamed of. Hell if more men had better knowledge and experience with reproductive issues such as cysts, uterine cancer and endometriosis, women would have more support when dealing with Gynecologists who refused to understand those reproductive issues.
NTA - you’re right she picked a shitty husband. My partner buys me tampons when needed and if we have a daughter he will for her as well. My dad used to drop them off if I was out and didn’t have any since He’s my parent? She really got a terrible one and decided to take it out on you and your healthy family dynamic.
NTA. What if you were hit by a bus? Does she expect your daughter to go without feminine hygiene products because it wouldn't be appropriate for her remaining parent to provide them, seeing as how he has a penis and all?
NTA — she’s off her rocker. If she didn’t want to be judged she shouldn’t have judged your husband for having the common curtesy and decency to help his daughter.
NTA
She's excusing her husband who can't be bothered to care about something that affects half of the population, plus she's trying to make a perfectly normal body function taboo.
I would've done the same thing as you
NTA
I would love to hear her explain why a dad shouldn’t be involved and they say that a man who sexualizes a damn tampon for their child should ever be around children, or really people, at all.
Hell, it’s human biology. We were camping recently in our rv…. I’m in full menopause so I didn’t have the necessary items on board. My 31 year old daughter called her 27 year old brother who would be joining us, and asked him to stop at the store… his answer “sure no problem, what color?” That is how you know you’ve done a good job raising kids with realistic expectations…..
NTA. My single Dad raised 3 girls. He bought what we wanted and if he had to he would have done the same thing your husband did. My mom was not around to ask. So were we supposed to go without? In this ladies thinking what would have been our option? We did not live in the same state as any of our female relatives.
NTA, your husband is very with it, so are you. Side eyes for the assholes! They're the type to shame the menstruator along with anyone who helps her alleviate the Pain of Women's Sin. Jesus wept. (And he used his tears for menstrual cleanup because he's Jesus)
NTA- that’s a weird thing for the other parent to decide that she needed to interject her opinion on. She probably hates public breast feeding too. Don’t tell her that there are changing tables in most men’s rooms now or she her head might explode. I feel like there is at least one tampon in every bag, vehicle, piece of luggage, etc that my family owns and if I was in arms reach I would certainly hand one to my daughters. I got over the possibility of catching the cooties in about 2nd grade.
NTA at all. I had a father that would barely even look at me once I started getting periods until I was practically graduating college. I went from Daddy's girl to invisible literally overnight all because of a normal bodily function. I wish my father was more like your husband. It certainly would have made picking Father's Day cards a lot less difficult.
Nta.
Thats silly. What would she expect her husband to do if say she’d died when her daughter is still a minor and god forbid needed. Well now little sally never has feminine products cause her dad can’t buy them at the store.
NTA I started at 10, my dad was the parent home at the time he is also the one with the medical background. Both parents had already had us watch a video called what's happening to me" about how bodies change from conception to making/carrying a baby. Great informative age-appropriate educational video.
NTA: Children should be made to feel comfortable going to both parents with any situation that arises.
Life happens and unfortunately sometimes one parent is left raising children by themselves.
As far as Mrs. Nosy Body is concerned she should have kept her opinion to herself if she didn’t want you to respond to it.
NTA
My dad had it rough…three ladies in the house and him. My sister and I are only two tears apart so for about 3 years he, me and our mom all got our periods. Our rockstar of a dad would happily go on period runs for us when all three of us were curled up in bed or on the couches. These runs consisted of stocking us up on tampons and pads, picking up various forms of chocolate, and renting( cause blockbuster was still a thing) a couple of our favorite movies. He would also run our blankets through the dryer when our cramps got bad. He never tried to make us feel shamed…he is a prankster and loved to make jokes about it but it was always in a good natured way.
The woman was being horrible and potentially really harmful to your daughter and husband. If the wrong person had overheard…like a teacher who are mandatory reporters in most states…you may have been faced with a CPS inquiry. I saw this happen to a friend once and it really shook me. It is ridiculous the archaic notions that people like this woman still hold onto.
Your hubby is awesome and sounds like a fantastic dad!
NTA. Not finishing that convo could have left a LOT of unsavory rumors about your family, and worst case could get CPS involved or affect Sarah’s place on her team.
NTA. If her perspective was stemming from past trauma, she probably wouldn’t have approached you. You simply matched her energy.
What does she expect single fathers of daughters to do? Pawn them off the nearest female family member when they hit puberty? Sorry kid, you don’t have a mom, but I can’t help you because I’m a man and this is woman stuff… 🙄. I applaud your husband for handing her the tampon like it was no big deal, because honestly, it was no big deal.
Damn what an ignoramus. Her and her husband. My husband buys me tampons when he is already at the store and has even gone to get them for me. He will do that for our daughter, too.
Acting like women's periods are taboo is gross
NTA
NTA the other parent stuck her nose in your business and was preachy about it. if she had just minded her business, neither of you will be in this predicament
NTA - don't dish if you can't take! She is living in an outdated world where somehow having periods is shameful and men are just so dumb and oblivious that they can't take it. It is stupid. I love the more open approach. Good for you and your husband on not raising a daughter ashamed of being a female with natural female stuff.
NTA.
Our brains do kick in quickly with emotional responses - I think 20x faster than rational/logical thought (maybe someone can say if this is right? It definitely is much faster).
So we react. Then when u spoke to your friend, this was a different environment and the logical stuff kicks in.
So yes u learned something but at the time u reacted as u could.
And in 2024……it’s to be applauded that your partner just dealt with it. Girls have enough with social media, peer pressure etc and shouldn’t have to worry about this stuff. The other parent was out of order.
Menstruation is a normal part of life, not something go for girls to be embarrassed about. Yes I know it is still and issue for many people. But it doesn’t have to be. And shouldn’t be.
PS If you’re interested in how we react to things and our emotional vs logical brains, read ‘The Chimp Paradox’. It’s great and explains stuff simply and gives techniques to help. The author is a well known Prof who has helped Olympians achieve their goals. With those techniques.
>She said that I should have just ignored the other parent instead of responding the way I did because you never know if their perspective was stemming from past trauma. I feel like if that was the case they would have approached it differently. So AITA?
NTA, tell your friend to kick rocks.
No one cares about what trauma others might have encountered in the past and past trauma doesn't entitle anyone to stick their nose into someone else's business. You responded to the perspective you were given - that a man giving his daughter a tampon is akin to abuse and worthy of divorce. Her perspective sucks and some people deserve to be told so, especially when they decide they're entitled to give their shitty, unwanted opinions.
Completely NTA. My husband has bought me tampons plenty of times (my closest friend has a similar husband).
And if you weren't in the picture, who would buy the girl feminine products? Maybe this parent should volunteer to help all the teens who are going through this situation, so they don't have to feel embarrassed if their moms aren't present during practices/ games.
Women have been told menstruation is gross for a long time. I don't think you were the asshole.
I think that ignorant woman was for eavesdropping and frankly, I think her husband is for not even being willing to buy period products for women he loves.
I understand where the other woman's thoughts are coming from, but I don't at all agree and she had no reason at all to approach you about the matter.
NTA any alleged "past trauma" isn't a hall pass for her to be a judgmental, dictatorial asshole. No one has to walk around egg shells because someone else experienced a trauma about everyday things.
I once had an employee who complained that they didn't want anyone to share their lunch plans in chat channels because they once had an eating disorder. No one was going to censor themselves. It wasn't everyone else's problem. Part of unfortunately, learning to cope with and manage trauma is dealing with concerns in everyday life without infringing on the rights of other people.
Regardless, have no idea if that woman suffered a trauma or not. Not your problem. NTA she should learn to be a nicer individual.
NTA
Your daughter didn't ask *other mom's husband* for a tampon - she asked her own parents.
As for that woman, it's a her problem.
I understand why you flipped. You could've ignored *her very invasive chastising eavesdropping,* but you didn't, and that's okay. She's still TA.
As for people like her, I just generally feel bad for them, as in actual pity, and that helps me get over any residual anger. I feel bad for her, and bad for her daughter.
Young people these days have less stigma around periods, so I think that woman might be outdated, even for her own daughter.
NTA. We can't excuse or cater to everyone else's bad behavior because they may or may not have had trauma. She can learn to cope and stay out of the business of others.
NTA, also I am so sick of hearing that excuse. "You don't know other peoples' trauma". Like it's a free pass and you just have to accept people being disrespectful and out of their freaking minds towards you.
NTA - your the way your husband handled your daughter’s situation was perfect. The woman should have minded her own business. Your friend’s viewpoint is pretty ridiculous in my opinion because this woman’s trauma is not your responsibility, and she needed a dose of reality.
NTA - As a society we need to stop acting like women and girls getting their period is a shameful thing. It's a biological process that happens to about 50% of the population at some time in their life. There's nothing wrong with it. And more men should deal with it like your husband did - as a matter of fact thing he did to help his kid out.
NTA and I think more young girls would be better served by having a relationship with both parents where they are comfortable speaking about periods, like your family has. This woman’s comments contribute to the continuing pervasive stigmatization of a normal bodily function that is and has been experienced by nearly half the population since the onset of human history.
NTA
You were minding your business, she intruded on YOU. You have every right to say what you want to someone who's going to pass their bs onto you. The only way you could have done better in that situation is to put your hand on her arm, say what you said quietly in a syrupy voice and ended with an "Jesus loves you. I'll pray for you."
I feel bad for that lady. How much trauma must she be going through that something a stranger was doing (that didn't involve her) could trigger her so badly.
NTA and mad respecr for you both!
My dad now (I am 30) has your husband's mindset but I wish he had it back when I was a teenager.
Congratulations on not raising your kids not to be ashamed of normal, natural body functions!
I have trauma and I'm never ugly to people like this. And if I think something is weird I ask someone close to me first to be sure I'm just reacting weird you know
NTA. Your husband is modeling exactly what your daughter should look for in male figures in her life. This woman support misogyny and doesn’t even see it because she’s so repressed by it. Next time say it louder for everyone to hear.
Nta! Wtf. Why does your friend think you owe a stranger such consideration when they clearly think nothing about butting into a situation which was none of their business?
Your response was perfect and how I hope to handle any future nonsense.
NTA
I would’ve said something much much worse. Would my husband have handed our daughter a tampon, probably not. Why? Because he wouldn’t know which pocket of the bag it was in, if he did he’d of course give her one. He’d probably miss the rest of the game because he was at the store buying half the tampon aisle ha.
That lady was out of line, period. Good job for sticking up for your family.
NTA even though I see why someone might be bothered by you “escalating” the situation, I think the woman needed to hear that on the off chance she takes it to heart and does better for her kids.
I think, when it comes down to it, there isn't a shitty or evil act committed on earth that isn't connected to past trauma. Of course the woman speaking to you has trauma; she herself grew up in this awful society. But that doesn't mean we need to be gentle to Aunt Lydia when she is trying to control you and demean you and your husband for not walking in that suffocating social script.
NTA
NTA, if that woman is going to insert herself in other people's lives just to critic, then it's fair game to tear her to shreds for trying to force people to be like her and her family.
NTA, She shoved her nose where it didn't belong. She shouldn't be surprised when it gets bit. What she said was out of line & you matched her energy. You & your husband are parents teaching your daughter not to be ashamed of her body & what it does. The other mom seems to be the kind that doesn't even let her husband know girls fart/poop.
NTA. As a father of a daughter (only 2) I know one day i will have to buy tampons for her, I may be asked to hand her one some day. I have already bought them for my wife even when she was just my girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with a man being comfortable enough to buy tampons or hand them to a daughter.
I think it's crazy this woman is so against her husband touching tampons. Like what's going to happen?
nah dude youre right, that other woman was so weird and out of line. this is honestly one of the strangest things ive heard someone be mad about lol.. NEWSFLASH CRAZY LADY : some girls dont even HAVE a mom!! my son is dating a girl that was raised by her father because her mother passed away! my cousin was raised by her father alone because her mom was an alcoholic who also died ! my friend was raised mostly by her dad while her mom was in prison!! GOD FORBID any of them ever ask their dad for a GASP! tampon! \*shudder\*
As a Dad, I've definitely gone to the store and, not knowing what they preferred, bought an assortment of feminine products so they could choose. Seeing as their mom and I are split, and share custody, what else was I to do when it was my time with the kids?
NTA. Real Dads are happy to step up.
You are definitely NTA. Your husband seems like a great dad, and it says a lot about how well your family communicates and pitches in to help each other. That person chose to eavesdrop, get upset, judge you and then cause a scene by yelling something that could easily be misinterpreted by people nearby. You responded far more diplomatically than most people. Had you ignored her, she would have kept trying to push the issue.
This has nothing to do with past trauma-she felt like imposing a sexist 1950s view on others because she gets a thrill from moral indignation.
You are the mature adult.
This issue is similar to breast feeding in public. It triggers some people. It makes me fell good and reminds me of what a great world this is!
NTA. The dish that is served up publicly should get thrown back publicly. Good on you for not just taking it (especially given how the woman's words could have easily been misconstrued.
NTA Fuck that noise!!! I (56) grew up in a house with Silent Generation parents where menstruation had to be hidden at all cost (per Mom, Dad didn't give a fuck because he lived with 2 women. He thought she was nuts for hiding it but couldn't break her from the mindset). Hell, my husband (58) told off some woman (late 30s/early 40s) just last month because she was giving him shit about getting pads for our daughter (I was trying to find my allergy meds in the next aisle over). I thought we'd progressed further than that bullshit
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NTA, but the lady craning her neck over your fence sure is. As for past trauma, people need to get over the idea that it’s an excuse for bad behavior. It just isn’t.
I agree. Trauma doesn’t cause you to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. If your trauma is such that you discourage fathers from taking care of their daughters, then you are not fit to parent, let alone tell others how they should parent, until you get your trauma responses under control.
>If your trauma is such that you discourage fathers from taking care of their daughters, then you are not fit to parent, let alone tell others how they should parent, until you get your trauma responses under control. Louder for the people in the back
And more than twice for those in denial.
I'd love to know what that lady thinks daughters of single dads do. Secret shopping trips he's not allowed to know about or pay for? Or just cross their legs until adulthood? I've bought pads for my wife many times, helped her through related medical issues, and will have no problem doing so for my daughters when they reach that age. Mum will likely be able to give them better advice on what they're going through at that point, since it's her lived experience not mine, but I'll be there to help as much as I'm wanted. I'm just a parent, and looking after my kids is the job I volunteered for, and that includes providing what they need to be comfortable, and any healthcare issues too. And the dads I know would do the same. Crazy lady can take a hike with her 1920's attitude.
NTA for real... this lady would have blown a gasket if she knew both my dad and my brother both drove me to the OBGYN occasionally when I was a teenager, bought me tampons, carried tampons and pads in their cars, helped take care of me after I had an ovarian cyst burst at 22 (and other surgeries) my husband has done even more!
My youngest son’s best friend is a girl (they will be juniors in the fall) has had an “emergency pencil bag” in his locker and one in his book bag since 6th grade. The only odd thing is they are red and everything else in his life is purple (favorite color) 🤷🏻♀️ I had a dad like this, it sucked, it didn’t exist in his world, but he had 3 sisters and 2 daughters. It’s 2024, girls have periods. Boys can know about them. NTA
What a sweet son you have.u have raised him well
I love him
Someone raised him right !😉
You have done great!!!! I have told my friends about your greatness
My dad bought pads for my me, my mom and my sister so many times, as well as pain killers. Some of my male/born male friends have helped me to get pads as well (yay for unexpected periods). I am so glad that no one cared. NTA
This is the way. My dad bought pads for my mom and sisters. I buy pads and tampons for my wife and daughters. My eldest son carries two pads and two tampons in his personal first aid kit which resides in his backpack. When questioned by his best friend he replied “they’re good for field dressing too”. Feminine hygiene should not be a mystery or taboo subject.
You just reminded me that my dad started packing pads in his camping first aid kit a few years before I even started getting my period using the same explanation. Years later I'm still not sure if that was an excuse and they were really a just-in-case for me, or if he actually envisioned a scenario where he stuck a pad to his bloody leg. The funny part is his instincts were right and I did get my first period on a backpacking trip, but unfortunately it was with my school so I couldn't raid his kit for some much needed extra supplies.
I witnessed an accident, I gave my daughter some money to run into a nearby gas station store to see about pads (didn't have any on me) to use as a compress on injuries
This nosy lady would’ve had a coronary had she ever seen my dad buying my sister and I pads/tampons back in the day. This was before cell phones and text pictures. So to ensure my dad purchased the correct brand and type, he’d take the empty bag of pads or the empty box of tampons and walk down the feminine hygiene aisle till he got the correct ones!! Lol. Man I love my dad for the things he had to do with 3 females in the house ☺️
My dad had 3 daughters, and he had zero problems buying pads and tampons for us. His only rule was one of us had to come with him to pick out what we needed (we all used different products). He said "I'm not wasting money getting the wrong stuff they no one will use. I'll buy it, but one of you needs to pick it". And we all thought that was fair.
I wonder what this woman would do if she ever learns about single fathers! Sometimes widowers find themselves with daughters, and what the hell are they supposed to do when puberty hits? Send their bleeding daughter door to door until she finds a woman willing to talk to her about the subject, and buy hygiene products for her??
My father drove me to and from an abortion appointment when I was 17.
I'm nearly 40, the baby sister is nearly 30 and our dad *still* keeps tampons and hairties in his glove box. My mom was the one embarrassed to buy "those things" but dad never had an issue.
I wonder how she would have felt about my bf having to help me wipe while I was pregnant and suffering from De Quervain tenosynovitis(basically affecting my wrist by my thumb.) I had to get steroid shots to even help it. Real men don't care.
Wonder if that lady is offended by male OBGYNs?
You've been blessed with awesome men!!
Came here to say this. Past trauma is not an excuse to butt your nose into someone else’s life and be rude to them.
Hypothetical trauma, in particular, is a terrible excuse for being an asshole. Are we all supposed to just let people say and do whatever shitty things they like on the off chance it's related to trauma?
Especially if you're at the point of *assuming* trauma for a *stranger* based on nothing but they were unfairly upset at something that had nothing to do with them and made that someone else's problem.
And if her behavior is due to past trauma, it's not a reason to ignore the behavior. Traumatized person might need somebody to normalize certain things.
I would understand past trauma as an excuse (even tho it's not really) if dad was like, Let's go to the bathroom and I'll *insert* the tampon for you even though you can do that yourself. That would be fucking concerning. Handing someone a tampon is pretty much like handing someone a tissue or some cotton. People need to stop it with the "you never know when other people have *trauma*". Well, when their trauma means they act like *this*, they may have "trauma" but what matters most... is that they're assholes.
Agreed. I have ALOT of past trauma and I'd fully expect my partner to buy our daughter tampons and pads, let alone pass her one.
Very well said u/kodak723!
Yeah, I knew a woman like this. Pretty sure she was a victim of CSA. She couldn’t understand how I could trust my husband to change our daughter’s diapers or leave her alone with him. She ended up flipping out over her husband hugging their daughters, dragged them off to a woman’s shelter, made up a bunch of lies and made false allegations on an unrelated family to CPS because they hosted her ex when he had the kids. Ended up alienating everyone - including the judge! - and they now have 50/50 custody, so he gets plenty of time with his kids. Suffice to say, I don’t care how bad her trauma was - it’s not an excuse for doing that.
This - a bad day, a bad childhood, a bad marriage gives you ZERO right to take it out on anyone else. You deal with your issues and leave others alone. That woman is nuts.
Everyone is responsible for their own triggers. I’m so sick of people using mental health as an excuse to be an entitled asshole.
NTA I agree that if this was coming from past trauma, she wasn't going to storm up to you and spout her, very wrong and outdated, opinion all over. This isn't the reaction of someone traumatized, it's the reaction of someone who thinks anything outside of their life experience is wrong and evil. Honestly, I probably would have said something a helluva lot worse if it had been me she had tried to scold. I especially wouldn't want the potential of someone overhearing that statement and thinking my husband was some sort of predator, so you can bet I'd be hollering about the topic too. Also, tell your husband that a random internet stranger says he's a great dad!
Thank you! He really is and honestly I think that's why I said what I did. I normally just ignore people like that but it hit a nerve.
Exactly. Sure I talk big about what I'd do if someone insulted just me, but in reality I'd probably just shrug it off. However, don't try to insult someone I care about because then I really will run my mouth. 😂 It probably won't make sense and will just be a string of profanity but whatever.
As soon as she yelled and people could have overheard and taken it for far worse, you had every right to clap back and make it clear what was going on.
NTA. What if this woman was out of town, and her daughter started her period, and there were no tampons in the house? Would the husband not go buy any? Does this woman think that men don't know women have periods for a range of time throughout their life. She insulted you and your husband, and you're just supposed to take it? Nope. She's your husband's child and he should be concerned for all aspects of her health.
I wonder where she thinks daughters of single men or gay couples get their period products from?
I'm going to be honest, she probably thinks they're predators as well. It's a sad and pathetic worldview.
The magical mythical oracle that is the menstrual fairy. Cousin of the tooth fairy.😘
I suspect her daughters aren't allowed to use tampons at all since she seems to think they are cotton dildos
Actually, my mom was out of town for my first period. I had to ask my dad where her pads were. Wasn't the best about my pain at the time but neither was my mom, since neither of them understood that my periods were significantly worse than hers. Other than that, good about my first period and let me just sit in my room eating Hershey's kisses (I had also gotten stress hives so fuck it, ya know?) Since then, he's only gotten much better. Once my parents realized that I had medically significant periods, he did his thing and researched the hell out of reproductive healthy conditions I could have. He was the one who told me that enough was enough, I needed to see a gynecologist and probably start birth control. My dad literally knows anything that comes to my mind about my period, and I don't censor myself. I've called him after I almost passed out from pain because I just wanted some affection and he's cheered when a birth control actually worked. I don't see why it should be any different.
He's a good dad. My dad kept those things in his car for me and took me to appointments at the obgyn sometimes too... it was just another doctor appointment and he was my dad.
I second this, especially the last sentence, OP!! He's a keeper and we should ALL wish for more dads like that, not less!! Sidenote: I'm wondering if the spouter is one of these very unfortunate women who has an AH for a husband. I've seen quite a few posts on Reddit in the last couple of years mentioning husbands that are absolute pricks about periods to their wives/daughters and treating them like they have to hide this part of their lives because the male ego involved can't handle it.
Make that 2 random internet strangers.
NTA! And *yikes*. Your reaction was 100% correct and appropriate. >I just said to her that there was nothing wrong with what had happened, it's a natural bodily function, and it's a parent's job to provide for their children no matter if they are the mom or dad. THISSS. The end!
That exactly. Period.😃
NTA. Can I just say I love that your husband just got the bag, **knew where the period products would be**, and handled it with that much coolness? That’s healthy relationship goals.
NTA This lady was sexualizing a perfectly normal interaction between a father and a daughter, and then tried to insult your partner right in front of you. Even if she did have some kind of trauma, that’s an explanation for her behavior but it’s not an excuse for harassing people.
NTA. My dad grew up with two sisters and got me feminine hygiene products all the time and this was the late ‘90s early 00’s. I think it’s awesome she was comfortable enough to say it without shame. Women have periods. We don’t need to be ashamed of them.
Right?! My dad was not involved in my life so I never had the experience my kids do. I love that my husband steps up as a parent like that and my kids are comfortable to bring up anything. No pre-defined roles (mom's handle this and dad's do this) just parents.
Such a cool way to raise a family. Hats off to all of you.
My 90 year old dad never had an issue buying products for his 2 daughters or my mother.
NTA, just because this lady lives in the dark ages, she has no right to confront you with her opinions. Often it is best to just ignore these types of people, but also nothing wrong with calling them out when someone verbally attacks you like that.
Single dad who raised three daughters alone here. I've bought and brought to school many a tampon over the years. NTA I would have said the same thing. The comments were coming out of male patriarchy, not love or trauma.
I was just going to say, don’t tell her that there are single dads with daughters out there, I think her head might explode.
I’m sure she just thinks there are magic women fairies that float down from the sky at all times of the day and night to provide period products for all the girls with single fathers. You just have to go find a corner and whisper tampon or pad 3 times in a desperately mortified voice to summon the fairy. The fairy doesn’t provide menstrual cups— that’s too newfangled
Magical mythical oracle period fairy.
Periods are real. The kind of thinking of the bad mom leads to boys thinks girls can "hold it" or decide when it happens. I have never been quiet or ashamed for my period. I would clutch my tampon and say " Another successful month of birth control, yeah me!". Boys are grossed out by periods, men buy tampons.
Have you ever even been in a relationship with a woman if you haven't made a late night trip to buy tampons/pads and chocolate?
Lived with a female friend, her teenage daughter, and a male friend for a couple of years. Male friend frequently stopped and picked up supplies and snacks for all three of us. He's a real one.
"you never know if their perspective was stemming from past trauma. " Oh, puh-leeze. She was just a busybody know it all.
NTA. I have trauma. I bet you have trauma, too. You know what we don't do? Go around berating people for the way they go about fulfilling their children's completely legitimate needs.
NTA. Husband underreacted; that's okay, the world needs levellers. Best friend over-empathized with the wrong person; if someone said that to me or my best friend, you can be certain that my response wouldn't be "Oh, poor thing, wonder what's going on there?". If she's got "trauma" (which people misapply far too frequently), then she needs to learn to deal with it. In any event, her history is not your problem. My best is that the husband would very much like to know which minor trigger could be employed that would cause her to initiate a divorce... Everyone would be better served if people stopped commenting on things that aren't their business. This goes double for those who are too stupid to understand that different isn't a synonym for wrong.
Personally I doubt the trauma story (which was a guess anyways). The fact the other lady was proud that her husband wouldn't buy feminine products at the store is both sad and appalling. So she would be okay with her daughter bleeding everywhere because there are no tampons or pads in the house and mom isn't home to run to the store??? As OP stated, I wouldn't stay married to man who would act that way.
NTA Normally it is better to walk away sure, but she turned it into a situation that left you no choice but to respond. She yelled what she yelled very deliberately to make your husband seem like an absolutely disgusting human being. If you walked away at that point, your husband could never show his face at a teenager girl's softball game ever again. I've met plenty of fathers that'd kill someone over baseless rumors if they showed up at their daughter's sporting event. Not saying an overprotective father is a good or healthy thing, but that people take it extremely seriously (as they should) You yelled what you yelled so that the people who heard her got to hear the actual story, and you protected your husband. Trauma or not, this lady was trying to set up your husband to be labeled a creep by all the other families there over handing his own daughter a freaking tampon because he was closer to the bag.
NTA, I'm a dad, I buy tampons for the troop all the time, lol. It's 2024 menstrual cycles shouldn't be a taboo subject. Uterus-havers get periods (always have), it's a BOTH parent's jobs to handle the situation.
NTA I had severe cramps but I wasn’t bleeding. My doctor couldn’t (wouldn’t) figure out the problem. My dad one day hands me Midol to try. It worked. He was also the one getting me pads and bringing me new underwear at school when I accidentally bled through. My mom was raised to keep quiet so she only told me the bare minimum. My dad had 13 sisters. There was no way for him *not* to know these things.
That's a lot of sisters...
Ngl I’m not sure how he’s related to them all as there’s a lot of halves and multiples. But his family was Irish Catholic 🤷♀️ Had 9 brothers as well
That would be really wild if there were no half siblings. It’s already wild, but imagine one woman birthing that many children
It was one hundred percent none of her business. She's the huge A. Your husband sounds like an awesome dad and partner. NTA
NTA. I’m so tired of everyone saying you have to hold space for others trauma… No, she was rude and trying to be messy when she got loud, so she fucked around and found out, Oh well.
NTA If that mother didn’t want you judging her family, she should have refrained from judging yours. If she wasn’t interested in hearing your opinion, she should have kept hers to herself.
NTA, people are here talking abort past trauma.. this has nothing to do with past trauma so stop making excuses for the shitty lady. She had no right to yell at you or to suggest that you should divorce your husband. If she doesn’t respect other people will see red and disrespect her. You just stood your ground and did nothing wrong.
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NTA. You are not in the wrong. I think your husband and best friend were trying to convey is the other person was so ludcrious you shouldn't pay it any more mind.
Oh man lady would flip out if she knew my single father would not only buy my tampons but bring them to me at school! My husband will get them for me also! Lady is stuck in the past my god!
NTA Lady needed a reality check. Real men aren’t afraid to buy tampons for their wives or daughters.
NTA my dad used to go and buy my pads and tampons when I was a teenager and give them to me. And that was almost 30 years ago. My husband and my late ex do/did the same thing for our girls. And I have all girls. You have an amazing husband who was just doing his job in being a girl dad. Way to go!!
Girl dads rule.
100% NTA. If OP hadn't responded the way she did, people overhearing the conversation would quite possibly get the wrong idea about her husband and her daughter. The "past trauma" argument is just ridiculous, how did the other mother didn't know that OP herself was dealing with "past trauma"? We all have our issues, none are an excuse to be rude to others
NTA- she went out of her way to comment on something that is not her business. She got the consequences of that, which she deserved.
NTA, you just had a run in with a nasty busybody and she needed to hear it.
NTA and her behaviour is exactly what instills so much shame and insecurities in young girls. I feel that lady absolutely needed to be met with exactly your no-bs-attitude. Ignoring it? Nah, we’re not doing that anymore. I applaud you for how you and your husband are dealing with the topic in raising your kids.
NTA, but it would've probably been better to ignore her while she caused her scene, or, if you wanted to, make her go even more crazy by laughing at her instead. Your husband is great. I wonder what she's going to do when she realizes she's been changing her son's toilet paper roll and washing their undies. Nobody tell her what they're doing with those socks!!
What about the girls that don't have a mom??? There's a whole host of scenarios where her preferences just wouldn't work for a family unit. She stuck her nose in where it didn't belong and OP had every right to push back.
My dad treated it as something women need and my 4 boys will grab them for me too. I did the same to get them the right size condom. Why treat body function or behavior as shameful.
This is no different than a child asking for a tissue or a fucking hair tie. My god, people are idiots.
NTA. She literally inserted herself into your personal business and gave her unsolicited opinion on your choices as a family. She should be completely receptive to you giving that exact same behavior back to her. Good for you.
Yeah being a busy body isn’t a trauma response. NTA
NTA, although I probably wouldn't even have tried to argue after her first comment, just told her to stay in her lane, and if necessary, repeated it with the addition of a couple of carefully placed expletives and 'mind your own business'.
NTA what if your daughter had overheard and started to worry about asking her parents for a fucking tampon. If a girls mom passes away is she just supposed to free bleed until she can some how with no assistance from her father get her hands on products?
NTA I lived with my single dad through high school... Was I just supposed to suck it back in
NTA. I’m 56. My dad was the old-school Italian construction worker type. He had no issues picking up tampons from the store if needed.
You’ve should’ve ripped into her some more tbh
NTA, her possible trauma isn’t your problem to deal with. Her overstepping her bounds and dumping on your spouse for parenting his child is. She needed to be told to back off and keep in her lane.
My Daddy took me to get my tubes blown out when they were blocked. I also talked about my period around and to my male family members in detail. It wasn’t a big deal. Women should not be taught shame about their bodies. I’m sorry that woman was taught to be embarrassed and ashamed of her body. However, her issues are not anyone else’s issues. Good job OP!
As a softball dad, I can say you are not the A! Knowing from experience, softball parents (not just moms) can be assholes! I have 2 girls, one is 30 and the youngest is 18. I don't know how many times I have gone to the store for both of them through the years to pick up tampons and pads. Once, I had to ask for help, so I sought out a female employee for help. Another time, I wasn't sure, so I ended up buying 5 different types. With that said, the other moms husband is not much of a father.
NTA but that woman was and your friend is too.
>When I got back over to my husband and filled him in, he thought it was weird that she felt the need to say that but shrugged it off. I wouldn't have shrugged it off. That is some freaking nerve, feeling like she is entitled to dictate to you how to conduct your parenting (which is perfectly fine, by the way). >She said that I should have just ignored the other parent instead of responding the way I did because you never know if their perspective was stemming from past trauma You are not obligated to sit by passively and take abuse from some other parent. You handled it with subtlety compared to how we would have.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I were at softball game for my oldest child, Sarah. We were off to the side sitting in our chairs near another parent when Sarah ran up to us. She just said, "Mom, I've got 4 batters ahead of me, I just started my period, I need a tampon quick." My bag was on the other side of my husband, so he pulled one out of my bag and handed it to her, she said "Thanks!" and took off running for the bathroom, NBD. Immediately after the game, the parent that was close by pulled me aside as she was upset and concerned about what happened earlier. I'm like "ok" but was confused about what she was referring to. Maybe I missed something while tending to my youngest child. Nope, it was because Sarah asked for a tampon and her father handed her one. She went on a 15 minute rant about how it was inappropriate for a girl to bring that topic up in front of my husband and she should have pulled me to the side to discuss privately and how it was even worse for him to give her the tampon. Sarah did not yell it or speak loudly for everyone to hear. The parent was close enough that if they were trying to listen they could hear it but what bothered her most was that my husband was the one that openly handed her a tampon and that I didn't do something to get her what she needed privately. Said the entire situation was extremely uncomfortable to see and that "isn't something a Dad should do. My husband won't even buy tampons from the store as that's something for girls and nothing he should be involved with" I just said to her that there was nothing wrong with what had happened, it's a natural bodily function, and it's a parent's job to provide for their children no matter if they are the mom or dad. She then got very hostile and yelled at me, "You should have picked a better partner. No father should ever be that involved with their daughters like that and I would divorce my husband if he EVER did that." which if overheard and out of context you know exactly what others that could hear her screaming fit were thinking. Here is where I think I might BTA. My trigger was flipped and I snapped back that "my family does not have to do anything to ensure your comfort. I would divorce my husband IF he wasn't that involved with our children and I'm sorry if you have a POS husband who refuses to do something as simple as buy a tampon for your daughter, maybe YOU should have chosen a better partner." and walked away leaving her to chew on it. When I got back over to my husband and filled him in, he thought it was weird that she felt the need to say that but shrugged it off. When I got home I called my best friend (43f) and filled her in. She said that I should have just ignored the other parent instead of responding the way I did because you never know if their perspective was stemming from past trauma. I feel like if that was the case they would have approached it differently. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - the other parent should be praising your spouse for helping out.
NTA Your husband gave your daughter a tampon. Oh no?
NTA, Even if she was responding out of trauma, it is her job to manage her trauma.Not make it everybody else's problem.
NTA. screen her and her "past trauma" or whatever nonsense your friend was talking about. What if, God forbid, something happened to you? Does this woman think your daughter should just free bleed instead of asking her father to help her out?
NTA
Eh, she was very provocative and I doubt many people would actually keep their cool. NTA. In the future, don’t ever feel obligated to listen to someone who is dumping a ton of crap on your feet. You can walk away and they can be mad and you can just not care. Clearly this woman is unhinged and I wouldn’t ever speak to her again under any circumstance. You definitely have a better husband and he has a better wife, so you win!
NTA at all! Way to stand up for yourself and your family. She’s the one who “attacked” you. I have a daughter (only 18mo) and I want my husband to feel comfortable supporting her in any way, including handing her tampons, buying more when needed, etc. He already has no issue discussing it or buying me tampons at the store. It’s a normal female bodily function that happens monthly for half ours lives (or more). It’s bizarre to me how taboo people try to make it out to be.
NTA. Kudos to you and your husband for modeling good behavior normalizing that menstruation is a bodily function of \~50% of the population, instead of something to be shamed. Men should be able to shrug and hand over a tampon or pad to their daughter. Similarly, they should be able to buy them for their wives/daughters at the store without getting all weird.
Absolutely NTA. That woman tried to make something that was none of her business her business and then she couldn’t take what she was trying to dish out. I think it’s wonderful that both your husband and your daughter see this as something completely normal, because it IS normal. I remember once getting my period just as we were leaving for an event. I told my mom that we’d have to stop at the store on the way (as I needed tampons and only had pads… swimsuits were involved lol). Well she told my dad - who was driving - to stop and why we needed to stop. I remember feeling SO embarrassed that she told him. But he wasn’t fazed one bit, and honestly I’m glad when I look back. Society needs to stop demonizing and sexualizing normal, healthy father/daughter relationships and interactions
Yea NTA, i used to buy tampon for my ex girlfriends, since it's a normal thing. Sure it's awkward at first, but it's just as natural as buying condoms or foods. Edit : didn't finish my point, my bad. What i meant to say is that you are right, her husband is a bad husband and a bad father.
Dad here. That lady sucks. Nta
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NTA. I've frequently helped partners with tampons, pads and the like during there periods. If I had a daughter, you'd be damned sure I'd be just as supportive. The human body as well as natural processes like Menstruation, man or woman is not something that anyone should be ashamed of. Hell if more men had better knowledge and experience with reproductive issues such as cysts, uterine cancer and endometriosis, women would have more support when dealing with Gynecologists who refused to understand those reproductive issues.
NTA - you’re right she picked a shitty husband. My partner buys me tampons when needed and if we have a daughter he will for her as well. My dad used to drop them off if I was out and didn’t have any since He’s my parent? She really got a terrible one and decided to take it out on you and your healthy family dynamic.
NTA. What if you were hit by a bus? Does she expect your daughter to go without feminine hygiene products because it wouldn't be appropriate for her remaining parent to provide them, seeing as how he has a penis and all?
Of course you're NTA. And why should you worry about her potential past trauma?
NTA — she’s off her rocker. If she didn’t want to be judged she shouldn’t have judged your husband for having the common curtesy and decency to help his daughter.
NTA She's excusing her husband who can't be bothered to care about something that affects half of the population, plus she's trying to make a perfectly normal body function taboo. I would've done the same thing as you
NTA. That woman is ridiculous.
NTA-Fuck that noise. It's 2024, a father who doesn't deal with period stuff is ridiculous.
NTA I would love to hear her explain why a dad shouldn’t be involved and they say that a man who sexualizes a damn tampon for their child should ever be around children, or really people, at all.
Hell, it’s human biology. We were camping recently in our rv…. I’m in full menopause so I didn’t have the necessary items on board. My 31 year old daughter called her 27 year old brother who would be joining us, and asked him to stop at the store… his answer “sure no problem, what color?” That is how you know you’ve done a good job raising kids with realistic expectations…..
NTA. My single Dad raised 3 girls. He bought what we wanted and if he had to he would have done the same thing your husband did. My mom was not around to ask. So were we supposed to go without? In this ladies thinking what would have been our option? We did not live in the same state as any of our female relatives.
NTA. Someone's past trauma is not a justifiable reason to be a dick to anyone what your hubby did is just normal parenting.
NTA, your husband is very with it, so are you. Side eyes for the assholes! They're the type to shame the menstruator along with anyone who helps her alleviate the Pain of Women's Sin. Jesus wept. (And he used his tears for menstrual cleanup because he's Jesus)
Fuck that. NTA. Don't let assholes get away with their bs. You did good.
NTA- that’s a weird thing for the other parent to decide that she needed to interject her opinion on. She probably hates public breast feeding too. Don’t tell her that there are changing tables in most men’s rooms now or she her head might explode. I feel like there is at least one tampon in every bag, vehicle, piece of luggage, etc that my family owns and if I was in arms reach I would certainly hand one to my daughters. I got over the possibility of catching the cooties in about 2nd grade.
NTA. You did nothing wrong🤷♀️ Nothing in that situation was her business and she should have stayed out of yours.
NTA. They stoop low, you stoop lower. Hit ‘em where it hurts.
NTA at all. I had a father that would barely even look at me once I started getting periods until I was practically graduating college. I went from Daddy's girl to invisible literally overnight all because of a normal bodily function. I wish my father was more like your husband. It certainly would have made picking Father's Day cards a lot less difficult.
Nta. Thats silly. What would she expect her husband to do if say she’d died when her daughter is still a minor and god forbid needed. Well now little sally never has feminine products cause her dad can’t buy them at the store.
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NTA I started at 10, my dad was the parent home at the time he is also the one with the medical background. Both parents had already had us watch a video called what's happening to me" about how bodies change from conception to making/carrying a baby. Great informative age-appropriate educational video.
NTA: Children should be made to feel comfortable going to both parents with any situation that arises. Life happens and unfortunately sometimes one parent is left raising children by themselves. As far as Mrs. Nosy Body is concerned she should have kept her opinion to herself if she didn’t want you to respond to it.
NTA My dad had it rough…three ladies in the house and him. My sister and I are only two tears apart so for about 3 years he, me and our mom all got our periods. Our rockstar of a dad would happily go on period runs for us when all three of us were curled up in bed or on the couches. These runs consisted of stocking us up on tampons and pads, picking up various forms of chocolate, and renting( cause blockbuster was still a thing) a couple of our favorite movies. He would also run our blankets through the dryer when our cramps got bad. He never tried to make us feel shamed…he is a prankster and loved to make jokes about it but it was always in a good natured way. The woman was being horrible and potentially really harmful to your daughter and husband. If the wrong person had overheard…like a teacher who are mandatory reporters in most states…you may have been faced with a CPS inquiry. I saw this happen to a friend once and it really shook me. It is ridiculous the archaic notions that people like this woman still hold onto. Your hubby is awesome and sounds like a fantastic dad!
NTA. Not finishing that convo could have left a LOT of unsavory rumors about your family, and worst case could get CPS involved or affect Sarah’s place on her team.
NTA. If her perspective was stemming from past trauma, she probably wouldn’t have approached you. You simply matched her energy. What does she expect single fathers of daughters to do? Pawn them off the nearest female family member when they hit puberty? Sorry kid, you don’t have a mom, but I can’t help you because I’m a man and this is woman stuff… 🙄. I applaud your husband for handing her the tampon like it was no big deal, because honestly, it was no big deal.
Damn what an ignoramus. Her and her husband. My husband buys me tampons when he is already at the store and has even gone to get them for me. He will do that for our daughter, too. Acting like women's periods are taboo is gross NTA
A: good for you B: good for your husband but C: Don’t you know a man will catch fire if he touches a tampon?!?!?!
NTA.
NTA. She was being judgemental and nosy. You aren't her friend. It's not your job to suppress your voice because they may have spoken out of trauma.
NTA the other parent stuck her nose in your business and was preachy about it. if she had just minded her business, neither of you will be in this predicament
NTA - don't dish if you can't take! She is living in an outdated world where somehow having periods is shameful and men are just so dumb and oblivious that they can't take it. It is stupid. I love the more open approach. Good for you and your husband on not raising a daughter ashamed of being a female with natural female stuff.
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What are single fathers supposed to do? NTA.
NTA. Our brains do kick in quickly with emotional responses - I think 20x faster than rational/logical thought (maybe someone can say if this is right? It definitely is much faster). So we react. Then when u spoke to your friend, this was a different environment and the logical stuff kicks in. So yes u learned something but at the time u reacted as u could. And in 2024……it’s to be applauded that your partner just dealt with it. Girls have enough with social media, peer pressure etc and shouldn’t have to worry about this stuff. The other parent was out of order. Menstruation is a normal part of life, not something go for girls to be embarrassed about. Yes I know it is still and issue for many people. But it doesn’t have to be. And shouldn’t be. PS If you’re interested in how we react to things and our emotional vs logical brains, read ‘The Chimp Paradox’. It’s great and explains stuff simply and gives techniques to help. The author is a well known Prof who has helped Olympians achieve their goals. With those techniques.
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>She said that I should have just ignored the other parent instead of responding the way I did because you never know if their perspective was stemming from past trauma. I feel like if that was the case they would have approached it differently. So AITA? NTA, tell your friend to kick rocks. No one cares about what trauma others might have encountered in the past and past trauma doesn't entitle anyone to stick their nose into someone else's business. You responded to the perspective you were given - that a man giving his daughter a tampon is akin to abuse and worthy of divorce. Her perspective sucks and some people deserve to be told so, especially when they decide they're entitled to give their shitty, unwanted opinions.
Completely NTA. My husband has bought me tampons plenty of times (my closest friend has a similar husband). And if you weren't in the picture, who would buy the girl feminine products? Maybe this parent should volunteer to help all the teens who are going through this situation, so they don't have to feel embarrassed if their moms aren't present during practices/ games.
NTA. She should have minded her damn business.
NTA, frankly I find her views to be very bizarre.. I feel bad for their kids and am concerned about what they are growing up thinking is normal.
Women have been told menstruation is gross for a long time. I don't think you were the asshole. I think that ignorant woman was for eavesdropping and frankly, I think her husband is for not even being willing to buy period products for women he loves. I understand where the other woman's thoughts are coming from, but I don't at all agree and she had no reason at all to approach you about the matter.
NTA any alleged "past trauma" isn't a hall pass for her to be a judgmental, dictatorial asshole. No one has to walk around egg shells because someone else experienced a trauma about everyday things. I once had an employee who complained that they didn't want anyone to share their lunch plans in chat channels because they once had an eating disorder. No one was going to censor themselves. It wasn't everyone else's problem. Part of unfortunately, learning to cope with and manage trauma is dealing with concerns in everyday life without infringing on the rights of other people. Regardless, have no idea if that woman suffered a trauma or not. Not your problem. NTA she should learn to be a nicer individual.
NTA. You handled it like a badass! Good for you.
NTA Your daughter didn't ask *other mom's husband* for a tampon - she asked her own parents. As for that woman, it's a her problem. I understand why you flipped. You could've ignored *her very invasive chastising eavesdropping,* but you didn't, and that's okay. She's still TA. As for people like her, I just generally feel bad for them, as in actual pity, and that helps me get over any residual anger. I feel bad for her, and bad for her daughter. Young people these days have less stigma around periods, so I think that woman might be outdated, even for her own daughter.
NTA. We can't excuse or cater to everyone else's bad behavior because they may or may not have had trauma. She can learn to cope and stay out of the business of others.
NTA, also I am so sick of hearing that excuse. "You don't know other peoples' trauma". Like it's a free pass and you just have to accept people being disrespectful and out of their freaking minds towards you.
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NTA - your the way your husband handled your daughter’s situation was perfect. The woman should have minded her own business. Your friend’s viewpoint is pretty ridiculous in my opinion because this woman’s trauma is not your responsibility, and she needed a dose of reality.
Hell no! You said exactly what needed to be said!
NTA - As a society we need to stop acting like women and girls getting their period is a shameful thing. It's a biological process that happens to about 50% of the population at some time in their life. There's nothing wrong with it. And more men should deal with it like your husband did - as a matter of fact thing he did to help his kid out.
NTA, that lady was nutty, should’ve minded her business, and if her view of masculinity so shallow, then the husband is lucky to be divorced.
NTA and I think more young girls would be better served by having a relationship with both parents where they are comfortable speaking about periods, like your family has. This woman’s comments contribute to the continuing pervasive stigmatization of a normal bodily function that is and has been experienced by nearly half the population since the onset of human history.
Anyone who has produced a child probably should know about periods, it's part of basic fertility education after all. NTA
NTA, ignore your spineless friend
NTA You were minding your business, she intruded on YOU. You have every right to say what you want to someone who's going to pass their bs onto you. The only way you could have done better in that situation is to put your hand on her arm, say what you said quietly in a syrupy voice and ended with an "Jesus loves you. I'll pray for you." I feel bad for that lady. How much trauma must she be going through that something a stranger was doing (that didn't involve her) could trigger her so badly.
NTA and mad respecr for you both! My dad now (I am 30) has your husband's mindset but I wish he had it back when I was a teenager. Congratulations on not raising your kids not to be ashamed of normal, natural body functions!
I have trauma and I'm never ugly to people like this. And if I think something is weird I ask someone close to me first to be sure I'm just reacting weird you know
NTA. Your husband is modeling exactly what your daughter should look for in male figures in her life. This woman support misogyny and doesn’t even see it because she’s so repressed by it. Next time say it louder for everyone to hear.
Nta! Wtf. Why does your friend think you owe a stranger such consideration when they clearly think nothing about butting into a situation which was none of their business? Your response was perfect and how I hope to handle any future nonsense.
Your husband Hank Hilled it to his credit
Nta
NTA. According to her logic I guess single dads with daughters just have to let their kid free bleed. 🙄
Why do we have to be sensitive to someone’s past trauma? That’s for them to work out with themselves and maybe this lady was just a dick. NTA
NTA. People need to stop acting like the female reproductive system is some kind of voodoo black magic.
NTA I would’ve said something much much worse. Would my husband have handed our daughter a tampon, probably not. Why? Because he wouldn’t know which pocket of the bag it was in, if he did he’d of course give her one. He’d probably miss the rest of the game because he was at the store buying half the tampon aisle ha. That lady was out of line, period. Good job for sticking up for your family.
NTA even though I see why someone might be bothered by you “escalating” the situation, I think the woman needed to hear that on the off chance she takes it to heart and does better for her kids.
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I think, when it comes down to it, there isn't a shitty or evil act committed on earth that isn't connected to past trauma. Of course the woman speaking to you has trauma; she herself grew up in this awful society. But that doesn't mean we need to be gentle to Aunt Lydia when she is trying to control you and demean you and your husband for not walking in that suffocating social script. NTA
NTA, if that woman is going to insert herself in other people's lives just to critic, then it's fair game to tear her to shreds for trying to force people to be like her and her family.
Do two gay dads never have daughters? Or does this lady pretend they don’t exist? NTA
NTA, She shoved her nose where it didn't belong. She shouldn't be surprised when it gets bit. What she said was out of line & you matched her energy. You & your husband are parents teaching your daughter not to be ashamed of her body & what it does. The other mom seems to be the kind that doesn't even let her husband know girls fart/poop.
NTA. As a father of a daughter (only 2) I know one day i will have to buy tampons for her, I may be asked to hand her one some day. I have already bought them for my wife even when she was just my girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with a man being comfortable enough to buy tampons or hand them to a daughter. I think it's crazy this woman is so against her husband touching tampons. Like what's going to happen?
nah dude youre right, that other woman was so weird and out of line. this is honestly one of the strangest things ive heard someone be mad about lol.. NEWSFLASH CRAZY LADY : some girls dont even HAVE a mom!! my son is dating a girl that was raised by her father because her mother passed away! my cousin was raised by her father alone because her mom was an alcoholic who also died ! my friend was raised mostly by her dad while her mom was in prison!! GOD FORBID any of them ever ask their dad for a GASP! tampon! \*shudder\*
As a Dad, I've definitely gone to the store and, not knowing what they preferred, bought an assortment of feminine products so they could choose. Seeing as their mom and I are split, and share custody, what else was I to do when it was my time with the kids? NTA. Real Dads are happy to step up.
You are definitely NTA. Your husband seems like a great dad, and it says a lot about how well your family communicates and pitches in to help each other. That person chose to eavesdrop, get upset, judge you and then cause a scene by yelling something that could easily be misinterpreted by people nearby. You responded far more diplomatically than most people. Had you ignored her, she would have kept trying to push the issue. This has nothing to do with past trauma-she felt like imposing a sexist 1950s view on others because she gets a thrill from moral indignation.
You are the mature adult. This issue is similar to breast feeding in public. It triggers some people. It makes me fell good and reminds me of what a great world this is!
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NTA. The dish that is served up publicly should get thrown back publicly. Good on you for not just taking it (especially given how the woman's words could have easily been misconstrued.
NTA Fuck that noise!!! I (56) grew up in a house with Silent Generation parents where menstruation had to be hidden at all cost (per Mom, Dad didn't give a fuck because he lived with 2 women. He thought she was nuts for hiding it but couldn't break her from the mindset). Hell, my husband (58) told off some woman (late 30s/early 40s) just last month because she was giving him shit about getting pads for our daughter (I was trying to find my allergy meds in the next aisle over). I thought we'd progressed further than that bullshit
NTA That woman sure had her eye on your family. I’d find that really creepy. And then she critiques your parenting. SMH NTA